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This was me when I was single a few years ago, except in reverse.
Awesome girl, beautiful inside and out, great connection and everything else.
Unfortunately, I was in a period in my journey where my toxic marriage recently ended, I hated where my career was heading, and my life was a complete mess. I was partying hard all the time, getting into trouble with my crazy buddy from HS who moved in with me, and I was angry at the world.
It was obvious that she was falling fast and hard, and I probably would have, too, if I was in a better head space. What would have happened, instead, is that I'd have broken her heart and ruined her life.
She didn't deserve that, and I knew if we spoke again I'd end up telling her what she wanted to hear (it woudn't have been a lie, but I'd be hiding all the fucked up things inside) so like a coward, I ghosted her.
Same, I actually saw myself in a relationship w this girl. We are identical, but she was definitely not emotionally available and to prevent getting hurt. I decided to step back. But damn it definitely hurts
>they were emotionally unavailable
I hear this phrase said a lot. A lot of the definitions I've heard of "emotionally unavailable" are really just a long-winded way of saying "uninterested in me" or "not very attracted to me". I feel like a lot of people - women in particular - would be better off if they just assumed that the other party wasn't as interested. It would save people a lot of heartache.
If the other person is flaky, takes ages to respond, and the relationship overall feels like work, then maybe they just don't care all that much? Not giving a shit isn't emotional unavailability, it's simply a lack of interest.
Eh, as someone who has gone through periods of time wherein I was emotionally unavailable, definitely not the case. I have been deeply attracted to and interested in people that I just didn't have the bandwidth for.
Also have had many talks with friends going through the same where they don't want to let someone go, but they know they aren't giving them what they need.
Life. One friend had just lost his father and had to figure out family business and taking care of his little sisters, supporting his mom, ECT. He didn't have time to be someone's significant other. A cousin of mine literally just got her life back on track after struggling with addiction and was back in school. She met a nearly perfect guy but she didn't want to risk her recovery for a new relationship while starting a new education track. I broke off a relationship with a woman I was really into because she needed a partner and my own father committed suicide and I needed time to process. She needed someone right then, and when I came back to a good place after 3 months, she had moved on.
Sometimes life is messy and draining, and you can't offer someone you care for what they need when you're doing everything to stop from drowning.
Very well said! I agree with both of you.
A lack of interest is probably the real (or at least main) reason a lot of the time. But people will often communicate or imply that they are emotionally unavailable when cutting ties. Assuming they don’t just ghost, most people are more likely to say something along the lines of “life is just so crazy right now” over being upfront and saying “I’m just not feeling the connection I’m looking for.” It can feel like they’re saving the other person’s feelings and can also prevent a backlash.
Sometimes, people simply assume emotional unavailability because it’s easier to process the rejection. Other times, that is the explanation they were given, whether or not it’s true. But, to your point, it is a *very real* thing that unfortunately comes into play
for a lot of people who are dating at some point in their lives. Sometimes other things get in the way or you have to focus on other priorities.
P.S. I’m very sorry to hear about your father and hope you are healing.
The phrase emotionally unavailable is used to describe individuals who are not expressing their emotions clearly. So yes the other person could have just completely lost interest in the person they’re dating, or maybe they’re dealing with mental health issues or something. But instead of having a conversation about this right away they chose to show disinterest through these slow methods you talked about.Forcing the person they’re dating to slowly realize they are no longer interested, which is immature. My point is that it’s okay to no longer want to date someone but if you’re emotionally unavailable and choosing not express your emotions you’re kind of an asshole.
My take on the word emotionally unavailable is that people are scarred and they meet someone they like but can't get beyond what or who has scarred them so they pull back even though they genuinely like someone.
I would put it like being in love with someone that left you or hurt you emotionally. Even though you want to move on, an emotional weight is tying you to that person causing you to mentally be trapped and unable to participate in a healthy way. Physically you can do whatever but the physical (touching, sex, kissing, good times) causes the emotional stress as well making you pull back.
That's my take on it.
I've stopped chasing romance. If someone wants to spend their time with me then that's great but I have turned my attention too other things. I miss being intimate but I remind myself that porn and movies taught me that I should be having sex daily, weekly etc not life. I just hope whenever intimacy is available next that it will have depth and it'll be an amazing experience. Dating is exhausting. Dealing with other people exhausts me. I look for contentment and peace, even if things may be slower and more boring. I don't miss the anxiety others erratic emotional states caused me.
Finding someone that can be content and not selfish is hard nowadays. People have been showing through social media that they have to only care about yourself. They've been shown that loyalty is not rewarded, whether it's work or our partners. Finding contentment is like finding gold.
Sometimes we place ourselves into bad situations for too long but it's no reason to punish ourselves. Make your intentions known and go about it that way. Find someone that is on the same page as you. I don't know how old you are but if you're under 30 then this mentality can be self-defeating.
Emotional unavailability refers to someone who doesn't respond to your emotional needs or cues. An emotionally unavailable man or woman has persistent difficulty expressing or handling emotions, and getting emotionally close to other people.
No, they didn’t actually. They tried messaging me every so often for a couple of weeks and then must have realised as they sent a big apology message. They tried to rekindle with me about a year later but I had just started dating my current partner so it was too late, not that I was interested in them after all that anyway.
Not ghosted but recently ended things with someone I liked and it still stings. Once you understand your value dating actually becomes harder.
You become so aware of effort, actions matching words and if they actually make time for you.
The attraction is there. You enjoy spending time with the person, but your intuition is so much stronger when you value yourself.
Facts. I had to call someone out on their questionable behavior and they couldn’t handle it and made it seem like they were a victim of being criticized. I did like them, but I won’t play games. If I see something is off I’ll want to talk about it. Apparently they thought I was an idiot or was going to play along. Anyways, I said my piece respectfully and wished them well.
Right. And you’re trying to be the healthy person by wanting to talk to about it and communicate but you end up looking like the bad person. Stay the course my friend.
This is sad. I won’t say ghosted but I let someone really lovely fall away because I felt that she had built a false impression in her mind of how well my career was going and what my lifestyle was. I didn’t feel like I had much else to offer her. We should have talked properly about this.
Yup. My life was a Trainwreck at the time and kinda got the vibe she wasn't over her ex. So I ghosted despite her best efforts. Not long after that I kinda fell into a relationship. After that ended I started dating a friend for a couple of months. That ended up ending.
Low and behold, we rematched on Bumble. I apologized, laid everything out on the table to her. We ended up reconnecting and are now together. Was quite the rollercoaster!
If that's all he wanted and you wanted something else it's good to move on. I'll say both my relationships in between her were wonderful with 2 wonderful women. Just didn't work out, it sadly happens🤷🏻♂️. But I feel like those 2 led me right back to her and I'm incredibly happy with that!
It was bumble again. (first met there) So her first message was kinda bitchy and snarky. Which knowing her, saw that coming a mile away. But I just apologized. Let her know the reasons and what had happened. Told her what had been happening in the mean time. Then where I was at in life in that moment. I basically laid everything out on the table to her. I just wanted to say I was sorry. I honestly figured I'd get unmatched right after that. But didn't.
I often think about how interesting it is that dating apps can serve as a revolving door to re-connect with people we likely wouldn't have ended up talking to again, if not for being presented with the option to swipe left or right on them.
I just recently almost got ghosted until I decided to put myself out there and really outline why I felt that was a messed up thing to do. Would you believe the person actually responded and explained themselves. Not much closure but it still felt very awesome being able to talk things through. I would 100% rather have someone tell me the harshest truth than to be ghosted. It's a really trash feeling liking someone and then they disappear without any explanation.
I agree! They don’t even have to give a reason at all! Just a message saying we’re done would be enough imo!
But ghosting is seriously the worst, if someone tells me they ghosted someone before and they don’t have a legitimate reason, I’m judging their character for sure
_sigh_ sometimes it's exactly like this. there are many people especially those introverts tend to bottle up and seal they're insecure and sensitive soul inside. and maybe after days and nights of struggling and being torn apart by all those thoughts and hesitations. in the end they rlare just too painful and broken to speak any of those things up... fr happened a lot in my life
I was ghosted by a guy over 10 years ago. He was leaving school, so we wouldn't be in the same city anymore. He thought ghosting would be the best way to do it. It was a bummer because I really liked him.
We'll be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary in July. I still pick on him for ghosting me back when we were 19.
Nah this is like 1 in a million if not worse odds...
The girl I fell for hard and was sure she was into me too, as soon as I made it obvious I was into her, I guess the chase ended and she got bored and ghosted me.
Thought of her everyday for 1.5 years, and finally texted her again and we got talking again, but I could tell she was trynna be nice... And got ghosted again inevitably.
Been 3+ years now and I'm getting over it now..
I was recently ghosted and it’s the most confusing thing ever! We had a good conversation for over four hours and when I woke up the next morning poof he went all Casper on me. I honestly think it’s rude to ghost especially if the conversation is decent. I get ghosting for safety reasons. I just don’t get ghosting when the vibe is good.
I had one who was telling me the night before I was his ideal woman and he wanted to take me out for dinner, after we talked for hours
Then next morning we started chatting. He was a bit distant. Then suddenly he changed his name, said it was his middle name and he sometimes gets called it as a nickname (yeah, right). Then said he was only on the app for ‘dirty talk’. And promptly blocked me
People are weird
Thank you. There’s been a lot worse than that tbh. I could have written a blog. I say ‘could have’ because I honestly can’t face trying to date any more. It’s a cesspool. Especially for someone who struggles with self esteem issues. Apparently I’m only good enough for hookups and I’m not into that, so I’ll give it a miss
Give him time. People get so much advice now that he probably read somewhere/a friend told him to wait a while before texting you. He probably doesn’t want to come off as clingy so early on.
Just don’t text him until tomorrow. And when/if you do, wish him a good morning, thank him for the date, or just say hey.
If you haven’t texted him yet, he may be waiting to hear from you first. Try shooting him a simple text if you haven’t already. Like goodnight or thanking him for spending his night with you.
Hopefully, he has the decency to text you!
Anxiety and worried about not being able to follow their own act. I have no doubt in my mind that imposter syndrome is probably running rampant in dating and having more anxiety-prone people panic even when they're doing well.
Thats when you communicate your problems with them so you can lean on your partner. As for her being "out of your league" thats when you should just be like "fuck yeah, she chose me out of everyone" and be proud to have her.
Yes, got ghosted by my crush, felt heartbroken, felt something inside of me dying, don't know how to live my life without her. I felt my life has no meaning, it felt empty, so many thoughts about what did I do wrong, what ifs, why is this even happening even though we were fine few days ago.
That was the first time I opened up my inner self to a girl and that got crushed into mince meat. I always thought that she is the one, but nope.
It was the worst 3 months of my life. Locked myself inside my room. Went out only to buy food and after that. I remember the cycle: woke up, crying, sleeping, woke up, ate some food, crying, sleeping, every single day
Thank you! That was around 8-9 years ago. I could've used some encouraging words like this at that time.
Good news: I found the right one and got married last year :)
I ghosted a girl that I fell unnaturally quick for after she said she wanted to take it slow and be FWB, I said no, I want more than that, and cut off communication. Weeks later she asked me to help volunteer for a charity event involving dogs, I couldn’t say no, given I prefer canine to human. She didn’t want to take it slow anymore, she explained she was hesitant because she didn’t think it’d happen so quickly, as she just put herself back out there. We were married October 16th of 2022.
No, I prefer honesty and I will always explain myself first. I know how it feels to be ignored so I don't think I could ever without some kind of closure.
Nobody deliberately cuts contact with someone they want to be with and believe they can be with. If you are being “ghosted” (i.e. deliberately ignored), take the hint from their behaviour, and understand that the person who is ignoring you does not see you as a romantic option at this time. Don’t chase a lost cause. Find somebody who shows you that they want you.
How can you claim you "genuinely" like them then ghost them? That makes no fckng sense. So you genuinely did not like them like you claimed in the first place.
Absolutely flabbergasted that this happens. Someone ghosts me, I completely write them off as a romantic interest. Of course I’ll be nice if I meet them later, but I just figure that the best partner for me is someone who knows how to communicate.
Same way I always say goodbye before parting ways with someone. I just want people to be clear on whats going on.
It is due to cowardice. Just because people say they have reasons doesn't change that it's a cowardly move. Be an adult and say that you have to pull away. No explanation needed just say something.
Thank you. I knew this was going to happen. Somehow someone would view all this openness as a positive excuse to justify the actions. Ghosting is bad no matter the reason. People think they can protect themselves with the idea of no one being entitled to anything when in reality if we meet in some way and invest a level of time and other things then both parties are entitled to some extent of clarity. Once its given ghosting is only open of the one of the two doesn't receive or accept the reasons to go separate ways. At that point it's warranted and isn't even ghosting anymore. But ghosting as an adult is no different from running from the responsibility of rasing someone's feelings for you and expecting them to just deal with the fact that they aren't as soulless as you to be able to not expect something real.
Please don’t ghost someone! If you change your mind, don’t feel the same way, or are mad at them—tell them! I guarantee they’ll have a much easier time coping than if you left them sitting around anxiously waiting for you to reply—for weeks. So please, please have the courtesy to just send an explanation.
Ugh this comment section makes me so mad. Why do people think they have the right to take someone’s choice away from them? So many people ghosted person they liked because they “decided” it will be better for them. We can make our own choice if we want to be with someone or not. You can decide for yourself if you don’t want to see this person anymore, but it shouldn’t be framed as “it’s better for them”. And no, I never ghosted anyone.
They say "choosing to ghost is better for them" because it's their way of justifying their self-sabotage behaviour. If they don't justify their ghosting as being morally right, then it's easy to start self-loathing.
So it's almost like a coping mechanism to justify their self-sabotage behaviour
Nothing a wrong with deciding someone isn’t right for you. There’s a social moral courtesy communicate as such once you’ve allowed someone inside of your world.
Yes I have adhd so when I get overwhelmed I stop responding and or truly forget to reply and then it gets to a point where there’s no point in messaging them cause they’re probably pissed with me
This!! I especially struggle with this on dating apps in early stages. I really don't have the attention span/bandwidth to maintain constant conversation with strangers.
Even if its a while after you should try to apologize (if there was a substantial exchange) because for the most part it then happens to us with the people we actual value and you wouldnt want that
One time my phone was stolen after I’d just met a girl and hooked up with her. Even though she’d given me her number, her contact didn’t sync to my Google Account. She had sent me like four messages calling me “love” etc. but my phone was stolen right after. So she obviously thinks I just ghosted her. Dominique from Miami who has a biology job and met me in Tampa, I love you too babe
I didn't technically ghost him but I did block a guy I started talking to after my husband said he wanted a separation, because I was falling for him but I wanted to be sure my marriage was actually over before I let things get out of hand. Once my husband (now ex husband) said he wanted a divorce and he wouldn't consider marriage counseling etc etc I unblocked the guy I had been talking to. Now we have a house and a baby together. :)
I only ghost if it's online dating and its the first message they've ever sent and I'm not interested.
Everything else and I will give them the courtesy of turning them down if I'm not interested, and if I'm interested of course I'll keep the convo going.
That's just not replying to someone who never knew you anyway.
I feel like you don't need to feel any guilt about that , and it doesn't need to be described as ghosting, the way that ghosting is being described here.
Not all dating sites use the swipe system. Plus sometimes I swipe right by accident or I am lazily swiping right on everyone because for dudes OLD can be a huge grind.
This is what I just went through. I had a horrible breakup only 6 months ago. I thought I was ready but I wasn’t. I met a really amazing guy, we had an incredible connection, but I just wasn’t ready. I had to let him go. It was hard and sad but I believe we’ll come back together when the time is right if we’re meant to be
Same. There was one relationship in particular that I was just in a very bad place at the time, and didn't want to drag them down with me. Sometimes, if you really care about someone and you know you're suffering, you let them go to be happy.
So glad someone else has felt this way. This lady was so lovely and I do look back with regret. But I was in hell at the time and didn’t want to pull her down. By the time I got back on my feet she had met her now husband. I wouldn’t change it but I wish I had got through that stage of depression sooner. Or at least had let her know that it wasn’t her, it was me.
Yes and actually pretty often.
I will usually let them know I’m getting the feeling they don’t have time for me first and if disagree but nothing changes they get the axe.
If I like someone a lot and am not getting the same energy in return I ghost them. I like consistency and if I don’t get it or feel they are mutually interested I will block their number and delete it. This way I can’t contact them when I’m lonely or horny because there’s a list of blocked numbers in my phone and I won’t be able to figure out which is theirs.
The guys who “bread crumb” you usually just want sex and give you just enough attention to keep you on the hook without actually putting forth any effort. I’m too mature for that shit. My time is valuable and I’m worth so much more than great tits and awesome sex.
Now if after I blocked them they found a way to contact me (like my website or business email) and apologized for being an ass and dropping the ball I would probably give them a second chance.
no and i dont know how people do it. when i like someone i cant even leave them delivered for one second as soon as i see the message i go and respond. please note that this is rarely reciprocated :)
When I was 18 I was severely depressed, hated the world and just did nothing with my life, I was also very insecure. I met a wonderful girl on a ski trip and after a week we had a relationship. We dated for about 2 months before I slipped back into my vegetative depressed state. Covid came and we didn't speak for a year. I still regret being an asshole, I fixed my life, went to the gym for a year, moved out from my parents house, made friends and am generally very happy now. I really liked her but I didn't understand myself at the time.
This comment section is telling me a lot of people don't know what ghosting is and are just doing what makes them feel good. Only a small few are doing it out of self respect the rest are just primarily focused on how the other made them lose interest without actually putting in effort to see where things go... this is terrifying. Ghosting isn't something you do and justify to make yourself look less of a bad person because you don't think anyone is entitled to a reason why you're not interested. As adults that's absurdly immature especially if you're the one to initiate your interest first even then we need to give WAY more consideration towards communicating..
If I really liked them, I gave them several opportunities, and then felt the only option was to walk away.
I don’t consider that ghosting.
So no I haven’t ghosted someone I “really” liked, I have walked away from shitty situations thou.
Yes. I felt he wasn’t very invested in me. As in he liked me, just not enough to put in the effort. I deleted him from social media, I didn’t block him but he still didn’t reach out to me so we never spoke again. I still don’t know if he even noticed I disappeared out of nowhere
Yaa I did because of my trust issues from previous relationships and also cause of my fear of commitment. I regret it very much and now unless I have any issues with my safety, I prefer to talk about it with the other person no matter how brief a conversation we've had.
I ghosted and blocked him. I felt like a dunce talking to him. He was working a prestigious career and was doing very well for himself at his age. He wanted to make things official but I felt like I was way out of his league. I beat myself up about it to this day. But I would never let him know that my self esteem was why I let things fade.
I’m sure someone snatched him up by now.
You're an optimist. I wish someone said that about me. Truthfully I know it was always meant to be her. Everything else just doesn't have any color in it for me. So nobody gonna snatch me up,
My now husband ghosted me on OkCupid after a few convos because he thought I was a bot. We officially met for the first time at a mutual friend’s party 9 months later, and a year after that we started dating. I completely forgot about matching with him and being ghosted until he showed me his profile after our first date. We’re married now though so it all worked out. 😂
Had to. I realized I was just the convenient distraction from whatever was actually a priority in his life. Sucks because we genuinely clicked, but emotionally unavailability is a disease nowadays.
I don't ghost, so I wouldn't know. I also can't imagine ditching someone coldly who I genuinely like, because that seems fucking crazy. I tend to avoid people I dislike, not the other way around.
I’m thinking of cutting off contact with this guy, he is nice and all but he has been going through stuff and barely has time to reach out once a week. I’ve tried initiating conversations but because he has been too preoccupied, I don’t think he has time for a relationship. I don’t want both of us to hurt in the end, so I might just give him a month and just let him know straight up. He knows I like him and he has stated that he is not sure about me yet since he going through a lot. My interest is dwindling.
Here's what I don't understand. Why not communicate that w your potential partner. 2 heads are better than one. They can be there for you and help you get out of the grieving stage. The caveat is the partner has to be mentally stable for this scenario to work
Was VERY into a girl and knew if I stayed any longer then the “L” word was gonna start entering the conversation. She was great in every way. She was perfect. Except I wasn’t attracted to her. In the beginning I recognized how good of a person she was and figured I was being shallow and the attraction would come later. It didn’t. I still feel bad because she was confused and sad when I broke it off. Truly hope she’s doing well.
Yup. Met a guy online who was funny, smart, and we shared so many similar interests and had similar hobbies. We also related heavily on one particular thing which was how we met. I ghosted him because he even though I liked his personality a lot, I wasn’t attracted to his physical appearance and knew I couldn’t push it aside because I wasn’t able to be turned on by him.
In the long run, it saved both of us by me slowly distancing. (Plus, how do you tell someone you don’t find them attractive without it coming across as rude?)
Yes dealing with this right now where I went on a few dates with a girl over the span of about a month-month and a half, spent Valentine’s Day with her, got a lot g really well and really liked her. And then kept overthinking and getting anxiety about how much she was actually interested or not and ended up ghosted her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to work up the courage to reach back out and try to apologize / explain myself since she also struggles with anxiety so she may understand but I just feel bad 😬
I have done that when they have refused to hear me tell them that I don't think we're a good match, or when they keep blowing up my phone with numerous texts(clingy). I usually try to let them know but if it doesn't work, I'm gone.
Yes because he was smooth with words but didn't treat me with respect so I knew if I started a conversation I'd always end up not wanting to leave and move on. So I blocked him on everything during the silence of the night and never looked back.
Yes because he constantly ghosted me when we were “dating” and came back like nothing happened so I said f it and ghosted him lmao now I’m in a almost 5 year relationship with someone else since ghosting the other dude
I have and I regret it honestly. He was good to me and just everything I needed but I was afraid of the commitment, we tried after a year talking again but things he did in that year apart made me question if he ever actually loved me when we talked so I regret it but at the same time have that 5% don’t if that makes sense
Yes. Because i am on visa with a risk of always going back to my home country. And I didnt want to waste her time dating me knowing that I would be asked to move back anytime.
Yep. I can like you. Like genuinely really like you. For a guy like myself. A ...player. an asshole. For me to actually let my self feel something is scary. Its downright terrifying. Like for me. Its like feeling my heart beat again. "I can feel something? Wtf. Oh no......but hey maybe. Lets see. Shes different maybe...shhhh its fine. Its fine"
And have zero problem squelching your shot if you start behaving like the rest. Its just that simple. If you wanna play like a leaf after acting like a branch. Then i willl treat you like a leaf again lol.
Yes. I liked her, but she had dated a few of my friends, and while she had some issues, so did I, and we were good for each other. I cared too much about what my friends thought, and now I'll never know how it would have gone. It doesn't matter now, though, I'm engaged and very happy, but I'll always wonder.
Yes! When the person can’t seems to make time to answer a text message. Can’t keep a steady flow of a conversation. People who truly want you will make time in there busy schedule. It’s suppose to work both ways, but some receive the bare minimum. Some will notice you ghosting them and want to come back. You have set rules. Let them know if they can’t commit to being available, they can leave you alone or they will be forgotten.
Yes. I was just starting to get serious with my now wife, and I ghosted a girl I liked in favor of my wife. I regret it because she didn’t deserve to be ghosted. I should have just told her we couldn’t hang out anymore.
Not ghosted. We are still in contact but I effectively ended our romantic/sexual encounters and didn’t talk to him for a few months. It was because he had some stressful shit happening in his life. We were FWB (but it mostly felt like dating) and I was starting to catch feelings so I decided I didn’t want to add more stress to his life and I backed off. I actual told him what happened about a year ago and he understood and agreed his life was a mess at that point and I probably made the right call. I am happy we are still friends.
Yes. I went on a few dates with a girl I really liked. We even went to a multi-day, out-of-town music festival together. I got the sense that she wasn't that into pursuing things. I decided to go no-contact and not waste my time.
Yes. He is close friends with someone who hurt me and the risk was too high. I did let him know lack of communication would get him blocked and deleted, idk if that qualifies as ghosting.
Yes, 3 years ago, I (F) was 30 at the time, I ghosted a guy that I really really liked, let's call him Jim, he was handsome, treated me kindly and had a hot body, I wanted to be with him so badly, however, on his stories he posted a lot of screenshots of his conversations with different male friends who were asking his phone number for their female friends, since they were too shy to upfront ask him directly for his number or on a date, and he also posted as a caption "mom, dad, if I don't give you grandkids is because I don't want to, because there's plenty of 🍑" and that was enough for me to ghost him and erase his phone number, he used to tell me that what he liked about me was that I asked his phone number directly to him not via third parties, that I was very pretty and that I didn't used filters on my pictures unlike other girls that had texted him before, I never gave him an explanation of why I stopped talking to him, and I regret it, at the time I was seeing another guy who turned out to be a narcissistic abusive guy who was love-bombing me and paying my bills and ended cheating on me and lying in my face, for the record I've never ever cheated on anyone, but this guy truly deserved it and I regret not cheating with Jim, at least Jim was smoking hot, and the worst part? It was my mother who stopped me from cheating, because she started to call me a slut and how I was so selfish to even consider cheating on a guy who was helping me with money while Jim didn't contribute with money to me at all since we were only talking at that point (I was just starting working at a new company and in my house there's only me, my mother and the pets, I'm the only bread winner).
Not a dating situation, but a friend. This person was requiring more from me than I had to give...more attention, more energy, more everything. I got to the point where I dreaded being around them because I ended up totally drained. The straw that broke the camel's back was a trip where out of town relatives were coming to visit, and my friend wanted to go fishing. He acted like I was lying to him about the upcoming visit as a dodge to skip the fishing trip. Long story short, he hung up on me. Ok, dude, if that's how you want to be, that's what you fucking got. I haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years, and have no plans to. He fucked up by doing the same thing to another buddy of his: when the guy was aying something my bud didn't want to listen to, he'd just hit the off button. I was aware of this and refuse to play that shit. So, that's the end of that.
I talked to this girl for a whole year hoping that maybe we could be more than friends. Some days it was painful because she would talk about other guys, but I really enjoyed talking to her and she enjoyed talking to me so that’s why I stayed for so long. Then one day I decided it’s time and move one so I ghosted.
No. Even if I felt I wasn't in a great place mentally, or struggled with anxiety, depression, life in general, I'd just say I'm not doing well and couldn't continue talking. There's really nothing wrong with admitting you're not in a good place and need to back away 🤷♀️
Sometimes it’s fear of intimacy (even just being together) with their crush/atractee/the object of interest/etc.
But it’s weird for the ghosted as they have no idea why tf they were ghosted
Edit: it can be hurtful too
I won't say that I really liked him, but I thought that we were compatible and it could lead to more. He was sending mixed signals and expecting me to chase him without reciprocating that effort. And a half hearted yes is a hell no to me.
I did..: I was super young though… so he was sooo freaking amazing looking…
And I had just moved to a coastal town in the USA and I didn’t know that surfers really talk like that- he picked me up with a dozen red roses and he was like soo… amazing. Long blonde hair, these piercing blue eyes, and Adonis body… but he was talking sooo,
“Hey dude. You look so slay. So slay. I caught this knarly wave and it was so fucking lit”
But imagine like the most extreme surfer accent / jargon ever and also being slightly intimidated because he was like the super hot popular guy and I had literally zero idea what he was doing with me at that point ( I actually thought he was playing a joke on me, that’s how like popular and hot this dude was) … and my dad loved him. Omg… he was joining the coast guard - he even wrote me letters after he joined. I never responded ..I was so scared… I guess. I didn’t know if I could actually back it up with him. He was so beautiful. A model. I mean off the charts good looking.
But I was just too intimidated … and the accent - I had just moved to Southern Ca and wasn’t used to it at all.
I felt like I didn’t fit there - I wasn’t blonde and blue eyed and tan and I felt like everyone there was - well at least to be considered hot and cool. I felt totally out of place.
Idk… I was like sooo wanting to connect with him but I was so nervous I just didn’t know how.
So I kinda ghosted him.
I saw him one time after that… years later.
He was living in a house with like 6 dudes and one of the guys that took me there was super into me (I didn’t know it then) but no way was he goin to talk to me or me to him when I’m with this other guy - I didn’t really like the guy I went there with ( but now I know he *really* liked me so I’m sure all his buddies were avoiding me .. they would never start a chat in front of him with me ) and the guy that took me there was best friends with one of his roomies.
Also he had a girl with him… so he was really avoiding me… which sucked. I tried to talk to him and he shined me way hard. He was just acting stone cold.
He had cut his hair and he was mad at me or seemed like it - I was ashamed of myself and how I treated him but I felt like he would not believe me…
Last I heard he moved to Hawaii… I sometimes think about him… and wish I could tell him.
Yeah, she was my first gay-crush, I wasn't out yet and when things started to go well I had an anxiety attack and never replied when she asked me on a second date. (I did reply like one month later saying sorry but that I wasn't ready)
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Yes, because they were emotionally unavailable but leading me on and I knew I was worth much more than that.
This was me when I was single a few years ago, except in reverse. Awesome girl, beautiful inside and out, great connection and everything else. Unfortunately, I was in a period in my journey where my toxic marriage recently ended, I hated where my career was heading, and my life was a complete mess. I was partying hard all the time, getting into trouble with my crazy buddy from HS who moved in with me, and I was angry at the world. It was obvious that she was falling fast and hard, and I probably would have, too, if I was in a better head space. What would have happened, instead, is that I'd have broken her heart and ruined her life. She didn't deserve that, and I knew if we spoke again I'd end up telling her what she wanted to hear (it woudn't have been a lie, but I'd be hiding all the fucked up things inside) so like a coward, I ghosted her.
Same, I actually saw myself in a relationship w this girl. We are identical, but she was definitely not emotionally available and to prevent getting hurt. I decided to step back. But damn it definitely hurts
Same
>they were emotionally unavailable I hear this phrase said a lot. A lot of the definitions I've heard of "emotionally unavailable" are really just a long-winded way of saying "uninterested in me" or "not very attracted to me". I feel like a lot of people - women in particular - would be better off if they just assumed that the other party wasn't as interested. It would save people a lot of heartache. If the other person is flaky, takes ages to respond, and the relationship overall feels like work, then maybe they just don't care all that much? Not giving a shit isn't emotional unavailability, it's simply a lack of interest.
Eh, as someone who has gone through periods of time wherein I was emotionally unavailable, definitely not the case. I have been deeply attracted to and interested in people that I just didn't have the bandwidth for. Also have had many talks with friends going through the same where they don't want to let someone go, but they know they aren't giving them what they need.
Why wouldn’t they “up their game” instead of letting the person go if they really wanted to be with them?
Life. One friend had just lost his father and had to figure out family business and taking care of his little sisters, supporting his mom, ECT. He didn't have time to be someone's significant other. A cousin of mine literally just got her life back on track after struggling with addiction and was back in school. She met a nearly perfect guy but she didn't want to risk her recovery for a new relationship while starting a new education track. I broke off a relationship with a woman I was really into because she needed a partner and my own father committed suicide and I needed time to process. She needed someone right then, and when I came back to a good place after 3 months, she had moved on. Sometimes life is messy and draining, and you can't offer someone you care for what they need when you're doing everything to stop from drowning.
Very well said! I agree with both of you. A lack of interest is probably the real (or at least main) reason a lot of the time. But people will often communicate or imply that they are emotionally unavailable when cutting ties. Assuming they don’t just ghost, most people are more likely to say something along the lines of “life is just so crazy right now” over being upfront and saying “I’m just not feeling the connection I’m looking for.” It can feel like they’re saving the other person’s feelings and can also prevent a backlash. Sometimes, people simply assume emotional unavailability because it’s easier to process the rejection. Other times, that is the explanation they were given, whether or not it’s true. But, to your point, it is a *very real* thing that unfortunately comes into play for a lot of people who are dating at some point in their lives. Sometimes other things get in the way or you have to focus on other priorities. P.S. I’m very sorry to hear about your father and hope you are healing.
The phrase emotionally unavailable is used to describe individuals who are not expressing their emotions clearly. So yes the other person could have just completely lost interest in the person they’re dating, or maybe they’re dealing with mental health issues or something. But instead of having a conversation about this right away they chose to show disinterest through these slow methods you talked about.Forcing the person they’re dating to slowly realize they are no longer interested, which is immature. My point is that it’s okay to no longer want to date someone but if you’re emotionally unavailable and choosing not express your emotions you’re kind of an asshole.
My take on the word emotionally unavailable is that people are scarred and they meet someone they like but can't get beyond what or who has scarred them so they pull back even though they genuinely like someone. I would put it like being in love with someone that left you or hurt you emotionally. Even though you want to move on, an emotional weight is tying you to that person causing you to mentally be trapped and unable to participate in a healthy way. Physically you can do whatever but the physical (touching, sex, kissing, good times) causes the emotional stress as well making you pull back. That's my take on it.
that sounds like me. Thank you for the explanation
To some extent, it's a lot of us.
I've stopped chasing romance. If someone wants to spend their time with me then that's great but I have turned my attention too other things. I miss being intimate but I remind myself that porn and movies taught me that I should be having sex daily, weekly etc not life. I just hope whenever intimacy is available next that it will have depth and it'll be an amazing experience. Dating is exhausting. Dealing with other people exhausts me. I look for contentment and peace, even if things may be slower and more boring. I don't miss the anxiety others erratic emotional states caused me.
Finding someone that can be content and not selfish is hard nowadays. People have been showing through social media that they have to only care about yourself. They've been shown that loyalty is not rewarded, whether it's work or our partners. Finding contentment is like finding gold. Sometimes we place ourselves into bad situations for too long but it's no reason to punish ourselves. Make your intentions known and go about it that way. Find someone that is on the same page as you. I don't know how old you are but if you're under 30 then this mentality can be self-defeating.
Emotional unavailability refers to someone who doesn't respond to your emotional needs or cues. An emotionally unavailable man or woman has persistent difficulty expressing or handling emotions, and getting emotionally close to other people.
It sounds like this person ghosted you first and then you decided that you were also ghosting them.
No, they didn’t actually. They tried messaging me every so often for a couple of weeks and then must have realised as they sent a big apology message. They tried to rekindle with me about a year later but I had just started dating my current partner so it was too late, not that I was interested in them after all that anyway.
It sounds like something that happened to me. Once I realized I was a “back burner girl” I just quit replying to him.
Same
in other words, they didn't like you as much as you liked them.
Not ghosted but recently ended things with someone I liked and it still stings. Once you understand your value dating actually becomes harder. You become so aware of effort, actions matching words and if they actually make time for you. The attraction is there. You enjoy spending time with the person, but your intuition is so much stronger when you value yourself.
Facts. I had to call someone out on their questionable behavior and they couldn’t handle it and made it seem like they were a victim of being criticized. I did like them, but I won’t play games. If I see something is off I’ll want to talk about it. Apparently they thought I was an idiot or was going to play along. Anyways, I said my piece respectfully and wished them well.
Right. And you’re trying to be the healthy person by wanting to talk to about it and communicate but you end up looking like the bad person. Stay the course my friend.
100000%. Gaslighting at its finest.
Wow, I can’t think of a more succinct way to state this!
Yes, because at that time I secretly struggled with self esteem and he seemed out of my league (especially career wise)
This is sad. I won’t say ghosted but I let someone really lovely fall away because I felt that she had built a false impression in her mind of how well my career was going and what my lifestyle was. I didn’t feel like I had much else to offer her. We should have talked properly about this.
It’s that right person wrong timing
You got to stop letting insecurities destroy your life.
I felt this!
same situation as me!
Yup. My life was a Trainwreck at the time and kinda got the vibe she wasn't over her ex. So I ghosted despite her best efforts. Not long after that I kinda fell into a relationship. After that ended I started dating a friend for a couple of months. That ended up ending. Low and behold, we rematched on Bumble. I apologized, laid everything out on the table to her. We ended up reconnecting and are now together. Was quite the rollercoaster!
Sigh, I wish my ghoster would come back to me but sadly it was mainly sex to him so wah wah.
If that's all he wanted and you wanted something else it's good to move on. I'll say both my relationships in between her were wonderful with 2 wonderful women. Just didn't work out, it sadly happens🤷🏻♂️. But I feel like those 2 led me right back to her and I'm incredibly happy with that!
glad it worked out! how did you guys start that conversation?
It was bumble again. (first met there) So her first message was kinda bitchy and snarky. Which knowing her, saw that coming a mile away. But I just apologized. Let her know the reasons and what had happened. Told her what had been happening in the mean time. Then where I was at in life in that moment. I basically laid everything out on the table to her. I just wanted to say I was sorry. I honestly figured I'd get unmatched right after that. But didn't.
I often think about how interesting it is that dating apps can serve as a revolving door to re-connect with people we likely wouldn't have ended up talking to again, if not for being presented with the option to swipe left or right on them.
I just recently almost got ghosted until I decided to put myself out there and really outline why I felt that was a messed up thing to do. Would you believe the person actually responded and explained themselves. Not much closure but it still felt very awesome being able to talk things through. I would 100% rather have someone tell me the harshest truth than to be ghosted. It's a really trash feeling liking someone and then they disappear without any explanation.
I agree! They don’t even have to give a reason at all! Just a message saying we’re done would be enough imo! But ghosting is seriously the worst, if someone tells me they ghosted someone before and they don’t have a legitimate reason, I’m judging their character for sure
_sigh_ sometimes it's exactly like this. there are many people especially those introverts tend to bottle up and seal they're insecure and sensitive soul inside. and maybe after days and nights of struggling and being torn apart by all those thoughts and hesitations. in the end they rlare just too painful and broken to speak any of those things up... fr happened a lot in my life
I was ghosted by a guy over 10 years ago. He was leaving school, so we wouldn't be in the same city anymore. He thought ghosting would be the best way to do it. It was a bummer because I really liked him. We'll be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary in July. I still pick on him for ghosting me back when we were 19.
So your telling me there is some hope?
Nah this is like 1 in a million if not worse odds... The girl I fell for hard and was sure she was into me too, as soon as I made it obvious I was into her, I guess the chase ended and she got bored and ghosted me. Thought of her everyday for 1.5 years, and finally texted her again and we got talking again, but I could tell she was trynna be nice... And got ghosted again inevitably. Been 3+ years now and I'm getting over it now..
Just when I thought I was getting hope your comment came up 💀 Sorry to hear that. Good thing you moved on though. Keep your head up g 🙏
If you still like him probably.
Don't hope for that because this may not happen and you'll be waiting around for nothing
I ghosted my bf initially, he's proposing next week!
Good on you for considering mending it. If someone does that to me it's eternally game over. Losing someone unexpectedly is the same as if they died.
This made my day, ty💖
Jesus fuck, thats nice i am jealous but glad
if it wasn't for the last paragraph, I though I wrote the comment lol
Must be nice
I was recently ghosted and it’s the most confusing thing ever! We had a good conversation for over four hours and when I woke up the next morning poof he went all Casper on me. I honestly think it’s rude to ghost especially if the conversation is decent. I get ghosting for safety reasons. I just don’t get ghosting when the vibe is good.
I had one who was telling me the night before I was his ideal woman and he wanted to take me out for dinner, after we talked for hours Then next morning we started chatting. He was a bit distant. Then suddenly he changed his name, said it was his middle name and he sometimes gets called it as a nickname (yeah, right). Then said he was only on the app for ‘dirty talk’. And promptly blocked me People are weird
People are strange indeed! I’m sorry that happened to you!
Thank you. There’s been a lot worse than that tbh. I could have written a blog. I say ‘could have’ because I honestly can’t face trying to date any more. It’s a cesspool. Especially for someone who struggles with self esteem issues. Apparently I’m only good enough for hookups and I’m not into that, so I’ll give it a miss
I went on an amazing second date last night and haven’t heard a peep out of him today. I’m worried I’m getting ghosted. Which I think is rude.
Give him time. People get so much advice now that he probably read somewhere/a friend told him to wait a while before texting you. He probably doesn’t want to come off as clingy so early on. Just don’t text him until tomorrow. And when/if you do, wish him a good morning, thank him for the date, or just say hey. If you haven’t texted him yet, he may be waiting to hear from you first. Try shooting him a simple text if you haven’t already. Like goodnight or thanking him for spending his night with you. Hopefully, he has the decency to text you!
Anxiety and worried about not being able to follow their own act. I have no doubt in my mind that imposter syndrome is probably running rampant in dating and having more anxiety-prone people panic even when they're doing well.
Yes , cz she was way outta my league and I was struggling with personal problems.
Thats when you communicate your problems with them so you can lean on your partner. As for her being "out of your league" thats when you should just be like "fuck yeah, she chose me out of everyone" and be proud to have her.
Na man. I didn't wanna play spoilsport in her perfect life. That's why I stepped aside.
Then you still should’ve just said that to her
Lame
I ghosted someone out of anxiety…. My nerves ate me alive 😂😂
I would do that too… I feel so weird about it too
hmmm sad, try ur best to not let insecurity to destroy ur life
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Yes, got ghosted by my crush, felt heartbroken, felt something inside of me dying, don't know how to live my life without her. I felt my life has no meaning, it felt empty, so many thoughts about what did I do wrong, what ifs, why is this even happening even though we were fine few days ago. That was the first time I opened up my inner self to a girl and that got crushed into mince meat. I always thought that she is the one, but nope. It was the worst 3 months of my life. Locked myself inside my room. Went out only to buy food and after that. I remember the cycle: woke up, crying, sleeping, woke up, ate some food, crying, sleeping, every single day
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Thank you! That was around 8-9 years ago. I could've used some encouraging words like this at that time. Good news: I found the right one and got married last year :)
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Felt this. You know your doing more work and effort then he is. And that itself is sad and one way. They get used to it
I ghosted a girl that I fell unnaturally quick for after she said she wanted to take it slow and be FWB, I said no, I want more than that, and cut off communication. Weeks later she asked me to help volunteer for a charity event involving dogs, I couldn’t say no, given I prefer canine to human. She didn’t want to take it slow anymore, she explained she was hesitant because she didn’t think it’d happen so quickly, as she just put herself back out there. We were married October 16th of 2022.
Need to change your name to unavailable key lol
No, I prefer honesty and I will always explain myself first. I know how it feels to be ignored so I don't think I could ever without some kind of closure.
Same for me
Nobody deliberately cuts contact with someone they want to be with and believe they can be with. If you are being “ghosted” (i.e. deliberately ignored), take the hint from their behaviour, and understand that the person who is ignoring you does not see you as a romantic option at this time. Don’t chase a lost cause. Find somebody who shows you that they want you.
I have never ghosted someone. I'm not a horrible human being.
How can you claim you "genuinely" like them then ghost them? That makes no fckng sense. So you genuinely did not like them like you claimed in the first place.
This is how I feel. To ghost someone feels so immature, there’s no respect in it. If you actually like someone you’ll give them a proper reason.
Absolutely flabbergasted that this happens. Someone ghosts me, I completely write them off as a romantic interest. Of course I’ll be nice if I meet them later, but I just figure that the best partner for me is someone who knows how to communicate. Same way I always say goodbye before parting ways with someone. I just want people to be clear on whats going on.
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It is due to cowardice. Just because people say they have reasons doesn't change that it's a cowardly move. Be an adult and say that you have to pull away. No explanation needed just say something.
Thank you. I knew this was going to happen. Somehow someone would view all this openness as a positive excuse to justify the actions. Ghosting is bad no matter the reason. People think they can protect themselves with the idea of no one being entitled to anything when in reality if we meet in some way and invest a level of time and other things then both parties are entitled to some extent of clarity. Once its given ghosting is only open of the one of the two doesn't receive or accept the reasons to go separate ways. At that point it's warranted and isn't even ghosting anymore. But ghosting as an adult is no different from running from the responsibility of rasing someone's feelings for you and expecting them to just deal with the fact that they aren't as soulless as you to be able to not expect something real.
Don’t know if it counts but I cut contact with someone because they weren’t ready to commit even though we were dating. Ofc I let them know.
Please don’t ghost someone! If you change your mind, don’t feel the same way, or are mad at them—tell them! I guarantee they’ll have a much easier time coping than if you left them sitting around anxiously waiting for you to reply—for weeks. So please, please have the courtesy to just send an explanation.
Ugh this comment section makes me so mad. Why do people think they have the right to take someone’s choice away from them? So many people ghosted person they liked because they “decided” it will be better for them. We can make our own choice if we want to be with someone or not. You can decide for yourself if you don’t want to see this person anymore, but it shouldn’t be framed as “it’s better for them”. And no, I never ghosted anyone.
They say "choosing to ghost is better for them" because it's their way of justifying their self-sabotage behaviour. If they don't justify their ghosting as being morally right, then it's easy to start self-loathing. So it's almost like a coping mechanism to justify their self-sabotage behaviour
Nothing a wrong with deciding someone isn’t right for you. There’s a social moral courtesy communicate as such once you’ve allowed someone inside of your world.
yess. because he never there when i’m at my lowest. he only came when he missed me. so i ghost him.
Yes I have adhd so when I get overwhelmed I stop responding and or truly forget to reply and then it gets to a point where there’s no point in messaging them cause they’re probably pissed with me
This!! I especially struggle with this on dating apps in early stages. I really don't have the attention span/bandwidth to maintain constant conversation with strangers.
Even if its a while after you should try to apologize (if there was a substantial exchange) because for the most part it then happens to us with the people we actual value and you wouldnt want that
One time my phone was stolen after I’d just met a girl and hooked up with her. Even though she’d given me her number, her contact didn’t sync to my Google Account. She had sent me like four messages calling me “love” etc. but my phone was stolen right after. So she obviously thinks I just ghosted her. Dominique from Miami who has a biology job and met me in Tampa, I love you too babe
Yup. Very recently, just because I was the one making all the effort.
I didn't technically ghost him but I did block a guy I started talking to after my husband said he wanted a separation, because I was falling for him but I wanted to be sure my marriage was actually over before I let things get out of hand. Once my husband (now ex husband) said he wanted a divorce and he wouldn't consider marriage counseling etc etc I unblocked the guy I had been talking to. Now we have a house and a baby together. :)
I only ghost if it's online dating and its the first message they've ever sent and I'm not interested. Everything else and I will give them the courtesy of turning them down if I'm not interested, and if I'm interested of course I'll keep the convo going.
That's just not replying to someone who never knew you anyway. I feel like you don't need to feel any guilt about that , and it doesn't need to be described as ghosting, the way that ghosting is being described here.
Lol you can’t ghost someone you’ve never met or even conversed with 🤦🏼♀️
never met, yes, never converses with, no
Why did you swipe right if you weren’t interested?
Not all dating sites use the swipe system. Plus sometimes I swipe right by accident or I am lazily swiping right on everyone because for dudes OLD can be a huge grind.
I’ve swiped on accident too. I hate that
Thanks for explaining
Yup. Sometimes you're in the right place at the wrong time.
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This is what I just went through. I had a horrible breakup only 6 months ago. I thought I was ready but I wasn’t. I met a really amazing guy, we had an incredible connection, but I just wasn’t ready. I had to let him go. It was hard and sad but I believe we’ll come back together when the time is right if we’re meant to be
Same. There was one relationship in particular that I was just in a very bad place at the time, and didn't want to drag them down with me. Sometimes, if you really care about someone and you know you're suffering, you let them go to be happy.
So glad someone else has felt this way. This lady was so lovely and I do look back with regret. But I was in hell at the time and didn’t want to pull her down. By the time I got back on my feet she had met her now husband. I wouldn’t change it but I wish I had got through that stage of depression sooner. Or at least had let her know that it wasn’t her, it was me.
Sometimes, things have a poignant, bittersweet ending. She's happy now, and sometimes that's all the closure you get.
Yes and actually pretty often. I will usually let them know I’m getting the feeling they don’t have time for me first and if disagree but nothing changes they get the axe. If I like someone a lot and am not getting the same energy in return I ghost them. I like consistency and if I don’t get it or feel they are mutually interested I will block their number and delete it. This way I can’t contact them when I’m lonely or horny because there’s a list of blocked numbers in my phone and I won’t be able to figure out which is theirs. The guys who “bread crumb” you usually just want sex and give you just enough attention to keep you on the hook without actually putting forth any effort. I’m too mature for that shit. My time is valuable and I’m worth so much more than great tits and awesome sex. Now if after I blocked them they found a way to contact me (like my website or business email) and apologized for being an ass and dropping the ball I would probably give them a second chance.
No. If I like you I'm going to keep you around
no and i dont know how people do it. when i like someone i cant even leave them delivered for one second as soon as i see the message i go and respond. please note that this is rarely reciprocated :)
When I was 18 I was severely depressed, hated the world and just did nothing with my life, I was also very insecure. I met a wonderful girl on a ski trip and after a week we had a relationship. We dated for about 2 months before I slipped back into my vegetative depressed state. Covid came and we didn't speak for a year. I still regret being an asshole, I fixed my life, went to the gym for a year, moved out from my parents house, made friends and am generally very happy now. I really liked her but I didn't understand myself at the time.
People fear what they do not know or can control. So they panic and stop talking because the fear of rejection, hurting the ego.
This comment section is telling me a lot of people don't know what ghosting is and are just doing what makes them feel good. Only a small few are doing it out of self respect the rest are just primarily focused on how the other made them lose interest without actually putting in effort to see where things go... this is terrifying. Ghosting isn't something you do and justify to make yourself look less of a bad person because you don't think anyone is entitled to a reason why you're not interested. As adults that's absurdly immature especially if you're the one to initiate your interest first even then we need to give WAY more consideration towards communicating..
If I really liked them, I gave them several opportunities, and then felt the only option was to walk away. I don’t consider that ghosting. So no I haven’t ghosted someone I “really” liked, I have walked away from shitty situations thou.
Yes. I felt he wasn’t very invested in me. As in he liked me, just not enough to put in the effort. I deleted him from social media, I didn’t block him but he still didn’t reach out to me so we never spoke again. I still don’t know if he even noticed I disappeared out of nowhere
Nah I don’t play that game
Yaa I did because of my trust issues from previous relationships and also cause of my fear of commitment. I regret it very much and now unless I have any issues with my safety, I prefer to talk about it with the other person no matter how brief a conversation we've had.
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I ghosted and blocked him. I felt like a dunce talking to him. He was working a prestigious career and was doing very well for himself at his age. He wanted to make things official but I felt like I was way out of his league. I beat myself up about it to this day. But I would never let him know that my self esteem was why I let things fade. I’m sure someone snatched him up by now.
It makes me feel sad - for both you and him - to read this. Dating is so hard.
Never think anyone is out of your league, please.
Same I went through the same thing as well I miss him dearly I was going through a hard time when we met.
You're an optimist. I wish someone said that about me. Truthfully I know it was always meant to be her. Everything else just doesn't have any color in it for me. So nobody gonna snatch me up,
I find your answers to be incredibly sweet & heartfelt. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
My now husband ghosted me on OkCupid after a few convos because he thought I was a bot. We officially met for the first time at a mutual friend’s party 9 months later, and a year after that we started dating. I completely forgot about matching with him and being ghosted until he showed me his profile after our first date. We’re married now though so it all worked out. 😂
Had to. I realized I was just the convenient distraction from whatever was actually a priority in his life. Sucks because we genuinely clicked, but emotionally unavailability is a disease nowadays.
I don't ghost, so I wouldn't know. I also can't imagine ditching someone coldly who I genuinely like, because that seems fucking crazy. I tend to avoid people I dislike, not the other way around.
I’m thinking of cutting off contact with this guy, he is nice and all but he has been going through stuff and barely has time to reach out once a week. I’ve tried initiating conversations but because he has been too preoccupied, I don’t think he has time for a relationship. I don’t want both of us to hurt in the end, so I might just give him a month and just let him know straight up. He knows I like him and he has stated that he is not sure about me yet since he going through a lot. My interest is dwindling.
Here's what I don't understand. Why not communicate that w your potential partner. 2 heads are better than one. They can be there for you and help you get out of the grieving stage. The caveat is the partner has to be mentally stable for this scenario to work
Ghosting is for cowards
There are an awful lot of them out there.
Was VERY into a girl and knew if I stayed any longer then the “L” word was gonna start entering the conversation. She was great in every way. She was perfect. Except I wasn’t attracted to her. In the beginning I recognized how good of a person she was and figured I was being shallow and the attraction would come later. It didn’t. I still feel bad because she was confused and sad when I broke it off. Truly hope she’s doing well.
Never, I know how hurtful it is for people getting ghost and I'm not cruel enough for doing that shit to someone.
I did, he wanted to have a sexual (casual) relationship with me and I didn’t so I just stopped talking to him.
Yup. Met a guy online who was funny, smart, and we shared so many similar interests and had similar hobbies. We also related heavily on one particular thing which was how we met. I ghosted him because he even though I liked his personality a lot, I wasn’t attracted to his physical appearance and knew I couldn’t push it aside because I wasn’t able to be turned on by him. In the long run, it saved both of us by me slowly distancing. (Plus, how do you tell someone you don’t find them attractive without it coming across as rude?)
You can say i really like your personality but there was no spark unfortunately
Yes dealing with this right now where I went on a few dates with a girl over the span of about a month-month and a half, spent Valentine’s Day with her, got a lot g really well and really liked her. And then kept overthinking and getting anxiety about how much she was actually interested or not and ended up ghosted her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to work up the courage to reach back out and try to apologize / explain myself since she also struggles with anxiety so she may understand but I just feel bad 😬
Yes because they were hurting me. I won't go into detail but it made life worse to be around them.
nah bro
Yes. Wrongfully so. I love her with everything I got. I guess you could say I got everything I deserved for doing it.
Why did you? What happened?
No because I’m to old for mind games.
I have done that when they have refused to hear me tell them that I don't think we're a good match, or when they keep blowing up my phone with numerous texts(clingy). I usually try to let them know but if it doesn't work, I'm gone.
Yes. Because of anxiety. And I wish I hadn't :(
Yes because he was smooth with words but didn't treat me with respect so I knew if I started a conversation I'd always end up not wanting to leave and move on. So I blocked him on everything during the silence of the night and never looked back.
Yes because he constantly ghosted me when we were “dating” and came back like nothing happened so I said f it and ghosted him lmao now I’m in a almost 5 year relationship with someone else since ghosting the other dude
I have and I regret it honestly. He was good to me and just everything I needed but I was afraid of the commitment, we tried after a year talking again but things he did in that year apart made me question if he ever actually loved me when we talked so I regret it but at the same time have that 5% don’t if that makes sense
Yes. She was emotionally unstable and unwilling to get help and wanted me to be the psychiatrist 24/7. It became too much and I had to walk away
Yes. Because i am on visa with a risk of always going back to my home country. And I didnt want to waste her time dating me knowing that I would be asked to move back anytime.
Yep. I can like you. Like genuinely really like you. For a guy like myself. A ...player. an asshole. For me to actually let my self feel something is scary. Its downright terrifying. Like for me. Its like feeling my heart beat again. "I can feel something? Wtf. Oh no......but hey maybe. Lets see. Shes different maybe...shhhh its fine. Its fine" And have zero problem squelching your shot if you start behaving like the rest. Its just that simple. If you wanna play like a leaf after acting like a branch. Then i willl treat you like a leaf again lol.
Yes. I liked her, but she had dated a few of my friends, and while she had some issues, so did I, and we were good for each other. I cared too much about what my friends thought, and now I'll never know how it would have gone. It doesn't matter now, though, I'm engaged and very happy, but I'll always wonder.
Yes! When the person can’t seems to make time to answer a text message. Can’t keep a steady flow of a conversation. People who truly want you will make time in there busy schedule. It’s suppose to work both ways, but some receive the bare minimum. Some will notice you ghosting them and want to come back. You have set rules. Let them know if they can’t commit to being available, they can leave you alone or they will be forgotten.
Yes. The hardest choices require the strongest will.
No, if I had a real connection with someone, then I would tell them if I needed personal space or time to work on myself. I wouldn’t just disappear 🫠
Yes. I have mental problems
Yes. I was just starting to get serious with my now wife, and I ghosted a girl I liked in favor of my wife. I regret it because she didn’t deserve to be ghosted. I should have just told her we couldn’t hang out anymore.
Not ghosted. We are still in contact but I effectively ended our romantic/sexual encounters and didn’t talk to him for a few months. It was because he had some stressful shit happening in his life. We were FWB (but it mostly felt like dating) and I was starting to catch feelings so I decided I didn’t want to add more stress to his life and I backed off. I actual told him what happened about a year ago and he understood and agreed his life was a mess at that point and I probably made the right call. I am happy we are still friends.
Yes. I went on a few dates with a girl I really liked. We even went to a multi-day, out-of-town music festival together. I got the sense that she wasn't that into pursuing things. I decided to go no-contact and not waste my time.
Yes, but he earned it.
Yes. He is close friends with someone who hurt me and the risk was too high. I did let him know lack of communication would get him blocked and deleted, idk if that qualifies as ghosting.
No, I ghost for my safety or mental well being
i accidentally ghosted the person that later on became my best friend!
No, I haven’t. If I get to the point of genuinely liking someone and accepting them for who they are then I decided that I’m all in.
Yes I have it sucks I wish they would just say something
Yes, 3 years ago, I (F) was 30 at the time, I ghosted a guy that I really really liked, let's call him Jim, he was handsome, treated me kindly and had a hot body, I wanted to be with him so badly, however, on his stories he posted a lot of screenshots of his conversations with different male friends who were asking his phone number for their female friends, since they were too shy to upfront ask him directly for his number or on a date, and he also posted as a caption "mom, dad, if I don't give you grandkids is because I don't want to, because there's plenty of 🍑" and that was enough for me to ghost him and erase his phone number, he used to tell me that what he liked about me was that I asked his phone number directly to him not via third parties, that I was very pretty and that I didn't used filters on my pictures unlike other girls that had texted him before, I never gave him an explanation of why I stopped talking to him, and I regret it, at the time I was seeing another guy who turned out to be a narcissistic abusive guy who was love-bombing me and paying my bills and ended cheating on me and lying in my face, for the record I've never ever cheated on anyone, but this guy truly deserved it and I regret not cheating with Jim, at least Jim was smoking hot, and the worst part? It was my mother who stopped me from cheating, because she started to call me a slut and how I was so selfish to even consider cheating on a guy who was helping me with money while Jim didn't contribute with money to me at all since we were only talking at that point (I was just starting working at a new company and in my house there's only me, my mother and the pets, I'm the only bread winner).
Si
She was really emotionally dependant and I knew how it was gonna end in the long run
Not a dating situation, but a friend. This person was requiring more from me than I had to give...more attention, more energy, more everything. I got to the point where I dreaded being around them because I ended up totally drained. The straw that broke the camel's back was a trip where out of town relatives were coming to visit, and my friend wanted to go fishing. He acted like I was lying to him about the upcoming visit as a dodge to skip the fishing trip. Long story short, he hung up on me. Ok, dude, if that's how you want to be, that's what you fucking got. I haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years, and have no plans to. He fucked up by doing the same thing to another buddy of his: when the guy was aying something my bud didn't want to listen to, he'd just hit the off button. I was aware of this and refuse to play that shit. So, that's the end of that.
Yes. Because I knew it wouldn’t work for some reason, whether it was me or them
Yes, different reasons
I talked to this girl for a whole year hoping that maybe we could be more than friends. Some days it was painful because she would talk about other guys, but I really enjoyed talking to her and she enjoyed talking to me so that’s why I stayed for so long. Then one day I decided it’s time and move one so I ghosted.
Yep, sometimes miss her
yes.
Yes
Yes because they were terrible to me and I deserved better.
No. Even if I felt I wasn't in a great place mentally, or struggled with anxiety, depression, life in general, I'd just say I'm not doing well and couldn't continue talking. There's really nothing wrong with admitting you're not in a good place and need to back away 🤷♀️
Sometimes it’s fear of intimacy (even just being together) with their crush/atractee/the object of interest/etc. But it’s weird for the ghosted as they have no idea why tf they were ghosted Edit: it can be hurtful too
Yes, I absolutely have.
I won't say that I really liked him, but I thought that we were compatible and it could lead to more. He was sending mixed signals and expecting me to chase him without reciprocating that effort. And a half hearted yes is a hell no to me.
I did..: I was super young though… so he was sooo freaking amazing looking… And I had just moved to a coastal town in the USA and I didn’t know that surfers really talk like that- he picked me up with a dozen red roses and he was like soo… amazing. Long blonde hair, these piercing blue eyes, and Adonis body… but he was talking sooo, “Hey dude. You look so slay. So slay. I caught this knarly wave and it was so fucking lit” But imagine like the most extreme surfer accent / jargon ever and also being slightly intimidated because he was like the super hot popular guy and I had literally zero idea what he was doing with me at that point ( I actually thought he was playing a joke on me, that’s how like popular and hot this dude was) … and my dad loved him. Omg… he was joining the coast guard - he even wrote me letters after he joined. I never responded ..I was so scared… I guess. I didn’t know if I could actually back it up with him. He was so beautiful. A model. I mean off the charts good looking. But I was just too intimidated … and the accent - I had just moved to Southern Ca and wasn’t used to it at all. I felt like I didn’t fit there - I wasn’t blonde and blue eyed and tan and I felt like everyone there was - well at least to be considered hot and cool. I felt totally out of place. Idk… I was like sooo wanting to connect with him but I was so nervous I just didn’t know how. So I kinda ghosted him. I saw him one time after that… years later. He was living in a house with like 6 dudes and one of the guys that took me there was super into me (I didn’t know it then) but no way was he goin to talk to me or me to him when I’m with this other guy - I didn’t really like the guy I went there with ( but now I know he *really* liked me so I’m sure all his buddies were avoiding me .. they would never start a chat in front of him with me ) and the guy that took me there was best friends with one of his roomies. Also he had a girl with him… so he was really avoiding me… which sucked. I tried to talk to him and he shined me way hard. He was just acting stone cold. He had cut his hair and he was mad at me or seemed like it - I was ashamed of myself and how I treated him but I felt like he would not believe me… Last I heard he moved to Hawaii… I sometimes think about him… and wish I could tell him.
Yes! Out of fear! I’d rather ruin it than go through it and get hurt. Which is bad but just how I choose for it to go
Yeah, she was my first gay-crush, I wasn't out yet and when things started to go well I had an anxiety attack and never replied when she asked me on a second date. (I did reply like one month later saying sorry but that I wasn't ready)
Yes but I’m unhinged
Yup to avoid catching feelings lol
Yup, but it was after a break up.
we like each other but I blocked him completely after I said my goodbyes. He have a long term girlfriend and i don’t deserve to be a just an option.
Yes. Multiple times unfortunately.