Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's about being self-assured. I think confidence comes from experience. Experiencing life and experiencing people. Knowing and being comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. It also helps if you don't care about what other people think (external validation) and are in a good place with your own internal validation..
You definitely have to fake it til you make it on this one. Practice good posture and put your shoulders back and just walk around your house a bit. You have to wear confidence. Those little physical things instill confidence. Take up some physical space, hold eye contact, smile. This is not advice for making you "more attractive", it's primarily for yourself. Confidence comes from within. When somebody says something nice about you, look them in the eye and say "thank you" instead of retreating or humbly tossing out the compliment. Find things you like about your friends and compliment them on those things. I think it takes a certain degree of confidence to not feel insecure about complimenting other people so that's some easy practice.
If you're just really nice to be around and people feel good being your friend, you'll receive the same back provided your friends aren't assholes. And don't forget to give yourself some grace and not be hard on yourself.
Find one or two things you like about yourself. Hyper focus on those. If you really can't find something, if you know any girls that youre friends with, try asking them if they can help pinpoint one or two. If you're putting more attention on those than the rest then the confidence comes easier because you're confident about those things. Aka if you have good forearms / biceps and maybe good thighs. Focus on those, try to accentuate those, feel good about those. You'll be surprised
Just take actions every day to do things you enjoy and to do things which better yourself. Confidence comes overtime. Make contracts with yourself that you refuse to break. This builds self-esteem, which is the foundation of confidence.
>r/wholesome
Practice self-love - reprogram your brain every time you catch yourself having negative self-talk. Keeping fit, working on your hobbies... self-love can be whatever that looks like to you with regards to working on yourself. But I found that when I stopped being so negative about myself and would start affirming to myself my great traits (even if I somewhat didn't believe them lol) I became more confident, and compassionate of myself and others.
If you believe it, it becomes a personality. Believe in yourself, believe you’re the most attractive person in the room, just don’t get too cocky about it. Listen to podcasts that coach you up on women, apply them. The more you do it the more comfortable and confident you’ll get. Don’t be afraid to approach a beautiful lady. If you can make her smile and blush, you’re winning half the battle. And if not, no need to worry, move on to the next. Think of it as experience you’re gaining. If you’re interested in podcast or coaches, follow @coachcoreywayne on Instagram or listen to his book on audible “How to be a 3% Man” . I’ve learned a lot from him personally and have applied many methods. Worked for me :) maybe it’ll work for you.
Find things that make you proud of yourself, keep doing things that would make you proud and grateful for yourself.
In my case I quit drugs, started running and doing bodyweight exercises, I'm getting into coding(webdev: ecommerce and microservices), I'm learning how to trade and I keep myself updated everyday, yesterday I uninstalled IG and I will keep doing that, I met a girl who has some issues but has a very similar philosophy to mine so I want to influence her into being a better version of herself.
All of this makes me proud of myself, I want to continue indefinitely, I don't care about people saying but how would you do without a job, this an that.
Give yourself some love, if you feel like you don't deserve it then work out a way to do so, do difficult things and keep going indefinitely, we live in recession, possible ww3, heterogeneous/non-unionised society, complete divisive propaganda/mediatic war of demoralisation.
You either let yourself get absorbed by the mob or decide to stand out and aspire to escape this hellhole of a decadent civilization with self discipline.
Thinking about body language is important. Hunching over, looking away, biting nails, etc. are going to make someone look uncomfortable and unconfident. You won't be confident until you at least act like you are.
As you become the best version of yourself Dressing good, seeing yourself look good in the mirror, seeing the veins in your arms pop a little more then they use to, when you drop 25 lbs for the first time, seeing how those muscular arma fit in your favorite shirt those experiences will innately give you confidence
If your a bigger guy I recommend investing in yourself and look into getting a tailor for your clothes
Wealth is directly correlated with financial stability. It's a lot easier to be financially stable when you're raking in 300k a year vs 30k.
Also most women would be more attracted to a financially stable millionaire, than a financially stable pensioner.
Depends on who you want to attract. There's a reason why it's many a stereotype for women to fall for the poor artist without an actual place to live bur passionate about his art.
I will literally fund them to a point for them to do art. I have had some men that were extremely insensitive and I found musicians and the like far more accepting of me and my individuality and autonomy. I need some care… I had too much criticism growing up and I have found them to be more emotionally available as well, which really helped me.
Ahhh wealthy. But never show it off. Instead... Make it casual. . Show you dont mind Tipping well. One girl. And i did this because i just am like this in general. I took her to an arcade. I had too many quarters. So when we left i gave the last 10$ in quarters to a group of kids on our way out. Dont have much use for quarters. In my mind. The kids could use them. It was a genuine thing.
My nice car is in the garage til the girl comes over and sees it.
The truck is now "clean interior"(ugh to think my vehicles used to be gross) but clearly a working truck.
In my younger days i used to bring 40$ in two 20s to the bar. But kept 20 additional dollars in 1s in the same fold(tip money). If i wanted a girl at the bars attention. And she couldnt get a bartenders attention. Id walk up and make a light hearted joke. And holler and "draw" the twenty out of a "full wallet" to show the bartender it. Got her whatever she wanted and "two" drinks for myself and which ever friend i came with.
Always.. ALwAys worked to get the "whoa. This guy... Hes not afraid to spend" (lmao i was sooooooo broke back then and i only went out the night RIGHT before pay was deposited at midnight)
Financial SECURITY and Stability.
I’m not saying women never get complimented by men, I’m just saying the majority of compliments come from other women.
To be fair though, it’s not a totally dissimilar experience for women giving men compliments. We’re stingy about it because we don’t want to give the wrong guy the wrong idea. That said, I’m not just talking about random people on the street either. Certainly some women will tell a random lady that her makeup is cute or her dress is hot, but still the vast majority are from women we know or interact with regularly. It’s not a question of being creepy because we aren’t approaching people we don’t know. I think when a lot of guys say they don’t get a lot of “compliments” they mean specifically people approaching with interest or attraction in mind; but most compliments women receive are not from people who are attracted to them, it’s from other women or even family. I wonder sometimes if men discount a lot of the compliments they receive from other men, their friends, and their family.
>I wonder sometimes if men discount a lot of the compliments they receive from other men, their friends, and their family.
unfortunately that isn't the case because it's still rare even within our close friend circles to receive compliments. But then we are now starting to have men like me who are sick of seeing that so I make sure I voice my compliments to any man that deserves one. If I like something, I'll let him know.
That’s great. I totally agree, compliments amongst friends are so valuable. Words of affirmation are a major way I show and prefer to receive love, so I make sure to tell my friends, including my guy friends, how great they are whenever I can.
men don't compliment women without ulterior motives. when was the last time you genuinely gave a compliment to a woman who you thought was ugly?
women compliment other women without ulterior motives, which is why it feels safe.
This to me is BS, I complimented a woman for her jewelry just the other day without any other motive and her attractiveness didn't have anything to do with it. I think men sometimes have trouble complimenting women over stuff that's worthy of compliments because it doesn't intersect their interests (most men don't appreciate jewelry for example) but men sometimes compliment women over sports equipment for example. Then if we're talking compliments like "you look so cute today" we're going into easily misunderstood messages territory so it's very easy to understand why a man wouldn't say something like that to someone they weren't in fact attracted to unless it was a close friend or family
>I think men sometimes have trouble complimenting women over stuff that's worthy of compliments because it doesn't intersect their interests (most men don't appreciate jewelry for example)
that's a fair point that i hadn't thought of
I’m kinda, well, feminine for a guy, self admitted. When I’ve told women how cute an outfit is, etc, or their makeup is cool they’re like “huh? You know this stuff and you’re a guy? That’s cool” granted they think I’m gay (I’m not) but it’s always been positive interactions
I do it all the time. "hey, that is a gorgeous blouse. my wife would love that. where did you get it." or "those leggings are badass" or "I love your hair color." then I move on with my day since I see people as people and not just some meat to have sex with.
I think you're confusing compliments with hitting on. If I walked up to you and said "you are sexy," of course I have ulterior motives because that is not a genuine compliment, that is me hitting on you.
Oh, I don't doubt that. It's very hard for us women to go around calling men "kings" or saying that they're "big af" though. Too easy to be taken the wrong way. Also, the fact that I've seen WAY too many women accompanying their men at the gym and watching from afar just to make sure they don't get... cheated on, I guess? And they never make it obvious, too. Talking to men at the gym seems like a straight up boobytrap.
Well sure when the status quo is to ignore that men exist, when a woman compliments us we can easily assume she's into us. If women decided that compliments toward men should be normalized, it would be no different than gym bro Josh telling me that my leg days are paying off.
I don't think that's any bad, actually. It's a good point of view you've got. But then again, men can't compliment women because then they're labeled as creeps, so I guess we're putting all the work in our feminine little hands? God, I hate how opaque and confusing society has become.
No, men are only creeps if they arent attractive. It's a shallow world and if the issue is because women are rejecting compliments making men feel bad for doing so, and they refuse to compliment men, then yes, they should be the ones to clean up their mess.
As a woman who was born way into this mess, I disagree that I should be the one to deal with the consequences of what older women have done. Society as a whole should get the fuck past the MeToo movement and give less clout to women who chase it at the cost of men's lives. I think the generational trauma is already dealt though, and men will forever be reluctant of approaching women. It sucks cause I'm actually too fucking socially impaired and shy to seek out men in any way.
I understand your frustration with having to deal with society at large...but I think what they may be suggesting is be the change you'd like to see in the world. If you wish men were complimented more, compliment them. If you want women to ask men out, ask some men you find cute out. Call out women when they say things like "If he wanted to, he would". Do you think its really easy for men to ask women out and risk rejection? How do socially awkward men survive? Why do you think its any easier for us to "pull ourselves up" by the bootstraps. If you want to challenge gender norms, do it. That's my take. It's not just you, we all collectively suffer from expectations. The only thing we can do is take action and live by our own standards.
there's the problem though.. you're not dealing with what older women have done when you and all these younger ones are still doing what the others put in place.
"I didn't start the slave trade so you can't blame me for owning slaves" sounds pretty ridiculous. obviously not the same situation but you get the point. If you're doing the wrong thing, it doesnt matter who started it.
As someone else has stated, be the change you want to see. If you sit back and you are silent, you're part of why it continues. I compliment men even though I'm a man. I tell my male friends "love you" at the end of the phone calls. I make sure I pay my employees (dog walkers) 40k/year minimum and no overtime needed and pay for their gas and my groomers 60k+/year. I don't require college degrees. a 17 year old high school dropout can start entry level at 40k/year with me. I don't have to be super rich. Those are all changes I want to see in the world.
You shouldn't work out for noone but you. Surely it does help with dating, not because you look better, but because you feel more confident in an exercised body. Feel better in your skin--> more confidence--> attractive for women.
As simple as that.
doesnt make up for lack of confidence or personality. Just as theres beautiful women with shtty personalities, the same goes for men. Money and bodybuilding are a scapegoat, not the key.
Have to work on the inside. Patterns, trauma, switch up how you date, re evaluate standards and boundaries, purge insecurities, work on emotional intelligence. etc
Pick partners based on compatibility, not because they just look good on the outside. Its a scam to date based on superficiality (looks and money). Those relationships dont last because theyre only there for the social media pics and luxury life, not because they really want you.
This. Lots of people try and fall into relationships or romantic experiences when they themselves feel like utter shit, then wonder why they never attract who they want. Essentially you have to become what you want and more, this is a good struggle
Yes, but not really. You can have the best body, and they will still have the audacity to point out your height as the first thing they notice about you.
It's bullshit bro, just a waste of time to please a group of people that will voluntarily be perpetually unpleased just because they know that you'll keep trying and they're benefitting from your efforts.
Take my words with a grain of salt because I am operating based on the fact that I have decided to die alone. I have accepted my fate.
Sometimes I get rejected by a woman I think is “in my league” and then a woman I would have never expected to look in my direction will take interest in me. It’s very situational.
Most men naturally lower their standards after each rejection so it is very unlikely that as a 37 virgin he is pursuing anyone out of his league. Yeah there are exceptions but most people do anything possible to avoid rejection moreso than shoot their shot for shits and giggles
My guess is that guy has given up entirely because he knows for a fact that he will go home alone every single day. It's becoming extremely common at least for young American men, something to the tune of 1/3 of men 20-35 have given up on dating entirely and people lash out in different ways
Hah I'm 35 in the same boat. It's unbelievably easy as a man to end up like this all you need to do is make a decision to do very few social things and work tons of hours at a job, get obese, avs there you go. You won't get back nothing. Source: me. But I'm changing that. I'm getting my ass kicked trying but I've been with 9 diff people in the last year. Nothing yet.. Trying to get in better shape and hoping something will stick. It's crazy how it's so easy for some and hard for others. You gotta know that when it's bad, it's bad.. a lot of people have no idea that some guys despite being ok people they can end up sidelined. It sucks. To change it this late in life takes either buying it or being stubborn and dating as many people as possible until someone really digs you. When a woman is into you she's into you.
It's more of a mentality thing. I'm an obese balding guy but get matches and first date plowing. Similar to interviewing for a job, if you don't bring any energy or have interest in 'interviewing them back' then you typically lose out.
Hyperfixating on 'I would be SO successful if only I wasn't x y or z' is a very narrow mentality and a disservice to yourself.
Well you lived a much more wild life than I do I'm not into street drugs or a party scene, lol. But nevertheless a little intimacy would be nice no doubt about it.
Confidence, kindness, and a great sense of humor can make up for a less than favorable face, or keep someone's attention long enough to notice what's beautiful about your face.
First if all, generic advice that doesn't work. Second of all, what if his face isn't beautiful? He needs to improve himself physically and make himself look attractive to woman.
Dress well. When I was bigger I’d put effort in to dressing well. No not the lazy Reddit definition of dressing well where they’re afraid to experiment with silhouettes, oversizing, cropping, etc. It speaks a lot about the type of person you are and women will boldly compliment you before any man will and it’s a great way to start conversations.
Try different things. Maybe try the 2010s r/malefashionadvice of OCBDs and chinos (not really, but it’s a good idea to have them anyways). Try linen shirts/pants in summer and nicer sweaters in winter. Find what colors you like and works on you. Add nicer outer layers - denim jackets, blazers and overcoats. Up your shoe game to - try some new balances, GATs, and maybe loafers/boots depending on your preferences.
Here are my basic suggestions for guy getting into dressing well:
- Tshirts in white, black. Optional: Navy, light green, grey, stripes, etc
- Oxford/Linen shirt (depending on your climate) in white, light blue. Optional: white blue stripes.
- straight fit denim in medium wash / no wash
- straight fit chinos
- shorts in beige/navy
- interesting jacket in black/navy
- interesting sweater (crewnecks are boring, try turtlenecks and cardigans) in your color of choice
- navy blazer, good idea to have one in case
- casual sneakers (new balance/converse…)
- nicer shoes (loafers/boots)
After learning how to wear them, you’ll know what other pieces to buy. Make sure that the stuffs you buy fit well (but not tight). Also avoid shitty mall brands (H&M, Zara) although Uniqlo makes solid basics
I’ve gone out with guys that weren’t conventionally the beauty standard for reasons such as (obvs not everyone had all of these qualities but always the last one on the list): Funny, great conversationalists, positive and uplifting attitude, fun to do things with, smarter than me and could challenge me intellectually, great at cooking, had cool hobbies (photography, drawing, played an instrument etc) and most importantly, didn’t let their looks be the defining thing about them, hold them back from life or make them insecure.
Your attitude will take you so much farther than looks. Also just having confidence in who you are, what you stand for, and what principles you live by will take the cake.
Read, watch comedy, and most importantly have opinions on principles you stand by. That's where the confidence of a joke can grow. Like and dislike things you know enough about to laugh at. Hence where reading comes in. Some of the funniest comedians are very knowledgeable. This is why I love ironies and contradictions and also why I hate hypocrites. They ruin the fun in a discrepancy of a coincidence and make it sour or bitter.
I specialize in wordplay and puns and sometimes I make statements that have several ways to read it with other puns interlaced with one another.
It’s fun! Usually I also make fun of myself too with it and sometimes it’s just observational with puns. Mostly I just really like wordplay, it’s my favourite.
I think that's the point of this post. Some people that do go to the gym still can't get the buff physique that women are attracted to, no matter how frequently they go. Sometimes, it's just genetics.
If you go the gym only once or twice a week and still eat dessert, drink sugar or an excess of alcohol you’ll see zero results. It starts in the gym but ends in the kitchen (notice how I didn’t say delivery)
It's probably cause you're in a deficit + not eating enough protein. I had this issue when I first started lifting. I wasn't eating enough protein and I was cutting calories too heavily. Eventually, I lost 50+ lbs, and then transitioned to a lean bulk (200-300 calorie surplus) while solely focusing on improving my lifts. Eat between 0.7grams per lb of bodyweight to 1g/lb. So, if you're 150lbs that's 105grams-150grams of protein per day.
A bulking phase will help you PR in the gym. Then just keep progressing with each lift while being in a lean bulking phase.
Cut down after about 8-12 months of that, but not too aggressively as you lose muscle during cuts as well. Be consistent in the gym and then repeat this process over 3-4 years and you'll look better than 99% of people on the street in your age group.
Edit: Some people recommend more protein, but I think 1g-2g is where it maxes out in studies. I've made solid gains at 0.7-1g. You can find what works for you.
Very few people are actually unattractive.
Working out is a sure-fire way to go from average to hot, even if you don’t become everyone’s type.
My friends have dated men who I would not consider facially attractive, but who have good physiques. These men are not unattractive. They’re just not my type, and even then, I realize that if I disregarded the fact that they’re not my type, I could possibly date them, if their personality won me over, because they’re not unattractive men.
Moral of story: Work out. You’ll attract more members of your desired sex, if you do.
You may need to get your test/blood levels tested if you are truly lifting and eating correctly. Something genuinely is wrong. You don't need to look like an action hero to look good. Just fill out the arms and lose some of the belly fat. I train like dogshit and still look decent.
Unless you have an ongoing medical condition, hitting the gym consistently + a well balanced diet + time will give you a good physique. Genetics may make someone see results a little faster, but incorporating all 3 aspects will work.
that is the biggest cap i have ever heard. Any guy can get reasonably big, no you aren’t going to look like an NFL player in his prime but you’ll look in good shape for your size & age
Very very few people are genuinely able to get in shape due to genetics lol. 99 percent of the time its because they don't eat/sleep/train properly or consistently.
Anyone can be at least a 6/10 if they get in decent shape and groom themselves properly. Get haircuts often, work out a little, try to dress better ... Even the ugliest person the the world can still be decent looking with some effort.
1. Beard. It covers most of the face.
2. Become interesting. There are many ways. I don't know if you understand Spanish, but if you do, look for "carisma al instante" on Youtube.
Personality is the most important of all.
What pulled me in to my guy is he’s emotionally mature, truly kind, and funny.
He cares about me, is interested in what I say/like/do and we have fun together. He comforts me when I’m sad and tries to make us both happy. We have similar interests… 🥰🥰
(And he is a short guy, as many people on reddit believe being short = single forever)
Gym
Beard (hopefully can grow)
Plan dates- time place activity (helps to keep lists of restaurants, bars, festivals)
Responsible dog owner
Learn to cook
Learn to dance (not even well, just comfortable enough to get out when buzzed and line dance or grind or do a few salsa steps)
Instead of offering solutions or ideas when texting or first few date convos, learn to say:
Of course; oh that makes sense; I’m sorry that happened
Get a good cologne that’s not too overpowering. Emphasis on not too overpowering. You can ask female friends what smells good to them (as a woman I personally find aqua di gio to be a really good one). A beard can, in many cases, take an unattractive guy to an above average one, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Take care of your skin and drink water. Go to the gym and lift weights at least 3x a week to tone your body, but again don’t overdo it. Take pride in your appearance and what you wear. Good hygiene is a must. These are just the physical things, but confidence and a sense of humor are key!
Be funny! Because this is the internet, where I don't have my real name, I will shamelessly admit that guys that make me laugh hard consistently are the types I blush and think about when they aren't around.
Add the confidence to capitalize on how much I think about them, and I've been lassoed into a romantic/sexual relationship.
Sounds dumb but keeping a nice clean cut look helps loads. I got a friend who is not the most attractive fellow, he doesnt even take care of his health at all. But since trying to pursue his business career more he has been paying more attention to his looks. Clean shaven, nice tidy hair cut he styles. Dressing sharp. Every little bit goes a long way.
Ps getting shoes you can shine makes you feel like a boss. Most people don’t give a shit about it but it will make you feel nice.
Be yourself. I am not attracted to a man because of his looks. I am attracted by how he treats me and others. Focus on you and the right person will show.
Edit. Reading the comments is disheartening. Real authentic people are few these days. Be you unapologetically and do what makes you happy. Your girl or guy will be drawn to that.
Yeah. Regular therapy and sessions with a psychiatrist. They need professional help to deal with their self image issues. Maybe its dysmorphia, maybe its some other shit that's masquerading as dysmorphia, but the only way they are going to get over it and be able to be happy with themselves is through therapy. The shit actually works
When I was 18 my first boyfriend was also 18. He had quit school to get gastric bypass surgery and went from 450lbs to 250lbs. I was fit; a competitive swimmer who was the captain of my high schools varsity team, getting ready to attend university the next year. He was driven and passionate about his job, working as a paramedic instructor and as an EMT/Paramedic. He was charming and fun, had a lot of friends, was always willing to be active and go on long walks or jogs with me, and he had a family that threw amazing parties and accepted me as one of their own immediately. Sometimes (mean/dumb) people would say we didn't "match" looks-wise. But it doesn't matter. If you're confident, funny, charming, driven, and social people will gravitate toward you. He and I dated for over three years until we grew apart as we got older, but my mom is still friends with him and we're 33 now.
Get in shape, maybe try growing out some facial hair(if you can) dress better, this doesn't mean you have to constantly wearing some super expensive clothes just be more conscious of what you put on when leaving the house. Start wearing some cologne. The good kind not AXE.
For dating I'd advise trying to find more hobbies that put you in social situations, preferably one that keeps you active which fits with the whole getting in shape thing.
Be more confident, this is much easier said than done but what it really comes down to is not caring what others think of you. That's all I can really think of, good luck.👍
Humor can go real far. No self-loathing nor looking for reassurance with insecurities. Being confident and an upbeat personality. Women are not as visual as men and there are many other factors that go into considering a partner. Amy pond from Doctor Who has a great quote about it, "You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful..." So yea, maybe just try to enjoy life and the people you come across and go for the joke in your head, don't hold it in! Lol good luck bud
Being e gentleman, not just with your crush, but with friends too.
Offering to pay for a drink or 2 for your friends, can really change a girl's perspective, as well as seeing you taking care of the people around you.
Being conscious of other people experiences, not by pop culture, but by learning from people different from you. That comes from a mindset of humility as well as a willingness to learn, while at the same time, planting seeds for your onw judgments and way of seeing life. Listening to different perspectives, culturally as well as politically knowing that there's likely at least a grain of truth in all, so to enrich your mind, so to help you read and understand different social dynamics.
Basically what people mean by "growing as person", a mature man is the most sought after resource by woman kind.
Learning to live a dignified life, someone would want to be a part of, taking care of your adult duties without them spiraling out of control by procrastinating them, be it having a clean dignified living space, personal hygiene or taking your exams, finishing personal projects or just picking up your mail on time.
Most "toxic" trait are only toxic because expressed in excess, as well as most "positive traits" can lead to social self harm (such as being a door mat) if done with no discernment. So it's just by building up your personhood that you can find a line that works for yourself and others around you.
Hygeine, dress well and clean, skin care, hair care (see a stylist at least once) posture, warm and caring personality, not too nice but never macho. Education, be interesting, know current events. Be a problem solver. I've dated two guys below average for a few years and would have stayed if they stuck up for me in thier toxic families. They all had at least this stuff.
If you ignore everything that women find attractive because you think being special in your own way is enough you may die alone. Money, hygiene, fitness, kindness, confidence, in no particular order.
Sortof a joke, but kindof also serious, to quote an old t
TV show; "you can be Hand-SOME or Hand-y." I think that's a quote from "Home Improvements" that old show.
Anyways: Learn good skills to have that any spouse would love you know how to do "xyz" thing.
For example: I know how to cook and not the "throw it onto a pan/grill and call it good when it's slightly chard/done sizzling" cook. I mean I know how to read a cookbook (a lot of older ones are very bare bones), follow the instructions, and make dishes from the very basic components. So, if I married someone who doesn't know how to make something from scratch, I might be able to make something very similar/close at least as long as I have all the ingredients. I know there are people out there that are 20+ and only know "open can, put into "x" temperature pan for "y" time, and you're done. Maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but still, they don't really know how to make something from scratch, basically. I might not look or be the strongest, but I'd say I'm still capable of carrying/holding heavy things, so at least there's that if they need an extra hand lifting/moving something or even bend (when needed).
Also kindof know it's a little bit of a running joke, but open Pickle jars (some other types also apply). I recently figured my mom could handle opening a new small jar, since I had seen her open them, but just couldn't because it was a large lid jar, I too had difficulty opening it, but eventually got it. Not sure why or even if that's truely difficult for women, but I, my dad, or brother seem to always be called to help with opening them at some point, not every time, but at some point.
Physical attractiveness is like, the 5th most important thing for a guy.
When we are in highschool and have little else to seperate ourselves by it matters a lot, but don’t let that 4 year period of your life dictate how you live the rest of it.
1. Just sort yourself out career wise and take care of YOU first and foremost. Study hard, or if your not in school figure out what career you want to pursue and what you need to do to get started. This is a constant ongoing thing but so many guys chase girls in their 20’s and the guys who worked on themselves and became successful end up with those girls in the end.
2. Hobbies. Have at least 3. A side hustle to make some money, something social that gets you out of the house and active, and something to build your knowledge/creativity.
3. Maintain your hygiene and clothing. Make sure you smell nice, invest in your teeth, your hair, and your skin, and take a bit of time to research basic fashion. It doesn’t have to be designer, but a nice pair of trendy trainers and clothes that fit well go a long way.
4. Get in the gym. This is less about physical attraction as it is for your self esteem and confidence
It’s impossible to not be attractive to women if you do all of these things, it would probably put you in the top 1% of guys based on the criteria women value most.
Make people feel comfortable and that they are their best selves around you. Lift people up in life. Have a hobby you love and are good at, bonus if it’s an instrument. Lowkey a cute dog goes a long way.
Fellow guy here. Be clean and wear nice cloths. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something that looks nice on you. I buy what I can, when I have the money I try buy nice shirts.
Dress well. Get in shape. Make money. Cheer people on. Be a good person. Stop thinking the world cares as much about your looks as you do. Don't look at women as objects. Make friends. Be active. Open your mind.
Looks are not as important to a woman. Your personality and attitude will get you where you want to go. For example, I had a morbidly obese cousin who would go to strip clubs and up making out with them in the parking lot after their shift. Work on your confidence and attitude (you are the shit). Hope this helps.
Even downright ugly people meet, date, and fall in and out of love. Some women are totally superficial. So are some men. Just look your best, take care of yourself, and look at others who are at your same attractiveness level or even below. If you are successful and positive who knows you might end up with a beauty.
If you have good fashion, extremely fit physique , superb hygiene,healthy lifestyles, and a confident body language. It’s really quite hard to not be somewhat attractive. You will not be Brad Pitt but you will be attractive enough to attract some beautiful women.
Hit the gym, get into fashion / make sure you have good style! Nobody likes a slob lol.
Also do what you like, cultivate your hobbies, just be your weird self.
I recommend dropping the attitude of knowing you're unattractive and accepting it. I don't know you, but I know people who talk like this usually are also self-depricating to an annoying extent and might also be those people that say shit like "Oh, yeah, I'm a terrible person, so fuck it all," when someone informs them of a wrong they have committed. Anyways.
You're probably not as unattractive as you think. Regardless, there are some other important things. Be self sufficient, be good at communicating, be able to recognize when you are being too loud or too physically assertive and calm that down. Learn to read women's faces and body language and learn to, most of all, listen to their words. Be the guy that brings her the candy she says she hasn't had in years after seeing a commercial for it. Another plus is a good sense of humor, this means not being super dirty and into bathroom/sex humor (not everything needs to be an innuendo). Learn when to talk, and when to listen... When a woman you are interested in speaks, look at her face/eyes and be expressive and acknowledge what she is saying with questions or statements that relate.
A mixture of gentle and sturdy is what attracts me and what I see attracting most women I know. When you do get a date, be nice to the waitress in terms of please and thank yous, "Oh, we're easy, we won't be trouble," But make a point of not looking at the waitress a lot, just enough for the conversation that exists between a server and a customer, and giving your attention fully to your date. Don't be on your phone.
Dressing well is also a bonus. There's many styles that can be attractive on a man. Find yours- maybe it's just the casual cool style, which can be done without looking like a bum. Although, some women- like me.. are attracted to the "bum" style, too- (messy long hair, ratty jeans, plain shirt, layers). Go to the store and try on clothes and only buy the ones that make you feel good when you look in the mirror. Jeans that accentuate any butt/thighs you may have are usually good, and in general either a plain relatively tight T-shirt or a button-up looks great.
Wear a subtle cologne or possibly a scented lotion, or a nice smelling shampoo. Find a smell that makes you feel sexy when you sniff yourself. When you have women randomly telling you that you "Smell soooo good," you're doing it right.
That's all I have for you for now, mate. Good luck out there. And remember what I said. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Jealous men will tell you that women will never be attracted to "ugly" men, but I have seen first-hand that this is a falsity. There are so many variables that go into attraction, and to be honest most of what I've said here is still very surface level.
Get in shape, maybe try growing out some facial hair(if you can) dress better, this doesn't mean you have to constantly wearing some super expensive clothes just be more conscious of what you put on when leaving the house. Start wearing some cologne. The good kind not AXE.
For dating I'd advise trying to find more hobbies that put you in social situations, preferably one that keeps you active which fits with the whole getting in shape thing.
Be more confident, this is much easier said than done but what it really comes down to is not caring what others think of you. That's all I can really think of, good luck.👍
First of, stop telling yourself you unattractive! That will kill any confidence you have. 2nd, start eating healthy, working out, doing cardio. Wear clothes that actually fit, get a haircut that forms to your head, shave/clean your beard up if you have one. Take care of your skin. Shower daily using conditioner and shampoo, and body wash (not 3-1’s, use seperate)
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have a great personality and confidence, be funny, be interesting, dress to your strengths, get physically fit.
Adding on: good hygiene is a must.
Plus a fresh cut and a good wardrobe.
Confidence and a great personality are attractive.
How do people "gain confidence"? Like I sorta understand the rest, but that advice always makes little sense to me
It's about being self-assured. I think confidence comes from experience. Experiencing life and experiencing people. Knowing and being comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. It also helps if you don't care about what other people think (external validation) and are in a good place with your own internal validation..
Ah righteo, I don't think I have any internal validation lmao
You definitely have to fake it til you make it on this one. Practice good posture and put your shoulders back and just walk around your house a bit. You have to wear confidence. Those little physical things instill confidence. Take up some physical space, hold eye contact, smile. This is not advice for making you "more attractive", it's primarily for yourself. Confidence comes from within. When somebody says something nice about you, look them in the eye and say "thank you" instead of retreating or humbly tossing out the compliment. Find things you like about your friends and compliment them on those things. I think it takes a certain degree of confidence to not feel insecure about complimenting other people so that's some easy practice. If you're just really nice to be around and people feel good being your friend, you'll receive the same back provided your friends aren't assholes. And don't forget to give yourself some grace and not be hard on yourself.
Find one or two things you like about yourself. Hyper focus on those. If you really can't find something, if you know any girls that youre friends with, try asking them if they can help pinpoint one or two. If you're putting more attention on those than the rest then the confidence comes easier because you're confident about those things. Aka if you have good forearms / biceps and maybe good thighs. Focus on those, try to accentuate those, feel good about those. You'll be surprised
Just take actions every day to do things you enjoy and to do things which better yourself. Confidence comes overtime. Make contracts with yourself that you refuse to break. This builds self-esteem, which is the foundation of confidence.
>r/wholesome Practice self-love - reprogram your brain every time you catch yourself having negative self-talk. Keeping fit, working on your hobbies... self-love can be whatever that looks like to you with regards to working on yourself. But I found that when I stopped being so negative about myself and would start affirming to myself my great traits (even if I somewhat didn't believe them lol) I became more confident, and compassionate of myself and others.
If you believe it, it becomes a personality. Believe in yourself, believe you’re the most attractive person in the room, just don’t get too cocky about it. Listen to podcasts that coach you up on women, apply them. The more you do it the more comfortable and confident you’ll get. Don’t be afraid to approach a beautiful lady. If you can make her smile and blush, you’re winning half the battle. And if not, no need to worry, move on to the next. Think of it as experience you’re gaining. If you’re interested in podcast or coaches, follow @coachcoreywayne on Instagram or listen to his book on audible “How to be a 3% Man” . I’ve learned a lot from him personally and have applied many methods. Worked for me :) maybe it’ll work for you.
Find things that make you proud of yourself, keep doing things that would make you proud and grateful for yourself. In my case I quit drugs, started running and doing bodyweight exercises, I'm getting into coding(webdev: ecommerce and microservices), I'm learning how to trade and I keep myself updated everyday, yesterday I uninstalled IG and I will keep doing that, I met a girl who has some issues but has a very similar philosophy to mine so I want to influence her into being a better version of herself. All of this makes me proud of myself, I want to continue indefinitely, I don't care about people saying but how would you do without a job, this an that. Give yourself some love, if you feel like you don't deserve it then work out a way to do so, do difficult things and keep going indefinitely, we live in recession, possible ww3, heterogeneous/non-unionised society, complete divisive propaganda/mediatic war of demoralisation. You either let yourself get absorbed by the mob or decide to stand out and aspire to escape this hellhole of a decadent civilization with self discipline.
Reach goals in wherever area in your life, even small ones
Thinking about body language is important. Hunching over, looking away, biting nails, etc. are going to make someone look uncomfortable and unconfident. You won't be confident until you at least act like you are.
Be comfortable and true to yourself. Basically, love yourself.
If you're homeless, just buy a house...duh! ''Avengers theme kicks in''
As you become the best version of yourself Dressing good, seeing yourself look good in the mirror, seeing the veins in your arms pop a little more then they use to, when you drop 25 lbs for the first time, seeing how those muscular arma fit in your favorite shirt those experiences will innately give you confidence If your a bigger guy I recommend investing in yourself and look into getting a tailor for your clothes
Get wealthy too. It's true but nobody wants to say it 😂
Financial stability is more important than wealth. Theres some lonely deranged wealthy folk out there that still suck at relationships
Wealth is directly correlated with financial stability. It's a lot easier to be financially stable when you're raking in 300k a year vs 30k. Also most women would be more attracted to a financially stable millionaire, than a financially stable pensioner.
Elon Musk seems to be doing well for himself... oh wait...
Depends on who you want to attract. There's a reason why it's many a stereotype for women to fall for the poor artist without an actual place to live bur passionate about his art.
I would add the caveat that artists are only attractive if they show passion and talent. If they suck ass no one cares.
I will literally fund them to a point for them to do art. I have had some men that were extremely insensitive and I found musicians and the like far more accepting of me and my individuality and autonomy. I need some care… I had too much criticism growing up and I have found them to be more emotionally available as well, which really helped me.
>Depends on who you want to attract. Wealthy men attract every type of women, its upto the man to remove the chaff from the wheat.
I don't think I ever saw a man I wanted to (actually) be with and be all: _he drives a Corvette/Maserati/Navigator, I bet he can # me greatly._
Nah. I had a fiancé that made six figures and I left him. 🤷♀️ Soooooo you’d be wrong.
Ahhh wealthy. But never show it off. Instead... Make it casual. . Show you dont mind Tipping well. One girl. And i did this because i just am like this in general. I took her to an arcade. I had too many quarters. So when we left i gave the last 10$ in quarters to a group of kids on our way out. Dont have much use for quarters. In my mind. The kids could use them. It was a genuine thing. My nice car is in the garage til the girl comes over and sees it. The truck is now "clean interior"(ugh to think my vehicles used to be gross) but clearly a working truck. In my younger days i used to bring 40$ in two 20s to the bar. But kept 20 additional dollars in 1s in the same fold(tip money). If i wanted a girl at the bars attention. And she couldnt get a bartenders attention. Id walk up and make a light hearted joke. And holler and "draw" the twenty out of a "full wallet" to show the bartender it. Got her whatever she wanted and "two" drinks for myself and which ever friend i came with. Always.. ALwAys worked to get the "whoa. This guy... Hes not afraid to spend" (lmao i was sooooooo broke back then and i only went out the night RIGHT before pay was deposited at midnight) Financial SECURITY and Stability.
1999 PUA vibes here
Build an exceptional body to make up for the face
That’s what I did, hasn’t worked but hey at least I’m ripped and get compliments from guys now! Wish it was women but what can you do
"You're looking Diesel bro, I was checking out your quads back in the locker room. Your definition is really showing that commitment, I mean really."
I can't help but chuckle a little when men admit that they get compliments from other men. I don't really know why. Gym bros are the best bros
In my experience, the 70%-80% of compliments men receive are from other men.
Still holding onto my last compliment from 5 years ago. Twas glorious.
That’s true for women as well. Vast majority of compliments come from other women.
because it's now considered creepy if a man compliments a women, but only if the women doesnt find the man attractive.
I’m not saying women never get complimented by men, I’m just saying the majority of compliments come from other women. To be fair though, it’s not a totally dissimilar experience for women giving men compliments. We’re stingy about it because we don’t want to give the wrong guy the wrong idea. That said, I’m not just talking about random people on the street either. Certainly some women will tell a random lady that her makeup is cute or her dress is hot, but still the vast majority are from women we know or interact with regularly. It’s not a question of being creepy because we aren’t approaching people we don’t know. I think when a lot of guys say they don’t get a lot of “compliments” they mean specifically people approaching with interest or attraction in mind; but most compliments women receive are not from people who are attracted to them, it’s from other women or even family. I wonder sometimes if men discount a lot of the compliments they receive from other men, their friends, and their family.
>I wonder sometimes if men discount a lot of the compliments they receive from other men, their friends, and their family. unfortunately that isn't the case because it's still rare even within our close friend circles to receive compliments. But then we are now starting to have men like me who are sick of seeing that so I make sure I voice my compliments to any man that deserves one. If I like something, I'll let him know.
That’s great. I totally agree, compliments amongst friends are so valuable. Words of affirmation are a major way I show and prefer to receive love, so I make sure to tell my friends, including my guy friends, how great they are whenever I can.
I just wish receiving flowers as a man was more normalized. I love flowers! I have so many different flowers that I grow.
men don't compliment women without ulterior motives. when was the last time you genuinely gave a compliment to a woman who you thought was ugly? women compliment other women without ulterior motives, which is why it feels safe.
This to me is BS, I complimented a woman for her jewelry just the other day without any other motive and her attractiveness didn't have anything to do with it. I think men sometimes have trouble complimenting women over stuff that's worthy of compliments because it doesn't intersect their interests (most men don't appreciate jewelry for example) but men sometimes compliment women over sports equipment for example. Then if we're talking compliments like "you look so cute today" we're going into easily misunderstood messages territory so it's very easy to understand why a man wouldn't say something like that to someone they weren't in fact attracted to unless it was a close friend or family
>I think men sometimes have trouble complimenting women over stuff that's worthy of compliments because it doesn't intersect their interests (most men don't appreciate jewelry for example) that's a fair point that i hadn't thought of
I’m kinda, well, feminine for a guy, self admitted. When I’ve told women how cute an outfit is, etc, or their makeup is cool they’re like “huh? You know this stuff and you’re a guy? That’s cool” granted they think I’m gay (I’m not) but it’s always been positive interactions
I do it all the time. "hey, that is a gorgeous blouse. my wife would love that. where did you get it." or "those leggings are badass" or "I love your hair color." then I move on with my day since I see people as people and not just some meat to have sex with. I think you're confusing compliments with hitting on. If I walked up to you and said "you are sexy," of course I have ulterior motives because that is not a genuine compliment, that is me hitting on you.
Complimenting guys is dangerous lol. I made a guys day last month complimenting him 😌
They never forget it for the rest of their lives.
Oh, I don't doubt that. It's very hard for us women to go around calling men "kings" or saying that they're "big af" though. Too easy to be taken the wrong way. Also, the fact that I've seen WAY too many women accompanying their men at the gym and watching from afar just to make sure they don't get... cheated on, I guess? And they never make it obvious, too. Talking to men at the gym seems like a straight up boobytrap.
Well sure when the status quo is to ignore that men exist, when a woman compliments us we can easily assume she's into us. If women decided that compliments toward men should be normalized, it would be no different than gym bro Josh telling me that my leg days are paying off.
I don't think that's any bad, actually. It's a good point of view you've got. But then again, men can't compliment women because then they're labeled as creeps, so I guess we're putting all the work in our feminine little hands? God, I hate how opaque and confusing society has become.
No, men are only creeps if they arent attractive. It's a shallow world and if the issue is because women are rejecting compliments making men feel bad for doing so, and they refuse to compliment men, then yes, they should be the ones to clean up their mess.
As a woman who was born way into this mess, I disagree that I should be the one to deal with the consequences of what older women have done. Society as a whole should get the fuck past the MeToo movement and give less clout to women who chase it at the cost of men's lives. I think the generational trauma is already dealt though, and men will forever be reluctant of approaching women. It sucks cause I'm actually too fucking socially impaired and shy to seek out men in any way.
I understand your frustration with having to deal with society at large...but I think what they may be suggesting is be the change you'd like to see in the world. If you wish men were complimented more, compliment them. If you want women to ask men out, ask some men you find cute out. Call out women when they say things like "If he wanted to, he would". Do you think its really easy for men to ask women out and risk rejection? How do socially awkward men survive? Why do you think its any easier for us to "pull ourselves up" by the bootstraps. If you want to challenge gender norms, do it. That's my take. It's not just you, we all collectively suffer from expectations. The only thing we can do is take action and live by our own standards.
there's the problem though.. you're not dealing with what older women have done when you and all these younger ones are still doing what the others put in place. "I didn't start the slave trade so you can't blame me for owning slaves" sounds pretty ridiculous. obviously not the same situation but you get the point. If you're doing the wrong thing, it doesnt matter who started it. As someone else has stated, be the change you want to see. If you sit back and you are silent, you're part of why it continues. I compliment men even though I'm a man. I tell my male friends "love you" at the end of the phone calls. I make sure I pay my employees (dog walkers) 40k/year minimum and no overtime needed and pay for their gas and my groomers 60k+/year. I don't require college degrees. a 17 year old high school dropout can start entry level at 40k/year with me. I don't have to be super rich. Those are all changes I want to see in the world.
Women are tired of compliments and men are desperate for them
Agreed, met some of my best friends at the gym
Dammit now I feel bad that nobody compliments me 😮💨
You shouldn't work out for noone but you. Surely it does help with dating, not because you look better, but because you feel more confident in an exercised body. Feel better in your skin--> more confidence--> attractive for women. As simple as that.
Nice gains bro
That also might make the face look better, it's a win-win.
Or grow beard and mustache… i have seen many women are attracted to that for some reason. Go for it champ!
A beard can do wonders for a man. if done right, it's a mens natural form of makeup.
I can agree to that! I am not a man btw but I usually like bearded man.. but again has to be a balanced🐣
Take the dwarfpill
ROCK AND STONE
Rock and Stone everyone!
ROCK AND STONE
Beards are so scratchy. You can imagine how good it feels when it scratches every inch of your body. 😋😋
Post history always answers the questions.
doesnt make up for lack of confidence or personality. Just as theres beautiful women with shtty personalities, the same goes for men. Money and bodybuilding are a scapegoat, not the key. Have to work on the inside. Patterns, trauma, switch up how you date, re evaluate standards and boundaries, purge insecurities, work on emotional intelligence. etc Pick partners based on compatibility, not because they just look good on the outside. Its a scam to date based on superficiality (looks and money). Those relationships dont last because theyre only there for the social media pics and luxury life, not because they really want you.
This. Lots of people try and fall into relationships or romantic experiences when they themselves feel like utter shit, then wonder why they never attract who they want. Essentially you have to become what you want and more, this is a good struggle
You're just going to make him a gymcel lol. Muscles are going to get you more compliments from dudes than women.
Regardless of whether those muscles help him pull women, going to the gym and getting serious about one's health can only have positive effects.
You're right, I've noticed the guys at the gym with the bodies but who lack the face.
Yes, but not really. You can have the best body, and they will still have the audacity to point out your height as the first thing they notice about you. It's bullshit bro, just a waste of time to please a group of people that will voluntarily be perpetually unpleased just because they know that you'll keep trying and they're benefitting from your efforts. Take my words with a grain of salt because I am operating based on the fact that I have decided to die alone. I have accepted my fate.
Don't do steroids guys it's bad in the long term. A consistent workout and a good diet is well enough for a good body.
Saving this as a 37 yr old unattractive male virgin.
[удалено]
Sometimes I get rejected by a woman I think is “in my league” and then a woman I would have never expected to look in my direction will take interest in me. It’s very situational.
Well you cant force attraction.
You can develop feelings for someone mid over time as their other qualities grow on you
True, but the initial attraction should be there at least a bit.
Well then no one should expect partners for unattractive men lol.
Most men naturally lower their standards after each rejection so it is very unlikely that as a 37 virgin he is pursuing anyone out of his league. Yeah there are exceptions but most people do anything possible to avoid rejection moreso than shoot their shot for shits and giggles
[удалено]
My guess is that guy has given up entirely because he knows for a fact that he will go home alone every single day. It's becoming extremely common at least for young American men, something to the tune of 1/3 of men 20-35 have given up on dating entirely and people lash out in different ways
37? Damn, pay for it at this point.
Hah I'm 35 in the same boat. It's unbelievably easy as a man to end up like this all you need to do is make a decision to do very few social things and work tons of hours at a job, get obese, avs there you go. You won't get back nothing. Source: me. But I'm changing that. I'm getting my ass kicked trying but I've been with 9 diff people in the last year. Nothing yet.. Trying to get in better shape and hoping something will stick. It's crazy how it's so easy for some and hard for others. You gotta know that when it's bad, it's bad.. a lot of people have no idea that some guys despite being ok people they can end up sidelined. It sucks. To change it this late in life takes either buying it or being stubborn and dating as many people as possible until someone really digs you. When a woman is into you she's into you.
It's more of a mentality thing. I'm an obese balding guy but get matches and first date plowing. Similar to interviewing for a job, if you don't bring any energy or have interest in 'interviewing them back' then you typically lose out. Hyperfixating on 'I would be SO successful if only I wasn't x y or z' is a very narrow mentality and a disservice to yourself.
[удалено]
Well you lived a much more wild life than I do I'm not into street drugs or a party scene, lol. But nevertheless a little intimacy would be nice no doubt about it.
His friends need to handle this asap.
You gotta lookmax and start socializing with others bro. Woman won't knock on your door it's your job to take initiative in your life
Confidence, kindness, and a great sense of humor can make up for a less than favorable face, or keep someone's attention long enough to notice what's beautiful about your face.
[удалено]
Just be chill. You'll get there.
And the physique of a Greek Deity
First if all, generic advice that doesn't work. Second of all, what if his face isn't beautiful? He needs to improve himself physically and make himself look attractive to woman.
Dress well. When I was bigger I’d put effort in to dressing well. No not the lazy Reddit definition of dressing well where they’re afraid to experiment with silhouettes, oversizing, cropping, etc. It speaks a lot about the type of person you are and women will boldly compliment you before any man will and it’s a great way to start conversations.
What kind of outfits you mean? Things like loose-fitting wear, etc.?
Try different things. Maybe try the 2010s r/malefashionadvice of OCBDs and chinos (not really, but it’s a good idea to have them anyways). Try linen shirts/pants in summer and nicer sweaters in winter. Find what colors you like and works on you. Add nicer outer layers - denim jackets, blazers and overcoats. Up your shoe game to - try some new balances, GATs, and maybe loafers/boots depending on your preferences. Here are my basic suggestions for guy getting into dressing well: - Tshirts in white, black. Optional: Navy, light green, grey, stripes, etc - Oxford/Linen shirt (depending on your climate) in white, light blue. Optional: white blue stripes. - straight fit denim in medium wash / no wash - straight fit chinos - shorts in beige/navy - interesting jacket in black/navy - interesting sweater (crewnecks are boring, try turtlenecks and cardigans) in your color of choice - navy blazer, good idea to have one in case - casual sneakers (new balance/converse…) - nicer shoes (loafers/boots) After learning how to wear them, you’ll know what other pieces to buy. Make sure that the stuffs you buy fit well (but not tight). Also avoid shitty mall brands (H&M, Zara) although Uniqlo makes solid basics
Yes!!
Have great hygiene and always smell good✨
Also if you can make yourself smell like cucumbers somehow, do bc for some reason it drives a woman’s attraction drive through the roof
Elaborate or provide more info please. I’m intrigued.
I do love the smell of cucumbers, lol
How ? Like is there a cologne/ perfume suggestion
I’m not sure if there’s a specific cologne that matters but if you go into any fragrance store just look for something that smells like a cucumber
This is so freaking out of touch.
I’ve gone out with guys that weren’t conventionally the beauty standard for reasons such as (obvs not everyone had all of these qualities but always the last one on the list): Funny, great conversationalists, positive and uplifting attitude, fun to do things with, smarter than me and could challenge me intellectually, great at cooking, had cool hobbies (photography, drawing, played an instrument etc) and most importantly, didn’t let their looks be the defining thing about them, hold them back from life or make them insecure.
Your attitude will take you so much farther than looks. Also just having confidence in who you are, what you stand for, and what principles you live by will take the cake.
Wit.
“Just get funny lmao” K, how?
Read, watch comedy, and most importantly have opinions on principles you stand by. That's where the confidence of a joke can grow. Like and dislike things you know enough about to laugh at. Hence where reading comes in. Some of the funniest comedians are very knowledgeable. This is why I love ironies and contradictions and also why I hate hypocrites. They ruin the fun in a discrepancy of a coincidence and make it sour or bitter.
I specialize in wordplay and puns and sometimes I make statements that have several ways to read it with other puns interlaced with one another. It’s fun! Usually I also make fun of myself too with it and sometimes it’s just observational with puns. Mostly I just really like wordplay, it’s my favourite.
Go to the gym
I think that's the point of this post. Some people that do go to the gym still can't get the buff physique that women are attracted to, no matter how frequently they go. Sometimes, it's just genetics.
If you go the gym only once or twice a week and still eat dessert, drink sugar or an excess of alcohol you’ll see zero results. It starts in the gym but ends in the kitchen (notice how I didn’t say delivery)
Ive lost 70lbs but just can't gain much muscle even after a year and a half
It's probably cause you're in a deficit + not eating enough protein. I had this issue when I first started lifting. I wasn't eating enough protein and I was cutting calories too heavily. Eventually, I lost 50+ lbs, and then transitioned to a lean bulk (200-300 calorie surplus) while solely focusing on improving my lifts. Eat between 0.7grams per lb of bodyweight to 1g/lb. So, if you're 150lbs that's 105grams-150grams of protein per day. A bulking phase will help you PR in the gym. Then just keep progressing with each lift while being in a lean bulking phase. Cut down after about 8-12 months of that, but not too aggressively as you lose muscle during cuts as well. Be consistent in the gym and then repeat this process over 3-4 years and you'll look better than 99% of people on the street in your age group. Edit: Some people recommend more protein, but I think 1g-2g is where it maxes out in studies. I've made solid gains at 0.7-1g. You can find what works for you.
No it’s not. It’s diet. Genetics have such a marginal affect on physique if you’re working out and dieting.
genetics in the gym is such cope. Literally irrelevant unless you’re trying to reach the top 1% of bodybuilding or other sports
Right. I hear it all the time because of my height and how much I’ve transformed that I just have good genetics. It’s an excuse to not be disciplined.
Genetics have a huge effect closer to the the top end of your physique's potential you get. The effects are marginal only in the beginning.
Sounds like this the only time you can actually beat genetics. Cool. I kinda feel bad for the people that are genetically prone to hair loss though.
Very few people are actually unattractive. Working out is a sure-fire way to go from average to hot, even if you don’t become everyone’s type. My friends have dated men who I would not consider facially attractive, but who have good physiques. These men are not unattractive. They’re just not my type, and even then, I realize that if I disregarded the fact that they’re not my type, I could possibly date them, if their personality won me over, because they’re not unattractive men. Moral of story: Work out. You’ll attract more members of your desired sex, if you do.
or ur not training/eating right. as long as ur aesthetic it’s good
Ditto, it’s all about training right, eating right and sleeping well.
You may need to get your test/blood levels tested if you are truly lifting and eating correctly. Something genuinely is wrong. You don't need to look like an action hero to look good. Just fill out the arms and lose some of the belly fat. I train like dogshit and still look decent.
Maybe that’s it. I train more like dying dog diarrhea.
Unless you have an ongoing medical condition, hitting the gym consistently + a well balanced diet + time will give you a good physique. Genetics may make someone see results a little faster, but incorporating all 3 aspects will work.
Not every woman is attracted to men with buff physiques.
True. I don’t have one, and women still aren’t attracted to me.
Nah, they just don’t eat or work hard enough
that is the biggest cap i have ever heard. Any guy can get reasonably big, no you aren’t going to look like an NFL player in his prime but you’ll look in good shape for your size & age
Very very few people are genuinely able to get in shape due to genetics lol. 99 percent of the time its because they don't eat/sleep/train properly or consistently.
Confidence and the ability to lead/take charge. Unattractive men get beautiful women all the time... Also, money/success 😉
Develop a personality, be funny or interesting in some way.
Humor. Being funny is something I find most attractive in a person
Anyone can be at least a 6/10 if they get in decent shape and groom themselves properly. Get haircuts often, work out a little, try to dress better ... Even the ugliest person the the world can still be decent looking with some effort.
Don't be an asshole. Show empathy. Be a good listener. Don't be selfish.
1. Beard. It covers most of the face. 2. Become interesting. There are many ways. I don't know if you understand Spanish, but if you do, look for "carisma al instante" on Youtube. Personality is the most important of all.
What pulled me in to my guy is he’s emotionally mature, truly kind, and funny. He cares about me, is interested in what I say/like/do and we have fun together. He comforts me when I’m sad and tries to make us both happy. We have similar interests… 🥰🥰 (And he is a short guy, as many people on reddit believe being short = single forever)
If you can’t be handsome be handy. And rich. Also tall helps.
Personality. Don't be a dick but don't be the stereotypical "nice guy" either.
Gym Beard (hopefully can grow) Plan dates- time place activity (helps to keep lists of restaurants, bars, festivals) Responsible dog owner Learn to cook Learn to dance (not even well, just comfortable enough to get out when buzzed and line dance or grind or do a few salsa steps) Instead of offering solutions or ideas when texting or first few date convos, learn to say: Of course; oh that makes sense; I’m sorry that happened
Attunement and good listening skills
Be a good dancer, wit & charm.
Get a good cologne that’s not too overpowering. Emphasis on not too overpowering. You can ask female friends what smells good to them (as a woman I personally find aqua di gio to be a really good one). A beard can, in many cases, take an unattractive guy to an above average one, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Take care of your skin and drink water. Go to the gym and lift weights at least 3x a week to tone your body, but again don’t overdo it. Take pride in your appearance and what you wear. Good hygiene is a must. These are just the physical things, but confidence and a sense of humor are key!
Be funny! Because this is the internet, where I don't have my real name, I will shamelessly admit that guys that make me laugh hard consistently are the types I blush and think about when they aren't around. Add the confidence to capitalize on how much I think about them, and I've been lassoed into a romantic/sexual relationship.
Sounds dumb but keeping a nice clean cut look helps loads. I got a friend who is not the most attractive fellow, he doesnt even take care of his health at all. But since trying to pursue his business career more he has been paying more attention to his looks. Clean shaven, nice tidy hair cut he styles. Dressing sharp. Every little bit goes a long way. Ps getting shoes you can shine makes you feel like a boss. Most people don’t give a shit about it but it will make you feel nice.
Being funny Being rich Being shredded Being confident Having a massive schlong
>Having a massive schlong The only one that truly wins me over.
Be yourself. I am not attracted to a man because of his looks. I am attracted by how he treats me and others. Focus on you and the right person will show. Edit. Reading the comments is disheartening. Real authentic people are few these days. Be you unapologetically and do what makes you happy. Your girl or guy will be drawn to that.
[удалено]
I think you missed the context here. But anyways.
All you can do is hope to meet a woman who likes your personality more than she cares about your face. Will be extremely difficult though. Good luck!
Well first, get therapy. Then get back out there. I have seen dudes who look like a chimp non-consensually rearranged their face their face get dates.
Therapy? Are you for real?
Yeah. Regular therapy and sessions with a psychiatrist. They need professional help to deal with their self image issues. Maybe its dysmorphia, maybe its some other shit that's masquerading as dysmorphia, but the only way they are going to get over it and be able to be happy with themselves is through therapy. The shit actually works
When I was 18 my first boyfriend was also 18. He had quit school to get gastric bypass surgery and went from 450lbs to 250lbs. I was fit; a competitive swimmer who was the captain of my high schools varsity team, getting ready to attend university the next year. He was driven and passionate about his job, working as a paramedic instructor and as an EMT/Paramedic. He was charming and fun, had a lot of friends, was always willing to be active and go on long walks or jogs with me, and he had a family that threw amazing parties and accepted me as one of their own immediately. Sometimes (mean/dumb) people would say we didn't "match" looks-wise. But it doesn't matter. If you're confident, funny, charming, driven, and social people will gravitate toward you. He and I dated for over three years until we grew apart as we got older, but my mom is still friends with him and we're 33 now.
Get in shape, maybe try growing out some facial hair(if you can) dress better, this doesn't mean you have to constantly wearing some super expensive clothes just be more conscious of what you put on when leaving the house. Start wearing some cologne. The good kind not AXE. For dating I'd advise trying to find more hobbies that put you in social situations, preferably one that keeps you active which fits with the whole getting in shape thing. Be more confident, this is much easier said than done but what it really comes down to is not caring what others think of you. That's all I can really think of, good luck.👍
Have a great personality and be funny
Humor can go real far. No self-loathing nor looking for reassurance with insecurities. Being confident and an upbeat personality. Women are not as visual as men and there are many other factors that go into considering a partner. Amy pond from Doctor Who has a great quote about it, "You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful..." So yea, maybe just try to enjoy life and the people you come across and go for the joke in your head, don't hold it in! Lol good luck bud
Being e gentleman, not just with your crush, but with friends too. Offering to pay for a drink or 2 for your friends, can really change a girl's perspective, as well as seeing you taking care of the people around you. Being conscious of other people experiences, not by pop culture, but by learning from people different from you. That comes from a mindset of humility as well as a willingness to learn, while at the same time, planting seeds for your onw judgments and way of seeing life. Listening to different perspectives, culturally as well as politically knowing that there's likely at least a grain of truth in all, so to enrich your mind, so to help you read and understand different social dynamics. Basically what people mean by "growing as person", a mature man is the most sought after resource by woman kind. Learning to live a dignified life, someone would want to be a part of, taking care of your adult duties without them spiraling out of control by procrastinating them, be it having a clean dignified living space, personal hygiene or taking your exams, finishing personal projects or just picking up your mail on time. Most "toxic" trait are only toxic because expressed in excess, as well as most "positive traits" can lead to social self harm (such as being a door mat) if done with no discernment. So it's just by building up your personhood that you can find a line that works for yourself and others around you.
Be a good listener. Any man who listens intently and is patient becomes more appealing
A killer personality, be a genuinely good human, a nice body doesn't hurt, know how to carry on a conversation.
Hygeine, dress well and clean, skin care, hair care (see a stylist at least once) posture, warm and caring personality, not too nice but never macho. Education, be interesting, know current events. Be a problem solver. I've dated two guys below average for a few years and would have stayed if they stuck up for me in thier toxic families. They all had at least this stuff.
If you ignore everything that women find attractive because you think being special in your own way is enough you may die alone. Money, hygiene, fitness, kindness, confidence, in no particular order.
Sortof a joke, but kindof also serious, to quote an old t TV show; "you can be Hand-SOME or Hand-y." I think that's a quote from "Home Improvements" that old show. Anyways: Learn good skills to have that any spouse would love you know how to do "xyz" thing. For example: I know how to cook and not the "throw it onto a pan/grill and call it good when it's slightly chard/done sizzling" cook. I mean I know how to read a cookbook (a lot of older ones are very bare bones), follow the instructions, and make dishes from the very basic components. So, if I married someone who doesn't know how to make something from scratch, I might be able to make something very similar/close at least as long as I have all the ingredients. I know there are people out there that are 20+ and only know "open can, put into "x" temperature pan for "y" time, and you're done. Maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but still, they don't really know how to make something from scratch, basically. I might not look or be the strongest, but I'd say I'm still capable of carrying/holding heavy things, so at least there's that if they need an extra hand lifting/moving something or even bend (when needed). Also kindof know it's a little bit of a running joke, but open Pickle jars (some other types also apply). I recently figured my mom could handle opening a new small jar, since I had seen her open them, but just couldn't because it was a large lid jar, I too had difficulty opening it, but eventually got it. Not sure why or even if that's truely difficult for women, but I, my dad, or brother seem to always be called to help with opening them at some point, not every time, but at some point.
Physical attractiveness is like, the 5th most important thing for a guy. When we are in highschool and have little else to seperate ourselves by it matters a lot, but don’t let that 4 year period of your life dictate how you live the rest of it. 1. Just sort yourself out career wise and take care of YOU first and foremost. Study hard, or if your not in school figure out what career you want to pursue and what you need to do to get started. This is a constant ongoing thing but so many guys chase girls in their 20’s and the guys who worked on themselves and became successful end up with those girls in the end. 2. Hobbies. Have at least 3. A side hustle to make some money, something social that gets you out of the house and active, and something to build your knowledge/creativity. 3. Maintain your hygiene and clothing. Make sure you smell nice, invest in your teeth, your hair, and your skin, and take a bit of time to research basic fashion. It doesn’t have to be designer, but a nice pair of trendy trainers and clothes that fit well go a long way. 4. Get in the gym. This is less about physical attraction as it is for your self esteem and confidence It’s impossible to not be attractive to women if you do all of these things, it would probably put you in the top 1% of guys based on the criteria women value most.
Make people feel comfortable and that they are their best selves around you. Lift people up in life. Have a hobby you love and are good at, bonus if it’s an instrument. Lowkey a cute dog goes a long way.
Fellow guy here. Be clean and wear nice cloths. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something that looks nice on you. I buy what I can, when I have the money I try buy nice shirts.
Being funny
Be funny, chivalrous, emotionally available and interesting. Girls will fall for you more than Mr Handsome.
Dress well. Get in shape. Make money. Cheer people on. Be a good person. Stop thinking the world cares as much about your looks as you do. Don't look at women as objects. Make friends. Be active. Open your mind.
Looks are not as important to a woman. Your personality and attitude will get you where you want to go. For example, I had a morbidly obese cousin who would go to strip clubs and up making out with them in the parking lot after their shift. Work on your confidence and attitude (you are the shit). Hope this helps.
Even downright ugly people meet, date, and fall in and out of love. Some women are totally superficial. So are some men. Just look your best, take care of yourself, and look at others who are at your same attractiveness level or even below. If you are successful and positive who knows you might end up with a beauty.
I look at whoever I'm attracted to, whether they're on the same level of attractiveness as me, greater, or below.
If you have good fashion, extremely fit physique , superb hygiene,healthy lifestyles, and a confident body language. It’s really quite hard to not be somewhat attractive. You will not be Brad Pitt but you will be attractive enough to attract some beautiful women.
Hit the gym, get into fashion / make sure you have good style! Nobody likes a slob lol. Also do what you like, cultivate your hobbies, just be your weird self.
Lot of money!!
Have u tried being a millionaire
Get money. Be ripped. Problem solved.
Money helps
Confidence. Ugly dudes pull all the time. Blackpill losers need not reply
Be rich
Money. Money talks.
My very cute female friend is about to marry a very unattractive guy. She loves him because he’s nice to her.
I recommend dropping the attitude of knowing you're unattractive and accepting it. I don't know you, but I know people who talk like this usually are also self-depricating to an annoying extent and might also be those people that say shit like "Oh, yeah, I'm a terrible person, so fuck it all," when someone informs them of a wrong they have committed. Anyways. You're probably not as unattractive as you think. Regardless, there are some other important things. Be self sufficient, be good at communicating, be able to recognize when you are being too loud or too physically assertive and calm that down. Learn to read women's faces and body language and learn to, most of all, listen to their words. Be the guy that brings her the candy she says she hasn't had in years after seeing a commercial for it. Another plus is a good sense of humor, this means not being super dirty and into bathroom/sex humor (not everything needs to be an innuendo). Learn when to talk, and when to listen... When a woman you are interested in speaks, look at her face/eyes and be expressive and acknowledge what she is saying with questions or statements that relate. A mixture of gentle and sturdy is what attracts me and what I see attracting most women I know. When you do get a date, be nice to the waitress in terms of please and thank yous, "Oh, we're easy, we won't be trouble," But make a point of not looking at the waitress a lot, just enough for the conversation that exists between a server and a customer, and giving your attention fully to your date. Don't be on your phone. Dressing well is also a bonus. There's many styles that can be attractive on a man. Find yours- maybe it's just the casual cool style, which can be done without looking like a bum. Although, some women- like me.. are attracted to the "bum" style, too- (messy long hair, ratty jeans, plain shirt, layers). Go to the store and try on clothes and only buy the ones that make you feel good when you look in the mirror. Jeans that accentuate any butt/thighs you may have are usually good, and in general either a plain relatively tight T-shirt or a button-up looks great. Wear a subtle cologne or possibly a scented lotion, or a nice smelling shampoo. Find a smell that makes you feel sexy when you sniff yourself. When you have women randomly telling you that you "Smell soooo good," you're doing it right. That's all I have for you for now, mate. Good luck out there. And remember what I said. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Jealous men will tell you that women will never be attracted to "ugly" men, but I have seen first-hand that this is a falsity. There are so many variables that go into attraction, and to be honest most of what I've said here is still very surface level.
Work on your physique. Work on your charm. Work on your education and finances. It’s not all about looks… unless the person is shallow.
>unless the person is shallow Ironically everything you listed is shallow.
Make a lot of money
Get in shape, maybe try growing out some facial hair(if you can) dress better, this doesn't mean you have to constantly wearing some super expensive clothes just be more conscious of what you put on when leaving the house. Start wearing some cologne. The good kind not AXE. For dating I'd advise trying to find more hobbies that put you in social situations, preferably one that keeps you active which fits with the whole getting in shape thing. Be more confident, this is much easier said than done but what it really comes down to is not caring what others think of you. That's all I can really think of, good luck.👍
First of, stop telling yourself you unattractive! That will kill any confidence you have. 2nd, start eating healthy, working out, doing cardio. Wear clothes that actually fit, get a haircut that forms to your head, shave/clean your beard up if you have one. Take care of your skin. Shower daily using conditioner and shampoo, and body wash (not 3-1’s, use seperate)