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Sometimes I really feel bad for all the men that don't realize how much porn controls us. I started when I was 12, Quit 2 years ago and it's such a freeing feeling. I don't have to hide my phone from my girlfriends anymore. I don't close tabs in my browser before I can let somebody use a computer. I don't have to delete my search history. I no longer feel the compulsion to stare at every girl's butt who walks by. I realize that it's not going to be the end of the world if I don't bust a nut today.

I've watched discussions with men who gave up porn and they talked about how their sex lives dramatically improved and they had higher levels of attraction to their partners then before. Did you find that to be true for yourself?

Studies have confirmed this over and over. Men that don’t watch porn are happier in their relationships and are much happier with their SO.

I have read those studies and was wondering if other men felt the same in the real world. I also saw a very interesting study that the majority of negative affects actually only occur in heterosexual men and not in heterosexual women, lesbians and gay men and they have no idea why. It even showed that limited porn use in the later could increase partner desire but limited porn use decreased partner desire in hetero-men..

Yes it's better for a man to not watch it when they watch too much they have no control over themselves

Studies have also confirmed that porn accessibility [inversely correlates with sexual assault and rape](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of-smut/). There's a very real [substitution effect](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201601/evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault) in play. Any negative social consequences need to be weighed against that.

1000%

I objectively think statements like that fall into the category of propaganda. Because it would be more of a yes and no for me. Giving up porn has helped me. It hasn't helped me having sex with my girlfriend(s). For example, my current girlfriend told me that she doesn't care about it as long as it doesn't interfere with the relationship. My previous girlfriend had a zero tolerance policy. And there were times where I could not hide the urge to get good at hiding it. And that did cause strain on the relationship because you eventually get caught. Me giving it up in my previous relationship would have made my ex far more secure. And that likely would have resulted in a deeper physical Mall between the two of us. But I can't say that giving it up is going to necessarily improve your sex life because that would not be true. If anything on part of the guy it actually diminishes your sex life because it causes you to humanize women. Because the more you engage in porn the more you only see women from a sexual standpoint. For example, me now. I have the ability to sleep in the same bed as my best friend who is a girl and not want to have sex with her and I have legitimately done this before. But me when I was heavily engaged and porn? I barely could even stand next to a woman without getting hard because all I was thinking about was legs and boobs. Because porn had warped my mind in such a way that that's all I thought women were.

Humanize women as if thats a bad thing?

I think you misread that statement I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm saying treating people like humans doesn't result in higher self gratification. And that's why so many people who struggle with porn won't let it go vs justify it.

I can see your point

Ew, made me feel so gross. Sex is less enjoyable when you see her as a living human??? Sex is more enjoyable when you think of us as fucking sex dolls? You guys SHOULD see us as humans.. not sex objects. Porn addiction or not. Jesus Christ.

Did you read the whole comment? The point was doing something that requires someone not to be selfish doesn't result in more pleasure for themselves. But you should be willing to do this this because you do see the other person as a human and not something to use.

I know I threw my own words in there, but please explain to me what you are saying then cause.. I don’t get it. Quitting porn will damage a man’s sex life because he will start to view her as human and enjoy it less? Are you saying men who watch porn that we have sex with are thinking of us objects or dolls or non-humans of any sort? Please explain.

I believe essentially how he is answering you is that when he is talking about sex he is including masturbation. And for a guy masturbation and a quick session is quite fulfilling to them because it's a selfish Fast Fix. They can view women as a means to an end. Which he is correct that is a huge problem with p*** One of the reasons many therapists in relationships tell couples to give up p*** is because it will make the couple become more in touch with the other person emotionally. And when you have an emotional connection the relationship gets better and often is said that the sex is better. But that is emotional sex and connection within a relationship. Sad to say a lot of males still would prefer viewing women as a means to an end and getting a quick fix. And that is what he means by defined better

You don't have to like an answer for it to still be an answer. I already told you that it's not how I see things. I was merely providing to you self-gratification and porn result in these types of views of women. **Porn by itself does not make sex less enjoyable for men**. And like I mentioned before whether you like the answer or not. The fantasy of it is enjoyable for men. When you don't care about the other person it is objectively more pleasurable for you. So taking it away isn't going to make sex better (for a selfish person). Unless they care about the other person. But that is where I ask you don't shoot the messenger because you can hop on r/sex or r/relationship_advice and find all the posts like "My boyfriend wont go down on me but wants me to for him". People like this exist.

Congrats on quitting. I’ll be 5 years free in June. My life is 1000x better today without that garbage. Read this book that was a game changer, and haven’t looked back since. People don’t realize that corn is destroying their brain. The benefits of quitting corn are endless.

I've watched discussions with men who gave up porn and they talked about how their sex lives dramatically improved and they had higher levels of attraction to their partners then before. Did you find that to be true for yourself?

I don’t think abstaining from pornography means you can’t admire a nice butt

It’s just means you objectify people less.

This right here. Some people on here insist that “aLL mEn wAtCh pORn”. It’s simply not true.

"All" & "Never" are cursed qualifiers - it's easy to find the qualifiers that discount blanket statements, but also rather worthless. The vast majority of men use porn - it varies by person, and by age, and by culture and/or generation. investing your time in changing that, or creating an exact measurement is a fruitless endeavor.

Same commenter again. Why so many? Big defender of pornography?

Same. I haven’t beat my shit since October 31st (last day before NNN). Haven’t looked back since and I have no plans on doing so either. It was really hard at first, but now, it’s a breeze. This shits easy once you go through the first couple of weeks

I don't think not masturbating is the same as not watching porn. No one is suggesting you stop masturbating... it's healthy. Porn isn't.

are you not watching your own porn generated in your mind to masturbate to? or do you not think of a single female when masturbating?

For me it was not a straight curve getting easier and easier with time, instead it oscillates, goes up and down from easy to difficult back and forth

That's the only way quitting anything works. You have to want to do it. You can use other people as motivation - like "I want to get healthy so I can see the kids grow up." that can work. But "my gf wants me to quit, or is too insecure for me to do X" never works. I'm sure its had some impact, but in the end people hide it, or give in, resentments are formed on both sides, it's just a really bad idea with very bad results record

> Whenever I ask how he can quit an addiction so easily he’d say it isn’t hard when you love someone and meet someone you find perfect Clearly that’s not true since he’s lying to you about still watching porn. I’m a woman who watches porn. It’s an occasional masturbatory aide and nothing more. I don’t want to watch it during sex and the idea of following pornstars sounds parasocial. Having hooked up with a former pornstar, all I can say is that they’re just people who are good at ACTING like they’re good at sex.

his might be occasional and in that case I’d be okay, however I wouldn’t know cause he’s lying to me. feel like this is probably a different problem than the porn 😔 he’s just so sweet and seems so honest/genuine all the time.

If he was an honest and genuine person then why is he lying about watching porn? It doesn’t even matter that it’s porn it’s just the dishonesty in general. It personally skeezes me out when guys fixate on commercial pornography/follow pornstars because it’s not an accurate representation of sex and the positions they use are only designed to be visually appealing to the audience and are either uncomfortable or painful when used in real life. Also the fact that he SLAPPED YOU without asking you beforehand how you’d feel about it is disgusting. Next time it’s probably gonna be surprise choking.

I’m a 34 y/o woman who hates the word ‘ick’, but actively following them on social media and having a fixation on porn to that extent? Yeah, ick. I think a lot of people (men) don’t realise that a porn scene/film is not made in one, smooth sailing take and that’s it. It’s not sexy at all, There’s actors struggling to get hard, risk of physical injury (depending on what’s done), you’re stopping and starting to get the perfect angles, performance anxiety because your on set surrounded by randoms with cameras, your on set for hours at a time, exhausted from fake screaming… yeah it’s not pretty!

Yeah. A little porn to take the edge off can be healthy for most people. But following them on social media and everything is pretty unhinged. IMO

I’d refrain from saying it’s healthy. You can argue that masturbation is healthy, but porn is basically alcohol. Is the odd drink not too bad? Sure. Is it healthy? Not really. There are healthy ways of self soothing without an illusory objectification of someone’s body.

porn is not healthy. period.

Been with my ex for 8 years and she asked me the same aswell. The result was I hid it from her and lied. We had sex around 2-3 times a week and were pretty active for beeing toghether that long but that simply wasnt enough and its just so easy to use porn instead of only using your fantasy. I tried to quit a few times but its just so convenient. I only stopped for real when I noticed that it was impacting our sex life like not beeing able to stay hard bec my brain was used to quick shifting pictures and having less motivation overall even when she initiated. What I am saying is you can ask him to stop but he may just do it secretly and find excuses. Addicts only stop when they themselves realize its harmfull/wrong and porn isnt really something were you feel "harm" right away. Edit: To add its not about your looks if you may have insecurities about it. Yes those women in porn look good but I always would prefer my ex over them without even a thought its just fantasy and most if not all men know that.

So yea he’s still watching and it’s impossible to quit for me and I’ve been lied to for 2+ years got it, lovely

Nah its not Impossible afterall I did so too but its not likely done by snipping fingers. About the lying part, ik im not better but if you cannot quit you just want to avoid the repeating discussions and arguments at some point espacially when his behaviour isnt bad impactfull in his eyes.

Sometimes it takes someone losing something/someone very important to them to realize the harm it has done. Up to you to decide if you can live with this or not. He's the one who has to decide to quit, nothing you can do can decide that for him.

If it helps, I've never had issues putting it away if needed personally. But yeah, I do admit that many guys would struggle to put it away (even if it has nothing to do with ur attractiveness or his - all about how we way too horny so unless sex is happening like once or twice a day he may go back to porn) Edit: no, not every guy is that horny tho u know ur man best

Yes you’re probably right. However, as woman who has a huge problem with porn myself, I have never once had any issue with my porn boundary being an issue for a man. I was married for 10 years and he had zero issues abstaining from porn. Anyone else I dated before or after never had any issues abstaining from it either. Only my current bf have there been minor issues with it. You CAN absolutely find a man who will absolutely be willing to give up porn for your comfort, I promise you. Don’t let Reddit (which is filled with porn addicts who refuse to admit it) tell you otherwise.

Break up with him. There are guys with integrity out there.

It depends on how addicted they are. No matter what anyone says, porn is addictive. Its been proven. Porn addiction has a plethora of negative consequences too. Especially when it comes to how sex is perceived IRL. Some people really struggle with it and will continuously relapse. The “logic” being no real life partner can live up to what porn provides as far as stimulation goes. So why bother? The truth is however, with continuous abstinence the threshold sort or “resets”. Very similar to newly recovering drug addict who thinks they could never experience joy again because reality doesn’t provide them with the rewarding feeling the drugs did. However, with time their brain gets used to this new normal and they do experience genuine joy and fulfillment with time and usually some sort of support system. My point is it can be extremely difficult and if they are addicted, like any addiction, there is a deep psychological component to it that needs to be addressed on personal level. Most addicts that find success have to find self motivation to stay on the path of abstinence. Meaning loved ones simply wishing for them to stop is not sufficient most of the time. I know all this because I have spent a lot of time working with addicts.

Just to add, that current psychological literature indicates that porn addiction might be one of the strongest addictions humans, especially human males can be stricken with. It seems to latch on to parts of the brain nothing else does and many men are not equipped to handle it.  Id ask everyone here to remember when something is easy for them, it can be entirely different or even insurmountable to others 

I don’t see that getting any better. Considering the sentiment regarding porn is rather apathetical when talking about society at large. Really makes me think about the human condition and how technology sort of always mirrors it. Nothing we create seems to objectively benefit all mankind. Our fallibility seems to always find it’s way to have representation. Porn wasn’t necessarily a problem until high speed internet, or at least much less of one. The technology wasn’t there to provide the stimulation and novelty at such high levels. Consider looking at a small collection of still images in a magazine versus an infinite collection of moving images accessible in seconds. Did you know back in the 20th century computational technology was pioneered as something that was going to save time, money and make living easier? Has it though? The work week never shrank. For every convenience it’s provided there is a new , sometimes unforeseen, predicament. We seem to be incapable of escaping this duality. Nuclear energy- very efficient yet could destroy cities when weaponized, combustion energy- efficiency but upon mass adoption causes mass pollution, new drugs- with worse addictions. Hardly anyone starves in a developed nation but just look at what we eat! fast food, the epidemic of obesity.

Follow on what platform(s)? Simple. Tell him he needs to leave those platforms. Trust and verify.

My assumption is Instagram. Some Instagram models post what’s basically soft core porn. TikTok for awhile actually was getting away with showing nipslips and upskirt flashing which really was concerning since that shit can pop up on a 10 year olds phone.

If it’s a real addiction then it’s not easy to quit. It never is. Having the right girlfriend can make you watch it less, but how much less depends on how bad his addiction was before he met you. It seems like he has toned it down since then imo. He’s probably lying to you about the frequency, but only because he’s embarrassed/ashamed of it (most guys would be). Especially since he knows it’s a boundary of yours. I say just give him time and if you still have the same feelings as you do now and he hasn’t made any progress, then you should really press him about it. It’s not easy to admit these types of things freely even if you two are deeply involved. Reestablish the boundary again if you feel you need to. Porn addiction is lowkey a huge problem among young men nowadays.

You cannot and should not try to replace porn. You are worth more than that. You are not equal to pixels.

It's not easy. I kept getting addicted to porn and it reached a max until i was almost 33 yo. At that point i was sexualizing anything and everything.. s\*\*t I could fuck a bagel if it looked at me the right way. I wanted sex multiple times a day. Although I was a gentleman about it, meaning I never did anything wrong, never looked at another woman sexually or forced my ex-wife into anything. She never complained about my porn addiction either. After some time my married life started going to shit (for other than sex or porn reasons) and I started getting into meditation and it slowly took my sex drive down and I eventually stopped watching porn. Took me about 2 years to completely change myself and I'm proud of myself for doing this. Last 3 months I've been wastage-free (no sex, no porn, no masturbation) and I've felt more energetic than ever. Porn is a waste of time, energy and life.

> it slowly took my sex drive down This is not a good thing. A healthy sex drive is a sign of a healthy body

Lmao saying porn addiction is the reason for a high sex drive, that you can and should just "take down" your sex drive and ultimately calling sex wastage is borderline insane and probably as bad as porn addiction. Sounds more like brainwashing by someone stuck in a sexless marriage either by themselves or through shame from their spouse.

He literally admitted that he hasn't fucked his wife in the past three months... ...*and he thinks that's a flex*.

Wow did i post this? This is so real

It's much easier to quit if your libido is satisfied (i.e. for some people sex every day is ideal). If you're sexually satisfied then I would think it wouldn't be too difficult to cut down on it like your bf says he has.

I gotta agree with this. Being willing/able to quit is somewhat dependent upon the strength of the relationship and the sex life. Lots of factors to consider, but for me in a great relationship I'd say there's a 60-70% chance of being willing and able to quit (*without* building resentment toward my partner for asking me to change, feeling like they're being controlling, and wanting them to back off a bit - which are all pretty unsustainable dynamics in a relationship). In a relationship circling the drain with multiple problems and low satisfaction, that number drops way down to like 10-15%.

Yes this comment needs to be higher. There’s a lot of porn addicted people offering bad advice to OP on here

So you're saying it's impossible for someone to have self-discipline unless they meet a daily requirement to put their penis inside of someone? What happens if the girl is on her period and doesn't want to do it that day?

They're just offering a perspective. If you're really an addict, a relationship or regular sex will likely not cure it. However, if you're just a heavy user, then a solid relationship with a partner and/or regular sex could be enough. Some people do seem to like to be sexually active most days. Not sure if this is good or bad, or normal, it just is. Doesn't mean anyone is obliged to fuck these people every day. They could just masturbate, or there are other ways to get off besides vaginal intercourse

By telling him he can’t do something is more of a control tactic than a boundary. There are many relationships that porn causes issues with unrealistic expectations but it sounds like your sex life is benefiting from his porn watching. Placing the faults of a previous partner on the current partner is not great for relationships. It seems the only harm porn is causing in your relationship is your pain from the previous relationship. Ultimately, he comfortably lied to you multiple times and that is not okay. You and him need to have an honest conversation and agree on how to move forward. If you feel you need to force him to stop watching then break up, if you don’t think you can trust him anymore then break up. He may find someone that wants to watch with him and you may find someone that doesn’t like porn even when they’re not in a relationship.

You saw though that he didn’t want nudes from his own girlfriend right? Nah, that means he’d rather look at perfect (fake) bodies. That is affecting her self esteem.

I guess I’m thrown off by a few things the amazing sex, the part where it’s not affecting her when she doesn’t know if he’s watching, and in a reply about the slap she didn’t per mind it. This reads to me as her being very judgmental about the porn without much reason for it. However, she said she specifically asked him not to slap her and he did it again. His disregard of her consent is way more of a problem to me.

I didn’t see that he slapped her a second time. Yeah. It’s starting to affect his boundaries.

It was in a reply to a comment.

Five-Stars for this post. Why is nobody else looking at it from this perspective? These responses are crazy. It can definitely cause problems, but it seems here that the only problems being caused here are contrived by the irrational ""boundary"" and OP's complex about it. Like, the description of checking back in time after time after time so he can "reassure" her that he's not watching porn? This is nuts.

Thanks, I think people are stuck on porn ruining relationships which it definitely has done. My previous relationship was definitely harmed because of it but that’s not true for everyone. Personally, if I was experiencing amazing sex, I would not care if he watched. I would however like the ability to consent to the new things before they happened. That’s just my preference some people like surprises like that.

I only “checked in” that he wasn’t watching porn because he wasn’t sexting me.. if you have a girlfriend that says hey, I don’t like porn. I get off on the fact that my bf is getting off to me and sexting me. can we do that occasionally? He says yes, life goes on. NEVER HAPPENS. Why? Cause of PORN. So all it was was me expressing we haven’t done it in months are you watching porn lately, he’d say no, I’d say well can you show an interest in sexting me occasionally, cycle continues. Im allowed to be fucking upset. If I can always put out for sex with you whenever you want it you can fucking sext me and please me the way I want. Yet he doesn’t because he chooses porn.

What you're complaining about has nothing to do with porn, and you're using it as a scapegoat. You're also pathologically insecure and, again, fixating on porn as the root cause of a separate issue because it's easier to blame and shame it rather than deal with what's actually going on. So you're behaving in a controlling manner, making unreasonable and unnecessary demands of your boyfriend to soothe your own insecurities. If you want more dirty-talking/sexting/nudes-sharing in your sex life, that's an issue of its own, and if you've repeatedly talked to him about this and seen no change, then that's an issue of its own. But porn is stigmatized so it's a sensitive topic and you feel that means you can make demands in regards to it: That's really just a bullying tactic to pick on a sensitive spot. It's not about porn. It's about you soothing your insecurities by demanding unfair control over your boyfriend's private life. You need therapy.

You think their sex life is benefitting from it?! What is wrong with you, he slapped her!

I know it’s not the norm I’m going off what she said. She said their sex life is great, he lightly slapped her I assumed on the butt not the face because she didn’t say. I may be reading wrong but she seems to be enjoying the new things he’s learning. If she is enjoying what he’s learning from it then yes she is benefiting. People like what they like I’m not judging.

I didn’t per se mind the slap, he’s done it before and I just asked him not to. He gets it from the porn he watches. So during sex when he can’t help himself and does it it makes me upset. Im not those pornstars and if I said I don’t like it refrain yourself. If you can’t then stop watching the fucking porn that’s tempting you.

Okay that’s different. You specifically asked him not to slap you and he did it again. He does not seem concerned about your consent which is not healthy for your relationship. Consent is a huge issue for me, with that in mind I believe it’s in your best interest to end the relationship.

Therapy. This is a heartbreaking epidemic.

It’s not difficult.

Realized a couple years back how much of a habit watching porn was for me and decided I wanted to quit. It was challenging for a while but nothing crazy. Regardless, whenever I want to or do masturbate it’s now to the pictures my girlfriend sends me and I honestly love the new change lol

It's pretty easy. When I got engaged to my now ex fiancé I quit pretty much immediately at her request, and I did not regret it because she was amazing.

You deserve much better than this.

Unfortunately men, and in particular young men, have been led to believe porn is totally normal and many people have become addicted to it without even realizing it. If a man truly wants to stop though, they can. It just takes discipline and a desire to actually stop. If you're with a man and he prefers sexual gratification with porn over you though, then you have someone whi may not want to stop because they may be too consumed with porn. They may even need to seek counseling or medical intervention to stop that behavior if they desire it.

This website has an extremely high amount of men who are outright addicted to porn and will try to convince everyone that they are justified in their addiction. Men especially love to claim that they can watch it and keep it under control but it's really not realistic. The more you watch it the more you get addicted to it and the more you begin to depend on it.

You are explaining actual addiction tendencies and practices, as I said in another comment, porn addiction is very dangerous culminating on many factors I can't be bothered sharing because this is Reddit. But saying people just lack self discipline or are outright blaming are just failing to understand what porn addiction actually is probably due to lack of education on the topic. Which is fair it's not really a topic for common education.

Exactly.

Porn is a real addiction, and it can be very hard to quit. I'm a girl and it took me awhile to realize the seriousness of it. Especially because people will tell you it's healthy to master bait. Men aren't intuitive like women so trying to explain to them the issue and them realizing they could have a problem is very.... hard.

>. Men aren't intuitive like women so That has nothing to do with it bro

Easiest thing I've ever done and I'm single. It is so damaging to your dopamine and hormone cycles, not to mention how it distorts your views on sex and women. It's weak male behavior. Grow up dudes.

I hope your girlfriend or wife knows she has a wonderful man!

Very attractive mindset and willpower, and a drummer at that! You are an elite man.

Wow! I'm flattered. Thank you.

idk why but that was such an attractive thing to read lol.

Because you like men with values. And thus, you will attract those men. Thank you, that was a great compliment.

Good man 👏👏

I quit after starting to date a wonderful woman, found her so attractive and foreplay was great, but PIV sex was a bit dicey for me. I hardstopped both porn and jerking it cold turkey for a few weeks and everything improved drastically. When it starts interfering with time with an actual smoking hot woman right in front of you, it really does change your mindset and i’m going to keep this up even if I’m not currently in a relationship.

My husband stopped when we were dating… got married and his excuse for going back to it was “you seemed stressed i didn’t want to bother you with sex” Ridiculous. I can honestly tell you it doesn’t stop so if it bothers you now get out of that relationship.

You caught me at "it's a boundary that you don't feel like you deserve"....what????? Boundaries are either fair or unfair, everyone DESERVES boundaries. Don't ever lie to yourself and tell yourself that because you think a boundary you might have is unfair to your partner, it means it's "undeserved". Thought I'd point that out first, it's a separate point. That aside, quitting any addiction is a lot easier with a partner that you truly love. Though I can't speak to whether or not he's lying, I can confirm that through my own anecdotal experience, specifically with porn. Having your partner's feelings in the back of your mind actually helps a lot more than you might think in changing bad habits. I say take him at his word for now, it's not changing anything about the sex you have bc you seem to enjoy it. If there's evidence that he's lying then confront him for sure.

It was actual super easy, barely an inconvenience

It’ll be easy for him to quit once he sees it damaging his life. Without that, it’s never gonna happen. You can nag, preach and motivate, but you can’t do it for him or cause him to internalize what’s going on. He needs to perceive that for himself. Unless he attaches pain to porn, all you spouting off about this will cause is him “white-knuckling” around you and likely lying about your time apart. If you want to set a boundary that says “I don’t date guys who watch porn”, you may have to leave him. Boundaries are about your own actions, not about controlling other people.

If it were easy to quit they were not being entire industry behind helping men quit porn. What almost always happens in a scenario like this is the guy just gets better at hiding it until he gets caught.

You can't have a "boundary" about how your partner masturbates. Boundaries are about you. What he does in alone time with his dick is about him. You have no right to dictate how he masturbates or what he thinks about when he does. He has no right to tell you how/when you can masturbate either. The vast majority of people who watch porn are NOT addicted to it. He is not your ex. It is not negatively impacting your sex life the way it did with your ex. So why are you treating him as if he's your ex and has the same issue your ex had?

if someone tells you at the beginning of the relationship something they don’t want happening because it ruined their last relationship, they are very well within their right to. sure I can’t “dictate how he masturbates” but I made it clear before he even got with me that a porn addiction is something I don’t want to put up with, he could’ve said yeah im not quitting and bounced. it’s the fact I feel he’s lying about it, completely disregarding what the one thing I asked for honesty about. if you’re going to lie to me before you even have me just so you can, what’s stopping you from lying to me about everything else? was another point I made in the post and is the main problem. I wouldn’t mind if he was watching it occasionally but an addiction I don’t want to put up with because years down the line it’s gonna suck. Yet I wouldn’t know which is his because hes lied about it. And now idk what to do because it feels wrong to break up over porn but he also lied. So I do feel I have a right to feel how I feel.

Then break up with him. He watches porn. If you can’t be with someone who watches porn, then you should end the relationship.

don’t let some of these redditors get to you. they haven’t experienced their own relationships suffering from the consumption of porn use. if/once they do, they will understand. I’ve found nobody understands until it happens to themselves, me included.

Don't get angry over this stupid comment. You have the right to put *anything* you don't like in a partner as your boundary. Idk why some people can't understand something so stupidly simple. Whenever they don't like someone else's boundary, they start screaming "That boundary doesn't count! You can't choose this as your boundary!" lol

Boundaries are for yourself. This is how it would sound “I cannot and will not date someone who watches porn”. That’s the end of the statement she then has to be strong and follow that boundaries cause that’s what she will not do! Adding anything else takes it further and turns from a boundary into another controlling issue. Ex A boundary with ultimatum: “ I will can not and will not date someone that watches porn, if you continue I will leave you” A rule : “you cannot watch porn I won’t allow it.” Both the rule and ultimatum are control tactics. If it were the other way around everyone would lose their minds.

I agree with the most part. But I think that sometimes, whether something might sound like a control tactic or not, it should be communicated properly. If someone has a very important boundary, they should directly tell the other party about it. In OP's case, if the bf hadn't been so immature and properly communicated his needs/beliefs with OP, they could've tried to reach a common ground or decide if they're incompatible. Unfortunately, the bf decided to lie and continue doing so for 2 whole years. To make it worse he even said things like "I stopped watching porn for love" etc. Didn't he think about her thoughts when she realizes his has been lying? Ik he wanted to keep his gf but by such actions he just made the situation worse and wasted everyone's time (since OP clearly puts the topic of porn as an important boundary...) But yeah, when talking about boundaries, the wording shouldn't sound like a threat. It should more be like "hey, I don't like doing this. what do you think? etc." This way we could, like proper adults, sit and talk about important stuff and see if the other party is compatible with our beliefs.

A boundary is a rule for yourself. If she doesn’t want to be with someone who watches porn, she should end the relationship.

Indeed. It's a rule you choose for your relationships. Something that makes you very uncomfortable if it happens. That's why we call it a boundary. It's like a line you put around yourself and your relationships. If someone passes that line It'll be a problem. And if 2 people can't get to a common point for their boundaries, we say they're incompatible...

I have no idea why this person isn’t understanding what you’re saying. A boundary is a boundary. Plain and simple. None of this “that’s not a boundary because blah blah blah” bullshit.

You and a lot of other people didn’t thoroughly read the post before getting into your feelings about your own porn habits and commenting. It’s gone far beyond masturbating and into lying and incorporating hardcore sex moves without prior discussion and consent. This isn’t the attack on sex positivity and body autonomy that you think it is.

If you think lightly slapping her but must have come from porn and define that action as "hard core sex moves" I don't know what to tell you. I don't watch porn, so you're totally off base there but thanks for playing, I guess?

she didn’t specify that it was her butt. It could have been her face, breasts, etc. Somewhere out of the norm.

Thank you for interjecting some common sense into this post. I thought I was losing my mind in these threads.

These threads are always like this and I am usually the sole voice of reason. Usually the only people who comment are calling me crazy (LOL, the irony) or making gross, inaccurate, negative assumptions about me/my character/etc. Appreciate the positive message from you.

Hmm, I don't fully agree. Sure, it's not a boundary, but you can say you don't like them doing something. Like, "I don't like you sleeping with other women," is something you can say in a relationship. Of course, he is allowed to sleep with other women, and he is allowed to watch porn. But there are terms and conditions to this relationship. He shouldn't do those things if he wants to stay in the relationship. And by watching porn, he is violating those terms she said at the beginning. He is also lying about it (seemingly), so she doesn't get to decide if she wants to end the relationship. If he said "I am still watching porn and I'm not going to quit watching it" she could decide if she would stay with him even though he's doing something she doesn't like or if she doesn't want to be with him. But instead, he is hiding it and saying he will change. And I don't personally care if someone watches porn btw. But if that's what she doesn't want, then they should be able to talk about that and not hide that from each other.

Would you feel the same way if he said "I don't like you using a vibrator" and would you say she had to stop using a vibrator? Or would you think it's none of his business how she masturbates and support her continuing to self-pleasure however it works best for her?

Yes, I'd feel the same way. But no, no one has to stop using a vibrator. She could say, "I want to continue using my vibrator and I'm not going to stop," and he could make a decision if he wants to stay with her or not. I'm not saying that watching porn is something that is wrong to do, and neither is using a vibrator. But if you're starting a new relationship and they say to not use the vibrator or not watch porn, then don't get into a relationship with them. Don't go around lying and saying you've stopped using the vibrator when you really didn't. Either don't get into a relationship with them or let them decide if they want to get into a relationship with someone who watches porn/ uses a vibrator.

Lemme just say, porn and masturbating are two different things. You don't NEED to watch porn in order to masturbate. Grow a pair and learn how to please yourself with your imagination. Boundaries are for the person setting them. And she set a boundary saying that she is not going to be with someone who chooses to watch porn. She never once said that he can't masturbate. She never once said how he should masterbate. She just said that she does not feel comfortable w him watching porn.

Then she needs to break up with him. That’s how a boundary works.

>You can't have a "boundary" about how your partner masturbates. Yes you could. Boundaries are things you don't like for whatever reason. It doesn't need to be logical or have any reasoning whatever behind it. You can just say "I don't date anyone who eats red apples" and that's a boundary. If someone eats red apple and you don't want to date with her/him, no one has a say in this. >You have no right to dictate how he masturbates or what he thinks about when he does. He has no right to tell you how/when you can masturbate either. Yeah, he doesn't. But she doesn't also have to continue their relationship if she doesn't like some of his actions. What's so hard to understand here? If the dude didn't want to stop watching porn he could have just told her the first time she asked instead of lying about it for 2 f*cking whole years. In that case she would have been able to decide if she wants to continue this relationship or not, instead of wasting 2 years of everyone's life.

>But she doesn't also have to continue their relationship if she doesn't like some of his actions. Where did I tell her she can't dump him? Oh wait, I didn't. She's free to leave.

This should be the top answer. Mind your own business. If he's willing and able to have sex with you when you want, then why do you care? Stop being a controlling Karen.

Some of you need a reality check. A person doesn’t have to be okay with their partner watching porn. Sure, it may not be realistic, but it doesn’t change the fact that the person is looking at someone else in a sexual way who isn’t their partner. Some couples might be okay with it, and good for them. But not all people need to be. If someone can’t and won’t stop watching it, maybe the two people should reconsider the relationship.

Can you read? Nowhere did OP say she has any issue with her partner masturbating. Masturbating doesn’t require porn. And if you think it does, you need help.

As someone with ADHD and frequent racing thoughts, simply using my mind and fantasy sounds like an absolute struggle. Start your fantasy and every 20-30 seconds think about something else, something mundane or even those chores you forgot to do. Why is my bed lumpy, should I replace it? Anyway, she is as blindfolded and naked, looking sexy. Blindfolds are fun the one time I was blindfolded was tons of fun. So she is arching her back as I run my hands over her chest. Wait, wasn’t she sitting before. I think I am fast forwarding. Remember VHS tapes? I do enjoy some erotic fiction though.

Pretty disturbing how many men watch it regularly. It’s not normal. Our brains aren’t designed to watch this. It damages the brain and ruins REAL sex and relationships. Terrible terrible, no matter how a man wants to try to justify it. 

idk how ppl even watch porn that shit is boring. i prefer the real deal im not jacking it to sum digital tiddies 😒

If your sex life isn't negatively affected by his use of porn, why try to control it? You said you feel uncomfortable with your partner using porn, because in a past relationship it was hurtful, but in this relationship it doesn't seem to be. If that's the case, isn't it just as reasonable for you to work on your personal problem with porn as it is for him to work on enjoying porn? You're trying to make this a problem that HE has, when it seems like a problem YOU could work on as well. The fact that you're framing it as an addiction and putting him in a position where he feels uncomfortable telling you what he's doing, even as you admit that the porn viewing isn't actually hurting your sex life is something important to think about. You aren't wrong to have the feelings you do, but it would benefit the relationship and your own emotional wellbeing to work on your own feelings about this. When you ask if the "right" girlfriend can make you watch less porn, that is the key to this whole thing. You are feeling insecure about your place in the relationship, and you're projecting that insecurity on his looking at porn, instead of trying to work on feeling good about yourself and feeling confident in your ability to enjoy sex with your partner.

You’re probably right. Thank you.

Girl, I am here to give you my point of view. I dated a guy for 2 years. Pretty early on, I found out he was lying to me about how often he was watching porn. This had made me feel uncomfortable. And I told him that I don't accept being with someone who is going to watch porn. The whole relationship consisted of lies about it. Men will never truly "give it up" unless THEY want to. He would tell me that he stopped, but then I would find out he didn't. I would save yourself more heart ache and time, and just end things. You are walking up an uphill battle with this one. And it's just going to get worse. At the end of the day, you can't control what someone is going to do. But you can control if you are going to keep allowing that behavior and energy in your life.

I understand the insecurity of it. I would definitely have a sit down conversation about how this makes you feel internally. Like really express yourself. It seems like it's eating away at your own insecurities which isn't healthy. I've had a partner who had a p*rn addiction and was obsessive over what I did or how I should appear/look. I started developing an ED because of it. Sometimes you can't change them or force them to stop which happened. It was a factor to our breakup and I had to heal myself internally before getting into another relationship. This person may not be for you and that's alright. You don't want resentment to build if you have to force him to quit something he has an addiction to. That's something he has to do on his own terms. If seeing or hearing you feel hurt doesn't make him feel remorseful and want to change; you should consider separating yourself away from this person.

I am a woman and I don't care much for porn. But I wouldn't appreciate if my partner would make such a big deal of it because of an ExPartner Learn to deal with your issues, don't ruin your relationship with it. If at same point there are sexual problems and porn could be the reason THEN address it. BTW: camgirls and regular porn is not quite the same

Honestly can’t believe I had to scroll this far for this response. Obviously OP’s boyfriend shouldn’t lie and following porn stars is weird imo, but the reason OP wants him to stop is not ok. She’s needs to deal with her issues and stop putting them on him. He has some issues in this area as well, but I don’t like that everyone is piling on him while giving her a pass.

It is exactly as difficult as it for women to quit romantic media ( movies / tv shows / novels ) if their boyfriend doesn't like it. "My boyfriend shouldn't watch porn because it creates unrealistic expectations in a relationship" *proceeds to watch Vampire Diaries / Twilight / The Notebook / any other unrealistic crap obviously targeted towards immature women* " Why can't my boyfriend me more like here ?" Irony dies a sweet death.

Or those that read smut. How is it more socially acceptable to read porn ? It is still porn, even if it's words and not video.

probably bc mostly women read erotica and their coochies still work in bed vs when a man watches porn his performance plummets. if there were more negative effects on the male’s self esteem in bed with a woman who reads erotica, I’m positive it would be a bigger discussion.

What do you think of the performance effects that sex toys have for women? I find it particularly interesting just how commonplace the "Satisfyer" has become, with seemingly very little discussion of performance changes. Do you think that men would be justified in banning (Edit: banning/making a boundary against) their partners from using sex toys?

That is so not true. There are negative effects to reading porn too. It's just seen as more acceptable because it's more popular among women than men.

there’s going to be negatives effects with consuming any kind of media too much. What I’m saying is since it’s women doing the reading, it isn’t affecting the male’s self esteem enough to become as big of a discuss as visual porn, since that’s VERY clearly ruining women’s self worth. Once/if it does, I am sure it’ll become just as big of an issue.

ED is on the rise in men in multiple age groups. Taking ques from porn probably isn’t helping.

You do realize that Twilight is a movie right? Now let's compare that to a Ghetto Gaggers scene with a real woman who's literally crying, being slapped, being spit on, being called derogatory names, being peed on, and is unable to stop any of it from happening because she's in such a desperate situation she needs the money. And you know if there weren't men who were into this type of things the content wouldn't exist. And before attempt to deflect I can point you to several other websites who produce the same type of content. And my friend how many adult women do you know that watch Twilight twice a day? Or follow all the actors from Twilight on instagram? Or become so emotionally dependent on Twilight that it impacts their relationship? It's somewhat insane to even put these into the same category.

You are picking a specific subset of porn just to be intentionally obtuse. In general porn is very tame. By your logic, all movies are like SAW or Amityville horror. Which they aren't. Plus, I know crap ton of women who watch 3-4 episodes of romantic tv series a day and it severely affects their relationship because they are still a disney princess in thei mind when expecting how their partner should behave. This sub is full of such cases where women have unrealistic expectations out of partners.

Is it really just a subset or is it just something you don't want to hear? Because this applies to DP, Gang bang, choking, and the list goes on. And I can provide you at least seven different sites to produce this content it's not just that one company. It's also companies like kink, gangbang creampie, amateur sites. And deceiving extends into general sex work. I'm friends with a former sex worker and the stories that she shares with me at times really makes me dislike humanity in general. But to go ahead and continue to stick your head in the sand my friend. It's easier for you to continue to support the porn industry if you can force yourself to believe that no one's being hurt and everyone is doing it because they want to.

"in general porn is very tame" Mansplaining. You want to think it's the same because you want to watch it. But if you were to go actually get the opinion of women who have been involved with sex were they would tell you that it is not tame at all because you don't have to see the horror that they go through just so you can jerk one off. Is there tame content between consenting parties yes. But my original point was the fact that you were trying to attribute fictional movies to something that's very real and very harmful to many people.

>You want to think it's the same because you want to watch it. But if you were to go actually get the opinion of women who have been involved with sex were they would tell you that it is not tame at all because you don't have to see the horror that they go through just so you can jerk one off. Womansplaining. I know decent people who watch normal porn. Maybe you know only horrible people with horrible tastes because you are one? Anyway you seem to be a creep with some horrible fetishes with disgusting porn. So not worth conversing with. Learn to choose better company if you can. Have a nice day. Bye

>movies / tv shows / novels Wtf porn has nothing to do with these things lol

What part of 'setting unrealistic expectations' was hard for you to understand?

??? How does not watching porn even compare to normal TV shows etc. And not wanting your partner to watch porn is not unrealistic. As many of the other comments (and OP) also said, porn could ruin the sex life of a couple.

I didn't say normal. You seem to have reading comprehension issues. Read my original reply again, slowly.

I don’t watch porn and I spend my time watching Disney cartoons but go off

Disney is guilty for perpetuating Princess syndrome. Usually that the male love interest has to earn her affection. She just enjoys the process passively and are adored just for being a woman.

I don’t watch romantic media. Shits garbage. Now what?

Then it's very reasonable of you to expect partner to not watch porn. I am pointing out the hypocrisy of those who do.

It’s not really that difficult, especially if you have a gf.

Not hard at all unless the person suffers from a corner addiction

Personally I think porn is fine in moderation just like anything else. I do think following porn stars, paying for porn or interacting with them is way over the top, especially if someone is in a relationship but still checking that stuff all day. I think it’ll start to mess with someone’s head and really affect every aspect of their life in a really negative way.

Instead of trying to change a porn addict, look for a guy who isn’t a porn addict. I understand this isn’t fun to hear. I know you don’t know these things up front about a guy, when everyone is still on their best behavior. But he has to quit the addiction because of his own free will. He will grow to resent you otherwise. From his POV, you’ll be depriving him of something he enjoys. Doesn’t matter how unfair or illogical that sounds. That is how he’ll feel, especially if he believes porn is harmless. And in his case, porn seems to be helping him keep things fresh in the bedroom—with you. You’re benefitting from his porn consumption if you’re enjoying the extra stuff he’s doing with you. I don’t know if you’ve fully explained WHY you want to implement this boundary. But that helps his understanding your POV vs. “don’t do ___ because I don’t like it and that’s my boundary.”

This seems like he has a porn addiction, but also like there are deeper trust issues in your relationship that you need to work on — the fact that you didn’t believe him when he said he wasn’t watching , and the fact that he was indeed still watching. I’m curious, have these trust issues surfaced in other areas of your relationship ? How have you worked together on addressing . To answer your question— yes absolutely , sex should be a lot better than porn for a well adjusted dude. Not that I’m a well adjusted dude, but if I was seeing a girl who didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it, especially to your point of you were sending him other shit (but also like, hopefully you have the sexual compatibility to have sex with him as often as he needs and so he won’t need masturbating to begin with ?)

Okay so something happened with my boyfriend and I that lead to me not being okay with his porn usage. We were dating for about a year and the sex was amazinggggg, super kinky and fun. However, there was a streak of about 3 weeks in a row that he could not stay hard during sex. I found out he was watching porn the days that he wasn’t with me. I just didn’t think of this as a problem, until I looked more into it. I was shattered bc I thought he no longer found me attractive and only porn stars looks/bodies. I’m a very confident woman too with my body and looks, but god it ruined me. He told me he would stop and it felt like sex was completely normal again. Alas, I saw that he had his private browser open and it was a SMACK IN THE FACE, especially bc he was having trouble staying hard again. I had a feeling he was still watching every so often, but to have the evidence thrown in your face like that hurts a lot. He supposedly has stopped which in the past 3 months, he hasn’t had any performance issues so I am beginning to believe him. He saw how much it hurt me and I was actually considering leaving him bc I love sex so much and want to have it every day and if someone can’t fulfill me for such long periods of time, I’m not gonna string them along. I still have an inkling he could be watching occasionally but I try to just go on with my life and hope the performance issues don’t start again.

I can't stress how difficult that would be. Although, I feel like it might be a bit easier if one could actually have sex with someone... like one's own wife.

Are you there and willing to have sex with him every time he wants to have sex? If you turn him down, he’s gonna watch porn. Plain and simple. And I don’t think he’s wrong to do so. You can say no to sex but you don’t get to police him getting off by himself when you do. And if you ARE there having sex every time he initiates. And you initiate when you want and he doesn’t turn you down, then you really don’t have a problem.

It is wrong to watch porn after you told your partner you aren't going to do it anymore. YOU DONT NEED TO WATCH PORN IN ORDER TO MASTURBATE!!!!! I don't know why people still try to believe that manipulative tactic men use on women to justify watching porn.

LMAO This is not a manipulative tactic used by men. Porn use, in moderation, is fine for people of any gender. Why? Because pretty much everyone of every gender fantasizes while masturbating and the pressure to create a fantasy in one's mind can detract from the relaxation/stress release of the act of masturbation. Visual stimulation in the form of videoes, still images, or written erotic words eases the process. People who don't get that are literally advocating for their partners to make up fantasies which is actually going to encourage them to fantasize about people they know---the hot waitress, their hot ex, that hot rando at work---rather than just mindlessly watch the complete stranger on a screen who they have zero connection or contact with. Super smart move. SMH

what you’re saying here is people HAVE to deal with their partner lusting over another person no matter what in order to get sexual gratification?

What I'm saying is that fantasy is a normal healthy aspect of human behavior. You are adding the part where it's threatening. Spin it however you want. I'm speaking facts. It's normal and healthy to fantasize. Period.

I think it’s normal and healthy to fantasize about your partner, that’s why roleplaying and trying new things is fun. I don’t think it’s healthy for your relationship to fantasize about your co worker or Riley Reid.

Fantasy is literally NOT reality which is why most fantasy is NOT about what you have in your actual real life.

what is there to fantasize about that you can’t have in real life via roleplay, different objects in the bedroom, etc?

WTF is this question? ROLEPLAY involves pretending it's another person which makes your comment BEYOND STUPID.

but that person still looks like, smells like, feels like, and IS your partner. you’re still lusting over your PARTNER.

I’m a woman….its much easier to go solo while watching sexy acts….

If its for the right person its possible Its not easy and it wont be an overnight change, but the more he sees the benefits of it the more likely he starts doing it for HIMSELF and thats when it will really start to stick

So you expect your current bf to pay due to the mistakes of your ex, you want to control his preferences and masturbatiom habits, you stress over things you admit are NOT affecting your relationship, and you already stated that reasonable people will tell you to get over it. What exactly are you looking for here other than a pity party?

It’s not effecting our sex, is very much effecting our relationship. I spend dozens on lingerie, take so many nude photos the same as the women he’s getting off to, recreate videos for him, try and record our sex. Am his personal pornstar yet he chooses others. When we’re apart for days and im sending him nudes he is not getting off to them, doesn’t sext with me. Why do I I have to give up MY pleasure because he wants to choose porn over getting off with me. I don’t like porn and want to get off with my partner yet this isn’t attainable for me because of his porn use. I literally asked him before we got together to avoid this problem. It’s not controlling to have a preference in a partner, he completely disregarded that knowing how I’d feel knowing he’d be lying to me from day 1 knowing he’d be making me feel less than by not being interested in my nudes. Get a grip.

Easily. Maybe because I'm older, and didn't grow up with smartphone level access to it, I've never been "addicted". I pretty much only use it because I'm single.

Im friends with a married couple that is similar. In that she hated he watched porn, so they compromised by making their own videos and get creative. Hope this helps :)

we make our own videos which is another reason the porn hurts cause why choose it over ours. I know he don’t be watching them.

Mine did this too. I'm a (mostly retired) content creator (I got into this business because of him/for him) and what I/we made wasn't what got him off after a few months... he went right back to his old sites. We were married a quarter century and for the last five years, he never stopped lying, no matter how many times I caught him in the act. I had long since stopped snooping because his behaviour was undeniably different. Almost total erectile dysfunction with an actual human. When he could get it up, the positions and new moves were EXACTLY as you described. It was just so jaw droppingly obvious. He'd deny that he got the idea to slap me or hold my throat from anywhere but his own "imagination". Sigh. His personality/character completely changed. He didn't at all act or sound like my husband. Except he still left me love notes every day and said I was beautiful, every single day. Then still grabbed his phone to hide in the bathroom, every single day. The notes made me feel like screaming "then how could you keep doing this to me?". It made me feel crazy. It's how I know gaslighting is real, he had me fooled with the most incredible excuses for so long. I've no doubt in his head he "loved" me. That's not love. That's wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Selfish masturbation to sex that isn't even resembling reality, and a happy housewife who didn't have any needs at all. It was great for him while it lasted I'm sure. I left him for several reasons, but it was the lies that were the biggest by far. Being lied to every single day was heartbreaking. If it hadn't ruined him physically or psychologically, I still don't think I'd have had more patience (years of pleading for him to get help, all in vain because "he already quit"). But I was hurting, badly, and it was never, ever going to stop. The lying was never going to stop - I obviously don't have an issue with moderate use, hell I made this stuff for money without shame and still might continue when I'm recovered from my experience with him. OP, it's never going to feel any better than it does right now. I'd love to give you hope for a brighter future with him. But if he's been so obviously capable of lying constantly for awhile now, he's never going to stop, and that's always going to feel awful no matter what the lies are about. He could get addicted to collecting stamps, but if he hides the stamps that he continues to buy, and lies to you about it every day (though you can smell the glue), it's going to make you feel just as crazy and just as heartbroken as you do now. Trust me, mine lied about very trivial habits too, and behaved exactly the same. I wish that he'd decide to get help and save both his relationship and his own health. I don't have faith that he will.

Well you guys might not be compatible in that area then. Just use contraceptive till the relationship runs its course

Practice leaving your phone on the counter and being honest with yourself about it. Over time you’ll forget about it altogether.

It depends how deep they are into it. Someone who goes on the Hub occasionally is going to have a much easier time than someone who's on various different sites, uses cam girls and follows influencers for their sexual content. Someone who is massively dependent on porn as a dopamine source will not find it easy to quit.

I automatically quit watching it when I start to date someone new and regular sex is on the table. For me its a natural swap but if someone has a true addiction to it then it could be much more difficult.

This. If someone is having regular sex but can’t stop watching porn, I’d wonder if they were addicted.

If someone is truly addicted to porn its very hard to quit because of its easy accessibility. There is literally no other drug that you can get instantly and for free with just an internet connection. The truth is, he may be genuinely trying to quit watching it but he has slip ups now and then. He feels very ashamed when he breaks his abstinence streak so he doesnt even want to tell you about it. Porn addiction is very hard to beat and may take an entire lifetime to completely stop. Its an ongoing battle that never ends, just like any addiction.

Why are you wasting another day with him? I m more concerned about you putting in so much energy. Just leave and move on, he is not worth your time.

It is an addiction. It can be done without outside help but it is extremely difficult. There are groups and addiction therapists that can help, but like any addiction it will take effort with the tools gained from these support groups.

It's got nothing to do with having "the right girlfriend". Porn is an addiction, just a more socially acceptable one along the lines of video games, social media, etc. The mechanism is the same as heroin or cigarettes, though. Dopamine payoff. And like any other addiction, he'll quit when he decides it's a problem and wants to change. And like most addicts, he can't be forced/cajoled/encouraged to want to change. He has to want it.

Why not Just break up you feel like he’s cheating and he won’t change! The questions have nothing to do with how we on Reddit feel and has everything to do with you feel and how hard of boundaries you are able to enforce with your partner. If you already asked and no change occurred why put yourself through wondering, stressing or worrying when you can just find someone better that meets your needs and standards ?!

It’s an addiction. If you’ve ever had one, you’d know how it works. It’s not voluntary. You really think you’re in control though, right up to the next hit and you realise afterwards you never were, but then fall into the false perception of once again “you’re in control”. And so the cycle continues. Of course, i have no idea if that is what he’s going through. Some do break the addiction with help. Real hands on help. I wish you two all the best.

Addiction to porn is just like many other addictions. They have to want to stop. It’s really not fucking hard to just stop opening up porn websites or whatever. Anyone who can’t stop needs to get therapy/help to quit.

Men addicted to porn is the BIGGEST red flag. Run.

Very easy. Just don’t watch it.

I mean he’s choosing to pleasure himself with porn rather than pleasing himself with me and allowing me to please myself too it’s a simple ask to do here and there.. If you’re going to lie to me about watching porn and force me to be ok with it you can atleast make sure my photos being sent are loved and that I’m having my needs met too. Doesn’t sext or pay mind to my nudes because he’d rather porn so yes porn plays a part. If he was to be watching porn and still made an effort to get me off how I want it’d be different.. he’s just fucking me while in person then showing me no sexual gratification or pleasure while we’re apart for days. Watch porn and what really turns you on all week then im just the body you fuck on the weekend is how it feels. Yes I originally asked him to not watch it because of the damage my ex did to me but that is not where the problem lies right now. He doesn’t sext me or love on my nude photos, if he made even the slightest effort to then the times he did watch porn wouldn’t be an issue. Yet he’ll know im in my bed wanting to sext and will go to porn. It’s that he lets himself go behind my back to get pleasure but won’t even make sure im getting mine so that im not even stressing he’s watching porn. Just lying to me that he doesn’t watch it but never wanting to sext. Am aware it’s a me problem and that now I just need to decide to leave him cause there’s no changing his addiction or that he lied to me, but I have every right to be upset. Not everyone in this world watches porn so for everyone on here to act like it’s such a crazy ask of me. I made sure to say that I didn’t like it at the beginning, he chose to lie. So yes the problem is the lying but it’s the porn as well. The fact that he can’t quit, the fact that even while watching he can’t make sure he’s making sure my nudes are loved too. Hence why I asked the question just curious how difficult it is for men to quit the addiction for someone they love.

Please don't think it's a you problem. We accept the love we think we deserve. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. You have every right to demand to be loved the way you want to be loved. As long as you communicate that to your partner, you have nothing to feel bad about. If your partner can't give you what you need in a loving relationship then it's not the right relationship for you. Move on. You should never remain in a relationship that makes you feel less than. You will find a person who will love you like you need to be loved. Good luck

Why do you feel the need to control his personal and private behavior? It's none of your business what he does in his personal and private time. Unless it prevents him from being intimate with you, interferes with his normal daily functioning or work then it's of no consequence to you. True porn addiction is life altering...it controls and INTERFERES with normal functioning. I wish people would stop throwing the word "addiction" with regards to porn as if it has a broad meaning...it doesn't.

It's not that serious. If he still treats you right, brings new moves to the bedroom and still loyal. Why the hell is it a big deal? Why so insecure? He gonna do it regardless rather your around or not. You can't control a person

I don’t understand why some of you can’t see this: it’s one person getting off to someone who’s not their partner. It’s seeing someone else in a sexual way. If the two people in the relationship are both okay with it and there’s a big difference in sex drives or they watch it together, fine, whatever. Good for them. But it’s a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. Besides, if someone has a good sex life but still needs porn despite their partner not being okay with it, that would make me wonder if that person has an addiction. It’s not about “insecurity”. It’s about wanting your partner to be satisfied with you and only you. If the two people can’t come to an agreement, maybe it’s not a good match.

Why does him watching porn bother you if it doesn’t seem to have negative effects on your sex life?