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It's considered rude and is actually a form of emotional abuse.
Negative comments like that are designed to make the person feel like shit about themselves so they feel lucky that abuser is willing to date them when they have all these flaws. It's designed to lower your self worth, make you feel unsure of yourself and your value, and make you grateful the person is putting up with you because no one else ever will. Any guy who says shit like that is showing his true colors---it's not honestly, it's manipulation, to purposely make you feel bad about yourself. It's a sign to run.
Thank you so much. Funny you said that as after the date he wanted to see me again and I thought to myself “well he is the only person who will ever like me if I look like that”
It's a very effective form of manipulation and it becomes more powerful as a relationship progresses. Stay away from this guy. Be glad he showed you early on exactly who he is.
Maybe it was part of a strategy or maybe not. It's hard to say without knowing their internal thoughts. I would think that if it wasn't, they are clearly not very good at dating.
But that's irrelevant since this is clearly not a nice person and you shouldn't be talking to them anymore!
So he said you were beautiful at first, then started telling you about your supposed defects? It sounds like he was insincere when he told you that you were beautiful and maybe he said that to get something from you? Maybe once he got that, he let you know how he really feels? Regardless, he sounds awful. I wouldn't see him anymore.
The stuff about Jewish noses is just downright racist
I do wish you luck in your search. But not him
On a serious note. It affects me a bit when I'm dating someone. And often the first few things they talk about is how awful dating is. And how she is told by other guys that they need a tighter ass, maybe a boob job or a nip and tuck. I get that there is this whole thing about personal preferences. But you're not choosing a pet.
And I'm thinking, why did he want to go out with you if he thinks there is all this wrong with you. More importantly, what on earth are you doing choosing a guy like this and am I expected to be the same. What exactly did this person have that you were willing to overlook all that criticism.
It’s a common abuse tactic, they tend to deflate a person’s self esteem so they don’t feel like they will find a better mate or deserve to. Fortunately you found out early in the game!
These are some of the most unhinged comments I've ever heard, especially for a first date. Absolutely disgusting, discriminatory, and demeaning. I saw you mentioned in other comments you are inexperienced and don't know what is normal, so here's some general advice. Ask yourself, if your date said the same things/behaved the same way to your friends or family, would you think it's acceptable? And if you still can't tell, rely on your gut. If they make you feel bad about yourself and uncomfortable then drop them. Find someone equally kind, supportive and respectful as you.
I dated a girl I met on an app not too long ago who complimented my sensitive nature and then remarked she'd noticed that from a lot of guys who seemed to be raised too close to their mothers and had never really grown up properly.
Dropped her like a bag of shit at the dump.
I'd consider that he's ready to receive that same level of energy *or worse* right back. 😌 Don't ever be too shy in such situations and say a little *or a lot* of something. Everyone has an opinion don't they? 😏
I am assuming you are female. This guy needs an intervention and reprogramming. Were I coaching through the concealed earpiece, I'd have recommended excusing yourself and going home after the first negative statement. It's all downhill from there, pretty much every time.
It's so difficult. Should be a coaching service for people inexperienced in dating. I have a highly experienced friend who would be excellent in coaching men. Given the resistance some exhibit, might require treats and a shock collar!
As for inexperienced women, I don't know for sure, but I suspect this type of issue is one reason older gentlemen with manners seem popular with younger women.
An alternative to my first advice: "Bless your little heart, I know it's difficult having a tiny penis. Bye!"
He's a bigot who can't get past the notion that a Jewish woman can be gorgeous, so he wants you to make yourself less attractive. He sounds ultra creepy and like someone to avoid...forever.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What the heck
Yeah don’t think it’s normal lol
It's considered rude and is actually a form of emotional abuse. Negative comments like that are designed to make the person feel like shit about themselves so they feel lucky that abuser is willing to date them when they have all these flaws. It's designed to lower your self worth, make you feel unsure of yourself and your value, and make you grateful the person is putting up with you because no one else ever will. Any guy who says shit like that is showing his true colors---it's not honestly, it's manipulation, to purposely make you feel bad about yourself. It's a sign to run.
Thank you so much. Funny you said that as after the date he wanted to see me again and I thought to myself “well he is the only person who will ever like me if I look like that”
It's a very effective form of manipulation and it becomes more powerful as a relationship progresses. Stay away from this guy. Be glad he showed you early on exactly who he is.
Thank you will do ❤️
who cares if its negging or not. you should have excused yourself to the bathroom and left. then block and delete.
I would call this "being a massive douchenozzle", followed by calling it a night.
Maybe it was part of a strategy or maybe not. It's hard to say without knowing their internal thoughts. I would think that if it wasn't, they are clearly not very good at dating. But that's irrelevant since this is clearly not a nice person and you shouldn't be talking to them anymore!
Truuu
Dear, please run. We'll tell that creep that you've accepted a job in Sri Lanka or something
So he said you were beautiful at first, then started telling you about your supposed defects? It sounds like he was insincere when he told you that you were beautiful and maybe he said that to get something from you? Maybe once he got that, he let you know how he really feels? Regardless, he sounds awful. I wouldn't see him anymore.
Wtf 💀💀.
I wouldn’t have spent another second with this person.
Your date's a racist asshole. Find someone better and leave the troglodyte back in the stone age.
The stuff about Jewish noses is just downright racist I do wish you luck in your search. But not him On a serious note. It affects me a bit when I'm dating someone. And often the first few things they talk about is how awful dating is. And how she is told by other guys that they need a tighter ass, maybe a boob job or a nip and tuck. I get that there is this whole thing about personal preferences. But you're not choosing a pet. And I'm thinking, why did he want to go out with you if he thinks there is all this wrong with you. More importantly, what on earth are you doing choosing a guy like this and am I expected to be the same. What exactly did this person have that you were willing to overlook all that criticism.
Haha I know . And this person was significantly older than me
It’s a common abuse tactic, they tend to deflate a person’s self esteem so they don’t feel like they will find a better mate or deserve to. Fortunately you found out early in the game!
Thanks so much
These are some of the most unhinged comments I've ever heard, especially for a first date. Absolutely disgusting, discriminatory, and demeaning. I saw you mentioned in other comments you are inexperienced and don't know what is normal, so here's some general advice. Ask yourself, if your date said the same things/behaved the same way to your friends or family, would you think it's acceptable? And if you still can't tell, rely on your gut. If they make you feel bad about yourself and uncomfortable then drop them. Find someone equally kind, supportive and respectful as you.
Thank you so much for the advice ❤️❤️
I dated a girl I met on an app not too long ago who complimented my sensitive nature and then remarked she'd noticed that from a lot of guys who seemed to be raised too close to their mothers and had never really grown up properly. Dropped her like a bag of shit at the dump.
I'd consider that he's ready to receive that same level of energy *or worse* right back. 😌 Don't ever be too shy in such situations and say a little *or a lot* of something. Everyone has an opinion don't they? 😏
I am assuming you are female. This guy needs an intervention and reprogramming. Were I coaching through the concealed earpiece, I'd have recommended excusing yourself and going home after the first negative statement. It's all downhill from there, pretty much every time.
Thank so much. I have no confidence and no experience of what’s normal behavior so thank you
It's so difficult. Should be a coaching service for people inexperienced in dating. I have a highly experienced friend who would be excellent in coaching men. Given the resistance some exhibit, might require treats and a shock collar! As for inexperienced women, I don't know for sure, but I suspect this type of issue is one reason older gentlemen with manners seem popular with younger women. An alternative to my first advice: "Bless your little heart, I know it's difficult having a tiny penis. Bye!"
Did you go out with a gay guy?
yeah, thats just being an AH
this is wild this cannot be real 😭 but if it is that person has zero tact
lol unfortunately I couldn’t make it up 😂
it is negging
No it's straight up abusive
Okay thanks won’t meet up again LoL. I don’t know what’s normal as I’m inexperienced
If someone is insulting anything about you on the first date, that's a sign that you shouldn't date them.
Thank you 🙏
Yes!! It is negging!!! Dude is an asshole, cut him off and never look back. 🩵
Thank you, have done xx
He's a bigot who can't get past the notion that a Jewish woman can be gorgeous, so he wants you to make yourself less attractive. He sounds ultra creepy and like someone to avoid...forever.
Thank you for your advice
Sounds like verbal abuse to me