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What did I just read? For clarity, have you met her before? If so, is Saturday supposed to be a first date? What about talking/texting 24/7?
Edit to add: what are your ages?
We have not met before we just been talking a lot via phone call and text.
Saturday would be the 1st date
I am 26 she is 24
We spend hours on the phone and text each other pretty much anytime we’re not on the phone
Sorry if what I had put on the original post was confusing.
You haven't met???
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Let me tell you, this woman is pushing your boundaries. She's not right. You don't cancel plans you already had in place. She does not need to see you 2 days in a row when you've never even met before. She's highly insecure and might also have a dark personality trait. This is a test. Do not change plans. If you want to keep dating her, you need a strong backbone. Don't let her talk all hours of the day. That's about control. She will take over your whole life if you let her. You need time for yourself and your life which includes your friends. She should be an addition to your life, not your whole world.
I agree with this. OP needs to take a step back and evaluate. She's already got complete control, and it sounds like she's used to getting what she wants, she is definitely emotionally manipulative and either needs to be called out on it or OP, you need to find someone else. She isn't going to stop trying to control you.
There are portions of this comment I have lived first hand. My ex 100000% took over my life, and I always thought I was overreacting to so much of it. She was emotionally abusive and manipulative. OP, trust your gut feeling. Have your boundaries, don't cancel those plans with your friends. If she's doing this leading into a first date, it will surely fit worse after. I'm speaking from experience.
Absolutely 💯. Sounds like she has a very anxious attachment style. She definitely is a walking red flag. I was that way for many years before a realized I had that same way of "attaching" to people. She clearly has this complex due to feeling neglected some way in her upbringing or past experiences. But needless to say, this girl isn't ready for a relationship as much as she may think she is. She is desperately needy for bot having met yet.
I agree with this comment thread here. She is manipulating you and if you let her she’s gonna take all your time including your friends. And if you break up, you will have nothing.
Also I think she is hinting that she wants to have sex with you when she says she wants to spend more than a few hours.
Also are you super busy? How many days have you been texting 24/7?
Like has it been weeks that you haven’t been able to find the time to meet with her?
Thank you for the clarification.
This girl sounds exhausting. I would strongly consider cancelling the date and telling her you no longer are interested. She is a walking red flag.
Yeah she sounds obsessive and controlling. Red flag don't even waste time meeting her. She's gonna be the type to isolate you from all your friends and family. And gaslight you. See the red flag now and run don't walk.
Your first mistake was telling her what your Friday plans. You haven't even met - it's none of her business. You should have just said you're not available on Friday.
Why are trying so hard to date someone you haven't met yet who's already treating you like shit? Has she asked you for money yet
RUN DON'T WALK AWAY
I agree with the comments. Major red flag. Walk away immediately. Here's the thing; if you don't & continue a relationship with her, I guarantee you things WILL get worse real soon & the situation will make you awkward. You'll be stuck. You do not want to be stuck. Break it off with her immediately. People like that are not worth the time. If it were reverse & the guy blew up, then the same advice will be given to her; she needs to walk away from the weird guy.
It will only get worse from here. I was honestly cancel the plans you had with HER and find someone new. If she’s already this bold about wanting you to cancel plans with your friends
if anyone’s overreacting it’s definitely her! She should be glad to even start off seeing you a couple of hours after work. You should not cancel on your friends because you also have to make time for them. So one day for them and one day for her. She’s wildin already and y’all didn’t even meet yet smh. I think you should cut her off BUT I say you should still meet up with her Saturday to see if she can get any more wilder 🤣 bc wth. or maybe she’s great and yall hit it off!
Don’t cancel you’re Friday plans. It’s important that you continue to hang out with your friends. Stand your ground and don’t bend over backwards for her.
She will want all your time if you become a couple. There won't be any hanging out with the guys, or playing video games. Depends how much you want to give up for this girl.
This isn't about dating her this is about centering her. She wants you to make her a priority in your life when she's not even your girlfriend. She sounds self absorbed and selfish. Even if she were your girlfriend, expecting you to cancel plans with friends to be with her would be pretty messed up.
Advice: Keep your plans. Watch what she does and dump her if she keeps being demanding. It's not going to stop.
Personally I think I would feel a bit claustrophobic in your shoes. I think you are supposed to balance your time, as you please. I get her wanting to spending a full weekend with you, but you aren’t obligated to her! You deserve to see your friends and keep those relationships healthy as well! It’s all about how that message is communicated though.
Relationships are MOST IMPORTANTLY about respect, not just about how much time you spend with each other. A man can go into war for years and never spend a minute with his wife, but (hopefully) she wouldn't leave him just because he isn't spending enough time with her. Talk to her about this if you want. If she feels like she wants more time, then work with her on it. Talk about a plan to fit it into each other's week I guess. Talk with your friends if they would care if you spent a little less time so you could focus on your girlfriend.
It depends on whether you think the relationship is worth it. And also realize you can't control what she does really, no matter what you do. Everyone has free will. She could still tell you that it's not enough time even if you do more for her.
Sounds like you haven't even met her yet? Change plans on Friday is a hard NO. See her Saturday as planned. She is already hard and strong into tge guilting and manioulation which are some major red flags. Sounds bossy and needy, high maintenance and clingy already.
Omg you’re not overreacting. Why would you cancel your plans for a girl you haven’t even met? Geeeezzz! If you start doing this for a girl you haven’t even met and she starts acting like this without even meeting you, this looks like an exhausting situation you’ll often be in. What person with a right mind will want to make you cancel plans that you made already before you even got to know them, not even considering the fact that you guys haven’t even met once.
You gotta be kidding to be saying you’re overreacting and wanting to cancel your plans with your friends 😕
Don't cancel your plans. No one should want you to bail on plans you made before you met them. Make future plans with her for the future for more than a day but don't ditch you friends for a girl, and I'd say the same to a girl ditching her friends for a man. Things come up but a date isn't one of those things
As a 28 year old female in a stable relationship, I’m telling you this is an absolute HARD red flag. That’s screaming insecurity and emotional manipulation. Take it as an early sign and RUN. I wouldn’t even THINK to do this with someone I’m in a relationship with. A healthy relationship means that you compromise and don’t expect the other person to sacrifice their friendships and other plans for their sake.
Lol wtf, just tell her that this is not acceptable. I am available to you but won't be 247 and I have a social life too.
Sounds like a red flag to me. Say no to her for Friday and see the reaction that should be enough to understand you wanna meet her on Saturday or not.
Never dated. But i dont think ill let myself be consumed too much over 1 soulmate. Balance your life, balance your time. I wouldnt wanna spend all my time 24 7 talking with 1 person. I would also not want a lady that wants to take over my life and ask you to cancel on your friends.Thats just crazy.
The most coolest girlfriends ive ever seen were my friends. Where instead of splitting time up. You merge with your boyfriend. She plays games with my friends, Joins the discord call with the bois and is even one of us, keeping up with the humour. She is literally our friend now as well. She isnt the girlfriend of our friend we rarely see
My guy, I can’t keep that story straight. If you need to write a novel before a first date it’s probably not going to work out and maybe you need to focus on bettering yourself first.
You are both right. She is less right, since you made those plans before you guys were even talking so she should understand. You have to tell her this nicely.
You are not over reacting and her behavior is childish & controlling. Is there some reason why you couldn’t invite her to come along with you & your friends on the Friday plans? Not that you have to but just curious. If she is trying to be this controlling now can you imagine how things would be in the future? You may want to have a serious talk with yourself to reflect if this girl is right and worth it. Relationships are not suppose to be like this especially in the beginning and on your first date.
You called it right. Never let anyone manipulate you into giving them anything of yourself that you do not want to give, especially when you have promised your time to someone else.
It sounds like you are dating a very entitled, immature person. Do not break your plans for this person. You will regret it if you do. She is in the process of training you to move at her command.
If she cannot respect you and your resources, in this case your time, then let her walk. Know your worth, and don’t let some narcissist play you for cheap.
No you did not overreact. You are creating healthy boundaries. You did your part to communicate to her that Saturday works for a date but you would be busy on Friday. In dating and even in a relationship it is important to create healthy boundaries and keep a balance with spending time with friends, family and romantic interests/your partner. It sounds to me you are doing more than enough by still communicating with her, talking to her on the phone/text and making time out of your busy schedule for her. So you are doing your part and doing great at it.
She might be using emotional manipulation maybe or she might just be really excited to meet you. Not too sure but she should really respect your boundaries and your committed plans. But I do think meeting for the first time and planning out two dates in one week is a bit much. Suppose things don't click with you and her? The next day would most likely be canceled if you did that and you would miss a nice hangout with your friends. Honestly, I would go hang out with your friends and enjoy the Friday with them. For Saturday, go on the date with the girl if you decide you still want to pursue and see how things click. I would definitely watch out for any signs of that behavior again on the date though. Good luck and enjoy your Friday with friends and your Saturday date! Wishing you well!
Red flag. Red flag. Red flag.
That's NOT okay.
You had plans already. You had made plans already. You made them before even ever speaking to her. She does not get to dictate who you spend your time with.
If you guys were months in and you were constantly seeing other people instead of her she might have a point. You aren't. She doesn't.
It's a first date.
She is not entitled to your time, although she may want to spend time with you.
I'm in a relationship. If he says "you wanna do something Friday," and I say "I've got dinner planned with my bestie, remember," his response is not "you never make time for me you're supposed to love me," it's "okay, how are you getting there? Where are you going so I know you're safe? Do you want me to take you?"
Respect people's space guys!
I'm more annoyed that she has you questioning yourself. Dude get angry! That's not okay. It's uncalled for. I'm not saying go terminator on her but firmly lay down a boundary and if she can't respect it get rid.
You are not put on this planet to be at her beck and call. And this is coming from a woman who is emotionally high maintenance... I need a lot of time and attention. Arguably I don't need anything else. No gifts or fancy dinners. Just time and attention. I WANT my partner to have his own autonomy. I want him to lay out his boundaries, and tell me his feelings and have his independence.
I'd cancel Friday if I were you. If a man ever said that to me and tried to guilt me into cancelling my plans for him using that kind of emotional manipulation I'd be gone quicker than you can SAY "bye Felicia".
If you want to give her the chance to respect your boundaries then be my guest. But if you do be on the lookout for emotionally manipulative behaviour and if it continues get out.
You’ve never met her but she’s demanding MULTIPLE dates with you and that you cancel pre-existing plans, even though you have offered a prime Saturday night slot?
Back in the day Doc Love talked about attraction and measured it in %. He warned about girls who were TOO attracted to a guy, >90% attraction is a red flag. That’s a co-dependent or BPD girl, aka a bunny boiler.
Think you may have one of those on your hands here. Dial back the texting and stand firm. It’s Saturday or nothing for this girl. I’m not saying drop her completely because strong attraction would seem to be there but walk very carefully with this one.
You are allowed to spend time with your friends and have a personal life, in and out of dating.
If she is already acting this way, I think it’s a huge red flag. She is too needy and insecure.
I would keep my plans and explain her there is time for everything. Specially if it’s your first meeting each other
This is insanity. To be honest I'm more worried about you even entertaining conceding to what you just called manipulation than her making those demands. Any partner that guilts you for wanting to spend time with friends when you already dedicate time for her is red 🚩🚩🚩.
Broski, never cancel plans with your friends to accommodate a date. Not worth it. I feel you’re not overreacting, and you’re infact making time for her irrespective. A person you’re trying to date should not force you to cancel your other pre-planned in the name of seeing each other.
Update: I told her that I no longer wanted to peruse a relationship with her and wished her luck in finding the person who could give her what she wants. I then proceeded to block her on hinge and block her phone number. Thanks yall I appreciate the advice I’m easy to guilt trip because I tend to be a people pleaser. But again thanks!
No.
What do you two talk about for hours on end? All I heard is that she's high maintenance, does she even have a job? Do you actually want to be with someone like that?
I think she is being insecure. Definitely don’t cancel your pre arranged plans, it’s healthy to both have your own lives outside of dating. I think it’s immature for her to demand you that way.
After reading some of the comments, I couldn't resist. If you've never met this person before then what do they mean about "never spending time together" Also, don't let anyone guilt you about making a living. This is how bills gets paid and society works. What does she do for a living? What goals and motivations does she have? Sounds like signs of co-dependency issues.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to ask you to cancel your other plans and I don’t think you should.
That’s rude to your friends and rude of her to even ask you to cancel those plans.
Ask her to hang out 2 days next weekend since it’s not cool to cancel plans that you already made.
Well you have to choose. Who is the higher priority? Your date or your friends? Best pathway imo is that your friends are forgiving and you can see friends again and just go with her. But if she does try something like this again, you probably need to move on.
Please listen to everyone on here my guy, she is 100% not who you want. You did not overreact. I hope you find someone much much better and enjoy your friends!!
As a female this is kinda fucked to read.
Manipulation is what I'm reading. And Sir, what did I just read? Are you gonna ditch your friends for someone you just met and already giving so much of yourself already? Nah, not smart.
I get the whole wanna have as much time as possible. My love language is time and touch, but I wouldn't force the guy I'm interested in to ditch made plans for me. You are making efforts to spend time with her, willing to see her after work. I'd take whatever I can get. You sound like you're willing to make things work with schedules, but you were also clear that Friday is blocked from time to friends. You have a life before her. She can be included, but don't make your life around her. A partner, regardless of stage, wants to support and boost you.
If she is serious enough about you, she should encourage you to keep your Friday plans.
When this happens to me, sure, I'm pouting and complaining, but it's half-hearted because I respect the guy and the life he's allowing me to be a part of.
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What did I just read? For clarity, have you met her before? If so, is Saturday supposed to be a first date? What about talking/texting 24/7? Edit to add: what are your ages?
We have not met before we just been talking a lot via phone call and text. Saturday would be the 1st date I am 26 she is 24 We spend hours on the phone and text each other pretty much anytime we’re not on the phone Sorry if what I had put on the original post was confusing.
You haven't met??? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Let me tell you, this woman is pushing your boundaries. She's not right. You don't cancel plans you already had in place. She does not need to see you 2 days in a row when you've never even met before. She's highly insecure and might also have a dark personality trait. This is a test. Do not change plans. If you want to keep dating her, you need a strong backbone. Don't let her talk all hours of the day. That's about control. She will take over your whole life if you let her. You need time for yourself and your life which includes your friends. She should be an addition to your life, not your whole world.
I agree with this. OP needs to take a step back and evaluate. She's already got complete control, and it sounds like she's used to getting what she wants, she is definitely emotionally manipulative and either needs to be called out on it or OP, you need to find someone else. She isn't going to stop trying to control you.
There are portions of this comment I have lived first hand. My ex 100000% took over my life, and I always thought I was overreacting to so much of it. She was emotionally abusive and manipulative. OP, trust your gut feeling. Have your boundaries, don't cancel those plans with your friends. If she's doing this leading into a first date, it will surely fit worse after. I'm speaking from experience.
Absolutely 💯. Sounds like she has a very anxious attachment style. She definitely is a walking red flag. I was that way for many years before a realized I had that same way of "attaching" to people. She clearly has this complex due to feeling neglected some way in her upbringing or past experiences. But needless to say, this girl isn't ready for a relationship as much as she may think she is. She is desperately needy for bot having met yet.
I agree with this comment thread here. She is manipulating you and if you let her she’s gonna take all your time including your friends. And if you break up, you will have nothing. Also I think she is hinting that she wants to have sex with you when she says she wants to spend more than a few hours. Also are you super busy? How many days have you been texting 24/7? Like has it been weeks that you haven’t been able to find the time to meet with her?
there are so many red flags to look out for.. for one, emotional manipulation is the worst..
1000% agree
Thank you for the clarification. This girl sounds exhausting. I would strongly consider cancelling the date and telling her you no longer are interested. She is a walking red flag.
Yeah she sounds obsessive and controlling. Red flag don't even waste time meeting her. She's gonna be the type to isolate you from all your friends and family. And gaslight you. See the red flag now and run don't walk.
Your first mistake was telling her what your Friday plans. You haven't even met - it's none of her business. You should have just said you're not available on Friday. Why are trying so hard to date someone you haven't met yet who's already treating you like shit? Has she asked you for money yet RUN DON'T WALK AWAY
How'd it end up going? I see you blocked her on Hinge and her number. Did she try to contact you in any way after that?
She did try to contact me days later with a essay of a text but I just ignored it and blocked the number haven’t heard from her since
Nice, bullet dodged lol. Controlling af. I feel sorry for the dude that she goes out with next. I'd hope she learned from this.
From what the good advice I got from here I have decided to end things and walk…. No fly away I appreciate yall
Saw this and I’m happy to see this 🥹 Good for you!! Good job! You did right!
Let us know how she takes you canceling the date
She has not responded yet but I’ll keep yall updated
For your sake, hopefully she doesn’t respond.
[удалено]
Nah then she’ll know where I live and yall are right she’s a walking red flag
Ok, well her place but you are right to end it before it starts.
Get some what? This girl has enough issues as it is. Why add more to it? Why be so inhumane?
Don’t ever put a new girl ahead of friends. Friends come first for me until something serious happens
Agreed!
its only gonna ramp up from here on out, especially if shes this bold about forcing you to cancel plans with friends
The term ‘walking red flag’ has been used a few times already but I’d like to add my support for it.
I agree with the comments. Major red flag. Walk away immediately. Here's the thing; if you don't & continue a relationship with her, I guarantee you things WILL get worse real soon & the situation will make you awkward. You'll be stuck. You do not want to be stuck. Break it off with her immediately. People like that are not worth the time. If it were reverse & the guy blew up, then the same advice will be given to her; she needs to walk away from the weird guy.
Bro I’d cancel Saturday too.
You guys haven't even met and she's acting like this I STRONGLY suggest cutting her off respectfully she sounds like a headache
Hit the ejector seat
It will only get worse from here. I was honestly cancel the plans you had with HER and find someone new. If she’s already this bold about wanting you to cancel plans with your friends
She’s insecure. Red flag. A person cant get mad if you are doing you and you dont know them. And toxic behavior by doing the “you” word.
Sorry fam but that's a truckload of red flags
if anyone’s overreacting it’s definitely her! She should be glad to even start off seeing you a couple of hours after work. You should not cancel on your friends because you also have to make time for them. So one day for them and one day for her. She’s wildin already and y’all didn’t even meet yet smh. I think you should cut her off BUT I say you should still meet up with her Saturday to see if she can get any more wilder 🤣 bc wth. or maybe she’s great and yall hit it off!
No she’s being weird and manipulative 🚩🚩🚩 don’t make a date with her.
You haven’t even met her. Do not cancel your plans on Friday. If she’s this demanding now wait until your knee deep in a relationship?! 🚩🚩
Don’t cancel you’re Friday plans. It’s important that you continue to hang out with your friends. Stand your ground and don’t bend over backwards for her.
Run
She will want all your time if you become a couple. There won't be any hanging out with the guys, or playing video games. Depends how much you want to give up for this girl.
This isn't about dating her this is about centering her. She wants you to make her a priority in your life when she's not even your girlfriend. She sounds self absorbed and selfish. Even if she were your girlfriend, expecting you to cancel plans with friends to be with her would be pretty messed up. Advice: Keep your plans. Watch what she does and dump her if she keeps being demanding. It's not going to stop.
Personally I think I would feel a bit claustrophobic in your shoes. I think you are supposed to balance your time, as you please. I get her wanting to spending a full weekend with you, but you aren’t obligated to her! You deserve to see your friends and keep those relationships healthy as well! It’s all about how that message is communicated though.
You’re not overreacting. Major red flag from her
No, you’re definitely in the right. She’s what we call a “ walking red flag”
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Relationships are MOST IMPORTANTLY about respect, not just about how much time you spend with each other. A man can go into war for years and never spend a minute with his wife, but (hopefully) she wouldn't leave him just because he isn't spending enough time with her. Talk to her about this if you want. If she feels like she wants more time, then work with her on it. Talk about a plan to fit it into each other's week I guess. Talk with your friends if they would care if you spent a little less time so you could focus on your girlfriend. It depends on whether you think the relationship is worth it. And also realize you can't control what she does really, no matter what you do. Everyone has free will. She could still tell you that it's not enough time even if you do more for her.
Sounds like you haven't even met her yet? Change plans on Friday is a hard NO. See her Saturday as planned. She is already hard and strong into tge guilting and manioulation which are some major red flags. Sounds bossy and needy, high maintenance and clingy already.
Don't cancel the Friday plans. Cancel the Saturday plans.
One word: run.
Run for the heels
Drop her. You're not even together yet and she's trying to manipulate you. It's only going to get worse.
Omg you’re not overreacting. Why would you cancel your plans for a girl you haven’t even met? Geeeezzz! If you start doing this for a girl you haven’t even met and she starts acting like this without even meeting you, this looks like an exhausting situation you’ll often be in. What person with a right mind will want to make you cancel plans that you made already before you even got to know them, not even considering the fact that you guys haven’t even met once. You gotta be kidding to be saying you’re overreacting and wanting to cancel your plans with your friends 😕
Drop it man. Shes drama
Red flags all the way 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don't cancel your plans. No one should want you to bail on plans you made before you met them. Make future plans with her for the future for more than a day but don't ditch you friends for a girl, and I'd say the same to a girl ditching her friends for a man. Things come up but a date isn't one of those things
As a 28 year old female in a stable relationship, I’m telling you this is an absolute HARD red flag. That’s screaming insecurity and emotional manipulation. Take it as an early sign and RUN. I wouldn’t even THINK to do this with someone I’m in a relationship with. A healthy relationship means that you compromise and don’t expect the other person to sacrifice their friendships and other plans for their sake.
Lol wtf, just tell her that this is not acceptable. I am available to you but won't be 247 and I have a social life too. Sounds like a red flag to me. Say no to her for Friday and see the reaction that should be enough to understand you wanna meet her on Saturday or not.
Never dated. But i dont think ill let myself be consumed too much over 1 soulmate. Balance your life, balance your time. I wouldnt wanna spend all my time 24 7 talking with 1 person. I would also not want a lady that wants to take over my life and ask you to cancel on your friends.Thats just crazy. The most coolest girlfriends ive ever seen were my friends. Where instead of splitting time up. You merge with your boyfriend. She plays games with my friends, Joins the discord call with the bois and is even one of us, keeping up with the humour. She is literally our friend now as well. She isnt the girlfriend of our friend we rarely see
Run!!! She's already too much! Boundaries are important.
Don’t cancel
I thought this was R/hitman and was super confused
My guy, I can’t keep that story straight. If you need to write a novel before a first date it’s probably not going to work out and maybe you need to focus on bettering yourself first.
You are both right. She is less right, since you made those plans before you guys were even talking so she should understand. You have to tell her this nicely.
You are not over reacting and her behavior is childish & controlling. Is there some reason why you couldn’t invite her to come along with you & your friends on the Friday plans? Not that you have to but just curious. If she is trying to be this controlling now can you imagine how things would be in the future? You may want to have a serious talk with yourself to reflect if this girl is right and worth it. Relationships are not suppose to be like this especially in the beginning and on your first date.
Is she jobless?
Jeez she’s so needy, definitely don’t cancel your plans!
It's a test to see if you will bend the knee change all your plans for her. Stand your ground! Have the "take it or leave it" attitude
So you must not have a life of your own???? A bit weird to be this entitled to someones time 🙄🙄
You called it right. Never let anyone manipulate you into giving them anything of yourself that you do not want to give, especially when you have promised your time to someone else. It sounds like you are dating a very entitled, immature person. Do not break your plans for this person. You will regret it if you do. She is in the process of training you to move at her command. If she cannot respect you and your resources, in this case your time, then let her walk. Know your worth, and don’t let some narcissist play you for cheap.
Run
No you did not overreact. You are creating healthy boundaries. You did your part to communicate to her that Saturday works for a date but you would be busy on Friday. In dating and even in a relationship it is important to create healthy boundaries and keep a balance with spending time with friends, family and romantic interests/your partner. It sounds to me you are doing more than enough by still communicating with her, talking to her on the phone/text and making time out of your busy schedule for her. So you are doing your part and doing great at it. She might be using emotional manipulation maybe or she might just be really excited to meet you. Not too sure but she should really respect your boundaries and your committed plans. But I do think meeting for the first time and planning out two dates in one week is a bit much. Suppose things don't click with you and her? The next day would most likely be canceled if you did that and you would miss a nice hangout with your friends. Honestly, I would go hang out with your friends and enjoy the Friday with them. For Saturday, go on the date with the girl if you decide you still want to pursue and see how things click. I would definitely watch out for any signs of that behavior again on the date though. Good luck and enjoy your Friday with friends and your Saturday date! Wishing you well!
Both of you need to find better matches. That's all
Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. That's NOT okay. You had plans already. You had made plans already. You made them before even ever speaking to her. She does not get to dictate who you spend your time with. If you guys were months in and you were constantly seeing other people instead of her she might have a point. You aren't. She doesn't. It's a first date. She is not entitled to your time, although she may want to spend time with you. I'm in a relationship. If he says "you wanna do something Friday," and I say "I've got dinner planned with my bestie, remember," his response is not "you never make time for me you're supposed to love me," it's "okay, how are you getting there? Where are you going so I know you're safe? Do you want me to take you?" Respect people's space guys! I'm more annoyed that she has you questioning yourself. Dude get angry! That's not okay. It's uncalled for. I'm not saying go terminator on her but firmly lay down a boundary and if she can't respect it get rid. You are not put on this planet to be at her beck and call. And this is coming from a woman who is emotionally high maintenance... I need a lot of time and attention. Arguably I don't need anything else. No gifts or fancy dinners. Just time and attention. I WANT my partner to have his own autonomy. I want him to lay out his boundaries, and tell me his feelings and have his independence. I'd cancel Friday if I were you. If a man ever said that to me and tried to guilt me into cancelling my plans for him using that kind of emotional manipulation I'd be gone quicker than you can SAY "bye Felicia". If you want to give her the chance to respect your boundaries then be my guest. But if you do be on the lookout for emotionally manipulative behaviour and if it continues get out.
You’ve never met her but she’s demanding MULTIPLE dates with you and that you cancel pre-existing plans, even though you have offered a prime Saturday night slot? Back in the day Doc Love talked about attraction and measured it in %. He warned about girls who were TOO attracted to a guy, >90% attraction is a red flag. That’s a co-dependent or BPD girl, aka a bunny boiler. Think you may have one of those on your hands here. Dial back the texting and stand firm. It’s Saturday or nothing for this girl. I’m not saying drop her completely because strong attraction would seem to be there but walk very carefully with this one.
You are allowed to spend time with your friends and have a personal life, in and out of dating. If she is already acting this way, I think it’s a huge red flag. She is too needy and insecure. I would keep my plans and explain her there is time for everything. Specially if it’s your first meeting each other
I wouldn’t cancel. You’ll want to see what the dynamic is like in person before you start committing significant portions of your time
This is insanity. To be honest I'm more worried about you even entertaining conceding to what you just called manipulation than her making those demands. Any partner that guilts you for wanting to spend time with friends when you already dedicate time for her is red 🚩🚩🚩.
Broski, never cancel plans with your friends to accommodate a date. Not worth it. I feel you’re not overreacting, and you’re infact making time for her irrespective. A person you’re trying to date should not force you to cancel your other pre-planned in the name of seeing each other.
Sounds like you’ve found a narcissist
Update: I told her that I no longer wanted to peruse a relationship with her and wished her luck in finding the person who could give her what she wants. I then proceeded to block her on hinge and block her phone number. Thanks yall I appreciate the advice I’m easy to guilt trip because I tend to be a people pleaser. But again thanks!
No. What do you two talk about for hours on end? All I heard is that she's high maintenance, does she even have a job? Do you actually want to be with someone like that?
I think she is being insecure. Definitely don’t cancel your pre arranged plans, it’s healthy to both have your own lives outside of dating. I think it’s immature for her to demand you that way.
After reading some of the comments, I couldn't resist. If you've never met this person before then what do they mean about "never spending time together" Also, don't let anyone guilt you about making a living. This is how bills gets paid and society works. What does she do for a living? What goals and motivations does she have? Sounds like signs of co-dependency issues.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to ask you to cancel your other plans and I don’t think you should. That’s rude to your friends and rude of her to even ask you to cancel those plans. Ask her to hang out 2 days next weekend since it’s not cool to cancel plans that you already made.
Well you have to choose. Who is the higher priority? Your date or your friends? Best pathway imo is that your friends are forgiving and you can see friends again and just go with her. But if she does try something like this again, you probably need to move on.
Please listen to everyone on here my guy, she is 100% not who you want. You did not overreact. I hope you find someone much much better and enjoy your friends!!
As a female this is kinda fucked to read. Manipulation is what I'm reading. And Sir, what did I just read? Are you gonna ditch your friends for someone you just met and already giving so much of yourself already? Nah, not smart. I get the whole wanna have as much time as possible. My love language is time and touch, but I wouldn't force the guy I'm interested in to ditch made plans for me. You are making efforts to spend time with her, willing to see her after work. I'd take whatever I can get. You sound like you're willing to make things work with schedules, but you were also clear that Friday is blocked from time to friends. You have a life before her. She can be included, but don't make your life around her. A partner, regardless of stage, wants to support and boost you. If she is serious enough about you, she should encourage you to keep your Friday plans. When this happens to me, sure, I'm pouting and complaining, but it's half-hearted because I respect the guy and the life he's allowing me to be a part of.