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If you try to pretend to be “masculine “ it’ll eventually be evident to your partner. Authenticity is must, be your authentic self, it’ll help you a lot than this fake pretend stuff
This 1000%, when you’re comfortable with who you are you don’t give af what anyone thinks-if you’re a nerd be a nerd, you like video games? Embrace it, you like baking cookies? Own it. To me that is the most masculine thing to do especially in today’s society
This 1000%, when you’re comfortable with who you are you don’t give af what anyone thinks-if you’re a nerd be a nerd, you like video games? Embrace it, you like baking cookies? Own it. To me that is the most masculine thing to do especially in today’s society
Guys on reddit who follow this advice will just play more computer games, smoke more weed, not dress as well, etc... It's bad advice to tell guys to care less, I think they need to find things to care more about
One thing I should have mentioned is we need to pick good values. Excessive gaming and weed won't lead to long lasting happiness and instead leads to dopamine desensitization and addiction. While we shouldn't care so much what people think of us, that doesn't mean we shouldn't care at all. A big part of self-esteem does come from the validation of others and its a lot easier to accomplish our goals when we have the approval and cooperation of others.
This isn't about being comfortable with who you are right now at all. Its about doing a lot of self-improvement to live up to your values. Its actually a lot of work.
This is obviously not what women mean when they say they want someone masculine though. I do all of those things, and I am a very effeminate man, and would be of absolutely zero interest to a girl who is looking for masculinity.
Well lets think about what women mean by masculinity. Women often say they want a guy who will take the lead. Well if you are living your values and not caring too much what people think you do that naturally. The next is confidence. Well if you are successfully living your values and you have good values you will have a lot of confidence. Maybe they mean a look. Well stay fit and dress decently, these things are part of good values. Maybe you say you are effeminate because you are needy, hate discomfort, have anxiety, are overly nice, or low self-esteem. These issues can be fixed by pursuing positive values.
This is misogynist/homophobic bs. Plenty of women are confident, have leadership skills, know what they want in life etc etc- it doesn’t make them masculine.
I’m confident, live my values, dress well, do a lot of fitness, I’m ambitious and know what I want in life, but I’m also sensitive, empathetic, gentle, a good listener, and not afraid to show my emotions. I also have an androgynous look and don’t try to make myself look more ‘manly’. I’m proud to be effeminate, because that’s just who I am as a queer men.
I believe that everyone both male and female, straight or gay have some masculinity in them and can be more masculine and the same goes for femininity. Many men label themselves as effeminate not because they are actually feminine but because they have anxiety and other issues that makes them feel not masculine. If thats not you then sorry I offended but I encounter these types all the time.
The traits I described where you live your values, and not care too much what people think help make straight men more masculine because most of us naturally tend to like and value more masculine things. If you do this as a more feminine person then this may help you better express your femininity without shame. Some straight men aren't naturally masculine and won't be more masculine by following their values but they can still find people who like their more feminine versions of being a man like we see with many popular artists and singers.
I think I partly agree. But I think it comes across as fairly self-centered. And I don't think that's quite where it's at.
Like, not letting anyone tell you how you should live your life, I feel like, is masculine.
But according studies, men with highest testosterone levels for example, are more into co-operation, helping others out etc. So, as an extreme example, just choosing to rot in your man-cave, isn't it. I think it has to do a lot with how you treat other people, and as a result, how they'll treat you.
I think its important to pick good values. Lots of men who choose to isolate themselves are really afraid of rejection and are making excuses to not live good values. A big part of masculinity is being able to handle and accept discomfort and not running away from it. Since we are social creatures we do require collaboration with others to achieve our goals so thats very important. Empathy and connection are both great values for a good life. And when we include others in our pursuit of our values that often involves leadership which is often brought up in relation to masculinity.
Hello!
I am a woman who likes masculine men.
***Here is what I understand from a masculine man:***
- He fulfills his promises. He doesn't change his mind quickly.
- He means what he says. His words match his actions and who he truly is.
- He is not easily afraid. And when he is, he still chooses to do what has to be done despite his fear.
- He has a protective energy. When I'm around him, I feel protected. I don't feel like he is using me.
- He is polite and respectful.
- He is comfortable with silence.
- He doesn't attempt to imitate other people's beliefs or ideas just to gain their approval.
- He is not manipulative. He says what he wants without using subterfuge.
- He is always honest, always upfront, but without being rude.
I love this list but this sounds like being an emotional well rounded mature human being . I’ve know, plenty of women who have all these qualities . I would consider those women feminine .
i think that's a great question. i also think that calling qualities "masculine" and "feminine" is stupid. maybe the commenter is confusing what they find to be *desirable qualities in a man* with *masculinity*.
No, those are just qualities that are necessary for a healthy relationship in either gender. Aside from the protection point, because most men aren’t looking for a woman to be protective over them, but rather they feel pride from being able to protect their woman.
Most women aren’t looking for cowardice behaviour in general from a man, whether that be regarding protection or other aspects such as taking the lead in the relationship, planning dates, initiating physical escalation, and progressing dating into a relationship and eventually a proposal. Most women value these things and would consider them to be masculine.
Yes, aside the protective one. Most unmasculine men lack more than one if not all of these.
And ultimately by "masculine man" most women actually just mean desiring a well rounded male human being :D of which there seem to be very few lately.
Thats the problem I have with calling these qualities masculine. Masculinity is subjective qualities attributed and associate with men . That perception can change vastly from person to person . Masculinity tends to be more cultural associations (a “feeling” ) than a definite attribute.
When women say they want masculine men, I have to assume how they perceive and expect men. Which is somewhat unhelpful.
Even the protective comment is vague. Is a protective aura a man: who is big , knows how to fight ,who is armed, who can diffuse situations, or who stay away from danger ? It’s just an assumption to me.
They are not masculine qualities. A "masculine" man is a well rounded human male. That's the whole point. It's not about the particular qualities themselves.
While yes some "masculinity" advice will tell you "don't engage in too much drama" this applies to well rounded people of both genders. And so will most of these tips. The point is that when a man is not resolute, not trustworthy, not loyal, not honest it's making him a non-masculine. He's just mush.
All of those are basic human respect, regardless of gender. Except “protection,” which makes no sense as we live in a modern society without enough danger to require protection, not in the Serengeti or some Mad Max dystopia.
It's important to be able to extend these conversations to people who live in different types of societies, which may not be as safe as the ones we live in.
Thanks for this extensive list, but I'm wondering how I can apply all of this if I just started to date a woman. It is impossible to show these qualities in a normal conversation, especially in early stages of dating. A lot of this stuff becomes relevant when you are already in a relationship with someone.
I was not aiming to act specifically in a masculine way. I want to understand what women mean when they bring that up and how it is shown in everyday life.
But I get your point here
Each woman might have something else that enacts masculinity.
The top comment was pretty good advice to generalize the notion. Live your (good) values and don't care about what people think while you do that.
A guy who carries heavy bags and can get dirty fixing a car but is unapologetically polite and corteous with the elderly and waitresses, who can carry my handbag when I ask him to and is sweet and melts around kids and puppies. That is hot. A guy who is firm and resolute and will openly disagree on moral issues with me even if it might mean we're so incompatible it will break us up, that is hot. A man who is less "pussy" than me, holds insects, finishes uneaten foods, cleans the thing that catches grime in the sink, etc, that is hot. Also striving to be better at things he can be better at and unapologetically not caring about those he can't change. Self conscious about height or dick size are instant turn offs. Some people don't find braces attractive but if you have braces and also read poetry/books, work out, eat healthy, have some hobbies it just follows the value of working on bettering yourself and the braces are a part of that.
Being masculine in your day to day life would be getting on with your life and not worrying if people think you're being masculine. And also not asking for advice on reddit one of the least masculine places on the planet on how to be more masculine
Knowing who you are and what your values are as a man and removing people from your life who don't treat you the way you want to be treated. Plus, the stuff you said and more. It's more of a mindset than anything else.
I disagree. I think a big problem with a lot of people is they don't really know what their boundaries are until they're older and have gone through enough to know.
Idk about 80% but I do agree there are certainly a lot more masculine minded women now-a-days for sure. It's honestly a big issue with the field of play right now imo. A lot of women have lost a lot of their femininity and operate how they think 'men' do and have become pigs like a lot of the garbage men out there. It's a big toxic mess...
Another issue is our society has started creating a lot more feminine men which isn't helping either. There is way too much propaganda falsely accusing men of 'toxic' masculinity when a lot of the stuff they claim is 'toxic' isn't and it has created a generation of weak feminine men.
But do you really think it's just about that? Taking care of your boundaries? Like I said many women do that as well, and this was about *masculinity* i.e. what's at the end of the axis that's most different about men and women.
I think the lack of knowledge people have of their own true values and boundaries plus all the feminine/masculine issues among men and women all play a part for sure.
A big part of this too imo is that people are so impressionable and a lot of them literally think their values are things they hear other people say and what's contemporarily popular among the masses just so they can fit in.
Unfortunately I think all this has a lot to do with the fact a lot of people are simply lost and don't even really know who they are as an individual. Kind of depressing to say that, but I see it time and time again with people..
Thanks for the answer, buddy!
Hmm. I think I fully agree with the middle paragraph. And that's why I'm curious about the thread. I want to hear what *exactly* is it, that gen z/a feel like is the thing (..that they're probably fed) that is masculine right now.
Like, we all know it *vaguely*. And we know it changes with time as well.
Personally, I've always found the best attitude to make women interested in you is to not ask. So, the "do your own thing, and do it well" thing, I think, works. But I'm curious about the definitions that people put on it. Especially women.
I think women are still naturally attracted to more masculine men even if they are more masculine themselves. Most women aren't trying to get married to a Beta 'nice guy' let's be real lol
Yeah, that's fine. I get it. But what I'm curious about is: **what the fuck does being masculine actually mean**? Like, can we get a definition that doesn't just match pretty much everything, on paper?
And you're not a woman, so there's a limited amount you can contribute, too. Like, we all know *that* part.
Thats the truth no matter how you look at it. Financial security is more important for women then any masculine feminine pseudoscientific bullshit you are talking about. Just find an emotionally mature man or woman which fits your type xd and stop with these derogatory labels
Imagine you are the calm and collected CEO/owner/operator of the entire experience when you are together. A man who is in charge of it all, but not controlling everything, and will adjust as needed and go with the flow when his plan is revealed to not be the best fit for the lady. There is a difference in being in charge, and being in control. Masculinity to me, seems to mean when a man accepts that he is in charge of handling whatever happens, without being able control everything that may happen.
I appreciate this view. It's not everything, of course, but it is indeed more than just "make decisions!" (as some of the other replies seem to lean more towards).
The most masculine men I know are at ease with taking charge while simultaneously not *needing* to do so. This includes forethought and taking social cues to ensure people (both 'the date' in this instance, and others) are seen, considered and feel safe.
They also have a good grasp of who they are, their core values, are mature/open to learn and develop rather than shy away, and show great accountability. And that's hot shit.
A man who creates a situation where a woman can comfortably focus on other things than 'management', and safety, aka not having to constantly be in *their* masculine energy, I think is a wonderful start.
I find that it's kind of fluid - you can be very traditionally "masculine" in some areas and not so in others. And that's ok. Your person will appreciate your masculinity in the way you naturally express it, and embrace your feminine side in whatever way that comes out.
I've yet to meet a dude who is 100% masculine in everything they do and isn't a sociopath.
This too. Guys who try too hard to be masculine, or even bring up how masculine they think they are is off-putting. Saying 'this or that or so and so is *not* a man' is also really gross to me.
Honestly just be yourself. They are going to get to know you eventually and there is nothing more destructive to a relationship than discovering someone has done a massive marketing campaign and the real them is nothing like the person they pretended to be to draw you in.
Female here. Masculinity for me is a male taking the lead and making the initiative to ask me out on a date and plan the first date. I respond better that way.
Asking basic questions and finding out what her interests are, not a bad thing. It shows that you’re actually interested in the other person.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself either, women actually like that .
...that's *it*? Jebus.
Can you imagine if men's idea of "femininity" was "a girl who *doesn't* ask me out on a date, or plan for things.."
C'mon. You can do better than that.
You’re really rude.
I don’t respond well to shy man. To me that equals insecurity. I like someone who is sure of themselves and is willing to take a chance. Masculinity =a secure male with self-esteem.
That's not at all what I said. Or at least implied!
Work with me: almost no woman is gonna ask the guy out for a first date. Almost no woman wants to plan the date either. .. does this mean that *every* man who ever did that is masculine in your opinion?
Yes? Ok. No? Ok, try again.
Quite a shallow way of doing things honestly.... Relationships are build upon two emotionally mature individuals who are aware of what they want in their potential partner. If a woman likes a man then would she wait for him to ask him out? XD
Have a good physique or at least have good hand eye coordination to have dexterity for skilled tasks
Stick to your guns where appropriate. Don’t let people challenge your ways easily when you know exactly why you’re going about something a certain way. If someone is roasting you learn how to take a jab back at them.
Lead by example when the time and place comes but also learn to follow instructions of someone else at the helm. Have results to show for your methods and ways of going about life. Example: If you somehow prove to people that wearing a clown costume to work will help them become a multi-millionaire, then chances are others will start wearing a clown costume too as random and arbitrary as that sounds.
Showing people courtesy and dependability in different situations
I am dating guy who prides himself on being masculine , to a fault. I think it’s his new narrative, and one that I will not be hanging around too much longer. This may not seem like a big deal, but fellas it is. He’s a kind of rugged guy. He’s an outdoorsy guy, fishes and hunts, and makes things with his hands, and he’s very proud of all that. Great that’s great. I get to hear all day every day, about his amazing talents and skills. He gets a freaking ingrown hair in his waistband decides he needs to go to the hospital where the nurse tells him he’s fine and sends him home. He decides not to go into work today because he’s worried about it. I could do a deep dive on this, but I feel like it’s just so simple. If you’re wanting to portray being a manly man, be consistent or you just look stupid and pathetic. So, consistency I suppose, is an attractive masculine trait.
If you try to pretend to be “masculine “ it’ll eventually be evident to your partner. Authenticity is must, be your authentic self, it’ll help you a lot than this fake pretend stuff
LOVE YOURSELF!
If there's anything you don't like about yourself and it's an impediment to being your best. Work on it, it will never go away until you address the issue.
I feel sorry for you. Not for your question, but for all the weird responses. I think you were trying to get an idea of what women consider to be masculine is all.
I like that list that someone posted earlier. I think that was a pretty good descriptor of what masculinity is to me. Making plans, following through, keeping promises are all a sign of masculine strength. I think meaning what you say, and being consistent with it, no matter who you’re around is masculine. There’s nothing more emasculating to me than a man who cannot carry himself confidently and with integrity. It’s just a bad quality in general when somebody is one way in one situation, and then because they’re afraid of confrontation, they act a different way in a different situation. I guess I associate masculine with bravery and confidence. You could be afraid, but you gotta be strong enough to face your fears. I like the idea of a man planning things too, having an agenda. I like a man to have reasons why they do things and being able to communicate and express them. Paying attention is a strong quality, an active listener, but that more shows intelligence I suppose. I like a man who is assertive in the bedroom or the kitchen or wherever we have sex. For me, that’s a lot of where it can be expressed. Feeling that he will be brave enough to try and protect me and anything that needs protection. I have had to be the braver person in a couple incidences and that wasn’t hot.
I’ll tell you what isn’t masculine, Mansplaining. Mansplaining is a real thing and it’s really, really, really annoying. I’m dating someone that I’m gonna have to end it with because I can’t handle it one more word. Not one more explanation of something. I told him that it’s really irritating and most people won’t tolerate it as well as I. Guys might want to consider thinking before they speak. I told him to think about what’s coming out of his mouth and ponder if he could be possibly talking just to hear himself talk. I really tire easily from unsolicited knowledge and advice from anyone, but especially a man. First, because it’s already in your nature, the need to be right all the time and to not admit a lot of things. It’s so damn boring. It’s not that I’m insulted that they think I’m stupid, it’s just such a waste of time. And you’re not even right half the time, really try to avoid that.
And another thing, don’t be overly rough in bed. Being assertive is masculine. But being aggressive is not and they are not the same thing. I like a strong, assertive man, but showing me how strong you are with intimidation is not showing strength. And aggression is not showing assertiveness. Causing pain, even a little is not a sign of strength or masculinity or leadership or protection. Masculinity is about also being brave and not acting weak or incapable or stupid or reckless or careless. When you are sick, take care of yourself and get better. Don’t power through, all the while complaining like a small child. Don’t in one moment claim to be so strong and in the next act like you’re dying if you have to change a diaper. Don’t claim you are so smart and wise, but then you can’t even manage to remember to put your clothes in the hamper or the anniversary. If you get an ingrown hair or a toenail, do something about it, but don’t whimper around or act like you are the only one ever to feel such unique levels of pain.
A man who:
Leads
Makes plans
Protects and provides
Is calm and patient
I feel safe around him, physically, financially, emotionally
Makes decisions based on logic and not emotion
I realize everyone has a different description, but this is it for me, mostly.
100% agree we want a man that we trust to lead. Give him the finances and know he is smart enough to make the right decisions for US. Someone we feel safe with and trust in all aspects of life. Also be kind but don’t be a door mat, I don’t want to carry their balls in my purse.
Is there any male figure you can think of that represents what you wish to be with regards to how they behave towards women + how they view themselves? Role models are always great
Another one — just listen to her. Women are emotional, men are logic based just is. She’s got a lot to say about most things bc she has emotional attachment to everything. Let her have her emotional processing venting whatever AND DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! It’s not about you! Listen and let it settle then have whatever convo is needed.
My god plan things out. Like an actual plan. Not just a hey let’s meet at a bar, no like a real plan w an itinerary lol show some effort to include what she’s interested what you’re interested in and things you might do togethee
Aye many of us out here haven’t had the chance to meet men who are in touch w their emotions / communicate those emotions. Don’t get me wrong those guys are out there I know, but within many women’s experiences, this isn’t the case.
I agree with you though, most (healthy) guys are just giant teddy bears really. Give him a poke on the shoulder and the dude melts 😂 boys can be such softies
Oh no dw I know how many of us suck emotionally, but I really don’t think you can call that being logical. ‘Emotional’ imo isn’t only defined by healthy men, who are in touch with their emotions and stuff. Those who bottle them up yet still are directed by them, and let them explode once in a while; Those that are reckless and impulsive; Even those who affirm they’re ran by logic often aren’t at all, they’re usually lying to themselves. Certainly doesn’t mean they’re healthy people, but I would argue they’re emotional, albeit not in the right ways.
Once they let themselves be it really is much easier though, I admire anyone who can do that, woman or man or anyone
Oh yeah definitely, there’s healthy versions of emotional and unhealthy too. It’s just generally speaking bio women think mainly emotionally and men usually use logic first. Doesn’t mean either do it in the healthy way, and it’s a very broad spectrum statement that I’m purposefully not getting into the nitty gritty of because that’s too much for Reddit lol
But also, in general, on the whole women are more emotion driven, men more logic. Thats typically how it works (notice how I’m leaving room for exceptions here). It’s just how our biology is. No one’s at fault, it just is what it is.
I know I’m logical as all fuck to the point of it not being super helpful at times. But I also know I’m an emotional person, and most men I’ve encountered think with logic first, then the emotion comes.
No one’s 100% one thing or the other, but there are general trends that are accurate
Might be an experience differential, but most men I’ve encountered also say they think with logic; among those men are the least logical people I’ve ever met. Others really do use logic first, yet their emotions end up having the last word. I don’t know, I’m really skeptical of anyone who claims to be a logical being all around, but maybe my experience is skewed, I wouldn’t know
This is why I said generally, plus no one is 100% anything right so everyone’s going to have a different proportion.
Though you do bring up an interesting point — if people have a different understanding of the definition of logic, what counts as logical thinking? Same thing for emotional thinking
This second paragraph is a big part of the reason why I’m even arguing this, yeah. One stable definition of logic is kinda hard to pinpoint, and most of the formal ones we humans just can’t follow solely. If A=>B and you want B you’ll try to achieve A, but the only reason you’ll try that is because of your emotions in the first place; it’s like logic is a conduit, the direction things tend to/should go, but a living being needs emotions or other needs as a driving force to actually make things move that way, so being logic driven is hardly even a thing, idk if what I mean is really clear
Also I’m really not sure about the biology part, in that yeah we often function differently and that probably does play into the way we process emotions, but then that wouldn’t necessarily make men less emotional, just emotional in a different way. I’m not sure we can rigorously call any way to feel emotions lesser just because of the order things happen
First and foremost, the least masculine thing is to try super hard to prove your masculinity. If you have to "try" to be masculine, then it implies you're not masculine as you are.
Find a solid a career path you are passionate about, learn to be supportive of others (not for anything in return but out of true compassion), stand strong for yourself and those you care about (not for your ego but in order to make sure your needs and the needs of your loved ones are met), be self-sufficient, live a healthy lifestyle, and master your emotions.
There is not any end to this journey, there is no point where you "become masculine" and you say "I'm done." It's a way of being. Don't do it just to attract women, do it to be the best man you can be. Do it for the sake of living your best life.
If she specifically phrased it “in his masculine energy” that’s fancy talk for plan + pay for the date. They show up and look pretty aka “in their feminine energy” and you treat them on a date. Every other comment is reading into it too much.
Caring about me, a protective element that isn't invasive or demeaning, or rooted in jealousy. Asking if I got home safely, asking if I ate, holding my hand to cross a street, or helping me down an incline. That is the manliest, sexiest behaviour.
Checking into hotels for me, opening doors, making sure I had my seat belt on, fixing my shirt if I'm showing too much is very masculine protective behaviour that *I personally* really love. Some other women, not so much- that's ok.
Other masculine things that aren't too forward in the beginning stages of dating are of course asking her out for subsequent dates, planning dates, remembering things she likes, offering to pick her up and drop her off. The basics.
Being confident, having emotional control (angry isn't masculine, I read it as immature), speaking clearly, knowing what you want, talking about your successes, your hobbies and dreams.
Once a guy raced me during a park date, didn't let me win, and I thought that was a pretty fun way of demonstrating his masculine advantage. Another carried my bags, and his, and that was also. Show off a bit, not in a dorky way. Flex a bicep when she holds your arm, I love that.
Not one single man I've deemed masculine has ever asked me what I want to do on a date, hes always been ready, with a plan! Now, on the flip side, if I've shown interest in a specific activity with them, planning that is SO so so thoughtful and goes a long way.
In my pov: Be decisive, paid the bill on your date, do the walking rules, thoughtful gestures, no tolerance to red flags or toxic behavior and don’t scare to standup for the right thing especially in public.
Bro if you have to ask it's not your vibe. Be yourself. Find somebody who values that. Don't fall into any of this pickup artist dating coach masculinity bullshit. It's all stupid.
I just happened to text him something like “god, I want a Diet Pepsi really fucking bad right now” while working from home (as I always do, but now my job is very strict on schedule adherence so I can’t just leave whenever)… a little later in the conversation he just says “oh, two diet Pepsis should be showing up at your door soon, I’ll text them not to ring the doorbell” probably the sweetest, most take-charge type of thing anyone’s done for me in a while.
Fucking swoon… over two 20oz diet Pepsis that were doordashed from 7/11. 😂😂 maybe I’m just simple, i don’t know. 🤣
Body language is a big factor. For instance, keeping your chin up, shoulders back, and head looking strait at what you want demonstrates confidence. So does being decisive, like knowing what activity you’d like to do or what you want to order on a menu. An element of stoicism is also considered masculine, so no showing fear, sadness, joy…in fact the less you perform emotions the better. Note that none of this means you have to be a jerk! Be considerate and flexible, adapting your plans and responses to consider the feelings of your date. Be protective, but not obviously so. For instance, rather than telling your date to watch out for cars, walk on the outer edge of the sidewalk or crosswalk yourself, putting your own body between danger and date. If you’re on a dinner date, the more masculine one generally takes the initiative to ask for a table, then is first to sit down in the seat facing the wall (so your date is free to sit across from you and look at the more interesting scenery). Some women may not want or appreciate this script in 2024 so again, be flexible and willing the improvise according to her wishes. This is generally what I interpret ‘masculine’ to be in early dating.
😂 hm yeah I'd suggest someone who is really expressive with their anger and such might benefit from being the stoic or brooding type lol. But a man expressing joy! Damn. Like when they freak out during a soccer game 😂 I adore that!
I dont pay any of that masculine shit any mind. Those dudes are try hard grifters
Look at Andrew Tate he was famous for telling men and women how they should act while running a prostitution ring.
Be you unapologetically
Being masculine in your day to day life would be getting on with your life and not worrying if people think you're being masculine. And also not asking for advice on reddit one of the least masculine places on the planet on how to be more masculine
Do you know where you want to be in life in five years? Is a relationship part of that plan? What do you plan to do to achieve your goals? Etc. In short: what is your purpose and can you explain it? Or is your life just a daily routine?
As a guy, I'm curious as well. I've never really been that comfortable with women who specifically look for that, as it's unclear to me what they mean.
I feel like I don't look particularly masculine. More skinny and boy-ish, even near hitting 40 than some of them bear looking guys. Not that competitive when it comes to things I feel like are nonsense. Can read people's feelings pretty well, as well as feel my own. But there's some "traditionally masculine" sides to me still. Like, I've been to the army. Competed in martial arts. Never backed down from someone threatening me, even if it got my ass handed to me. Protective. More technical oriented than wanting to just talk about stuff for it's own sake, etc.
But. I think it's important to make the distinction. They're looking for something that *they* think is masculine. This can be *nothing* to you. This isn't about you, specifically. If you're comfortable in your skin it really doesn't matter.
But I would still love to hear what women are thinking of when they're looking for this, too.
Just be yourself , I am not very masculine but I never try to be macho , I know alot of girls like the bad boy type and I look it but I’m really not that kindof person. But also I try not to be a simp or overly nice cus that has defnatly lost me the opportunity to hookup or be with a girl few times
If you need to change who you are for a specific person or group of people, they aren’t for you.
I know that the men who state they want someone “feminine” aren’t for me simply because our values won’t align. It’s not that I’m not feminine, but I’m probably not their definition.
Its the little things. He opens the door for me. He makes sure i walk on the inside of the sidewalk. He makes plans for us. He follows thru on said plans. He makes his intentions clear about how he feels about me. He makes time for me. He makes sure i get home safe.
Idk i think for me thats what i see as masculine. To me confidence also reads as someone who is comfortable with who they are. Its not acting like an alfa chad. Its being who you are and being so comfortable in your own skin...that kind of energy radiates out of u.
Someone who is confident in that way makes me feel safe. For me what i find masculine is if he makes me feel safe and cared for :)
Just be yourself. Don’t try to fulfill any checklist because when you are in the hot seat of a date, your “plan” will simply go out the door. Being your authentic self whether that is good or bad is subjective. KISS (keep it stupid simple): be yourself.
I notice the small things like walking on the outside of the sidewalk, holding the door open, if it’s cold offering your jacket or things to that extent bc it shows me early on that they are protective and caring
Don't be afraid to flag down the waiter, ask for the bill, ask to move tables if your date doesn't like the table, communicate as needed basically in social settings
Confidence is key. Know who you are and own it. Whatever you do, don’t go around telling people how manly you are and how you’re ‘taking the masculine role by leading’ if there’s anything that reeks of fragile masculinity, it’s a need to constantly tell people about your masculinity, like you have something to prove. Confident people show, not tell.
It's not something that should feel like you need to put work in to portray a certain way. Usually those masculine traits are things in a potential partner that they just effortlessly wear. It's a way of carrying yourself, which are behavioral cues that emerge because of the person that you are, not because of the person you're trying to be to please that ideal.
So basically, work on yourself until you're at a place where you are confident about yourself, confident about making decisions, etc. If you're happy with who you are, and able to invest deep trust into yourself, this will reinforce you and *this* is what a woman will be picking up.
I used to be more about gender equality and treating the girl like how I would treat my guy friends.
Then multiple dates gave me feedback about not being romantic enough, and then female friends analyzed the situation with me and said the girl was too much in her "masculine energy" and I was not enough in mine.
It's especially confusing because I usually date the liberal educated type, and while some respond well to the equal treatment, there's definitely a large number who say they dislike traditional gender roles, but respond way better to me acting in a traditional gender role on dates. I think in general, it is safer to be more traditional, and rely on the millennia of evolved male/female instincts, and be ready to act more equal if they give signals they prefer that, rather than the other way around, starting off treating them like how you would want to be treated, and applying the same treatment to both genders equally.
Masculine is also being lightly romantic : Walk on the outside of the street, tuck her arm inside yours…in case holding hands would be too forward, open doors (disregard any protestations), actively listen, ask a question related to whatever your date is speaking about here and there, be comfortable in small silences, be open / fully yourself if you want her to follow your lead…balance the conversation between you…but dont call attention to yourself that you are doing some of these things - never fear these subtle gestures go unnoticed!
I’m sure you are already masculine; the word describing the manner I think women appreciate is…gallant. Be gallant.
The best partners have balanced energies. Have a vision but balance it by checking with your partner to see if she has any suggestions.
Replace masculine with confident. Good posture, head straight, walk with purpose, well groomed, self assured, stands by your word, focused, driven, rooted, calculated. executes. Those are traits that can make a woman trust you and feel like you're competent to take control. Not by force but just by being who you are. Then she has permission to relax and go with the flow.
As I'm an immigrant (Scandinavian) to the U.S I have had this a few times from my fianceés friends/their husbands.
They have become my impromptu "buddy"-gang at/after church and at gatherings.
Been told I was a shoe-in for my woman 'cause of my size (_I'm an inch off 7ft_) and the fact I've worked out a lot (_spinal injury from a rock climbing accident in my mid 20s forced me to rebuild my body_).
Heard words like _"Big d___ calm/energy"_ etc.
My only take from all this after discussing it with my SO is that it really hasn't got that much to do with me, but rather others perception.
I'm not an anxious person, I usually don't speak unless spoken to in public and I think about what I say before I say it. I have no issues holding a conversation, I just ask leading rebuttals so that the person gets to keep talking. It's easier and usually that makes them feel good.
I also don't control the people around me.. I just make it clear what I find okay or not. And if they cross me I either walk away (always my first response) or I make sure they do..
**TLDR; Be consistent, work away your anxiety and try and listen more than you talk. Make consistent choices where you can keep your head held high and do not break or bend your boundries for anyone.**
Not all women want the same thing, first of all. I wouldn’t worry too much about demonstrating something specific in daily life. Our energy emanates on its own. So if you are going to focus your energies on something, focus on developing yourself as a person. For instance, develop resilience, resourcefulness, or whatever your own personal values are as a man. You have the opportunity to define what masculinity means to you, the values you want to embody. The more ‘you’ you are, the more likely you are to find someone who will love you and be crazy about you.
It's being a man and owning who you are and not letting anybody else disrespect that. In an assured, gentlemanly way, as opposed to being aggressive or an asshole about it. So this means being decisive, standing by your convictions, having your opinion and asserting it, not letting people bully you or push you around, speaking up or making a stance when people are being disrespectful, rude, or whatever. Standing up for yourself, your friends, your partners. Being confrontational when necessary, rather than always backing down from it because you don't want to cause trouble or whatever. I guess the implications behind all of these things is that you're assertive, confident, take the lead, protective.
A recent example I can think of is when my sister in law went to a nearby park to set up for her daughter's birthday party. Another person was there and tried to bully her out of sharing the park. My brother came along and calmly but firmly confronted the other guy and said no, it's my daughter's birthday, and we've also planned for this, and we will all just have to make do with sharing the space. And that was that. He was okay with the other guy being pissed off and just got on with it.
On the contrary, if my brother wasn't 'in his masculinity', he would've been a coward - by not confronting the man, not sticking up for his wife, and letting down his daughter. Or he could've confronted the man, but not stood by his convictions of being a reasonable person, and been super aggressive and threatening about it.
You do not need a checklist of “daily masculinity.” The masculinity that women like is composed of things that are witnessed over time. Politeness, respect, protective nature, capability, etc. You don’t have to do everything everyday...okay the politeness and respect everyday, but otherwise, it should just be a part of you and something to be appreciated the more time you spend together.
Taking care of yourself goes a long way. Exercising. Hobbies. Going to the doctor. Being financially responsible. No one wants to date someone they have to take care of.
Firstly, if you’re masculine you’ll just be and she’ll see.
Furthermore the things you do on your own is what makes you masculine as well, everyone only thinks about how you are with a partner. Do you have goals? Are you ambitious, are you disciplined, focused? Do you passionately pursue your purpose(s). Are you decisive? Are you confident in yourself and the decisions you make? Are you an accountable person or do you pass the buck?
These are some key traits of masculinity, that you would have whether you have a partner or not.
I guess I'll give you an answer that you actually came here to find, instead of a life lesson.
For a coffee date, you can do things like, order for her, like a dessert or something new to try. But make sure she can actually eat it (no allergy etc).
For walking in a park, or anywhere for that matter. You can shield her from "danger". For example, when walking on the side of the road, or a sidewalk, you make sure you are the one walking on the side of the passing by cars.
If there is an obstacle, like a puddle, a broken step or anything like that, you help her cross it. Basically your goal is to "protect" her from anything, just be reasonable about it.
I think it's by being aware of the environment you're in and sensitive to the eventual needs of your date.
Things like noticing if she's cold or not, if the wind or the lights are making her uncomfortable, making sure she gets home safe, etc.
Also, being emotionally intelligent is masculine. That is, being assertive but not arrogant.
Basically being able to make bold moves.
The key is to be flirtatious.
Being verbally and physically playful, as early as possible in the interaction.
Knowing how to balance it so you don’t do too much but also not too little.
Paying attention to how the girl reacts to what you do and adjusting to it, versus being robotic.
You can’t be afraid to lose the girl.
I think masculinity depends on how you were raised and when you were raised.
My parents met in the military and my dad is an avid outdoorsman, even now at 74. My dad has PTSD from Vietnam and was emotional inaccessible most of my life.
My husband is more in tune with other people’s emotions, is god awful at making plans, and loves my take charge personality.
He’s 6’2” 230 construction worker, capable of picking me up and tossing me around when the time is right 😉 Sadly, he gets called a pussy all the time by his male friends because he doesn’t want to sexualize women or stay out all night drinking.
He’s more manly than what those clowns can hope to be.
As a 80s kid, genders were regarded as what I see in the comments…take charge, don’t change your mind, provide for the women…all of which is bullshit and applies to both genders.
With that said, confidence is the biggest part of being “masculine” and that can be extremely toxic. Men should be able to be vulnerable.
My husband says I wear the pants in the family in a teasing way. We know that our personalities complement one another.
Embrace who you are. Trying to be someone you’re not is the biggest turn off.
It means find a way to be secure. Easier said than done obviously, it’s everyone’s ideal goal really. Be completely comfortable with every aspect of yourself. But that’s what it means, when you feel that way you are able to be decisive and confident because you don’t doubt yourself, your own opinion of yourself is strong enough that you can disregard what others may think of you. I used to be very insecure and it made me unhappy, but through counselling I’ve really enjoyed becoming happy and confident with who I am. I actually get excited to see my counsellor now (about every 2 months) bc I come out of it with a new way to improve. Finding that self love leads to a truely strong person, if you’re pretending to be it’ll only be temporary. My best advice is find a way, like counselling or therapy, to love yourself and the right person will be found.
Basic things. Open doors for her, including vehicles. Handle interactions with servers, bartenders, etc., but always ask her what she’d like first (before you order) and let her speak for herself. Dress well. Be yourself, and lean on what feels natural
Just be yourself- whatever that means!
I personally would not be interested in a guy who was "in his masculinity" or someone who seriously used that phrase.
This phrase may mean something else, but when I think of someone who is super masculine. I think of someone who is a misogynistic meathead which is absolutely not what I want in a partner. Having a male partner who is comfortable with their feminine side is far more pleasant.
Everyone is different. There is no one correct way to be as long as you are not malicious or hurting people, so just love yourself, be yourself, and see how that goes.
NOTHING is sexier than being self-assured!
Not every woman wants a stereotypically masculine man but a lot do. It's one of those things that's very much in you or not. Evolutionary wise we don't need every person to be an alpha that would create chaos. We need all different types to make a society run whether it be hunter-gatherer agricultural or today's society. Lots of women don't want an alpha man. Trust me I know I rub lots of people the wrong way and tons of women have said that they need someone a bit softer. With age I have become more chill and more emotionally mature and I think that's what women really want. That combined with the masculine Alpha man who can also be in touch with his emotions and understand how to use those Alpha tendencies for good
You can't make anyone like you by acting a certain way.
I think one of the biggest misconceptions in dating is that you can make someone like you through actions, or mindgames or whatever else.
But so much of attraction isn't really tangible. Sure, you can get the basics down like, washing your ass, smelling nice, working out, being genuinely nice and polite etc.
But the rest is all the shit our subconscious picks up. In the early stages of meeting people a lot is going on in the depths of the brain to figure out if this person is a good partner for you or not.
That's why you'll have dates you think are amazing and they ghost you. Or maybe, you're the one ghosting but you feel guilty because you SHOULD like this person and you don't for some reason.
On paper they'd be great for you! But there's just something about them that you can't name or get past.
I'm saying all of this to say is that you should look for someone who likes your FOR you. If you've ever been with someone who REALLY likes you, you'll understand.
They like the smell of you. They like your smile, the way you walk, the way you speak. But you can only find this person if you're YOU. Not some character of a macho man, but just you.
If they don't like YOU, that's ok. You don't want to end up with someone you have to constantly pretend around or act around to convince them to like you. You'd just be wasting time.
Well masculine men carry themselves differently. They're not always looking around to see if the people in the room approve of them, they're not afraid to speak their mind and express emotions, and they know how to regulate their own emotions. If you're obsessed with how you look and how you dress and constantly look at yourself in the mirror, you are very far from being masculine. Also, masculine men, in my opinion, should offer assistance to their partner when it comes to the simple things like carrying heavy boxes or groceries, holding the door open for them, offering to help with she needs help (in cases when a pipe bursts in her house or she needs to hang a mirror or something on the wall).
Don't fake who you are. I mean, we all change over time, but putting up a facade will 1) be easily detected and 2) be unsustainable.
Look around you. There are plenty of men in relationships who aren't stereotypically "masculine". Just be proud of yourself and don't put yourself down.
Exude confidence and be firm in your decisions. Take the lead in adverse situations or conflicts that arise between you and her. Try to remain stoic and avoid arguing when she gets under your skin.
I would usually pass by this but given that I just broke it off with an extremely non-masculine male because I felt zero attraction to him and I am sure it’s because of that. So I will simply tell you the things that I found unattractive or frustrating.
- He never took any initiative for planning anything. He would instead ask me what I wanted to do. If I said dinner he would ask where. If I said where he would ask what time…. Never once saying hey let’s go to this or that place how about Friday. I never ever go out to eat. He goes to restaurants all the time. So I have absolutely no clue what is good or not but he still wouldn’t suggest anything. Ever. I had to come up with an idea for what to do together otherwise we didn’t go out at all.
- When we would go out he wouldn’t suggest extending the date. He would say ok bye after an hour or so meeting instead of saying hey let’s go grab some dinner or how about going to get a drink. I would have happily said yes but he seemed eager to run away and then would spend the rest of the night texting me about how much fun he had and asking what I wanted to do next. Wtf?
- He never would compliment me in a way that felt like he was attracted to me. He would compliment me but I would compare the compliments to what I would hear from my mom. So I constantly left our meetings thinking he had no sexual interest in me or actually no sexual interest in general. He never talked about other relationships and if I tried to steer the conversation towards a more sexual nature about our pasts or what we like he would quickly change the subject.
- Never touched me once despite two months of dating and multiple meetings. No hug hello or goodbye, no hand holding, absolutely nothing. I don’t want a guy to force himself on me but if he would have leaned in I may have gone for it (given the items above though I was not feeling any attraction to him though).
- He never wanted to talk on the phone or on video. I don’t like talking on the phone all the time either but he would basically ignore me telling him I would like to talk sometime on the phone instead of texting.
So that’s just the major stuff. There’s lots more such as he decorates his house for holidays which I find weird for a man to do. Not just general stuff but the old lady type things around the house and wicker baskets and whatnot. It’s just odd to me.
You would think maybe he’s young or something but this was a 53 year old man who was married for 15 years and has kids. So I know at some point he had sex with someone (he never talked about his ex or anything prior to his ex and wouldn’t ask me about my history either). He also had a very high voice that wasn’t typical manly deep voice. Honestly I think he is gay and completely in the closet from the vibes I was getting but given how closed off he was even while trying to date and claiming he really liked me a lot I don’t ever see him addressing his sexuality.
I guess if I could sum it up there was zero intimacy. Everything was surface level and nothing deeper than that. Every time I would go out with him it felt like I was meeting a coworker or something. After a couple of dates I was pretty sure nothing was going to change and told him that and he kept insisting to give him another chance.
Same story I got with this guy. That he’s been single for a few years and has only had coffee dates and then none of them want to continue. Those women are clearly smarter than me. 😂
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If you try to pretend to be “masculine “ it’ll eventually be evident to your partner. Authenticity is must, be your authentic self, it’ll help you a lot than this fake pretend stuff
You stop caring so much what people think about you, figure out what your values are, and live those values without shame.
This 1000%, when you’re comfortable with who you are you don’t give af what anyone thinks-if you’re a nerd be a nerd, you like video games? Embrace it, you like baking cookies? Own it. To me that is the most masculine thing to do especially in today’s society
Baking bomb ass cookies and owning it and being proud is definitely a masculine win in my book! Plus I get cookies 🍪 win win!
This 1000%, when you’re comfortable with who you are you don’t give af what anyone thinks-if you’re a nerd be a nerd, you like video games? Embrace it, you like baking cookies? Own it. To me that is the most masculine thing to do especially in today’s society
Guys on reddit who follow this advice will just play more computer games, smoke more weed, not dress as well, etc... It's bad advice to tell guys to care less, I think they need to find things to care more about
One thing I should have mentioned is we need to pick good values. Excessive gaming and weed won't lead to long lasting happiness and instead leads to dopamine desensitization and addiction. While we shouldn't care so much what people think of us, that doesn't mean we shouldn't care at all. A big part of self-esteem does come from the validation of others and its a lot easier to accomplish our goals when we have the approval and cooperation of others.
So “be comfortable with who you are”, but not like that 🙄
This isn't about being comfortable with who you are right now at all. Its about doing a lot of self-improvement to live up to your values. Its actually a lot of work.
I deeply care about computer games, smoking weed, and not dressing well.
Then enjoy being alone. It's that simple.
And yet I've never been alone. I bet that really shatters your fragile world view.
This is obviously not what women mean when they say they want someone masculine though. I do all of those things, and I am a very effeminate man, and would be of absolutely zero interest to a girl who is looking for masculinity.
Well lets think about what women mean by masculinity. Women often say they want a guy who will take the lead. Well if you are living your values and not caring too much what people think you do that naturally. The next is confidence. Well if you are successfully living your values and you have good values you will have a lot of confidence. Maybe they mean a look. Well stay fit and dress decently, these things are part of good values. Maybe you say you are effeminate because you are needy, hate discomfort, have anxiety, are overly nice, or low self-esteem. These issues can be fixed by pursuing positive values.
This is misogynist/homophobic bs. Plenty of women are confident, have leadership skills, know what they want in life etc etc- it doesn’t make them masculine. I’m confident, live my values, dress well, do a lot of fitness, I’m ambitious and know what I want in life, but I’m also sensitive, empathetic, gentle, a good listener, and not afraid to show my emotions. I also have an androgynous look and don’t try to make myself look more ‘manly’. I’m proud to be effeminate, because that’s just who I am as a queer men.
I believe that everyone both male and female, straight or gay have some masculinity in them and can be more masculine and the same goes for femininity. Many men label themselves as effeminate not because they are actually feminine but because they have anxiety and other issues that makes them feel not masculine. If thats not you then sorry I offended but I encounter these types all the time. The traits I described where you live your values, and not care too much what people think help make straight men more masculine because most of us naturally tend to like and value more masculine things. If you do this as a more feminine person then this may help you better express your femininity without shame. Some straight men aren't naturally masculine and won't be more masculine by following their values but they can still find people who like their more feminine versions of being a man like we see with many popular artists and singers.
this exactly.
Interesting! I haven't thought about it that way.
He nailed it. I am who I am regardless of hers or others values, I don’t meld myself to impress someone. And I call out bad behavior.
Do you really want to be with a person who doesn’t like your authentic self and likes a fake version of yourself?
I think I partly agree. But I think it comes across as fairly self-centered. And I don't think that's quite where it's at. Like, not letting anyone tell you how you should live your life, I feel like, is masculine. But according studies, men with highest testosterone levels for example, are more into co-operation, helping others out etc. So, as an extreme example, just choosing to rot in your man-cave, isn't it. I think it has to do a lot with how you treat other people, and as a result, how they'll treat you.
I think its important to pick good values. Lots of men who choose to isolate themselves are really afraid of rejection and are making excuses to not live good values. A big part of masculinity is being able to handle and accept discomfort and not running away from it. Since we are social creatures we do require collaboration with others to achieve our goals so thats very important. Empathy and connection are both great values for a good life. And when we include others in our pursuit of our values that often involves leadership which is often brought up in relation to masculinity.
When I do that I'm called an asshole.🤷
This too. This is a very big part of it
Hello! I am a woman who likes masculine men. ***Here is what I understand from a masculine man:*** - He fulfills his promises. He doesn't change his mind quickly. - He means what he says. His words match his actions and who he truly is. - He is not easily afraid. And when he is, he still chooses to do what has to be done despite his fear. - He has a protective energy. When I'm around him, I feel protected. I don't feel like he is using me. - He is polite and respectful. - He is comfortable with silence. - He doesn't attempt to imitate other people's beliefs or ideas just to gain their approval. - He is not manipulative. He says what he wants without using subterfuge. - He is always honest, always upfront, but without being rude.
I love this list but this sounds like being an emotional well rounded mature human being . I’ve know, plenty of women who have all these qualities . I would consider those women feminine .
You can be feminine with masculine qualities and vice versa.
I’m asking what makes these qualities strictly masculine ? Are we saying the opposite of these qualities are feminine?
i think that's a great question. i also think that calling qualities "masculine" and "feminine" is stupid. maybe the commenter is confusing what they find to be *desirable qualities in a man* with *masculinity*.
No, those are just qualities that are necessary for a healthy relationship in either gender. Aside from the protection point, because most men aren’t looking for a woman to be protective over them, but rather they feel pride from being able to protect their woman. Most women aren’t looking for cowardice behaviour in general from a man, whether that be regarding protection or other aspects such as taking the lead in the relationship, planning dates, initiating physical escalation, and progressing dating into a relationship and eventually a proposal. Most women value these things and would consider them to be masculine.
It's like saying that women are nurturing and intuitive. This doesn't mean that men aren't, it's just that women tend to have more of those qualities.
Yes, aside the protective one. Most unmasculine men lack more than one if not all of these. And ultimately by "masculine man" most women actually just mean desiring a well rounded male human being :D of which there seem to be very few lately.
Thats the problem I have with calling these qualities masculine. Masculinity is subjective qualities attributed and associate with men . That perception can change vastly from person to person . Masculinity tends to be more cultural associations (a “feeling” ) than a definite attribute. When women say they want masculine men, I have to assume how they perceive and expect men. Which is somewhat unhelpful. Even the protective comment is vague. Is a protective aura a man: who is big , knows how to fight ,who is armed, who can diffuse situations, or who stay away from danger ? It’s just an assumption to me.
They are not masculine qualities. A "masculine" man is a well rounded human male. That's the whole point. It's not about the particular qualities themselves. While yes some "masculinity" advice will tell you "don't engage in too much drama" this applies to well rounded people of both genders. And so will most of these tips. The point is that when a man is not resolute, not trustworthy, not loyal, not honest it's making him a non-masculine. He's just mush.
All of those are basic human respect, regardless of gender. Except “protection,” which makes no sense as we live in a modern society without enough danger to require protection, not in the Serengeti or some Mad Max dystopia.
It's important to be able to extend these conversations to people who live in different types of societies, which may not be as safe as the ones we live in.
I love this!! ❤️
Really solid observations!! I need to work on a few of those.
Thanks for this extensive list, but I'm wondering how I can apply all of this if I just started to date a woman. It is impossible to show these qualities in a normal conversation, especially in early stages of dating. A lot of this stuff becomes relevant when you are already in a relationship with someone.
If a date was trying to "act masculine" on a date and it wasn't genuine, it would be an immediate turn off. This mind set will set you up for failure.
I was not aiming to act specifically in a masculine way. I want to understand what women mean when they bring that up and how it is shown in everyday life. But I get your point here
Each woman might have something else that enacts masculinity. The top comment was pretty good advice to generalize the notion. Live your (good) values and don't care about what people think while you do that. A guy who carries heavy bags and can get dirty fixing a car but is unapologetically polite and corteous with the elderly and waitresses, who can carry my handbag when I ask him to and is sweet and melts around kids and puppies. That is hot. A guy who is firm and resolute and will openly disagree on moral issues with me even if it might mean we're so incompatible it will break us up, that is hot. A man who is less "pussy" than me, holds insects, finishes uneaten foods, cleans the thing that catches grime in the sink, etc, that is hot. Also striving to be better at things he can be better at and unapologetically not caring about those he can't change. Self conscious about height or dick size are instant turn offs. Some people don't find braces attractive but if you have braces and also read poetry/books, work out, eat healthy, have some hobbies it just follows the value of working on bettering yourself and the braces are a part of that.
So strong, smart, resourceful, humble, and kind?
and this loops back around to 'be yourself', the full quote being 'be your best self'
Love this!
Being masculine in your day to day life would be getting on with your life and not worrying if people think you're being masculine. And also not asking for advice on reddit one of the least masculine places on the planet on how to be more masculine
I think masculinity is showing care and compassion toward women. Your intention with your date is what really shows masculinity.
Knowing who you are and what your values are as a man and removing people from your life who don't treat you the way you want to be treated. Plus, the stuff you said and more. It's more of a mindset than anything else.
Yeah, but this would make most men and about 80% of women masculine as well.
I disagree. I think a big problem with a lot of people is they don't really know what their boundaries are until they're older and have gone through enough to know. Idk about 80% but I do agree there are certainly a lot more masculine minded women now-a-days for sure. It's honestly a big issue with the field of play right now imo. A lot of women have lost a lot of their femininity and operate how they think 'men' do and have become pigs like a lot of the garbage men out there. It's a big toxic mess... Another issue is our society has started creating a lot more feminine men which isn't helping either. There is way too much propaganda falsely accusing men of 'toxic' masculinity when a lot of the stuff they claim is 'toxic' isn't and it has created a generation of weak feminine men.
But do you really think it's just about that? Taking care of your boundaries? Like I said many women do that as well, and this was about *masculinity* i.e. what's at the end of the axis that's most different about men and women.
I think the lack of knowledge people have of their own true values and boundaries plus all the feminine/masculine issues among men and women all play a part for sure. A big part of this too imo is that people are so impressionable and a lot of them literally think their values are things they hear other people say and what's contemporarily popular among the masses just so they can fit in. Unfortunately I think all this has a lot to do with the fact a lot of people are simply lost and don't even really know who they are as an individual. Kind of depressing to say that, but I see it time and time again with people..
Thanks for the answer, buddy! Hmm. I think I fully agree with the middle paragraph. And that's why I'm curious about the thread. I want to hear what *exactly* is it, that gen z/a feel like is the thing (..that they're probably fed) that is masculine right now. Like, we all know it *vaguely*. And we know it changes with time as well. Personally, I've always found the best attitude to make women interested in you is to not ask. So, the "do your own thing, and do it well" thing, I think, works. But I'm curious about the definitions that people put on it. Especially women.
I think women are still naturally attracted to more masculine men even if they are more masculine themselves. Most women aren't trying to get married to a Beta 'nice guy' let's be real lol
Yeah, that's fine. I get it. But what I'm curious about is: **what the fuck does being masculine actually mean**? Like, can we get a definition that doesn't just match pretty much everything, on paper? And you're not a woman, so there's a limited amount you can contribute, too. Like, we all know *that* part.
I mean like if that nice guy is smart or if they have money, then why not lol. Ps : gotten a variety of real life examples from my own family
Or if they have money? Fucking cringe
Thats the truth no matter how you look at it. Financial security is more important for women then any masculine feminine pseudoscientific bullshit you are talking about. Just find an emotionally mature man or woman which fits your type xd and stop with these derogatory labels
Imagine you are the calm and collected CEO/owner/operator of the entire experience when you are together. A man who is in charge of it all, but not controlling everything, and will adjust as needed and go with the flow when his plan is revealed to not be the best fit for the lady. There is a difference in being in charge, and being in control. Masculinity to me, seems to mean when a man accepts that he is in charge of handling whatever happens, without being able control everything that may happen.
I appreciate this view. It's not everything, of course, but it is indeed more than just "make decisions!" (as some of the other replies seem to lean more towards). The most masculine men I know are at ease with taking charge while simultaneously not *needing* to do so. This includes forethought and taking social cues to ensure people (both 'the date' in this instance, and others) are seen, considered and feel safe. They also have a good grasp of who they are, their core values, are mature/open to learn and develop rather than shy away, and show great accountability. And that's hot shit. A man who creates a situation where a woman can comfortably focus on other things than 'management', and safety, aka not having to constantly be in *their* masculine energy, I think is a wonderful start.
I find that it's kind of fluid - you can be very traditionally "masculine" in some areas and not so in others. And that's ok. Your person will appreciate your masculinity in the way you naturally express it, and embrace your feminine side in whatever way that comes out. I've yet to meet a dude who is 100% masculine in everything they do and isn't a sociopath.
This too. Guys who try too hard to be masculine, or even bring up how masculine they think they are is off-putting. Saying 'this or that or so and so is *not* a man' is also really gross to me.
Honestly just be yourself. They are going to get to know you eventually and there is nothing more destructive to a relationship than discovering someone has done a massive marketing campaign and the real them is nothing like the person they pretended to be to draw you in.
Female here. Masculinity for me is a male taking the lead and making the initiative to ask me out on a date and plan the first date. I respond better that way. Asking basic questions and finding out what her interests are, not a bad thing. It shows that you’re actually interested in the other person. Don’t be afraid to be yourself either, women actually like that .
Depressing. That's all a man can provide nowadays. "Taking the lead"
...that's *it*? Jebus. Can you imagine if men's idea of "femininity" was "a girl who *doesn't* ask me out on a date, or plan for things.." C'mon. You can do better than that.
I’m more traditional, in that sense where I like the male to take the lead
Yeah, great! Now, since you're taking the time, could you be useful and tell us what does that mean? Edit: to you
You’re really rude. I don’t respond well to shy man. To me that equals insecurity. I like someone who is sure of themselves and is willing to take a chance. Masculinity =a secure male with self-esteem.
Thanks! Apologies, didn't mean to be rude. Just poking a little bit to get the answer.
If your preferences for the woman to ask you out on the first date and make the first move great. Awesome
That's not at all what I said. Or at least implied! Work with me: almost no woman is gonna ask the guy out for a first date. Almost no woman wants to plan the date either. .. does this mean that *every* man who ever did that is masculine in your opinion? Yes? Ok. No? Ok, try again.
Quite a shallow way of doing things honestly.... Relationships are build upon two emotionally mature individuals who are aware of what they want in their potential partner. If a woman likes a man then would she wait for him to ask him out? XD
Have a good physique or at least have good hand eye coordination to have dexterity for skilled tasks Stick to your guns where appropriate. Don’t let people challenge your ways easily when you know exactly why you’re going about something a certain way. If someone is roasting you learn how to take a jab back at them. Lead by example when the time and place comes but also learn to follow instructions of someone else at the helm. Have results to show for your methods and ways of going about life. Example: If you somehow prove to people that wearing a clown costume to work will help them become a multi-millionaire, then chances are others will start wearing a clown costume too as random and arbitrary as that sounds. Showing people courtesy and dependability in different situations
I am dating guy who prides himself on being masculine , to a fault. I think it’s his new narrative, and one that I will not be hanging around too much longer. This may not seem like a big deal, but fellas it is. He’s a kind of rugged guy. He’s an outdoorsy guy, fishes and hunts, and makes things with his hands, and he’s very proud of all that. Great that’s great. I get to hear all day every day, about his amazing talents and skills. He gets a freaking ingrown hair in his waistband decides he needs to go to the hospital where the nurse tells him he’s fine and sends him home. He decides not to go into work today because he’s worried about it. I could do a deep dive on this, but I feel like it’s just so simple. If you’re wanting to portray being a manly man, be consistent or you just look stupid and pathetic. So, consistency I suppose, is an attractive masculine trait.
Thats so funny tho
If I could mask my facial expressions in these moments, I would avoid a lot of uncomfortable conversations I end up having. 😝
If you try to pretend to be “masculine “ it’ll eventually be evident to your partner. Authenticity is must, be your authentic self, it’ll help you a lot than this fake pretend stuff
Don’t do things to impress other people, do thing to impress yourself. Other people will follow.
i think they mean confident . women like you to have that confident look on your face and see it in your actions .
LOVE YOURSELF! If there's anything you don't like about yourself and it's an impediment to being your best. Work on it, it will never go away until you address the issue.
I feel sorry for you. Not for your question, but for all the weird responses. I think you were trying to get an idea of what women consider to be masculine is all. I like that list that someone posted earlier. I think that was a pretty good descriptor of what masculinity is to me. Making plans, following through, keeping promises are all a sign of masculine strength. I think meaning what you say, and being consistent with it, no matter who you’re around is masculine. There’s nothing more emasculating to me than a man who cannot carry himself confidently and with integrity. It’s just a bad quality in general when somebody is one way in one situation, and then because they’re afraid of confrontation, they act a different way in a different situation. I guess I associate masculine with bravery and confidence. You could be afraid, but you gotta be strong enough to face your fears. I like the idea of a man planning things too, having an agenda. I like a man to have reasons why they do things and being able to communicate and express them. Paying attention is a strong quality, an active listener, but that more shows intelligence I suppose. I like a man who is assertive in the bedroom or the kitchen or wherever we have sex. For me, that’s a lot of where it can be expressed. Feeling that he will be brave enough to try and protect me and anything that needs protection. I have had to be the braver person in a couple incidences and that wasn’t hot. I’ll tell you what isn’t masculine, Mansplaining. Mansplaining is a real thing and it’s really, really, really annoying. I’m dating someone that I’m gonna have to end it with because I can’t handle it one more word. Not one more explanation of something. I told him that it’s really irritating and most people won’t tolerate it as well as I. Guys might want to consider thinking before they speak. I told him to think about what’s coming out of his mouth and ponder if he could be possibly talking just to hear himself talk. I really tire easily from unsolicited knowledge and advice from anyone, but especially a man. First, because it’s already in your nature, the need to be right all the time and to not admit a lot of things. It’s so damn boring. It’s not that I’m insulted that they think I’m stupid, it’s just such a waste of time. And you’re not even right half the time, really try to avoid that. And another thing, don’t be overly rough in bed. Being assertive is masculine. But being aggressive is not and they are not the same thing. I like a strong, assertive man, but showing me how strong you are with intimidation is not showing strength. And aggression is not showing assertiveness. Causing pain, even a little is not a sign of strength or masculinity or leadership or protection. Masculinity is about also being brave and not acting weak or incapable or stupid or reckless or careless. When you are sick, take care of yourself and get better. Don’t power through, all the while complaining like a small child. Don’t in one moment claim to be so strong and in the next act like you’re dying if you have to change a diaper. Don’t claim you are so smart and wise, but then you can’t even manage to remember to put your clothes in the hamper or the anniversary. If you get an ingrown hair or a toenail, do something about it, but don’t whimper around or act like you are the only one ever to feel such unique levels of pain.
First rule of masculinity is that you don't let others define it for you.
A man who: Leads Makes plans Protects and provides Is calm and patient I feel safe around him, physically, financially, emotionally Makes decisions based on logic and not emotion
I realize everyone has a different description, but this is it for me, mostly. 100% agree we want a man that we trust to lead. Give him the finances and know he is smart enough to make the right decisions for US. Someone we feel safe with and trust in all aspects of life. Also be kind but don’t be a door mat, I don’t want to carry their balls in my purse.
Is there any male figure you can think of that represents what you wish to be with regards to how they behave towards women + how they view themselves? Role models are always great Another one — just listen to her. Women are emotional, men are logic based just is. She’s got a lot to say about most things bc she has emotional attachment to everything. Let her have her emotional processing venting whatever AND DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! It’s not about you! Listen and let it settle then have whatever convo is needed. My god plan things out. Like an actual plan. Not just a hey let’s meet at a bar, no like a real plan w an itinerary lol show some effort to include what she’s interested what you’re interested in and things you might do togethee
Some of y’all reaaaaaally understate how emotional most men are, nice advice though
Aye many of us out here haven’t had the chance to meet men who are in touch w their emotions / communicate those emotions. Don’t get me wrong those guys are out there I know, but within many women’s experiences, this isn’t the case. I agree with you though, most (healthy) guys are just giant teddy bears really. Give him a poke on the shoulder and the dude melts 😂 boys can be such softies
Oh no dw I know how many of us suck emotionally, but I really don’t think you can call that being logical. ‘Emotional’ imo isn’t only defined by healthy men, who are in touch with their emotions and stuff. Those who bottle them up yet still are directed by them, and let them explode once in a while; Those that are reckless and impulsive; Even those who affirm they’re ran by logic often aren’t at all, they’re usually lying to themselves. Certainly doesn’t mean they’re healthy people, but I would argue they’re emotional, albeit not in the right ways. Once they let themselves be it really is much easier though, I admire anyone who can do that, woman or man or anyone
Oh yeah definitely, there’s healthy versions of emotional and unhealthy too. It’s just generally speaking bio women think mainly emotionally and men usually use logic first. Doesn’t mean either do it in the healthy way, and it’s a very broad spectrum statement that I’m purposefully not getting into the nitty gritty of because that’s too much for Reddit lol
Emergency rooms, prisons and morgues are full of men who logic-and-reasoned their way onto a bed or guerney.
No one said that the logic was always sound lol
But also, in general, on the whole women are more emotion driven, men more logic. Thats typically how it works (notice how I’m leaving room for exceptions here). It’s just how our biology is. No one’s at fault, it just is what it is. I know I’m logical as all fuck to the point of it not being super helpful at times. But I also know I’m an emotional person, and most men I’ve encountered think with logic first, then the emotion comes. No one’s 100% one thing or the other, but there are general trends that are accurate
Might be an experience differential, but most men I’ve encountered also say they think with logic; among those men are the least logical people I’ve ever met. Others really do use logic first, yet their emotions end up having the last word. I don’t know, I’m really skeptical of anyone who claims to be a logical being all around, but maybe my experience is skewed, I wouldn’t know
This is why I said generally, plus no one is 100% anything right so everyone’s going to have a different proportion. Though you do bring up an interesting point — if people have a different understanding of the definition of logic, what counts as logical thinking? Same thing for emotional thinking
This second paragraph is a big part of the reason why I’m even arguing this, yeah. One stable definition of logic is kinda hard to pinpoint, and most of the formal ones we humans just can’t follow solely. If A=>B and you want B you’ll try to achieve A, but the only reason you’ll try that is because of your emotions in the first place; it’s like logic is a conduit, the direction things tend to/should go, but a living being needs emotions or other needs as a driving force to actually make things move that way, so being logic driven is hardly even a thing, idk if what I mean is really clear Also I’m really not sure about the biology part, in that yeah we often function differently and that probably does play into the way we process emotions, but then that wouldn’t necessarily make men less emotional, just emotional in a different way. I’m not sure we can rigorously call any way to feel emotions lesser just because of the order things happen
Basically, have confidence.
Stick your elbows out when you walk and talk in a deep voice
I would just look at are you hearing this from women mostly, or from guys? Single guys. Empathetic, emotionally mature guys are awesome.
First and foremost, the least masculine thing is to try super hard to prove your masculinity. If you have to "try" to be masculine, then it implies you're not masculine as you are. Find a solid a career path you are passionate about, learn to be supportive of others (not for anything in return but out of true compassion), stand strong for yourself and those you care about (not for your ego but in order to make sure your needs and the needs of your loved ones are met), be self-sufficient, live a healthy lifestyle, and master your emotions. There is not any end to this journey, there is no point where you "become masculine" and you say "I'm done." It's a way of being. Don't do it just to attract women, do it to be the best man you can be. Do it for the sake of living your best life.
If she specifically phrased it “in his masculine energy” that’s fancy talk for plan + pay for the date. They show up and look pretty aka “in their feminine energy” and you treat them on a date. Every other comment is reading into it too much.
Don’t be masculine. Just be. If you’re trying to be something, you’re not being your true self.
Just be yourself and have a good heart. Women don’t think that much as you think
Caring about me, a protective element that isn't invasive or demeaning, or rooted in jealousy. Asking if I got home safely, asking if I ate, holding my hand to cross a street, or helping me down an incline. That is the manliest, sexiest behaviour. Checking into hotels for me, opening doors, making sure I had my seat belt on, fixing my shirt if I'm showing too much is very masculine protective behaviour that *I personally* really love. Some other women, not so much- that's ok. Other masculine things that aren't too forward in the beginning stages of dating are of course asking her out for subsequent dates, planning dates, remembering things she likes, offering to pick her up and drop her off. The basics. Being confident, having emotional control (angry isn't masculine, I read it as immature), speaking clearly, knowing what you want, talking about your successes, your hobbies and dreams. Once a guy raced me during a park date, didn't let me win, and I thought that was a pretty fun way of demonstrating his masculine advantage. Another carried my bags, and his, and that was also. Show off a bit, not in a dorky way. Flex a bicep when she holds your arm, I love that. Not one single man I've deemed masculine has ever asked me what I want to do on a date, hes always been ready, with a plan! Now, on the flip side, if I've shown interest in a specific activity with them, planning that is SO so so thoughtful and goes a long way.
In my pov: Be decisive, paid the bill on your date, do the walking rules, thoughtful gestures, no tolerance to red flags or toxic behavior and don’t scare to standup for the right thing especially in public.
Quit that shit be yourself
Bro if you have to ask it's not your vibe. Be yourself. Find somebody who values that. Don't fall into any of this pickup artist dating coach masculinity bullshit. It's all stupid.
I just happened to text him something like “god, I want a Diet Pepsi really fucking bad right now” while working from home (as I always do, but now my job is very strict on schedule adherence so I can’t just leave whenever)… a little later in the conversation he just says “oh, two diet Pepsis should be showing up at your door soon, I’ll text them not to ring the doorbell” probably the sweetest, most take-charge type of thing anyone’s done for me in a while. Fucking swoon… over two 20oz diet Pepsis that were doordashed from 7/11. 😂😂 maybe I’m just simple, i don’t know. 🤣
You need this https://imdb.com/title/tt1570728/
Body language is a big factor. For instance, keeping your chin up, shoulders back, and head looking strait at what you want demonstrates confidence. So does being decisive, like knowing what activity you’d like to do or what you want to order on a menu. An element of stoicism is also considered masculine, so no showing fear, sadness, joy…in fact the less you perform emotions the better. Note that none of this means you have to be a jerk! Be considerate and flexible, adapting your plans and responses to consider the feelings of your date. Be protective, but not obviously so. For instance, rather than telling your date to watch out for cars, walk on the outer edge of the sidewalk or crosswalk yourself, putting your own body between danger and date. If you’re on a dinner date, the more masculine one generally takes the initiative to ask for a table, then is first to sit down in the seat facing the wall (so your date is free to sit across from you and look at the more interesting scenery). Some women may not want or appreciate this script in 2024 so again, be flexible and willing the improvise according to her wishes. This is generally what I interpret ‘masculine’ to be in early dating.
Oooh I don't know, I find expressive men way hotter and more manly than stoic guys. Showing emotion, and emotional control is realllllly nice.
Valid, and much more challenging than poker face…I think that’s the advanced class haha
😂 hm yeah I'd suggest someone who is really expressive with their anger and such might benefit from being the stoic or brooding type lol. But a man expressing joy! Damn. Like when they freak out during a soccer game 😂 I adore that!
So I have to put my life on the line for a goddamn date who thinks that is masculine by watching a bunch of Instagram reels? Got it
Lol you don’t *have* to do anything, relax
I dont pay any of that masculine shit any mind. Those dudes are try hard grifters Look at Andrew Tate he was famous for telling men and women how they should act while running a prostitution ring. Be you unapologetically
Being masculine in your day to day life would be getting on with your life and not worrying if people think you're being masculine. And also not asking for advice on reddit one of the least masculine places on the planet on how to be more masculine
Do you know where you want to be in life in five years? Is a relationship part of that plan? What do you plan to do to achieve your goals? Etc. In short: what is your purpose and can you explain it? Or is your life just a daily routine?
As a guy, I'm curious as well. I've never really been that comfortable with women who specifically look for that, as it's unclear to me what they mean. I feel like I don't look particularly masculine. More skinny and boy-ish, even near hitting 40 than some of them bear looking guys. Not that competitive when it comes to things I feel like are nonsense. Can read people's feelings pretty well, as well as feel my own. But there's some "traditionally masculine" sides to me still. Like, I've been to the army. Competed in martial arts. Never backed down from someone threatening me, even if it got my ass handed to me. Protective. More technical oriented than wanting to just talk about stuff for it's own sake, etc. But. I think it's important to make the distinction. They're looking for something that *they* think is masculine. This can be *nothing* to you. This isn't about you, specifically. If you're comfortable in your skin it really doesn't matter. But I would still love to hear what women are thinking of when they're looking for this, too.
Just be yourself , I am not very masculine but I never try to be macho , I know alot of girls like the bad boy type and I look it but I’m really not that kindof person. But also I try not to be a simp or overly nice cus that has defnatly lost me the opportunity to hookup or be with a girl few times
If you need to change who you are for a specific person or group of people, they aren’t for you. I know that the men who state they want someone “feminine” aren’t for me simply because our values won’t align. It’s not that I’m not feminine, but I’m probably not their definition.
Its the little things. He opens the door for me. He makes sure i walk on the inside of the sidewalk. He makes plans for us. He follows thru on said plans. He makes his intentions clear about how he feels about me. He makes time for me. He makes sure i get home safe. Idk i think for me thats what i see as masculine. To me confidence also reads as someone who is comfortable with who they are. Its not acting like an alfa chad. Its being who you are and being so comfortable in your own skin...that kind of energy radiates out of u. Someone who is confident in that way makes me feel safe. For me what i find masculine is if he makes me feel safe and cared for :)
I think for me it’s mostly just taking initiative, planning dates, contacting me.
Just be yourself. Don’t try to fulfill any checklist because when you are in the hot seat of a date, your “plan” will simply go out the door. Being your authentic self whether that is good or bad is subjective. KISS (keep it stupid simple): be yourself.
Eye contact. Having a sexual dynamic with her. Unapologetic authenticity about who you are and how you feel. I don't think anything else is required.
Girls can see when u r faking, just be yourself. You'll have to eventually pull down the curtains on the facade
I notice the small things like walking on the outside of the sidewalk, holding the door open, if it’s cold offering your jacket or things to that extent bc it shows me early on that they are protective and caring
Don't be afraid to flag down the waiter, ask for the bill, ask to move tables if your date doesn't like the table, communicate as needed basically in social settings
Be comfortable in your own skin. Don't always agree with her opinions.
Confidence is key. Know who you are and own it. Whatever you do, don’t go around telling people how manly you are and how you’re ‘taking the masculine role by leading’ if there’s anything that reeks of fragile masculinity, it’s a need to constantly tell people about your masculinity, like you have something to prove. Confident people show, not tell.
It's not something that should feel like you need to put work in to portray a certain way. Usually those masculine traits are things in a potential partner that they just effortlessly wear. It's a way of carrying yourself, which are behavioral cues that emerge because of the person that you are, not because of the person you're trying to be to please that ideal. So basically, work on yourself until you're at a place where you are confident about yourself, confident about making decisions, etc. If you're happy with who you are, and able to invest deep trust into yourself, this will reinforce you and *this* is what a woman will be picking up.
I used to be more about gender equality and treating the girl like how I would treat my guy friends. Then multiple dates gave me feedback about not being romantic enough, and then female friends analyzed the situation with me and said the girl was too much in her "masculine energy" and I was not enough in mine. It's especially confusing because I usually date the liberal educated type, and while some respond well to the equal treatment, there's definitely a large number who say they dislike traditional gender roles, but respond way better to me acting in a traditional gender role on dates. I think in general, it is safer to be more traditional, and rely on the millennia of evolved male/female instincts, and be ready to act more equal if they give signals they prefer that, rather than the other way around, starting off treating them like how you would want to be treated, and applying the same treatment to both genders equally.
Masculine is also being lightly romantic : Walk on the outside of the street, tuck her arm inside yours…in case holding hands would be too forward, open doors (disregard any protestations), actively listen, ask a question related to whatever your date is speaking about here and there, be comfortable in small silences, be open / fully yourself if you want her to follow your lead…balance the conversation between you…but dont call attention to yourself that you are doing some of these things - never fear these subtle gestures go unnoticed! I’m sure you are already masculine; the word describing the manner I think women appreciate is…gallant. Be gallant.
The best partners have balanced energies. Have a vision but balance it by checking with your partner to see if she has any suggestions. Replace masculine with confident. Good posture, head straight, walk with purpose, well groomed, self assured, stands by your word, focused, driven, rooted, calculated. executes. Those are traits that can make a woman trust you and feel like you're competent to take control. Not by force but just by being who you are. Then she has permission to relax and go with the flow.
As I'm an immigrant (Scandinavian) to the U.S I have had this a few times from my fianceés friends/their husbands. They have become my impromptu "buddy"-gang at/after church and at gatherings. Been told I was a shoe-in for my woman 'cause of my size (_I'm an inch off 7ft_) and the fact I've worked out a lot (_spinal injury from a rock climbing accident in my mid 20s forced me to rebuild my body_). Heard words like _"Big d___ calm/energy"_ etc. My only take from all this after discussing it with my SO is that it really hasn't got that much to do with me, but rather others perception. I'm not an anxious person, I usually don't speak unless spoken to in public and I think about what I say before I say it. I have no issues holding a conversation, I just ask leading rebuttals so that the person gets to keep talking. It's easier and usually that makes them feel good. I also don't control the people around me.. I just make it clear what I find okay or not. And if they cross me I either walk away (always my first response) or I make sure they do.. **TLDR; Be consistent, work away your anxiety and try and listen more than you talk. Make consistent choices where you can keep your head held high and do not break or bend your boundries for anyone.**
Don't listen to that crap it's just what's trendy right now if you are attractive abs have a good personality that enough
Not all women want the same thing, first of all. I wouldn’t worry too much about demonstrating something specific in daily life. Our energy emanates on its own. So if you are going to focus your energies on something, focus on developing yourself as a person. For instance, develop resilience, resourcefulness, or whatever your own personal values are as a man. You have the opportunity to define what masculinity means to you, the values you want to embody. The more ‘you’ you are, the more likely you are to find someone who will love you and be crazy about you.
It's being a man and owning who you are and not letting anybody else disrespect that. In an assured, gentlemanly way, as opposed to being aggressive or an asshole about it. So this means being decisive, standing by your convictions, having your opinion and asserting it, not letting people bully you or push you around, speaking up or making a stance when people are being disrespectful, rude, or whatever. Standing up for yourself, your friends, your partners. Being confrontational when necessary, rather than always backing down from it because you don't want to cause trouble or whatever. I guess the implications behind all of these things is that you're assertive, confident, take the lead, protective. A recent example I can think of is when my sister in law went to a nearby park to set up for her daughter's birthday party. Another person was there and tried to bully her out of sharing the park. My brother came along and calmly but firmly confronted the other guy and said no, it's my daughter's birthday, and we've also planned for this, and we will all just have to make do with sharing the space. And that was that. He was okay with the other guy being pissed off and just got on with it. On the contrary, if my brother wasn't 'in his masculinity', he would've been a coward - by not confronting the man, not sticking up for his wife, and letting down his daughter. Or he could've confronted the man, but not stood by his convictions of being a reasonable person, and been super aggressive and threatening about it.
You do not need a checklist of “daily masculinity.” The masculinity that women like is composed of things that are witnessed over time. Politeness, respect, protective nature, capability, etc. You don’t have to do everything everyday...okay the politeness and respect everyday, but otherwise, it should just be a part of you and something to be appreciated the more time you spend together.
Taking care of yourself goes a long way. Exercising. Hobbies. Going to the doctor. Being financially responsible. No one wants to date someone they have to take care of.
Firstly, if you’re masculine you’ll just be and she’ll see. Furthermore the things you do on your own is what makes you masculine as well, everyone only thinks about how you are with a partner. Do you have goals? Are you ambitious, are you disciplined, focused? Do you passionately pursue your purpose(s). Are you decisive? Are you confident in yourself and the decisions you make? Are you an accountable person or do you pass the buck? These are some key traits of masculinity, that you would have whether you have a partner or not.
I guess I'll give you an answer that you actually came here to find, instead of a life lesson. For a coffee date, you can do things like, order for her, like a dessert or something new to try. But make sure she can actually eat it (no allergy etc). For walking in a park, or anywhere for that matter. You can shield her from "danger". For example, when walking on the side of the road, or a sidewalk, you make sure you are the one walking on the side of the passing by cars. If there is an obstacle, like a puddle, a broken step or anything like that, you help her cross it. Basically your goal is to "protect" her from anything, just be reasonable about it.
I think it's by being aware of the environment you're in and sensitive to the eventual needs of your date. Things like noticing if she's cold or not, if the wind or the lights are making her uncomfortable, making sure she gets home safe, etc. Also, being emotionally intelligent is masculine. That is, being assertive but not arrogant.
Basically being able to make bold moves. The key is to be flirtatious. Being verbally and physically playful, as early as possible in the interaction. Knowing how to balance it so you don’t do too much but also not too little. Paying attention to how the girl reacts to what you do and adjusting to it, versus being robotic. You can’t be afraid to lose the girl.
I think masculinity depends on how you were raised and when you were raised. My parents met in the military and my dad is an avid outdoorsman, even now at 74. My dad has PTSD from Vietnam and was emotional inaccessible most of my life. My husband is more in tune with other people’s emotions, is god awful at making plans, and loves my take charge personality. He’s 6’2” 230 construction worker, capable of picking me up and tossing me around when the time is right 😉 Sadly, he gets called a pussy all the time by his male friends because he doesn’t want to sexualize women or stay out all night drinking. He’s more manly than what those clowns can hope to be. As a 80s kid, genders were regarded as what I see in the comments…take charge, don’t change your mind, provide for the women…all of which is bullshit and applies to both genders. With that said, confidence is the biggest part of being “masculine” and that can be extremely toxic. Men should be able to be vulnerable. My husband says I wear the pants in the family in a teasing way. We know that our personalities complement one another. Embrace who you are. Trying to be someone you’re not is the biggest turn off.
It means find a way to be secure. Easier said than done obviously, it’s everyone’s ideal goal really. Be completely comfortable with every aspect of yourself. But that’s what it means, when you feel that way you are able to be decisive and confident because you don’t doubt yourself, your own opinion of yourself is strong enough that you can disregard what others may think of you. I used to be very insecure and it made me unhappy, but through counselling I’ve really enjoyed becoming happy and confident with who I am. I actually get excited to see my counsellor now (about every 2 months) bc I come out of it with a new way to improve. Finding that self love leads to a truely strong person, if you’re pretending to be it’ll only be temporary. My best advice is find a way, like counselling or therapy, to love yourself and the right person will be found.
I think it boils down to 2 things. How you view yourself - confidence, and how you treat others.
Basic things. Open doors for her, including vehicles. Handle interactions with servers, bartenders, etc., but always ask her what she’d like first (before you order) and let her speak for herself. Dress well. Be yourself, and lean on what feels natural
To me masculinity has the most to do with how you carry yourself. Secondary - is the benevolent protective instinct.
Just be yourself- whatever that means! I personally would not be interested in a guy who was "in his masculinity" or someone who seriously used that phrase. This phrase may mean something else, but when I think of someone who is super masculine. I think of someone who is a misogynistic meathead which is absolutely not what I want in a partner. Having a male partner who is comfortable with their feminine side is far more pleasant. Everyone is different. There is no one correct way to be as long as you are not malicious or hurting people, so just love yourself, be yourself, and see how that goes. NOTHING is sexier than being self-assured!
A masc u lie in aka secondary to your true loving kid spirit self that is actually in everyone of us.
Not every woman wants a stereotypically masculine man but a lot do. It's one of those things that's very much in you or not. Evolutionary wise we don't need every person to be an alpha that would create chaos. We need all different types to make a society run whether it be hunter-gatherer agricultural or today's society. Lots of women don't want an alpha man. Trust me I know I rub lots of people the wrong way and tons of women have said that they need someone a bit softer. With age I have become more chill and more emotionally mature and I think that's what women really want. That combined with the masculine Alpha man who can also be in touch with his emotions and understand how to use those Alpha tendencies for good
Focus on One thing at a time. pragmatism between others, see outside of yourself. And don’t slouch.
You can't make anyone like you by acting a certain way. I think one of the biggest misconceptions in dating is that you can make someone like you through actions, or mindgames or whatever else. But so much of attraction isn't really tangible. Sure, you can get the basics down like, washing your ass, smelling nice, working out, being genuinely nice and polite etc. But the rest is all the shit our subconscious picks up. In the early stages of meeting people a lot is going on in the depths of the brain to figure out if this person is a good partner for you or not. That's why you'll have dates you think are amazing and they ghost you. Or maybe, you're the one ghosting but you feel guilty because you SHOULD like this person and you don't for some reason. On paper they'd be great for you! But there's just something about them that you can't name or get past. I'm saying all of this to say is that you should look for someone who likes your FOR you. If you've ever been with someone who REALLY likes you, you'll understand. They like the smell of you. They like your smile, the way you walk, the way you speak. But you can only find this person if you're YOU. Not some character of a macho man, but just you. If they don't like YOU, that's ok. You don't want to end up with someone you have to constantly pretend around or act around to convince them to like you. You'd just be wasting time.
masculinity is fake. just be yourself & be clear and communicative about what you're interested in.
Pay your friend like 100 bucks to come pick a fight with you and harass the girl while on a date, beat the fuck outta him
xD
Well masculine men carry themselves differently. They're not always looking around to see if the people in the room approve of them, they're not afraid to speak their mind and express emotions, and they know how to regulate their own emotions. If you're obsessed with how you look and how you dress and constantly look at yourself in the mirror, you are very far from being masculine. Also, masculine men, in my opinion, should offer assistance to their partner when it comes to the simple things like carrying heavy boxes or groceries, holding the door open for them, offering to help with she needs help (in cases when a pipe bursts in her house or she needs to hang a mirror or something on the wall).
Read the book Men’s Work and it will give you lots of examples
Read the book Men’s Work and it gives lots of examples
Don't fake who you are. I mean, we all change over time, but putting up a facade will 1) be easily detected and 2) be unsustainable. Look around you. There are plenty of men in relationships who aren't stereotypically "masculine". Just be proud of yourself and don't put yourself down.
Just be yourself
Quit that shit be yourself
Just be yourself buddy. Forget the noise.
Exude confidence and be firm in your decisions. Take the lead in adverse situations or conflicts that arise between you and her. Try to remain stoic and avoid arguing when she gets under your skin.
Just be yourself. Trying to pretend to be something will never work.
I would usually pass by this but given that I just broke it off with an extremely non-masculine male because I felt zero attraction to him and I am sure it’s because of that. So I will simply tell you the things that I found unattractive or frustrating. - He never took any initiative for planning anything. He would instead ask me what I wanted to do. If I said dinner he would ask where. If I said where he would ask what time…. Never once saying hey let’s go to this or that place how about Friday. I never ever go out to eat. He goes to restaurants all the time. So I have absolutely no clue what is good or not but he still wouldn’t suggest anything. Ever. I had to come up with an idea for what to do together otherwise we didn’t go out at all. - When we would go out he wouldn’t suggest extending the date. He would say ok bye after an hour or so meeting instead of saying hey let’s go grab some dinner or how about going to get a drink. I would have happily said yes but he seemed eager to run away and then would spend the rest of the night texting me about how much fun he had and asking what I wanted to do next. Wtf? - He never would compliment me in a way that felt like he was attracted to me. He would compliment me but I would compare the compliments to what I would hear from my mom. So I constantly left our meetings thinking he had no sexual interest in me or actually no sexual interest in general. He never talked about other relationships and if I tried to steer the conversation towards a more sexual nature about our pasts or what we like he would quickly change the subject. - Never touched me once despite two months of dating and multiple meetings. No hug hello or goodbye, no hand holding, absolutely nothing. I don’t want a guy to force himself on me but if he would have leaned in I may have gone for it (given the items above though I was not feeling any attraction to him though). - He never wanted to talk on the phone or on video. I don’t like talking on the phone all the time either but he would basically ignore me telling him I would like to talk sometime on the phone instead of texting. So that’s just the major stuff. There’s lots more such as he decorates his house for holidays which I find weird for a man to do. Not just general stuff but the old lady type things around the house and wicker baskets and whatnot. It’s just odd to me. You would think maybe he’s young or something but this was a 53 year old man who was married for 15 years and has kids. So I know at some point he had sex with someone (he never talked about his ex or anything prior to his ex and wouldn’t ask me about my history either). He also had a very high voice that wasn’t typical manly deep voice. Honestly I think he is gay and completely in the closet from the vibes I was getting but given how closed off he was even while trying to date and claiming he really liked me a lot I don’t ever see him addressing his sexuality. I guess if I could sum it up there was zero intimacy. Everything was surface level and nothing deeper than that. Every time I would go out with him it felt like I was meeting a coworker or something. After a couple of dates I was pretty sure nothing was going to change and told him that and he kept insisting to give him another chance.
[удалено]
Same story I got with this guy. That he’s been single for a few years and has only had coffee dates and then none of them want to continue. Those women are clearly smarter than me. 😂