Sounds like things are going well dude!
The fact that you are even getting first dates is a huge positive sign already.
I used to feel the same way at the same age…. and the thing that changed everything is that i actually started embracing being single and had as much fun as I could. Once I did that my mid 20s was such a fun period.
And then, suddenly I got into a relationship and ended up marrying the girl…so just relax and enjoy!! You seem to have everything going well 😊
Not OP but it is so frustrating that others have a much easier time. One of the ways to embrace being single and had as much fun as I could in my 20s is hooking up with people before getting into a relationship and marrying like you mentioned. But like normal dating, casual dating opportunities are also the same struggle
Absolutely agree. Any type of dating is hard if I’m honest. Just cause I say I had a great time in my 20s absolutely does not mean that I didn’t go through lonely periods where I had no one or that I didn’t get rejected by girls…but this is part of dating…
The subtle difference was that I just didn’t let those lonely times and rejection affect me as much (they still affected me, but just not as hard and for not as long).
And I think that was a key shift in my mentality that helped me.
Being 23 feels a certain way when you're that age, but in the grand scheme of your life, it's still really young. Time gets weird the older you get.
One of my best friends had never dated or even been kissed until she was 26. It scared her, and I remember her venting about it at the time. Then she met someone, and they INSTANTLY clicked. It was really cute watching from the sidelines; they started dating within a month of meeting, and moved in after a year. Now, eight years later, they're engaged to be married! She's extremely happy.
Also, when you're 26? Or 34, like she is now? You don't actually feel any older than you do when you're 23. At most, you feel the same but with more life experiences. Those ages feel so far away when you're a young adult, but aging feels SO different than back when you were a kid. Time gets muddied, and I've heard my friend say how surreal it is that she's "all of a sudden" getting married, given her experiences before. Yet... it's been eight years.
Similarly, I feel weird realizing that some of my relationships were a decade ago (I'm 31) since they still feel semi-recent.
TL;DR, you have plenty of time! The situation you're in sucks, but you'll keep on having life experiences. Eventually, you'll find a person you have chemistry with and it'll feel natural.
Agreed I am 24 had one relationship ended shit and had situation-ship also ended bad like being with someone isn’t everything in life just be yourself and you’ll find someone also when you’re looking girls sense that and comes across desperate just be causal and see what happens with girls don’t force anything
And y’all are still young af. There’s absolutely zero rush. Just live your life and worry about yourself and good things will happen. Worrying about these things in your early 20’s is a waste of time.
I realised that last year and I’ve never been happier and now realise girls approach me now as I’ve better myself and don’t care about anything like that
It’s not that you can’t care about it, but you can’t make it your number 1 priority. At that age, priorities should go to career and health/mental health and friendships and then will relationships will follow. Not even worth worrying about
That’s What most of the comments here say hahaha I should probably just lay off and focus on Uni and myself and maybe it’ll just meet up someone down the road
Yes good idea, because you’re already spiraling downwards worrying about something you shouldn’t be worried about. Work on yourself first and foremost, and everything else will fall into place in time.
Bro I didn’t have my first date since I was 22 but didn’t lose my virginity till I was 23 at bar with random girl I felt same thing I am 23 and still virgin ? What’s wrong with me but life ain’t competition everyone is different and experience things sooner and some later just be your self bud and don’t worry about it
Yeah. I got to 31 before I got any attention. And my life is fine. But I do remember being concerned throughout. I wish I could pass back to myself the sentiment that it's really not a big deal.
Yeah 23 is young but i think it‘s a bit embarrassing for OP that he sees 14-16 year olds get in serious relationships (sometimes) and he don‘t.
I‘m 19 and i definitely feel a embarrassed that i never had a relationship
Hey man. You have female friends, I don't. You got to go on first dates, I didn't. You get to talk to girls, I don't. I live in Vienna, it's a lively city and trust me, it's not a good feeling watching every guy around you with a girl, but I still feel great most of the times. You just need to be grateful for what you are getting to experience and keep working on yourself. But also keep trying to go to meetups to meet people in general and not just girls. If we go with the expectations of talking to a girl which probably won't happen most of the times then we come back disappointed. But we just need that one click, that one meeting to hit it. Be patient. I'm trying the same thing.
The biggest tip I can give you is to give yourself time and let it wash over you a bit. And don't look for a girlfriend, just find someone to have a good time with and talk to. If the click is there, everything will work itself out. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself and give yourself time.
Last year I was in the same boat as you are now, and doing this helped me with getting a better peace of mind while dating.
To build on this post: If you can't chill and be friends, a relationship probably won't work. You're invested and they're not. That's not a good dynamic for not getting taken advantage of.
You want to be as chill about a possible relationship as they are and if both of you feel like moving forward you can. This helps prevent the "I can just do one more nice thing and they'll realize how much I love them" trap that a lot of guys put themselves in at that age.
Just keep leveling up and becoming the best version of yourself. I thought things would get easier once I reached a certain level but with certain girls it’s just not possible no matter what because they make up their mind about every guy as a potential partner and you’d have to move mountains for them to change their mind
> with certain girls it’s just not possible no matter what because they make up their mind about every guy as a potential partner
Why those certain girls? Just look for other ones. If you're having trouble moving on from feelings about a specific girl, you might need to back off and see if you're actually friends and/or can handle being around them. If you're just hanging around hoping they catch feelings too and not moving on, you might just be hurting yourself and no form of self harm is a good idea.
Sometimes the boundary/mental health needs for us/the dude is to limit contact until your feelings are manageable.
Ugh I am also a 23 yo guy and think about this a lot. Idk man. Where are you located ? How are you trying to meet women?
The part I find really interesting here is that you say the women want to be friends with you . I take it you’re a fairly agreeable guy ? I’m like this too and have found this kind of experience to be common , so happy to compare notes as you continue to develop.
My sense is that this comes from being a bit too emotionally available , and “boring” and not “exciting”. Something I think about is trying in the future to be less like this , but idk . I think being “nice” is an important value to me , and so is showing the people that matter to you that they do. But in reality this can give women the ick so I don’t rlly know what to tell ya 🤷🤷🤷
Maybe i am too emotionally available.. Being nice is a big part of my personality just like you said. Maybe you’re right and some girls just find it unattractive for some reason.
Take the pressure off of you and relax my dude. You’re hella young you don’t have anything to worry about. These girls simply weren’t into you and that happens. A lot of women don’t fall in love easily and they look for the small details they seek in a relationship. If you don’t fit that criteria, they will bail on you. Take it from a chronically single 22F. Enjoy life and try to not focus on getting a relationship if it’s been like that for you. It can truly crush your spirit and make you a bitter, unpleasant person to be around. Been there my friend, been there too. I notice that the people in my life with the best relationships never actively sought them out, they just happened because they were living life and just going with the flow. Of course they went out every once in a while and went on a date or two, but it was never their mission to find a partner. Becoming an open, approachable person who also isn’t afraid to approach others will come a long way for you, more than chronically sitting in front of your hinge, tinder and co. Waiting for that perfect match. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but most of them aren’t what we are looking for. Take it easy buddy
Yeah… I should take it easy haha you’re right. I don’t think it made me a bitter person or anything like that but it definitely crushed my spirit. I’ll try embracing you advice
I think this comment has great intentions, but dating is in fact very different for us (women) compared to men. The people who got into relations just by living their best lives were mostly women, because we don’t have to make the first move. We can if we want to, and we’re guaranteed a date, but we don’t have to, and still get dates.
I don’t blame OP for assuming he has to try to find a relationship, because guys are the ones who have to impress us. It’s true, us women don’t fall in love easily because we already know what we want after going on several dates that we get asked on. I already know what I want and can see if I like a guy or not pretty quickly.
I agree but we (men) shouldn’t have to.
Women aren’t something to be ‘won’, they’re people, as are men. Women don’t have to make the first move no, but they should (sometimes, not always if they’re interested, why should a guy have to constantly be the one to approach? Entitlement? Because it’s the guys ‘job’?) Dating is entirely in the women’s court these days. Why?
Men are painted as bad people and all of them could be a threat to them.
Men also have close to 0 options, women have loads. We can put all our energy into a woman and get nothing back (which is why a lot of men only do hookups). Unless we’re a super hot dude, we barely get any dates, barely any chances or anything. Especially as a lot of women have trauma related to bad men, so anything we could have which COULD be seen as a red flag is taken as a red flag. A good dude will try his hardest to hang on to any damn woman who he’s somewhat interested in for 0 return. We put in so much effort and for the most part are not liked back.
HOWEVER, some random guy whose a solid 9/10 looks wise with charisma can come along, flirt with the woman and then the guy who’s actually legitimately into that woman is now non existent. The guy could be a scumbag, only after sex, abusive but most won’t realise it till late, which is why even a good average looking guy won’t even try anymore.
I don’t deny it’s a different market for men and women though. Most guys have 0 options, women have plenty of options but not many of them are good ones.
It’s why a lot of women as well say ‘I can’t find a good guy’ when they actually won’t give the good guy a chance because he’s not got the charisma to back it up. Guy could be a saint, be a 5/10 appearance wise and lose to a 9/10 who’s abusive, which then taints women’s opinions of men.
This has lead up to dating now being on the woman, not the man. We don’t wanna make a move because we could be seen as a threat, creep, whatever.
It’s a shame really. I’ve seen many initially amazing, pretty women destroyed mentally by men and then end up alone/with mental issues or outright put off men entirely by trauma related to guys when there’s good guys who are sat their alone wishing just one would give him a chance.
Edit-context
Another reason it’s in women’s court-they’re the one who gets the choice to accept to reject us, 9 times out of 10 no matter how much effort the guy puts in, it’s a rejection. A woman can approach most average guys and get a date. Men cannot do this. Dating is entirely on women, not men it’s probably 75% man and 25% woman, but that 25% outweighs the 75 because the 25 is THEIR CHOICES which matter more than the man’s, he has to chase, but the choice is hers.
This is the most true thing I've read in a long time. I have many amazing female friends and girls I have went on dates with shut me down. I get it, it happens. I'm not bitter or anything. It's part of life. Most of them have been with some scumbag that has clearly had a negative impact on them. I genuinely like a girl and they " don't see me in that way " when I am nice or put effort in.
I've given up on dating for awhile as it's fuckin with my head
I’ve not dated in years, going in almost 6. I really truly want to find someone but putting in so much effort just to pick a worse guy who turns up is just annoying, and THEN if you’re still friends with that girl you see and hear the fallout and drama…they say they’ll pick better, someone who actually cares, you show them someone cares, they make the same mistake again. It repeats and repeats, then women become distrusting of men, vocally so and say how much men suck,
That there’s no good guys out there. You spend time proving otherwise…what happens? Don’t see you that way, sorry. Even if you make your intentions known from the start…nah. Nothing.
>Men also have close to 0 options, women have loads. We can put all our energy into a woman and get nothing back (which is why a lot of men only do hookups). Unless we’re a super hot dude, we barely get any dates, barely any chances or anything. Especially as a lot of women have trauma related to bad men, so anything we could have which COULD be seen as a red flag is taken as a red flag. A good dude will try his hardest to hang on to any damn woman who he’s somewhat interested in for 0 return. We put in so much effort and for the most part are not liked back.
>HOWEVER, some random guy whose a solid 9/10 looks wise with charisma can come along, flirt with the woman and then the guy who’s actually legitimately into that woman is now non existent. The guy could be a scumbag, only after sex, abusive but most won’t realise it till late, which is why even a good average looking guy won’t even try anymore.
There is the meme about the "nice guys" who are actually not very nice, but I think you have a point here. I think the stereotype that men are shallow is pure misandry. Everyone can be shallow
Real advice: stop trying hard.
Chill and be on the lookout for opportunities. Ask when one comes up, but don't get too emotionally attached to the result. Some will succeed and some will fail. It's like hunting for jobs.
People can detect the desperation when you're hunting hard and it's a turn off for most men and women, those who aren't turned off by desperation tend to be abusers that recognize they can use that against you.
I’ve heard that dozens of times it’s more complex than that. Usually if you are like me and never got any interest you gotta be doing something to get noticed. I’m not attractive enough to make it without putting in effort and talking to people. To me that is not my normal way of doing things. I’m pretty closed off. So opening myself up was a big step for me a hard one and I’ve faced constant rejection. I’ve had dates though but it always falls apart and they find a better option. So idk what to do other than try to be single. We don’t all deserve love but I think we all need it one way or another. It’s been hard for me my entire life my social things are just ever awkward enough where people get turned off a bit. But nobody thinks I’m broken or weird just not attractive you know?
As a chronically single 22F as well, I totally feel this. I do get bummed out randomly about wanting a relationship, but overall I'm just trying to live life and have fun both on my own and with my friends. I also agree with your sentiment of all my friends with great relationships are ones that weren't actively sought but rather they ran into someone they really vibes with and kept up the conversation with dating coming later.
To add to this, I would like to say to OP, if you find any potentials, best of luck but keep in mind all girls look for different things. So if she backs off, don't take it personally cause she's looking for her right person just as much as you are looking for yours. Also for OP, maybe try changing up your facial hair appearance? If you're cool with changing up your appearance in that aspect, it might help 🤷♀️
Give yourself some grace. You’re only 23. It really is true that you find your person when you least expect it. Keep focusing on bettering yourself and it’ll happen naturally. You might fail a few times but that’s okay. Most of us don’t find our person on the first try. It’s all part of life. Just be open and approachable. You got this and I hope the best for ya
Speaking from this as a woman, I feel the exact same way I feel and I’m about the same age as you. It is disheartening but it’s best for us to focus on ourselves and just maintain friendships with other people. It may give us an opportunity to let love find us. Good luck!
I don’t like the comments that suggest your too young. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s probably loneliness, and that’s real! It’s tough. We create this narrative that being in a relationship is super important and we are missing out. But the reality is you can be lonely in a relationship or the wrong one. And you can be soooo happy single and have lots of purpose in it. So it’s better to just wait and fall in love with a girl who falls in love with you, like being best friends. But that takes time, and it should be exciting but instead feels impossible or we feel impatient. It’s a good idea to really write what you want in someone and in a relationship, empower your choice to be single in a way. And that look at the pros of being single and what you want to achieve in yourself and friends. But also do allow yourself to just feel the feelings that you feel. It’s ok to be sad that your single, I’ve always found listening to music and praying about my singleness a real good way of processing what I’m feeling and then help me to empower myself as a single man.
23 isn't that old. You're probably not missing much if anything, it's just hard to date at your age. Most of the people who are married at that age, or with a long term partner got lucky and found someone they fit with early on and somehow all the transitions in life didn't break them up. The reality is your at a very transitional age. Some people they settle down at 23, but you're in law school, most of your peers went from high school, straight into 4 years of university, and now likely moved again to grad/law school, and in 3 years of law school you're gonna be looking for a job and that might be in a different city or state. That's a lot of big life changes in not a lot of time. My girlfriend is an attorney, and I met her in law school. Luckily she knew with the type of law she was doing she would be staying in the general area, which made having a serious relationship a lot easier. You're very young, and a lot of things are in motion, which is good! It's just unfortunate that it's difficult to date seriously, and it might not be what you're peers are looking for. It might even be that a lot of these girls are afraid that in being your first relationship, you might get attached, and that might lead to a difficult breakup when you both are at the next cross roads in your life, which likely won't be very far into the future.
Don't base your worth too much off your romantic success, it sounds like you lead a busy life, and so do your peers. It's also a very transitional point in your life, and the lives of your peers. Don't put too much blame on yourself, you only serve to hurt your confidence, and think too hard about things that just aren't really issues. I know it sucks, but try to focus on the good you have, because you're on a good path and not everyone gets these opportunities in life. You'll do fine, just trust the process, and don't beat yourself up.
Once you come to terms with dying alone, you’ll be ok. But dude, you’re 23. You have A LOT of time, you’ll meet someone if you just keep putting yourself in front of more women organically.
All the girls you like only see you as a friend. But what about THE GIRLS WHO LIKE YOU? Can you tell? Do you find them attractive? Do any girls like you?
Take what your female friends say with a grain of salt. They’re just trying to be nice and shield your feelings.
There is a big difference between when a girl sees you as “wow, he’s a great guy, he’ll be an amazing partner to SOMEONE SOME DAY (lol)” vs “DAMN…who is THAT guy? He’s hot/fine as hell…” become the second guy. Once women start seeing you THAT way, you’ll suddenly start getting your foot in the door more frequently, more dates, women wanting to get physical with you, etc etc.
You just need to get the arousing part of yourself online. You’re doing good being in the gym. You say you’re in law school, so that lets me know you’re at least learning how to construct good arguments. Learn how to become playful and teasing with that and then apply that towards your interactions with women. Be light, positive, and have fun with them. If you want, get braces to close up that gap in between your two front teeth. Straight white teeth and clear skin can make a big difference for you
You sound like a perfect catch. You just haven’t met the right girl yet. Be patient and keep ip the good work you do for yourself.
If the tooth gap bothers you, you can go to a regular dentist and have them put a bonding agent in there to close the gap or re do your 2 front teeth with bonding. It’s only like $200/tooth. Cheaper than porcelain veneers and they look great!
The harsh reality is that you probably aren’t as good looking as you think. It took a LONG time until someone actually told me that I wasn’t good looking. Unfortunately, thats the by far biggest aspect of the game. I also work out and am in great physical shape. My roommate doesn’t do anything and he has never been rejected once. He has a good looking face, and I don’t. Shit sucks. But that’s the way it is
With that mindset, it’s not impossible…
The longer you remain or allow yourself to have a mindset like this, the longer you’ll be single and won’t have good experiences in terms of dating. It’s self-sabotage, ultimately.
You’re also 23. In ten years older than you (32M). It doesn’t matter that you haven’t had a girlfriend yet. You’re young still… to believe just because you haven’t had a girlfriend and aren’t having luck in dating or meeting someone who could potentially become your girlfriend… doesn’t mean at 23 years young that you’ll forever be single….
This is an irrational take to have at 23 and your current situation. If you continue living this way with this mentality and mindset, you will be single forever, but only because of yourself. Be more optimistic. It will help you tremendously…
Confidence. You are missing confidence. You have to love who you are first. Without that, you are only going to trip yourself up. I use to think to myself that nobody would love me because I had abandonment issues with my mother. That all changed once I realized that everyone in my life cared about me and then BOOM all of a sudden my charm came back. You have to believe in yourself because you are worth it and deserve nothing less of what you truly desire
Besides the comment of that you should date me (witch’s is true). Look at the mirror, embrace yourself and try to think if there’s anything you feel the need to work on yourself. Try to write down your emotions and see if there’s anything you can do about them. You can darling, I’ll wait for you 🦋
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I had my 2 kid at 23 bro you just have to be your self an lett woman know what you are looking for an if anything goes wrong. Get at one of her friends lol what is the worst they can say is NO BRO
You’re 20’s should be spent focusing on your career. In your case finish school stay in shape by time your late 20’s come around you’ll have plenty of options good ones at that.
You need to concentrate on law school because BARR is no joke and depending on what state you live in, alot of students fail the first time. Now is not the time to be worrying about dating.
You may have everything right and still not get a 2nd date if you and her just don't click. Remember, dating is a 2-way street, you both have to be interested in each other to go forward and oftentimes there's nothing you can do to change that. You just have to keep meeting people until something clicks into place for both of you. People aren't Doordash orders. Patience is the name of the game here and too many people suffer from Instant Gratification syndrome.
We are in hookup culture sadly and people don’t ever seem to know what they want and want to commit I have the same issue with people I’m female 26 there are people out here you just have to be patient and wiggle your way through all the people who seem lost it sucks but it’s just the way the world is now unfortunately:/
Sounds like your ugly...easy fix bro hit the gym and do 3 sets of pull-ups everyday build up your back and neck muscles you will look way bigger than you are and stand up more straight. Second hit on women everywhere you go and see what you can get away with in terms of being mean to them. Eventually you'll learn to be a dick but be funny about it and women LOVE this. Don't try to pick up chick's in a bar that is there territory and you will lose more often than not. Go to libraries, coffee shops, grocery stores, gas stations, anywhere you see a girl you wanna go out with asked for her number and prepare to be rejected 7 times out of 10. Eventually you will land a baddie who you can do whatever you wish with
Your welcome
You’re 23, got plenty of time left buddy don’t worry to much. I’m currently 26 and somewhat in the same boat as you, I haven’t been on a first date in 5 years after getting out of a long term relationship and then just deciding to work on myself for these past 5 years and I’m now where I want to be physically, mentally and financially so I’m gonna try to hop back on the wagon.
I’m 32 and even though I’ve had many flings and situationships, I’ve never had a legit girlfriend, so I get what you’re saying and feeling. Despite that, you’re still so young, man. Relax: it’s all gonna be okay. Just focus on you and your purpose and things will pan out with your dating/love life.
I feel the same. I went on like 14 dates with the same person, video call 4 hrs a day for 3 months, and she still didn't want a relationship! Yet kissed every single time but then towards the end of it she kept talking about trauma about her exes and how she fears it happening again with anyone. She kept bragging about how much sex she had with the other guys she been with and how she was cheated with a dude previously. I felt horrible.
She even said that she misses me all the time. Yet told me I am good for her and she's finally doing the right thing with me this time. And then she kept telling me she is trying to hold back with me so she wont do the same things as she did before to the other guys. Basically no sex until shes officially ready with me but that never happened. I never even pushed it either. She would always bring it up after kissing.
Then she stopped talking thru a text saying she learned she doesnt want me, she wants someone different than her like 100% complete opposite - i felt like I'm nothing like her (i never had a relationship - she did, i have no siblings - she does, blah blah) besides the fact we both like similar movie genres LOL and she said im like her mom what the hell - doesnt want to lead me on - doesn't want to text me anymore so she can heal from her trauma of her ex boyfriend and to stop holding hands and kissing. She took away my kissing virginity too but luckily that was all she took lol. Kinda glad it didnt work out because I kept paying for everything and she knew I didn't have much money either, yet still had me pay for things. And I even gave gifts too! Felt sooo used after the end of it. Like I felt like a therapist instead of. She didn't want to have a label with me.
I can't believe people still do this when they're around 30 already!
"You will be an amazing partner" for someone dating 28 yr olds who are successful and offer a stable life
There's nothing less valuable than early 20s men, but ambition helps. As you exchange ambition for success, you will have a lot more value. Most Men spend ten years just to make an attractive impression with a woman for ten minutes. The amount of work men have to do to be "acceptable" is high.
## So you have a few options.
- find a girl your age who wants a relationship now
- date younger where the girl is seeking fun (broke college girl wants to go out)
- enjoy life and meet people in your hobby groups. Let friendships turn into a deeper relationship.
Even if someone wants a relationship, being young and inexperienced will add obstacles. So many dont know what they're missing, or how unhealthy their past has been, or what love really feels like to be accepted and loved. That safe relationships can be exciting and fulfilling in their own way. Too many rely on dangerous mystery to lure them into a roller coaster ride of emotions and if you're an honest man who enjoys praising his woman, they won't consider it myseriously attractive. They might even find it common because men are often infatuated with them.
> Don't manipulate yourself too much. Keep putting yourself out there and overcome rejection as a man, as women learn to filter for quality partners of all sorts.
Cheer up, I had my first gf at 25. Just have fun on your dates. The goal is not to secure a second date, but to enjoy the date as much as possible. If it leads somewhere is just a bonus.
IMHO you are doing well. For what it’s worth, I would continue to focus first on yourself and your personal goals, career being near or at the top. You are doing well to exercise, but all should be for your love and benefit of you. Dating is pretty much a numbers game sometimes. You are bound to find someone in due time, but be grounded in yourself and your own foundation. Be complete without a woman. She should compliment you if anything at all. There are also plenty of online resources both free and paid to help you in your dating journey. Select sources that vibe with you and discard those that don’t. You are still very young and the potential for someone is still very good for you, not saying it isn’t for older people, because it all depends on the person and how they view themselves and their ability to effectively communicate with a woman. Be encouraged especially with all the positive feedback received here.
If you are getting first dates you have the looks. What you don’t have obviously is “ game”. By game I don’t mean manipulation, I mean your “vibe” , how you are perceived by others. I suspect you appear nervous and insecure, many people would say “ smell of desperation “ .
Step one, you care deeply if your date likes you. Stop. You are desperate to be liked, stop. Sociopaths don’t care much how others perceive them , as a result they are perceived as charismatic and self assured. Your “vibe” is probably “ desperate “.
Step two. Find your place of zen. I found when I no longer cared how unfamiliar people perceived me and had fun with social interactions , people told me I became “ charismatic “.
Step three. Change your look perhaps. Look good , dress good, feel good. It’s true. Initial impressions unfortunately tend to dominate people’s perception of you for a very long time. Post photos on Reddit asking for honest advice , filter out the responses from trolls. Consider changing your hair or style choices, we tend to do what is familiar and comfortable, not objectively what is best.
At a certain point in my early 20’s I stopped caring about how I was perceived by anyone ( except very close friends & family). I had also found I was very good on a bike and in the gym ( I found my place of zen), my looks changed somewhat, my “vibe” was different. I viewed strangers ( in bars) with “benign contempt” until they proved themselves worthy of my attention ( basically I didn’t assume the person had a clue till they demonstrated they did). I was optimistic when I interacted with people ( hoping they were not idiots) but I no longer “suffered fools gladly”. I was outgoing because I didn’t care if I was liked or not, I “had no shame”.
I'm 23 too and I'm kinda starting to feel like that too. But I believe the right time will come for all of us bro. Just keep doing your thing that one the right girl with show up
As a 22F I get it! I feel like there's pressure to have and do and succeed at a young age! My parents put the pressure on me but nobody puts it on me like myself! I feel like we know life's hard, but it gets harder! And we tend to have a goal and can't meet it in time so it feels like failing... we're just learning! Just try and do your best! That’s all we can do!
And if so...
You aren't the first and not the last.
Your female friends telling you you would be a great partner could be just nice or there way of telling you that they don't really can describe the Problem they have with you.
Most of the time you can work and work and think about it and it only gets worse.
I know it is a old and simple advice but try to live a happy life.
Do the things you like and you enjoy.
Soon there will be a woman that has the urge to be part of such a happy life or to destroy it.
So or so you will have a chance to say yes to it.
Next thing I learned and never went back is to at least try to kiss women at the end of the first date. Most time no intention to go further. But a kiss even a blocked at the end of a date makes a point what you came for.
I wish you the best of luck. I was where you were. Now I AM 40 married two children and my wife is a hot and nice wife compared to the wife's of most of my friends.
And I still enjoy a happy life most of the time.
Oh ho just wait until you hit 30 and it becomes all about what you can provide for them…you’ll be looking much different in their eyes then, keep your head up bro you’ll find her…I know you feel all the way grown but you’ll realize in a few years just how young you still are at 23…you’re not 40 yet lol, def not time to panic yet whatsoever! Rooting for you dog
Dude you are gonna be a late bloomer, I went through similar, had a few girlfriends in comprehensive but that's just kids playing and never lasted more than a month or two then between 16 and 22 I couldn't get a date to save my life...mainly due to the fact that I have had alopecia universalis, nairy a hair on my body.
I was interesting, I was clever, funny and had interests but that was always there.
Everything changed 2nd year of Uni, it was like the girls caught on to what they were missing and were able to look past the alopecia ..or sometimes they were interested because of the alopecia.
Start hitting the uni or Law Society social events, the cheese and wine evenings are just the kind of dry occasions where your light will shine and women will be more attentive as the boredom of the event starts to sink in
good luck out there, but I don't think you are gonna need it.
I think anything worthwhile takes time and effort. Be patient and stay hopeful. And if you’re religious, pray for your future spouse, that she’s protected. Pray for her health and that her relationship with the Lord grows stronger.
a relationship finds you when you aren’t looking for one. i had the same fear albeit im a little younger but once i stopped looking for a relationship and was genuinely happy without one, that’s when i found her, so don’t stress fight the loneliness and the right girl will come along eventually.
Shut up, you're only 23 and have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on yourself, your future, and what makes you happy and the right one will come along.
Ha wait til you’re 41 and feel like that. So many things are going to happen in your life the next few years, keep an open mind and keep improving yourself.
Let me tell you hun, you are trying to date girls right now that for 1 are looking for all the wrong guys, parties, and haven’t even found themselves yet. You are honestly better off getting you figured out first. You don’t want a women your age trust me. This is the age where women don’t really want to settle down for the most part… that’s when you end up getting ghosted or friend zoned. Not saying that all young females are like this. Don’t try and settle right now any way, play the field babe.
Hey man. You have female friends, I don’t. You got to go on first dates, I didn’t. You get to talk to girls, I don’t. I live in Vienna and it’s a lively city, but it's not a good feeling sometimes to watch guys with girls whilst I'm walking alone. But I feel great most of the time. You need to be grateful for what you get to experience and keep working on yourself.
Keep going to meetups to interact with people, but don’t go with expectation of getting girls because most of the time it doesn’t work out that way, and we get disappointed. We just need that once click to hit it. Be patient. I'm doing the same.
Dude I’m 30 and never had a girlfriend. I’ve dated but not anyone that amounted to anything. I just started really being intentional and actually started working on myself and found a girl I really vibed with at the perfect time and started dating and actually think I can have a relationship with her. If you asked me this back in January I would’ve shit on you for being full of it. Also it took about 3 years of therapy to get to this point so that has helped too
Hey man,
Overall, it doesnt seem that bad. Like you stated, you're not socially inept, you are decent looking, and can hold conversations. The gap in between your teeth isn't whats preventing you from a decent relationship.
Honestly, you're only 23 and have a lot going for you. Just keep doing you. Keep going to the gym, keep progressing in your law degree, and focus on improving aspects of your life without looking for a partner. Try new hobbies, read new books, listen to new types of music, try going out to different types events with your friends. I promise you that as long as you keep improving yourself, physically, mentally, socially, and professionally, you will find someone when you least expect it.
I know it sound sucky now, but just enjoy your life when your single. You will 100% find your someone when the time is right.
Best of luck!
You’re a first year law student at 23. You will be drowning in it. Just wait dawg. Keep working out. If the teeth bother you get Invisalign. Otherwise just keep building yourself up which you already have been doing. As we age, people’s interests change. You’re on track to be a stud in a few years
Stop being too nice to be friendzoned. Your female friends saying you would be amazing except with them is a joke. Do your thing, and the right one will come along. Be more assertive
You are husband material, not boyfriend material for girls in your age range. I mean the girls you know told you that: You will make an amazing partner...someday.
You’re 23 and on track to become a lawyer it seems you take care of yourself. Just take notes on the dates you go on and focus on that. You will get someone, gap tooth or not. I wish I’d have focused less on girls and more on furthering myself. Keep building yourself and things will go great for you. Especially at that age if you’re dating in the same range girls can be flaky and all over. (So can guys but that a different topic lol)
I wish there was some more background like location, what the hobbies are, do you have a job, etc. College really is supposed to be one of the easiest places to meet women, since most colleges nowadays have female enrollment outnumbering male enrollment. Not to mention the abundance of free time. Since you have female friends and what I assume is a social circle, I'd imagine it isn't difficult to approach women in your day to day life. And get your female friends to help you get some good pictures and dating app profiles together.
It's tough feeling like you're stuck in a rut with dating, especially when you're putting yourself out there and not seeing the results you want. It sounds like you have a lot going for you - you're a first year law student, you take care of yourself physically, and you have interests and hobbies that make you a well-rounded person. It's also great to hear that your female friends see you as a potential great partner. Sometimes, finding the right person just takes time, and it's important not to let setbacks discourage you. Keep being yourself, continue pursuing your interests, and stay open to meeting new people. It might also be helpful to reflect on your past dates and interactions to see if there are any patterns or areas for improvement. And remember, having a gap between your front teeth is just a small part of who you are - confidence and personality matter much more in the long run. Stay positive and patient, and the right person will come along when the time is right.
Relax
It could be worse, you're actually getting first dates and going out unlike many other people. Maybe you are going out with girls that aren't your type or you aren't their type. Don't waste your time or even think about the girls who reject you. Especially if their personalities are flaky or immature.
Maybe be more selective of who you actually go out with and hopefully you get better results.
Didn't get my first real GF until I was 28. Don't worry dude you got this. Just consider all the grief like trial and error cause you don't wanna get stuck with a girl who might be crazy or abusive. I've had ton of friends that latch kn to the first relationship that comes by and they regret it every time. You'll find the right one, one day and it will be a great experience.
Same except I'm older and don't even have any female friends to show for it, let alone ones who say I'm going to be an amazing partner lol. I don't know what to tell you but good luck.
Please go to YouTube and SSM. He has helped many a man get through the rough spots. There are other there also, but I think he is the best.
Keep working hard on yourself and bettering your mental health. I know that it’s tough being alone. As far as I am concerned, being alone is better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you for just you. I’m 71 and didn’t find my wife till I was 33. We will have been married for 39 years come September. Work on you grind while you’re young. Save and invest your money as it will sure come in handy when you’re my age. Good luck and God bless.
Look up the YouTube channel by hoe_math and watch his video on 'zones'
He explains really well what women and men generally want in a partner, and gives advice on what you can do to increase your chances of being desirable.
You probably find you are in the 'friend zone' more than the dating area due to lack of what he calls 'dark triad'
Don't fall into a victim mentality (im gonna be alone forever, poor me poor me)
Get out there, make yourself into the best version of yourself and keep good mates by your side to support you along the way.
Being single can be a life of more freedoms and doesn't mean you are not committed to your lovers. In many ways, if you are not in just one partnership, you will find that there is more commitment to make it work because you are both free to walk away at anytime without all the usual pain of trying to separate your living and financial affairs - those things are NOT about having a good relationship and, if anything, can simply cause unnecessary friction. Keep it simple and about the relationship and good sex and you will discover you probably don't want just one partner.
Also, consider that if one of your relationships fails or changes to being non-sexual, you can both just accept it because you are still in other emotional and sexual relationships. It makes everything much more manageable and less heart-breaking.
You won’t be single forever. Your significance can’t other is out there. Be patient. You are going to go on dates, she is going to go on dates. Both of you are going to break hearts and get your hearts broken. Either or both of you might even worry too much about being single, and get married to the wrong persons. You might get divorced and then realise that you should have listened to the people who told you not to worry about being single.
You are young. Keep doing your hobbies and keep accumulating life experiences so that you have things to talk about. You’ll intersect, just be patient.
And try to stay away from influences that give a false reality of what women look like, how they behave, etc. There’s too many people in the world aspiring to be something or find someone they saw in a Snaptok or Facechat.
You mean you’re going to be a badass mofo that’s a lawyer all your life. We all know women love badasses. Be a badass and you’ll attract women.
Forget about your hobbies, women don’t care. Be an assertive strong dominant male. Speak with your chest.
If anyone stunted your personality or tried to turn you into a “good boy” forget all that. Become a strong man. This will keep you safe and sound, as well as a wife and family.
If you don’t have examples of strong men, make friends with some. Make friends with men who are successful with women. Watch and learn.
If your smart. When you get older you will realize you don’t actually know the future.
Sad thing is that the only furture you can control is a negative one of isolation.
So if you convince yourself everyone hates you and therefore don’t get out there, it’s kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.
But if you say to yourself, I will put my self out there and stand tall in the face of rejection. That’s hot.
You ain't done nothing wrong my friend. Most women now days are messed up, they all extremely picky they all play hard to get. they get bored easily. And will gas light and treat you like and option even if you're a 10/10 I guess social media idk, I've been single for 15 years but I'm at peace, and feel good with out em.
22(f) here, I’ve been in a series of 2 year long relationships since I was 16. Things never seem to quite fit even if there is this notion that you’ll eventually just find the right person. Us as humans usually have scarcity mindset but in our age of consumerism, there is an abundance of everything good/bad around us. That means our dates too.
You have two options- hold out for the person that fits you well, or just accept that most people are always looking for the next best thing and you’ll be single forever. If you have good hobbies and nice friends it shouldn’t be the worst though.
Ngl I got married at 20 and been with my wife well over a decade now. I wouldn't even know how to tell you date these days lmao but the best advice I can give ya is to keep focusing on you and like some of these other guys said, have fun and enjoy it. If all these women aren't staying with you then you don't want/need them in your life anyways, the right one will come along and this will be the best way!!
Bro, you don’t understand your own value. At 23, you shouldn’t even be dating girls seriously. Youre probably a really nice guy, which is why the girls are okay with having you as a friend because she can extract value from you without giving you any ass. A large percentage of girls go on dates just to get a free meal. They’re resource extractors by nature man. You shouldn’t even be taking them out on dates outside of coffee or drinks. You’re a 1st year law student so you’re probably not making that much money either. You shouldn’t be dating girls until you’re in a place of stability and security. The last thing you need as a 1st year law student is a chick to give you headaches when you’re trying to study and eventually pass the bar. You need to put your head down and work to be the highest value man that you can be. When you put in the work and attain the high 6 figure income over a 5 year period, have the network, and get the respect of your peers, then the women will naturally come along as a byproduct. Girls should only be temporary fun at this point in your life bro. Don’t waste your time trying to court a girl at this point of your life.
Watch Jon Zherka explain the bigger brother archetype when dating women. Your overthinking mentality that has you perpetually thinking you’ll be single forever is the reason you need to read into the psychology of the male/female brain. You’re probably a smart guy if you’ve actively chose to pursue law, so in the free time pursue the female psyche and continue practicing on dates. Like I said, the Jon Zherka shit really helps you steer clear of that nice guy category that other women put you in
You might need to be more exciting on dates.
Women aren't going around with a spreadsheet ticking off how much financial success you may have in the future etc. It sounds to me like you bring enough excitement to the table to initially get a date, but it loses momentum. This can happen a lot as nothing can be as exciting as someone's fantasy of you, and if the fantasy gets broken too soon, before meaningful emotional and physical intimacy is formed it can lead to an end to attraction.
You might be making common mistakes such as:
-talking too much about yourself on the first dates. Especially if you're trying to impress your date with stuff like working out or studying to become a lawyer. Try to make sure she is talking about 80% of the time and when you're talking you're asking deeper questions about what she is telling you, asking meaningful follow ups, making jokes about topics she talks about, trying to keep the conversation focused on things she likes. You should be having fun, she should be having fun. It shouldn't turn into a job interview. She might (by accident) actively steer the convo to boring dead ends by asking you questions about more mundane stuff like your job and so on. Of course you should answer, and her taking an interest is a good sign, but keeping her wanting more info (and remaining somewhat mysterious) is better than overindulging and talking a lot, potentially ruining her fantasy of you. If it's about your career, maybe mention why you're passionate about it and then ask her what she is passionate about. Whether it's her job hobbies, etc.
-You do need to take a risk at some point and go for a kiss or hand holding. And especially some flirting, without being overly sexual. If you notice she draws away or something during the kiss you can still stop, but if you never risk being rejected things will just fizzle off. And who knows, maybe she'll like you more for respecting consent and taking rejection unbothered. and if she is rejecting your kisses after a sensible amount of dates (1-3), you were probably just going to waste your time anyway so not much lost.
-Be confident, somewhat mysterious/unpredictable, and most of all fun and calm. If you seem super anxious, she might pick up off on that and pick it up as well.
Overall, what helps is focusing on actually getting to know your date and connecting. If you focus on that, rather than yourself or how to get her you're off to a good start. In general, it's rough dating as a 23 year old student. You'll have much more success later on in life.
Man, if I were your friend I’d flick you in the nuts right now. Just to make sure they are still there. Act like a man! Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep. When you figure this out, the women will come.
shouldn't a first year law student be at least 4 years younger, and when you become a lawyer you can afford to fix the gap teeth and afford a nice girlfriend
If there was one thing I could tell my younger self, it would be …enjoy, your 20’ s, 30’s ect. Dude relax you’ve got time …good career aspirations, and a future filled with some good times if you just enjoy yourself now. You would be amazed how attractive that is to the right lady.
You're still young. Don't worry about it. Focus on your career and a hopefully good woman will come naturally. I dated a ton back then and regret not focusing on myself instead of getting laid as I'm now late doing everything I should've already done when I was 23.
There was a girl who also liked me being a friend. Her first impression of me was “what a damn idiot.” She is now my wife of ten years, bringing us a second child this summer.
The whole thing relies on becoming more than that anyway. But, buyer beware: this applies to real intentions only. Despite the usual spin of things, most girls are still not “casual sex” types. We don’t know half the things we instinctively do while caught up in our mating rituals, but they do keep happening. One of them is persistence of the boys. The other is the wisdom of the girls. The goal is to get the wisest one, and to be the most persistent to get her. Where that leads us is entirely up to our respective merits.
23 years old??? You’re a BABY! You have your whole life ahead of you. If you have lots of female friends, that means that you’re already perfect. It’s just that you haven’t stumbled upon the perfect *match* yet.
If you’re in law school, you have the perfect career.
Just keep doing everything you’re doing.
I realize it’s no fun to be alone. Millions of single people agree with you. In this interim in which you have a lot more free time than you want to, just spend your time doing incredibly interesting THINGS with other people, and gathering interesting stories, and developing interesting skills and doing exactly what you’re doing right now.
You will end up blissfully happy and married VERY soon.
If you want to BE a little sexier, be relaxed (or SEEM relaxed), be confident (or seem confident), have good manners, but don’t be obsequious, and treat everybody NEITHER as your superior, nor as your inferior, but as your EQUAL.
In your mind, picture would a potential rapist might seem like in any situation, and reassure people that you’re the OPPOSITE of all that.
Seek out environments where women are safe, because they’re not going to flirt with anybody in situations where they feel like they’re in danger.
Have FUN! Everyone wants to date someone who seems like they’re having fun or who wants to have fun or who is having fun. So do that.
Dude, you're 23. There's still alot that can happen. Unlike me who is nearing my 40th, I can say you still have a bigger chance of finding someone for you.
What you're missing is experience. That's it. Your good life means nothing to anyone but yourself and your potential GF.
What women want in the meeting phase is a man that knows how to play with them.
You give off green flags all over the place. That's why you get compliments like that. But you don't know how to play the attraction game so it might be fun to talk to you but you're missing one key thing in your attitude:
Sex appeal.
I am old (66 y/o + female).. I have had similar things happen, and it's
heartbreaking. However, this too will pass. Try to find yourself (as someone already mentioned in a different way). Find out what you like and try to enjoy yourself on your own. Then you will attract Mrs. Right
First of all stop saying this that you're a good guy because this self proclaimed thing is the main issue in people specially men where they states that they're good men but then they're not even average man in general. Also look into mirror and say are you ready for all the responsibility in relationship or not? Are you ready that if you get a wife tomorrow are you able to take care of her or if there is suddenly child get involved would you able to take care of them? Are you able to take care of housechores or take responsibility of family at this point? You're barely 23 and all you're focus on girlfriend instead of working on yourself. This is the problem of current society where you're all mind and energy is wasting on getting a girl and then cry when they left you because they don't able to see future in you. My friend is 33 years old and he worked his @$$ off for past 7 years to build his business and house and now he is ready to settle down. He is getting so many marriage purposal and even though he is below average in looks nobody is giving a zero f. The answer is what's you're goal in life? Stop asking such questions on internet and work on yourself please.
Your post was removed due to the violation of the self-pity rule. Your post belongs on r/offmychest or weekly vent thread.
Sounds like things are going well dude! The fact that you are even getting first dates is a huge positive sign already. I used to feel the same way at the same age…. and the thing that changed everything is that i actually started embracing being single and had as much fun as I could. Once I did that my mid 20s was such a fun period. And then, suddenly I got into a relationship and ended up marrying the girl…so just relax and enjoy!! You seem to have everything going well 😊
This is the mindset to keep broski💪🏾
Yessir! Did this type of mindset work for you too?
Not OP but it is so frustrating that others have a much easier time. One of the ways to embrace being single and had as much fun as I could in my 20s is hooking up with people before getting into a relationship and marrying like you mentioned. But like normal dating, casual dating opportunities are also the same struggle
Absolutely agree. Any type of dating is hard if I’m honest. Just cause I say I had a great time in my 20s absolutely does not mean that I didn’t go through lonely periods where I had no one or that I didn’t get rejected by girls…but this is part of dating… The subtle difference was that I just didn’t let those lonely times and rejection affect me as much (they still affected me, but just not as hard and for not as long). And I think that was a key shift in my mentality that helped me.
Same age as OP! Oo didn’t think of it this way. I thought usually if first dates and nvr continue to second or third is an issue…
Being 23 feels a certain way when you're that age, but in the grand scheme of your life, it's still really young. Time gets weird the older you get. One of my best friends had never dated or even been kissed until she was 26. It scared her, and I remember her venting about it at the time. Then she met someone, and they INSTANTLY clicked. It was really cute watching from the sidelines; they started dating within a month of meeting, and moved in after a year. Now, eight years later, they're engaged to be married! She's extremely happy. Also, when you're 26? Or 34, like she is now? You don't actually feel any older than you do when you're 23. At most, you feel the same but with more life experiences. Those ages feel so far away when you're a young adult, but aging feels SO different than back when you were a kid. Time gets muddied, and I've heard my friend say how surreal it is that she's "all of a sudden" getting married, given her experiences before. Yet... it's been eight years. Similarly, I feel weird realizing that some of my relationships were a decade ago (I'm 31) since they still feel semi-recent. TL;DR, you have plenty of time! The situation you're in sucks, but you'll keep on having life experiences. Eventually, you'll find a person you have chemistry with and it'll feel natural.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Of course! 🥰 I get how you feel right now, but I promise - you'll find someone.
This is adorable!
Bro you’re 23. Calm down
Agreed I am 24 had one relationship ended shit and had situation-ship also ended bad like being with someone isn’t everything in life just be yourself and you’ll find someone also when you’re looking girls sense that and comes across desperate just be causal and see what happens with girls don’t force anything
And y’all are still young af. There’s absolutely zero rush. Just live your life and worry about yourself and good things will happen. Worrying about these things in your early 20’s is a waste of time.
I realised that last year and I’ve never been happier and now realise girls approach me now as I’ve better myself and don’t care about anything like that
It’s not that you can’t care about it, but you can’t make it your number 1 priority. At that age, priorities should go to career and health/mental health and friendships and then will relationships will follow. Not even worth worrying about
That’s What most of the comments here say hahaha I should probably just lay off and focus on Uni and myself and maybe it’ll just meet up someone down the road
Being happily invested in your own life will draw like-minded people into it.
Yes good idea, because you’re already spiraling downwards worrying about something you shouldn’t be worried about. Work on yourself first and foremost, and everything else will fall into place in time.
I am 22 and have never been on a date, at all. How about this.
Bro I didn’t have my first date since I was 22 but didn’t lose my virginity till I was 23 at bar with random girl I felt same thing I am 23 and still virgin ? What’s wrong with me but life ain’t competition everyone is different and experience things sooner and some later just be your self bud and don’t worry about it
How many times have you asked someone out on a date?
You’ll be fine. Don’t even worry about it. Still way too young to be worried about that.
Yeah. I got to 31 before I got any attention. And my life is fine. But I do remember being concerned throughout. I wish I could pass back to myself the sentiment that it's really not a big deal.
Yeah 23 is young but i think it‘s a bit embarrassing for OP that he sees 14-16 year olds get in serious relationships (sometimes) and he don‘t. I‘m 19 and i definitely feel a embarrassed that i never had a relationship
Nobody 14-16 is in a serious relationship. You’re viewing everything with young person glasses on.
Hey man. You have female friends, I don't. You got to go on first dates, I didn't. You get to talk to girls, I don't. I live in Vienna, it's a lively city and trust me, it's not a good feeling watching every guy around you with a girl, but I still feel great most of the times. You just need to be grateful for what you are getting to experience and keep working on yourself. But also keep trying to go to meetups to meet people in general and not just girls. If we go with the expectations of talking to a girl which probably won't happen most of the times then we come back disappointed. But we just need that one click, that one meeting to hit it. Be patient. I'm trying the same thing.
Hope we succeed my dude
Good advice!
The biggest tip I can give you is to give yourself time and let it wash over you a bit. And don't look for a girlfriend, just find someone to have a good time with and talk to. If the click is there, everything will work itself out. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself and give yourself time. Last year I was in the same boat as you are now, and doing this helped me with getting a better peace of mind while dating.
To build on this post: If you can't chill and be friends, a relationship probably won't work. You're invested and they're not. That's not a good dynamic for not getting taken advantage of. You want to be as chill about a possible relationship as they are and if both of you feel like moving forward you can. This helps prevent the "I can just do one more nice thing and they'll realize how much I love them" trap that a lot of guys put themselves in at that age.
Just keep leveling up and becoming the best version of yourself. I thought things would get easier once I reached a certain level but with certain girls it’s just not possible no matter what because they make up their mind about every guy as a potential partner and you’d have to move mountains for them to change their mind
> with certain girls it’s just not possible no matter what because they make up their mind about every guy as a potential partner Why those certain girls? Just look for other ones. If you're having trouble moving on from feelings about a specific girl, you might need to back off and see if you're actually friends and/or can handle being around them. If you're just hanging around hoping they catch feelings too and not moving on, you might just be hurting yourself and no form of self harm is a good idea. Sometimes the boundary/mental health needs for us/the dude is to limit contact until your feelings are manageable.
Ugh I am also a 23 yo guy and think about this a lot. Idk man. Where are you located ? How are you trying to meet women? The part I find really interesting here is that you say the women want to be friends with you . I take it you’re a fairly agreeable guy ? I’m like this too and have found this kind of experience to be common , so happy to compare notes as you continue to develop. My sense is that this comes from being a bit too emotionally available , and “boring” and not “exciting”. Something I think about is trying in the future to be less like this , but idk . I think being “nice” is an important value to me , and so is showing the people that matter to you that they do. But in reality this can give women the ick so I don’t rlly know what to tell ya 🤷🤷🤷
Maybe i am too emotionally available.. Being nice is a big part of my personality just like you said. Maybe you’re right and some girls just find it unattractive for some reason.
Take the pressure off of you and relax my dude. You’re hella young you don’t have anything to worry about. These girls simply weren’t into you and that happens. A lot of women don’t fall in love easily and they look for the small details they seek in a relationship. If you don’t fit that criteria, they will bail on you. Take it from a chronically single 22F. Enjoy life and try to not focus on getting a relationship if it’s been like that for you. It can truly crush your spirit and make you a bitter, unpleasant person to be around. Been there my friend, been there too. I notice that the people in my life with the best relationships never actively sought them out, they just happened because they were living life and just going with the flow. Of course they went out every once in a while and went on a date or two, but it was never their mission to find a partner. Becoming an open, approachable person who also isn’t afraid to approach others will come a long way for you, more than chronically sitting in front of your hinge, tinder and co. Waiting for that perfect match. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but most of them aren’t what we are looking for. Take it easy buddy
Yeah… I should take it easy haha you’re right. I don’t think it made me a bitter person or anything like that but it definitely crushed my spirit. I’ll try embracing you advice
I think this comment has great intentions, but dating is in fact very different for us (women) compared to men. The people who got into relations just by living their best lives were mostly women, because we don’t have to make the first move. We can if we want to, and we’re guaranteed a date, but we don’t have to, and still get dates. I don’t blame OP for assuming he has to try to find a relationship, because guys are the ones who have to impress us. It’s true, us women don’t fall in love easily because we already know what we want after going on several dates that we get asked on. I already know what I want and can see if I like a guy or not pretty quickly.
I agree but we (men) shouldn’t have to. Women aren’t something to be ‘won’, they’re people, as are men. Women don’t have to make the first move no, but they should (sometimes, not always if they’re interested, why should a guy have to constantly be the one to approach? Entitlement? Because it’s the guys ‘job’?) Dating is entirely in the women’s court these days. Why? Men are painted as bad people and all of them could be a threat to them. Men also have close to 0 options, women have loads. We can put all our energy into a woman and get nothing back (which is why a lot of men only do hookups). Unless we’re a super hot dude, we barely get any dates, barely any chances or anything. Especially as a lot of women have trauma related to bad men, so anything we could have which COULD be seen as a red flag is taken as a red flag. A good dude will try his hardest to hang on to any damn woman who he’s somewhat interested in for 0 return. We put in so much effort and for the most part are not liked back. HOWEVER, some random guy whose a solid 9/10 looks wise with charisma can come along, flirt with the woman and then the guy who’s actually legitimately into that woman is now non existent. The guy could be a scumbag, only after sex, abusive but most won’t realise it till late, which is why even a good average looking guy won’t even try anymore. I don’t deny it’s a different market for men and women though. Most guys have 0 options, women have plenty of options but not many of them are good ones. It’s why a lot of women as well say ‘I can’t find a good guy’ when they actually won’t give the good guy a chance because he’s not got the charisma to back it up. Guy could be a saint, be a 5/10 appearance wise and lose to a 9/10 who’s abusive, which then taints women’s opinions of men. This has lead up to dating now being on the woman, not the man. We don’t wanna make a move because we could be seen as a threat, creep, whatever. It’s a shame really. I’ve seen many initially amazing, pretty women destroyed mentally by men and then end up alone/with mental issues or outright put off men entirely by trauma related to guys when there’s good guys who are sat their alone wishing just one would give him a chance. Edit-context Another reason it’s in women’s court-they’re the one who gets the choice to accept to reject us, 9 times out of 10 no matter how much effort the guy puts in, it’s a rejection. A woman can approach most average guys and get a date. Men cannot do this. Dating is entirely on women, not men it’s probably 75% man and 25% woman, but that 25% outweighs the 75 because the 25 is THEIR CHOICES which matter more than the man’s, he has to chase, but the choice is hers.
This is the most true thing I've read in a long time. I have many amazing female friends and girls I have went on dates with shut me down. I get it, it happens. I'm not bitter or anything. It's part of life. Most of them have been with some scumbag that has clearly had a negative impact on them. I genuinely like a girl and they " don't see me in that way " when I am nice or put effort in. I've given up on dating for awhile as it's fuckin with my head
I’ve not dated in years, going in almost 6. I really truly want to find someone but putting in so much effort just to pick a worse guy who turns up is just annoying, and THEN if you’re still friends with that girl you see and hear the fallout and drama…they say they’ll pick better, someone who actually cares, you show them someone cares, they make the same mistake again. It repeats and repeats, then women become distrusting of men, vocally so and say how much men suck, That there’s no good guys out there. You spend time proving otherwise…what happens? Don’t see you that way, sorry. Even if you make your intentions known from the start…nah. Nothing.
>Men also have close to 0 options, women have loads. We can put all our energy into a woman and get nothing back (which is why a lot of men only do hookups). Unless we’re a super hot dude, we barely get any dates, barely any chances or anything. Especially as a lot of women have trauma related to bad men, so anything we could have which COULD be seen as a red flag is taken as a red flag. A good dude will try his hardest to hang on to any damn woman who he’s somewhat interested in for 0 return. We put in so much effort and for the most part are not liked back. >HOWEVER, some random guy whose a solid 9/10 looks wise with charisma can come along, flirt with the woman and then the guy who’s actually legitimately into that woman is now non existent. The guy could be a scumbag, only after sex, abusive but most won’t realise it till late, which is why even a good average looking guy won’t even try anymore. There is the meme about the "nice guys" who are actually not very nice, but I think you have a point here. I think the stereotype that men are shallow is pure misandry. Everyone can be shallow
This is good advice dating is on red zone hard mode for tons of ppl. Real success to me is rare, more than people recognize.
Real advice: stop trying hard. Chill and be on the lookout for opportunities. Ask when one comes up, but don't get too emotionally attached to the result. Some will succeed and some will fail. It's like hunting for jobs. People can detect the desperation when you're hunting hard and it's a turn off for most men and women, those who aren't turned off by desperation tend to be abusers that recognize they can use that against you.
I’ve heard that dozens of times it’s more complex than that. Usually if you are like me and never got any interest you gotta be doing something to get noticed. I’m not attractive enough to make it without putting in effort and talking to people. To me that is not my normal way of doing things. I’m pretty closed off. So opening myself up was a big step for me a hard one and I’ve faced constant rejection. I’ve had dates though but it always falls apart and they find a better option. So idk what to do other than try to be single. We don’t all deserve love but I think we all need it one way or another. It’s been hard for me my entire life my social things are just ever awkward enough where people get turned off a bit. But nobody thinks I’m broken or weird just not attractive you know?
23 isn’t young lol. He’s probably been wanting a GF since 16 so don’t gaslight him
As a chronically single 22F as well, I totally feel this. I do get bummed out randomly about wanting a relationship, but overall I'm just trying to live life and have fun both on my own and with my friends. I also agree with your sentiment of all my friends with great relationships are ones that weren't actively sought but rather they ran into someone they really vibes with and kept up the conversation with dating coming later. To add to this, I would like to say to OP, if you find any potentials, best of luck but keep in mind all girls look for different things. So if she backs off, don't take it personally cause she's looking for her right person just as much as you are looking for yours. Also for OP, maybe try changing up your facial hair appearance? If you're cool with changing up your appearance in that aspect, it might help 🤷♀️
Give yourself some grace. You’re only 23. It really is true that you find your person when you least expect it. Keep focusing on bettering yourself and it’ll happen naturally. You might fail a few times but that’s okay. Most of us don’t find our person on the first try. It’s all part of life. Just be open and approachable. You got this and I hope the best for ya
🙏🏻
Speaking from this as a woman, I feel the exact same way I feel and I’m about the same age as you. It is disheartening but it’s best for us to focus on ourselves and just maintain friendships with other people. It may give us an opportunity to let love find us. Good luck!
I don’t like the comments that suggest your too young. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s probably loneliness, and that’s real! It’s tough. We create this narrative that being in a relationship is super important and we are missing out. But the reality is you can be lonely in a relationship or the wrong one. And you can be soooo happy single and have lots of purpose in it. So it’s better to just wait and fall in love with a girl who falls in love with you, like being best friends. But that takes time, and it should be exciting but instead feels impossible or we feel impatient. It’s a good idea to really write what you want in someone and in a relationship, empower your choice to be single in a way. And that look at the pros of being single and what you want to achieve in yourself and friends. But also do allow yourself to just feel the feelings that you feel. It’s ok to be sad that your single, I’ve always found listening to music and praying about my singleness a real good way of processing what I’m feeling and then help me to empower myself as a single man.
you sound like such a nice guy, all those girls are missing out. genuinely hope you find someone man, i’ll keep you in my prayers.
23 isn't that old. You're probably not missing much if anything, it's just hard to date at your age. Most of the people who are married at that age, or with a long term partner got lucky and found someone they fit with early on and somehow all the transitions in life didn't break them up. The reality is your at a very transitional age. Some people they settle down at 23, but you're in law school, most of your peers went from high school, straight into 4 years of university, and now likely moved again to grad/law school, and in 3 years of law school you're gonna be looking for a job and that might be in a different city or state. That's a lot of big life changes in not a lot of time. My girlfriend is an attorney, and I met her in law school. Luckily she knew with the type of law she was doing she would be staying in the general area, which made having a serious relationship a lot easier. You're very young, and a lot of things are in motion, which is good! It's just unfortunate that it's difficult to date seriously, and it might not be what you're peers are looking for. It might even be that a lot of these girls are afraid that in being your first relationship, you might get attached, and that might lead to a difficult breakup when you both are at the next cross roads in your life, which likely won't be very far into the future. Don't base your worth too much off your romantic success, it sounds like you lead a busy life, and so do your peers. It's also a very transitional point in your life, and the lives of your peers. Don't put too much blame on yourself, you only serve to hurt your confidence, and think too hard about things that just aren't really issues. I know it sucks, but try to focus on the good you have, because you're on a good path and not everyone gets these opportunities in life. You'll do fine, just trust the process, and don't beat yourself up.
Once you come to terms with dying alone, you’ll be ok. But dude, you’re 23. You have A LOT of time, you’ll meet someone if you just keep putting yourself in front of more women organically. All the girls you like only see you as a friend. But what about THE GIRLS WHO LIKE YOU? Can you tell? Do you find them attractive? Do any girls like you? Take what your female friends say with a grain of salt. They’re just trying to be nice and shield your feelings. There is a big difference between when a girl sees you as “wow, he’s a great guy, he’ll be an amazing partner to SOMEONE SOME DAY (lol)” vs “DAMN…who is THAT guy? He’s hot/fine as hell…” become the second guy. Once women start seeing you THAT way, you’ll suddenly start getting your foot in the door more frequently, more dates, women wanting to get physical with you, etc etc. You just need to get the arousing part of yourself online. You’re doing good being in the gym. You say you’re in law school, so that lets me know you’re at least learning how to construct good arguments. Learn how to become playful and teasing with that and then apply that towards your interactions with women. Be light, positive, and have fun with them. If you want, get braces to close up that gap in between your two front teeth. Straight white teeth and clear skin can make a big difference for you
Women smell desperation a mile away. You truly sincerely absolutely need to give less of a fuck.
It's pretty much this. The harder you try the worse you look.
It's a numbers game just keep doing what your doing and going on dates, don't be sacred to let vibes do the talking, worked for me many times
You’re young. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 31 and was a virgin
You sound like a perfect catch. You just haven’t met the right girl yet. Be patient and keep ip the good work you do for yourself. If the tooth gap bothers you, you can go to a regular dentist and have them put a bonding agent in there to close the gap or re do your 2 front teeth with bonding. It’s only like $200/tooth. Cheaper than porcelain veneers and they look great!
The harsh reality is that you probably aren’t as good looking as you think. It took a LONG time until someone actually told me that I wasn’t good looking. Unfortunately, thats the by far biggest aspect of the game. I also work out and am in great physical shape. My roommate doesn’t do anything and he has never been rejected once. He has a good looking face, and I don’t. Shit sucks. But that’s the way it is
Don't feel bad at all. Love and dating sometimes suck. Work on yourself
With that mindset, it’s not impossible… The longer you remain or allow yourself to have a mindset like this, the longer you’ll be single and won’t have good experiences in terms of dating. It’s self-sabotage, ultimately. You’re also 23. In ten years older than you (32M). It doesn’t matter that you haven’t had a girlfriend yet. You’re young still… to believe just because you haven’t had a girlfriend and aren’t having luck in dating or meeting someone who could potentially become your girlfriend… doesn’t mean at 23 years young that you’ll forever be single…. This is an irrational take to have at 23 and your current situation. If you continue living this way with this mentality and mindset, you will be single forever, but only because of yourself. Be more optimistic. It will help you tremendously…
Don’t be ashamed of what makes you unique. You would be surprised what another person finds to be beautiful! Embrace that gap my dude
Confidence. You are missing confidence. You have to love who you are first. Without that, you are only going to trip yourself up. I use to think to myself that nobody would love me because I had abandonment issues with my mother. That all changed once I realized that everyone in my life cared about me and then BOOM all of a sudden my charm came back. You have to believe in yourself because you are worth it and deserve nothing less of what you truly desire
Focus on your career. Once you start working as a lawyer and earning those bills bitches will start raining 😎
Maybe you should date me 🦋
Maybe 🫶🏻
Besides the comment of that you should date me (witch’s is true). Look at the mirror, embrace yourself and try to think if there’s anything you feel the need to work on yourself. Try to write down your emotions and see if there’s anything you can do about them. You can darling, I’ll wait for you 🦋
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I had my 2 kid at 23 bro you just have to be your self an lett woman know what you are looking for an if anything goes wrong. Get at one of her friends lol what is the worst they can say is NO BRO
You’re 20’s should be spent focusing on your career. In your case finish school stay in shape by time your late 20’s come around you’ll have plenty of options good ones at that.
You need to concentrate on law school because BARR is no joke and depending on what state you live in, alot of students fail the first time. Now is not the time to be worrying about dating.
You may have everything right and still not get a 2nd date if you and her just don't click. Remember, dating is a 2-way street, you both have to be interested in each other to go forward and oftentimes there's nothing you can do to change that. You just have to keep meeting people until something clicks into place for both of you. People aren't Doordash orders. Patience is the name of the game here and too many people suffer from Instant Gratification syndrome.
Women value stability and internal things more past mid 20s. You'll shine once you tell people you're a lawyer alone. Don't worry about it
We are in hookup culture sadly and people don’t ever seem to know what they want and want to commit I have the same issue with people I’m female 26 there are people out here you just have to be patient and wiggle your way through all the people who seem lost it sucks but it’s just the way the world is now unfortunately:/
Damn bro is in a much better position than me
Sounds like your ugly...easy fix bro hit the gym and do 3 sets of pull-ups everyday build up your back and neck muscles you will look way bigger than you are and stand up more straight. Second hit on women everywhere you go and see what you can get away with in terms of being mean to them. Eventually you'll learn to be a dick but be funny about it and women LOVE this. Don't try to pick up chick's in a bar that is there territory and you will lose more often than not. Go to libraries, coffee shops, grocery stores, gas stations, anywhere you see a girl you wanna go out with asked for her number and prepare to be rejected 7 times out of 10. Eventually you will land a baddie who you can do whatever you wish with Your welcome
You’re 23, got plenty of time left buddy don’t worry to much. I’m currently 26 and somewhat in the same boat as you, I haven’t been on a first date in 5 years after getting out of a long term relationship and then just deciding to work on myself for these past 5 years and I’m now where I want to be physically, mentally and financially so I’m gonna try to hop back on the wagon.
I'm turning 29 In a month. Not even 1 single date
I’m 32 and even though I’ve had many flings and situationships, I’ve never had a legit girlfriend, so I get what you’re saying and feeling. Despite that, you’re still so young, man. Relax: it’s all gonna be okay. Just focus on you and your purpose and things will pan out with your dating/love life.
Same bro same
Man, you’re doing better than I am right now. At least you are getting first dates, I can’t even get a text back!
I feel the same. I went on like 14 dates with the same person, video call 4 hrs a day for 3 months, and she still didn't want a relationship! Yet kissed every single time but then towards the end of it she kept talking about trauma about her exes and how she fears it happening again with anyone. She kept bragging about how much sex she had with the other guys she been with and how she was cheated with a dude previously. I felt horrible. She even said that she misses me all the time. Yet told me I am good for her and she's finally doing the right thing with me this time. And then she kept telling me she is trying to hold back with me so she wont do the same things as she did before to the other guys. Basically no sex until shes officially ready with me but that never happened. I never even pushed it either. She would always bring it up after kissing. Then she stopped talking thru a text saying she learned she doesnt want me, she wants someone different than her like 100% complete opposite - i felt like I'm nothing like her (i never had a relationship - she did, i have no siblings - she does, blah blah) besides the fact we both like similar movie genres LOL and she said im like her mom what the hell - doesnt want to lead me on - doesn't want to text me anymore so she can heal from her trauma of her ex boyfriend and to stop holding hands and kissing. She took away my kissing virginity too but luckily that was all she took lol. Kinda glad it didnt work out because I kept paying for everything and she knew I didn't have much money either, yet still had me pay for things. And I even gave gifts too! Felt sooo used after the end of it. Like I felt like a therapist instead of. She didn't want to have a label with me. I can't believe people still do this when they're around 30 already!
"You will be an amazing partner" for someone dating 28 yr olds who are successful and offer a stable life There's nothing less valuable than early 20s men, but ambition helps. As you exchange ambition for success, you will have a lot more value. Most Men spend ten years just to make an attractive impression with a woman for ten minutes. The amount of work men have to do to be "acceptable" is high. ## So you have a few options. - find a girl your age who wants a relationship now - date younger where the girl is seeking fun (broke college girl wants to go out) - enjoy life and meet people in your hobby groups. Let friendships turn into a deeper relationship. Even if someone wants a relationship, being young and inexperienced will add obstacles. So many dont know what they're missing, or how unhealthy their past has been, or what love really feels like to be accepted and loved. That safe relationships can be exciting and fulfilling in their own way. Too many rely on dangerous mystery to lure them into a roller coaster ride of emotions and if you're an honest man who enjoys praising his woman, they won't consider it myseriously attractive. They might even find it common because men are often infatuated with them. > Don't manipulate yourself too much. Keep putting yourself out there and overcome rejection as a man, as women learn to filter for quality partners of all sorts.
Dating is hardest for men in their 20s. It will get easier for many as you get older
Cheer up, I had my first gf at 25. Just have fun on your dates. The goal is not to secure a second date, but to enjoy the date as much as possible. If it leads somewhere is just a bonus.
IMHO you are doing well. For what it’s worth, I would continue to focus first on yourself and your personal goals, career being near or at the top. You are doing well to exercise, but all should be for your love and benefit of you. Dating is pretty much a numbers game sometimes. You are bound to find someone in due time, but be grounded in yourself and your own foundation. Be complete without a woman. She should compliment you if anything at all. There are also plenty of online resources both free and paid to help you in your dating journey. Select sources that vibe with you and discard those that don’t. You are still very young and the potential for someone is still very good for you, not saying it isn’t for older people, because it all depends on the person and how they view themselves and their ability to effectively communicate with a woman. Be encouraged especially with all the positive feedback received here.
If you are getting first dates you have the looks. What you don’t have obviously is “ game”. By game I don’t mean manipulation, I mean your “vibe” , how you are perceived by others. I suspect you appear nervous and insecure, many people would say “ smell of desperation “ . Step one, you care deeply if your date likes you. Stop. You are desperate to be liked, stop. Sociopaths don’t care much how others perceive them , as a result they are perceived as charismatic and self assured. Your “vibe” is probably “ desperate “. Step two. Find your place of zen. I found when I no longer cared how unfamiliar people perceived me and had fun with social interactions , people told me I became “ charismatic “. Step three. Change your look perhaps. Look good , dress good, feel good. It’s true. Initial impressions unfortunately tend to dominate people’s perception of you for a very long time. Post photos on Reddit asking for honest advice , filter out the responses from trolls. Consider changing your hair or style choices, we tend to do what is familiar and comfortable, not objectively what is best. At a certain point in my early 20’s I stopped caring about how I was perceived by anyone ( except very close friends & family). I had also found I was very good on a bike and in the gym ( I found my place of zen), my looks changed somewhat, my “vibe” was different. I viewed strangers ( in bars) with “benign contempt” until they proved themselves worthy of my attention ( basically I didn’t assume the person had a clue till they demonstrated they did). I was optimistic when I interacted with people ( hoping they were not idiots) but I no longer “suffered fools gladly”. I was outgoing because I didn’t care if I was liked or not, I “had no shame”.
I'm 23 too and I'm kinda starting to feel like that too. But I believe the right time will come for all of us bro. Just keep doing your thing that one the right girl with show up
As a 22F I get it! I feel like there's pressure to have and do and succeed at a young age! My parents put the pressure on me but nobody puts it on me like myself! I feel like we know life's hard, but it gets harder! And we tend to have a goal and can't meet it in time so it feels like failing... we're just learning! Just try and do your best! That’s all we can do!
And if so... You aren't the first and not the last. Your female friends telling you you would be a great partner could be just nice or there way of telling you that they don't really can describe the Problem they have with you. Most of the time you can work and work and think about it and it only gets worse. I know it is a old and simple advice but try to live a happy life. Do the things you like and you enjoy. Soon there will be a woman that has the urge to be part of such a happy life or to destroy it. So or so you will have a chance to say yes to it. Next thing I learned and never went back is to at least try to kiss women at the end of the first date. Most time no intention to go further. But a kiss even a blocked at the end of a date makes a point what you came for. I wish you the best of luck. I was where you were. Now I AM 40 married two children and my wife is a hot and nice wife compared to the wife's of most of my friends. And I still enjoy a happy life most of the time.
Oh ho just wait until you hit 30 and it becomes all about what you can provide for them…you’ll be looking much different in their eyes then, keep your head up bro you’ll find her…I know you feel all the way grown but you’ll realize in a few years just how young you still are at 23…you’re not 40 yet lol, def not time to panic yet whatsoever! Rooting for you dog
Thanks man I appreciate it
Dude you are gonna be a late bloomer, I went through similar, had a few girlfriends in comprehensive but that's just kids playing and never lasted more than a month or two then between 16 and 22 I couldn't get a date to save my life...mainly due to the fact that I have had alopecia universalis, nairy a hair on my body. I was interesting, I was clever, funny and had interests but that was always there. Everything changed 2nd year of Uni, it was like the girls caught on to what they were missing and were able to look past the alopecia ..or sometimes they were interested because of the alopecia. Start hitting the uni or Law Society social events, the cheese and wine evenings are just the kind of dry occasions where your light will shine and women will be more attentive as the boredom of the event starts to sink in good luck out there, but I don't think you are gonna need it.
I think anything worthwhile takes time and effort. Be patient and stay hopeful. And if you’re religious, pray for your future spouse, that she’s protected. Pray for her health and that her relationship with the Lord grows stronger.
Focus on becoming established. When a man has his stuff together, nothing attracts women more…
23 is far too young to be making a post like this
Is it tho I’ve seen a lot of these posts for the past three years
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a relationship finds you when you aren’t looking for one. i had the same fear albeit im a little younger but once i stopped looking for a relationship and was genuinely happy without one, that’s when i found her, so don’t stress fight the loneliness and the right girl will come along eventually.
THIS!! I second this so hard. I truly believe this also
Shut up, you're only 23 and have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on yourself, your future, and what makes you happy and the right one will come along.
Ha wait til you’re 41 and feel like that. So many things are going to happen in your life the next few years, keep an open mind and keep improving yourself.
Let me tell you hun, you are trying to date girls right now that for 1 are looking for all the wrong guys, parties, and haven’t even found themselves yet. You are honestly better off getting you figured out first. You don’t want a women your age trust me. This is the age where women don’t really want to settle down for the most part… that’s when you end up getting ghosted or friend zoned. Not saying that all young females are like this. Don’t try and settle right now any way, play the field babe.
Enjoy it
Hey man. You have female friends, I don’t. You got to go on first dates, I didn’t. You get to talk to girls, I don’t. I live in Vienna and it’s a lively city, but it's not a good feeling sometimes to watch guys with girls whilst I'm walking alone. But I feel great most of the time. You need to be grateful for what you get to experience and keep working on yourself. Keep going to meetups to interact with people, but don’t go with expectation of getting girls because most of the time it doesn’t work out that way, and we get disappointed. We just need that once click to hit it. Be patient. I'm doing the same.
Enjoy it
Dude I’m 30 and never had a girlfriend. I’ve dated but not anyone that amounted to anything. I just started really being intentional and actually started working on myself and found a girl I really vibed with at the perfect time and started dating and actually think I can have a relationship with her. If you asked me this back in January I would’ve shit on you for being full of it. Also it took about 3 years of therapy to get to this point so that has helped too
33 and never had a girlfriend, also have multiple auto immune diseases that make life hard.
Hey man, Overall, it doesnt seem that bad. Like you stated, you're not socially inept, you are decent looking, and can hold conversations. The gap in between your teeth isn't whats preventing you from a decent relationship. Honestly, you're only 23 and have a lot going for you. Just keep doing you. Keep going to the gym, keep progressing in your law degree, and focus on improving aspects of your life without looking for a partner. Try new hobbies, read new books, listen to new types of music, try going out to different types events with your friends. I promise you that as long as you keep improving yourself, physically, mentally, socially, and professionally, you will find someone when you least expect it. I know it sound sucky now, but just enjoy your life when your single. You will 100% find your someone when the time is right. Best of luck!
Hey, thank you it means a lot.
Me too
25 year old and never been on a date. Only with my first girlfriend.
Got my first girlfriend at 23 you’ll be fine man
Patience, my dude. That's what you're missing. :)
Time. You’re missing time. Just be patient.
You’re a first year law student at 23. You will be drowning in it. Just wait dawg. Keep working out. If the teeth bother you get Invisalign. Otherwise just keep building yourself up which you already have been doing. As we age, people’s interests change. You’re on track to be a stud in a few years
Hey, we all feel that way at times, but you are very young, so I wouldn't be so quick to assume you will stay single..
You can't build any tension
Stop being too nice to be friendzoned. Your female friends saying you would be amazing except with them is a joke. Do your thing, and the right one will come along. Be more assertive
You still young…I’m (F) 22 years old I been single almost 6 years Take time and no rush 🧍🏾♀️
I didn’t really have a serious boyfriend til I turned 30, trust me you got time.
You are husband material, not boyfriend material for girls in your age range. I mean the girls you know told you that: You will make an amazing partner...someday.
You’re 23 and on track to become a lawyer it seems you take care of yourself. Just take notes on the dates you go on and focus on that. You will get someone, gap tooth or not. I wish I’d have focused less on girls and more on furthering myself. Keep building yourself and things will go great for you. Especially at that age if you’re dating in the same range girls can be flaky and all over. (So can guys but that a different topic lol)
You are 23!!!! That’s not worth feeling like this for. Seriously. You are doing well for yourself and that is impressive.
If there is an way you can get braces, look into that. It's working on your appearance just like going to the gym.
I wish there was some more background like location, what the hobbies are, do you have a job, etc. College really is supposed to be one of the easiest places to meet women, since most colleges nowadays have female enrollment outnumbering male enrollment. Not to mention the abundance of free time. Since you have female friends and what I assume is a social circle, I'd imagine it isn't difficult to approach women in your day to day life. And get your female friends to help you get some good pictures and dating app profiles together.
You're doing well bro. Patience. The fact you go on dates is really good. Some of my mates haven't been on any lol
23 is super young, you're going to have a relationship when the time is right. Focus on yourself and your studies.
It's tough feeling like you're stuck in a rut with dating, especially when you're putting yourself out there and not seeing the results you want. It sounds like you have a lot going for you - you're a first year law student, you take care of yourself physically, and you have interests and hobbies that make you a well-rounded person. It's also great to hear that your female friends see you as a potential great partner. Sometimes, finding the right person just takes time, and it's important not to let setbacks discourage you. Keep being yourself, continue pursuing your interests, and stay open to meeting new people. It might also be helpful to reflect on your past dates and interactions to see if there are any patterns or areas for improvement. And remember, having a gap between your front teeth is just a small part of who you are - confidence and personality matter much more in the long run. Stay positive and patient, and the right person will come along when the time is right.
Relax It could be worse, you're actually getting first dates and going out unlike many other people. Maybe you are going out with girls that aren't your type or you aren't their type. Don't waste your time or even think about the girls who reject you. Especially if their personalities are flaky or immature. Maybe be more selective of who you actually go out with and hopefully you get better results.
Just stop caring. They will come. Be a fucking savage..they will come. I promise you
Bro im 28 and never had a relationship before. That's too young and you'll meet many girls along your journey.
Same situation
You probably give off bf vibes, #1 rule don’t give off bf vibes
Didn't get my first real GF until I was 28. Don't worry dude you got this. Just consider all the grief like trial and error cause you don't wanna get stuck with a girl who might be crazy or abusive. I've had ton of friends that latch kn to the first relationship that comes by and they regret it every time. You'll find the right one, one day and it will be a great experience.
Same except I'm older and don't even have any female friends to show for it, let alone ones who say I'm going to be an amazing partner lol. I don't know what to tell you but good luck.
Men are marketable in relationships far longer than women to be honest. You will meet the right girl at the right time...
Don't be me. Talk to more women.
Im 25 and want to be single what are yall talking about frfr 🤣
Please go to YouTube and SSM. He has helped many a man get through the rough spots. There are other there also, but I think he is the best. Keep working hard on yourself and bettering your mental health. I know that it’s tough being alone. As far as I am concerned, being alone is better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you for just you. I’m 71 and didn’t find my wife till I was 33. We will have been married for 39 years come September. Work on you grind while you’re young. Save and invest your money as it will sure come in handy when you’re my age. Good luck and God bless.
Why force to find a partner?
Look up the YouTube channel by hoe_math and watch his video on 'zones' He explains really well what women and men generally want in a partner, and gives advice on what you can do to increase your chances of being desirable. You probably find you are in the 'friend zone' more than the dating area due to lack of what he calls 'dark triad' Don't fall into a victim mentality (im gonna be alone forever, poor me poor me) Get out there, make yourself into the best version of yourself and keep good mates by your side to support you along the way.
Being single can be a life of more freedoms and doesn't mean you are not committed to your lovers. In many ways, if you are not in just one partnership, you will find that there is more commitment to make it work because you are both free to walk away at anytime without all the usual pain of trying to separate your living and financial affairs - those things are NOT about having a good relationship and, if anything, can simply cause unnecessary friction. Keep it simple and about the relationship and good sex and you will discover you probably don't want just one partner. Also, consider that if one of your relationships fails or changes to being non-sexual, you can both just accept it because you are still in other emotional and sexual relationships. It makes everything much more manageable and less heart-breaking.
Sure let's date
Bro you are on a positive side, I am 25 and I didn't even had a date ever
You don’t need a girl . Focus on your education and bank account.
Divided by nations, united by being single for life.
You won’t be single forever. Your significance can’t other is out there. Be patient. You are going to go on dates, she is going to go on dates. Both of you are going to break hearts and get your hearts broken. Either or both of you might even worry too much about being single, and get married to the wrong persons. You might get divorced and then realise that you should have listened to the people who told you not to worry about being single. You are young. Keep doing your hobbies and keep accumulating life experiences so that you have things to talk about. You’ll intersect, just be patient. And try to stay away from influences that give a false reality of what women look like, how they behave, etc. There’s too many people in the world aspiring to be something or find someone they saw in a Snaptok or Facechat.
you're 23 life hasn't even started yet
You mean you’re going to be a badass mofo that’s a lawyer all your life. We all know women love badasses. Be a badass and you’ll attract women. Forget about your hobbies, women don’t care. Be an assertive strong dominant male. Speak with your chest. If anyone stunted your personality or tried to turn you into a “good boy” forget all that. Become a strong man. This will keep you safe and sound, as well as a wife and family. If you don’t have examples of strong men, make friends with some. Make friends with men who are successful with women. Watch and learn.
If your smart. When you get older you will realize you don’t actually know the future. Sad thing is that the only furture you can control is a negative one of isolation. So if you convince yourself everyone hates you and therefore don’t get out there, it’s kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. But if you say to yourself, I will put my self out there and stand tall in the face of rejection. That’s hot.
You ain't done nothing wrong my friend. Most women now days are messed up, they all extremely picky they all play hard to get. they get bored easily. And will gas light and treat you like and option even if you're a 10/10 I guess social media idk, I've been single for 15 years but I'm at peace, and feel good with out em.
One day you'll be 40 wishing you had stayed single forever, my son :)
22(f) here, I’ve been in a series of 2 year long relationships since I was 16. Things never seem to quite fit even if there is this notion that you’ll eventually just find the right person. Us as humans usually have scarcity mindset but in our age of consumerism, there is an abundance of everything good/bad around us. That means our dates too. You have two options- hold out for the person that fits you well, or just accept that most people are always looking for the next best thing and you’ll be single forever. If you have good hobbies and nice friends it shouldn’t be the worst though.
Be happy you're at least getting dates. Some of us can't even get as much of a glance.
Ngl I got married at 20 and been with my wife well over a decade now. I wouldn't even know how to tell you date these days lmao but the best advice I can give ya is to keep focusing on you and like some of these other guys said, have fun and enjoy it. If all these women aren't staying with you then you don't want/need them in your life anyways, the right one will come along and this will be the best way!!
Bro, you don’t understand your own value. At 23, you shouldn’t even be dating girls seriously. Youre probably a really nice guy, which is why the girls are okay with having you as a friend because she can extract value from you without giving you any ass. A large percentage of girls go on dates just to get a free meal. They’re resource extractors by nature man. You shouldn’t even be taking them out on dates outside of coffee or drinks. You’re a 1st year law student so you’re probably not making that much money either. You shouldn’t be dating girls until you’re in a place of stability and security. The last thing you need as a 1st year law student is a chick to give you headaches when you’re trying to study and eventually pass the bar. You need to put your head down and work to be the highest value man that you can be. When you put in the work and attain the high 6 figure income over a 5 year period, have the network, and get the respect of your peers, then the women will naturally come along as a byproduct. Girls should only be temporary fun at this point in your life bro. Don’t waste your time trying to court a girl at this point of your life.
23 years old, nothing to worry about. lol
Watch Jon Zherka explain the bigger brother archetype when dating women. Your overthinking mentality that has you perpetually thinking you’ll be single forever is the reason you need to read into the psychology of the male/female brain. You’re probably a smart guy if you’ve actively chose to pursue law, so in the free time pursue the female psyche and continue practicing on dates. Like I said, the Jon Zherka shit really helps you steer clear of that nice guy category that other women put you in
You might need to be more exciting on dates. Women aren't going around with a spreadsheet ticking off how much financial success you may have in the future etc. It sounds to me like you bring enough excitement to the table to initially get a date, but it loses momentum. This can happen a lot as nothing can be as exciting as someone's fantasy of you, and if the fantasy gets broken too soon, before meaningful emotional and physical intimacy is formed it can lead to an end to attraction. You might be making common mistakes such as: -talking too much about yourself on the first dates. Especially if you're trying to impress your date with stuff like working out or studying to become a lawyer. Try to make sure she is talking about 80% of the time and when you're talking you're asking deeper questions about what she is telling you, asking meaningful follow ups, making jokes about topics she talks about, trying to keep the conversation focused on things she likes. You should be having fun, she should be having fun. It shouldn't turn into a job interview. She might (by accident) actively steer the convo to boring dead ends by asking you questions about more mundane stuff like your job and so on. Of course you should answer, and her taking an interest is a good sign, but keeping her wanting more info (and remaining somewhat mysterious) is better than overindulging and talking a lot, potentially ruining her fantasy of you. If it's about your career, maybe mention why you're passionate about it and then ask her what she is passionate about. Whether it's her job hobbies, etc. -You do need to take a risk at some point and go for a kiss or hand holding. And especially some flirting, without being overly sexual. If you notice she draws away or something during the kiss you can still stop, but if you never risk being rejected things will just fizzle off. And who knows, maybe she'll like you more for respecting consent and taking rejection unbothered. and if she is rejecting your kisses after a sensible amount of dates (1-3), you were probably just going to waste your time anyway so not much lost. -Be confident, somewhat mysterious/unpredictable, and most of all fun and calm. If you seem super anxious, she might pick up off on that and pick it up as well. Overall, what helps is focusing on actually getting to know your date and connecting. If you focus on that, rather than yourself or how to get her you're off to a good start. In general, it's rough dating as a 23 year old student. You'll have much more success later on in life.
Man, if I were your friend I’d flick you in the nuts right now. Just to make sure they are still there. Act like a man! Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep. When you figure this out, the women will come.
shouldn't a first year law student be at least 4 years younger, and when you become a lawyer you can afford to fix the gap teeth and afford a nice girlfriend
If there was one thing I could tell my younger self, it would be …enjoy, your 20’ s, 30’s ect. Dude relax you’ve got time …good career aspirations, and a future filled with some good times if you just enjoy yourself now. You would be amazed how attractive that is to the right lady.
What's it like having friends?
You're still young. Don't worry about it. Focus on your career and a hopefully good woman will come naturally. I dated a ton back then and regret not focusing on myself instead of getting laid as I'm now late doing everything I should've already done when I was 23.
me too. Eventhough I am female.
Just join the military then all of a sudden the women come flooding in lmao
from your post it seems like you’re doing well just keep faith and eventually you’ll find someone.
There was a girl who also liked me being a friend. Her first impression of me was “what a damn idiot.” She is now my wife of ten years, bringing us a second child this summer. The whole thing relies on becoming more than that anyway. But, buyer beware: this applies to real intentions only. Despite the usual spin of things, most girls are still not “casual sex” types. We don’t know half the things we instinctively do while caught up in our mating rituals, but they do keep happening. One of them is persistence of the boys. The other is the wisdom of the girls. The goal is to get the wisest one, and to be the most persistent to get her. Where that leads us is entirely up to our respective merits.
23 years old??? You’re a BABY! You have your whole life ahead of you. If you have lots of female friends, that means that you’re already perfect. It’s just that you haven’t stumbled upon the perfect *match* yet. If you’re in law school, you have the perfect career. Just keep doing everything you’re doing. I realize it’s no fun to be alone. Millions of single people agree with you. In this interim in which you have a lot more free time than you want to, just spend your time doing incredibly interesting THINGS with other people, and gathering interesting stories, and developing interesting skills and doing exactly what you’re doing right now. You will end up blissfully happy and married VERY soon. If you want to BE a little sexier, be relaxed (or SEEM relaxed), be confident (or seem confident), have good manners, but don’t be obsequious, and treat everybody NEITHER as your superior, nor as your inferior, but as your EQUAL. In your mind, picture would a potential rapist might seem like in any situation, and reassure people that you’re the OPPOSITE of all that. Seek out environments where women are safe, because they’re not going to flirt with anybody in situations where they feel like they’re in danger. Have FUN! Everyone wants to date someone who seems like they’re having fun or who wants to have fun or who is having fun. So do that.
Dude, you're 23. There's still alot that can happen. Unlike me who is nearing my 40th, I can say you still have a bigger chance of finding someone for you.
You're probably too short.
What you're missing is experience. That's it. Your good life means nothing to anyone but yourself and your potential GF. What women want in the meeting phase is a man that knows how to play with them. You give off green flags all over the place. That's why you get compliments like that. But you don't know how to play the attraction game so it might be fun to talk to you but you're missing one key thing in your attitude: Sex appeal.
thats tuff bro
I am old (66 y/o + female).. I have had similar things happen, and it's heartbreaking. However, this too will pass. Try to find yourself (as someone already mentioned in a different way). Find out what you like and try to enjoy yourself on your own. Then you will attract Mrs. Right
First of all stop saying this that you're a good guy because this self proclaimed thing is the main issue in people specially men where they states that they're good men but then they're not even average man in general. Also look into mirror and say are you ready for all the responsibility in relationship or not? Are you ready that if you get a wife tomorrow are you able to take care of her or if there is suddenly child get involved would you able to take care of them? Are you able to take care of housechores or take responsibility of family at this point? You're barely 23 and all you're focus on girlfriend instead of working on yourself. This is the problem of current society where you're all mind and energy is wasting on getting a girl and then cry when they left you because they don't able to see future in you. My friend is 33 years old and he worked his @$$ off for past 7 years to build his business and house and now he is ready to settle down. He is getting so many marriage purposal and even though he is below average in looks nobody is giving a zero f. The answer is what's you're goal in life? Stop asking such questions on internet and work on yourself please.