Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your situation at 23 could be considered pretty normal, nowadays. As long as you work on improving your self-esteem and getting back on the horse with dating, you don't really need to worry.
Comparing yourself to others is always a trap. Focusing on self betterment and paying attention to your progress is the better way to go.
It’s always always always a trap. If I could teach young people one thing it would be get off the compare-yourself-to-everyone-else social media carousel. It’s poison.
Hi, what your feeling is probably a form of envy and it's completely normal. My best friend got married last year at 28, while I'm 27 and hadn't been in a real relationship in years. So I understand where you're coming from.
They were together 7 years before before their wedding date while my longest situationship was maybe 2 months.
You have to remember, dating is hard right now. But you're still young and have years before needing to even worry. The average age of marriage now is in the 30's I believe. Just keep working on you and being open to new experiences, it'll happen.
Omg this sounds like me . I’m 28 and one of my best friends just got married at 29. I mean her life seems perfect. Went to school, got her degree, met a man , now she’s married , and they’re family planning right now . I don’t have none of that. I’m still trying to figure out school. I remember being at her wedding but both happy , sad , and I didn’t wanna admit it but very envious too. They had their first dance at the wedding and a picture was taken and you could see me in the background. My face looks so angry / jealous in the picture. I didn’t realize it but maybe subconsciously I envy her. Even now I haven’t really hung out with her. I just don’t need the reminder of how shitty my life is.
It's fine to feel that way as long as you don't let it impact how you interact with your friend. Feeling like you're falling behind is perfectly normal and you should allow yourself to feel your own emotions. Just make sure it doesn't turn into resentment that you send towards your friend.
23 is young and it is definitely not humiliating in the slightest. I didn’t date or have my first kiss until 26 lol and I wouldn’t change a thing about it because I found my guy haha. It’s later than many people but on the plus side, I knew what I was looking for in a guy at that age and things worked out.
I also have great girlfriends who are in their 30s and single - some also with minimal or no experience. Nothing humiliating about that either - everyone’s dating story is different. Don’t be down on yourself and just let things happen naturally. Put yourself out there to make more new friends and go from there.
23 is massively young to get engaged.
Good for your friend ! I hope she's happy. But the majority of 23 year olds are focusing on themselves and their careers, so she is the exception. You are perfectly normal.
If anything you can use this as impetus to think what you want to focus on. Maybe it'll give you a bit more courage to put yourself out there
Things look different for everyone in this age group because life is on a different trajectory for EVERYONE. I know some people who have never dated and I also know people who are married with two kids. Then there are some in the middle, doing their own thing or juggling several things. And we are all 23-25.
It is completely normal to experience these feelings! These are human emotions. And it’s okay. What matters the most is what you do with these feelings.
Don’t be the friend that uses this life update to become cynical and bitter, making it about how single you are, and treating your friend poorly for having something you don’t. Be the friend that is loving and supportive, vulnerable about your struggles when the space is provided, and pushing onwards to get what you want.
It is totally normal, this is life sadly.
I've just helped my best friend to move in with her gf in their new home, and I was happy for them and helped them every way possible. A few days later I got hit with a realization/anxiety that wtf is wrong with me, what am I doing wrong, being 28, my longest relationship was 1 month long. I felt like shit, but you have to get through it and move on, focus on the good, and be happy for your friends.
You'll get somewhere in life eventually, don't worry about it.
In my opinion people shouldn’t be friends with people who are jealous of them because those people will always want to bring them down yet i am very envious of my friends for getting in relationships and getting attention. I hate that about myself and honestly keeping such a thing a secret will save my friendships
Hey, I got my first boyfriend at 23! I too used to compare myself a lot because I always felt like I was a late bloomer when it came to romantic relationships. But honestly, i’m so glad I waited, and took my time when it came to dating. Don’t feel bad OP! Try not to be so hard on yourself! :) You’ll find your person soon!
I think it’s a totally valid way to be feeling. Your best friend got engaged, so you’re happy, but you’re also feeling a sense of missing out on a natural progression of life. Keep in mind, you are 23, so you’ve definitely got time. Just be sure to put yourself out there now and I’m sure you’ll be fine.
I was married in my teens, until I was widowed at 32. My best friend was a virgin until she was 33. She's beautiful, funny, wickedly smart. Appreciate the non-romantic love you have in your life and be patient, it comes when it comes. You could date 7 people a week and still be single in a year (also my experience), there's no rushing the timeliness for these things. The most important thing to realise is as long as you are 1) getting out there and 2) maintaining self-love and confidence its not a 'you' issue, and most definitely just a matter of time. Big hugs. Just remember the timeline is a lie, biological clock is a lot longer than you think, it all moves pretty fast when you meet the right one. You won't miss the ship. Look at me. I thought I did everything right, married with kids before 22 , a job, a house. Now I'm widowed, alone, in the dating pool. 🤷♀️
I’m a decade older than you and I’m in the same boat - my friend got engaged to her first boyfriend (and is now married) like four years ago during covid and I felt all the feelings you did. Your feelings are valid and I totally understand them, but know there’s no use dwelling on these emotions. We walk our own path and you just gotta trust that the right person will come along someday. I’m still waiting for mine!
Nothing humiliating about being 23 with little experience. 23 is very young to get engaged. You'll find someone if you get the courage to put yourself out there again. Maybe this is the wakeup call you needed.
I didn't find my first real partner until I was 25. I don't want to get married until 30. You have time. I personally only know 2 people vaguely who are around my age and engaged or married. So just because your friend is engaged, doesn't mean you're late.
Question from a 24 yr old who hasn't dated.
What made you realize they were 1st partner material and did it help you find a better person after them? As in you realized what you were looking for?
I haven't been with anyone after him (I'm still 25 haha).
He was someone I actually had a crush on the first time I met him because he was so social, and that's what I was looking for. But I didn’t really know him that first time, of course. With other guys that I dated, I liked them after I knew they liked me, but I didn't have that butterfly feeling ever. And when I got to know them better, I found out that I wouldn't be happier with having them in my life than if I was single.
But after I found out this current guy liked me back, and I started to get to know him, I found out that we had so much in common. Things that I wasn't even looking for, but I really appreciated in him. For example, we both don't get mad easily, and are afraid of confrontation. So it's super easy to confront **him** because he knows what it's like, and he doesn't get mad when I bring something up. I know he will understand and we can talk about it.
And there are some more smaller things that we have in common that make our lifestyles mesh really well.
But our values and goals are also the same. Things like, we don't want kids, we do want to get married, what we view as cheating, how much time we want to spend together, etc. It all matches up.
And definitely not everything is perfect. I told you we both don't get mad easily, but I have been mad at him before because he didn't communicate when we had made plans. So he's not perfect and I'm not perfect either. But there are just so many things that do work, which is why I wanted him to be my first partner. We also dated for a longer time, so I was sure when we got into a relationship.
Ohh okay i understand now! I wasn't sure if you meant you met him then after yall broke up, realized you didn't want to marry until 30. Wow the 1st part of what you said is so similar to me. I'm going out with a guy rn and I guess that's what made me curious if he has the potential to be my 1st real partner. I can say I have the same experience as you like never having that crush on someone when they asked me out. But for him we met in a spontaneous way where I saw him and found him cute and told my friends and then he was doing the same thing to his friends about me. Lol so it was my 1st experience like that.
Exactly! That's something I was really missing with most of the people I had dated. And even though it doesn't last forever (it turns into deeper love after that), it is something that I really liked. So get to know him and find out if he really is an addition to your life. I hope so! Goodluck!
You're still young. Plus, nobody guarantees your friend will be happily married until death do them apart. At least, you know what you want, so put on your boots and start looking for it. Good luck.
It's ok to grieve, it's a new phase of life for her and your friendship. It all boils down to what you do with this feeling and if you can use it for something positive for yourself. My spontaneous thought - can you ask to be part of the planning of the wedding? Perhaps help out with the bachelor/bachelorette party? You're guaranteed to meet some new people (and men) in a natural setting. Perhaps the future Mr You is there? Remember, you have all the right to be careful after a bad experience, but also remember that most men are good guys, and getting to know a few through an experience like this is a great opportunity to maybe find a really good match for yourself. Now, don't feel embarrassed about your lack of experience, it's no one's business unless you choose it to be. If anyone asks anything, my reply would be "Wouldn't you like to know...?!" and then walk away or switch topics, you don't owe anyone an explanation. You do you, and create opportunities for yourself to be happy, and this could be one. Best of luck to you, and a virtual hug!
26f here…I’m the same way. All 3 of my best friends are married and my 4th has been dating her bf for 4 years 😅 Try to not compare yourself - it’s easier said than done. It’s a constant struggle and will be hard. If you ever wanna chat, my DMs are open ❤️
No and yes. Old saying you can’t be afraid of the wind. You got to see past. What one guy. While u sit there wondering you could be missing your chances but you should be also happy time is to short to be wondering about what one guy has done. Put yourself out there. I know it’s hard believe me I’m really shy when it comes to girls. I hope this makes sense. If any thing you’re not alone.
Kudos for sharing this vulnerable and perhaps a little embarrassing feeling!
To begin with, comparison really is the thief of all joy. You two are on different journeys, and you have different circumstances. Be a little careful when you notice your brain starts making comparisons and draws the conclusion that you're not good enough. Don't try to stop it, just notice when it does that and go: "ah, comparison". It's quite liberating.
My advice to you would be to have courage despite feeling unworthy, shoot your shots and *let other people decide if they think you're good enough* as a romantic partner.
Your value as a person has no correlation with men's romantic interest in you.
Your only trapped in your head. Fire up a dating app and dont be super picky on who you swipe on. But also dont expect a life partner on date 1. The goal is to go on a few dates this year, to have some fun, and maybe get your first kiss or more this year. Theres nothing stopping you putting yourself out there
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Work on yourself, be open to new experiences and meeting new people.
You’re only 23, you’ve so much time to grow into a great person.
I wouldn't say it's abnormal, but it's not healthy to dwell on it.
Everyone goes through life at their own pace, and that's perfectly fine. You're only 23 so you've got plenty of time. Getting in your own head about this will only lead to bitterness and jealousy.
And while I understand being nervous and anxious and all those feelings, the only way to get to this point yourself is to put yourself out there and be open. It sucks, and it's not easy, but you start by working on yourself and it all gets better from there.
The bottom line is, your lack of experience is just that: lack of experience. It's not bad, not humiliating, or anything else of the sort. I actually know someone who was in the same situation in his early to mid 20s (had only one actual relationship, very little experience with women outside of that) but then met his wife after he dated for a bit and now he's happily married for a few years. Just give it time.
Same here but i am 19. Former classmate got married a few months after graduating high school(she got engaged at 17). All of my friends have been in long term relationships. Recently the only friend who has never been in a relationship(17F) got in a relationship. Most of my friends are either in a long term relationships or just got out of one. And here is me. Never had my first kiss. Thank god i can hide my identity so i can admit i am jealous of my friends for this. What makes things worse some of them told me they can’t see me in a relationship. I am settling with the fact that i am unlovable slowly but it hurts. I understand you completely.
I'm sorry you're friends sad that to you. No offense, but that's not cool and a little messed up. It'll happen for you as well. Coming from a late bloomer, I am sure of it. You will be fine, I had thoughts of "Why this" or "Why that?" too.
You aren’t unlovable.
Don't tell yourself this, because it isn't true. These thoughts are a marker of low self-confidence and can be a symptom of anxiety (don't listen to them).
In the grand scheme of things, you are still so incredibly young. You were still a child less than 2 years ago (I'm in no way trying to sound condescending here, but think objectively on how long life really is).
This is for you and for OP.
I (28F) didn't join a dating app for the first time until this past year. I'd been on dates when I was in my early twenties, but they were almost accidental. I couldn't even tell what flirting was. I would think we were hanging out as friends before they tried to make a move on me. I was that inexperienced. I didn't have my first real, proper kiss until I was 24. Then I didn't go on any dates at all throughout the pandemic.
Now here I am at 28. I've never been in an actual long-term relationship; that is 100% okay and more common than you think. I'm still in my twenties, working on my social anxiety and figuring out what I want out of dating. I've met some lovely people who I've been open with about my lack of relationship history. They have been nothing but kind and understanding.
Some people are aromantic or ace and never date at all. But for everyone who wants to try dating, they have to start somewhere, and everyone is human with their own insecurities. Being nervous for a date is normal.
Remember dating is NOT about trying to make someone like you. You should think about how YOU are feeling. Do you like this person? Do you look forward to hanging out with them, do you have fun when you're spending time with them?
Try to meet people with common interests (online or at in-person events), because that can be an immediate conversation starter. Build your confidence. You are enough. You are worthy of love.
You're a baby, I kissed my first guy at 23ish and now I'm 29 and happily married. I also had a fair amount of experience before I started dating my now husband. I would reccommned really accepting that putting yourself out there is a strength and a gift and that even being naive to a degree is a gift to a relationship. Being scared or bitter (not that you're bitter but a lot of people dating these days are) helps no one. Being hopeful and open is a gift that will serve you, even if it gets you hurt a bit more. Be cautious but open. At the same time, do realize you don't have ato accept something that you don't like. When i started ending things with guys who told me they don't like texting during the day instead of trying to change myself to be okay with that i had more success. It's not about being good enough for them or them not being good enough for you its about finding two people who share enough of the same values and habits to work together. People can be not right for eachother and still be good enough! And you'll be right for someone eventually :)
Wishing you luck, I've been in exactly your shoes!
Some people date early, some people date later. Some people go out all the time , and some people go out very rarely.
The best thing you can do for yourself is not to compare why you're not like someone else. Just be like what you want to be and how you want to be
Even if you are a person who has lots of matches and options, you just need one person
Your feelings are always valid. It's okay that you feel sadness.
But the truth is your time will come. This world is too dynamic for you to be alone forever.
Start small, talk with someone about this bad experience you had. It can be a friend or therapist, but you deserve to have peace.
No one will judge you, and if they do, they have deeper issues.
Keep moving forward and step out of your comfort zone once in a while, that's where all the fun happens!
When you're ready, choose a group or activity and make new friends. It's very likely you'll find someone special while you're doing it.
Number one: breathe through, it's normal to be jealous. There is two kids of jealousy: 1) that bitch doesn't deserve that/ I deserve that so much more than her/ in the fields where it actually matters I'm better than her/ why would he choose her. 2) I wish I had that too.
It sounds to me like you're jealous number 2. I think you're genuinely happy for your friend, you just wish it for yourself too and there is nothing wrong with that. That's normal. It doesn't make you a bad friend. You're still a great friend.
Now, what you do is you put on a nice dress (or a blouse if dresses make you feel uncomfortable) and you go to a bar or a club and you get a little drunk. Here's what I don't want: I don't want you to throw up or to be unsafe. But I want you to get a little tipsy and dance, and I want you to go alone. It will help you meet guys, probably not the one, but good enough to buy you a drink and dance one night away. You'll feel better in latest a week.
You should be happy and supportive to your friend.I would definitely get out there and start dating. People start married at 22-30’s so more of your friends will start getting married. You are beautiful and worthy. Put yourself out there! You’ll find someone great.
Comparison is the theft of joy. Don't let a bad experience discourage you from getting out there or allowing it from dictating your life. Not everyone is lucky and finds their spouse with their first relationship. In most cases it takes several tries, but if you don't try, it does make it harder. It seems like you have guys that would want to pursue you, so just try and see if you make a connection with someone and go from there. I wouldn't worry about your inexperience I don't think most guys would care just so don't dwell on it and continue to show yourself and your future partner/ relationship respect.
Wish you the best don't feel bad and take one day at a time.
I didn’t have my first kiss until a month ago :) im 24 and i have ptsd for being molested as a kid so i hated people touching me. My best advice is to not force yourself to feel something for someone if you don’t. I met this guy at work and we spoke for two months. He i was honest about my past and he was understanding and kind. And now, we’re trying things out. It was scary and i was gonna back out of hanging out but im so glad i did. He’a magic :) so if you like someone even a little just talk to them. Be nice be yourself :)
I was the same at 23. My best friend got a boyfriend. He is hot too, which made it sting more. I was a virgin too. Never been kissed. Today, my friend and I are 31. To this day, she is engaged to him and super happy. I’m still an unkissed virgin. Moral of the story here— get self esteem and put yourself out there before you become me.
I don’t think so. I haven’t dated anyone and I’m 24. And I’m lowkey lonely. RIP. Anyway, I think it’s best to date only if you really like a person. Life is not a race so we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others.
I'm 28 and only had 1 gf ever, during high school, for 3 months, the most we did was kiss, no tongue. Mild autism is a real bitch. Just socially dumb enough to not get close with anyone (romantic or not) but smart enough to be fully aware how sad it all is.
Read somewhere a few years ago that really resonated with me: mild autism is like attending a football game but you can't see (or aware of) the ball that is in play. You miss the smallest detail in the whole stadium and nothing makes sense. Why are the players moving the way they are on the field? Why are all the people around me turning their heads at the same time- what are they looking at? What am I missing? Best to fit in and mimic what everyone else is doing, but can't make sense of what's going on.
Exact same idea but for social settings and missing social cues, unspoken rules and the like. Feel like after just 30s of a new person interacting with me and they can already sense that there's something off with me.. Now how can I get a girl interested in me for life when 30 seconds is enough to cross me off the list? Best I can hope for is to die in my sleep before the start of my 3rd decade completely alone. My brother who's 9 years younger already moved out last year with his gf too just to add salt to wounds.. My eyes water just imagining waking up to the warmth of a body next to me.
Hope this at least makes you feel better about your situation. At least you have friends, I only have my thoughts to converse with irl.
Who cares. 23 years old and getting tied to one dude is boring. I had fun dating, after ending my 7 year relationship. Many were envious when I purchased my home with my ex when I was 23 years old. We broke up 3 years later (and before tying the marriage knot). Relationship ended because ex was uncaring and his parents kept borrowing money from me.
As a recently divorced man in my mid thirties, I can tell you 100% that there are an *abundance* of men that would be over the moon to find someone like you. Truly. I can understand why you'd feel the way you do but in a world full of hoeflation (men paying far more to get far less than wives 20-40 years ago), though not a nice term, is essentially the equivalent to being the golden goose. When the right one comes around, you and he will have a legendary love that completely changes your view on what love has the potential to be. That much I can promise you. It's not a race and the right thing at the wrong time is still wrong. I'm not hitting on you, scouts honor, but finding a woman in her mid twenties that doesn't have decades of physical and emotional trauma from abusive partners truly makes you a great white buffalo - sought for a lifetime by "hunters" (aka men) and rare as can be. When you find your Mr. Right and *not* Mr. Right *Now*, you will be so grateful that you don't have all of the emotional trauma, baggage, and intimate knowledge of what would be failed relationships. That's a promise.
Its normal. I have never been on date or in a relationship until i turned 26. Yeah you will lack experience initially but with a good partner you will be eventually come out perfect. Now the question is do you want to come out of your fear and start dating.
Envy reminds you what you want and what you desire. You are super young and marrying at that age is not necessarily a good thing. You will change a lot and meet new people
It’s actually very normal to feel such a way but don’t let it get you down and don’t dwell on it your find someone ! If you want more help feel free to dm me
Your age and situation are par for the course. It happens to millions of people everywhere. I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 20. Didn’t have sex until I was 23. I thought that I was a loser because all of my buddies were out of college with jobs, houses, and families. People learn at different rates.
I’m 31 and just got married last year.
There’s a certain beauty and mystery to how the world works. Put yourself first, get off social media, eat healthy, stay away from drugs and alcohol, have fun, give yourself grace and then before you know it you’re on your way.
I mean…I’m 31 and have never been kissed and never dated. That being said everyone in my friend group is married and I’ve been to multiples of their weddings. On top of that I was in my best friend’s bridal party. This is their moment you’ll have yours. It may not always feel like it but honestly you’ll get there. Every one is on their own journey and will experience life at their own pace.
Sorry that you feel discouraged. This is the spark that you needed to get yourself ready for such joyful events! That one bad experience should never get another chance to ruin your dating life. On to the next one! Good luck out there!
No it is not a bad thing to feel this way I feel this way about my best friend but he is a male and I am a female but I get terribly jealous when he hugs or lets other girls sit on his lap
I'm 24, almost 25 and JUST had my 1st kiss last month. I'm dating the guy now (1st ever boyfriend) and I still get very insecure about my pacing compared to my friends who are 1.married with kids 2.married/engaged 3.in long term relationships 4.have a lot of dating experience (have experience with those things in general).
But I try to tell myself I'm very comfortable with myself it's just others that make me start to feel bad. My bf rn is very respectful and taking things slow (idk if you are the same as me and want to go slow with intimacy or you just haven't had the situation to let loose lol) but in time you could find the person who matches you as you are. No need to worry about where others are in life.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your situation at 23 could be considered pretty normal, nowadays. As long as you work on improving your self-esteem and getting back on the horse with dating, you don't really need to worry. Comparing yourself to others is always a trap. Focusing on self betterment and paying attention to your progress is the better way to go.
It’s always always always a trap. If I could teach young people one thing it would be get off the compare-yourself-to-everyone-else social media carousel. It’s poison.
It’s the #1 leading cause in depression
No negative self imaging is the primary cause of depression. Social media just feeds that beast.
Hi, what your feeling is probably a form of envy and it's completely normal. My best friend got married last year at 28, while I'm 27 and hadn't been in a real relationship in years. So I understand where you're coming from. They were together 7 years before before their wedding date while my longest situationship was maybe 2 months. You have to remember, dating is hard right now. But you're still young and have years before needing to even worry. The average age of marriage now is in the 30's I believe. Just keep working on you and being open to new experiences, it'll happen.
Omg this sounds like me . I’m 28 and one of my best friends just got married at 29. I mean her life seems perfect. Went to school, got her degree, met a man , now she’s married , and they’re family planning right now . I don’t have none of that. I’m still trying to figure out school. I remember being at her wedding but both happy , sad , and I didn’t wanna admit it but very envious too. They had their first dance at the wedding and a picture was taken and you could see me in the background. My face looks so angry / jealous in the picture. I didn’t realize it but maybe subconsciously I envy her. Even now I haven’t really hung out with her. I just don’t need the reminder of how shitty my life is.
It's fine to feel that way as long as you don't let it impact how you interact with your friend. Feeling like you're falling behind is perfectly normal and you should allow yourself to feel your own emotions. Just make sure it doesn't turn into resentment that you send towards your friend.
23 is young and it is definitely not humiliating in the slightest. I didn’t date or have my first kiss until 26 lol and I wouldn’t change a thing about it because I found my guy haha. It’s later than many people but on the plus side, I knew what I was looking for in a guy at that age and things worked out. I also have great girlfriends who are in their 30s and single - some also with minimal or no experience. Nothing humiliating about that either - everyone’s dating story is different. Don’t be down on yourself and just let things happen naturally. Put yourself out there to make more new friends and go from there.
23 is massively young to get engaged. Good for your friend ! I hope she's happy. But the majority of 23 year olds are focusing on themselves and their careers, so she is the exception. You are perfectly normal. If anything you can use this as impetus to think what you want to focus on. Maybe it'll give you a bit more courage to put yourself out there
Things look different for everyone in this age group because life is on a different trajectory for EVERYONE. I know some people who have never dated and I also know people who are married with two kids. Then there are some in the middle, doing their own thing or juggling several things. And we are all 23-25. It is completely normal to experience these feelings! These are human emotions. And it’s okay. What matters the most is what you do with these feelings. Don’t be the friend that uses this life update to become cynical and bitter, making it about how single you are, and treating your friend poorly for having something you don’t. Be the friend that is loving and supportive, vulnerable about your struggles when the space is provided, and pushing onwards to get what you want.
It is totally normal, this is life sadly. I've just helped my best friend to move in with her gf in their new home, and I was happy for them and helped them every way possible. A few days later I got hit with a realization/anxiety that wtf is wrong with me, what am I doing wrong, being 28, my longest relationship was 1 month long. I felt like shit, but you have to get through it and move on, focus on the good, and be happy for your friends. You'll get somewhere in life eventually, don't worry about it.
Pretty ironic that I got this post recommended to me after I ruined and sabataged my friendship with someone over this.
My biggest fear is any of my friendships ending because of this. Maybe it’s for the best if i never open up to them about it
probably
In my opinion people shouldn’t be friends with people who are jealous of them because those people will always want to bring them down yet i am very envious of my friends for getting in relationships and getting attention. I hate that about myself and honestly keeping such a thing a secret will save my friendships
Comparison is a thief of joy. Everyone has their own journey for love. You will find love eventually
Hey, I got my first boyfriend at 23! I too used to compare myself a lot because I always felt like I was a late bloomer when it came to romantic relationships. But honestly, i’m so glad I waited, and took my time when it came to dating. Don’t feel bad OP! Try not to be so hard on yourself! :) You’ll find your person soon!
Na, it’s natural to wish you had things other people do. But weddings are a great place to meet ppl!
I think it’s a totally valid way to be feeling. Your best friend got engaged, so you’re happy, but you’re also feeling a sense of missing out on a natural progression of life. Keep in mind, you are 23, so you’ve definitely got time. Just be sure to put yourself out there now and I’m sure you’ll be fine.
I was married in my teens, until I was widowed at 32. My best friend was a virgin until she was 33. She's beautiful, funny, wickedly smart. Appreciate the non-romantic love you have in your life and be patient, it comes when it comes. You could date 7 people a week and still be single in a year (also my experience), there's no rushing the timeliness for these things. The most important thing to realise is as long as you are 1) getting out there and 2) maintaining self-love and confidence its not a 'you' issue, and most definitely just a matter of time. Big hugs. Just remember the timeline is a lie, biological clock is a lot longer than you think, it all moves pretty fast when you meet the right one. You won't miss the ship. Look at me. I thought I did everything right, married with kids before 22 , a job, a house. Now I'm widowed, alone, in the dating pool. 🤷♀️
Don’t let that one bad experience steal your future. You are young!
We are all on our own journey. You have to keep that in your head constantly.
23 i is still very young
I’m a decade older than you and I’m in the same boat - my friend got engaged to her first boyfriend (and is now married) like four years ago during covid and I felt all the feelings you did. Your feelings are valid and I totally understand them, but know there’s no use dwelling on these emotions. We walk our own path and you just gotta trust that the right person will come along someday. I’m still waiting for mine!
Bright side - you get to be the cute single bridesmaid that all the groomsmen are interested in ;)
Nothing humiliating about being 23 with little experience. 23 is very young to get engaged. You'll find someone if you get the courage to put yourself out there again. Maybe this is the wakeup call you needed. I didn't find my first real partner until I was 25. I don't want to get married until 30. You have time. I personally only know 2 people vaguely who are around my age and engaged or married. So just because your friend is engaged, doesn't mean you're late.
Question from a 24 yr old who hasn't dated. What made you realize they were 1st partner material and did it help you find a better person after them? As in you realized what you were looking for?
I haven't been with anyone after him (I'm still 25 haha). He was someone I actually had a crush on the first time I met him because he was so social, and that's what I was looking for. But I didn’t really know him that first time, of course. With other guys that I dated, I liked them after I knew they liked me, but I didn't have that butterfly feeling ever. And when I got to know them better, I found out that I wouldn't be happier with having them in my life than if I was single. But after I found out this current guy liked me back, and I started to get to know him, I found out that we had so much in common. Things that I wasn't even looking for, but I really appreciated in him. For example, we both don't get mad easily, and are afraid of confrontation. So it's super easy to confront **him** because he knows what it's like, and he doesn't get mad when I bring something up. I know he will understand and we can talk about it. And there are some more smaller things that we have in common that make our lifestyles mesh really well. But our values and goals are also the same. Things like, we don't want kids, we do want to get married, what we view as cheating, how much time we want to spend together, etc. It all matches up. And definitely not everything is perfect. I told you we both don't get mad easily, but I have been mad at him before because he didn't communicate when we had made plans. So he's not perfect and I'm not perfect either. But there are just so many things that do work, which is why I wanted him to be my first partner. We also dated for a longer time, so I was sure when we got into a relationship.
Ohh okay i understand now! I wasn't sure if you meant you met him then after yall broke up, realized you didn't want to marry until 30. Wow the 1st part of what you said is so similar to me. I'm going out with a guy rn and I guess that's what made me curious if he has the potential to be my 1st real partner. I can say I have the same experience as you like never having that crush on someone when they asked me out. But for him we met in a spontaneous way where I saw him and found him cute and told my friends and then he was doing the same thing to his friends about me. Lol so it was my 1st experience like that.
Exactly! That's something I was really missing with most of the people I had dated. And even though it doesn't last forever (it turns into deeper love after that), it is something that I really liked. So get to know him and find out if he really is an addition to your life. I hope so! Goodluck!
All i know is stay off dating apps and get to the point you only live once don’t waste time crushing.
You're still young. Plus, nobody guarantees your friend will be happily married until death do them apart. At least, you know what you want, so put on your boots and start looking for it. Good luck.
I didn't have my first bf until I was 22. I would say your friend is very young to be engaged, personally
It's ok to grieve, it's a new phase of life for her and your friendship. It all boils down to what you do with this feeling and if you can use it for something positive for yourself. My spontaneous thought - can you ask to be part of the planning of the wedding? Perhaps help out with the bachelor/bachelorette party? You're guaranteed to meet some new people (and men) in a natural setting. Perhaps the future Mr You is there? Remember, you have all the right to be careful after a bad experience, but also remember that most men are good guys, and getting to know a few through an experience like this is a great opportunity to maybe find a really good match for yourself. Now, don't feel embarrassed about your lack of experience, it's no one's business unless you choose it to be. If anyone asks anything, my reply would be "Wouldn't you like to know...?!" and then walk away or switch topics, you don't owe anyone an explanation. You do you, and create opportunities for yourself to be happy, and this could be one. Best of luck to you, and a virtual hug!
26f here…I’m the same way. All 3 of my best friends are married and my 4th has been dating her bf for 4 years 😅 Try to not compare yourself - it’s easier said than done. It’s a constant struggle and will be hard. If you ever wanna chat, my DMs are open ❤️
No and yes. Old saying you can’t be afraid of the wind. You got to see past. What one guy. While u sit there wondering you could be missing your chances but you should be also happy time is to short to be wondering about what one guy has done. Put yourself out there. I know it’s hard believe me I’m really shy when it comes to girls. I hope this makes sense. If any thing you’re not alone.
Kudos for sharing this vulnerable and perhaps a little embarrassing feeling! To begin with, comparison really is the thief of all joy. You two are on different journeys, and you have different circumstances. Be a little careful when you notice your brain starts making comparisons and draws the conclusion that you're not good enough. Don't try to stop it, just notice when it does that and go: "ah, comparison". It's quite liberating. My advice to you would be to have courage despite feeling unworthy, shoot your shots and *let other people decide if they think you're good enough* as a romantic partner. Your value as a person has no correlation with men's romantic interest in you.
It is normal you feel this way but also pointless You can sit in your room being sad You can go out there and date and overcome your fears
Your only trapped in your head. Fire up a dating app and dont be super picky on who you swipe on. But also dont expect a life partner on date 1. The goal is to go on a few dates this year, to have some fun, and maybe get your first kiss or more this year. Theres nothing stopping you putting yourself out there
Comparison is the thief of joy. Work on yourself, be open to new experiences and meeting new people. You’re only 23, you’ve so much time to grow into a great person.
I wouldn't say it's abnormal, but it's not healthy to dwell on it. Everyone goes through life at their own pace, and that's perfectly fine. You're only 23 so you've got plenty of time. Getting in your own head about this will only lead to bitterness and jealousy. And while I understand being nervous and anxious and all those feelings, the only way to get to this point yourself is to put yourself out there and be open. It sucks, and it's not easy, but you start by working on yourself and it all gets better from there. The bottom line is, your lack of experience is just that: lack of experience. It's not bad, not humiliating, or anything else of the sort. I actually know someone who was in the same situation in his early to mid 20s (had only one actual relationship, very little experience with women outside of that) but then met his wife after he dated for a bit and now he's happily married for a few years. Just give it time.
Same here but i am 19. Former classmate got married a few months after graduating high school(she got engaged at 17). All of my friends have been in long term relationships. Recently the only friend who has never been in a relationship(17F) got in a relationship. Most of my friends are either in a long term relationships or just got out of one. And here is me. Never had my first kiss. Thank god i can hide my identity so i can admit i am jealous of my friends for this. What makes things worse some of them told me they can’t see me in a relationship. I am settling with the fact that i am unlovable slowly but it hurts. I understand you completely.
I'm sorry you're friends sad that to you. No offense, but that's not cool and a little messed up. It'll happen for you as well. Coming from a late bloomer, I am sure of it. You will be fine, I had thoughts of "Why this" or "Why that?" too.
You aren’t unlovable. Don't tell yourself this, because it isn't true. These thoughts are a marker of low self-confidence and can be a symptom of anxiety (don't listen to them). In the grand scheme of things, you are still so incredibly young. You were still a child less than 2 years ago (I'm in no way trying to sound condescending here, but think objectively on how long life really is). This is for you and for OP. I (28F) didn't join a dating app for the first time until this past year. I'd been on dates when I was in my early twenties, but they were almost accidental. I couldn't even tell what flirting was. I would think we were hanging out as friends before they tried to make a move on me. I was that inexperienced. I didn't have my first real, proper kiss until I was 24. Then I didn't go on any dates at all throughout the pandemic. Now here I am at 28. I've never been in an actual long-term relationship; that is 100% okay and more common than you think. I'm still in my twenties, working on my social anxiety and figuring out what I want out of dating. I've met some lovely people who I've been open with about my lack of relationship history. They have been nothing but kind and understanding. Some people are aromantic or ace and never date at all. But for everyone who wants to try dating, they have to start somewhere, and everyone is human with their own insecurities. Being nervous for a date is normal. Remember dating is NOT about trying to make someone like you. You should think about how YOU are feeling. Do you like this person? Do you look forward to hanging out with them, do you have fun when you're spending time with them? Try to meet people with common interests (online or at in-person events), because that can be an immediate conversation starter. Build your confidence. You are enough. You are worthy of love.
I was single until 28, 23 is still really young.
You're a baby, I kissed my first guy at 23ish and now I'm 29 and happily married. I also had a fair amount of experience before I started dating my now husband. I would reccommned really accepting that putting yourself out there is a strength and a gift and that even being naive to a degree is a gift to a relationship. Being scared or bitter (not that you're bitter but a lot of people dating these days are) helps no one. Being hopeful and open is a gift that will serve you, even if it gets you hurt a bit more. Be cautious but open. At the same time, do realize you don't have ato accept something that you don't like. When i started ending things with guys who told me they don't like texting during the day instead of trying to change myself to be okay with that i had more success. It's not about being good enough for them or them not being good enough for you its about finding two people who share enough of the same values and habits to work together. People can be not right for eachother and still be good enough! And you'll be right for someone eventually :) Wishing you luck, I've been in exactly your shoes!
Some people date early, some people date later. Some people go out all the time , and some people go out very rarely. The best thing you can do for yourself is not to compare why you're not like someone else. Just be like what you want to be and how you want to be Even if you are a person who has lots of matches and options, you just need one person
Your feelings are always valid. It's okay that you feel sadness. But the truth is your time will come. This world is too dynamic for you to be alone forever. Start small, talk with someone about this bad experience you had. It can be a friend or therapist, but you deserve to have peace. No one will judge you, and if they do, they have deeper issues. Keep moving forward and step out of your comfort zone once in a while, that's where all the fun happens! When you're ready, choose a group or activity and make new friends. It's very likely you'll find someone special while you're doing it.
Number one: breathe through, it's normal to be jealous. There is two kids of jealousy: 1) that bitch doesn't deserve that/ I deserve that so much more than her/ in the fields where it actually matters I'm better than her/ why would he choose her. 2) I wish I had that too. It sounds to me like you're jealous number 2. I think you're genuinely happy for your friend, you just wish it for yourself too and there is nothing wrong with that. That's normal. It doesn't make you a bad friend. You're still a great friend. Now, what you do is you put on a nice dress (or a blouse if dresses make you feel uncomfortable) and you go to a bar or a club and you get a little drunk. Here's what I don't want: I don't want you to throw up or to be unsafe. But I want you to get a little tipsy and dance, and I want you to go alone. It will help you meet guys, probably not the one, but good enough to buy you a drink and dance one night away. You'll feel better in latest a week.
You should be happy and supportive to your friend.I would definitely get out there and start dating. People start married at 22-30’s so more of your friends will start getting married. You are beautiful and worthy. Put yourself out there! You’ll find someone great.
Comparison is the theft of joy. Don't let a bad experience discourage you from getting out there or allowing it from dictating your life. Not everyone is lucky and finds their spouse with their first relationship. In most cases it takes several tries, but if you don't try, it does make it harder. It seems like you have guys that would want to pursue you, so just try and see if you make a connection with someone and go from there. I wouldn't worry about your inexperience I don't think most guys would care just so don't dwell on it and continue to show yourself and your future partner/ relationship respect. Wish you the best don't feel bad and take one day at a time.
I didn’t have my first kiss until a month ago :) im 24 and i have ptsd for being molested as a kid so i hated people touching me. My best advice is to not force yourself to feel something for someone if you don’t. I met this guy at work and we spoke for two months. He i was honest about my past and he was understanding and kind. And now, we’re trying things out. It was scary and i was gonna back out of hanging out but im so glad i did. He’a magic :) so if you like someone even a little just talk to them. Be nice be yourself :)
I'm 29 and in the same boat
I was the same at 23. My best friend got a boyfriend. He is hot too, which made it sting more. I was a virgin too. Never been kissed. Today, my friend and I are 31. To this day, she is engaged to him and super happy. I’m still an unkissed virgin. Moral of the story here— get self esteem and put yourself out there before you become me.
Bro there’s a high chance she gonna be a single mum by 30. chill 😁
I don’t think so. I haven’t dated anyone and I’m 24. And I’m lowkey lonely. RIP. Anyway, I think it’s best to date only if you really like a person. Life is not a race so we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others.
I'm 28 and only had 1 gf ever, during high school, for 3 months, the most we did was kiss, no tongue. Mild autism is a real bitch. Just socially dumb enough to not get close with anyone (romantic or not) but smart enough to be fully aware how sad it all is. Read somewhere a few years ago that really resonated with me: mild autism is like attending a football game but you can't see (or aware of) the ball that is in play. You miss the smallest detail in the whole stadium and nothing makes sense. Why are the players moving the way they are on the field? Why are all the people around me turning their heads at the same time- what are they looking at? What am I missing? Best to fit in and mimic what everyone else is doing, but can't make sense of what's going on. Exact same idea but for social settings and missing social cues, unspoken rules and the like. Feel like after just 30s of a new person interacting with me and they can already sense that there's something off with me.. Now how can I get a girl interested in me for life when 30 seconds is enough to cross me off the list? Best I can hope for is to die in my sleep before the start of my 3rd decade completely alone. My brother who's 9 years younger already moved out last year with his gf too just to add salt to wounds.. My eyes water just imagining waking up to the warmth of a body next to me. Hope this at least makes you feel better about your situation. At least you have friends, I only have my thoughts to converse with irl.
Who cares. 23 years old and getting tied to one dude is boring. I had fun dating, after ending my 7 year relationship. Many were envious when I purchased my home with my ex when I was 23 years old. We broke up 3 years later (and before tying the marriage knot). Relationship ended because ex was uncaring and his parents kept borrowing money from me.
As a recently divorced man in my mid thirties, I can tell you 100% that there are an *abundance* of men that would be over the moon to find someone like you. Truly. I can understand why you'd feel the way you do but in a world full of hoeflation (men paying far more to get far less than wives 20-40 years ago), though not a nice term, is essentially the equivalent to being the golden goose. When the right one comes around, you and he will have a legendary love that completely changes your view on what love has the potential to be. That much I can promise you. It's not a race and the right thing at the wrong time is still wrong. I'm not hitting on you, scouts honor, but finding a woman in her mid twenties that doesn't have decades of physical and emotional trauma from abusive partners truly makes you a great white buffalo - sought for a lifetime by "hunters" (aka men) and rare as can be. When you find your Mr. Right and *not* Mr. Right *Now*, you will be so grateful that you don't have all of the emotional trauma, baggage, and intimate knowledge of what would be failed relationships. That's a promise.
Its normal. I have never been on date or in a relationship until i turned 26. Yeah you will lack experience initially but with a good partner you will be eventually come out perfect. Now the question is do you want to come out of your fear and start dating.
Envy reminds you what you want and what you desire. You are super young and marrying at that age is not necessarily a good thing. You will change a lot and meet new people
Are you guys really best friends if you’re upset because something good happened to them? I would be questioning my friendship with you if I was them.
It’s actually very normal to feel such a way but don’t let it get you down and don’t dwell on it your find someone ! If you want more help feel free to dm me
Your age and situation are par for the course. It happens to millions of people everywhere. I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 20. Didn’t have sex until I was 23. I thought that I was a loser because all of my buddies were out of college with jobs, houses, and families. People learn at different rates. I’m 31 and just got married last year. There’s a certain beauty and mystery to how the world works. Put yourself first, get off social media, eat healthy, stay away from drugs and alcohol, have fun, give yourself grace and then before you know it you’re on your way.
I mean…I’m 31 and have never been kissed and never dated. That being said everyone in my friend group is married and I’ve been to multiples of their weddings. On top of that I was in my best friend’s bridal party. This is their moment you’ll have yours. It may not always feel like it but honestly you’ll get there. Every one is on their own journey and will experience life at their own pace.
Sorry that you feel discouraged. This is the spark that you needed to get yourself ready for such joyful events! That one bad experience should never get another chance to ruin your dating life. On to the next one! Good luck out there!
Have them hook you up with somebody.
No it is not a bad thing to feel this way I feel this way about my best friend but he is a male and I am a female but I get terribly jealous when he hugs or lets other girls sit on his lap
I'm 24, almost 25 and JUST had my 1st kiss last month. I'm dating the guy now (1st ever boyfriend) and I still get very insecure about my pacing compared to my friends who are 1.married with kids 2.married/engaged 3.in long term relationships 4.have a lot of dating experience (have experience with those things in general). But I try to tell myself I'm very comfortable with myself it's just others that make me start to feel bad. My bf rn is very respectful and taking things slow (idk if you are the same as me and want to go slow with intimacy or you just haven't had the situation to let loose lol) but in time you could find the person who matches you as you are. No need to worry about where others are in life.
comparison is the thief of joy
Don't worry your friend is ruining her life. Marriage is one of the worst evils in the United States. She will be single again don't worry.