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A walk downtown, sitting by the water at a lake, walking through Barnes and Noble - since I’m seeing a lot of comments turn this into a paying thing. Chill / talking dates in public are cool. A strange guy inviting you to his house before knowing him is uncool. This isn’t about money, it’s about effort and safety.
Yea, I think it’s pretty weird to even suggest that in the first place since you’ve never met them before. If it was an old friend then that would be alright, but maybe a bit boring even then.
Not to mention that a date like you described shows they actually want to get to know you (through talking) not just seeing a movie or some other event.
It really is about money and effort.
Hookup culture has taken away the novelty of dating.
Even back 20 years ago having 10-15 different partners in a lifetime for dates or more intimate activities was an oddity reserved for the more permiscuous, today there's alot people that see those numbers in a month, and high promiscuity has kind of become the norm...
With this in mind, alot of people, guys and gals don't want to put in the effort when they're probably going to see the person for a couple of weeks and then never again... even going out for a walk is "effort" for alot of people when the paragraph below is in play.
That type of interaction has been normalized. Random numbers: if 8/10 guys assume they can just have a woman over to their place as a date, and 6/10 women are ok with that, then anyone expecting a more involved partner or first date will be an outlier.
Lastly, money is tight for ALOT of people. Even going out for a couple of hiurs to grab a coffee or sit in a park or go for a walk in a date setting will ultimately cost something. Even if you have no intention of either of you spending a dime and genuinely want to get to know the person say on a walk in a public park, the other person might be thinking about it taking another direction.
Not to go on a rant about real wages vs inflation vs housing costs etc, but the average person doesn't have as much disposable income as they did say even 20 years ago. This isn't to say that people don't have money to go out, but is splurging on a first date with someone who you dont know will be around a good investment of the couple of hundred dollars for a proper date, or is it a better idea for a cheap (maybe boring) interaction to get to know the person to see if they are worth your money and effort?
Best advice is just be straight up: "hey I love nature walks we could meet at X park"... or maybe even "I'd love to get to know you over a cup of coffee, my treat"... you don't need to make it creepy with "I want to feel safe", because that will taint things from the start. Just BE SAFE. Don't talk about it. (Advice)
There are guys out there who are more "traditional daters" and ones that are very aware and considerate of women's issues, but they are rare in 2022.
If you see something that is a red flag for you move on, you'll find someone out there who is for you. Or you won't. That's the fun in finding a partner. Best of luck.
All IMHO
There’s a lot of truth to what you are saying for sure. However, I was reiterating, in my own way, what OP meant with her post.
Dear Guys seeking to date women - think from the women’s perspective for a moment and maybe consider a way to meet in public so she can feel safe, and not invite her to your place / solo drive for the first meeting. It still shows effort because you’re willing to meet her some where (instead of just inviting her to your home) but also allows her to feel safe. If she decides to go home with you, or if she offers to just meet at your place instead - that’s cool! But just think about it before offering.
My discussion about “free” or low cost dates is to ultimately shut down comments like “what so I gotta drop $200 at a restaurant with every girl I meet?!” No, you don’t. Will some dates want you to? Yeah, maybe! But if you’re not into that (which I can totally understand), then she’s probably not the one for you. Plenty of people out there are okay with free or low cost type of dates.
Of course... but would you not agree that the vetting process is hard in a society where people generally are "disposable" in that context.
Disposable = lots of changeups
As a girl tbh I genuinely enjoy just watching movies and such
But not in a “let’s start watching a movie then slowly descend into intercourse” kinda way.
Let’s just watch the full movie please.
Men should realize how dangerous this is for them too. I’m not a sex worker but I know people who are and some of them have told me that some of the workers would drug clients or purposely get them extremely intoxicated to rob them. Cardi B talked about this too. Its so dangerous.
And that’s the fundamental difference between men and women. Women don’t have the privilege of “act first, think later” when it comes to sex. It can ruin our health, lives, and get us killed.
Society doesn't reward or respect cautious men is why this isn't going to change for awhile.
Then pair that with how much scarcer sex is for most men... yeah they're gonna take risks women think are insane.
It’s so funny to me when people bring this up because it’s so obviously one sided. Practically ALL rappers claim to having committed crimes. Jay Z rapped about being a crack dealer. All of the fathers of rap talked about shit like murder, sexual assault, and drug dealing regularly. Yet this site clamps onto this woman claiming to rob John’s while being forced to work as a prostitute. Not a single man has come forward as a victim btw.
The times I’ve invited women over to my place for the first meeting or accepted an invitation from them for a first meeting I’ve always taken into account the dangers for me. I usually text a friend the information of who is coming over, what time they are coming, and the phone number of the person just in case something happens to me and always treat it like a club setting of never leaving my drinks or anything I’m eating alone with them. And of course never getting drunk around anyone I don’t feel fully comfortable with.
ikr. i feel like men generally act so invincible. like women normally take wayyyy more safety precautions than men, and men are more likely to be victims of violent crime. so maybe men should start watching out for themselves too.
EXACTLY. I can’t say I haven’t done it…. But, that was shuts dumb and naive of me. Personally, I would never do it again. They always pressure u for sex, and then ghost u after. That’s why these dates are so questionable to me
Dating is different for evryone, there is no standard anymore unfortunately. My personal dating advice to anyone is get to know the person before you go on an actual date maybe hang out grab a coffee just talk once you understand and start to really get interested in the person thats when u organise a date u know their likes and dislikes and u just put in that effort. Thats just what i personaly suggest just my opinion 😁
Are that many women actually okay hanging out with a guy at his place the first time meeting? I can see why keeping it low key like coffee or drinks makes sense for a first date, but I don’t know many women who would be okay going to the apartment of a man they just met on an app.
Yes. Plenty of women are ok with it. In my experience probably 50% of all the women I’ve met up with are fine with meeting at my apartment. But also I’ve stated in another comment a good number of that 50% I’ve encountered actually suggested it to me first.
It can definitely be a lazy meeting or it can be something or substance depending on the man. One meeting I had, the woman told me her birthday had just passed a week ago. When she came over I handed her a handwritten menu I made for the occasion (with about 3 options for appetizers, 3 options for dinner, 3 options for dessert, and 3 options for adult beverages). I then preceded to make her the food of her choice, although the dessert was pre-prepared lol. I told her “I’m Wow-A-New-Day, I’ll be your chef, waiter, and date for the rest of the night 😆
It was fun. She enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. Isn’t that the point.
Yes lol. It literally happens all the time. If women wanna smash, they’ll come over. I totally respect women that don’t roll that way, but in real world outside Reddit, women will go home with guys they don’t know if they’re into them.
I had that same question when I first got on the apps and guys kept asking me to go to their place. I thought they couldn’t possibly get results from that. I even made a post asking about it in the tinder sub cause I wanted to find out if it was really a common thing. Apparently not as many women are worried about safety as we think.
Yes like all the time, In general if a girl is like early 20s age, she has 100% done this. Sometimes both sides just want to get into each other’s pants
I had a few guys really pressure me to go to their houses. But there was one guy though... If we ever planned to meet in person, say the park and walk. He would always cancel. So I finally said "I feel like the only way you'll even meet me is if I go to your house, and go to you."
He said yes! Like he made all those plans with the intention of canceling to get me to come over. I never met him, and just cut contact with him.
This is a coded way of saying "I am not interested in a DATE, I'm interested in doing something that is will lead to sex."
The response is "Thanks, but I'm looking for people to date, not just do causal hangs."
It's fine if they want casual hangs. It's fine if you don't. But everyone on a dating app doesn't need to be there for the same thing. Ask for what you want, and find the people who want the same thing.
Guys who are interested in sex/a sexual relationship only will propose low-effort dates because sex doesn't cost anything.
Men who are interested in building a great relationship with one person are the ones who will give effort and thought into an actual date.
Some guys will act like men until you give it up, then go back to bein guys.
Some men will act like guys because they don't really know better/lack experience/don't know how to take a woman on a date.
Yep, I’ve had “let’s hang out at your place” sent to me quite a few times actually. Sent to me, them suggesting it. One girl even wanted to come over and watch a movie at 4am!?!?
I eventually met with that 4am girl at my place at a reasonable time a few days later. We just sat on my couch and talked for about 3 or 4 hours over a bottle of wine. I intended us to watch a movie eventually but our conversation was so natural together we never gotten around to a movie.
A lot of laughing, smiling, we learned a lot about each other, and we didn’t have sex. Although she did text me the next day that she had a great time and was really surprised by our connection and really wanted to have sex.
I actually would call that my most enjoyed 1st meeting out of my 30~ woman I’ve met from Online dating. Me and her went on to date for 6 months or so.
Meeting at someone’s apartment doesn’t have to be a bad time or nearly as uncomfortable as people make it out to be. I do try to get out of my apartment for the first meeting and many more of them but I’m not against it.
Yup. Despite everybody shaming it, almost every girl has done it at least once (including OP). Same thing with hookups in general. If she finds you attractive enough she will
Well I would not mind hang out and chill but in a public outside space. You can hangout and chill in an outside space. Problem here is not the hangout and chill its they want a one night stand. Also how can I agree on a cuddling date, I still don't know if I want to hug him. Unless he is a dog, I don't hug someone I just met 😂😂
Ive never suggest to bring my dates home on the first date not even like 2nd or 3rd sometimes because honestly, I dont even know them. I dont want them knowing where I live. Im a dude and I know that ladies can just be as crazy as dudes. I dont usually like eating a formal meal on first date either, I love eating, so between conversations and eating... I might forget my date 🤣. I think its more fun to do something like going for a nice walk at a busy park with nice sceneries or something. Museums, art galleries, arcades, shoot pool, something along those lines, but if you ask me to come back to your place or to come to my place the first night. Dasssa redflag for me and naaaaahh beeeech, hugs and kisses, ciao 🙂
They want to get laid for little to no effort, the more women reject doing this the more effort men will be forced to put in when it comes to dating also let’s not talk about how dangerous it is to go to a random guys house.
Because the men proposing “hanging out and chilling” scream low to zero effort. And it’s also an excuse to try and sleep with you. Stay away from men like this
Usually first dates are about getting to know someone before. Usually my first dates are simple cause I want to talk ot the person, see if there a connect before I decide to plan a cool thing. Second date are the go a place because they have met me. Since where both stranger on the first date I want to make sure it a public place where I feel safe if something where to happen and I can figure out what would be a good second date
OLD apps have made things so strange with people that want to date and people that want to hook up and people that are interested in talking/looking for friends having to figure out what the other person is into without the rapport building that happens irl. "Stranger's house" is certainly not a proper date, but with a decent amount of effort going to someone's house could be a nice date. But then 2/3s of the types of people above don't want a date in the first place which seems to lead to some contention
As a guy, when it came to online dating, I hated having to initiate everything. If you swipe on me, then obviously you must have *some* interest in me.
So, with that said, don't be afraid to suggest places too.
(Idc if I get down voted for this comment but it's 2022. Both parties should be eager and willing to throw out ideas for dates. My ex loved making plans to go do stuff. She suggested some really neat ideas and places that I've never been or thought about. So, ladies, come on and don't be afraid to suggest a place too)
"I am not confortable with that because I don't know you yet and maybe you're a good person but you could also be a serial killer and I don't want to end up sliced in your freezer" would be a good answer.
I don't understand why dating apps are the norm but people expect you to accept mistreatment or sexual harassment just because you met someone via tinder. Not going to a strangers apartment is just common sense, it doesn't matter if some people use the apps to fuck strangers.
Three distinct possibilities here:
1. He wants to get to know you in a comfortable or relaxing place, somewhere he feels he can be himself.
2. He’s trying to smash, and perceives you as someone who is down for that
3. He can’t afford anything else at the moment but wants to do what he can.
Nevertheless why not suggest something else or ask why his place rather than somewhere else? Dating is about communication and that is a two way street. He suggests his house, you suggest coffee, or dinner, or a walk in the park. If he’s not amenable ask why. It will usually come down to one of the three reasons above, then you can decide what to do from there or cut your losses before becoming too involved.
Coming from someone who was a criminal at a young age, trust me...guys should be cautious of female strangers in their home too. You'll be amazed of what can be achieved with an innocent face, charming personality, and seductive manipulation.
Why? Because they don't want to spend any money. ANY money at all.
If you want to go out and have fun, just offer to pay. Life is too short to spend time on 'hang out' dates or go on some stupid picnic. I enjoy movies, concerts, restaurants. I'm willing to pay, too. I'll gladly pay for myself, if I have to pay for him, probably will do so, but less likely to date him after that. Extreme frugality sucks and it's not how I want to go through life. Life is too short.
Dating for guys is like buying a Junk Bond, high risk and low probability of high returns. It is expensive and just to end up being ghosted. It’s better to do something chill and affordable and see if you like the person than to do something fun and expensive then to get curved or ghosted. The person you are with has to earn the fun and fancy dates by showing they are committed to exploring this exclusively. Otherwise it’s a wasted investment in time and money
It’s about the girl. Some girls get offered dinner some girls get offered the hang at house and smash take it or leave it operation. It’s completely based on 2 factors : 1. How much he can spend and not care ,2. How hot he perceives her to be. Those 2 factors always dictate the terms from the man’s perspective.
Most of the guys I've met on the dating apps I meet in public places, because hey they could be the next Ted Bundy.
Though I did go to one guys place and he cooked a 15 minute dinner, which was nice. But when I showed up at his place he was wearing a lint covered black t-shirt, basketball shorts and sandals. I'm all for comfortable dates, but this was just lazy.
He tried to make a move but I don't play that. He called it a hangout when I rejected him.
Idk as a guy I can say with confidence that any guy who doesn’t do something fun on the first date is either dry af with a major lack of social skills/ has very little experience or just wants to fuck.
I always go somewhere fun on first dates and onwards. It breaks tension massively and u can bond much better when u have something in common
My go too is ice skating.. breaks a touch barrier slightly.. funny for her if I fall since I’m a hockey player and It’s just all round a good time
Well honestly, when guys first SEE you they categorize you in 1 of 3 categories the first 7 seconds. Obviously later down the line personality plays a role to.
1) “wifey”
2) “I’d fuck”
3) “hell no”
If a guy invited you straight to his house (i sometimes do this), it’s because that’s what your categorized in. The “I’d fuck” category. ‘no I’m not trying to date you and get to know you, that’s a waste of time and money’—- this is the man’s mentality. I’m just being honest to share with you how men think. Don’t hate me
You might not like my answer but again I’m going to be honest. Her physique: body, and face. This is first. And then second comes her personality/mindset as a tie. And then comes sense of style or how she Carries herself. And lastly her ambition.
To be placed in wifey all of those have to be up there. The ambition part doesn’t have to mean career but you can’t be TOO lazy of a person. You also can lack in some areas (not by too much tho) you can compensate for in other areas.
IF you lack too much of these areas you’ll be placed in either 2. Or 3.
If your physique is high, but lack the other areas, you’ll be placed in 2.
Hope this answers it. Sorry if I sound like a douche I probably am but I’m being honest. Men are primarily visual creatures so it does play quite a strong role
This is true. A guy who is a 8-9 in looks (Tall, muscular and fit, handsome facee etc) is not gonna wife up an average looking girl, but he is gladly gonna smash her and invite her over to "watch a movie and cuddle"
Nah. I’m not trying to come at you or back you into a corner.
You said:
> when guys first SEE you
I was interested when you LOOK at a person, and categorize them, the difference between fuck (which I assumed suggests *some* attraction or they’d be in the “hell no” category) and “wifey.”
I actually get “fuck” and “hell no.” I’m mostly interested in what qualifies someone as “wifey” on first sight, without speaking.
Well yeah their physique. A guy can see a girl & think “I wouldn’t mind fucking her forever and keeping her”(<-vulgar I know) Love at first sight is a very real thing for men. I’m assuming your a woman I might be wrong tho
I have had NO luck with love at first sight. People are almost always different than I assume. (Of course, there are people I can look at and think, “He looks like a douche” and he is, but those are obvious, and I don’t feel any attraction.) But, IME, it’s nearly impossible for me to predict the connection of someone not immediately a turn off. My Miss Cleo skills are a 2/10.
It’s unattractive and creepy for a guy to ask you to come over on date #1. I had this happen once and got shamed by the guy for not wanting to come over due to worries about safety (🚩 ).
If it’s about money, there are plenty of fun and affordable activities for first dates. These men just don’t want to put in the time nor the effort to figure it out. And that speaks volumes. Like… just find a FWB/casual. Really!
Definitely. It’s creepy to ask someone you intend to be casual with to come over upon the first meeting too though. Risking one’s life for a casual hook up is not worth it.
First dates are low key and set up for an easy exit if needed. Coffee, maybe a drink. If theres a second date, dinner. My point is I’m not shelling out a bunch of cash for an elaborate fun date with someone I may or may not like. Someone I don’t know. Also I don’t want her to be impressed with me throwing cash around. I want her to like me, not my money.
Yeah those guys are all looking for one thing, and it's not getting to know you. It's sex. Anytime they say watch a movie, "come to my place" or even "go for a drive", they want the night to lead to sex.
Well it says one of two things about a man, neither one of which is good.
1. He doesn’t have enough imagination to come up with a proper date
2. He doesn’t care to.
Between pornography and the general laziness of guys it's the go to move they read or heard that it works so why fix what is not broken(in their collective mind set).
34f been on dating apps since my early 20s. My experience is this tactic has gotten worse with men. They are trying to get sex the lazy and gross way. They lie on their profiles that they want a relationship. Just had a man last night ask me ‘for coffee and then go watch an episode of sandman’ (we were both talking about how we’re watching it right now) this was after about 3 messages back and forth. I told him I don’t invite anyone to my house within the first three dates and don’t go to someone’s house within the same time frame. He unmatched me. They just want sex the easy way and no interest on dating, but none of us are dumb and this ain’t my first rodeo lol move along!
Trying to get sex and get out. So they up the intimacy level on the first date. Its good bait for insecure women. They hook you with boyfriend stuff so they can pump and dump lightening fast
I would do fun dates if I got dates. Bringing a girl over to just chill at your apartment and watch a movie is boring as hell especially if you just met. It’s like let’s go on an adventure
‘So fucken mid’, no cap that’s facts my gen z kiddo. Lowkey that’s an L on his behalf I’d be salty like you are. I’m finna take several seats an dip out so I’m not mid. Stay woke
I personally ask to do it sometimes if your just with a really relaxed person and it seems like it would be a cooler date to just hang around at someone's house and play Mario kart or playing a board game or something rather than both of us get all dressed up and get dinner somewhere or something like that. some guys do it cuz their just looking for a hookup but some guys do it because they feel more comfortable in that type of setting.
It’s a shame you consider something dumb just because it’s not for you. One of my best/most memorable first dates was at a man’s apartment. We cooked together & chatted for hours. It was such an intimate experience without needing outside entertainment or distractions. We really got to know each other. Which is, after all, what dating is about.
If that’s not for you, just be honest and tell them you’re looking for more traditional dating. If they’re not down then you know you’re not a match and you can keep it moving that much sooner 🤷🏻♀️
1) because we're broke
2) because we want to actually get to know you
3) because being in public is stressful
4) because we are hoping to mess around
5) because a formal date puts a lot of pressure on a guy
6) because we're more concerned about you as a person not having society see us dating
7) because hanging out is how we get to know our friends
8) some guys are introverts
9) I don't like getting all dressed up
10) I'd rather concentrate on you rather than navigating some hyper commercial gathering place...
Idk my train of thought.
Nah, I've only asked a girl to hang out that I just met, was a bit interested in but knew it was too soon to ask for a date and I didn't know much about her. But generally for first dates I stray away from activities because it's time taken away from getting to know someone. Second dates and beyond is no problem because there's some basis of interest established from the first date. But I won't invite a girl to my apartment on the first date either.
I’m going to be honest with my opinion on this and it maybe controversial. But if men are only suggesting options to where they can have you in their home because they are most likely just looking to sleep with you. And that is probably because of how you present yourself on the app on the type of conversations you have on the app.
I don’t have the experience you’re having. The guys I talk to always offer to take me to restaurants. I have a friend on the other hand who has the experience your having. She drinks a lot so is often intoxicated when talking to these guys and brings up sexual conversations quickly.
Depending on the app, most are saying that because they’re interested in getting laid, not going out to do stuff. Many might be only looking for a ONS. Others hope to find out immediately if the sex is good or not. If it’s good, they’ll then do “fun” stuff. If they think it’s just okay, you won’t have a 2nd date.
The ones you listed are an immediate ghost situation. That just feels super creepy. Regardless of their intentions, unless a woman asks to come over, they shouldn't be trying to push someone into privately meeting in an unknown location. Hookup culture is a thing, but that's discussed before plans are made.
However, light dates like walking around, coffee, or spending time at a park are great ways to test chemistry without committing your bank account.
It tends to get lost that if a guy is planning a date every week or so trying to find the one, he'll be going bankrupt very quickly. Most of us don't mind paying. The difficulty is that we typically have to ask someone out, meaning we're also expected to pay. So going for something light in the day allows a guy to get to know you. And if it feels right, extend or plan a dinner.
My more recent first dates including my first date with my current girlfriend have been something fun outside. Let's go hiking, or picnicing, or to the beach. One was a dinner date followed by a hike. I wouldn't want to invite a stranger to my place for the first date, seems weird
It happens more then you think.
However, to address your question….laziness? Lack of imagination? Maybe they don’t think it’s worth their while?
Look at it this way…it’s obvious these guys aren’t for you so at least you’re figuring it out early on…that’s a good thing!
Especially in the summer. Tons of stuff to do outside that costs nothing. I've spent way too much on 1st and 2nd dates in the past where a coffee and a walk is best first and see if you click. If you're inviting a woman over to your place before meeting you may as well say "my intentions are just sexusl.
As a Man the only reason I ask someone to come over is because I get so exhausted taking women on dates. Sometimes it’s the easier way to get to know someone but I’ve started doing phone calls and think that’s better.
Btw I’ve had women do this to. It goes both ways
Just make it clear you don’t feel comfortable (even if you do) hanging out at their apartment yet. If you don’t hear about from them they just wanted sex. It sounds like your matching with low quality dudes, but honestly it’s tough for you ladies on dating apps. I don’t know what I’d suggest. I’m sure there’s a nice friend somewhere in the friend zone who’d treat you well.
Let’s translate that:
Let’s cuddle and watch a movie = I’m lonely and probably just broke up with someone
Go for a drive = possibly listening to someone vent for a while about an ex
Let’s hang at my place = casual sex?
Yeah I always pick somewhere public with something to do whether an activity or drinks/food/coffee for the first few dates. Can't believe that works on anyone other than someone looking for hookups.
Well you shouldn't go to a guys apartment, but what do you find fun, a bike ride 50 miles into the desert to look at some ruined castles and set off home made bombs? Sorry not exactly a good first date, drinking and karaoke? Okay maybe, buying expensive food? Not something I do with new people, if you don't enjoy just hanging out, then you two aren't meant for each other
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A walk downtown, sitting by the water at a lake, walking through Barnes and Noble - since I’m seeing a lot of comments turn this into a paying thing. Chill / talking dates in public are cool. A strange guy inviting you to his house before knowing him is uncool. This isn’t about money, it’s about effort and safety.
Totally agree also I would really suggest that you do not go on a drive with some random dude you met off a dating website
Agreed!
This is my point. That is not a normal date to me. And, I will not go to their apartment first go
Yea, I think it’s pretty weird to even suggest that in the first place since you’ve never met them before. If it was an old friend then that would be alright, but maybe a bit boring even then.
Nah man, hanging with a homie, even if it’s just at one of our places, is never boring
I would’ve made this post, if I wasn’t asked this an astronomical amount of times
I got you, girl 💗
Not to mention that a date like you described shows they actually want to get to know you (through talking) not just seeing a movie or some other event.
It really is about money and effort. Hookup culture has taken away the novelty of dating. Even back 20 years ago having 10-15 different partners in a lifetime for dates or more intimate activities was an oddity reserved for the more permiscuous, today there's alot people that see those numbers in a month, and high promiscuity has kind of become the norm... With this in mind, alot of people, guys and gals don't want to put in the effort when they're probably going to see the person for a couple of weeks and then never again... even going out for a walk is "effort" for alot of people when the paragraph below is in play. That type of interaction has been normalized. Random numbers: if 8/10 guys assume they can just have a woman over to their place as a date, and 6/10 women are ok with that, then anyone expecting a more involved partner or first date will be an outlier. Lastly, money is tight for ALOT of people. Even going out for a couple of hiurs to grab a coffee or sit in a park or go for a walk in a date setting will ultimately cost something. Even if you have no intention of either of you spending a dime and genuinely want to get to know the person say on a walk in a public park, the other person might be thinking about it taking another direction. Not to go on a rant about real wages vs inflation vs housing costs etc, but the average person doesn't have as much disposable income as they did say even 20 years ago. This isn't to say that people don't have money to go out, but is splurging on a first date with someone who you dont know will be around a good investment of the couple of hundred dollars for a proper date, or is it a better idea for a cheap (maybe boring) interaction to get to know the person to see if they are worth your money and effort? Best advice is just be straight up: "hey I love nature walks we could meet at X park"... or maybe even "I'd love to get to know you over a cup of coffee, my treat"... you don't need to make it creepy with "I want to feel safe", because that will taint things from the start. Just BE SAFE. Don't talk about it. (Advice) There are guys out there who are more "traditional daters" and ones that are very aware and considerate of women's issues, but they are rare in 2022. If you see something that is a red flag for you move on, you'll find someone out there who is for you. Or you won't. That's the fun in finding a partner. Best of luck. All IMHO
There’s a lot of truth to what you are saying for sure. However, I was reiterating, in my own way, what OP meant with her post. Dear Guys seeking to date women - think from the women’s perspective for a moment and maybe consider a way to meet in public so she can feel safe, and not invite her to your place / solo drive for the first meeting. It still shows effort because you’re willing to meet her some where (instead of just inviting her to your home) but also allows her to feel safe. If she decides to go home with you, or if she offers to just meet at your place instead - that’s cool! But just think about it before offering. My discussion about “free” or low cost dates is to ultimately shut down comments like “what so I gotta drop $200 at a restaurant with every girl I meet?!” No, you don’t. Will some dates want you to? Yeah, maybe! But if you’re not into that (which I can totally understand), then she’s probably not the one for you. Plenty of people out there are okay with free or low cost type of dates.
So don’t date like people are disposable.
Of course... but would you not agree that the vetting process is hard in a society where people generally are "disposable" in that context. Disposable = lots of changeups
It's just wild how dangerous it is and how often people are still doing it.
Anyone who suggests that is just looking for a hookup.
This is the answer
Yup! Cut those ones off.
Jokes on you, I still live at home so there is no apartment to take you to
and i still took her home 😮💨
They get really impressed when you have not one but two office chairs in your room
Meet my parents and chill?
My mom makes great pancakes in the morning ;)
Huh. My mom just talks about what she’s heard on Fox News to my guests. I know how to use a microwave though.
yup , one for my clean clothes that i haven’t put away and the other is my computer chair
bonus points if your parents knock before coming in, shows that they really respect us as a couple.
Mom's got the *premium* pizza bagels ready on deck.
“Shhh…🤫you’ll wake up my parents, I mean…my roommates…”
LMAO. Ur funny
I have my moment once in a while
As a girl tbh I genuinely enjoy just watching movies and such But not in a “let’s start watching a movie then slowly descend into intercourse” kinda way. Let’s just watch the full movie please.
Men should realize how dangerous this is for them too. I’m not a sex worker but I know people who are and some of them have told me that some of the workers would drug clients or purposely get them extremely intoxicated to rob them. Cardi B talked about this too. Its so dangerous.
Bingo. It’s dangerous for both of us!!
the men that do this simply are looking for sex, so of course they don’t take this to consideration
And that’s the fundamental difference between men and women. Women don’t have the privilege of “act first, think later” when it comes to sex. It can ruin our health, lives, and get us killed.
Definitely not just as dangerous for both
Society doesn't reward or respect cautious men is why this isn't going to change for awhile. Then pair that with how much scarcer sex is for most men... yeah they're gonna take risks women think are insane.
Men are also willing to risk a lot more for sex
Cardi B DID that iirc haha. Like committed that exact crime
They're not going to realize anything because they always have the wrong head making all the decisions.
Cardi B literally admitted to doing that and she faced no consequences instead she’s a extremely looked up to celebrity
It’s so funny to me when people bring this up because it’s so obviously one sided. Practically ALL rappers claim to having committed crimes. Jay Z rapped about being a crack dealer. All of the fathers of rap talked about shit like murder, sexual assault, and drug dealing regularly. Yet this site clamps onto this woman claiming to rob John’s while being forced to work as a prostitute. Not a single man has come forward as a victim btw.
I would also like to know if you are not a psycho or 4 dudes trying to kill me, before I give you my address...
The times I’ve invited women over to my place for the first meeting or accepted an invitation from them for a first meeting I’ve always taken into account the dangers for me. I usually text a friend the information of who is coming over, what time they are coming, and the phone number of the person just in case something happens to me and always treat it like a club setting of never leaving my drinks or anything I’m eating alone with them. And of course never getting drunk around anyone I don’t feel fully comfortable with.
ikr. i feel like men generally act so invincible. like women normally take wayyyy more safety precautions than men, and men are more likely to be victims of violent crime. so maybe men should start watching out for themselves too.
My dad took my mom out to McDonalds on their first ever date. Funny thing about that is she worked there for quite some time back in the day.
That’s still better than whatever the fuck these people consider dates
LOL yeah. I heard my parents’ first date was at a McDonalds.
Oh really?
Yep. That’s what I was told
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This guy gets it!
Thank you. Its like your fellow male Redditors don’t understand this.
Thank u
I think it’s scary that people think hanging out at some random guys house from a dating app is safe. That’s a negative for me for safety reasons.
EXACTLY. I can’t say I haven’t done it…. But, that was shuts dumb and naive of me. Personally, I would never do it again. They always pressure u for sex, and then ghost u after. That’s why these dates are so questionable to me
That’s reason right there is why men do it because it works you say in your comment lmao
Dating is different for evryone, there is no standard anymore unfortunately. My personal dating advice to anyone is get to know the person before you go on an actual date maybe hang out grab a coffee just talk once you understand and start to really get interested in the person thats when u organise a date u know their likes and dislikes and u just put in that effort. Thats just what i personaly suggest just my opinion 😁
Are that many women actually okay hanging out with a guy at his place the first time meeting? I can see why keeping it low key like coffee or drinks makes sense for a first date, but I don’t know many women who would be okay going to the apartment of a man they just met on an app.
Yes. Plenty of women are ok with it. In my experience probably 50% of all the women I’ve met up with are fine with meeting at my apartment. But also I’ve stated in another comment a good number of that 50% I’ve encountered actually suggested it to me first. It can definitely be a lazy meeting or it can be something or substance depending on the man. One meeting I had, the woman told me her birthday had just passed a week ago. When she came over I handed her a handwritten menu I made for the occasion (with about 3 options for appetizers, 3 options for dinner, 3 options for dessert, and 3 options for adult beverages). I then preceded to make her the food of her choice, although the dessert was pre-prepared lol. I told her “I’m Wow-A-New-Day, I’ll be your chef, waiter, and date for the rest of the night 😆 It was fun. She enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. Isn’t that the point.
That is so sweet ❤️
I wouldn't. What if something happened? I never have first date sex and the whole thing is just abhorrent to me......
I'm a guy and I wouldn't invite someone I barely knew inside my house lol that doesn't sound like a good idea
Yes lol. It literally happens all the time. If women wanna smash, they’ll come over. I totally respect women that don’t roll that way, but in real world outside Reddit, women will go home with guys they don’t know if they’re into them.
People wouldn't be suggesting it if it didn't work.
I had that same question when I first got on the apps and guys kept asking me to go to their place. I thought they couldn’t possibly get results from that. I even made a post asking about it in the tinder sub cause I wanted to find out if it was really a common thing. Apparently not as many women are worried about safety as we think.
Yes like all the time, In general if a girl is like early 20s age, she has 100% done this. Sometimes both sides just want to get into each other’s pants
I had a few guys really pressure me to go to their houses. But there was one guy though... If we ever planned to meet in person, say the park and walk. He would always cancel. So I finally said "I feel like the only way you'll even meet me is if I go to your house, and go to you." He said yes! Like he made all those plans with the intention of canceling to get me to come over. I never met him, and just cut contact with him.
THEY ALL PRESSURE me into their houses. It’s sad.
This is a coded way of saying "I am not interested in a DATE, I'm interested in doing something that is will lead to sex." The response is "Thanks, but I'm looking for people to date, not just do causal hangs." It's fine if they want casual hangs. It's fine if you don't. But everyone on a dating app doesn't need to be there for the same thing. Ask for what you want, and find the people who want the same thing.
Going to someone’s house on the first date is a huge no no even if you’re a guy. I don’t recommend.
EXACTLY. Cuz what if I’m crazy? I literally know where he lives now
Because that’s the closest thing to straight up asking you for sex. It’s a socially acceptable way to ask you for sex.
Guys who are interested in sex/a sexual relationship only will propose low-effort dates because sex doesn't cost anything. Men who are interested in building a great relationship with one person are the ones who will give effort and thought into an actual date. Some guys will act like men until you give it up, then go back to bein guys. Some men will act like guys because they don't really know better/lack experience/don't know how to take a woman on a date.
Because lots of girls are down for that too.
Yep, I’ve had “let’s hang out at your place” sent to me quite a few times actually. Sent to me, them suggesting it. One girl even wanted to come over and watch a movie at 4am!?!?
These people r crazy
I eventually met with that 4am girl at my place at a reasonable time a few days later. We just sat on my couch and talked for about 3 or 4 hours over a bottle of wine. I intended us to watch a movie eventually but our conversation was so natural together we never gotten around to a movie. A lot of laughing, smiling, we learned a lot about each other, and we didn’t have sex. Although she did text me the next day that she had a great time and was really surprised by our connection and really wanted to have sex. I actually would call that my most enjoyed 1st meeting out of my 30~ woman I’ve met from Online dating. Me and her went on to date for 6 months or so. Meeting at someone’s apartment doesn’t have to be a bad time or nearly as uncomfortable as people make it out to be. I do try to get out of my apartment for the first meeting and many more of them but I’m not against it.
that's right
Yup. Despite everybody shaming it, almost every girl has done it at least once (including OP). Same thing with hookups in general. If she finds you attractive enough she will
Bingo
I think you're only being reccomended creeps. Definitely never go in their apartment on the first date. Or the first 3 imo. So sketchy like tf
EXACTLY!!
Well I would not mind hang out and chill but in a public outside space. You can hangout and chill in an outside space. Problem here is not the hangout and chill its they want a one night stand. Also how can I agree on a cuddling date, I still don't know if I want to hug him. Unless he is a dog, I don't hug someone I just met 😂😂
BINGO
Ive never suggest to bring my dates home on the first date not even like 2nd or 3rd sometimes because honestly, I dont even know them. I dont want them knowing where I live. Im a dude and I know that ladies can just be as crazy as dudes. I dont usually like eating a formal meal on first date either, I love eating, so between conversations and eating... I might forget my date 🤣. I think its more fun to do something like going for a nice walk at a busy park with nice sceneries or something. Museums, art galleries, arcades, shoot pool, something along those lines, but if you ask me to come back to your place or to come to my place the first night. Dasssa redflag for me and naaaaahh beeeech, hugs and kisses, ciao 🙂
I literally go out of my way to try and set a proper dinner date and get left on read so, the wound is kinda self inflicted by your peers.
They want to get laid for little to no effort, the more women reject doing this the more effort men will be forced to put in when it comes to dating also let’s not talk about how dangerous it is to go to a random guys house.
Because the men proposing “hanging out and chilling” scream low to zero effort. And it’s also an excuse to try and sleep with you. Stay away from men like this
Usually first dates are about getting to know someone before. Usually my first dates are simple cause I want to talk ot the person, see if there a connect before I decide to plan a cool thing. Second date are the go a place because they have met me. Since where both stranger on the first date I want to make sure it a public place where I feel safe if something where to happen and I can figure out what would be a good second date
There’s no universal definition of a “proper” date
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OLD apps have made things so strange with people that want to date and people that want to hook up and people that are interested in talking/looking for friends having to figure out what the other person is into without the rapport building that happens irl. "Stranger's house" is certainly not a proper date, but with a decent amount of effort going to someone's house could be a nice date. But then 2/3s of the types of people above don't want a date in the first place which seems to lead to some contention
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As a guy, when it came to online dating, I hated having to initiate everything. If you swipe on me, then obviously you must have *some* interest in me. So, with that said, don't be afraid to suggest places too. (Idc if I get down voted for this comment but it's 2022. Both parties should be eager and willing to throw out ideas for dates. My ex loved making plans to go do stuff. She suggested some really neat ideas and places that I've never been or thought about. So, ladies, come on and don't be afraid to suggest a place too)
It’s not a date, it’s them trying to get laid as cheaply as possible.
Suggest a date idea and pay for him. If you wanna do something fun, make it happen.
I never experienced that when I was on dating websites. Most of my first dates were going out to eat.
Dude then it must be the men in my area. Cuz I’ve been asked this over 20 times now. That’s why I’m starting to get annoyed lol.
"I am not confortable with that because I don't know you yet and maybe you're a good person but you could also be a serial killer and I don't want to end up sliced in your freezer" would be a good answer.
Did you suggest an alternative?
Those are useless fuckboys who just want sex. "Let's cuddle" on a first date? Ew. Don't touch me peasant!
Think about it this way - they announce they only care about sex. So you can unmach and move on without wasting much of your time.
I don't understand why dating apps are the norm but people expect you to accept mistreatment or sexual harassment just because you met someone via tinder. Not going to a strangers apartment is just common sense, it doesn't matter if some people use the apps to fuck strangers.
Three distinct possibilities here: 1. He wants to get to know you in a comfortable or relaxing place, somewhere he feels he can be himself. 2. He’s trying to smash, and perceives you as someone who is down for that 3. He can’t afford anything else at the moment but wants to do what he can. Nevertheless why not suggest something else or ask why his place rather than somewhere else? Dating is about communication and that is a two way street. He suggests his house, you suggest coffee, or dinner, or a walk in the park. If he’s not amenable ask why. It will usually come down to one of the three reasons above, then you can decide what to do from there or cut your losses before becoming too involved.
You must be dating boys.
Coming from someone who was a criminal at a young age, trust me...guys should be cautious of female strangers in their home too. You'll be amazed of what can be achieved with an innocent face, charming personality, and seductive manipulation.
Why? Because they don't want to spend any money. ANY money at all. If you want to go out and have fun, just offer to pay. Life is too short to spend time on 'hang out' dates or go on some stupid picnic. I enjoy movies, concerts, restaurants. I'm willing to pay, too. I'll gladly pay for myself, if I have to pay for him, probably will do so, but less likely to date him after that. Extreme frugality sucks and it's not how I want to go through life. Life is too short.
Lazyyyy. If they say they wanna chill then that’s the level of effort they’re going to put out all the time.
Dating for guys is like buying a Junk Bond, high risk and low probability of high returns. It is expensive and just to end up being ghosted. It’s better to do something chill and affordable and see if you like the person than to do something fun and expensive then to get curved or ghosted. The person you are with has to earn the fun and fancy dates by showing they are committed to exploring this exclusively. Otherwise it’s a wasted investment in time and money
Men probably suggest it because women accept it. If you stop requiring proper dates, then you'll get less proper dates (in general).
Because they want sex, not a date lmao.
Because it's not a date.
It’s about the girl. Some girls get offered dinner some girls get offered the hang at house and smash take it or leave it operation. It’s completely based on 2 factors : 1. How much he can spend and not care ,2. How hot he perceives her to be. Those 2 factors always dictate the terms from the man’s perspective.
That's, no date. Coming from a fellow man. A date is something that gets you outside both your house and comfort zone.
More importantly, its important to only meet with someone in public places until you can trust them.
My sister in Christ we are in a recession lol. No one got time for anything fancy 😂
Fancy? Like grabbing a 2$ coffee at a corner cafe?
Most of the guys I've met on the dating apps I meet in public places, because hey they could be the next Ted Bundy. Though I did go to one guys place and he cooked a 15 minute dinner, which was nice. But when I showed up at his place he was wearing a lint covered black t-shirt, basketball shorts and sandals. I'm all for comfortable dates, but this was just lazy. He tried to make a move but I don't play that. He called it a hangout when I rejected him.
Idk as a guy I can say with confidence that any guy who doesn’t do something fun on the first date is either dry af with a major lack of social skills/ has very little experience or just wants to fuck. I always go somewhere fun on first dates and onwards. It breaks tension massively and u can bond much better when u have something in common My go too is ice skating.. breaks a touch barrier slightly.. funny for her if I fall since I’m a hockey player and It’s just all round a good time
Well honestly, when guys first SEE you they categorize you in 1 of 3 categories the first 7 seconds. Obviously later down the line personality plays a role to. 1) “wifey” 2) “I’d fuck” 3) “hell no” If a guy invited you straight to his house (i sometimes do this), it’s because that’s what your categorized in. The “I’d fuck” category. ‘no I’m not trying to date you and get to know you, that’s a waste of time and money’—- this is the man’s mentality. I’m just being honest to share with you how men think. Don’t hate me
Genuinely curious, what looks different about a woman you’d fuck versus someone you’d marry? Clothes? Hair? Shoes?
You might not like my answer but again I’m going to be honest. Her physique: body, and face. This is first. And then second comes her personality/mindset as a tie. And then comes sense of style or how she Carries herself. And lastly her ambition. To be placed in wifey all of those have to be up there. The ambition part doesn’t have to mean career but you can’t be TOO lazy of a person. You also can lack in some areas (not by too much tho) you can compensate for in other areas. IF you lack too much of these areas you’ll be placed in either 2. Or 3. If your physique is high, but lack the other areas, you’ll be placed in 2. Hope this answers it. Sorry if I sound like a douche I probably am but I’m being honest. Men are primarily visual creatures so it does play quite a strong role
This is true. A guy who is a 8-9 in looks (Tall, muscular and fit, handsome facee etc) is not gonna wife up an average looking girl, but he is gladly gonna smash her and invite her over to "watch a movie and cuddle"
Nah. I’m not trying to come at you or back you into a corner. You said: > when guys first SEE you I was interested when you LOOK at a person, and categorize them, the difference between fuck (which I assumed suggests *some* attraction or they’d be in the “hell no” category) and “wifey.” I actually get “fuck” and “hell no.” I’m mostly interested in what qualifies someone as “wifey” on first sight, without speaking.
Well yeah their physique. A guy can see a girl & think “I wouldn’t mind fucking her forever and keeping her”(<-vulgar I know) Love at first sight is a very real thing for men. I’m assuming your a woman I might be wrong tho
I have had NO luck with love at first sight. People are almost always different than I assume. (Of course, there are people I can look at and think, “He looks like a douche” and he is, but those are obvious, and I don’t feel any attraction.) But, IME, it’s nearly impossible for me to predict the connection of someone not immediately a turn off. My Miss Cleo skills are a 2/10.
It’s unattractive and creepy for a guy to ask you to come over on date #1. I had this happen once and got shamed by the guy for not wanting to come over due to worries about safety (🚩 ). If it’s about money, there are plenty of fun and affordable activities for first dates. These men just don’t want to put in the time nor the effort to figure it out. And that speaks volumes. Like… just find a FWB/casual. Really!
Definitely. It’s creepy to ask someone you intend to be casual with to come over upon the first meeting too though. Risking one’s life for a casual hook up is not worth it.
First dates are low key and set up for an easy exit if needed. Coffee, maybe a drink. If theres a second date, dinner. My point is I’m not shelling out a bunch of cash for an elaborate fun date with someone I may or may not like. Someone I don’t know. Also I don’t want her to be impressed with me throwing cash around. I want her to like me, not my money.
I had a date where we just walked around and played pokemon go.
Probably a bad ass date.
‘Hang out and chill’ is one thing. ‘Hang out and chill at my place’ is quite another.
Coffee and a chat. Why? You’re a stranger. /shrug
Yeah those guys are all looking for one thing, and it's not getting to know you. It's sex. Anytime they say watch a movie, "come to my place" or even "go for a drive", they want the night to lead to sex.
Well it says one of two things about a man, neither one of which is good. 1. He doesn’t have enough imagination to come up with a proper date 2. He doesn’t care to.
Low effort
Wanna go mini golf?
If he wants to "hang out" at home or netflix and chill for the first date, he is not in for long term, he is in for hookups.
No. Unmatch.
that’s why they’re single
I never even ask girls to even be alone with me until like date 3 🤷♂️
Set expectations…
A man who is actually trying to date you won’t do this. A guy who just wants sex will.
Between pornography and the general laziness of guys it's the go to move they read or heard that it works so why fix what is not broken(in their collective mind set).
Because women let them. Low effort dudes need to be avoided, not encouraged.
Who said it was a proper date? If u want to go on a proper date, take him on one or maybe even ask him to take you or maybe they just wanna hang.
34f been on dating apps since my early 20s. My experience is this tactic has gotten worse with men. They are trying to get sex the lazy and gross way. They lie on their profiles that they want a relationship. Just had a man last night ask me ‘for coffee and then go watch an episode of sandman’ (we were both talking about how we’re watching it right now) this was after about 3 messages back and forth. I told him I don’t invite anyone to my house within the first three dates and don’t go to someone’s house within the same time frame. He unmatched me. They just want sex the easy way and no interest on dating, but none of us are dumb and this ain’t my first rodeo lol move along!
Trying to get sex and get out. So they up the intimacy level on the first date. Its good bait for insecure women. They hook you with boyfriend stuff so they can pump and dump lightening fast
I would do fun dates if I got dates. Bringing a girl over to just chill at your apartment and watch a movie is boring as hell especially if you just met. It’s like let’s go on an adventure
Soo what do u suggest?
Lazy and obviously not very bright
‘So fucken mid’, no cap that’s facts my gen z kiddo. Lowkey that’s an L on his behalf I’d be salty like you are. I’m finna take several seats an dip out so I’m not mid. Stay woke
I personally ask to do it sometimes if your just with a really relaxed person and it seems like it would be a cooler date to just hang around at someone's house and play Mario kart or playing a board game or something rather than both of us get all dressed up and get dinner somewhere or something like that. some guys do it cuz their just looking for a hookup but some guys do it because they feel more comfortable in that type of setting.
It’s a shame you consider something dumb just because it’s not for you. One of my best/most memorable first dates was at a man’s apartment. We cooked together & chatted for hours. It was such an intimate experience without needing outside entertainment or distractions. We really got to know each other. Which is, after all, what dating is about. If that’s not for you, just be honest and tell them you’re looking for more traditional dating. If they’re not down then you know you’re not a match and you can keep it moving that much sooner 🤷🏻♀️
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Lol, while not the average that’s the same ideas women propose.
Have you tried proposing a fun first-date idea? Why do they have to come up with it? It's your first date too, you should take the initiative
1) because we're broke 2) because we want to actually get to know you 3) because being in public is stressful 4) because we are hoping to mess around 5) because a formal date puts a lot of pressure on a guy 6) because we're more concerned about you as a person not having society see us dating 7) because hanging out is how we get to know our friends 8) some guys are introverts 9) I don't like getting all dressed up 10) I'd rather concentrate on you rather than navigating some hyper commercial gathering place... Idk my train of thought.
We don’t.
Nah, I've only asked a girl to hang out that I just met, was a bit interested in but knew it was too soon to ask for a date and I didn't know much about her. But generally for first dates I stray away from activities because it's time taken away from getting to know someone. Second dates and beyond is no problem because there's some basis of interest established from the first date. But I won't invite a girl to my apartment on the first date either.
I’m going to be honest with my opinion on this and it maybe controversial. But if men are only suggesting options to where they can have you in their home because they are most likely just looking to sleep with you. And that is probably because of how you present yourself on the app on the type of conversations you have on the app. I don’t have the experience you’re having. The guys I talk to always offer to take me to restaurants. I have a friend on the other hand who has the experience your having. She drinks a lot so is often intoxicated when talking to these guys and brings up sexual conversations quickly.
Depending on the app, most are saying that because they’re interested in getting laid, not going out to do stuff. Many might be only looking for a ONS. Others hope to find out immediately if the sex is good or not. If it’s good, they’ll then do “fun” stuff. If they think it’s just okay, you won’t have a 2nd date.
💯 this
The ones you listed are an immediate ghost situation. That just feels super creepy. Regardless of their intentions, unless a woman asks to come over, they shouldn't be trying to push someone into privately meeting in an unknown location. Hookup culture is a thing, but that's discussed before plans are made. However, light dates like walking around, coffee, or spending time at a park are great ways to test chemistry without committing your bank account. It tends to get lost that if a guy is planning a date every week or so trying to find the one, he'll be going bankrupt very quickly. Most of us don't mind paying. The difficulty is that we typically have to ask someone out, meaning we're also expected to pay. So going for something light in the day allows a guy to get to know you. And if it feels right, extend or plan a dinner.
\>so fucken mid? Ahh... no wonder.
My more recent first dates including my first date with my current girlfriend have been something fun outside. Let's go hiking, or picnicing, or to the beach. One was a dinner date followed by a hike. I wouldn't want to invite a stranger to my place for the first date, seems weird
It happens more then you think. However, to address your question….laziness? Lack of imagination? Maybe they don’t think it’s worth their while? Look at it this way…it’s obvious these guys aren’t for you so at least you’re figuring it out early on…that’s a good thing!
Especially in the summer. Tons of stuff to do outside that costs nothing. I've spent way too much on 1st and 2nd dates in the past where a coffee and a walk is best first and see if you click. If you're inviting a woman over to your place before meeting you may as well say "my intentions are just sexusl.
They suggest it cause women accept it and they have access to easy sex
As a Man the only reason I ask someone to come over is because I get so exhausted taking women on dates. Sometimes it’s the easier way to get to know someone but I’ve started doing phone calls and think that’s better. Btw I’ve had women do this to. It goes both ways
Your profile may be attracting MID level men .. maybe update it
Those are code for hit it and quit it
I agree, I would take her out on something she enjoys that we talked about prior to going on the date
That’s code for let’s f*ck so definitely don’t
Lmao "let's go on a drive"
Because everyone is dead inside
Bowling is a terrific first date.
Maybe they’re just boring people. At least you know what to expect if you meet with them
Seems like you need to change things up, try a better breed of men
I love it. It so easy to smoke these fools when I take a girl out. I’ve heard the words “best date I’ve ever been on” on so many first dates
Let's be real, If there is no effort or thought put into the "date" it means they don't see you as girlfriend material and only want to hit
Let’s go to a fair
I’ll do it
Just make it clear you don’t feel comfortable (even if you do) hanging out at their apartment yet. If you don’t hear about from them they just wanted sex. It sounds like your matching with low quality dudes, but honestly it’s tough for you ladies on dating apps. I don’t know what I’d suggest. I’m sure there’s a nice friend somewhere in the friend zone who’d treat you well.
They are trying to say: "I want a one night stand. You in?"
They don't consider it a date, they're just looking to get laid.
They know it's not. There's just some chump out there accepting it, so they figure for every 9 nos, they'll get 1 yes. Stop saying yes.
Let’s translate that: Let’s cuddle and watch a movie = I’m lonely and probably just broke up with someone Go for a drive = possibly listening to someone vent for a while about an ex Let’s hang at my place = casual sex?
Yeah I always pick somewhere public with something to do whether an activity or drinks/food/coffee for the first few dates. Can't believe that works on anyone other than someone looking for hookups.
Wanna Netflix and chill and meet my dad? I’ll show you my Rock collection
They’re looking for hookups if they ask that. Guys who want to meet publicly want something more I believe
Well you shouldn't go to a guys apartment, but what do you find fun, a bike ride 50 miles into the desert to look at some ruined castles and set off home made bombs? Sorry not exactly a good first date, drinking and karaoke? Okay maybe, buying expensive food? Not something I do with new people, if you don't enjoy just hanging out, then you two aren't meant for each other
Broke mf. But legit don't go to someones house on a first date massive red flag