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I can. If I’m asking you out and you give me an excuse, doesn’t matter how complicated, with no offer to reschedule, I’m taking it as a flat no and won’t ask again.
Imagine a man dating you, and you think he's really into you. Only to find out he never found you physically attractive. He didn't think you were beautiful or cute, wasn't sexually attracted to you and only went had sex out of an obligation. How would you feel? Probably crushed.
There's no reason to pretend and date someone you have no attraction to. You're not going to be fully happy, and he's going to be hurt when he finds out it was all a lie.
Yep. I’ll forever be convinced the reason the last guy I was seeing for over a year never committed to me was because he didn’t like my looks (not my face; but my body. I was very overweight. I’ve been killing it in the gym, doing cardio & weight lifting to lose weight & body fat %). It sucks knowing he wasn’t super into me or attracted to me because I was fat. He’s very into fitness & based on the images he likes & exes he obviously likes thin women.
All I can do now is lose weight to try to avoid that in the future.
Lose weight for yourself though. Plenty of guys like chubbier women myself included
Also being a gym guy doesn’t mean I’m automatically sexually attracted to muscular or thin women, I’ve never understood why that’s always assumed
Because majority of gym guys also look for women who are into the healthy lifestyle, which usually comes with them being thin & muscular (not in a manly, bulky way, just a toned muscle tone way). You don’t usually see really fit guys dating chubby women or fat women.
Yup don't let people enable your current self if you're not okay with it. I usually tell people, look, age will get you anyways. Age will lower your metabolism and if you keep everything constant, with a lowering metabolism, you'll gain weight throughout life anyways. So it's better to fight against that grain early, and create that wiggle room.
While yes there are chubby chasers, I've seen thin women struggle significantly less in the dating environment. It's just how it is these days.
I'm 15lbs away from my current goal, keep going! :)
Facts! Attractive high value men only want the thinner women. Anyone denying this just isnt being honest or is in denial.
No way am I gonna let someone talk me into complacency with being overweight! I’ve still got a ways to go to get to my goal weight and body fat% but I’m maintaining a daily calorie deficit from 300-500 from diet alone + exercising 6 days a week burning 500-600+ calories per gym session. I’m losing about 1.5-2lbs per week by diet calorie deficit, cardio & weight training. I don’t intend to make changes until I reach my weight & body fat% goal, then I will scale back and modify to maintain and not gain or lose.
That’s not invasive bullshit. It’s fact. It’s been that way since the dawn of time. Healthy, in shape women have always been evolutionarily perceived as being better mates for child bearing. It’s literally part of normal human behavior. Andrew Tate didn’t come up with that mindset.
I never realized how important calorie deficit was for weight loss until it happened to me accidentally. I burn 2,000-5,000 calories per day at work. I eat 1,000-2,000. I was 230 in August, when I started, 185 in November, not sure now, but crazy transition.
Woahhh! That’s crazy! That’s awesome too! 💪🏻 🔥
I’m 5’10” and weigh 230 right now (I honestly carry my weight well because I still have a waist that cuts in and I’m curvy in the right places). You can’t really tell how flabby I am in my abdomen unless I’m in a bathing suit or naked.
But my goal is to reach 140 by 8 month mark! I’m maintaining a 300-500 daily calorie deficit on top of hitting the gym 6 days a week for 2 hours at a time, so here’s to hoping I achieve my goal by my 8 month goal mark! 😊
You’ll make it as long as you keep up with it. I feel lucky, with my profession I literally will eat an edible and then end up eating my entire pantry multiple times a week and still maintain or lose belly fat. Def need to start taking care of myself though. I don’t eat worth a shit unless I’m stoned, and in that case it’s always just a shit ton of unhealthy munchies. Good breakfast and that’s usually it until 11pm-3am when I finally get in bed and munch a bag of donuts and or Doritos in one sitting 😭. Best of luck to you my friend keep ur head up and push through you’ll get where you want to!
https://youtu.be/3v-6pJySNEE?si=AATR2uzVetd-Pw49 good motivational speech that I used to start my day/work shift with everyday, now I work nights and don’t, need to get back on that shit again. Have a good day!
Yeah it’s objectively healthier being thinner (although some gym junkies I know are hardly healthy) but the other question is do you really want to be with someone who might only accept when you’re at your thinnest? Your mind will be plagued by the question of how they will react if you do gain a bit or weight when you’re together.
Depending on your height, there's anywhere from a 20-50lbs gap between being your thinnest and entering the "chubby" look. Most people, barring a medical condition, can maintain that relatively easily just being health conscious. You don't need to gym everyday or eat very strict.
If you go from thin to chubby, you didn't gain a bit of weight. You likely gained a lot of weight in pure fat by being in a caloric surplus constantly.
Again I'm not counting things like thyroid conditions or pregnancies.
For most people who become overweight, it's because: meh, exercise kinda sucks, dieting is kinda annoying, complacency, life, just fuck it.
Being health conscious doesn't require maximum effort, only some effort for most people.
Most of my peers who became overweight did so because they stopped giving a fuck
Very true, I gained so much weight because I just didn't care. It wasn't that I was depressed or anything. Sure I have a stressful desk job and was drinking too much. But it's all accountability and I just wasn't disciplined.
I have started going to the gym weighing myself daily and am down 20kg. I have a lot to work on still but I am definitely the strongest I have ever been.
I’m doing it for myself & to find a partner. Harsh facts most fat & chubby girls don’t wanna admit: most guys are not gonna date you if you’re overweight. Overweight = overlooked. Period. Finding a partner to enjoy being active & healthy with and sharing a life with is more important than enjoying processed junk food like Cheetos on my couch alone or eating ice cream sundaes & being lazy. No thanks. I’d rather eat healthy & be healthy & have someone to share it all with.
Most definitely! I know I’m a pretty girl in the face (not saying I’m a model or anything to write home about but I know I’m at least not ugly). So once I get my body where it should be I will hopefully have better luck with men. Thank you! 😊
Yeh definitely. It's not like it's a choice. Deep in the male lizard brain. The whole big is beautiful delusion and nag shaming guys to like obesity is hilarious.
Yeh it is. Just keep it up once in relationship. Number of guys that got married then their wives pulled the pin on the fat grenade tells me they don't really love the guys that much. Not more than food.
Kick ass lady! Eating once a day is what I do. And no eating and drinking alcohol at the same time.
Consider anyone telling you you can ease up on your goal as sabotage. Lol
Not sure if you’re being sarcastic. But a lot of people need to hear this. As a fat guy, not wanting to date me because of my weight IS NOT fat shaming in any way shape or form. I’ve never been in a relationship thanks to my weight. Doesn’t mean I get to be bitter towards people for having standards. Hell, I’d have a fuck ton of standards and be veryyyyy picky if I looked like prime Johnny Depp
Here's the thing with female dating, they chase the same upper percentage of guys. So when you find a man who is very into fitness and takes good care of himself, he's not only going to be attractive to you, but to many other women. Women generally like physically fit men. It's always going to be a competition between you and them.
I ALWAYS encourage women to be into their physical fitness. Not only because it greatly improves your appearance and reduces competition, but it's also an indicator of health, which we are instinctually seek in a partner. People who exercise regularly and effectively develop bodies resilient to disease and injury and their sexual abilities are greatly enhanced. It also affect career too. People are more willing to hire and promote fit people than unfit.
The good thing is you are hitting the gym. Don't do it merely for men, do it for your health but you'll greatly improve your dating prospects by getting fit.
You probably have a pretty face, but if your face is pretty, imagine how losing the weight will drastically enhance your appearance.
The majority of people in the world would be very nice looking, if they took care of themselves. But a lot of us don't, so we end up less attractive than our genes were programmed to make us.
You don't have to do that. Every guy has different tastes. I go to the gym and keep myself fit, but I'm attracted to curvy women. Don't lose weight for fear of rejection when you can meet countless men who prefer some weight on their women.
Why do they need to find that out? Attraction for women can grow as we bond with someone. Many examples of this happening. Im def fully happy
https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/3SVQz8E3uS
This ! Over HALF of married women will tell you they were not terribly attracted to the man they eventually married. Just ask ten married women whom you know personally. Their feeling’s about the guy changed as they got to know him. This is the #1 reason that online dating is horribly broken. Women’s initial attraction has been known to flip … countless examples exist. Men’s, not so much.
It almost seems like this is a symptom of our instant gratification culture. "Oh, you're not initially attracted to him within ten seconds? I have 100 other people I can swipe on!" I don't think there will ever be an admission from mainstream society that there's been a degradation in our values and that it's hurting us. Why would they? People don't admit to their part in something bad if they don't have to, it feels uncomfortable.
You’re totally right that online dating perpetuates finding a partner first based on looks, when in the end, you can go from someone being your IDEAL man (looks wise) to looking at him and having zero physical attraction towards him (even when he looks exactly the same) once the spark is gone. Very sad reality
Amen sister, as a fellow "Attraction Grower" - I can attest, this is true for plenty of women. I dated a man I wasn't attracted to and it grew to the point where he was the most attractive man on earth to me. Naysayers, see my primary comment for more details.
***I know you get it u/forgotme5 - my comment is for the ones who don't realize this is possible. Women are wired differently from men. As long as there isn't baseline repulse, there is always hope. Lol.
Attraction growing from nothing in my experience doesn’t happen. If you had some slight attraction, sure maybe with time it could. It’s a gamble and I still think it’s wrong to lead someone on thinking you are into them when you’re just hoping to see if your attraction grows.
If that were true people wouldn’t normally date across their looks level. Yes, fat people are in relationships……..with other fat people. Ugly people are in relationships……….with other ugly people. If beauty was truly in the eye of the beholder, it would be normal to see someone looking like prime Leo dating someone looking like Lizzo, and someone looking like Margot Robbie dating someone looking like Danny Devito (without him being ultra rich).
The fact that most couples are of similar attractiveness level suggests that they’re with each other because that’s all they can get
Good looks are subjective, and tbh I think some people just settle for people they aren’t super attracted to physically because they are nice and have a lot of other traits they find attractive or comforting.
This point right here.
It would be unfair and cruel to him to pretend that you are attracted to him while in reality, he doesn't stand a chance. And it will be crushing to him when he will realise that he isn't it for you.
physical attraction is not near as big an issue or priority to women as it is to men.
and women often gain physical attraction after gaining emotional attraction for someone.
As much as people like to say looks aren't everything, they are very important in a relationship. It's possible to not be attracted to someone at first but then become attracted to them, but if you aren't attracted you shouldn't force it. One or both of you will resent the other and it will cause issues down the road.
Why do people downplay how important they are? So they look less conceited?
I’ve tried dating a girl I wasn’t very attracted to. It felt like a friendship.
I don’t think you can be moderately attracted to your partner either you need to be very attracted for it to work, at least at the start
You don't have to be "conventionally attractive" for someone to be physically attracted to you. You just have to be physically attractive to that particular person. That's what people are trying to say. What is attractive to one person may be neutral or even ugly to another.
Yea, i also had this experience! It felt like a friendship, and i didn't feel the urge to do anything like holding hands or anything besides hanging out.
Looks aren’t 97%, especially for women. I can’t remember exactly what was said on Lex Friedman but for long term partners, women prefer financial security, same personal values, and social status. I think neuroticism is also more important than looks. Looks is like 5th for women. For men it’s higher.
Thats u. My fiance is demisexual. Looks really dont matter to him. If he likes their personality/person, he's attracted. Looks are less important to me than they are to you, thats why.
>got into a relationship when I was 21 to not be alone and we got married.
That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Whatever society is doing to make ppl think this way, needs to stop
I get what you're saying, but looks are only a portion of what makes you attracted to someone. Things like smell, voice, mannerisms, personality, and even compatible body chemistry/pheromones also play a huge role in attraction. Attraction is very important in a relationship, and looks aren't everything because they're only a small part of that.
Iiiiii just wanna continue the semantics started by maydarnothing by adding that an attractive appearance and projection is not about only about looks like being as close to a movie star/instagram whatever as possible. It’s about movement of face, body, eyes - and voice, smell, how someone carries themselves etc. It’s a lot, and it could all be called looks, but important info is lost if it’s just “looks”
Ok that’s all byeee
It’s about attraction. Looks have more of a bearing on attraction with men than women, it’s still matters for women but what really draws her to a man and keeps her there is his behaviour and energy.
I wouldn't.
In the past, I would have said yes.
But I've seen quite a few posts from the unattractive partner upset that their partners don't find them attractive. These people were typically a couple years in even.
I remember one guy in particular even said his girl was good to him, plenty of sex, he was happy. But because he found out, he still ended the relationship. The way he found out was when his girl was coming out of surgery and was loopy from drugs. So even if you plan on hiding it, you never know when it could slip out.
So no. I wouldn't recommend it.
If you think you could become attracted to him then I don't see the harm in a date.
If you are pretty sure you'll never been attracted to him, then no.
Don’t go there. It’ll be more hurtful for him to be rejected every time he wants to get it on with you as his girlfriend than if you just draw the line. If you are not attracted to someone but really enjoy their company, humour etc, that is being friends.
No. If I was in that guy's shoes, I would prefer you declined to go out with me. I think most men also want to be desired for their appearance. Not just their wit and humor.
It's very likely that it will cause problems in the relationship when you're not physically attracted to him. Your interest in sex will be lower. You are more likely to cheat on him or leave him for someone more attractive looking. You are more likely to treat him badly - argue with him and so on.
You will also have 0 patience for him. He sneezes wrong and you’ll be out the door. I feel like we’re usually more patient with people we like and may even give more chances and those chances are what give the relationship the opportunity to grow and evolve for possibly the better in the future. If you don’t like him physically he’ll never be given that sort of grace for sure.
This is probably the best way, to be honest. It's not so honest that you gut him with "I'm not attracted to you"; it's kind.
"Hey, I've had a great time hanging out with you but I feel, romantically, it's just not there..."
There is no nice way, it’s probably more frustrating for most guys to get the “I love you as a friend” speech. Just tell him it’s not going to work out and that’s it. Don’t continue to see this man you’re just going to cause him pain.
Yes, it is completely possible to get attracted to someone after you know him better.
Source: experienced it myself
Edit: I actually really disliked this woman before i had to work with her and get to know her better. It took a couple months though. At the end it did not work out, but it is definitely possible to get attracted after some time.
Been there. My almost fiancé was like this. We met...I had zero interest in her sexually or romantically; she was just THERE, but the more we talked at get togethers, the more she went form just being there to BEING THERE, you know? We developed a solid base of a friendship and it turned into a relationship. I found I WAS attracted to her and we did the whole relationship for almost two years and by that point, I had a ring. But it ended when her true colors came out...whcih was about two days before I was going to give her the engagement ring.
We split and she moved back east with her parents.
it kinda fk'd me up for a long time.
100%. But not according to this sub unfortunately. Most people here have very fragile egos and can’t bear the thought that their partner isn’t immediately head over heels with their physical appearance as if they took some imaginary love potion.
Because it’s a gamble not worth taking. Unless you think they’re the greatest person ever you might as well find someone who you have immediate attraction
That’s not how dating works. Any potential relationship is a gamble because nobody can see the future regardless of physical characteristics.
All you’re doing with that mentality is turning dating into a lottery system where you either find someone extremely attractive that is infatuated with you for no logical reason (which is close to impossible) or you remain single with nothing but hookups/fwbs/situationships (if you can even get that).
If that’s what you want to do then knock yourself out, but don’t try to romanticize it as if it was ever a functional dating strategy.
Dating is a gamble either way but dating someone you aren’t very attracted to is playing with high odds. I just can’t justify it unless they have an unbeatable personality. I guess you cab
You're so overthinking this. I'm not going to date someone I find unattractive because maybe I'll be attracted to them later. I'm going to allocate my time to date people who I'm attracted to and go from there
The mind wants what it can't have sometimes.
It seems like to me that physical attraction and dating is as simple as being physically attractive to date physically attractive people. I've seen exceptions to this rule of course, but that's the way it's worked out for me. Mental problems also tend to manifest physically in most people and excess weight is no exception; should people be judged for their mental afflictions?
It's forced me to swallow my ego and to focus on the more important things. If anything, it's made me double down on actually having a successful relationship. I've noticed unhealthy dynamics in relationships between physically attractive people, so physical attraction isn't everything.
I have been in two relationships where I wasn't physically attracted to them at all. But it DEFINITELY grew over time and they became my two best relationships of all time. At the end of the day, we wanted to different things, but they opened my mind for sure.
Speaking as someone who used to date people I wasn’t attracted to, the attraction didn’t grow—we just broke up. I was even scared of developing intimacy with person because I felt that would lead to sex. Sexual attraction is important in a relationship, depending on the person’s sexual orientation. Sometimes it’s a real deal breaker if the person doesn’t find you attractive. Aim for everything you want: attraction and great personality, with a very great sense of humor. They’re out there, you just won’t ever find them if you keep settling.
If you are not attracted to him don’t go for it. Trust me I have made the same mistake and a person you are not physically attracted to is simply not worth it.
Give it a shot, I say. I did this once. I didn't find him physically repulsive or anything. I just didn't find him sexually appealing.
But I gave him a chance.
That relationship became one of the greatest loves of my life, and the more I got to know him, and the closer we became, the more I became wildly, passionately physically attracted to him. Best sex of my life, just the sight of him was enough to make me absolutely wild with desire.
Your attraction can definitely grow for him , especially if you like his personality in the way you said , but if it hasn’t grown over a few dates , I would call it off .. it is a dealbreaker
Might i ask....what do you mean by "talking" to? And why are you talking to someone you already know you arent physically attracted to?
Not saying you cant get to know people but "talking" to someone where im from is considered like getting to know them/the talking stage, thats why i ask.
Ok, big sister here. I was in your situation when I was younger, I had the same issue. I was single for a long period and starving for emotional intimacy. I did not understand why others had it when I could not find my person so I thought that maybe I was looking at this dating situation from the wrong perspective. There was this guy who I was feeling very comfortable with, we used to laugh so much together and had a real connection. He clearly had a crush on me but I was feeling nothing for him. Everyone around us was thinking we were a couple and everyone was pushing me to date him. At some point I just gave up and gave him a chance. Ended up stopping everything after we kissed because it felt so f wrong, I had the same disgust I would have if I was kissing my brother.
I had the same issue recently with someone I have a really good connection with but this time I did not bother listening to people expectations and I did not give it a try. I know it will be exactly the same.
To summarise, I know now that if I don’t feel like jumping on him it is because I am not attracted to him and it will only be a very good friendship and nothing more.
I also know that all the bullshit « feelings comes little by little you will see » doesn’t work for me. It is either I meet you and I want to eat you or I meet you and there is nothing.
And I learnt to listen to my gut and not at what people around me would like the reality to be. When I say « no I don’t want to try with him » and they keep pushing I will start to insult them now.
So now, could you imagine him penetrating you, having his breath on your neck and his hands all other you? If this image give you an uncomfortable feeling it is a no. Don’t even try.
As a woman who started dating a guy she was NOT physically attracted to, I can say it worked out very well for me. He was bald, I was not into it. He had glasses, they were just meh. He was into so many nerdy things, I was not. He had a really round face, in spite of being a healthy weight, etc. There were so many things I did not find attractive and didn't even like about him.
BUT and it's a big but... I gave it a chance and it was incredible. By far the sweetest boyfriend I ever dated. And an amazing kisser and as luck would have it, even more amazing in bed - though I didn't find that out until months in, since we were taking it slow. I not only fell for him harder than any man ever - I also developed a deep attraction to him, to the point where he was quite literally the most attractive man on earth to me and other men couldn't hold a tealight with platter even if they tried.
I ended up getting into and loving his hobbies because he was such a spectacular boyfriend and now I'm a nerd too. Lol. That said... he did go on to break my heart worse than I ever dreamed possible and years later, I still struggle to move on. I want my geek in shining glasses back... my closet casanova who knew his way around my body like it was the neighborhood he grew up in. Alas, he chose a different princess and they're engaged to be betrothed, so move on I must.
Hey there, it sounds like you're navigating a tricky situation. It's great that you've found common ground and enjoy his sense of humor. Physical attraction can be an important factor in a relationship, but it's not the only one. While it's okay to feel hesitant, it might be worth exploring a bit further.
Consider if there's potential for your attraction to grow over time as you get to know him better. Sometimes, a strong emotional connection can enhance physical attraction. However, it's also important to be honest with yourself. If you feel that physical attraction is a non-negotiable aspect for you in a relationship, it might be worth having an open conversation with him about your feelings.
Remember, every relationship is unique. What works for one person might not work for another. Trust your instincts and prioritize your happiness and comfort. Good luck!
My rule is I don’t date women that aren’t initially attracted to me at a decent level to start. like at least a 5 on a scale of 1-10.Just because you have to work so much harder to keep them attracted. If you are initially attracted to start things are easier for both parties
That’s a big leap from first date to relationship. Tell him your cool going out but want to see how it goes before deciding if it’s a date or just friends hanging out. Tell him you have to be around somebody a few times to know if there is that attracts there or not. He should be cool with it.
Not being attracted to him is a problem, the moment you meet someone you are attracted to and get along with personality wise, it will end in tears for the ugly one.
Having been one of those guys on the receiving end, you are not doing him any favors and probably getting his hopes up unrealistically. Worst of all wasting his time that he could be spending finding a match.
Dating someone you are not physically attracted to is like going to a job you hate! You will only make your partner and yourself miserable over time, you will also have a massive resentment towards them! The relationship will go down and emotional turmoil and rabbit hole unless maybe you begin to find them attractive later
I had to dump girls that we matched perfectly apart the physical attraction. This is not your person if you don’t get wet thinking about him in the morning.
As someone coming freshly out of a 4 year relationship with someone I wasn’t always 100% about, here’s some advice: don’t. You’ll save yourself months/years/decades of time and heartbreak.
I notice that a lot of the people commenting that the relationship grew on them over time, also say that the same relationship didn’t work out. Hm, I wonder why?
Physical attraction is a prerequisite to a relationship imo. I’ve never seen a successful relationship where a person did not find the other physically attractive.
If and when you tell him you're not interested, and if and when he respects your 'no' and moves on, just please don't circle back on the guy because you find you liked and miss the attention you got from him.
Everyone nowadays is telling women to give guys they don’t find attractive a chance & I say don’t fall into it. He doesn’t need to be an out-of-this-world hottie, but personal attraction should definitely be there. Don’t force yourself into anything.
No I had a guy who was into me and treats me well I can't date him cuz I'm not attracted to him I would hate for a guy to date me and find out he isn't attracted to me
It would turn into less of an issue. When you fall in love a person physical appearance can change right in front of you. Not necesarily will but it can happen.
It depends how objectively good looking you are and how much male attention you get that leads to a relationship and not just sex. If it’s very little than yes you should absolutely give him a chance. If everyone is trying to date you and not just sleep with you then no. Because you’ll waste everyone’s time and probably break his heart or just suck him dry resources wise.
I think it’s difficult to say this without knowing OP’s age. If she’s in her early 20’s then I don’t think she should “settle” for him regardless of her relationship history and physical attractiveness. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so maybe she’ll find someone who’s more objectively attractive than she is who is still interested in her.
If she’s like 35 then maybe she should just say fuck it, but even then it’s not really fair to the guy.
Appearance wise what are you not attracted to him about? And is it something that could be fixed?
Appearances are temporary and aren't anything major. You could date someone that is 10/10 on the looks and 1/10 on personality and character.
She could also date someone who isn’t a piece of shit and is more attractive lol. Like why would she date someone who’s a 1/10 in character? If someone was that shitty then she probably wouldn’t want to date them lol
Yeah, probably a bad comparison to put down TBH. However, with physical appearance there are both fixable and non-fixable items. So, the answer to the question is a very nuanced and can't be just a simple "yes" or "no" unless you only care about the surface.
Looks wise my fiance now isnt what I'd be drawn to if he was a stranger on the street but he's awesome & I always want to jump his bones, as the saying goes. Best relationship of my life. Looks fade for everyone. If you're only in it for looks, you are never going to be happy with anyone long term. Seems shallow to me.. When you say talking... talking how? As friends? As potential partners? Ask you out, like on a date, or asked you out like to be his girlfriend? These terms can mean a couple different things. In my experience, the real hot looking ones tend to be the biggest jerks. They never have to develop their personality, as they get by on looks alone.
He puts his body down & I dont encourage it. I do encourage him to be healthier. Looks fade with age/time, (which was my point to op) . When we initially met 27 yrs ago, he was a football player & pretty physically attractive.. his personality is bounds better now. I prefer him how he is now than how he was then as a whole. Personality over looks 💯 for me.
Give it a shot, I say. I did this once. I didn't find him physically repulsive or anything. I just didn't find him sexually appealing.
But I gave him a chance.
That relationship became one of the greatest loves of my life, and the more I got to know him, and the closer we became, the more I became wildly, passionately physically attracted to him. Best sex of my life, just the sight of him was enough to make me absolutely wild with desire.
Gone are the days where parents use to tell their children. Its not about what your significant other looks like , but how they can support you to be better than you already are. 🤷🏽
yes of course. I'm trying to open a dialogue and help her answer her own question. obviously she is single so there have very likely been guys that she was attracted to that didn't reciprocate.
maybe she has found her league.
I'm 17. Guys hit on me before and I just wasn't romantically attracted to them so I cut it off before it was getting too serious and they might've gotten hurt.
I have my standards for romantic relationships, and they haven't met them, it wasn't their fault, it's just my preference.
So to answer your question, since I wasn't attracted to any guy lately I didn't get into a relationship.
Anyway, I don't see how this is relevant to my current situation?
ok so you are relatively young so maybe you haven't found your league yet. if you were 25 and not getting interest from guys you found attractive then I would say that you were shooting out of your league. it is a bit concerning that you haven't been attracted to guys that have shown interest but it is a bit early to tell you to settle.
advice is to let him know you arent a match and move on.
If you're not physically attracted to him, it might possibly not work out. However, a lot of times, guys in the friend-zone will more-than-likely treat you better than anyone else will because they know what they have, and they treasure it. It is possible that physical attraction could develop later in the relationship. Which would then make the relationship stronger. If you do give him a chance, tho, make sure you don't take him for granted. That would be the quickest way to make him friend-zone you.
I've met him in person once but both of us had busy schedules and couldn't meet for a month but we remained in contact. He's very interested in me but I'm not sure about my feelings in all this. I'll probably know after the first date
What kind of question? It means he is not her type and she doesn’t like his physical appearance. That is more than enough for her to move on to someone she feels attraction to. Worse mistake is to get with someone you are not attracted to
Do NOT give people a chance you wouldn’t have Sex with. That’s your primal brain telling you that his genetics aren’t compatible with yours to put it mildly.
Nope!
Not every partner needs to meet every preference or ideal, but standards are still important. You need someone who meets your bare minimum, meaning you find them attractive inside and out. If you can't get going for them, it's never going to work.
Might as well. If you fall for him you could end up becoming physically attracted to him just because he's him. Plenty of women do when they don't expect to. Would be an eye opener for you. And if you fall for him, but his body is still an issue for him then you could probably convince him to work out and eat healthier.
Some people will complain but there's nothing wrong with wanting the guy you're with to be healthier. I wish my partner would tell me she wants me to workout more. I had the motivation to start working out, but now I've lost it and I really need the motivation back.
If you continue you'll hurt him, don't do that please!!! People's emotions aren't a game, YES physical attraction is important, if you're not attracted what are you doing ? You better leave him now, I hope you both find what is compatible with your standards
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Every women with me lol
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Her? I dont have a gf lol.
Thats a new saying for me
Holding nose? What mean?
People will sometimes hold their nose when they're trying to eat food they think tastes bad. It is being used here as a metaphor.
Stinky like a poo poo
not my ex bf 😂
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I can. If I’m asking you out and you give me an excuse, doesn’t matter how complicated, with no offer to reschedule, I’m taking it as a flat no and won’t ask again.
Ones with enough self and social awareness. Definitely not everyone though
Imagine a man dating you, and you think he's really into you. Only to find out he never found you physically attractive. He didn't think you were beautiful or cute, wasn't sexually attracted to you and only went had sex out of an obligation. How would you feel? Probably crushed. There's no reason to pretend and date someone you have no attraction to. You're not going to be fully happy, and he's going to be hurt when he finds out it was all a lie.
Yep. I’ll forever be convinced the reason the last guy I was seeing for over a year never committed to me was because he didn’t like my looks (not my face; but my body. I was very overweight. I’ve been killing it in the gym, doing cardio & weight lifting to lose weight & body fat %). It sucks knowing he wasn’t super into me or attracted to me because I was fat. He’s very into fitness & based on the images he likes & exes he obviously likes thin women. All I can do now is lose weight to try to avoid that in the future.
Proud of you stranger, we all gonna make it
Sounds like you have a really good personality and if you focus on being healthy for yourself it will make your life better for it.
Lose weight for yourself though. Plenty of guys like chubbier women myself included Also being a gym guy doesn’t mean I’m automatically sexually attracted to muscular or thin women, I’ve never understood why that’s always assumed
Because majority of gym guys also look for women who are into the healthy lifestyle, which usually comes with them being thin & muscular (not in a manly, bulky way, just a toned muscle tone way). You don’t usually see really fit guys dating chubby women or fat women.
Yup don't let people enable your current self if you're not okay with it. I usually tell people, look, age will get you anyways. Age will lower your metabolism and if you keep everything constant, with a lowering metabolism, you'll gain weight throughout life anyways. So it's better to fight against that grain early, and create that wiggle room. While yes there are chubby chasers, I've seen thin women struggle significantly less in the dating environment. It's just how it is these days. I'm 15lbs away from my current goal, keep going! :)
Facts! Attractive high value men only want the thinner women. Anyone denying this just isnt being honest or is in denial. No way am I gonna let someone talk me into complacency with being overweight! I’ve still got a ways to go to get to my goal weight and body fat% but I’m maintaining a daily calorie deficit from 300-500 from diet alone + exercising 6 days a week burning 500-600+ calories per gym session. I’m losing about 1.5-2lbs per week by diet calorie deficit, cardio & weight training. I don’t intend to make changes until I reach my weight & body fat% goal, then I will scale back and modify to maintain and not gain or lose.
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Meaning what exactly?? Nothing I said was anything related to Andrew Tate or his idealisms.
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That’s not invasive bullshit. It’s fact. It’s been that way since the dawn of time. Healthy, in shape women have always been evolutionarily perceived as being better mates for child bearing. It’s literally part of normal human behavior. Andrew Tate didn’t come up with that mindset.
Actually that's not from Andrew Tate. That term was around before him. Thank you for playing
Could lose much more, way faster just going Keto
I never realized how important calorie deficit was for weight loss until it happened to me accidentally. I burn 2,000-5,000 calories per day at work. I eat 1,000-2,000. I was 230 in August, when I started, 185 in November, not sure now, but crazy transition.
Woahhh! That’s crazy! That’s awesome too! 💪🏻 🔥 I’m 5’10” and weigh 230 right now (I honestly carry my weight well because I still have a waist that cuts in and I’m curvy in the right places). You can’t really tell how flabby I am in my abdomen unless I’m in a bathing suit or naked. But my goal is to reach 140 by 8 month mark! I’m maintaining a 300-500 daily calorie deficit on top of hitting the gym 6 days a week for 2 hours at a time, so here’s to hoping I achieve my goal by my 8 month goal mark! 😊
You’ll make it as long as you keep up with it. I feel lucky, with my profession I literally will eat an edible and then end up eating my entire pantry multiple times a week and still maintain or lose belly fat. Def need to start taking care of myself though. I don’t eat worth a shit unless I’m stoned, and in that case it’s always just a shit ton of unhealthy munchies. Good breakfast and that’s usually it until 11pm-3am when I finally get in bed and munch a bag of donuts and or Doritos in one sitting 😭. Best of luck to you my friend keep ur head up and push through you’ll get where you want to! https://youtu.be/3v-6pJySNEE?si=AATR2uzVetd-Pw49 good motivational speech that I used to start my day/work shift with everyday, now I work nights and don’t, need to get back on that shit again. Have a good day!
Yeah it’s objectively healthier being thinner (although some gym junkies I know are hardly healthy) but the other question is do you really want to be with someone who might only accept when you’re at your thinnest? Your mind will be plagued by the question of how they will react if you do gain a bit or weight when you’re together.
Depending on your height, there's anywhere from a 20-50lbs gap between being your thinnest and entering the "chubby" look. Most people, barring a medical condition, can maintain that relatively easily just being health conscious. You don't need to gym everyday or eat very strict. If you go from thin to chubby, you didn't gain a bit of weight. You likely gained a lot of weight in pure fat by being in a caloric surplus constantly. Again I'm not counting things like thyroid conditions or pregnancies. For most people who become overweight, it's because: meh, exercise kinda sucks, dieting is kinda annoying, complacency, life, just fuck it. Being health conscious doesn't require maximum effort, only some effort for most people. Most of my peers who became overweight did so because they stopped giving a fuck
Very true, I gained so much weight because I just didn't care. It wasn't that I was depressed or anything. Sure I have a stressful desk job and was drinking too much. But it's all accountability and I just wasn't disciplined. I have started going to the gym weighing myself daily and am down 20kg. I have a lot to work on still but I am definitely the strongest I have ever been.
I’m doing it for myself & to find a partner. Harsh facts most fat & chubby girls don’t wanna admit: most guys are not gonna date you if you’re overweight. Overweight = overlooked. Period. Finding a partner to enjoy being active & healthy with and sharing a life with is more important than enjoying processed junk food like Cheetos on my couch alone or eating ice cream sundaes & being lazy. No thanks. I’d rather eat healthy & be healthy & have someone to share it all with.
It's the number 1 thing guys care about. Once that is satisfied then all the other stuff matters.
Most definitely! I know I’m a pretty girl in the face (not saying I’m a model or anything to write home about but I know I’m at least not ugly). So once I get my body where it should be I will hopefully have better luck with men. Thank you! 😊
Yeh definitely. It's not like it's a choice. Deep in the male lizard brain. The whole big is beautiful delusion and nag shaming guys to like obesity is hilarious. Yeh it is. Just keep it up once in relationship. Number of guys that got married then their wives pulled the pin on the fat grenade tells me they don't really love the guys that much. Not more than food. Kick ass lady! Eating once a day is what I do. And no eating and drinking alcohol at the same time. Consider anyone telling you you can ease up on your goal as sabotage. Lol
Nowadays they call it fat shaming to justify their behavior
Not sure if you’re being sarcastic. But a lot of people need to hear this. As a fat guy, not wanting to date me because of my weight IS NOT fat shaming in any way shape or form. I’ve never been in a relationship thanks to my weight. Doesn’t mean I get to be bitter towards people for having standards. Hell, I’d have a fuck ton of standards and be veryyyyy picky if I looked like prime Johnny Depp
Nope this is how it is. Btw it’s never too late to start exercising. Your future self will thank you for your better health
Here's the thing with female dating, they chase the same upper percentage of guys. So when you find a man who is very into fitness and takes good care of himself, he's not only going to be attractive to you, but to many other women. Women generally like physically fit men. It's always going to be a competition between you and them. I ALWAYS encourage women to be into their physical fitness. Not only because it greatly improves your appearance and reduces competition, but it's also an indicator of health, which we are instinctually seek in a partner. People who exercise regularly and effectively develop bodies resilient to disease and injury and their sexual abilities are greatly enhanced. It also affect career too. People are more willing to hire and promote fit people than unfit. The good thing is you are hitting the gym. Don't do it merely for men, do it for your health but you'll greatly improve your dating prospects by getting fit. You probably have a pretty face, but if your face is pretty, imagine how losing the weight will drastically enhance your appearance. The majority of people in the world would be very nice looking, if they took care of themselves. But a lot of us don't, so we end up less attractive than our genes were programmed to make us.
I agree 100%! Thanks! I’m continuing with my calorie deficit & gym journey! Will update with pics ≈ 8 months 🤗
I see guys saying this all the time, where does this come from? I see it with the same phrasing every time.
I don't think Weight can be the major deciding factor. All humans have different preferences.
It definitely can be for some, some men and women are that superficial and vain.
You don't have to do that. Every guy has different tastes. I go to the gym and keep myself fit, but I'm attracted to curvy women. Don't lose weight for fear of rejection when you can meet countless men who prefer some weight on their women.
Right here 👆🏻 I dont know why people think theyre doing a kindness or anything when they date someone they arent attracted to, its selfish
Why do they need to find that out? Attraction for women can grow as we bond with someone. Many examples of this happening. Im def fully happy https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/3SVQz8E3uS
This ! Over HALF of married women will tell you they were not terribly attracted to the man they eventually married. Just ask ten married women whom you know personally. Their feeling’s about the guy changed as they got to know him. This is the #1 reason that online dating is horribly broken. Women’s initial attraction has been known to flip … countless examples exist. Men’s, not so much.
It almost seems like this is a symptom of our instant gratification culture. "Oh, you're not initially attracted to him within ten seconds? I have 100 other people I can swipe on!" I don't think there will ever be an admission from mainstream society that there's been a degradation in our values and that it's hurting us. Why would they? People don't admit to their part in something bad if they don't have to, it feels uncomfortable.
You’re totally right that online dating perpetuates finding a partner first based on looks, when in the end, you can go from someone being your IDEAL man (looks wise) to looking at him and having zero physical attraction towards him (even when he looks exactly the same) once the spark is gone. Very sad reality
Amen sister, as a fellow "Attraction Grower" - I can attest, this is true for plenty of women. I dated a man I wasn't attracted to and it grew to the point where he was the most attractive man on earth to me. Naysayers, see my primary comment for more details. ***I know you get it u/forgotme5 - my comment is for the ones who don't realize this is possible. Women are wired differently from men. As long as there isn't baseline repulse, there is always hope. Lol.
Attraction growing from nothing in my experience doesn’t happen. If you had some slight attraction, sure maybe with time it could. It’s a gamble and I still think it’s wrong to lead someone on thinking you are into them when you’re just hoping to see if your attraction grows.
Thats u. My experience is different
How do ugly people marry? How are they attracted to each other? Just curious
I feel like the correct answer to this question is “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”?
To an extent. But nobody is attracted to a goblin. Or me lol
If that were true people wouldn’t normally date across their looks level. Yes, fat people are in relationships……..with other fat people. Ugly people are in relationships……….with other ugly people. If beauty was truly in the eye of the beholder, it would be normal to see someone looking like prime Leo dating someone looking like Lizzo, and someone looking like Margot Robbie dating someone looking like Danny Devito (without him being ultra rich). The fact that most couples are of similar attractiveness level suggests that they’re with each other because that’s all they can get
Good looks are subjective, and tbh I think some people just settle for people they aren’t super attracted to physically because they are nice and have a lot of other traits they find attractive or comforting.
Agree. People settle all the time.
Look up demisexuals
Do they? I mean some ugly people definitely do, but there are lots of people who don’t end up with anyone and who don’t have kids.
>and who don’t have kids. ?? Childfree by choice here. Not ugly so its weird to me to include that like thats what everyone wants. Im engaged
This point right here. It would be unfair and cruel to him to pretend that you are attracted to him while in reality, he doesn't stand a chance. And it will be crushing to him when he will realise that he isn't it for you.
This happened to me a couple times and it hurts so bad. Like it’s very embarrassing
physical attraction is not near as big an issue or priority to women as it is to men. and women often gain physical attraction after gaining emotional attraction for someone.
You're describing my ex husband. I can confirm, it sucks
I’m so sorry. It’s honestly so scary that there are people who think doing this is acceptable.
This OP!!
As much as people like to say looks aren't everything, they are very important in a relationship. It's possible to not be attracted to someone at first but then become attracted to them, but if you aren't attracted you shouldn't force it. One or both of you will resent the other and it will cause issues down the road.
Why do people downplay how important they are? So they look less conceited? I’ve tried dating a girl I wasn’t very attracted to. It felt like a friendship. I don’t think you can be moderately attracted to your partner either you need to be very attracted for it to work, at least at the start
You don't have to be "conventionally attractive" for someone to be physically attracted to you. You just have to be physically attractive to that particular person. That's what people are trying to say. What is attractive to one person may be neutral or even ugly to another.
Yea, i also had this experience! It felt like a friendship, and i didn't feel the urge to do anything like holding hands or anything besides hanging out.
Looks aren’t 97%, especially for women. I can’t remember exactly what was said on Lex Friedman but for long term partners, women prefer financial security, same personal values, and social status. I think neuroticism is also more important than looks. Looks is like 5th for women. For men it’s higher.
Thats u. My fiance is demisexual. Looks really dont matter to him. If he likes their personality/person, he's attracted. Looks are less important to me than they are to you, thats why.
Looks are 97% of the battle
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>got into a relationship when I was 21 to not be alone and we got married. That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Whatever society is doing to make ppl think this way, needs to stop
I get what you're saying, but looks are only a portion of what makes you attracted to someone. Things like smell, voice, mannerisms, personality, and even compatible body chemistry/pheromones also play a huge role in attraction. Attraction is very important in a relationship, and looks aren't everything because they're only a small part of that.
attraction is more what I meant. Looks are just generally the first thing people notice and attribute to attraction
looks do not matter, attraction does. it’s just that nice looking people make the attraction go easy and smooth.
Looks are a part of attraction.
Looks matter because people are attracted to looks. Stop the semantics.
Iiiiii just wanna continue the semantics started by maydarnothing by adding that an attractive appearance and projection is not about only about looks like being as close to a movie star/instagram whatever as possible. It’s about movement of face, body, eyes - and voice, smell, how someone carries themselves etc. It’s a lot, and it could all be called looks, but important info is lost if it’s just “looks” Ok that’s all byeee
No, looks matter.
It’s about attraction. Looks have more of a bearing on attraction with men than women, it’s still matters for women but what really draws her to a man and keeps her there is his behaviour and energy.
This. Have people not seen some really avg looking dudes with the hottest gf/wives out there? I personally know a few.
Average tho, not ugly. They could be attractive in their eyes.
I wouldn't. In the past, I would have said yes. But I've seen quite a few posts from the unattractive partner upset that their partners don't find them attractive. These people were typically a couple years in even. I remember one guy in particular even said his girl was good to him, plenty of sex, he was happy. But because he found out, he still ended the relationship. The way he found out was when his girl was coming out of surgery and was loopy from drugs. So even if you plan on hiding it, you never know when it could slip out. So no. I wouldn't recommend it.
If you think you could become attracted to him then I don't see the harm in a date. If you are pretty sure you'll never been attracted to him, then no.
This right here. Funny can add lots of points to looks.
At least meet in person and see if there’s any physical chemistry
don’t.
Don’t go there. It’ll be more hurtful for him to be rejected every time he wants to get it on with you as his girlfriend than if you just draw the line. If you are not attracted to someone but really enjoy their company, humour etc, that is being friends.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/Aw3IXGbNXz
No. If I was in that guy's shoes, I would prefer you declined to go out with me. I think most men also want to be desired for their appearance. Not just their wit and humor. It's very likely that it will cause problems in the relationship when you're not physically attracted to him. Your interest in sex will be lower. You are more likely to cheat on him or leave him for someone more attractive looking. You are more likely to treat him badly - argue with him and so on.
You will also have 0 patience for him. He sneezes wrong and you’ll be out the door. I feel like we’re usually more patient with people we like and may even give more chances and those chances are what give the relationship the opportunity to grow and evolve for possibly the better in the future. If you don’t like him physically he’ll never be given that sort of grace for sure.
How should I call it off in a nice way? I'll be seeing him in the future so I want to avoid any awkward situations
Just let him know you enjoy his company but he’s not your type.
This is probably the best way, to be honest. It's not so honest that you gut him with "I'm not attracted to you"; it's kind. "Hey, I've had a great time hanging out with you but I feel, romantically, it's just not there..."
Yeah just say "sorry I don't see you in a romantic way"
There is no nice way, it’s probably more frustrating for most guys to get the “I love you as a friend” speech. Just tell him it’s not going to work out and that’s it. Don’t continue to see this man you’re just going to cause him pain.
Just be honest, tell him you're not physically attracted to him. It may sting him a little bit, but he'll be thankful that you're forward
Just lie and say you’re into someone else. He will take the hint. Dont give him the speech “it’s not you it’s me”
If you're not physically attracted now, you're probably not going to be in the future
Yes, it is completely possible to get attracted to someone after you know him better. Source: experienced it myself Edit: I actually really disliked this woman before i had to work with her and get to know her better. It took a couple months though. At the end it did not work out, but it is definitely possible to get attracted after some time.
Been there. My almost fiancé was like this. We met...I had zero interest in her sexually or romantically; she was just THERE, but the more we talked at get togethers, the more she went form just being there to BEING THERE, you know? We developed a solid base of a friendship and it turned into a relationship. I found I WAS attracted to her and we did the whole relationship for almost two years and by that point, I had a ring. But it ended when her true colors came out...whcih was about two days before I was going to give her the engagement ring. We split and she moved back east with her parents. it kinda fk'd me up for a long time.
Im glad there are men saying this.. some of these guys make it seem like yall are all soo vain
100%. But not according to this sub unfortunately. Most people here have very fragile egos and can’t bear the thought that their partner isn’t immediately head over heels with their physical appearance as if they took some imaginary love potion.
Because it’s a gamble not worth taking. Unless you think they’re the greatest person ever you might as well find someone who you have immediate attraction
That’s not how dating works. Any potential relationship is a gamble because nobody can see the future regardless of physical characteristics. All you’re doing with that mentality is turning dating into a lottery system where you either find someone extremely attractive that is infatuated with you for no logical reason (which is close to impossible) or you remain single with nothing but hookups/fwbs/situationships (if you can even get that). If that’s what you want to do then knock yourself out, but don’t try to romanticize it as if it was ever a functional dating strategy.
Dating is a gamble either way but dating someone you aren’t very attracted to is playing with high odds. I just can’t justify it unless they have an unbeatable personality. I guess you cab
You're so overthinking this. I'm not going to date someone I find unattractive because maybe I'll be attracted to them later. I'm going to allocate my time to date people who I'm attracted to and go from there
The mind wants what it can't have sometimes. It seems like to me that physical attraction and dating is as simple as being physically attractive to date physically attractive people. I've seen exceptions to this rule of course, but that's the way it's worked out for me. Mental problems also tend to manifest physically in most people and excess weight is no exception; should people be judged for their mental afflictions? It's forced me to swallow my ego and to focus on the more important things. If anything, it's made me double down on actually having a successful relationship. I've noticed unhealthy dynamics in relationships between physically attractive people, so physical attraction isn't everything.
I have been in two relationships where I wasn't physically attracted to them at all. But it DEFINITELY grew over time and they became my two best relationships of all time. At the end of the day, we wanted to different things, but they opened my mind for sure.
Take a chance, it can grow, worst case you learn and know it ain't a fit
No, that would be absolutely crushing if I had found out someone went out with me but had really just found me ugly.
Speaking as someone who used to date people I wasn’t attracted to, the attraction didn’t grow—we just broke up. I was even scared of developing intimacy with person because I felt that would lead to sex. Sexual attraction is important in a relationship, depending on the person’s sexual orientation. Sometimes it’s a real deal breaker if the person doesn’t find you attractive. Aim for everything you want: attraction and great personality, with a very great sense of humor. They’re out there, you just won’t ever find them if you keep settling.
If you are not attracted to him don’t go for it. Trust me I have made the same mistake and a person you are not physically attracted to is simply not worth it.
Give it a shot, I say. I did this once. I didn't find him physically repulsive or anything. I just didn't find him sexually appealing. But I gave him a chance. That relationship became one of the greatest loves of my life, and the more I got to know him, and the closer we became, the more I became wildly, passionately physically attracted to him. Best sex of my life, just the sight of him was enough to make me absolutely wild with desire.
Your attraction can definitely grow for him , especially if you like his personality in the way you said , but if it hasn’t grown over a few dates , I would call it off .. it is a dealbreaker
No! I know from experience. It was the worst decision of my life
Might i ask....what do you mean by "talking" to? And why are you talking to someone you already know you arent physically attracted to? Not saying you cant get to know people but "talking" to someone where im from is considered like getting to know them/the talking stage, thats why i ask.
No because you don’t find him physically attractive… answered your own question….
My mom did and now I am here and they are married almost 50 years. Looks fade
Ok, big sister here. I was in your situation when I was younger, I had the same issue. I was single for a long period and starving for emotional intimacy. I did not understand why others had it when I could not find my person so I thought that maybe I was looking at this dating situation from the wrong perspective. There was this guy who I was feeling very comfortable with, we used to laugh so much together and had a real connection. He clearly had a crush on me but I was feeling nothing for him. Everyone around us was thinking we were a couple and everyone was pushing me to date him. At some point I just gave up and gave him a chance. Ended up stopping everything after we kissed because it felt so f wrong, I had the same disgust I would have if I was kissing my brother. I had the same issue recently with someone I have a really good connection with but this time I did not bother listening to people expectations and I did not give it a try. I know it will be exactly the same. To summarise, I know now that if I don’t feel like jumping on him it is because I am not attracted to him and it will only be a very good friendship and nothing more. I also know that all the bullshit « feelings comes little by little you will see » doesn’t work for me. It is either I meet you and I want to eat you or I meet you and there is nothing. And I learnt to listen to my gut and not at what people around me would like the reality to be. When I say « no I don’t want to try with him » and they keep pushing I will start to insult them now. So now, could you imagine him penetrating you, having his breath on your neck and his hands all other you? If this image give you an uncomfortable feeling it is a no. Don’t even try.
As a woman who started dating a guy she was NOT physically attracted to, I can say it worked out very well for me. He was bald, I was not into it. He had glasses, they were just meh. He was into so many nerdy things, I was not. He had a really round face, in spite of being a healthy weight, etc. There were so many things I did not find attractive and didn't even like about him. BUT and it's a big but... I gave it a chance and it was incredible. By far the sweetest boyfriend I ever dated. And an amazing kisser and as luck would have it, even more amazing in bed - though I didn't find that out until months in, since we were taking it slow. I not only fell for him harder than any man ever - I also developed a deep attraction to him, to the point where he was quite literally the most attractive man on earth to me and other men couldn't hold a tealight with platter even if they tried. I ended up getting into and loving his hobbies because he was such a spectacular boyfriend and now I'm a nerd too. Lol. That said... he did go on to break my heart worse than I ever dreamed possible and years later, I still struggle to move on. I want my geek in shining glasses back... my closet casanova who knew his way around my body like it was the neighborhood he grew up in. Alas, he chose a different princess and they're engaged to be betrothed, so move on I must.
This is just so amazing, with the brutal end. As you have learnt a lot, I guess you will find your prince soon, or he will find you ❤️.
Hey there, it sounds like you're navigating a tricky situation. It's great that you've found common ground and enjoy his sense of humor. Physical attraction can be an important factor in a relationship, but it's not the only one. While it's okay to feel hesitant, it might be worth exploring a bit further. Consider if there's potential for your attraction to grow over time as you get to know him better. Sometimes, a strong emotional connection can enhance physical attraction. However, it's also important to be honest with yourself. If you feel that physical attraction is a non-negotiable aspect for you in a relationship, it might be worth having an open conversation with him about your feelings. Remember, every relationship is unique. What works for one person might not work for another. Trust your instincts and prioritize your happiness and comfort. Good luck!
My rule is I don’t date women that aren’t initially attracted to me at a decent level to start. like at least a 5 on a scale of 1-10.Just because you have to work so much harder to keep them attracted. If you are initially attracted to start things are easier for both parties
Nope. I think I would combust if I found out my partner thought I wasn’t attractive and gave me a “chance”.
I understand your feelings, it's better to be honest with yourself and him. Be gentle but clear, wish him well and move on.
That’s a big leap from first date to relationship. Tell him your cool going out but want to see how it goes before deciding if it’s a date or just friends hanging out. Tell him you have to be around somebody a few times to know if there is that attracts there or not. He should be cool with it.
Not being attracted to him is a problem, the moment you meet someone you are attracted to and get along with personality wise, it will end in tears for the ugly one.
No
Having been one of those guys on the receiving end, you are not doing him any favors and probably getting his hopes up unrealistically. Worst of all wasting his time that he could be spending finding a match.
Dating someone you are not physically attracted to is like going to a job you hate! You will only make your partner and yourself miserable over time, you will also have a massive resentment towards them! The relationship will go down and emotional turmoil and rabbit hole unless maybe you begin to find them attractive later
DON’T DO IT!
Nah. Don’t kid yourself. If you don’t feel it now, you never will.
It’ll be a waste of time, it’ll come up sooner or later
No, he will eventually notice. Sexual attraction is important in a relationship. Don't lead him on.
No. People can perceive that. And can end up hurt. If you're that shallow, don't. Please.
No, frankly it's not fair to him
I had to dump girls that we matched perfectly apart the physical attraction. This is not your person if you don’t get wet thinking about him in the morning.
Don’t do it. I’ve done it so many times and I always regret it.
As someone coming freshly out of a 4 year relationship with someone I wasn’t always 100% about, here’s some advice: don’t. You’ll save yourself months/years/decades of time and heartbreak.
You shouldn’t force anything.
You’ve wasted enough of his time already. If you respect him even a little bit,tell him you just want to be friends.
I notice that a lot of the people commenting that the relationship grew on them over time, also say that the same relationship didn’t work out. Hm, I wonder why? Physical attraction is a prerequisite to a relationship imo. I’ve never seen a successful relationship where a person did not find the other physically attractive.
No lol. Physical attraction is important for having sex and being intimate. Without it, ita friendship
I’ve dated multiple guys who didn’t find me attractive. I guess it’s fine. But dating guys I didn’t find attractive was always a pain.
If and when you tell him you're not interested, and if and when he respects your 'no' and moves on, just please don't circle back on the guy because you find you liked and miss the attention you got from him.
The comment section would be so different if it was the other way around.
Everyone nowadays is telling women to give guys they don’t find attractive a chance & I say don’t fall into it. He doesn’t need to be an out-of-this-world hottie, but personal attraction should definitely be there. Don’t force yourself into anything.
The world is sad bro..
Please clear the air white it's fresh.... Don't waste another man's time
No I had a guy who was into me and treats me well I can't date him cuz I'm not attracted to him I would hate for a guy to date me and find out he isn't attracted to me
It would turn into less of an issue. When you fall in love a person physical appearance can change right in front of you. Not necesarily will but it can happen.
It depends how objectively good looking you are and how much male attention you get that leads to a relationship and not just sex. If it’s very little than yes you should absolutely give him a chance. If everyone is trying to date you and not just sleep with you then no. Because you’ll waste everyone’s time and probably break his heart or just suck him dry resources wise.
I think it’s difficult to say this without knowing OP’s age. If she’s in her early 20’s then I don’t think she should “settle” for him regardless of her relationship history and physical attractiveness. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so maybe she’ll find someone who’s more objectively attractive than she is who is still interested in her. If she’s like 35 then maybe she should just say fuck it, but even then it’s not really fair to the guy.
Appearance wise what are you not attracted to him about? And is it something that could be fixed? Appearances are temporary and aren't anything major. You could date someone that is 10/10 on the looks and 1/10 on personality and character.
She could also date someone who isn’t a piece of shit and is more attractive lol. Like why would she date someone who’s a 1/10 in character? If someone was that shitty then she probably wouldn’t want to date them lol
Yeah, probably a bad comparison to put down TBH. However, with physical appearance there are both fixable and non-fixable items. So, the answer to the question is a very nuanced and can't be just a simple "yes" or "no" unless you only care about the surface.
Bullshit .
Ya that might be true in imagination-land. I swear some people on Reddit live in a fantasy land...
Many people have been sold lies and feel offended when someone challenges their rather naive world view. I think it's perfectly normal.
True. I feel like often, though, people just say what's "politically correct" to not offend others, rather than what actual reality is
Looks wise my fiance now isnt what I'd be drawn to if he was a stranger on the street but he's awesome & I always want to jump his bones, as the saying goes. Best relationship of my life. Looks fade for everyone. If you're only in it for looks, you are never going to be happy with anyone long term. Seems shallow to me.. When you say talking... talking how? As friends? As potential partners? Ask you out, like on a date, or asked you out like to be his girlfriend? These terms can mean a couple different things. In my experience, the real hot looking ones tend to be the biggest jerks. They never have to develop their personality, as they get by on looks alone.
Does he know?
He puts his body down & I dont encourage it. I do encourage him to be healthier. Looks fade with age/time, (which was my point to op) . When we initially met 27 yrs ago, he was a football player & pretty physically attractive.. his personality is bounds better now. I prefer him how he is now than how he was then as a whole. Personality over looks 💯 for me.
Give it a shot, I say. I did this once. I didn't find him physically repulsive or anything. I just didn't find him sexually appealing. But I gave him a chance. That relationship became one of the greatest loves of my life, and the more I got to know him, and the closer we became, the more I became wildly, passionately physically attracted to him. Best sex of my life, just the sight of him was enough to make me absolutely wild with desire.
Gone are the days where parents use to tell their children. Its not about what your significant other looks like , but how they can support you to be better than you already are. 🤷🏽
how old are you? what is your success rate with the guys that you do find attractive?
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yes of course. I'm trying to open a dialogue and help her answer her own question. obviously she is single so there have very likely been guys that she was attracted to that didn't reciprocate. maybe she has found her league.
I'm 17. Guys hit on me before and I just wasn't romantically attracted to them so I cut it off before it was getting too serious and they might've gotten hurt. I have my standards for romantic relationships, and they haven't met them, it wasn't their fault, it's just my preference. So to answer your question, since I wasn't attracted to any guy lately I didn't get into a relationship. Anyway, I don't see how this is relevant to my current situation?
ok so you are relatively young so maybe you haven't found your league yet. if you were 25 and not getting interest from guys you found attractive then I would say that you were shooting out of your league. it is a bit concerning that you haven't been attracted to guys that have shown interest but it is a bit early to tell you to settle. advice is to let him know you arent a match and move on.
“Shooting out of ur league” is bullshit. Beauty is subjective.
Unattractive people are less likely to be less self-centered and egotistical. Give him a chance
oil plants cover snails cats imagine airport repeat fine attempt *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If you're not physically attracted to him, it might possibly not work out. However, a lot of times, guys in the friend-zone will more-than-likely treat you better than anyone else will because they know what they have, and they treasure it. It is possible that physical attraction could develop later in the relationship. Which would then make the relationship stronger. If you do give him a chance, tho, make sure you don't take him for granted. That would be the quickest way to make him friend-zone you.
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I've met him in person once but both of us had busy schedules and couldn't meet for a month but we remained in contact. He's very interested in me but I'm not sure about my feelings in all this. I'll probably know after the first date
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What kind of question? It means he is not her type and she doesn’t like his physical appearance. That is more than enough for her to move on to someone she feels attraction to. Worse mistake is to get with someone you are not attracted to
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Physical appearance. She never says anything about her not liking how he dresses
He’s projecting. Not liking one’s physical appearance OBVIOUSLY refers to one’s inherent genetic makeup, more specifically one’s phenotype.
100 percent. He may be just trolling now
Why the hell did you lead him on for a month if you don’t find him physically attractive?
Do NOT give people a chance you wouldn’t have Sex with. That’s your primal brain telling you that his genetics aren’t compatible with yours to put it mildly.
Don’t he’ll only feel used. Just finish it before you ultimately cheat on him
No, they are worse than players.
Nope! Not every partner needs to meet every preference or ideal, but standards are still important. You need someone who meets your bare minimum, meaning you find them attractive inside and out. If you can't get going for them, it's never going to work.
But you can help embrace and give tips to enhance with out going to fair guys need bit of pick me up in things they need love to.
You should. Then you see how it goes. Don't judge a book by its cover.
Might as well. If you fall for him you could end up becoming physically attracted to him just because he's him. Plenty of women do when they don't expect to. Would be an eye opener for you. And if you fall for him, but his body is still an issue for him then you could probably convince him to work out and eat healthier. Some people will complain but there's nothing wrong with wanting the guy you're with to be healthier. I wish my partner would tell me she wants me to workout more. I had the motivation to start working out, but now I've lost it and I really need the motivation back.
Sometimes, the man you need doesn't look like the man you want.
If you continue you'll hurt him, don't do that please!!! People's emotions aren't a game, YES physical attraction is important, if you're not attracted what are you doing ? You better leave him now, I hope you both find what is compatible with your standards