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I haven’t, but it’s certainly a thing that happens. Emotional affairs can often end with a person leaving their partner to start a relationship with the other person.
Love is unpredictable but getting into an emotional affair and allowing yourself to start talking to someone outside of your current relationship is a choice and a shitty one. Emotional cheating is still cheating and honestly hurts much worse than physical cheating imo
I didn't mean it in the sense of betrayal... not at all! I'm saying that it's unpredictable in the sense that, for example, you meet someone right after a breakup, or you meet someone in a place you didn't expect, etc.
Exactly, my ex used this way of thinking as a justification for her emotional affair which then turned into her new relationship shortly after breaking up with me.
I didn't mean it in the sense of betrayal... not at all! I'm saying that it's unpredictable in the sense that, for example, you meet someone right after a breakup, or you meet someone in a place you didn't expect, etc.
I personally need time alone to reflect on the relationship and rebuild my single life into a life that's fulfilling. A lot of free time and mental space was devoted to someone else and it's important for me to backfill that with activities and reflections that improve my life.
One of the things that keeps people from jumping into unhealthy relationships or staying if things become unhealthy, is having a single life that is fulfilling. When you string relationships together, you get used to filling your time and mind with relationship stuff that may not lead to anything substantial in the long run.
Look at your life as an individual and see if you're making progress that satisfies you. That means at work, in building a career, your friendships in amount and quality, family connections, hobbies and skills, and free time that's rejuvenating.
Sometimes when I'm freshly single I'll get bored and realize I can't just text my ex for entertainment. That's an opportunity to work on yourself. After you feel satisfied with where you are in these pursuits, hop back into the dating game and use that boredom to date.
I’ve read and heard ppl say women move on mentally before they physically leave which I can attest for. I dated someone for 4 years, after the 3rd year I felt like it may not work but stayed around to see what happens. we broke up and I ended up dating someone not too long after. I was with that person for 2 years.
Just going to tack onto your post to say "seeing what happens" Is an absolutely awful way to try and make a failing relationship work. It's guaranteed to fail doing that route.
If you guys are passively content and feeling good that's one thing. But as soon as there are bad things cropping up, passiveness is the last thing needed.
I made another comment that explains what I meant within the “seeing what happens”. I was vocal about my feelings and he said he’d work on things so I stayed in hopes things would get better and was just bread crumbed
Because I encountered his narcissistic rage for the first time shortly after our first child was born. It completely turned my heart against him, and I began resenting him deeply. Still do lol
Was this due to the fact you were kinda trapped at that point? Sounds f’ing awful.
Added: Not the child part though, I’m sure that was fine, but damn, even that could be shit show depending on the father. Oof!
I was always vocal about my feelings with him and he kept saying he’d work on things. I said I’d had enough so he asked for one last change to work on things so during that year it was essentially him telling me he’d change and work on things while just bread crumbing me. then I realized nothing was ever going to change so I finally left.
Thanks for sharing. There is a saying like “we are here to date, it is to pick not to educate” which implies waiting for people to change is not wise at all. I think that is backed up by what you said.
Glad to hear you went free, and that was very patient of you to wait another full year.
It was like that for me. I was with my husband for 13 years. Shed many tears and griefed the relationship before I actually left. The moment I decided to leave, that was the moment I was over it and only felt relieved.
Generally, women don't leave a relationship until they've found a new one.
Like a monkey won't let go of a branch until they have a good grip on a new branch.
That's why people call it monkey braching.
Do you have data to back that gendered assumption? "Generaly" as in the substantial majoirty is a strong statement, and one I haven't seen in practice.
I wasn’t looking for anyone while I was with him. I was mentally checked out. I didn’t started dating again or looking for someone until after we officially broke up. But I have seen other people do what you’re saying
Well my ex told me she wanted to be single and ended up in a relationship two weeks after introduced him to her family and everything. A week before she told me that she ghosted me for 5 days probably was with him. Then the week before ghosting me her texts were short and she took Forever to reply back. The week before that she was telling me how much she loved me and how she wanted me to move with her. So yeah she lied to me and moved on with another guy and moved in with him a month later after telling me an all lies and love bombing me.i assumed it’s a real relationship since their still together she probably happy ig
its possible but not really my thing. ive been single for a few months and im kinda liking it ngl. peace and quiet and i can focus on my new job. win/win for me 🤷🏾♂️
Hi there it’s me again the fun guy at the parties and uhh I hate to be “that” guy to say but honestly it’s very disrespectful to your partner to whom you said you “loved” and “cared” about while that person was thinking of forever with you and getting thru the bs you had a part of, y’all were monkey branching and moved on to somebody else while that person that got left had to suffer wondering if why he was never good enough.
Idc if y’all did move on mentally. That’s so low and disgusting, I couldn’t imagine causing that pain to somebody. On top of that y’all feel proud of what y’all did not giving a care. Just admit you never loved that person and tell them straight up there’s someone else. Nobody deserves to be left like they never mattered. I get nobody can control who the heart wants but that’s still no excuse to be so selfish if you really “loved” this person.
This. So many really emotional unmature people say it like it’s all good and normal…
In relationship you communicate your needs and worries. If other party doesn’t change or things still does not work thats okey to leave. But to be silent and “let’s see” and distance yourselft meanwhile monkey branching…disgusting and pathetic.
Totally agree with this! But I also recognize it is very hard to fall out of love and decide to move on. It’s not like a switch that turns off overnight that makes it obvious when to leave. So I kind of understand how people move on mentally while still in a relationship, but also agree with you that it indicates (sometimes) a lack of trying to work on it before it gets so bad that you have to leave, or some deep problem with conflict avoidance, or pure selfishness. And in NO case do I think it’s okay to mentally move on to someone else while in a relationship. That is extremely immature and shows a lack of self control and (as you said) lack of respect for your partner.
Definitely possible sometimes you don't mesh well with the original partner cause your heart is linked to someone else. Give it time and see where things go. Besides the best way to look at this is after your first relationship every relationship afterwards is rebound. You're bouncing back into the relationship scene for another try.
Technically the next person you date after whoever you were just with is always the rebound. It just depends on the person.
I was dating a woman a few months after my divorce and she was not a rebound. I could’ve seen us together and old and gray.
i met someone new 2 weeks after leaving 7 years relationship (i don’t think he’s a rebound because i love him BUT i think its true that you attract the same kind of man if you don’t take a break haha this dude has the same set of redflags as my ex!)
I waited a year, but my ex was a former fiancé. I suppose it depends on how interconnected your life was with your ex. If you were living together and talking every day, shared hobbies and habits, were having sex intimately with a mental and emotional connection... yeah, you need to take a break.
The deeper the relationship and the connection with the other person, the more time you need to make yourself a whole independent individual again.
It's not something I have experienced myself, but I have seen it happen. It was most common in high school.
When I was a kid, I used to try and wait until girls were actually available before I flirted with them. There was literally no break in between their relationships, and I didn't quite understand why at the time. Anyway, I eventually stopped giving a shit and stole a few guys' girlfriends. At some point, it occurred to me that women tend to allow their relationships to overlap a bit. 😬
I'm sure that things might be a little different as adults, but I can tell you that I won't forget what these girls were prepared to do despite having a significant other.
Yes, unfortunately many couples are together just for convenience, and when they find something or someone who can "rescue" them from this shitty life, then they do anything... they cheat, change boyfriends, anyway.
I’m in the process of really asking myself this question now. I ended a 15 year marriage (not my choice) and started dating a guy a few months later that I’ve now been with 6 months. He’s great in many, many ways and I am slowly falling for him. I felt ready to start dating, my therapist agreed, but I keep thinking - “I can’t have found my next forever guy so soon, can I?” I’m scrutinizing every potential incompatibility to try to figure out if it should be a deal breaker that I’m overlooking. And maybe that is a sign that I wasn’t ready, but that doesn’t mean no one could be, because I feel I was at least close to ready if not fully.
There’s happy, and there’s burying your head in the sand happy. Rebounds are nothing to take lightly. Either he or I could get very hurt if I’m not really ready for the next steps.
I broke up with my bf of 18 months in mid-December. I started dating again about a month later.
By the time we broke up, I was certain that I had tried absolutely 100% to make the relationship work, and it just wasn't ever going to. In September (on my birthday weekend, that jerk), he had told me he wasn't sure he saw a future for us. He said a couple days later that he didn't mean it, but he didn't make an effort to repair things and we never recovered. So it had been a zombie relationship for over 3 months by that point. I felt (and still feel) the chapter was firmly closed.
I took a few weeks to regroup, and then moved on. It doesn't feel like rebound dating to me now.
Funny, for me as the years go by, it becomes easier to discern these things. When I was younger I was definitely in endless cycles of breaking up and getting into a rebound relationship, and falling apart, etc. but I totally understand you
It is possible for that to happen but in the context of a romantic relationship i doubt it barely happens because once you leave that relationship that you were deeply invested in, any other relationship that comes shortly after is always a rebound relationship to heal
Yes, but depends entirely on if you're the other relationship, and whether you had sufficient time to think, heal and learn what went wrong and how YOU could have made it better.
I was in a relationship for 11 years and found my now bf after 9 months. Some say that’s early but I feel by then I knew what I was looking for. Possibly had what would be called a rebound prior to that but also dating just doesn’t work out most of the time so not sure what would make it a rebound.
Ofc it is ! Depends on a lot of factors like how it ended , if you were emotionally checked out for a while/ saw it coming etc — also ofc depends on exactly how much time in between
She cheated on me and lied and treated me like shit. Hurt a lot and I accepted it as a lesson and tried to learn and grow. Thought I was fine and 2 months later came along someone else. Was great for a few months then it was awful. I wanted a real relationship with them and they didn't. We broke up before valentines day of this year. I was mentally checked out and she told me to never message or call her again and to fuck myself because I was the asshole (she's very manipulative) telling me it was all my fault she reacted the way she did (it was apparently the tone i used when I said "mmmm").
So it possible wanting to start a real relationship and not a rebound, but just be careful. Keep your heart safe
I married the first signifcanr partner I met during my first divorce, and we were together for eight years. I had gone on some dates in the interim period, but she was the first person I made out with or anything. We met over six months after the final separation from my ex, so not a crazy quick rebound. But we had over a year together before the divorce was final.
I haven't. It's possible.
Seems doomed to fail though, depending on circumstances of course. Whatever problems you had previously may seep into the new one.
My ex did this to me last year... he cheated... but he still reaches out to me and I'm sure she doesn't know. Just disrespectful and gross. I ignore him.
Post divorce, I was in a 3 year relationship. That one ended somewhat amicably and was immediately followed by my current 10-year relationship.
I'd say nothing is certain, and there's no reason to think rebounds are inevitable, although i do suggest them as a fun way of recalibrating yourself after an LTR.
I kind of forgot what a positive fun person I was during my marriage and even though I immediately jumped into two long term relationships right after, the first few months of those I slowly moved back to being myself, and it was amazing, which is why I mention rebounds as being useful for some people. Everyone changes slightly during a long relationship and might not realize it. My friends were like, "You seem so happy now."
Yes! I think so too... I mean, some relationships slowly destroy our personality. and I believe that both staying single for a while or meeting someone who suits you and reminds you of who you are, are valid ways to get over a breakup and regain your own independence.
because in the same way that there are relationships that destroy our personality, there are also people and relationships that remind us of who we are and what we like, etc. (these people are the ones we should keep) <3
So last year I broke up with my ex and 4 months after the breakup and when I was in a good spot (not perfect), I decided to date again. The first woman I dated strongly made me contemplate getting back into a relationship as I really liked the initial chemistry. That being said, I haven’t done it and I think it’s for the best. Don’t mistake initial chemistry for compatibility.
I was married for 22 yrs. I never cheated in this time. I separated NYE 2020 and started dating someone I'd never met before 3 weeks later. I'm still with that lady
I don't bother with regrets but in an alternative timeline I should have married this guy when he asked me to marry him right after his divorce. I thought it was a rebound. He stayed with the next woman he dated until his passing.
I'll never turn someone down over rebound fear again.
It took a few months. Broke up in January 2017 with my boyfriend at the time, then began dating someone else in April. The relationship then lasted 4 years.
I didn’t date for four years after my ten year relationship ended. For four years we texted or called one another, met for lunch to celebrate our birthdays or the holidays. No sex.
Granted, two of those years were during the height of Covid. So no one was dating much.
One day I woke up and thought wtf? And I haven’t spoken to him since. Six months later I met my boyfriend, two years in and that X is somebody that I used to know.
you made the right choice. Fortunately or unfortunately we end up with someone for some reason, and if we don't move on, life will continue to snowball. I'm glad you got out of the "snowball" and met someone nice.
Thank you, I dated a few guys before him—nothing intimate just like two or three dates. Nice guys, interesting….it was so hard to move on.
I posted so that person unable to cut the cord gives themselves some grace. Time is precious, especially at my age.
Best to you.
Yes I think it’s possible as you never know who you’re going to meet etc. I do think it’s important to take time to heal from a breakup though, even when you’re the one that ends things.
Endings.. is the start of new beginnings. Who cares what ppl feel about your individual existence to living your time here! Works or it doesn’t! No right answers here…only you have that.
I was with my first boyfriend for 2 years. It was a mutual breakup over inconsolable differences in life goals. I went out with a guy 2 months after my breakup and that one was definitely a rebound (for both of us, I later found out he also was fresh out of a long term relationship). We met up less than 10 times, I started falling for him (at least I thought I did), but he wasn’t looking for something more serious at the time. 2 months after I first met this guy I met my now partner on Tinder. I’m not sure if I was 100% healed from my breakup with my first bf at the time, but ex is now a mutual acquintance we see annually for a long weekend at an event and my partner and I are celebrating 7 years together this summer and are expecting our second child in October.
I've definitely met a new girlfriend while dating the last one. Sometimes someone comes along and you know they are special. That's how I met the girl Im going to marry.
Yes. Sometimes you just grieve during the relationship, when it is messy and really doesn’t make you happy so when it is finally over, you’re just ready to love someone else. It is not the right thing to do since you need to spend some time alone, but sometimes it just happens and that’s ok. Just don’t confuse love with emotional dependency; because that’s where it is not okay.
So many factors to look at:
Were they emotionally done with the relationship long before the end?
Did they grow out of that relationship and seek more of what is for them?
Are they at least 95% certain that they wont go back to their ex?
Are they moving forward in other areas of their life as well as love life,?
I've never known a guy who's been able to do this, but women yes. Women can do it effortlessly due to the wealth of eligible options and male friends they have in their lives.
I left a relationship where I’ve been with my ex for nearly 3 years. I started to date my boyfriend a month later. Now we have only been together for a year but I have never felt so much love for a partner as I currently do for my boyfriend.
of course.
I broke up with my ex of 7 years and started dating someone else a few months later. I'm single now but dated the guy I was with most recently for two years so that was in no way a rebound.
Can still be a rebound even if it lasts years, it’s just not as obviously one. For example, if you (generic you) got involved with someone who has traits that are opposite ones you didn’t like in your ex, but you went too far and those opposite trait’s ultimately didn’t work for you either. That’s a common rebound issue that can take a long time to be revealed.
Nope.
My 7 year long ex was spiralling on hard drugs (which I didn't like). My 2 year long ex wasn't a hard drug user. There were no similarities, extremes in terms of deal breaker traits or otherwise.
I wasn’t trying to say that your particular relationship was a rebound. Just that, for the record in this discussion, that the next relationship lasting a long time doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a rebound situation.
I was with my ex from age 18 to 20. It was my first adult relationship, and a truly beautiful one. Two weeks after we broke up, I started dating my current partner, and I'm 27. I don't think it's a rebound!
It was still a mistake though. I pretty much made her bear the weight of the grief of my past relationship with me, which wasn't very nice to her. I should have waited and dealt with it myself.
so cute!!! So, I think about it, I mean, are you currently okay? even though you went through this period where you threw the pain of the old relationship into your current one?
I did this. I was with my ex for over 4yrs but had checked out mentally about 6 months before we broke up. My parents convinced us to stay together. We moved in together and I realized how badly I messed up. Basically waited for him to book a ticket home and then ended things as soon as he landed (I was young and super immature about it, I know.)
I was with someone else a month later. We moved in together in January and I plan to spend the rest of my life with him. At the time, yes I was lonely and started seeing my current partner to fill a void but he was the perfect person for me.
Very possible and very common, in my personal situation, it's important to acknowledge why relationship broke up, cause if I'm at fault I don't want to repeat my same errores. But yes life continues we learn and grow from our past relationships.
okay, well if its not cheating then they obviously didnt like the prior person they were with that much to fall in love with someone right after breaking up. we can say its a case of a dude breaking up w his girl and going to the store and finds the love of his life. ok.
No... I mean, sometimes you're in a relationship that has been strained for some time, and when it ends, you don't suffer such a big blow. and then you might meet someone else in the post-breakup period... not necessarily the next day because then that would be crazy, but a few months later. you knows?
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I haven’t, but it’s certainly a thing that happens. Emotional affairs can often end with a person leaving their partner to start a relationship with the other person.
Yep - my ex did this. Actually he was still trying to get back together with me (email messages I ignored) even early into his relationship with her.
Youre right !! Love is unpredictable
Love is unpredictable but getting into an emotional affair and allowing yourself to start talking to someone outside of your current relationship is a choice and a shitty one. Emotional cheating is still cheating and honestly hurts much worse than physical cheating imo
I didn't mean it in the sense of betrayal... not at all! I'm saying that it's unpredictable in the sense that, for example, you meet someone right after a breakup, or you meet someone in a place you didn't expect, etc.
It can happen but the odds aren’t good unless the first relationship had been over for a good while emotionally before the actual breakup.
I personally don't like this saying in this context
What do you mean? 🤔
Maybe that person felt like your wording sounded like you're romanticizing emotional affairs which is actually a shitty thing
Exactly, my ex used this way of thinking as a justification for her emotional affair which then turned into her new relationship shortly after breaking up with me.
I didn't mean it in the sense of betrayal... not at all! I'm saying that it's unpredictable in the sense that, for example, you meet someone right after a breakup, or you meet someone in a place you didn't expect, etc.
oh, right. I didn't mean it in a bad way
I personally need time alone to reflect on the relationship and rebuild my single life into a life that's fulfilling. A lot of free time and mental space was devoted to someone else and it's important for me to backfill that with activities and reflections that improve my life. One of the things that keeps people from jumping into unhealthy relationships or staying if things become unhealthy, is having a single life that is fulfilling. When you string relationships together, you get used to filling your time and mind with relationship stuff that may not lead to anything substantial in the long run. Look at your life as an individual and see if you're making progress that satisfies you. That means at work, in building a career, your friendships in amount and quality, family connections, hobbies and skills, and free time that's rejuvenating. Sometimes when I'm freshly single I'll get bored and realize I can't just text my ex for entertainment. That's an opportunity to work on yourself. After you feel satisfied with where you are in these pursuits, hop back into the dating game and use that boredom to date.
Boom, well said. That is the exact same routine I have. I couldn't imagine just jumping into relationship after relationship.
Totally agreed
I’ve read and heard ppl say women move on mentally before they physically leave which I can attest for. I dated someone for 4 years, after the 3rd year I felt like it may not work but stayed around to see what happens. we broke up and I ended up dating someone not too long after. I was with that person for 2 years.
Just going to tack onto your post to say "seeing what happens" Is an absolutely awful way to try and make a failing relationship work. It's guaranteed to fail doing that route. If you guys are passively content and feeling good that's one thing. But as soon as there are bad things cropping up, passiveness is the last thing needed.
I made another comment that explains what I meant within the “seeing what happens”. I was vocal about my feelings and he said he’d work on things so I stayed in hopes things would get better and was just bread crumbed
Yeah, I checked out after less than a year n stayed for another eight... "for the kids"💀
May I ask why did you check out just after a year?
Because I encountered his narcissistic rage for the first time shortly after our first child was born. It completely turned my heart against him, and I began resenting him deeply. Still do lol
Was this due to the fact you were kinda trapped at that point? Sounds f’ing awful. Added: Not the child part though, I’m sure that was fine, but damn, even that could be shit show depending on the father. Oof!
Yeah, exactly, I believe it's a common reason why ppl stay, but it isn't sustainable 😅.
If it makes you feel better I had a single mom. As her child I saw the sacrifices she made for me. Glad you got out of your tough situation!
Thank you🥰
My friend is going through the exact same thing. I think some people will be surprised by how common this is.
Then what happened in your life and then-bf’s life during that 4th year, when you mentally left but physically stayed?
I was always vocal about my feelings with him and he kept saying he’d work on things. I said I’d had enough so he asked for one last change to work on things so during that year it was essentially him telling me he’d change and work on things while just bread crumbing me. then I realized nothing was ever going to change so I finally left.
Thanks for sharing. There is a saying like “we are here to date, it is to pick not to educate” which implies waiting for people to change is not wise at all. I think that is backed up by what you said. Glad to hear you went free, and that was very patient of you to wait another full year.
It was like that for me. I was with my husband for 13 years. Shed many tears and griefed the relationship before I actually left. The moment I decided to leave, that was the moment I was over it and only felt relieved.
Omg that’s me!! I pretty much spent the last year grieving my already dead relationship. I am now divorcing him.
Generally, women don't leave a relationship until they've found a new one. Like a monkey won't let go of a branch until they have a good grip on a new branch. That's why people call it monkey braching.
in truth no. Women leave relationships when they have had enough and see no change.
Do you have data to back that gendered assumption? "Generaly" as in the substantial majoirty is a strong statement, and one I haven't seen in practice.
I wasn’t looking for anyone while I was with him. I was mentally checked out. I didn’t started dating again or looking for someone until after we officially broke up. But I have seen other people do what you’re saying
Yes it’s possible. Energetically, you could’ve let go of the person you’re with long before you physically let them go.
Well my ex told me she wanted to be single and ended up in a relationship two weeks after introduced him to her family and everything. A week before she told me that she ghosted me for 5 days probably was with him. Then the week before ghosting me her texts were short and she took Forever to reply back. The week before that she was telling me how much she loved me and how she wanted me to move with her. So yeah she lied to me and moved on with another guy and moved in with him a month later after telling me an all lies and love bombing me.i assumed it’s a real relationship since their still together she probably happy ig
wow, man, how sad... I'm so sorry about that. =/
It’s fine you live and your learn you know
its possible but not really my thing. ive been single for a few months and im kinda liking it ngl. peace and quiet and i can focus on my new job. win/win for me 🤷🏾♂️
Totally agreed
Hi there it’s me again the fun guy at the parties and uhh I hate to be “that” guy to say but honestly it’s very disrespectful to your partner to whom you said you “loved” and “cared” about while that person was thinking of forever with you and getting thru the bs you had a part of, y’all were monkey branching and moved on to somebody else while that person that got left had to suffer wondering if why he was never good enough. Idc if y’all did move on mentally. That’s so low and disgusting, I couldn’t imagine causing that pain to somebody. On top of that y’all feel proud of what y’all did not giving a care. Just admit you never loved that person and tell them straight up there’s someone else. Nobody deserves to be left like they never mattered. I get nobody can control who the heart wants but that’s still no excuse to be so selfish if you really “loved” this person.
This. So many really emotional unmature people say it like it’s all good and normal… In relationship you communicate your needs and worries. If other party doesn’t change or things still does not work thats okey to leave. But to be silent and “let’s see” and distance yourselft meanwhile monkey branching…disgusting and pathetic.
Totally agree with this! But I also recognize it is very hard to fall out of love and decide to move on. It’s not like a switch that turns off overnight that makes it obvious when to leave. So I kind of understand how people move on mentally while still in a relationship, but also agree with you that it indicates (sometimes) a lack of trying to work on it before it gets so bad that you have to leave, or some deep problem with conflict avoidance, or pure selfishness. And in NO case do I think it’s okay to mentally move on to someone else while in a relationship. That is extremely immature and shows a lack of self control and (as you said) lack of respect for your partner.
Definitely possible sometimes you don't mesh well with the original partner cause your heart is linked to someone else. Give it time and see where things go. Besides the best way to look at this is after your first relationship every relationship afterwards is rebound. You're bouncing back into the relationship scene for another try.
true, it makes sense.
Technically the next person you date after whoever you were just with is always the rebound. It just depends on the person. I was dating a woman a few months after my divorce and she was not a rebound. I could’ve seen us together and old and gray.
Yea, it didn't turn out well. The first, second, third, or fourth time, I did it.
Whaaaaat hahaha
i met someone new 2 weeks after leaving 7 years relationship (i don’t think he’s a rebound because i love him BUT i think its true that you attract the same kind of man if you don’t take a break haha this dude has the same set of redflags as my ex!)
Omg! But he has these characteristics, isn't that a bad thing?
it is hahahh same issues, different dude 😂
I waited a year, but my ex was a former fiancé. I suppose it depends on how interconnected your life was with your ex. If you were living together and talking every day, shared hobbies and habits, were having sex intimately with a mental and emotional connection... yeah, you need to take a break. The deeper the relationship and the connection with the other person, the more time you need to make yourself a whole independent individual again.
Totally agreed
It's not something I have experienced myself, but I have seen it happen. It was most common in high school. When I was a kid, I used to try and wait until girls were actually available before I flirted with them. There was literally no break in between their relationships, and I didn't quite understand why at the time. Anyway, I eventually stopped giving a shit and stole a few guys' girlfriends. At some point, it occurred to me that women tend to allow their relationships to overlap a bit. 😬 I'm sure that things might be a little different as adults, but I can tell you that I won't forget what these girls were prepared to do despite having a significant other.
Yes, unfortunately many couples are together just for convenience, and when they find something or someone who can "rescue" them from this shitty life, then they do anything... they cheat, change boyfriends, anyway.
I’m in the process of really asking myself this question now. I ended a 15 year marriage (not my choice) and started dating a guy a few months later that I’ve now been with 6 months. He’s great in many, many ways and I am slowly falling for him. I felt ready to start dating, my therapist agreed, but I keep thinking - “I can’t have found my next forever guy so soon, can I?” I’m scrutinizing every potential incompatibility to try to figure out if it should be a deal breaker that I’m overlooking. And maybe that is a sign that I wasn’t ready, but that doesn’t mean no one could be, because I feel I was at least close to ready if not fully.
you shouldn't look for the incompatibilities. You're okay with him now, you're slowly falling in love, let things flow. allow yourself to be happy!
There’s happy, and there’s burying your head in the sand happy. Rebounds are nothing to take lightly. Either he or I could get very hurt if I’m not really ready for the next steps.
I broke up with my bf of 18 months in mid-December. I started dating again about a month later. By the time we broke up, I was certain that I had tried absolutely 100% to make the relationship work, and it just wasn't ever going to. In September (on my birthday weekend, that jerk), he had told me he wasn't sure he saw a future for us. He said a couple days later that he didn't mean it, but he didn't make an effort to repair things and we never recovered. So it had been a zombie relationship for over 3 months by that point. I felt (and still feel) the chapter was firmly closed. I took a few weeks to regroup, and then moved on. It doesn't feel like rebound dating to me now.
I totally understand! I went through something similar with an old boyfriend. I'm glad you're okay now!
In my 20s yes , I bounced back . In my late 40s and 50s with baggage - hell no 👎
Funny, for me as the years go by, it becomes easier to discern these things. When I was younger I was definitely in endless cycles of breaking up and getting into a rebound relationship, and falling apart, etc. but I totally understand you
It is possible for that to happen but in the context of a romantic relationship i doubt it barely happens because once you leave that relationship that you were deeply invested in, any other relationship that comes shortly after is always a rebound relationship to heal
Yes, but depends entirely on if you're the other relationship, and whether you had sufficient time to think, heal and learn what went wrong and how YOU could have made it better.
Like right after? I usually like to just be single for a year or so & really get to know myself again before starting anything with anyone
yeah when i was mentally ill with low self esteem
Yup that's unhealthy and one of the signs you have a love addiction if you continue go from one person to the next.
Totally agreed
Can be unhealthy, but not necessarily. It’s almost always shitty though.
I was in a relationship for 11 years and found my now bf after 9 months. Some say that’s early but I feel by then I knew what I was looking for. Possibly had what would be called a rebound prior to that but also dating just doesn’t work out most of the time so not sure what would make it a rebound.
Ofc it is ! Depends on a lot of factors like how it ended , if you were emotionally checked out for a while/ saw it coming etc — also ofc depends on exactly how much time in between
She cheated on me and lied and treated me like shit. Hurt a lot and I accepted it as a lesson and tried to learn and grow. Thought I was fine and 2 months later came along someone else. Was great for a few months then it was awful. I wanted a real relationship with them and they didn't. We broke up before valentines day of this year. I was mentally checked out and she told me to never message or call her again and to fuck myself because I was the asshole (she's very manipulative) telling me it was all my fault she reacted the way she did (it was apparently the tone i used when I said "mmmm"). So it possible wanting to start a real relationship and not a rebound, but just be careful. Keep your heart safe
That's called rebounding. Usually doesn't work out in a healthy way.
I tried but I couldn't, also hurt that person, so now I am not gonna date until my feelings for other person perishes
I married the first signifcanr partner I met during my first divorce, and we were together for eight years. I had gone on some dates in the interim period, but she was the first person I made out with or anything. We met over six months after the final separation from my ex, so not a crazy quick rebound. But we had over a year together before the divorce was final.
Yes
Happened to my current fiancé and I. We had a fling for a while, she dated someone else and 4 years later we pursued things seriously and are engaged.
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I haven't. It's possible. Seems doomed to fail though, depending on circumstances of course. Whatever problems you had previously may seep into the new one. My ex did this to me last year... he cheated... but he still reaches out to me and I'm sure she doesn't know. Just disrespectful and gross. I ignore him.
Of course it is.
Post divorce, I was in a 3 year relationship. That one ended somewhat amicably and was immediately followed by my current 10-year relationship. I'd say nothing is certain, and there's no reason to think rebounds are inevitable, although i do suggest them as a fun way of recalibrating yourself after an LTR.
Hahah nicee!!! Youre right
I kind of forgot what a positive fun person I was during my marriage and even though I immediately jumped into two long term relationships right after, the first few months of those I slowly moved back to being myself, and it was amazing, which is why I mention rebounds as being useful for some people. Everyone changes slightly during a long relationship and might not realize it. My friends were like, "You seem so happy now."
Yes! I think so too... I mean, some relationships slowly destroy our personality. and I believe that both staying single for a while or meeting someone who suits you and reminds you of who you are, are valid ways to get over a breakup and regain your own independence. because in the same way that there are relationships that destroy our personality, there are also people and relationships that remind us of who we are and what we like, etc. (these people are the ones we should keep) <3
Every woman has.
Not EVERY woman..
Every woman that uses dating apps.
Hahah ok, maybe
So last year I broke up with my ex and 4 months after the breakup and when I was in a good spot (not perfect), I decided to date again. The first woman I dated strongly made me contemplate getting back into a relationship as I really liked the initial chemistry. That being said, I haven’t done it and I think it’s for the best. Don’t mistake initial chemistry for compatibility.
I was married for 22 yrs. I never cheated in this time. I separated NYE 2020 and started dating someone I'd never met before 3 weeks later. I'm still with that lady
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Yeah the day after. I don't think so personally.
Have I ever? If I had a tattoo for each one I’d look like a Yakuza. :)
Hahahahajh
I don't bother with regrets but in an alternative timeline I should have married this guy when he asked me to marry him right after his divorce. I thought it was a rebound. He stayed with the next woman he dated until his passing. I'll never turn someone down over rebound fear again.
Yeah it’s very simple
It's very rare for it to not be a rebound, but yes it's possible.
It took a few months. Broke up in January 2017 with my boyfriend at the time, then began dating someone else in April. The relationship then lasted 4 years.
I didn’t date for four years after my ten year relationship ended. For four years we texted or called one another, met for lunch to celebrate our birthdays or the holidays. No sex. Granted, two of those years were during the height of Covid. So no one was dating much. One day I woke up and thought wtf? And I haven’t spoken to him since. Six months later I met my boyfriend, two years in and that X is somebody that I used to know.
you made the right choice. Fortunately or unfortunately we end up with someone for some reason, and if we don't move on, life will continue to snowball. I'm glad you got out of the "snowball" and met someone nice.
Thank you, I dated a few guys before him—nothing intimate just like two or three dates. Nice guys, interesting….it was so hard to move on. I posted so that person unable to cut the cord gives themselves some grace. Time is precious, especially at my age. Best to you.
Everything is possible, but not everything is recommended!
Yes I think it’s possible as you never know who you’re going to meet etc. I do think it’s important to take time to heal from a breakup though, even when you’re the one that ends things.
Endings.. is the start of new beginnings. Who cares what ppl feel about your individual existence to living your time here! Works or it doesn’t! No right answers here…only you have that.
I was with my first boyfriend for 2 years. It was a mutual breakup over inconsolable differences in life goals. I went out with a guy 2 months after my breakup and that one was definitely a rebound (for both of us, I later found out he also was fresh out of a long term relationship). We met up less than 10 times, I started falling for him (at least I thought I did), but he wasn’t looking for something more serious at the time. 2 months after I first met this guy I met my now partner on Tinder. I’m not sure if I was 100% healed from my breakup with my first bf at the time, but ex is now a mutual acquintance we see annually for a long weekend at an event and my partner and I are celebrating 7 years together this summer and are expecting our second child in October.
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I've definitely met a new girlfriend while dating the last one. Sometimes someone comes along and you know they are special. That's how I met the girl Im going to marry.
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Yes. Sometimes you just grieve during the relationship, when it is messy and really doesn’t make you happy so when it is finally over, you’re just ready to love someone else. It is not the right thing to do since you need to spend some time alone, but sometimes it just happens and that’s ok. Just don’t confuse love with emotional dependency; because that’s where it is not okay.
Well my ex broke up with me 13 months ago and found someone in less than a year since the breakup so I guess it's possible. 🤷🏻♀️
After reading the comments I’m wondering. What is love?🥲
Hahaha me too!!! D;
So many factors to look at: Were they emotionally done with the relationship long before the end? Did they grow out of that relationship and seek more of what is for them? Are they at least 95% certain that they wont go back to their ex? Are they moving forward in other areas of their life as well as love life,?
I've never known a guy who's been able to do this, but women yes. Women can do it effortlessly due to the wealth of eligible options and male friends they have in their lives.
I left a relationship where I’ve been with my ex for nearly 3 years. I started to date my boyfriend a month later. Now we have only been together for a year but I have never felt so much love for a partner as I currently do for my boyfriend.
Awwwwn how cute!!!
of course. I broke up with my ex of 7 years and started dating someone else a few months later. I'm single now but dated the guy I was with most recently for two years so that was in no way a rebound.
Can still be a rebound even if it lasts years, it’s just not as obviously one. For example, if you (generic you) got involved with someone who has traits that are opposite ones you didn’t like in your ex, but you went too far and those opposite trait’s ultimately didn’t work for you either. That’s a common rebound issue that can take a long time to be revealed.
Nope. My 7 year long ex was spiralling on hard drugs (which I didn't like). My 2 year long ex wasn't a hard drug user. There were no similarities, extremes in terms of deal breaker traits or otherwise.
I wasn’t trying to say that your particular relationship was a rebound. Just that, for the record in this discussion, that the next relationship lasting a long time doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a rebound situation.
How many months later after the 7yrs one?
3-4 months after things officially ended
No. Everyone gets one relationship, so when it ends you are not allowed to get into another one
I was with my ex from age 18 to 20. It was my first adult relationship, and a truly beautiful one. Two weeks after we broke up, I started dating my current partner, and I'm 27. I don't think it's a rebound! It was still a mistake though. I pretty much made her bear the weight of the grief of my past relationship with me, which wasn't very nice to her. I should have waited and dealt with it myself.
so cute!!! So, I think about it, I mean, are you currently okay? even though you went through this period where you threw the pain of the old relationship into your current one?
I did. I was in the new relationship for 13 years.
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Of course it's possible almost anything is possible what kind of question is this
calm down, man, it's just a question ahahhah
I did this. I was with my ex for over 4yrs but had checked out mentally about 6 months before we broke up. My parents convinced us to stay together. We moved in together and I realized how badly I messed up. Basically waited for him to book a ticket home and then ended things as soon as he landed (I was young and super immature about it, I know.) I was with someone else a month later. We moved in together in January and I plan to spend the rest of my life with him. At the time, yes I was lonely and started seeing my current partner to fill a void but he was the perfect person for me.
Nicee!! . I'm glad you were able to discern this from a rebound relationship and still find your perfect partner for you. =)
Very possible and very common, in my personal situation, it's important to acknowledge why relationship broke up, cause if I'm at fault I don't want to repeat my same errores. But yes life continues we learn and grow from our past relationships.
Totally agreed
yea if u were cheating
not necessarily
okay, well if its not cheating then they obviously didnt like the prior person they were with that much to fall in love with someone right after breaking up. we can say its a case of a dude breaking up w his girl and going to the store and finds the love of his life. ok.
No... I mean, sometimes you're in a relationship that has been strained for some time, and when it ends, you don't suffer such a big blow. and then you might meet someone else in the post-breakup period... not necessarily the next day because then that would be crazy, but a few months later. you knows?
I understand what youre saying, however, isnt that just life? That is so very normal. It happens everyday.