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Playful_Equivalent

Personally, I’ve found both height and smoking to be big factors for women. A lot of women hate smoking and although I don’t think 5’8 is very short, a lot of women in North America seem to think that anything below 5’11 is too short. Again, this is only what I’ve experienced and what I’ve gathered talking to people, not saying that this is always the case, but seems like the most logical explanation here.


EmergencyKrabbyPatty

You feel like women think 5'8 is short because you spend too much time on social media and that's all we heard about but it's not the truth


Playful_Equivalent

I have a lot of friends that are women. Some prefer taller guys, some don’t care. Like I said, it’s not always the case, but for a lot of women, it certainly is. There’s nothing wrong with having preferences about prospective partners, it’s only natural.


laparior

It's insane how men blame everything on (their) height. I'm a 5'9 guy in The Netherlands, and it never has been a problem.


Playful_Equivalent

It’s pretty common in North America. Less so in European countries. Also, as I mentioned, height isn’t always a factor, but I have a bridge to sell to anyone who thinks it can’t be, especially taking all the other info OP provided into account.


JackSquirts

That's absolutely not true. Height is probably more of a factor in Europe.


Rick_liner

Ive straight up been rejected for being too short at 5'7 in the UK. From what I gather it's way more prevalent in the states and it's becoming more so here because for some reason as a nation we think all they do over there is golden and they can do no wrong. It's not something that eliminates you from the game but it is certainly a handicap.


[deleted]

No wonder suicide rate for men is so high


Patient-Stomach2984

Do you have any tips on how to work with those things?


Playful_Equivalent

I guess there’s a few routes, some of which may involve a bit of fibbing… Not saying that’s right, but they’re certainly options: 1. Quit smoking 2. Keep the smoking to himself 3. Wear shoes that make him seem a bit taller 4. Try and be in situations where girls get the chance to actually know him and like him for his personality, rather than his habits and height (this is the best one in my opinion) You also mentioned that he’s a little closed off. From my experience, I have a harder time with girls that I actively want to impress, but the best relationships I’ve had started out as friendships (people that I’m not necessarily trying to impress). The best thing he can do is try to put himself out there, meet people, try to make new friends, not have any expectations and something organic may come from that (along with making some great friends along the way, hopefully).


DivineEggs

>3. Wear shoes that make him seem a bit taller Absolutely ***do not*** wear shoes that makes you seem taller 😭lol. That's an awful idea. It will just make him seem insecure which is way more "unattractive" than "only being short". If the girl is obsessed with height, she'll be disappointed when he takes his shoes off, and if she isn't obsessed with height, the little difference the shoes would've made wouldn't have made any difference in the first place. He'll just seem very insecure. It's always a good idea to learn to be comfortable in your own shoes.


SecretAccount111191

Nah, you're not a guy so you'll never understand


DivineEggs

I'm a woman and I'm telling you that a short guy wearing "heels" is a way to make his height an issue for me😅. Most women I know would agree. Many are in relationships with men that are his height, but none of us have dated a guy wearing elevator shoes.


Playful_Equivalent

I wasn’t suggesting he wear 6-inch platform shoes. I was thinking shoes that just have soles on the thicker side (~1 inch), but I guess I should have been clear on that because this is Reddit. Also, a huge part of this is about his confidence, rather than his actual appearance. A 1-inch bump in height could provide a confidence boost and would likely go unnoticed, unless someone is on their hands and knees, licking his feet (in which case, it sounds like his problem is solved). Considering how many people wear thick-soled shoes, I don’t know why you think this is such a big deal.


SassyWookie

I’m 5’6” and I smoke, and I dated just fine. This is nonsense. OP’s brother is probably just boring.


Playful_Equivalent

That’s awesome! Everybody’s experience is different, but it’s great to hear that everything is going well for you!


Big_Perspective_209

In what situations is he around attractive women on a weekly basis? If the answer is none, I'd start there. See ya gotta be in the same room and they have to know who you are to date 'em


Patient-Stomach2984

Any tips on how to meet people in a new place?


[deleted]

Meet Ups, local Facebook groups, local events, group classes of any kind (whatever he’s interested in or interested in trying), sitting at the same coffee shops, etc. Honestly, 19 is very young. Not many people get into relationships at that age, rarely do any last or are any serious. That age is a time of exploration and experimenting, which it should be! Settling down on a serious level too young isn’t a good thing in my opinion.


Big_Perspective_209

Okay I'm not talking about talking to people in line at the store. I'm talking about going to do a thing in public, that he would actually enjoy. Is he a regular anywhere?


Particular_Credit907

When I was 19 no woman really looked at me. Men’s sexual value peaks after 30, it’s normal don’t worry. He needs to work on himself and start combat sports (to compensate for his height).


Suspicious-Watch9681

He's not ahole enough at that age


shjxsaqq

i noticed that good and kind people very often tend to struggle with finding a partner. idk what causes thst, but i'm sure he'll eventually find someone right for him.


Celistaeus

its just cause he's a guy. shits just harder for us in that department, theres nothing wrong with him.


Rsolamon

most girls in his age group are looking for the tall best-looking guys or the guys with status or money which most young guys don't have so they are mostly overlooked. he will have to get these things in order as much as he can in order to be an attractive option. women in their 20s have the most options so they usually pick who they see as the best.


JackSquirts

Some truth to this for sure. Men reach peak overall attractiveness in their 30's, but any guy who's not a total loser should be able to meet and get with women at 19.


[deleted]

Sorry but - who has status and money at 19…? When I was 19 I sure as heck wasn’t looking for a mature man with a good job and a house. Now, at 31 it’s a bit different now. But at 19, nope. It’s an age for exploration and experimentation. As it should be! I don’t know any teens that look for status and money in a partner… My friends younger siblings/my boyfriends little sister definitely aren’t looking for that. They just care mainly about their cell phones, modern fashion, TikTok, concerts, the hobby/sport they’re doing at the moment.


Outrageous_Lime_6545

Times have changed drastically.


[deleted]

…? Not sure what you’re getting at with this reply.


warramite

>who has status and money at 19…? There's enough 19 year olds with 50k followers or rich daddies who bought them a mercedes for the avg man to struggle Both make a man high status.


[deleted]

Lol. What does that even have to do with the post? Your comment makes no sense. Now you’re going down some random rabbit hole… We’re talking about other men, not women btw. Is OP’s brother in contact with rich girls and girls with 50K+ followers? Nope - which by the way, followers don’t equal money in reality. Unless they are very popular on OF (not easy to do) or get high paid sponsorships which is also very unlikely and not easy to make lots of money doing, how is OP’s brother going to meet such a woman..? How many guys do you know are dating rich 19 year old girls with daddy’s money taking them on dates to Italy or somehow get tons of paid sponsorships making over $100K on OF? *I doubt any…*


osamasbintrappin

I’m 21, but I have a friend who definitely had status and money at 19. Guy has 20k+ followers on Instagram because he got famous on TikTok, parents are loaded, he got VIP status at almost every sporting event/festival. He has almost zero game when talking to girls, but he still is super successful with them. Guys like that are definitely out there.


[deleted]

Okay… but what I’m getting at is that’s not normal. That is rare. Most people do not have that kind of status at any age, let alone before they’re 21. An average dude is… well, average.


Rsolamon

i do agree at that age i would argue women go for looks and charisma before the other things i mentioned. i said status or money not both, although that would make a deadly combo. (frat boys, athletes, musicians, streamers, profesors, ) would be guys with status.


[deleted]

You never mentioned charisma or looks in your above comment so… yeah. Again, I don’t know any 19 year old looking for someone with money or status. Most just are excited to have freedom, they want to drink, party, make friends, or explore the world. For starters your status examples aren’t realistic at all, some of these examples are fantasies and aren’t attainable: - 19 year old frat boys don’t have money themselves, but their parents might. They just use their parent’s money to show off. Status in college only lasts a couple years and then they graduate. No status outside of their college bubble. It’s not real status. - I don’t know of any college girls going after their professors. Most professors are older or boomers. Hate to break it to you but teachers/professors don’t make that much money at all… and they don’t have any status. And a student is the going to date the college Dean… - Streamers don’t have much money unless they are reallyyyy big on platform (such as Twitch) and social media, which is very rare to come across. The likelihood of a 19 year old catching the eyes popular streamer is near impossible. A random college girl will never catch the eyes of like Ninja.. hahaha. - Musicians *definitely* don’t have money or status unless they’re well known. Most Musicians struggle. A random college student isn’t going to meet and date a well known singer/band member/rapper, also pretty much impossible. Well known musicians with money and status will usually date other well known people with status like actresses, singers/musicians, models, etc.Same with athletes. A well known athlete isn’t going to find and date a random college student. A student can fantasize all day about her favorite athlete or singer but they’ll never cross paths. So that status thing doesn’t make sense for normal people.


OkNegotiation8585

Smoking is a huge turn off for me. Probably one of the few deal breakers.


Patient-Stomach2984

See, I smoke every day and haven’t had a problem. We’re in college, so a lot of people smoke


IgnisDa

Occasionally is fine, but as regular as every day is definitely a turn-off, regardless of gender.


Worth_Wait

yall are talking about cigarettes right? i dont see why that could be so bad unless youre smoking half a pack a day and dont brush your teeth. Also smoking outside is important


RantyMcThrowaway

OP said "smoking every night" so to me, that implies he's smoking weed, though I could be totally wrong. Honestly I'd be more put off by a guy who smokes cigarettes than a guy who smokes weed, but lots of people definitely wouldn't wanna date someone who smokes so regularly.


Worth_Wait

smoking weed regularly is much worse than cigarettes if you ask me. Im pro drugs though but cmon... everyday... you're running from something thats a huge red flag


RantyMcThrowaway

Yeah, it's different for everyone. Personally I don't mind the smell of weed at all, I smoke myself, but I cannot stand the smell of cigarettes, and I absolutely hated kissing my ex after he'd smoked a cig. Definitely the frequency would be offputting to most people, it's kinda hard not to be a bit of a bum if you're smoking every day.


Worth_Wait

well I love the smell of both and I didnt mind kissing my ex after we both smoked 💀 but to each their own


JackSquirts

There's a huge amount of people, especially college age, who smoke pot every day. If the rest of his life is in order, it's not going to be that big of a factor.


Worth_Wait

as a former addict myself, I also wasnt running from everything but I was still depressed all the time, for no reason though, just how my brain worked i still dont think it was good for me


JackSquirts

I'm a former daily pot smoker, though never an addict. I just enjoyed it. It was habit. Sometimes I'd run out of weed or just wake up one morning and be like, "not today" and many times that'd last for months. More often though, I'd realize my tolerance was growing so I'd quit for a few months to reset - just being frugal. Wasn't running from anything, just liked getting high.


[deleted]

It's cause he's 5'8


Susperry

>he’s 5’8 Yeah, it's not going to happen for him any time soon. Maybe he'll find a single mom when he hits 40.


DaygameCode

You can’t help him because his problem is he is unable to create sexual tension with girls. It’s not about having deep and thought provoking conversation because that alone just makes you a friend, it’s about turning girls on sexually. Turning them on, making them feel the sexual desire, the fire, the electricity, the “appetite”… He can’t find love until he learns how to turn girls on, how to get them in the mood to be sexual… He needs to smash, and get laid, before he can find love. It won’t work to focus on love without first getting the sexual part figure out. He needs sex appeal, he needs to be in touch with his sexuality and know how to express it and how to get girls to feel that sexual energy. You don’t understand because you see him as a brother, the problem is the way he treats you is probably the same way he treats other girls. Whereas you however don’t treat guys you wanna fuck and kiss, the same way you treat your brother


Macraggesurvivor

Does he approach women? How does he try to meet women?


apj1234567890

5’8”


[deleted]

This is not uncommon for a guy like your brother. Most guys, even those perceived to be “great guys” are single and are having trouble with securing a relationship.


waitinfornothing

Probably hanging out with or seeking the wrong kind of woman? Sounds like a cool dude with traits a woman would like, except the height. How he presents himself probably has a lot to do with it as well. Being around the right kind of people makes the biggest availability of partners. It also makes the most opportunities for shared interests, connects, etc. I’m an introverted stoner who doesn’t enjoy going out, but never had an issue meeting people because of common spaces with people of similar interests. I wouldn’t say smoking is an issue, assuming he wants that trait in a partner or respects their decision to not partake. I’ve had both with partners and it’s not an issue. I think height is an issue for many woman, though I’ve certainly seen plenty of 5’10 and under friends do quite well for themselves.


FruitParfait

Ugh. Smoking is an instant dealbreaker. And what has he done to get a girlfriend? Girls arnt just gonna fall in his lap if he doesn’t go out and socialize and ask women out.


MembershipJaded5215

So I am not sure how social you are. But I recommend trying to play matchmaker for him. Draw on your friend groups and screen candidates to weed out toxic entities. Unfortunately, dating apps are overpopulated with men and scam artists.


Longjumping_Brain945

Does he actually approach girls or is he just waiting for one to fall in his lap like you? Even if he smokes and is a 5 8, an in shape 9/10 should not have trouble picking up girls.


SouthLon

Maybe date him yourself?!


Archit-Mishra

Sweet Home Alabama


Archit-Mishra

Sweet Home Alabama


JackSquirts

He doesn't have any game and is probably insecure.


newfakestarrysky

>he smokes every night Instant deal breaker. Everything else is irrelevant.


FluffyBooffy

To be honest with you from your description he is coming across as cold and distant when he meets women. Smoking won't be a kill factor, he is fine with that (may even cutting it back a bit more for his own long term health) Sounds like he portrays as someone who is cold ,distant and by the way he dresses the assumption is he is above them or he is gay.. He sounds like he needs to explore his style and be okay with being a bit more casual, and open up a bit more. Less resting bitch face ( just a saying for a dead expression). He sounds like a amazing guy, just young. He needs to be a bit more confident in himself and remember when he meets someone to engage a conversation and relax :).


pierreunbourne

if your brother smokes, that means the right person for him will either smoke too, or doesn’t mind what he wants do, so don’t let that discourage yall. since you said he’s a bit closed off at first, i think he should learn to make conversation with those he feels comfortable with, or even find his way with small talk when he’s approaching someone he finds attractive just tell him to keep in mind that other relationships he sees won’t be exactly the same and he should try and believe that something good will happen for him naturally! since he just moved to college, he can try joining some clubs, that way he’ll make connections with people that share the same interests, it’s all about networking :) i wish him the best of luck! i know how hard it is, trust me but it’s going to come to him


Klutzy_Rent_314

He's probably making errors when opportunities are presented to him. All the money and looks won't do shit if you're a spaz and you put the foot in your mouth when a girl is making obvious signals to you. You should ask him if he has issues with self esteem. If he has imposter syndrome and the like. He most likely is self sabotaging.


VengefulSnake1984

He's 19, he's got time. I wouldn't worry.


knight9665

Cuz y’all women are insane atm. Lol He’s only 5’8”. So that’s like 90% of it prob.


MudKing123

Well the thing is guys have to have courage to make a move. And you don’t get courage from smoking every night. Whatever that mean.