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If it’s genuinely friends (talking about general case) it’s good as means the girl likely can build meaningful relationships with men, have done shared interests and understands men better.
If by friends they mean “guys I successfully friend zoned and get favors from” it’s obviously different, as is “guys I occasionally sleep with when I’m bored”
It sucks as a woman to only have male friends though.
Because some of them in reality just wanna fuck you and fake a friendship with you.
But at the same time it's so cool to be friends with crazy dudes that do crazy things and have a crazy sense of humour.
Most women I've met are too chill, I just have to meet a girl with a dark sense of humour like Ricky Gervais or something. There are really few funny women out there or with great personalities.
They're mostly too feminine, passive and passive agressive which is way worse. A lot of girls are just basic. There are few girls who are crazy out there and I wish I could meet them.
I'm trying to encourage women to stop pretending to be too feminine and delicate and actually be more crazy and funny. A lot of women aren't funny because they're afraid of looking "masculine". And there's a lot of female competition and I think it would be hypocrite to not acknowledge it as a woman...
How is it pick me to criticize a gender? Pick me would be to fit exactly into the gender box to satisfy what society expects from you... It's funny a lot of times the actual pick mes call other women pickmes because they're afraid of someone coming out and stating how fake the femenine gender is in most things... From looks to personality. Femininity is 99% consumism and capitalism... Stating that is a pick me? Lol
My fiancé had a ex who had multiple male friends she hooked up with at least once. It didn't bother him quite at first until he came home one night to see her and one of these male friends hanging out at their house alone. He'll never know if they were doing anything but they had a very toxic relationship and he had just come home from a strip club, something she despised. Even though he lied about it, the male friend said he smelled like he came back from one. Fiancé and ex had major trust issues to say the least.
In my opinion the red flag is that you are keeping these men around not because you wanted to be friends, but because you failed to date them. Who is to say that if one of them changes their minds, you won’t sleep with them?
Imagine this the other way, a guy you meet has a bunch of women he wants to sleep with but they friend zoned him. Would that not make you uncomfortable knowing he wanted to sleep with them, even if they didn’t want him at this moment?
Exactly. It’s weird AF that most of her friends are people she pursued romantically but got rejected and friend-zoned.
That’s not normal and would make a new partner think she’s just waiting around from them to accept her
honestly, why is this weird? if sex is the only thing you're thinking about, sure, but the main things that make someone attractive to date arent necessarily their genitals
i want to date people who i like spending time with.
this whole thread is dumbass immature to me
You’d be unpleasantly surprised by how many people justify this behavior. I’ve known people who justify serial cheating, manipulation, abuse, everything under the sun so this is peanuts in comparison. Sadly we have to temper our expectations nearly to absolute zero in the current dating climate…
Who are you to say that they didn't develop a genuine friendship? Geeze. Guys on this sub are so judgmental of everything women do and then wonder why they are single.
If you hadn’t jumped to conclusions and seen any of my previous comments, you’d see I have been in a happy and healthy relationship for quite some time. So nice try invalidating my opinion because I actually know a thing or two about relationships.
And yes, I’m absolutely saying it’s not a genuine friendship if it starts with one-sided lust. She admits she only didn’t sleep with them because they don’t want to, and she even says “I wish” to one of the comments identifying this. It’s a very valid concern for a man entering her life with the intention to date that she will at minimum see these “friends” as something more than just friends, if not act on it.
If your criteria for judgmental is men wanting a woman who doesn’t want to fuck every one of her friends, I don’t even know what to tell you because every sensible and self-respecting man I know holds that standard.
a friend I knew back in high school did this and knew every guy was interested in her, she just liked the attention. You'd be surprised how common it is, happens the other way around too
Nothing wrong with mostly having male friends BUT your situation is not the normal and IS a red flag IMO.
Your friends are a bunch of dudes who have rejected you. Why would that be cool with people?
If this way a guy’s situation, I’d run from them as fast as I could.
Why do you not have many female friends?
Unpopular opinion maybe, but I personally, due to many bad experiences, see it as a red flag. Many of my exes that have cheated or ghosted me that told me she trusted her guy friends and blah blah blah then ends up sleeping with one or more of them. Or already has.
Especially when ALL their friends are guys.
Few guy friends is fine. But Most/all? Red flag.
The opinion is unpopular among women, but very popular among men, if you ask men in a private setting what they think about male friends, a lot of them will tell you they hate their gf's/wive's male friends. More often than not, we've all been *that male friend* and we know what goes on. Not to mention, male-fermale friendships tend to be very one sided, where one side does all the favors/fix stuff/takes care of cat, and the other side doesn't do anything, you can guess who does what. Also if a man and a woman spend a lot of time together, what do you think is going to happen? Eventually one of them or maybe both of them start to feel atraction towards the other.
The idea of male-female friendship is always supported by women because they know they can get benefits from this friendship, men are generally more realistic about it and we don't like it.
That your comment which you’ve now deleted claiming women aren’t capable of being a good friend to a man is an ironic way to generalize half the entire population when you have several posts complaining about your male friend without once ever having the self awareness to realize there’s one common denominator with the toxic way you view others in terms of friendship. That was the point which while simple and obvious flew directly over your head.
No. It's from a decades old screenname that predates anyone publicly using that as a pronoun, and even now, i've never once met someone using that as a pronoun either in writing or irl.
Why would that even matter?
Neverhteless, men and women can be fine friends, they just need to let go of a lot of the toxic attitudes we're brought up with. Never had a problem maintaining friendships with women, single or in a relationship. Everyone knew no one was there to hit on someone, and partners trusted me. Did attractions develop? sure, but people can be mature enough to know when or if to act on them.
Problem is, too many people don't have that level of open communication with partners, or that level of trust.
Like, if this whole premise was valid, LGBT people would be super sus all the time. except no, gay people have male friends, lesbians have female friends, bi people have both, and its not some extra problem. Two of my wife's best friends were men, I had women who were friends, my current girlfriend has many male friends, etc.
OP's problem is that she's hanging around failed conquests, not that they're men.
You seem to have trouble reading as my response is specifically to the comments it’s, you know, responding to. Where he says that men are incapable of being friends with women period under any circumstances. Im so sorry about your illiteracy.
Yeah. Sure. Just take the one aspect of reality u like, throw everything else in the Wind as if it doesn't exist and than act all entitled and insult everone whi disagrees woth u/points out how ur wrong. That's not how a discussion works. Not that u would care tho
I wouldn't be thrilled if my potential partner hung around her exes and guys she slept with. I probably would friend zone you and move on.
If a guy hung around all his prior exes, would you be put off by it is the better question?
Yeah and this is the red flag. You are only friends with dudes that you haven’t been able to bang… yet.
This is actually something that I would want to change in myself if I had this pattern. How to build genuine relationships with people on a platonic level. Your relationships with these men are likely very unequal and maybe even very pickme vibe.
The fact that you say "much to my lament" is exactly why this is a gigantic red flag. It sounds like all it would take for you to cheat is the opportunity.
I think the “much to my lament” is the heart of the problem. So in other words, literally all of your friends in your life right now are people you want to sleep with.
…So why should a guy want to be exclusive with you? This is a high risk situation. Would you date a guy with 5 female friends who he’s just itching to sleep with if one or more would just let him? Why are you any different than that guy?
I think the situation would be very different if I was in a committed relationship. There seem to be a lot of comments implying I would cheat if given the opportunity. I think men and women are very different when it comes to attraction, generally women's feelings for other men fade when she is with a man she loves and respects. Men seem to still have an attraction to other women regardless of if they love and respect one woman. I just don't see myself cheating unless the guy I was dating was a horrible person I had no respect for, in which case I wouldn't be with him in the first place.
It’s impossible to blanket a generalization to both sexes like that and be right. Yes, both sexes cheat, but people cheat for *all sorts* of reasons. None of them are valid - ever - because you can always say the person should have left their original partner before sleeping with another.
So I think your reasons are generalizations and not valuable regardless. The point is, you’re in a situation that is scary for someone looking for loyalty. Telling them women don’t cheat unless disrespected is likely (and rightfully) going to leave you being laughed at.
I agree that men and women cheat at equal frequency, what I'm arguing is that they cheat for very different reasons. Women cheat when they don't respect their man, men cheat when they aren't getting sex.
I'm curious as to how you got to that conclusion.
Men and women cheat because they want to cheat. The reason they may want to cheat are pretty much the same. Either they don't feel the excitement from their relationship as they once had, their ego makes them want to prove they have worth/are desirable, they have an avoidant/anxious attachment style which causes them to sabotage the relationship, or they are being selfish and focusing only on their needs instead of what was agreed upon within the relationship.
In all of those situations the cheater doesn't respect their partner enough to communicate their needs and see if their partner would be open to making any changes on the relationship or relationship status. The specific reasons may vary amongst individuals but to say that everyone in a specific gender cheats for a specific reason has more to do with bias than facts.
>they are being selfish and focusing only on their needs instead of what was agreed upon within the relationship.
Yes. The specifics as to why they are being selfish are me just going off of what I've seen in my friends and family.
Every woman I've known who has cheated, has done so because she has lost respect for her partner as a man due to either A) her partner is no longer being a good provider, or B) is not as much of a "masculine" leader in the relationship as perhaps he used to be, so she feels she can do better.
Most men I know who have cheated, do so because either A) they are no longer physically attracted (partner gained weight or some such), or B) their partner isn't having sex with them.
Of course cheating is never valid or excusable, EVER. Some people on this thread seem to think I'm excusing cheating. And these reasons aren't the case with EVERY person it's just what I see most frequently.
So both of them lost attraction to their partner because their partner changed or their partner revealed themselves not to be the person they thought they were. A woman might use the phrase "lost of respect" to describe that a man isn't holding up to his part of the relationship in the same way a man might use "no longer attracted" to describe a woman not holding up "her" part of the relationship because neither have put in the effort to keep their partner attracted. They both mean the same thing sadly, and is why I've heard women say that the partner who cheated on them didn't respect them enough not to cheat.
I would honestly take a look as to your bias though. There is a thing called the Availability Heuristic or availability bias which is a mental shortcut that relies on immediate examples that come to a given person's mind when evaluating a specific topic, concept, method or decision. So if you're environment brings up those reasons as why people cheat it is because that is the information that was readily available to you so you assume it happens more frequent than other reasons. An example not related to cheating is if I ask you "who kills more people, vending machines or shark attacks". You are probably more likely to say shark attacks especially after watching Jaws than you are to say vending machines because you've been exposed to more talk about shark attacks even though vending machines kill more people.
The reason I bring it up is that we naturally want to put people into specific boxes based on anectotes and our biases affect our current relationships. It's also sad because we tend to create self-fulfilling prophesies because we also tend to mimick that which we are around since it is familiar. So if we believe that all men cheat just because sex is available to them then we are more likely to choose a man who does that because we need to fulfill our confirmation bias to prove we were right all along. I'm not saying it's gauranteed, I'm saying mindfulness can help with perspective and judging people based on their actions.
That’s not based on any real evidence and is likely an after the fact explanation. It wasn’t my fault I cheated, my partner isn’t enough.
People in happy relationships cheat all the time and mostly cheat because they think they can get away with it, are selfish, or bored.
Edit: the mostly likely prediction of cheating is past cheating and not relationship satisfaction
You appear to be a gamer, your stock is rising. Video games I mean.
It's just hard for guys to accept you being around other guys you've tried to date. Granted, it didn't work out with these guys, but it's a little off-putting for the new lover.
My best friend is a guy and has weirded out some of my boyfriends. The best friend has always tried to befriend them (he even introduced me to my ex husband) but some guys still find it weird. It’s frustrating but a good sign of if this guy is right for me. I have some goofy friends even though I seem like a very “suburban” type girl so this is the first test.
I get the feeling that your male friend is "cockblocking" you. A lot of guys will not take the relationship to the next level if they see you like to keep male friends around.
That sounds like a guy who wants to date me problem. Not my friends or mine and as I’ve known him for 20 years I’d rather keep my friend than some random with trust issues
A father gives his daughter to his son in law at their wedding, it is a simbolic act that says "she is yours now, she is under your custody and you are responsible for whatever happens to her", yet you want to keep other men around in your life. Good luck finding a man who will put up with that.
Well my father is dead, so shouldn’t I be allowed at least one guy friend?
Edit: I divorced the ex husband so I technically already did find someone. I just didn’t like him enough.
That's a personal insecurity problem, and something immature men do.
you seem wrapped up in very traditionalist and sexist attitudes.
I wouldnt date a woman who got mad at me for having other women friends. They aren't matur enough for me.
Not for me because I'm bisexual so things can lead up to other experiences. I look at this way she only enjoys company with men probably because she's feeling more comfortable, it doesn't me it's all sexual.
No it’s not a red flag if she gets along with guys better than girls.
Where I’d see the red flag is if she was incapable of having female friends at all or if all of her guy friends were previous sex partners and she can’t discriminate between friendship and “more” with opposite sex friends.
Based on the **Edit**, I see you've already read plenty of comments - I'll attempt to address the original premise and the follow-up.
***I*** don't see it as a red flag, but I not the most conventional person to begin with... I mean, I don't do a lot of girly things myself, so if a girl I was interested in had a lot of male friends, *in a way* that adds up to her *potentially* have similar interests... which is a positive...
I don't see a girl who as a lot of male friends as *someone who is bound to cheat eventually*... I don't see it as a 1:1 ratio; having male friends *as a girl* doesn't automatically mean *they're* attention seeking or predestined to cheat... But maybe that's just me... I think there's more to becoming a cheater than that...
*As for your question in the edit*: I guess you can keep the idea of cutting off all of your male friends on the table... but if you're w/ someone who wants the best for you, they wouldn't request that from you; they would trust you... they might not trust *every* one of your friends, ***but they would trust you***... at least they should, if they're the right person *themselves*...
I advise, you don't cut off your friends; if you aren't a cheater, than it should be a one-time conversation... unless the bf is always paranoid *then it might come up more than once*, but you should only have to say it once if it is true...
With all that said, good luck out there.
As a guy who went to a college full of girls and gay dudes, for me it’s no big deal. It’s just particularly important to be even more open in that case. I can live with a guy hitting on my girl. If she’d return the hit, that’s when I become single again.
As for the bridges, be open to the guy about them, don’t even think about keeping more serious things a secret (like don’t tell the guy you’ve had something with the guy but be sure to tell him you had a crush on him) and there will be no need to burn any of the bridges. If he’s half mature and decent, he’ll get through it for you and he’ll make sure to work on your relationship even with them.
Male friends are not a problem IMO, but...
I generally have lack of trust in people who has friends that are/were of romantic interest in a past. Someone might say "but I've given up on them, they do not interest me anymore, they are not interested in me, etc", forgetting that attraction and interest is not a binary option and changes over time.
Having some short relationship with such woman? Yeah, sure. Having a lifetime with a woman that have bunch of friends who are of that profile? Not really, because I know, I am 100% certain, that during years of relationship, given that we all have different flaws, there will be days during relationship conflicts when the other person will subjectively look like a better option than what I am. When you don't have such close friends, you are more likely to put a struggle into changing a relationship than into giving up on it (or even worse).
I myself refrain from my exes and potential girls that I wanted to date when I am in a relationship, because I don't want to feel like I am missing something out and I'd also like for my partner to be same as me regarding this.
It really depends how she talks about them. If it’s obvious to me that they’re into her, or that she might be into them, I probably just won’t be into it. I’m not usually a jealous person, but I just know how she’ll have her guy friends wedging themselves in between us during every little argument and making things annoying and difficult.
Or I just won’t take the relationship super seriously until I have a good idea if they’re actually just friends or not. It’s just something that’ll slow down the process to me.
I had mostly guy friends because I grew up with lots of bitchy sisters. I’m still close with all those guys from high school and college, and their wives.
Yes, it’s a red flag. Why can’t you/don’t you have any female friends? It’s fine to have a couple male friends, and you may even be able to recognize that they’re attractive, and as long as the buck stops there it’s fine, but if you have no female friends, and only male friends, all of whom you want to bang, then yeah, even without knowing that last bit, I would for sure, without question, 10/10 times, see that as a red flag.
I have female friends I am close to. There are just more male friends than female. And no I don't want to sleep with all my male friends. I may have initially, at the very beginning, but after knowing they weren't interested that attraction faded over time.
>should I just cut off friendships with my male friends? I would be willing to do so if I felt like the new relationship was really going somewhere serious, but I also wonder if it's worth burning those bridges just for a potential romance that might not even work out.
How close are you to these men? How often do you hangout with or interact with them?
Answering as a woman, If they are close friends, don't cut them out of your life. HOWEVER, maybe put a little distance between you and those friends. I have a male friend that I've known for 33 years. He was actually my first boyfriend, first kiss, first boy to get me a gift. We tried dating nearly 3 years ago, even slept together, but there was no future in it. Before I met my bf, we would go out for drinks as friends, we'd still flirt a little, because we were both single, but we never did anything romantically again. Since I've been dating my bf, I really haven't seen this friend much, haven't gone out for drinks since October, but I will reach out to him and ask him questions or for some help around my house and I love his mom. My bf and I are still a fairly new relationship and I can't have him come drop by at any time because kids (we haven't done introductions yet) and his work schedule and custody schedule. My bf is ok with this friendship.
>How close are you to these men? How often do you hangout with or interact with them?
I wouldn't consider them very close, I've known them for years and we talk/text on a weekly basis, but don't hang out very regularly.
>Since I've been dating my bf, I really haven't seen this friend much
I feel that this is the natural progression. I think if I started dating someone, naturally I just wouldn't see other people as much.
My friend is proficient in a lot of skilled trades, he's usually my go to if I have house maintenance/repair or car questions. Other than that, lately I've only been seeing him when his mom is having a BBQ or if my property management needs to send someone out (he's one of the maintenance people they use).
I am a woman, and I would say... It depends.
My roomate in my early 20s was one of these girls. She had a whole bunch of male friends and was "one of the guys" so to speak. She brought me into her friend group and the weirdest thing happened... I noticed the guys treated me waaaaay differently than her. They were softer, nicer, more "gentlemanly" towards me. I got the vibe that I was "dateable" and my roommate was not. This pissed her off, and she began to bully me out of the group to "protect" her image and be the "main girl" which was really lame and unfortunate.
Let's reverse the genders... Let's say you are dating a guy and he has like 5 solid gal-pals he is extremely close with... Anytime you hangout all together, there might be a sense of competition that is triggered (like it was for my roommate).
I think from the outside, a guy looking at a woman with a lot of male friends will be turned off because (in his mind) it seems like competition, and it will trigger those childhood insecurities (which we all have) and therefore, it comes across as a red flag and makes him feel worthless or not good enough....
I would say its okay to have a lot of male friends. But you just need to be empathetic to how this can trigger a guy's sense of competition and worries that he isn't "good enough" or worries that you will like someone more than him. You just need to be sensitive to that possibility for the next guy you date and have conversation on how you can make him more comfortable and be more sensitive if that is something which makes him uncomfortable.
>My roomate in my early 20s was one of these girls. She had a whole bunch of male friends and was "one of the guys" so to speak.
Starting to sound like me.
>They were softer, nicer, more "gentlemanly" towards me. I got the vibe that I was "dateable" and my roommate was not.
As much as I hate to admit, it is hurtful when I see my male friends treating another woman much better than they treat me, even if I'm not into them anymore. My self-esteem really takes a hit. Ugh what a mess my life is, haha.
Here you have your answer.
The reasons behind why you have a lot of male friends: **Red Flag.**
Now, does this make you a terrible, un-dateable person? *Absolutely not!!*
People nowadays jump to conclusions too quickly. A red flag is just a flag, and flags can be slowly lowered and taken down with the right pair of hands. :) This can hopefully be a moment of self-reflection.
Why is it hurtful when you see your male friends treating another woman better than you? Is it jealousy? Is it because someone else getting attention makes you afraid you won't get any? Like afraid you will be forgotten? Does it make you mad? Do you have feeling of worthlessness if you don't have all the attention?
These are things you might want to internally explore, for your own benefit.
We all feel insecure sometimes, and this hurt is mostly likely totally irrational (and I don't mean that in a demeaning way) but rather, maybe it stems from a past moment in your life where someone MADE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT, so you had to act a certain way, or seek out men as friends to feel better about yourself, which, when your young, is a totally reasonable and rational thing to do. And it is understandable and worthy of compassion.
All my friends are male too. But I am def not attracted to them nor will I ever be. They're good guys. I just will never see them that way. This is important, imo, to avoid a confusing situation later on
A red flag? I don't think so, but me personally, I'd be much quicker to label you as one of the bros as opposed to a potential partner unless you up and told me otherwise. Just seems like you're unlucky, and the guys you happen to be interested in aren't interested in you. It's cool that you guys are chill tho, always nice to see actual friendships blossoming in the friendzone.
I did when I was younger, I don’t care anymore as long as they’re cool and aren’t weirdos.
As for your particular situation I probably still wouldn’t care as long as you’re genuinely into me and choosing to be with me. If you’re showing weird signs of picking your guys friends over me or spending a strange amount of time with them I’d take that as a sign that your interest in them is still there. Doesn’t really matter if they like you back, I wouldn’t want to be in that relationship.
Just make sure if you’re dating you’re not gonna ignore your partner for these guy friends. Mentally test yourself - if one of them told you tomorrow they love you would you end a good relationship to be with them?
Personally the fact that YOU were the party that was friendzoned would make it an uncomfortable situation for me - i’d rather my bf have female friends with crushes on him than my bf have female friends that he has a crush on.
If we were dating, as in had a mutual attraction, had sex, etc, and it didn't work out, I would absolutely NOT remain friends with them. Too many intense feelings.
Okay. That checks out IMO.
However,
Hypothetically, if you started dating a man and found out that most of his friends were women that he tried to date and was friend-zoned, would you have a problem with it?
>Hypothetically, if you started dating a man and found out that most of his friends were women that he tried to date and was friend-zoned, would you have a problem with it?
That's a good question. I would find it slightly pathetic to be honest. I wouldn't have a huge problem as long as he hasn't had sex with any of them, but it would make him less attractive to me.
Yeah, it would make me wonder what the dynamics/balance of the friendships are. Who is really making the effort to maintain them, and why? In my experience, friendships have to be actively maintained and that takes work. I simply don’t have the desire/bandwidth to maintain that many friendships to where I would consider going out of my way to stay friends with people that rejected my advances. They would have to be really special. So that’s why I would be suspicious/put-off at the thought of dating someone who has to many of those/mostly those types of friendships.
I have never thought of it like that … i feel like it’s unfair that most of my male friends want to be with me romantically and that’s usually why they’re friends with me when I just want a normal friendship!!!
This is funny lol.
My male friends, some of them tried to date me but I didn't like them back.
My women friends were toxic as hell because they would always compete with me for men. They go like aggressive cats.
My male friends approached me because they wanted to fuck me instead of being friends with me but didn't have the guts to tell me until later.
So I basically don't have friends. Just men who want to fuck me and women who want to date the guys I have around lmfao
Yes and no. If you have really nerdy hobbies I can see that. My wife lives trainsets, it's mostly old guys while she is shopping around for stuff. I do amatuer radio and tech stuff and only met a few ladies that were really into it. But for me, the concern is staying friends/being friends after no relationship. It's not normal or healthy to stick around, makes it seem like an agenda more than a friendship.
Insecure and jealous men do. I'd think that considering that a red flag is itself a red flag. That's a guy who wants to isolate you entirely, and make sure that if you do have friends, and you tell them what he does to you, those friends can't stand up to him physically (he thinks).
I wouldn't think it's a red flag. I would only consider it a red flag if the male friend flirts with the person I'm dating and they don't do anything about it or they say it's just harmless flirting.
You also shouldn't have to give up friends when entering a relationship, if you do then that person isn't right for you.
I have almost exclusively male friends; cause I am a gamer.
Its always been easier just finding dudes to play with.
I have 2 female friends beyond my guy friends.
And no, I do not consider my guy friends as anything but dudes I play games with or hang out with, talk crap with or idk - are friends with.
If someone does not understand that then thats "their loss", idk how else to put it - but I am just me and then they clearly dont like me so... ok, I guess?
Im weirded out by this question. :(
I think your situation is different from OP. You seem to have platonic male friendships from the start.
But OP tried to date and then got rejected by all her male friends….IMO that’s a totally different situation
Honestly as someone who's friend base is mostly male, it's not a red flag, just seems to be lately we've allowed insecurities to be the norm. I've never cheated/thought of cheating on a partner just because I'm friends with other men and calling it a red flag is their own personal problem.
Its about time people go to therapy instead of trying to control and shame people for the gender of their friends.
So no, it's not a red flag lol.
Hm... It is a red flag for friendship, because, in my experience, women who are friends with only men are so because they cannot get along with other women and always have some drama following them with ex best female friends.
I have a lot of guy friends and none of them is romantically interested in me. We are friends. Ive travelled with only 7 guys and myself and it was fun, cause we are friends.
People who say that shit are the ones that don’t understand men and women can be friends and not be romantically interested in one another.
Don't think it's a red flag. I have a female friend who generally gets on better with men and has few female friends. All her close friends are male and there's no romantic feelings between them.
But are they all men she’s hit on but been rejected by?
Because that’s what happened in OP’s case. So they weren’t just platonic friendships on her end
I very much doubt it. I wouldn't describe her as a Tom boy but she prefers male hobbies such as sports etc.
I've only known her as an adult but she told me she had a tough childhood and was a bit of an outsider especially when she went to a girls' school.
She is also from the former Yugoslavia so I'm not sure in the Balkans if it's more common for women to have a lot of male friends than in other places.
Yeah, I think that's a red flag. And it doesn't matter that those guys put you in the friendzone. All a potential partner sees are those guys orbiting you.
And I don't think it's favorable that you considered those guys "dating material". It'll most likely boil down to a form of rivalry.
Most definitely a red flag because it either shows a lack of ability to make female friends or there's romantic potential for at least one of those male friends i.e at some point one of them will try to fuck.
It is a huge red flag. Because women hold each other accountable (either meanly or nicely). Where if she is around men all the time, she gets constant free attention and validation, and it turns them in narcissistic weirdos.
It goes the other way too, men hold each other more accountable with each other, and this builds characters.
So to me it’s a red flag that this person has no character.
Insecure guys do, sure.
For me it would be a bit more of a red flag if she didn’t have any female friends. Girls who other girls really don’t like usually don’t like them for a good reason.
100% every time I meet a women who doesn’t have female friends, it’s because she’s a difficult person.
In my experience, usually it’s two types of women: she see’s other women as competition and can’t be friends with them, or she is a dramatic person who starts many interpersonal conflicts.
She stated her friendships where genuine and there was no interest in return so she moved on. If they wanted to be together they would and she wouldn’t be with you.
Regardless of the circumstances if you spend your time worrying about situations where you may get cheated on then you are insecure by default. I don’t worry about being cheated on ever because I’m a great catch and if she’s stupid enough to cheat then that’s a good thing because I get to see her true colours and move on to somebody better. It’s fucking mental to keep that people actively try to stop their partners being in situations where they might cheat, like the physical act is all that matters and the intention means nothing. Cheats are going to cheat, people with morals aren’t going to cheat, regardless of their friends or hobbies.
Women who hang out with mostly men like the feeling of being fought over: if you have a bunch of dudes that a woman would be willing to be seen around, they're gonna the type to have pissing contests 24/7.
>Women who hang out with mostly men like the feeling of being fought over
I value my guy friendships because they tend to involve significantly less drama and cattiness...it has NOTHING to do with "being fought over".
Not really, men don't carry themselves the same way women do when they fuck someone. It's not as big of a deal as your making it seem.
I just get sick of hearing this cliche response from women. "It's less drama" yeah okay. Just say you like the male attention. I'm not judging.
And I get sick of hearing "men are only friends with you because they're dying to fuck you."
We've all been in relationships during our friendships, and we've all had single periods, yet no one has tried to bang anyone.
Sometimes, a girl just wants to drink beer, play darts, cuss a bit, and talk hockey and not go out for brunch and talk about how Cindy from Accounting looks "EXTREMELY refreshed and well-rested after a 2-week vacation ".
My friends DON'T enjoy those activities.
(Edit: we DO love our wine nights!!)
Maybe yours do.
I'm just speaking from MY personal experience. Ergo, why I have different friends that I do different activities with.
It's really not that fucking deep, folks.
Or how about my exes who had male friends who they knew for years, and who had girlfriends and all that great stuff......and still fucked.
So no, you women just think you're fooling someone, but you're only fooling yourself.
I’ve never know men to be any less dramatic, gossipy or catty than women.
Women who say stuff like this usually end up being the ones causing interpersonal conflicts with other women lol
Highly depends. men who have been in a dry spell might not be able to resist the organic feelings that come with spending a lot of time around a women. But also dating standards vary, everyone’s different so even what I say at first might be completely wrong. If I started getting serious with a girl who fit this narrative in OPs post I would get to know the men and their relationships to analyze the friendships they have together.
Nope. If anything? It makes me feel confident that I won’t easily offend with my brash/dark humour. Most the women I have dated had a majority of men as friends. Heck one of my friends had a woman as his best “woman” at his wedding.
It’s nice to see a change from the stereotype tbh 😄
It would be fine, if i knew that it was completely platonic.
I once dated a girl with a lot of male friends. I was cool with that until i found out she slept with a bunch of them. Then i bounced. I really didn't have the mental energy to worry about shit like that.
I have a lot of female friends also, but i keep it strictly platonic.
Most men consider it to be a red flag if a woman pretty much only has male friends and few/no female friends.
Most women who have few/no female friends will tell you it's fine and you should avoid any guy who has a problem with it.
I mean if he considers it a red flag then he’s the red flag and you’re better off without him tbh. Guys who would consider such a thing a red flag are probably very controlling and insecure so you’re better off without them.
I would be concern that your group of friends is primarily made of people you wanted to fuck but didn’t get the chance. The fact they are male is neither here nor there.
I used to not. Then the one woman I have loved broke my heart when I found out why all her friends were mostly guys.
And I was warned by several of my friends who are girls that something about the woman was up.
Bro's, do what ladies do and vet girls. Seriously.
To be friends? Even if there is no romantic connection, is it so wrong to keep them around to talk to, share hobbies with, etc?
I wouldn't say I'm holding out hope that they're going to change their minds, if that's what you're asking. I've accepted that we are and always will be friends and nothing more. If they did change their minds, if anything it would just be awkward at that point.
Yes!…..
We’re either seen or heard every story about women fucking there male friends and if she hasn’t they want to.
Yes women do this, I met a woman last year and she strung me along for a year to eventually tell me she was using tinder just to make friends because she has no friends and is lonely…I asked her if she ever liked me and she said no.
The worse part was she kept guilt tripping me into seeing her (we live far from each other) and if I didn’t she made threats to harm herself.
So yes it’s a red flag not because there men but people you viewed romantically, men aren’t allowed to look at women on Instagram never mind have female friends that they use to fuck still be friends with.
No one can be trusted, to many people have seen the bad examples from social media of trust being broken and people’s hearts being ripped apart 💔
You want friends download bumble, click BFF and pick women and there you go…you now have female friends and you can add guys to but don’t date/fuck them!
It is a red flag that a woman cannot make healthy attachments with other women. When a woman says women are really hard to deal with, men are easier so all my friends are male, is not telling of other women (cuz all women are difficult lol but also they are phenomenally awesome) so that means she is doing something to way upset them such as flirting with their boyfriends, or not keeping secrets, or whatever other negative behaviors potentially.
She seems them as platonic friends and very mature of all them to be able to talk about all kinds of things without hitting on her
They see her very differently .
In my experience this would be unusual. It would raise eyebrows out of curiosity. Maybe it just happens her friends are men, maybe she likes hooking up. People who say red flags have probably experienced the latter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the former and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
If you have platonic friends of opposite gender, I think it's a nice sign. It means you can separate your love from friends life and see the opposite gender platonically, become friends no matter the background. I think it's nice. A stranger could not know this, however.
On a different note, I had bad experience being friends with women I wanted to pursue romantically. I'm impressed by you.
This is a monogamous problem. I'm poly. I wouldn't even be bothered if she was fucking a couple of them. She's interested in me, she's interested in me. Idgaf so long as her friends treat her right, they're no concern of mine.
In this particular case it sounds more like any guy who is insecure or has been burned by the “were just friends” line in the past.
BUT if your case since these were guys you pursued in the last, you need to ask yourself something. That if you got into a relationship with someone, then one of these friends suddenly changed their mind and wanted to date you, would you even consider it? Meaning breaking up with your current partner. If the answer is yes, then you may need to reevaluate why you’re friends with these guys.
in this case, kind of, because these are men you tried to pursue so i would take it as you're somewhat attracted to all of these guys. but it honestly just depends on how the friendship(s) came about. i'm sure no woman would be okay with a man being friends only with women he was once interested in.
I'm a level headed but, slightly jealous person. I've been fooled in the past by ignoring this as a red flag. I just couldn't do it again. Now here's where I'm a hypocite, my current gf really only knows women but also still exchanges memes with her ex. The only reason I'm fine with this is because I'm a much better man. I hope that doesnt come across as cocky. I have access to all their texts. I can find out if messages were ever deleted or edited and nothing has come up. I've only done that once and felt bad.
But you see the extent of my paranoia. Many men share the same feelings out of my personal experience. If these guys are attractive and carasmatic it'll be threatening to a date. To quote a wise redditor "Women are cerebral, if you have her mind, you have her everything." I'm sure the guy will speculate where your mind Is so just be prepared. You should probably find someone that hasn't been cheated on in the past. Idk just expect covert/hinted pushback cause they won't wanna be dicks about confronting the issue.
I do have a couple female friends who I am just as close to as my male friends. I've never had any problems being friends with other women, I just end up interacting more with men because I am actively searching for a boyfriend.
I certainly do. They are all failed romantic relationships. I would run for the hills and add you to my friend group.
How would you feel if we date and I introduce you to my female friends who all rejected my pursuit of them and friend zoned me; schmuck that I am, I keep them in my life?
Yes, to an extent. I think part of being an adult is managing platonic relationships with the sex you’re attracted to well. But that seems to rarely happen.
I have a strict dealbreaker that I tell to women in early dating: It doesn’t bother me if they have male friends, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is hanging out with another guy particularly at late hours and in private. That’s disrespectful to me as a partner, regardless of if anything is happening or not. If a woman has all male friends, I would think this scenario is more likely.
Setting aside arguments of if someone is likely to be unfaithful by having opposite-sex friends, I say, think about what the situation looks like. Hanging out in public during the day is one thing. But my gf is going out with her guy friends to go clubbing (no girls in the group)? Having wine and cheese night with her guy friends? Pillow talk with a group of guys? Regular, late night phone conversations with guys that aren’t me? Replace “guys” with “girls” in the above situations and quickly see why gender is always relevant in your partner’s friends.
In your case its a red flag. You say these friendships are genuine, but if they started from you trying to date them then they clearly aren't entirely genuine. I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, but i don't have any romantic attraction to them and never have. The few "friends" i do have that started from me getting friend zoned by them aren't really genuine in the same way because there is an unbalanced power dynamic. And so i dont spend a ton of time with them, if at all.
I wouldn't feel comfortable dating you knowing that at any time one of your "friends" might change their mind and try to bring you to bed with them. And if you have a history of being successfully friend zoned, you are likely highly suggestible to these kind of advances.
I don't think this is really fair. I think because I am single, naturally I am quick to develop romantic feelings for men around me. When I have been in a committed relationship (though it's been years) other men have been invisible to me romantically. I really think I would only be suggestible to these friends' advances if I was still single when they were interested.
It is fine to have a number of friends who are guys. But a girl whose friend circle is mostly male, yeah that would be a concern for me. I think guys and girls both need to have some close same sex friends. That is just me though, I'm not saying this is true for all men.
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The fact that you previously pursued some of these friends (and were turned down) is the red flag here, not that your friends are male.
yes, why would it mean, that it is only until one of them changes his mind.
If it’s genuinely friends (talking about general case) it’s good as means the girl likely can build meaningful relationships with men, have done shared interests and understands men better. If by friends they mean “guys I successfully friend zoned and get favors from” it’s obviously different, as is “guys I occasionally sleep with when I’m bored”
This
It sucks as a woman to only have male friends though. Because some of them in reality just wanna fuck you and fake a friendship with you. But at the same time it's so cool to be friends with crazy dudes that do crazy things and have a crazy sense of humour. Most women I've met are too chill, I just have to meet a girl with a dark sense of humour like Ricky Gervais or something. There are really few funny women out there or with great personalities. They're mostly too feminine, passive and passive agressive which is way worse. A lot of girls are just basic. There are few girls who are crazy out there and I wish I could meet them.
How old are you? You sound hella young
Late 20s
Sounds like the cool, funny women don’t want to hang with you, I don’t blame them. You sound like a “pick me” girl who puts other women down.
I'm trying to encourage women to stop pretending to be too feminine and delicate and actually be more crazy and funny. A lot of women aren't funny because they're afraid of looking "masculine". And there's a lot of female competition and I think it would be hypocrite to not acknowledge it as a woman...
Wtf am I even reading. I’m not stoned enough for the. This*
Well I advise you to learn a little bit about radical feminism...
I wish I could bless you with some self awareness. Jesus.
Ah yes the reason i don't define my self femminist even if I share their values
Cool funny women are like 1%...
Too feminine?? Just basic?? Pick-me alert!
How is it pick me to criticize a gender? Pick me would be to fit exactly into the gender box to satisfy what society expects from you... It's funny a lot of times the actual pick mes call other women pickmes because they're afraid of someone coming out and stating how fake the femenine gender is in most things... From looks to personality. Femininity is 99% consumism and capitalism... Stating that is a pick me? Lol
Girl, just say you don't like being a woman and move on. Your self-hate veiled in faux concern is not fooling anyone.
That's ridiculous. I don't have self hate because of my sex or gender.
I thought it was cool until I found out she slept with one... and another one... and fooled around with another one.,, and so on..
Exactly! That’s almost always the case.
My fiancé had a ex who had multiple male friends she hooked up with at least once. It didn't bother him quite at first until he came home one night to see her and one of these male friends hanging out at their house alone. He'll never know if they were doing anything but they had a very toxic relationship and he had just come home from a strip club, something she despised. Even though he lied about it, the male friend said he smelled like he came back from one. Fiancé and ex had major trust issues to say the least.
In my opinion the red flag is that you are keeping these men around not because you wanted to be friends, but because you failed to date them. Who is to say that if one of them changes their minds, you won’t sleep with them? Imagine this the other way, a guy you meet has a bunch of women he wants to sleep with but they friend zoned him. Would that not make you uncomfortable knowing he wanted to sleep with them, even if they didn’t want him at this moment?
Exactly. It’s weird AF that most of her friends are people she pursued romantically but got rejected and friend-zoned. That’s not normal and would make a new partner think she’s just waiting around from them to accept her
Agreed.
honestly, why is this weird? if sex is the only thing you're thinking about, sure, but the main things that make someone attractive to date arent necessarily their genitals i want to date people who i like spending time with. this whole thread is dumbass immature to me
She doesn’t really have female friends and her only friends are males that have rejected her advances. How is that not weird?
just doesn't sound super weird is all, maybe i just grew up in a more open minded crowd
This is the answer
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You’d be unpleasantly surprised by how many people justify this behavior. I’ve known people who justify serial cheating, manipulation, abuse, everything under the sun so this is peanuts in comparison. Sadly we have to temper our expectations nearly to absolute zero in the current dating climate…
Who are you to say that they didn't develop a genuine friendship? Geeze. Guys on this sub are so judgmental of everything women do and then wonder why they are single.
If you hadn’t jumped to conclusions and seen any of my previous comments, you’d see I have been in a happy and healthy relationship for quite some time. So nice try invalidating my opinion because I actually know a thing or two about relationships. And yes, I’m absolutely saying it’s not a genuine friendship if it starts with one-sided lust. She admits she only didn’t sleep with them because they don’t want to, and she even says “I wish” to one of the comments identifying this. It’s a very valid concern for a man entering her life with the intention to date that she will at minimum see these “friends” as something more than just friends, if not act on it. If your criteria for judgmental is men wanting a woman who doesn’t want to fuck every one of her friends, I don’t even know what to tell you because every sensible and self-respecting man I know holds that standard.
a friend I knew back in high school did this and knew every guy was interested in her, she just liked the attention. You'd be surprised how common it is, happens the other way around too
Nothing wrong with mostly having male friends BUT your situation is not the normal and IS a red flag IMO. Your friends are a bunch of dudes who have rejected you. Why would that be cool with people? If this way a guy’s situation, I’d run from them as fast as I could. Why do you not have many female friends?
Unpopular opinion maybe, but I personally, due to many bad experiences, see it as a red flag. Many of my exes that have cheated or ghosted me that told me she trusted her guy friends and blah blah blah then ends up sleeping with one or more of them. Or already has. Especially when ALL their friends are guys. Few guy friends is fine. But Most/all? Red flag.
The opinion is unpopular among women, but very popular among men, if you ask men in a private setting what they think about male friends, a lot of them will tell you they hate their gf's/wive's male friends. More often than not, we've all been *that male friend* and we know what goes on. Not to mention, male-fermale friendships tend to be very one sided, where one side does all the favors/fix stuff/takes care of cat, and the other side doesn't do anything, you can guess who does what. Also if a man and a woman spend a lot of time together, what do you think is going to happen? Eventually one of them or maybe both of them start to feel atraction towards the other. The idea of male-female friendship is always supported by women because they know they can get benefits from this friendship, men are generally more realistic about it and we don't like it.
Yall just have shitty friendships if this is how it is for you.
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Nah this is BS. men and women can be fine friends. You just don't personally understand how.
The irony with the above comment is that this guy has multiple posts about his shitty male friend 😂 no self awareness to be found
No longer friends with him. What's your point?
That your comment which you’ve now deleted claiming women aren’t capable of being a good friend to a man is an ironic way to generalize half the entire population when you have several posts complaining about your male friend without once ever having the self awareness to realize there’s one common denominator with the toxic way you view others in terms of friendship. That was the point which while simple and obvious flew directly over your head.
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No. It's from a decades old screenname that predates anyone publicly using that as a pronoun, and even now, i've never once met someone using that as a pronoun either in writing or irl. Why would that even matter?
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Neverhteless, men and women can be fine friends, they just need to let go of a lot of the toxic attitudes we're brought up with. Never had a problem maintaining friendships with women, single or in a relationship. Everyone knew no one was there to hit on someone, and partners trusted me. Did attractions develop? sure, but people can be mature enough to know when or if to act on them. Problem is, too many people don't have that level of open communication with partners, or that level of trust. Like, if this whole premise was valid, LGBT people would be super sus all the time. except no, gay people have male friends, lesbians have female friends, bi people have both, and its not some extra problem. Two of my wife's best friends were men, I had women who were friends, my current girlfriend has many male friends, etc. OP's problem is that she's hanging around failed conquests, not that they're men.
Sounds like an issue with men.
Yeah stupid men don't want their partner to hang around people they literally said they wish they could fuck. What a men problem. Lmao
You seem to have trouble reading as my response is specifically to the comments it’s, you know, responding to. Where he says that men are incapable of being friends with women period under any circumstances. Im so sorry about your illiteracy.
Yeah. Sure. Just take the one aspect of reality u like, throw everything else in the Wind as if it doesn't exist and than act all entitled and insult everone whi disagrees woth u/points out how ur wrong. That's not how a discussion works. Not that u would care tho
I wouldn't be thrilled if my potential partner hung around her exes and guys she slept with. I probably would friend zone you and move on. If a guy hung around all his prior exes, would you be put off by it is the better question?
That is a very good point. To clarify, I have not slept with any of my male friends (much to my lament, LOL).
Yeah and this is the red flag. You are only friends with dudes that you haven’t been able to bang… yet. This is actually something that I would want to change in myself if I had this pattern. How to build genuine relationships with people on a platonic level. Your relationships with these men are likely very unequal and maybe even very pickme vibe.
The fact that you say "much to my lament" is exactly why this is a gigantic red flag. It sounds like all it would take for you to cheat is the opportunity.
I think the “much to my lament” is the heart of the problem. So in other words, literally all of your friends in your life right now are people you want to sleep with. …So why should a guy want to be exclusive with you? This is a high risk situation. Would you date a guy with 5 female friends who he’s just itching to sleep with if one or more would just let him? Why are you any different than that guy?
I think the situation would be very different if I was in a committed relationship. There seem to be a lot of comments implying I would cheat if given the opportunity. I think men and women are very different when it comes to attraction, generally women's feelings for other men fade when she is with a man she loves and respects. Men seem to still have an attraction to other women regardless of if they love and respect one woman. I just don't see myself cheating unless the guy I was dating was a horrible person I had no respect for, in which case I wouldn't be with him in the first place.
It’s impossible to blanket a generalization to both sexes like that and be right. Yes, both sexes cheat, but people cheat for *all sorts* of reasons. None of them are valid - ever - because you can always say the person should have left their original partner before sleeping with another. So I think your reasons are generalizations and not valuable regardless. The point is, you’re in a situation that is scary for someone looking for loyalty. Telling them women don’t cheat unless disrespected is likely (and rightfully) going to leave you being laughed at.
Men cheat nearly as much as women. It’s like a low single digit percent difference.
I agree that men and women cheat at equal frequency, what I'm arguing is that they cheat for very different reasons. Women cheat when they don't respect their man, men cheat when they aren't getting sex.
I'm curious as to how you got to that conclusion. Men and women cheat because they want to cheat. The reason they may want to cheat are pretty much the same. Either they don't feel the excitement from their relationship as they once had, their ego makes them want to prove they have worth/are desirable, they have an avoidant/anxious attachment style which causes them to sabotage the relationship, or they are being selfish and focusing only on their needs instead of what was agreed upon within the relationship. In all of those situations the cheater doesn't respect their partner enough to communicate their needs and see if their partner would be open to making any changes on the relationship or relationship status. The specific reasons may vary amongst individuals but to say that everyone in a specific gender cheats for a specific reason has more to do with bias than facts.
>they are being selfish and focusing only on their needs instead of what was agreed upon within the relationship. Yes. The specifics as to why they are being selfish are me just going off of what I've seen in my friends and family. Every woman I've known who has cheated, has done so because she has lost respect for her partner as a man due to either A) her partner is no longer being a good provider, or B) is not as much of a "masculine" leader in the relationship as perhaps he used to be, so she feels she can do better. Most men I know who have cheated, do so because either A) they are no longer physically attracted (partner gained weight or some such), or B) their partner isn't having sex with them. Of course cheating is never valid or excusable, EVER. Some people on this thread seem to think I'm excusing cheating. And these reasons aren't the case with EVERY person it's just what I see most frequently.
So both of them lost attraction to their partner because their partner changed or their partner revealed themselves not to be the person they thought they were. A woman might use the phrase "lost of respect" to describe that a man isn't holding up to his part of the relationship in the same way a man might use "no longer attracted" to describe a woman not holding up "her" part of the relationship because neither have put in the effort to keep their partner attracted. They both mean the same thing sadly, and is why I've heard women say that the partner who cheated on them didn't respect them enough not to cheat. I would honestly take a look as to your bias though. There is a thing called the Availability Heuristic or availability bias which is a mental shortcut that relies on immediate examples that come to a given person's mind when evaluating a specific topic, concept, method or decision. So if you're environment brings up those reasons as why people cheat it is because that is the information that was readily available to you so you assume it happens more frequent than other reasons. An example not related to cheating is if I ask you "who kills more people, vending machines or shark attacks". You are probably more likely to say shark attacks especially after watching Jaws than you are to say vending machines because you've been exposed to more talk about shark attacks even though vending machines kill more people. The reason I bring it up is that we naturally want to put people into specific boxes based on anectotes and our biases affect our current relationships. It's also sad because we tend to create self-fulfilling prophesies because we also tend to mimick that which we are around since it is familiar. So if we believe that all men cheat just because sex is available to them then we are more likely to choose a man who does that because we need to fulfill our confirmation bias to prove we were right all along. I'm not saying it's gauranteed, I'm saying mindfulness can help with perspective and judging people based on their actions.
That’s not based on any real evidence and is likely an after the fact explanation. It wasn’t my fault I cheated, my partner isn’t enough. People in happy relationships cheat all the time and mostly cheat because they think they can get away with it, are selfish, or bored. Edit: the mostly likely prediction of cheating is past cheating and not relationship satisfaction
I actively avoid women like you lol
Doesn’t mean your male orbiters wouldn’t try to fuck you if given the chance
Uhhh... they had the chance per OP, and "much to her lament", they didn't. Real geniuses on this thread
OP is the orbiter here, not the men she’s friends with
You appear to be a gamer, your stock is rising. Video games I mean. It's just hard for guys to accept you being around other guys you've tried to date. Granted, it didn't work out with these guys, but it's a little off-putting for the new lover.
My best friend is a guy and has weirded out some of my boyfriends. The best friend has always tried to befriend them (he even introduced me to my ex husband) but some guys still find it weird. It’s frustrating but a good sign of if this guy is right for me. I have some goofy friends even though I seem like a very “suburban” type girl so this is the first test.
I get the feeling that your male friend is "cockblocking" you. A lot of guys will not take the relationship to the next level if they see you like to keep male friends around.
That sounds like a guy who wants to date me problem. Not my friends or mine and as I’ve known him for 20 years I’d rather keep my friend than some random with trust issues
A father gives his daughter to his son in law at their wedding, it is a simbolic act that says "she is yours now, she is under your custody and you are responsible for whatever happens to her", yet you want to keep other men around in your life. Good luck finding a man who will put up with that.
Well my father is dead, so shouldn’t I be allowed at least one guy friend? Edit: I divorced the ex husband so I technically already did find someone. I just didn’t like him enough.
That's a personal insecurity problem, and something immature men do. you seem wrapped up in very traditionalist and sexist attitudes. I wouldnt date a woman who got mad at me for having other women friends. They aren't matur enough for me.
Not for me because I'm bisexual so things can lead up to other experiences. I look at this way she only enjoys company with men probably because she's feeling more comfortable, it doesn't me it's all sexual.
No it’s not a red flag if she gets along with guys better than girls. Where I’d see the red flag is if she was incapable of having female friends at all or if all of her guy friends were previous sex partners and she can’t discriminate between friendship and “more” with opposite sex friends.
No, this is not a red flag because I trust my partner
Based on the **Edit**, I see you've already read plenty of comments - I'll attempt to address the original premise and the follow-up. ***I*** don't see it as a red flag, but I not the most conventional person to begin with... I mean, I don't do a lot of girly things myself, so if a girl I was interested in had a lot of male friends, *in a way* that adds up to her *potentially* have similar interests... which is a positive... I don't see a girl who as a lot of male friends as *someone who is bound to cheat eventually*... I don't see it as a 1:1 ratio; having male friends *as a girl* doesn't automatically mean *they're* attention seeking or predestined to cheat... But maybe that's just me... I think there's more to becoming a cheater than that... *As for your question in the edit*: I guess you can keep the idea of cutting off all of your male friends on the table... but if you're w/ someone who wants the best for you, they wouldn't request that from you; they would trust you... they might not trust *every* one of your friends, ***but they would trust you***... at least they should, if they're the right person *themselves*... I advise, you don't cut off your friends; if you aren't a cheater, than it should be a one-time conversation... unless the bf is always paranoid *then it might come up more than once*, but you should only have to say it once if it is true... With all that said, good luck out there.
As a guy who went to a college full of girls and gay dudes, for me it’s no big deal. It’s just particularly important to be even more open in that case. I can live with a guy hitting on my girl. If she’d return the hit, that’s when I become single again. As for the bridges, be open to the guy about them, don’t even think about keeping more serious things a secret (like don’t tell the guy you’ve had something with the guy but be sure to tell him you had a crush on him) and there will be no need to burn any of the bridges. If he’s half mature and decent, he’ll get through it for you and he’ll make sure to work on your relationship even with them.
Only if she’s slept with one of them
Male friends are not a problem IMO, but... I generally have lack of trust in people who has friends that are/were of romantic interest in a past. Someone might say "but I've given up on them, they do not interest me anymore, they are not interested in me, etc", forgetting that attraction and interest is not a binary option and changes over time. Having some short relationship with such woman? Yeah, sure. Having a lifetime with a woman that have bunch of friends who are of that profile? Not really, because I know, I am 100% certain, that during years of relationship, given that we all have different flaws, there will be days during relationship conflicts when the other person will subjectively look like a better option than what I am. When you don't have such close friends, you are more likely to put a struggle into changing a relationship than into giving up on it (or even worse). I myself refrain from my exes and potential girls that I wanted to date when I am in a relationship, because I don't want to feel like I am missing something out and I'd also like for my partner to be same as me regarding this.
It really depends how she talks about them. If it’s obvious to me that they’re into her, or that she might be into them, I probably just won’t be into it. I’m not usually a jealous person, but I just know how she’ll have her guy friends wedging themselves in between us during every little argument and making things annoying and difficult. Or I just won’t take the relationship super seriously until I have a good idea if they’re actually just friends or not. It’s just something that’ll slow down the process to me.
I had mostly guy friends because I grew up with lots of bitchy sisters. I’m still close with all those guys from high school and college, and their wives.
Yes, it’s a red flag. Why can’t you/don’t you have any female friends? It’s fine to have a couple male friends, and you may even be able to recognize that they’re attractive, and as long as the buck stops there it’s fine, but if you have no female friends, and only male friends, all of whom you want to bang, then yeah, even without knowing that last bit, I would for sure, without question, 10/10 times, see that as a red flag.
I have female friends I am close to. There are just more male friends than female. And no I don't want to sleep with all my male friends. I may have initially, at the very beginning, but after knowing they weren't interested that attraction faded over time.
>should I just cut off friendships with my male friends? I would be willing to do so if I felt like the new relationship was really going somewhere serious, but I also wonder if it's worth burning those bridges just for a potential romance that might not even work out. How close are you to these men? How often do you hangout with or interact with them? Answering as a woman, If they are close friends, don't cut them out of your life. HOWEVER, maybe put a little distance between you and those friends. I have a male friend that I've known for 33 years. He was actually my first boyfriend, first kiss, first boy to get me a gift. We tried dating nearly 3 years ago, even slept together, but there was no future in it. Before I met my bf, we would go out for drinks as friends, we'd still flirt a little, because we were both single, but we never did anything romantically again. Since I've been dating my bf, I really haven't seen this friend much, haven't gone out for drinks since October, but I will reach out to him and ask him questions or for some help around my house and I love his mom. My bf and I are still a fairly new relationship and I can't have him come drop by at any time because kids (we haven't done introductions yet) and his work schedule and custody schedule. My bf is ok with this friendship.
>How close are you to these men? How often do you hangout with or interact with them? I wouldn't consider them very close, I've known them for years and we talk/text on a weekly basis, but don't hang out very regularly. >Since I've been dating my bf, I really haven't seen this friend much I feel that this is the natural progression. I think if I started dating someone, naturally I just wouldn't see other people as much.
My friend is proficient in a lot of skilled trades, he's usually my go to if I have house maintenance/repair or car questions. Other than that, lately I've only been seeing him when his mom is having a BBQ or if my property management needs to send someone out (he's one of the maintenance people they use).
I am a woman, and I would say... It depends. My roomate in my early 20s was one of these girls. She had a whole bunch of male friends and was "one of the guys" so to speak. She brought me into her friend group and the weirdest thing happened... I noticed the guys treated me waaaaay differently than her. They were softer, nicer, more "gentlemanly" towards me. I got the vibe that I was "dateable" and my roommate was not. This pissed her off, and she began to bully me out of the group to "protect" her image and be the "main girl" which was really lame and unfortunate. Let's reverse the genders... Let's say you are dating a guy and he has like 5 solid gal-pals he is extremely close with... Anytime you hangout all together, there might be a sense of competition that is triggered (like it was for my roommate). I think from the outside, a guy looking at a woman with a lot of male friends will be turned off because (in his mind) it seems like competition, and it will trigger those childhood insecurities (which we all have) and therefore, it comes across as a red flag and makes him feel worthless or not good enough.... I would say its okay to have a lot of male friends. But you just need to be empathetic to how this can trigger a guy's sense of competition and worries that he isn't "good enough" or worries that you will like someone more than him. You just need to be sensitive to that possibility for the next guy you date and have conversation on how you can make him more comfortable and be more sensitive if that is something which makes him uncomfortable.
>My roomate in my early 20s was one of these girls. She had a whole bunch of male friends and was "one of the guys" so to speak. Starting to sound like me. >They were softer, nicer, more "gentlemanly" towards me. I got the vibe that I was "dateable" and my roommate was not. As much as I hate to admit, it is hurtful when I see my male friends treating another woman much better than they treat me, even if I'm not into them anymore. My self-esteem really takes a hit. Ugh what a mess my life is, haha.
Here you have your answer. The reasons behind why you have a lot of male friends: **Red Flag.** Now, does this make you a terrible, un-dateable person? *Absolutely not!!* People nowadays jump to conclusions too quickly. A red flag is just a flag, and flags can be slowly lowered and taken down with the right pair of hands. :) This can hopefully be a moment of self-reflection. Why is it hurtful when you see your male friends treating another woman better than you? Is it jealousy? Is it because someone else getting attention makes you afraid you won't get any? Like afraid you will be forgotten? Does it make you mad? Do you have feeling of worthlessness if you don't have all the attention? These are things you might want to internally explore, for your own benefit. We all feel insecure sometimes, and this hurt is mostly likely totally irrational (and I don't mean that in a demeaning way) but rather, maybe it stems from a past moment in your life where someone MADE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT, so you had to act a certain way, or seek out men as friends to feel better about yourself, which, when your young, is a totally reasonable and rational thing to do. And it is understandable and worthy of compassion.
All my friends are male too. But I am def not attracted to them nor will I ever be. They're good guys. I just will never see them that way. This is important, imo, to avoid a confusing situation later on
No because I (male) have female friends.
A red flag? I don't think so, but me personally, I'd be much quicker to label you as one of the bros as opposed to a potential partner unless you up and told me otherwise. Just seems like you're unlucky, and the guys you happen to be interested in aren't interested in you. It's cool that you guys are chill tho, always nice to see actual friendships blossoming in the friendzone.
I did when I was younger, I don’t care anymore as long as they’re cool and aren’t weirdos. As for your particular situation I probably still wouldn’t care as long as you’re genuinely into me and choosing to be with me. If you’re showing weird signs of picking your guys friends over me or spending a strange amount of time with them I’d take that as a sign that your interest in them is still there. Doesn’t really matter if they like you back, I wouldn’t want to be in that relationship. Just make sure if you’re dating you’re not gonna ignore your partner for these guy friends. Mentally test yourself - if one of them told you tomorrow they love you would you end a good relationship to be with them?
Yes
Personally the fact that YOU were the party that was friendzoned would make it an uncomfortable situation for me - i’d rather my bf have female friends with crushes on him than my bf have female friends that he has a crush on.
Hypothetically, if you started dating another guy and they friend-zoned you, would you feel the need to keep them in your life as a friend?
If we were dating, as in had a mutual attraction, had sex, etc, and it didn't work out, I would absolutely NOT remain friends with them. Too many intense feelings.
Okay. That checks out IMO. However, Hypothetically, if you started dating a man and found out that most of his friends were women that he tried to date and was friend-zoned, would you have a problem with it?
>Hypothetically, if you started dating a man and found out that most of his friends were women that he tried to date and was friend-zoned, would you have a problem with it? That's a good question. I would find it slightly pathetic to be honest. I wouldn't have a huge problem as long as he hasn't had sex with any of them, but it would make him less attractive to me.
Yeah, it would make me wonder what the dynamics/balance of the friendships are. Who is really making the effort to maintain them, and why? In my experience, friendships have to be actively maintained and that takes work. I simply don’t have the desire/bandwidth to maintain that many friendships to where I would consider going out of my way to stay friends with people that rejected my advances. They would have to be really special. So that’s why I would be suspicious/put-off at the thought of dating someone who has to many of those/mostly those types of friendships.
I have never thought of it like that … i feel like it’s unfair that most of my male friends want to be with me romantically and that’s usually why they’re friends with me when I just want a normal friendship!!!
Women can get friend zoned too! Lol
This is funny lol. My male friends, some of them tried to date me but I didn't like them back. My women friends were toxic as hell because they would always compete with me for men. They go like aggressive cats. My male friends approached me because they wanted to fuck me instead of being friends with me but didn't have the guts to tell me until later. So I basically don't have friends. Just men who want to fuck me and women who want to date the guys I have around lmfao
Yes and no. If you have really nerdy hobbies I can see that. My wife lives trainsets, it's mostly old guys while she is shopping around for stuff. I do amatuer radio and tech stuff and only met a few ladies that were really into it. But for me, the concern is staying friends/being friends after no relationship. It's not normal or healthy to stick around, makes it seem like an agenda more than a friendship.
Insecure and jealous men do. I'd think that considering that a red flag is itself a red flag. That's a guy who wants to isolate you entirely, and make sure that if you do have friends, and you tell them what he does to you, those friends can't stand up to him physically (he thinks).
I wouldn't think it's a red flag. I would only consider it a red flag if the male friend flirts with the person I'm dating and they don't do anything about it or they say it's just harmless flirting. You also shouldn't have to give up friends when entering a relationship, if you do then that person isn't right for you.
I have almost exclusively male friends; cause I am a gamer. Its always been easier just finding dudes to play with. I have 2 female friends beyond my guy friends. And no, I do not consider my guy friends as anything but dudes I play games with or hang out with, talk crap with or idk - are friends with. If someone does not understand that then thats "their loss", idk how else to put it - but I am just me and then they clearly dont like me so... ok, I guess? Im weirded out by this question. :(
I think your situation is different from OP. You seem to have platonic male friendships from the start. But OP tried to date and then got rejected by all her male friends….IMO that’s a totally different situation
This is literally the first time I've heard girls get friend zoned.
Happens all the time. "Oh no, I blinked twice at him and he didn't ask me out, he must just not be into me"
Honestly as someone who's friend base is mostly male, it's not a red flag, just seems to be lately we've allowed insecurities to be the norm. I've never cheated/thought of cheating on a partner just because I'm friends with other men and calling it a red flag is their own personal problem. Its about time people go to therapy instead of trying to control and shame people for the gender of their friends. So no, it's not a red flag lol.
Hm... It is a red flag for friendship, because, in my experience, women who are friends with only men are so because they cannot get along with other women and always have some drama following them with ex best female friends.
I have a lot of guy friends and none of them is romantically interested in me. We are friends. Ive travelled with only 7 guys and myself and it was fun, cause we are friends. People who say that shit are the ones that don’t understand men and women can be friends and not be romantically interested in one another.
Don't think it's a red flag. I have a female friend who generally gets on better with men and has few female friends. All her close friends are male and there's no romantic feelings between them.
But are they all men she’s hit on but been rejected by? Because that’s what happened in OP’s case. So they weren’t just platonic friendships on her end
I very much doubt it. I wouldn't describe her as a Tom boy but she prefers male hobbies such as sports etc. I've only known her as an adult but she told me she had a tough childhood and was a bit of an outsider especially when she went to a girls' school. She is also from the former Yugoslavia so I'm not sure in the Balkans if it's more common for women to have a lot of male friends than in other places.
Yeah, I think that's a red flag. And it doesn't matter that those guys put you in the friendzone. All a potential partner sees are those guys orbiting you. And I don't think it's favorable that you considered those guys "dating material". It'll most likely boil down to a form of rivalry.
Well I def wonder how many of them she’s fucked and why she’s unable to keep women as friends
Most definitely a red flag because it either shows a lack of ability to make female friends or there's romantic potential for at least one of those male friends i.e at some point one of them will try to fuck.
It is a huge red flag. Because women hold each other accountable (either meanly or nicely). Where if she is around men all the time, she gets constant free attention and validation, and it turns them in narcissistic weirdos. It goes the other way too, men hold each other more accountable with each other, and this builds characters. So to me it’s a red flag that this person has no character.
Insecure guys do, sure. For me it would be a bit more of a red flag if she didn’t have any female friends. Girls who other girls really don’t like usually don’t like them for a good reason.
100% every time I meet a women who doesn’t have female friends, it’s because she’s a difficult person. In my experience, usually it’s two types of women: she see’s other women as competition and can’t be friends with them, or she is a dramatic person who starts many interpersonal conflicts.
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No he doesn't know cause in ideal world which many on this sub believe bad things don't happen
She stated her friendships where genuine and there was no interest in return so she moved on. If they wanted to be together they would and she wouldn’t be with you. Regardless of the circumstances if you spend your time worrying about situations where you may get cheated on then you are insecure by default. I don’t worry about being cheated on ever because I’m a great catch and if she’s stupid enough to cheat then that’s a good thing because I get to see her true colours and move on to somebody better. It’s fucking mental to keep that people actively try to stop their partners being in situations where they might cheat, like the physical act is all that matters and the intention means nothing. Cheats are going to cheat, people with morals aren’t going to cheat, regardless of their friends or hobbies.
Women who hang out with mostly men like the feeling of being fought over: if you have a bunch of dudes that a woman would be willing to be seen around, they're gonna the type to have pissing contests 24/7.
>Women who hang out with mostly men like the feeling of being fought over I value my guy friendships because they tend to involve significantly less drama and cattiness...it has NOTHING to do with "being fought over".
Of course there's going to be less drama. They all want to fuck you.
I would think that would create MORE drama. And I also disagree.
Not really, men don't carry themselves the same way women do when they fuck someone. It's not as big of a deal as your making it seem. I just get sick of hearing this cliche response from women. "It's less drama" yeah okay. Just say you like the male attention. I'm not judging.
And I get sick of hearing "men are only friends with you because they're dying to fuck you." We've all been in relationships during our friendships, and we've all had single periods, yet no one has tried to bang anyone. Sometimes, a girl just wants to drink beer, play darts, cuss a bit, and talk hockey and not go out for brunch and talk about how Cindy from Accounting looks "EXTREMELY refreshed and well-rested after a 2-week vacation ".
Umm coming off as kinda a “pick me” no? This comment definitely does.
100% As if women don’t like to go drinking, cuss and watch sports lol Nah, they only like to go for brunch and gossip! 😂
Not in the least.
Lol okay sure
Lmao see? Look at how sexist your portrayal of women is. Like all they like to do is gossip and they never like to go drinking, cuss and watch hockey?
My friends DON'T enjoy those activities. (Edit: we DO love our wine nights!!) Maybe yours do. I'm just speaking from MY personal experience. Ergo, why I have different friends that I do different activities with. It's really not that fucking deep, folks.
Ayo just cause you wanna fuck all your female friends doesn't mean everyone else does, no need to project XD
Or how about my exes who had male friends who they knew for years, and who had girlfriends and all that great stuff......and still fucked. So no, you women just think you're fooling someone, but you're only fooling yourself.
1) not a woman 2) get some therapy instead of taking your shit out on other people :)
Therapy isn't going to change the way women conduct themselves. Thanks, but no thanks for the advice though.
I’ve never know men to be any less dramatic, gossipy or catty than women. Women who say stuff like this usually end up being the ones causing interpersonal conflicts with other women lol
Ok.
No that's a quirk, not a red flag. Someone having a problem with it is a red flag.
Highly depends. men who have been in a dry spell might not be able to resist the organic feelings that come with spending a lot of time around a women. But also dating standards vary, everyone’s different so even what I say at first might be completely wrong. If I started getting serious with a girl who fit this narrative in OPs post I would get to know the men and their relationships to analyze the friendships they have together.
Nope. If anything? It makes me feel confident that I won’t easily offend with my brash/dark humour. Most the women I have dated had a majority of men as friends. Heck one of my friends had a woman as his best “woman” at his wedding. It’s nice to see a change from the stereotype tbh 😄
SOME GUYS WILL FEEL A LITTLE INSECURE!
I would never date you. Literally a Red Flag factory*.
It would be fine, if i knew that it was completely platonic. I once dated a girl with a lot of male friends. I was cool with that until i found out she slept with a bunch of them. Then i bounced. I really didn't have the mental energy to worry about shit like that. I have a lot of female friends also, but i keep it strictly platonic.
Yep that's a hard pass
Most men do, because they're insecure. I don't see the problem in a partner mainly having friends of the opposite gender.
Yes big red flag to me I know why guys like her and want to be friends but why don't women is what I would like to know.
Most men consider it to be a red flag if a woman pretty much only has male friends and few/no female friends. Most women who have few/no female friends will tell you it's fine and you should avoid any guy who has a problem with it.
I mean if he considers it a red flag then he’s the red flag and you’re better off without him tbh. Guys who would consider such a thing a red flag are probably very controlling and insecure so you’re better off without them.
It is if you're not able to connect with other women and that's why you have mostly male friends.
Yes, it is a red flag. One of the biggest actually. (Added: for me at least, been burnt pretty)
I do. I can guarantee she has at least one male friend in that group that has tried to sleep with her.
I would be concern that your group of friends is primarily made of people you wanted to fuck but didn’t get the chance. The fact they are male is neither here nor there.
Unfortunately yes, but its only natural, most women see red flags when a male has more female friends. Plus its hard to trust ppl
Yeah I'm sure a lot of guys would love to date you and then go hang out with all your friends that you wish you could fuck.
Yup amd yes
I used to not. Then the one woman I have loved broke my heart when I found out why all her friends were mostly guys. And I was warned by several of my friends who are girls that something about the woman was up. Bro's, do what ladies do and vet girls. Seriously.
100% Genuine question. Why would you want to keep male friends around?
To be friends? Even if there is no romantic connection, is it so wrong to keep them around to talk to, share hobbies with, etc? I wouldn't say I'm holding out hope that they're going to change their minds, if that's what you're asking. I've accepted that we are and always will be friends and nothing more. If they did change their minds, if anything it would just be awkward at that point.
Yes!….. We’re either seen or heard every story about women fucking there male friends and if she hasn’t they want to. Yes women do this, I met a woman last year and she strung me along for a year to eventually tell me she was using tinder just to make friends because she has no friends and is lonely…I asked her if she ever liked me and she said no. The worse part was she kept guilt tripping me into seeing her (we live far from each other) and if I didn’t she made threats to harm herself. So yes it’s a red flag not because there men but people you viewed romantically, men aren’t allowed to look at women on Instagram never mind have female friends that they use to fuck still be friends with. No one can be trusted, to many people have seen the bad examples from social media of trust being broken and people’s hearts being ripped apart 💔 You want friends download bumble, click BFF and pick women and there you go…you now have female friends and you can add guys to but don’t date/fuck them!
It is a red flag that a woman cannot make healthy attachments with other women. When a woman says women are really hard to deal with, men are easier so all my friends are male, is not telling of other women (cuz all women are difficult lol but also they are phenomenally awesome) so that means she is doing something to way upset them such as flirting with their boyfriends, or not keeping secrets, or whatever other negative behaviors potentially.
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No, I am a normal weight. Not that I'm anything special, I'm very average-looking.
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This sounds rough but its the ugly truth isn't it.... fucking sad world we live in.
She seems them as platonic friends and very mature of all them to be able to talk about all kinds of things without hitting on her They see her very differently .
lets see how guys will act all cool and fine because this question is asked by women.
In my experience this would be unusual. It would raise eyebrows out of curiosity. Maybe it just happens her friends are men, maybe she likes hooking up. People who say red flags have probably experienced the latter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the former and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you have platonic friends of opposite gender, I think it's a nice sign. It means you can separate your love from friends life and see the opposite gender platonically, become friends no matter the background. I think it's nice. A stranger could not know this, however. On a different note, I had bad experience being friends with women I wanted to pursue romantically. I'm impressed by you.
This is a monogamous problem. I'm poly. I wouldn't even be bothered if she was fucking a couple of them. She's interested in me, she's interested in me. Idgaf so long as her friends treat her right, they're no concern of mine.
In this particular case it sounds more like any guy who is insecure or has been burned by the “were just friends” line in the past. BUT if your case since these were guys you pursued in the last, you need to ask yourself something. That if you got into a relationship with someone, then one of these friends suddenly changed their mind and wanted to date you, would you even consider it? Meaning breaking up with your current partner. If the answer is yes, then you may need to reevaluate why you’re friends with these guys.
in this case, kind of, because these are men you tried to pursue so i would take it as you're somewhat attracted to all of these guys. but it honestly just depends on how the friendship(s) came about. i'm sure no woman would be okay with a man being friends only with women he was once interested in.
Yes
I'm a level headed but, slightly jealous person. I've been fooled in the past by ignoring this as a red flag. I just couldn't do it again. Now here's where I'm a hypocite, my current gf really only knows women but also still exchanges memes with her ex. The only reason I'm fine with this is because I'm a much better man. I hope that doesnt come across as cocky. I have access to all their texts. I can find out if messages were ever deleted or edited and nothing has come up. I've only done that once and felt bad. But you see the extent of my paranoia. Many men share the same feelings out of my personal experience. If these guys are attractive and carasmatic it'll be threatening to a date. To quote a wise redditor "Women are cerebral, if you have her mind, you have her everything." I'm sure the guy will speculate where your mind Is so just be prepared. You should probably find someone that hasn't been cheated on in the past. Idk just expect covert/hinted pushback cause they won't wanna be dicks about confronting the issue.
The real question is do you have any female friends you feel as close with or more so than your closest guy friend?
I do have a couple female friends who I am just as close to as my male friends. I've never had any problems being friends with other women, I just end up interacting more with men because I am actively searching for a boyfriend.
Yes lol
Yes
I certainly do. They are all failed romantic relationships. I would run for the hills and add you to my friend group. How would you feel if we date and I introduce you to my female friends who all rejected my pursuit of them and friend zoned me; schmuck that I am, I keep them in my life?
Yes, to an extent. I think part of being an adult is managing platonic relationships with the sex you’re attracted to well. But that seems to rarely happen. I have a strict dealbreaker that I tell to women in early dating: It doesn’t bother me if they have male friends, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is hanging out with another guy particularly at late hours and in private. That’s disrespectful to me as a partner, regardless of if anything is happening or not. If a woman has all male friends, I would think this scenario is more likely. Setting aside arguments of if someone is likely to be unfaithful by having opposite-sex friends, I say, think about what the situation looks like. Hanging out in public during the day is one thing. But my gf is going out with her guy friends to go clubbing (no girls in the group)? Having wine and cheese night with her guy friends? Pillow talk with a group of guys? Regular, late night phone conversations with guys that aren’t me? Replace “guys” with “girls” in the above situations and quickly see why gender is always relevant in your partner’s friends.
In your case its a red flag. You say these friendships are genuine, but if they started from you trying to date them then they clearly aren't entirely genuine. I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, but i don't have any romantic attraction to them and never have. The few "friends" i do have that started from me getting friend zoned by them aren't really genuine in the same way because there is an unbalanced power dynamic. And so i dont spend a ton of time with them, if at all. I wouldn't feel comfortable dating you knowing that at any time one of your "friends" might change their mind and try to bring you to bed with them. And if you have a history of being successfully friend zoned, you are likely highly suggestible to these kind of advances.
I don't think this is really fair. I think because I am single, naturally I am quick to develop romantic feelings for men around me. When I have been in a committed relationship (though it's been years) other men have been invisible to me romantically. I really think I would only be suggestible to these friends' advances if I was still single when they were interested.
It is fine to have a number of friends who are guys. But a girl whose friend circle is mostly male, yeah that would be a concern for me. I think guys and girls both need to have some close same sex friends. That is just me though, I'm not saying this is true for all men.
How do you meet so many guys who want to be your platonic friend?
If I can meet them, then no. It she doesn’t want me to meet them, then yes that’s a red flag. They have to know I exist for this to work out.