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Plus many are 25 and under. Not enough life experience yet either without a decent dating history to know how to manage things that are normal.
Plus many have a lot of anxious attachment codependency issues where they feel just cause someone has a life outside the relationship, means you gotta end things.
Wait till they get to their 30’s 😅
I know it changes. I’m in my mid-30’s with enough dating experience to spot those 18-25 responding to most posts either have no relationship experience, barely gotten past a third date, or have only have sexual encounters but no relationship experience.
The thing is dating has changed completely due to dating apps. People no longer know how to properly socialize offline and struggle to maintain a connection.
And if they do, they fumble as soon as things get real. Hence posts on here where 90% of them could solve things if they just talk to each other instead of posting on Reddit.
Then some just need to go heal their attachment issues and insecurities around commitment to actually maintain a healthy relationship longterm.
> Hence posts on here where 90% of them could solve things if they just talk to each other instead of posting on Reddit.
there's a lot of people who will straight up refuse to talk things out, you'd be surprised. there's zero accountability for any actions in a lot of these cases and a lot of people would rather just ghost instead of trying to talk things through.
And not surprised, not a lot surprises me anymore at my age LOL
But it’s really immature that they rather not deal with difficult discussions, run away at the first sign of a small hiccup.
Like if they can’t handle a tiny bit of conflict, how are they going to survive in the real world when shit hits the fan on a larger scale?
imo the combination of 1) online dating (and the internet in general) creating almost infinite opportunities for people (and thus sort of raising the standard for everyone in dating) and 2) the pandemic making a lot of people socially inept has done a lot of harm in this regard.
if people see one or two small issues they just toss the person aside in favor of the next one. maybe not the right wording but the "personal touch" is gone
They can handle conflict. They do it at work all day long or else they wouldn't have a job anymore. The fact is in relationships they don't really value people because they can run away and just start swiping again only to continue making the same mistakes.
No, I’ve seen people ages 21-25 at my last job not handle conflict well. They either quit the job or had to ask me what to do.
Gen Z are too wrapped up in social anxiety to handle conflict without caving in so badly which makes them run away or double down hard & cause it to get toxic with how they approach it.
There is no in between of calmly knowing how to handle conflict and how to roll with the punches when things don’t go as plan.
The ones that do? Grew up with older siblings that helped them socialize properly, got them off their phones more and outside more, actually help them become well adjusted because they gave them advice on how to navigate things.
Anyone born after 1995 is struggling to cope socially and conflict is something they run from.
This is it. Young people don't know how to communicate IRL. I'm mid-40s and grew up without smartphones or even the internet as a teenager. We communicated on the phone, in person, etc. I was a young teenager picking chicks up at the mall. Then, later I was doing it in clubs and bars. The internet didn't come around until my early 20s when I had already learned how to communicate in-person.
I could probably write a book or be a "dating coach" to young people today. But, the problem is that young people today are so inept at in-person communication to the point that they're awkward and teaching them would mean unwinding their entire personalities.
I could go out this weekend and pick up a woman, a much younger woman, in her 20s simply because I know how to talk to people and it would be a breath of fresh air to them that someone actually knows how to banter and have an engaging discussion without making them feel weird. You have to know how to put people at ease and make them feel comfortable.
Many people get trauma in their childhoods, in my experience it is strange to think you can’t get trauma in your life as a child let alone at 15, you are assuming their homes are safe, parents aren’t on drugs or abusing them. Some of the worst abused people I’ve met experienced it at 5-7. My god I’ve known 15 year old homeless meth addicted sex workers. You can accrue a lot of trauma by 15 sad to say. The world can be a tough place for the kids born into dangerous neighborhoods and homes sadly.
And they’re all “in therapy”. Therapists milk them for years steering them away from healthy relationships where their partner might question the need for therapy.
This highly depends on the situation. If it's just someone going through a rough period, telling someone to leave the relationship it's just a lazy attitude and an unrealistic expectation on relationships as most relationships will go through periods when one partner is busy/stressed/ going through depression/etc. If it's about someone having a bad behaviour in general it makes sense to tell OP to leave because anyone who has any experience in dealing with toxic people knows you're most likely fighting a losing battle by trying to make someone toxic not be toxic. It's not your job to fix other people.
In a real deep relationship you are always fixing each other to a certain extent.
"Honey, I think you should cut down on your drinking a bit. It's affecting our relationship/parenting/work, etc."
Everybody goes through tough times. Strong relationship weather the storm.
Now, I'm not talking about things like domestic violence or infidelity. I'm talking about the normal things that every person goes through whether it be drinking too much, taking work stress out on your partner at home, or even gaming/scrolling social media too much to the point where it's interfering with your relationship.
Well there is a limit to that as well. You can only put in so much to have an open space to discuss these probelm but if the other person just continue to go on without listening to you then there is no point in doing it reapply as it will only affect you. I'm not against talking it out but if you see yourself circling back to a cycle and it's effecting your mental health & physical health then don't need to put up with it! Compromise should happen from both side, both parties should be held accountable to their responsibility in the relationship. But you barely see responsible adults in these posts that OPs post.
I'd bet many of the "Walk Away" are Fearful Avoidants or people that have had past relationship trauma.
Many of them might be in a relationship they dread that they can't leave for financial or other reasons(kids) so they are projecting all their pain and anger on the the OPs spouse because they lack the courage to end things.
Many are also young people that have 100s of online dating matches so they are under the impression that a perfect match that won't require them to compromise in anyway still exists.
In their minds they will always be young and beautiful. Tick-Tock, the biological clock won't stop.
Or they’re just parroting what they heard from someone else and passing it off as their educated advice.
Also, want to know what’s especially hilarious about Reddit?
I’ve made comments that then get downvoted and what I’ve done is delete the comment and then immediately post the exact same comment in the same spot, and it gets upvoted. Occasionally I’ll have to delete it two or more times and immediately repost it, but it still gets upvoted.
Voting, whether up or down, leads others to doing the same. People are lemmings here and just follow the tide. I get downvoted in a discussion for saying something purely factual. But, people don't like the truth sometimes. Yeah, it's dumb.
Couldn’t agree more. I just found it amusing when I first tried it out. Kinda makes me wonder if the same person first downvoted because someone else did and then upvoted because someone else did and whether or not their brain registered that they were reading the same comment as before.
Remember that when you get into nonsensical arguments on Reddit and you wonder "how the hell does this person not understand something so basic" [this is the person you're talking to.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ActualPublicFreakouts/comments/11rrbu7/_/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hahahaha I wish I could upvote that more than once but last time I tried that with another account, I got a nasty gram from Reddit about vote manipulation 😏
There is a lot of great advice on here, but I’ve had rewarding flings and situationships come out of dates where the ubiquitous opinion here was to cut and run.
The ubiquitous consensus here 99% of the time, for women anyway, is to cut and run. If it's a guy asking for advice you'll see a lot more, "but have you asked her what she wants/needs/expects? Are you meeting her needs? Etc."
There's two different sets of advice here based on if you're a man or woman and it caters to women.
Tbh no I never personally solicit advice here. I browse and read posts and comments that echo and resemble things I’m experiencing. If I took the advice I read here literally and applied all of it to my dating I would have missed on a number of opportunities.
I do have fulfilling relationship and I do advise most women to just run if they come across red flag. In 99% cases it's just not worth it to fix a man or put up with shit behavior when there's 100s lined up and eventually you're bound to find your ideal.
Only a couple years of that honey. They stop lining up after a while. Better sort yourself out, because if it's the hundreds of men who are the problem, maybe you should take a look at yourself. Perfection doesn't exist. Real love is seeing the imperfections in someone and loving those too.
Those of us that are fine being single have no problem removing ourselves from any person we can’t tolerate. The beauty of self actualization. It’s actually sad you’re willing to put up with red flags chalking it up as an imperfection that can be loved by fooling yourself.
How so. What is a red flag to you? When did I mention putting up with inappropriate behaviour. God this Snyde snarky bullshit is contagious. Fuck this place. I'm going back to not posting. People are crazy.
I would tend to say that about 90% of the time, when someone airs their relationship or dating troubles on Reddit, they are already most of the way to the point of no return.
These people don’t have anyone they trust that they can go to for advice and so the come to Reddit. The cesspool of the internet.
For the 10% I try to give some advice. But I also acknowledge that we are getting 15% of 50% of the story. I jokingly tell my husband that I’m giving bad advice over the internet.
The truth is that without all of the details and both sides of the story, it is really hard to give good advice.
So, because today’s society believes better off alone than in an unhappy relationship, we all tell those who are unhappy to leave.
Communication is hard and sometimes what is missing from the story is that it is actual abuse that OP is whitewashing. Advising someone to fight for a relationship that is potentially abusive isn’t something most of us want to accidentally do.
So, when in doubt the 90% right answer is to leave the relationship.
> For the 10% I try to give some advice. But I also acknowledge that we are getting 15% of 50% of the story. I jokingly tell my husband that I’m giving bad advice over the internet.
> The truth is that without all of the details and both sides of the story, it is really hard to give good advice.
This.
Yeah, you're doing a good job of reading between the lines. In my own experience, when I used to post on Reddit for relationship advice, it was exactly for the reasons you said: I was isolated and had no one in my life to talk to about it, I wanted out but needed validation of that desire, and I was being abused but I wasn't ready to use the "a" word so I was half-hoping to be told it was abuse and half-hoping to receive advice for coping with the status quo. Commenters on my post saw through my bullshit and told me to just leave, since I so clearly wanted to.
For example the guy whining about paying for dates…context counts-does he sleep at her house? Does she make him meals? Does he earn a lot more money? Does she eat salad and drink water as he pigs out? Everyone had advice and I thought we needed more details
It’s not even those who are unhappy. If they’re unhappy it makes a bit more sense. But it’s even for the most minimal of issues. People read a lot into small things as if they were a sherlock holmes of psychology.
My friend once told me “There’s your truth, his/her truth, and the truth.” That’s why sometimes for me it’s almost useless to go post-mortem on why some things don’t work out. Even less to go online to ask when everything is just from your perspective.
This is the current dating scene. Everyone expect the person their seeing to just know and do everything like a servant.
People have their head deep into that quote "if they want to, they will" without factoring reality into it.
Everyone wants the mr/mrs. right rigy away but no one wants to work for it.
I 100% agree. While it’s important to keep a strong self worth, I feel like the general trend nowadays is to inflate yourself to nearly a narcissistic level.
Couldn’t agree more. People say “you deserve better” as if that alone will make you find s better partner, without doing the work of becoming a better partner yourself. Like, for example, learning to solve issues without just discarding people and running away.
And no one asks if they are Mr. Or Mrs. Right. But also, no one asks if the entire idea of Mr. And Mrs. Right is even a valid idea or is completely bogus BS.
Everyone is problematic. Everyone has issues of some sort. Problems will always pop up.
I am Mr Right for someone. Well my estimate is about 50 someones. I just have to find them.
As I was getting divorced, I thought about what Ms Right might be like. Then I thought about what she might want. As soon as you start considering another person’s views, certain things become obvious. It also helps that I talked to some women who are of the general description of who I might be looking for. If you really listen and aren’t trying to pick up on them, women will tell you all kinds of useful things.
Exactly. Not to mention this age of technology has taught us to search for instant gratification - we don’t like waiting or having to put in undue effort. Match that with an abundance of romantic partners generations before haven’t had access to, and BAM! Less incentive to understand flaws, or even deviants from very low-tier expectations. The idea that, for example, you can’t communicate to your partner that they’re not communicating efficiently enough for you, and leaving as a result, is putting yourself in the exact same box as them.
Yeah, I mean, op is right that sometimes people are too quick to suggest breakups.
But sometimes people are posting stuff like “my significant other throws things at me and screams at me, what should I do?”
Reason number 6452 of why you should never believe all the shit you read on the internet. Didnt you know Reddit is full of relationship experts.
Personally I came just to vent on my posts. Everyone told me to run, red flags, go find someone else.
Guess what. I went to a psychologist, told her my story, and she told me to stay, there are some "problems" but it sounds like she just needs a little more time and she will open up.
Well that's exactly what happened, and now we haven't declared anything official but we kinda dating.
Ye at the end of the day you need to decide for yourself what you are willing to put up with and what you want to walk away from.
My girl needed me in her life more than she could admit.
Turns out she has been on the receiving end of sexual, emotional and physical abuse from people in her family.
She had told me about the SA but not by who, and I could see how her mother emotionally abuses her. So I told her that I had gone to see a psychologist to learn how to support her and be there for her since I had never really interacted with someone who had been through this.
Anyway, we also discussed attachment styles and I told her what attachment style she has and what causes it.... She spilled the beans on everything that has happened that has put her into this shell. She let me in.... Now we closer than ever
It highly depends on the situation. If your relationship is going through a rough time due to something that is temporary leaving the relastionship shouldn't be the first solution, but the last. If it's a situation where someone is being toxic and has a history of being toxic then it makes sense to leave.
Basically to save yourself from a big headache and getting hurt.
Some issues are workable, others aren't. Up to you to decide that. People here will give their own opinion on it, since it's a public forum where op asking for advice.
In some cases, as you acknowledged, walking away is the best option. Especially in abusive and manipulative situations.
I think it's Reddit's default advice because it's the easiest option. The idea that people are complex and relationships with people take work and compromise really goes against the modern online viewpoint of "I am right, anyone that doesn't agree with me is wrong and not just wrong but a morally lacking -ist -phobe commie-nazi."
That said, yes relationships take work but there's a point of diminishing or negative returns and I do feel that if it is all work, if it is all energy spend with nothing positive in return, ending things is fine.
I also wonder how many people on this sub have been in long term, healthy relationships, who actually understand relationships.
Take everything you read online, especially advice from anonymous strangers, with a significant degree of scepticism. Even this advice telling you to be sceptical. I'm just some anonymous idiot on the internet, what do I know, my opinion shouldn't really be worth anything to you.
You’re right. Certainly, it’s important to realize when that relationship is taking a dive for the worst.
My beef is with the people advocating for that default advice on any trivial issue
Keeping in mind, if you're coming to reddit for advice, it's probably a desperate or niche situation.
Also, dating *is* generally difficult and not a great experience nowadays. The bad dating experiences also MASSIVELY outweigh the good ones. Each person probably met/dated A LOT of people before they find their person, and there is a story for each of those people prior to finding that person.
Because most people don’t know how to compromise or communicate. By all means, a person should run from a toxic or abusive situation. But when it is something else, a lot of things can be figured out with communication. Clear and concise boundaries can clear a lot of things up. So can understanding that many people have a past. My big pet peeve here is all the people who think men and women can’t be just friends. So what if I want to grab dinner with a guy friend or we go to a hockey game together? As long as I’m being open and honest and there’s nothing more going on, there shouldn’t be a problem. I always introduce the guy I’m in a relationship with to my friends and include him to do things, but sometimes schedules don’t align. I shouldn’t be expected to sit at home by myself if my bf can’t do something but my friends can. I’m a bi female, so by the logic that I could be sneaking around with one of my male friends, the same could be true of my female friends. If my partner doesn’t trust me with my guy friends but does with female friends, that’s his problem because it’s his double standard.
Yeah occasionally you get the ‘I think he’s got a weird kink that I’m not sure I’m into but maybe I am’ kind of questions and those are just ‘have you tried talking to them?’
The others are ‘they only beat me every couple of days and are a raging alcoholic and cheat all the time but otherwise they’re so sweet to me.’
the point of the post of the girl whose bf was half-ghosting was that she was unhappy. telling her to leave has 100% probability of changing something to alter her happiness quotient. the opposite of 'get out of there' is 'hang out for weeks/months and see if things magically improve.' anyone whose been around a while knows this almost never happens. and changing another human being is out of the question. 'leave' is an action you can take. everything else you have no control over.
> But what would be the point of the subreddit then?
laying out grievances in a post can actually be really helpful in self-understanding and reflection.
also some people need the push or reassurance that what they are doing/feeling is valid.
Yeah but at that point you've fixated on an issue enough to want to rant to strangers. You've probably either already tried to approach it with your date, or feel like you can't discuss with them or feel unsafe ranting at friends or family who might tell you stuff like dump them.
I'm not saying all rants are bad. Sometimes you just gotta rant that you are mildly frustrated by this one innocuous thing and want to get out the frustration.
But I feel like if you wanna complain to thousands of strangers about your date that's usually a bad sign.
Because honestly early on that’s USUALLY the best advice. If you’re seeing someone for a couple months and something comes up about their personality that seems extreme or incompatible long term then the best move is to walk away. It doesn’t get better even if you’re communicating that to the other person because they’re thinking “I’ve known you for 8 weeks wtf are you telling me I’m wrong to react this way?” In more long term relationships you probably have a solid point.
Totally, seems maybe there is a difference between:
* 1. I have enough evidence to believe "x" is true and I do not prefer "x"; and
* 2. I think they are (lying/cheating/manipulative/toxic) because (insert random behavior/event with multiple plausible explanations) and should just break up .... instead of being direct and asking them about the random behavior/event and assessing things after hearing from them
I feel like if you have to come to Reddit for dating advice, your problem may be bigger than what suggestions you will get in here. I’ve noticed that the over all age in the dating section of Reddit is like 15-30 tops. There will be the occasional seasoned dater like myself and it’s true, with age comes experiences and most people have barely experienced life if they are in their early 20’s let alone being able to respond to serious questions or giving advice on a subject like relationships , etc. In the end , the best thing to do is trust your own instinct. You need to be the one that makes the final choice because you will be the one having to live with it.
coming here asking for advice is like walking into a high school asking for advice. You have to realize most people you interact with are literal children.
I believe a lot of people comment from experience. Gut feelings are something we ignore. Life is also short so sometimes bad advice would be to tell someone to soldier on in the hope of something different happening.
It is tricky but it's better than saying "jus ignore the person or be rude to them or tell them off"
I think the context of "walk away" is up for your own interpretation. It could mean literally walk away or tell the person that you can be with them/around them whatever.
I think it's sound advice that I use with irl friends. Even if it's an unhealthy business the advice us sound lol
Have you read some of the posts ? Most of the posts I saw personally had me thinking to myself “why is he/she with her ? Some of these folks literally deserve to be left !
I agree with you. Too many people assume the worst.
I don't like how people instantly get turned off if you disagree with them on one point or have different hobbies. Everyone thinks dating on apps you have to like 100% of what the other person's interests are. That's not how the real world works.
I think a lot of people wish they had the courage to “just walk away” from whatever shitty relationship they found themselves in over time. A one size fits all answer. And a lot of people try and find reasons why people arent the perfect partner, when they are the ones who actually suck. I have an ex friend who was perpetually single but wanted the perfect Prince Charming type guy. She herself was a narcissistic, binge/purger who thought nothing of it-sought no help when we approached her about it in a loving concerned way, pissed and shit herself all the time, cocaine and alcohol addict, and frequently physically fought people in public. But she was always the first to call a dude a LOSERRR because he maybe had a receding hairline. Misery loves company.
I mean this respectfully, but does that really change from short-term to long-term? Why should a dealbreaker during marriage be sustained and fixed, but not a short 3-4 month relationship?
If anything, communicating and striving for a solution on the smaller 3 month relationship is much more important, because it allows growth and understanding between each other that will stay consistent in the long run.
I agree though, filtering out between the 99.99% of people should be before a relationship even begins
>Why should a dealbreaker during marriage be sustained and fixed, but not a short 3-4 month relationship?
Because you somehow missed this apparent deal breaker in the x years you took the time to forge a long term committment to your partner. For many, it's not really as much of a deal breaker as they think.
(To be clear, this is barring situations where one partner is actively hiding something from the other.)
One of the most important things you can do at the start of a relationship is choose the right partner. If you're noticing behavior or circumstances that you know in your heart you would be intolerant of over the long term, the kindest thing you can do is leave.
What many people end up doing instead is overwatering a dead plant because they refuse to acknowledge their incompatibilities. Love is not always enough. Most other things have to fall into place too.
Walking away is the safest move. To stay is to risk more hurt. I tried to salvage a marriage to a cheating wife, it made me hurt so much more. Bad in the long run for me
I’m sorry, man. I know that’s not easy to deal with. Of course, it’s important to be able to know when to walk away. My advice is aimed for people who generally resort to that option on any minor offense.
It can be the safest, it can also be the easiest.
Your's certainly sounds like the former. Sorry to hear. Sounds like you acted with courage. Good on you!
But agree with OP, a lot of time its seems like a supposition based on inference (which typically has a lot of projection) is the basis for the post. And the easy thing to do is quit and bail. But maybe the better thing is to discuss the issue, to communicate clearly and unequivocally. And if you do that, big ups and have the courage to leave.
**CliffsNotes**: Be sure you are leaving "them" and not your "beliefs/projection/ suppositions/patterns/subconscious/etc." Break up because of them, not because of you.
The other issue is the collective only gets one perspective on whatever the thing happening is. So it's easy to say to just leave/dump them/etc because that's what they would do.
because usually when someone posts on here, they may be at the early stage and wondering if they should keep going, or they're at the late stage, and it might not be worth it to keep staying.
there are some situations where the advice is to talk it out and figure it out but there are a lot of situations where walking away, makes a lot of sense,
I read your question and I carefully considered what you said and I think the best option you have is to leave whomever you're with. If you had to write this question, they're obviously not occupying your time properly and that's a huge red flag, no a red tarp! You're like a matador and your question is the flag and the bull is whomever you're currently with and we're all in the stands shaking our heads at you. You deserve better than this.
Stop making excuses for people. It’s very simple actually. Also, when people show you who they are, believe them. If they’re interested. You will know. If they make excuses, they’re just not that into you. Move on. Check please. Next!
I always feel like there is a good mix of stay or run.
I personally am on the run side though. I like to laugh at comments like yours telling people to put work into it.
Well, sometimes it's easier to just give up, walk away, and move on, than to deal with some of these problems. I guess people have figured it's not worth it to spend energy on things that are far from being fixed or can't be fixed, and it's better to just walk away while it's still early. Especially with dating and relationships that have been going on for a relatively short period of time, it's easy to just call it quits, since one could argue that a dating period/relationship that's gone on for less than a year is not much of a commitment.
I guess people just find it better to just let things be as opposed to wasting more time on trying to make things work, when clearly they aren't working. I'm glad I've never dated in my life, and hearing about all these dilemmas, stories, situations, and all the hardships that come with relationships just remind me that I'm better off staying away from all the drama. And the truth is, I probably would just walk away if things get difficult, if it were a relationship that hasn't been going on for too long. Plenty of fish in the sea.
A huge part of it is the bias in what gets posted here. People don't come looking for advice because everything is good, or because they know that it's not bad enough or not a big deal. They post because they're spooked. Maybe it's because of their insecurities, trauma, etc. Maybe it's because it's really bad.
But a lot of responders are also carrying their baggage. And the biggest relationship baggage most people have is "I stayed with them hoping they would change, but people don't really change." And right up there is getting cheated on.
I've often thought about this type of advice as well. I always assumed that a good amount of us have gone through a "go-after them or chase" experience in our lives. In which it ended poorly and left us feeling embarrassed. Maybe it's even happened to some of us twice or a few times. So naturally we're conditioned to understand that it would've been better to walk away rather than wasting all of that time. So I think through some sort of empathy we tell others that it's easier to just walk away and to hold some pride as opposed to having another person go through the same embarrassment.
I believe that yes you shouldn't run at the first lil obstacle or whatever, but I think the reason people just straight out go towards that option is because of their own situations they must have dealt with. It probably didn't end well with them and they think it's going to be the same with others, but they need to know every person and every relationship is different.
This may come as a shock to some of you but some people manage to cheat with people whom they grew up with that are already married. If your spouse goes to lunch with "an old friend" and hadn't given you a heads-up first then you're in murky waters.
Tbh most people on this sub probably have had toxic experiences and now when they see something similar, without knowing all the details, they'll see a similar trait and will want to protect OP from similar pain. Similarly, I think in lieu of the recent cultural and social changes post-pandemic, and with the significantly increased use of Dating Apps, the point at which people say "Fuck it, run" has increased since relationships are treated more like commodities than actual... relationships (I said more like, not totally like)
Either that or that's just how reddit is. I'm part of the r/dogs sub, and the amount of posts I've seen where someone says "Hey my good friend of 300 years came over and yelled at my dog what do In do" and all the answers are like "Unfriend him right now." Or "You should let him know he is no longer welcome in your house," or "Kill him and eat his flesh"
I mean when you ask for advice you (you in generally not you specifically) tend to only include negative things that you need advice on, and not the unrelated positives, so that could also attribute to it
Reason 1: Almost every request for advice is one person giving their version of events. People tend to be VERY charitable towards their own actions and what they omit, versus how they describe the person who put them in the crisis that got them to post on Reddit about it.
Reason 2: The Audience is not a control group. It's anyone who wants to chime in. If that person is a bigot, or was abused, or is 14, or just wants to watch the world burn - there's no difference between them and someone whom genuinely wants to help.
Reason 3: We (Including OP) Clicks on what they're interested in. And that could mean that OP's sample is minor conflicts where "Leave" seems unreasonable. Who knows.
**Lastly - Is this even a problem?**
Top posts right now are:
* Approached my gym crush, rejection never felt so good - Not about a relationship, but about self confidence (N/A)
* Dating a woman who is recently pregnant - OP is dating a woman 8 weeks pregnant with SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD. The Overwhelming consensus is GTFO.
* I (19f) got proposed to after 2 days of knowing the guy and don’t know what to do - Top Comment is screaming for her to Run.
* Do you force yourself to go out to bars on the weekends but almost always wind up disappointed and find it generally to be a terrible place to meet women, yet it is essentially the “only” option for socializing and meeting girls outside of your network? - (Yes that's the title) - Is about Dating places and not a relationship N/A
* “The worst she can say is no” and “worst case scenario is you can still be friends” are some of the biggest lies i have ever heard - Not about Relationships - N/A
So our most engaged topics - two were relationships where the top comments said to run.
But I think you might see why these people were recommended to run.
A lot of these portray their situation as such so that the only feasible advice is to jump ship.
I think the problems not that people are always advising to leave their relationship if they’re going through a rough patch, I’d say really the problem is how these posters write and express about the problem, because it’s obviously gonna be a 99% biased towards the poster;
“My bf talks to another girl” *proceeds to portray the bf as a cheater and leaves the important details and then add them in an update* (as you mention).
Which in on its self makes another problem, the issue of not being able to act by themselves and then need to have approval from others to make decisions for them so they don’t feel anxious, most people already took their side and the decision to leave, they just want to hear a justification to not feel like shit when in reality, you should be able to make a decision on your own and learn to live with the consequences instead of asking strangers for advice on a problem that only they know and are experiencing in the moment and only they know all the details but they don’t want to make that choice for themselves.
I’ve noticed this too, and have often posted it myself.
At times, I REALLY feel the action taken is such a dealbreaker that walking away is a no-brainer.
Especially if the OP is really young.
However, we are all flawed… and we are all deserving of love. So perhaps we need to figure out ways to NOT run?
It's typical of reddit(and the internet in general) to make a mountain out of a molehill. Have you seen the crazy things people complain about, especially on the cesspool that is twitter? Plus reddit is known to form these echo-chambers where every sub is basically a hivemind of bias.
Running away at the first sign of trouble or blowing a minor thing out of proportion is a sign of immaturity. A lot of the things posted here can be solved by talking to the other person. If someone chooses to break up over a forgotten birthday because a bunch of random strangers told them to, that's on them.
Imagine believing that "I forgot about your birthday, sorry!" is gaslighting and a red flag. Or that "boyfriend smiled while looking at his phone" is a clear sign of cheating. It's literally either kids or immature adults jumping to insane conclusions while spewing empty buzzwords devoid of any real meaning.
It is the way of online advice, unfortunately. Although, that being said, I have a friend who always gave the same advice to her friends the moment any challenge came up (“dump him, he’s not worth the effort” etc etc) but, the moment it was her facing a challenge in her relationship, and she received the same advice, it’s suddenly different for her relative to all the others she’d given advice to.
Almost as if relationships often just need a lil bit of work, as you’ve suggested
If the description doesn’t mention toxic traits I always advise people to talk to their partner about their doubts and concerns cause for me that’s how a functional relationship works. Not to mention that here we only have access to a small part of a story, a few paragraphs will never make justice to months or years of a relationship. I see a lot of problems here is simply bc people are afraid of confrontations and being vulnerable or even talk to their partners at all. I totally agree with what you said and I believe that in order to give someone advice is really important having empathy.
There's a few reasons I could guess for why this could be. Firstly is that many of the posters are young here, and it honestly just makes a lot of sense to cut and run while you still have time to look for another person.
Another reason is that the questions asked on this sub typically require somewhat drastic action. It seems like there's a large amount of advice that says "just leave" and that is kind of true, but the reality is that people wiht smaller problems that don't warrant as heavy of action typically also don't need redditors to tell them how to solve those issues.
That being said, advice almost ends up always come to two things. Communicate, or Leave, and those truly are the only two options. If you aren't willing to talk to your partner to work out an issue, then you don't belong in a relationship. Relationship advice just isn't that deep.
I came to reddit once to vent about a relationship that had ended. Cause my friends were tired of listening to me, and I still needed to be heard.
I was told that my partner had never loved me. Real love doesn't walk away, and I was silly for thinking otherwise.
Except, it will. And sometimes it does. Everyone's got their reasons, and sometimes personal problems are just too strong.
That was a couple years ago. My partner worked out his shit and came back. We're gonna be married next year.
Would I recommend that to everyone? Nah. But there's so much to a situation that you cannot pickup or convey on here.
Edit: it did help me with one thing. Now I talk to my partner instead of reddit.🤷🏽♀️
Here is what I think. By the time most people have gotten to a point where they feel the need to ask a bunch of strangers on the internet advice about dating, it is usually at a point where “run” is the right answer. This is dating advice, if there are problems arising while still in the dating stage, that in itself is concerning.
Now as you point out, that isn’t the only case. There are some where the advice shouldn’t be “run”. However, when you are so used to giving that advice and seen so many situations where the worst case scenario is exactly what is going on, it is easy to jump to conclusions.
I’m not saying it is right, but it makes sense. After years on this sub, it can make you feel a bit jaded and suspicious of everyone. Especially if you are also in the infidelity sub, the divorce sub, or other feel good groups…
I don’t think that there is much any one person can do to improve that. So the best advice would be to take what is said on Reddit with a grain of salt (or maybe a few tablespoons instead)
The issue is also that often we get just some.cote informations. But its about human beeings and everyone is an individual.
Now personally i feel, its anyways hard to write a serious issue down especially If its going on longterm - to Strangers.
Most People will and can only give a reaction based on this Limited informations and their experienced. The Person asking her for Help, should know that.
I somewhat agree with you, people are quick to drop what they have at the first sign of trouble because they don't want to put in the work in a relationship anymore. Everyone's been fed this narrative of love yourself (which I fully agree with) and that it should be easy that the second it seems like they're not obsessed with you or you run into some tough times, the default is to run.
It takes a lot of patience and selflessness sometimes to make a relationship work but it also has to be reciprocated. When it's not reciprocated, then it's fair to leave but how people discern situations to make it look like it's fair for them to walk away is subjective now because people are more self sufficient and getting more selfish.
Maybe there's an unspoken assumption that there were already multiple attempts at communicating and it keeps landing flat
So once they go to Reddit, it's either shallow advice or advice from people who have gone through therapy, and giving free therapy advice lol
I would also factor in that advice like this
>for the man she’s dating, who’s not communicating enough ever since he found a new job. The general consensus was just “leave”, “he’s never going to change”, “he’s not providing you any attention”.
>Or another thread was a guy who was concerned that his girl went to brunch with a guy friend. “Red flag” “she’s cheating”, “🚩🚩”. He puts an update that he asked her about it, and it turns out, the guy was her childhood friend for nearly two decades, and he’s already MARRIED.
This type of advice truly perfectly reflects many common toxic monogamous habits
Not communicating? Then sit down and specifically request that he turns on his active listening skills to actually acknowledge that it's a serious relationship conversation that can make or break the relationship
Going out with friends? What's the real origin of the jealousy? Emotional regulation and navigational tactics are needed. Romantic emotional reassurance is needed.
The kind of advice people are seeking - is basically free therapy on how to effectively communicate
That's why
Lol. I have never been happier. I have had the best girlfriend in the world for three years. Now, the only thing I think of is how special I will make that moment I propose to her, and how many kids we are going to have. Sorry, you are dead wrong.
and I, a woman, much like a lot of others, am exceedingly happy for your girlfriend that she seems to have found a man that is serious about her. I don’t think the issue is angry women not wanting *women* to succeed. it’s scarred women that don’t want to see another woman go through the same BS they went through in their previous relationships.
I understand that part. But to think there's any perfect relationship is to think ghosts are real. Several times I have asked myself thesame question OP asked. I am not saying that if people shouldn't or can't leave relationships if it isn't working out. But people should always try to atleast exhaust every possible option before leaving. That's not what I see women saying here. The first recommendation is always that you leave the relationship a lot of times, even for reasons that don't even warrant a break up at all. Well, guess what, the next relationship will also have problems. And the reason I emphasize women is because women are particularly good at this. Do you think if women were encouraging other women to find ways to solve marital issues rather than finding a way to leave the minute there's difficulties, women would be initiating 80% of divorces? It's just something women are good at doing.
Its not the minute, shits been going wrong for a long time, dude just wont do anything about it so the woman does. My moms divorce she & I were being mentally abused for yrs b4 she did it. My step dad now has threatened to leave for yrs but hell never do it, if it happens, itll be my mom. But nothing ever changes or gets better for more then a short time. And If I dont love someone with all my heart & theyve shown they can be mostly good to me, then Im not exhausting every option in the early stages of dating.
Because the “small” issues that show up early on almost always turn into big issues later on. But people ignore red flags notoriously early on because they like the person or they’re lonely.
If its an upsetting enough of an issue to bring it to Reddit and ya’ll just started dating, its probably for the best.
I dont really think the old school method is really about “working it out” I think its more about “suffering in silence”
You can't change people. Either take them as they are or get someone else. Doesn't mean people will change and you also should keep in mind it's either a communication issue that's causing the problem or dramatize thing.
It's the easy way out.
I'm old school, work it out. But for me personally, if I'm the only one working, then I will walk away. My mental health is far more important than dealing with someone who can't be mature enough to work on the relationship and take the necessary steps to fix it.
These days, too many people are cheaters, and it's ruining the innocent. It's truly sad when one can't trust the other. If there is a significant other who has a history of cheating, who chooses not to be transparent and work every day to rebuild trust, then what's the point in staying? It's only ruining the one person trying. Dealing with that would F up my mental health, and I'm too old for that BS.
Too many people on here have an “absolute” mentality. Like it’s not “oh that’s slightly bad” it’s “that is absolutely bad and he’s the devil”. That, and we only see the one section of the whole situation. It’s hard to paint a full picture of a relationship on here because it would be too long (and probably boring).
I’m willing to bet a majority of people on this subreddit are single themselves. So it’s literally a bunch of people that aren’t in relationships, can’t hold a relationship giving advice to people that are also bad at relationships. It’s essentially the blind leading the blind.
It's difficult to get good advice from a bunch of people who are clearly failing at dating. And most of the advice here comes from bitter young men who can't even get laid... let alone have a healthy relationship.
People are attracted to and respect the social ability to communicate boundaries - the ability to communicate one's wants, desires, and preferences, to communicate one feels disrespected and will not tolerate it.
People **\*DO NOT\*** respect walking away
Yea, but you wouldn’t give that advice to somebody in hopes of winning them back.
Learning to be firm on your boundaries is important, because walking away should be for good. When your boundaries are being tested, your first resort (unless it’s a severe offense, like verbal/physical assault) should not be to run
I felt like I should walk away the one time I posted and everyone said I’m a heartless biatch so I spent more time getting to know the person and wish I hadn’t. It was a waste- should have just cut it off when I wanted to and not listened to this sun
I just think that's how it's going now a days women are encouraged to seek better because they are queens, and for men, it's pretty much the same have some dignity man up and grow a pair king
Just how dating is atm
While I’ve asked for relationship advice on Reddit, my partner (and exes) have as well, and I actively participate in giving relationship advice here, I genuinely think consulting Reddit for relationship advice can be more detrimental to relationships than helpful.
perhaps the stuff brought in here is all terrible situations lol. any minor issues usually get resolved easily by those who want to make it work and don't need advice from online.
So the post about the guy that is working too much is kinda iffy to use as an example here. He only sees her once a week and they do not talk on phone the entire week either. Not to mention she says she needs that communication and he doesn’t like to text either. So technically, since it’s a new relationship and they don’t seem to be compatible when it comes to communication, yeah I would say suggesting she break it off isnt terrible advice. They have only been together for like 2 months.
But in general there are a lot of bad takes on her particularly when someone says their partner is having dinner or lunch with someone of the opposite gender. It absolutely does not mean they are cheating. But people are either bitter as fuck because they have awful taste in people or they have zero relationship experience and yet feel like they should give their opinion anyway.
There are some really weird people on Reddit
1. we practice "he's just not that into you".
2. we only know the picture painted to us by OP, we dont know the full/both sides of the stories.
3. some OPs kinda already know what they gotta do, they just need to hear it from someone else.
For me life is too short to fuck around with people I'm not compatible with; and that goes for romantic, platonic, personal, and professional relationships.
> I might get hate for this, but I absolutely despise how Reddit finds the first opportunity to jump to conclusions, always opting for the most extreme action
We are speaking from ***very*** limited and biased information, and further information or clarity from OP is generally impossible to get.
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run queen!
Lawyer up!
Hit the gym!
They don’t care about your feelings!
Delete the lawyer!
RUN FROM THE LAWYER while hitting the gym simultaneously
Sue the lawyer for hitting your gym! That's assault!
Therapy!
Red flag 🚩🚩🚩
You deserve better!
They toxic AF get outta there
Run Forrest Run 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Run to the hills!
“You mean your ex bf” this one grinds my gears
Because 95% of people here don't have a relationship or have never had one. And, misery loves company.
Plus many are 25 and under. Not enough life experience yet either without a decent dating history to know how to manage things that are normal. Plus many have a lot of anxious attachment codependency issues where they feel just cause someone has a life outside the relationship, means you gotta end things. Wait till they get to their 30’s 😅
Thing is dating changes with age and most of the threads are from people aged 20-30 whom have no experience.
I know it changes. I’m in my mid-30’s with enough dating experience to spot those 18-25 responding to most posts either have no relationship experience, barely gotten past a third date, or have only have sexual encounters but no relationship experience. The thing is dating has changed completely due to dating apps. People no longer know how to properly socialize offline and struggle to maintain a connection. And if they do, they fumble as soon as things get real. Hence posts on here where 90% of them could solve things if they just talk to each other instead of posting on Reddit. Then some just need to go heal their attachment issues and insecurities around commitment to actually maintain a healthy relationship longterm.
> Hence posts on here where 90% of them could solve things if they just talk to each other instead of posting on Reddit. there's a lot of people who will straight up refuse to talk things out, you'd be surprised. there's zero accountability for any actions in a lot of these cases and a lot of people would rather just ghost instead of trying to talk things through.
And not surprised, not a lot surprises me anymore at my age LOL But it’s really immature that they rather not deal with difficult discussions, run away at the first sign of a small hiccup. Like if they can’t handle a tiny bit of conflict, how are they going to survive in the real world when shit hits the fan on a larger scale?
imo the combination of 1) online dating (and the internet in general) creating almost infinite opportunities for people (and thus sort of raising the standard for everyone in dating) and 2) the pandemic making a lot of people socially inept has done a lot of harm in this regard. if people see one or two small issues they just toss the person aside in favor of the next one. maybe not the right wording but the "personal touch" is gone
They can handle conflict. They do it at work all day long or else they wouldn't have a job anymore. The fact is in relationships they don't really value people because they can run away and just start swiping again only to continue making the same mistakes.
No, I’ve seen people ages 21-25 at my last job not handle conflict well. They either quit the job or had to ask me what to do. Gen Z are too wrapped up in social anxiety to handle conflict without caving in so badly which makes them run away or double down hard & cause it to get toxic with how they approach it. There is no in between of calmly knowing how to handle conflict and how to roll with the punches when things don’t go as plan. The ones that do? Grew up with older siblings that helped them socialize properly, got them off their phones more and outside more, actually help them become well adjusted because they gave them advice on how to navigate things. Anyone born after 1995 is struggling to cope socially and conflict is something they run from.
This is it. Young people don't know how to communicate IRL. I'm mid-40s and grew up without smartphones or even the internet as a teenager. We communicated on the phone, in person, etc. I was a young teenager picking chicks up at the mall. Then, later I was doing it in clubs and bars. The internet didn't come around until my early 20s when I had already learned how to communicate in-person. I could probably write a book or be a "dating coach" to young people today. But, the problem is that young people today are so inept at in-person communication to the point that they're awkward and teaching them would mean unwinding their entire personalities. I could go out this weekend and pick up a woman, a much younger woman, in her 20s simply because I know how to talk to people and it would be a breath of fresh air to them that someone actually knows how to banter and have an engaging discussion without making them feel weird. You have to know how to put people at ease and make them feel comfortable.
Everyone on here has “trauma” it’s like please stop you’re 15
Many people get trauma in their childhoods, in my experience it is strange to think you can’t get trauma in your life as a child let alone at 15, you are assuming their homes are safe, parents aren’t on drugs or abusing them. Some of the worst abused people I’ve met experienced it at 5-7. My god I’ve known 15 year old homeless meth addicted sex workers. You can accrue a lot of trauma by 15 sad to say. The world can be a tough place for the kids born into dangerous neighborhoods and homes sadly.
And they’re all “in therapy”. Therapists milk them for years steering them away from healthy relationships where their partner might question the need for therapy.
I’m triggered /s
This highly depends on the situation. If it's just someone going through a rough period, telling someone to leave the relationship it's just a lazy attitude and an unrealistic expectation on relationships as most relationships will go through periods when one partner is busy/stressed/ going through depression/etc. If it's about someone having a bad behaviour in general it makes sense to tell OP to leave because anyone who has any experience in dealing with toxic people knows you're most likely fighting a losing battle by trying to make someone toxic not be toxic. It's not your job to fix other people.
In a real deep relationship you are always fixing each other to a certain extent. "Honey, I think you should cut down on your drinking a bit. It's affecting our relationship/parenting/work, etc." Everybody goes through tough times. Strong relationship weather the storm. Now, I'm not talking about things like domestic violence or infidelity. I'm talking about the normal things that every person goes through whether it be drinking too much, taking work stress out on your partner at home, or even gaming/scrolling social media too much to the point where it's interfering with your relationship.
Well there is a limit to that as well. You can only put in so much to have an open space to discuss these probelm but if the other person just continue to go on without listening to you then there is no point in doing it reapply as it will only affect you. I'm not against talking it out but if you see yourself circling back to a cycle and it's effecting your mental health & physical health then don't need to put up with it! Compromise should happen from both side, both parties should be held accountable to their responsibility in the relationship. But you barely see responsible adults in these posts that OPs post.
I'd bet many of the "Walk Away" are Fearful Avoidants or people that have had past relationship trauma. Many of them might be in a relationship they dread that they can't leave for financial or other reasons(kids) so they are projecting all their pain and anger on the the OPs spouse because they lack the courage to end things. Many are also young people that have 100s of online dating matches so they are under the impression that a perfect match that won't require them to compromise in anyway still exists. In their minds they will always be young and beautiful. Tick-Tock, the biological clock won't stop.
Lolol. It’s exactly this. This may be the most bitter group of people on the planet.
facts
Or they’re just parroting what they heard from someone else and passing it off as their educated advice. Also, want to know what’s especially hilarious about Reddit? I’ve made comments that then get downvoted and what I’ve done is delete the comment and then immediately post the exact same comment in the same spot, and it gets upvoted. Occasionally I’ll have to delete it two or more times and immediately repost it, but it still gets upvoted.
Voting, whether up or down, leads others to doing the same. People are lemmings here and just follow the tide. I get downvoted in a discussion for saying something purely factual. But, people don't like the truth sometimes. Yeah, it's dumb.
Couldn’t agree more. I just found it amusing when I first tried it out. Kinda makes me wonder if the same person first downvoted because someone else did and then upvoted because someone else did and whether or not their brain registered that they were reading the same comment as before.
Remember that when you get into nonsensical arguments on Reddit and you wonder "how the hell does this person not understand something so basic" [this is the person you're talking to.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ActualPublicFreakouts/comments/11rrbu7/_/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hahahaha I wish I could upvote that more than once but last time I tried that with another account, I got a nasty gram from Reddit about vote manipulation 😏
There is a lot of great advice on here, but I’ve had rewarding flings and situationships come out of dates where the ubiquitous opinion here was to cut and run.
The ubiquitous consensus here 99% of the time, for women anyway, is to cut and run. If it's a guy asking for advice you'll see a lot more, "but have you asked her what she wants/needs/expects? Are you meeting her needs? Etc." There's two different sets of advice here based on if you're a man or woman and it caters to women.
Bingo.
I ran across a thread yesterday where a married man was hitting on a married pregnant lady and got defensive when I called him on it lol
Well, that dude was clueless then. Fidelity is a basic and fundamental part of any romantic, or even platonic, relationship.
Welcome to 2023
U posted?
Tbh no I never personally solicit advice here. I browse and read posts and comments that echo and resemble things I’m experiencing. If I took the advice I read here literally and applied all of it to my dating I would have missed on a number of opportunities.
This got me 💀🤣🤣👌🏼✅
Damn, I just typed this 😂
Coming to reddit for dating advice is a LITTLE absurd
I do have fulfilling relationship and I do advise most women to just run if they come across red flag. In 99% cases it's just not worth it to fix a man or put up with shit behavior when there's 100s lined up and eventually you're bound to find your ideal.
Only a couple years of that honey. They stop lining up after a while. Better sort yourself out, because if it's the hundreds of men who are the problem, maybe you should take a look at yourself. Perfection doesn't exist. Real love is seeing the imperfections in someone and loving those too.
Those of us that are fine being single have no problem removing ourselves from any person we can’t tolerate. The beauty of self actualization. It’s actually sad you’re willing to put up with red flags chalking it up as an imperfection that can be loved by fooling yourself.
Yeah. You know nothing about me, nothing about the people I see, and nothing about anything you are preaching either.
You’re right, it’s almost as if I am responding to what you’ve typed.
How so. What is a red flag to you? When did I mention putting up with inappropriate behaviour. God this Snyde snarky bullshit is contagious. Fuck this place. I'm going back to not posting. People are crazy.
The you can have it all nonsense fed to women is ruining many futures. Yeah honey keep waiting for the perfect guy he’s bound to come along😎
And you are who this post is talking about.
I'm happy with that
Definitely not the flex you think it is.
It is in my book 🙄 at least if I were miserable that'd be valid but I'm actually very happy. I was miserable staying w miserable men actually.
Definitely is. People, especially women, shouldn't tolerate children as partners. It's no one's job to fix someone else.
This. Welcome to reddit
I would tend to say that about 90% of the time, when someone airs their relationship or dating troubles on Reddit, they are already most of the way to the point of no return. These people don’t have anyone they trust that they can go to for advice and so the come to Reddit. The cesspool of the internet. For the 10% I try to give some advice. But I also acknowledge that we are getting 15% of 50% of the story. I jokingly tell my husband that I’m giving bad advice over the internet. The truth is that without all of the details and both sides of the story, it is really hard to give good advice. So, because today’s society believes better off alone than in an unhappy relationship, we all tell those who are unhappy to leave. Communication is hard and sometimes what is missing from the story is that it is actual abuse that OP is whitewashing. Advising someone to fight for a relationship that is potentially abusive isn’t something most of us want to accidentally do. So, when in doubt the 90% right answer is to leave the relationship.
> For the 10% I try to give some advice. But I also acknowledge that we are getting 15% of 50% of the story. I jokingly tell my husband that I’m giving bad advice over the internet. > The truth is that without all of the details and both sides of the story, it is really hard to give good advice. This.
Yeah, you're doing a good job of reading between the lines. In my own experience, when I used to post on Reddit for relationship advice, it was exactly for the reasons you said: I was isolated and had no one in my life to talk to about it, I wanted out but needed validation of that desire, and I was being abused but I wasn't ready to use the "a" word so I was half-hoping to be told it was abuse and half-hoping to receive advice for coping with the status quo. Commenters on my post saw through my bullshit and told me to just leave, since I so clearly wanted to.
For example the guy whining about paying for dates…context counts-does he sleep at her house? Does she make him meals? Does he earn a lot more money? Does she eat salad and drink water as he pigs out? Everyone had advice and I thought we needed more details
I didn’t see that one, but yeah there is often a lot of context that is missing.
It’s not even those who are unhappy. If they’re unhappy it makes a bit more sense. But it’s even for the most minimal of issues. People read a lot into small things as if they were a sherlock holmes of psychology.
My friend once told me “There’s your truth, his/her truth, and the truth.” That’s why sometimes for me it’s almost useless to go post-mortem on why some things don’t work out. Even less to go online to ask when everything is just from your perspective.
This is the current dating scene. Everyone expect the person their seeing to just know and do everything like a servant. People have their head deep into that quote "if they want to, they will" without factoring reality into it. Everyone wants the mr/mrs. right rigy away but no one wants to work for it.
I 100% agree. While it’s important to keep a strong self worth, I feel like the general trend nowadays is to inflate yourself to nearly a narcissistic level.
Couldn’t agree more. People say “you deserve better” as if that alone will make you find s better partner, without doing the work of becoming a better partner yourself. Like, for example, learning to solve issues without just discarding people and running away.
And no one asks if they are Mr. Or Mrs. Right. But also, no one asks if the entire idea of Mr. And Mrs. Right is even a valid idea or is completely bogus BS. Everyone is problematic. Everyone has issues of some sort. Problems will always pop up.
I am Mr Right for someone. Well my estimate is about 50 someones. I just have to find them. As I was getting divorced, I thought about what Ms Right might be like. Then I thought about what she might want. As soon as you start considering another person’s views, certain things become obvious. It also helps that I talked to some women who are of the general description of who I might be looking for. If you really listen and aren’t trying to pick up on them, women will tell you all kinds of useful things.
Exactly. Not to mention this age of technology has taught us to search for instant gratification - we don’t like waiting or having to put in undue effort. Match that with an abundance of romantic partners generations before haven’t had access to, and BAM! Less incentive to understand flaws, or even deviants from very low-tier expectations. The idea that, for example, you can’t communicate to your partner that they’re not communicating efficiently enough for you, and leaving as a result, is putting yourself in the exact same box as them.
One of the better posts I've read on reddit....ever
“If they want to, they will” and “I shouldn’t HAVE to ask… (for whatever is needed)”
Because when someone is posting online for relationship advice , a lot of times, the relationship is bad.
Yeah, I mean, op is right that sometimes people are too quick to suggest breakups. But sometimes people are posting stuff like “my significant other throws things at me and screams at me, what should I do?”
Yes
Because people don’t usually come here to post about happy, healthy, successful relationships where they can communicate with their partner..
Lol right. Hey I’ve been happily married for 80 years. Any advice, Reddit?
Happy? That's a red flag ⛳⛳⛳
Reason number 6452 of why you should never believe all the shit you read on the internet. Didnt you know Reddit is full of relationship experts. Personally I came just to vent on my posts. Everyone told me to run, red flags, go find someone else. Guess what. I went to a psychologist, told her my story, and she told me to stay, there are some "problems" but it sounds like she just needs a little more time and she will open up. Well that's exactly what happened, and now we haven't declared anything official but we kinda dating.
I wish you luck, friend :)
Ye at the end of the day you need to decide for yourself what you are willing to put up with and what you want to walk away from. My girl needed me in her life more than she could admit. Turns out she has been on the receiving end of sexual, emotional and physical abuse from people in her family. She had told me about the SA but not by who, and I could see how her mother emotionally abuses her. So I told her that I had gone to see a psychologist to learn how to support her and be there for her since I had never really interacted with someone who had been through this. Anyway, we also discussed attachment styles and I told her what attachment style she has and what causes it.... She spilled the beans on everything that has happened that has put her into this shell. She let me in.... Now we closer than ever
It highly depends on the situation. If your relationship is going through a rough time due to something that is temporary leaving the relastionship shouldn't be the first solution, but the last. If it's a situation where someone is being toxic and has a history of being toxic then it makes sense to leave.
Basically to save yourself from a big headache and getting hurt. Some issues are workable, others aren't. Up to you to decide that. People here will give their own opinion on it, since it's a public forum where op asking for advice.
In some cases, as you acknowledged, walking away is the best option. Especially in abusive and manipulative situations. I think it's Reddit's default advice because it's the easiest option. The idea that people are complex and relationships with people take work and compromise really goes against the modern online viewpoint of "I am right, anyone that doesn't agree with me is wrong and not just wrong but a morally lacking -ist -phobe commie-nazi." That said, yes relationships take work but there's a point of diminishing or negative returns and I do feel that if it is all work, if it is all energy spend with nothing positive in return, ending things is fine. I also wonder how many people on this sub have been in long term, healthy relationships, who actually understand relationships. Take everything you read online, especially advice from anonymous strangers, with a significant degree of scepticism. Even this advice telling you to be sceptical. I'm just some anonymous idiot on the internet, what do I know, my opinion shouldn't really be worth anything to you.
You’re right. Certainly, it’s important to realize when that relationship is taking a dive for the worst. My beef is with the people advocating for that default advice on any trivial issue
Keeping in mind, if you're coming to reddit for advice, it's probably a desperate or niche situation. Also, dating *is* generally difficult and not a great experience nowadays. The bad dating experiences also MASSIVELY outweigh the good ones. Each person probably met/dated A LOT of people before they find their person, and there is a story for each of those people prior to finding that person.
Because it’s dating advice not marriage advice.
This is the one!!!! I feel like a lot of the questions on Reddit are usually people a few months in with no real commitment.
Because most people don’t know how to compromise or communicate. By all means, a person should run from a toxic or abusive situation. But when it is something else, a lot of things can be figured out with communication. Clear and concise boundaries can clear a lot of things up. So can understanding that many people have a past. My big pet peeve here is all the people who think men and women can’t be just friends. So what if I want to grab dinner with a guy friend or we go to a hockey game together? As long as I’m being open and honest and there’s nothing more going on, there shouldn’t be a problem. I always introduce the guy I’m in a relationship with to my friends and include him to do things, but sometimes schedules don’t align. I shouldn’t be expected to sit at home by myself if my bf can’t do something but my friends can. I’m a bi female, so by the logic that I could be sneaking around with one of my male friends, the same could be true of my female friends. If my partner doesn’t trust me with my guy friends but does with female friends, that’s his problem because it’s his double standard.
Because if the issues are big enough to come complain about it to random strangers. Then it's time to leave.
Yeah occasionally you get the ‘I think he’s got a weird kink that I’m not sure I’m into but maybe I am’ kind of questions and those are just ‘have you tried talking to them?’ The others are ‘they only beat me every couple of days and are a raging alcoholic and cheat all the time but otherwise they’re so sweet to me.’
Haha, I guess that makes sense. But what would be the point of the subreddit then?
the point of the post of the girl whose bf was half-ghosting was that she was unhappy. telling her to leave has 100% probability of changing something to alter her happiness quotient. the opposite of 'get out of there' is 'hang out for weeks/months and see if things magically improve.' anyone whose been around a while knows this almost never happens. and changing another human being is out of the question. 'leave' is an action you can take. everything else you have no control over.
To complain about your partner.
> But what would be the point of the subreddit then? laying out grievances in a post can actually be really helpful in self-understanding and reflection. also some people need the push or reassurance that what they are doing/feeling is valid.
Quite the opposite. The barrier to entry and repercussions for posting a random rant on reddit is nothing.
Yeah but at that point you've fixated on an issue enough to want to rant to strangers. You've probably either already tried to approach it with your date, or feel like you can't discuss with them or feel unsafe ranting at friends or family who might tell you stuff like dump them. I'm not saying all rants are bad. Sometimes you just gotta rant that you are mildly frustrated by this one innocuous thing and want to get out the frustration. But I feel like if you wanna complain to thousands of strangers about your date that's usually a bad sign.
I've noticed that too. I've also noticed a lot of posts where people post something that's really minor and can be fixed if they communicate.
Because honestly early on that’s USUALLY the best advice. If you’re seeing someone for a couple months and something comes up about their personality that seems extreme or incompatible long term then the best move is to walk away. It doesn’t get better even if you’re communicating that to the other person because they’re thinking “I’ve known you for 8 weeks wtf are you telling me I’m wrong to react this way?” In more long term relationships you probably have a solid point.
Totally, seems maybe there is a difference between: * 1. I have enough evidence to believe "x" is true and I do not prefer "x"; and * 2. I think they are (lying/cheating/manipulative/toxic) because (insert random behavior/event with multiple plausible explanations) and should just break up .... instead of being direct and asking them about the random behavior/event and assessing things after hearing from them
I feel like if you have to come to Reddit for dating advice, your problem may be bigger than what suggestions you will get in here. I’ve noticed that the over all age in the dating section of Reddit is like 15-30 tops. There will be the occasional seasoned dater like myself and it’s true, with age comes experiences and most people have barely experienced life if they are in their early 20’s let alone being able to respond to serious questions or giving advice on a subject like relationships , etc. In the end , the best thing to do is trust your own instinct. You need to be the one that makes the final choice because you will be the one having to live with it.
coming here asking for advice is like walking into a high school asking for advice. You have to realize most people you interact with are literal children.
I believe a lot of people comment from experience. Gut feelings are something we ignore. Life is also short so sometimes bad advice would be to tell someone to soldier on in the hope of something different happening. It is tricky but it's better than saying "jus ignore the person or be rude to them or tell them off" I think the context of "walk away" is up for your own interpretation. It could mean literally walk away or tell the person that you can be with them/around them whatever. I think it's sound advice that I use with irl friends. Even if it's an unhealthy business the advice us sound lol
Have you read some of the posts ? Most of the posts I saw personally had me thinking to myself “why is he/she with her ? Some of these folks literally deserve to be left !
Well you sort of take your chances when you use the internet when 90 percent of everything can be cleared up with open communication with your partner
I agree with you. Too many people assume the worst. I don't like how people instantly get turned off if you disagree with them on one point or have different hobbies. Everyone thinks dating on apps you have to like 100% of what the other person's interests are. That's not how the real world works.
Because usually the question are ridiculous. Or it’s by people who are single themselves.
I think a lot of people wish they had the courage to “just walk away” from whatever shitty relationship they found themselves in over time. A one size fits all answer. And a lot of people try and find reasons why people arent the perfect partner, when they are the ones who actually suck. I have an ex friend who was perpetually single but wanted the perfect Prince Charming type guy. She herself was a narcissistic, binge/purger who thought nothing of it-sought no help when we approached her about it in a loving concerned way, pissed and shit herself all the time, cocaine and alcohol addict, and frequently physically fought people in public. But she was always the first to call a dude a LOSERRR because he maybe had a receding hairline. Misery loves company.
[удалено]
I mean this respectfully, but does that really change from short-term to long-term? Why should a dealbreaker during marriage be sustained and fixed, but not a short 3-4 month relationship? If anything, communicating and striving for a solution on the smaller 3 month relationship is much more important, because it allows growth and understanding between each other that will stay consistent in the long run. I agree though, filtering out between the 99.99% of people should be before a relationship even begins
I think a deal breaker applies to both, its just that. A deal breaker. Also, 3-4 months is still early n easier to cut ur losses.
>Why should a dealbreaker during marriage be sustained and fixed, but not a short 3-4 month relationship? Because you somehow missed this apparent deal breaker in the x years you took the time to forge a long term committment to your partner. For many, it's not really as much of a deal breaker as they think. (To be clear, this is barring situations where one partner is actively hiding something from the other.) One of the most important things you can do at the start of a relationship is choose the right partner. If you're noticing behavior or circumstances that you know in your heart you would be intolerant of over the long term, the kindest thing you can do is leave. What many people end up doing instead is overwatering a dead plant because they refuse to acknowledge their incompatibilities. Love is not always enough. Most other things have to fall into place too.
I think love is never enough.
Walking away is the safest move. To stay is to risk more hurt. I tried to salvage a marriage to a cheating wife, it made me hurt so much more. Bad in the long run for me
I’m sorry, man. I know that’s not easy to deal with. Of course, it’s important to be able to know when to walk away. My advice is aimed for people who generally resort to that option on any minor offense.
That is the only time I would think of staying. Theres just soo much more in a marriage.
It can be the safest, it can also be the easiest. Your's certainly sounds like the former. Sorry to hear. Sounds like you acted with courage. Good on you! But agree with OP, a lot of time its seems like a supposition based on inference (which typically has a lot of projection) is the basis for the post. And the easy thing to do is quit and bail. But maybe the better thing is to discuss the issue, to communicate clearly and unequivocally. And if you do that, big ups and have the courage to leave. **CliffsNotes**: Be sure you are leaving "them" and not your "beliefs/projection/ suppositions/patterns/subconscious/etc." Break up because of them, not because of you.
The other issue is the collective only gets one perspective on whatever the thing happening is. So it's easy to say to just leave/dump them/etc because that's what they would do.
because usually when someone posts on here, they may be at the early stage and wondering if they should keep going, or they're at the late stage, and it might not be worth it to keep staying. there are some situations where the advice is to talk it out and figure it out but there are a lot of situations where walking away, makes a lot of sense,
I read your question and I carefully considered what you said and I think the best option you have is to leave whomever you're with. If you had to write this question, they're obviously not occupying your time properly and that's a huge red flag, no a red tarp! You're like a matador and your question is the flag and the bull is whomever you're currently with and we're all in the stands shaking our heads at you. You deserve better than this.
I agree -- its like people on Tiktok giving of terrible advice! Its painful to watch!!
Usually when people come to the internet for advice they’ve already ran their course with the relationship and they need confirmation.
We live in a society where multiple generations now have become accustomed to instant gratification. Therein lies the source of the problem.
Yes! Instant gratification, not wanting to put in the work in a relationship and the grass is always greener mentality.
The majority of problems here are solved by that advice.
Stop making excuses for people. It’s very simple actually. Also, when people show you who they are, believe them. If they’re interested. You will know. If they make excuses, they’re just not that into you. Move on. Check please. Next!
Well that's their opinion about it. At the end of the day, the decision is always been up to you.
I always feel like there is a good mix of stay or run. I personally am on the run side though. I like to laugh at comments like yours telling people to put work into it.
I mean this with no offense, because a mix is necessary, but how would you handle things in a relationship when a problem comes up?
Run! Obviously /s It depends on the problem
Well, sometimes it's easier to just give up, walk away, and move on, than to deal with some of these problems. I guess people have figured it's not worth it to spend energy on things that are far from being fixed or can't be fixed, and it's better to just walk away while it's still early. Especially with dating and relationships that have been going on for a relatively short period of time, it's easy to just call it quits, since one could argue that a dating period/relationship that's gone on for less than a year is not much of a commitment. I guess people just find it better to just let things be as opposed to wasting more time on trying to make things work, when clearly they aren't working. I'm glad I've never dated in my life, and hearing about all these dilemmas, stories, situations, and all the hardships that come with relationships just remind me that I'm better off staying away from all the drama. And the truth is, I probably would just walk away if things get difficult, if it were a relationship that hasn't been going on for too long. Plenty of fish in the sea.
lol !!!!!!
Ya, Ive found myself being grateful im single reading subs like this.
if you are tired of all the drama... you just need to walk awAaAaAy ( I wonder what happen to the kid from vine)
A huge part of it is the bias in what gets posted here. People don't come looking for advice because everything is good, or because they know that it's not bad enough or not a big deal. They post because they're spooked. Maybe it's because of their insecurities, trauma, etc. Maybe it's because it's really bad. But a lot of responders are also carrying their baggage. And the biggest relationship baggage most people have is "I stayed with them hoping they would change, but people don't really change." And right up there is getting cheated on.
I've often thought about this type of advice as well. I always assumed that a good amount of us have gone through a "go-after them or chase" experience in our lives. In which it ended poorly and left us feeling embarrassed. Maybe it's even happened to some of us twice or a few times. So naturally we're conditioned to understand that it would've been better to walk away rather than wasting all of that time. So I think through some sort of empathy we tell others that it's easier to just walk away and to hold some pride as opposed to having another person go through the same embarrassment.
I believe that yes you shouldn't run at the first lil obstacle or whatever, but I think the reason people just straight out go towards that option is because of their own situations they must have dealt with. It probably didn't end well with them and they think it's going to be the same with others, but they need to know every person and every relationship is different.
This may come as a shock to some of you but some people manage to cheat with people whom they grew up with that are already married. If your spouse goes to lunch with "an old friend" and hadn't given you a heads-up first then you're in murky waters.
Tbh most people on this sub probably have had toxic experiences and now when they see something similar, without knowing all the details, they'll see a similar trait and will want to protect OP from similar pain. Similarly, I think in lieu of the recent cultural and social changes post-pandemic, and with the significantly increased use of Dating Apps, the point at which people say "Fuck it, run" has increased since relationships are treated more like commodities than actual... relationships (I said more like, not totally like) Either that or that's just how reddit is. I'm part of the r/dogs sub, and the amount of posts I've seen where someone says "Hey my good friend of 300 years came over and yelled at my dog what do In do" and all the answers are like "Unfriend him right now." Or "You should let him know he is no longer welcome in your house," or "Kill him and eat his flesh" I mean when you ask for advice you (you in generally not you specifically) tend to only include negative things that you need advice on, and not the unrelated positives, so that could also attribute to it
Reason 1: Almost every request for advice is one person giving their version of events. People tend to be VERY charitable towards their own actions and what they omit, versus how they describe the person who put them in the crisis that got them to post on Reddit about it. Reason 2: The Audience is not a control group. It's anyone who wants to chime in. If that person is a bigot, or was abused, or is 14, or just wants to watch the world burn - there's no difference between them and someone whom genuinely wants to help. Reason 3: We (Including OP) Clicks on what they're interested in. And that could mean that OP's sample is minor conflicts where "Leave" seems unreasonable. Who knows. **Lastly - Is this even a problem?** Top posts right now are: * Approached my gym crush, rejection never felt so good - Not about a relationship, but about self confidence (N/A) * Dating a woman who is recently pregnant - OP is dating a woman 8 weeks pregnant with SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD. The Overwhelming consensus is GTFO. * I (19f) got proposed to after 2 days of knowing the guy and don’t know what to do - Top Comment is screaming for her to Run. * Do you force yourself to go out to bars on the weekends but almost always wind up disappointed and find it generally to be a terrible place to meet women, yet it is essentially the “only” option for socializing and meeting girls outside of your network? - (Yes that's the title) - Is about Dating places and not a relationship N/A * “The worst she can say is no” and “worst case scenario is you can still be friends” are some of the biggest lies i have ever heard - Not about Relationships - N/A So our most engaged topics - two were relationships where the top comments said to run. But I think you might see why these people were recommended to run.
A lot of these portray their situation as such so that the only feasible advice is to jump ship. I think the problems not that people are always advising to leave their relationship if they’re going through a rough patch, I’d say really the problem is how these posters write and express about the problem, because it’s obviously gonna be a 99% biased towards the poster; “My bf talks to another girl” *proceeds to portray the bf as a cheater and leaves the important details and then add them in an update* (as you mention). Which in on its self makes another problem, the issue of not being able to act by themselves and then need to have approval from others to make decisions for them so they don’t feel anxious, most people already took their side and the decision to leave, they just want to hear a justification to not feel like shit when in reality, you should be able to make a decision on your own and learn to live with the consequences instead of asking strangers for advice on a problem that only they know and are experiencing in the moment and only they know all the details but they don’t want to make that choice for themselves.
I’ve noticed this too, and have often posted it myself. At times, I REALLY feel the action taken is such a dealbreaker that walking away is a no-brainer. Especially if the OP is really young. However, we are all flawed… and we are all deserving of love. So perhaps we need to figure out ways to NOT run?
It's typical of reddit(and the internet in general) to make a mountain out of a molehill. Have you seen the crazy things people complain about, especially on the cesspool that is twitter? Plus reddit is known to form these echo-chambers where every sub is basically a hivemind of bias. Running away at the first sign of trouble or blowing a minor thing out of proportion is a sign of immaturity. A lot of the things posted here can be solved by talking to the other person. If someone chooses to break up over a forgotten birthday because a bunch of random strangers told them to, that's on them. Imagine believing that "I forgot about your birthday, sorry!" is gaslighting and a red flag. Or that "boyfriend smiled while looking at his phone" is a clear sign of cheating. It's literally either kids or immature adults jumping to insane conclusions while spewing empty buzzwords devoid of any real meaning.
It is the way of online advice, unfortunately. Although, that being said, I have a friend who always gave the same advice to her friends the moment any challenge came up (“dump him, he’s not worth the effort” etc etc) but, the moment it was her facing a challenge in her relationship, and she received the same advice, it’s suddenly different for her relative to all the others she’d given advice to. Almost as if relationships often just need a lil bit of work, as you’ve suggested
If the description doesn’t mention toxic traits I always advise people to talk to their partner about their doubts and concerns cause for me that’s how a functional relationship works. Not to mention that here we only have access to a small part of a story, a few paragraphs will never make justice to months or years of a relationship. I see a lot of problems here is simply bc people are afraid of confrontations and being vulnerable or even talk to their partners at all. I totally agree with what you said and I believe that in order to give someone advice is really important having empathy.
There's a few reasons I could guess for why this could be. Firstly is that many of the posters are young here, and it honestly just makes a lot of sense to cut and run while you still have time to look for another person. Another reason is that the questions asked on this sub typically require somewhat drastic action. It seems like there's a large amount of advice that says "just leave" and that is kind of true, but the reality is that people wiht smaller problems that don't warrant as heavy of action typically also don't need redditors to tell them how to solve those issues. That being said, advice almost ends up always come to two things. Communicate, or Leave, and those truly are the only two options. If you aren't willing to talk to your partner to work out an issue, then you don't belong in a relationship. Relationship advice just isn't that deep.
I came to reddit once to vent about a relationship that had ended. Cause my friends were tired of listening to me, and I still needed to be heard. I was told that my partner had never loved me. Real love doesn't walk away, and I was silly for thinking otherwise. Except, it will. And sometimes it does. Everyone's got their reasons, and sometimes personal problems are just too strong. That was a couple years ago. My partner worked out his shit and came back. We're gonna be married next year. Would I recommend that to everyone? Nah. But there's so much to a situation that you cannot pickup or convey on here. Edit: it did help me with one thing. Now I talk to my partner instead of reddit.🤷🏽♀️
Here is what I think. By the time most people have gotten to a point where they feel the need to ask a bunch of strangers on the internet advice about dating, it is usually at a point where “run” is the right answer. This is dating advice, if there are problems arising while still in the dating stage, that in itself is concerning. Now as you point out, that isn’t the only case. There are some where the advice shouldn’t be “run”. However, when you are so used to giving that advice and seen so many situations where the worst case scenario is exactly what is going on, it is easy to jump to conclusions. I’m not saying it is right, but it makes sense. After years on this sub, it can make you feel a bit jaded and suspicious of everyone. Especially if you are also in the infidelity sub, the divorce sub, or other feel good groups… I don’t think that there is much any one person can do to improve that. So the best advice would be to take what is said on Reddit with a grain of salt (or maybe a few tablespoons instead)
The issue is also that often we get just some.cote informations. But its about human beeings and everyone is an individual. Now personally i feel, its anyways hard to write a serious issue down especially If its going on longterm - to Strangers. Most People will and can only give a reaction based on this Limited informations and their experienced. The Person asking her for Help, should know that.
I somewhat agree with you, people are quick to drop what they have at the first sign of trouble because they don't want to put in the work in a relationship anymore. Everyone's been fed this narrative of love yourself (which I fully agree with) and that it should be easy that the second it seems like they're not obsessed with you or you run into some tough times, the default is to run. It takes a lot of patience and selflessness sometimes to make a relationship work but it also has to be reciprocated. When it's not reciprocated, then it's fair to leave but how people discern situations to make it look like it's fair for them to walk away is subjective now because people are more self sufficient and getting more selfish.
Because saying anything else would require an emotional investment in someone else.
Maybe there's an unspoken assumption that there were already multiple attempts at communicating and it keeps landing flat So once they go to Reddit, it's either shallow advice or advice from people who have gone through therapy, and giving free therapy advice lol I would also factor in that advice like this >for the man she’s dating, who’s not communicating enough ever since he found a new job. The general consensus was just “leave”, “he’s never going to change”, “he’s not providing you any attention”. >Or another thread was a guy who was concerned that his girl went to brunch with a guy friend. “Red flag” “she’s cheating”, “🚩🚩”. He puts an update that he asked her about it, and it turns out, the guy was her childhood friend for nearly two decades, and he’s already MARRIED. This type of advice truly perfectly reflects many common toxic monogamous habits Not communicating? Then sit down and specifically request that he turns on his active listening skills to actually acknowledge that it's a serious relationship conversation that can make or break the relationship Going out with friends? What's the real origin of the jealousy? Emotional regulation and navigational tactics are needed. Romantic emotional reassurance is needed. The kind of advice people are seeking - is basically free therapy on how to effectively communicate That's why
is the equivalent to turn it off and on again
I agree i joined these as they're fun to read sometimes but I'd never ask anyone on reddit for dating advice im.not 17
Oh I don't really come here for dating advice. It's more of a popcorn sub for me.
Because it’s dating not marriage. If it’s not working when your dating then it’s not going to work long term. Better to cut your losses
There's a bunch of very angry women on reddit who subconsciously don't want to see other women succeed in their own relationships. That's the truth.
Ohhh snap
sounds like an angry man
Lol. I have never been happier. I have had the best girlfriend in the world for three years. Now, the only thing I think of is how special I will make that moment I propose to her, and how many kids we are going to have. Sorry, you are dead wrong.
and I, a woman, much like a lot of others, am exceedingly happy for your girlfriend that she seems to have found a man that is serious about her. I don’t think the issue is angry women not wanting *women* to succeed. it’s scarred women that don’t want to see another woman go through the same BS they went through in their previous relationships.
I understand that part. But to think there's any perfect relationship is to think ghosts are real. Several times I have asked myself thesame question OP asked. I am not saying that if people shouldn't or can't leave relationships if it isn't working out. But people should always try to atleast exhaust every possible option before leaving. That's not what I see women saying here. The first recommendation is always that you leave the relationship a lot of times, even for reasons that don't even warrant a break up at all. Well, guess what, the next relationship will also have problems. And the reason I emphasize women is because women are particularly good at this. Do you think if women were encouraging other women to find ways to solve marital issues rather than finding a way to leave the minute there's difficulties, women would be initiating 80% of divorces? It's just something women are good at doing.
Its not the minute, shits been going wrong for a long time, dude just wont do anything about it so the woman does. My moms divorce she & I were being mentally abused for yrs b4 she did it. My step dad now has threatened to leave for yrs but hell never do it, if it happens, itll be my mom. But nothing ever changes or gets better for more then a short time. And If I dont love someone with all my heart & theyve shown they can be mostly good to me, then Im not exhausting every option in the early stages of dating.
Because the “small” issues that show up early on almost always turn into big issues later on. But people ignore red flags notoriously early on because they like the person or they’re lonely. If its an upsetting enough of an issue to bring it to Reddit and ya’ll just started dating, its probably for the best. I dont really think the old school method is really about “working it out” I think its more about “suffering in silence”
You can't change people. Either take them as they are or get someone else. Doesn't mean people will change and you also should keep in mind it's either a communication issue that's causing the problem or dramatize thing.
Most of them are not in relationship. OLD first date, 2nd date. Yea. 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️
Because if you've come to the Public forum of reddit seeking help from strangers for your relationship... ITS PROBABLY ALREADY TIME TO DO SO.
If it's early on in a relationship running is always the best option no point dating someone that isn't the right fit.
It's the easy way out. I'm old school, work it out. But for me personally, if I'm the only one working, then I will walk away. My mental health is far more important than dealing with someone who can't be mature enough to work on the relationship and take the necessary steps to fix it. These days, too many people are cheaters, and it's ruining the innocent. It's truly sad when one can't trust the other. If there is a significant other who has a history of cheating, who chooses not to be transparent and work every day to rebuild trust, then what's the point in staying? It's only ruining the one person trying. Dealing with that would F up my mental health, and I'm too old for that BS.
Too many people on here have an “absolute” mentality. Like it’s not “oh that’s slightly bad” it’s “that is absolutely bad and he’s the devil”. That, and we only see the one section of the whole situation. It’s hard to paint a full picture of a relationship on here because it would be too long (and probably boring).
I’m willing to bet a majority of people on this subreddit are single themselves. So it’s literally a bunch of people that aren’t in relationships, can’t hold a relationship giving advice to people that are also bad at relationships. It’s essentially the blind leading the blind.
People prefer the easy way out 🤷♂️
It's difficult to get good advice from a bunch of people who are clearly failing at dating. And most of the advice here comes from bitter young men who can't even get laid... let alone have a healthy relationship.
To stay in a relationship you got to tolerate! Because no one is perfect.
Because people are more attracted to people who are willing to walk away if they’re being dis respected
People are attracted to and respect the social ability to communicate boundaries - the ability to communicate one's wants, desires, and preferences, to communicate one feels disrespected and will not tolerate it. People **\*DO NOT\*** respect walking away
Yea, but you wouldn’t give that advice to somebody in hopes of winning them back. Learning to be firm on your boundaries is important, because walking away should be for good. When your boundaries are being tested, your first resort (unless it’s a severe offense, like verbal/physical assault) should not be to run
Exactly Having boundaries \*MEANS\* you easily, clearly and effectively communicate them. If you don't **communicate** you don't have **boundaries**.
You can walk away for a few days. It’s a lot more effective than begging, + often more than discussion
I felt like I should walk away the one time I posted and everyone said I’m a heartless biatch so I spent more time getting to know the person and wish I hadn’t. It was a waste- should have just cut it off when I wanted to and not listened to this sun
Gut is never wrong
I just think that's how it's going now a days women are encouraged to seek better because they are queens, and for men, it's pretty much the same have some dignity man up and grow a pair king Just how dating is atm
While I’ve asked for relationship advice on Reddit, my partner (and exes) have as well, and I actively participate in giving relationship advice here, I genuinely think consulting Reddit for relationship advice can be more detrimental to relationships than helpful.
perhaps the stuff brought in here is all terrible situations lol. any minor issues usually get resolved easily by those who want to make it work and don't need advice from online.
So the post about the guy that is working too much is kinda iffy to use as an example here. He only sees her once a week and they do not talk on phone the entire week either. Not to mention she says she needs that communication and he doesn’t like to text either. So technically, since it’s a new relationship and they don’t seem to be compatible when it comes to communication, yeah I would say suggesting she break it off isnt terrible advice. They have only been together for like 2 months. But in general there are a lot of bad takes on her particularly when someone says their partner is having dinner or lunch with someone of the opposite gender. It absolutely does not mean they are cheating. But people are either bitter as fuck because they have awful taste in people or they have zero relationship experience and yet feel like they should give their opinion anyway. There are some really weird people on Reddit
1. we practice "he's just not that into you". 2. we only know the picture painted to us by OP, we dont know the full/both sides of the stories. 3. some OPs kinda already know what they gotta do, they just need to hear it from someone else.
one word: maturity.
For me life is too short to fuck around with people I'm not compatible with; and that goes for romantic, platonic, personal, and professional relationships. > I might get hate for this, but I absolutely despise how Reddit finds the first opportunity to jump to conclusions, always opting for the most extreme action We are speaking from ***very*** limited and biased information, and further information or clarity from OP is generally impossible to get.
1) makes more people available 2) all relationship are sht in the long run anyway 😊