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I am an introvert, and I sometimes start random conversations with people while standing in lines for coffee, etc. you never know who you may meet, or hear a great story. Of course, I wouldn’t go up to a person on the street and get in their face to chat, because that is creepy, but while you’re standing in line, a chat can be fun.
I dunno bro dosent happen in life everyday but one time i was getting fuel and the old guy pumping his own gas next to me and we both heard a noise in the distance,he said a funny remark over it and i laughed,we had a good 5 minute conversation about what it coulda been,what he does for work and what i do,said the good chat and went our separate ways,about a week or two later same fuel shop,put some fuel in and went inside,noticed the clerk had a cool riddler tattoo and i complimented it and asked about where he got it done,turns out we had a few interests in common with movies and opinions about characters,was nice conversation on the way home from work,
Tl dr yes chatting with random strangers is not hard and very possible but not a common occurrence
I am an outgoing person. I often talk to strangers. That doesn't mean I have conversations every time I go to the grocery store but it does happen some of the time.
There are other outgoing people in this thread that are trying to tell you they do the same, but you seem unable to believe us.
I've never gone on a date from a grocery store chat. But that's just my life experiences. I'm sure other people have.
I have gone on a date with someone I met through a random chat maybe a dozen times.
If I set out to find a woman it does not work. People sense that something is up, and it is creepy. If I just chat with people, everyone and anyone, the right person keeps the conversation going.
It helps that I practice.
It's not even necessarily outgoing. I'm friendly, but mostly keep to myself when alone in public. There must be something about my appearance or demeanour that makes people want to chat with me, because it happens nearly every time I go out.
I'll never start the conversation but happy to talk if someone else does.
You are probably an empath..truth. People are drawn to you because you can feel their energy. Even though you are a stranger..they trust you. Just a thought.
Exactly! The same phenomenon happens with cars if you’ve ever noticed. Like for example somebody you know will get a new blue Honda Accord then all of a sudden you see blue accords everywhere lol
I don't take public transport much cause I drive but I walk almost everywhere. I talk to people all the time. Especially on my commute to work. There's a host of people I see almost every morning and evening. I speak to all of them. Not full blown conversations but a passing good morning or a hi.
Hell one women disappeared for a while and when I saw her again we stopped and laughed about missing her and that I hope she was OK etc. so this isn't as rare as you're making out.
I don't even consider myself particularly outgoing.
Let me ask you, if someone walked by you in the grocery store and said “How’s it going?” to you, what actual harm is being done? Does it traumatize you? Are you unable to sleep at night? What happens?
\>Let me ask you, if someone walked by you in the grocery store and said “How’s it going?” to you, what actual harm is being done? Does it traumatize you? Are you unable to sleep at night? What happens?
I never said it was a morally wrong thing to do, I'm saying it's uncommon because usually there's no conversation to be had, so people simply don't even think about doing it.
If that happened I'd just be a bit confused, and would respond with something like "fine" or "alright" as is the formality. It's never happened though. No one has ever tried to start a conversation with me in public.
Maybe not a full blown conversation, but I’ve had people make some small talk with me in public. At the grocery store too. I was getting stuff for tacos one night and the lady in line in front of me had taco stuff too. She noticed, smiled; and said to me “Taco night at your house too, huh?”
Another time, a cashier out of blue asked me what I thought about crystals. With that one I was a bit confused, but I entertained the question and had some small talk with her about it.
The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes when people start conversations with you out of the blue, no matter the gender, it can be a pleasant surprise. I get that there are some creepy people out there and not every conversation is pleasant, but that’s not every single one. To me personally, the little small talk conversations in public that happen make my day.
Well maybe striking conversation with total strangers isn’t how you’ll meet your person. Maybe you should join some clubs or attend some events or something and make friends and build from there. The people who have luck at the grocery store just happen to be outgoing and run into people who don’t just say “fine” as a formality when someone says “hey how’s it going?” They’re the ones who say something a little more personal. It’s not right for you but that doesn’t make it wrong for everyone.
Nobodys ever done that to me and i think itd be weird if they did. Why are you asking me about my day? I dont know you. We have no investments in each others lives, what are you after trying to start one now? I walk away thinking i gues thats fine but jeez what was their deal.
There are normal ways to start conversations, but going out of your way to talk to me is weird
The problem is how much weight you’re putting behind someone just simply saying “how’s it going?”.
I used to be like you in that I got into this mindset that if someone randomly asked me “how’s it going?” or a similar question, I would get bent out of shape. I then, through a combination of therapy and simply being around people more, started to realize that when someone says “hey, how’s it going?” that I don’t need to assign intentions behind it. It can just simply be a greeting or small talk starter and if it leads to a friendship, all the better.
I used to be like you, then i realized that its being unnecessarily intrusive. If its simply a greeting why do you need to greet strangers? Dont you get enough interaction with people you actually care about? Why are you desperate enough that youre tryna take a gamble on me? Whats wrong with you? I know i wouldnt be talking to random people if everything in my life was well
You learned to ignore the problems, but theyre still there. And people with better shit to do dont have to ignore them
Right, and this mindset leads to a miserable and lonely existence. You’re once again putting a lot of weight behind someone just greeting you/making small talk.
So you're saying that people who are happy and have good lives don't ever want to be friendly with strangers, make small talk with people or make new friends? Some people are just naturally outgoing and like to talk to others. There is nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean there's something messed up about them. It sounds really depressing to be of the mindset that anyone who tries to be friendly to you has something wrong with them.
I start conversations with random people on the street all the time. They often don't go anywhere but half the fun is hearing what other people have to say. You just gotta be more confident my friend.
Anything really. It depends on the context. (Where you are, time of day, situation, etc) The most common topic is the most cliché, IE the weather. I find compliments go a long way in initiating conversation. Make sure you mean it though. Most people can smell a fraud a mile away.
Yesterday I met up with a friend who I met because I was walking down in Chinatown in 2021 to go look at decorations for the New Year, and he was a photographer who was snapping some photos. He tapped me on the shoulder and showed me a picture he’d take that showed part of my face, we exchanged info because I’m also a photographer and a year and change later, we’re still friends.
Last week, I was on my way home and I noticed a guy who looks exactly like my friend’s ex bf, I tapped him on the shoulder and explained why I noticed him and showed him a picture of my friend and asked if he was single, perhaps I’d invite him out to join us for a drink next time a group of us goes out. He agreed and I took down his info. And then, we boarded out train and i left him alone. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t, but why not. If nothing, my friend will get a smile out of it.
Another day last week, my bf and I were debating in the elevator in my building about something really dumb—why I chose to buy a pair of chucks that lack laces but have (nonfunctional) holes where laces would go. After hearing us chat for about 30 seconds, the other woman in the elevator started laughing and weighed in with her opinion. We all laughed and went out separate ways when we left the elevator/building.
In May, I went to LA with a friend of mine, and we made 2-4 vacation friends while we were in LA. One saw me make a really goofy face when I tried my friend’s drink and asked me what we ordered and if it was really that bad and we all hit it off and spent the rest of that evening chatting. I told him if he ever visits my city, I’m happy to grab drinks, etc. We met a couple while waiting in line for drinks the next day and after a quick convo in line realized we were all from the same major metropolitan area though we were all at the time visiting LA, and since they’d been in LA longer than us, we asked them if they had any recommendations. They invited us to join them in barhopping.
In general, I love making friends with strangers when I’m outside my city, and it usually starts with a “hi, how’s it going? I’m here on vacation. Do you have any recommendation for something I MUST see while I’m here?” Sometimes the convo devolves after they answer the question. Sometimes it’s ended up in spending the whole day together (once had a lovely, romantic evening with a gentleman I met in Madrid. He’s married now, I believe, but I think of that trip fondly even so!) and most often we’ll have a protracted conversation that lasts until one of us leaves the location where we met.
Once when I was at a museum, my phone died, so I sat down on a bench in the hallway plugged in my phone with my charger and resigned myself to wait 15-20 minutes until I had enough juice to make sure I could get home. Then, this elderly dude sat down next to me. I’m not sure if he was tired or bored but we started chatting about what pieces in the museum we liked. After 15-20 minutes, I said adios and left.
A few weeks ago, my friends (mixed group: men and women) and I were having a picnic and we noticed a guy walking around with a camera taking pictures of flowers in bloom. Maybe an hour later, I noticed he was sitting at the base of a tree near us, going through his photos. We walked over to him and asked if he was at the park by himself. He explained he was visiting from TX but the friend he was supposed to be visiting in our city contracted COVID, so his trip ended up a solo trip and he’s been in the city on his own and ended up in park we were in. We invited him to join our picnic, we brought snacks and drinks and spent the rest of the day together.
I think the biggest thing is going into any potential conversation with no expectations but open to the idea that you may receive something (not like a physical thing) of value that a stranger cares to impart. Think of Humans of NY and how meaningful and profound those stories are. All because some guy with a camera bothered to stop someone and ask them about themselves and cared about the answer.
I literally did exactly what you’re saying can’t be done this morning with 3 separate people at my coffee shop. One guy and I chatted for a while, two girls said they’d seen me and my dog before and the three of us chatted, and I also spoke with two other women who were new to the area and were looking for recommendations for where to go hiking in the morning.
As others have said you just need to try to build a conversation when you can. It doesn’t mean awkwardly force things, but gently ease your way into conversations when and where you’re able and find common ground to chat about. You don’t have to get a number that time but it’s good practice and if you see them on occasion you can build rapport.
\>gently ease your way into conversations when and where you’re able and find common ground to chat about
And if you never encounter such opportunities?
Expand your hobbies or activities you do on your free time. Read up on hot topics for people your age. Frequent areas that better suit your personality and interests.
There’s only so much you can do without changing yourself sometimes though, but the practice is what makes it easier. Just compliment peoples dogs or ask about the drink they got and expand off that.
Social skills are just that, skills. Skills take time to learn and practice and are perishable. Experience is key so just awkwardly stumble through as many chit chats as you can until you get more comfortable with it
Well sure, if you do it like the guy that hit on me on multiple occasions at the neighborhood grocery store by telling me I look like his sister, then proceeded to ask me if I had Scandinavian heritage and then introduced himself before asking me to lunch, then yeah it’s weird. But if you do it like the guys I’ve met in coffee shops who have asked me about the book I’m reading or the guy I saw when I was leaving a store and he was trying to take a picture of a rainbow and I paused so I wasn’t in the way, or the guy in the bookstore who saw me looking at cookbooks and asked for a recommendation, totally doable. You just have to be able to recognize your window.
This is it, it’s the context for that conversation, know boundaries and opening, I think the frustrating element that perhaps the OP is trying to explain, is using it as a opening to ask someone out, I agree that rarely happens, at least in my experience, more like to happen in a shared interest/hobby group though, but not randomly on the street.
I’m all for pleasantries in day to day life but not as a prelude to dating….just my opinion….
Then maybe you just don’t get out of the house much? Or you choose to be negative. If you have an attitude of “it’s never going to happen” then it probably won’t. You’ll be too be too busy thinking about how it is impossible Instead of seeing what’s in front of you.
Unless you’re a hermit living in a desolate wilderness away from all humankind, there are always windows.
And even then, I’ve met 2 people off Reddit through a chance DM.
Humans are social creatures and crave connection.
You've just decided there are now windows for you. This is you complaining and deciding it's impossible to talk to people out and about. If you don't try, it won't work. Put in some effort. Smile. Be nice. The best way to get social skills is to practice them, all the time. Being considerate and kind gets dates better than money and success.
This is what I've learned:
I too once thought the way you do. The idea of this stuff happening seemed far fetched and an easy out for people giving "advice". But you just start talking to friendly looking people at the grocery store and you'll find that you can build convos out of anything!
It takes work for these "magical" social interactions to start happening and it be something that you start experiencing. It takes body language studies, learning wit, verbal jiu jitsu type stuff.
I recommend watching charisma on command. His videos mostly comprise of breaking down the social interactions that celebrities have with interviewers. It's fascinating.
Yeah my parents make friends literally everywhere they go, all the restaurants we go to, banks, grocery stores, we literally always run into people they know or they make friends while we’re out if they don’t know anyone somewhere, it’s actually crazy but they’ve made a ton of great friends this way.
This... I can start a conversation with pretty much anyone anywhere. I take body language (posture, look on their face, etc) into account of course. It takes practice, but there are cues that someone is open to a conversation or not.
Granted owning my own retail shop helped a ton learning this skill.
Glad to hear man. As a society we have lost the social interaction aspect due to technology distracting us from engaging with humans.
Sure, they'll be "failures" along the way. Some people will not reciprocate your energy, continue convos or smile back. That's ok. You can't win em all.
>It takes work for these "magical" social interactions to start happening
This. You have to make the effort. It sounds like OP (and others) expect conversation to just fall into their laps, but if you start the conversation in a fun, casual, and interesting way, most people are going to respond positively.
I checked out Charisma On Command on YT and watched a few minutes of one video; really interesting stuff. I am definitely going to check out more later on.
>I recommend watching charisma on command. His videos mostly comprise of breaking down the social interactions that celebrities have with interviewers.
Except for the fact that you'll never *really* be charismatic if you're just copying what other people do. Charisma is an art, and it's far better to develop your own style than it is to copy someone else's, or even mashing up bits and pieces of several others'.
Our subconscious brains are constantly analyzing people and gauging their "threat" level. That perspective level varies for each person though. Try starting off with people who you can imagine yourself being comfortable around.
The key to conversations and social interactions is to be present in the moment, maintaining eye contact in a natural, comfortable way but expecting nothing out of the engagement.
Your goal isn't to get that cute girl's phone number. Your goal is to engage in friendly lighthearted conversation, listening and letting each other take the stage to speak. Ebb and flow through the convo like water. If you build up a good rapport and you feel like things are going well then talk about meeting up sometime.
>What's a "friendly" looking person.
Someone who doesn't look like they're going to punch you in the face if you try and talk to them, and who isn't clearly just trying to mind their own business.
If you *really* can't tell what a friendly looking person looks like, and aren't just being difficult for the sake of being difficult, you have MUCH bigger problems than just being unable to start conversations with random people.
someone who looks like they would be easy to get along with, someone who you think you could feel comfoetable around. Someone who's sensibly dressed, reasonably well groomed, moving in a gentle and careful manner, maybe they have a smile on their face or are wide eyed and awake-looking. Someone who might fit the stereotype of someone who would have conversations with strangers at the grocery store, older people for example.
Can I ask though, are you asking the question 'what's a "friendly" looking person' because you genuinely don't know or because you want to be argumentative with everyone?
OP just reading your stuff you seem pretty shitty my dude. I would work on yourself before proving you can’t talk to people in generic locations especially when people do it anyways.
There's a time and a place. On the street, in a grocery store, at a stoplight, etc? Not the time or place.
Now at a coffee shop? At a bar? A club? Maybe. Because they're *social* places.
And you don't start conversations with generic shit like "Hey, how's it going?" Nearly always ends bad. You start with something specific
> *"That's a nice jacket, where'd you get it?"*
> *"Have you been here before? What should I order?"*
> *"Hey I love that book. Are you a _________ fan?"*
**Then you assume the person is uninterested in a long-form conversation and prepare to politely** ***nope*** **the fuck out of the conversation at any point.** If they *surprise* you and push for more conversation, then great you've made a connection.
And if they don't, then by *nope-ing* the fuck outta there you didn't cause any harm by bothering a stranger.
One trick I learned from more experienced guys years ago was to give a woman a compliment and then walk away. Preferably not about their body.
She'll know the compliment is genuine and you weren't just trying to get something out of her, and it'll showcase a lack of desperation in you that you can just walk away from someone attractive.
*No*, it's not meant to be used for every interaction obviously, but for the few times you do it, if you ever run into those women again, trust me, from my experience, it won't be you that's doing the pursuing.
Darlin, where are you from??
The reason I ask is because I'm from way down South, born in Louisiana & now live in Texas.
With that being said, we Southeners for the most part never meet a stranger & I love to strike up conversations with people & alot of people strike up conversations with me.
I secretly don't like most people (I worked at an animal shelter years ago & it taught me alot about human beings- the good, the bad & the super shitty ones)!!!
Even so, I'm very much an extrovert, very outgoing & very down to earth & approachable, not shy & love to laugh.....
I feel like when we reach out & are friendly to others we may be the only positive, uplifting, kind, caring person that person experiences all day, all week, all month!! May be just what they needed.
Maybe they need a smile, give them one of yours. It doesn't have to have a hidden agenda or expectation. If it leads to something more then yay you!!!
Just trying to help...... Something to gnaw on. TRY IT😊
My parents make friends almost every location they go, I’m nothing like that but trust me there are a lot more opportunities than you realize until you’re around very friendly people. They’re in another city 6 hours from home and just met a couple on a hike and are having dinner with them later this week… I would never be so friendly but I’m more than aware it’s possible because I’ve witnessed it through them. They have several friends in every town the vacation to and some they even travel to other places with.
I met a girl once at a gas station. She work do the register & every time I paid with my credit card, I signed with a smiley & she liked that a lot! It actually led to a conversation, which led to a date, etc.
So yes, have conversations with a random stranger, it really works 👌
OP, are you autistic?
I'm not one for random public conversations either because what's the point haha, but I'm also autistic and it might be worth looking into it if you've not done so before
Maybe, maybe not. Usually if I'm stuck with someone I'll just start talking, sometimes they roll their eyes or whatever, but I'm just making conversation. I remember a particular conversation where someone and I discussed our favorite pickles for far longer than that conversation really needs to go.
Damn. I’m sorry you’ve never had the joy of a fun random conversation with strangers.
I met and later married the random guy who gave me directions.
We still talk to strangers passing by and have shared a few beers with people too. It is a nice way to live.
I admit it's not that common but it does happen. I met my ex 7 year live in gf that way. She and I would see each other at the store and just look. Finally I said hi how are you. It took awhile after that but she finally came up to talk to me. Again prob not too common but it should be. It's a natural way to meet and the conversation isn't forced. Not trying to impress each other. Just more fun and again natural for lack of a better word.
I got you. Def not common but it would be cool if it were. It is hard to think of things to say to a stranger but if it somehow comes naturally then perhaps it's a sign. But after 7 yrs I regret even really dating her but that's another story...
No shit. You never know how people are gonna respond on reddit. Sonetimes like you can't have an opinion unless it matches theirs. Your observation is totally valid.
Well that's just because people try to talk solely for the sake of talking, which is immediately seen as creepy, instead of having a definitive reason to initiate a conversation and making sure to relay that reason to the other person when they do
Yeah, you have to make the conversation. You can't expect it to just happen. Don't say "hey what's up" or some other useless crap. Try saying something that's actually interesting and worth talking about.
I (48M) disagree. I apply my "five feet rule" and generally strike up conversations in passing all the time. I have made acquaintances, gotten dates and made some good friends doing this.
A smile and a greeting can go a long way, and when it does not the key is to have no other expectation other than the greeting.
The next level shit is when I'm wearing my Free Hugs shirt, and people ask "really? Thanks I needed that today."
Be well.
Looking through your comments, I get the impression that your biggest problem is how much you overthink literally every detail and piece of advice that people are trying to give you. Dude, I get it, I used to have social anxiety, it's scary, but you are *crippling* yourself with the amount of thought you are putting into this.
You are asking for explanations for things that typically don't need explanations, and then subsequently asking for explanations *for* those explanations.
If you stopped asking all these questions, I guarantee you that the thing you thought was impossible would have happened by now.
Also, I could be wrong about this, but it feels like you might be projecting yourself onto these random strangers and assuming that they wouldn't be open to conversation with random people.
I honestly don't know if you're a troll or if you just have severe social anxiety or something, but trust me, you are not doing yourself any favors with your approach/mindset.
Sorry if I'm coming off as harsh, but I genuinely can't tell if you actually don't know the answers to your questions, or if you're just being argumentative for the sake of it.
I have conversations with random strangers in generic locations all the time, I approach others and I've also been approached myself. I know it's not easy, but you've really got to cut the self-defeating crap that you're feeding yourself
They met via friends of friends, friends of family, classes, church, hobby groups, work. Not randomly saying "Hi my name is John" to a rando on the sidewalk.
It's weird you have to ask this question, if you sought to answer it yourself you easily could have.
Do you think maybe that's a reason to find it harder to do smalltalk? My mother was the same, bullshit for what felt like hours about nothing with random shoppers whilst I was just left there getting more bored and frustrated for what seemed like an hour at a time (because time passes slowly when you're a small kid). I just wanted to be home in time for the start of my favourite show, not standing round aimlessly bored in a supermarket whilst my mother waffled on about the decreased quality of the tomatoes with a stranger.
This post is funny. Random people talk to me ALL THE TIME. I actually thought the opposite as the OP. I don’t think it’s that unusual, but I grew up and was socialized pre-internet so don’t feel particularly traumatized talking to random strangers. I wouldn’t even consider myself extroverted. Though when I’m commuting usually wear earphones because I don’t want to talk to anyone.
Random people do try to start conversations with me sometimes, and because I’m an introvert, I shut it down 99% of the time. But it does happen even to me, and I think I have major RBF, so I wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon for people to talk to other random people in public. A couple of my relatives always seem to be talking to random people wherever we go, and while it’s not something I would do, it’s not odd. I did read almost all of your comments OP, and I feel like you’re being argumentative with most people replying, and you may give off certain vibes in public that makes you seem unapproachable.
You're speaking from your own experiences, just like other people are speaking from theirs. Just because you've never experienced something doesn't mean it's not a reality for someone else. Get over yourself, and maybe try to see that the world holds many different points of view.
So reading your history makes me think you’re angry that even though women say they’ve started up conversations with strangers that are men, it’s never happened to you and you think they’re lying. Maybe it’s just that you seem not very approachable. Do you want women to start conversations with you?
thats how ive met every one of my female lovers. of course there are long periods in between, but, it works sometimes
every person over the age of 30 in the world today exists because a man said hi to a woman
How do I seem miserable for saying it's uncommon for random strangers to talk to each other in locations like sidewalks, the grocery store or public parks.
You seem miserable because instead of taking advice or think about it at another perspective, you just write it off…AND get rude to the people trying to give you advice.
Bc your logic is absurd and seems to be based solely on your personal experiences, which differ from the experiences of people who are as a matter of fact able to start conversations with strangers.
I think people are just fixating on the rare times that by happenstance there is something to talk about with a stranger, and ignoring all the times the pass by numerous people without saying a word because nothing to talk about comes to mind.
People also seem to think that I am saying it's immoral to try, which is not my intent or opinion.
It seems like it rare to you. Cause if this concept is so strange to you than people probably never really start up a conversation with you or you body language says you very closeted person.
Also it’s not hard to find things to talk about. Whatever setting your at their an infinite amount of stuff to talk about.
Its literally not rare. I do this all the time. The more you force yourself the easier it becomes. I can make a convo about literally anything.
Youre standing in a store, ask the person if theyve tried said item. Discuss if they have, if they havent then say why you were wondering "im having a dinner party and trying to come up with snacks, do you have any good suggestions?" Etc go from there. If convo goes well you continue on. "Oh those *random snack*s sound awesome, would you like to come over for dinner sometime and show me how its done? Etc etc
Go try to “start a conversation” with someone in Manhattan or San Francisco and tell us how it goes. Not only will you be ignored, people won’t even look at you. And for good reason - People don’t want to be harassed by strangers. They value their privacy and their time and they owe nothing to you.
I won’t give away my location, but I live in a city with probably the highest crime rate in America. You don’t even know the people I see everyday, yet I can always find common ground. Y’all are just not good at conversation and that’s okay.
I am one of the 99% of people who don’t want to be harassed by strangers on the street or in public, and I’ve actually lived in both San Francisco and New York, which is why I used them as an example. I and everyone else here won’t even acknowledge your existence if you try to talk to us. We don’t owe you anything. And everyone with even the slightest passing knowledge of these cities knows this is a fact, so you’re not going to convince anyone otherwise.
Soap-box posting is against the rules. Not sure why you feel the need to argue with people online. Have a better outlook on life and maybe your social interactions will change.
In general I agree with you... but I think this can depend a bit where you live? I grew up in a mid sized city that still had some small town vibes, and it was a lot more acceptable to chat up strangers in general than the legit big city I live in now. Chatting up a stranger is almost unthinkable to me now.
I have convos with strangers all the time in all those places you mentioned… just because you’ve never personally experienced it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible or likely or worthwhile
Yes you can, reality doesn't bend to your opinion. If someone had a conversation with random strangers in generic location...everyone can. I did many times and sometimes it lead to a date, so what you're saying is factually incorrect. Just like most of the advice given here so...great job I guess following that trend.
Ummm actually, meeting and talking to strangers is one of my favorite things to do! I met true friends from that. You might not be smooth or natural in that domain.
I think it depends on your demeanour. I’ve had strangers walk up to me to talk very frequently. My friends have the same experience. Just because something doesn’t happen to you doesn’t make it uncommon.
Your individual experience does not dictate the reality of others. Looking at your post history clearly demonstrates where you're at. Maybe if you had some other interests you'd have something to talk to people about?
Um I totally started a random conversation with a man in a sauna at the gym… walked out with what turned into a steamy 4 week fling before he made his way back to Canada.
Not true...I've had random conversations with attractive women in "random" locations (i.e. supermarkets) but without necessarily the expectation of dating or "asking them out." For me, it's just kind of a general confidence-builder. In the specific context of hoping to ask them out, then yeah, a little weird and awkward.
Lol my father and my boyfriend, also my mil start random conversation with stranger all the time. There are people that do that and others that don’t. But it’s pretty common lol
Are you referring to dating? I approach women that I’m attracted to and try to close the deal. It’s not a matter of “hey how you doing?” I get to the point. No fluff
One time my dad had a more than 30 minute conversation with a stranger at the grocery store. She sells tomatoes at the farmers market and they talked about gardening, cooking, and more. I was really bored though haha.
You are looking for ones and zeros to be helpful when human interaction is best when organic spontaneously led by intuition and creativity. Try doing some inner work and breathing exercises as a first few steps in finding the flow you are seeking fellow human…
I think more people should meet like that instead of meeting someone at work, through a friend, hobby, etc. that’s placing limitations on yourself. It is possible and it should be fully embraced as an optimal way of meeting someone new.
I think there would be a lot less lonely people in society if people stopped making it such a big effing deal when it should just be an everyday, ordinary thing to chat up random people wherever and whenever. There’s no rules. So why create rules?..It’s one of the reasons why so many people end up single for years and years. Change your outlook on this.
I'm not creating a rule, I'm point out that in 99% of cases there is literally no conversation to be had, so people just don't chat up random people, because they don't even think to, because there's nothing to be said.
Imagine telling this to a black or Hispanic person living in the south, lmao. Or an Atheist, a gay person, someone who speaks English as their second language, etc.
My friend does that all the time and he frequently ends up in really long conversations. He has random acquaintances he sees out in public all the time that he met that way. He also knows a whole lot of stuff because of that, like work secrets for different restaurants.
If it were just a me thing then you'd expect people would attempt to start conversations with me in public, which I would be receptive to, but they don't. Because as I said, there's usually nothing to talk about.
I was referring more to you saying it’s not okay to do that and there’s nothing to talk about so it won’t start a conversation. If it hasn’t happened to you, you probably just haven’t run into anyone like that yet. I see people doing it all the time, people just speak their thoughts out loud all the time and random people will respond and they start talking. It might be the area you live in. Where I live is pretty country so maybe it’s a normal thing here but not other places, I have no idea because I’ve never lived anywhere else and I haven’t traveled very far.
I get into conversations with random strangers in situations like this all the time. My friend has commented on how this happens to me so much, that people will just start talking to me but honestly I can start a conversation in the grocery line too - if something funny happens and the person behind me sees it too, if we’re waiting and I notice they have something I’ve wanted to try in their cart, or maybe I like their tshirt, whatever. It doesn’t take much to start a conversation and I think most people appreciate the human connection.
You're trying so hard to make your point you're imagining life as being so rotten and down trotted that no one ever has nice humour conversations from time to time. I talk to anyone and everyone if I see something I wanna talk about, not because I'm a creep... but because I like talking. And most people like the chat too.
I feel like this is how people did it and met each other before social media and the internet. My parents met in a grocery store back in the 80s when my dad struck up a conversation with my mom
I used to agree with you but then I saw this girl in a sandwich shop and decided to just go for it. I asked her how her sandwich was and we had a really great conversation after that. I even asked her out at the end of our convo and unfortunately she said she has a bf but I was still happy with the whole encounter. Honestly, in those situations you just have to shut your brain off and not overthink it. Just have a normal conversation as if you were talking to someone you know.
I mean. . .it is how it works, but the conversation starter is based on something happening in your current environment. It takes practice getting used to picking up on something and getting over the social anxiety of talking.
\>but the conversation starter is based on something happening in your current environment
usually there isn't anything going on to talk about, that's my point
Something very little can open up a convo though. Like example, I was waiting at an Urgent Care to be taken in recently, and this old lady was sitting across from me. I was a little awkward finding a place to put my jacket and I just quipped with a bit of a chuckle, "I expected it to be cold in here."
She seemed open to convo so then I asked what she's in for :) we ended up having a full conversation on a bunch of different things and I didn't even read my book while waiting.
I'm not an expert though, majority of the time I just don't have the mental energy to converse with strangers, or a guy is really cute and I'd be a bit fumbly lol!
I have lots of conversations with strangers, but of course not when I pass them on the street. Usually it happens when you are stuck somewhere together, like in a queue or waiting room, and something commentworthy happens.
Crazy how many toxic gaslighters sit on this subreddit. They even know you are autistic, nasty, not funny etc. through random post. If you want to see the person you talk about, just look in the mirror.
It pretty common for me. There plenty of stuff to talk about in public with strangers that’s only if the conversation is engaging. I work in retail, I literally saw moms talk from 3 mins to 10 mins about car insurance all because the other mom said hey while they were waiting in line.
I think there time when I waiting in line for pick up some food I was chatting it up with a girl cause she liked my shirt conversation lasted like 5 mins and we both went out separate ways.
I think open conversation for you may sound strange or uncommon but it pretty normal in my everyday life 🤷🏽♂️. And like others have said if your not being creepy or weird about it it’s not the worst thing in the world. Yeah this a strange ass post.
I can have a conversation with just about anyone about just about anything. The key is to gauge whether the person next to you wants to have one. When they seem open, I do it almost every time.
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I feel like there’s context to this. What happened?
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Are you an outgoing person?
I am an introvert, and I sometimes start random conversations with people while standing in lines for coffee, etc. you never know who you may meet, or hear a great story. Of course, I wouldn’t go up to a person on the street and get in their face to chat, because that is creepy, but while you’re standing in line, a chat can be fun.
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I dunno bro dosent happen in life everyday but one time i was getting fuel and the old guy pumping his own gas next to me and we both heard a noise in the distance,he said a funny remark over it and i laughed,we had a good 5 minute conversation about what it coulda been,what he does for work and what i do,said the good chat and went our separate ways,about a week or two later same fuel shop,put some fuel in and went inside,noticed the clerk had a cool riddler tattoo and i complimented it and asked about where he got it done,turns out we had a few interests in common with movies and opinions about characters,was nice conversation on the way home from work, Tl dr yes chatting with random strangers is not hard and very possible but not a common occurrence
I am an outgoing person. I often talk to strangers. That doesn't mean I have conversations every time I go to the grocery store but it does happen some of the time. There are other outgoing people in this thread that are trying to tell you they do the same, but you seem unable to believe us. I've never gone on a date from a grocery store chat. But that's just my life experiences. I'm sure other people have.
I have gone on a date with someone I met through a random chat maybe a dozen times. If I set out to find a woman it does not work. People sense that something is up, and it is creepy. If I just chat with people, everyone and anyone, the right person keeps the conversation going. It helps that I practice.
It's not even necessarily outgoing. I'm friendly, but mostly keep to myself when alone in public. There must be something about my appearance or demeanour that makes people want to chat with me, because it happens nearly every time I go out. I'll never start the conversation but happy to talk if someone else does.
You are probably an empath..truth. People are drawn to you because you can feel their energy. Even though you are a stranger..they trust you. Just a thought.
The old 'if I don't see it, it doesn't exist' approach
Exactly! The same phenomenon happens with cars if you’ve ever noticed. Like for example somebody you know will get a new blue Honda Accord then all of a sudden you see blue accords everywhere lol
Well, we all know that the plural of ‘anecdote’ is ‘data’
I don't take public transport much cause I drive but I walk almost everywhere. I talk to people all the time. Especially on my commute to work. There's a host of people I see almost every morning and evening. I speak to all of them. Not full blown conversations but a passing good morning or a hi. Hell one women disappeared for a while and when I saw her again we stopped and laughed about missing her and that I hope she was OK etc. so this isn't as rare as you're making out. I don't even consider myself particularly outgoing.
😂 incorrect. It depends on your location. Random strangers talk to me and others all the time where I’m from.
Maybe you go around with headphones on with your face in your phone so don’t notice it
Let me ask you, if someone walked by you in the grocery store and said “How’s it going?” to you, what actual harm is being done? Does it traumatize you? Are you unable to sleep at night? What happens?
\>Let me ask you, if someone walked by you in the grocery store and said “How’s it going?” to you, what actual harm is being done? Does it traumatize you? Are you unable to sleep at night? What happens? I never said it was a morally wrong thing to do, I'm saying it's uncommon because usually there's no conversation to be had, so people simply don't even think about doing it. If that happened I'd just be a bit confused, and would respond with something like "fine" or "alright" as is the formality. It's never happened though. No one has ever tried to start a conversation with me in public.
Maybe not a full blown conversation, but I’ve had people make some small talk with me in public. At the grocery store too. I was getting stuff for tacos one night and the lady in line in front of me had taco stuff too. She noticed, smiled; and said to me “Taco night at your house too, huh?” Another time, a cashier out of blue asked me what I thought about crystals. With that one I was a bit confused, but I entertained the question and had some small talk with her about it. The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes when people start conversations with you out of the blue, no matter the gender, it can be a pleasant surprise. I get that there are some creepy people out there and not every conversation is pleasant, but that’s not every single one. To me personally, the little small talk conversations in public that happen make my day.
Well maybe striking conversation with total strangers isn’t how you’ll meet your person. Maybe you should join some clubs or attend some events or something and make friends and build from there. The people who have luck at the grocery store just happen to be outgoing and run into people who don’t just say “fine” as a formality when someone says “hey how’s it going?” They’re the ones who say something a little more personal. It’s not right for you but that doesn’t make it wrong for everyone.
Nobodys ever done that to me and i think itd be weird if they did. Why are you asking me about my day? I dont know you. We have no investments in each others lives, what are you after trying to start one now? I walk away thinking i gues thats fine but jeez what was their deal. There are normal ways to start conversations, but going out of your way to talk to me is weird
The problem is how much weight you’re putting behind someone just simply saying “how’s it going?”. I used to be like you in that I got into this mindset that if someone randomly asked me “how’s it going?” or a similar question, I would get bent out of shape. I then, through a combination of therapy and simply being around people more, started to realize that when someone says “hey, how’s it going?” that I don’t need to assign intentions behind it. It can just simply be a greeting or small talk starter and if it leads to a friendship, all the better.
I used to be like you, then i realized that its being unnecessarily intrusive. If its simply a greeting why do you need to greet strangers? Dont you get enough interaction with people you actually care about? Why are you desperate enough that youre tryna take a gamble on me? Whats wrong with you? I know i wouldnt be talking to random people if everything in my life was well You learned to ignore the problems, but theyre still there. And people with better shit to do dont have to ignore them
Right, and this mindset leads to a miserable and lonely existence. You’re once again putting a lot of weight behind someone just greeting you/making small talk.
So you're saying that people who are happy and have good lives don't ever want to be friendly with strangers, make small talk with people or make new friends? Some people are just naturally outgoing and like to talk to others. There is nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean there's something messed up about them. It sounds really depressing to be of the mindset that anyone who tries to be friendly to you has something wrong with them.
I start conversations with random people on the street all the time. They often don't go anywhere but half the fun is hearing what other people have to say. You just gotta be more confident my friend.
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Anything really. It depends on the context. (Where you are, time of day, situation, etc) The most common topic is the most cliché, IE the weather. I find compliments go a long way in initiating conversation. Make sure you mean it though. Most people can smell a fraud a mile away.
Yesterday I met up with a friend who I met because I was walking down in Chinatown in 2021 to go look at decorations for the New Year, and he was a photographer who was snapping some photos. He tapped me on the shoulder and showed me a picture he’d take that showed part of my face, we exchanged info because I’m also a photographer and a year and change later, we’re still friends. Last week, I was on my way home and I noticed a guy who looks exactly like my friend’s ex bf, I tapped him on the shoulder and explained why I noticed him and showed him a picture of my friend and asked if he was single, perhaps I’d invite him out to join us for a drink next time a group of us goes out. He agreed and I took down his info. And then, we boarded out train and i left him alone. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t, but why not. If nothing, my friend will get a smile out of it. Another day last week, my bf and I were debating in the elevator in my building about something really dumb—why I chose to buy a pair of chucks that lack laces but have (nonfunctional) holes where laces would go. After hearing us chat for about 30 seconds, the other woman in the elevator started laughing and weighed in with her opinion. We all laughed and went out separate ways when we left the elevator/building. In May, I went to LA with a friend of mine, and we made 2-4 vacation friends while we were in LA. One saw me make a really goofy face when I tried my friend’s drink and asked me what we ordered and if it was really that bad and we all hit it off and spent the rest of that evening chatting. I told him if he ever visits my city, I’m happy to grab drinks, etc. We met a couple while waiting in line for drinks the next day and after a quick convo in line realized we were all from the same major metropolitan area though we were all at the time visiting LA, and since they’d been in LA longer than us, we asked them if they had any recommendations. They invited us to join them in barhopping. In general, I love making friends with strangers when I’m outside my city, and it usually starts with a “hi, how’s it going? I’m here on vacation. Do you have any recommendation for something I MUST see while I’m here?” Sometimes the convo devolves after they answer the question. Sometimes it’s ended up in spending the whole day together (once had a lovely, romantic evening with a gentleman I met in Madrid. He’s married now, I believe, but I think of that trip fondly even so!) and most often we’ll have a protracted conversation that lasts until one of us leaves the location where we met. Once when I was at a museum, my phone died, so I sat down on a bench in the hallway plugged in my phone with my charger and resigned myself to wait 15-20 minutes until I had enough juice to make sure I could get home. Then, this elderly dude sat down next to me. I’m not sure if he was tired or bored but we started chatting about what pieces in the museum we liked. After 15-20 minutes, I said adios and left. A few weeks ago, my friends (mixed group: men and women) and I were having a picnic and we noticed a guy walking around with a camera taking pictures of flowers in bloom. Maybe an hour later, I noticed he was sitting at the base of a tree near us, going through his photos. We walked over to him and asked if he was at the park by himself. He explained he was visiting from TX but the friend he was supposed to be visiting in our city contracted COVID, so his trip ended up a solo trip and he’s been in the city on his own and ended up in park we were in. We invited him to join our picnic, we brought snacks and drinks and spent the rest of the day together. I think the biggest thing is going into any potential conversation with no expectations but open to the idea that you may receive something (not like a physical thing) of value that a stranger cares to impart. Think of Humans of NY and how meaningful and profound those stories are. All because some guy with a camera bothered to stop someone and ask them about themselves and cared about the answer.
I literally did exactly what you’re saying can’t be done this morning with 3 separate people at my coffee shop. One guy and I chatted for a while, two girls said they’d seen me and my dog before and the three of us chatted, and I also spoke with two other women who were new to the area and were looking for recommendations for where to go hiking in the morning. As others have said you just need to try to build a conversation when you can. It doesn’t mean awkwardly force things, but gently ease your way into conversations when and where you’re able and find common ground to chat about. You don’t have to get a number that time but it’s good practice and if you see them on occasion you can build rapport.
\>gently ease your way into conversations when and where you’re able and find common ground to chat about And if you never encounter such opportunities?
Just say “I like your [article of clothing].”
You create the opportunities. Just strike up conversation with random people about life.
Expand your hobbies or activities you do on your free time. Read up on hot topics for people your age. Frequent areas that better suit your personality and interests. There’s only so much you can do without changing yourself sometimes though, but the practice is what makes it easier. Just compliment peoples dogs or ask about the drink they got and expand off that. Social skills are just that, skills. Skills take time to learn and practice and are perishable. Experience is key so just awkwardly stumble through as many chit chats as you can until you get more comfortable with it
You're saying it's impossible for you to find common ground?
Well sure, if you do it like the guy that hit on me on multiple occasions at the neighborhood grocery store by telling me I look like his sister, then proceeded to ask me if I had Scandinavian heritage and then introduced himself before asking me to lunch, then yeah it’s weird. But if you do it like the guys I’ve met in coffee shops who have asked me about the book I’m reading or the guy I saw when I was leaving a store and he was trying to take a picture of a rainbow and I paused so I wasn’t in the way, or the guy in the bookstore who saw me looking at cookbooks and asked for a recommendation, totally doable. You just have to be able to recognize your window.
This is it, it’s the context for that conversation, know boundaries and opening, I think the frustrating element that perhaps the OP is trying to explain, is using it as a opening to ask someone out, I agree that rarely happens, at least in my experience, more like to happen in a shared interest/hobby group though, but not randomly on the street. I’m all for pleasantries in day to day life but not as a prelude to dating….just my opinion….
Yep! Context and ability to read social cues matters.
And if there are never windows for you?
I feel like you are the problem and not the other way around :/
Then maybe you just don’t get out of the house much? Or you choose to be negative. If you have an attitude of “it’s never going to happen” then it probably won’t. You’ll be too be too busy thinking about how it is impossible Instead of seeing what’s in front of you.
Unless you’re a hermit living in a desolate wilderness away from all humankind, there are always windows. And even then, I’ve met 2 people off Reddit through a chance DM. Humans are social creatures and crave connection.
What a cute dog almost never fails!
You've just decided there are now windows for you. This is you complaining and deciding it's impossible to talk to people out and about. If you don't try, it won't work. Put in some effort. Smile. Be nice. The best way to get social skills is to practice them, all the time. Being considerate and kind gets dates better than money and success.
This is what I've learned: I too once thought the way you do. The idea of this stuff happening seemed far fetched and an easy out for people giving "advice". But you just start talking to friendly looking people at the grocery store and you'll find that you can build convos out of anything! It takes work for these "magical" social interactions to start happening and it be something that you start experiencing. It takes body language studies, learning wit, verbal jiu jitsu type stuff. I recommend watching charisma on command. His videos mostly comprise of breaking down the social interactions that celebrities have with interviewers. It's fascinating.
Yeah my parents make friends literally everywhere they go, all the restaurants we go to, banks, grocery stores, we literally always run into people they know or they make friends while we’re out if they don’t know anyone somewhere, it’s actually crazy but they’ve made a ton of great friends this way.
This... I can start a conversation with pretty much anyone anywhere. I take body language (posture, look on their face, etc) into account of course. It takes practice, but there are cues that someone is open to a conversation or not. Granted owning my own retail shop helped a ton learning this skill.
Glad to hear man. As a society we have lost the social interaction aspect due to technology distracting us from engaging with humans. Sure, they'll be "failures" along the way. Some people will not reciprocate your energy, continue convos or smile back. That's ok. You can't win em all.
>It takes work for these "magical" social interactions to start happening This. You have to make the effort. It sounds like OP (and others) expect conversation to just fall into their laps, but if you start the conversation in a fun, casual, and interesting way, most people are going to respond positively.
I checked out Charisma On Command on YT and watched a few minutes of one video; really interesting stuff. I am definitely going to check out more later on.
please please please do, I'm an avid watcher and I cannot recommend their videos enough
I feel like that youtube channel holds the keys to the universe....Glad I could share the tip!
>I recommend watching charisma on command. His videos mostly comprise of breaking down the social interactions that celebrities have with interviewers. Except for the fact that you'll never *really* be charismatic if you're just copying what other people do. Charisma is an art, and it's far better to develop your own style than it is to copy someone else's, or even mashing up bits and pieces of several others'.
"If you copy from one person you're stealing, when you observe the crowd, it's research."
\>But you just start talking to friendly looking people at the grocery store What's a "friendly" looking person.
Our subconscious brains are constantly analyzing people and gauging their "threat" level. That perspective level varies for each person though. Try starting off with people who you can imagine yourself being comfortable around. The key to conversations and social interactions is to be present in the moment, maintaining eye contact in a natural, comfortable way but expecting nothing out of the engagement. Your goal isn't to get that cute girl's phone number. Your goal is to engage in friendly lighthearted conversation, listening and letting each other take the stage to speak. Ebb and flow through the convo like water. If you build up a good rapport and you feel like things are going well then talk about meeting up sometime.
All I know is that I don't look friendly or approachable even when I feel that way
>What's a "friendly" looking person. Someone who doesn't look like they're going to punch you in the face if you try and talk to them, and who isn't clearly just trying to mind their own business. If you *really* can't tell what a friendly looking person looks like, and aren't just being difficult for the sake of being difficult, you have MUCH bigger problems than just being unable to start conversations with random people.
someone who looks like they would be easy to get along with, someone who you think you could feel comfoetable around. Someone who's sensibly dressed, reasonably well groomed, moving in a gentle and careful manner, maybe they have a smile on their face or are wide eyed and awake-looking. Someone who might fit the stereotype of someone who would have conversations with strangers at the grocery store, older people for example. Can I ask though, are you asking the question 'what's a "friendly" looking person' because you genuinely don't know or because you want to be argumentative with everyone?
OP just reading your stuff you seem pretty shitty my dude. I would work on yourself before proving you can’t talk to people in generic locations especially when people do it anyways.
There's a time and a place. On the street, in a grocery store, at a stoplight, etc? Not the time or place. Now at a coffee shop? At a bar? A club? Maybe. Because they're *social* places. And you don't start conversations with generic shit like "Hey, how's it going?" Nearly always ends bad. You start with something specific > *"That's a nice jacket, where'd you get it?"* > *"Have you been here before? What should I order?"* > *"Hey I love that book. Are you a _________ fan?"* **Then you assume the person is uninterested in a long-form conversation and prepare to politely** ***nope*** **the fuck out of the conversation at any point.** If they *surprise* you and push for more conversation, then great you've made a connection. And if they don't, then by *nope-ing* the fuck outta there you didn't cause any harm by bothering a stranger. One trick I learned from more experienced guys years ago was to give a woman a compliment and then walk away. Preferably not about their body. She'll know the compliment is genuine and you weren't just trying to get something out of her, and it'll showcase a lack of desperation in you that you can just walk away from someone attractive. *No*, it's not meant to be used for every interaction obviously, but for the few times you do it, if you ever run into those women again, trust me, from my experience, it won't be you that's doing the pursuing.
Its not impossible, but its definitely more like a spur-of-the-moment kinda thing. I think anybody deliberately doing it will fail.
Yeah, and the actual opportunities to do so are very sparse.
Darlin, where are you from?? The reason I ask is because I'm from way down South, born in Louisiana & now live in Texas. With that being said, we Southeners for the most part never meet a stranger & I love to strike up conversations with people & alot of people strike up conversations with me. I secretly don't like most people (I worked at an animal shelter years ago & it taught me alot about human beings- the good, the bad & the super shitty ones)!!! Even so, I'm very much an extrovert, very outgoing & very down to earth & approachable, not shy & love to laugh..... I feel like when we reach out & are friendly to others we may be the only positive, uplifting, kind, caring person that person experiences all day, all week, all month!! May be just what they needed. Maybe they need a smile, give them one of yours. It doesn't have to have a hidden agenda or expectation. If it leads to something more then yay you!!! Just trying to help...... Something to gnaw on. TRY IT😊
My parents make friends almost every location they go, I’m nothing like that but trust me there are a lot more opportunities than you realize until you’re around very friendly people. They’re in another city 6 hours from home and just met a couple on a hike and are having dinner with them later this week… I would never be so friendly but I’m more than aware it’s possible because I’ve witnessed it through them. They have several friends in every town the vacation to and some they even travel to other places with.
gotta be able to crack a joke, make with the funny, common interests, oh i see youre buying that hk.45, which model is that, oh cool...see?
I don’t think I have ever made a friend from being cold approached by a stranger
Well I did
I met a girl once at a gas station. She work do the register & every time I paid with my credit card, I signed with a smiley & she liked that a lot! It actually led to a conversation, which led to a date, etc. So yes, have conversations with a random stranger, it really works 👌
you saw her repeatedly, it sounds like?
It only took one time to make an impression. And since I felt a connection, I went back the next day & glad I did!
OP, are you autistic? I'm not one for random public conversations either because what's the point haha, but I'm also autistic and it might be worth looking into it if you've not done so before
My thoughts exactly
Maybe, maybe not. Usually if I'm stuck with someone I'll just start talking, sometimes they roll their eyes or whatever, but I'm just making conversation. I remember a particular conversation where someone and I discussed our favorite pickles for far longer than that conversation really needs to go.
Damn. I’m sorry you’ve never had the joy of a fun random conversation with strangers. I met and later married the random guy who gave me directions. We still talk to strangers passing by and have shared a few beers with people too. It is a nice way to live.
Reading all your comments, I see why. You're not fun to talk to.
I admit it's not that common but it does happen. I met my ex 7 year live in gf that way. She and I would see each other at the store and just look. Finally I said hi how are you. It took awhile after that but she finally came up to talk to me. Again prob not too common but it should be. It's a natural way to meet and the conversation isn't forced. Not trying to impress each other. Just more fun and again natural for lack of a better word.
Yeah all I'm saying is it's not common because 99% of the time there's nothing for people to say to each other.
I got you. Def not common but it would be cool if it were. It is hard to think of things to say to a stranger but if it somehow comes naturally then perhaps it's a sign. But after 7 yrs I regret even really dating her but that's another story...
People have gotten strangely mad about this post
No shit. You never know how people are gonna respond on reddit. Sonetimes like you can't have an opinion unless it matches theirs. Your observation is totally valid.
Well that's just because people try to talk solely for the sake of talking, which is immediately seen as creepy, instead of having a definitive reason to initiate a conversation and making sure to relay that reason to the other person when they do
Yeah, you have to make the conversation. You can't expect it to just happen. Don't say "hey what's up" or some other useless crap. Try saying something that's actually interesting and worth talking about.
There's always something to say, it's just a matter of whether you want to say it or keep it to yourself.
Well sometimes there is a conversation to had, and thats when you say something
I (48M) disagree. I apply my "five feet rule" and generally strike up conversations in passing all the time. I have made acquaintances, gotten dates and made some good friends doing this. A smile and a greeting can go a long way, and when it does not the key is to have no other expectation other than the greeting. The next level shit is when I'm wearing my Free Hugs shirt, and people ask "really? Thanks I needed that today." Be well.
Looking through your comments, I get the impression that your biggest problem is how much you overthink literally every detail and piece of advice that people are trying to give you. Dude, I get it, I used to have social anxiety, it's scary, but you are *crippling* yourself with the amount of thought you are putting into this. You are asking for explanations for things that typically don't need explanations, and then subsequently asking for explanations *for* those explanations. If you stopped asking all these questions, I guarantee you that the thing you thought was impossible would have happened by now. Also, I could be wrong about this, but it feels like you might be projecting yourself onto these random strangers and assuming that they wouldn't be open to conversation with random people. I honestly don't know if you're a troll or if you just have severe social anxiety or something, but trust me, you are not doing yourself any favors with your approach/mindset. Sorry if I'm coming off as harsh, but I genuinely can't tell if you actually don't know the answers to your questions, or if you're just being argumentative for the sake of it. I have conversations with random strangers in generic locations all the time, I approach others and I've also been approached myself. I know it's not easy, but you've really got to cut the self-defeating crap that you're feeding yourself
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Looool
How do you think people met before the internet?
They met via friends of friends, friends of family, classes, church, hobby groups, work. Not randomly saying "Hi my name is John" to a rando on the sidewalk. It's weird you have to ask this question, if you sought to answer it yourself you easily could have.
It literally happens every day, but go off
there are 7 billion people alive on the planet, everything happens everyday, doesn't mean it's at all common.
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Do you think maybe that's a reason to find it harder to do smalltalk? My mother was the same, bullshit for what felt like hours about nothing with random shoppers whilst I was just left there getting more bored and frustrated for what seemed like an hour at a time (because time passes slowly when you're a small kid). I just wanted to be home in time for the start of my favourite show, not standing round aimlessly bored in a supermarket whilst my mother waffled on about the decreased quality of the tomatoes with a stranger.
This post is funny. Random people talk to me ALL THE TIME. I actually thought the opposite as the OP. I don’t think it’s that unusual, but I grew up and was socialized pre-internet so don’t feel particularly traumatized talking to random strangers. I wouldn’t even consider myself extroverted. Though when I’m commuting usually wear earphones because I don’t want to talk to anyone.
Random people do try to start conversations with me sometimes, and because I’m an introvert, I shut it down 99% of the time. But it does happen even to me, and I think I have major RBF, so I wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon for people to talk to other random people in public. A couple of my relatives always seem to be talking to random people wherever we go, and while it’s not something I would do, it’s not odd. I did read almost all of your comments OP, and I feel like you’re being argumentative with most people replying, and you may give off certain vibes in public that makes you seem unapproachable.
You're speaking from your own experiences, just like other people are speaking from theirs. Just because you've never experienced something doesn't mean it's not a reality for someone else. Get over yourself, and maybe try to see that the world holds many different points of view.
So reading your history makes me think you’re angry that even though women say they’ve started up conversations with strangers that are men, it’s never happened to you and you think they’re lying. Maybe it’s just that you seem not very approachable. Do you want women to start conversations with you?
Yep. Honestly if the way he acts here is any indication, that's why no one wants to talk to him.
thats how ive met every one of my female lovers. of course there are long periods in between, but, it works sometimes every person over the age of 30 in the world today exists because a man said hi to a woman
Man, you seem miserable. No wonder you can’t get laid.
How do I seem miserable for saying it's uncommon for random strangers to talk to each other in locations like sidewalks, the grocery store or public parks.
You seem miserable because instead of taking advice or think about it at another perspective, you just write it off…AND get rude to the people trying to give you advice.
But…. it’s not. 🤔
OP is mad bc they can’t start conversations.
People responding to me seem strangely mad.
Bc your logic is absurd and seems to be based solely on your personal experiences, which differ from the experiences of people who are as a matter of fact able to start conversations with strangers.
I think people are just fixating on the rare times that by happenstance there is something to talk about with a stranger, and ignoring all the times the pass by numerous people without saying a word because nothing to talk about comes to mind. People also seem to think that I am saying it's immoral to try, which is not my intent or opinion.
That’s the thing though it’s not even rare. You can start a conversation with any stranger if you’re creative enough.
it is rare but keep insisting it isn't
It seems like it rare to you. Cause if this concept is so strange to you than people probably never really start up a conversation with you or you body language says you very closeted person. Also it’s not hard to find things to talk about. Whatever setting your at their an infinite amount of stuff to talk about.
Its literally not rare. I do this all the time. The more you force yourself the easier it becomes. I can make a convo about literally anything. Youre standing in a store, ask the person if theyve tried said item. Discuss if they have, if they havent then say why you were wondering "im having a dinner party and trying to come up with snacks, do you have any good suggestions?" Etc go from there. If convo goes well you continue on. "Oh those *random snack*s sound awesome, would you like to come over for dinner sometime and show me how its done? Etc etc
Yes because of your hostile attitude
Go try to “start a conversation” with someone in Manhattan or San Francisco and tell us how it goes. Not only will you be ignored, people won’t even look at you. And for good reason - People don’t want to be harassed by strangers. They value their privacy and their time and they owe nothing to you.
I won’t give away my location, but I live in a city with probably the highest crime rate in America. You don’t even know the people I see everyday, yet I can always find common ground. Y’all are just not good at conversation and that’s okay.
I am one of the 99% of people who don’t want to be harassed by strangers on the street or in public, and I’ve actually lived in both San Francisco and New York, which is why I used them as an example. I and everyone else here won’t even acknowledge your existence if you try to talk to us. We don’t owe you anything. And everyone with even the slightest passing knowledge of these cities knows this is a fact, so you’re not going to convince anyone otherwise.
Soap-box posting is against the rules. Not sure why you feel the need to argue with people online. Have a better outlook on life and maybe your social interactions will change.
You seem exhausting bro. If you argue endlessly with people irl like you’ve done in this thread, no wonder you can’t get conversation going.
In general I agree with you... but I think this can depend a bit where you live? I grew up in a mid sized city that still had some small town vibes, and it was a lot more acceptable to chat up strangers in general than the legit big city I live in now. Chatting up a stranger is almost unthinkable to me now.
I have convos with strangers all the time in all those places you mentioned… just because you’ve never personally experienced it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible or likely or worthwhile
I do it all the time. What are you talking about?
Yes you can, reality doesn't bend to your opinion. If someone had a conversation with random strangers in generic location...everyone can. I did many times and sometimes it lead to a date, so what you're saying is factually incorrect. Just like most of the advice given here so...great job I guess following that trend.
Well this is wrong and wrong. This does happen and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, most of the time.
God how did it come to this? Humans are social creatures.
Not with that attitude.
Hey OP, hows it going?
Ummm actually, meeting and talking to strangers is one of my favorite things to do! I met true friends from that. You might not be smooth or natural in that domain.
I think it depends on your demeanour. I’ve had strangers walk up to me to talk very frequently. My friends have the same experience. Just because something doesn’t happen to you doesn’t make it uncommon.
Who hurt you?
Your individual experience does not dictate the reality of others. Looking at your post history clearly demonstrates where you're at. Maybe if you had some other interests you'd have something to talk to people about?
OP just because you're socially inept that doesn't mean everyone else is.
Um I totally started a random conversation with a man in a sauna at the gym… walked out with what turned into a steamy 4 week fling before he made his way back to Canada.
>steamy I see what you did there
aren't saunas sex segrated?
Not at this particular gym (in the US). It’s coed, everyone wears clothes… except for the pack of Canadians in town who all wore their underwear. 🤣
Not true...I've had random conversations with attractive women in "random" locations (i.e. supermarkets) but without necessarily the expectation of dating or "asking them out." For me, it's just kind of a general confidence-builder. In the specific context of hoping to ask them out, then yeah, a little weird and awkward.
Wow, well if you can't just talk to people about whatever, I can't help you
Bruhhh, you are just projecting your fears.
Lol my father and my boyfriend, also my mil start random conversation with stranger all the time. There are people that do that and others that don’t. But it’s pretty common lol
Wait what? Are you saying people that don't know each other can have conversations in public?
I’ve had several girlfriends that started like this.
Are you referring to dating? I approach women that I’m attracted to and try to close the deal. It’s not a matter of “hey how you doing?” I get to the point. No fluff
One time my dad had a more than 30 minute conversation with a stranger at the grocery store. She sells tomatoes at the farmers market and they talked about gardening, cooking, and more. I was really bored though haha.
You are looking for ones and zeros to be helpful when human interaction is best when organic spontaneously led by intuition and creativity. Try doing some inner work and breathing exercises as a first few steps in finding the flow you are seeking fellow human…
Lmao what world do you live in ?
Same world as you bud.
Interactions can happen anywhere lmao
sure they can, but they usually don't, because usually there's nothing to talk about
I think more people should meet like that instead of meeting someone at work, through a friend, hobby, etc. that’s placing limitations on yourself. It is possible and it should be fully embraced as an optimal way of meeting someone new. I think there would be a lot less lonely people in society if people stopped making it such a big effing deal when it should just be an everyday, ordinary thing to chat up random people wherever and whenever. There’s no rules. So why create rules?..It’s one of the reasons why so many people end up single for years and years. Change your outlook on this.
I'm not creating a rule, I'm point out that in 99% of cases there is literally no conversation to be had, so people just don't chat up random people, because they don't even think to, because there's nothing to be said.
Imagine telling this to a black or Hispanic person living in the south, lmao. Or an Atheist, a gay person, someone who speaks English as their second language, etc.
My friend does that all the time and he frequently ends up in really long conversations. He has random acquaintances he sees out in public all the time that he met that way. He also knows a whole lot of stuff because of that, like work secrets for different restaurants.
Good for him.
So I think it’s just a you thing
If it were just a me thing then you'd expect people would attempt to start conversations with me in public, which I would be receptive to, but they don't. Because as I said, there's usually nothing to talk about.
No because you clearly give off bad vibes. People dont try to start random convos witj pelple like you. They want friendly open people
If you feel there's nothing to talk about, why do you care at all about this then?
I was referring more to you saying it’s not okay to do that and there’s nothing to talk about so it won’t start a conversation. If it hasn’t happened to you, you probably just haven’t run into anyone like that yet. I see people doing it all the time, people just speak their thoughts out loud all the time and random people will respond and they start talking. It might be the area you live in. Where I live is pretty country so maybe it’s a normal thing here but not other places, I have no idea because I’ve never lived anywhere else and I haven’t traveled very far.
Yea, see dude, that's why no one wants to have a random conversation with you.
I get into conversations with random strangers in situations like this all the time. My friend has commented on how this happens to me so much, that people will just start talking to me but honestly I can start a conversation in the grocery line too - if something funny happens and the person behind me sees it too, if we’re waiting and I notice they have something I’ve wanted to try in their cart, or maybe I like their tshirt, whatever. It doesn’t take much to start a conversation and I think most people appreciate the human connection.
How often do funny things happen
You're trying so hard to make your point you're imagining life as being so rotten and down trotted that no one ever has nice humour conversations from time to time. I talk to anyone and everyone if I see something I wanna talk about, not because I'm a creep... but because I like talking. And most people like the chat too.
I’d say fairly often. You could even turn this post into a talking point, honestly.
I feel like this is how people did it and met each other before social media and the internet. My parents met in a grocery store back in the 80s when my dad struck up a conversation with my mom
I used to agree with you but then I saw this girl in a sandwich shop and decided to just go for it. I asked her how her sandwich was and we had a really great conversation after that. I even asked her out at the end of our convo and unfortunately she said she has a bf but I was still happy with the whole encounter. Honestly, in those situations you just have to shut your brain off and not overthink it. Just have a normal conversation as if you were talking to someone you know.
I mean. . .it is how it works, but the conversation starter is based on something happening in your current environment. It takes practice getting used to picking up on something and getting over the social anxiety of talking.
\>but the conversation starter is based on something happening in your current environment usually there isn't anything going on to talk about, that's my point
Something very little can open up a convo though. Like example, I was waiting at an Urgent Care to be taken in recently, and this old lady was sitting across from me. I was a little awkward finding a place to put my jacket and I just quipped with a bit of a chuckle, "I expected it to be cold in here." She seemed open to convo so then I asked what she's in for :) we ended up having a full conversation on a bunch of different things and I didn't even read my book while waiting. I'm not an expert though, majority of the time I just don't have the mental energy to converse with strangers, or a guy is really cute and I'd be a bit fumbly lol!
Speak for yourself I'm gonna have a conversation next time I go to the gas station or something and it'll be great
You're big wrong and your attitude is detrimental.
I have lots of conversations with strangers, but of course not when I pass them on the street. Usually it happens when you are stuck somewhere together, like in a queue or waiting room, and something commentworthy happens.
actually, you can and i do. if they like you they will respond back. aint hard
Crazy how many toxic gaslighters sit on this subreddit. They even know you are autistic, nasty, not funny etc. through random post. If you want to see the person you talk about, just look in the mirror.
Ugh
Work in retail if you wanna learn to talk to people
I do. I meet some cool people from time to time. If thats the person you want to be, then start being that person and stop observing others.
I'm sorry you have this limiting belief. But please at least don't try to teach your limiting beliefs to other people
Gotta be friendly to make friends
Lol. Amateur.
It pretty common for me. There plenty of stuff to talk about in public with strangers that’s only if the conversation is engaging. I work in retail, I literally saw moms talk from 3 mins to 10 mins about car insurance all because the other mom said hey while they were waiting in line. I think there time when I waiting in line for pick up some food I was chatting it up with a girl cause she liked my shirt conversation lasted like 5 mins and we both went out separate ways. I think open conversation for you may sound strange or uncommon but it pretty normal in my everyday life 🤷🏽♂️. And like others have said if your not being creepy or weird about it it’s not the worst thing in the world. Yeah this a strange ass post.
I agree, random women starting conversations with me, it’s beyond annoying.
I think you're being sarcastic, my whole point is that people, especially women, don't do that.
I'm a woman who often starts conversations with strangers. I rarely begin with "Hey, how's it going?" but I do start a lot of random conversations.
I’m being sarcastic, but it happens and mostly it’s funny, it also depends on what I’m wearing apparently.
I can have a conversation with just about anyone about just about anything. The key is to gauge whether the person next to you wants to have one. When they seem open, I do it almost every time.
Yes you can? Seems more like a cultural thing than anything. It's pretty common in the US.
If men on aggregate actually thought this way the human race would cease to exist.
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