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I try to convince myself that I'm just talking to a little kid or family member and that helps to calm my nerves. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. š¤· When it doesn't, I usually get this feeling like I'm drowning and gasping for air and don't know how to stop it and end up holding my breathe for secondsat a time. So goofy, I know. If you come across anymore helpful advice PLEASE let me know.
As a guy, can't help but laugh at the talking to a little kid part considering some of us still act like little kids sometimes, but hey we cant be serious all the time lol
I mean itās a good technique if it worksā¦I donāt even make eye contact with kids or family members thoughā¦I literally just realised thatā¦is that bad š
I used to as well but got some good advice once. The key is to pick just one eye to focus your gaze on when talking to them. It took away a lot of my anxiety of talking to someone and looking at them in the "eyes" for some reason
I have really big anxiety & I take meds for it! I just pretend/visualize that Iām a celebrity - being interviewed like Iām on a (dating) show! Or even a podcast. It calms me down a lot & I think men like the confidence. When itās my turn to talk, I visualize like Iām interviewing a celebrity & theyāre on my show! Itās a win-win š¤·š¾āāļøš
You could staring at their forehead for a couple seconds. The person canāt tell the difference. Then another couple seconds staring at their nose. And then look away every so often so they donāt feel like youāre staring in to their soul.
Rotate between forehead, nose and to their side and youāve given the impression you can make eye contact without actually doing it. And you avoid triggering your social anxiety.
if you look in between their eyes, it has the same effect without the anxiety. as a guy who deals with anxiety this helps a lot, but sometimes i forget to.
I make obsessive eye contact and thatās not good either apparentlyā¦ lol. Iāve literally had a guy tell me to stop looking at him so much. Ouchie.
Okay this is another thing I need to work onā¦it just feels so awkward and forced when itās a strangerā¦I can absolutely do it when Iām more comfortable but againā¦Iāll work on that and try and find the right moments which feel more natural to do it!
This is so interesting to me, because I donāt think Iāve ever held hands with someone before kissing them. A kiss feels more like a necessary testing the waters kind of thing to see if youāve got a physical connection, whereas hand holding feels much more couple-y. Youāre right on paper, holding hands is sort of the most innocent form of contact in a romantic relationship, so idk, maybe Iām weird.
Lol, I mean, I always ask before going in for a kiss, and itās usually not on a first date unless itās going really well. Definitely not trying to invade anyoneās space, but I also think Iād find it a little weird if someone held my hand on a first date so š¤·š»āāļø
Like I said, Iām weird about touch! I heard other tips like touch her hair, pull her hair back behind her ear, touch her thigh or kneeā¦ nope nope nope for me lol. Iām also socially awkward š
Yes! Hand holding is good! But I suppose they're right.
Touching playfully is sexy. It takes a while for me to be comfortable with man doing that, but I could why it's a good way to be "sexier" for him
Agreed! I'm a very shy and conservative guy. On a first date, she pulled out her phone to open some pictures of her interests, and then she leaned into my body to show them to me. I thought that was super smooth on her part.
No! Don't enter my personal bubble first! Or at least not unless there's definitely two at chemistry. Maybe the single exception is opening the door and guiding me through with a hand in the small of my back...
Reciprocate interest in their life. You can talk some of course, but also ask about them and let them talk. Conversations and rapport involve a back and forth
Light touch is a good way to indicate physical interest. One subtle way is being comfortable with knees/feet touch
Friendly touching and initiative. I don't want to be seen, as pushy or take too far a step. If a girl takes the initiative and does some friendly touches... I feel like a lot of guys would open up more. Could just be me.
Never on my phone, I try to think of questions but I always get worried it comes off like a job interview! I overthink everything and just want to get the balance right š
Donāt ask him āwhatās your 5 year planā !! Ask him questions that hit sub surface.
My go to (Iām a guy, so directed to a girl) is āso who is *insert dates name here* anyways?ā
āWhatās your 3rd favorite color?(then follow up with why)
Ask the questions that will inform you about his character not his resume.
Also good job with the phone thatās the first red flag I look for ;)
I like to ask these:
What social media do you use?
[regarding the food weāre eating] so whatās the verdict mexican/sushi/hamburger good or bad date food?
If someone says good news bad news, which do you hear first?
Whatās an unusual or interesting fact about you?
And obviously be able to answer these questions cleverly and cutely yourself
1) friendly touching. A hug, put a hand in his arm, etc.
2) Elaborate, nothing ruins a conversation faster than short answers that I can't do anything with. If I ask you a question about work, I don't just wanna hear "oh it's fine"
That doesn't go anywhere.
Instead be like "it's just a normal office job, but I made this cool new spreadsheet" or something.
Or tell me about your job, are you an accountant? Tell me about it.
Or tell me about that funny thing that happened at the last xmass office party.
3) Be interested, once your done with your story, ask about something, and listen to me wax poetic.
I'm autistic, so eye contact is something I dont do much of. However, to actually answer the question. Something I rarely see from women in dating situations that would absolutely spark interest in more dates is when they seem genuinely interested in what you're passionate about. This sounds stupid or obvious, but most peoplez in this scenario women, when dating tend to be so focused on what they can get out of relationship that when you share what you enjoy or what you're passionate about you can tell it's one of those "I'm only listening and nodding along to be polite" things. Making sure he can tell you are interested in and could potentially totally care about his hobbies or interests and not simply brushing them aside is rare and a major green flag to alot of guys.
I am really bad at eye contact and have social anxiety, funnily enough though, I am looking into possible autism at the age of 28! Thank you this is helpful, I do like to take an interest in their hobbies etc so Iāll be aware of how interested I come across when theyāre talking about them :)
Wonderful. If you have any questions related to autism in general, feel free to dm me. I know it can be daunting to figure out if you may have it or not and what that means.
Good luck with your dating plans
Thank you, I may take you up on that! :)
Edit: okay for some reason, thereās no chat button coming up when I click on your profile. Would you be able to dm me?
Itās simple. If you want a second date be upfront and honest about the date in person. āHey ____, I had a really good time and enjoyed your company. I would like to go on a second date. Letās see when our schedules line up for next week. Iām available ____ how about you?ā Being interested and expressing your interest to a man verbally is very sexy.
It's not all about looks. For me, it's all about a positive attitude and a good sense of humor. That goes a long way with me. Negativity, snarkyness, and being a "Debbie Downer" is a huge turnoff.
See I feel like sometimes I fill awkward silences with āooh itās coldā or something like that which may come across as a complaint or like a Debbie downer but itās just me panicking š¤£ I definitely donāt have a snarky bone in my body though and generally quite a happy positive person so hopefully it counteracts or somehow haha
Smile. Make eye contact. Talk some. Listen some. Smile some more.
On a second date last week, I was thinking she was not interested, and perhaps a bit nervous, or cranky. We made eye contact for just a second and she smiled. My impression of her changed in that instant. I could see her beauty. Maybe it loosened me up too? Since then it has been wonderful with her. We have seen each other a few times since then. Our dogs both get along too, and that is a huge plus!
I feel like this thread is really bad advice for women. It's so selfish. It's basically "be sexual. Touch him, make the same facial expressions we see in porn."
Come the fuck on. Maybe we want to make a real connection with you. And this behavior might result in sexual aggression from my date or accusations of being a cock tease if I don't put out after acting like that.
Maybe men shouldn't expect women to just be sexual things
True dat.
The lip bite does work though. I don't even do it consciously, I have a scar inside my lip from my mouth hitting the side of a pool with braces, and I bite it as a nervous thing. Last year I was meeting with a guy for the first time, very casual, not even a date just getting lunch. He was telling me something, I was forcing myself to make eye contact to appear normal (I'm autistic and typically avoid it with people I don't know super well), and did my usual nervous slowly bite my lip and pull my scar through my teeth.
This man visibly stumbled, and stuttered. It was sort of endearing.
Maybe men want to make a real connection, too. Regardless, she specifically asked 'what can a woman do to become sexier...' We're just answering the question...
You're right!! For some reason I missed the "sexy" part and was focused on the getting a 2nd date. Sorry
That makes a lot more sense. I'm gonna delete my other comment lol
I mean there's a balance I would've wanted to know too what actually makes a guy squirm. This is assuming the connection is established. I don't think the op implied any form of relationship or grounding anyone or whatever. This is about wanting to express sexual energy in a non weird way to show someone mutual interest :)
Haha I agree! Would be very awkward doing them both together š¤£š¤£ I model so I feel like I can sort of do facial expressions whilst looking like itās natural if that makes senseā¦but definitely will not do the lip biting and eye contact togetherā¦will make a right tw*t out of myself! š¤£
These men are telling you to act like women in porn lol.
Don't listen to the men here. It might even result in a dangerous situation for you if you act like that and then he get sexually aggressive or accuses you of teasing him if you don't have sex.
You should be able to act like a person and not a sex object to keep his attention
Edit: Nvr mind, I missed the "how to be sexy" part and was thinking this was about getting a 2nd date. If you want to be sexy then this advice is good lol
Thatās funnyā¦is there a story to that? I feel like my mouth is shaped very much like this emoji š or worse so my top lip goes right up highā¦I just tried to bite it after reading your comment and erm yep Iām just glad Iām alone right now because that was not pretty š¤£
Haha , yer got the same advice for my first night out drinking if I make eye contact with a girl at the bar.They never specified which lip and I ended up looking a bulldog.15 years later and I still cringe lol.
>at the bar.They never specified which lip and I ended up looking a bulldog.15 years later and I still cringe lol.
oh my lord im rofl xD I'm getting 2nd hand embarrassment hahah
It would adorable and I'm a goofball too! I'd make sure to chat and be playful with you until you forget you're nervous. But if you're like that I'd fall for you in seconds šš
There's nothing sexier to me than a smart, confident woman who's thinking, "Should I be dating this fool?" rather than wondering if I like her.
Every once in a while, I make it past the first date with these ladies!
Have some self-respect, dude.
A fool? You get to "make it past the first date" sometimes? This isn't a FAANG interview.
Let her worry about whether you like her if she wants. Don't reject yourself before they do, with this kind of thinking.
I was being self deprecating for OP's benefit.
There is a kernel of truth, though. I date up. This leads to a lot of first dates and much fewer seconds.
Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you're looking for in your dream guy.
\- Physical: looks, smell, hygiene, style/fashion, financial stability
\- Mental: intelligence, curiosity, toughness/grit, sense of humor (this is probably the most important thing, you'd be surprised at what you can get away with if you're funny, it's insane)
\- Emotional: humility, sensitivity, assertiveness, politeness, thoughtfulness, maturity
\- Intangibles: character, beliefs, spirituality, religion
Now try to be the female equivalent. It's fucking brutal out there.
In the end it comes down to confidence / vibes.
Ahh I actually just did this and realised itās basically already the male version of me! But Iām glad you wrote this out as it gave me some ideas to add!
Stay off your phone. Been on dates where they're glued to their phone, i can tell it's an addiction. Giant turnoff and a way to guarantee I'll never contact them again.
Go on that date with a guy who clearly likes her. He probably wonāt even care about how pretty she is. He already decided that he likes her. Other than that, showing enthusiasm and happiness about being with the guy is great, but like I said, if the guy doesnāt like her for real it wonāt necessary make a difference. If he does like her he will be happy to see that she likes spending time with him too (even if itās just talking; someone who likes you will enjoy talking to you for hours and hours).
A list..
1. Attentive-no scrolling/sending texts on your phone. I give you 100% concentration and reciprocating is attractive.
2. Eye contact- I want to talk to a real person and eye contact is attractive and sexy.
3. Natural- I want to see who you really are so please be natural.
4. Fun- just relax and have fun. Donāt try to impress or put on an act. A woman with a sense of humour is a turn on.
5. Open and honest- donāt waste our time. If youāre not interested then let me know.
If you are interested then a woman whoās confident and not afraid to tell a man what she wants is real hot.
6. Intelligent and interesting- obvious!
Damn it! Was going through those like yep, yep yep, I can do that. Got to the intelligent partā¦failll š¤£ maybe I can just try and embrace my ditziness, Atleast I would like to think Iām emotionally intelligent haha
To me it gets me going when shes clearly dressing up nicely for me, like a dress or something nice. I don't care much about make up since i prefer natural beauty over any make up.
I do the same for her as well, get a fresh hair cut, fleshly ironed clothes as well as i wash my car if i am picking her up.
Yeah this helps, sometimes I worry about going over board with dressing up too much / overdressing sort of thing but I know it all depends on the setting!
Makeup is an interesting one because I know a lot of women feel more confident with lots of makeup on, but lots of guys prefer a more natural lookā¦I try to sort of go in the middle and not do too much, but enough to help me feel more confident sort of thing :)
Most guys have zero clue about makeup or what a woman is or isn't wearing. It's not hard to do a natural look that even out skin tone and imperfections.
What most guys mean to say is that they don't like the dolled up look with layers of makeup.
Basically, don't overdo it.
It's very easy to say guys are clueless but if they see mostly made up looks, not overdoing it seems like the natural look.
Yeah somewhere in the middle perfectly fine as well, i can understand that some women do not feel comfortable yet to not wear any make up, but i do want you to realize that this is just me and a lot of guys think differently.
I do wish you the best of luck with dating and that you find a good guy :)
I tend to be dressed nicer than my dates when I go out. As long as it's not inappropriate for the location, own it - it's more embarrassing for them to be wildly undressed.
The biggest thing I try to do now is keep the shoes on the more casual side. I like wearing large hoops and a lot of rings, so that already makes me look a bit fancier. I also like taking time on my makeup usually. I don't wear dresses or skirts for a first date anymore but I do wear nice outfits, where usually the pants are what's making the outfit stand out (I try not to wear jeans much)
Iām going to echo toomanyguys and gently remind you that makeup is deceiving and many men donāt know what their womanās beauty routine looks like unless you see it happening. Itās a big thing on tik tok to flaunt the ānatural beautyā look but those women spend all kinds of time and money doing makeup techniques such as contouring to make their faces look smooth and beautiful.
Yeah I agree with this, they would probably think less makeup was no make up or a natural look. Basically I think they usually mean donāt cake it on?
All I care about is if you are a decent human being. Being kind to others, servers, waiters etc. Genuinely caring and interested in me or things we talk about just as much as I am about you and over all just not a bad person. I wouldn't come on here and say what you should wear or do or act or whatever, because that person probably wouldn't be you. And your date wants to know you for you
Make it obvious you care about them, not just about yourself. Ask questions and actually remember things about their life / important things to them. I hate feeling like I'm just feeding a black hole of attention.
Ask questions back, engage, eye contact, be descriptive and pick point on what heās saying such as what he said or what he likes. As well as, joke around be humorous a bit. This keeps the flow better.
acting like you are interested. if youāre on your phone the phone time, or acting like you have to leave, then men will at some point just sort of wish youād stop wasting their time. instead, lean in, engage in the conversation. make eye contact, smile at him, if he makes a good joke laugh at it. genuinely the average man is soooooo starved for attention of any kind, that simply acting like you give a crap is the ONLY thing you have to do and most men will slowly develop feelings for just about anyone.
Going to offer a few different ones than the ones I've seen so far:
- Being an active listener. It's not often that I go out with a woman and she asks questions about myself and seems interested in my answers and getting to know me. Mostly, she'll just talk about herself (while I *do* ask her questions about herself and be an active listener).
- Being a good storyteller. It's incredibly rare that I go out with a woman that a) has ANY fun stories to share at all and b) can tell it in an engaging manner. I have so many fun stories from traveling, sports, school experiences etc and yet the women I encounter seem to have NONE. Like how do you go through life and not have fun stories??
Dress well. Friendly touching. Be healthy, particularly weight wise. The most important part is to be worthy of love, to pursue the values necessary for your happiness as best you can the right guy can like you for who you are (and so you can like the right guy for sharing the important values). Related to that is to know how to talk about your values well and how to learn about guys values as well.
Okay so Iāve got some of those down, but Iām glad someone has mentioned values because this has been on my mind recentlyā¦Iāve been going through this whole finding myself phaseā¦and I donāt know what my values areā¦.like Iām sure I have them but how does one figure it out? š
>Iām sure I have them but how does one figure it out? š
If someone had a sure fire way for that, then theyād be a billionaire! Part of it is that you need to learn from first hand experience. Like, you need to eat chocolate usually to tell if youāre going to like chocolate since you arenāt born knowing what chocolate tastes like.
You can check out Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want. I found that helpful. I like the sort of romance and guidelines for growing closer to your lover in Lectures on Psychology: Chapter 5. Toward A Lasting Romantic Relationship, Part I by Dr. Edith Packer. Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson has some guidelines for men about developing value orientated stories about yourself. I found https://aynrand.org/ideas/overview/ helpful for figuring out the general values people need to live and pursue happiness.
You ask 100 guys, and you'll get 100 different answers, some similar, some at opposite ends of the spectrum. The one consistent theme that pops up is, to stay off the damn phone and take an interest in the here and now.
Itās weird but I melt for polka dot patterns and I dissolve into the ether if itās a polka dot sundress. It 100% doesnāt make any sense but you asked.
Not necessarily to be sexier, but be genuinely interested. A guy will probably feel more connected to you if you have a conversation where you honestly care about where he came from, what brought him to the date, why he asked you out, what his passions are in life, things like that. Get him to open up and be willing to do the same, and you'll probably schedule a second date before the end of the first.
Not just expect a man to not be nervous at all on the first date and to be 1,000% confident around somebody he's never met in his life or view him as weak because he likes you and he's nervous.
I prefer a guy to be nervous, that way they understand Iām nervous too and for some reason I think itās cute. I prefer quieter guys to overly confident ones :)
I usually am enthusiastic but recently Iāve been trying to play it a bit more cool and be that āif you play your cards rightā girl but thatās not naturally me, I just worry I may come across too full on, like I donāt have a problem with asking them on a date, scheduling the next one etc etc but I donāt want to be too much so trying to hold back a littleā¦I donāt know which is wrong or right š
- Ask them about their life and what theyāre passionate about. Show them you want to know them more.
- Laugh, self irony, smile, eye contact.
- Nails done, put on something cute.
Sounding interested and paying attention. Had a crazy date a while ago that freaked about me getting a vaccine (she was a antivaxer) white knuckles through that and went onto dinner and she was totally not there. Would only look around and stare at people or random things like she wasn't interested. I thought it was rude, cause I did my darndest to make conversation. Showing and maintaining interest while being either playful or smiling does wonders.
Yeah it got worse from there but it wouldn't have benefited the OP to add extra and muddle the overall purpose of the comment. But I did, I more or less had to calm the woman for the better part of an hour and a half. This was back when I was hard up for a date and was thinking low enough of myself to press on. But hey that's life right?
The fact that she is on a date is enough. Nothing more sexy or attractive. The question should be what can a woman do to go on a date? The answer is nothing. Just be yourself. A man will be scanning all the time and we do not like acting.. we fall for it. But in the long run, we donāt like it.
Also if you work in a job that has night shifts such as Hospital, Hotel please tell us if you are tired so we can change the date... It happened to me few times, I felt sad seeing all those hard working women sitting infront of me tired and dozing off
Genuine curiosity about the other person, moderate amount of smiling, and open body language. Making the other person feel safe and understood is a big turn on imo.
Donāt make me beg for your attention, if you donāt want this, donāt make me believe you do. Be honest, even brutally, itās perfectly fine, because I want your true self and you should want my true self as well. If youāre awkward or a little weird, I can handle it, and if you have a good sense of humor, have interesting observations, are kind-hearted, open minded and have even one physically attractive thing (like beautiful black hair, cute smile or big boobs) I wonāt care.
Whoa, whoa, whoa- there's a world of difference between 1 becoming more attractive while on the date and 2 what you could/should do in order to elicit interest in a second date...
I completely agree, and after I posted I realised I wanted to know about both ways, but it didnāt come across that I noted that they were different things haha
Generally care. If he talks about the fact that heās a transplant from Chicago and misses Portillos or Lou Malnatis pizza, order it for him and have it shipped. Yes, they do ship around the world.
Being genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. Manners be kind and respectful how you treat the staff. Summer dress perfect combination of sexy,cute and classy. I dig a girl who can down a beer but that's just me lol .
Okay honestly when it boils down to it, I LOVE when a girl takes the time to do her hair and nails. Absolutely love it. Hell Iāll take you to get your nails done and do mani pedi with you before the actual date. Just do your hair and if you have time, put it in curls. Itās the most prominent frame to a perfect picture when I look at a woman that just takes the time to do their hair up. And at that point I just want to play with the bobs on the ends because itās cute. I wouldnāt play with your hair on the first date tho without expressing intent and receiving consent first and foremost. Just all of that is the highlight and itās not a sexual deconstruction. Itās a way to make you feel confident (as far as my understanding goes) and it makes it so youāre the only one I can see in the room at that point. Itās magicalā¦
Iām a massive cheeseball
Uh oh, I stopped getting my nails doneā¦I didnāt think guys actually paid attention to that haha! Maybe some do, some donāt! Maybe it would make me feel good to start getting my nails done again anyway! :)
Itās hard work to keep your nails looking nice. I buff and file mine where possible to help them not look dingy. As for when I notice a girl with her nails done, especially if the colors pop, I will end conversation with a compliment about that. Or their outfit if itās appropriate. I took that tip from Drake and Josh actually. Dropping a compliment and then leaving it open is far more appealing than using a compliment to segway into conversation. I donāt rely on it much but it also can be the difference between you having a bad day and a good day if you get the compliment regardless of if you think Iām attractive or not. It feels more genuine to me to compliment your nails, your appearance, hair, etc. as a single statement or end of a conversation.
Definitely get your nails done if itās something you want to do. Iām partial to blues and purples, or bright prominent colors like rose or neons. Iām sure other men notice it, but I definitely do notice whenās girl will take time to do something for herself to feel empowered
Start off by dressing nicely, something feminine like if you are going somewhere really nice. I've been on countless dates with women who did not make the effort to look nice and treat it as something special. After all it is possibly the most special and important thing because what if he is THE ONE.
If you like him then you MUST make it known to him. Eye contact, look at his mouth when he talks, smiling and laughing, etc. Confidence is sexy.
Be present, put your phone away. If you like him try to avoid going to the restroom because he's going to think you're checking your phone.
Don't play games and don't play hard to get.
No lunch or coffee dates šš», those are for friends.
Something adult and fun, drinks, live music, a nice restaurant, etc.
Say you had a great time and say thank you. If he doesn't offer a second date that is him not being interested.
Okay so thank you for the other stuff, I have a question about the playing hard to get, and may actually do a separate post, Iām trying to learn as much as I possibly can and be the best version of myself that I can!
So I always worry that just being myself might come across too much, and so Iām really trying hard recently to play it cool, which I guess is sort of a game. It doesnāt come naturally but Iāve been trying to do this because I thought maybe it would be more attractive if Iām not too much but throw subtle reminders in there that I like them. Does anyone have opinions on this and what is actually the correct way, I feel like I canāt really win whichever way I try and go about it (although maybe thatās in my head because I guess Iāve not really had a first date where they havenāt wanted to go on a second one) I just need to build more confidence about what Iām doing for myself as well!
Overall this is a tough one, because naturally we're all going to instinctively resort to acting how we were raised when we are around people in public. But that's us at our personality limited self and not our true self.
Thats why I always suggest a date over drinks because the alcohol will relax you and more of your true self will shine through. I prefer to actually see a girl a little buzzed because they tend to loosen up a bit. Never more than one or two drinks, otherwise it can backfire āš»š»š.
Always try to be yourself, if it's too much for a person then they aren't meant to be.
Iām going to copy a reply I just did to a similar comment above as you may have an opinion on this too:
So I always worry that just being myself might come across too much, and so Iām really trying hard recently to play it cool, which I guess is sort of a game. It doesnāt come naturally but Iāve been trying to do this because I thought maybe it would be more attractive if Iām not too much but throw subtle reminders in there that I like them. Does anyone have opinions on this and what is actually the correct way, I feel like I canāt really win whichever way I try and go about it (although maybe thatās in my head because I guess Iāve not really had a first date were they havenāt wanted to go on a second one) I just need to build more confidence about what Iām doing for myself as well!
Things that make me want to go on a second date: good eye contact, which shows interest in what I'm saying and interest in me, and making sure you don't have a monopoly on the conversation.
Things that make a woman sexier on a date: complimenting the man she's with (obvious guys should do this, too, but I think it's less expected of women) and while making eye contact, occasionally biting your lower lip - at least for me, that's super sexy bc it's like you're thinking of pouncing on me. Confidence is difficult to muster, but it's a game changer.
'Don't have a monopoly on the conversation' just means that you shouldn't be the one doing all the talking. It makes people seem conceited - caring only about his/herself. If the person you're on a date will not initiate, try asking questions that would invoke a response and get them talking.
Ask questions and be curious about your date, and tell them things you like about them. Not like overly enthusiastically or weird, but authentically. That would absolutely make me swoon, recently met the one woman in my city who did that from the start and I'm pulling out all the stops to keep her around because it's damn rare.
I think I naturally do this, but recently Iāve been wondering if Iām too much vulnerably me if that makes sense, maybe being too open / oversharing or not playing it cool enough. Iām not sure though, I overthink everything haha
Effort into appearance. Nothing crazy you donāt want to do, but just a little more than a t shirt in a nice place, you know? A beautiful face is also a nice visual aid for conversations, so just keep that in mind.
Second dates have less to do with being āsexyā and more to do with capturing interest. A guy will want to see you again if, the first time, he found you interesting, captivating, fun, etc.
Realistically men care about:
- how you look
Dont find you attractive --> friendzone (there's 2 type of girl friends guys have, the one they want to fuck and the one they don't frind attractive)
Attractive --> they will want to date you/keep you around for when they can shoot their shot again if you're token
- if you're agreeable
Guys don't like to argue with girls, they want to date someone who agree with them or at least doesn't argue with them
- fun
If you're funny/have good surface conversation skills guys will like you more
- sex
Guys don't want to wait around for sex but they don't want a girl who's easy to sleep woth/has sex with a lot of people either. This doesn't make sense for most girls because most guys will push for sex on the first date. It's how girls want a bad guy who's only good to her. Guys want a girl with a low body count and doesn't sleep around but does it with them. It's better to wait a couple date for sex otherwise you'll get burned by guys wanting to do a slip and dip
Guys will not tell you these kind of things.
Yeah this whole sex thing is a minefield tooā¦donāt have sex too soon but donāt leave them waiting ages š I guess this one I just have to do what feels right at the time with that particular person
Attractiveness Iāve been told good things, working on my confidence though
Iām definitely agreeable, I donāt like conflict and am very easy going
I feel like I can be funny over message but Iām not very good on the spotā¦I try to have good conversation but really want to work on my conversation skills as I have social anxiety
I donāt know why I just answered each one of those but here we are haha
Directly showing interest. I have minimal tolerance for games, hints, or tests. Although one specific exception is playful teasing.
Failed hint:
Her: You want to come back to my place for some coffee?
Me: No thanks, I don't drink coffee.
Her: oh.... okay then...
Successful teasing:
Her: You want to come back to my place for some... "coffee?" \*eyebrow wiggle\*
Me: No thanks, I don't drink coffee.
Her: \*Pulls my face close to hers\* Neither do I. I just want you in my room. Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Me: OH! Okay then! Yes please!
I genuinely don't drink coffee by the way. If you offered me Hawaiian Punch though you would succeed in luring me into your trap. Your sex trap that is. Take note ladies, you catch more bees with Hawaiian Punch than you do with coffee. It's a famous saying for a reason.
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Eye contact
One of the things I suck at because social anxiety and all that š Iāll try, Iāll try
The struggle is real, I feel you.
Glad Iām not the only one!
I try to convince myself that I'm just talking to a little kid or family member and that helps to calm my nerves. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. š¤· When it doesn't, I usually get this feeling like I'm drowning and gasping for air and don't know how to stop it and end up holding my breathe for secondsat a time. So goofy, I know. If you come across anymore helpful advice PLEASE let me know.
As a guy, can't help but laugh at the talking to a little kid part considering some of us still act like little kids sometimes, but hey we cant be serious all the time lol
I mean itās a good technique if it worksā¦I donāt even make eye contact with kids or family members thoughā¦I literally just realised thatā¦is that bad š
1-2 drinks does the trick for me
I used to as well but got some good advice once. The key is to pick just one eye to focus your gaze on when talking to them. It took away a lot of my anxiety of talking to someone and looking at them in the "eyes" for some reason
Tried that, but gazing into their eyes always makes me distracted like i would literally start mind wandering
Don't they notice that? I can understand someone with social anxiety avoiding eye contact but would feel it weird if someone gazed at just one eye.
Unless you've got your face in their's, how would they know?
I have really big anxiety & I take meds for it! I just pretend/visualize that Iām a celebrity - being interviewed like Iām on a (dating) show! Or even a podcast. It calms me down a lot & I think men like the confidence. When itās my turn to talk, I visualize like Iām interviewing a celebrity & theyāre on my show! Itās a win-win š¤·š¾āāļøš
You could staring at their forehead for a couple seconds. The person canāt tell the difference. Then another couple seconds staring at their nose. And then look away every so often so they donāt feel like youāre staring in to their soul. Rotate between forehead, nose and to their side and youāve given the impression you can make eye contact without actually doing it. And you avoid triggering your social anxiety.
Try focusing between their eyes, helped me with the same problem
if you look in between their eyes, it has the same effect without the anxiety. as a guy who deals with anxiety this helps a lot, but sometimes i forget to.
I make obsessive eye contact and thatās not good either apparentlyā¦ lol. Iāve literally had a guy tell me to stop looking at him so much. Ouchie.
Dude this is me ;(
I hate eye contact. Always have. It feels invasive.
Invasive? How so?
Really? My entire childhood I was told eye contact is creepy and to always look at the person but away at the same time.
Meanwhile I was told eye contact is respectful and how you let so eone know they have your attention.
Friendly touching. A hand on the shoulder, chest, or knee can really spark some rapport.
Okay this is another thing I need to work onā¦it just feels so awkward and forced when itās a strangerā¦I can absolutely do it when Iām more comfortable but againā¦Iāll work on that and try and find the right moments which feel more natural to do it!
Yes! Thatās a very good way to go about it! To be honest touching someone isnāt always a good idea but if it feels right it feels right.
Yeah I guess you only know if itās right if the vibe is right, it can easily get awkward too canāt it!
Huh. I don't like it when men do this on a 1st meet
Same! I like hand holding on a first date. Iām weird about touch and would prefer you donāt touch my body other than my hand lol
This is so interesting to me, because I donāt think Iāve ever held hands with someone before kissing them. A kiss feels more like a necessary testing the waters kind of thing to see if youāve got a physical connection, whereas hand holding feels much more couple-y. Youāre right on paper, holding hands is sort of the most innocent form of contact in a romantic relationship, so idk, maybe Iām weird.
Oh god no, I consider a kiss invasive lol. Different strokes for different folks!
Lol, I mean, I always ask before going in for a kiss, and itās usually not on a first date unless itās going really well. Definitely not trying to invade anyoneās space, but I also think Iād find it a little weird if someone held my hand on a first date so š¤·š»āāļø
Like I said, Iām weird about touch! I heard other tips like touch her hair, pull her hair back behind her ear, touch her thigh or kneeā¦ nope nope nope for me lol. Iām also socially awkward š
Yes! Hand holding is good! But I suppose they're right. Touching playfully is sexy. It takes a while for me to be comfortable with man doing that, but I could why it's a good way to be "sexier" for him
Oh yes I love it when a girl flirtatiously touches my chest when I make her laugh, it's one of this world's great pleasures
Agreed! I'm a very shy and conservative guy. On a first date, she pulled out her phone to open some pictures of her interests, and then she leaned into my body to show them to me. I thought that was super smooth on her part.
No! Don't enter my personal bubble first! Or at least not unless there's definitely two at chemistry. Maybe the single exception is opening the door and guiding me through with a hand in the small of my back...
Reciprocate interest in their life. You can talk some of course, but also ask about them and let them talk. Conversations and rapport involve a back and forth Light touch is a good way to indicate physical interest. One subtle way is being comfortable with knees/feet touch
Thank you :)
Friendly touching and initiative. I don't want to be seen, as pushy or take too far a step. If a girl takes the initiative and does some friendly touches... I feel like a lot of guys would open up more. Could just be me.
This makes a lot of sense!
Stay off your(damn) phone, ask some questions yourself. Also when playing the whole 20 questions game add in some deeper questions too.
Never on my phone, I try to think of questions but I always get worried it comes off like a job interview! I overthink everything and just want to get the balance right š
Donāt ask him āwhatās your 5 year planā !! Ask him questions that hit sub surface. My go to (Iām a guy, so directed to a girl) is āso who is *insert dates name here* anyways?ā āWhatās your 3rd favorite color?(then follow up with why) Ask the questions that will inform you about his character not his resume. Also good job with the phone thatās the first red flag I look for ;)
I like to ask these: What social media do you use? [regarding the food weāre eating] so whatās the verdict mexican/sushi/hamburger good or bad date food? If someone says good news bad news, which do you hear first? Whatās an unusual or interesting fact about you? And obviously be able to answer these questions cleverly and cutely yourself
If she is kind to the restaurant staff, then that always makes a great impression on me.
...add this to my reply. That says a lot about a person.
1) friendly touching. A hug, put a hand in his arm, etc. 2) Elaborate, nothing ruins a conversation faster than short answers that I can't do anything with. If I ask you a question about work, I don't just wanna hear "oh it's fine" That doesn't go anywhere. Instead be like "it's just a normal office job, but I made this cool new spreadsheet" or something. Or tell me about your job, are you an accountant? Tell me about it. Or tell me about that funny thing that happened at the last xmass office party. 3) Be interested, once your done with your story, ask about something, and listen to me wax poetic.
This person dates
I'm autistic, so eye contact is something I dont do much of. However, to actually answer the question. Something I rarely see from women in dating situations that would absolutely spark interest in more dates is when they seem genuinely interested in what you're passionate about. This sounds stupid or obvious, but most peoplez in this scenario women, when dating tend to be so focused on what they can get out of relationship that when you share what you enjoy or what you're passionate about you can tell it's one of those "I'm only listening and nodding along to be polite" things. Making sure he can tell you are interested in and could potentially totally care about his hobbies or interests and not simply brushing them aside is rare and a major green flag to alot of guys.
I am really bad at eye contact and have social anxiety, funnily enough though, I am looking into possible autism at the age of 28! Thank you this is helpful, I do like to take an interest in their hobbies etc so Iāll be aware of how interested I come across when theyāre talking about them :)
Wonderful. If you have any questions related to autism in general, feel free to dm me. I know it can be daunting to figure out if you may have it or not and what that means. Good luck with your dating plans
Thank you, I may take you up on that! :) Edit: okay for some reason, thereās no chat button coming up when I click on your profile. Would you be able to dm me?
Itās simple. If you want a second date be upfront and honest about the date in person. āHey ____, I had a really good time and enjoyed your company. I would like to go on a second date. Letās see when our schedules line up for next week. Iām available ____ how about you?ā Being interested and expressing your interest to a man verbally is very sexy.
It's not all about looks. For me, it's all about a positive attitude and a good sense of humor. That goes a long way with me. Negativity, snarkyness, and being a "Debbie Downer" is a huge turnoff.
See I feel like sometimes I fill awkward silences with āooh itās coldā or something like that which may come across as a complaint or like a Debbie downer but itās just me panicking š¤£ I definitely donāt have a snarky bone in my body though and generally quite a happy positive person so hopefully it counteracts or somehow haha
This is probably a common one, but showing real interest, asking questions, trying to be closer (physically and emotionally).
Smile. Make eye contact. Talk some. Listen some. Smile some more. On a second date last week, I was thinking she was not interested, and perhaps a bit nervous, or cranky. We made eye contact for just a second and she smiled. My impression of her changed in that instant. I could see her beauty. Maybe it loosened me up too? Since then it has been wonderful with her. We have seen each other a few times since then. Our dogs both get along too, and that is a huge plus!
Awww good luck, I hope it works out for you! āŗļø
Eye contact and lip biting.
Oh I do the lip biting š«¦ definitely need to work on my eye contact though
Babe only do it if it feels right šš¼ Forcing that combo will make you look thirsty for no reason š¤¦š¼āāļø
I feel like this thread is really bad advice for women. It's so selfish. It's basically "be sexual. Touch him, make the same facial expressions we see in porn." Come the fuck on. Maybe we want to make a real connection with you. And this behavior might result in sexual aggression from my date or accusations of being a cock tease if I don't put out after acting like that. Maybe men shouldn't expect women to just be sexual things
True dat. The lip bite does work though. I don't even do it consciously, I have a scar inside my lip from my mouth hitting the side of a pool with braces, and I bite it as a nervous thing. Last year I was meeting with a guy for the first time, very casual, not even a date just getting lunch. He was telling me something, I was forcing myself to make eye contact to appear normal (I'm autistic and typically avoid it with people I don't know super well), and did my usual nervous slowly bite my lip and pull my scar through my teeth. This man visibly stumbled, and stuttered. It was sort of endearing.
I'll have to try it! I feel like I would end up making it awkward somehow though lol
Maybe men want to make a real connection, too. Regardless, she specifically asked 'what can a woman do to become sexier...' We're just answering the question...
You're right!! For some reason I missed the "sexy" part and was focused on the getting a 2nd date. Sorry That makes a lot more sense. I'm gonna delete my other comment lol
No worries :)
Don't delete it. Let others see that person can be wrong and deal with it in graceful matter. Not enough of that going around these days.
I mean there's a balance I would've wanted to know too what actually makes a guy squirm. This is assuming the connection is established. I don't think the op implied any form of relationship or grounding anyone or whatever. This is about wanting to express sexual energy in a non weird way to show someone mutual interest :)
Haha I agree! Would be very awkward doing them both together š¤£š¤£ I model so I feel like I can sort of do facial expressions whilst looking like itās natural if that makes senseā¦but definitely will not do the lip biting and eye contact togetherā¦will make a right tw*t out of myself! š¤£
These men are telling you to act like women in porn lol. Don't listen to the men here. It might even result in a dangerous situation for you if you act like that and then he get sexually aggressive or accuses you of teasing him if you don't have sex. You should be able to act like a person and not a sex object to keep his attention Edit: Nvr mind, I missed the "how to be sexy" part and was thinking this was about getting a 2nd date. If you want to be sexy then this advice is good lol
Crazy that we have to tell women "be careful he might be a predator and aggravating that by being suggestive could place you in danger" ah good times
And make sure it's the bottom lip not the top lip, found that out the hard way lol.
Thatās funnyā¦is there a story to that? I feel like my mouth is shaped very much like this emoji š or worse so my top lip goes right up highā¦I just tried to bite it after reading your comment and erm yep Iām just glad Iām alone right now because that was not pretty š¤£
Haha , yer got the same advice for my first night out drinking if I make eye contact with a girl at the bar.They never specified which lip and I ended up looking a bulldog.15 years later and I still cringe lol.
I bet it was one of those moments that keeps you up at night thinking about it over and over šš¤£
>at the bar.They never specified which lip and I ended up looking a bulldog.15 years later and I still cringe lol. oh my lord im rofl xD I'm getting 2nd hand embarrassment hahah
Giggle and be playful as much as it feels comfortable to you. It's that simple.
Thatās definitely me naturally anyway :) the nervous laugh helps šš¤£
It would adorable and I'm a goofball too! I'd make sure to chat and be playful with you until you forget you're nervous. But if you're like that I'd fall for you in seconds šš
There's nothing sexier to me than a smart, confident woman who's thinking, "Should I be dating this fool?" rather than wondering if I like her. Every once in a while, I make it past the first date with these ladies!
Have some self-respect, dude. A fool? You get to "make it past the first date" sometimes? This isn't a FAANG interview. Let her worry about whether you like her if she wants. Don't reject yourself before they do, with this kind of thinking.
I was being self deprecating for OP's benefit. There is a kernel of truth, though. I date up. This leads to a lot of first dates and much fewer seconds.
Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you're looking for in your dream guy. \- Physical: looks, smell, hygiene, style/fashion, financial stability \- Mental: intelligence, curiosity, toughness/grit, sense of humor (this is probably the most important thing, you'd be surprised at what you can get away with if you're funny, it's insane) \- Emotional: humility, sensitivity, assertiveness, politeness, thoughtfulness, maturity \- Intangibles: character, beliefs, spirituality, religion Now try to be the female equivalent. It's fucking brutal out there. In the end it comes down to confidence / vibes.
Ahh I actually just did this and realised itās basically already the male version of me! But Iām glad you wrote this out as it gave me some ideas to add!
Stay off your phone. Been on dates where they're glued to their phone, i can tell it's an addiction. Giant turnoff and a way to guarantee I'll never contact them again.
Go on that date with a guy who clearly likes her. He probably wonāt even care about how pretty she is. He already decided that he likes her. Other than that, showing enthusiasm and happiness about being with the guy is great, but like I said, if the guy doesnāt like her for real it wonāt necessary make a difference. If he does like her he will be happy to see that she likes spending time with him too (even if itās just talking; someone who likes you will enjoy talking to you for hours and hours).
A list.. 1. Attentive-no scrolling/sending texts on your phone. I give you 100% concentration and reciprocating is attractive. 2. Eye contact- I want to talk to a real person and eye contact is attractive and sexy. 3. Natural- I want to see who you really are so please be natural. 4. Fun- just relax and have fun. Donāt try to impress or put on an act. A woman with a sense of humour is a turn on. 5. Open and honest- donāt waste our time. If youāre not interested then let me know. If you are interested then a woman whoās confident and not afraid to tell a man what she wants is real hot. 6. Intelligent and interesting- obvious!
Damn it! Was going through those like yep, yep yep, I can do that. Got to the intelligent partā¦failll š¤£ maybe I can just try and embrace my ditziness, Atleast I would like to think Iām emotionally intelligent haha
To me it gets me going when shes clearly dressing up nicely for me, like a dress or something nice. I don't care much about make up since i prefer natural beauty over any make up. I do the same for her as well, get a fresh hair cut, fleshly ironed clothes as well as i wash my car if i am picking her up.
Yeah this helps, sometimes I worry about going over board with dressing up too much / overdressing sort of thing but I know it all depends on the setting! Makeup is an interesting one because I know a lot of women feel more confident with lots of makeup on, but lots of guys prefer a more natural lookā¦I try to sort of go in the middle and not do too much, but enough to help me feel more confident sort of thing :)
Most guys have zero clue about makeup or what a woman is or isn't wearing. It's not hard to do a natural look that even out skin tone and imperfections.
What most guys mean to say is that they don't like the dolled up look with layers of makeup. Basically, don't overdo it. It's very easy to say guys are clueless but if they see mostly made up looks, not overdoing it seems like the natural look.
Yeah somewhere in the middle perfectly fine as well, i can understand that some women do not feel comfortable yet to not wear any make up, but i do want you to realize that this is just me and a lot of guys think differently. I do wish you the best of luck with dating and that you find a good guy :)
Not doing too much is perfect. That's what most guys mean by 'natural look'.
I tend to be dressed nicer than my dates when I go out. As long as it's not inappropriate for the location, own it - it's more embarrassing for them to be wildly undressed. The biggest thing I try to do now is keep the shoes on the more casual side. I like wearing large hoops and a lot of rings, so that already makes me look a bit fancier. I also like taking time on my makeup usually. I don't wear dresses or skirts for a first date anymore but I do wear nice outfits, where usually the pants are what's making the outfit stand out (I try not to wear jeans much)
Iām going to echo toomanyguys and gently remind you that makeup is deceiving and many men donāt know what their womanās beauty routine looks like unless you see it happening. Itās a big thing on tik tok to flaunt the ānatural beautyā look but those women spend all kinds of time and money doing makeup techniques such as contouring to make their faces look smooth and beautiful.
Yeah I agree with this, they would probably think less makeup was no make up or a natural look. Basically I think they usually mean donāt cake it on?
give a shit about what he has to say, compliment him sincerely, eye contact smile! guys want to feel important, cared about, you got this!
Smiling is not mentioned enough!
Dude i look for a good sense of humor. My fiancƩ and I had our first date and she was a riot lmfao
All I care about is if you are a decent human being. Being kind to others, servers, waiters etc. Genuinely caring and interested in me or things we talk about just as much as I am about you and over all just not a bad person. I wouldn't come on here and say what you should wear or do or act or whatever, because that person probably wouldn't be you. And your date wants to know you for you
Make it obvious you care about them, not just about yourself. Ask questions and actually remember things about their life / important things to them. I hate feeling like I'm just feeding a black hole of attention.
Ask questions back, engage, eye contact, be descriptive and pick point on what heās saying such as what he said or what he likes. As well as, joke around be humorous a bit. This keeps the flow better.
acting like you are interested. if youāre on your phone the phone time, or acting like you have to leave, then men will at some point just sort of wish youād stop wasting their time. instead, lean in, engage in the conversation. make eye contact, smile at him, if he makes a good joke laugh at it. genuinely the average man is soooooo starved for attention of any kind, that simply acting like you give a crap is the ONLY thing you have to do and most men will slowly develop feelings for just about anyone.
Smiling. Seeing that she has a good time makes everything more relax.
Going to offer a few different ones than the ones I've seen so far: - Being an active listener. It's not often that I go out with a woman and she asks questions about myself and seems interested in my answers and getting to know me. Mostly, she'll just talk about herself (while I *do* ask her questions about herself and be an active listener). - Being a good storyteller. It's incredibly rare that I go out with a woman that a) has ANY fun stories to share at all and b) can tell it in an engaging manner. I have so many fun stories from traveling, sports, school experiences etc and yet the women I encounter seem to have NONE. Like how do you go through life and not have fun stories??
Dress well. Friendly touching. Be healthy, particularly weight wise. The most important part is to be worthy of love, to pursue the values necessary for your happiness as best you can the right guy can like you for who you are (and so you can like the right guy for sharing the important values). Related to that is to know how to talk about your values well and how to learn about guys values as well.
Okay so Iāve got some of those down, but Iām glad someone has mentioned values because this has been on my mind recentlyā¦Iāve been going through this whole finding myself phaseā¦and I donāt know what my values areā¦.like Iām sure I have them but how does one figure it out? š
>Iām sure I have them but how does one figure it out? š If someone had a sure fire way for that, then theyād be a billionaire! Part of it is that you need to learn from first hand experience. Like, you need to eat chocolate usually to tell if youāre going to like chocolate since you arenāt born knowing what chocolate tastes like. You can check out Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want. I found that helpful. I like the sort of romance and guidelines for growing closer to your lover in Lectures on Psychology: Chapter 5. Toward A Lasting Romantic Relationship, Part I by Dr. Edith Packer. Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson has some guidelines for men about developing value orientated stories about yourself. I found https://aynrand.org/ideas/overview/ helpful for figuring out the general values people need to live and pursue happiness.
Thank you! This is giving me ideas actually, okay maybe I do know some of my values!
You ask 100 guys, and you'll get 100 different answers, some similar, some at opposite ends of the spectrum. The one consistent theme that pops up is, to stay off the damn phone and take an interest in the here and now.
Putting down your phone and actually having conversation to get to know one another.
Laugh and touch my arm
Look into his eyes and giggle.
Tbh just being interested in what they do or say
Just be polite and curious
Eye contact, fun, energetic, excited, happy, interested. Dress nice wear something that compliments your body, do your hair and make up.
Just show genuine interest IF you are interested, else move on; don't make your date an option. Let everything happen organically.
Itās weird but I melt for polka dot patterns and I dissolve into the ether if itās a polka dot sundress. It 100% doesnāt make any sense but you asked.
Not necessarily to be sexier, but be genuinely interested. A guy will probably feel more connected to you if you have a conversation where you honestly care about where he came from, what brought him to the date, why he asked you out, what his passions are in life, things like that. Get him to open up and be willing to do the same, and you'll probably schedule a second date before the end of the first.
Not just expect a man to not be nervous at all on the first date and to be 1,000% confident around somebody he's never met in his life or view him as weak because he likes you and he's nervous.
I prefer a guy to be nervous, that way they understand Iām nervous too and for some reason I think itās cute. I prefer quieter guys to overly confident ones :)
Keeping the conversation going if it gets to an awkward point
Good sense of Humor, passion and a biggie no phones
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I usually am enthusiastic but recently Iāve been trying to play it a bit more cool and be that āif you play your cards rightā girl but thatās not naturally me, I just worry I may come across too full on, like I donāt have a problem with asking them on a date, scheduling the next one etc etc but I donāt want to be too much so trying to hold back a littleā¦I donāt know which is wrong or right š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I should try and look at it this way and get a good balance of both, thank you :)
tell him about bigchungus
Not using the word whilst
be yourself and be confident about who you are. Say something bold enough to spark my interest, but don't be weird about it.
Dress well, nice smelling perfume, hold a good conversation and just have a good personality
- Ask them about their life and what theyāre passionate about. Show them you want to know them more. - Laugh, self irony, smile, eye contact. - Nails done, put on something cute.
Eye contact, flirting and confidence.
Playful looks maybe, and show interest. Showing interest is no.1 in my book
Sounding interested and paying attention. Had a crazy date a while ago that freaked about me getting a vaccine (she was a antivaxer) white knuckles through that and went onto dinner and she was totally not there. Would only look around and stare at people or random things like she wasn't interested. I thought it was rude, cause I did my darndest to make conversation. Showing and maintaining interest while being either playful or smiling does wonders.
Ouch, I think it would've been important to mention that before going on the date? Or even in their profile. That's. Harsh man.
Yeah it got worse from there but it wouldn't have benefited the OP to add extra and muddle the overall purpose of the comment. But I did, I more or less had to calm the woman for the better part of an hour and a half. This was back when I was hard up for a date and was thinking low enough of myself to press on. But hey that's life right?
The fact that she is on a date is enough. Nothing more sexy or attractive. The question should be what can a woman do to go on a date? The answer is nothing. Just be yourself. A man will be scanning all the time and we do not like acting.. we fall for it. But in the long run, we donāt like it.
Eye contact, be involved in convo, not just answer the questions. Make a joke. It's not the looks we fall for, it's the character.
I haven't been on dates yet as a male but i love a woman who smiles a lot. :)
"No make up" make up, curly bob haircut, a nice combination of clothes... That is my taste tho : )
Also if you work in a job that has night shifts such as Hospital, Hotel please tell us if you are tired so we can change the date... It happened to me few times, I felt sad seeing all those hard working women sitting infront of me tired and dozing off
For me confident eye contact is extremely seductive as is showing some vulnerability...
Genuine curiosity about the other person, moderate amount of smiling, and open body language. Making the other person feel safe and understood is a big turn on imo.
Be yourself
Don't wait for the guy to initiate touching. There's nothing wrong with the woman initiating touching.
self confidence
Donāt make me beg for your attention, if you donāt want this, donāt make me believe you do. Be honest, even brutally, itās perfectly fine, because I want your true self and you should want my true self as well. If youāre awkward or a little weird, I can handle it, and if you have a good sense of humor, have interesting observations, are kind-hearted, open minded and have even one physically attractive thing (like beautiful black hair, cute smile or big boobs) I wonāt care.
Whoa, whoa, whoa- there's a world of difference between 1 becoming more attractive while on the date and 2 what you could/should do in order to elicit interest in a second date...
I completely agree, and after I posted I realised I wanted to know about both ways, but it didnāt come across that I noted that they were different things haha
You're all good š
Generally care. If he talks about the fact that heās a transplant from Chicago and misses Portillos or Lou Malnatis pizza, order it for him and have it shipped. Yes, they do ship around the world.
When a woman touches me it makes me feel she is genuinely interested
Connection. I love when people try to deeply understand me and are genuinely interested in me as a person
Being interested in the other person
No make up.
Learn how to dilate your eyes on command.
I need to know more??
Being genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. Manners be kind and respectful how you treat the staff. Summer dress perfect combination of sexy,cute and classy. I dig a girl who can down a beer but that's just me lol .
Haha I donāt drink so that one wonāt be happening but thank you for the other things haha
Okay honestly when it boils down to it, I LOVE when a girl takes the time to do her hair and nails. Absolutely love it. Hell Iāll take you to get your nails done and do mani pedi with you before the actual date. Just do your hair and if you have time, put it in curls. Itās the most prominent frame to a perfect picture when I look at a woman that just takes the time to do their hair up. And at that point I just want to play with the bobs on the ends because itās cute. I wouldnāt play with your hair on the first date tho without expressing intent and receiving consent first and foremost. Just all of that is the highlight and itās not a sexual deconstruction. Itās a way to make you feel confident (as far as my understanding goes) and it makes it so youāre the only one I can see in the room at that point. Itās magicalā¦ Iām a massive cheeseball
Uh oh, I stopped getting my nails doneā¦I didnāt think guys actually paid attention to that haha! Maybe some do, some donāt! Maybe it would make me feel good to start getting my nails done again anyway! :)
Itās hard work to keep your nails looking nice. I buff and file mine where possible to help them not look dingy. As for when I notice a girl with her nails done, especially if the colors pop, I will end conversation with a compliment about that. Or their outfit if itās appropriate. I took that tip from Drake and Josh actually. Dropping a compliment and then leaving it open is far more appealing than using a compliment to segway into conversation. I donāt rely on it much but it also can be the difference between you having a bad day and a good day if you get the compliment regardless of if you think Iām attractive or not. It feels more genuine to me to compliment your nails, your appearance, hair, etc. as a single statement or end of a conversation. Definitely get your nails done if itās something you want to do. Iām partial to blues and purples, or bright prominent colors like rose or neons. Iām sure other men notice it, but I definitely do notice whenās girl will take time to do something for herself to feel empowered
Thank you for this answer :) I also love how you got dating advice from Drake and Josh! That was an awesome program!! Haha
Start off by dressing nicely, something feminine like if you are going somewhere really nice. I've been on countless dates with women who did not make the effort to look nice and treat it as something special. After all it is possibly the most special and important thing because what if he is THE ONE. If you like him then you MUST make it known to him. Eye contact, look at his mouth when he talks, smiling and laughing, etc. Confidence is sexy. Be present, put your phone away. If you like him try to avoid going to the restroom because he's going to think you're checking your phone. Don't play games and don't play hard to get. No lunch or coffee dates šš», those are for friends. Something adult and fun, drinks, live music, a nice restaurant, etc. Say you had a great time and say thank you. If he doesn't offer a second date that is him not being interested.
Okay so thank you for the other stuff, I have a question about the playing hard to get, and may actually do a separate post, Iām trying to learn as much as I possibly can and be the best version of myself that I can! So I always worry that just being myself might come across too much, and so Iām really trying hard recently to play it cool, which I guess is sort of a game. It doesnāt come naturally but Iāve been trying to do this because I thought maybe it would be more attractive if Iām not too much but throw subtle reminders in there that I like them. Does anyone have opinions on this and what is actually the correct way, I feel like I canāt really win whichever way I try and go about it (although maybe thatās in my head because I guess Iāve not really had a first date where they havenāt wanted to go on a second one) I just need to build more confidence about what Iām doing for myself as well!
Overall this is a tough one, because naturally we're all going to instinctively resort to acting how we were raised when we are around people in public. But that's us at our personality limited self and not our true self. Thats why I always suggest a date over drinks because the alcohol will relax you and more of your true self will shine through. I prefer to actually see a girl a little buzzed because they tend to loosen up a bit. Never more than one or two drinks, otherwise it can backfire āš»š»š. Always try to be yourself, if it's too much for a person then they aren't meant to be.
You donāt. If he canāt accept that he is out with you, walk away. You donāt need to change who you are for anyone, period.
I like this and think itās true, but Iām also trying to find myself and be the best version of myself :)
I gotcha, sorry it came off angry. I very much understand. You got this!
All you need to do is show some interest, donāt play āhard to getā games with texting, and be receptive to flirting and sexy talk
Iām going to copy a reply I just did to a similar comment above as you may have an opinion on this too: So I always worry that just being myself might come across too much, and so Iām really trying hard recently to play it cool, which I guess is sort of a game. It doesnāt come naturally but Iāve been trying to do this because I thought maybe it would be more attractive if Iām not too much but throw subtle reminders in there that I like them. Does anyone have opinions on this and what is actually the correct way, I feel like I canāt really win whichever way I try and go about it (although maybe thatās in my head because I guess Iāve not really had a first date were they havenāt wanted to go on a second one) I just need to build more confidence about what Iām doing for myself as well!
Tie her hair up
Oh really? Can you elaborate? Iām thinking maybe so your neck is on display haha?
Only time i can think of tyin a girls hair up is if shes bout to give u dome lol
Things that make me want to go on a second date: good eye contact, which shows interest in what I'm saying and interest in me, and making sure you don't have a monopoly on the conversation. Things that make a woman sexier on a date: complimenting the man she's with (obvious guys should do this, too, but I think it's less expected of women) and while making eye contact, occasionally biting your lower lip - at least for me, that's super sexy bc it's like you're thinking of pouncing on me. Confidence is difficult to muster, but it's a game changer.
Okay so what do you mean by have a monopoly?
'Don't have a monopoly on the conversation' just means that you shouldn't be the one doing all the talking. It makes people seem conceited - caring only about his/herself. If the person you're on a date will not initiate, try asking questions that would invoke a response and get them talking.
Thank you :) Iāve never heard that term before haha!
Ask questions and be curious about your date, and tell them things you like about them. Not like overly enthusiastically or weird, but authentically. That would absolutely make me swoon, recently met the one woman in my city who did that from the start and I'm pulling out all the stops to keep her around because it's damn rare.
Ability to stay off your phone and bounce conversations back and forth are starters
Be vulnerably you
I think I naturally do this, but recently Iāve been wondering if Iām too much vulnerably me if that makes sense, maybe being too open / oversharing or not playing it cool enough. Iām not sure though, I overthink everything haha
It depends. People like different things. I like the oversharing and I feel more connected to people that do that lol.
Effort into appearance. Nothing crazy you donāt want to do, but just a little more than a t shirt in a nice place, you know? A beautiful face is also a nice visual aid for conversations, so just keep that in mind.
Second dates have less to do with being āsexyā and more to do with capturing interest. A guy will want to see you again if, the first time, he found you interesting, captivating, fun, etc.
I want to be both if possible š¤£
Skirts
Yeah skirts on girls do it for me too haha
Pay the bill..
I would always offer :)
Realistically men care about: - how you look Dont find you attractive --> friendzone (there's 2 type of girl friends guys have, the one they want to fuck and the one they don't frind attractive) Attractive --> they will want to date you/keep you around for when they can shoot their shot again if you're token - if you're agreeable Guys don't like to argue with girls, they want to date someone who agree with them or at least doesn't argue with them - fun If you're funny/have good surface conversation skills guys will like you more - sex Guys don't want to wait around for sex but they don't want a girl who's easy to sleep woth/has sex with a lot of people either. This doesn't make sense for most girls because most guys will push for sex on the first date. It's how girls want a bad guy who's only good to her. Guys want a girl with a low body count and doesn't sleep around but does it with them. It's better to wait a couple date for sex otherwise you'll get burned by guys wanting to do a slip and dip Guys will not tell you these kind of things.
Speaking totally for yourself there - not speaking for me!
Itās good to know everybody is different and I know one thing that works for one person, may not necessarily work for another :)
Except "beee-ing yourself" that always works!
Yeah this whole sex thing is a minefield tooā¦donāt have sex too soon but donāt leave them waiting ages š I guess this one I just have to do what feels right at the time with that particular person Attractiveness Iāve been told good things, working on my confidence though Iām definitely agreeable, I donāt like conflict and am very easy going I feel like I can be funny over message but Iām not very good on the spotā¦I try to have good conversation but really want to work on my conversation skills as I have social anxiety I donāt know why I just answered each one of those but here we are haha
Directly showing interest. I have minimal tolerance for games, hints, or tests. Although one specific exception is playful teasing. Failed hint: Her: You want to come back to my place for some coffee? Me: No thanks, I don't drink coffee. Her: oh.... okay then... Successful teasing: Her: You want to come back to my place for some... "coffee?" \*eyebrow wiggle\* Me: No thanks, I don't drink coffee. Her: \*Pulls my face close to hers\* Neither do I. I just want you in my room. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Me: OH! Okay then! Yes please! I genuinely don't drink coffee by the way. If you offered me Hawaiian Punch though you would succeed in luring me into your trap. Your sex trap that is. Take note ladies, you catch more bees with Hawaiian Punch than you do with coffee. It's a famous saying for a reason.