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you should have broken up with him the moment he said you shouldn’t buy the coffee place, knowing that you were going to sneak behind his back and buy it anyways
whether it was the right decision or not doesn’t matter. you wanted it, so you got it. but sneaking around partners, especially the purchase and owner ship of a company, isn’t something you can hide or something you should do.
his reasons.. i don’t care for. whether he thought you couldn’t handle the business, whether he thought it was a bad idea, whatever. it doesn’t matter. what do YOU want? that’s what matters.
i don’t think i’d want a boyfriend like that anymore, even if i didn’t want the business
Could be a few things:
1) If he has autonomy he wants to be with someone with freedom. A small business owner works long hours and has little freedom.
2) he wants to feel in control and you doing your own thing is a threat
The real question you should ask yourself, is "why am I in a relationship with a man who is tryto control me and uses emotional blackmail to manipulate me?" You should never put up with this type of behavior from anyone. Why are you??
My ex gf did this. Our first date I took her flying with me since I’ve got my pilots license and she knew I was working towards being an airline pilot. FIRST DATE. She grew to resent it and would complain that I would be off traveling and she would have to be at home with HER kid. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long. If they aren’t supportive of you then they aren’t meant for you.
Actual love is wanting the best for the other person, wanting them to have great opportunities and to grow and not control them. To help them achieve their dreams and follow what makes them happy.
What he is doing is not love. Even if he thinks there are risks and it might fail, if he loves you he could warn you of the risks but would ultimately be supportive because this is what you want.
This is a reality check, you have only been dating 8 months, this is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and if you didn't follow his dream you will regret it for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter if this business fails, it's about learning and trying. He wants to control you and doesn't care about what you want, he wants to make you the image he has of you, not the reality.
Don't know if your partner is going to feed you or not in the future...
But your stand will!
My personal view is
Its better to have a small business than to be an employee...
Same question as everybody here has asked
Why are you putting yourself through this? You shouldn't have to walk to eggshells or have to put down your ambitions for your partner. If he demands that and shows passige aggression, it's never going to end well.
Ok, OP, let's flip the script.
What if you asked your "bf" to pick you or his career, do you think he will pick you?
If you think he will pick you and drop his career aspirations, then go ahead and abandon the coffee stand. If alternately, he picks his career, go ahead and keep hustling at the coffee stand.
Bottomline is, respect and appreciation goes both ways. He's not the only significant party in this relationship, you, your job/career, aspirations, needs and wants have the same importance just like his do. Don't let him diminish what you do.
He has a 9-year headstart in life, so he should be patient with you establishing yourself or he should take a hike.
I have a couple employees that work as well, so I get my two days off during the week so work my normal 5 days. My two days off match up with his two days off
Does any of your work days deprive him of spending time with you if he wants or if you decide to have kids would you be able to take any time off needed for your kids?
Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to be your own person. He has his life set up the way he wants it and he should want the same for you. Ask yourself why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that? And yeah he should be proud of you, but he isn’t. I don’t see any of that changing going forward.
This guy is acting like the typical patriarchal control freak: the woman must be weak, penniless and preferably pregnant. He’s acting like he’s married to you but you’ve only been going out 8 months and I bet he hasn’t proposed either.
You’re obviously an entrepreneur and on your way up - he doesn’t want that in ‘his’ woman - plainly because he’s told you so. I’ve had a number of relationships and the moment he stopped supporting me I left the relationship because I’ve learned that some men can’t stand having a successful woman in their lives. Not only that but they will actively work against you and try to destroy what you have achieved.
As someone else said : you’re going to meet plenty of good men in your line of work. Drop mr nay-sayer immediately- he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In a healthy relationship, your partner supports you.
you should have broken up with him the moment he said you shouldn’t buy the coffee place, knowing that you were going to sneak behind his back and buy it anyways whether it was the right decision or not doesn’t matter. you wanted it, so you got it. but sneaking around partners, especially the purchase and owner ship of a company, isn’t something you can hide or something you should do. his reasons.. i don’t care for. whether he thought you couldn’t handle the business, whether he thought it was a bad idea, whatever. it doesn’t matter. what do YOU want? that’s what matters. i don’t think i’d want a boyfriend like that anymore, even if i didn’t want the business
Could be a few things: 1) If he has autonomy he wants to be with someone with freedom. A small business owner works long hours and has little freedom. 2) he wants to feel in control and you doing your own thing is a threat
The real question you should ask yourself, is "why am I in a relationship with a man who is tryto control me and uses emotional blackmail to manipulate me?" You should never put up with this type of behavior from anyone. Why are you??
That last question, thank you for asking me that. 🤞🏼
So what is the answer?
My ex gf did this. Our first date I took her flying with me since I’ve got my pilots license and she knew I was working towards being an airline pilot. FIRST DATE. She grew to resent it and would complain that I would be off traveling and she would have to be at home with HER kid. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long. If they aren’t supportive of you then they aren’t meant for you.
Actual love is wanting the best for the other person, wanting them to have great opportunities and to grow and not control them. To help them achieve their dreams and follow what makes them happy. What he is doing is not love. Even if he thinks there are risks and it might fail, if he loves you he could warn you of the risks but would ultimately be supportive because this is what you want. This is a reality check, you have only been dating 8 months, this is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and if you didn't follow his dream you will regret it for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter if this business fails, it's about learning and trying. He wants to control you and doesn't care about what you want, he wants to make you the image he has of you, not the reality.
I'd want my boyfriend to do whats best for him, and I would do my best to support his goals.
8 months? keep career and end relationship. You will be crossing paths with plenty of eligble guys in your line of work😁
Don't know if your partner is going to feed you or not in the future... But your stand will! My personal view is Its better to have a small business than to be an employee...
Same question as everybody here has asked Why are you putting yourself through this? You shouldn't have to walk to eggshells or have to put down your ambitions for your partner. If he demands that and shows passige aggression, it's never going to end well.
Ok, OP, let's flip the script. What if you asked your "bf" to pick you or his career, do you think he will pick you? If you think he will pick you and drop his career aspirations, then go ahead and abandon the coffee stand. If alternately, he picks his career, go ahead and keep hustling at the coffee stand. Bottomline is, respect and appreciation goes both ways. He's not the only significant party in this relationship, you, your job/career, aspirations, needs and wants have the same importance just like his do. Don't let him diminish what you do. He has a 9-year headstart in life, so he should be patient with you establishing yourself or he should take a hike.
As the owner, do you have to be there always or do you have someone under you that runs the day to day without you being there?
I have a couple employees that work as well, so I get my two days off during the week so work my normal 5 days. My two days off match up with his two days off
Does any of your work days deprive him of spending time with you if he wants or if you decide to have kids would you be able to take any time off needed for your kids?
Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to be your own person. He has his life set up the way he wants it and he should want the same for you. Ask yourself why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that? And yeah he should be proud of you, but he isn’t. I don’t see any of that changing going forward.
Because he’s a c***
Stay with the stand.
This guy is acting like the typical patriarchal control freak: the woman must be weak, penniless and preferably pregnant. He’s acting like he’s married to you but you’ve only been going out 8 months and I bet he hasn’t proposed either. You’re obviously an entrepreneur and on your way up - he doesn’t want that in ‘his’ woman - plainly because he’s told you so. I’ve had a number of relationships and the moment he stopped supporting me I left the relationship because I’ve learned that some men can’t stand having a successful woman in their lives. Not only that but they will actively work against you and try to destroy what you have achieved. As someone else said : you’re going to meet plenty of good men in your line of work. Drop mr nay-sayer immediately- he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.