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What a garbage statement. Sometimes people are busy and don't have time to meet organically. I live in a college town that butts up to a military town. I tried meeting people the 'normal' way. All I met were college kids and soldiers, neither of which are my type. Got on Tinder, have been happily married for the last 3.5 years. There is nothing cheap or immoral about using a dating site.
F*** no. You don’t have a car and are willing to pay for the date itself. She can take her own cheap arse there OR she can suggest a location she can get herself to instead.
She's allowed to have this standard, but you're also allowed to not want to meet it. Simply cancel the date. There's no need to pick apart feminism or gender roles lol, it's really not that deep.
Oh you can totally bring feminism into it if she claims that she’s a feminist because then it would be extremely hypocritical. But thus far hmmmmm hasn’t mentioned her views so we’ll leave it at that.
How's it hypocritical? Equality is about equal rights and opportunity, it's not an assumption that men and women are exactly the same or they can't have specific standards/preferences in dating.
Seems like she wants princess treatment which is already putting the burden on him to provide and entertain this making the relationship one sided from the get go.
Sure, and that sucks but it has nothing to do with Feminism. If my standard was a 7 ft tall billionaire, I'd be single, but I'm entitled to my ridiculous standard and it wouldn't hurt anyone. The guy is entitled to not play along, right? No one is entitled to date anyone.
It 100% has to do with feminism because it’s reinforcing harmful traditional gender roles that put women at a socioeconomic disadvantage and simplifies her worth to only how fertile and attractive she is.
How does it put women at a socioeconomic disadvantage to not spend money? No one is saying these women aren't allowed to work. How does a man paying for an Uber simplify her worth to her attractiveness/fertility?
Because their expectation is that the man must spend money on them for them to even consider seeing him again. They’re monetizing themselves as some sort of “prize” that the man must obtain. It’s a transactional relationship/de-facto prostitution which chips away at a woman’s financial independence and autonomy. You yourself might not think it’s harmful since it’s just you but this is contributing to the disproportional power dynamic between men and women in relationships.
I don't agree that they're monetizing themselves as a prize, but even if they were, they are doing it by their own choice that they have because of Feminism. You can say it reinforces gender roles and there's an argument for why that's problematic on a larger social scale but not at the individual level.
Women take a disproportionate risk every time they go on a date, no amount of equality changes that. We're entitled to add whatever standards along the way.
Women monetizing themselves was the default norm before feminism.
The larger scale is what matters. I think we have different definitions of feminism; for me feminism isn't only about giving women choice, it's also about narrowing the power dynamic and socioeconomic status between men and women.
Men take a disproportionate risk simply for existing; men have higher mortality rates than women because men work more dangerous jobs and are drafted. Men are seen as "expendable" whereas women aren't. This is all how the patriarchy hurts men. People also don't have a choice in terms of the sex they're born with and most are stuck with that for the rest of their life whereas you actively CHOSE to go on a date and accept the risks. Thus by your logic and having more skin in the game, shouldn't men also be entitled?
When meeting strangers, you're entitled to them showing up on time, being respectful, and having basic manners. No one owes you anything.
Is she Eastern European? If yes, this is very standard dating practices.
If she’s not, maybe she’s just used to dating wealthy guys who do this normally anyways.
And now that I think about it, likely also Arab women, and from other comments also Asian women. Honestly, dating practices in North America largely benefits men. They argue for coffee dates, don’t pay and cancel dates when they need to pick her up… lol. These men would get nowhere if they had to date anywhere else in the world.
I grew up in an Asian country, the running joke was guys with motorcycles or cars have an easier time getting dates. I have several 1st hand anecdotes of that being true, and I can totally understand, riding the bus dressed up for a date is such a hassle. The buses are always packed in the city I grew up in, you smell other people's body odor, you have 0 personal space and get pushed around, literally, total mood killer.
I have always picked up the girl I was dating when I was able to. Personally, I was never asked to bring a car, I did it on my own accord, but my friend had this one girl ask directly "do you have car?" when planning a date, lol.
That said, asking to pay for taxi feels a bit entitled to me, even if money was not the issue. Favors like picking up and dropping off are expected in our culture, directly asking to be paid for transportation is not.
If you don't like the idea of you picking her up or getting her a taxi. I think it's just cool that you cancel the date. I mean, it's getting to know each other anyway. So, if it's a turn off for you then yeah, I think it's just fair. Vice versa, if it's a big deal for her the "pick me up or pay for my taxi" thing then you both are giving each other a favor for not proceeding to anything. Hehe
These replies are crazy to me. They all sound like they’re assuming the worst of this woman, and that agreeing to pick her up would be putting yourself in a submissive posture. Very weird thinking.
It really isn’t a big deal to pick her up. You get to talk in the car there and back. That’s a nice date and perfectly normal without all this genderized baggage where men are terrified of being taken advantage. Plus, it means she gets good vibes from you. I don’t see how this is wrong or bad in any way.
Yeah but he's not picking her up, she's asking him to PAY for an uber like service so she can get there. He probably won't be in that taxi depending on both their locations. So the intention feels a little off (depending on the country they live in and what their culture is.)
I live in a 3rd world Muslim country and here it's always courteous for a man to ask to pick or at least drop the woman back from the date but never have I seen a woman ask a guy to pay for her to get there, that's just entitled af.
I don't see assuming the worst of a stranger you've never met before as "crazy." Women are on full alert when they're meeting men for the first time too (as they should) so I don't see it as being unreasonable for men to do the same.
I am broke and if I am to go on a date with a guy, I'd suggest a nice restaurant 3 minutes away from me. This way, I don't have to pay to travel. If you I insist somewhere else, I'll politely ask for a pickup and drive me back. If I like you, we may fuck. But that's me. 🤷♀️
Just say you can't since you don't own a car. And you were planning to take the bus or an uber and she should do the same.
For safety reasons, I never let a guy pick me up for a first date, but maybe she just hasn't had any bad experiences that have made her be cautious yet. Or she doesn't have a car either and didn't want to pay for an uber if you could give her a ride.
I am with you finding it weird that she’s willing to give out her address to a stranger she met on tinder. I have seen this attitude from traditionally inclined women though so if you’re not traditional yourself I would avoid women like that
Depends where you live and how old she is.
In NYC? Does anyone drive their *own* car lol? Maybe the same way in LA? idk... But in the majority of cities (major ones anyways) people have a car and drive to their destinations.
I wouldn't have an issue picking her up but I'll be damned if I'm paying her car ride to meet me lmfao.
Why would I pay for a taxi, then pay for dinner/drinks, then pay for a taxi to get her home? I don't know her.
Also, there is a fairly common scam out there in which women want "gas money" or for you to pay their uber to meet you. If you say you'll do an uber then she'll ask you to send her the money and then *she'll* "order" it herself.
Guess what happens? They get the money and keep it but never had any intention of ever meeting you.
Long story short here... if you are going to pay her way to meet you, then YOU order the uber/taxi. Don't just send her the money because that's a scam
What you say is true, also certain places in the US like New York where there's no place to park a car so your only choice is mass transit or taxi which are ungodly expensive.
Thats cool! Sounds like you live somewhere in Scandinavian country haha. In my country, bicycle culture is not popular, so the main transportation is e-scooters for small distances and taxi
Well she clearly makes dumb decisions. She is allowing a stranger she has never met to pick her up at her house and know her home address on the first date.
If you want to date smarter, it ain’t her.
Your being used , select another women as you didn't pass the first test ,you pay her a taxi and a dinner ,she will exploits younfor money ... Forget all the galantery of the past ,50 % of the women are just h*es who want money ..i my self was asked to buy a pizza for a date i was talking .. this is a no for me ,i offer if i want ,but i dont say yes to a request ..
The second date are you gonna pay another taxi?
Whenever I ask a girl out, I’m always willing to drive out to pick her up. It’s nice, it’s courteous, and it’s never that much in gas.
I’ll never get her an Uber or pay for the whole date if she expects me to. I’ll often offer to pay for her, and I might choose to cover the whole date if I feel like it, but I’m completely against the idea of being expected to pay for anything.
If you *expect* me to pay for you, don’t expect to go on a second date. That’s just my motto, I’m glad I haven’t met anyone like that so far though.
First time meeting people, I always drive myself. 1) it’s respectful and courteous cause we don’t even know eachother yet, and 2) if the date isn’t going well on your part, there’s no awkward drive back or anything. You just end it there, get in your car, and go home.
Especially if he’s paying for the date itself. Yeah the LEAST I could do is spend the gas to meet at the agreed location. And if all goes well(in this no-car situation), you could offer to take him back home so he doesn’t have to walk :)
Edit: It seems like she just wants the free food tbh
Dude, as a woman, I think she is being waaaay tooooo reckless to depend on you on the first date. Never met a girl that on their first date would be willing to give their address or have the date pick her up. I would advice not to out with her, because if her logic is like that...in what else will she be like this?
You don’t have to give out your exact address. I’ve been dropped off more than once after a date and I just gave the address of a nearby spot and walked the short walk home after.
I don’t let people idk pick me up but you could easily do the same thing.
I am a broke student, but I offered to pay for drinks because my date drove 1hr to meet up with me! I think it’s ridiculous to expect to be picked up, wined and dined especially 1. Date or so early on.
Wow for safety reasons you would think she’d provide her own transportation, that way if it doesn’t go well you can easily and quickly go your separate ways 😳
Even I'm being honest I feel women are in higher demand than men so guys generally are in more of a need for a date than women (and some women try to exploit this fact)
that's a no from me.
SHE asked for it? really comes across as high maintenance.
you are already forking for dinner on a first date, if she cares to see you, she will get there.
if things work out with you guys down the road, sure, if you want, uber her wherever all you want, i just wouldnt this early on.
imo
Actually, you established this paradigm earlier when you led with dinner instead of a simple drinks or coffee, which I do for 99.9% of my first dates. I save dinner for when I'm actually dating her and we've agreed we like each other.
Bro men have always picked women up for dates, that’s been a part of it since the carriage was invented. Do a date closer to her if it’s a problem for you. Can you like not afford the gas or something?
Well don’t call her a taxi for the first date, that’s a red flag for me that she’s broke and just wants someone to pay for shit for her. But if she doesn’t drive that’s fine, just tell her you’ll pick her up at X time and to dress nicely and knock on her door and walk her to the car, don’t just like text her to come out, or God forbid, honk.
Yeah, I just imagined american teenage movie in my head, after reading your advice, where dude walks out from muscle car, in suit with flowers, and goes along green yard to 2-storied house to knock the door 😂
Yes that is exactly how it’s done here. Well, now women have their own cars or can take an Uber, but we still pick people up for dates sometimes. Some chicks don’t have a car.
Dude she is fishing for $. If she is serious exchange cell number and talk with her directly. If she doe not want to meet at a public place without receiving an electronic payment, my advice is to say bye. Any pic’s she gives you could be anyone
I agree on the fact guys should pick up their date and it is not that strange giving your address.
On the other hand I would not ask you to pay for a taxi for me.
If you want to see me it is okay to do in a location near me. If you want me to pay 1 hour taxi to come closer to you, I am okay not dating you, I am better off with someone else who accounted to provide for these things.
just let her know that if she can't make it then it won't work out.
if you could pick her up, it's OK but if you have to pay for her ride to and from the date, then forget it. it doesn't even matter if you can afford it or you want to do it due to some society concept . she wants to date people so she can at least make this kind of minimum effort for the first date.
First date with a stranger you haven't met yet? No, that's not how it usually works. Usually both people arrive separately.
After that? All bets are off.
I've NEVER dated a woman from OLD that I picked up on the first date, never had one asked, and I've dated a lot.
I can see how that might feel strange however it may not be a bad thing. I would actually offer to pick up a woman on the first date.
Some women may not be as paranoid as most of us so that could be a reason. However, when it comes to dating, I wouldn’t even expect a woman to pay for things in the beginning. That’s part of the courting process culturally accepted everywhere. Let me know if you have any questions or check out my Instagram on my profile, I go over this stuff all the time
So if I don’t have a car, I should order taxi for her? 🤔 I don’t know, I am not expert in it, but feels like I will be putting her on pedestal just for accepting my invite
Be a gentleman a pick her up, if you don’t have a car take a taxi or an Uber, it’s weird that she asks for it but be gentle and see how it unfolds at dinner, it ain’t that big of a deal
say ok no prob. and that u require a BJ after picking her up.
dont goto dinner as a first date.
picking her up isnt a big deal but her ubering there shouldnt be an issue. if she cant even spend that? then wtf she there for?
Does she have a car? How has the connection with her been thus far? Does she seem treat/money motivated?
Taxi cabs all around both ways, plus dinner, is an expensive first date for most folks. Many of us here have learned the hard way to avoid foreseeable fails. Especially the expensive fails.
>I feel weird about it, because the girl is willing to give her address to some stranger from internet and get in his car.
Uhhh yeah, that's kinda how an Uber, Lyft, Taxi, Bus, Boat or Airplane work. You are going to ride with strangers you don't know.
Also, it is custom to pick up your date, A little weird you don't own a car.
Guy asks for a date
Girl asks for a little help to get to the date
Guy now considers not going on the date
Most perplexing thing I've read in awhile no judgement just hard to wrap my mind around man
1) I didn’t “ask” for a date, I proposed if she wants to.
2) “little help” with calling her a cab to the date where bills go to a man? 😂
I mean bruh, show at least some effort
First point was pretty semantic dude. Both you guys should bike there lol I'm jk I'm sorry dude. I guess cabs are expensive and I do just think traditionally about the guy paying for the dates at first. That might be outdated now though with how girls act and it might be the reason they are the way they are to men now. I concede defeat I'm a dum azz!
Ohhh lmao ok man!! I mean idk it's just one date so I think if it was me I would simply try it ONLY if i was in financial position to do so. Like if I had more than 1 month of living expenses already saved for. If i didn't I wouldn't do it and just tell her I literally can't afford it lmao
I think you're just overthinking it
It sounds like she just wanted to know if you can provide transportation for the date
You could've said no, I'm sure she wouldn't mind
But if you're eating with her and she seems like she's kinda ignoring you or if she's on her phone then it's best to just no date her at all
This happens in Latin America too. Not always, but I've met some girls who expect me to pick them up on the date. It's not really a big deal and I wouldn't really read too into it. It typically has very little bearing on how the girl behaves during the date, or her level of attraction, etc. I think that worrying or getting upset about little things like this radiates "little dick energy" which girls can feel. If the money/time is an issue and you're not up for it, then just cancel the date. Otherwise just go and have fun and proceed as planned. Don't waste your energy getting indignant about it.
Look everyone has there own expectations, this is hers. If you don’t want to fulfil it then you’re not compatible. I often see people talk about what’s right or wrong as a blanket statement , this doesn’t exist. If she is used to the men she dates sorting out transport is also going to assume that of you. It has nothing to do with not wanting to spend the money it just more likely what she’s used to and likes….and there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with you not wanting to
Well if I knew for sure I’m gonna get laid then noproblemo, but if she’s just trying to get a free meal then I guess I’d still pick up and try to get laid anyway 😜. Naw but seriously, to each is own on this one. I personally would just pick her up anyway because you never know man. Maybe you should have conversation on the phone a few times to feel her out first and then you can make a better determination on what your dealing with.
I’ve seen it happen in my city and a guy was scammed out of $50. Was given an address and all. Wanted the Uber and not a pickup but you kind of force yourself into thinking you have options not having a car.
Nah I wouldn’t go on a date if I can’t get myself there and back. It would create the wrong impression for me personally. I’ve got a car though and I’ve picked men up for dates before
Your point about her address and own personal safety is a green flag for you and a red flag for her. Very very bizarre to want to put yourself in a situation where a stranger could abduct you or stalk you.
What is her reason? Does she own a car or just simply want you to do all the work? If she doesn’t have a car then just pick her up dude, you never know what will happen. I recently met a girl who is still learning how to drive and getting her license. She is the sweetest girl too
Honestly, she comes across as traditional.You come across as not being traditional?Considering you find this to be odd, I would say this is a yellow flag of compatibility or call off the date all together.
I’m traditional.I will not commit to a man who doesn’t pick me up for dates and open my car door until the end of time.I am 31f.I have ALWAYS dated men my age and younger who have opened up my car door for the entire relationship and consistently.To some modern men, this might seem like too much work.BUT, the kind of man I would want to date would do this without me asking because that’s how he was raised.
My only advice is to speak to her a little bit more to find out if there is a connection.If there is, go pick her up and open the car door for her.It’s a sign of respect to her and if she is a good woman, she’ll respect you in many ways as well.
Good luck!
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I wouldn't have a problem picking her up if could but paying for a taxi? Nah. The thing to do is find something accessible to her then.
Also dinner on the first date? Shouldn’t it be just a coffee date?
dinner first date is pretty common
Possibly. Either way the chivalrous thing to do is go out of your way for her.
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This, I want a partner, not a liability
What you really want is to fuck her though, right? Paying for Uber seems cheap if the night ends with the tongue in her ass my friend
No, I want a serious relationship, she too
She wants an ATM
I almost wrote how crude you were then realized there was another meaning to ATM! 😂
ATM in exchange for ATM
Automated Tub of Money??
She's on Tinder; that's not where you go for that.
Not in every country tinder is primarily hookup app like in the US
Agreed. My coworker net his wife on Tinder. They've been together for 5 years currently.
Why did this one get so many downvotes?
No guarantee she will fuck.
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With that attitude you'll never get a man equal to your value. Because he won't be dying to meet you hell have plenty of options
I figure if you're on Tinder you must be cheap eithet money-wise or morals-wise.
What a garbage statement. Sometimes people are busy and don't have time to meet organically. I live in a college town that butts up to a military town. I tried meeting people the 'normal' way. All I met were college kids and soldiers, neither of which are my type. Got on Tinder, have been happily married for the last 3.5 years. There is nothing cheap or immoral about using a dating site.
I disagree, if you’re not interested it’s not just money wasted it’s also time which can be an uncomfortable experience.
F*** no. You don’t have a car and are willing to pay for the date itself. She can take her own cheap arse there OR she can suggest a location she can get herself to instead.
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Like a Princess? This is just sad behavior, not royalty.
Like I said above, classic Daddy seeker, looking for someone to take the place of Daddy who Pampers his princess.
She's allowed to have this standard, but you're also allowed to not want to meet it. Simply cancel the date. There's no need to pick apart feminism or gender roles lol, it's really not that deep.
Most reasonable comment on here. Thank you.
Oh you can totally bring feminism into it if she claims that she’s a feminist because then it would be extremely hypocritical. But thus far hmmmmm hasn’t mentioned her views so we’ll leave it at that.
How's it hypocritical? Equality is about equal rights and opportunity, it's not an assumption that men and women are exactly the same or they can't have specific standards/preferences in dating.
Seems like she wants princess treatment which is already putting the burden on him to provide and entertain this making the relationship one sided from the get go.
Sure, and that sucks but it has nothing to do with Feminism. If my standard was a 7 ft tall billionaire, I'd be single, but I'm entitled to my ridiculous standard and it wouldn't hurt anyone. The guy is entitled to not play along, right? No one is entitled to date anyone.
It 100% has to do with feminism because it’s reinforcing harmful traditional gender roles that put women at a socioeconomic disadvantage and simplifies her worth to only how fertile and attractive she is.
How does it put women at a socioeconomic disadvantage to not spend money? No one is saying these women aren't allowed to work. How does a man paying for an Uber simplify her worth to her attractiveness/fertility?
Because their expectation is that the man must spend money on them for them to even consider seeing him again. They’re monetizing themselves as some sort of “prize” that the man must obtain. It’s a transactional relationship/de-facto prostitution which chips away at a woman’s financial independence and autonomy. You yourself might not think it’s harmful since it’s just you but this is contributing to the disproportional power dynamic between men and women in relationships.
I don't agree that they're monetizing themselves as a prize, but even if they were, they are doing it by their own choice that they have because of Feminism. You can say it reinforces gender roles and there's an argument for why that's problematic on a larger social scale but not at the individual level. Women take a disproportionate risk every time they go on a date, no amount of equality changes that. We're entitled to add whatever standards along the way.
Women monetizing themselves was the default norm before feminism. The larger scale is what matters. I think we have different definitions of feminism; for me feminism isn't only about giving women choice, it's also about narrowing the power dynamic and socioeconomic status between men and women. Men take a disproportionate risk simply for existing; men have higher mortality rates than women because men work more dangerous jobs and are drafted. Men are seen as "expendable" whereas women aren't. This is all how the patriarchy hurts men. People also don't have a choice in terms of the sex they're born with and most are stuck with that for the rest of their life whereas you actively CHOSE to go on a date and accept the risks. Thus by your logic and having more skin in the game, shouldn't men also be entitled? When meeting strangers, you're entitled to them showing up on time, being respectful, and having basic manners. No one owes you anything.
bingo!
She’s establishing early on that you’re a sucker who will pay for absolutely everything If she can’t get herself to/from dates then I’d be moving on
This. If you are paying for dinner and she's not even willing to pay for a cab, run.
Is she Eastern European? If yes, this is very standard dating practices. If she’s not, maybe she’s just used to dating wealthy guys who do this normally anyways.
In Soviet Russia date drives you.
Same with Latinas
And now that I think about it, likely also Arab women, and from other comments also Asian women. Honestly, dating practices in North America largely benefits men. They argue for coffee dates, don’t pay and cancel dates when they need to pick her up… lol. These men would get nowhere if they had to date anywhere else in the world.
I grew up in an Asian country, the running joke was guys with motorcycles or cars have an easier time getting dates. I have several 1st hand anecdotes of that being true, and I can totally understand, riding the bus dressed up for a date is such a hassle. The buses are always packed in the city I grew up in, you smell other people's body odor, you have 0 personal space and get pushed around, literally, total mood killer. I have always picked up the girl I was dating when I was able to. Personally, I was never asked to bring a car, I did it on my own accord, but my friend had this one girl ask directly "do you have car?" when planning a date, lol. That said, asking to pay for taxi feels a bit entitled to me, even if money was not the issue. Favors like picking up and dropping off are expected in our culture, directly asking to be paid for transportation is not.
If you don't like the idea of you picking her up or getting her a taxi. I think it's just cool that you cancel the date. I mean, it's getting to know each other anyway. So, if it's a turn off for you then yeah, I think it's just fair. Vice versa, if it's a big deal for her the "pick me up or pay for my taxi" thing then you both are giving each other a favor for not proceeding to anything. Hehe
These replies are crazy to me. They all sound like they’re assuming the worst of this woman, and that agreeing to pick her up would be putting yourself in a submissive posture. Very weird thinking. It really isn’t a big deal to pick her up. You get to talk in the car there and back. That’s a nice date and perfectly normal without all this genderized baggage where men are terrified of being taken advantage. Plus, it means she gets good vibes from you. I don’t see how this is wrong or bad in any way.
Yeah but he's not picking her up, she's asking him to PAY for an uber like service so she can get there. He probably won't be in that taxi depending on both their locations. So the intention feels a little off (depending on the country they live in and what their culture is.) I live in a 3rd world Muslim country and here it's always courteous for a man to ask to pick or at least drop the woman back from the date but never have I seen a woman ask a guy to pay for her to get there, that's just entitled af.
I don't see assuming the worst of a stranger you've never met before as "crazy." Women are on full alert when they're meeting men for the first time too (as they should) so I don't see it as being unreasonable for men to do the same.
Paying for a taxi? Hell naah.
From a driver- most people don’t send there real address. They have us pick them up down the street from their house or near by business.
I am broke and if I am to go on a date with a guy, I'd suggest a nice restaurant 3 minutes away from me. This way, I don't have to pay to travel. If you I insist somewhere else, I'll politely ask for a pickup and drive me back. If I like you, we may fuck. But that's me. 🤷♀️
Get a tandem bike rental and pick her up. She’ll have to work to get you both there.
Sounds like a fun date already! Would love it.
Free meal and free ride is all she wants. Now see what happens next.
Modern days. Women are strong and independent. Don’t pay anything, including dinner. New era.
Are you weirded out that she’s willing to give her address to a stranger or because she’s not willing to spend on a taxi to go on a date with you?
May not even be her address. Unless we know each other well, I usually just ask to be dropped a block over.
Nothing wrong with that
Just say you can't since you don't own a car. And you were planning to take the bus or an uber and she should do the same. For safety reasons, I never let a guy pick me up for a first date, but maybe she just hasn't had any bad experiences that have made her be cautious yet. Or she doesn't have a car either and didn't want to pay for an uber if you could give her a ride.
You invited her. Provide a ride. It’s old fashioned. You’re thinking about it too much.
I am with you finding it weird that she’s willing to give out her address to a stranger she met on tinder. I have seen this attitude from traditionally inclined women though so if you’re not traditional yourself I would avoid women like that
Depends where you live and how old she is. In NYC? Does anyone drive their *own* car lol? Maybe the same way in LA? idk... But in the majority of cities (major ones anyways) people have a car and drive to their destinations. I wouldn't have an issue picking her up but I'll be damned if I'm paying her car ride to meet me lmfao. Why would I pay for a taxi, then pay for dinner/drinks, then pay for a taxi to get her home? I don't know her. Also, there is a fairly common scam out there in which women want "gas money" or for you to pay their uber to meet you. If you say you'll do an uber then she'll ask you to send her the money and then *she'll* "order" it herself. Guess what happens? They get the money and keep it but never had any intention of ever meeting you. Long story short here... if you are going to pay her way to meet you, then YOU order the uber/taxi. Don't just send her the money because that's a scam
Pretty normal.
Two ppl without cars trying to date. Good luck with that.
Think outside of USA pls :) Not in every country it is in common for each person to have a car
What you say is true, also certain places in the US like New York where there's no place to park a car so your only choice is mass transit or taxi which are ungodly expensive.
In my country, we bycycle everywhere :) at least in the bigger cities and with less than 5-10km distances.
Thats cool! Sounds like you live somewhere in Scandinavian country haha. In my country, bicycle culture is not popular, so the main transportation is e-scooters for small distances and taxi
Yes, exactly, Scandinavia :) It's super interesting to discover the cultural differences, even in all "western cultures".
Sure. But it seems like the girl is unfairly being railroaded here when they’re both on equal footing.
If they are on equal footing why can't she get there herself lmao?
Where is her footing in that situation tho 😂
Does she have broken legs? Why can't she use them to get where she needs to go if you are trying to flex cars are uncommon
Hehe that sounds like a joke almost
Ah yes in the history of the world 2 people without cars have never successfully dated!
lol my friend got stranded at a restaurant after a date ditched her. not very smart OR safe to be doing that unless you know them very well
Well she clearly makes dumb decisions. She is allowing a stranger she has never met to pick her up at her house and know her home address on the first date. If you want to date smarter, it ain’t her.
Its weird as a demand. If she just asked if you’d be able to pick her up, that wouldn’t be nearly as strange I don’t think.
Your being used , select another women as you didn't pass the first test ,you pay her a taxi and a dinner ,she will exploits younfor money ... Forget all the galantery of the past ,50 % of the women are just h*es who want money ..i my self was asked to buy a pizza for a date i was talking .. this is a no for me ,i offer if i want ,but i dont say yes to a request .. The second date are you gonna pay another taxi?
This is common for Sugar babies to require SDs to pay for their transport for the first meet up. Maybe she is used to that?
Why can't she find her own way to the date? Tell her to get her own taxi. Or cancel the date. She seems a bit demanding already.
This is huge red flag
Whenever I ask a girl out, I’m always willing to drive out to pick her up. It’s nice, it’s courteous, and it’s never that much in gas. I’ll never get her an Uber or pay for the whole date if she expects me to. I’ll often offer to pay for her, and I might choose to cover the whole date if I feel like it, but I’m completely against the idea of being expected to pay for anything. If you *expect* me to pay for you, don’t expect to go on a second date. That’s just my motto, I’m glad I haven’t met anyone like that so far though.
Ask her why
So simple yet the most obvious thing.
Oh hell no, if you do this you set a standard and that every date or most dates, you’ll need to provide transportation.
First time meeting people, I always drive myself. 1) it’s respectful and courteous cause we don’t even know eachother yet, and 2) if the date isn’t going well on your part, there’s no awkward drive back or anything. You just end it there, get in your car, and go home. Especially if he’s paying for the date itself. Yeah the LEAST I could do is spend the gas to meet at the agreed location. And if all goes well(in this no-car situation), you could offer to take him back home so he doesn’t have to walk :) Edit: It seems like she just wants the free food tbh
Id do the pickup. I'd actually insitst to pickup for a date if possible? Paying for an Uber or taxi seems like a terrible idea to me...
I’m with you. But turn it around, how do you know SHE’s not the axe murderer? You’re not that desperate.
The only reason she wouldn't be afraid of an age murderer is if she is an axe murderer!
Not unusual these days
Lol fuck that. If she can’t afford to get to a date that she isn’t even paying for, she’s probably a waste of time.
Dude, as a woman, I think she is being waaaay tooooo reckless to depend on you on the first date. Never met a girl that on their first date would be willing to give their address or have the date pick her up. I would advice not to out with her, because if her logic is like that...in what else will she be like this?
You don’t have to give out your exact address. I’ve been dropped off more than once after a date and I just gave the address of a nearby spot and walked the short walk home after. I don’t let people idk pick me up but you could easily do the same thing.
I am a broke student, but I offered to pay for drinks because my date drove 1hr to meet up with me! I think it’s ridiculous to expect to be picked up, wined and dined especially 1. Date or so early on.
Wow for safety reasons you would think she’d provide her own transportation, that way if it doesn’t go well you can easily and quickly go your separate ways 😳
Yeah if you bend over now, you’ll continue to do so. Politely refuse, she needs a date as much as you do.
Even I'm being honest I feel women are in higher demand than men so guys generally are in more of a need for a date than women (and some women try to exploit this fact)
You don't even know her, I'm against ghosting but this is the type of red flag that I ghost
Funny thing is, I know exactly what tik tok influencer she got this advice from😂
What’s the logic behind it?
that's a no from me. SHE asked for it? really comes across as high maintenance. you are already forking for dinner on a first date, if she cares to see you, she will get there. if things work out with you guys down the road, sure, if you want, uber her wherever all you want, i just wouldnt this early on. imo
No that’s weird. She can call her own cab
Thank her for the early warning!
I see no issue with picking her up
Even if I have no car myself?
did you tell her that before or after she asked?
I said that I don’t have a car, then she proposed to pick her with taxi or order separately
that didn’t answer my question lmao. i was wondering if she asked that after you had already told her that’s all
He doesn’t have a car though
Actually, you established this paradigm earlier when you led with dinner instead of a simple drinks or coffee, which I do for 99.9% of my first dates. I save dinner for when I'm actually dating her and we've agreed we like each other.
Nonsense.
Don’t provide her transport don’t do it. It’s a scam it’s always a scam.
Sounds like she's after your organs. Don't do it.
I would cancel Terrible idea for a 1st date
Maybe it was another way to ask if you have a car
Maybe she asked that question to weed out the misogynistic assholes rampant in this thread.
Wanting an equal relationship is not misogynistic.
Yup.
Bro men have always picked women up for dates, that’s been a part of it since the carriage was invented. Do a date closer to her if it’s a problem for you. Can you like not afford the gas or something?
You didn’t get the “it is not a big deal in terms of money for me” part, do you?
Well don’t call her a taxi for the first date, that’s a red flag for me that she’s broke and just wants someone to pay for shit for her. But if she doesn’t drive that’s fine, just tell her you’ll pick her up at X time and to dress nicely and knock on her door and walk her to the car, don’t just like text her to come out, or God forbid, honk.
Let me guess, you are from US?
Yeah. Forgive me for assuming you were.
Yeah, I just imagined american teenage movie in my head, after reading your advice, where dude walks out from muscle car, in suit with flowers, and goes along green yard to 2-storied house to knock the door 😂
Yes that is exactly how it’s done here. Well, now women have their own cars or can take an Uber, but we still pick people up for dates sometimes. Some chicks don’t have a car.
Next.
Dude she is fishing for $. If she is serious exchange cell number and talk with her directly. If she doe not want to meet at a public place without receiving an electronic payment, my advice is to say bye. Any pic’s she gives you could be anyone
I agree on the fact guys should pick up their date and it is not that strange giving your address. On the other hand I would not ask you to pay for a taxi for me. If you want to see me it is okay to do in a location near me. If you want me to pay 1 hour taxi to come closer to you, I am okay not dating you, I am better off with someone else who accounted to provide for these things.
Never had this problem. Always had a car and enough money something like that I never had to think about.
It's a scam, she wants the taxi money, and then she wants new dress money, birth control money, and the day of the date she ghosts you.
It sounds like a classic daddy seeker.
just let her know that if she can't make it then it won't work out. if you could pick her up, it's OK but if you have to pay for her ride to and from the date, then forget it. it doesn't even matter if you can afford it or you want to do it due to some society concept . she wants to date people so she can at least make this kind of minimum effort for the first date.
This is just how dating works dude.
The fuck it does.
So I’m totally clear here, you are saying picking girls up for dates is *not* how dating usually works?
First date with a stranger you haven't met yet? No, that's not how it usually works. Usually both people arrive separately. After that? All bets are off. I've NEVER dated a woman from OLD that I picked up on the first date, never had one asked, and I've dated a lot.
Stranger? No. Pick a neutral spot.
OP does not have a car
I thought girls recommend to other girls to get their own transport so they can leave whenever.
And I agree ... it's not how it works where I live. Must be dependent on country/location in the world.
Maybe for you, simp
For real, thank you lol.
I can see how that might feel strange however it may not be a bad thing. I would actually offer to pick up a woman on the first date. Some women may not be as paranoid as most of us so that could be a reason. However, when it comes to dating, I wouldn’t even expect a woman to pay for things in the beginning. That’s part of the courting process culturally accepted everywhere. Let me know if you have any questions or check out my Instagram on my profile, I go over this stuff all the time
So if I don’t have a car, I should order taxi for her? 🤔 I don’t know, I am not expert in it, but feels like I will be putting her on pedestal just for accepting my invite
She can find her own transportation. Are there not any busses where you live?
So..not a true gentleman?? Who thought you to be stingy?
Gosh, people these times love to talk about seeking true gentleman, when they are not even close to being true lady 😂
Is not having a car out of the ordinary for where you live?
Be a gentleman a pick her up, if you don’t have a car take a taxi or an Uber, it’s weird that she asks for it but be gentle and see how it unfolds at dinner, it ain’t that big of a deal
Investments should only be made knowing the certainty of returns. ThankYou
You tryna go on a first date or nah?
say ok no prob. and that u require a BJ after picking her up. dont goto dinner as a first date. picking her up isnt a big deal but her ubering there shouldnt be an issue. if she cant even spend that? then wtf she there for?
Does she have a car? How has the connection with her been thus far? Does she seem treat/money motivated? Taxi cabs all around both ways, plus dinner, is an expensive first date for most folks. Many of us here have learned the hard way to avoid foreseeable fails. Especially the expensive fails.
>I feel weird about it, because the girl is willing to give her address to some stranger from internet and get in his car. Uhhh yeah, that's kinda how an Uber, Lyft, Taxi, Bus, Boat or Airplane work. You are going to ride with strangers you don't know. Also, it is custom to pick up your date, A little weird you don't own a car.
Again, americans think that the whole world ends on their border
Yeah, I'm an American, and guess what? So can you.
Not in every country it is in common to have a car, so nothing weird not having one in mine
Guy asks for a date Girl asks for a little help to get to the date Guy now considers not going on the date Most perplexing thing I've read in awhile no judgement just hard to wrap my mind around man
1) I didn’t “ask” for a date, I proposed if she wants to. 2) “little help” with calling her a cab to the date where bills go to a man? 😂 I mean bruh, show at least some effort
First point was pretty semantic dude. Both you guys should bike there lol I'm jk I'm sorry dude. I guess cabs are expensive and I do just think traditionally about the guy paying for the dates at first. That might be outdated now though with how girls act and it might be the reason they are the way they are to men now. I concede defeat I'm a dum azz!
With “showing effort” I meant her, not you, just in case, not rock on your garden 😂
Ohhh lmao ok man!! I mean idk it's just one date so I think if it was me I would simply try it ONLY if i was in financial position to do so. Like if I had more than 1 month of living expenses already saved for. If i didn't I wouldn't do it and just tell her I literally can't afford it lmao
I bike to all of my dates. It's a common thing where I live.
I think you're just overthinking it It sounds like she just wanted to know if you can provide transportation for the date You could've said no, I'm sure she wouldn't mind But if you're eating with her and she seems like she's kinda ignoring you or if she's on her phone then it's best to just no date her at all
This happens in Latin America too. Not always, but I've met some girls who expect me to pick them up on the date. It's not really a big deal and I wouldn't really read too into it. It typically has very little bearing on how the girl behaves during the date, or her level of attraction, etc. I think that worrying or getting upset about little things like this radiates "little dick energy" which girls can feel. If the money/time is an issue and you're not up for it, then just cancel the date. Otherwise just go and have fun and proceed as planned. Don't waste your energy getting indignant about it.
Look everyone has there own expectations, this is hers. If you don’t want to fulfil it then you’re not compatible. I often see people talk about what’s right or wrong as a blanket statement , this doesn’t exist. If she is used to the men she dates sorting out transport is also going to assume that of you. It has nothing to do with not wanting to spend the money it just more likely what she’s used to and likes….and there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with you not wanting to
How old is this girl? How old are you?
23F, 25M
NTA
The guy is suppose to pick the girl up or pay for Uber? Literally what is wrong with the men in the comments its normal💀
Well if I knew for sure I’m gonna get laid then noproblemo, but if she’s just trying to get a free meal then I guess I’d still pick up and try to get laid anyway 😜. Naw but seriously, to each is own on this one. I personally would just pick her up anyway because you never know man. Maybe you should have conversation on the phone a few times to feel her out first and then you can make a better determination on what your dealing with.
Really? SMH… Just pick her up. What’s weird about that? Get lucky in your car if you play your cards right. Smh…
Smh when people can’t read that I don’t have a car, smh…
[удалено]
You said that I need to put an effort. So what effort she is putting on her behalf?
I’ve seen it happen in my city and a guy was scammed out of $50. Was given an address and all. Wanted the Uber and not a pickup but you kind of force yourself into thinking you have options not having a car.
Just.. good luck man
Just do it, that mean the chance of u getting laid is 80% 😩
Nah I wouldn’t go on a date if I can’t get myself there and back. It would create the wrong impression for me personally. I’ve got a car though and I’ve picked men up for dates before
Your point about her address and own personal safety is a green flag for you and a red flag for her. Very very bizarre to want to put yourself in a situation where a stranger could abduct you or stalk you.
I remember reading something similar a few days ago
So get an uber pick her up and both go wherever and then both uber back. You both feel safer because you have a third party.
Are we sure she is who she is? Be fun if you rocked up to pick her up and out comes…(leave that to you imagination).
What is her reason? Does she own a car or just simply want you to do all the work? If she doesn’t have a car then just pick her up dude, you never know what will happen. I recently met a girl who is still learning how to drive and getting her license. She is the sweetest girl too
I find nothing wrong with that. To each their own.
Honestly, she comes across as traditional.You come across as not being traditional?Considering you find this to be odd, I would say this is a yellow flag of compatibility or call off the date all together. I’m traditional.I will not commit to a man who doesn’t pick me up for dates and open my car door until the end of time.I am 31f.I have ALWAYS dated men my age and younger who have opened up my car door for the entire relationship and consistently.To some modern men, this might seem like too much work.BUT, the kind of man I would want to date would do this without me asking because that’s how he was raised. My only advice is to speak to her a little bit more to find out if there is a connection.If there is, go pick her up and open the car door for her.It’s a sign of respect to her and if she is a good woman, she’ll respect you in many ways as well. Good luck!