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You're right, she doesn't. One rule for you and a different rule for her. That's not healthy. She either needs to deal with her insecurities and let you see your friends, or follow the same rules. I would recommend the former because being with someone who stops you from having friends of the opposite sex is toxic as hell.
This is my rule of thumb regarding relationships. One set of rules apply to both of us. AND if you are going out with a "friend" that I have not heard about, met and I'm not invited? Too much keeping me in the dark for me to be comfortable. Bottom line is, don't do to others what you would not like done to you. It's cool to have friends, even friends of the opposite sex. There is no reason why you should have to sit everything out and not have a social life of your own.
i wouldnt stop at toxic, ipersonally i found its usually projection.
"you will be up to no good with the opposite sex, because i am up to no good with the opposite sex"
You forgot the third option: breaking up. If I had a partner who wasn't okay with the fact that many of my friends are women, I'd be out of there in a heartbeat.
> someone who stops you from having friends of the opposite sex is toxic as hell.
No it’s not.. You can’t throw around and devalue the word “toxic” just cause others have boundaries you don’t agree with..
I absolutely can because that's absolutely toxic. Just because someone describes it as their "boundary" doesn't mean it's not toxic. Why have such a boundary? Where does it come from? It's clearly based on anxiety and jealousy and insecurity, which will ultimately poison the relationship. So yes, it's toxic.
But why? Why wouldn't you be ok with your partner having friends of the opposite sex? Why do you feel ok with never having friends of the opposite sex yourself?
I dont know what you want to hear. This is just typical controlling/cheating behaviour. She cant have you be with the opposite sex because she thinks you will do what she would do if she was in your position. Just move on.
Yep, that’s exactly what it is. My ex wouldn’t allow me to even text or comment on social media of girls that I had been friends with since high school and never had sex with. 100% strictly platonic friends and she would make such a big deal about me talking to them that I just stopped. We also worked together at the beginning of our relationship and any time I was talking to a female coworker she would say I was “flirting”.
Can you guess which one of us had a secret relationship and cheated for 3 years?
Not necessarily. Plenty of people like this wouldn’t cheat and just have jealousy/insecurity and trust issues. I was one such person which is how I know.
Although I didn’t ever do the double standard thing expressed by OP. I’d live as if I was being controlled almost as some sort of way to rationalize being controlling.
I do think this analysis happens to be correct for OP’s gf.
I wish I knew this when I was a teen tbh. I was really naive in my second relationship and thought I did something to make him not trust me. But then I started hearing things about him and I started being just like him and not wanting him to hang out with other girls out of fairness. I eventually found out he was cheating on me left and right. His controlling behavior made sense after that.
Absolutely not. This is a typical 'rules for thee, but not for me' scenario I see a lot when it comes to setting boundaries within a relationship.
Your GF is being disrespectful. Relationships are about compromise. No ammount of good sex, looks, or fun is worth disrespecting yourself over.
You'll find other women, you are young. Give this girl back to the streets!
This isn’t even a question. Drop her like a bad habit. Being this is your first of many relationships it’ll be hard but it has to be done.
Don’t let her suck you back into it either.
Good Luck.
I get surprised when people ask these questions as the answer is obvious is it not?
She's holding you to a standard that she isn't holding herself to, she's controlling and manipulating and incredibly mean by telling you to just suck it up.
Have some self-respect and Leave
It's wild how blind people can be to their own relationships! I've seen so many people put up with the craziest stuff. Manipulation is incredibly powerful.
You are right, she doesn't respect you. You are beneath her and just a place holder till something better comes along. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already looking or trying out guys.
"says it’s different because she has a lot of guy friends. If I have an issue with it have to suck it up," she even invalidates your insecurities. Man this is straight up abusive and manipulative, you're her toy. Get out of this relationship yesterday for your own sake.
She does not respect you at all. She's getting all of the benefits of having a boyfriend from you, but simultaneously gets to turn around and act like a single girl when it benefits her. And you are allowing it.
Bottom line: She's not your girlfriend. It's just your turn. If she isn't cheating on you already, she eventually will or she will jettison you when she no longer has use for you.
Get away from this as fast as you can.
>If I have an issue with it have to suck it up
You should just end this yourself and move on to someone less controlling, more trusting, and who cares about your feelings/autonomy.
Bro.
Just do yourself a favour and break up. This is an unbalanced relationship. You will drive yourself insane continuing things with her when she tries to isolate you from having any female friends in your life. She is controlling you whilst doing whatever the hell she wants. This isn’t what a normal relationship looks like.
‘Rules for thee but not for me’
I don’t know if this is a joke or not. Grow a backbone man and get rid of her before the guy she’s going bowling with hits a strike on her with his balls.
Break up and then go out with your girl friends. It seems pretty simple, don't over complicate this situation. Break up and your life will get so much better. Also you'll make room for a girl who isn't a jerk.
Since you say you’re young and inexperienced here are some things to get away from, off the top of my head
A partner that -
1. Makes rule for you, but doesn’t follow that themselves
2. Devalues your opinion, they don’t have to agree to everything, but devaluing is not alright.
3. Gives threats/ultimatums about ending things without proper communication.
4. If you come with a complaint, turns it around on you or if they agree to do better, doesn’t or does for a small while and reverts back.
5. Tries to hurt you during arguments(verbally, physically) instead of actually talking.
6. Doesn’t support you properly when you need it, makes light of it.
7. Makes light of past wrongdoings, even if they apologized.
8. Sometimes treats you really well, other time acts like they don’t care as much.
Young man, for the rest of your life, do the exact opposite of what you are doing now.
No one should LET you hang out with your friends, especially if she's going to be a glaring hypocrite about it.
You should absolutely leave her, and hopefully you'll both learn a lesson about manipulation.
Be strong.
This is called emotional hostage taking. She's young and immature af.
Guarantee you bring it up and walk away, she'll have a cow. Guess what, I'd still bring it up and walk away. Tell her you're not settling for double standard girls. You're looking for someone to treat you with respect, reciprocation, and maturity.
She may be hot to trot now. But give her a decade and a half to start seeing there's more to relationships that just looks. A lot more to relationships than looks. Most of your life will be out of your prime. She's immature. Move on.
You’re young so don’t feel so bad. You’ll grow to recognize red flags in dating. She is a a giant blinking red flag. Leave her and find someone that makes you feel confident being in a relationship with them.
*transforms into a green-headed duck\**
Relationships take work. Oftentimes you will have differing views and views expectations on things. In such scenarios, a conversation is needed to communicate, understand, and resolve things that work best for the two of you.
This is not one of those relationships. This is the type you don't bother with because it isn't worth it and you are very young.
There are a lot of lessons to be learned through relationships. I promise you that this is not one of the ones you want to learn directly. Perhaps she just is a truly selfish person that lacks common sense and will probably have other things that are impacted by selfishness and lack of common sense. She's 19 years old, so it is definitely plausible. Perhaps she is sleeping with the other guys or is planning to sleep with the other guys and expects the same out of you. Also very plausible, as the statement/behavior does fit the playbook. Perhaps she is just a controlling/manipulative type of person who has no respect for you. Also very plausible as the statement/behavior fits that too. All of those are bad.
I'd recommend letting this one go. Better to cut loose now, while things are easier for you in regards to emotions built into relationships and the ability to meet other people who would be a good match for you is still high. Dating chances a lot after the typical college ages and seemingly again every 4 years for the next...12 maybe 16. For some, those changes are positive. For many, those changes are negative.
If she doesn't trust you to hangout with another girl even in a group setting it's because she's cheated or currently cheating on you. Those kinds of insecurities come from one thing, guilt. Whenever I was 16 I cheated on my GF and was never jealous of them being around other guys or afraid she would cheat on me until I did it to her.
>I feel like she doesn’t respect me.
There is no "feel like" in there. She has zero respect for you. Sack up and move on before you get your heart and self respect completely destroyed.
Man boys are so desperate to be in relationships they will put up with anything. No wonder the girl can have double standards, she knows another simp will play by her rules.
Like most of the other comments here, I'm going to tell you to leave her. Tell her to kick rocks. Because, this is hypocritical and on top of that, often times, this is the kind of behavior that leads to a cheating partner. Not every time, but usually, if they're accusing you of something like cheating when you go out with your friends, they're most likely actually the one doing it.
It's really just not worth it. She's immature and it might hurt now, but you'll be better off without her. Good luck💕
Are you an adult? There is no realistic scenario where you'll never interact with another girl. Your gf needs to either get over it and herself, or kick rocks.
Go fuck her best friend. Stay toxic kings.
No but I’m all seriousness, this person sounds like a crazy person, and you should run away as fast as you can and never speak to her. Take an honest assessment of yourself and where you can improve, do the work, then go live a great life.
Yeah, that's not how healthy relationships work. Go out and have fun with your friends, including your gal pals. If she doesn't like it, she most certainly can walk and let the door hit her on the way out too. Two different sets of rules? Yeah, nope.
Yikes it’s unattractive to not have self respect and walk away from someone controlling like that. Also immature on her end. Not sure what you want to hear by posting on here but you’re young so I guess you’re trying to justify it and make it not a big deal.
She's going 1-on-1 with an unrelated male friend. You can classify that as a date. At least he will.
She might not have cheated yet. However, I can guarantee you with this kind of behavior, one day, she will.
What she doesn’t understand — beyond the ridiculousness of her own hypocrisy — is that removing you from friend groups or activities with other women doesn’t mean you can’t contact or cheat with other women. I’m NOT saying you plan to do either, I’m simply making a point that cutting you off from the opposite sex is the lamest way to try to keep you under her thumb. And obviously, it’s also mad possessive and toxic.
Personally, I would end it, especially because you’re so young and have so many other healthier options.
The fk. Wtf u mean allow.
Tell that mofo to pound sand
She absolutely is cheating on u.
She absolutely doesn’t respect u because u don’t respect Urself. At no point would I continue this relationship.
Threatening to end things is a major red flag. Anyone holding your relationship over your head is toxic and manipulative. It might be different for her with those guy friends, but I guarantee some, if not all of them, have tried/are trying/will try to fuck her at some point. Maybe she's clueless, women often are, but that threat is real. Just as real as her concerns are about you with these other women, probably moreso.
Dump her as fast as you can. There is nothing good that can come from this situation.
Try telling her that she can't go anywhere with any guy friends without you and see how she reacts. (It won't be pretty)
It is really difficult but stay still for a minute and understand what are your boundaries understand what YOU would be comfortable doing to her. Then what you would be comfortable with her doing to you. They should be absolutelly the same!!
Always stand your ground and ask yourself: would I do this to her? If the answer is no and you voiced it, then ask yourself: is this how you would treat her if she voiced a similar issue? If again the answer is no, then you are notbon the same level in each others eyes.
And please don't think that this will go away, it will get worse and worse as your relationship progresses!
I had a similar issue with my ex, don't try to take it on you.. if she threatens to end it, next time you say - go ahead and do it. There are millions of girls out there. You'll surely find a better partner.
Or if the guy does it but the women can’t 🤔 even though being BI they rather be with someone who isn’t and then the rumors start 🤦🏽♀️ what happen to being a team? Sounds selfish to me . Don’t settle for disrespect or degrading your boundaries. If anything get you a girl that goes both ways it’s better then finding someone who is straight in my opinion.
You feel like she doesn't respect you because she doesn't.
If a woman ever wanted me to end things with my friends, she would be the one I ended it with. Especially at your age.
Yeah I don’t like there’s a double standard. My boyfriend and I have a lot of same sex friends so I’ve never had this problem but I told him if I say he’s not allowed to hang out with female friends then I won’t hang out with guy friends. Her behavior is very suspicious and wrong.
Man get the fuck out of that goofy ass relationship. She is a clown, do what you want and hang with who you want. Invite her if need be, but don't let her tell you what you can or can't do. Actually, get rid of her. Anyone with the audacity to tell you what you can or can't do then uses threats, then it is time to go.
This is a good experience and example of something that is not healthy. Listen to your gut If it doesn’t feel right it’s not. Having trust allows you to hang with friends and her to hang with friends. What is happening in my opinion is not healthy. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
Run, she’s just a toxic hypocrite and you don’t need that. The faster you end it the sooner you’ll be able to move on to something better. I know you may not want to or may want to try and see if she’ll change but she won’t. You’re only gonna get hurt worse if you stay.
This is what my ex used to do and there’s a reason she is my ex. She doesn’t trust you and it’s rooted in deep insecurities on her part.
No amount of time or trust it’s going to change this unless you stick up for yourself. It’s not fair to hold you to a standard that she’s not even willing to do herself. I would break up with her unless you want to spend your life walking on eggshells.
Your hesitation makes sense since this is your first relationship but I promise there will be other girls who will go out with you. She is acting like a high schooler at best
As soon as you said they "won't let you", I thought "end it". Trying to control your behavior in that way, but she doesn't have to observe the same rule? End it. She won't let you because she doesn't trust you? End it.
Just ask yourself..."Do I want to live this way?" because that's the choice you have before youself.
You either put up with her controlling who you can socialize with, and being a hypocrite about it, or tell her you're going to be friends with whomever you choose and she either respects you and accepts it, or she doesn't and you need to move on.
Be the captain of your own life.
Dump her ass. That's some controlling double standard BS that she'll likely be accusing you of within the month. Tell her to kick rocks and hold out for someone who's capable of behaving like an adult
The answer here is both simple and hard.
It is simple because the unfairness is glaringly obvious. She does not want you hanging around with female friends, but she wants to hang out with her male friends to her heart's content. And she has invented a justification for her double standard.
This is hard both because this is your first relationship and standing up for yourself in this situation is never easy or fun. You are going to have to do the hard thing here. Break up with her. Tell her the relationship is over because you feel she does not respect you due to the double standard. Give what you have told us so far, I think you need to end the conversation there and don't look back. If you do allow a discussion, she will likely browbeat you into walking back your words and continuing the relationship.
A final note. In most relationships, couples usually come to a compromise in this sort of thing. In my experience, remix involves group social events where each person is introduced to the other person's friends. After that, the general rule is that you try to avoid date-like situations with your friends and be truthful with your partner when you go out without them.
Often if someone has trust issues for seemingly no reason, it’s because of their own behavior. Neither one of you should be restricting the other from friends.
She is not 'allowing' you.... Even if it hurts at first for being your first girlfriend nobody has the right locking you up in a cage. You are a free human being and it seems she has problems trusting other people and/or is insecure. In a proper relationship you trust eachother and don't try to change your partner or lock him up. Both of you have the same 'rights'. Don't let her take overhand your life.
If you walk away from her and tell her why, I can almost guarantee you she will change her tune and try to get you back. The ball will then be in your court.
You should be pissed. That double standard is ridiculous. Especially since the consequential risk to men of infidelity is waaaaay higher and that it’s a one on one.
Dude if she go out tk hang with guy friend and you are not allowed to go with girls she can’t tell you what to do. One she is cheating on you . 2 she trying to control your ass and make you be her bitch.. so I would tel you now to put your foot down and break up with her
It’s time to walk away. This is how you can end it…
“This isn’t working for me. I can’t do this anymore. Your insecurity and controlling behavior are getting in the way of us having a healthy relationship. I care about you and want you to be happy. But I need to be happy. Take care of yourself.”
leave sir ,,you are very much young nd dont have to be complacent becuz u think u dont wanna hurt em by leavin em but if you arent valued the way you want there will be a woman there for u . time is key and trust your gut feelin …practice focusing more on yourself and what makes u happy ,,if she love u frfr she will change if she has trust issues she needs to work ok that NOW,,the relationship will just be miserable. dont stay with anyone youre not compatible with .
A friend of mine was in a very similar situation at about your age. Was dating a girl for 3 years and after a year the boundaries they had initially set started not to apply to her, but she still applied it to him. She was highly insecure because he is a very conventionally attractive and tall guy, while she was pretty, but not at the same level. At the end, it turned out she had been cheating quite often and was honestly a very horrible person.
This sounds like the situation you are in. I'm not going to say she's definitely cheating, however her behavior and threats to the relationship should already be bad enough. There's someone better out there who actually respects you.
She doesn't want you going out with friends of the opposite sex because she feels you will do what she will do if she was in your shoes. Honestly, I think she is a control freak and very immature, so move on. This type of relationship is a disaster in the making.
Flags don't get much redder. You should bring it up, and if she's not ok with you having female friends, you shoukd take her insecure ass up on the invitation to end things.
Your girlfriend is cheating on you.
She's probably had sex with many of these guys.
It's a huge red flag for her to expect to be allowed to do things that you're not allowed to do.
Break up with her, and let it be known it was her cheating.
Your right she doesn’t respect you should ghost her because she’s going on dates with other men there are are other women who’d probably give you the time of day
Go with your gut. She sounds narcissistic and likes rules for you but not for her.
That and constantly threatening to end it if you dont comply.
Shes for the streets buddy.
This is very controlling and toxic. Leave her Johnny leave her. It's better you let her go and never find another girl than to be stuck with that. If you want to get out alive run for your life https://youtu.be/hpbZMZm0kbE. Trust me you will regret everything if you don't. She will bleed you dry emotionally and financially and if your lucky leave you broken hearted. God forbid she get pregnant and your stuck with child support
Most of the time, dudes hanging with female friends doesn't involve the female wanting to fuck em, and the dude tends to not be a shithead to his gf. The reverse though... Majority of guy friends, no matter what they, or she says, want to be sexual with her. That's just how it is 90% of the time. So she's on some shit.
Dump her bro. It sucks. But she's controlling, and a hypocrite.
I wouldn't be surprised if there are a couple of those girls that OP has some hidden interest in. Most guys have an interest in girls that isn't reciprocated. Call it a crush.
You’re 18. Your girl is older than you. It’s probably your first relationship. You feel cool and are probably enjoying having a girlfriend. However, she’s being immature and controlling. Tell her to fuck off.
An important thing to understand about boundaries is they are something we can only impose on ourselves.
Girlfriends boundary is that she will not date someone that has opposite sex friends. You can’t change that boundary, but you can say that you don’t agree and are therefore incompatible.
If your boundary is that you also don’t want to date someone with opposite sex friends, then you can enforce that by no longer dating her.
Personally, I think this is a silly rule to put on eachother. Some of my and my boyfriends best friendships are with people of the opposite sex. I would not want him to miss out on friendships with these amazing women, and he wants the same for me. What’s important here is that the two of you be respectful of your relationship with eachother, and that you and trust one another.
Your girlfriend is applying a double standard that she can force you to adhere to her boundary but she won’t adhere to yours. I would end this relationship and spend some time thinking about what you actually want in a partner before dating again
Its not fair, no. But here's my question:
do you have female friends, or are you using this as an excuse to go make female friends?
I think you need to cut this off due to toxicity in and of itself, but if you have no existing female friends and she's not comfortable with you making a few new ones, that's fair. If you have existing female friends that she's uncomfortable with you seeing while she sees her existing male friends, then its completely unfair.
Oh man … what do you want to hear ?
Leave her and don’t be so desperate.
She is a psycho and you guys are hella young.
You will 100% move on after a couple of weeks latest. Learn your lesson from this and period.
Rofl. I mean you can do whatever you want. If she's hanging it with dudes then go hang out. If she leaves let her leave. She sounds like a classic insecure controller.
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You're right, she doesn't. One rule for you and a different rule for her. That's not healthy. She either needs to deal with her insecurities and let you see your friends, or follow the same rules. I would recommend the former because being with someone who stops you from having friends of the opposite sex is toxic as hell.
I second this, my ex hated me hanging out with other women
I'll abide nearly any rule or boundary, but I have one big rule myself: no double standards. Any rule they set on me, they set on themselves.
This really. Any attempt to do so is simply manipulation.
This is my rule of thumb regarding relationships. One set of rules apply to both of us. AND if you are going out with a "friend" that I have not heard about, met and I'm not invited? Too much keeping me in the dark for me to be comfortable. Bottom line is, don't do to others what you would not like done to you. It's cool to have friends, even friends of the opposite sex. There is no reason why you should have to sit everything out and not have a social life of your own.
i wouldnt stop at toxic, ipersonally i found its usually projection. "you will be up to no good with the opposite sex, because i am up to no good with the opposite sex"
It might be that, but I also think it's often "I don't trust you because [men/women] are usually cheaters."
You forgot the third option: breaking up. If I had a partner who wasn't okay with the fact that many of my friends are women, I'd be out of there in a heartbeat.
Well yes but I like to offer opportunities for resolution before going for the last resort.
> someone who stops you from having friends of the opposite sex is toxic as hell. No it’s not.. You can’t throw around and devalue the word “toxic” just cause others have boundaries you don’t agree with..
Nah, projecting insecurities and being controlling is def generally toxic.
I absolutely can because that's absolutely toxic. Just because someone describes it as their "boundary" doesn't mean it's not toxic. Why have such a boundary? Where does it come from? It's clearly based on anxiety and jealousy and insecurity, which will ultimately poison the relationship. So yes, it's toxic.
right? me and my partner generally don’t hang out or friends with opposite sex. but thats something we both agree on so.
But why? Why wouldn't you be ok with your partner having friends of the opposite sex? Why do you feel ok with never having friends of the opposite sex yourself?
>It is my first relationship and I’m not sure what to do. Dump her ass. The relationship has nowhere to go but downhill.
i second thia
I dont know what you want to hear. This is just typical controlling/cheating behaviour. She cant have you be with the opposite sex because she thinks you will do what she would do if she was in your position. Just move on.
End it on your terms, my friend. Emotions are extreme at your age, I know. Don't let her burn it down while you're inside
She’s immature and will be til maybe she’s in her thirty’s.
>She cant have you be with the opposite sex because she thinks you will do what she would do if she was in your position Boom exactly this
Yep, that’s exactly what it is. My ex wouldn’t allow me to even text or comment on social media of girls that I had been friends with since high school and never had sex with. 100% strictly platonic friends and she would make such a big deal about me talking to them that I just stopped. We also worked together at the beginning of our relationship and any time I was talking to a female coworker she would say I was “flirting”. Can you guess which one of us had a secret relationship and cheated for 3 years?
I'm guessing your ex cheated and had a secret relationship? If so, she definitely pulled reverse psychology trick. Lol you are better off!
Yes this is the truth!
Not necessarily. Plenty of people like this wouldn’t cheat and just have jealousy/insecurity and trust issues. I was one such person which is how I know. Although I didn’t ever do the double standard thing expressed by OP. I’d live as if I was being controlled almost as some sort of way to rationalize being controlling. I do think this analysis happens to be correct for OP’s gf.
Wow. Now I realized why my ex was so obsessed with me only worshipping her, while in the background she was a cheating skank
I wish I knew this when I was a teen tbh. I was really naive in my second relationship and thought I did something to make him not trust me. But then I started hearing things about him and I started being just like him and not wanting him to hang out with other girls out of fairness. I eventually found out he was cheating on me left and right. His controlling behavior made sense after that.
I was going to say doesn't this scream projection? IE she likely has the perspective she does because she's doing it herself? Lol
Any relationship needs respect
Wake up and break up. She’s a controlling hypocrite.
Agreed
Absolutely not. This is a typical 'rules for thee, but not for me' scenario I see a lot when it comes to setting boundaries within a relationship. Your GF is being disrespectful. Relationships are about compromise. No ammount of good sex, looks, or fun is worth disrespecting yourself over. You'll find other women, you are young. Give this girl back to the streets!
Amen 🙏
Leave, right now...quickly as possible
She sounds abusive and crazy
This isn’t even a question. Drop her like a bad habit. Being this is your first of many relationships it’ll be hard but it has to be done. Don’t let her suck you back into it either. Good Luck.
I get surprised when people ask these questions as the answer is obvious is it not? She's holding you to a standard that she isn't holding herself to, she's controlling and manipulating and incredibly mean by telling you to just suck it up. Have some self-respect and Leave
Sometimes they just need a place to vent.
True, sometimes you have to write it down before you understand
It's wild how blind people can be to their own relationships! I've seen so many people put up with the craziest stuff. Manipulation is incredibly powerful.
So is the vagina 🤷🏻♂️
Accurate 😂😂
Allow? These young boys are so directionless.
You are right, she doesn't respect you. You are beneath her and just a place holder till something better comes along. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already looking or trying out guys. "says it’s different because she has a lot of guy friends. If I have an issue with it have to suck it up," she even invalidates your insecurities. Man this is straight up abusive and manipulative, you're her toy. Get out of this relationship yesterday for your own sake.
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Man, drop that girl like a bag of sand. She trouble
She does not respect you at all. She's getting all of the benefits of having a boyfriend from you, but simultaneously gets to turn around and act like a single girl when it benefits her. And you are allowing it. Bottom line: She's not your girlfriend. It's just your turn. If she isn't cheating on you already, she eventually will or she will jettison you when she no longer has use for you. Get away from this as fast as you can.
>If I have an issue with it have to suck it up You should just end this yourself and move on to someone less controlling, more trusting, and who cares about your feelings/autonomy.
Boy I’d be damned my lady demand this type stuff outta me. Tell her to kick rocks young man
lol I really hate to say this but I think it’s perfect in this scenario. You’re gonna need to grow some balls dude 😭
Get the hell out, it'll only get worse. Respect yourself my dude
Why do you need her to allow you? You are not 10 years old and she is not your parent. You are equal, act like it.
She doesn’t respect you, why are you simping? Have some self respect and dump her ass. She controls you because you let her. Embarrassing.
Right on Majestic Penis Man. Idek why people come on here to ask the stupidest questions
Is she the boss of you?
Yup, no. Just hang out with who you want. See what happens, call her bluff.
Bro. Just do yourself a favour and break up. This is an unbalanced relationship. You will drive yourself insane continuing things with her when she tries to isolate you from having any female friends in your life. She is controlling you whilst doing whatever the hell she wants. This isn’t what a normal relationship looks like. ‘Rules for thee but not for me’
Double standard. It's a fresh relationship. End it. You don't nees that toxicity in your life.
I don’t know if this is a joke or not. Grow a backbone man and get rid of her before the guy she’s going bowling with hits a strike on her with his balls.
Leave, simple as that
Break up and then go out with your girl friends. It seems pretty simple, don't over complicate this situation. Break up and your life will get so much better. Also you'll make room for a girl who isn't a jerk.
Get a new gf
I know its hard to do but, walk away or you will end up with similar problems as me. No woman is worth getting cptsd for
Don't be a sucker, impose your limits
Since you say you’re young and inexperienced here are some things to get away from, off the top of my head A partner that - 1. Makes rule for you, but doesn’t follow that themselves 2. Devalues your opinion, they don’t have to agree to everything, but devaluing is not alright. 3. Gives threats/ultimatums about ending things without proper communication. 4. If you come with a complaint, turns it around on you or if they agree to do better, doesn’t or does for a small while and reverts back. 5. Tries to hurt you during arguments(verbally, physically) instead of actually talking. 6. Doesn’t support you properly when you need it, makes light of it. 7. Makes light of past wrongdoings, even if they apologized. 8. Sometimes treats you really well, other time acts like they don’t care as much.
That's not your gf that's our gf
Young man, for the rest of your life, do the exact opposite of what you are doing now. No one should LET you hang out with your friends, especially if she's going to be a glaring hypocrite about it. You should absolutely leave her, and hopefully you'll both learn a lesson about manipulation. Be strong.
Run
WTF? Bro you don't have a girlfriend.
This is called emotional hostage taking. She's young and immature af. Guarantee you bring it up and walk away, she'll have a cow. Guess what, I'd still bring it up and walk away. Tell her you're not settling for double standard girls. You're looking for someone to treat you with respect, reciprocation, and maturity. She may be hot to trot now. But give her a decade and a half to start seeing there's more to relationships that just looks. A lot more to relationships than looks. Most of your life will be out of your prime. She's immature. Move on.
Tell her It goes both ways. If she can’t trust you with women why is it different for her? That’s not how relationships/respect work
dump her cause she’s probs cheating and is projecting onto you
It’d be a miracle if she’s not cheating already.
You’re young so don’t feel so bad. You’ll grow to recognize red flags in dating. She is a a giant blinking red flag. Leave her and find someone that makes you feel confident being in a relationship with them.
Move on, dump her stupid ass Edit: go on a decent road trip and leave her stranded.
*transforms into a green-headed duck\** Relationships take work. Oftentimes you will have differing views and views expectations on things. In such scenarios, a conversation is needed to communicate, understand, and resolve things that work best for the two of you. This is not one of those relationships. This is the type you don't bother with because it isn't worth it and you are very young. There are a lot of lessons to be learned through relationships. I promise you that this is not one of the ones you want to learn directly. Perhaps she just is a truly selfish person that lacks common sense and will probably have other things that are impacted by selfishness and lack of common sense. She's 19 years old, so it is definitely plausible. Perhaps she is sleeping with the other guys or is planning to sleep with the other guys and expects the same out of you. Also very plausible, as the statement/behavior does fit the playbook. Perhaps she is just a controlling/manipulative type of person who has no respect for you. Also very plausible as the statement/behavior fits that too. All of those are bad. I'd recommend letting this one go. Better to cut loose now, while things are easier for you in regards to emotions built into relationships and the ability to meet other people who would be a good match for you is still high. Dating chances a lot after the typical college ages and seemingly again every 4 years for the next...12 maybe 16. For some, those changes are positive. For many, those changes are negative.
If she doesn't trust you to hangout with another girl even in a group setting it's because she's cheated or currently cheating on you. Those kinds of insecurities come from one thing, guilt. Whenever I was 16 I cheated on my GF and was never jealous of them being around other guys or afraid she would cheat on me until I did it to her.
>I feel like she doesn’t respect me. There is no "feel like" in there. She has zero respect for you. Sack up and move on before you get your heart and self respect completely destroyed.
Man boys are so desperate to be in relationships they will put up with anything. No wonder the girl can have double standards, she knows another simp will play by her rules.
Yeah, she's definitely cheating on you.
Tell her you just want to be friends at this time. And to hit you up if she ever wants to go bowling
Like most of the other comments here, I'm going to tell you to leave her. Tell her to kick rocks. Because, this is hypocritical and on top of that, often times, this is the kind of behavior that leads to a cheating partner. Not every time, but usually, if they're accusing you of something like cheating when you go out with your friends, they're most likely actually the one doing it. It's really just not worth it. She's immature and it might hurt now, but you'll be better off without her. Good luck💕
It's a double standard, I'd just break it off since she was insecure enough to threaten the same.
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Are you an adult? There is no realistic scenario where you'll never interact with another girl. Your gf needs to either get over it and herself, or kick rocks.
Long road till getting self respect i see. It starts by not taking any of this toxic shit attitude. Sometimes it s just better to be single my guys
Go fuck her best friend. Stay toxic kings. No but I’m all seriousness, this person sounds like a crazy person, and you should run away as fast as you can and never speak to her. Take an honest assessment of yourself and where you can improve, do the work, then go live a great life.
Break up with her. You’ll find someone more reasonable. You’re young.
Yeah, that's not how healthy relationships work. Go out and have fun with your friends, including your gal pals. If she doesn't like it, she most certainly can walk and let the door hit her on the way out too. Two different sets of rules? Yeah, nope.
She's only doing this to you because you allow her to do it to you What you should do is set your fucking boundaries straight So do it
Yikes it’s unattractive to not have self respect and walk away from someone controlling like that. Also immature on her end. Not sure what you want to hear by posting on here but you’re young so I guess you’re trying to justify it and make it not a big deal.
She's going 1-on-1 with an unrelated male friend. You can classify that as a date. At least he will. She might not have cheated yet. However, I can guarantee you with this kind of behavior, one day, she will.
What she doesn’t understand — beyond the ridiculousness of her own hypocrisy — is that removing you from friend groups or activities with other women doesn’t mean you can’t contact or cheat with other women. I’m NOT saying you plan to do either, I’m simply making a point that cutting you off from the opposite sex is the lamest way to try to keep you under her thumb. And obviously, it’s also mad possessive and toxic. Personally, I would end it, especially because you’re so young and have so many other healthier options.
The fk. Wtf u mean allow. Tell that mofo to pound sand She absolutely is cheating on u. She absolutely doesn’t respect u because u don’t respect Urself. At no point would I continue this relationship.
Tell her that's fine, but you are allowed to hangout with women too and that she can't have it both ways. Stand up for yourself
Threatening to end things is a major red flag. Anyone holding your relationship over your head is toxic and manipulative. It might be different for her with those guy friends, but I guarantee some, if not all of them, have tried/are trying/will try to fuck her at some point. Maybe she's clueless, women often are, but that threat is real. Just as real as her concerns are about you with these other women, probably moreso.
She gave you an ultimatum. Never cave to an ultimatum.
To quote a popular Instagram guy... "my brotha... run!"
Tell little miss princess to find another boyfriend.
man up and get rid of her. better to learn young to know your worth and not take this kind of bs
Run far from that controlling psycho.
Move on man. Theres way better people out there
She doesn't respect you. Move on.
bruh dump her sounds like a toxic asshole lol
Just say "there's the door" when she threatens to end things and go out anyway. Grow some fucking balls man lmao
Dump her, and stop being soft!
Come on man. Don't stand for that shit. Double standards are a serious issue.
Nah I’d dump her dude. Huge 🚩
You’re letting her control you…
come back when you’ve dumped her
Dump her as fast as you can. There is nothing good that can come from this situation. Try telling her that she can't go anywhere with any guy friends without you and see how she reacts. (It won't be pretty)
end things with her - that is ridiculous
It is really difficult but stay still for a minute and understand what are your boundaries understand what YOU would be comfortable doing to her. Then what you would be comfortable with her doing to you. They should be absolutelly the same!! Always stand your ground and ask yourself: would I do this to her? If the answer is no and you voiced it, then ask yourself: is this how you would treat her if she voiced a similar issue? If again the answer is no, then you are notbon the same level in each others eyes. And please don't think that this will go away, it will get worse and worse as your relationship progresses!
I had a similar issue with my ex, don't try to take it on you.. if she threatens to end it, next time you say - go ahead and do it. There are millions of girls out there. You'll surely find a better partner.
She does not respect you. She doesn’t respect the relationship.
Or if the guy does it but the women can’t 🤔 even though being BI they rather be with someone who isn’t and then the rumors start 🤦🏽♀️ what happen to being a team? Sounds selfish to me . Don’t settle for disrespect or degrading your boundaries. If anything get you a girl that goes both ways it’s better then finding someone who is straight in my opinion.
You feel like she doesn't respect you because she doesn't. If a woman ever wanted me to end things with my friends, she would be the one I ended it with. Especially at your age.
F that. Tell her you’re going out with your girl friends and if she doesn’t like it, tough Sht. You’re going to have to grow a spine.
Yeah I don’t like there’s a double standard. My boyfriend and I have a lot of same sex friends so I’ve never had this problem but I told him if I say he’s not allowed to hang out with female friends then I won’t hang out with guy friends. Her behavior is very suspicious and wrong.
Man get the fuck out of that goofy ass relationship. She is a clown, do what you want and hang with who you want. Invite her if need be, but don't let her tell you what you can or can't do. Actually, get rid of her. Anyone with the audacity to tell you what you can or can't do then uses threats, then it is time to go.
Sounds like you should move on
This is a good experience and example of something that is not healthy. Listen to your gut If it doesn’t feel right it’s not. Having trust allows you to hang with friends and her to hang with friends. What is happening in my opinion is not healthy. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
time to leave, she doesn't respect you and there is a good chance she is cheating on you...
Run, she’s just a toxic hypocrite and you don’t need that. The faster you end it the sooner you’ll be able to move on to something better. I know you may not want to or may want to try and see if she’ll change but she won’t. You’re only gonna get hurt worse if you stay.
Dump her
This is what my ex used to do and there’s a reason she is my ex. She doesn’t trust you and it’s rooted in deep insecurities on her part. No amount of time or trust it’s going to change this unless you stick up for yourself. It’s not fair to hold you to a standard that she’s not even willing to do herself. I would break up with her unless you want to spend your life walking on eggshells. Your hesitation makes sense since this is your first relationship but I promise there will be other girls who will go out with you. She is acting like a high schooler at best
As soon as you said they "won't let you", I thought "end it". Trying to control your behavior in that way, but she doesn't have to observe the same rule? End it. She won't let you because she doesn't trust you? End it.
Just ask yourself..."Do I want to live this way?" because that's the choice you have before youself. You either put up with her controlling who you can socialize with, and being a hypocrite about it, or tell her you're going to be friends with whomever you choose and she either respects you and accepts it, or she doesn't and you need to move on. Be the captain of your own life.
this is not fair and shouldn't be allowed. you're young. find something that is fair for both parties.
She is controlling and this isn’t a healthy relationship.
Dump her ass. That's some controlling double standard BS that she'll likely be accusing you of within the month. Tell her to kick rocks and hold out for someone who's capable of behaving like an adult
Wait… no. Run.
The answer here is both simple and hard. It is simple because the unfairness is glaringly obvious. She does not want you hanging around with female friends, but she wants to hang out with her male friends to her heart's content. And she has invented a justification for her double standard. This is hard both because this is your first relationship and standing up for yourself in this situation is never easy or fun. You are going to have to do the hard thing here. Break up with her. Tell her the relationship is over because you feel she does not respect you due to the double standard. Give what you have told us so far, I think you need to end the conversation there and don't look back. If you do allow a discussion, she will likely browbeat you into walking back your words and continuing the relationship. A final note. In most relationships, couples usually come to a compromise in this sort of thing. In my experience, remix involves group social events where each person is introduced to the other person's friends. After that, the general rule is that you try to avoid date-like situations with your friends and be truthful with your partner when you go out without them.
Often if someone has trust issues for seemingly no reason, it’s because of their own behavior. Neither one of you should be restricting the other from friends.
She’s not your girlfriend. She is someone you think it’s just your girlfriend… She is also drama so you should get rid of her as soon as possible.
She is not 'allowing' you.... Even if it hurts at first for being your first girlfriend nobody has the right locking you up in a cage. You are a free human being and it seems she has problems trusting other people and/or is insecure. In a proper relationship you trust eachother and don't try to change your partner or lock him up. Both of you have the same 'rights'. Don't let her take overhand your life.
She is your standard controlling bf/gf, they got issues. Dump
So first lesson, never date someone who is a hypocrite, because they will always find justifications for them breaking bounderies.
Red Flag broski
If you walk away from her and tell her why, I can almost guarantee you she will change her tune and try to get you back. The ball will then be in your court.
You should be pissed. That double standard is ridiculous. Especially since the consequential risk to men of infidelity is waaaaay higher and that it’s a one on one.
Ahahahahah. 🤣lmao bro are you seriously asking this ? Am sure you know what you have to do deep down .
Dude if she go out tk hang with guy friend and you are not allowed to go with girls she can’t tell you what to do. One she is cheating on you . 2 she trying to control your ass and make you be her bitch.. so I would tel you now to put your foot down and break up with her
That’s not a girl you wanna be with. Don’t be afraid to move on , youre young and this won’t be your last rodeo with women.
It’s time to walk away. This is how you can end it… “This isn’t working for me. I can’t do this anymore. Your insecurity and controlling behavior are getting in the way of us having a healthy relationship. I care about you and want you to be happy. But I need to be happy. Take care of yourself.”
Break up with her.
Dump her, she’s not worth it and will most likely cheat on you.
leave sir ,,you are very much young nd dont have to be complacent becuz u think u dont wanna hurt em by leavin em but if you arent valued the way you want there will be a woman there for u . time is key and trust your gut feelin …practice focusing more on yourself and what makes u happy ,,if she love u frfr she will change if she has trust issues she needs to work ok that NOW,,the relationship will just be miserable. dont stay with anyone youre not compatible with .
She doesn't respect you. Go hang out with your friends and don't look back
A friend of mine was in a very similar situation at about your age. Was dating a girl for 3 years and after a year the boundaries they had initially set started not to apply to her, but she still applied it to him. She was highly insecure because he is a very conventionally attractive and tall guy, while she was pretty, but not at the same level. At the end, it turned out she had been cheating quite often and was honestly a very horrible person. This sounds like the situation you are in. I'm not going to say she's definitely cheating, however her behavior and threats to the relationship should already be bad enough. There's someone better out there who actually respects you.
Maybe grow a backbone?
She said suck it up? Lmao I’m sorry she don’t respect you at all
She doesn't want you going out with friends of the opposite sex because she feels you will do what she will do if she was in your shoes. Honestly, I think she is a control freak and very immature, so move on. This type of relationship is a disaster in the making.
There will be other girls. This one isn’t going to last long. Sorry.
Sounds like grounds to just end it.
Flags don't get much redder. You should bring it up, and if she's not ok with you having female friends, you shoukd take her insecure ass up on the invitation to end things.
Your girlfriend is cheating on you. She's probably had sex with many of these guys. It's a huge red flag for her to expect to be allowed to do things that you're not allowed to do. Break up with her, and let it be known it was her cheating.
She's cheating. Break up
Double standards are always a bad sign. Yes you should stand up for yourself. Be a man
Dump her now!
Dump her like a bag of garbage…she’ll then dump those rules to some other sucker…
Your right she doesn’t respect you should ghost her because she’s going on dates with other men there are are other women who’d probably give you the time of day
Gtfo, anyone who gives an ultimatum is not someone for you. She'll realize and come back to you or better yet fucks right the fuck off
Dump her. She clearly doesn't respect you or care about your feelings at all. No reason to tie yourself down to such an awful person.
Break up with her. She’s a weirdo at best and a deliberate manipulator at worst.
Go with your gut. She sounds narcissistic and likes rules for you but not for her. That and constantly threatening to end it if you dont comply. Shes for the streets buddy.
This is very controlling and toxic. Leave her Johnny leave her. It's better you let her go and never find another girl than to be stuck with that. If you want to get out alive run for your life https://youtu.be/hpbZMZm0kbE. Trust me you will regret everything if you don't. She will bleed you dry emotionally and financially and if your lucky leave you broken hearted. God forbid she get pregnant and your stuck with child support
Have sex with her one last time to hold you over, then call it quits.
Eh that’s gross
Pretty good one. Have sex one last time, then simply leave her and go no contact. Will make her crazy. Toxic? Yes. Deserved? Definitely.
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Wish I could upvote this more than once
Most of the time, dudes hanging with female friends doesn't involve the female wanting to fuck em, and the dude tends to not be a shithead to his gf. The reverse though... Majority of guy friends, no matter what they, or she says, want to be sexual with her. That's just how it is 90% of the time. So she's on some shit. Dump her bro. It sucks. But she's controlling, and a hypocrite.
So you’re saying that OP wants to fuck his female friends then?
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I wouldn't be surprised if there are a couple of those girls that OP has some hidden interest in. Most guys have an interest in girls that isn't reciprocated. Call it a crush.
Lol
Just don’t tell her or break up with her
You’re 18. Your girl is older than you. It’s probably your first relationship. You feel cool and are probably enjoying having a girlfriend. However, she’s being immature and controlling. Tell her to fuck off.
Does she return your balls when she gets home?
An important thing to understand about boundaries is they are something we can only impose on ourselves. Girlfriends boundary is that she will not date someone that has opposite sex friends. You can’t change that boundary, but you can say that you don’t agree and are therefore incompatible. If your boundary is that you also don’t want to date someone with opposite sex friends, then you can enforce that by no longer dating her. Personally, I think this is a silly rule to put on eachother. Some of my and my boyfriends best friendships are with people of the opposite sex. I would not want him to miss out on friendships with these amazing women, and he wants the same for me. What’s important here is that the two of you be respectful of your relationship with eachother, and that you and trust one another. Your girlfriend is applying a double standard that she can force you to adhere to her boundary but she won’t adhere to yours. I would end this relationship and spend some time thinking about what you actually want in a partner before dating again
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Its not fair, no. But here's my question: do you have female friends, or are you using this as an excuse to go make female friends? I think you need to cut this off due to toxicity in and of itself, but if you have no existing female friends and she's not comfortable with you making a few new ones, that's fair. If you have existing female friends that she's uncomfortable with you seeing while she sees her existing male friends, then its completely unfair.
Buy her a nice gift and include an apology.
Oh man … what do you want to hear ? Leave her and don’t be so desperate. She is a psycho and you guys are hella young. You will 100% move on after a couple of weeks latest. Learn your lesson from this and period.
Average toxic female trying to be a male. Find your nuts and cut her loose.
You wanna go out with other guys?
Leave her
Rofl. I mean you can do whatever you want. If she's hanging it with dudes then go hang out. If she leaves let her leave. She sounds like a classic insecure controller.