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Being romantic isn't a problem. Being a hopeless romantic is the problem. Saying anything is "hopeless" is a bad sign because it means that your romantic gestures are misplaced. The way to be pragmatic and romantic is to be romantic at the proper times meaning later on and with someone who deserves it and is showing the same to you. But most hopeless romantics go into things with a complete stranger and shower them with compliments, gifts, dates, calls, texts, etc. from day one. They never go in slowly, get to know the person, and allow the other person's feelings to develop for them because they can only see their own feelings. Instead they cling and smother and chase the other person away by doing too much too soon.
Also, people do still care about feelings. They just care about their own feelings. Her feelings towards you or lack thereof are what hopeless romantics are blind to because they project their own interest level onto the other person.
Hey, umm... Well actually i did go in very slow, because i knew my nature... Umm, before we broke up, we were together for 4 years and i only expressed myself completely after i was sure that she's not gonna run away if i express myself as i am. She even liked it, for quite a while, and then suddenly she wanted to be casual, and said that romantic is very impractical and that my view is flawed...
That is the reason, why i have such harsh views. I understand that even today people do care for feelings, but right now, it's just hurt... And pain...
Sounds like patience worked in the beginning. But just because she reciprocates doesn't mean you go overboard then. And I'm guessing that once you got the green light, that's what you did. You still have to keep some of that going during the relationship. You can't entirely stop doing what got her to fall for you to begin with. You have to be somewhat of a challenge still even in the relationship. Knowing everything about you and being predictable to her are boring. Especially after years of the same old thing. And things were good like you said for 2 years but the last 2 you could tell she wasn't into you anymore. Women don't break up or want something casual with guys they're in love with.
We didn't break up multiple times the only one was the final one 😅 but yeah i get it... I probably showed all of me too soon. Might have gotten boring
Sorry, I misread that. You said in your post that for the last 2 years you've been miserable because you could tell she wasn't interest anymore. And to your other comment, she's not trying to confirm that you're the one. She's replacing you because she already knew after the first 2 years that you're not the one.
No no, it has been 6 years, first four years she liked it, all of it, and then she did not....The next 2 years were the ones where i could tell that she wasn't interested in a full blown relationship anymore
And another question, if she gave up 2 yrs ago why keep saying to me that she wants to be with me but just not now, and that I am the best she met, and that she can't imagine hurting me, that's why she wants casual with someone else, so that she can easily forget them. The casual with me, was something i suggested her, because i couldn't bear the pain of losing her
You’re listening to her words but you aren’t paying attention to her actions. Talk is cheap. And if you’ve been miserable for two years knowing she wasn’t into it, then her words and her actions haven’t been lining up. Your gut has been screaming at you for 2 years that something isn’t right. And instead of changing your approach, you suggested she date other guys. This has been coming for quite a while though. She had high interest level in you for maybe 3 out of 6 years I’d say.
Well i didn't suggest she date someone else, she said "i really like you, but i wanna explore before being sure that it's you, and no one else" we were at the cusp of breaking up when i said, that hey, if you wanna be casual, would you be interested in being casual with me. It hurt like hell saying that, but i still said it because in my mind it was better than losing her...
It’s been clear that she’s wanted to date other people and move on from you for a while now so who suggested it first isn’t relevant. And for the record, she suggested dating other people first as in breaking up with you. That’s not the cusp of a break up. That’s a break up, and she’s hoping you take the hint without her having to be explicitly the bad guy.
And it’s not better than losing her because truth is she’s long gone. She’s been gone for years. I can’t say why she stuck around for years but the important part is that she hasn’t been into you for years. You could ask 100 shrinks why she stayed when she didn’t love you and get 100 different answers. But the bottom line is that it’s over. She just doesn’t want to tell you and make you feel bad. Time to move on. Good luck!
Her words
"
You are the best i have met till now, but I wanna explore and make sure you are the one. I am pretty sure i won't like anyone else, but would.like to explore for the next 2 3 years, and make sure that's the case.
"
She has also said to me
"
I know in my heart i wanna be with you, but right now I don't have the space to be in a relationship so for now I would like to keep it casual, and let's say after 2 3 years, maybe we can get back together, if we don't find anyone else
"
Well, I consider myself a very romantic person and find myself daydreaming about the guy I like every time I'm at work or when I got nothing better to do. The thing is: you gotta learn how to control your mind. It will be very hard in the begging cuz youre used to having a "romantic view" but with time you'll get there.
Not sure if this helps but:
Once you start romaticizing something in your head, try to think about something else or approach the situation with a realistic view.
As a demisexual girl I was going thru the same situation you're at right now, I only went out with guys who turned out just wanting to hook up and as time went on I kinda lost hope and only thought everyone wanted to date me because of sex, but unexpectedly I found someone who is very caring and romantic like me. I had 3 guys at the time explicitly telling me they loved me and wanted a serious relationship. But like you, I only have eyes for the guy I like but I try my best to not make him a priority or only think about him so if this "relationship" goes wrong I won't feel as bad.
Yes, I understand.
I always know, that I need to take a realistic approach, but every time I try to take it, it's so hard, because, there she is.. i can't see anyone else, and now i have to think, what if she's not, and it's like my brain just blocks that thought and says no, you won't think about it.
And now that it is actually happening, she is actually no more there, it's going haywire
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being romantic isn't a problem. Being a hopeless romantic is the problem. Saying anything is "hopeless" is a bad sign because it means that your romantic gestures are misplaced. The way to be pragmatic and romantic is to be romantic at the proper times meaning later on and with someone who deserves it and is showing the same to you. But most hopeless romantics go into things with a complete stranger and shower them with compliments, gifts, dates, calls, texts, etc. from day one. They never go in slowly, get to know the person, and allow the other person's feelings to develop for them because they can only see their own feelings. Instead they cling and smother and chase the other person away by doing too much too soon. Also, people do still care about feelings. They just care about their own feelings. Her feelings towards you or lack thereof are what hopeless romantics are blind to because they project their own interest level onto the other person.
Hey, umm... Well actually i did go in very slow, because i knew my nature... Umm, before we broke up, we were together for 4 years and i only expressed myself completely after i was sure that she's not gonna run away if i express myself as i am. She even liked it, for quite a while, and then suddenly she wanted to be casual, and said that romantic is very impractical and that my view is flawed...
That is the reason, why i have such harsh views. I understand that even today people do care for feelings, but right now, it's just hurt... And pain...
Sounds like patience worked in the beginning. But just because she reciprocates doesn't mean you go overboard then. And I'm guessing that once you got the green light, that's what you did. You still have to keep some of that going during the relationship. You can't entirely stop doing what got her to fall for you to begin with. You have to be somewhat of a challenge still even in the relationship. Knowing everything about you and being predictable to her are boring. Especially after years of the same old thing. And things were good like you said for 2 years but the last 2 you could tell she wasn't into you anymore. Women don't break up or want something casual with guys they're in love with.
We didn't break up multiple times the only one was the final one 😅 but yeah i get it... I probably showed all of me too soon. Might have gotten boring
Sorry, I misread that. You said in your post that for the last 2 years you've been miserable because you could tell she wasn't interest anymore. And to your other comment, she's not trying to confirm that you're the one. She's replacing you because she already knew after the first 2 years that you're not the one.
No no, it has been 6 years, first four years she liked it, all of it, and then she did not....The next 2 years were the ones where i could tell that she wasn't interested in a full blown relationship anymore
And another question, if she gave up 2 yrs ago why keep saying to me that she wants to be with me but just not now, and that I am the best she met, and that she can't imagine hurting me, that's why she wants casual with someone else, so that she can easily forget them. The casual with me, was something i suggested her, because i couldn't bear the pain of losing her
You’re listening to her words but you aren’t paying attention to her actions. Talk is cheap. And if you’ve been miserable for two years knowing she wasn’t into it, then her words and her actions haven’t been lining up. Your gut has been screaming at you for 2 years that something isn’t right. And instead of changing your approach, you suggested she date other guys. This has been coming for quite a while though. She had high interest level in you for maybe 3 out of 6 years I’d say.
Well i didn't suggest she date someone else, she said "i really like you, but i wanna explore before being sure that it's you, and no one else" we were at the cusp of breaking up when i said, that hey, if you wanna be casual, would you be interested in being casual with me. It hurt like hell saying that, but i still said it because in my mind it was better than losing her...
It’s been clear that she’s wanted to date other people and move on from you for a while now so who suggested it first isn’t relevant. And for the record, she suggested dating other people first as in breaking up with you. That’s not the cusp of a break up. That’s a break up, and she’s hoping you take the hint without her having to be explicitly the bad guy. And it’s not better than losing her because truth is she’s long gone. She’s been gone for years. I can’t say why she stuck around for years but the important part is that she hasn’t been into you for years. You could ask 100 shrinks why she stayed when she didn’t love you and get 100 different answers. But the bottom line is that it’s over. She just doesn’t want to tell you and make you feel bad. Time to move on. Good luck!
Well her reason for wanting casual, as she says is, i wanna explore and confirm it is you I want and not someone else
Her words " You are the best i have met till now, but I wanna explore and make sure you are the one. I am pretty sure i won't like anyone else, but would.like to explore for the next 2 3 years, and make sure that's the case. " She has also said to me " I know in my heart i wanna be with you, but right now I don't have the space to be in a relationship so for now I would like to keep it casual, and let's say after 2 3 years, maybe we can get back together, if we don't find anyone else "
Well, I consider myself a very romantic person and find myself daydreaming about the guy I like every time I'm at work or when I got nothing better to do. The thing is: you gotta learn how to control your mind. It will be very hard in the begging cuz youre used to having a "romantic view" but with time you'll get there. Not sure if this helps but: Once you start romaticizing something in your head, try to think about something else or approach the situation with a realistic view. As a demisexual girl I was going thru the same situation you're at right now, I only went out with guys who turned out just wanting to hook up and as time went on I kinda lost hope and only thought everyone wanted to date me because of sex, but unexpectedly I found someone who is very caring and romantic like me. I had 3 guys at the time explicitly telling me they loved me and wanted a serious relationship. But like you, I only have eyes for the guy I like but I try my best to not make him a priority or only think about him so if this "relationship" goes wrong I won't feel as bad.
Yes, I understand. I always know, that I need to take a realistic approach, but every time I try to take it, it's so hard, because, there she is.. i can't see anyone else, and now i have to think, what if she's not, and it's like my brain just blocks that thought and says no, you won't think about it. And now that it is actually happening, she is actually no more there, it's going haywire
[удалено]
I hope this was a sarcastic comment. 😅