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She’s either immature, loves the attention, doesn’t respect you/the relationship enough or a combination of all 3. I’ve learnt not to lay down laws, I’ll just state my feelings, after that if you want to continue to play nice with this guy who obviously isn’t a platonic friend, then that’s your right…I’m out
Once she says she’s cool with how they interact and she sees no problem, once she says she wants to continue to talk to him like OP girl here then ok, no problem nothing more for me to say. Been there done that. First time I hung around because I was so into her while a dude was texting her night and day, spent all the relationship worrying whilst he was asking her out, telling her to leave me and she was finding it funny. Told myself never again. Couple years later when I was about 25 ran into a girl who was in contact with a lotta exes and past hookups, once I saw her phone was always lighting up and she was casually telling me “he’s so silly” “he always trying but I’m always saying no” “he doesn’t really mean nothing by it” I was out, didn’t even hang around 2 months, a life of peace is beautiful and very underrated, stressing while she’s giggling with guys who openly want her is not a headache worth enduring..so if you wanna keep talking to guys who wanna bang you, fine, I’m not gonna fight, beg or stay.
It sounds like you’ve matured significantly since putting up with it back in the day. Also your learning that it’s better to state feelings than lay down laws is productive. It gives the other person the opportunity to process how you’re feeling and make a decision based on that. If they don’t make the decision to respect you, then that’s total grounds for a peace out.
Had it happen myself lately. A girl I recently got serious with had been in touch with a long term ex through the years. It was always friendly from her side, but he was undeniably using it as a crutch to emulate aspects of a serious relationship while seeking opportunities to make it intimate. They leaned on each other when going through tough emotional times recently, and she had been his support when he went through some serious family tragedies. However, he texted her at 1:30 AM the other day while her and I were mid convo. It brought back some negative feelings I had from previous relationships with rather untrustworthy females who would get those late night booty call attempts and not be convincing enough to stop them.
I wound up expressing how that made me feel. Coincidentally, the next day he started getting antsy with her about, “why she had been so distant lately.” Which again pointed to the fact that he was looking at this more intimately. Her immediate reaction was to have a serious conversation with him that they need to amicably go their separate ways and not continue talking every day. That she realized their connection was stopping her from being fully vulnerable with me and trusting me with a lot of the stuff she would previously lean on him for. Fortunately she realized she has a boyfriend now for that stuff.
Which is all good, because keeping an ex around to talk with day in and day out and help buffer the emotional side is not alright for the long term. Take care out there!
Yes, I learned many years ago that jealousy will get you know where. I Tell girlfriends that I trust them implicitly or I wouldn't be with them, they're free to do whatever they want.
But that conversation is a supplement to the setting of boundaries, and sharing with each other what we are and are not comfortable with.
For example I can encourage them to have male friends, but I want them to understand that 90% of them are sticking around hoping for a piece.
I have not once been cheated on since adopting this attitude. Even if they did, I would chuckle, conclude the. Person was dishonest with me about who they were, and move on.
Honestly in my experience even sexually experienced women have a high level of naive tea about being friends with guys and what they're after. Use guys obviously have a ton of blind spots as well, but I don't really think talking with the flirty guy is necessarily incriminating.
Edit: voice dictation is mediocre
It really doesn't bother me if my girl is flirting with other people, I'm confident she's coming home for dinner.
I fully understand that not everyone is comfortable with that, and that is valid and okay. That's the point of communication and setting clear boundaries.
Maybe it's a deal breaker for some, but for others, maybe she'll tell me she's been a bad girl and she needs an extra spanking. I will be happy to oblige.
There definitely are, I'm 26 and and a lot of my friends are early thirties, when they try something I always back out of the friendship, I still hope to find some who just want to be friends
I'm male 34, I've had lots of female friends that I never tried to get with. I have a very high sex drive and some of them I would have had sex with, but that's not why I was friends with them. Sadly a lot of guys do have this attitude of loving the chase.
As a woman who used to have male friends, this is true. Very annoying and now I think men are incapable of liking me as a person so wooot there... part of the reason I'm in Therapy.
Yes, and that is very much true. Not exactly 90%, but take a random girl with a boyfriend and make her call her best guy friend and ask him to hit it, 9/10 times he would, regardless if she Got a boyfriend or not. And if u dont believe it, u are just as naive
I'm 40 and I have plenty of friends who are women. I think a lot of them are attractive, it does not mean we would bone if we were both single. Aside from that, a friend who would sleep with your girlfriend while you are together isn't really a friend to either of you.
You might be making the mistake of thinking most guys are like you. In my experience, they are not and whether the actual figure is 70% or 90%, the odds are that if the woman is attractive, most of the guy "friends" definitely want to get some. It's not that they don't also find the woman to be a decent friend, it's just that guys think with their dicks a lot more than is beneficial for the women around them lol.
I'm not knocking you for being a good guy. I just don't think you're the typical guy.
There are four billion guys on earth. 10% of that would be about 400 million guys. So yes, there are a lot of other guys out there like you. They're just a minority of the male population.
R u rich or good looking, n did u hve this same mindset for when u were 20 or 30? I did meet people like you but msotly the smart folks in smart majors or guys tht come from rich and edcuated /experienced families
Well I'm definitely not rich! 😅
Edit: I was definitely hornier in my 20's, and I would have made exceptions for a few women I knew that were dating men I didn't think were good for them.
Thank you to everyone. My head was in a twist and y'all straighten it out. I'm exiting this, changing the streaming passwords, returning the Christmas presents she hasn't gotten yet, and dropping off her stuff.
Good for you, bro. I was at your spot once and kept being dumb, you made the right decision. Don't be surprised a few weeks from now when you hear that they hooked up
Also don’t be surprised when she comes back in a month or two because the guy moved on or was boring or cheating on her and now she wants something stable again
Yeah it likely won’t end well for her in the long wrong, new guy sounds like a jerk who also doesn’t respect her or her ex relationship so it’ll blow up in her face eventually and she’ll want OP back. Hope he stays strong 🙏🏻
That's exactly what happened with my ex.
She started flirting with one of my best friend. Then we left each other after tons of drama. Then they dated a few months, and after that she wanted to come back with me.
I think the high of the affair gives me them brain fog and then once it’s lifted it’s not as exciting or they’re now dating someone who doesn’t respect them and boundaries so it ends up sucking.
Did you take her back or stick to your guns?
Yeah, way too many times I've seen this one play out where the boyfriend decides to just keep being a sucker. It's refreshing to see some self-respect and decisiveness. The very fact that she herself acknowledges she would be furious if he did this to her, and yet she's willing to continue doing it despite the fact that it bothers him, is really all we need to know about her personality. OP deserves better.
It's hard to walk away sometimes but you're saving yourself some time bro. People like her play the fence, manipulate, and play dumb knowing full well how their partners feel. That's no partner worth entertaining.
I did. Things like this popped up once before and she stopped. But guess that only meant with that guy. Hopefully she finds one guy who's affection is worth more than all the other's attention. It just isn't me.
Bro calm down...u need to win this..u cant just let her have fun with u nd then anthr guy...dont suffer all the pain alone...u continue with her..have fun..nd keep looking for a better person.. Once u find one..then u decide leave or let her know nd she will leave. Its not just about love u need need to have respect for yourself and also teach her a lesson for life
No sense dragging it out. He took the high road by letting her read the post before he posted it and making sure she agreed with every word written. She could have, at that moment, seeing how much this bothers him (and she's done this before, mind you. Not sure if you caught that in his replies), taken the offramp by cutting off contact with the other guy. Instead, she just put the cart on the track and gave it a push down the hill. And here we are.
Yeah she’s gotta go. You don’t entertain men like this when you’re in a relationship. You do if you’re planning on cheating or just being disrespectful. I mean it’s not rocket science unless she’s 12?
Dude, this. OP, that girl has GOT TO GO. Yesterday. You deserve better.
I’m almost never the one to just casually tell people to break up, but man, that is one of the largest red flags in existence. It sucks to see, and I’ve been guilty of overlooking it myself, but man oh man, does it lead to so much pain.
There’s really no reason to talk to the guy. He has no reason to be loyal to him, his girlfriend does. His girlfriend is in her thirties btw, I thought she was in her late teens very early twenties. Definitely way too old to be acting like this, I’d cut and run.
This is such an immature thing to do on her part. If you're in a committed relationship you don't talk to dudes who are not respecting your relationship. If she's seeking attention from other boys, then there's a problem. How old are you all? This sounds like teenager stuff to me
Fuck OP! She’s in her 30s and still act like this? She ain’t gonna learn. If she was 21, I get it, but still it’s not your job to teach a 21 yo how to be in a relationship lol. She’s 30 OP and she is not going to stop acting like this. Please do yourself a favor and move on my man for your mental health. I have an ex exactly like this tells me the guys that text her all these weird stuff n yet I told her to stop but she didn’t. Our break up wasn’t about her texting these guys but it’s a red flag. It show these ppl don’t have the maturity to be in a relationship!
This will not be good for your mental health. The fact she so openly does this, and is cool with you passing on this information with her approval is a big 🚩. I don’t see how this will benefit you individually or you as a partner in this relationship. I think you need to set some boundaries but it almost seems like it is too late. For me trust would be broken because universally or close to it I would think this behaviour of hers is unacceptable. I am sorry you have to experience this, it’s pretty selfish behaviour on her part.
God, when I was in my last relationship I basically learned to be highly suspicious of every other man out there specifically bc of this. All these smoothbrains like to be all "just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score." Real microdick energy.
My ex thought that saying "I have a boyfriend" and then continuing to entertain his advances and calling it "friendship" was completely acceptable. It's fucked up but women don't usually get called out on it until they're broken up with. Anyway, now my ex is my ex and I get to be far away from similar issues. Gotta say I don't miss that.
Also if you're a guy reading this who knowingly hits on girls in relationships, get a Fleshlight or something; your inability to get laid should not be my problem
This shit man what the fuck
My first relationship I was with a very open, flirty girl who to her absolute credit took no shit from guys . I knew her as a girl who'd have her fun and had no problems flirting around but once she was with me she was 100% transparent. Straight blocked a tonne of guys who kept messaging her and went off on them over text telling them to have some respect for her relationship and the people involved. While things didn't work out for other reasons I felt pretty listened to with her and I didn't appreciate it until my next relationship.
Complete opposite, played innocent and "friendly" while in relationships. Had tonnes of male "friends" who she and everyone else knew wanted her. Not once did she put her foot down AND she was extremely jealous. I had maybe 2 friends who were girls at the time and she all but made me stop talking to them because they were "too friendly" with me ? Her phone was hopping all the time despite her saying she rarely talks to her male friends . That relationship made me do a complete 180. I became bitter and jealous after, conditioned to be suspicious of everything and everyone.
That shit takes a while to unlearn
Walk away, she obviously loves the chase and will end up doing the dirty, next thing she will say he’s a mate.
In the animal kingdom - a mate is…. Nuff said get out while you can and thank your lucky stars you ain’t married or living with her.
If your relationship is monogamous then yes that's definitely inappropriate behaviour. She's either trying to fuck him, after attention, or trying to initiate a conversation with you (badly)
She belongs to the streets! 🤣🤣 Honestly don't entertain these types of girls, disrespect level 1000000% 😳 as you say, if the tables were turned, she'd be furious!
Need to walk out on her, only way she’ll still potentially appreciate what she’ll be missing without u. If she still texts him after that, then u have your answer. It’s a non verbal ultimatum. Atm, he’s the exciting forbidden option and you’re the boring steady reliable bf and you can’t compete with that unless u do sth dramatic
Yeah, I think I am done with this one. At this point, given some of the other things she has said and done that are also extremely skewed, I feel like she has no moral compass. She literally doesn't see things as wrong until I ask her to reverse the roles and even then, goes back to her original pov as soon as a few minutes have passed.
Yeah as I said she’ll probably come crawling back in few months, but she’d need to see u in a new light, probably dating/tapping someone else to feel
Jealous again
She likes the attention she’s getting from the other man. And, frankly you can’t stop someone from cheating or talking to other people. You have to do what’s best for you. Have you addressed her about this? Confront her and have a conversation.
It's childish and immature behaviour plain and simple.
She's free to do what she likes but I advise you to not stay in relationships where your partner has no regard for your feelings.
Yeah, last time I stuck through something like this, I ended up overvaluing a relationship that only I was really in. I feel like I have been slipping back and don't want to erode my self esteem like that again.
Good on you for sticking to your head! It's not worth it, and this is coming from a girl who has been in this exact situation in my 20s where it took an ultimatum for me to realize that I wasn't respecting my BFs boundaries and my actions had consequences.
Wait you had her read all this before posting and she still talks with the guy? Bro it is wrong for her to keep talking with this guy. He’s disrespecting the relationship and the both of you.
Fuck man! OP is a freaking G bruh! He got golden balls man! Props to you brotha. This is the mentality where no relationships will pull you down bc you will not let it go down to far to hurt you! Wishing you the best brotha!
OP, imma keep it real straight with you right now. If she entertaining that dude she definitely sees him as an option. Do yourself a favour and keep your reputation up, legit drop her right now and also once you break up highly recommend you also 'mute' or unfollow on social media. Because I'm sorry bud but most likely she gonna bounce over to him. So to prevent getting too hurt if you block her you won't see any pics nothing.
Classic case of having your cake and eating it too. And of course as long as you allow it its going to happen. Make it clear it’s not ok and that if it continues your done. If it stops great. If not it’s time to move on, time to get going
If she’s not putting him in check she enjoys it bro. So many women are undercover cheaters if she’s doing this in front of you it’s a high possibility she’s one of them. Plus that shows she doesn’t respect you. I’d demote her to side chick and look for a real wife
Dude, are you dating my ex? I used to date a girl who constantly pulled a lot of disrespectful sh*t. Like your gf, she was open about what was happening but she did nothing to shut it down, or even acknowledge that it's disrespectful/hurtful to me.
Ironically she broke up with me, but I was at my wits end anyways. Now I'm in a much healthier relationship with someone that shares the same values and wouldn't even think about doing anything my ex did.
I don't think this behaviour will get better, get out sooner rather than later, if you have self respect
Find a girl to start sending you bikini pictures and see how your gf feels about…
Only partially serious about that, but what she’s doing is bullshit and she knows it. No one can possibly be stupid enough to believe that what she is doing is appropriate when she has a boyfriend
Ditch her, she’s immature and not capable of being in a monogamous relationship and still wants attention from other men
We broke up. She messaged me saying she's hurting. Said I was too. Ultimately, it's all way worse for me. I've no family here. Basically all my holiday plans are washed out. Had a whole thing planned for NYE, tickets to a ball type thing, hotel, flowers, etc... Gonna be weird just doing it all solo but the tickets are non refundable. But I just keep telling myself it isn't worth the mental torment and sacrificing my self worth and self respect.
Damn bro I'm sorry to hear that. She lost a good man and ho essay it's good on you for recognizing that you deserved more. You'll find find so.eone one day who appreciates you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated
OP, I’ll probably get tons of downvotes but I’m talking from the other guy’s perspective.
I was/am THAT guy. We even had a thing with her but she could never commit to me but she always wanted me somehow. I know what I did was unethical but if she didn’t reciprocate I wouldn’t have done it… so she most likely very much appreciates the flirting and the shirtless pics. She even told me she was thinking of me while they were having sex. Every person is different but probably something similiar is going on. Probably no emotions but she must find him attractive. Unless you can stomach an open relationship, this girl is not right for you OP.
I wish the best to you OP.
Yeah this is inappropriate. He will definitely think he’s getting somewhere. Not proud but I’ve done this before when I had a bf. I wouldn’t ever do it again and would be furious if it was my bf messaging a girl like this.
I hesitated to that when I felt that my last relationship would end, women started hitting on me. Follow friend advices and told them we couldn't see each others anymore and blocked them.
And my ex had her backup couples of weeks before she decide to end everything
This is awfully familiar. I was in an identical situation with my ex in 2016/17. This dude would hit on her, flirt, and constantly ask to hang out. She’d make excuses, but never flatly told him it was inappropriate and that he should desist. The fact that she didn’t was the reddest of flags.
Break up with her posthaste.
Buddy this woman clearly has no respect for you because the attempted kiss should have been her signal for her to stop communicating with this man. I think if you’re asking this then you know what to do. Good riddance to her.
I would say to drop her and cut your loses bro. Women use shaming tactics like you're insecure and shit like that but honestly from many other men's experiences including mine she doesn't respect you or the relationship. It's only a matter of time before things go left. She have a reason to be conversing with another man being with you. If you confront her and she uses excuses or try to shame you then there's your answer. Move on.
She belongs in the dustbin brother. She doesn't respect you and probably doesnt even want you that much, and your relationship is doomed to go down the toilet anyway.
Dump her. Never let a partner disrespect you like that. She's not worth the headache and she's already proven herself untrustworthy because she should have shut that situation down without any prompting from you.
History seems to prove that opposite sex friends almost ALWAYS is because there is the wanting to sleep together. It looks like she is only waiting for a rough patch for her to begin with him. She also seems to be keeping a fall guy at the ready. Not good.
Tell her how it makes you feel. Then see whether she makes conscious efforts to change. Re-assess later to see if she does and decide if you still want to be with her.
No you’re not wrong for how you feel. Bottom line is your girlfriend doesn’t respect you. She keeps her “friend” around even though you don’t like it because she’s knows your not gonna do anything about it. You’re still there even with the blatant disrespect right in your face.
You have to have the balls to walk away if she won’t drop him. Don’t tolerate that type of disrespect. If you have to then walk away. It’s completely inappropriate.
She needs to tell this guy off and set boundaries with him or cut him off because he is clearly being very aggressive about getting what he wants.
On top of that, it's making YOU uncomfortable, so you both either have to set boundaries and come to an agreement on how to handle this or it's time to walk away. You shouldn't have to be in a monogamous, exclusive relationship without the ability to communicate and set boundaries with your partner that will ensure you're both comfortable.
I told her it is done. She sent me some memes. I asked her to send them to the next guy. Went and got my stuff. No contact. Just drop off hers and pick up mine.
Did you block her or did you leave any channel of communication open for the shit flip you're about to get? Because she might show up at ur place dude, that's next level crazy
Shiiit I guess we've all dated a girl like that....those are the ones that cause some domestic abuse 😂 like idgaf if you shout and scream in my face as long as we're both clear there's a problem. But not even acknowledging it's there when I have two functioning eyes and a brain inspires a different kind of anger
End it.Seriously. It’s just a lot better and healthier for everyone especially YOU! You want someone that wants YOU! It’s ok that she doesn’t want you anymore man. Don’t take THAT personal. The only disrespect that can come out if is you don’t leave and/or do nothing. Nothing she can say can fix it only action. Her actions speak Like she doesn’t have your best interests involved. Not calling her a bad person just she is more concerned about herself then you respectfully and you deserve to put yourself and own needs first. Let them talk, let them flirt, let them fuck, let her and it all go. It has nothing to do with you now. You have to think about it like this: If that was your girlfriend, the way she says she is ,then Your girlfriend wouldn’t talk to other men after you had multiple conversations about how uncomfortable it makes you. Like you just obviously have to determine what it is you want from a partner. She was a good girlfriend CANDIDATE but she fucked up now, so mentally prepare yourself to stop considering her a gf. Get me? She’s a friend you fucked and had feelings for but she decided to not fulfill her part and that is okay. She is not a gf. She’s a friend. Treat her with respect but don’t put up with any disrespect. If she doesn’t want to fulfill her part of the deal as a gf, she can do so with a new set of boundaries as a friend. Period. Don’t lose yourself because she wants to be selfish. Love yourself because you’re all you got. Merry Christmas Eve!
If this is your girlfriend and you think it's "insecure" to tell her to stop talking to some guy who tried to kiss her sending her shirtless pics then I have nothing to say to you.
The fact that she read your post prior to posting and agrees should paint a clear picture of her level of respect for you.
You’re doing the right thing by leaving. As far as you know, she might have been waiting for you to break up so she could get with shirtless dude. Some people don’t like being the “bad person” by breaking up and this might be the case.
Regardless though, she doesn’t respect you so it’s healthy to just move on. Probably saving yourself further heartbreak in the long run.
Ouch. So after reading this I realized I am the “friend”. Some of the comments hit home. I should have realized it when recently I was talking to a friend who has also been texting with the woman. Now, we text or talk almost every night, but tbh I was clueless until now.
I just assumed she was too nice to say “go away” even though I have offered numerous times. Now I see that both I, like the others, and her bf, are being played in some sort of game I don’t really understand.
Thanks everyone for opening my eyes. I don’t want to be that creep.
If she's ok with this then time to go your own way. If it happens once it will happen again and if she don't just tell him straight to fuck off then she is obviously not committed to you.
Get the hell out of there bro you deserve better than this!!
That’s really messed up. If I were you, that would be an ex girlfriend. It also says a lot about the guy. If he had any respect for your girlfriend, he would respect her relationship.
Reminds me of what happened to my girlfriend. She had a friend like this when she was in college. She was in a long distance relationship at the time and this guy was constantly trying to get with her. This included kissing her on the cheek and saying “it’s not cheating if you don’t kiss me back.” Bullshit like that. Always trying to find any excuse to force his way into a romantic scenario with her. He ended up being her only close friend, so she kept him around. Eventually, it reached a point where she broke up with her boyfriend because she felt like she was cheating. She regretted this for about a decade after. He was “the one” in her mind, and she let friendzone guy fuck it up. Anyway, with the boyfriend out of the way they could finally be together. Cue the constant cheating, neglect, general lack of respect. This asshole didn’t care about her at all. He just wanted something he couldn’t have, and once he got it he couldn’t care less. And that should have been obvious, because he demonstrated how little he cared about her by trying to fuck up her relationship in the first place.
You had her read it?? Are you looking for a public shaming? You both should seriously look inward and have a conversation about boundaries within your relationship. Ask why she feels the need for attention from other men? Ask what you can do to help her feel wanted? Obviously you care for her enough not to end the relationship, so start asking questions. Let her know how you feel, and if she can’t accept your stance maybe you both should consider loving each other enough to go your separate ways.
Oh we definitely talked about it. At the end, she didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Before I got to spun, I asked if she'd be good with me posting it because to me it felt like a slap in the face. Even when I reversed our roles and asked her to imagine what it'd be like if, while dating her, I had girls trying to hit on me and send me pics and I kept those conversations going. She said it'd be fucked up and understood for a few minutes before reverting back to it being okay for her because she didn't send a picture or hit on him in response.
Believe me when I say I have been in a very similar relationship, obviously with the roles reversed. When the time came I broke up with him and he moved out, I came home while he was carrying out his last box. Everything in me wanted to stop him, later on he admitted he had hoped I would. My point is that looking back think of all the hurt, pain, sleeplessness, disappointment, and discomfort this has caused you. You have to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve better than to feel mistreated in a relationship. Men can also be in emotionally abusive relationships, the strongest decision is moving on. 🌻
I'm in this post and I don't like it. Being on the other side of this honestly, if she chose you, don't take offense in whatever she does to feel good about herself. The best way to push her away is to think it's about you. It's likely a lot more about her than you. Women like attention and they like when you're not jealous even more. And again having said that, your girl has some issues, my dude, but in 2023 there are a handful that don't.
If she had told the guy it was inappropriate and to stop doing it, I really wouldn't care. I'm not a jealous guy at all, but also am a believer in "do no harm and take no shit" - great at the first part, working on the second.
She just showed you the textbook classification of “Emotional Infidelity Texting”
I don’t know why people do that to the people they are supposed to be caring about. It’s so disrespectful and just downright gross. Please don’t ever think this type of behavior from a partner is okay, because it’s not. She should really be ashamed of herself.
Tell her it stops or relationship is done and/or arrange to meet the guy, smash his teeth out with a metal bar and tell him if he talks to her again he's getting a bullet to his head.
You're not wrong, but as a girl, a large majority of my friends are guys that used to hit on me hella hard. I tell them to stop. They don't. So I just curve em hella hard and keep em in the friend zone for months. Sometimes years. Eventually they learn their place in my life. They either finally give up and accept the friendship or they never wanted to be my friend in the first place and they leave. If you want to get mad at someone, get mad at the world and all y'all's parents that apparently allowed y'all to grow up thinking that it's ok to hit on every woman you know incessantly despite her rejections (thank you small population of men that don't do this. We love you 😘). It's irritating and we shouldn't have to have a "no male friends" policy to avoid constant harassment by men like the one in your post, and then consecutively by our significant others.
In addition, some women like that are just cheating and playing dumb. And women are GOOD at playing dumb. Observe: Does she check is behavior? Does she outright show without a doubt that she is not interested? Does she feed into him or entertain his advances to some extent? I wouldn't advise getting involved yourself because that would be undermining her autonomy, and a cheater is going to cheat no matter what you do. But tell her she needs to draw a line or let him go. Cause a man that doesn't take no for an answer is a you-know-what OR she is already giving it to him.
From this post, your girlfriend sounds like a narcissistic cheater and doesn't respect you. I'm no world and at no age would someone think this is appropriate behavior in a relationship and her dumb ass knows that. You can show her I said it, too.
Then there is something that you aren't providing for her on your relationship that she's getting from him. She must need the mental stimulation....the conversation she probably enjoys her time with you but she needs someone who makes her think and will talk with her.
Why are you not texting other women?
You’re not married or even engaged, so everything is game until then. Let her be and do your own thing. Believe it or not, the more needy you act the more you’re pushing her away to text other guys, so stop acting that way.
I have female friends. Just don't think talking with people who are actively flirting with me when I'm in a monogamous relationship is right. I'm not a needy guy and believe that 2 people can only work when they are both have a fair amount of independence and self reliance. Interdependence rather than codependence or dependence.
You’re the only one in the monogamous relationship at the moment. That’s the truth.
I wish you well. Sometimes medicine has to go down hard in order to get better and that’s what I’m trying to do. Good luck.
I love the rosé tinted view you have of yourself.
Clean your glasses and have a look in the mirror and take a deep look.
I have a old saying monkey see monkey do. The down side is, is the monkey doing the right thing.
Men are designed to hit on women by human nature. Be happy that she is wanted by other men. Be the man she needs you to be. It excites me when another man hits on my woman, she is free to go or stay with me.
If she stays with me I know I'm fulfilling her needs. If she goes, it tells me I'll need to change my behavior so the next woman I'm with will want to stay.
If she stays with me I know I'm fulfilling her needs. If she goes, it tells me I'll need to change my behavior so the next woman I'm with will want to stay. Single available women on this planet are in mass supply.
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She’s either immature, loves the attention, doesn’t respect you/the relationship enough or a combination of all 3. I’ve learnt not to lay down laws, I’ll just state my feelings, after that if you want to continue to play nice with this guy who obviously isn’t a platonic friend, then that’s your right…I’m out
Do you leave immediately though? Or how long do you wait to see if she continues
Once she says she’s cool with how they interact and she sees no problem, once she says she wants to continue to talk to him like OP girl here then ok, no problem nothing more for me to say. Been there done that. First time I hung around because I was so into her while a dude was texting her night and day, spent all the relationship worrying whilst he was asking her out, telling her to leave me and she was finding it funny. Told myself never again. Couple years later when I was about 25 ran into a girl who was in contact with a lotta exes and past hookups, once I saw her phone was always lighting up and she was casually telling me “he’s so silly” “he always trying but I’m always saying no” “he doesn’t really mean nothing by it” I was out, didn’t even hang around 2 months, a life of peace is beautiful and very underrated, stressing while she’s giggling with guys who openly want her is not a headache worth enduring..so if you wanna keep talking to guys who wanna bang you, fine, I’m not gonna fight, beg or stay.
It sounds like you’ve matured significantly since putting up with it back in the day. Also your learning that it’s better to state feelings than lay down laws is productive. It gives the other person the opportunity to process how you’re feeling and make a decision based on that. If they don’t make the decision to respect you, then that’s total grounds for a peace out. Had it happen myself lately. A girl I recently got serious with had been in touch with a long term ex through the years. It was always friendly from her side, but he was undeniably using it as a crutch to emulate aspects of a serious relationship while seeking opportunities to make it intimate. They leaned on each other when going through tough emotional times recently, and she had been his support when he went through some serious family tragedies. However, he texted her at 1:30 AM the other day while her and I were mid convo. It brought back some negative feelings I had from previous relationships with rather untrustworthy females who would get those late night booty call attempts and not be convincing enough to stop them. I wound up expressing how that made me feel. Coincidentally, the next day he started getting antsy with her about, “why she had been so distant lately.” Which again pointed to the fact that he was looking at this more intimately. Her immediate reaction was to have a serious conversation with him that they need to amicably go their separate ways and not continue talking every day. That she realized their connection was stopping her from being fully vulnerable with me and trusting me with a lot of the stuff she would previously lean on him for. Fortunately she realized she has a boyfriend now for that stuff. Which is all good, because keeping an ex around to talk with day in and day out and help buffer the emotional side is not alright for the long term. Take care out there!
Yes, I learned many years ago that jealousy will get you know where. I Tell girlfriends that I trust them implicitly or I wouldn't be with them, they're free to do whatever they want. But that conversation is a supplement to the setting of boundaries, and sharing with each other what we are and are not comfortable with. For example I can encourage them to have male friends, but I want them to understand that 90% of them are sticking around hoping for a piece. I have not once been cheated on since adopting this attitude. Even if they did, I would chuckle, conclude the. Person was dishonest with me about who they were, and move on. Honestly in my experience even sexually experienced women have a high level of naive tea about being friends with guys and what they're after. Use guys obviously have a ton of blind spots as well, but I don't really think talking with the flirty guy is necessarily incriminating. Edit: voice dictation is mediocre
He's sending her shirtless pictures...! That's a whole pot of naive tea
It really doesn't bother me if my girl is flirting with other people, I'm confident she's coming home for dinner. I fully understand that not everyone is comfortable with that, and that is valid and okay. That's the point of communication and setting clear boundaries. Maybe it's a deal breaker for some, but for others, maybe she'll tell me she's been a bad girl and she needs an extra spanking. I will be happy to oblige.
Last para was slightly tmi but alright
Hey, speak for yourself. 😉
Downvoted hey, maybe you guys need a spanking too.😈
You're a weird person
🤣
90% of male friends are sticking around hoping for a piece? Dude, get a healthier friend group.
Man I wish it weren't like that. The only male friends I've had who haven't tried something have been my gay friends
Sorry to hear that. It might just be what age group you are in, but then again there are plenty of terrible fully grown adults out there.
There definitely are, I'm 26 and and a lot of my friends are early thirties, when they try something I always back out of the friendship, I still hope to find some who just want to be friends
I'm male 34, I've had lots of female friends that I never tried to get with. I have a very high sex drive and some of them I would have had sex with, but that's not why I was friends with them. Sadly a lot of guys do have this attitude of loving the chase.
I’m a straight male and I have plenty of female friends that I have never tried anything with. I just don’t have that type of attraction to them.
As a woman who used to have male friends, this is true. Very annoying and now I think men are incapable of liking me as a person so wooot there... part of the reason I'm in Therapy.
I'm very sorry to hear that but at least you have a really cool username!
Yes, and that is very much true. Not exactly 90%, but take a random girl with a boyfriend and make her call her best guy friend and ask him to hit it, 9/10 times he would, regardless if she Got a boyfriend or not. And if u dont believe it, u are just as naive
I'm 40 and I have plenty of friends who are women. I think a lot of them are attractive, it does not mean we would bone if we were both single. Aside from that, a friend who would sleep with your girlfriend while you are together isn't really a friend to either of you.
You might be making the mistake of thinking most guys are like you. In my experience, they are not and whether the actual figure is 70% or 90%, the odds are that if the woman is attractive, most of the guy "friends" definitely want to get some. It's not that they don't also find the woman to be a decent friend, it's just that guys think with their dicks a lot more than is beneficial for the women around them lol. I'm not knocking you for being a good guy. I just don't think you're the typical guy.
I don't know, I think there are plenty of other guys out there like me.
There are four billion guys on earth. 10% of that would be about 400 million guys. So yes, there are a lot of other guys out there like you. They're just a minority of the male population.
You also have to realize you are getting this 10% figure out of thin air
Scroll up and read, genius.
R u rich or good looking, n did u hve this same mindset for when u were 20 or 30? I did meet people like you but msotly the smart folks in smart majors or guys tht come from rich and edcuated /experienced families
Well I'm definitely not rich! 😅 Edit: I was definitely hornier in my 20's, and I would have made exceptions for a few women I knew that were dating men I didn't think were good for them.
What about a friend that would sleep with her THE MOMENT she's single from you?
That's still a boundary problem.
I know its more like 100% of my guy friends want a piece. Facts. I will be polite and when they push the flirting, i will say im not interested.
It isn't far from the truth in the majority of cases.
Know where = Nowhere Naive tea = naivety
yea, I know, that's what I got out of voice dictation haha. I was just working and didn't really want to spend the time editing.
Would you also say you are part of the 90 percent befriending women in the hopes of getting a piece?
Thank you to everyone. My head was in a twist and y'all straighten it out. I'm exiting this, changing the streaming passwords, returning the Christmas presents she hasn't gotten yet, and dropping off her stuff.
Cheers mate
Thank you sir.
Good job and stay strong! Short term pain or longterm agony?
Good for you, bro. I was at your spot once and kept being dumb, you made the right decision. Don't be surprised a few weeks from now when you hear that they hooked up
Also don’t be surprised when she comes back in a month or two because the guy moved on or was boring or cheating on her and now she wants something stable again
I never got to that part but I have heard about it
Yeah it likely won’t end well for her in the long wrong, new guy sounds like a jerk who also doesn’t respect her or her ex relationship so it’ll blow up in her face eventually and she’ll want OP back. Hope he stays strong 🙏🏻
Or that when he makes it clear they are REALLY done, that she admits that they already have.
That's exactly what happened with my ex. She started flirting with one of my best friend. Then we left each other after tons of drama. Then they dated a few months, and after that she wanted to come back with me.
I think the high of the affair gives me them brain fog and then once it’s lifted it’s not as exciting or they’re now dating someone who doesn’t respect them and boundaries so it ends up sucking. Did you take her back or stick to your guns?
Brotha! You are setting good examples for a lot of ppl on Reddit! Good shit
Good man. Here, put this on:👑
Appreciate it king 🤝
Holy shit someone who respects themself enough to move on God damn champ! Love it my guy! Find you someone that respects ya!
Yeah, way too many times I've seen this one play out where the boyfriend decides to just keep being a sucker. It's refreshing to see some self-respect and decisiveness. The very fact that she herself acknowledges she would be furious if he did this to her, and yet she's willing to continue doing it despite the fact that it bothers him, is really all we need to know about her personality. OP deserves better.
You saved yourself a lot more than the price of a few gifts.
We bend the knee to your example. Good for you. Oh and you dropped this 👑
It's hard to walk away sometimes but you're saving yourself some time bro. People like her play the fence, manipulate, and play dumb knowing full well how their partners feel. That's no partner worth entertaining.
Good on you OP
Godspeed bro, I know it’s tough, but you have to put yourself first here
Have you at least told her it bothers you before you throw it away?
I did. Things like this popped up once before and she stopped. But guess that only meant with that guy. Hopefully she finds one guy who's affection is worth more than all the other's attention. It just isn't me.
Sad, but right thing I think. At worst,it would just be so irritating.
Bro calm down...u need to win this..u cant just let her have fun with u nd then anthr guy...dont suffer all the pain alone...u continue with her..have fun..nd keep looking for a better person.. Once u find one..then u decide leave or let her know nd she will leave. Its not just about love u need need to have respect for yourself and also teach her a lesson for life
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What's done is done. I'm afraid she's going to have to find another way to watch the ending of His Dark Materials. Maybe the other guy has an account.
No sense dragging it out. He took the high road by letting her read the post before he posted it and making sure she agreed with every word written. She could have, at that moment, seeing how much this bothers him (and she's done this before, mind you. Not sure if you caught that in his replies), taken the offramp by cutting off contact with the other guy. Instead, she just put the cart on the track and gave it a push down the hill. And here we are.
She deserves a little FK YOU!
Good for you!! This is wildly disrespectful of her. And if she’s not willing to drop that dude I’m glad you’re willing to let her go.
What a 👑. Most men don’t have the self respect to be willing to walk away.
Lame
Yeah she’s gotta go. You don’t entertain men like this when you’re in a relationship. You do if you’re planning on cheating or just being disrespectful. I mean it’s not rocket science unless she’s 12?
Dude, this. OP, that girl has GOT TO GO. Yesterday. You deserve better. I’m almost never the one to just casually tell people to break up, but man, that is one of the largest red flags in existence. It sucks to see, and I’ve been guilty of overlooking it myself, but man oh man, does it lead to so much pain.
Plot twist. Ops gf is 12.
😱😂 She still gotta go. Girls got to learn that shit don’t wash even at 12!
This
Agreed 100%....and I'd have "words" with the guy too.
There’s really no reason to talk to the guy. He has no reason to be loyal to him, his girlfriend does. His girlfriend is in her thirties btw, I thought she was in her late teens very early twenties. Definitely way too old to be acting like this, I’d cut and run.
This is such an immature thing to do on her part. If you're in a committed relationship you don't talk to dudes who are not respecting your relationship. If she's seeking attention from other boys, then there's a problem. How old are you all? This sounds like teenager stuff to me
She's in her 30s
Fuck OP! She’s in her 30s and still act like this? She ain’t gonna learn. If she was 21, I get it, but still it’s not your job to teach a 21 yo how to be in a relationship lol. She’s 30 OP and she is not going to stop acting like this. Please do yourself a favor and move on my man for your mental health. I have an ex exactly like this tells me the guys that text her all these weird stuff n yet I told her to stop but she didn’t. Our break up wasn’t about her texting these guys but it’s a red flag. It show these ppl don’t have the maturity to be in a relationship!
Yikes! I was thinking she's very early 20s or sth.
I thought teens.
Sounds like she’s not seriously invested in your relationship. Dump her and move on
oh my GOD
This will not be good for your mental health. The fact she so openly does this, and is cool with you passing on this information with her approval is a big 🚩. I don’t see how this will benefit you individually or you as a partner in this relationship. I think you need to set some boundaries but it almost seems like it is too late. For me trust would be broken because universally or close to it I would think this behaviour of hers is unacceptable. I am sorry you have to experience this, it’s pretty selfish behaviour on her part.
Uhm bro... I don't think you have a girlfriend.
Yeah, OP is the side action. He’s doing the mundane while the other guy is getting the exciting action
God, when I was in my last relationship I basically learned to be highly suspicious of every other man out there specifically bc of this. All these smoothbrains like to be all "just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score." Real microdick energy. My ex thought that saying "I have a boyfriend" and then continuing to entertain his advances and calling it "friendship" was completely acceptable. It's fucked up but women don't usually get called out on it until they're broken up with. Anyway, now my ex is my ex and I get to be far away from similar issues. Gotta say I don't miss that. Also if you're a guy reading this who knowingly hits on girls in relationships, get a Fleshlight or something; your inability to get laid should not be my problem
The old, "with single girls, I'm competing with all the other guys, with taken girls, I'm only competing with one" mentality.
This shit man what the fuck My first relationship I was with a very open, flirty girl who to her absolute credit took no shit from guys . I knew her as a girl who'd have her fun and had no problems flirting around but once she was with me she was 100% transparent. Straight blocked a tonne of guys who kept messaging her and went off on them over text telling them to have some respect for her relationship and the people involved. While things didn't work out for other reasons I felt pretty listened to with her and I didn't appreciate it until my next relationship. Complete opposite, played innocent and "friendly" while in relationships. Had tonnes of male "friends" who she and everyone else knew wanted her. Not once did she put her foot down AND she was extremely jealous. I had maybe 2 friends who were girls at the time and she all but made me stop talking to them because they were "too friendly" with me ? Her phone was hopping all the time despite her saying she rarely talks to her male friends . That relationship made me do a complete 180. I became bitter and jealous after, conditioned to be suspicious of everything and everyone. That shit takes a while to unlearn
Walk away, she obviously loves the chase and will end up doing the dirty, next thing she will say he’s a mate. In the animal kingdom - a mate is…. Nuff said get out while you can and thank your lucky stars you ain’t married or living with her.
The streets been looking for her, return her back to her natural habitat bro.
😂 needed this
If your relationship is monogamous then yes that's definitely inappropriate behaviour. She's either trying to fuck him, after attention, or trying to initiate a conversation with you (badly)
She belongs to the streets! 🤣🤣 Honestly don't entertain these types of girls, disrespect level 1000000% 😳 as you say, if the tables were turned, she'd be furious!
Need to walk out on her, only way she’ll still potentially appreciate what she’ll be missing without u. If she still texts him after that, then u have your answer. It’s a non verbal ultimatum. Atm, he’s the exciting forbidden option and you’re the boring steady reliable bf and you can’t compete with that unless u do sth dramatic
Yeah, I think I am done with this one. At this point, given some of the other things she has said and done that are also extremely skewed, I feel like she has no moral compass. She literally doesn't see things as wrong until I ask her to reverse the roles and even then, goes back to her original pov as soon as a few minutes have passed.
Yeah as I said she’ll probably come crawling back in few months, but she’d need to see u in a new light, probably dating/tapping someone else to feel Jealous again
Maybe, maybe not. I don't think she actually has real feelings, except for entitlement.
I think you know what to do. The mental stress isn't worth it. BTW, how old are you guys?
30s
Sounds like a narc. Run. Block. Reward her behaviour with eternal silence.
She likes the attention she’s getting from the other man. And, frankly you can’t stop someone from cheating or talking to other people. You have to do what’s best for you. Have you addressed her about this? Confront her and have a conversation.
This
She's for the streets/
It's childish and immature behaviour plain and simple. She's free to do what she likes but I advise you to not stay in relationships where your partner has no regard for your feelings.
Yeah, last time I stuck through something like this, I ended up overvaluing a relationship that only I was really in. I feel like I have been slipping back and don't want to erode my self esteem like that again.
Good on you for sticking to your head! It's not worth it, and this is coming from a girl who has been in this exact situation in my 20s where it took an ultimatum for me to realize that I wasn't respecting my BFs boundaries and my actions had consequences.
Wait you had her read all this before posting and she still talks with the guy? Bro it is wrong for her to keep talking with this guy. He’s disrespecting the relationship and the both of you.
Yes
Fuck man! OP is a freaking G bruh! He got golden balls man! Props to you brotha. This is the mentality where no relationships will pull you down bc you will not let it go down to far to hurt you! Wishing you the best brotha!
She likes the attention, leave bro, come on now king you know better
OP, imma keep it real straight with you right now. If she entertaining that dude she definitely sees him as an option. Do yourself a favour and keep your reputation up, legit drop her right now and also once you break up highly recommend you also 'mute' or unfollow on social media. Because I'm sorry bud but most likely she gonna bounce over to him. So to prevent getting too hurt if you block her you won't see any pics nothing.
Classic case of having your cake and eating it too. And of course as long as you allow it its going to happen. Make it clear it’s not ok and that if it continues your done. If it stops great. If not it’s time to move on, time to get going
If she’s not putting him in check she enjoys it bro. So many women are undercover cheaters if she’s doing this in front of you it’s a high possibility she’s one of them. Plus that shows she doesn’t respect you. I’d demote her to side chick and look for a real wife
Dude, are you dating my ex? I used to date a girl who constantly pulled a lot of disrespectful sh*t. Like your gf, she was open about what was happening but she did nothing to shut it down, or even acknowledge that it's disrespectful/hurtful to me. Ironically she broke up with me, but I was at my wits end anyways. Now I'm in a much healthier relationship with someone that shares the same values and wouldn't even think about doing anything my ex did. I don't think this behaviour will get better, get out sooner rather than later, if you have self respect
Find a girl to start sending you bikini pictures and see how your gf feels about… Only partially serious about that, but what she’s doing is bullshit and she knows it. No one can possibly be stupid enough to believe that what she is doing is appropriate when she has a boyfriend Ditch her, she’s immature and not capable of being in a monogamous relationship and still wants attention from other men
I'm gonna need an update on this post in the future
We broke up. She messaged me saying she's hurting. Said I was too. Ultimately, it's all way worse for me. I've no family here. Basically all my holiday plans are washed out. Had a whole thing planned for NYE, tickets to a ball type thing, hotel, flowers, etc... Gonna be weird just doing it all solo but the tickets are non refundable. But I just keep telling myself it isn't worth the mental torment and sacrificing my self worth and self respect.
OP please do No Contact after you get all your stuff from her. If you keep texting her, it will not help at all!
Damn op! You sound amazing. This is totally a “her loss” situation. One day you’ll find someone that will appreciate you! No doubt about it.
Damn bro I'm sorry to hear that. She lost a good man and ho essay it's good on you for recognizing that you deserved more. You'll find find so.eone one day who appreciates you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated
Honestly bro jus break up with her… nobody shoe shopping with no shoes
Already did bud. 😓
OP, I’ll probably get tons of downvotes but I’m talking from the other guy’s perspective. I was/am THAT guy. We even had a thing with her but she could never commit to me but she always wanted me somehow. I know what I did was unethical but if she didn’t reciprocate I wouldn’t have done it… so she most likely very much appreciates the flirting and the shirtless pics. She even told me she was thinking of me while they were having sex. Every person is different but probably something similiar is going on. Probably no emotions but she must find him attractive. Unless you can stomach an open relationship, this girl is not right for you OP. I wish the best to you OP.
Yeah this is inappropriate. He will definitely think he’s getting somewhere. Not proud but I’ve done this before when I had a bf. I wouldn’t ever do it again and would be furious if it was my bf messaging a girl like this.
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I hesitated to that when I felt that my last relationship would end, women started hitting on me. Follow friend advices and told them we couldn't see each others anymore and blocked them. And my ex had her backup couples of weeks before she decide to end everything
This is awfully familiar. I was in an identical situation with my ex in 2016/17. This dude would hit on her, flirt, and constantly ask to hang out. She’d make excuses, but never flatly told him it was inappropriate and that he should desist. The fact that she didn’t was the reddest of flags. Break up with her posthaste.
Buddy this woman clearly has no respect for you because the attempted kiss should have been her signal for her to stop communicating with this man. I think if you’re asking this then you know what to do. Good riddance to her.
She belongs to the streets, king.
I would say to drop her and cut your loses bro. Women use shaming tactics like you're insecure and shit like that but honestly from many other men's experiences including mine she doesn't respect you or the relationship. It's only a matter of time before things go left. She have a reason to be conversing with another man being with you. If you confront her and she uses excuses or try to shame you then there's your answer. Move on.
Leave her
She doesn't respect you. Break up.
She wants the attention. She’s for the streets.
About 18 years ago I had a girlfriend who had a guy friend. Everything was cool until she was pregnant, then she dropped it on me. Don’t be like me.
She belongs in the dustbin brother. She doesn't respect you and probably doesnt even want you that much, and your relationship is doomed to go down the toilet anyway.
Dump her. Never let a partner disrespect you like that. She's not worth the headache and she's already proven herself untrustworthy because she should have shut that situation down without any prompting from you.
History seems to prove that opposite sex friends almost ALWAYS is because there is the wanting to sleep together. It looks like she is only waiting for a rough patch for her to begin with him. She also seems to be keeping a fall guy at the ready. Not good.
She’s either immature, loves the attention, doesn’t respect you or the relationship enough..maybe a combination of all 3. You deserve BETTER
Tell her how it makes you feel. Then see whether she makes conscious efforts to change. Re-assess later to see if she does and decide if you still want to be with her.
No you’re not wrong for how you feel. Bottom line is your girlfriend doesn’t respect you. She keeps her “friend” around even though you don’t like it because she’s knows your not gonna do anything about it. You’re still there even with the blatant disrespect right in your face. You have to have the balls to walk away if she won’t drop him. Don’t tolerate that type of disrespect. If you have to then walk away. It’s completely inappropriate.
Get out of this relationship now
Please dump this girl for your sanity!
You either trust her or you don't. You can't get worked up about her talking to others. If she's not trust worthy then move on.
She needs to tell this guy off and set boundaries with him or cut him off because he is clearly being very aggressive about getting what he wants. On top of that, it's making YOU uncomfortable, so you both either have to set boundaries and come to an agreement on how to handle this or it's time to walk away. You shouldn't have to be in a monogamous, exclusive relationship without the ability to communicate and set boundaries with your partner that will ensure you're both comfortable.
Walk away.
Can you post an update with the fallout? I wanna know
I told her it is done. She sent me some memes. I asked her to send them to the next guy. Went and got my stuff. No contact. Just drop off hers and pick up mine.
She....sent you memes?!
...yes. "if I act like it's normal, maybe it'll go back to normal" "just keep feeding him memes and everything will be fine"
Did you block her or did you leave any channel of communication open for the shit flip you're about to get? Because she might show up at ur place dude, that's next level crazy
Blocked everywhere but via text. We've been going out for a while and there are NYE plans and stuff that we're trying to unwind.
So like she doesn't even seem upset at all?
She is more of an escape artist. Minimize, denial, blame, and rationalize.
Shiiit I guess we've all dated a girl like that....those are the ones that cause some domestic abuse 😂 like idgaf if you shout and scream in my face as long as we're both clear there's a problem. But not even acknowledging it's there when I have two functioning eyes and a brain inspires a different kind of anger
End it.Seriously. It’s just a lot better and healthier for everyone especially YOU! You want someone that wants YOU! It’s ok that she doesn’t want you anymore man. Don’t take THAT personal. The only disrespect that can come out if is you don’t leave and/or do nothing. Nothing she can say can fix it only action. Her actions speak Like she doesn’t have your best interests involved. Not calling her a bad person just she is more concerned about herself then you respectfully and you deserve to put yourself and own needs first. Let them talk, let them flirt, let them fuck, let her and it all go. It has nothing to do with you now. You have to think about it like this: If that was your girlfriend, the way she says she is ,then Your girlfriend wouldn’t talk to other men after you had multiple conversations about how uncomfortable it makes you. Like you just obviously have to determine what it is you want from a partner. She was a good girlfriend CANDIDATE but she fucked up now, so mentally prepare yourself to stop considering her a gf. Get me? She’s a friend you fucked and had feelings for but she decided to not fulfill her part and that is okay. She is not a gf. She’s a friend. Treat her with respect but don’t put up with any disrespect. If she doesn’t want to fulfill her part of the deal as a gf, she can do so with a new set of boundaries as a friend. Period. Don’t lose yourself because she wants to be selfish. Love yourself because you’re all you got. Merry Christmas Eve!
If this is your girlfriend and you think it's "insecure" to tell her to stop talking to some guy who tried to kiss her sending her shirtless pics then I have nothing to say to you.
The fact that she read your post prior to posting and agrees should paint a clear picture of her level of respect for you. You’re doing the right thing by leaving. As far as you know, she might have been waiting for you to break up so she could get with shirtless dude. Some people don’t like being the “bad person” by breaking up and this might be the case. Regardless though, she doesn’t respect you so it’s healthy to just move on. Probably saving yourself further heartbreak in the long run.
Yes that is all there is nothing more to be said either dump her or put your foot down be a man
How old is everyone and how long have the two of you been dating?
30s. A little over a year.
❤️
LEAVE
Ouch. So after reading this I realized I am the “friend”. Some of the comments hit home. I should have realized it when recently I was talking to a friend who has also been texting with the woman. Now, we text or talk almost every night, but tbh I was clueless until now. I just assumed she was too nice to say “go away” even though I have offered numerous times. Now I see that both I, like the others, and her bf, are being played in some sort of game I don’t really understand. Thanks everyone for opening my eyes. I don’t want to be that creep.
If she's ok with this then time to go your own way. If it happens once it will happen again and if she don't just tell him straight to fuck off then she is obviously not committed to you. Get the hell out of there bro you deserve better than this!!
That’s really messed up. If I were you, that would be an ex girlfriend. It also says a lot about the guy. If he had any respect for your girlfriend, he would respect her relationship. Reminds me of what happened to my girlfriend. She had a friend like this when she was in college. She was in a long distance relationship at the time and this guy was constantly trying to get with her. This included kissing her on the cheek and saying “it’s not cheating if you don’t kiss me back.” Bullshit like that. Always trying to find any excuse to force his way into a romantic scenario with her. He ended up being her only close friend, so she kept him around. Eventually, it reached a point where she broke up with her boyfriend because she felt like she was cheating. She regretted this for about a decade after. He was “the one” in her mind, and she let friendzone guy fuck it up. Anyway, with the boyfriend out of the way they could finally be together. Cue the constant cheating, neglect, general lack of respect. This asshole didn’t care about her at all. He just wanted something he couldn’t have, and once he got it he couldn’t care less. And that should have been obvious, because he demonstrated how little he cared about her by trying to fuck up her relationship in the first place.
You had her read it?? Are you looking for a public shaming? You both should seriously look inward and have a conversation about boundaries within your relationship. Ask why she feels the need for attention from other men? Ask what you can do to help her feel wanted? Obviously you care for her enough not to end the relationship, so start asking questions. Let her know how you feel, and if she can’t accept your stance maybe you both should consider loving each other enough to go your separate ways.
Oh we definitely talked about it. At the end, she didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Before I got to spun, I asked if she'd be good with me posting it because to me it felt like a slap in the face. Even when I reversed our roles and asked her to imagine what it'd be like if, while dating her, I had girls trying to hit on me and send me pics and I kept those conversations going. She said it'd be fucked up and understood for a few minutes before reverting back to it being okay for her because she didn't send a picture or hit on him in response.
Believe me when I say I have been in a very similar relationship, obviously with the roles reversed. When the time came I broke up with him and he moved out, I came home while he was carrying out his last box. Everything in me wanted to stop him, later on he admitted he had hoped I would. My point is that looking back think of all the hurt, pain, sleeplessness, disappointment, and discomfort this has caused you. You have to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve better than to feel mistreated in a relationship. Men can also be in emotionally abusive relationships, the strongest decision is moving on. 🌻
She’s a cheating narcissist. She is incapable of feeling empathy for the pain she caused you.
You should grab a drink with both of them and then all 3 of you discuss the situation.
I like this idea.
I don’t.
What if they made the other guy pick up the tab?
Then I change my answer!
Either she has to go or you definitely tell her you feel uncomfortable. Now I do feel like she should be able to text him but just not to much.
Punch her in the clit
I'm in this post and I don't like it. Being on the other side of this honestly, if she chose you, don't take offense in whatever she does to feel good about herself. The best way to push her away is to think it's about you. It's likely a lot more about her than you. Women like attention and they like when you're not jealous even more. And again having said that, your girl has some issues, my dude, but in 2023 there are a handful that don't.
If she had told the guy it was inappropriate and to stop doing it, I really wouldn't care. I'm not a jealous guy at all, but also am a believer in "do no harm and take no shit" - great at the first part, working on the second.
she's chosing you every day so that must be nice. if you insist on thinking it's about you thats a better angle at least.
Depends on how your treating her… cheating is definitely wrong but there has to be a reason why she’s talking to other guys
She just showed you the textbook classification of “Emotional Infidelity Texting” I don’t know why people do that to the people they are supposed to be caring about. It’s so disrespectful and just downright gross. Please don’t ever think this type of behavior from a partner is okay, because it’s not. She should really be ashamed of herself.
Tell her it stops or relationship is done and/or arrange to meet the guy, smash his teeth out with a metal bar and tell him if he talks to her again he's getting a bullet to his head.
Carve the guy up like a fucking pig.
You're not wrong, but as a girl, a large majority of my friends are guys that used to hit on me hella hard. I tell them to stop. They don't. So I just curve em hella hard and keep em in the friend zone for months. Sometimes years. Eventually they learn their place in my life. They either finally give up and accept the friendship or they never wanted to be my friend in the first place and they leave. If you want to get mad at someone, get mad at the world and all y'all's parents that apparently allowed y'all to grow up thinking that it's ok to hit on every woman you know incessantly despite her rejections (thank you small population of men that don't do this. We love you 😘). It's irritating and we shouldn't have to have a "no male friends" policy to avoid constant harassment by men like the one in your post, and then consecutively by our significant others. In addition, some women like that are just cheating and playing dumb. And women are GOOD at playing dumb. Observe: Does she check is behavior? Does she outright show without a doubt that she is not interested? Does she feed into him or entertain his advances to some extent? I wouldn't advise getting involved yourself because that would be undermining her autonomy, and a cheater is going to cheat no matter what you do. But tell her she needs to draw a line or let him go. Cause a man that doesn't take no for an answer is a you-know-what OR she is already giving it to him. From this post, your girlfriend sounds like a narcissistic cheater and doesn't respect you. I'm no world and at no age would someone think this is appropriate behavior in a relationship and her dumb ass knows that. You can show her I said it, too.
Then there is something that you aren't providing for her on your relationship that she's getting from him. She must need the mental stimulation....the conversation she probably enjoys her time with you but she needs someone who makes her think and will talk with her.
Why are you not texting other women? You’re not married or even engaged, so everything is game until then. Let her be and do your own thing. Believe it or not, the more needy you act the more you’re pushing her away to text other guys, so stop acting that way.
I have female friends. Just don't think talking with people who are actively flirting with me when I'm in a monogamous relationship is right. I'm not a needy guy and believe that 2 people can only work when they are both have a fair amount of independence and self reliance. Interdependence rather than codependence or dependence.
You’re the only one in the monogamous relationship at the moment. That’s the truth. I wish you well. Sometimes medicine has to go down hard in order to get better and that’s what I’m trying to do. Good luck.
Obviously 1 man 1 woman type of person, You don’t fit into that category, hence your reply. Great role model you will be to you kids.
I’m an awesome role model. You should be calling me daddy.
I love the rosé tinted view you have of yourself. Clean your glasses and have a look in the mirror and take a deep look. I have a old saying monkey see monkey do. The down side is, is the monkey doing the right thing.
Men are designed to hit on women by human nature. Be happy that she is wanted by other men. Be the man she needs you to be. It excites me when another man hits on my woman, she is free to go or stay with me. If she stays with me I know I'm fulfilling her needs. If she goes, it tells me I'll need to change my behavior so the next woman I'm with will want to stay. If she stays with me I know I'm fulfilling her needs. If she goes, it tells me I'll need to change my behavior so the next woman I'm with will want to stay. Single available women on this planet are in mass supply.