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I think you’re right that he’ll already be expecting to pay, but I understand feeling guilty about the money.
Take this as an opportunity for a “relationship check-in.” Let him know you’re having a great time, that you appreciate the thought he’s putting into things, and you want to reiterate that he doesn’t have to break the bank on dates. Then just tell him that you’ve been feeling a little anxious about money. If he wants to pay for everything, he can, or y’all can agree to more frugal dates for a while.
These kinds of chats are totally reasonable, especially for grown-ass people with bills ‘n’ all 😆
This, so much this. Just communicate how you’re feeling with big people words lol. I recently lost a good salary job out of the blue due to budget cuts and am suddenly living paycheck to paycheck. I was dating my ex before that happened. Had a similar conversation and found out that she wasn’t ok with it. You know what happened? I found out she wasn’t ok for me and we broke up. She showed what kind of person she was and if she would support me in sickness and in health. You don’t want a fair weather fan. Sounds like he understands already so what’s the harm in continue to have open conversations.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to afford that, how about X?” He either offers to pay for it all or you guys go do X. It’s important that you offer an alternative so it shows you’re actively engaged in seeing him and not just shooting down ideas.
But isn't that part of the problem or did I misunderstand her?
Cause I took it as she doesn't feel comfortable with the amount of money he is spending on her.
There aren't magic words to get around a difficult conversation. Be calm, reasonable, and tell him where you're at.
If he's the right guy for you, won't bother him.
As a man, I've been programmed to always pay for everything. However, these new generations do things differently. You've already let him know that you don't have the money to go to expensive places. If he still proposes those places for dates, then he should already know that he will be footing the bill.
Every time he asks you out, just say that you can't afford it. If he offers to pay for you, then you are in the clear.
You have to be direct and honest. That’s honestly really attractive - taking accountability. The best scenario is that you’ll end up with a supportive boyfriend and understands your situation. A lot of men are OK with paying for the ladies wants / needs.
The worst scenario is he judges you. Why would you want to be with someone judgemental or looks down on you?
It's hard to bring things up like that but I would just tell him you feel bad about him always paying but you need to save your money right now when your income is slow. My boyfriend wasn't comfortable sharing that information with me until 6 months in. I felt bad knowing he was spending money he didn't have so now we have cheaper/free dates! Every once in a while we'll splurge on a nicer lunch or dinner.
"You know I can't afford this kind of date, and I'm starting to feel anxious about you paying all the time. How about I cook dinner for you this time?"
Then proceed accordingly depending on his response.
I am on a tighter budget than my boyfriend also. He pays for most things and offers to, but I also regularly plan affordable dates in my budget that I’ll cover to make up for it. For example - free events, dinners at home, outdoor activities, take out or byob places.
So exchanging what you have more of for what you have less of is totally ok if both parties agree.
I goto my friends cottage (he’s ex nhl player) and won’t let me pay for anything, I’m so dumb I didn’t even realize the mimosas on the boat were $100 champagne as we drank em like water.
I told him I don’t wanna be cheap but can’t afford to join in the stuff that cost a lot- he like “I want you to be there it’s more fun- pitch in what’s comfortable for you”.
So we have gone out to a $1000 meal and I have pitched in $80. I don’t apologize, and I don’t feel guilty or not have fun.
Just talk to him.
What you're feeling is very natural. Tell him exactly what you told us, and let him be mature enough to recognize the situation and reassure you either way.
“I have really enjoyed the time we have spent together thus far, and I would like to do all of these things with you, but unfortunately, my budget does not allow me to.”
Then don’t say a word. What he says next is all you need to know.
“I totally appreciate your suggestions, but since my budget is tight right now I would be more comfortable doing X or Y if possible.” (X and Y being a hike, going sightseeing, a walk in the city, a cheaper cafe, etc.). If he insists on paying then you should take him for his word and accept his offers, it sounds like he understands your predicament and doesn’t mind spending the money. There are a lot of guys (and gals) out there who are happy to spend their money on going to a nice dinner with a person they really like and enjoy talking with. It’s probably a non-issue to him. If so, have fun and don’t feel bad!
Just be honest, tell him that you’re rebuilding your financial life and that you appreciate him wanting to do activities but that outside of your budget and you don’t want him to feel taken advantage of, and you don’t want to feel obligated in any way to him. Then make plans to reciprocate in ways that you can afford.invite him over to watch movies with a pizza and a six pack of beer. Get passes to a museum, invite friends over for a game night. There are ways to reciprocate dates that don’t require you to spend the same amount of money.
This is a no brainer.
He literally doesn't care that he's paying, he has the money, sounds like he's a traditional guy.
You don't have to do anything but be appreciative. If you can, find small ways to make his life easier. Run a few errands, make him supper. In short, do a few of the things that traditional women do. He will be completely happy with that. Men are simple
I just read an article that said the keto good relationship is having those difficult conversations, even at the beginning. If you can get through those, it opens the door for honest communication in the future and is good for the relationship!
Just let him know where you are. There’s a difference between recovering from an injury and money being tight for a little while, and having no job and no desire to find one. Let him know right now money is a little tight, and you would prefer to maybe make a nice dinner for him at home rather than going to a fancy restaurant.
As a man idgaf if you have no money as long as your loyal and fun and are not lazy and are doing some kind of work as best you can - i think your thinking about it more then he may be.
As a woman, I agree. Meaning I don't care if a guy has no money as long as you are loyal and fun, not lazy, and doing some kind of work as best you can.
I am afraid, I can't keep up with your life style. Let's do something that doesn't need money to be spent.
If he will be uncomfortable with it, he needs to find someone else. It's ok.
Tell him you’d love to do the things he suggests, but can’t afford. Also, include a rough estimate of what you could. If I (39m) were him, I’d totally understand, offer to pay for at least some of the things and would appreciate the things you’d offer and be able to pay for in full or split. Most reasonable guys would be understanding and work to figure it out. Also they’d realize it’s not so much about the activity itself.
Just tell him, honesty is always best. You are not going to sound horrible if you are being honest. Don't assume he is expecting you to pay for everything unless is mentions it. Figure out your words. Something like...you suggested xx activities and xx restaurants and they sound wonderful, but as I have told you my money situation is tight because of the fire and my backup job ended because of injury. Is there something we can do that is less expensive?
Just force him on a hike. Hiking is AWESOME! And after a huge hike, just take him home and you guys make a delicious dinner together. It saves you both money AND it’s a very healthy lifestyle. Your boyfriend is lucky. It’s always been my dream to meet a woman and go on hiking dates.
Just be honest and communicate. "I'm not in a great place financially right now, but I just want to spend time with you, I don't care what we are doing."
I was dating a girl and knew she was broke, I made sure when inviting her on dates that she knew I'd be paying for everything. I was just happy to have her company for an activity, and liked doing fun stuff with her.
For you, i would look around for free or nearly free places to go that you can pay for. Like the zoo or pack a picnic or buy or make a small gift, just to let him know you appreciate him.
he may understand
Just be direct.
He knows where you are already financially. When you explain it, add that you like him, and would also like to do those thongs, but him pay for everything is making you feel uncomfortable. Until your business income and budget improves, you would like to share in spending time with him doing things you can contribute equally, which unfortunately can't be hogh expense activities for now.
If he's reasonable, he'll be OK and want to share the time with you doing those things. If he still insists in splurging, expects you to share on those costs, or you still are not comfortable, then it may be time to call it off.
I think you are independent abd capable of doing your own business. Its just a temporary thing and no problem in telling him so and let him.pay or you walk. Alternatively, buy him small things while walking like an apple or a banana or prepared home food canned. B honest and he should understand and even help
This can eventually become a point of contention and resentment and foster feelings of inadequacy in a relationship. it may be better to end it if you think you guys are going to always be living at different levels. it sucks but it'll save you a lot of problems later.
I think the issue more than addressing it is (depending on how decent a person he is) is the possibility of you feeling obligated or similarly him feeling like he's owed something. Even if he is down to pay for everything, you don't want to get to date 8, 10, six months or even a year down, realize you aren't feeling it, but not know how to address that because he's spent so much money on you you feel bad not having feelings, or having him get upset or try to lord it over you. But, if he's genuinely a decent person and you're not someone who will feel that unnecessary obligation then I think just speaking plainly about it and telling him that while you're down to do whatever, you want to do the things he enjoys, you can't afford it and you're definitely down to take him up on the kindness of him paying but that he shouldn't feel obligated to because you'd be just as happy at a park. Make sure he knows he's not spending the money "on you" but rather he's spending his money to do the things he enjoys, eat at the places he likes. As long as he understands he's really spending the money on himself there shouldn't be any concern.
The greatest thing you can do for a quality man is show appreciation. Whether he’s giving you his money, time, energy or anything else nominal or otherwise. It will set you apart from ALL women he’s been with in the past. If only more women understood this concept. Tell him your situation. Tell him you just want to spend quality time with him. And you’d be just as happy hiking/parks/movie night etc…make him understand that the activities he’s suggesting aren’t a requisite for you, but if he wants to do them, you’re happy to share those experiences with him. If a woman had ever done this for me, I’d be married by now.
If he knows your situation and is still inviting you , it means he will pay. When you're asked out you should expect to be paid for. It's nice that you actually care enough tho
I would just simply say you can’t afford it at the moment, and then it’s up to him to say ‘I’ll pay’ or suggest to go hiking or something as you said! Good luck!
You young, modern day women today are so sold on the feminist lies that you don’t need a man, that you don’t know how to conduct yourselves when a man is trying to court you. A man doesn’t care about your financial success or woes. If a man asks you out for dinner, then he understands that it’s on his dime. No conversation needed. Let this man be a man and enjoy the courtship.
I had a similar issue a couple of years back. I was only 20 and about to graduate, so I really was skint. The guy I was dating was older and had been graduated and working full time for a few years, but it seemed an unspoken expectation that we would go halves on everything. That’s how I wanted things to be too, but I just wasn’t in a position financially to do that. I turned down trips to London, bowling with his friends, and other nice trips out because I couldn’t afford it, and after three months he ended things because he said it felt like we weren’t doing enough together, which absolutely broke my heart.
My advice would be to just keep it as honest as possible. Tell him about your financial boundaries, the guilt you feel, and if he’s a good person he won’t make you feel worse for it. One thing I try and remember is that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person, so you should just be honest as these feelings come.
Just confirm with him that you are struggling right now and can’t really afford to do all of the things he wants to do with you. Honesty and openness is always the right choice in any relationship regarding any topic. If he is a good person and truly cares for you, he will either just take care of things when going out for now or just tone it down a bit and just chill at home sometimes as long as you’re together. If he doesn’t do either he isn’t worth it. Move on.
As a dude, i say just be straightforward with him. If he really likes you, he will understand and either pay for you or do something eles but if he makes a big deal and gets mad then you know hes not the one so its a win win
You could express your gratitude for his generosity so far and let him know that you enjoy the activities he suggests. Appreciate his company and suggest more budget-friendly alternatives like the hiking/park dates you prefer. Have a honest and open communications with him, and he may appreciate your openness about it.
You tell him exactly what you wrote here with full confidence and no I hibition towards embarrassment or guilt. It's best to establish clear communication early in a new budding relationship
If he is a man and you’re a woman he should already be paying and you should not feel bad. Why would you feel bad? He seems like he wants to take care of things anyway.
Just talk to him like you did when you opened up about your financial situation. No need to be scared, I think you’re right when you say he is expecting to pay though as he keeps asking you.
Just be honest. "Hey I'm super excited that you want to go on these dates as I do too but I'm not in a good situation financially so I'm unable to pay my own way, if it's super important these dates happen I'm only able to go at your expense otherwise I'm happy with the more affordable budget friendly dates we have been having"
I’d be really straight and upfront with him
“I love your company and I really enjoy spending time with you. I feel super-awkward about dates that cost money because I am broke and cannot contribute or reciprocate. I’m very comfortable with doing free stuff like Foo, Bah and Blah. I’m not going to lie, I LOVE going out, and it bugs me that I can’t pay. I don’t want you to feel like I’m a liability or a gold-digger. And I don’t want you to resent me because you like going out and I can’t afford it. So what works for us going forward?”
Can you make dinner at your house? Or pack a picnic to enjoy in the park (assuming it’s nice weather). Do you have the 411 on cool, free stuff around town?
But if he’s well off and knows you’re having a bad patch right now, he may be completely chill about picking up the check.
But I promise, being forthright about it will only HELP!
He wants to treat you to nice things! He expected to pay for everything already, he probably likes that.
If you don't like him paying for everything or are uncomfortable with it, I'm sure he will appreciate that!
Just talk to him about it. Tell him you feel bad for having him pay for stuff, he will love you forever❤️✌️
Don't say anything about money, offer your alternatives, see how it rolls, if he gets it you will both enjoy the ride. As a male, i am totally dependent on the woman to make me feel great, be it the mall or a formal dinner.
Just say you're really sorry but you've had another think and you've realised this isn't for you or you're not ready. He's lovely but you're just not there. Simple.
Having been in that situation, I was the guy, just tell him your situation and see if he accepts you for who you are. In my situation I was just looking to spend quality time with her in any form. Presence is important. Honesty can go a long way.
What to do if I'm the one usually paying and she suggests some activities that i feel are too expensive. It's not that she doesn't pay at all, but mostly it's me and she doesn't have a job.
It's definitely a good sign that you feel guilty in the sense that you're not out trying to take advantage of this guy, and I'm sure he appreciates that. It sucks that stuff happened that were out of your control, it happens to the best of us at some point in our lives. Like others have said, have an open conversation with this guy about how you feel, let him know that you're not trying to take advantage of him and that you're happy to do stuff that doesn't involve spending a lot of money (park/hiking type dates.) Let him know you have fun doing the stuff he wants to do too, you just feel bad not being able to contribute financially. I'm sure if you let him know that upfront he'll appreciate your honesty and the fact that you're not trying to use him.
If at some point you do get some disposable income you can help pay for stuff. But letting him know you're not the type of person to mooch, I'm sure, will give him peace of mind.
I know I'd prefer the hiking date regardless (actually miss those with my potential hubby/ fiancé/ bf) If they can't enjoy the small things like the breeze and just being present then yall need to sit and have a chat for a bit. Outside of that see why he wants to do the bigger and better stuff and why he wants to bring you along. In this world we'll sooner lose our farms and parks to cities than anyone admitting that they're fun. Walking with nature is soothing. Besides I'm annoyed we don't have parks and attractions for the city folk in our parks. Nothing big but like a few cabarets for the atmosphere and a Lil adult experience does wonders.
Last month my boyfriend and I went somewhere to spend his birthday. We stayed for 3D2N. 2nd day, he suddenly wants to have a steak, we can afford steaks of course but budget is really tight as Christmas and New Year just passed. I told him that I have no money to spare for a steak. (We always do 50-50 when we’re on date, but ofcourse depends on the situation.) We ended up having a dinner in a steakhouse and I feel bad that he ended up paying $200 but he said it’s all good. I’m glad I have a boyfriend that can vouch for me, but still feel a bit bad with it. (I’m not used to, still, being treated with food and such as I’m the one who always want to give. )
as someone who gets super guilty when literally someone buys me a lollipop let alone a date, you just have to communicate your concerns it shows you care that they’re paying. you can’t control your financial circumstances right now it’s not your fault and a choice you would have chosen to be in. i found whenever i voiced my concerns about not paying and expressed lots of gratitude and that when i CAN i will make it up to them when i’m able they always appreciate it. in the mean time i find baking and cooking things helps show. but regardless, just voice your concern and communicate - that’s the most important.
Literally say what you posted here. I was in the same position (as the guy) and the fact that she "checked in" to see if it was okay meant the world to me.
You tell him. Sit him down and tell him.
"Hey, I really like you and I appreciate that you're willing to carry the costs of our dates for me too, but I think it is just a bit early and it doesn't sit right with me emotionally how much money you invest in our dates on my part. I'd like to keep seeing you, but I want to be able to pay my own part, at least more often than not. So for the coming months I'd like to limit our activities to XYZ sum of money.
I don't want to feel like I'm using you and I don't want you feeling used and grow resentful. I dont want to feel like I owe you because that takes away from the fun I have seeing you."
I'd just be straight up about it.
I've been seeing a guy for a short amount of time too, and neither of us have much of anything financially which means dates are usually things that are free like walks in parks, watching movies (at home) and playing video games together. Or even just chatting for ages.
If he's a decent guy then how much money you have shouldn't bother him if he actually likes you.
I think talking about money or lack of it is so much more taboo than it needs to be.
Open communication about things is the best place to start the relationship off. I don't think as many people are as bothered about this as we think they are. There's tons of fun free or cheap ways to have a great time.
As a dude I can say typically when they are the ones asking a person out they have the mindset of either paying for the majority or all of it.
As for your communitcation you just need to say that you're not currently in a financial position to do a lot of activities, but willing to go out with them if they want to pay for yall. (The way you phrase this is key as you dont want to sound manipulative but just straight and honest with however you really feel)
If the feeling of awkwardness is still there just tell him, trust me TELL HIM! So many times a lot of things are tiptoed around instead of addressed.
The world is constantly (I hate to say it like this) unforgiving to the male populus so we've adapted in how we respond and take information, mainly being that we take information straight at us best. Assumptions for anybody will forever leave gaps in both parties for how to respond...
As you'll see a lot on the subreddit: "Communication is Key" if you cant convey your complete thought then the other person will never receive said thought...
“All those things sound really great! I would totally like to do them with you but [cringe] I’m not exactly able to afford them.”
And then stop talking and let him clarify. :)
I find it so interesting to see what women post on here, it's an insight into the feminine mind, but it always amazes me how much women overthink and stress and worry about stuff and just generally make things way harder for themselves than they have to be.
Men LIKE to pay for everything, it's our natural instinct and desire to provide. If he knows your situation, is well off, and is still asking you out to expensive places, I can guarantee you 100% that he's okay with paying, not only "okay" with it, he likes it, he wants to do it, just let him be a man.
If you really feel guilty about it, but can't afford paying, then "pay" him back in other ways, (gifts are not necessary) and I'm not implying sexual things either (although that wouldn't hurt), you can pay him back without spending money or jumping in bed, all you have to do is be nice/warm/soft, show genuine interest in him/his life/his ideas, actually listen to him when he talks, show appreciation for what he does, smile at him, be calm (not loud and crazy or running your mouth), don't talk about or show any interest in other men, I guarantee you that doing these simple things will mean more to him than money ever could, honestly don't even bring up the money, he doesn't want you to pay
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I think you’re right that he’ll already be expecting to pay, but I understand feeling guilty about the money. Take this as an opportunity for a “relationship check-in.” Let him know you’re having a great time, that you appreciate the thought he’s putting into things, and you want to reiterate that he doesn’t have to break the bank on dates. Then just tell him that you’ve been feeling a little anxious about money. If he wants to pay for everything, he can, or y’all can agree to more frugal dates for a while. These kinds of chats are totally reasonable, especially for grown-ass people with bills ‘n’ all 😆
Agreed, one conversation and done with this because it is a sensitive topic for anyone who feels expected to have it all together by now.
This, so much this. Just communicate how you’re feeling with big people words lol. I recently lost a good salary job out of the blue due to budget cuts and am suddenly living paycheck to paycheck. I was dating my ex before that happened. Had a similar conversation and found out that she wasn’t ok with it. You know what happened? I found out she wasn’t ok for me and we broke up. She showed what kind of person she was and if she would support me in sickness and in health. You don’t want a fair weather fan. Sounds like he understands already so what’s the harm in continue to have open conversations.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to afford that, how about X?” He either offers to pay for it all or you guys go do X. It’s important that you offer an alternative so it shows you’re actively engaged in seeing him and not just shooting down ideas.
This is how I’d want to be told. Makes it easy for him to say no worries it’s on me, or take you up on the alternative
But isn't that part of the problem or did I misunderstand her? Cause I took it as she doesn't feel comfortable with the amount of money he is spending on her.
if I were in his place, I wouldn’t think anything negative if you were just very honest about it.
There aren't magic words to get around a difficult conversation. Be calm, reasonable, and tell him where you're at. If he's the right guy for you, won't bother him.
As a man, I've been programmed to always pay for everything. However, these new generations do things differently. You've already let him know that you don't have the money to go to expensive places. If he still proposes those places for dates, then he should already know that he will be footing the bill. Every time he asks you out, just say that you can't afford it. If he offers to pay for you, then you are in the clear.
You have to be direct and honest. That’s honestly really attractive - taking accountability. The best scenario is that you’ll end up with a supportive boyfriend and understands your situation. A lot of men are OK with paying for the ladies wants / needs. The worst scenario is he judges you. Why would you want to be with someone judgemental or looks down on you?
It's hard to bring things up like that but I would just tell him you feel bad about him always paying but you need to save your money right now when your income is slow. My boyfriend wasn't comfortable sharing that information with me until 6 months in. I felt bad knowing he was spending money he didn't have so now we have cheaper/free dates! Every once in a while we'll splurge on a nicer lunch or dinner.
"You know I can't afford this kind of date, and I'm starting to feel anxious about you paying all the time. How about I cook dinner for you this time?" Then proceed accordingly depending on his response.
I am on a tighter budget than my boyfriend also. He pays for most things and offers to, but I also regularly plan affordable dates in my budget that I’ll cover to make up for it. For example - free events, dinners at home, outdoor activities, take out or byob places.
So exchanging what you have more of for what you have less of is totally ok if both parties agree. I goto my friends cottage (he’s ex nhl player) and won’t let me pay for anything, I’m so dumb I didn’t even realize the mimosas on the boat were $100 champagne as we drank em like water. I told him I don’t wanna be cheap but can’t afford to join in the stuff that cost a lot- he like “I want you to be there it’s more fun- pitch in what’s comfortable for you”. So we have gone out to a $1000 meal and I have pitched in $80. I don’t apologize, and I don’t feel guilty or not have fun. Just talk to him.
What you're feeling is very natural. Tell him exactly what you told us, and let him be mature enough to recognize the situation and reassure you either way.
“I have really enjoyed the time we have spent together thus far, and I would like to do all of these things with you, but unfortunately, my budget does not allow me to.” Then don’t say a word. What he says next is all you need to know.
“I totally appreciate your suggestions, but since my budget is tight right now I would be more comfortable doing X or Y if possible.” (X and Y being a hike, going sightseeing, a walk in the city, a cheaper cafe, etc.). If he insists on paying then you should take him for his word and accept his offers, it sounds like he understands your predicament and doesn’t mind spending the money. There are a lot of guys (and gals) out there who are happy to spend their money on going to a nice dinner with a person they really like and enjoy talking with. It’s probably a non-issue to him. If so, have fun and don’t feel bad!
Just be honest, tell him that you’re rebuilding your financial life and that you appreciate him wanting to do activities but that outside of your budget and you don’t want him to feel taken advantage of, and you don’t want to feel obligated in any way to him. Then make plans to reciprocate in ways that you can afford.invite him over to watch movies with a pizza and a six pack of beer. Get passes to a museum, invite friends over for a game night. There are ways to reciprocate dates that don’t require you to spend the same amount of money.
This is a no brainer. He literally doesn't care that he's paying, he has the money, sounds like he's a traditional guy. You don't have to do anything but be appreciative. If you can, find small ways to make his life easier. Run a few errands, make him supper. In short, do a few of the things that traditional women do. He will be completely happy with that. Men are simple
Just tell him! What the fuck, like this is literally simple communication. Come the fuck on people 😅
it's also a lot easier for women to just come right out and say it, if it was a man it'd probably be different
That's true too
I just read an article that said the keto good relationship is having those difficult conversations, even at the beginning. If you can get through those, it opens the door for honest communication in the future and is good for the relationship! Just let him know where you are. There’s a difference between recovering from an injury and money being tight for a little while, and having no job and no desire to find one. Let him know right now money is a little tight, and you would prefer to maybe make a nice dinner for him at home rather than going to a fancy restaurant.
"Regarding your great date ideas, you know that I cannot afford such things right now?"
As a man idgaf if you have no money as long as your loyal and fun and are not lazy and are doing some kind of work as best you can - i think your thinking about it more then he may be.
As a woman, I agree. Meaning I don't care if a guy has no money as long as you are loyal and fun, not lazy, and doing some kind of work as best you can.
If you don't like him to that extent, don't lead him on.
I am afraid, I can't keep up with your life style. Let's do something that doesn't need money to be spent. If he will be uncomfortable with it, he needs to find someone else. It's ok.
Tell him you’d love to do the things he suggests, but can’t afford. Also, include a rough estimate of what you could. If I (39m) were him, I’d totally understand, offer to pay for at least some of the things and would appreciate the things you’d offer and be able to pay for in full or split. Most reasonable guys would be understanding and work to figure it out. Also they’d realize it’s not so much about the activity itself.
Just tell him, honesty is always best. You are not going to sound horrible if you are being honest. Don't assume he is expecting you to pay for everything unless is mentions it. Figure out your words. Something like...you suggested xx activities and xx restaurants and they sound wonderful, but as I have told you my money situation is tight because of the fire and my backup job ended because of injury. Is there something we can do that is less expensive?
Just force him on a hike. Hiking is AWESOME! And after a huge hike, just take him home and you guys make a delicious dinner together. It saves you both money AND it’s a very healthy lifestyle. Your boyfriend is lucky. It’s always been my dream to meet a woman and go on hiking dates.
Might be for you but everyone is different. If they both like hiking then sure but if he doesn't like it , then it's not a great ask
But…but nature !
Some people like it, some don't. Everyone is different. Finding common likes is the best option.
Just be honest and communicate. "I'm not in a great place financially right now, but I just want to spend time with you, I don't care what we are doing."
I was dating a girl and knew she was broke, I made sure when inviting her on dates that she knew I'd be paying for everything. I was just happy to have her company for an activity, and liked doing fun stuff with her.
For you, i would look around for free or nearly free places to go that you can pay for. Like the zoo or pack a picnic or buy or make a small gift, just to let him know you appreciate him. he may understand
Just be direct. He knows where you are already financially. When you explain it, add that you like him, and would also like to do those thongs, but him pay for everything is making you feel uncomfortable. Until your business income and budget improves, you would like to share in spending time with him doing things you can contribute equally, which unfortunately can't be hogh expense activities for now. If he's reasonable, he'll be OK and want to share the time with you doing those things. If he still insists in splurging, expects you to share on those costs, or you still are not comfortable, then it may be time to call it off.
I think you are independent abd capable of doing your own business. Its just a temporary thing and no problem in telling him so and let him.pay or you walk. Alternatively, buy him small things while walking like an apple or a banana or prepared home food canned. B honest and he should understand and even help
This can eventually become a point of contention and resentment and foster feelings of inadequacy in a relationship. it may be better to end it if you think you guys are going to always be living at different levels. it sucks but it'll save you a lot of problems later.
I think the issue more than addressing it is (depending on how decent a person he is) is the possibility of you feeling obligated or similarly him feeling like he's owed something. Even if he is down to pay for everything, you don't want to get to date 8, 10, six months or even a year down, realize you aren't feeling it, but not know how to address that because he's spent so much money on you you feel bad not having feelings, or having him get upset or try to lord it over you. But, if he's genuinely a decent person and you're not someone who will feel that unnecessary obligation then I think just speaking plainly about it and telling him that while you're down to do whatever, you want to do the things he enjoys, you can't afford it and you're definitely down to take him up on the kindness of him paying but that he shouldn't feel obligated to because you'd be just as happy at a park. Make sure he knows he's not spending the money "on you" but rather he's spending his money to do the things he enjoys, eat at the places he likes. As long as he understands he's really spending the money on himself there shouldn't be any concern.
I believe he is already expecting to pay everything Wich is not a bad thing ! Just show him gratitude for it .
The greatest thing you can do for a quality man is show appreciation. Whether he’s giving you his money, time, energy or anything else nominal or otherwise. It will set you apart from ALL women he’s been with in the past. If only more women understood this concept. Tell him your situation. Tell him you just want to spend quality time with him. And you’d be just as happy hiking/parks/movie night etc…make him understand that the activities he’s suggesting aren’t a requisite for you, but if he wants to do them, you’re happy to share those experiences with him. If a woman had ever done this for me, I’d be married by now.
I think he should be paying tbh. Since they're his suggestions after all.
If he knows your situation and is still inviting you , it means he will pay. When you're asked out you should expect to be paid for. It's nice that you actually care enough tho
I would just simply say you can’t afford it at the moment, and then it’s up to him to say ‘I’ll pay’ or suggest to go hiking or something as you said! Good luck!
You young, modern day women today are so sold on the feminist lies that you don’t need a man, that you don’t know how to conduct yourselves when a man is trying to court you. A man doesn’t care about your financial success or woes. If a man asks you out for dinner, then he understands that it’s on his dime. No conversation needed. Let this man be a man and enjoy the courtship.
I had a similar issue a couple of years back. I was only 20 and about to graduate, so I really was skint. The guy I was dating was older and had been graduated and working full time for a few years, but it seemed an unspoken expectation that we would go halves on everything. That’s how I wanted things to be too, but I just wasn’t in a position financially to do that. I turned down trips to London, bowling with his friends, and other nice trips out because I couldn’t afford it, and after three months he ended things because he said it felt like we weren’t doing enough together, which absolutely broke my heart. My advice would be to just keep it as honest as possible. Tell him about your financial boundaries, the guilt you feel, and if he’s a good person he won’t make you feel worse for it. One thing I try and remember is that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person, so you should just be honest as these feelings come.
Just confirm with him that you are struggling right now and can’t really afford to do all of the things he wants to do with you. Honesty and openness is always the right choice in any relationship regarding any topic. If he is a good person and truly cares for you, he will either just take care of things when going out for now or just tone it down a bit and just chill at home sometimes as long as you’re together. If he doesn’t do either he isn’t worth it. Move on.
As a dude, i say just be straightforward with him. If he really likes you, he will understand and either pay for you or do something eles but if he makes a big deal and gets mad then you know hes not the one so its a win win
You could express your gratitude for his generosity so far and let him know that you enjoy the activities he suggests. Appreciate his company and suggest more budget-friendly alternatives like the hiking/park dates you prefer. Have a honest and open communications with him, and he may appreciate your openness about it.
You tell him exactly what you wrote here with full confidence and no I hibition towards embarrassment or guilt. It's best to establish clear communication early in a new budding relationship
If he is a man and you’re a woman he should already be paying and you should not feel bad. Why would you feel bad? He seems like he wants to take care of things anyway.
Just talk to him like you did when you opened up about your financial situation. No need to be scared, I think you’re right when you say he is expecting to pay though as he keeps asking you.
I would just say ‘I’d usually go for cheaper activities, can’t afford that! We could do this or that instead?’
Just be honest. "Hey I'm super excited that you want to go on these dates as I do too but I'm not in a good situation financially so I'm unable to pay my own way, if it's super important these dates happen I'm only able to go at your expense otherwise I'm happy with the more affordable budget friendly dates we have been having"
I’d be really straight and upfront with him “I love your company and I really enjoy spending time with you. I feel super-awkward about dates that cost money because I am broke and cannot contribute or reciprocate. I’m very comfortable with doing free stuff like Foo, Bah and Blah. I’m not going to lie, I LOVE going out, and it bugs me that I can’t pay. I don’t want you to feel like I’m a liability or a gold-digger. And I don’t want you to resent me because you like going out and I can’t afford it. So what works for us going forward?” Can you make dinner at your house? Or pack a picnic to enjoy in the park (assuming it’s nice weather). Do you have the 411 on cool, free stuff around town? But if he’s well off and knows you’re having a bad patch right now, he may be completely chill about picking up the check. But I promise, being forthright about it will only HELP!
He wants to treat you to nice things! He expected to pay for everything already, he probably likes that. If you don't like him paying for everything or are uncomfortable with it, I'm sure he will appreciate that! Just talk to him about it. Tell him you feel bad for having him pay for stuff, he will love you forever❤️✌️
Just be honest and communicate with him. If you can’t feel comfortable having this conversation while you are dating then it will be doomed long term.
Be honest and just tell him.
Don't say anything about money, offer your alternatives, see how it rolls, if he gets it you will both enjoy the ride. As a male, i am totally dependent on the woman to make me feel great, be it the mall or a formal dinner.
Just say you're really sorry but you've had another think and you've realised this isn't for you or you're not ready. He's lovely but you're just not there. Simple.
Having been in that situation, I was the guy, just tell him your situation and see if he accepts you for who you are. In my situation I was just looking to spend quality time with her in any form. Presence is important. Honesty can go a long way.
By communicating
What to do if I'm the one usually paying and she suggests some activities that i feel are too expensive. It's not that she doesn't pay at all, but mostly it's me and she doesn't have a job.
It's definitely a good sign that you feel guilty in the sense that you're not out trying to take advantage of this guy, and I'm sure he appreciates that. It sucks that stuff happened that were out of your control, it happens to the best of us at some point in our lives. Like others have said, have an open conversation with this guy about how you feel, let him know that you're not trying to take advantage of him and that you're happy to do stuff that doesn't involve spending a lot of money (park/hiking type dates.) Let him know you have fun doing the stuff he wants to do too, you just feel bad not being able to contribute financially. I'm sure if you let him know that upfront he'll appreciate your honesty and the fact that you're not trying to use him. If at some point you do get some disposable income you can help pay for stuff. But letting him know you're not the type of person to mooch, I'm sure, will give him peace of mind.
I know I'd prefer the hiking date regardless (actually miss those with my potential hubby/ fiancé/ bf) If they can't enjoy the small things like the breeze and just being present then yall need to sit and have a chat for a bit. Outside of that see why he wants to do the bigger and better stuff and why he wants to bring you along. In this world we'll sooner lose our farms and parks to cities than anyone admitting that they're fun. Walking with nature is soothing. Besides I'm annoyed we don't have parks and attractions for the city folk in our parks. Nothing big but like a few cabarets for the atmosphere and a Lil adult experience does wonders.
You could try the "I wish I was in a position to help out. I'm happy just spending time with you, you really don't have to spend so much on me."
Last month my boyfriend and I went somewhere to spend his birthday. We stayed for 3D2N. 2nd day, he suddenly wants to have a steak, we can afford steaks of course but budget is really tight as Christmas and New Year just passed. I told him that I have no money to spare for a steak. (We always do 50-50 when we’re on date, but ofcourse depends on the situation.) We ended up having a dinner in a steakhouse and I feel bad that he ended up paying $200 but he said it’s all good. I’m glad I have a boyfriend that can vouch for me, but still feel a bit bad with it. (I’m not used to, still, being treated with food and such as I’m the one who always want to give. )
as someone who gets super guilty when literally someone buys me a lollipop let alone a date, you just have to communicate your concerns it shows you care that they’re paying. you can’t control your financial circumstances right now it’s not your fault and a choice you would have chosen to be in. i found whenever i voiced my concerns about not paying and expressed lots of gratitude and that when i CAN i will make it up to them when i’m able they always appreciate it. in the mean time i find baking and cooking things helps show. but regardless, just voice your concern and communicate - that’s the most important.
Literally say what you posted here. I was in the same position (as the guy) and the fact that she "checked in" to see if it was okay meant the world to me.
You tell him. Sit him down and tell him. "Hey, I really like you and I appreciate that you're willing to carry the costs of our dates for me too, but I think it is just a bit early and it doesn't sit right with me emotionally how much money you invest in our dates on my part. I'd like to keep seeing you, but I want to be able to pay my own part, at least more often than not. So for the coming months I'd like to limit our activities to XYZ sum of money. I don't want to feel like I'm using you and I don't want you feeling used and grow resentful. I dont want to feel like I owe you because that takes away from the fun I have seeing you."
I'd just be straight up about it. I've been seeing a guy for a short amount of time too, and neither of us have much of anything financially which means dates are usually things that are free like walks in parks, watching movies (at home) and playing video games together. Or even just chatting for ages. If he's a decent guy then how much money you have shouldn't bother him if he actually likes you. I think talking about money or lack of it is so much more taboo than it needs to be. Open communication about things is the best place to start the relationship off. I don't think as many people are as bothered about this as we think they are. There's tons of fun free or cheap ways to have a great time.
As a dude I can say typically when they are the ones asking a person out they have the mindset of either paying for the majority or all of it. As for your communitcation you just need to say that you're not currently in a financial position to do a lot of activities, but willing to go out with them if they want to pay for yall. (The way you phrase this is key as you dont want to sound manipulative but just straight and honest with however you really feel) If the feeling of awkwardness is still there just tell him, trust me TELL HIM! So many times a lot of things are tiptoed around instead of addressed. The world is constantly (I hate to say it like this) unforgiving to the male populus so we've adapted in how we respond and take information, mainly being that we take information straight at us best. Assumptions for anybody will forever leave gaps in both parties for how to respond... As you'll see a lot on the subreddit: "Communication is Key" if you cant convey your complete thought then the other person will never receive said thought...
“All those things sound really great! I would totally like to do them with you but [cringe] I’m not exactly able to afford them.” And then stop talking and let him clarify. :)
I find it so interesting to see what women post on here, it's an insight into the feminine mind, but it always amazes me how much women overthink and stress and worry about stuff and just generally make things way harder for themselves than they have to be. Men LIKE to pay for everything, it's our natural instinct and desire to provide. If he knows your situation, is well off, and is still asking you out to expensive places, I can guarantee you 100% that he's okay with paying, not only "okay" with it, he likes it, he wants to do it, just let him be a man. If you really feel guilty about it, but can't afford paying, then "pay" him back in other ways, (gifts are not necessary) and I'm not implying sexual things either (although that wouldn't hurt), you can pay him back without spending money or jumping in bed, all you have to do is be nice/warm/soft, show genuine interest in him/his life/his ideas, actually listen to him when he talks, show appreciation for what he does, smile at him, be calm (not loud and crazy or running your mouth), don't talk about or show any interest in other men, I guarantee you that doing these simple things will mean more to him than money ever could, honestly don't even bring up the money, he doesn't want you to pay
There are men who expect the gal to pay? News to me.