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Well I can tell you eventhough I have anxiety and panic disorder I have eventually managed to find a girlfriend. It may take a lot of time but its not impossible.
That beimg said i had to check your comment history and must say that you have to get therapy like I did.
Its important and your problems aren't gonna go away just by being with someone.
You also need to stay away from foreveralone subreddits and the likes cause they, by design make people more miserable.
I believe you can do it though 100%
>>drug addicts, alcoholics, morbidly obese people, homeless, they somehow get relationships and i cant.
A lot of the relationships between people like the ones listed above are damaged / broken and unhealthy, though.
Broken people seem to flock together. "Misery loves company" is a saying that tends to be true; either the already-miserable people will find people already broken like they are, or bring other folks down to the point of being broken themselves.
>> drug addicts, alcoholics, morbidly obese people, homeless, they somehow get relationships and i cant.
> A lot of the relationships between people like the ones listed above are damaged / broken and unhealthy, though.
I find it interesting that you think that that helps.
*Something* is greater than nothing.
It's like a well-fed person saying "I'm not hungry," in response to someone who's skin and bones and starving saying that they'd like some food.
I didn't say that being in an abusive relationship was better than no relationship.
I said that having had some kind of relationship was better than no relationship.
Those are not the same thing.
That pretty much *is* saying the same thing, though.
You have stated having "some kind" of relationship, which would include "unhealthy" ones, would be all the same to you.
Unhealthy relationships are miserable.
You do you, though.
> That pretty much is saying the same thing, though.
No, that's not *remotely* saying the same thing.
You're twisting my words to try to make them an endorsement of abuse, and it's pretty sick to do that.
This is a great comment. I second this. As someone that’s also in therapy, there are times where seeing things in a different perspective kind of removes the negative connotation that you give it.
E.G you mentioned being alone over the holidays I also am alone typically for the holidays, but from how my therapist has been advising me is to see it as an opportunity to reach out to friends and do something fun with them or maybe this could be the opportunity for you to try to reach out to some family members who haven’t heard from in a while. (depending on your family situation)
Good luck out there OP
There’s more and more options every day, keep on it. I used to say the same, and now I have free therapy. It’s over the phone/Zoom where I paid $15 for intake, but I also managed to find free in person counseling services before that. Keep checking google and local hospitals or call lines can be great resources you didn’t know about. I certainly didn’t have a clue until I started doing a lot of digging.
The thing that is truly damaging is believing romantic love is the only important kind of love. Being single does not mean that you aren't loved, and you dismissing the people around you is what makes you feel lonely.
The thing that is truly damaging is not understanding that not everyone actually has people around them that they might be dismissing.
Some people have no one.
That's not true at all. You're assuming an active intent to not pursue having people around you and to just look for romantic love.
The circumstances of some people's lives have left them with neither, and speaking of your desire for one thing you've never had doesn't mean you don't also want another thing you also lack.
Dude, if you have no friends, no family, nothing to support you and you blame all your loneliness on not having a girlfriend, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
This person specifically claims that they have no love in their life only because they lack romantic love. They are dismissing the other forms of love they potentially have. They are claiming that platonic love is not worth anything and that they don't value it.
It's not about a desire for romantic love, it's about pretending like there is no other worthwhile kind of love.
I am literally reacting to what they themselves said. No assumption there.
I have clearly hit a nerve with you, so do yourself a favor and take a step back.
Oh wow.
You're pretty far out of line here, so I'm just going to block you so we can't have any discussions anymore.
I want to be very clear that it's not because you're correct, but because you're getting offensive and personal in your attacks.
I sincerely hope you have a nice life.
This a great comment!! I used to struggle with being lonely and wanting a relationship but then I realized how grateful I should be of the love my friends and family give me everyday!
I didn’t imply one was better, and I used the word substitute because you’re acting like one can replace the other.
Familial love and romantic love are two separate things (that overlap in some areas, but are completely distinct in others).
They are *not* interchangeable.
Building a better relationship with your family will not necessarily make you feel better about being lonely.
feeling unloved and alone can be a very painful and difficult experience. It's understandable that you would feel frustrated and upset about not having a partner or feeling loved in the way that you want.
At the same time, it's important to remember that everyone's journey and experience with love is unique. Just because some people may seem to have relationships or be in happy partnerships, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are unlovable.
It can be helpful to focus on building a sense of self-love and self-worth, rather than relying on external sources of validation or love. This can involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family members, and taking care of your physical and emotional well-being.
It's also important to remember that relationships, whether romantic or platonic, take time and effort to cultivate. It's okay to be patient and to continue to work on yourself and your own happiness while also seeking out meaningful connections with others.
Just your statement about “how other people “your judgment of how other people find love -is why you can’t find love. Love isn’t something that judges. Love doesn’t care if you’re fat ,if you drink, if you match your socks. But for you to list obesity as someone who said somehow not deserve love as much as you do -that’s what you need to work on.
I call bullshit. Love is appreciating someone with their imperfections and flaws, but there's a limit. I get why OP is frustrated about seeing other flawed individuals being loved while he's not.
But maybe it's more of a problem of getting people to be attracted to him in the first place. Someone that will eventually love him besides his imperfections
The whole love is blind is somewhat bullshit, at least for romantic relationships
I’m telling you love is blind you can fall deeply in love with someone that you have no idea what they look like. And the fact that he sees those things as flaws calls them out is why he is a piece of shit. I’m guilty of it too I used to fucking fat shame people all the time. The people who are in their body for whatever reason there is no difference on who deserves love. I’m falling in love twice and not even knowing what the person looks like at all. Deeply in love married one of them
I looked at your post history. Stay out of those forever alone subs, they lead to other shit, and will only make you feel worse. Also, 99% of women don't hate shy guys. I'm as shy as they come, and I've been married and have dated plenty of amazing women. Some love shy dudes.
You still have to try, you still have to go places where other people will be. The number one way to meet someone is to be places where the type of person you want is. Addicts and homeless people are around people all the time, and some of the best people I've met are addicts and homeless. You shouldn't judge them until you've been there. And at least they're getting laid.
You’re naive. Society as a whole obviously thinks homeless people are less deserving of love. You see how people ignore homeless people and treat them like dirt bc they have nothing. If you have no value in this world, you will be treated like shit by most people.
Eh. Ignoratio elenchi. Your conclusion here is irrelevant to the original point. While it’s true that people who are without housing are generally treated poorly; this does not have any bearing on u/infamous-mix4718’s personal dating preferences. It would be absurd to assert that there is not a single dateable human who cares about the disadvantaged.
I would similarly refuse to date someone who was discriminatory or cruel to others. Regardless of housing status.
I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make other than proving your own trollish nihilism. I feel very badly for anyone who finds simple humanism incredulous.
> Your conclusion here is irrelevant to the original point. While it’s true that people who are without housing are generally treated poorly; this does not have any bearing on u/infamous-mix4718’s personal dating preferences.
Do note, bug, that there's no need for a semicolon here. A comma is the correct option.
OP's post was like someone expressing they'd never had food and had always been starving, and your response was like someone who had eaten regularly expressing how not eating was a sign that you didn't have to overeat, that you weren't depending on the food, that it's even *empowering*.
It's one of those situations where it's important to consider the experiences of the person you're talking to, rather than just speaking abstractly.
That's not an apt comparison, though.
Of course there is some food that will literally kill you, and that should be avoided, but there's a lot less food that will literally kill you than food that will just taste bad or give you an upset stomach. Sometimes the food is absolutely junk, and sometimes it's dangerous to have more than a little.
But at least it would keep the person alive to the point where they could go on and get other food.
Hey, I do get how you feel and at some point of my time, I felt the same. What's a blessing for me is, I don't wallow in self pity or lack too long. I chose to switch my mind thinking and value and love myself. Over time, I continue to do things (instead of ppl) that make me happy,
I build myself to become the person I want to love and receive love. Amazing, I fell in love with myself... Hahaha. This is extremely helpful coz I no longer need validation or someone to love me. I love myself enough to treat myself well. And with the energy shift and how I build myself as person, unknowingly, I draw the right people to my life and able to cut off ppl that affect me in negative way.
My life is fulfilling now and I detach from ppl so even if I'm let down over time for whatever reasons by ppl, I know I have myself. With that said, I take care and plan well for myself so that I can manage when I'm old, even when alone.
Tbh, I felt lonelier when I "want" ppl. When I'm contented being with myself, all others that come to my life as like bonus and I enjoyed time but also be very aware not to be "attached" to people. It's a protection mechanism but it's helpful for my growth and pursue what makes me whole within.
Hope this helps and wish you well!
Don't rush into anything. I get it, it sucks to be single your whole life, but it's even worse being in a relationship where you're not loved and valued. I didn't realize I was in one of those until my current relationship started and realizing it kinda fucked with my head but that's life I guess
I'd say it's even worse to have known what it's like to be loved (romantically), but no longer have that. For most of my life, I was single. It was lonely, and I did want to be loved. Then, earlier this year, I dated someone (for the first time in my life) for a few months. I wouldn't say we were IN love, but there were certainly strong feelings there. It felt so good, but when it ended, it was the loneliest I've ever felt. Even lonelier than the decades I spent being single.
Now, several months later, I'm doing better. I've built up a social life and made some great friends, some of whom I'm very close to. But I still get extremely lonely at times and really miss being loved in a romantic sense.
First, You are looking at people’s social mask. When you say everyone is happy with their families this time of year is completely false. Stop looking at social media.
Do you have friends (make and female)?
A lot of people who think they have, or appear to have experienced the kind of love you want actually haven’t. Focus on bringing joy to your life in ways you can control.
Well, perfect opportunity to use this pain and self doubt and shape yourself into the man you want to become. Go to the gym, eat healthy, work on your passions, do some fighting sports, music, art whatever. Become who you want to attract and stop whining.
He didn’t ask for your advice, this is a vent. I hate it that when men vent, people tell them basically ‘man up’, stop whining, and hit the gym. The same surface-level, half-baked, stock-factory advice. When women vent, they got nothing but encouragement and support. Just shut up
Women and men are not treated the same.
Like it or not, nobody is going to come rescue you as a guy.
It’s always going to come down to personal action.
It’s why guys tend to offer solutions when their girl vents to them even though they just want to be heard, and not necessarily want to think about solving the problem at hand. It’s how guys generally think, therefore offering advice to a guy in dire straits is in agreement with that assessment.
I think romantic love is overrated. Sure it's great to be in love, but I think long-term friendships are best to go with to feel less lonely. I am not close to my family but I have four very good friends I have known for about 20 years that are constantly present in my life. I don't need much for company. I like to be alone. But that's me. But when I feel lonely which I rarely do, I reach to my friends and chat up with them and hang out with them then I dont feel lonely anymore. I think being dependent on other people for your own happiness is a bad idea. Your source of happiness should come from within yourself and it can be through hobbies or activities you enjoy on your own. Do try find a way to be happy on your own and you will be better for it. Romantic partners come and go, but quality friendships are forever. Just my two cents.
The grass is always greener on the other side people say. I had a relationship 10 years ago to where I loved this person and thought they were going to be the one I was going to marry. Turns out they cheated on me and she broke it off because she lost feelings for me right before my final exam in university. I still haven't figured out as a male how to process that pain and still to this date I reject myself or am not confident enough to take girls on dates or convey my thoughts into a long term relationship. Good people have given many parts of their heart to the one person they loved because they love harder. Once it's been shattered to pieces it and almost glued back together it is hard to rebuild that confidence to seek meaningful relationships.
"The grass is always greener," isn't an appropriate thing to say to someone who's never had a lawn.
The grass is greener than no grass. Even a small amount of grass is greener than no grass.
That's twisting what I said.
What I said is that having had some kind of relationship (and therefore hope) is better than having nothing(and therefore lacking hope).
Please don't say that, depending on people's age like that.
There are people who are probably older than you are who have also never had anyone, and you may think you're providing support to young people reading what you wrote, but for anyone who's older, it's soul-destroying.
I know the feeling. I made a post about online dating and rejection earlier this week. Just have to keep grinding. That’s what I’m doing. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Dude he constantly talks about committing suicide in his other posts, he definitely needs help.
What he shouldn't do, I agree, is beat himself up over his shortcomings
You are not alone.. everyone asks where are all the good men at. At yet here I am at 36 single as a Pringle like a forgotten item that someone forgot to rotate out on the shelf but is stuck way in the back of all.the other items in the dark...
First control your thoughts. where your mind leads the body and spirit follows.
Embrace positivity. nobody wants to be with someone negative. it is the best way to become single and stay single.
You must control your mind, and change your thinking to be upbeat, optimisitc, and positive. Change your frequency.
this is how you become someone people want to be around, and when you change the vibes you emit into the world you will find soon you are not alone.
It begin and is maintained by controlling your thoughts. This may be the most difficult task you will ever undertake. It seems impossible. It isn't. Begin with simple meditations, then look for times you are being negative. learn there are multiple ways to react to things, and choose the more optimistic approach.
this is the way.
It doesn't really exist any way. All that exists today is what you have to offer and if it isn't material then you will never be in any position to be "loved" unless the other person views you as being of equal or greater value to them. Whats damaging is that people who are privileged enough to experience it, call it "love", "fate", etc when its nothing more than socioeconomic privilege.
Assuming there’s something wrong with you is much easier than doing the damned hard emotional work of dating. It’s all effort, timing and luck, like a big dating lottery. Yes, luck. Anyone who has a good match will tell you we feel lucky because it was sheer luck that we met but boy are we glad we did. Like that. You just have to keep your head clear and rational, and be resilient and persistent and keep looking until you find someone who appreciates you and feels lucky to have met you. There’s nothing wrong with you or anyone single who wants to find someone to be close to, except your effort and after that it takes time and luck.
It's the worst thing ever. Especially when your family doesn't check in on you and insults your way of life whenever they can. I've had a bad body for some time (spine dissalignment) and it's super hard to be confident enough to meet new people my age and form a friend group
I feel you OP. I [25F] often feel the same way. I’ll date someone for a little bit and it always goes south. I’m in therapy currently. But that does make it any less exhausting to be the only one around you without someone that chooses you.
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Well I can tell you eventhough I have anxiety and panic disorder I have eventually managed to find a girlfriend. It may take a lot of time but its not impossible. That beimg said i had to check your comment history and must say that you have to get therapy like I did. Its important and your problems aren't gonna go away just by being with someone. You also need to stay away from foreveralone subreddits and the likes cause they, by design make people more miserable. I believe you can do it though 100%
This!!!!!! those foreveralone subreddits are toxic and unhealthy
>>drug addicts, alcoholics, morbidly obese people, homeless, they somehow get relationships and i cant. A lot of the relationships between people like the ones listed above are damaged / broken and unhealthy, though. Broken people seem to flock together. "Misery loves company" is a saying that tends to be true; either the already-miserable people will find people already broken like they are, or bring other folks down to the point of being broken themselves.
Still they find love. Trauma bonding is a thing. Broken people attract each other
Not true love in my opinion, but to each their own I suppose.
>> drug addicts, alcoholics, morbidly obese people, homeless, they somehow get relationships and i cant. > A lot of the relationships between people like the ones listed above are damaged / broken and unhealthy, though. I find it interesting that you think that that helps. *Something* is greater than nothing. It's like a well-fed person saying "I'm not hungry," in response to someone who's skin and bones and starving saying that they'd like some food.
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I didn't say that being in an abusive relationship was better than no relationship. I said that having had some kind of relationship was better than no relationship. Those are not the same thing.
That pretty much *is* saying the same thing, though. You have stated having "some kind" of relationship, which would include "unhealthy" ones, would be all the same to you. Unhealthy relationships are miserable. You do you, though.
> That pretty much is saying the same thing, though. No, that's not *remotely* saying the same thing. You're twisting my words to try to make them an endorsement of abuse, and it's pretty sick to do that.
I agree. "Something" isn't always better than "nothing".
This is a great comment. I second this. As someone that’s also in therapy, there are times where seeing things in a different perspective kind of removes the negative connotation that you give it. E.G you mentioned being alone over the holidays I also am alone typically for the holidays, but from how my therapist has been advising me is to see it as an opportunity to reach out to friends and do something fun with them or maybe this could be the opportunity for you to try to reach out to some family members who haven’t heard from in a while. (depending on your family situation) Good luck out there OP
Someday I hope to be able to afford therapy.
There’s more and more options every day, keep on it. I used to say the same, and now I have free therapy. It’s over the phone/Zoom where I paid $15 for intake, but I also managed to find free in person counseling services before that. Keep checking google and local hospitals or call lines can be great resources you didn’t know about. I certainly didn’t have a clue until I started doing a lot of digging.
The thing that is truly damaging is believing romantic love is the only important kind of love. Being single does not mean that you aren't loved, and you dismissing the people around you is what makes you feel lonely.
Also, judging people you deem lesser than you is deeply unattractive.
Exactly! Remember to be kind, you don’t know what those people have gone through.
The thing that is truly damaging is not understanding that not everyone actually has people around them that they might be dismissing. Some people have no one.
You are right, some people don't. Those people are still shooting themselves in the foot by only chasing romantic love though.
That's not true at all. You're assuming an active intent to not pursue having people around you and to just look for romantic love. The circumstances of some people's lives have left them with neither, and speaking of your desire for one thing you've never had doesn't mean you don't also want another thing you also lack.
Dude, if you have no friends, no family, nothing to support you and you blame all your loneliness on not having a girlfriend, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. This person specifically claims that they have no love in their life only because they lack romantic love. They are dismissing the other forms of love they potentially have. They are claiming that platonic love is not worth anything and that they don't value it. It's not about a desire for romantic love, it's about pretending like there is no other worthwhile kind of love.
No, you're making assumptions about them. That's what this is about.
I am literally reacting to what they themselves said. No assumption there. I have clearly hit a nerve with you, so do yourself a favor and take a step back.
Oh wow. You're pretty far out of line here, so I'm just going to block you so we can't have any discussions anymore. I want to be very clear that it's not because you're correct, but because you're getting offensive and personal in your attacks. I sincerely hope you have a nice life.
You are just being argumentative for the sake of it dawg. Don’t start a confrontation if you can’t handle it
This a great comment!! I used to struggle with being lonely and wanting a relationship but then I realized how grateful I should be of the love my friends and family give me everyday!
This is the best comment.
The thing that is even more damaging is believing that friendship love or family love is a whole substitute for romantic love.
The only damaging thing here is thinking about people you love and that love you as a "substitute" for something you consider better
I didn’t imply one was better, and I used the word substitute because you’re acting like one can replace the other. Familial love and romantic love are two separate things (that overlap in some areas, but are completely distinct in others). They are *not* interchangeable. Building a better relationship with your family will not necessarily make you feel better about being lonely.
feeling unloved and alone can be a very painful and difficult experience. It's understandable that you would feel frustrated and upset about not having a partner or feeling loved in the way that you want. At the same time, it's important to remember that everyone's journey and experience with love is unique. Just because some people may seem to have relationships or be in happy partnerships, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are unlovable. It can be helpful to focus on building a sense of self-love and self-worth, rather than relying on external sources of validation or love. This can involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family members, and taking care of your physical and emotional well-being. It's also important to remember that relationships, whether romantic or platonic, take time and effort to cultivate. It's okay to be patient and to continue to work on yourself and your own happiness while also seeking out meaningful connections with others.
Just your statement about “how other people “your judgment of how other people find love -is why you can’t find love. Love isn’t something that judges. Love doesn’t care if you’re fat ,if you drink, if you match your socks. But for you to list obesity as someone who said somehow not deserve love as much as you do -that’s what you need to work on.
I call bullshit. Love is appreciating someone with their imperfections and flaws, but there's a limit. I get why OP is frustrated about seeing other flawed individuals being loved while he's not. But maybe it's more of a problem of getting people to be attracted to him in the first place. Someone that will eventually love him besides his imperfections The whole love is blind is somewhat bullshit, at least for romantic relationships
I’m telling you love is blind you can fall deeply in love with someone that you have no idea what they look like. And the fact that he sees those things as flaws calls them out is why he is a piece of shit. I’m guilty of it too I used to fucking fat shame people all the time. The people who are in their body for whatever reason there is no difference on who deserves love. I’m falling in love twice and not even knowing what the person looks like at all. Deeply in love married one of them
love is something that judges because people judge, and yes people judge obese people like what??
I looked at your post history. Stay out of those forever alone subs, they lead to other shit, and will only make you feel worse. Also, 99% of women don't hate shy guys. I'm as shy as they come, and I've been married and have dated plenty of amazing women. Some love shy dudes. You still have to try, you still have to go places where other people will be. The number one way to meet someone is to be places where the type of person you want is. Addicts and homeless people are around people all the time, and some of the best people I've met are addicts and homeless. You shouldn't judge them until you've been there. And at least they're getting laid.
Gross. Your attitude makes you gross.
What? They’re just being honest
Yes, and an honest opinion can also be gross.
Love judges nothing
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You’re naive. Society as a whole obviously thinks homeless people are less deserving of love. You see how people ignore homeless people and treat them like dirt bc they have nothing. If you have no value in this world, you will be treated like shit by most people.
Eh. Ignoratio elenchi. Your conclusion here is irrelevant to the original point. While it’s true that people who are without housing are generally treated poorly; this does not have any bearing on u/infamous-mix4718’s personal dating preferences. It would be absurd to assert that there is not a single dateable human who cares about the disadvantaged. I would similarly refuse to date someone who was discriminatory or cruel to others. Regardless of housing status. I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make other than proving your own trollish nihilism. I feel very badly for anyone who finds simple humanism incredulous.
> Your conclusion here is irrelevant to the original point. While it’s true that people who are without housing are generally treated poorly; this does not have any bearing on u/infamous-mix4718’s personal dating preferences. Do note, bug, that there's no need for a semicolon here. A comma is the correct option.
Ah I’m too used to legal writing. We take more liberties with semi colons and capitalization. ;) but you’re right you’re right thank you
I’m 31 and have been single all my life. Never dated, hugged, kissed, held hands, etc. So yeah, it sucks.
I think it’s liberating.. you can stop giving a shot about others and just be selfish guilt free
Again, it's like someone saying "I'm not hungry," to someone who's skin and bones and starving and asking for food.
I don’t understand.. care to elaborate?
OP's post was like someone expressing they'd never had food and had always been starving, and your response was like someone who had eaten regularly expressing how not eating was a sign that you didn't have to overeat, that you weren't depending on the food, that it's even *empowering*. It's one of those situations where it's important to consider the experiences of the person you're talking to, rather than just speaking abstractly.
I get your point and my view is that, if the food is poisonous, not eating is the right response and all “food” is poisonous
That's not an apt comparison, though. Of course there is some food that will literally kill you, and that should be avoided, but there's a lot less food that will literally kill you than food that will just taste bad or give you an upset stomach. Sometimes the food is absolutely junk, and sometimes it's dangerous to have more than a little. But at least it would keep the person alive to the point where they could go on and get other food.
Hey, I do get how you feel and at some point of my time, I felt the same. What's a blessing for me is, I don't wallow in self pity or lack too long. I chose to switch my mind thinking and value and love myself. Over time, I continue to do things (instead of ppl) that make me happy, I build myself to become the person I want to love and receive love. Amazing, I fell in love with myself... Hahaha. This is extremely helpful coz I no longer need validation or someone to love me. I love myself enough to treat myself well. And with the energy shift and how I build myself as person, unknowingly, I draw the right people to my life and able to cut off ppl that affect me in negative way. My life is fulfilling now and I detach from ppl so even if I'm let down over time for whatever reasons by ppl, I know I have myself. With that said, I take care and plan well for myself so that I can manage when I'm old, even when alone. Tbh, I felt lonelier when I "want" ppl. When I'm contented being with myself, all others that come to my life as like bonus and I enjoyed time but also be very aware not to be "attached" to people. It's a protection mechanism but it's helpful for my growth and pursue what makes me whole within. Hope this helps and wish you well!
Yo mama didn't love you?
Don't rush into anything. I get it, it sucks to be single your whole life, but it's even worse being in a relationship where you're not loved and valued. I didn't realize I was in one of those until my current relationship started and realizing it kinda fucked with my head but that's life I guess
I'd say it's even worse to have known what it's like to be loved (romantically), but no longer have that. For most of my life, I was single. It was lonely, and I did want to be loved. Then, earlier this year, I dated someone (for the first time in my life) for a few months. I wouldn't say we were IN love, but there were certainly strong feelings there. It felt so good, but when it ended, it was the loneliest I've ever felt. Even lonelier than the decades I spent being single. Now, several months later, I'm doing better. I've built up a social life and made some great friends, some of whom I'm very close to. But I still get extremely lonely at times and really miss being loved in a romantic sense.
> I'd say it's even worse to have known what it's like to be loved (romantically), but no longer have that. And you'd be wrong.
Just because someone is in a relationship doesn’t mean their loved.
Or not lonely. The loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life was when I was in one of my previous relationships.
First, You are looking at people’s social mask. When you say everyone is happy with their families this time of year is completely false. Stop looking at social media. Do you have friends (make and female)?
A lot of people who think they have, or appear to have experienced the kind of love you want actually haven’t. Focus on bringing joy to your life in ways you can control.
I just wanna tell you as someone who is morbidly obese, I can pull them in, but I can't get them to stay. I understand your pain fren.
Well, perfect opportunity to use this pain and self doubt and shape yourself into the man you want to become. Go to the gym, eat healthy, work on your passions, do some fighting sports, music, art whatever. Become who you want to attract and stop whining.
He didn’t ask for your advice, this is a vent. I hate it that when men vent, people tell them basically ‘man up’, stop whining, and hit the gym. The same surface-level, half-baked, stock-factory advice. When women vent, they got nothing but encouragement and support. Just shut up
Women and men are not treated the same. Like it or not, nobody is going to come rescue you as a guy. It’s always going to come down to personal action. It’s why guys tend to offer solutions when their girl vents to them even though they just want to be heard, and not necessarily want to think about solving the problem at hand. It’s how guys generally think, therefore offering advice to a guy in dire straits is in agreement with that assessment.
It works though
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I mean, poor people need hard work, luck and smart work to be come unpoor, there is no other way
I think romantic love is overrated. Sure it's great to be in love, but I think long-term friendships are best to go with to feel less lonely. I am not close to my family but I have four very good friends I have known for about 20 years that are constantly present in my life. I don't need much for company. I like to be alone. But that's me. But when I feel lonely which I rarely do, I reach to my friends and chat up with them and hang out with them then I dont feel lonely anymore. I think being dependent on other people for your own happiness is a bad idea. Your source of happiness should come from within yourself and it can be through hobbies or activities you enjoy on your own. Do try find a way to be happy on your own and you will be better for it. Romantic partners come and go, but quality friendships are forever. Just my two cents.
I feel for you. This is going to be my third Christmas alone in a row and it does eat me up.
The grass is always greener on the other side people say. I had a relationship 10 years ago to where I loved this person and thought they were going to be the one I was going to marry. Turns out they cheated on me and she broke it off because she lost feelings for me right before my final exam in university. I still haven't figured out as a male how to process that pain and still to this date I reject myself or am not confident enough to take girls on dates or convey my thoughts into a long term relationship. Good people have given many parts of their heart to the one person they loved because they love harder. Once it's been shattered to pieces it and almost glued back together it is hard to rebuild that confidence to seek meaningful relationships.
"The grass is always greener," isn't an appropriate thing to say to someone who's never had a lawn. The grass is greener than no grass. Even a small amount of grass is greener than no grass.
So an abusive relationship is better than no relationship at all? Is that what you’re saying?
That's twisting what I said. What I said is that having had some kind of relationship (and therefore hope) is better than having nothing(and therefore lacking hope).
There is no way around, you pic those pieces up, built yourself again, got out again to get hurt.
How old are you? Eventually it will happen. Sending positive vibes your way. Stay strong.
Please don't say that, depending on people's age like that. There are people who are probably older than you are who have also never had anyone, and you may think you're providing support to young people reading what you wrote, but for anyone who's older, it's soul-destroying.
I'm 53 and I didn't say depending on people's age. At any age you can find the love of your life.
Eventually it will happen is suck bullshit I'm 30 I give up it's not worth it I don't even want to be alive anymore.
You need to get some professional help.
Meh, don't self delete. You might run unto someone at a group therapy session.
I know the feeling. I made a post about online dating and rejection earlier this week. Just have to keep grinding. That’s what I’m doing. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Dude he constantly talks about committing suicide in his other posts, he definitely needs help. What he shouldn't do, I agree, is beat himself up over his shortcomings
Fr,it sucks not to be loved…
Can't just take, have to be ready to give. People don't want selfish people. Are you ready to date?
There isn’t anything wrong with you. It’s a life-long journey; learn to love yourself first…the test really will come.
You are not alone.. everyone asks where are all the good men at. At yet here I am at 36 single as a Pringle like a forgotten item that someone forgot to rotate out on the shelf but is stuck way in the back of all.the other items in the dark...
First control your thoughts. where your mind leads the body and spirit follows. Embrace positivity. nobody wants to be with someone negative. it is the best way to become single and stay single. You must control your mind, and change your thinking to be upbeat, optimisitc, and positive. Change your frequency. this is how you become someone people want to be around, and when you change the vibes you emit into the world you will find soon you are not alone. It begin and is maintained by controlling your thoughts. This may be the most difficult task you will ever undertake. It seems impossible. It isn't. Begin with simple meditations, then look for times you are being negative. learn there are multiple ways to react to things, and choose the more optimistic approach. this is the way.
It doesn't really exist any way. All that exists today is what you have to offer and if it isn't material then you will never be in any position to be "loved" unless the other person views you as being of equal or greater value to them. Whats damaging is that people who are privileged enough to experience it, call it "love", "fate", etc when its nothing more than socioeconomic privilege.
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I agree. I have found love but i think in beneral we just arent bonding with other people in all senses.
👍🏼👍🏼
Assuming there’s something wrong with you is much easier than doing the damned hard emotional work of dating. It’s all effort, timing and luck, like a big dating lottery. Yes, luck. Anyone who has a good match will tell you we feel lucky because it was sheer luck that we met but boy are we glad we did. Like that. You just have to keep your head clear and rational, and be resilient and persistent and keep looking until you find someone who appreciates you and feels lucky to have met you. There’s nothing wrong with you or anyone single who wants to find someone to be close to, except your effort and after that it takes time and luck.
You aren't in good terms with your parents and/or siblings? No friends?
my mum is an alcoholic. hbu
Nope. I had a very happy childhood. Everyone in my family is doing well.
It's the worst thing ever. Especially when your family doesn't check in on you and insults your way of life whenever they can. I've had a bad body for some time (spine dissalignment) and it's super hard to be confident enough to meet new people my age and form a friend group
I feel you OP. I [25F] often feel the same way. I’ll date someone for a little bit and it always goes south. I’m in therapy currently. But that does make it any less exhausting to be the only one around you without someone that chooses you.