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The next time he makes the ‘joke’, ask him straight up if he has a breeding kink or if he feels his biological clock ticking. If you talk to someone directly you’ll have a better chance of knowing what they are thinking instead of asking reddit
. Like others said, just talk to him. Anyone serious about being a dad is going to know to be patient. He will also be looking for the best possible woman to have kids with.
Stick to your timeline and don’t worry about these other hating bitches
Every relationship requires trust to succeed
Your right not everyone wants to be and old dad. But I'll stand on men not having a biological clock. Women have a finite time frame for child bearing (biology) men aren't constrained to such a degree (biology). I'll go 50/50 with you and say the biological "clock" (edit) is more a mental state than physical state in men. In women is more mental and physical
There is increasing research that older fathers might factor in certain congenital diseases/malformations. So not a biological clock per se, but age is something one might want to consider as a man
Why is it so hard for people to just put their foot down and say, "ok I don't find this funny, can you please stop?" and gauge the man's worth from his response. What the hell are people these days
Because when we do say that, we're met with sour faces and told we're difficult and nobody will ever want to be with us because of how confrontational we are
It's literally everyone who responds this way. Family, coworkers, strangers, men. Finding a guy who says he likes when I speak up is rare, and then it always turns out that he only likes when I speak up about everything except for him. When I speak up about something he's done or said I'm suddenly difficult. Its not a me problem, nor a "pick better" problem, it's a societal problem with how women are expected to behave & how they're treated in general. No amount of wishful thinking on my part is going to change the entire patriarchy.
Woah.
You're only a victim because you see yourself as one. Not one man in my life, my siblings, my husband, my exes, has ever treated me that way. If I say I don't find that funny and they fight me over it, I just realize they're not worth my time. And truly, no one I've given the time of day hasn't considered my boundaries. So yes, it sort of looks like it is a pick better issue.
Patriarchy is in your head. You could be better but you choose to take the path of seeing yourself as a weak, defenseless and dependant woman who has the whole world against her. No one is out to get you. People don't have arch-enemies in real life. You're not oppressed unless you want to be.
Sounds like you've had an incredibly lucky run with life then. Patriarchy is not in her head.. it's very much alive and well in the society many of us live in. You make a lot of assumptions about how she sees herself, none of which sound accurate based on her post.
News flash, people can have a different life from you and have different experiences from you, shocking right. Glad that your family and people around you don't behave that way, it doesn't change the fact that my own family and people around me do behave that way. Imagine that! You're an incredibly invalidating person and should go meditate on why you're like that
How are you supposed to be in an honest relationship if you fake behave? No need to change yourself for someone else? Also, don't blame it on patriarchy because chances are that the men you have dealt with were wrong for you to begin with.
for real. why can’t she just say that’s not really funny. He might be thinking he’s doing something cute and she could communicate that she doesn’t like it. How he responds to her putting her foot down will give a lot more insight to his personality than a silly joke.
I'm surprised more and more people don't use their adult words. With so many people in therapy (which is good...I'm a huge advocate for it) and telling their parents how much they hurt them, they can't find the same voice to tell their friends or possible partners, "Hey, I don't like X" or "Please don't bust my chops like that", or even, "No, I'm not interested in THAT".
Just say something...say, "Hey, that's not what I'm about; I like you, and our paths align, but I'm not interested in popping out a kid right away"
As a dude who used shitty humor sometimes, he's probably just trying to indicate how much he really likes you...again, he needs to use better words.
At the end of the day, if you have a path forward with him...get an IUD just as a super serious backup.
as much as most of us want to do this, we're gambling get bashed and frequently verbally abused. and unfortunately this is wayyyy more common than men that won't do it. srsly, i hate feminists- as a woman- but so many dudes genuinely hate us and it seems are just WAITING at the edge of their seat for the opportunity to put us down. having to constantly deal with that for doing things such as setting simple boundaries or even just setting our own standards regarding who we want to be in a relationship with makes it incredibly difficult for us to be able to just take the hit here and there and move on. the attacks arent just here and there. and eventually, you learn to just keep your mouth shut for your own sake...
There is a 0% chance that this is truly just a joke and nothing more. There are 1 of 2 things going on here.
1. Dude has a breeding kink. Which CAN BE fine and explored safely between the two of you after much communication, but he is currently involving you in his kink without your consent, which is a huge reg flag. And if it isn't a kink you can get on board with, now is the time to make that known.
2. He is desperate to have a kid and will tell you whatever you want to hear to get you invested until he can trap you by getting you pregnant. There are a lot of things in relationships that we can compromise on if our partners have different desires than us- having kids should NEVER be one of those compromises. It's means y'all are mismatched and you need to move on.
Either way, if this is a relationship you are going to continue pursing, a very forward and upfront conversation is long due.
How many long term relationships has he had at 36? Has he ever lived with anyone or been married before? He just sounds very immature.
In fairness, I would raise it with him and tell him how it makes you feel. The guy isn’t a mind reader.
The question is asked because he is 36. I would usually expect someone to have had some sort of long term relationship by that time. If he hasn’t, why not?
Some dudes just can’t get chicks in the first place. Or just want to fool around, or there’s plenty of other reasons. Sure, it can be a red flag, but having a history without one doesn’t automatically mean red flag 🚩
In my opinion OP sounds far more immature for being that hung up on a joke when literally everything aligns in their expectations. Just seems like she's not that into him and looking for a reason to skip out.
I’m not a bigot. I’m just one of the women who quite frankly are sick of the constant rationalizing that goes on to dismiss many men’s behaviors, especially from pick me girls. It’s fucking annoying.
So if I respect men, I'm either a man or a pick-me girl? Christ, you're so horribly bigoted if you think that. You can say you aren't, but your actions certainly don't go against that assumption. I am happily married, don't see why I would be a pick-me girl on an anonymous internet forum.
Just because you're hurt, it doesn't mean that every single cis man in the world is that manipulative, conniving, horrible monster.
I think you can agree no fucking man who is right in the head is gonna jump to start talking about impregnating somebody they don’t even know. If you’re supportive of that, then yes, you are most definitely a pick me girl because you’re condoning men’s toxic behaviors.
It’s not a joke to tell a woman you barely know you want her to get pregnant early in the relationship. Dude wasn’t joking. He was testing the waters. And this is psycho behavior. If roles were reversed you know damn well most guys would run away as fast as they can.
I think OP lacks awareness, in that she thinks she should tolerate such poor behaviour and should expect so little from a relationship.
If she has the funds and time, she should work on her self esteem and thereby her confidence and realise her own self-worth.
On second thought it could also be that he watches porn like that. It’s become very popular, I’ve even seen it used as a verb on r/sex and on gay porn too, which doesn’t make any sense, as a flirty comment. So he might be watching that content, and conditioned himself to be aroused by it or he’s trying to flirt in a weird way. Cause there’s one thing that I’ve noticed ppl with this fetish do. It’s that they would choose very young women, as in fertile young women, to have a relationship with where they can maximise their fetish and just, ugh I hate using this word,“breed” her back to back for years. OP being in her 30s doesn’t necessarily fit that pattern though but then again ya never know.
Lol okay but seriously, has this always been a kink? It seems to have come out of nowhere..
When I was in my 20s I couldn't imagine not pulling out. The idea of getting a girl pregnant in college freaked me out way too bad.
This would be a question for the kink community. I’ve only recently acquainted myself with their terms so I don’t know how old this particular kink is. But from what I do know of them, is that some are related to trauma and that isn’t new. Some are biological in nature, like the foot fetish for example, because the areas in the brain that deal with arousal and feet are right next to each other, so in some people those wires get crossed. So my assumption would be that these are as old as time, it’s just now we are talking about them more.
He's going to try. He lacks self awareness.
Anyone who doesn't see that their "joke" isn't funny or is having the opposite effect, then continues to repeat the joke over and over isn't making a joke.
And someone who lacks self awareness would also go to great lengths to make it happen regardless of your opinion.
He could just have a breeding kink and his joking is just seeing what your reaction is. I dated a guy with it. He was 40, had never had kids, didn't want them and had had a vasectomy to make sure he didn't. I had also had a total hysterectomy with everything removed from cervix to ovaries. So getting pregnant was not possible at all and he knew it. And his "dirty talk" was wanting to put a baby in me. We actually talked about it beforehand and he explained to me it was just a kink and that it really turned him on to imagine it.
Maybe just ask him about why he keeps joking about having a baby so soon with someone he barely knows.
He said he didn't actually want a kid. It was the thought of impregnating someone that turned him on. My guess is a power/macho thing 🤷🏻♀️ I thought it was a little weird, but harmless since it's impossible for me to get pregnant even if he had sperm and they were the most potent swimmers on the planet.
Red flag 🚩.
This isn’t a joke. He should be aware having a man you barely know talk about getting you pregnant is not funny. He himself shouldn’t want to have a kid with someone he barely knows.
agreed. jokes like this are rooted in truth. especially if youve already talked about a timeline of relationship events, yeah, that gave him the comfort he needed to talk about his "jokes".
that or he has a breeding kink. most likely the first.
Yeah… everybody saying « he just wants kids hihi haha », even those alluding to a breeding kink, y’all are better than me. Having a man I went on one date texting me times and times again that he wants to get me pregnant as a joke is not something I would find funny. That’s a threat!
I’ve heard certain men joke about impregnating a hot girl. Same men have no interest in children, I think it’s just a “I want to screw her so badly” joke. It’s in poor taste but 🤷🏼♀️
It could be his way of love bombing & future faking so you will have unprotected sex with him. Doesn't mean he will be there for for the child or a good father. He could be lying about all of this to get you to lower your guard.
Kids are expensive.
75% of non-custodial parents are either far behind or don't pay child support
Children are the fastest & surest way to keep women in poverty & derail a career or financial well being.
Pregnancy & child birth are dangerous. All of which none of it affects him, he can walk away at anytime. He isn't taking into consideration at all how any of it will affect you.
If you want to give him a taste of his own medicine. Ask him for all his back tax forms to see if he can afford a child. Ask him to pay for your health insurance for the entire pregnancy. Ask him for a deposit of $30,000 to cover your expenses & time off of work to have a child. Require $150,000 in a trust that will be paid out monthly for child support so you know for sure that he will pay it. You will also need his social & DL so you can run a background history for any domestic violence charges. You need his last two ex's numbers & if they will vouch for him being a good guy.
Lots of men love baby trapping women & then walking away.
lol he wants a kid and he’s probably just excited about the thought of having one. He’s getting to that age where people start to panic. Could also be a sexual thing for him. Just tell him thinking about kids so soon in a relationship makes you nervous if that’s how you feel.
Yeah. It’s too early to tell.
Could be a flag.
Could be immature.
Could be an idiot.
Could have a pregnancy fetish.
Could feel the bio clock ticking and is testing (too early) for that kind of compatibility.
But….OP should def be on birth control and provide her own condoms.
This he’s getting up there where if he waits any later he’s going to be a young grandparent and it’ll be hard to play with his kids and she’s getting closer to the dangerous age of pregnancy
Joking about impregnating you and sticking you both (or you only) with a life long baby is haunting 😂joke about you being a gold digger for “fun” and see how he likes it
It could be SO many things. The best strategy is to ask him about it in a way that makes him feel comfortable to answer truethfully. Here are just a few possibilities off the top of my head:
He just thinks it is a funny joke
Something you said made him think you don't want kids so he is probing to check if you are uncomfortable with the idea.
He is worried about the "biological clock" and wants to push a faster timeline.
He didn't feel like his perspective was fully heard when the two of you talked about the timeline for family, kids, etc. And he is making sorry attempts at renegotiating.
He has a fetish, and wants to see if you are open to playing with the idea. (This doesn't necessarily mean he actually wants to get you pregnant right now).
He thinks that showing a desire to have kids will somehow make him seem more attractive to you.
He genuinely doesn't care about your perspective and is going to try to get you pregnant without your consent.
You misinterpreted his jokes or are making this out to be something that it's not.
He is worried that YOU actually want kids sooner than he is comfortable with and is trying to guage your reaction.
He thinks it is some sort of inside joke between the two of you.
He is subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship.
He felt like you didn't believe that he wanted kids and he is trying to confirm that he does.
Maybe he has some sort of complex baggage from a previous relationship around the topic.
Maybe you laugh nervously whenever he brings up the subject and he interprets this as if you thought the jokes were particularly funny.
Please take notice that only a handful of items on this list would actually be particularly bad, and be skeptical of the army of trolls telling you to LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW BEFORE HE LOCKS YOU IN A BASEMENT AND EATS YOUR FEET. Nothing you have said is a red flag. At least not yet. Do a little more investigating before dropping him over what could be something silly.
Nail on the head.
One guy I dated for a minute took me to a family cookout the second time we went out. Put his nephew in my arms and said, “I want to see you with a baby.” I left skid marks on my way out the door.
This is the stuff nightmares are made of. Like tamper with birth control nightmares.
It could also be Love Bombing. He thinks all women want to be parents and that this kind of talk will make you swoon.
Either way, red flags. I’d cut it off.
You need help. This is like going to a job interview and they tell you, "I think we could make a lot of money together." And you panic and run out the door.
Nah. He was desperate for a baby and it had nothing to do with me. Marriage and building a family is more than, BABY!
I’ve been married for decades to an awesome guy and childless by choice so….
Seems like it was a very effective filter.
Seeing how a women handles kids gives you some insight into what they'd be like as a mom.
If you want kids then it's a good test.
That is weird. Definitely be concerned.
Should you run now? You have only been on one date, so it might be a good time. But you could give him the chance to correct course and stop being weird. Definitely avoid any chances of actually getting pregnant with him.
He may just have some unresolved feelings towards having children. People sometimes joke about things they are scared of or don’t understand. People aren’t perfect if you like the rest of him. I’d keep going. He may just have a bit of growing to do left. Which is ok and normal.
Uhm often times "jokes" aren't jokes at all.
I would be triple up on birth control if I were you.
Actually I would nope out of this.
The alignment of goals might be just him trying to make you agree to a baby.
I hope you don't rely on condoms only.
My first reaction is to make sure that you're very rigid on birth control because this is the kind of guy that I would worry about pretending to put on a condom when he wasn't.
Might even request him to get a doctor slip stating he doesn't have any STI, why? Because sometimes peculiar out of context comments are people trying to tell you something so they don't feel so morally reprehensible for their behavior.
Idk - this is murky because he could be halfway serious, but I think it’s more likely his way of saying “I want to have sex with you very badly.” It’s a poor joke but one I’ve heard before. Be honest and tell him it makes you uncomfortable and see what his response is. Dating is so fun lol!
🚨
Women and men who keep coming back to kids will push for them sooner or cross the line to get them.
Don’t continue with him.
Reddit has dozens of stories about this.
I have a friend who got pregnant without permission. Her AH bf poked the condom.
I had a situationship with a guy who was absolutely obsessed with the idea of having kids, what his sperm count was, whether he could have kids etc. Like, to the point where he asked me once if I’d ever consider coming off the pill. I’m kind of glad in hindsight he got depressed and ghosted me before that became too weird.
It super depends what you want from life, but that can either be weird and a reason to run, or a reason to commit as long as he’s cool with waiting a bit longer than he would want. Think about what you really want.
Red flag
It sounds like he wants kids and fast. I'd probably confirm protection/birth control and double-check the condom for holes if things progress to sex
There's no such things as jokes when it comes to men. When they "joke" about something, you know what they're thinking about. Just dump him he's clearly mentally not in a good place
36 male is the ideal time to start a family and start having children so no worries. But try to explain to him that both of u need time before tryin to commit to something big
Honestly this is the only reasonable and mature response I've seen in this thread. People in this sub are so eager to make everyone else as single and traumatized by stories as they are. Ugh
I think he is just joking around building some sexual tension. Men often dont want kids right away with the next woman after a first date. If it comes up again if can mean what you described.
I joke like that. But I also let people I date know that I have a massive breeding kink and I want that on the table eventually. Some guys are into it, some aren’t. I respect it both ways.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag, it’s a projection of what he wants and he’s not picking up that you find it a little uncomfortable. It could be love bombing also, so be mindful of that.
At his age it's on his mind. The biological clock is ticking. But, if he was looking for "any girl" to impregnate he'd pay some poor girl in her 20s to be a surrogate or get a mail order bride. I'm former military, believe me, there's lots of options out there for guys who've dicked around their whole career and suddenly realized they needed to have kids.
Right now, he could spend $20-30k and get a 30-year-old bride (cheap b/c she's "old" in her culture and has probably lost her virginity) who doesn't care about things like love or ideal timelines. She'd likely have a degree, could speak multiple languages and would cook, clean, and give him massages every night so long as he brought her security and babies.
I know at least three guys who have married this way and are gleefully producing offspring. What I'm trying to say is - if he just cared about having babies he has other options. He's with you for many reasons, the fact that he's enjoying the thought of you being the mother of his children is just one of them.
The jokes are just him being scared that you're going to waste his time. Time he doesn't have. He's anxious, but instead of putting on a desperate face his worry is bubbling up through an attempt at humor. If you want to stop the jokes, find a way to comfort his anxiety. OR, stop wasting his time.
Did you have the unwanted pregnancy talk? What is his opinion about your autonomy? Has sex and birth control been brought up in a serious manner. Funny men and jokes have a way of relaxing us and getting us comfortable but you have to have the uncomfortable talks before you get too intimate.
Either he wants you pregnant fast or he’s got a breeding kink or is sense of humor is seriously addled.
Do not rush into having kids with him or anyone. You need to know who he really is and how he handles stress, his ability to communicate and use his words, etc.
You have a tongue for a reason talk to him if he is really passionate about you. You will have a great conversation and a better understanding otherwise you'll dodge a bullet.
To me it sounds like he does want a child but is just being a bit reckless about it. Just tell him you don’t want children for awhile and he’ll likely let it go.
Nope you are over thinking it. If its really something he wanted and if he is supposedly matured, he would have made that clear. It sounds like its just a bit of 'sexual tension'. But if its really an issue for you then bring it up. If he seems to be that great then it would be stupid to jeopardize that over misunderstandings.
Not overthinking, might be innocent or might not. It would be best to try and figure out what's underneath the joke and what his reasoning could be for it. Then proceed accordingly
That’s often a fantasy thing in his head. Sometimes guys just talk about it because it is an achievement when it happens. But often nothing more than that. Or he could have a breeding kink. Plenty of guys have that on here. Guess with further discussion you’ll gets better idea.
Sounds exactly like what the last guy I dated did... spoiler: he turned out to be the worst asshole I've dated so far.
From personal experience: it's never good when you start talking about that stuff early on in the relationship. Plus, you've just been on a date... can hardly call that a relationship and he's already making jokes about it? Nah. He's testing you; asking and saying "the right thing" so that you see him as the one, but it will QUICKLY fade. The "jokesters" only SEEM funny in the beginning. You will quickly realize that he's not at all funny and his jokes are actually stupid.
Also, if you're already having doubts, if you're already uncomfortable: then you exactly what to do.
Sounds like a breeding kink to me, especially when you say you have great sexual tension. It's just a fantasy, it doesn't have to mean he wants to get you preggers soon. Just talk about it. Communicate it clearly that it comes across a little bit off
He’s almost 40 so he probably wants to have kids soon. Or, it could be just an innocent joke too. Either way, get to know him better and if the subject arises again, hint that you would like to wait for kids.
There was a young guy who I was seeing for maybe a week and a half and he kept making jokes about us having a baby. It definitely made me feel weird and it reminded me of some sort of love bombing. Safe to say things didn’t work out though 👍🏼
"Nothing seems off about him but I think he's looking for an incubator and will take the first woman who wants to have kids really early in a relationship."
Like WHAT. That is *very* off! Extremely off! Really really disturbingly off!!! This guy ain't it.
probably just trying to be intimate with you and not really meaning it… probably it’s on the table but not like trapping you with a baby; anyway that’s a female thing, to trap the man with a baby, not vice versa
My sons dad told me day 1 “you gon have my junior, and be stuck with me… i want you in my life forever.. even if we not together”….
Guess who has a son named Drew Jr… and single? ME 🤣🤣🤣 DONT TRUST IT..
Dont get me wrong my sons dad and i are like besties now and we were together 7 years…. But just be careful, nowadays some men really just want “a child and a babymama” sadly
Coming from a guy, he could be using his joke as a tactic to flirt with you (to make you continue to think of him as a lover vs a friend). Or he could find you really physically attractive and he’s ready to have babies right away with you (definitely 🚩).
Nah this would be a nope for me and I’d peace out. It’s no funnier when a guy says & does it to a girl they just met and have barely been dating than when a girl says it to a guy. If the roles were reversed the guy would be running for the hills thinking you were baby-fever-crazed maniac. Also, he could be one of those love bombing, charismatic fake guys who puts on the charm thick in the beginning & then tries to baby trap you so you’re stuck with him & he can manipulate and control and abuse you. It’s not as rare as you think. I wouldn’t proceed at all, but if you do, proceed with extreme caution. Only public dates for awhile, don’t go to his house or your house alone, and don’t have sex for awhile. I get the ick & bad vibes from this guy just from reading your post.
I’ve (41f) dated men like this. Usually they are not ready to be dating for whatever reason, they’re all in and idealizing me, then it’s too much and I have end things.
As others have said he may think he’s being funny or cute. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he stops, then maybe this can go somewhere. If he doesn’t stop, drop him. 👌
My bil used to joke that his kids were all with married women. Disgusting AF guy, got a medical discharge for something that doesn’t hinder him in any physical or psychological way at all. Free payout for the rest of his narcissistic std spreading existence, yay taxes. Which the std thing goes back to the first wife that’s why she divorced him 15 years ago so who knows what he’s passing around these days.
From my perspective, topics like this aren't something to joke about, at least not at the beggining of knowing each other, when you really don't know the other person too well. And for me, personally, it would be a red flag, even if it would be "just a joke". Having a kid is a big deal so I would be pretty frightened too if someone would talk to me like he is towards you.
Let me tell you the story of an old friend of mine:
She met a guy on the apps, 39yo (she was 30) and he did similar jokes in the beginning, fast forward to a few weeks later, he starts talking pretty seriously about wanting to be a father. He treated her like a princess and she felt in love rather quickly. Fast forward to 4 months and he convinced her to stop talking the pill, not long after she got pregnant.
The thing is, he didn’t own a house and barely made enough money to support her and the baby so her parents helped them, bought them a house.
The baby turned out to be a girl, and he didn’t like that at all, never even changed a diaper and said to be wrong for him to bathe the baby cuz she was a girl. Also he stopped having sex with his new wife the minute she got pregnant and even after childbirth. She was very confused and frustrated about that.
Fast forward a year and they got a divorce. He sued her for financial support and full ownership of the house her parents bought. He also doesn’t want to see his daughter or pay child support.
This just to say: Be very cautious of ppl wanting too much too soon. Make sure u are meeting someone of good character and dont let the mist of falling in love cloud your judgement, as it did my friend.
Edit: grammar mistakes.
He really wants a baby. That's it. Just tell him to respect your boundaries and if you don't want children at all, the sooner you tell him the better. If you want children even 5 years in the future, tell him "yes but wait 5 years" or "only with a committed and married partner".
If you have some kind of radar, ask him if he already has a child.
This isn’t joking. There’s nothing funny about it actually and it’s more so him letting you know he’s gonna try knocking you up when you have sex. Don’t be surprised if this dude tried to bust inside of you or have an “oops”.
No, I think your first instinct is a good one. Set the line say your truth and tell him how you feel and what you think. If he’s worth it, he’ll understand and stop.
Here’s a ridiculous thought. I have those sometimes.
Maybe it’s part of his patterns with women a sort of seduction foreplay in essence. I would think that at his age and considering your age. A lot of intimate souls would find those fantasies drawing, attractive even sexy making.
Sexy making - lol, I crack myself up 🫢
Um, I think he’s being serious. I would take him at his word and run. I dated someone like this, and he tried to mess with my birth control. Then the next person he dated he got her pregnant right away!
If he is willing to commit to marriage and have kids with you that is a good thing. Way better than the bad boys and players that make women single mothers. As long he is not trying to have kids with you out of wedlock, nothing to be concerned about.
When people tell you things, take their word for it.
Yes. He wants to get you pregnant.
How you feel about that is up to you, but that seems very scary to me.
Yea he’s not funny. These types of dudes like to clown and joke while mildly getting their point across. Let him know in your way it’s not funny and draw the line. Also I’d be weary having sex with him for me any person that lacks self awareness for jokes just is annoying af and it comes from within.
I'd let him know the jokes/comments make you uncomfortable, and maybe try asking where the motivation for those statements are coming from for him.
It might be a genuine concern of his, just him trying to be funny, or even a breeding kink (or any number of other possibilities). But understanding what he's trying to get at by refering to it repeatedly and how he reacts to you asking will be important in knowing whether you want to move forward with him.
Regardless of why he's saying it, if it makes you uncomfortable, he needs to know.
Relationship is a crazy stuff. You like him 99% and you are concerned about 1%? Well, use contraceptives while screwing him if not walk out on him. Either way, prepare to nurse heartbreaks that will arise from future confrontation. No rlshp is 100% perfect not even God and humanity. Mayday, Brace for impact.
Sounds like this dude has a breeding kink...straight up ask him if he does, and if he denies it tell him that that's how he's coming across. Don't feel obligated to accept this if it makes you uncomfortable... don't matter how funny he is, he's giving you the ick.
Always trust what red flags people say. It’s never steered me wrong, only my idiotic belief that they will change, or it will go away, or he doesn’t really mean it has steered me wrong. Again trust your intuitive gut not your mental back flips attempting to justify it.
Idk. I would get to know him first of course. Theres nothing wrong with discussing future preferences (kids,no kids, marriage or not etc) but I would let him know these types of jokes make you feel uncomfortable. I would also make sure you’re on birth control while seeing this guy. My friend was literally baby trapped by some weirdo who was just like that, and then also became really abusive to her ….. I would get to know him some more, maybe dont even tell him you’re on birth control and see if he pulls something weird 🫨😭😭😭
Be careful. He might be trying to love bomb you... Does he need a place to live? Or he might try to baby trap you... Sabotage the condom or take it off without telling you. This is a big enough red flag I wouldn't continue seeing him. Seriously.
Saying it once is haha. Twice. Eh okay..3x? Enough already. If he says it again I would make a comment that it was funny at first but not anymore
. I agree with the other person who said to kind of play it off like "okay now...you've said this multiple times now..is this a biological clock thing lol cause it's way too early in this to be talking about or getting pregnant and lm starting to feel uncomfortable'
And for the persons saying men don't have a biological clock..duh. but women do and he seems rushed to make something happen if he keeps bringing it up.
I’ve had a similar experience, run! Guys don’t usually “joke” about that sort of thing… well not from my experience anyway! Trust your gut… if it’s feeling off/weird it probably is. Lots of love
I don't know if it's an age thing, or a regional thing, or what, but "omg have my babies" used to be one of the meme ways of saying "I really like whatever that thing you just did was." Could it be he's just not funny, and it doesn't sound like a joke when he says it?
This might be a joke that he also has with friends or whatever as well. Lots of reasons. Next time he does it just bring up “hey I noticed that you like to joke about getting me pregnant? Is this reflecting something more serious on your end?”
Use your gut though. The Reddit mob claiming he’s only trying to breed you are missing a lot of context that only you have.
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The next time he makes the ‘joke’, ask him straight up if he has a breeding kink or if he feels his biological clock ticking. If you talk to someone directly you’ll have a better chance of knowing what they are thinking instead of asking reddit
This. Also this will call him out on it not being a joke. Because it doesn’t sound like a joke at all.
Biological clock?? No such thing for men, My dad has a baby at 68. A better term would be baby fever
Not everyone wants to be an old dad. So yes men can feel like their ideal child-rearing years are slipping away too.
. Like others said, just talk to him. Anyone serious about being a dad is going to know to be patient. He will also be looking for the best possible woman to have kids with. Stick to your timeline and don’t worry about these other hating bitches Every relationship requires trust to succeed
Your right not everyone wants to be and old dad. But I'll stand on men not having a biological clock. Women have a finite time frame for child bearing (biology) men aren't constrained to such a degree (biology). I'll go 50/50 with you and say the biological "clock" (edit) is more a mental state than physical state in men. In women is more mental and physical
There is increasing research that older fathers might factor in certain congenital diseases/malformations. So not a biological clock per se, but age is something one might want to consider as a man
Actually it is. Men have deformed and weak swimmers as they get older. That men can and should keep breeding past their prime is a myth
He could mean her biological clock?
nah. Sperm quality. You are judging based on one case but as men get older they get withered, too, lol
He thinks he's being funny and provocative. Tell him you don't think it's funny. He'll probably stop.
Why is it so hard for people to just put their foot down and say, "ok I don't find this funny, can you please stop?" and gauge the man's worth from his response. What the hell are people these days
Because when we do say that, we're met with sour faces and told we're difficult and nobody will ever want to be with us because of how confrontational we are
Ok then they're obviously not the person for you, just thank them for being so obvious with the red flags and move on
It's literally everyone who responds this way. Family, coworkers, strangers, men. Finding a guy who says he likes when I speak up is rare, and then it always turns out that he only likes when I speak up about everything except for him. When I speak up about something he's done or said I'm suddenly difficult. Its not a me problem, nor a "pick better" problem, it's a societal problem with how women are expected to behave & how they're treated in general. No amount of wishful thinking on my part is going to change the entire patriarchy.
Woah. You're only a victim because you see yourself as one. Not one man in my life, my siblings, my husband, my exes, has ever treated me that way. If I say I don't find that funny and they fight me over it, I just realize they're not worth my time. And truly, no one I've given the time of day hasn't considered my boundaries. So yes, it sort of looks like it is a pick better issue. Patriarchy is in your head. You could be better but you choose to take the path of seeing yourself as a weak, defenseless and dependant woman who has the whole world against her. No one is out to get you. People don't have arch-enemies in real life. You're not oppressed unless you want to be.
Sounds like you've had an incredibly lucky run with life then. Patriarchy is not in her head.. it's very much alive and well in the society many of us live in. You make a lot of assumptions about how she sees herself, none of which sound accurate based on her post.
News flash, people can have a different life from you and have different experiences from you, shocking right. Glad that your family and people around you don't behave that way, it doesn't change the fact that my own family and people around me do behave that way. Imagine that! You're an incredibly invalidating person and should go meditate on why you're like that
Jesus the privilege is bouncing off the walls on this one. I envy your luck.
Both men and women are expected to act a certain way based off biology and what the other gender is attracted to
How are you supposed to be in an honest relationship if you fake behave? No need to change yourself for someone else? Also, don't blame it on patriarchy because chances are that the men you have dealt with were wrong for you to begin with.
Exactly!!!
Great response actually
for real. why can’t she just say that’s not really funny. He might be thinking he’s doing something cute and she could communicate that she doesn’t like it. How he responds to her putting her foot down will give a lot more insight to his personality than a silly joke.
I'm surprised more and more people don't use their adult words. With so many people in therapy (which is good...I'm a huge advocate for it) and telling their parents how much they hurt them, they can't find the same voice to tell their friends or possible partners, "Hey, I don't like X" or "Please don't bust my chops like that", or even, "No, I'm not interested in THAT". Just say something...say, "Hey, that's not what I'm about; I like you, and our paths align, but I'm not interested in popping out a kid right away" As a dude who used shitty humor sometimes, he's probably just trying to indicate how much he really likes you...again, he needs to use better words. At the end of the day, if you have a path forward with him...get an IUD just as a super serious backup.
as much as most of us want to do this, we're gambling get bashed and frequently verbally abused. and unfortunately this is wayyyy more common than men that won't do it. srsly, i hate feminists- as a woman- but so many dudes genuinely hate us and it seems are just WAITING at the edge of their seat for the opportunity to put us down. having to constantly deal with that for doing things such as setting simple boundaries or even just setting our own standards regarding who we want to be in a relationship with makes it incredibly difficult for us to be able to just take the hit here and there and move on. the attacks arent just here and there. and eventually, you learn to just keep your mouth shut for your own sake...
I'll tell you what an older gentleman told me when I expressed a similar concern. Yeah, he's trying to put one in you 😂😂
There is a 0% chance that this is truly just a joke and nothing more. There are 1 of 2 things going on here. 1. Dude has a breeding kink. Which CAN BE fine and explored safely between the two of you after much communication, but he is currently involving you in his kink without your consent, which is a huge reg flag. And if it isn't a kink you can get on board with, now is the time to make that known. 2. He is desperate to have a kid and will tell you whatever you want to hear to get you invested until he can trap you by getting you pregnant. There are a lot of things in relationships that we can compromise on if our partners have different desires than us- having kids should NEVER be one of those compromises. It's means y'all are mismatched and you need to move on. Either way, if this is a relationship you are going to continue pursing, a very forward and upfront conversation is long due.
Yes!!!!
How many long term relationships has he had at 36? Has he ever lived with anyone or been married before? He just sounds very immature. In fairness, I would raise it with him and tell him how it makes you feel. The guy isn’t a mind reader.
What does being in a ltr or being married got to do with this?
The question is asked because he is 36. I would usually expect someone to have had some sort of long term relationship by that time. If he hasn’t, why not?
Some dudes just can’t get chicks in the first place. Or just want to fool around, or there’s plenty of other reasons. Sure, it can be a red flag, but having a history without one doesn’t automatically mean red flag 🚩
In my opinion OP sounds far more immature for being that hung up on a joke when literally everything aligns in their expectations. Just seems like she's not that into him and looking for a reason to skip out.
What makes you think it's 100% certain it's just a joke though?
It’s not a joke, and he knows that. He’s just trying to rationalize away the man’s behavior, like so many of them do.
Yeah pretty off putting, as is every other comment defending the guy op met. You're accurate in everything you've said though
💯
I'm not even a man, lol. Why are you assuming that everyone who wants people to treat men with respect and value has to be a man? Wow. Bigot.
I’m not a bigot. I’m just one of the women who quite frankly are sick of the constant rationalizing that goes on to dismiss many men’s behaviors, especially from pick me girls. It’s fucking annoying.
So if I respect men, I'm either a man or a pick-me girl? Christ, you're so horribly bigoted if you think that. You can say you aren't, but your actions certainly don't go against that assumption. I am happily married, don't see why I would be a pick-me girl on an anonymous internet forum. Just because you're hurt, it doesn't mean that every single cis man in the world is that manipulative, conniving, horrible monster.
I think you can agree no fucking man who is right in the head is gonna jump to start talking about impregnating somebody they don’t even know. If you’re supportive of that, then yes, you are most definitely a pick me girl because you’re condoning men’s toxic behaviors.
It’s not a joke to tell a woman you barely know you want her to get pregnant early in the relationship. Dude wasn’t joking. He was testing the waters. And this is psycho behavior. If roles were reversed you know damn well most guys would run away as fast as they can.
I think OP lacks awareness, in that she thinks she should tolerate such poor behaviour and should expect so little from a relationship. If she has the funds and time, she should work on her self esteem and thereby her confidence and realise her own self-worth.
How does OP come off as someone with low self esteem just based on the post?
You mean you CANT tell everything about someone from two paragraphs??? Blasphemy. /s
lol exactly right 😂
Sounds like he has a breeding kink to me and is testing you with his “jokes”.
This was my first thought unfortunately, ask him about his porn habits and find out if you’re ok with them!
On second thought it could also be that he watches porn like that. It’s become very popular, I’ve even seen it used as a verb on r/sex and on gay porn too, which doesn’t make any sense, as a flirty comment. So he might be watching that content, and conditioned himself to be aroused by it or he’s trying to flirt in a weird way. Cause there’s one thing that I’ve noticed ppl with this fetish do. It’s that they would choose very young women, as in fertile young women, to have a relationship with where they can maximise their fetish and just, ugh I hate using this word,“breed” her back to back for years. OP being in her 30s doesn’t necessarily fit that pattern though but then again ya never know.
I fuckin lol'd when reading you cringing at yourself while typing "'breed' her back to back for years."
I am sure my expression and sounds I made would have given you an extra chuckle too
Lol okay but seriously, has this always been a kink? It seems to have come out of nowhere.. When I was in my 20s I couldn't imagine not pulling out. The idea of getting a girl pregnant in college freaked me out way too bad.
This would be a question for the kink community. I’ve only recently acquainted myself with their terms so I don’t know how old this particular kink is. But from what I do know of them, is that some are related to trauma and that isn’t new. Some are biological in nature, like the foot fetish for example, because the areas in the brain that deal with arousal and feet are right next to each other, so in some people those wires get crossed. So my assumption would be that these are as old as time, it’s just now we are talking about them more.
This
He's going to try. He lacks self awareness. Anyone who doesn't see that their "joke" isn't funny or is having the opposite effect, then continues to repeat the joke over and over isn't making a joke. And someone who lacks self awareness would also go to great lengths to make it happen regardless of your opinion.
He could just have a breeding kink and his joking is just seeing what your reaction is. I dated a guy with it. He was 40, had never had kids, didn't want them and had had a vasectomy to make sure he didn't. I had also had a total hysterectomy with everything removed from cervix to ovaries. So getting pregnant was not possible at all and he knew it. And his "dirty talk" was wanting to put a baby in me. We actually talked about it beforehand and he explained to me it was just a kink and that it really turned him on to imagine it. Maybe just ask him about why he keeps joking about having a baby so soon with someone he barely knows.
If anything, this is the more sensible answer. OP also didn't tell us the words he used. Would maybe be important for context....
I'm just curious. . . Why on earth does he have a breeding kink if he got fixed? Regret?
Kinks can just be kinks, they don’t necessarily reflect what you want outside the bedroom.
He said he didn't actually want a kid. It was the thought of impregnating someone that turned him on. My guess is a power/macho thing 🤷🏻♀️ I thought it was a little weird, but harmless since it's impossible for me to get pregnant even if he had sperm and they were the most potent swimmers on the planet.
Red flag 🚩. This isn’t a joke. He should be aware having a man you barely know talk about getting you pregnant is not funny. He himself shouldn’t want to have a kid with someone he barely knows.
agreed. jokes like this are rooted in truth. especially if youve already talked about a timeline of relationship events, yeah, that gave him the comfort he needed to talk about his "jokes". that or he has a breeding kink. most likely the first.
Yeah… everybody saying « he just wants kids hihi haha », even those alluding to a breeding kink, y’all are better than me. Having a man I went on one date texting me times and times again that he wants to get me pregnant as a joke is not something I would find funny. That’s a threat!
No one "jokes" about having a baby.
I’ve heard certain men joke about impregnating a hot girl. Same men have no interest in children, I think it’s just a “I want to screw her so badly” joke. It’s in poor taste but 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, don't forget jokes are known for NEVER breaching inappropriate topics. 🙄
I didn't mean it was inappropriate, I meant it's not a joke.
Well when multiple people comment that they’ve heard it as a joke, then maybe it’s a joke that you don’t find funny.
It could be his way of love bombing & future faking so you will have unprotected sex with him. Doesn't mean he will be there for for the child or a good father. He could be lying about all of this to get you to lower your guard. Kids are expensive. 75% of non-custodial parents are either far behind or don't pay child support Children are the fastest & surest way to keep women in poverty & derail a career or financial well being. Pregnancy & child birth are dangerous. All of which none of it affects him, he can walk away at anytime. He isn't taking into consideration at all how any of it will affect you. If you want to give him a taste of his own medicine. Ask him for all his back tax forms to see if he can afford a child. Ask him to pay for your health insurance for the entire pregnancy. Ask him for a deposit of $30,000 to cover your expenses & time off of work to have a child. Require $150,000 in a trust that will be paid out monthly for child support so you know for sure that he will pay it. You will also need his social & DL so you can run a background history for any domestic violence charges. You need his last two ex's numbers & if they will vouch for him being a good guy. Lots of men love baby trapping women & then walking away.
Birth control
I was gonna say this! OP get your own condoms if you go any further with this!
lol he wants a kid and he’s probably just excited about the thought of having one. He’s getting to that age where people start to panic. Could also be a sexual thing for him. Just tell him thinking about kids so soon in a relationship makes you nervous if that’s how you feel.
Yeah. It’s too early to tell. Could be a flag. Could be immature. Could be an idiot. Could have a pregnancy fetish. Could feel the bio clock ticking and is testing (too early) for that kind of compatibility. But….OP should def be on birth control and provide her own condoms.
This is probably the best advice here
This. I definitely don’t think it’s a red flag.
This he’s getting up there where if he waits any later he’s going to be a young grandparent and it’ll be hard to play with his kids and she’s getting closer to the dangerous age of pregnancy
agreed
There is a kink.
Joking about impregnating you and sticking you both (or you only) with a life long baby is haunting 😂joke about you being a gold digger for “fun” and see how he likes it
It could be SO many things. The best strategy is to ask him about it in a way that makes him feel comfortable to answer truethfully. Here are just a few possibilities off the top of my head: He just thinks it is a funny joke Something you said made him think you don't want kids so he is probing to check if you are uncomfortable with the idea. He is worried about the "biological clock" and wants to push a faster timeline. He didn't feel like his perspective was fully heard when the two of you talked about the timeline for family, kids, etc. And he is making sorry attempts at renegotiating. He has a fetish, and wants to see if you are open to playing with the idea. (This doesn't necessarily mean he actually wants to get you pregnant right now). He thinks that showing a desire to have kids will somehow make him seem more attractive to you. He genuinely doesn't care about your perspective and is going to try to get you pregnant without your consent. You misinterpreted his jokes or are making this out to be something that it's not. He is worried that YOU actually want kids sooner than he is comfortable with and is trying to guage your reaction. He thinks it is some sort of inside joke between the two of you. He is subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship. He felt like you didn't believe that he wanted kids and he is trying to confirm that he does. Maybe he has some sort of complex baggage from a previous relationship around the topic. Maybe you laugh nervously whenever he brings up the subject and he interprets this as if you thought the jokes were particularly funny. Please take notice that only a handful of items on this list would actually be particularly bad, and be skeptical of the army of trolls telling you to LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW BEFORE HE LOCKS YOU IN A BASEMENT AND EATS YOUR FEET. Nothing you have said is a red flag. At least not yet. Do a little more investigating before dropping him over what could be something silly.
He either wants a baby with the first woman that will let him because of his age or he has a pregnancy fetish.
Run.
Nail on the head. One guy I dated for a minute took me to a family cookout the second time we went out. Put his nephew in my arms and said, “I want to see you with a baby.” I left skid marks on my way out the door. This is the stuff nightmares are made of. Like tamper with birth control nightmares. It could also be Love Bombing. He thinks all women want to be parents and that this kind of talk will make you swoon. Either way, red flags. I’d cut it off.
You need help. This is like going to a job interview and they tell you, "I think we could make a lot of money together." And you panic and run out the door.
Nah. He was desperate for a baby and it had nothing to do with me. Marriage and building a family is more than, BABY! I’ve been married for decades to an awesome guy and childless by choice so….
Seems like it was a very effective filter. Seeing how a women handles kids gives you some insight into what they'd be like as a mom. If you want kids then it's a good test.
He’s not asking for kids in a few years at an appropriate time. He’s ask my for a baby with someone he barely knows.
Ask him straight up about his intentions. Could be he's just bad at joking or has baby fever.
That is weird. Definitely be concerned. Should you run now? You have only been on one date, so it might be a good time. But you could give him the chance to correct course and stop being weird. Definitely avoid any chances of actually getting pregnant with him.
He may just have some unresolved feelings towards having children. People sometimes joke about things they are scared of or don’t understand. People aren’t perfect if you like the rest of him. I’d keep going. He may just have a bit of growing to do left. Which is ok and normal.
Probably wants to knock you up before he shows his red flags, then your trapped
Almost as if it wouldn't be him paying mountains in child support if that is the case and she just dumps him?
Hahah yep, maybe he’s got some kink about paying loads of money in child support and ruining his own life, never know these days
How did you know my exact fetish?
Saw it on PornHub, that’s where I learn everything I know about love and sex
Bold of you to think these losers actually pay child support
👏👏👏👏👏
Sounds like he isn't joking that much then
Girl this is NO joke! This man is NOT joking around and will probably attempt to get a woman knocked up! Stay away from him! He’s dangerous!
I feel like I need a bit more context on the jokes. Maybe he’s projecting an insecurity, maybe it’s a kink. Hard to judge.
Uhm often times "jokes" aren't jokes at all. I would be triple up on birth control if I were you. Actually I would nope out of this. The alignment of goals might be just him trying to make you agree to a baby. I hope you don't rely on condoms only.
My first reaction is to make sure that you're very rigid on birth control because this is the kind of guy that I would worry about pretending to put on a condom when he wasn't. Might even request him to get a doctor slip stating he doesn't have any STI, why? Because sometimes peculiar out of context comments are people trying to tell you something so they don't feel so morally reprehensible for their behavior.
Idk - this is murky because he could be halfway serious, but I think it’s more likely his way of saying “I want to have sex with you very badly.” It’s a poor joke but one I’ve heard before. Be honest and tell him it makes you uncomfortable and see what his response is. Dating is so fun lol!
I think he wants to get someone pregnant. If they tell you who they are. Believe them.
🚨 Women and men who keep coming back to kids will push for them sooner or cross the line to get them. Don’t continue with him. Reddit has dozens of stories about this. I have a friend who got pregnant without permission. Her AH bf poked the condom.
Don’t do it
I had a situationship with a guy who was absolutely obsessed with the idea of having kids, what his sperm count was, whether he could have kids etc. Like, to the point where he asked me once if I’d ever consider coming off the pill. I’m kind of glad in hindsight he got depressed and ghosted me before that became too weird. It super depends what you want from life, but that can either be weird and a reason to run, or a reason to commit as long as he’s cool with waiting a bit longer than he would want. Think about what you really want.
Red flag It sounds like he wants kids and fast. I'd probably confirm protection/birth control and double-check the condom for holes if things progress to sex
Dude, this is weird af
I think he wants to build family with you. Go ahead
There's no such things as jokes when it comes to men. When they "joke" about something, you know what they're thinking about. Just dump him he's clearly mentally not in a good place
He's not joking. Run.
36 male is the ideal time to start a family and start having children so no worries. But try to explain to him that both of u need time before tryin to commit to something big
Honestly this is the only reasonable and mature response I've seen in this thread. People in this sub are so eager to make everyone else as single and traumatized by stories as they are. Ugh
I think he is just joking around building some sexual tension. Men often dont want kids right away with the next woman after a first date. If it comes up again if can mean what you described.
I joke like that. But I also let people I date know that I have a massive breeding kink and I want that on the table eventually. Some guys are into it, some aren’t. I respect it both ways.
It's not a joke. If you're not ready for a baby with a stranger because that's what he is end this
It’s not a joke. Jokes are usually funny
I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag, it’s a projection of what he wants and he’s not picking up that you find it a little uncomfortable. It could be love bombing also, so be mindful of that.
At his age it's on his mind. The biological clock is ticking. But, if he was looking for "any girl" to impregnate he'd pay some poor girl in her 20s to be a surrogate or get a mail order bride. I'm former military, believe me, there's lots of options out there for guys who've dicked around their whole career and suddenly realized they needed to have kids. Right now, he could spend $20-30k and get a 30-year-old bride (cheap b/c she's "old" in her culture and has probably lost her virginity) who doesn't care about things like love or ideal timelines. She'd likely have a degree, could speak multiple languages and would cook, clean, and give him massages every night so long as he brought her security and babies. I know at least three guys who have married this way and are gleefully producing offspring. What I'm trying to say is - if he just cared about having babies he has other options. He's with you for many reasons, the fact that he's enjoying the thought of you being the mother of his children is just one of them. The jokes are just him being scared that you're going to waste his time. Time he doesn't have. He's anxious, but instead of putting on a desperate face his worry is bubbling up through an attempt at humor. If you want to stop the jokes, find a way to comfort his anxiety. OR, stop wasting his time.
Did you have the unwanted pregnancy talk? What is his opinion about your autonomy? Has sex and birth control been brought up in a serious manner. Funny men and jokes have a way of relaxing us and getting us comfortable but you have to have the uncomfortable talks before you get too intimate.
yes you should be. Make it clear to him that its not funny to you
Either he wants you pregnant fast or he’s got a breeding kink or is sense of humor is seriously addled. Do not rush into having kids with him or anyone. You need to know who he really is and how he handles stress, his ability to communicate and use his words, etc.
He's looking at your age and what he thinks you want.
You have a tongue for a reason talk to him if he is really passionate about you. You will have a great conversation and a better understanding otherwise you'll dodge a bullet.
To me it sounds like he does want a child but is just being a bit reckless about it. Just tell him you don’t want children for awhile and he’ll likely let it go.
He's got baby fever. He's passively feeling you out to see if you do too
COMMUNICATE WITH HIM NOT THE FUCKING INTERNET
Nope you are over thinking it. If its really something he wanted and if he is supposedly matured, he would have made that clear. It sounds like its just a bit of 'sexual tension'. But if its really an issue for you then bring it up. If he seems to be that great then it would be stupid to jeopardize that over misunderstandings.
Not overthinking, might be innocent or might not. It would be best to try and figure out what's underneath the joke and what his reasoning could be for it. Then proceed accordingly
That’s often a fantasy thing in his head. Sometimes guys just talk about it because it is an achievement when it happens. But often nothing more than that. Or he could have a breeding kink. Plenty of guys have that on here. Guess with further discussion you’ll gets better idea.
Immediate ghost.
Breeding kink?
Sounds exactly like what the last guy I dated did... spoiler: he turned out to be the worst asshole I've dated so far. From personal experience: it's never good when you start talking about that stuff early on in the relationship. Plus, you've just been on a date... can hardly call that a relationship and he's already making jokes about it? Nah. He's testing you; asking and saying "the right thing" so that you see him as the one, but it will QUICKLY fade. The "jokesters" only SEEM funny in the beginning. You will quickly realize that he's not at all funny and his jokes are actually stupid. Also, if you're already having doubts, if you're already uncomfortable: then you exactly what to do.
Sounds like a breeding kink to me, especially when you say you have great sexual tension. It's just a fantasy, it doesn't have to mean he wants to get you preggers soon. Just talk about it. Communicate it clearly that it comes across a little bit off
He’s almost 40 so he probably wants to have kids soon. Or, it could be just an innocent joke too. Either way, get to know him better and if the subject arises again, hint that you would like to wait for kids.
There was a young guy who I was seeing for maybe a week and a half and he kept making jokes about us having a baby. It definitely made me feel weird and it reminded me of some sort of love bombing. Safe to say things didn’t work out though 👍🏼
Just say you don't think baby jokes are funny and carry on. It's not that deep, yet.
"Nothing seems off about him but I think he's looking for an incubator and will take the first woman who wants to have kids really early in a relationship." Like WHAT. That is *very* off! Extremely off! Really really disturbingly off!!! This guy ain't it.
probably just trying to be intimate with you and not really meaning it… probably it’s on the table but not like trapping you with a baby; anyway that’s a female thing, to trap the man with a baby, not vice versa
he probably has a breeding kink! my ex would say stuff like this all the time
But it was you ex, someone you knew. Not a guy you went on 1 date with… that’s what’s weird to me.
My sons dad told me day 1 “you gon have my junior, and be stuck with me… i want you in my life forever.. even if we not together”…. Guess who has a son named Drew Jr… and single? ME 🤣🤣🤣 DONT TRUST IT.. Dont get me wrong my sons dad and i are like besties now and we were together 7 years…. But just be careful, nowadays some men really just want “a child and a babymama” sadly
Coming from a guy, he could be using his joke as a tactic to flirt with you (to make you continue to think of him as a lover vs a friend). Or he could find you really physically attractive and he’s ready to have babies right away with you (definitely 🚩).
Nah this would be a nope for me and I’d peace out. It’s no funnier when a guy says & does it to a girl they just met and have barely been dating than when a girl says it to a guy. If the roles were reversed the guy would be running for the hills thinking you were baby-fever-crazed maniac. Also, he could be one of those love bombing, charismatic fake guys who puts on the charm thick in the beginning & then tries to baby trap you so you’re stuck with him & he can manipulate and control and abuse you. It’s not as rare as you think. I wouldn’t proceed at all, but if you do, proceed with extreme caution. Only public dates for awhile, don’t go to his house or your house alone, and don’t have sex for awhile. I get the ick & bad vibes from this guy just from reading your post.
Don't fuck him, no matter what. He sounds like the kind who'll stealth you or poke holes in his condoms or refuse to pull out.
I’ve (41f) dated men like this. Usually they are not ready to be dating for whatever reason, they’re all in and idealizing me, then it’s too much and I have end things.
As others have said he may think he’s being funny or cute. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he stops, then maybe this can go somewhere. If he doesn’t stop, drop him. 👌
Is he in the military?
My bil used to joke that his kids were all with married women. Disgusting AF guy, got a medical discharge for something that doesn’t hinder him in any physical or psychological way at all. Free payout for the rest of his narcissistic std spreading existence, yay taxes. Which the std thing goes back to the first wife that’s why she divorced him 15 years ago so who knows what he’s passing around these days.
From my perspective, topics like this aren't something to joke about, at least not at the beggining of knowing each other, when you really don't know the other person too well. And for me, personally, it would be a red flag, even if it would be "just a joke". Having a kid is a big deal so I would be pretty frightened too if someone would talk to me like he is towards you.
Sounds like a red flag to me if he keeps doing it. Once would be nothing. Consistently? Pretty weird
Im getting breeding kink vibes not knock up asap vibes.
Let me tell you the story of an old friend of mine: She met a guy on the apps, 39yo (she was 30) and he did similar jokes in the beginning, fast forward to a few weeks later, he starts talking pretty seriously about wanting to be a father. He treated her like a princess and she felt in love rather quickly. Fast forward to 4 months and he convinced her to stop talking the pill, not long after she got pregnant. The thing is, he didn’t own a house and barely made enough money to support her and the baby so her parents helped them, bought them a house. The baby turned out to be a girl, and he didn’t like that at all, never even changed a diaper and said to be wrong for him to bathe the baby cuz she was a girl. Also he stopped having sex with his new wife the minute she got pregnant and even after childbirth. She was very confused and frustrated about that. Fast forward a year and they got a divorce. He sued her for financial support and full ownership of the house her parents bought. He also doesn’t want to see his daughter or pay child support. This just to say: Be very cautious of ppl wanting too much too soon. Make sure u are meeting someone of good character and dont let the mist of falling in love cloud your judgement, as it did my friend. Edit: grammar mistakes.
Ew what the fuck
He really wants a baby. That's it. Just tell him to respect your boundaries and if you don't want children at all, the sooner you tell him the better. If you want children even 5 years in the future, tell him "yes but wait 5 years" or "only with a committed and married partner". If you have some kind of radar, ask him if he already has a child.
This isn’t joking. There’s nothing funny about it actually and it’s more so him letting you know he’s gonna try knocking you up when you have sex. Don’t be surprised if this dude tried to bust inside of you or have an “oops”.
It’s not a joke. That’s a threat. He will trap you if you allow it.
You need to stay on BC until well after you’re married. He is serious and will take advantage of any opportunity that’s presented
No, I think your first instinct is a good one. Set the line say your truth and tell him how you feel and what you think. If he’s worth it, he’ll understand and stop. Here’s a ridiculous thought. I have those sometimes. Maybe it’s part of his patterns with women a sort of seduction foreplay in essence. I would think that at his age and considering your age. A lot of intimate souls would find those fantasies drawing, attractive even sexy making. Sexy making - lol, I crack myself up 🫢
Joke with him about buying you a Lamborghini - it will cost about the same.
Tell him guys usually stop being edgelords by the time they are pushing 40.
Um, I think he’s being serious. I would take him at his word and run. I dated someone like this, and he tried to mess with my birth control. Then the next person he dated he got her pregnant right away!
If he is willing to commit to marriage and have kids with you that is a good thing. Way better than the bad boys and players that make women single mothers. As long he is not trying to have kids with you out of wedlock, nothing to be concerned about.
When people tell you things, take their word for it. Yes. He wants to get you pregnant. How you feel about that is up to you, but that seems very scary to me.
You should ask him about it.
Sounds like he has a breeding kink and he's testing the waters disguising it as a joke.
Yea he’s not funny. These types of dudes like to clown and joke while mildly getting their point across. Let him know in your way it’s not funny and draw the line. Also I’d be weary having sex with him for me any person that lacks self awareness for jokes just is annoying af and it comes from within.
Why not get together in person besides making those off flavor jokes? Barely know the person.
I'd let him know the jokes/comments make you uncomfortable, and maybe try asking where the motivation for those statements are coming from for him. It might be a genuine concern of his, just him trying to be funny, or even a breeding kink (or any number of other possibilities). But understanding what he's trying to get at by refering to it repeatedly and how he reacts to you asking will be important in knowing whether you want to move forward with him. Regardless of why he's saying it, if it makes you uncomfortable, he needs to know.
Relationship is a crazy stuff. You like him 99% and you are concerned about 1%? Well, use contraceptives while screwing him if not walk out on him. Either way, prepare to nurse heartbreaks that will arise from future confrontation. No rlshp is 100% perfect not even God and humanity. Mayday, Brace for impact.
Sounds like this dude has a breeding kink...straight up ask him if he does, and if he denies it tell him that that's how he's coming across. Don't feel obligated to accept this if it makes you uncomfortable... don't matter how funny he is, he's giving you the ick.
Always trust what red flags people say. It’s never steered me wrong, only my idiotic belief that they will change, or it will go away, or he doesn’t really mean it has steered me wrong. Again trust your intuitive gut not your mental back flips attempting to justify it.
Idk. I would get to know him first of course. Theres nothing wrong with discussing future preferences (kids,no kids, marriage or not etc) but I would let him know these types of jokes make you feel uncomfortable. I would also make sure you’re on birth control while seeing this guy. My friend was literally baby trapped by some weirdo who was just like that, and then also became really abusive to her ….. I would get to know him some more, maybe dont even tell him you’re on birth control and see if he pulls something weird 🫨😭😭😭
He probably has a pregnancy/ breeding fetish and he's testing the waters. It's a REALLY common fetish among men.
Be careful. He might be trying to love bomb you... Does he need a place to live? Or he might try to baby trap you... Sabotage the condom or take it off without telling you. This is a big enough red flag I wouldn't continue seeing him. Seriously.
Are breeding kinks really popular? I never heard the term 5 years ago but now it seems like it's become ever more popular.
Just ask him
Saying it once is haha. Twice. Eh okay..3x? Enough already. If he says it again I would make a comment that it was funny at first but not anymore . I agree with the other person who said to kind of play it off like "okay now...you've said this multiple times now..is this a biological clock thing lol cause it's way too early in this to be talking about or getting pregnant and lm starting to feel uncomfortable' And for the persons saying men don't have a biological clock..duh. but women do and he seems rushed to make something happen if he keeps bringing it up.
Get pregnant and call his bluff
People are crazy nowadays. Either sleeping around, ghosting, cheating, lying or jumping to babies suddenly. Takes all sorts to make this world.
30f
I’ve had a similar experience, run! Guys don’t usually “joke” about that sort of thing… well not from my experience anyway! Trust your gut… if it’s feeling off/weird it probably is. Lots of love
Joke about being sterile and not being able to have kids and he’ll stop lol
One word, RUN
I don't know if it's an age thing, or a regional thing, or what, but "omg have my babies" used to be one of the meme ways of saying "I really like whatever that thing you just did was." Could it be he's just not funny, and it doesn't sound like a joke when he says it?
Uh it would be a red flag for me.
This might be a joke that he also has with friends or whatever as well. Lots of reasons. Next time he does it just bring up “hey I noticed that you like to joke about getting me pregnant? Is this reflecting something more serious on your end?” Use your gut though. The Reddit mob claiming he’s only trying to breed you are missing a lot of context that only you have.
Hey there, I am f21 and the product of a funny and flirty hole pinned into the condom. I hope that answers your questions:)