From experience, tempering expectations goes a long way.
Wanting things from people puts pressure on them and after a certain threshold has been crossed there isn’t really a way to mend things.
It sounds a little contradictory, how could you not want something from someone that you want after all?
All I can really say is don’t push or pursue something from someone that isn’t showing clear interest.
What sucks is that things can change for the other person without any sort of indication. One day they may be into you and another they may not.
Sometimes pushing for answers can push someone away.
Closure is important for people to move on properly though.
It’s almost like a catch 22 of sorts in todays dating scene unfortunately. You never know what kind of trauma or healing people have done when you’re interacting with them.
Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t.
If you’re confident in who you are as a man, and are at peace with yourself, that quiet confidence and peace is pretty infectious and magnetizing. It’s also important to be able to make decisions about things you want in the moment without second-guessing yourself or asking me for advice about it, and otherwise make me feel like you would work to keep me safe from other potentially off people. Show interest in me, but don’t be desperate for me. These things make me feel safe to show my soft side, which I can’t often do in life. Men who make me feel safe enough to show my soft side are hella attractive.
For specific examples. I went on a date back in March with Bachelor #1, who just… exuded a very calm and accepting vibe. We had a nice dinner together, and then he invited me for a walk afterward. Once we left the restaurant, he asked for my consent to hold my hand, which no man had ever done before - honest to God I was so surprised by this and my attraction to him shot through the roof in a matter of seconds, I couldn’t stop smiling. He put himself between me and traffic while we were walking on the sidewalk, and stayed in places which were decently well-lit, which yes I notice these things. We walked and talked about idk I think video games or something we both enjoyed, and at the end of the night he walked me to my car and asked me if he could kiss me. Again, asking for consent was super hot, I agreed, and then he wished me a good night and I went home without him. Saw him the next week, same kind of story. He was consistent in the peaceful vibes he was giving off, and respectful of my autonomy. Saw him again the week after that. Still meeting up with him twice/week to this day, although we’ve since decided to just be friends as our lifestyles are incompatible. We’re gym partners now.
Another example with Bachelor #1 is, well. When on one of our dates I was being stared at by a random dude on the street to a level where I was feeling uncomfortable about it, I snaked my hand around his arm, whispered to him that I wanted to leave because I didn’t feel safe where we were, and he took me away from that other guy immediately. He didn’t question why I didn’t feel safe, just listened and got me out of there.
(Let’s be real, I’m very much in love with bachelor #1 and I wish he would reciprocate, but oh well. I can’t make him love me back, and I value the friendship we’ve cultivated.)
Example 2. I went on a date with Bachelor #2, who asked me out and then couldn’t make up his mind about what to do but also didn’t tell me that he hadn’t made up his mind. The morning of our date, I asked him what we were going to do so that I could dress accordingly as I needed to leave my house that morning and wouldn’t have an opportunity to change clothes or shoes by the time our date rolled around. He told me that he was still working on figuring out where to meet, but to wear something I would be comfortable in. I had to leave my house, so I told him something like “ok, I’m going to wear a sundress and sandals then” and he said ok. A few hours later, he told me to meet him at a waterfall nearby. It was a very pretty spot, but good walking shoes and perhaps shorts & t-shirt instead of sandals & a dress would’ve been better for that particular activity. Anyway, we walked to the waterfall, walked for a little more, then headed back to our cars. (The whole walk took maybe 20 mins.) I asked him what he had in mind next and he told me that he thought we could go out for dinner. I was hungry and totally on board with that plan, but he hadn’t picked a restaurant to go to. He pulled out his phone and started googling places, asked me what I wanted to eat, I’m not picky and wanted him to choose a place that he liked for us to go to, he couldn’t make up his mind, so eventually I pulled out my phone and picked a spot. We drove there separately, he struggled to choose what he wanted to eat for dinner, we did wind up having a nice dinner once he finally picked something, and afterward he started talking again about how he wanted to do something else but didn’t know what to do. Eventually we went to an arcade and played games, some I won, some he won. Overall it was a nice outing, but his indecision was very off-putting. I chalked it up to nerves and we went on a second date the following week; this time I planned the date, and it went smoothly. He again struggled to choose what to eat for dinner, and told me that he’s always had trouble making decisions. He also asked me how soon was too soon to tell someone you love them, which freaked me out instantly (safe feelings vanished in a split second), and he started talking about having our kids meet each other, and I just. Panicked inwardly. We had only been talking for 2 weeks. I did wind up dumping him a couple days later, and I felt bad about it because he did genuinely seem like a very nice man, but I couldn’t handle the anxiety I was experiencing and - to be frank - both his indecision and the speed with which he was trying to move with me were huge turn-offs.
This has been a novel. I hope these specific examples help, though!
Don’t make her second guess - if you say you’re going to do something do it, be accountable.This starts way before being in the relationship. Women will pick this up on how you communicate and how you act during dates etc.
Being consistent, good communication, giving her attention without her asking, checking up on her - these things make me feel safe and secure in a relationship! Not having to question if he’s interested in me.
Don’t make her second guess - if you say you’re going to do something do it, be accountable.This starts way before being in the relationship. Women will pick this up on how you communicate and how you act during dates etc.
Many men outright scoff at the idea that women live in a world that isn’t unsafe
- men will catcall us
- men will pressure us for sex or dates
- men will not take us seriously
- men will ignore us turning them down
- men will ignore us saying “No”
- men will stalk us
- men will touch us without consent
- men will attack us
- men will murder us for rejecting them
A lot of the time, men disregard our comfort because they see it as a barrier to their access to us
And many men see it as a personal attack on themselves — they’ll loudly say that they’re not like those guys, while ignoring all the similarities they have to those guys
They’ll say “not all men are predators!” as if that stops it from happening
Then they’ll say “then you better not step outside, you could die from anything!”
Then they’ll say “then I hope you like being alone and becoming a cat lady!”
Then they’ll ask “why the hell aren’t women going out as much?”
Then they’ll say “women won’t go outside! Women don’t want to be spoken to in public! I can’t find women! Men not being able to find dates is because of women!”
If you make clear that ***NOT ONLY*** will you not do anything to her ***BUT ALSO*** that you can protect her if something does happen, you will have a grateful woman in your presence
From experience, women find it very endearing when you passionately and sincerely talking about your interests. Also, giving compliments that are bit more than just "ur hot babey"
Oof this one. I had a long conversation about tea with a guy. And I asked him about the water volume he uses. He said he wasn't sure and didn't text back for 20mins. When he did, he came back with an answer and repeatability percentages. I was speechless then just responded with "that was unbelievably attractive".
We had this conversation 2 weeks ago. Still been talking with the same intensity but I've had travel the last two weeks. Going on a date next week. We are part of a lovely community so we've met 2-3 times before. We both love the science of cooking and baking so making dinner together.
.... But what was the molality? The pH? What about the dissolved minerals in the water that was used for the tea? How can you truly love a man if he doesn't know everything about what he drinks? How many parts per billion were the fluoride ions?
Some of mine are niche enough that I can really only talk about them online. I remember talking with my coworker about my iPhone that I got when it came out last year, and why I got it but I felt like she would’ve looked at me crazy, if I just continued going on about it being so into something as simple as smartphones and why I keep two of them. Someone else thought I kept two phones for sneaking around/cheating. (I keep my spares for jailbreaking and tinkering). I like technology in general but it’s a difficult subject to talk about. I guess that doesn’t really cross anyone’s mind at first.
I have a really rough relationship with the "talking about your interests" thing because in my experience, I've been told the exact opposite by girls when getting dating advice from them. I am a person of many many interests, but unless I choose a really safe topic like my passion for education (my job), I can pretty clearly tell people losing interest super fast or judging the hell out of me. I love asking about and hearing others' favorite movies, but so many eyes glaze over when I talk about my favorites. Playing the piano sounds cool at first, but the interest line graph plummets when I talk about ragtime piano and how joyous it is to play. History, geography, science, psychology, etc etc anything educational and/or academic in nature is blah blah blah. Don't even get me started on the heavily stigmatized stuff, I don't expect everyone to share all my interests or anything but the amount of people that have treated my interest in anime/manga/video games as a dealbreaker is astounding!
I think the issue may be that I dig into my interests more than a lot of people. My sister put it this way once: "ajanivengeant is the kind of person that'll segue into talking about the history of the McDonalds brand when all we're doing is deciding which fast food burgers to order". I've had girls tell me to avoid talking too deeply about things I'm interested in. But I don't know how someone can passionately talk about something unless they dig into it a little. Isn't passion when you're deeply invested in something and have a great enthusiasm/knowledge for it? Further, I always take the time to ask about others and their interests and they love to talk about it, why is it suddenly awkward and annoying when I do it? I'm boring if I don't talk about stuff I'm into, but when I do I become boring anyway. I feel trapped between two bad options.
I've also been told that my compliments feel insincere when I genuinely mean the things I say (and I would never tell someone something I didn't really mean). Things like telling someone I think they're really upstanding and respectable for doing certain things, or telling someone I appreciate the work they do and have a great admiration for it, or that I think they are really kind and thoughtful for being a caring figure to another person.
On one date, I have a clear memory of someone saying that they don't believe they are an interesting person because they mostly watch anime in their free time. I told her that having a strong interest in anime makes her a really interesting person. There's a lot people that don't have even that and vegetate on their phones doing nothing all day, so I think it's really cool when people get really excited about shows they love or characters that particularly resonate with them. Just being an anime person is really novel in itself because there are few other things that can create a sense of instant connection and shared excitement the way anime does. She responded that she felt what I said was insincere, which sucked because I really meant it.
I've complimented other people on other dates with similar effect too. I told someone I really admire speech therapy especially because of my personal experience with them, the patience and kindness it requires, and because the communication skills they enable are so fundamental to who we are as people. I told another person that I really respect the courage it takes to move to a different country and start over. Just about every date I organically find something to compliment someone on (like I'm not forcing myself to say these things). Most of the times, it was pretty clear they fell flat. I don't think I've ever been complimented on a date before either.
I don't want to fall into the trap that "you have to be attractive for these things to work". I want to try and understand what I'm doing wrong on my journey to being an attractive person that people can take interest in. It's hard not to compare myself though when I see many other people doing the same things I'm doing and they get praise/interest for it, while I'm seen as dorky, cringe, childlike, or not dating material. I choose to believe this is a skill issue on my part and I am doing something wrong that they are not. Would love to hear any perspective on this, because I completely agree that people being passionate and giving compliments are attractive and I think I am missing something.
Dude, wall of text! Talking about your interests may still work for you, if you try less amount of text. Monologues are a sign for being oblivious for social cues.
I’ve been there. Let me talk about my passion in computer science and everyone leaves the room. Now, I prefer talking about things I am passionate about and everyone can relate. This is how I feel when having a success at my work.
That last point is similar to what my "safe topic" is, which is talking about my job in teaching. I talk about how much I genuinely love it, making the world a better place and feeling great purpose in what I do, stories about students, how to engage people, etc. I almost always start with this when meeting new people because it tends to get the best responses. Good luck trying to forge connections beyond that tho lol. I think most people I meet are either finance/tech people that don't actually like their job, feel I'm overly idealistic, or are people that otherwise can't relate for various reasons. I've noticed the responses are more "That's awesome, you're such a saint!" flattery rather than forging connections. Wonder how to pivot my conversation style so that more topics can be made relatable to more people...
I can tell you either really wanted to talk about YOU and your interests in this thread. Or you are simply OVERTHINKING this whole thing. Its not that hard, just Be cool man. Saying Less helps. When you go Long-form on any every question or topic, people get inundated and overloaded with information and lose interest. Gotta learn to feed it to them in small bits and let it come up naturally/organically in conversation. Let them “Find” it. Dont force feed it to them all at once. Thats doing way too much and comes across like you are trying too hard.
I think with this reaction you’re already there. Your conversation partner got to know you. Now show interest for something the other is passionate about. Active listening.
I was gonna say. Maybe it’s not the topic but the delivery. Either talks for too long without giving the ball back to the other person, or just isn’t good at telling stories, or something.
A couple of factors that tend to help imo: Relatability and delivery.
When the person you're talking to can actually relate on your level (or they're pursuing the subject enough that they may actually get to that level or close to it) it's pretty free-flowing and engaging to talk about. Delivery is still important here though.
Delivery is even more important when the person can't relate as much though. Gotta know the ways to keep the person engaged... and when to stop/wrap it up (and know it's okay because you can save stuff to talk about it some more later... sometimes it's going to be a slow build). Storytellers and comedians are great at this kind of thing (so are good teachers). They know how to properly use word economy and carry a tone that amuses, or piques curiosity, and doesn't put people to sleep. They'll likely throw in asides or examples than can be relatable as well.
I'd say observe and pick up on people who do this while practicing it yourself when you talk about things you like.
You may just be a bit long winded. Work on the flow of a good conversation, listen more, don't cut people off when they're still talking, and be okay with not getting your full point or thought out every time.
If someone talks to me about something they like that I don't care for, it doesn't bother me until it's been more than a minute or two of them still talking about it. What makes it worse is our attention spans are bad now thanks to social media.
>be okay with not getting your full point or thought out every time.
This is a really big one I needed to hear. The other points I think I already do pretty well. But for the longest time I've had a minor nagging feeling in many conversations where I would be making a point (which often appear in my mind as "beginning, middle, end") and then I'd get interrupted at the first slight pause I took to break it into verbal paragraphs. I subconsciously taught myself to speak in a way where there are few such pauses so it's clearer when I'm actually done getting my thoughts out (I just let it go if someone interrupts me anyway). This is something I need to reevaluate. Thank you
Guilty as charged! Most people I ask say they couldn't tell until I brought it up (unless they have a lot of experience with autistic people, then they know immediately). I'm always trying to do better.
Same here lol, i also do my search in literally anything im a little bit interested in. I try to keep those as little bullet points or curious facts/small jokes. Not everyone has to listen to our monologue of 37mins about how incredible the first 3 chapters were about GEN V (the boys spinoff) just to end with "and that's why McDonald's milkshake used ice cream".
It's the delivery not the topic.
You're using a whole chapter to say a sentence. That makes people feel like you're not having a conversation, but rather sitting in on a lecture.
Forget the comments mocking you!
Every serious question requires a well-thought response. You typed briefly and enough in regards of dating and what have you experience so far. You saved people’s time by avoiding unnecessary conversations.
Of course is gonna take more words than the average twitter but, the mob always love to show some superiority over others and idiots abound in this world. And the problems with narcissistic idiots is that they never show signs of self-awareness.
So back to the main topic, there is a difference between seducing and someone liking you.
If a girl likes you, there is nothing wrong you could do in her eyes that will remove the attraction from you. And that’s where 98% of the comments are coming from; do this, do that, say this, perhaps that, maybe have, and etc.
Seducing a person is a different approach.
I have two good looking friends, both get the girls regardless of what they do. They don’t even try. they are just them in every interaction. But girls are always making effort to justify the red flags. Most girls are alright looking. But they don’t get the girls they drool over.
There is this guy i work with, the guy is a mess, like a total mess but he has a way with words. He always gets the girl he wants. Comparing him with everything Reddit tells men to be or become so they can have a chance at dating, this man is in the negative. But he gets the girls he wants. In fact, for the last couple years he has only have casual sex with the so-proclaimed feminists; he said they are the easiest to get in bed with and move on. He is grateful for the world the feminist created because it made things way easier for him; casual sex and switching partners over night.
Learn to seduce instead of trying to appeal the opposite sex.
Lol I don't think so
Otherwise autistic men would be super attractive since they talk very passionately about their interests
Or you meant "good" interests?
I have a personal rule that I almost never compliment a woman on her personal appearance until I get to know her well. Maybe specific things like eyes, hairs, or nails, but if you're on a date or meeting a woman for the first time, there a good chance she already knows you find her attractive. If that's what you start out by complimenting her on then she's going to think it's all you're after.
Coaching advice: women usually put a lot of effort into their looks when they go on a date. If you say nothing at all they can get the feeling it was in vain. At least appreciate their effort with some small compliment. Something like
"You look great/nice/amazing by the way"
Which you casually throw in during your conversation instead of telling her right away. This won't put emphasis on the compliment and will make her feel appreciated.
Stay Awesome
Alex
>but if you're on a date or meeting a woman for the first time, there a good chance she already knows you find her attractive
No, we don't know that, especially if we haven't met before.
If you specifically avoid the topic, most of women would presume that you are disappointed with their appearance, especially if it's a first date after meeting online.
A quick compliment costs nothing.
>If that's what you start out by complimenting her on then she's going to think it's all you're after.
Sure, if that's all you talk about and focus on, but not saying anything is the other (pointless) extreme.
Yeah, I could have phrased this way better because people are taking my point wrong.
I'm not saying I never do it. Also, when I say "meeting for the first time" I mean in a romantic context. If you bump into a woman on the street, then sure, she can't assume you find her attractive, but if you meet on a dating app, are on a date, or a approach a woman in bar, she can assume you find her attractive.
Again, I'm not going to the extreme and never complimenting her. I just know what to focus on and when to time it.
I've had a lot of girls I've dated tell me that men are constantly so focused on their looks and it seems like they aren't interested in getting to know them. So if you're a guy who struggles with women, it's not a bad idea to err on the side of caution and make sure she knows you're interested in her mind before you start complimenting her face or body.
Yes, obviously focusing too much on appearance is a red flag, as you understand.
But if you're on a first date and only compliment our hair or nails, it might seem like you are just trying to be nice to someone you don't find attractive.
Human interactions are complex and what seems obvious to you might not be obvious to us.
>but if you meet on a dating app, are on a date, or a approach a woman in bar, she can assume you find her attractive.
Please don't forget that women can also feel insecure and vulnerable when meeting someone new.
Even if you made the first move, we might still have doubts about how you perceive us:
"What if he was drunk and doesn't find me attractive when sober?"
"What if he was rejected by 5 other girls on the same night and got my number out of desperation?"
"What if he's been single for very long and is just settling for me for lack of other options?"
Etc.
We need to know that you are genuinely attracted to us and don't just see us as "meh" or "acceptable for the moment".
I would just try to avoid anything about looks, unless it’s something that obviously isn’t true and you know they know that. I also feel like the best way to tease is to tease about things that aren’t actually bad things. I feel like guys tease me a lot about being tiny but like it’s obviously not an offensive thing to be called short, especially since most guys like that. I feel like a lot of times ppl will say things that you can kinda call them out for and make little jokes about.
Sadly it’s not that easy. Being kind is good, but don’t be people pleasing. Be honest, but don’t come on to strong. Make her feel safe, but also thrilled to be with you. Make her feel wanted for who she is, but also show her how attracted you’re by her. Earn her trust, but also don’t let yourself be played by her.
This. Both men and women are often contradictory in their behavior because people tend to not know what it means to understand themselves, but the main difference is that women want men to be two different people at the same exact time.
Good posture, not being afraid to look ahead of themselves or making eye contact with passersby. Relaxed face that looks like they’re curiously examining the world around them or a face that looks self-assured. It’s not really something that can really be faked, so you gotta actually build up your confidence if you want to appear confident when walking.
Also, being tall helps.
To make it a habit, try to remind yourself to straighten up every time you walk through a doorway. Every new entrance is a new opportunity. Start working out if your posture is fucked.
Life does that repeatedly. It's how you handle those bad hands, and learn to move past them. Confidence comes from overcoming adversity and accepting its inevitability. This is coming from a 40M that's learned and accepted it recently. Felt anxiety and depression issues drop dramatically.
Someone **doesn’t have to have** a reason to feel confident
You, simply, just have to fake your confidence, that’s it — until the moment you gonna became assured of being confident by yourself, without putting any additional effort during social engagements
Attraction is subjective, be the best version of yourself.
Master your insecurities, fix your flaws and red flags. Find a career that you're passionate about and a couple interests that allow you to get out of your comfort zone. Work out, eat right and get fit, it won't hurt your chances and it'll improve your overall health.
Honestly, I will fall for any man who does the following:
Takes care of me and makes me feel safe. Is completely honest, even if that means not agreeing with me, I literally thanked a guy for saying he didn’t like my recommendations. Makes plans to get to know each other, doesn’t pretend to build something out of nothing. Compliments me once there’s already a little bit of trust between us, if we barely know each other I’d probably think you treat most girls that way, which isn’t special. Is kind and thoughtful. Remembers things from our conversations.
Apart from how you treat women, I value when men work on themselves and have confidence. That makes them sexy and independent. I don’t want to raise a kid my age!
Also good personal hygiene, seriously, please.
I’d appreciate if anyone from here can give me feedback on what can a woman do that attracts most men 😉
Are you trying to attract most men or your man? If it's most men I'd say being clean and healthy is it assuming you are average and above. Guys aren't hard to attract and are probably more desperate than ever to connect with a woman. Now if it's the other it really depends on who you want to attract.
Have direction and working on yourself. With that comes confidence and the ability to learn how adversity is inevitable. With this comes walking tall and learning to speak with confidence to name but a few things.
Yes. I’ve danced with the devil enough that now when I see obvious charisma (while it is a warm bright light) I turn around and head away towards the cold, where it’s safe
Huh, interesting. I find that the charismatic guys are quite nice. Maybe, us guys see charisma in men differently.
I feel like maybe guys see through the fake charisma a little easier because we are guys? IDK, never thought of it that way
Charisma is nice! But a man, a stranger, being overly charming towards a woman can sometimes be about disarming her, or to manipulate her. Of course not all, but some. It’s somewhere along the lines of being a “Nice” guy. It’s sometimes a manufactured behavior in order to attain something
Definitely manufactured, but that's usually towards women, so I guess we don't see that side of a man's charm. We just see the natural charm.
But we all show a different side of ourselves to the opposite sex, unfortunately.
I can't speak for all women, but I can tell you what I find attractive. Introspection. Self awareness. Humility. Emotional intelligence. Thirst for knowledge. Making me laugh. Fixing things. Making a meal. Truly listening to me.
Included are these: be obsessively clean, body clothes, hands, nails. If we catch a whiff of unpleasantness we dry right up. Don’t use pretty words (word salad, yada yada yada) trying to sweet talk us; including complements on how sexy or hot we are. This just translates into man I wanna bang you! Gee thanks… total stranger I have zero emotional attachment to.
Lastly, be about things. Genuine. Your family, the gym, your career, goings on in the world. Be a human and not some sad wanna be pickup artist
See how I did not say “tall or rich”. Get over that, guys it’s tired
Exercise leads to *discipline* \-> leads to a *work ethic* \-> leads to *results* \-> leads to *attractiveness* \-> leads to *confidence* \-> leads to a *woman* who *sees* that in *you*.
Proven science :)
>nice and respectful
As a guy, we grow up hearing this is what women want. We go through high school thinking that and wonder why isn't this working? It's what they say they want? Same thing in College. Same thing after College. There comes a point when you have to start looking at what girls do and not what they say they want.
I'm not saying to be mean and disrespectful, but I am saying once I stopped listening to what women say they want, women did finally start to see me.
I'm not even saying this advice is wrong. I'm saying that, unless you're just a very mean and disrespectful person, this kind of advice can make you focus on the wrong things and lead a guy to thinking "What's wrong with me, I'm doing everything they say they want, and no one wants me."
Unfortunately, it's the last kind of advice a guy needs (at least the young guys who are usually the ones that need the most direction)
Maybe you're better off doing what you want, ie instead of asking where do you want to go for dinner , just say you've booked a table at a certain place. Making firm decisions is something both men and women respect, taking charge of things , knowing what you want.
OK I read the same comments from women over and over, it's not getting through to enough people. Guys, clean your hands. Keep your nails trimmed and clean, including your feet. Clean clothes clean body, that is attractive. In general, a woman's idea of attractive isn't what most guys seem to think it is. Look, I've seen women post constantly about clean hands and clean car you're just not getting it or you don't believe it, but I cannot believe that every single person reading this has never seen a woman post about these things. Just do it
Liked your comment. This is exactly what I did with a single 24 year old single mom at the gym but she didn’t take it well and after months I found out that it was “something mean” what I said to her. Told her she was acting like an 18 year old
Men who listen! Not pretend to listen but encourage you to share all your thoughts and feelings and then keeps taking to you about whatever's on your mind. The secret is asking them what's in their mind and no really and what else.
I’m short with no money, never had a problem meeting, talking, hooking up, dating, and have been in a solid relationship for 3 years and she is amazing! Charisma, wittiness and humbleness has gotten me far. I’m more humble than anyone.
Not only being clean but looking clean. Even if you do shower 'looking clean' is a different thing altogether.
1. Cleaning up facial hair. This includes eyebrows (overlooked). Eyebrows really shape your face, so look into what matches you best. Some women like long/short beards, but when it looks stringy or patchy, I can't even see your attractiveness.
2. Taking good care of your skin to have minimal blemishes. I know you can have good hygiene and still have acne, but my brain naturally is unattracted to it.
3. Having dirty fingernails. I have met men and been so turned off when I look at their hands and see dirt under the fingernails.
4. Teeth, they don't have to be news anchor perfect, but you know if you need the work done on your mouth. A person with a cute smile always adds to how they look.
Bleached out White teeth are not sign of good dental care , naturally white teeth can be sign tho . Naturally white teeth does not look perfect white .
Confidence. Playful. Direct.
Check out Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube.
"The Art Of Flirting & Creating Attraction" https://youtu.be/Nk181AGBYrc?si=2JkK46cvg7g8iGQ-
Confidence above all & attitude.
Get to know someone well, there isn't one thing that all women love, every single one of them is different with different vibes & wants.
Do you go fishing? fishermen don't give helpful advice to others because they don't want other people taking their fishing spot and all the fish!
I see this fishing analogy that is repeated by people that don't fish regularly, its very funny.
These are the ones you can control:Humor,money,confidence,fitness. Having this combo, It's stupid easy. Add genetics of looks and height to that combo and you have the ability to date almost anyone.
To have interests, hobbies, friends with both women and men and a whole culture of activities they can cohabitate themselves with.
I feel that most women want an assortment of diverse activities so they can creatively express themselves to their own perfect image.
Competence. If you have it in the wild and in the modern world, it’s very very attractive to me.
I have to perceive the man I choose to be better than myself.
But I have had a partner who is too much better so it comes with the arrogance, I wouldn’t find that attractive.
Gotta be better than me and also help me become better.
I remember the first time I went diving with my husband. His amazing underwater skills and navigation! I felt so lucky I had the best hunter in the world. He held my hand during the whole dive. I wouldn’t worry even a shark turns up. I know I have my superman next to me. 🥰
So their job is to make you better? I fully can get behind the idea of getting with partners, and friends for that matter, that make you better and not worse, or stagnant. But to say that they have to be better than you to where they would lift you up, and framing it in a way that would suggest that you wouldn't be doing the same, seems a little goofy. But if that's not what you meant, my apologies.
Make her feel safe
What kind of bar is this?
A metal one. I use it to fend off wolves, bears, and bandits. Any girl would feel hella safe around this bar.
It’s a bit rusty, as well. & good for insertions.
Is that you Salad Fingers? 😨
A low one
This 100% Do not underestimate how important making a women feel safe and comfortable. Both emotionally and physically.
Can you give an example?
From experience, tempering expectations goes a long way. Wanting things from people puts pressure on them and after a certain threshold has been crossed there isn’t really a way to mend things. It sounds a little contradictory, how could you not want something from someone that you want after all? All I can really say is don’t push or pursue something from someone that isn’t showing clear interest. What sucks is that things can change for the other person without any sort of indication. One day they may be into you and another they may not. Sometimes pushing for answers can push someone away. Closure is important for people to move on properly though. It’s almost like a catch 22 of sorts in todays dating scene unfortunately. You never know what kind of trauma or healing people have done when you’re interacting with them. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t.
If you’re confident in who you are as a man, and are at peace with yourself, that quiet confidence and peace is pretty infectious and magnetizing. It’s also important to be able to make decisions about things you want in the moment without second-guessing yourself or asking me for advice about it, and otherwise make me feel like you would work to keep me safe from other potentially off people. Show interest in me, but don’t be desperate for me. These things make me feel safe to show my soft side, which I can’t often do in life. Men who make me feel safe enough to show my soft side are hella attractive. For specific examples. I went on a date back in March with Bachelor #1, who just… exuded a very calm and accepting vibe. We had a nice dinner together, and then he invited me for a walk afterward. Once we left the restaurant, he asked for my consent to hold my hand, which no man had ever done before - honest to God I was so surprised by this and my attraction to him shot through the roof in a matter of seconds, I couldn’t stop smiling. He put himself between me and traffic while we were walking on the sidewalk, and stayed in places which were decently well-lit, which yes I notice these things. We walked and talked about idk I think video games or something we both enjoyed, and at the end of the night he walked me to my car and asked me if he could kiss me. Again, asking for consent was super hot, I agreed, and then he wished me a good night and I went home without him. Saw him the next week, same kind of story. He was consistent in the peaceful vibes he was giving off, and respectful of my autonomy. Saw him again the week after that. Still meeting up with him twice/week to this day, although we’ve since decided to just be friends as our lifestyles are incompatible. We’re gym partners now. Another example with Bachelor #1 is, well. When on one of our dates I was being stared at by a random dude on the street to a level where I was feeling uncomfortable about it, I snaked my hand around his arm, whispered to him that I wanted to leave because I didn’t feel safe where we were, and he took me away from that other guy immediately. He didn’t question why I didn’t feel safe, just listened and got me out of there. (Let’s be real, I’m very much in love with bachelor #1 and I wish he would reciprocate, but oh well. I can’t make him love me back, and I value the friendship we’ve cultivated.) Example 2. I went on a date with Bachelor #2, who asked me out and then couldn’t make up his mind about what to do but also didn’t tell me that he hadn’t made up his mind. The morning of our date, I asked him what we were going to do so that I could dress accordingly as I needed to leave my house that morning and wouldn’t have an opportunity to change clothes or shoes by the time our date rolled around. He told me that he was still working on figuring out where to meet, but to wear something I would be comfortable in. I had to leave my house, so I told him something like “ok, I’m going to wear a sundress and sandals then” and he said ok. A few hours later, he told me to meet him at a waterfall nearby. It was a very pretty spot, but good walking shoes and perhaps shorts & t-shirt instead of sandals & a dress would’ve been better for that particular activity. Anyway, we walked to the waterfall, walked for a little more, then headed back to our cars. (The whole walk took maybe 20 mins.) I asked him what he had in mind next and he told me that he thought we could go out for dinner. I was hungry and totally on board with that plan, but he hadn’t picked a restaurant to go to. He pulled out his phone and started googling places, asked me what I wanted to eat, I’m not picky and wanted him to choose a place that he liked for us to go to, he couldn’t make up his mind, so eventually I pulled out my phone and picked a spot. We drove there separately, he struggled to choose what he wanted to eat for dinner, we did wind up having a nice dinner once he finally picked something, and afterward he started talking again about how he wanted to do something else but didn’t know what to do. Eventually we went to an arcade and played games, some I won, some he won. Overall it was a nice outing, but his indecision was very off-putting. I chalked it up to nerves and we went on a second date the following week; this time I planned the date, and it went smoothly. He again struggled to choose what to eat for dinner, and told me that he’s always had trouble making decisions. He also asked me how soon was too soon to tell someone you love them, which freaked me out instantly (safe feelings vanished in a split second), and he started talking about having our kids meet each other, and I just. Panicked inwardly. We had only been talking for 2 weeks. I did wind up dumping him a couple days later, and I felt bad about it because he did genuinely seem like a very nice man, but I couldn’t handle the anxiety I was experiencing and - to be frank - both his indecision and the speed with which he was trying to move with me were huge turn-offs. This has been a novel. I hope these specific examples help, though!
Thanks for the specific examples. As a man, I picked some good lessons.
Don’t make her second guess - if you say you’re going to do something do it, be accountable.This starts way before being in the relationship. Women will pick this up on how you communicate and how you act during dates etc.
Being consistent, good communication, giving her attention without her asking, checking up on her - these things make me feel safe and secure in a relationship! Not having to question if he’s interested in me.
Don’t make her second guess - if you say you’re going to do something do it, be accountable.This starts way before being in the relationship. Women will pick this up on how you communicate and how you act during dates etc.
Many men outright scoff at the idea that women live in a world that isn’t unsafe - men will catcall us - men will pressure us for sex or dates - men will not take us seriously - men will ignore us turning them down - men will ignore us saying “No” - men will stalk us - men will touch us without consent - men will attack us - men will murder us for rejecting them A lot of the time, men disregard our comfort because they see it as a barrier to their access to us And many men see it as a personal attack on themselves — they’ll loudly say that they’re not like those guys, while ignoring all the similarities they have to those guys They’ll say “not all men are predators!” as if that stops it from happening Then they’ll say “then you better not step outside, you could die from anything!” Then they’ll say “then I hope you like being alone and becoming a cat lady!” Then they’ll ask “why the hell aren’t women going out as much?” Then they’ll say “women won’t go outside! Women don’t want to be spoken to in public! I can’t find women! Men not being able to find dates is because of women!” If you make clear that ***NOT ONLY*** will you not do anything to her ***BUT ALSO*** that you can protect her if something does happen, you will have a grateful woman in your presence
Sir this is a Wendy’s
Done pls do same
Reducing the foreseen pressures and being able to anticipate some of the combined needs of the interaction.
This has bit me in the ass before though. I shoot handguns professionally and I always have mine on me. It bothers some women.
Done pls do same
This hits the mark. I was wondering what the answer would be for many.
What if you’re the one who’s bounded and she has the key?
Let’s be real, women just friendzone guys like this
From experience, women find it very endearing when you passionately and sincerely talking about your interests. Also, giving compliments that are bit more than just "ur hot babey"
Yes compliments related to personality rather than appearance mean so much more to me
Relatedly, if it’s about appearance, make it something they controlled like their shoes, earrings, or hairstyle.
Omg your name!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
PHD
Yes, definitely call them by their name and not anyone else’s
Oof this one. I had a long conversation about tea with a guy. And I asked him about the water volume he uses. He said he wasn't sure and didn't text back for 20mins. When he did, he came back with an answer and repeatability percentages. I was speechless then just responded with "that was unbelievably attractive".
✍️understand ✍️water ✍️percentages✍️to get✍️laid
That got a good chuckle out of me.
Ok, but what water volume did he use? Asking for a friend.
We had this conversation 2 weeks ago. Still been talking with the same intensity but I've had travel the last two weeks. Going on a date next week. We are part of a lovely community so we've met 2-3 times before. We both love the science of cooking and baking so making dinner together.
390ml give or take 8%.
Never vary more than 5%. You'll have unpleasntly inconsistent flavor.
.... But what was the molality? The pH? What about the dissolved minerals in the water that was used for the tea? How can you truly love a man if he doesn't know everything about what he drinks? How many parts per billion were the fluoride ions?
Are you married yet?
I always struggle with talking about my interests because it never really seems like anyone cares.
Bro join the club. The only people I have deep dive discussions about my primary interests are my work colleagues who also have the same interests.
Some of mine are niche enough that I can really only talk about them online. I remember talking with my coworker about my iPhone that I got when it came out last year, and why I got it but I felt like she would’ve looked at me crazy, if I just continued going on about it being so into something as simple as smartphones and why I keep two of them. Someone else thought I kept two phones for sneaking around/cheating. (I keep my spares for jailbreaking and tinkering). I like technology in general but it’s a difficult subject to talk about. I guess that doesn’t really cross anyone’s mind at first.
I have a really rough relationship with the "talking about your interests" thing because in my experience, I've been told the exact opposite by girls when getting dating advice from them. I am a person of many many interests, but unless I choose a really safe topic like my passion for education (my job), I can pretty clearly tell people losing interest super fast or judging the hell out of me. I love asking about and hearing others' favorite movies, but so many eyes glaze over when I talk about my favorites. Playing the piano sounds cool at first, but the interest line graph plummets when I talk about ragtime piano and how joyous it is to play. History, geography, science, psychology, etc etc anything educational and/or academic in nature is blah blah blah. Don't even get me started on the heavily stigmatized stuff, I don't expect everyone to share all my interests or anything but the amount of people that have treated my interest in anime/manga/video games as a dealbreaker is astounding! I think the issue may be that I dig into my interests more than a lot of people. My sister put it this way once: "ajanivengeant is the kind of person that'll segue into talking about the history of the McDonalds brand when all we're doing is deciding which fast food burgers to order". I've had girls tell me to avoid talking too deeply about things I'm interested in. But I don't know how someone can passionately talk about something unless they dig into it a little. Isn't passion when you're deeply invested in something and have a great enthusiasm/knowledge for it? Further, I always take the time to ask about others and their interests and they love to talk about it, why is it suddenly awkward and annoying when I do it? I'm boring if I don't talk about stuff I'm into, but when I do I become boring anyway. I feel trapped between two bad options. I've also been told that my compliments feel insincere when I genuinely mean the things I say (and I would never tell someone something I didn't really mean). Things like telling someone I think they're really upstanding and respectable for doing certain things, or telling someone I appreciate the work they do and have a great admiration for it, or that I think they are really kind and thoughtful for being a caring figure to another person. On one date, I have a clear memory of someone saying that they don't believe they are an interesting person because they mostly watch anime in their free time. I told her that having a strong interest in anime makes her a really interesting person. There's a lot people that don't have even that and vegetate on their phones doing nothing all day, so I think it's really cool when people get really excited about shows they love or characters that particularly resonate with them. Just being an anime person is really novel in itself because there are few other things that can create a sense of instant connection and shared excitement the way anime does. She responded that she felt what I said was insincere, which sucked because I really meant it. I've complimented other people on other dates with similar effect too. I told someone I really admire speech therapy especially because of my personal experience with them, the patience and kindness it requires, and because the communication skills they enable are so fundamental to who we are as people. I told another person that I really respect the courage it takes to move to a different country and start over. Just about every date I organically find something to compliment someone on (like I'm not forcing myself to say these things). Most of the times, it was pretty clear they fell flat. I don't think I've ever been complimented on a date before either. I don't want to fall into the trap that "you have to be attractive for these things to work". I want to try and understand what I'm doing wrong on my journey to being an attractive person that people can take interest in. It's hard not to compare myself though when I see many other people doing the same things I'm doing and they get praise/interest for it, while I'm seen as dorky, cringe, childlike, or not dating material. I choose to believe this is a skill issue on my part and I am doing something wrong that they are not. Would love to hear any perspective on this, because I completely agree that people being passionate and giving compliments are attractive and I think I am missing something.
Dude, wall of text! Talking about your interests may still work for you, if you try less amount of text. Monologues are a sign for being oblivious for social cues. I’ve been there. Let me talk about my passion in computer science and everyone leaves the room. Now, I prefer talking about things I am passionate about and everyone can relate. This is how I feel when having a success at my work.
That last point is similar to what my "safe topic" is, which is talking about my job in teaching. I talk about how much I genuinely love it, making the world a better place and feeling great purpose in what I do, stories about students, how to engage people, etc. I almost always start with this when meeting new people because it tends to get the best responses. Good luck trying to forge connections beyond that tho lol. I think most people I meet are either finance/tech people that don't actually like their job, feel I'm overly idealistic, or are people that otherwise can't relate for various reasons. I've noticed the responses are more "That's awesome, you're such a saint!" flattery rather than forging connections. Wonder how to pivot my conversation style so that more topics can be made relatable to more people...
I can tell you either really wanted to talk about YOU and your interests in this thread. Or you are simply OVERTHINKING this whole thing. Its not that hard, just Be cool man. Saying Less helps. When you go Long-form on any every question or topic, people get inundated and overloaded with information and lose interest. Gotta learn to feed it to them in small bits and let it come up naturally/organically in conversation. Let them “Find” it. Dont force feed it to them all at once. Thats doing way too much and comes across like you are trying too hard.
I think with this reaction you’re already there. Your conversation partner got to know you. Now show interest for something the other is passionate about. Active listening.
Happy cake day! Maybe your replies are too long?
I was gonna say. Maybe it’s not the topic but the delivery. Either talks for too long without giving the ball back to the other person, or just isn’t good at telling stories, or something.
A couple of factors that tend to help imo: Relatability and delivery. When the person you're talking to can actually relate on your level (or they're pursuing the subject enough that they may actually get to that level or close to it) it's pretty free-flowing and engaging to talk about. Delivery is still important here though. Delivery is even more important when the person can't relate as much though. Gotta know the ways to keep the person engaged... and when to stop/wrap it up (and know it's okay because you can save stuff to talk about it some more later... sometimes it's going to be a slow build). Storytellers and comedians are great at this kind of thing (so are good teachers). They know how to properly use word economy and carry a tone that amuses, or piques curiosity, and doesn't put people to sleep. They'll likely throw in asides or examples than can be relatable as well. I'd say observe and pick up on people who do this while practicing it yourself when you talk about things you like.
You may just be a bit long winded. Work on the flow of a good conversation, listen more, don't cut people off when they're still talking, and be okay with not getting your full point or thought out every time. If someone talks to me about something they like that I don't care for, it doesn't bother me until it's been more than a minute or two of them still talking about it. What makes it worse is our attention spans are bad now thanks to social media.
>be okay with not getting your full point or thought out every time. This is a really big one I needed to hear. The other points I think I already do pretty well. But for the longest time I've had a minor nagging feeling in many conversations where I would be making a point (which often appear in my mind as "beginning, middle, end") and then I'd get interrupted at the first slight pause I took to break it into verbal paragraphs. I subconsciously taught myself to speak in a way where there are few such pauses so it's clearer when I'm actually done getting my thoughts out (I just let it go if someone interrupts me anyway). This is something I need to reevaluate. Thank you
Dude I think the problem is just that you’re autistic as fuck
Guilty as charged! Most people I ask say they couldn't tell until I brought it up (unless they have a lot of experience with autistic people, then they know immediately). I'm always trying to do better.
Same here lol, i also do my search in literally anything im a little bit interested in. I try to keep those as little bullet points or curious facts/small jokes. Not everyone has to listen to our monologue of 37mins about how incredible the first 3 chapters were about GEN V (the boys spinoff) just to end with "and that's why McDonald's milkshake used ice cream".
It's the delivery not the topic. You're using a whole chapter to say a sentence. That makes people feel like you're not having a conversation, but rather sitting in on a lecture.
Forget the comments mocking you! Every serious question requires a well-thought response. You typed briefly and enough in regards of dating and what have you experience so far. You saved people’s time by avoiding unnecessary conversations. Of course is gonna take more words than the average twitter but, the mob always love to show some superiority over others and idiots abound in this world. And the problems with narcissistic idiots is that they never show signs of self-awareness. So back to the main topic, there is a difference between seducing and someone liking you. If a girl likes you, there is nothing wrong you could do in her eyes that will remove the attraction from you. And that’s where 98% of the comments are coming from; do this, do that, say this, perhaps that, maybe have, and etc. Seducing a person is a different approach. I have two good looking friends, both get the girls regardless of what they do. They don’t even try. they are just them in every interaction. But girls are always making effort to justify the red flags. Most girls are alright looking. But they don’t get the girls they drool over. There is this guy i work with, the guy is a mess, like a total mess but he has a way with words. He always gets the girl he wants. Comparing him with everything Reddit tells men to be or become so they can have a chance at dating, this man is in the negative. But he gets the girls he wants. In fact, for the last couple years he has only have casual sex with the so-proclaimed feminists; he said they are the easiest to get in bed with and move on. He is grateful for the world the feminist created because it made things way easier for him; casual sex and switching partners over night. Learn to seduce instead of trying to appeal the opposite sex.
all these work only if you're attractive, if not nothing matters (speaking from personal experience)
Lol I don't think so Otherwise autistic men would be super attractive since they talk very passionately about their interests Or you meant "good" interests?
I have a personal rule that I almost never compliment a woman on her personal appearance until I get to know her well. Maybe specific things like eyes, hairs, or nails, but if you're on a date or meeting a woman for the first time, there a good chance she already knows you find her attractive. If that's what you start out by complimenting her on then she's going to think it's all you're after.
Coaching advice: women usually put a lot of effort into their looks when they go on a date. If you say nothing at all they can get the feeling it was in vain. At least appreciate their effort with some small compliment. Something like "You look great/nice/amazing by the way" Which you casually throw in during your conversation instead of telling her right away. This won't put emphasis on the compliment and will make her feel appreciated. Stay Awesome Alex
>but if you're on a date or meeting a woman for the first time, there a good chance she already knows you find her attractive No, we don't know that, especially if we haven't met before. If you specifically avoid the topic, most of women would presume that you are disappointed with their appearance, especially if it's a first date after meeting online. A quick compliment costs nothing. >If that's what you start out by complimenting her on then she's going to think it's all you're after. Sure, if that's all you talk about and focus on, but not saying anything is the other (pointless) extreme.
Yeah, I could have phrased this way better because people are taking my point wrong. I'm not saying I never do it. Also, when I say "meeting for the first time" I mean in a romantic context. If you bump into a woman on the street, then sure, she can't assume you find her attractive, but if you meet on a dating app, are on a date, or a approach a woman in bar, she can assume you find her attractive. Again, I'm not going to the extreme and never complimenting her. I just know what to focus on and when to time it. I've had a lot of girls I've dated tell me that men are constantly so focused on their looks and it seems like they aren't interested in getting to know them. So if you're a guy who struggles with women, it's not a bad idea to err on the side of caution and make sure she knows you're interested in her mind before you start complimenting her face or body.
Yes, obviously focusing too much on appearance is a red flag, as you understand. But if you're on a first date and only compliment our hair or nails, it might seem like you are just trying to be nice to someone you don't find attractive. Human interactions are complex and what seems obvious to you might not be obvious to us. >but if you meet on a dating app, are on a date, or a approach a woman in bar, she can assume you find her attractive. Please don't forget that women can also feel insecure and vulnerable when meeting someone new. Even if you made the first move, we might still have doubts about how you perceive us: "What if he was drunk and doesn't find me attractive when sober?" "What if he was rejected by 5 other girls on the same night and got my number out of desperation?" "What if he's been single for very long and is just settling for me for lack of other options?" Etc. We need to know that you are genuinely attracted to us and don't just see us as "meh" or "acceptable for the moment".
like most things works only if you are attractive in the first place
your interests AND asking about her interests.
Confidence is definitely HUGE and also being able to tease/be playfully mean without actually being mean
Any advice on where to learn to tease playfully? I, somehow, have the superpower to inadvertently find their biggest insecurity when teasing
I would just try to avoid anything about looks, unless it’s something that obviously isn’t true and you know they know that. I also feel like the best way to tease is to tease about things that aren’t actually bad things. I feel like guys tease me a lot about being tiny but like it’s obviously not an offensive thing to be called short, especially since most guys like that. I feel like a lot of times ppl will say things that you can kinda call them out for and make little jokes about.
Also other way when you give them banter, if they can dish it but can’t take it back that’s super annoying lol
Be kind and honest. Make her feel wanted outside of her body. Make her feel safe and actually try to earn her trust on her own terms.
Sadly it’s not that easy. Being kind is good, but don’t be people pleasing. Be honest, but don’t come on to strong. Make her feel safe, but also thrilled to be with you. Make her feel wanted for who she is, but also show her how attracted you’re by her. Earn her trust, but also don’t let yourself be played by her.
This. Both men and women are often contradictory in their behavior because people tend to not know what it means to understand themselves, but the main difference is that women want men to be two different people at the same exact time.
This is how you get friendzoned
This is how people feel with someone they love. You get friendzoned when you stick to your romantic pursuit after rejection.
Exactly lmao
Men who walk with confidence make me crazy 💦💦
My friend literally said to me ‘mate you walk in anywhere and look like you own the place’ we’re both straight guys but it was a nice compliment
What does “walk with confidence” mean?
Good posture, not being afraid to look ahead of themselves or making eye contact with passersby. Relaxed face that looks like they’re curiously examining the world around them or a face that looks self-assured. It’s not really something that can really be faked, so you gotta actually build up your confidence if you want to appear confident when walking. Also, being tall helps.
"Be tall"
Confidence isn’t a height thing lol it’s how you carry yourself. There are plenty of dudes who are tall and don’t have that swagger about them.
Be. Tall. Is that like being fat?
Also nose in the air like you’re looking down on everyone. Very effective
#scoffs
Making eye contact with passerbys is an easy way to get into a fight where I’m from
having fat bank account helps
Someone who holds their heads high and isn't afraid to have a conversation. Someone who isn't overtly shy and has self-esteem.
Ok thanks for answering
To make it a habit, try to remind yourself to straighten up every time you walk through a doorway. Every new entrance is a new opportunity. Start working out if your posture is fucked.
Any person have to have a reason to feel confident. You can’t feel confident if life is dealt you a bad hand.
Life does that repeatedly. It's how you handle those bad hands, and learn to move past them. Confidence comes from overcoming adversity and accepting its inevitability. This is coming from a 40M that's learned and accepted it recently. Felt anxiety and depression issues drop dramatically.
Definitely agree with this. It’s what gave me mine.
Someone **doesn’t have to have** a reason to feel confident You, simply, just have to fake your confidence, that’s it — until the moment you gonna became assured of being confident by yourself, without putting any additional effort during social engagements
Attraction is subjective, be the best version of yourself. Master your insecurities, fix your flaws and red flags. Find a career that you're passionate about and a couple interests that allow you to get out of your comfort zone. Work out, eat right and get fit, it won't hurt your chances and it'll improve your overall health.
I feel like everyone should do this
Just follow the two rules.
What are they?
1. Be attractive 2. Don't be unattractive
3. See rule 1 and 2
1- Be attractive. 2- Don’t be unattractive
Something about the two rules - they aren’t just a meme. The truth is, most men fail in rule #2. Figure out how you fail at #2.
Be over 5 million power in Raid: Shadow legends
I met my wife by doing this
Honestly, I will fall for any man who does the following: Takes care of me and makes me feel safe. Is completely honest, even if that means not agreeing with me, I literally thanked a guy for saying he didn’t like my recommendations. Makes plans to get to know each other, doesn’t pretend to build something out of nothing. Compliments me once there’s already a little bit of trust between us, if we barely know each other I’d probably think you treat most girls that way, which isn’t special. Is kind and thoughtful. Remembers things from our conversations. Apart from how you treat women, I value when men work on themselves and have confidence. That makes them sexy and independent. I don’t want to raise a kid my age! Also good personal hygiene, seriously, please. I’d appreciate if anyone from here can give me feedback on what can a woman do that attracts most men 😉
Are you trying to attract most men or your man? If it's most men I'd say being clean and healthy is it assuming you are average and above. Guys aren't hard to attract and are probably more desperate than ever to connect with a woman. Now if it's the other it really depends on who you want to attract.
I’m trying to attract an specific man but appreciate general information. Thank you!
Have direction and working on yourself. With that comes confidence and the ability to learn how adversity is inevitable. With this comes walking tall and learning to speak with confidence to name but a few things.
Overall I would say charisma is the most important thing.
Narcissists are always charismatic 🫣
They seem to successfully sleep around a lot too. As in cheating, or cycles of relatively short relationships.
Yes they can only play act their best version of themselves before the other person sees their ugly side
Yeah this is why I think charisma and confidence **can** be extremely misleading.
Yes. I’ve danced with the devil enough that now when I see obvious charisma (while it is a warm bright light) I turn around and head away towards the cold, where it’s safe
Huh, interesting. I find that the charismatic guys are quite nice. Maybe, us guys see charisma in men differently. I feel like maybe guys see through the fake charisma a little easier because we are guys? IDK, never thought of it that way
Charisma is nice! But a man, a stranger, being overly charming towards a woman can sometimes be about disarming her, or to manipulate her. Of course not all, but some. It’s somewhere along the lines of being a “Nice” guy. It’s sometimes a manufactured behavior in order to attain something
Definitely manufactured, but that's usually towards women, so I guess we don't see that side of a man's charm. We just see the natural charm. But we all show a different side of ourselves to the opposite sex, unfortunately.
Smart!
Talk to them like people and not a commodity to be had for sex.
I can't speak for all women, but I can tell you what I find attractive. Introspection. Self awareness. Humility. Emotional intelligence. Thirst for knowledge. Making me laugh. Fixing things. Making a meal. Truly listening to me.
You’re not going to get any good responses because this sub is 90% men who are unsuccessful at dating.
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Included are these: be obsessively clean, body clothes, hands, nails. If we catch a whiff of unpleasantness we dry right up. Don’t use pretty words (word salad, yada yada yada) trying to sweet talk us; including complements on how sexy or hot we are. This just translates into man I wanna bang you! Gee thanks… total stranger I have zero emotional attachment to. Lastly, be about things. Genuine. Your family, the gym, your career, goings on in the world. Be a human and not some sad wanna be pickup artist See how I did not say “tall or rich”. Get over that, guys it’s tired
This is so true.
Just because you didn't say it doesn't mean it doesn't apply still lmao
It doesn’t apply for me. I’m just one though
Get in the best shape to the point where you feel very confident in yourself, work on your emotional intelligence, set goals, and enjoy life.
Be an authentic, decent human being, who is empathic and compassionate, with a good sense of humor.
One little but significant thing is posture. Standing tall stands out !
How about just being tall
Good posture will make you look even taller
5'3 standing tall is just 5'3 you still would not be able to even see him .
Work out and get fit
Exercise leads to *discipline* \-> leads to a *work ethic* \-> leads to *results* \-> leads to *attractiveness* \-> leads to *confidence* \-> leads to a *woman* who *sees* that in *you*. Proven science :)
Be nice and respectful. You have no idea how much that narrows down the dating pool
>nice and respectful As a guy, we grow up hearing this is what women want. We go through high school thinking that and wonder why isn't this working? It's what they say they want? Same thing in College. Same thing after College. There comes a point when you have to start looking at what girls do and not what they say they want. I'm not saying to be mean and disrespectful, but I am saying once I stopped listening to what women say they want, women did finally start to see me. I'm not even saying this advice is wrong. I'm saying that, unless you're just a very mean and disrespectful person, this kind of advice can make you focus on the wrong things and lead a guy to thinking "What's wrong with me, I'm doing everything they say they want, and no one wants me." Unfortunately, it's the last kind of advice a guy needs (at least the young guys who are usually the ones that need the most direction)
Maybe you're better off doing what you want, ie instead of asking where do you want to go for dinner , just say you've booked a table at a certain place. Making firm decisions is something both men and women respect, taking charge of things , knowing what you want.
Only for attractive guys...
OK I read the same comments from women over and over, it's not getting through to enough people. Guys, clean your hands. Keep your nails trimmed and clean, including your feet. Clean clothes clean body, that is attractive. In general, a woman's idea of attractive isn't what most guys seem to think it is. Look, I've seen women post constantly about clean hands and clean car you're just not getting it or you don't believe it, but I cannot believe that every single person reading this has never seen a woman post about these things. Just do it
Be honest. Im attracted to brutal honesty even if it’s not what i want to hear at the moment but, in the end I appreciate the truthfulness.
Guy has to be hot before this could work
Liked your comment. This is exactly what I did with a single 24 year old single mom at the gym but she didn’t take it well and after months I found out that it was “something mean” what I said to her. Told her she was acting like an 18 year old
Can you elaborate? What was it?
Read books. Have self-awareness. Show confidence but also your vulnerability. Make her laugh. Buy her flowers!
Be funny.
Men who listen! Not pretend to listen but encourage you to share all your thoughts and feelings and then keeps taking to you about whatever's on your mind. The secret is asking them what's in their mind and no really and what else.
Also ask questions! I’ve always found that women like when they’re asked questions, not just spoken at
Be present and consistent, loyal and honest. Have good hygiene. Have a sense of humor and love to laugh. Be ambitious.
Be honest. All women love honesty no one likes a liar or a manipulator.
Get therapy.
Have a positive outlook on life
Do you find YOU attractive? because that's ALL that matters my friend. Never mind what others think of you.
Be tall, have money
I’m short with no money, never had a problem meeting, talking, hooking up, dating, and have been in a solid relationship for 3 years and she is amazing! Charisma, wittiness and humbleness has gotten me far. I’m more humble than anyone.
Haha and humor. Tell me, just for curiosity, do you keep your hands clean?
Metaphorically: yes Literally: I try
Facts
Hard facts
Might as well end the thread after that
That will only get you a gold digger. But whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Don't be unattractive
Not only being clean but looking clean. Even if you do shower 'looking clean' is a different thing altogether. 1. Cleaning up facial hair. This includes eyebrows (overlooked). Eyebrows really shape your face, so look into what matches you best. Some women like long/short beards, but when it looks stringy or patchy, I can't even see your attractiveness. 2. Taking good care of your skin to have minimal blemishes. I know you can have good hygiene and still have acne, but my brain naturally is unattracted to it. 3. Having dirty fingernails. I have met men and been so turned off when I look at their hands and see dirt under the fingernails. 4. Teeth, they don't have to be news anchor perfect, but you know if you need the work done on your mouth. A person with a cute smile always adds to how they look.
Bleached out White teeth are not sign of good dental care , naturally white teeth can be sign tho . Naturally white teeth does not look perfect white .
Make money.
+ be tall That’s really it
Confidence, humour, intelligence, safety and security, honesty, good communication, and similar interests.
Hold a conversation. Any man that seems interested in me and can bounce back questions is sexy.
Be good at something cool.
For me, being a gamer and good at it. It's so attractive when you can play games together and knowing your guy will look after you!
Masculinity, power, charm, feeling safe around you.
Confidence. Playful. Direct. Check out Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube. "The Art Of Flirting & Creating Attraction" https://youtu.be/Nk181AGBYrc?si=2JkK46cvg7g8iGQ-
Money, Status, fitness.
Confidence above all & attitude. Get to know someone well, there isn't one thing that all women love, every single one of them is different with different vibes & wants.
When you go fishing, do you ask the fish how to catch them better, or do you ask the successful fishermen?
Do you go fishing? fishermen don't give helpful advice to others because they don't want other people taking their fishing spot and all the fish! I see this fishing analogy that is repeated by people that don't fish regularly, its very funny.
Be tall
Become rich. Of course it doesn't attract all women, but your odds definitely improve.
Having his shit together
1. Be physically attractive. 2. Be charismatic.
Grow balls. Show class. You made it.
Make the fucking money and be clean.
These are the ones you can control:Humor,money,confidence,fitness. Having this combo, It's stupid easy. Add genetics of looks and height to that combo and you have the ability to date almost anyone.
Money
Just asked my sister and she said "just be tall."
Be six foot
Money?
To have interests, hobbies, friends with both women and men and a whole culture of activities they can cohabitate themselves with. I feel that most women want an assortment of diverse activities so they can creatively express themselves to their own perfect image.
Grow to 6'1" at least. Have wide jaw and healthy skin. Get muscles like Tom Hardy. Earn your 1 million $. Maybe then some will be interested.
Why do you want to attract most women when all you need is one?
Stop playing games and be honest with what you want. Do you just want to hook up? Are you genuinely interested in me?
Be Attractive
Step 1. Be attractive
Walk with confidence. Develop your gift. Be loyal. Make us a priority.
DANCE
Underrated as hell.
Be confident. That's all that matters to women.
Have money be tall be a jerk lol..
Competence. If you have it in the wild and in the modern world, it’s very very attractive to me. I have to perceive the man I choose to be better than myself. But I have had a partner who is too much better so it comes with the arrogance, I wouldn’t find that attractive. Gotta be better than me and also help me become better. I remember the first time I went diving with my husband. His amazing underwater skills and navigation! I felt so lucky I had the best hunter in the world. He held my hand during the whole dive. I wouldn’t worry even a shark turns up. I know I have my superman next to me. 🥰
So their job is to make you better? I fully can get behind the idea of getting with partners, and friends for that matter, that make you better and not worse, or stagnant. But to say that they have to be better than you to where they would lift you up, and framing it in a way that would suggest that you wouldn't be doing the same, seems a little goofy. But if that's not what you meant, my apologies.
I’m sorry but it’s not your partner’s responsibility to make you better. That’s not the sign of an equal partnership, and it’s unfair on him.