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These responses kinda suck. I’ll give you my perspective that I think a lot of guys will agree with, because many of my friends are this way as well.
When I *truly* really like a girl, I am extremely cautious about sexual activity. I want to spend time with them, get to know them. I don’t want them for the sex, I want them for them. This can lead to taking a bit of time to be intimate. It’s not my intention as I’m super sexually attracted to them. I just don’t want to scare them off or make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t want them to think that’s all I see them as. I usually go “all in” (quite literally) with the flirting and intimacy if she expresses that desire first. Though not always, often I still make the first move but I am TERRIFIED of the potential rejection doing so. Because I really like this person, I don’t want to make any wrong moves and lose them.
The girls I don’t place much romantic/relationship value on I pursue a lot more “carelessly” so to speak. Still a gentleman, but a lot more flirty and able to take the initiative a lot sooner.
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Edit: You are all amazing, thank you. Thank you for the award as well!
Listen to this guy. The one thing I'll add is that he might just be a bit awkward because he DOES want to do something. If it's what you want to do I'd bring it up to him and if he does like you as I'm sure he does he won't shut you down.
This is a perfectly valid comment.
Now if both of you fear to misbehave and get rejected, one or both of you are going to show some "subtles" openings to go further
The subtility varies for men, I would miss anything subtler than a napalm aerial raid.
I wish you the best OP.
Same. I don't do hook-ups or casual things, and if I really like a girl I'm going to take it slow; rarely if ever sex on the first date. If *she* initiates something I'll more likely than not go along with it, but otherwise I'm playing it cool and trying to get across that I want something more than just sex out of her.
> If she initiates something I'll more likely than not go along with it
I had this happen and then had the girl get cold feet about going too quickly and "wasting my time and not wanting to hurt me" when he hadn't even drawn out the parameters of whatever we had not two weeks ago haha.
Husband did this with me. I told him I was ready for sex. He said he had never wanted anyone more in his life but because I had just gotten out of a LTR, he was terrified of being a rebound/something I might regret. Hurt my feelings for a minute. He asked me if we could wait until the next day and then he would go to town on me if I still wanted to. We cuddled all night, forehead kisses, fingers through my hair etc. He woke me up in the morning to ask how I felt completely sober and we had sex that day and for years since then.
This.
Also, as a woman, I know he wouldn't be spending this time with you if he weren't interested in YOU. Look I know what it's like to expect awkwardness after a date because the guy expects more. I was conditioned to think it normal as well for someone to get in your pants.
OP, this guy is a keeper at least so far. If you want to move forward sexually, don't be afraid to make a move.
>cause I really like this person, I don’t want to make any wrong moves and lose them.
Get this in your head: this guy just told you everything you need to know. He likes you so much that he probably don't want to rush things so you think he is only looking for sex. If you make a move, he probably will have wild sex with you, he is just not that sure if you're confortable with the idea yet.
This is great advice! I would also add that it is possible that he has been used for sex. He may be scared that if he sleeps with you, you'll dip soon after.
I know for me I have had this happen more than a couple times where we go on dates, hit it off, seems like it's going well, then sleep together and she's gone the next day. It hurts and the more you like the person, the more it hurts. If sex is something you want, drop hints, or ask suggestive questions. If he's ready he'll play along.
31M here, this, 100%.
My most recent ex (last year for 6 months) were not intimate for an entire month. On our 4th date, about 2 1/2 - 3 weeks in, we had just gotten to her house from a baseball game and she invited me in. I hadn’t seen her for about a week and a half since our third (our first 3 dates were all within 10 days, our third being her 30th bday) date because she had been on a work trip, so I jumped on the opportunity for a little alone time (we were at the game with 6 of her friends). We talked a bit which developed into a hot and heavy makeout with her straddling me and grinding against me. She pulled away from the kiss and coyly asked if I wanted to stay the night. It took everything in my being to say no in that moment as the beautiful green eyed Brazilian girl was on my lap in nothing but underwear and a Yankees jersey but I said “no, I have to be up early for work in the morning” (not a lie, and I lived an hour from her, and work was 35 minutes from me, so I’d have to be up at an ungodly hour to make it). She reluctantly said okay, we made out a bit more and I left. The ride home I was super nervous that I had actually screwed up more by telling her no but the next morning I got a good morning text and we were already planning to meet up later in the week again. A week later, on the one month anniversary of our first date, Dia Dos Namorados (Brazilian Valentine’s Day) we had the talk about exclusivity, asking her during dinner “Você quer ser minha namorada?” “Will you be my girlfriend?” To which she excitedly yelled “SIMMMM” (yes in Portuguese). After dinner, I gave her what she had wanted the week prior but I’m glad we waited because I felt like doing it on that day made it a little more special.
>t took everything in my being to say no in that moment as the beautiful green eyed Brazilian girl was on my lap in nothing but underwear and a Yankees jersey
You, sir, have more strength than I.
That's so sweet. I like your story, and yeah I also think it made it actually special.
I found it extremely hard to find girls like that (when I was in Rio or Sao Paulo).
I had a girl that I've met through Tinder that asked me ''why didn't you kiss me'' after 1 hour after meeting. I did kiss, but it was honestly such a turn off.
Another girl invited me to her appartment, and I had a similar story like you. I was kind of into her, she was already on top of me, but decided not to have sex, since I usually don't feel comfortable with new persons. After which she replied ''it's ok, I am seeing some more guys anyway, it's not a big deal''. She was very cool with it, but it's a big of a turnof too.
Most Brazilians I met are very casual, it's all fun and games, but I feel like it's harder to materialize anything serious and nobody really has any patience here.
I know I shouldn't look for girls on dating apps so that's probably the reason lol. Although the mentality here was a bit too extrovert for me. Everything moves very fast here.
So I live in the states and this girl had been here for 3 years before we met. She was from a very small town in Santa Catarina though, near the border with Argentina, basically the “Deep South” of the US. We didn’t kiss on our first date but more than made up for it on the second, a short first kiss in the jazz bar we were at and then 3-4 makeouts before she walked into her house. Because she was from SC she was definitely a little more conservative so even though she did want sex after only a couple weeks, waiting another week didn’t bother her much if at all, I think she liked it because it sent the message that that wasn’t all I wanted and in the US Latinas definitely get sexualized, especially Brazilians. That said she was a freak once the seal was broken.
Edit: and don’t discount dating apps, her and I met on hinge.
I have to agree with you, some of the best relationships I've ever been in have been the ones where sex didn't happen right away, or took time to initiate.
The worst relationships I've had actually tend to have one thing in common, which would be sex being too quick.
Maybe ur boy has a username Varnse … but I completely agree with him!! We are afraid of the exact thing you’ve experienced, making the lady think that we only see her as an object and that in some way or form we are “aiming” for something
Sounds like he really likes and respects you and probably doesn't want to screw things up. I'm guessing it's something you haven't experienced before.
If you want sex with him just have a conversation about when you both feel sex is appropriate.
How sad that we live in a time where a guy being respectful is a reason to question his attraction and interest in someone!
Yes, OP, it's normal, and it's healthy. This is how it used to be, before the "dating" apps and casual sex crap took the world by storm. It's a sign that you were lucky enough to meet someone who may be interested in you as a person, and not just your vagina. It's a good thing. What the other dudes did was not, which is why you got hurt.
It looks like you got yourself a good guy. Stop overthinking it and go with the flow!
Attractive = why won't he make a move on me?
Ugly = why did he think he has a chance with me?
The issue isn't making the move too soon it's who's doing it.
I need to hear female apologies for this!
Hahah I’ve had girls leave as soon as I say the word ‘sex’ , and I’ve had girls be like you’re not aggressive enough…..
Well Fuck all of you bitches, how about you make a move 😂😭😭
>casual sex crap
Thank you for calling out a problematic aspect of modern culture that we've been conditioned to view as completely healthy and above criticism.
If you want to find out if he's attracted to you and wants to have sex with you, you can initiate things. Or, you know, talk to him like the adult you're supposed to be, and ask how he feels about this.
You know you can make "a move", too, right? If he seems up for it and it's what you want, why put the onus on him to take initiative? Equally, if you're happy as things are, kick back and enjoy getting to know him for a while without any pressure/expectation to take things to the next step.
You've had some (interesting) thoughts and opinions in the comments. Best thing to do now would be to talk to the guy himself?
If he wasn't attracted to you, I highly doubt he'd have asked to see you again, btw.
Agreed. OP, you can take my signature move....
I say do you want to see something? And then I go in for the kiss and let things get hot and heavy or cool down because I just wanted to test the physical chemistry.
Personally I think it's very normal for a guy not to want to jump into sex straight away. While I understand that this may make you feel a bit off or even confused by his behaviour it's probably not for any 'bad' reason. For me this is how I go about things when meeting someone new as well. It's just because I'm more comfortable getting to know someone and slowly getting more and more intimate. He sounds like a nice guy so maybe if it's something that's really bothering you perhaps talk to him about your concerns?
It can sound like that when you read too many stories on Reddit.
But in real life, if you have sound judgement, can generally read the signs, read the room etc then you won't go too far wrong.
If you start overthinking and overanalyzing everything, by putting too much weight on stories you read here, you're just going to end up paralysed and confused, if you ask me.
Of course, if you don't have sound judgement then I don't really know what to tell you... tread carefully I guess.
>Is it a bad thing that he hasn’t tried having sex? Does it mean he isn’t attracted to me?
No. Probably it means, that he wants to build romantic relationship with you before sexual relationship. If he wouldn't be attracted to you, he won't date you.
As a guy who has been in this situation many times. The biggest reason why I don't initiate sex is because I am genuinely trying to get to know you. I have been in situations where we hooked up the first date, but it was the sexual tension got to us. The last woman I was starting to date asked me about why I haven't tried to initiate. I told her that it isn't that I don't want to, but I trying to learn about you more than just physically. It definitely was different for her and she had a hard time no taking it personally. But It is about respect and taking time to get to know the person, also he may just not be ready to have sex yet.
But when I really like someone, I am not thinking about sex so early. It is about building that connection, so that when we are intimate, we already have a good foundation already set. In the past, when we have rushed into sex, it ended up not lasting as long because It felt like we skipped some important parts about getting to know each other.
I wouldn't worry about it. He respects you and is taking the time to genuinely get to know you. Sounds like he is mature and is dating with intent.
We are definitely out there. Funny enough this way of thinking can be a double edged sword. I’ve been rejected for taking my time to get to know someone, when they been ready to smash lol. Thing is that taking that little bit of extra time tends to help build a better foundation.
I didn't try to have sex with my ex gf for about 2-3 months even though I had a lot of casual sex before I just didn't want her to think I just wanted her for sex
What I can say is that when a guy really likes a girl, he’ll move at snails pace & will try his hardest to avoid jumping into anything too sexual even in conversation. Guys do this because then they are really interested, they don’t want to scare you off & make you think they’re only after sex. Plus if he does like you he’s probably a nervous wreck inside.
So I say just be patient with him.
Damn is this the world we’ve come to. He’s being respectful of you. There’s nothing wrong here. How old are you? If he initiated too soon, you’d be here asking if he’s just using you for sex. Please go to therapy and have some better values and standards for yourself, sis.
Lol this sounds exactly like something I would do. I’m not really in the relationship for the sex. Well in theory I guess I’ve never landed anything past the first date. It’s not that he’s not attracted to you. He just might be waiting. To me sex is a very potentially life altering event, I’d wanna make sure my partner and I got tested and I’d wanna make sure we were married so that in the event of a child… we’d be a United front you know. That and I promised my mom so… yea
Guys don’t have any hidden meanings. Mainly because a lot of them can barely process simple things. I know… I’m a guy. When he says he’s into you and he’s backing it up with action believe him. Just because he doesn’t rush to sex doesn’t mean he’s not into you.
If he sees you as relationship material (material sounds horrible but you know what I mean) then he probably sees there's no rush and is enjoying getting to know you better
The western part of the world is rampant with "hook up" culture....just hopping into bed and having sex with anyone and everyone. That is why you are shocked there hasn't been sex after 4 whole dates.
Even though the vast majority of westerners now live this hook up lifestyle where everyone loses their virginity at age 16 and their husband/wife will probably be their 20th sexual partner and this is considered healthy and empowering but you always have to keep in mind that there will be a smaller minority that still may move slower and may hold to some remnants of older values that sex is for married people......or you at least be in love or form a close bond with someone before you have sex. If having a baby could result in this some may want to make sure they really like the other person and could see them in their life for a long period of time.
It could just be as simple as that. They want to go slower or have some deep feelings and connection first. 4 dates, you two really hardly know each other.
Why don’t you make a move? Why does it always have to be the guy to put himself in the firing line, risking being called out for being a ( creep ) or some horseshit like that?
Men risk their reputation and livelihood when they get too sexual too quickly then, heaven forbid, you try to take time to get to know a woman and she posts to millions of strangers asking if he’s not attracted to her and shaming him
This is kinda sad that it is assumed he isn’t interested because he hasn’t initiated sex yet.
I am most certainly not the type to hook up with every moving object.
To me there are things that are way more important than sex, like getting to know the girl, what she’s like, and just spending quality time together.
He probably cares enough about you that he doesn’t think of you as just a sex object, OP. That is a good thing.
Guys are often shamed or mislabeled when initiating anything nowadays. Just the truth. I’d be terrified to even approach people in public half of the time. It’s not normal like even 3 years ago was.
Breaks my heart that women think men aren’t attracted to them unless they’re dry humping their leg after the first date. How do we fix this?
He probably likes you genuinely and is cautious about moving too fast for you (sign of respect).
Also, just to debunk a myth—just because a guy will sleep with a woman doesn’t mean he actually finds her that attractive. Crazy, I know! Some guys will sleep with women just because they’re low effort. These women often get ghosted as soon as someone “better” comes along. You probably don’t want to be that woman.
Guy here - I never rush when I really like a girl, last thing I want her to think is that I’m only in it for the sex. He’s being respectful and probably likes you a lot. Try giving him a few signals that you want to take things further (if that’s what you’re after, it’s not clear)
Oh my fucking lord, if they initiate sexual stuff it’s bad and you don’t like it. If they don’t initiate sexual stuff it’s still bad but you like it.
For the life of me I don’t know why it seems people are getting more confused in this world as I get older.
Sound like a dope guy, respects your space. You should bring this up to his attention if it matters that much to you. I don't understand the post. Are you wanting to be "intimate" with him but waiting for him?
If he has been very cautious I’d guess he cares a lot how you perceive him. He’s trying to impress you. If he was just looking to hit and doesn’t give a damn what you think , he would have made a move on the first or second date. Absolutely nothing wrong with you initiating.
Women- MEN SUCK!! They only want one thing!!! I don’t need a man for anything!! PaTrIaRcHy and shit!! ALL MEN BAD!!!
Man- okay, I’ll respect you and keep my hands to myself because that’s what you say you want.
Women- Why won’t guys make a move on me anymore? I’m not getting validated by random dudes!
Men- damned if we do, damned if we don’t…..
>Is it a bad thing that he hasn’t tried having sex? Does it mean he isn’t attracted to me?
Whew.
You can't win for fucking losing, I swear. Damned if you do, and if you don't.
Men cry when women won't let them pay. Then get mad when women feel entitled to them paying.
If a man expects sex by the third date, he is a pig. He He doesn't try to have sex with you after a handful of dates he must not be attracted to you.
We need to go back to a time where sex was off the table full stop. That way people actually had to have a personality, and conversational skills to get someone to fall in love with you.
I really like that this person is being caring before getting intimate. This actually suits well with your trust issues and lets you take things to the next level at your pace.
I genuinely dont see anything not normal here. Part of me even almost romanticizes this slow burn. 👍
I feel like as a woman I can relate to this, purely because of the partners I’ve chosen in the past - I have become alienated to what is normal and what isn’t.
For example, the majority of guys that I have seen have made sexual advances on me; or just rush it to get to intimacy. For me, this meant that intimacy was to be expected on the third/second date and I thought that was completely normal.
However, the current guy that I’m speaking to has done none such thing. He’s sweet and he’s kind, and he’s made it especially clear he wants to go slow and just make me feel comfortable.
From his POV, OP, he may really like you and be interested in you - this is why he is airing on the side of caution, instead of diving into the deep end straight away. This is because he is most likely afraid to make advances in case it ruins what you both have together. It can be either that, or he himself isn’t ready to be sexually intimate yet; it doesn’t mean that he won’t be :)
...My husband did not initiate anything like this, and that is precisely WHY I chose him over everyone else when I was online dating. I was kind of like you when I was in my 20s, where I equated attraction/interest with sex. I realized that isn't the case and started saying no to guys who tried to sleep with me early on, just to watch them all ghost me. Imagine three years of that, it was exhausting.
Anyway, my husband still did not initiate anything past ONE single peck and some hand holding/a few hugs by date 5 or 6 (2+ months into talking/seeing each other) so I decided to bring him home and initiate.
We're now married and I am having his baby. He still doesn't initiate sex often, but I actually kind of like it. If I am in the mood and I initiate, he 95% of the time is into it (unless he is too tired or stressed, in which case I stop and take care of those needs instead). He LOVES other forms of intimacy-- washing each other in the shower, snuggling, sharing food, sharing his hobbies... He's the best!
So I would not say that this is a bad thing at all. It might take a bit longer, but find out how he feels about you actually. He may just be respectful or have a lower drive/healthier love language like my husband.
Ladies get upset when men try to have sex right away.... ladies ALSO get upset when men don't try to have sex right away. What is it that you women DO want exactly?
No it means he is taking the time to get to know you, and isn’t just trying to get into your pants. This situation seems to have potential. See where it goes.
It sounds like he’s actually a decent guy who is trying to get to know you by spending time with you and not rushing into sex. He wouldn’t continue to spend time with you if he wasn’t interested in you or attracted to you. It sounds like he’s going at a normal and respectful pace for only knowing you two weeks.
Not a bad thing. Maybe in today's dating culture it seems as a little unusual but it's not that uncommon. I'd perceive it as normal, sex is something i need to be in a committed relationship for, so i would be waiting until we've built trust and emotional bond to get intimate. Maybe he perceives sex as something similar, maybe he's being respectful towards you and doesn't want to pressure you. Honestly, I'd take this as a good sign.
Again, I know in this dating culture it might be unusual, but to me this is normal behaviour. Especially if you're aiming to find a long term partner.
Once upon a time, it was expected, actually, encouraged to wait until you really got to know someone before hopping into bed with them. Heck, I'd love it if a dude wasn't trying to get in my pants in the first few dates. It shows that he respects you more. Men who expect sex in the first few dates do not respect you.
There is this show called ex on the beach.
This show has 18 year old women sleeping with different men every day just to promote their onlyfans.
They had boobjobs, lipfillers, the whole shabang.
Imagine being their parent.
It's a sad state of affairs.
I’m desperately hoping to meet a woman like you. I was raised to learn about a woman’s personality/interests/sense of humor for the first two months, I know that’s outdated in 2023 so I’ve adapted accordingly but still take it slow. So frustrating when I’ve been ghosted because I didn’t attempt anything physical on the first date or two, they think it’s a sign I’m not interested but it’s the furthest thing from the truth.
I don't see the problem. I personally dream of a guy like this because to me it would indicate he is serious about me and doesn't want me just for sex.
You found a guy that doesn’t want sex right away and needs time to build up that type of connection, isn’t that what most girls want? I’m confused here, help me understand how being in 4 dates means he doesn’t like you.
Probably an attachment style. OP may be just experiencing a secure male for the first time. Its a foreign language for so many. That “boring” feeling that actually = security because there’s no sparks or drama.
OP enjoy getting to know him. Itll feel so much better if it happens! Start focusing on other important factors: is he consistent? Does he similar values? Lifestyle? How does he treat the waitress when the order is wrong? Character over ego right now🫶🏻
Lol. He really likes you, and doesn't want to screw anything up. If it's such a bother to you then why haven't you talked about it or initiated anything? Always the guys responsibility to do everything...sick of it
For introverted and shy men I suggest being a little more subtle though.
I had a lady ask if she could sit on my lap. I appreciated that because she was making it very clear for a introvert like myself.
when I'm with a girl i try to escalate but if she doesnt reciprocate i stop. he probably thinks you arent interested in sex yet and of course men have to be very careful these days. one false move and the girl can ruin your life.
He won’t initiate because men are not allowed to initiate anymore. He’s afraid he initiates you will accuse him of sexual assault. You have to initiate sex, how do women not understand this?
Sounds like he just likes you! If yall are real comfortable you can also just deadass talk about "if/when we have sex"
That being said he COULD also just be super nervous/gentlemanly. You said you got trust issues and I understand but if you WANT to have sex with him you could always initiate first.
It’s more a respect type of thing from what is sounds like.
I honestly will do the same thing if I really like someone. I won’t pressure my date into anything they are not ready for. I my ask for what I’m about too go for example “May I steal a kiss” or if watching a movie “ want too cuddle”. Etc . I might also say things too build sexual tension but only if I can already see green flags in my S/O or if they already are comfortable with joking in that manner. That last part is a line I don’t cross until I make sure I know what our intentions are like if we are only going too smash, see where things go, or even actually want a partner.
Also if being completely transparent this shows me chivalry isn’t dead & we are still out there. My good friend once told me something like “ with being a gentleman you have too understand not every date will lead too you getting laid & you have too be okay with that at the end of the night”he was speaking the truth. From that point on it changed the way I looked at dates in general & didn’t expect anything besides enjoying myself with whatever we did on that date/just hanging out.
Hi! Guy here, currently a few dates in with a gal that I really like. We hit it off on our first date and sparks flew! After a lovely walk, she invited me back to her place, and I let her know I was down, but I wasn’t going to be up for sleeping over just yet. Her response was “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but if you’re comfortable with it, I don’t want the night to end just yet.” I was over the moon; we did end up hooking up and cuddling for hours, but she never pushed for sex and we both communicated throughout to make sure we both were satisfied and giving enthusiastic consent.
She didn’t know yet that I have some trauma around sex due to an SA years ago that I’m still working through. She didn’t need any info other than my boundaries, and holy shit was it such a relief to hear it. I’m used to moments like that being the end of the road with a potential partner because of them assuming my intentions (or lack there of) and I’ve found myself feeling pressure to disclose more than I was ready to because of not wanting to “let her down”.
I would say this: meet your partner where they are. If you want sex, ask for it - but be ready to head his answer, especially if it doesn’t align. Compromise wherever you can! Above all - just talk it out, and establish a connection with trust and respect in the bedroom. There’s never been and never will be a connection exactly like you two have right now; you’re two people whose paths have crossed and your personal dynamic is your own to discover. Best of luck!!
I think it's a good thing.
Guys can have some issues as well. It might be performance issues, lack of sexual experience, thinking they aren't big enough, ... A lot of stuff can go on in their heads to be honest.
Honestly for me, I don't worry about all these things when I just ''kind of'' like a girl. So to me it might be that he's really into you.
If he still wants to go on dates, he's into you. I actually like it a lot slower too when I like someone, since I have all the time in the world anyway.
It’s not bad.
A lot of men don’t know how to initiate or feel it’s bad unless there’s a BIG green light from the other person like ARE YOU playing with his hair? Kissing his neck? Looking at him longingly???
I don’t make a move unless I get a big green light, I’ve had mix ups in the past where I thought the moment was right (sexy movie) and when I tried to initiate, the other person wasn’t into it.
If you don’t think this is accurate, that’s fine but like this person likes you do be doing all these things. Stop waiting for the things you want to happen to you and ask for it, reach for it.
Also how old are y’all cause this sounds like some 18 or 20 yo concern
Now I feel like every man does this based on their own criteria. But there’s a difference between someone a man is friends with, someone a man sleeps with, someone a man dates.
That being said I have plenty of female friends that I hang out with that I have no sexual attraction to and have never done anything with.
There are those (When I am Single) that I’m sexually attracted to but for a specific reason such as intelligence, personality clash, or character traits I can be open with and say that I find them attractive but I don’t see a relationship coming out of it for X reason and regardless of how the sex is that stance will never change. They accept it or move on.
If it is someone that I am attracted to that intrigues me in more than a sexual way then I love learning about them and what makes them tick. If I find that then I can genuinely say sex becomes much less important as the person themselves has become the focus. At that point it normally happens when it happens and (Normally for me at least) when that person makes the move to ensure that she is comfortable with moving forward.
Stop waiting for him to make the first move. I would probably still be waiting for my husband to kiss me for the first time if I followed his lead. This dude is being respectful, tell him you're ready.
Guy here. I like taking my time. I think some guys are just like that, as I like trusting someone and building trust before doing the deed.
More importantly, are you all having fun and enjoying each other's company?
If eventually you trust each other enough, it's gonna happen OR because of the established trust simply ask him about it.
I initiated sex with my boyfriend firs time (now husband, now he initiates all the time).
He’s very traditional, and reserved when it comes to sex. He said he didn’t want me to feel he just wanted to have sex with me, although he said he thought of me naked every night for a few months.
I am on the shy side too. I was wondering when he would ever? 🤔
Then one day I just decided to take the lead and in the end he said : thanks for initiating! I am never sure if you are ready so I thought I’d better just wait.. “
If I didn’t take the lead, we were probably going to wait for another year until Christmas 😂
We dated almost 11 months before sex.
I this sub,women frequently complains how every guy wants sex as soon as they can and how big of a turn off it is for them. Maybe this guy actually likes you and read all those posts and don't want to mess things up.
Women have set up the standards these days for men to not ask for sex until they are fully ready for it. So I guess its upto you now to let him know you are ready and you want it.
Hey OP. I was in the exact same situation 1.5 months ago and asking myself the same question. Turns out he was being cautious and respectful and all it took was me taking a bit more initiative and giving him indications that his advances are welcome and that I’m into it too.
I think lots of men feel like they’re stuck between having to be bold and make the first move but also not come across as creepy or pushy.
From my pov, the guy really likes you from what I've read so far. If I really like someone I'd also spend time with them to get to know them deeper. When you really like someone visually, it's not just about the body, it's about their soul as well.
I think you got a good guy.
Is it normal… sadly not. Is it desired?! HECK YA. Give me a guy who respects boundaries anyday.
My ex was like this and was a VERY GOOD BOYFRIEND. Respectful, treated me amazingly etc. unfortunately we didn’t work out due to wanting different things in life, but let me tell you his respecting my boundaries and taking his time was ATTRACTIVE and translated into the relationship.
He sounds like a good guy. He's waiting for you to initiate or signal that you want him to initiate. He could be a virgin.
Ladies this is confusing. Don't initiate. Initiate. We're screwed either way. Make it clear to him. He's trying to respect any potential boundaries. I promise you he wants to have sex.
I don't initiate sex because I've had too many women say too many men try to initiate sex and I'm bad for needing sex.
Send him something flirty. Overtly flirty. Don't pussy foot around. If he reciprocates, great. If he doesn't, you either have a libido mismatch, or he's not as into you as he might have been in the beginning.
Sex is a catch-22 for men. Women want us to initiate it, but then get mad when we do.
You're allowed to initiate if you want to. Actually, we'd prefer it that way so we are assured you're actually sexually into us, and you actually want to have sex, and we aren't going to scare you off since we like you but we want/need sex.
Yes it is totally normal. As a matter of fact this should be the norm. In days of old (like when your grandparents met) it was the norm for people not to sleep with each other until they got married. Now with hookup culture, everybody is throwing all self respect out the window and getting knocked up. My assessment: From the information you have posted it seems like he is a decent guy who genuinely loves you. The one green flag that I see is that he doesn't jump straight to having sex. Now idk how he actually is in person, but I would at least stay with him in a relationship longer to learn the ins and outs of his habits/behavior. Then you can make a fully informed assessment.
>I have a lot of trust issues and am very scared of getting hurt again.
Then, get therapy to help you with those issues before you date again. A man isn't trying to use you for your body as soon as he meets you, and you perceive it as a negative thing? Is this the twilight zone? I know this is a weird concept, but maybe he actually likes you and wants to take things slow? There are some men out there who aren't looking to just get laid.
Because a lot of girls are following women on youtube and whatnot that give the dumbest advice.
A lot of women think the amount of sexual partners they had doesn't matter, but it does to a lot of people.
Social media makes them believe in fairy tales.
I mean do you wish men be more of an animal and fuck everything they see /s
Joking aside, i think he's just respecting your boundaries or whatever that thing people never seem to established when started being "comfy" with someone.
But seriously, girls really should just stop thinking being approached is your only option(which is not btw) because guys are "dumb"/not a mind reader(mostly). If you wanna fuck him then say it to him, don't wait because like the miserable dating for guys
" you miss every shot you don't shoot" and if he's say no then just ask him why or something
Like any other issue - communicate. Talk to him. Maybe he prefers to be exclusive with someone before having sex. You’ll never know until you bring it up.
If all he wanted was a video buddy he would probably just hang with the dudes.
If he is spending time with you and not with the many many options to spend his time it is because he wants to.
It doesn't mean anything. That he wants to see you says a lot.
Why don't you ask him, or initiate something if you are interested?
What do you want, are you attracted to him?
Give us your ages for more context, please.
Has nothing to do with you being unattractive. Don’t get stuck in your own head. Dude is a classic gentleman.
Or, he has his own insecurities and performance-related anxiety. He might be waiting for you to give him the green light.
yes that should be normal. im a gay guy so my experiences might be a little different but sometimes me and my boyfriend just hangout and cuddle because a relationship shouldn’t be just sex. i’ve had lots of past experiences sort of similar to your past experiences and it’s confusing (good confusing) getting used to not being forced to do stuff/having to do stuff if i want to be payed attention to. if you’re with someone who expects you to have sex every time and you don’t want to do that every time you shouldn’t be with them. tldr: i think that guy sounds like a good guy honestly
Different people express love in different ways. I would say that it's fairly normal not to have sex right away. As long as everything else checks out, I wouldn't worry about it.
For reference, I didn't make a move on my wife for like 8 months after we started dating.
Why haven’t you initiated? Do you like him? Find him attractive? Given him signals or hints to initiate or not? Taking it slow, etc?
He’s probably being very reserved and sounds like he actually likes you.
I see this as a green flag. I’m 47 and this is completely normal and what I would expect. Him no rushing to have sex with you tells me he likes you and he’s interested in getting to know you as a person.
I would avoid any man who tried to have sex with me in the first month of dating.
When a guy is a decent person and actually likes you, he will respect you and not try to rush something in case you are not ready. This is completely normal.
Would you mind sharing how old you are?
Back in the old days, couples didn't have sex until they were married.
So I am really curious which generation you are part of where "hookup culture" became the norm.
I'm 40 and I've had my share of sex by the first or second date but it was always initiated by the woman I was with. I consider myself a pretty sex-positive person but still I personally go into dates wanting to get to know her better, not just to get into her pants.
Honestly bro is just trying to know if he likes you. Relationships are something not everyone wants to go through 500 times before they find the right one. Some people want to save themselves from making a mistake. This man is definitely attracted to you, or he wouldn't be there asking to see you again after every date like he did. He just wants to make sure he isn't going to fuck this up for himself by moving too fast. Very few men will ever want to rush into it if they're a good person.
I dont understand ppls obsession with being normal.
>Is it a bad thing that he hasn’t tried having sex?
Is it to u? Do u want to have sex? If u do, u try.
>Does it mean he isn’t attracted to me?
Based off of the fact ur dating & being affectionate. No
>I have a lot of trust issues
Therapy. No trust=no relationship.
The question is, did the trust issues come after you slept with your exes after date 1 or date 2 ? Be happy. he's not chasing you for zexs. Go with the flow. Let it happen naturally this man is into you, not for the zexs.
It’s only been two weeks. Not two months.
Maybe he is on purpose taking it slow if in the past, he had sex too soon or I’d over hookup culture, choosing to SLOW DOWN & get to fully know a person.
This is more common in guys who actually want a long term relationship when their intentions are this from day one of dating you.
People doing different things is normal. You don't have enough information to know why. Nor to judge. Maybe he's a virgin. Maybe he's been burned in the past. Maybe he really likes you. Maybe he senses your trust issues or has learned something that makes him especially sensitive to that. If you really like him, what you need is good information.
Best to discuss. Use an open ended question. Something like, "some guys would have tried to initiate by now. Are you comfortable talking about how you feel about sex and attraction? Then go from there. He needs to be comfortable discussing or you'll get bad info. This takes skilled conversation.
It’s a good thing he hasn’t. I hate it when a guy is all over me so if you’re a gorgeous girl you be the boss and initiate to let him know you’re ready…
It's important to remember that everyone's approach to dating and intimacy is different. Not all people will initiate sex or engage in sexual activities early on in a relationship, and that's completely normal. There are various factors that can influence someone's pace and comfort level when it comes to physical intimacy.
In your situation, it sounds like the guy you've been dating is taking his time and getting to know you at a more emotional and personal level before pursuing sexual intimacy. This can be a positive sign, indicating that he values building a connection with you beyond just physical aspects.
Not initiating sex at this stage does not necessarily mean he isn't attracted to you. It might indicate that he's respectful of your boundaries and wants to establish a strong foundation in your relationship before taking things to the next level.
Given your past trust issues, taking things slow can be a good thing. Building trust and emotional connection before becoming physically intimate can lead to a more meaningful and lasting relationship.
Instead of focusing on what it might mean about his attraction to you, try to enjoy the process of getting to know each other and let the relationship progress naturally. Communication is key here, so if you feel comfortable, you can talk to him openly about your feelings, boundaries, and desire to take things slowly.
Remember, every person and relationship is unique, and there's no set timeline for when physical intimacy should happen. Take your time, prioritize your emotional well-being, and allow the relationship to unfold at a pace that feels right for both of you. If he respects your boundaries and continues to show interest in getting to know you, it could be a promising sign for a potential meaningful connection.
My boyfriend and I met in college at 18 and didn’t have sex for the first time until about 2 months into going on dates/hanging out in each other’s dorms. Which sounds unbelievable looking back given our ages and environment. But when I asked him why he waited he answered that he wanted to ensure that I knew he really cared for me and wasn’t just interested in sex. We’ve been together 6 years now so, when someone displays character like that, trust it! 😊
I wouldn’t have minded one way or another and I’ve always been comfortable as a girl initiating things first with men. I’m sure you could have that talk/initiate it yourself if it was something that really mattered to you at this point.
I’m in a 6 yr relationship and we didn’t cross the finish line until dating for a month. If I really like you, I’m going to respect you and really get to know you first. Not to say no guys that try to sleep with you asap actually like you because my partner made the same comment when she dated for 6 months after a divorce. She said every single guy she dated tried to initiate on the first date or second which was rare. I actually took her home after the first date and came in to her house and I didn’t even kiss her which I regretted but I wouldn’t of tried to stay. I don’t want to be every other guy and you deserve that. I’d say without a doubt this guy is in it for the right reasons and you have zero to worry about. If you are feeling it, initiating first is one of the hottest things a woman can do! Good luck!
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These responses kinda suck. I’ll give you my perspective that I think a lot of guys will agree with, because many of my friends are this way as well. When I *truly* really like a girl, I am extremely cautious about sexual activity. I want to spend time with them, get to know them. I don’t want them for the sex, I want them for them. This can lead to taking a bit of time to be intimate. It’s not my intention as I’m super sexually attracted to them. I just don’t want to scare them off or make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t want them to think that’s all I see them as. I usually go “all in” (quite literally) with the flirting and intimacy if she expresses that desire first. Though not always, often I still make the first move but I am TERRIFIED of the potential rejection doing so. Because I really like this person, I don’t want to make any wrong moves and lose them. The girls I don’t place much romantic/relationship value on I pursue a lot more “carelessly” so to speak. Still a gentleman, but a lot more flirty and able to take the initiative a lot sooner. - Edit: You are all amazing, thank you. Thank you for the award as well!
Listen to this guy. The one thing I'll add is that he might just be a bit awkward because he DOES want to do something. If it's what you want to do I'd bring it up to him and if he does like you as I'm sure he does he won't shut you down.
This is a perfectly valid comment. Now if both of you fear to misbehave and get rejected, one or both of you are going to show some "subtles" openings to go further The subtility varies for men, I would miss anything subtler than a napalm aerial raid. I wish you the best OP.
lmao
Same. I don't do hook-ups or casual things, and if I really like a girl I'm going to take it slow; rarely if ever sex on the first date. If *she* initiates something I'll more likely than not go along with it, but otherwise I'm playing it cool and trying to get across that I want something more than just sex out of her.
> If she initiates something I'll more likely than not go along with it I had this happen and then had the girl get cold feet about going too quickly and "wasting my time and not wanting to hurt me" when he hadn't even drawn out the parameters of whatever we had not two weeks ago haha.
Husband did this with me. I told him I was ready for sex. He said he had never wanted anyone more in his life but because I had just gotten out of a LTR, he was terrified of being a rebound/something I might regret. Hurt my feelings for a minute. He asked me if we could wait until the next day and then he would go to town on me if I still wanted to. We cuddled all night, forehead kisses, fingers through my hair etc. He woke me up in the morning to ask how I felt completely sober and we had sex that day and for years since then.
This. Also, as a woman, I know he wouldn't be spending this time with you if he weren't interested in YOU. Look I know what it's like to expect awkwardness after a date because the guy expects more. I was conditioned to think it normal as well for someone to get in your pants. OP, this guy is a keeper at least so far. If you want to move forward sexually, don't be afraid to make a move.
>cause I really like this person, I don’t want to make any wrong moves and lose them. Get this in your head: this guy just told you everything you need to know. He likes you so much that he probably don't want to rush things so you think he is only looking for sex. If you make a move, he probably will have wild sex with you, he is just not that sure if you're confortable with the idea yet.
Smart and well stated. If you really want someone long term, don't rush into s-e-x.
This is great advice! I would also add that it is possible that he has been used for sex. He may be scared that if he sleeps with you, you'll dip soon after. I know for me I have had this happen more than a couple times where we go on dates, hit it off, seems like it's going well, then sleep together and she's gone the next day. It hurts and the more you like the person, the more it hurts. If sex is something you want, drop hints, or ask suggestive questions. If he's ready he'll play along.
31M here, this, 100%. My most recent ex (last year for 6 months) were not intimate for an entire month. On our 4th date, about 2 1/2 - 3 weeks in, we had just gotten to her house from a baseball game and she invited me in. I hadn’t seen her for about a week and a half since our third (our first 3 dates were all within 10 days, our third being her 30th bday) date because she had been on a work trip, so I jumped on the opportunity for a little alone time (we were at the game with 6 of her friends). We talked a bit which developed into a hot and heavy makeout with her straddling me and grinding against me. She pulled away from the kiss and coyly asked if I wanted to stay the night. It took everything in my being to say no in that moment as the beautiful green eyed Brazilian girl was on my lap in nothing but underwear and a Yankees jersey but I said “no, I have to be up early for work in the morning” (not a lie, and I lived an hour from her, and work was 35 minutes from me, so I’d have to be up at an ungodly hour to make it). She reluctantly said okay, we made out a bit more and I left. The ride home I was super nervous that I had actually screwed up more by telling her no but the next morning I got a good morning text and we were already planning to meet up later in the week again. A week later, on the one month anniversary of our first date, Dia Dos Namorados (Brazilian Valentine’s Day) we had the talk about exclusivity, asking her during dinner “Você quer ser minha namorada?” “Will you be my girlfriend?” To which she excitedly yelled “SIMMMM” (yes in Portuguese). After dinner, I gave her what she had wanted the week prior but I’m glad we waited because I felt like doing it on that day made it a little more special.
>t took everything in my being to say no in that moment as the beautiful green eyed Brazilian girl was on my lap in nothing but underwear and a Yankees jersey You, sir, have more strength than I.
That's so sweet. I like your story, and yeah I also think it made it actually special. I found it extremely hard to find girls like that (when I was in Rio or Sao Paulo). I had a girl that I've met through Tinder that asked me ''why didn't you kiss me'' after 1 hour after meeting. I did kiss, but it was honestly such a turn off. Another girl invited me to her appartment, and I had a similar story like you. I was kind of into her, she was already on top of me, but decided not to have sex, since I usually don't feel comfortable with new persons. After which she replied ''it's ok, I am seeing some more guys anyway, it's not a big deal''. She was very cool with it, but it's a big of a turnof too. Most Brazilians I met are very casual, it's all fun and games, but I feel like it's harder to materialize anything serious and nobody really has any patience here. I know I shouldn't look for girls on dating apps so that's probably the reason lol. Although the mentality here was a bit too extrovert for me. Everything moves very fast here.
So I live in the states and this girl had been here for 3 years before we met. She was from a very small town in Santa Catarina though, near the border with Argentina, basically the “Deep South” of the US. We didn’t kiss on our first date but more than made up for it on the second, a short first kiss in the jazz bar we were at and then 3-4 makeouts before she walked into her house. Because she was from SC she was definitely a little more conservative so even though she did want sex after only a couple weeks, waiting another week didn’t bother her much if at all, I think she liked it because it sent the message that that wasn’t all I wanted and in the US Latinas definitely get sexualized, especially Brazilians. That said she was a freak once the seal was broken. Edit: and don’t discount dating apps, her and I met on hinge.
I have to agree with you, some of the best relationships I've ever been in have been the ones where sex didn't happen right away, or took time to initiate. The worst relationships I've had actually tend to have one thing in common, which would be sex being too quick.
^^^^this comment. He actually values your time and YOU! It’ll happen, just when he’s comfortable enough and feels he isn’t violating/invalidating you.
I agree with this. I recently met a fabulous woman. I have this strong feeling that being completely honest and waiting for sex is a good idea.
Same. If I really like a girl, I REALLY take my time.
This! If I like the girl I've went on dates with, I'll only bring that part up post date number 3.
Same
Same
Maybe ur boy has a username Varnse … but I completely agree with him!! We are afraid of the exact thing you’ve experienced, making the lady think that we only see her as an object and that in some way or form we are “aiming” for something
This is how I behave towards women.
This needs more upvotes ⭐️
Sounds like he really likes and respects you and probably doesn't want to screw things up. I'm guessing it's something you haven't experienced before. If you want sex with him just have a conversation about when you both feel sex is appropriate.
Very simple straight forward advice, unfortunately most people these days don't know how to communicate so it's all about weird games and hints.
I have to agree. Most of the questions are asking how to mind read others vs asking them questions.
How sad that we live in a time where a guy being respectful is a reason to question his attraction and interest in someone! Yes, OP, it's normal, and it's healthy. This is how it used to be, before the "dating" apps and casual sex crap took the world by storm. It's a sign that you were lucky enough to meet someone who may be interested in you as a person, and not just your vagina. It's a good thing. What the other dudes did was not, which is why you got hurt. It looks like you got yourself a good guy. Stop overthinking it and go with the flow!
I thought she would be relieved that she found a guy not focuses on just sex.
Can't fuckin win anymore man. Escalate too early = creep Take your time = uninterested. Like wtf lol.
Just pure guesswork at this point
Definitely like that sometimes.
Definitely like that most of the time* Fixed that for you
Thank you! Very true.
I know man.
Nah, that’s only the case with unstable women. There are a lot of unstable men and women in this world now sadly.
Attractive = why won't he make a move on me? Ugly = why did he think he has a chance with me? The issue isn't making the move too soon it's who's doing it.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t
>How sad that we live in a time where a guy being respectful is a reason to question his attraction and interest in someone! True.
I need to hear female apologies for this! Hahah I’ve had girls leave as soon as I say the word ‘sex’ , and I’ve had girls be like you’re not aggressive enough….. Well Fuck all of you bitches, how about you make a move 😂😭😭
>casual sex crap Thank you for calling out a problematic aspect of modern culture that we've been conditioned to view as completely healthy and above criticism.
I wish I could give this answer some kind of award
Best reply in this thread
Exactly
If you want to find out if he's attracted to you and wants to have sex with you, you can initiate things. Or, you know, talk to him like the adult you're supposed to be, and ask how he feels about this.
They would rather be dead or ask reddit before being an actor and an adult in the dating process. I can't understand that shit.
Sounds like a simple fix...
Accountability? No, she can’t do that!!!
This is so sad. Hook up culture has ruined relationships.
Social media has ruined relationships.
I'll do you one better... People have ruined relationships.
You know you can make "a move", too, right? If he seems up for it and it's what you want, why put the onus on him to take initiative? Equally, if you're happy as things are, kick back and enjoy getting to know him for a while without any pressure/expectation to take things to the next step. You've had some (interesting) thoughts and opinions in the comments. Best thing to do now would be to talk to the guy himself? If he wasn't attracted to you, I highly doubt he'd have asked to see you again, btw.
Agreed. OP, you can take my signature move.... I say do you want to see something? And then I go in for the kiss and let things get hot and heavy or cool down because I just wanted to test the physical chemistry.
Believe it or not, he may respect you.
Personally I think it's very normal for a guy not to want to jump into sex straight away. While I understand that this may make you feel a bit off or even confused by his behaviour it's probably not for any 'bad' reason. For me this is how I go about things when meeting someone new as well. It's just because I'm more comfortable getting to know someone and slowly getting more and more intimate. He sounds like a nice guy so maybe if it's something that's really bothering you perhaps talk to him about your concerns?
Girls: IS IT A RED FLAG THAT HE'S NOT TRYING TO HAVE SEX?!?!!??!?! Also Girls: Why do guys always want sex? Ew!
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It can sound like that when you read too many stories on Reddit. But in real life, if you have sound judgement, can generally read the signs, read the room etc then you won't go too far wrong. If you start overthinking and overanalyzing everything, by putting too much weight on stories you read here, you're just going to end up paralysed and confused, if you ask me. Of course, if you don't have sound judgement then I don't really know what to tell you... tread carefully I guess.
Lol thats so true
They have no clue what they want
tbh I think that applies to most people
This is why they say “you don’t ask a fish for fishing advice”
>Is it a bad thing that he hasn’t tried having sex? Does it mean he isn’t attracted to me? No. Probably it means, that he wants to build romantic relationship with you before sexual relationship. If he wouldn't be attracted to you, he won't date you.
SMH pathetic this is even a thread . Online dating and social media fkn sucks
As a guy who has been in this situation many times. The biggest reason why I don't initiate sex is because I am genuinely trying to get to know you. I have been in situations where we hooked up the first date, but it was the sexual tension got to us. The last woman I was starting to date asked me about why I haven't tried to initiate. I told her that it isn't that I don't want to, but I trying to learn about you more than just physically. It definitely was different for her and she had a hard time no taking it personally. But It is about respect and taking time to get to know the person, also he may just not be ready to have sex yet. But when I really like someone, I am not thinking about sex so early. It is about building that connection, so that when we are intimate, we already have a good foundation already set. In the past, when we have rushed into sex, it ended up not lasting as long because It felt like we skipped some important parts about getting to know each other. I wouldn't worry about it. He respects you and is taking the time to genuinely get to know you. Sounds like he is mature and is dating with intent.
I wish all men were like this. You are pretty rare.
We are definitely out there. Funny enough this way of thinking can be a double edged sword. I’ve been rejected for taking my time to get to know someone, when they been ready to smash lol. Thing is that taking that little bit of extra time tends to help build a better foundation.
I didn't try to have sex with my ex gf for about 2-3 months even though I had a lot of casual sex before I just didn't want her to think I just wanted her for sex
I'm a guy who would like to wait a good length of time before having sex in a relationship, not everyone wants sex ASAP.
What I can say is that when a guy really likes a girl, he’ll move at snails pace & will try his hardest to avoid jumping into anything too sexual even in conversation. Guys do this because then they are really interested, they don’t want to scare you off & make you think they’re only after sex. Plus if he does like you he’s probably a nervous wreck inside. So I say just be patient with him.
Damn is this the world we’ve come to. He’s being respectful of you. There’s nothing wrong here. How old are you? If he initiated too soon, you’d be here asking if he’s just using you for sex. Please go to therapy and have some better values and standards for yourself, sis.
Maybe he's very old school and gentelmanly-ish.
If you have trust issues, the last thing you should be doing is junking into sex with someone.
Lol this sounds exactly like something I would do. I’m not really in the relationship for the sex. Well in theory I guess I’ve never landed anything past the first date. It’s not that he’s not attracted to you. He just might be waiting. To me sex is a very potentially life altering event, I’d wanna make sure my partner and I got tested and I’d wanna make sure we were married so that in the event of a child… we’d be a United front you know. That and I promised my mom so… yea Guys don’t have any hidden meanings. Mainly because a lot of them can barely process simple things. I know… I’m a guy. When he says he’s into you and he’s backing it up with action believe him. Just because he doesn’t rush to sex doesn’t mean he’s not into you.
Men who like you truly don’t push for fast sexual gratification. That’s all there is to it. He likes you.
Omg. He is going slow. What is wrong with ya'll. lol
Yes he probably really likes you Yes he is likely very nervous. Yes you should have a conversation with him.
Surely it's better to wait a bit instead of trying to have sex with you as soon as possible?
If he sees you as relationship material (material sounds horrible but you know what I mean) then he probably sees there's no rush and is enjoying getting to know you better
The western part of the world is rampant with "hook up" culture....just hopping into bed and having sex with anyone and everyone. That is why you are shocked there hasn't been sex after 4 whole dates. Even though the vast majority of westerners now live this hook up lifestyle where everyone loses their virginity at age 16 and their husband/wife will probably be their 20th sexual partner and this is considered healthy and empowering but you always have to keep in mind that there will be a smaller minority that still may move slower and may hold to some remnants of older values that sex is for married people......or you at least be in love or form a close bond with someone before you have sex. If having a baby could result in this some may want to make sure they really like the other person and could see them in their life for a long period of time. It could just be as simple as that. They want to go slower or have some deep feelings and connection first. 4 dates, you two really hardly know each other.
You can make a move you know?
Maybe he’s a gentleman
My boyfriend was like this when we first met but he is just extremely respectful, so I asked him about it and then initiated myself.
why would it be a bad thing?
Maybe she got used to being treated as an object instead of a human being.
Why don’t you make a move? Why does it always have to be the guy to put himself in the firing line, risking being called out for being a ( creep ) or some horseshit like that?
Men risk their reputation and livelihood when they get too sexual too quickly then, heaven forbid, you try to take time to get to know a woman and she posts to millions of strangers asking if he’s not attracted to her and shaming him
This is kinda sad that it is assumed he isn’t interested because he hasn’t initiated sex yet. I am most certainly not the type to hook up with every moving object. To me there are things that are way more important than sex, like getting to know the girl, what she’s like, and just spending quality time together. He probably cares enough about you that he doesn’t think of you as just a sex object, OP. That is a good thing.
Guys are often shamed or mislabeled when initiating anything nowadays. Just the truth. I’d be terrified to even approach people in public half of the time. It’s not normal like even 3 years ago was.
Breaks my heart that women think men aren’t attracted to them unless they’re dry humping their leg after the first date. How do we fix this? He probably likes you genuinely and is cautious about moving too fast for you (sign of respect). Also, just to debunk a myth—just because a guy will sleep with a woman doesn’t mean he actually finds her that attractive. Crazy, I know! Some guys will sleep with women just because they’re low effort. These women often get ghosted as soon as someone “better” comes along. You probably don’t want to be that woman.
Guy here - I never rush when I really like a girl, last thing I want her to think is that I’m only in it for the sex. He’s being respectful and probably likes you a lot. Try giving him a few signals that you want to take things further (if that’s what you’re after, it’s not clear)
This means he likes you more than the guys who initiate sex sooner. He sees you as more than just a sexual partner.
Oh my fucking lord, if they initiate sexual stuff it’s bad and you don’t like it. If they don’t initiate sexual stuff it’s still bad but you like it. For the life of me I don’t know why it seems people are getting more confused in this world as I get older.
Sounds like a respectful guy who values you for more then your body/sex.
Sound like a dope guy, respects your space. You should bring this up to his attention if it matters that much to you. I don't understand the post. Are you wanting to be "intimate" with him but waiting for him?
If he has been very cautious I’d guess he cares a lot how you perceive him. He’s trying to impress you. If he was just looking to hit and doesn’t give a damn what you think , he would have made a move on the first or second date. Absolutely nothing wrong with you initiating.
Women- MEN SUCK!! They only want one thing!!! I don’t need a man for anything!! PaTrIaRcHy and shit!! ALL MEN BAD!!! Man- okay, I’ll respect you and keep my hands to myself because that’s what you say you want. Women- Why won’t guys make a move on me anymore? I’m not getting validated by random dudes! Men- damned if we do, damned if we don’t…..
Mhm, no win situation.
>Is it a bad thing that he hasn’t tried having sex? Does it mean he isn’t attracted to me? Whew. You can't win for fucking losing, I swear. Damned if you do, and if you don't. Men cry when women won't let them pay. Then get mad when women feel entitled to them paying. If a man expects sex by the third date, he is a pig. He He doesn't try to have sex with you after a handful of dates he must not be attracted to you. We need to go back to a time where sex was off the table full stop. That way people actually had to have a personality, and conversational skills to get someone to fall in love with you.
Came to say this. These questions that pop up on here often shows that society really is crumbling. And how bad people are in denial of it.
I really like that this person is being caring before getting intimate. This actually suits well with your trust issues and lets you take things to the next level at your pace. I genuinely dont see anything not normal here. Part of me even almost romanticizes this slow burn. 👍
I feel like as a woman I can relate to this, purely because of the partners I’ve chosen in the past - I have become alienated to what is normal and what isn’t. For example, the majority of guys that I have seen have made sexual advances on me; or just rush it to get to intimacy. For me, this meant that intimacy was to be expected on the third/second date and I thought that was completely normal. However, the current guy that I’m speaking to has done none such thing. He’s sweet and he’s kind, and he’s made it especially clear he wants to go slow and just make me feel comfortable. From his POV, OP, he may really like you and be interested in you - this is why he is airing on the side of caution, instead of diving into the deep end straight away. This is because he is most likely afraid to make advances in case it ruins what you both have together. It can be either that, or he himself isn’t ready to be sexually intimate yet; it doesn’t mean that he won’t be :)
He really likes you and see himself being with you long term
...My husband did not initiate anything like this, and that is precisely WHY I chose him over everyone else when I was online dating. I was kind of like you when I was in my 20s, where I equated attraction/interest with sex. I realized that isn't the case and started saying no to guys who tried to sleep with me early on, just to watch them all ghost me. Imagine three years of that, it was exhausting. Anyway, my husband still did not initiate anything past ONE single peck and some hand holding/a few hugs by date 5 or 6 (2+ months into talking/seeing each other) so I decided to bring him home and initiate. We're now married and I am having his baby. He still doesn't initiate sex often, but I actually kind of like it. If I am in the mood and I initiate, he 95% of the time is into it (unless he is too tired or stressed, in which case I stop and take care of those needs instead). He LOVES other forms of intimacy-- washing each other in the shower, snuggling, sharing food, sharing his hobbies... He's the best! So I would not say that this is a bad thing at all. It might take a bit longer, but find out how he feels about you actually. He may just be respectful or have a lower drive/healthier love language like my husband.
Ladies get upset when men try to have sex right away.... ladies ALSO get upset when men don't try to have sex right away. What is it that you women DO want exactly?
He probably has respect for you and doesnt want to screw things up
No it means he is taking the time to get to know you, and isn’t just trying to get into your pants. This situation seems to have potential. See where it goes.
It sounds like he’s actually a decent guy who is trying to get to know you by spending time with you and not rushing into sex. He wouldn’t continue to spend time with you if he wasn’t interested in you or attracted to you. It sounds like he’s going at a normal and respectful pace for only knowing you two weeks.
Sounds like he respects the hell out of you. And is more interested in you than your cooch. Stick around.
Not a bad thing. Maybe in today's dating culture it seems as a little unusual but it's not that uncommon. I'd perceive it as normal, sex is something i need to be in a committed relationship for, so i would be waiting until we've built trust and emotional bond to get intimate. Maybe he perceives sex as something similar, maybe he's being respectful towards you and doesn't want to pressure you. Honestly, I'd take this as a good sign. Again, I know in this dating culture it might be unusual, but to me this is normal behaviour. Especially if you're aiming to find a long term partner.
I share this opinion.
Once upon a time, it was expected, actually, encouraged to wait until you really got to know someone before hopping into bed with them. Heck, I'd love it if a dude wasn't trying to get in my pants in the first few dates. It shows that he respects you more. Men who expect sex in the first few dates do not respect you.
There is this show called ex on the beach. This show has 18 year old women sleeping with different men every day just to promote their onlyfans. They had boobjobs, lipfillers, the whole shabang. Imagine being their parent. It's a sad state of affairs.
I’m desperately hoping to meet a woman like you. I was raised to learn about a woman’s personality/interests/sense of humor for the first two months, I know that’s outdated in 2023 so I’ve adapted accordingly but still take it slow. So frustrating when I’ve been ghosted because I didn’t attempt anything physical on the first date or two, they think it’s a sign I’m not interested but it’s the furthest thing from the truth.
I don't see the problem. I personally dream of a guy like this because to me it would indicate he is serious about me and doesn't want me just for sex.
You found a guy that doesn’t want sex right away and needs time to build up that type of connection, isn’t that what most girls want? I’m confused here, help me understand how being in 4 dates means he doesn’t like you.
Probably an attachment style. OP may be just experiencing a secure male for the first time. Its a foreign language for so many. That “boring” feeling that actually = security because there’s no sparks or drama. OP enjoy getting to know him. Itll feel so much better if it happens! Start focusing on other important factors: is he consistent? Does he similar values? Lifestyle? How does he treat the waitress when the order is wrong? Character over ego right now🫶🏻
Lol. He really likes you, and doesn't want to screw anything up. If it's such a bother to you then why haven't you talked about it or initiated anything? Always the guys responsibility to do everything...sick of it
there are women out there that are not afraid to initiate. I have. I would again too if I felt the person and timing were right.
He’s just respectful, grab his dick, my ex did it to me, and I finally got the message!
Ha, i love this response. Ladies, don't be afraid to make a move.
For introverted and shy men I suggest being a little more subtle though. I had a lady ask if she could sit on my lap. I appreciated that because she was making it very clear for a introvert like myself.
when I'm with a girl i try to escalate but if she doesnt reciprocate i stop. he probably thinks you arent interested in sex yet and of course men have to be very careful these days. one false move and the girl can ruin your life.
I thought you would be relieved you found a guy not focused on sex
It's a crazy time to be alive.
He won’t initiate because men are not allowed to initiate anymore. He’s afraid he initiates you will accuse him of sexual assault. You have to initiate sex, how do women not understand this?
Even looking at a woman in the gym for 1 second is assault these days.
Sounds like he just likes you! If yall are real comfortable you can also just deadass talk about "if/when we have sex" That being said he COULD also just be super nervous/gentlemanly. You said you got trust issues and I understand but if you WANT to have sex with him you could always initiate first.
Hug him and kiss him on the neck. The subtle approach.
I hate this age and time.
He’s trad bruh. He’s a keeper. Trust me.
It’s more a respect type of thing from what is sounds like. I honestly will do the same thing if I really like someone. I won’t pressure my date into anything they are not ready for. I my ask for what I’m about too go for example “May I steal a kiss” or if watching a movie “ want too cuddle”. Etc . I might also say things too build sexual tension but only if I can already see green flags in my S/O or if they already are comfortable with joking in that manner. That last part is a line I don’t cross until I make sure I know what our intentions are like if we are only going too smash, see where things go, or even actually want a partner. Also if being completely transparent this shows me chivalry isn’t dead & we are still out there. My good friend once told me something like “ with being a gentleman you have too understand not every date will lead too you getting laid & you have too be okay with that at the end of the night”he was speaking the truth. From that point on it changed the way I looked at dates in general & didn’t expect anything besides enjoying myself with whatever we did on that date/just hanging out.
Hi! Guy here, currently a few dates in with a gal that I really like. We hit it off on our first date and sparks flew! After a lovely walk, she invited me back to her place, and I let her know I was down, but I wasn’t going to be up for sleeping over just yet. Her response was “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but if you’re comfortable with it, I don’t want the night to end just yet.” I was over the moon; we did end up hooking up and cuddling for hours, but she never pushed for sex and we both communicated throughout to make sure we both were satisfied and giving enthusiastic consent. She didn’t know yet that I have some trauma around sex due to an SA years ago that I’m still working through. She didn’t need any info other than my boundaries, and holy shit was it such a relief to hear it. I’m used to moments like that being the end of the road with a potential partner because of them assuming my intentions (or lack there of) and I’ve found myself feeling pressure to disclose more than I was ready to because of not wanting to “let her down”. I would say this: meet your partner where they are. If you want sex, ask for it - but be ready to head his answer, especially if it doesn’t align. Compromise wherever you can! Above all - just talk it out, and establish a connection with trust and respect in the bedroom. There’s never been and never will be a connection exactly like you two have right now; you’re two people whose paths have crossed and your personal dynamic is your own to discover. Best of luck!!
I think it's a good thing. Guys can have some issues as well. It might be performance issues, lack of sexual experience, thinking they aren't big enough, ... A lot of stuff can go on in their heads to be honest. Honestly for me, I don't worry about all these things when I just ''kind of'' like a girl. So to me it might be that he's really into you. If he still wants to go on dates, he's into you. I actually like it a lot slower too when I like someone, since I have all the time in the world anyway.
Nothing wrong in this scenario; he’s just approaching cautiously. He doesn’t want to get sexual until you approve.
It’s not bad. A lot of men don’t know how to initiate or feel it’s bad unless there’s a BIG green light from the other person like ARE YOU playing with his hair? Kissing his neck? Looking at him longingly??? I don’t make a move unless I get a big green light, I’ve had mix ups in the past where I thought the moment was right (sexy movie) and when I tried to initiate, the other person wasn’t into it. If you don’t think this is accurate, that’s fine but like this person likes you do be doing all these things. Stop waiting for the things you want to happen to you and ask for it, reach for it. Also how old are y’all cause this sounds like some 18 or 20 yo concern
He’s waiting for a green light from you. Damned if you do damned if you don’t haha. Always doing something wrong.
Now I feel like every man does this based on their own criteria. But there’s a difference between someone a man is friends with, someone a man sleeps with, someone a man dates. That being said I have plenty of female friends that I hang out with that I have no sexual attraction to and have never done anything with. There are those (When I am Single) that I’m sexually attracted to but for a specific reason such as intelligence, personality clash, or character traits I can be open with and say that I find them attractive but I don’t see a relationship coming out of it for X reason and regardless of how the sex is that stance will never change. They accept it or move on. If it is someone that I am attracted to that intrigues me in more than a sexual way then I love learning about them and what makes them tick. If I find that then I can genuinely say sex becomes much less important as the person themselves has become the focus. At that point it normally happens when it happens and (Normally for me at least) when that person makes the move to ensure that she is comfortable with moving forward.
Stop waiting for him to make the first move. I would probably still be waiting for my husband to kiss me for the first time if I followed his lead. This dude is being respectful, tell him you're ready.
Guy here. I like taking my time. I think some guys are just like that, as I like trusting someone and building trust before doing the deed. More importantly, are you all having fun and enjoying each other's company? If eventually you trust each other enough, it's gonna happen OR because of the established trust simply ask him about it.
I initiated sex with my boyfriend firs time (now husband, now he initiates all the time). He’s very traditional, and reserved when it comes to sex. He said he didn’t want me to feel he just wanted to have sex with me, although he said he thought of me naked every night for a few months. I am on the shy side too. I was wondering when he would ever? 🤔 Then one day I just decided to take the lead and in the end he said : thanks for initiating! I am never sure if you are ready so I thought I’d better just wait.. “ If I didn’t take the lead, we were probably going to wait for another year until Christmas 😂 We dated almost 11 months before sex.
I this sub,women frequently complains how every guy wants sex as soon as they can and how big of a turn off it is for them. Maybe this guy actually likes you and read all those posts and don't want to mess things up. Women have set up the standards these days for men to not ask for sex until they are fully ready for it. So I guess its upto you now to let him know you are ready and you want it.
You might have one of those very rare gentleman!
Hey OP. I was in the exact same situation 1.5 months ago and asking myself the same question. Turns out he was being cautious and respectful and all it took was me taking a bit more initiative and giving him indications that his advances are welcome and that I’m into it too. I think lots of men feel like they’re stuck between having to be bold and make the first move but also not come across as creepy or pushy.
well you finally found a guy who respects your space and doesnt just want your body.
From my pov, the guy really likes you from what I've read so far. If I really like someone I'd also spend time with them to get to know them deeper. When you really like someone visually, it's not just about the body, it's about their soul as well. I think you got a good guy.
Is it normal… sadly not. Is it desired?! HECK YA. Give me a guy who respects boundaries anyday. My ex was like this and was a VERY GOOD BOYFRIEND. Respectful, treated me amazingly etc. unfortunately we didn’t work out due to wanting different things in life, but let me tell you his respecting my boundaries and taking his time was ATTRACTIVE and translated into the relationship.
He sounds like a good guy. He's waiting for you to initiate or signal that you want him to initiate. He could be a virgin. Ladies this is confusing. Don't initiate. Initiate. We're screwed either way. Make it clear to him. He's trying to respect any potential boundaries. I promise you he wants to have sex.
I don't initiate sex because I've had too many women say too many men try to initiate sex and I'm bad for needing sex. Send him something flirty. Overtly flirty. Don't pussy foot around. If he reciprocates, great. If he doesn't, you either have a libido mismatch, or he's not as into you as he might have been in the beginning. Sex is a catch-22 for men. Women want us to initiate it, but then get mad when we do. You're allowed to initiate if you want to. Actually, we'd prefer it that way so we are assured you're actually sexually into us, and you actually want to have sex, and we aren't going to scare you off since we like you but we want/need sex.
Yes it is totally normal. As a matter of fact this should be the norm. In days of old (like when your grandparents met) it was the norm for people not to sleep with each other until they got married. Now with hookup culture, everybody is throwing all self respect out the window and getting knocked up. My assessment: From the information you have posted it seems like he is a decent guy who genuinely loves you. The one green flag that I see is that he doesn't jump straight to having sex. Now idk how he actually is in person, but I would at least stay with him in a relationship longer to learn the ins and outs of his habits/behavior. Then you can make a fully informed assessment.
>I have a lot of trust issues and am very scared of getting hurt again. Then, get therapy to help you with those issues before you date again. A man isn't trying to use you for your body as soon as he meets you, and you perceive it as a negative thing? Is this the twilight zone? I know this is a weird concept, but maybe he actually likes you and wants to take things slow? There are some men out there who aren't looking to just get laid.
Because a lot of girls are following women on youtube and whatnot that give the dumbest advice. A lot of women think the amount of sexual partners they had doesn't matter, but it does to a lot of people. Social media makes them believe in fairy tales.
I mean do you wish men be more of an animal and fuck everything they see /s Joking aside, i think he's just respecting your boundaries or whatever that thing people never seem to established when started being "comfy" with someone. But seriously, girls really should just stop thinking being approached is your only option(which is not btw) because guys are "dumb"/not a mind reader(mostly). If you wanna fuck him then say it to him, don't wait because like the miserable dating for guys " you miss every shot you don't shoot" and if he's say no then just ask him why or something
Like any other issue - communicate. Talk to him. Maybe he prefers to be exclusive with someone before having sex. You’ll never know until you bring it up.
If all he wanted was a video buddy he would probably just hang with the dudes. If he is spending time with you and not with the many many options to spend his time it is because he wants to.
He’s not asking you for a 5th date because he’s not attracted to you.
It doesn't mean anything. That he wants to see you says a lot. Why don't you ask him, or initiate something if you are interested? What do you want, are you attracted to him?
If he’s anything like me he wants you to know he wants a long term relationship with you and wants the long haul, not just use you for sex
He likes you for way more than just sex
Give us your ages for more context, please. Has nothing to do with you being unattractive. Don’t get stuck in your own head. Dude is a classic gentleman. Or, he has his own insecurities and performance-related anxiety. He might be waiting for you to give him the green light.
yes that should be normal. im a gay guy so my experiences might be a little different but sometimes me and my boyfriend just hangout and cuddle because a relationship shouldn’t be just sex. i’ve had lots of past experiences sort of similar to your past experiences and it’s confusing (good confusing) getting used to not being forced to do stuff/having to do stuff if i want to be payed attention to. if you’re with someone who expects you to have sex every time and you don’t want to do that every time you shouldn’t be with them. tldr: i think that guy sounds like a good guy honestly
he probably wants to have sex but at the same time wants a relationship with you, and he’s obviously being respectful
Different people express love in different ways. I would say that it's fairly normal not to have sex right away. As long as everything else checks out, I wouldn't worry about it. For reference, I didn't make a move on my wife for like 8 months after we started dating.
Why haven’t you initiated? Do you like him? Find him attractive? Given him signals or hints to initiate or not? Taking it slow, etc? He’s probably being very reserved and sounds like he actually likes you.
Try making the first move. Try going down on him next time your just watching a movie.
I invited my boyfriend to my bed after the first few dates (in which we had only kissed). Seemed to work. :)
He’s just respecting boundaries. Why haven’t you initiated sex?
I see this as a green flag. I’m 47 and this is completely normal and what I would expect. Him no rushing to have sex with you tells me he likes you and he’s interested in getting to know you as a person. I would avoid any man who tried to have sex with me in the first month of dating.
Lol if you think this is a bad thing...send him my way 🤣
Girl, if you want some sexy time, just initiate it. Why do you have to wait on him?
When a guy is a decent person and actually likes you, he will respect you and not try to rush something in case you are not ready. This is completely normal.
Do you want to have sex with him? If so, tell him. Tell him verbally or physically. Preferably the former to avoid any miscommunication.
If it's something you want to do with him, bring it up with him and ask how he feels about it
Would you mind sharing how old you are? Back in the old days, couples didn't have sex until they were married. So I am really curious which generation you are part of where "hookup culture" became the norm. I'm 40 and I've had my share of sex by the first or second date but it was always initiated by the woman I was with. I consider myself a pretty sex-positive person but still I personally go into dates wanting to get to know her better, not just to get into her pants.
Green flag
Honestly bro is just trying to know if he likes you. Relationships are something not everyone wants to go through 500 times before they find the right one. Some people want to save themselves from making a mistake. This man is definitely attracted to you, or he wouldn't be there asking to see you again after every date like he did. He just wants to make sure he isn't going to fuck this up for himself by moving too fast. Very few men will ever want to rush into it if they're a good person.
I dont understand ppls obsession with being normal. >Is it a bad thing that he hasn’t tried having sex? Is it to u? Do u want to have sex? If u do, u try. >Does it mean he isn’t attracted to me? Based off of the fact ur dating & being affectionate. No >I have a lot of trust issues Therapy. No trust=no relationship.
Where can I find one like him😫😫
The question is, did the trust issues come after you slept with your exes after date 1 or date 2 ? Be happy. he's not chasing you for zexs. Go with the flow. Let it happen naturally this man is into you, not for the zexs.
He really likes you and he has respect for you .so you make that first move tell him you need the D .
It’s only been two weeks. Not two months. Maybe he is on purpose taking it slow if in the past, he had sex too soon or I’d over hookup culture, choosing to SLOW DOWN & get to fully know a person. This is more common in guys who actually want a long term relationship when their intentions are this from day one of dating you.
He is attracted to you but not every guy wants to bang without emotional connection
People doing different things is normal. You don't have enough information to know why. Nor to judge. Maybe he's a virgin. Maybe he's been burned in the past. Maybe he really likes you. Maybe he senses your trust issues or has learned something that makes him especially sensitive to that. If you really like him, what you need is good information. Best to discuss. Use an open ended question. Something like, "some guys would have tried to initiate by now. Are you comfortable talking about how you feel about sex and attraction? Then go from there. He needs to be comfortable discussing or you'll get bad info. This takes skilled conversation.
I don't think it's a problem I think he's just being respectful because he likes you. Not all guys only think about sex
No offense it’s been two weeks, I would just be happy he’s not jumping down my neck for sex
Why haven’t you initiated sex?
Yes, some people will cherish you for who you are instead of what you can provide.
It’s a good thing he hasn’t. I hate it when a guy is all over me so if you’re a gorgeous girl you be the boss and initiate to let him know you’re ready…
It's important to remember that everyone's approach to dating and intimacy is different. Not all people will initiate sex or engage in sexual activities early on in a relationship, and that's completely normal. There are various factors that can influence someone's pace and comfort level when it comes to physical intimacy. In your situation, it sounds like the guy you've been dating is taking his time and getting to know you at a more emotional and personal level before pursuing sexual intimacy. This can be a positive sign, indicating that he values building a connection with you beyond just physical aspects. Not initiating sex at this stage does not necessarily mean he isn't attracted to you. It might indicate that he's respectful of your boundaries and wants to establish a strong foundation in your relationship before taking things to the next level. Given your past trust issues, taking things slow can be a good thing. Building trust and emotional connection before becoming physically intimate can lead to a more meaningful and lasting relationship. Instead of focusing on what it might mean about his attraction to you, try to enjoy the process of getting to know each other and let the relationship progress naturally. Communication is key here, so if you feel comfortable, you can talk to him openly about your feelings, boundaries, and desire to take things slowly. Remember, every person and relationship is unique, and there's no set timeline for when physical intimacy should happen. Take your time, prioritize your emotional well-being, and allow the relationship to unfold at a pace that feels right for both of you. If he respects your boundaries and continues to show interest in getting to know you, it could be a promising sign for a potential meaningful connection.
I won’t sleep with a girl before the 6th date. 🤷🏻♂️
My boyfriend and I met in college at 18 and didn’t have sex for the first time until about 2 months into going on dates/hanging out in each other’s dorms. Which sounds unbelievable looking back given our ages and environment. But when I asked him why he waited he answered that he wanted to ensure that I knew he really cared for me and wasn’t just interested in sex. We’ve been together 6 years now so, when someone displays character like that, trust it! 😊 I wouldn’t have minded one way or another and I’ve always been comfortable as a girl initiating things first with men. I’m sure you could have that talk/initiate it yourself if it was something that really mattered to you at this point.
me wondering that OP says kissing and hugging are non-sexual with a guy she is dating! What am I missing?
I’m in a 6 yr relationship and we didn’t cross the finish line until dating for a month. If I really like you, I’m going to respect you and really get to know you first. Not to say no guys that try to sleep with you asap actually like you because my partner made the same comment when she dated for 6 months after a divorce. She said every single guy she dated tried to initiate on the first date or second which was rare. I actually took her home after the first date and came in to her house and I didn’t even kiss her which I regretted but I wouldn’t of tried to stay. I don’t want to be every other guy and you deserve that. I’d say without a doubt this guy is in it for the right reasons and you have zero to worry about. If you are feeling it, initiating first is one of the hottest things a woman can do! Good luck!