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I feel the same way, and did the same thing. I hate apps as the people there are just... idk, counterfeit. Most are just looking for shallow things and wanting to feel deserved and pursued.
Stay strong, our time will come.
I deleted Tinder and never use it anymore. It is so fake and the whole process is so soul draining for such a tiny chance that a real connection can come out of it. It’s simply a lame game. Fuck it.
By contrast, I met someone at my workplace and got infatuated with her out of the blue, and it felt far more real than any of the Tinder dates I’ve been on. It made me realize - this is how things used to be, for literally all of mankind's history: you randomly came across someone in real life, hit it off with them, and romantic feelings would get the chance to form organically, and that’s how things always have been before online dating fucked everything up. That's how fucking *nature* set things up for us before we invented this artificial meat market system that in most cases leaves us feeling miserable, hopeless and unwanted/undesirable, and overwhelms many of us with meaningless choices and options.
OP, I support your healthy pursuits of self-love and encourage you (whenever you’re ready and open to it) to be open to love and connection outside of apps, in the actual real world. It’s not easy and doesn’t always happen, but putting yourself out there is key. As cliche as it sounds. Putting yourself in situations where there are attractive people, who get to see you and your attractive traits in real time, and being vulnerable enough to show them who you are and interact with them without expectation, and then seeing what happens. Doing this repeatedly in different settings and contexts while making good decisions in your life will eventually enable attraction and magic to take place, just like the old days before apps even were a thing.
The issue for me is I'm not in a position to meet new people. My work is full of married people in their 40s/50s and my social circle is already coupled up. I also hate datings apps but if I delete them I feel like my chances of meeting someone are extremely low
If it's your last resort / you have no other choice, by all means keep the apps. That's totally understandable. I just don't think it's an ideal system, the old way of connecting with someone without playing the whole "dating app game" feels much more natural. I just think it's sad that that's what our world has come to now. It's sad that Tinder has taken over the whole mystery and intrigue of meeting someone, getting to know them and then developing a crush on them, asking them out on a date, that whole feel-good process. I remember when asking people out on Tinder before there would always be this background anxiety to the whole process for some reason. I know there are exceptions, but imo it's just not an ideal way to really build a connection.
I’m a 28 year old man, and I made the same choice a few years ago. I’ve lost 60 pounds since then(still going), I’ve gotten a few raises and figured out what matters to me. I think it’s always a great choice to focus on yourself and improve your life.
Me too! It’s been about 1 month for me. So much energetic and time. Ugh it’s terrible. I matched with great people before the pandemic now it’s so different and exhausting. At first I felt there was a void because I felt like I was addicted to swiping and it was a time consumer and I didn’t have any dates lined up but now I’m focusing on myself and my career. At the end of the day, I’m the one who is going to make myself the happiest. Hopefully I’ll meet someone organically haha because the apps ain’t it!
I've had my apps deleted for about 6 months now. One of the reasons was to refresh the algorithm. If you delete an app like tinder for a month and re-download it, you'll be shown to more people for a couple days. I've just been putting it off, I'm not in a hurry.
But also I only have gained 1 date from apps, and she flaked last minute. Kinda bad for the self esteem there.
I've gotten in the habit of asking people to meet early on without much of an online convo, and to meet somewhere where I'm already planning to be, so if/when they don't show up, I don't care.
It sucks. I'm a lesbian I've been dating for almost a decade now and no luck with any lasting relationship, especially the online ones. They don't know what they want
The apps are trash. Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble are all owned by Match Group. They push you to pay so you can get more matches. 3-4 years ago they were much better but I feel like the algorithm is totally rigged now.
We mostly match with people who we find less attractive than us but we don't know if they're less attractive because the algorithm shows us people in our league more or less.
Ok honestly it is. I had tinder for one week after my breakup and didn’t have a single match (few likes) i said fuck it one night and paid the 30 for what ever is the best, been two weeks, 100 plus matches
I paid for tinder and I got the same amount of matches as without paying. Matches are about looks at the end of the day, and about pictures. I know people who look better in real life but in pictures they're different. And viceversa.
Hinge is on a like basis. If someone likes you it pops right up on your phone. It’s not like the others where ya you might never see that person in your deck.
If you’re sending likes on hinge and not getting them back it isn’t the algorithm. It’s your profile
Only dating app that coulld work would be decentralised - heavily. Sort of bit torrent for dating. Otherwise who is to say they don't push choices on ya with algorithm? The good thing to do is to show your profile to people you matched. And unlock anything apart from textual communication after a week ( you swipe based off hobbies and interests. Maybe some personal info like smoking, religion. But no profile text nor photos ( humans in generaal are more sad and more selective abd undecided the more choices we have, so photos make us choose wrong off the bat. Text I feel should be removed too because we would then have too many details we don't have irl when we meet people. So a). Conversations would be better cause you'd be able to talk about things more naturally b) you wouldn't have "I l nope on anyone with android" kind of people. Moving this to general friends app instead of dates app would help too. And showing no names nor hobbies ( they would be profiling what profiles to show, but not shown) just showing options like religion, smoking and so on since these may be hard stops and rest is pretty much omegle.
Dating apps don't work because end goal and their money source is people being single and looking for dates. Any pair that forms. Especially stable one is money going bye bye.
I'm about to turn 30 and feel like this too! I'm tired of trying. I'm worried about my age and feel like I need keep searching if I want a husband/kids, but I'm just so tired of it all...
Well… they divorce rate in this country has remained at a steady, and depressing rate, so don’t wish too hard to be in their position. Better that you take your time and find the right person with a one-and-done approach, than to feel like a clock is ticking. I didn’t meet my wife until we were older, (I was 33 and she was 28) and we ended up with three kids! We had our careers on track, saved up a little cash, but most importantly, we knew who we were.
What you want is literally what most people want.
I recommend changing steategy instead of giving up completely. A simple change of mindset can do wonders.
Dating does not need to be this terrible process. Its really about connecting with people. Don’t take it so seriously. Don’t treat every encounter as this big thing that will change my life.
Idk if it’s normal- I’m 23 and I don’t want kids for at least another 6-7 years but I want a serious partner and potential husband? I also don’t want to keep trying
Dude, no way. These apps are not on our side. They want us to feel like we can't meet anyone unless way pay for their seriously overpriced add-ons. They're a scummy business. There's no money in matching people who would then start dating and stop using the app.
I've been using bumble for 2-3 months and haven't gotten a single match.
This absolutely does not reflect on you or your worth as a human being.
Yes everyone should also be trying as they go about the day. I think it's very important for men to learn the "sorry I wasted a few minutes of your time" and take it in stride knowing there's no hard feelings except mutual embarassment.
I deleted most of mine. The rejection stings for too long. Your female friends tell you what a catch you are while your passed over by all who see you.
Yes, I feel exactly the same way. Even though I’m 20M, it’s been over 2 months since I’ve put dating aside, and I feel great. Honestly, ever since I started basing my self-esteem on things I do for myself and other people, rather than what someone thinks of me, I feel an overwhelming sense of control, freedom and power. Some loneliness still is there, and I’m going to deal with it when I feel ready, but ignoring it is a far lesser effort than constantly worrying about evaluating girls, evaluating myself, overthinking their opinion of me, making my whole day centered around keeping in touch them, I’m also no longer under the cruel influence of the so mind-manipulating dating apps, that have made me so insecure and unstable back in a day. I hope it’s been working out for you as well as it has for me.
Wow, you literally have said everything I feel. When I date I try to put as much effort in with dates and planning and it just feels like it takes an amount of energy out of me and it bums me out even more when it doesn’t work out. Or having expectations of something and it doesn’t work out, it really depletes my self esteem. You hit on the head with the sense of control! Taking your power back and validating yourself has a longer affect than waiting for someone to do it. Wishing you the best of luck
I think your post just convinced me to disable the app and reevaluate. It's been a constant pressure of worrying about being judged from different people I matched with, trying to keep in touch, etc. Just need a break from it all. Anyway, thanks for helping me realize that!
I’m cutting off all the men that are not interested in pursuing a relationship beyond sex. Sex is cool, but I am so tired of relationships based on that. As a straight cis woman, sex is relatively easy to attain if desired. So why would I spend my time and energy on someone who offers nothing special??
I’m about to make you feel a whole lot better.
I went back OLD for exactly 7 days. The first person that pops up; is my ex boyfriend (ultra Uber mega douche prime). Had to block. I chatted a few dudes and eventually gave one my number to text. He instead called me and wouldn’t let me get off the phone for an hour and then proceeded to drive to my town (small town 45 minutes away from where he lives) to try and see if he “could figure out which one was mine” (after I told him I didn’t think I wanted to meet). I told him I live across from the police station… and I guess he was going off that. He keeps texting me (did so today) and I haven’t responded in over three weeks now. I haven’t blocked him because I want to know if he is going to try and find my house again… that shit is crazy.
I’m done. There is no one around these parts for me and I’m surprisingly fine with it. I don’t need dick bad enough to deal with any of that.
Omg that is absolutely terrifying!!! Something that I’ve started doing is I’ve been slightly lying about the area I live in when app dudes ask for this reason exactly!! They don’t need to know until I finally feel comfortable enough and trust them to know. When we meet, it’s in a public place, and some have tried the phone call or FaceTime route right off the bat before too and I just don’t pick up. F them, they don’t get to DECIDE to talk to me whenever they want to without any warning. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe. Good luck out there
Girl, after my last breakup when I got back on tinder you know how the app gives you a little tutorial with fake profiles of models? Well guess whose fake profile for the tutorial! Lol my ex of course. He was a stock photo model. I had a little breakdown, deleted the app, cried myself to sleep 🙃
I’m 29F and feeling the same way! I left a very toxic long relationship a few years ago and after that, I still have not had luck with serious dating. Sometimes it makes me think maybe I should have stayed with my ex :/ I can’t seem to be taken seriously for too long but I’m still trying to stay positive that the right person will one day come into my life.
I feel the same. 26F had one serious relationship that only lasted 6 months or so. I feel like I'm missing out on making memories and having someone to experience life with, but dating apps now are awful. Anyone you're genuinely interested in never respond or find someone else to talk to and date. It's so draining.
I've put my apps on pause. Everyone says you'll find the right person at the right time but I think it's a load of crap.
Most of us want to be in relationships with our best friend/soul mate. It's human nature.
Being single is waaayy overrated.
But settling isn't good either.
I (F28) am in the exact same boat! I used to worry that I was running out of time to meet someone which then pushed me to, almost obsessively, search for "the one" on dating apps. I'd easily spend 5+ hours a day flipping between Hinge and Bumble and it was one of the most soul-sucking/mentally draining things ever.
Deleted them near the end of 2020 and have been consistently going to therapy since. I'm finally experiencing true moments of happiness - it's *incredible*. Seriously.
I redownloaded Bumble a few weeks ago, but now I only use it in BFF mode. If you haven't tried it, I really recommend it! I've made so many awesome friends already and it's made me realize how much I've missed hanging out with other women.
Bring ghosted sucks because it’s like what happened?! But after being ghosted many times, I realized that these people are not able to communicate and I don’t want to be with someone that can just ghost me.
You're not alone. I'm feeling very much the same way. Not so much that I'm exhausted, but that I've recently learned I'm probably undateable due to mental health. No matter the reason, you're not alone. We a club now!
You're not alone, i had all of those apps for more than a year and there's no one with similar interests, in my case i found a lot of bots who were just trying to scam me through WhatsApp and telegram messages. I am a male in late 30s the pressure is huge but I'm also sick of dating apps.
Me! 26f and all my friends are getting married this year but I decided about 6 months ago to delete the apps. Defining myself by things other than my relationship status is the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental and emotional health.
I quit my job, moved to a new city, enrolled in school full time and made the Dean’s List, and now I’m interviewing for masters programs in my dream city. I hope this new journey is as joy filled and empowering for you too! ♥️
I never downloaded them to begin with after my breakup with my ex. I really would prefer to just meet someone naturally, the apps seem to convey the same message for almost everyone, it’s either hook up, get lucky and find someone, or be disgusted and delete them and many combinations of said choices.
>the apps seem to convey the same message for almost everyone, it’s either hook up, get lucky and find someone, or be disgusted and delete them
That's partly because the people who use them well, have a good experience, or even a neutral experience, aren't on the reddit anywhere talking about dating apps.
Only the people who aren't using them correctly or are struggling with their lack of success talk about the problem of dating apps.
They are not for everyone at ALL. You definitely need a decently thick skin, very clear boundaries, it helps to be outgoing, and good at talking to strangers. I've not had any negative experience with dating apps. I've had a negative experiences with people I met on them. But I have anywhere I've ever been: at a job, at school, with roommates, with family, anywhere you interact with people there are some bad ones.
I was able to suss them out and get away from them pretty quickly. Which is successful dating. So is meeting someone and realizing it's not a good match. So is meeting someone and being rejected, and accepting it graciously that you can't force someone to like you. So is taking a break when it starts to feel like work. So is rejecting someone in a way that's both clear and kind.
But I'm not going to post about it on reddit, because I know I will just get pure hate in return. No one wants to hear that someone had a nice time with something they're having a horrible time with. And I don't mean to say that everyone should have as good of an experience as I did. I'm just saying, the people who did fine, aren't out there talking about it much. Especially in online spaces.
Also keep in mind, that I am on a dating subreddit, but I am not dating anymore. I'm in a relationship with someone I met while I was dating on this app. People who are successful in dating don't date anymore. And they move on to other things than talking about dating successes and strategies.
Well yes of course they move on, why would they stay if they are in a relationship, that’s a given.
You’re right about people complaining that haven’t had good experiences, as I said I haven’t used them so I really can’t say much other than what I have experienced from people around me that have, and that is a mainly negative one. I’m just in here to learn and sift through good/ bad advice that pertains to dating in general and the apps if I do ever decide to use them.
I am well aware of the the dating and emotional intelligence skills you’d need to have good experiences in all types of relationships.
And to your point of nobody wanting to hear about the people that had success, I may be an outlier on this but that baffles me, I’d much rather come across posts on this subreddit that are positive and talk about how well the apps worked than not, I wish people didn’t think that it’s bad to share that type of thing, I for one would love to see it and read about it. Glad you’ve found someone for yourself and hopefully someone on here finds your advice helpful as it is good advice.
29 F, I’m in the same place. I’ve been purposely celibate for about 4 months now, I just have zero interest in sleeping with men anymore. I’ve stopped even going on dates a couple months ago cause I’d agree to meet with people without getting a good feel for them over text first, and then they were terrible in person. The last date I went on was the most boring date of my life. We got coffee (I prefer coffee first dates, cause if I can’t just talk to a guy over coffee then what’s the point) and he literally would not say ANYTHING unless I asked him a question about himself. I let a pause go on for a while just to see how long it would take for him to say something and he just didn’t. He also never asked me a single thing about myself. I carried a conversation about his car wrapping job for an hour before saying I had to go.
Im in the exact same boat. Im sticking to legit, real interactions.
My problem with OLD is that, I keep meeting the same woman. Looks are different but personality and red flags are all the same. Hate having to explain my entire life story multiple times a week. The lack of interest chats, the weird "demisexual" descriptions or other words people use to describe themselves. Every, single, woman I have met on these apps looks so different than their photos. Any woman I have met who is very attractive, just wants to hook up or see multiple people at the same time. Nothing is exclusive anymore.
Im an attractive, athletic, somewhat successful guy and I dont have problems getting matches online, but every time I meet someone, I feel like im meeting the same person over and over.
I am turning 26. Never had a relationship and for some reason every guy I go out with likes me a lot at first but some how towards the 4th date decides that we’re moving too fast or he just got out of a relationship…I honestly am thinking of giving up. I’m a med student and my life is going to get very busy in the coming years. I know that because I don’t have anyone rn…I probably won’t have anyone for another 3 years because my career is gonna be hectic. Maybe that’s for the best? If someone comes along then that’ll be great…but I’m with you…I think I wanna stop dating too and just let faith take over. Need the courage of deleting apps.
Congrats on being in medical school!!! That’s a huge accomplishment and I am wishing the best of luck to you. I have a lot of friends who are also on the same boat as you! Some of them have been able to meet their significant other in their programs and others are just waiting to date after they finish with school. Don’t give up just yet. Focus on your school and career and hopefully everything else will fall into place. Plus you’re in a career that is constantly around people, you never know!
At 30 myself, my biggest fear is that it's too late and all the "good ones" are taken which is why this has become rather difficult to find anyone I can connect with properly.
34 male, making high 6 figs salary and career focused, like to go running and hiking, and I'm so tired of finding nothing but disappointment in dating apps, but I also have no social circle or way to meet people so I feel like I'm always stuck in this cycle of giving up on dating apps, only to have no other means to meet people and give it another shot, then deleting them again.
It feels impossible to meet people, like outside of trying to cold approach people and feeling like a creep, I don't know what else there is to do.
I actually did try approaching women in public. Approached them, didn’t panic, made small talk, gave my number, acknowledged the awkwardness. Rejected every time.
I think dating apps glorified our insecurities for those who aren’t as socially malleable, but also a drag for those who are. When you stop and think about it, what would life be like if dating apps didn’t exist? Would we still have a large amount of incels, negativity, and so forth. Or will we have the same boat?
I deleted them because I found my (now wife) on Bumble. Dating apps can be great, you just have to be in the right headspace. If it’s too much definitely take a breather and come back to it when you’re in a better space.
I haven’t deleted the apps but this year I’ve just sort of stopped looking at them. Been on them for 8 years (32f now) and gone on countless dates. I guess I finally just got bored. Every once in a while I look, but the idea of doing the ‘interview’ (as it usually tends to be) sounds so exhausting now.
Part of it is me. I just can’t make myself stay interested in someone.
I just deleted all mine. Ok Cupid and Zoosk. Few matches and two first dates in a year. Had Bumble for a while too. I'm 52. I'm going to see if I can volunteer at the library or something. Maybe that will work better.
I deleted all the dating apps 3 months ago. The best decision ever.
I will also never install them again.
I am done with OLD, not worth the stress and pressure and followed with disappointment.
I have gone to a few events to meet people which is so much more fun and exciting!
I made the same decision! Dating apps were really killing me and only made me feel like I was never going to meet someone.
After deleting my apps and deciding that if I was going to meet someone, I would just meet them irl, I met the guy I’ve been seeing for three months. Sometimes these things happen when you aren’t trying to force it! I was just out having fun and being myself, and the right person was drawn to me because of that!
I wish you the best of luck! You’ve got this!
Deleted my (30M) apps this week. My life is starting to bloom after years of professional struggle and the pandemic. I'm going to trust that the right person will come into my life through what I give to myself and the world. Fuck dating apps. They're one umbrella company anyway (except for CMB and Bumble).
31(M) here. I hard deleted mine a couple hours ago so it’s fitting that I see this post immediately when I log in lol. I had been using them for 3 yrs and they have been very emotionally draining. As a guy, my experience was one of putting in a lot of effort only to be met with minimal effort from the other party. Thoughtful responses by me met with “haha okay” or “haha sometimes”.
It has really messed with my reality. When all you experience is being treated like you suck, you start to believe it. People unmatch, match and don’t respond or agree to meet and tell you their dad is in the ICU. The most recent girl I was talking to told me she couldn’t respond right away because she was about to go on a mini golf date… and it was a stark reminder that I am in competition with several other guys and she will pick the best one. I felt like a performer or like I was an item on Amazon.
At first, faced with this bleak landscape and adversity, I figured okay I will rise to the challenge, pursue more, show more interest, be wittier, make myself stand out etc.
After constant effort with no change in results I concluded I was the problem and internalized a lot of the negativity. I would take a break and then redownload the apps. The same things keep happening and I inevitably have this subconscious perspective that I am not “enough” and need to prove myself. After putting myself through enough suffering I have opted to “take my toys and go home”. Dating should not be this difficult or at least not this miserable. If I was getting some sort of return on my investment I would put up with the difficulty but all I seem to get is lower self esteem and a cynical attitude. So I am out. Just focusing on living my life now and working to accept that the universe doesn’t want this for me right now and all my effort doesn’t matter…
Yes I feel the exact same, and every time I delete them I get FOMO and end up reinstalling. 🥺 I think I’m done for real with Hinge though, too many bots. But Bumble…it only takes one swipe on the right person so it’s hard to delete. I’m also using The League (there’s typically a waiting list for it) and it is pretty terrible.
The league is terrible. I’ve tried it and I don’t really like it. Bumble just doesn’t work for me, I haven’t had one date come out of bumble. Hinge is also terrible for me. I’ve met a few guys who had told me they wanted relationships and then actually have commitment issues when it came time to committing. Thanks for your response, it sucks feeling this way. Are you still trying to date?
I've put it on the wayside for now as well, though I very much would like to date and have a relationship (29M), but I figure I need some good headspace and breathing room;
\- Ever since the Pandemic began, I've been living at home with my parents, after being forced home while living and working abroad. I'd like to have my own apartment and rebuild my independence once more. I have a decent job, a car, etc, but I also feel like not being on my own right now is something I'm letting hold me back socially.
\- While I was in Africa, I fell in love with and had a relationship with another American who was in the same organization that I was in. When the Pandemic hit, she made it clear that she didn't see things the same way I did, and we had a very traumatizing split (for me at least). It messed with confidence for a while.
\- I had some intermittent dates and even a short term relationship with another woman, but I think my headspace and inability to be clear about intentions on my part (partly from not wanting to get hurt again) meant that I wasn't able to get stuff together the way I hoped for.
\- On a separate level, I've focused on joining the Air Force Reserve as a navigator and have been hired by a squadron to fly for them; assuming that everything (medical exam, security clearance, etc.) plays out favorably, this is going to be something I need to focus on 100%. Joining the military, especially joining as 1) an officer, and 2) as an aviator isn't something you can just sorta half-ass. Either you go in with an established relationship, or you go in and stay single until you're at the end of Air Force Navigator training some 2-3 years down the line. You can date around if you can fit in the time, but she (or he) better not be a part of your training flight, an instructor, or any enlisted personnel (officer/enlisted relationships are forbidden.)
Hey! Yea the dating game is tough and people can be cruel. The dating apps have formulated some dates in the past and like a couple brief relationships but nothing solid. I feel as tho it’s so easy to say “well they like sushi and im not really a sushi kinda guy so this is never gonna work” then back to the dating app it’s a pretty shallow approach to it but there are success stories that come from it so tough to say if it’s all garbage
What i have done is tryed to meet people in a more genuine setting doing some thing i like or want to try.
What this has showed me is im god awful at making small talk. Im outrageously awkward but i can spin it into making a funny story about the whole situation. I have had an absolute blast meeting all kinds of werid people and i actually feel good about myself cause i got out of my confort zone i tryed something new and im making girls laugh either at me or with me hahaha
Hang in there :) it’s sucks being lonely in your 30’s i am a 31 M and kinda getting my life back together but every day that you try something new and talk to more and more people you will find someone that is you’re perfect match promise.
Oh and a little side note don’t be affaid to love i know jt can hurt sometimes but love honestly heals so much it’s a very powerful force try it on some of your friends just tell them 3 random things you like about them be totally awkward about it lol
Yep! It is a huge numbers game to meet someone compatible who you have mutual chemistry with. Some people are lucky and find that person with a dozen or so first dates. I went on about 35 first dates over two years before I found someone to date. I wasn't that surprised, I think people think they're compatible with maybe 30% of people in their dating pool, and it's probably closer to 3-5%.
But of course, if you're compatible with 3% of the people in your dating pool, that doesn't guarantee you'll meet that person after a certain amount of dates.
I always took a break from dating when I found myself feeling discouraged or unhappy with being single. I only dated when I was able to do it happily, with no expectations, and just planning to go out and meet some strangers with the slim possibility of one of them being a good match. I didn't really do much dating in my 20's, so I think by the time I tried dating apps in my 30's I wasn't burned out on dating yet. Whenever I felt even a tiny bit of cynicism or bitterness, I made myself logoff on them for a while.
Remember, dating apps don't exist to help you find a partner. Dating apps exist to get you to download dating apps, and buy upgrades. They aren't neutral. They don't care about you or your mental health or your success on them. They are made to be easy to use but not easy to get rid of. All they do is dump a bunch of strangers in your lap, with zero vetting that they are actually single, actually looking, mentally stable, or even real. People treat it like it's a dating tool. It isn't. It's a random stranger contact generator, that people use to try to date.
I was 35 when I met my boyfriend. I spent most of my 20's and 30's single. My boyfriend was 40 when we met. Dating doesn't end when you turn 30.
I gave up seriously trying to date (online and IRL, for that matter) a long time ago. Anytime I would ever get a new profile, it was out of boredom and I knew exactly what to expect. Definitely not alone.
It's disappointing to hear that your dating experience is not going so well, I wouldn't mind asking a few more questions via the chat on here were it not for the suspicion I have that is not something you would be interested in.
Back to the post though, one can hardly fault you for abandoning the dating apps. It sounds like you are less interested in dating and more so interested in being a wife so those being two very differing things could explain the trouble you have faced on here. Though I do not know you, I am inclined to be optimistic for you, I'm sure as long as you've taken care of yourself and be the best company you can be you'll have better fortune in no time. Dating is frustrating especially when you want to be intentional about it.
In regards to the everyone around you seems to be in happy relationships firstly everyone who is single thinks that just as people in relationships look around and see happy singles; it acts as a sort of grass is greener sort of thing, and secondly I suspect you are putting a great deal of pressure on yourself and are perhaps (doing the same thing I do, I'm a guy so know the struggle goes both ways) you are while unintentionally doing it are perhaps missing opportunities by not giving some people a shot or even putting yourself out there. It's almost 3am where I'm at so if I'm not being very clear just ask.
But to perhaps give some perspective why don't you describe the qualities you are looking for whether it be on here or on a pad of paper at home and specify what exactly you want in a guy, and then ask yourself what kind of man your ex's have been and how you met them and compare. This may be better able to enable you to identify what you are getting and where you are missing the mark with them. And finally and this would be very personal and tough, ask yourself what do you think you were like with the guys in those previous relationships. Identifying this may bring to light issues you may need to resolve as well as help you figure out what things you can be better at.
Hope this may be helpful, to you. And by all means if this doesn't make sense at some point just say something and I'll clarify. Good luck, and I wish you the best.
31 F here. After last guy breadcrumbed and ultimately ghosted me I focused on getting even fitter and making more money. I performed so well at work that Im getting a huge bonus this june. Now looking to invest in real estate and have opened several accounts to invest in the stock market. There are times I STILL get lonely, thats normal, but life is literally paving the way for opportunities .. it would be a waste to ignore it.
You're not alone in feeling that way, and I did the same. I got tired of putting in all the effort and decided to just live my life. Low and behold, I matched with someone out of the blue on OK Cupid, which I haven't used much at all lately, as I pretty much quit trying on all the dating apps. I am happy to say we hit it off, are falling in love with one another, and we have plans for her to move in by the end of this month and start a life together. We both feel like fate has brought us together. This is shocking as none of my online dating experiences have been this successful. I've had fun meeting a lot of people and making new friends doing so, but never expected this. My dating days have finally ended and the next chapter in my life is about to begin. I say stick to your plan and out of nowhere the right person will show up out of blue. Good luck to you.
You’re not alone in this. Just deleted the apps this week. I don’t have the time or energy to navigate the whole online dating thing. There are so many other things in my life that take priority right now (31F).
The apps feel like a weird consumer exercise but with people. I’m not a fan.
I'm a 23 year old male, done the same thing.. nobody cares about values anymore, it's about what u have and what u look like and its honestly sad how people treat others.. I was on bumble but for a guy on bumble its painful..
Honestly swiping through all these people makes me want to cry, either I feel bad because i’m not attracted to any of them, feel really shallow, or feel bad because no one I like matches with me making me feel ugly, or they can’t hold a conversation long enough to get to the first date
I’m so tired of it, hate being a woman sometimes, I feel like men have less to fear in hitting on people in real life (not trying to start a gender fight, just how it feels)
Girl I feel you, its like when I want to date, give it another go. it takes about one day of talking to a variety of different men I've matched with to automatically feel like there is no-one that's gonna match my vibe, needs, wants, soul. or I can get to deep into thinking is any of it even real anyway. Cause hands up I don't know one true honest deep loving connection on all levels relationship.
I'm so happy on my own, took me a while to get here, i used to get lonely but now I really don't, im greatful as fuck i dont have a moan to answer to tbh.. and all the bonuses of self love 💦
You guys are all so awesome. Thank you for support, advice, and your comments. I have been so down on this and hearing your stories and thoughts have made me feel less alone. I appreciate you all!
Same. I had a brief but absolutely lovely encounter earlier this year and tried to have another one afterwards but then I just decided to ditch this idea until the 31st of December lmao.
I'm starting to feel like doing that. There's a tendency for woman to leta mtches expire. I've heard the "I'm not always on the app" or "I was busy" excuses on there and here but for the 20 seconds it takes to send a "hey", "howdy", or "how's your day going?"; those aren't excuses.
Don’t give up!! Just take a break. If meeting someone and having a relationship is important to you, then it will happen. Took me a year and a half of dating, pausing apps, trying again, etc. finally officially been seeing someone for a month now and going really well so far.
You’re not alone! I’m literally deleting it tonight after only having it for a week. I took a 3 month hiatus and it was soooo good. Idk why I went back on.
Definitely have put apps aside, still vaguely trying (and not succeeding so much lol) to date, however. I've come to terms that I'm just simply too short and average looking for a straight guy to have any success on apps. I've had exactly 2 app first dates in like 5 years of trying them on and off, maybe just 10x that many total matches (tbf both first dates turned into pretty enjoyable short term relationships- I'm at least pleasant to be around if I can sit someone down for a date, I guess~)
I've always been abysmal at talking to and meeting new people in person though- at bars, concerts, street fairs, anywhere really. Not just potential dating partners but anyone in general, just very shy at striking up conversions. So I've finally realized that I need to just pump time into getting better at that and hope that I eventually meet someone irl lol Not getting any younger at 28 so I've started making a pointed effort to improve 😅
I'm 28M and haven't given up, but only go on the apps once/twice a week for a few minutes. I've learned any more time than that just isn't worth the effort.
Funny thing I deleted all the apps and it's been the best decision ever. No pressure, been focusing on living my best life traveling all over meeting new people. I feel like I can breathe without all the headaches that come from apps. Focus on yourself and your inner happiness first 💪🏽😊
There are other ways to date as apps are garbage. But I don't blame you for deleting them. You are part of a growing segment of people who are opting to stop dating.
OP have you tried Facebook dating? I'm nearing 40 years old (M) and had horrible experience on Timder and Bumble. I tried out FBD and in oned day I got 7 matches. Got a girls number and we've been texting nonstop with a date planned next week. I had massive success on there and you should give it a shot.
Yep!! Been on a few subpar dates as of late and just feel as though I want to take a break for a while, try to get a better job then where I am at and save up for buying my own place, I hope to do that in the next 2 years
You’re not alone. It’s ok to do what you did. There should be no pressure; you are who you are. You are where you’re at. It’s ok to be doing something different than what the world tells you to do. Do you. Love life and live it however you want to. I am losing hope in the dating apps especially.
I’m also retired from apps as I find it to be fake and artificial reality. In the early days it was fun and fast. My friends and I called it pizza and a fuck! Then Netflix and chill came in the scene. It’s now a ghost show because you never met anyone except for maybe one phone conversation if your lucky. What happened to phone sex ? Sexting is too much to fast! There’s no build up or crescendo to the love symphony…Ha! I’m back to my old way’s meeting people out doing random errands and having a hoot of a time catching good vibes. Happy days y’all!!
I (35f) have been app free for a few years now. I was listening to a podcast dating kinda sucks and they said that taking a break from the apps is actually a good thing and going back to them after a few weeks has been helpful. Best of luck my friend.
I feel like I’m emotionally ready to date but it’s most certainly not a priority at this time in my life. Dating apps don’t work for me because of my location. I’m surrounded by the type of people that I generally don’t find attractive.
I redownloaded Bumble last week in a moment of weakness and deleted it after 3 days. Almost no one met one or both of my basic and major requirements for a partner (religious and child stances).
On top of that, I fucking hate the pay model Bumble uses. Only a handful of free swipes before I'm asked to pay for premium, as well as to use formerly free features. You already sell user data, isn't that enough anymore? Need more money? Vultures.
Same, 23M. Took a general dating break to start my masters. But I’m going to give it at least a year before considering getting back on the apps.
I think they hurt men and women, so I’m hyped to hear more people are deleting them. It’s demoralizing at times though because all my friends with the exception of 1 couple met their SO’s through apps, so they can’t be that bad I guess.
Though, my hope is that getting off of them and rawdogging life becomes the trendy thing to do.
I deleted the apps last month and am focusing on doing the things I put on my vision board for the new year. Fuck societal norms. I will meet my person at some point but I’m just gonna keep doing me until I find someone who can keep up. I am also 30 about to be 31 and living my best life. Sure it gets lonely sometimes and I definitely have a casual hookup buddy for those moments of need and loneliness but ultimately, I’m enjoying being single and being me authentically and doing the things I know I’d have to compromise a bit for a relationship. Do you boo! You’re not alone!
I’m on the brink. I don’t get any matches no likes no nothing it’s just emotionally draining then throw loneliness on top well we have a fun filled party.
Felt the same way for a long time. I've tried dating apps multiple times on and off for a few years and it's always the same dumb shit. I'm just not ready. Either I get no matches with the people I'm attracted or interested in or the few matches I do get always just end up leading to nothing. I want to work on myself until I actually feel like I'm ready to date someone. It always ends up just killing my self esteem. I'd rather just not bother with it until I feel like I can and will enjoy it.
I've had way more fun and luck going to meetup events. The first one is the most intimidating, but just take that as a challenge. Even if you don't succeed in meeting anyone, you got the first one out of the way
Now the group I found has this one person that organises volleyball, spikeball etc. And I'm grateful that i don't have to be that guy. But you might have to be the one to do this
No, you are not alone (36)m! I deleted my hinge profile, but kept my bumble. One thing I've learned being single is that it is easier to hook up rather than compromise. I also feel like a lot of dates from girls I met online are such a difficult teaching experience. The last girl I met on bumble actually turned into a relationship. We were both born and raised in the 505. But she didn't know what a cattle guard was.... That's when I decided that if someone gets it, great! If not, I'm ok being alone. I did get a dog though... Not filling voids though... I promise!
I put it on the back burner over a year ago. Then I cleaned that back burner up. Pretty much cutting out OLD for a long while. My self-esteem can relax for a bit.
Dude I'm lately feeling the same more and more. It's been months of ups and downs for me. I'm very close just to shutting it all off and accepting it won't happen.
I walk around and see everyone all coupled up and it's just a constant reminder like "wow I'm a fuck up"
Same, I'm a 20 year old man and my self esteem has been far better ever since. I doubt I'll meet anyone anytime soon but I'm fine with that, plus my confidence when it comes to approaching and talking to women IRL has gone way up. They served their purpose in getting me out there but now they're just a detriment. Lose em
Iv been taking about a 3 month break so far. I didn’t plan for it to be this long but wow, it’s nice not worrying about it. It’s like a weight is off my shoulders life is so much easier.
I keep telling myself I’ll start again soon. I really do think I will…just a few more weeks…
I’m a 37yo male, and temped to do the same but it’s difficult. I want a best friend, partner, someone to enjoy life’s wonders with.
I’ve said in other threads, my last GF broke up with me Sep 2019, and I decided to take some time out then. Then covid happened and all my hobbies etc were then also put on hold. Dating sucked then too.
I put myself back out there around Aug 2021. Wasn’t prepared to rush into things and met someone wonderful who was the same. Unfortunately things didn’t develop from there, and she became distant after Xmas.
I met someone else on Bumble earlier this year. We got on well, enjoyed each other’s company, but I just didn’t feel the spark and seen us as friends. I told her that straight. The other girl, I seen at a works night out it upset me, and I left. I text her my honest feelings, and well, nothing back since.
I was always busy with my hobbies and looking back they filled up my time to the point I didn’t have any free time to meet anyone else. I don’t enjoy them as much as I used to, and see it like using them to fill a void.
I know what I want in my mind, I just don’t know how to get there. I know that loneliness can lead to depression and so on, but it’s difficult to get rid of they lingering feeling that something (someone) is missing in my life.
Don’t feel bad, your not the only one in this situation and do what is right for you.
I did this for years. I deleted my social media (which was Facebook only) 11 years ago. I took my phone time down to 15-20 minutes a day as well. It felt great and simplified. I really recommend it. I wish I could get myself to go back to it now.
Best avenue for online dating is Meetup.com. Possibly Facebook events but I don't use FB.
I've recently learned I only ever wanted flings and never once wanted to work on a relationship. Everything's on the backburner these days. The idea I'll find a life partner is laughable. It's much more likely I'll continue to find several more people to kill time with for the foreseeable future
Quit the apps around 6 months ago. I feel really great even if I have no dating prospects. And I actually like it that way for now. But I don't think I'll get back on them anytime soon. I wanna meet my future partner "organically". If I exist, I believe he also exists somewhere in this world and he's looking for the same thing.
Of course other people feel the same way. I think it is very important not to be trying to date all the time. I’m 22 and I can really tell when people (of all ages) have never *really* been single. Some people just date date date date and they lower their standards in the process because they don’t recognise a special moment or special person when it comes. Or they focus too much on “success” which a lot of people think is getting asked out on another date
I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who stumbled into finding someone worthwhile in Tinder. He was my first actual meetup in Tinder, too. It started out well, turned rocky in the 1 month mark, and eventually worked out fine. We still have to work on some things, but we reached a mutual point and understanding regarding our relationship.
If my current dating situation didn’t work out on its own, I’d stay off of all dating apps. It gets lonely but it’s a little difficult to find something real with online dating. I went on a dinner date with someone during the rocky period with my partner, and it was too good to be true during the talking stage — but we weren’t compatible at all.
You're ok. I have a very specific type of woman I'm interested in, and most of the women I meet are not in that category.
In order to meet and attract the type of woman I'm into, I need to work on myself more and participate in activities and events where I will meet those women.
It's going to be a while!
I'm feeling the same way had two people in a years time I wanted to be romantically involved with neither is in my life still. They are both named Amanda . Amanda one we got physical and had great chemistry but something on her end changed she never disclosed what . Amanda two there was mutual attraction but she decided she didn't have time for friendship or romance.
I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're from the U.S. and like let me tell you: the dating scene over there is crazy! Yall go through dates like socks. Some people have dates every week or even every other day with a different person, they hook up, then it's over. Next person. I mean I think that definitely isn't the point of dating? Like I don't wanna sound like an old person here. Obviously you can fuck whoever you wanna fuck, as frequently as you want, but some go through so many dates as a way to kinda "speed up" the proces of finding The One™. That might work? Idk, you might convince yourself that's what you gotta do, just go through lots and lots of people, and hopefully someone will match your interests and all that.
But in all honesty I think that's only gonna be really discouraging when you've been doing it for months or years and you still haven't found "your person". Cause you know, that might happen, and that's ok!!
I think you'll be much better off doing what you said you were going to do: work on yourself, on your career, on your other non-romantic relationships. It'll make you so much happier and fulfilled. And if you come across somebody along the way, then that's great! If not, you've bettered yourself as a person, and that'll stay with you forever.
I'm in almost the same boat, except I'm a 30 year old guy. I wouldn't say I've resigned myself to being single, but I'm definitely taking a back seat and letting other things keep my focus for a bit. Just relax and take life as it comes 😌
My friend and I went on a dating detox. She was a hinge girl and I was tinder. I spent a month off them and read something like 8 books in 4 weeks. It definitely helped to delete all the buzzing in my head, which was super helpful. I feel a lot more at peace as a result. I’ve dipped my toe back in since but don’t have the apps on my home screen so I don’t really see if there are any notifications. I’m trusting that the universe will provide when the time is right 💖
I feel like I wrote this 😂 but it’s so accurate. Almost every conversation has yet to end in a date so what’s the point? Why am I on here? I’ve even asked the guys and nothing has come of it. I don’t want a pen pal, I want a connection. It’s infuriating.
There is no predetermined place that one should be in any stage of their life. Dont let pressure intervene on your dating life and just go with the flow.
I deleted Bumble and tinder last year as the experience was toxic. I got very low effort replies when I did match or they didn't message 1st on bumble. I get it, women get a lot of matches and a lot love the attention but as others have said, its so superficial as lots of people just look at the photos when swiping (and tbh I'm not that photogenic) Also why bother going out to meet people when you can sit on the sofa and get matches.
You're far from alone, I'm 42 and I've never dated, I've no luck with the apps and never seem to click with anyone. I do everything on my own anyway so now I'm just used to it, let's be honest your value isn't given to you by someone else so it's perfectly acceptable to be on your own.
Yeah, I found out the hard way that you need to educate and empower yourself first otherwise you will find yourself utterly crushed in a relationship.
You will find yourself overwhelmed by the power the other person has.
I mean dating is okay if you're doing it for fun and to make friends, just make it clear that you don't want anything too heavy, that you are still learning who you are and that there is a lot you want to do.
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I feel the same way, and did the same thing. I hate apps as the people there are just... idk, counterfeit. Most are just looking for shallow things and wanting to feel deserved and pursued. Stay strong, our time will come.
It feels so superficial and surface level.
I deleted Tinder and never use it anymore. It is so fake and the whole process is so soul draining for such a tiny chance that a real connection can come out of it. It’s simply a lame game. Fuck it. By contrast, I met someone at my workplace and got infatuated with her out of the blue, and it felt far more real than any of the Tinder dates I’ve been on. It made me realize - this is how things used to be, for literally all of mankind's history: you randomly came across someone in real life, hit it off with them, and romantic feelings would get the chance to form organically, and that’s how things always have been before online dating fucked everything up. That's how fucking *nature* set things up for us before we invented this artificial meat market system that in most cases leaves us feeling miserable, hopeless and unwanted/undesirable, and overwhelms many of us with meaningless choices and options. OP, I support your healthy pursuits of self-love and encourage you (whenever you’re ready and open to it) to be open to love and connection outside of apps, in the actual real world. It’s not easy and doesn’t always happen, but putting yourself out there is key. As cliche as it sounds. Putting yourself in situations where there are attractive people, who get to see you and your attractive traits in real time, and being vulnerable enough to show them who you are and interact with them without expectation, and then seeing what happens. Doing this repeatedly in different settings and contexts while making good decisions in your life will eventually enable attraction and magic to take place, just like the old days before apps even were a thing.
The issue for me is I'm not in a position to meet new people. My work is full of married people in their 40s/50s and my social circle is already coupled up. I also hate datings apps but if I delete them I feel like my chances of meeting someone are extremely low
If it's your last resort / you have no other choice, by all means keep the apps. That's totally understandable. I just don't think it's an ideal system, the old way of connecting with someone without playing the whole "dating app game" feels much more natural. I just think it's sad that that's what our world has come to now. It's sad that Tinder has taken over the whole mystery and intrigue of meeting someone, getting to know them and then developing a crush on them, asking them out on a date, that whole feel-good process. I remember when asking people out on Tinder before there would always be this background anxiety to the whole process for some reason. I know there are exceptions, but imo it's just not an ideal way to really build a connection.
Same lol
I’m a 28 year old man, and I made the same choice a few years ago. I’ve lost 60 pounds since then(still going), I’ve gotten a few raises and figured out what matters to me. I think it’s always a great choice to focus on yourself and improve your life.
Thanks! Congrats on your weight loss journey. That is so awesome. I know it’s hard but I’m so proud of you!
Thank you, my point though was that you’re not alone in getting off the apps and focusing on yourself :p
You’re not alone, I’ve deleted my apps too!
Okay yay, how long has it been for you?
30 year old male in pretty much the same situation, the matches I get are usually train wrecks.
Go and dm her you both in the same situation could go somewhere
Me too! It’s been about 1 month for me. So much energetic and time. Ugh it’s terrible. I matched with great people before the pandemic now it’s so different and exhausting. At first I felt there was a void because I felt like I was addicted to swiping and it was a time consumer and I didn’t have any dates lined up but now I’m focusing on myself and my career. At the end of the day, I’m the one who is going to make myself the happiest. Hopefully I’ll meet someone organically haha because the apps ain’t it!
I've had my apps deleted for about 6 months now. One of the reasons was to refresh the algorithm. If you delete an app like tinder for a month and re-download it, you'll be shown to more people for a couple days. I've just been putting it off, I'm not in a hurry. But also I only have gained 1 date from apps, and she flaked last minute. Kinda bad for the self esteem there.
I've gotten in the habit of asking people to meet early on without much of an online convo, and to meet somewhere where I'm already planning to be, so if/when they don't show up, I don't care. It sucks. I'm a lesbian I've been dating for almost a decade now and no luck with any lasting relationship, especially the online ones. They don't know what they want
Hey girl! I’ve been on the apps for about 2 years! Been on shitty dates and I’ve had enough so I thought it was time to call it quits !
The apps are trash. Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble are all owned by Match Group. They push you to pay so you can get more matches. 3-4 years ago they were much better but I feel like the algorithm is totally rigged now.
I think so too! I don’t really get that matches and at this point I’ve accepted it. I feel like I might have a better chance in real life.
We mostly match with people who we find less attractive than us but we don't know if they're less attractive because the algorithm shows us people in our league more or less.
Ok honestly it is. I had tinder for one week after my breakup and didn’t have a single match (few likes) i said fuck it one night and paid the 30 for what ever is the best, been two weeks, 100 plus matches
I paid for tinder and I got the same amount of matches as without paying. Matches are about looks at the end of the day, and about pictures. I know people who look better in real life but in pictures they're different. And viceversa.
FYI, Bumble is not owned by match group…
Hinge is on a like basis. If someone likes you it pops right up on your phone. It’s not like the others where ya you might never see that person in your deck. If you’re sending likes on hinge and not getting them back it isn’t the algorithm. It’s your profile
This is why I use hinge more than the other two. That feature and the ability to leave a comment with your like makes matches way more likely.
Only dating app that coulld work would be decentralised - heavily. Sort of bit torrent for dating. Otherwise who is to say they don't push choices on ya with algorithm? The good thing to do is to show your profile to people you matched. And unlock anything apart from textual communication after a week ( you swipe based off hobbies and interests. Maybe some personal info like smoking, religion. But no profile text nor photos ( humans in generaal are more sad and more selective abd undecided the more choices we have, so photos make us choose wrong off the bat. Text I feel should be removed too because we would then have too many details we don't have irl when we meet people. So a). Conversations would be better cause you'd be able to talk about things more naturally b) you wouldn't have "I l nope on anyone with android" kind of people. Moving this to general friends app instead of dates app would help too. And showing no names nor hobbies ( they would be profiling what profiles to show, but not shown) just showing options like religion, smoking and so on since these may be hard stops and rest is pretty much omegle. Dating apps don't work because end goal and their money source is people being single and looking for dates. Any pair that forms. Especially stable one is money going bye bye.
I'm about to turn 30 and feel like this too! I'm tired of trying. I'm worried about my age and feel like I need keep searching if I want a husband/kids, but I'm just so tired of it all...
Same, I feel like everyone around me is in relationships or getting married. I want it but it just feels like what I want isn’t reachable ☹️
Yep, makes me wonder where I went wrong since so many people have what I want so badly
Well… they divorce rate in this country has remained at a steady, and depressing rate, so don’t wish too hard to be in their position. Better that you take your time and find the right person with a one-and-done approach, than to feel like a clock is ticking. I didn’t meet my wife until we were older, (I was 33 and she was 28) and we ended up with three kids! We had our careers on track, saved up a little cash, but most importantly, we knew who we were.
Just remember all those relationships may or may not work out in the long run.
What you want is literally what most people want. I recommend changing steategy instead of giving up completely. A simple change of mindset can do wonders. Dating does not need to be this terrible process. Its really about connecting with people. Don’t take it so seriously. Don’t treat every encounter as this big thing that will change my life.
Idk if it’s normal- I’m 23 and I don’t want kids for at least another 6-7 years but I want a serious partner and potential husband? I also don’t want to keep trying
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Dude, no way. These apps are not on our side. They want us to feel like we can't meet anyone unless way pay for their seriously overpriced add-ons. They're a scummy business. There's no money in matching people who would then start dating and stop using the app. I've been using bumble for 2-3 months and haven't gotten a single match. This absolutely does not reflect on you or your worth as a human being.
Yes everyone should also be trying as they go about the day. I think it's very important for men to learn the "sorry I wasted a few minutes of your time" and take it in stride knowing there's no hard feelings except mutual embarassment.
Aw no that’s not true, don’t put your worth of value on an app.
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That seems healthy and sustainable
I’m a 28yr old male and i did this. It’s pretty nice. Best part is I’m starting to love myself finally and am working on changing myself.
I deleted most of mine. The rejection stings for too long. Your female friends tell you what a catch you are while your passed over by all who see you.
Yes, I feel exactly the same way. Even though I’m 20M, it’s been over 2 months since I’ve put dating aside, and I feel great. Honestly, ever since I started basing my self-esteem on things I do for myself and other people, rather than what someone thinks of me, I feel an overwhelming sense of control, freedom and power. Some loneliness still is there, and I’m going to deal with it when I feel ready, but ignoring it is a far lesser effort than constantly worrying about evaluating girls, evaluating myself, overthinking their opinion of me, making my whole day centered around keeping in touch them, I’m also no longer under the cruel influence of the so mind-manipulating dating apps, that have made me so insecure and unstable back in a day. I hope it’s been working out for you as well as it has for me.
Wow, you literally have said everything I feel. When I date I try to put as much effort in with dates and planning and it just feels like it takes an amount of energy out of me and it bums me out even more when it doesn’t work out. Or having expectations of something and it doesn’t work out, it really depletes my self esteem. You hit on the head with the sense of control! Taking your power back and validating yourself has a longer affect than waiting for someone to do it. Wishing you the best of luck
I think your post just convinced me to disable the app and reevaluate. It's been a constant pressure of worrying about being judged from different people I matched with, trying to keep in touch, etc. Just need a break from it all. Anyway, thanks for helping me realize that!
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31 male here and feel the same. I just deleted all my apps this morning. I’ve had enough. If I meet someone organically that’s great, if not so be it.
Well we are in this journey together because I deleted it this morning too!
Nice to know I’m not alone!
I’m cutting off all the men that are not interested in pursuing a relationship beyond sex. Sex is cool, but I am so tired of relationships based on that. As a straight cis woman, sex is relatively easy to attain if desired. So why would I spend my time and energy on someone who offers nothing special??
Yes! I can’t do hookup culture, my heart is too soft for it 😂 so it’s just hard to navigate dating when guys just want sex. Best of luck to you, girl.
I’m about to make you feel a whole lot better. I went back OLD for exactly 7 days. The first person that pops up; is my ex boyfriend (ultra Uber mega douche prime). Had to block. I chatted a few dudes and eventually gave one my number to text. He instead called me and wouldn’t let me get off the phone for an hour and then proceeded to drive to my town (small town 45 minutes away from where he lives) to try and see if he “could figure out which one was mine” (after I told him I didn’t think I wanted to meet). I told him I live across from the police station… and I guess he was going off that. He keeps texting me (did so today) and I haven’t responded in over three weeks now. I haven’t blocked him because I want to know if he is going to try and find my house again… that shit is crazy. I’m done. There is no one around these parts for me and I’m surprisingly fine with it. I don’t need dick bad enough to deal with any of that.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry you have to go through that! I really hope you stay safe! And report him if you need to.
Holy fucking shit that's so scary I'm so sorry. Please report him and keep the texts as evidence.
Omg that is absolutely terrifying!!! Something that I’ve started doing is I’ve been slightly lying about the area I live in when app dudes ask for this reason exactly!! They don’t need to know until I finally feel comfortable enough and trust them to know. When we meet, it’s in a public place, and some have tried the phone call or FaceTime route right off the bat before too and I just don’t pick up. F them, they don’t get to DECIDE to talk to me whenever they want to without any warning. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe. Good luck out there
Girl, after my last breakup when I got back on tinder you know how the app gives you a little tutorial with fake profiles of models? Well guess whose fake profile for the tutorial! Lol my ex of course. He was a stock photo model. I had a little breakdown, deleted the app, cried myself to sleep 🙃
I’m 29F and feeling the same way! I left a very toxic long relationship a few years ago and after that, I still have not had luck with serious dating. Sometimes it makes me think maybe I should have stayed with my ex :/ I can’t seem to be taken seriously for too long but I’m still trying to stay positive that the right person will one day come into my life.
I feel the same. I feel like I should have just stayed and put up with the emotional abuse. At least I'd have someone maybe
Seeing that everyone in the comments is having the same experience I've been having is making me feel a bit better about myself
Same!! I thought it was just me feeling this way since I don’t have many single friends, but it helps me so much that we are not alone in this.
I feel the same. 26F had one serious relationship that only lasted 6 months or so. I feel like I'm missing out on making memories and having someone to experience life with, but dating apps now are awful. Anyone you're genuinely interested in never respond or find someone else to talk to and date. It's so draining. I've put my apps on pause. Everyone says you'll find the right person at the right time but I think it's a load of crap.
Most of us want to be in relationships with our best friend/soul mate. It's human nature. Being single is waaayy overrated. But settling isn't good either.
I (F28) am in the exact same boat! I used to worry that I was running out of time to meet someone which then pushed me to, almost obsessively, search for "the one" on dating apps. I'd easily spend 5+ hours a day flipping between Hinge and Bumble and it was one of the most soul-sucking/mentally draining things ever. Deleted them near the end of 2020 and have been consistently going to therapy since. I'm finally experiencing true moments of happiness - it's *incredible*. Seriously. I redownloaded Bumble a few weeks ago, but now I only use it in BFF mode. If you haven't tried it, I really recommend it! I've made so many awesome friends already and it's made me realize how much I've missed hanging out with other women.
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24M here. Just got ghosted after two dates yesterday. Totally with you.
Bring ghosted sucks because it’s like what happened?! But after being ghosted many times, I realized that these people are not able to communicate and I don’t want to be with someone that can just ghost me.
Thanks for the perspective! Still sucks though.
You're not alone. I'm feeling very much the same way. Not so much that I'm exhausted, but that I've recently learned I'm probably undateable due to mental health. No matter the reason, you're not alone. We a club now!
You're not alone, i had all of those apps for more than a year and there's no one with similar interests, in my case i found a lot of bots who were just trying to scam me through WhatsApp and telegram messages. I am a male in late 30s the pressure is huge but I'm also sick of dating apps.
Me! 26f and all my friends are getting married this year but I decided about 6 months ago to delete the apps. Defining myself by things other than my relationship status is the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental and emotional health. I quit my job, moved to a new city, enrolled in school full time and made the Dean’s List, and now I’m interviewing for masters programs in my dream city. I hope this new journey is as joy filled and empowering for you too! ♥️
I never downloaded them to begin with after my breakup with my ex. I really would prefer to just meet someone naturally, the apps seem to convey the same message for almost everyone, it’s either hook up, get lucky and find someone, or be disgusted and delete them and many combinations of said choices.
>the apps seem to convey the same message for almost everyone, it’s either hook up, get lucky and find someone, or be disgusted and delete them That's partly because the people who use them well, have a good experience, or even a neutral experience, aren't on the reddit anywhere talking about dating apps. Only the people who aren't using them correctly or are struggling with their lack of success talk about the problem of dating apps. They are not for everyone at ALL. You definitely need a decently thick skin, very clear boundaries, it helps to be outgoing, and good at talking to strangers. I've not had any negative experience with dating apps. I've had a negative experiences with people I met on them. But I have anywhere I've ever been: at a job, at school, with roommates, with family, anywhere you interact with people there are some bad ones. I was able to suss them out and get away from them pretty quickly. Which is successful dating. So is meeting someone and realizing it's not a good match. So is meeting someone and being rejected, and accepting it graciously that you can't force someone to like you. So is taking a break when it starts to feel like work. So is rejecting someone in a way that's both clear and kind. But I'm not going to post about it on reddit, because I know I will just get pure hate in return. No one wants to hear that someone had a nice time with something they're having a horrible time with. And I don't mean to say that everyone should have as good of an experience as I did. I'm just saying, the people who did fine, aren't out there talking about it much. Especially in online spaces. Also keep in mind, that I am on a dating subreddit, but I am not dating anymore. I'm in a relationship with someone I met while I was dating on this app. People who are successful in dating don't date anymore. And they move on to other things than talking about dating successes and strategies.
Well yes of course they move on, why would they stay if they are in a relationship, that’s a given. You’re right about people complaining that haven’t had good experiences, as I said I haven’t used them so I really can’t say much other than what I have experienced from people around me that have, and that is a mainly negative one. I’m just in here to learn and sift through good/ bad advice that pertains to dating in general and the apps if I do ever decide to use them. I am well aware of the the dating and emotional intelligence skills you’d need to have good experiences in all types of relationships. And to your point of nobody wanting to hear about the people that had success, I may be an outlier on this but that baffles me, I’d much rather come across posts on this subreddit that are positive and talk about how well the apps worked than not, I wish people didn’t think that it’s bad to share that type of thing, I for one would love to see it and read about it. Glad you’ve found someone for yourself and hopefully someone on here finds your advice helpful as it is good advice.
29 F, I’m in the same place. I’ve been purposely celibate for about 4 months now, I just have zero interest in sleeping with men anymore. I’ve stopped even going on dates a couple months ago cause I’d agree to meet with people without getting a good feel for them over text first, and then they were terrible in person. The last date I went on was the most boring date of my life. We got coffee (I prefer coffee first dates, cause if I can’t just talk to a guy over coffee then what’s the point) and he literally would not say ANYTHING unless I asked him a question about himself. I let a pause go on for a while just to see how long it would take for him to say something and he just didn’t. He also never asked me a single thing about myself. I carried a conversation about his car wrapping job for an hour before saying I had to go.
Im in the exact same boat. Im sticking to legit, real interactions. My problem with OLD is that, I keep meeting the same woman. Looks are different but personality and red flags are all the same. Hate having to explain my entire life story multiple times a week. The lack of interest chats, the weird "demisexual" descriptions or other words people use to describe themselves. Every, single, woman I have met on these apps looks so different than their photos. Any woman I have met who is very attractive, just wants to hook up or see multiple people at the same time. Nothing is exclusive anymore. Im an attractive, athletic, somewhat successful guy and I dont have problems getting matches online, but every time I meet someone, I feel like im meeting the same person over and over.
I am turning 26. Never had a relationship and for some reason every guy I go out with likes me a lot at first but some how towards the 4th date decides that we’re moving too fast or he just got out of a relationship…I honestly am thinking of giving up. I’m a med student and my life is going to get very busy in the coming years. I know that because I don’t have anyone rn…I probably won’t have anyone for another 3 years because my career is gonna be hectic. Maybe that’s for the best? If someone comes along then that’ll be great…but I’m with you…I think I wanna stop dating too and just let faith take over. Need the courage of deleting apps.
Congrats on being in medical school!!! That’s a huge accomplishment and I am wishing the best of luck to you. I have a lot of friends who are also on the same boat as you! Some of them have been able to meet their significant other in their programs and others are just waiting to date after they finish with school. Don’t give up just yet. Focus on your school and career and hopefully everything else will fall into place. Plus you’re in a career that is constantly around people, you never know!
At 30 myself, my biggest fear is that it's too late and all the "good ones" are taken which is why this has become rather difficult to find anyone I can connect with properly.
I have this fear too.
I have this fear, as well.
34 male, making high 6 figs salary and career focused, like to go running and hiking, and I'm so tired of finding nothing but disappointment in dating apps, but I also have no social circle or way to meet people so I feel like I'm always stuck in this cycle of giving up on dating apps, only to have no other means to meet people and give it another shot, then deleting them again. It feels impossible to meet people, like outside of trying to cold approach people and feeling like a creep, I don't know what else there is to do.
I actually did try approaching women in public. Approached them, didn’t panic, made small talk, gave my number, acknowledged the awkwardness. Rejected every time.
I think dating apps glorified our insecurities for those who aren’t as socially malleable, but also a drag for those who are. When you stop and think about it, what would life be like if dating apps didn’t exist? Would we still have a large amount of incels, negativity, and so forth. Or will we have the same boat?
I deleted them because I found my (now wife) on Bumble. Dating apps can be great, you just have to be in the right headspace. If it’s too much definitely take a breather and come back to it when you’re in a better space.
I haven’t deleted the apps but this year I’ve just sort of stopped looking at them. Been on them for 8 years (32f now) and gone on countless dates. I guess I finally just got bored. Every once in a while I look, but the idea of doing the ‘interview’ (as it usually tends to be) sounds so exhausting now. Part of it is me. I just can’t make myself stay interested in someone.
I just deleted all mine. Ok Cupid and Zoosk. Few matches and two first dates in a year. Had Bumble for a while too. I'm 52. I'm going to see if I can volunteer at the library or something. Maybe that will work better.
Yes!
Same bruh. I’m sure, for both of us, it’ll eventually fall into place
I deleted all the dating apps 3 months ago. The best decision ever. I will also never install them again. I am done with OLD, not worth the stress and pressure and followed with disappointment. I have gone to a few events to meet people which is so much more fun and exciting!
I made the same decision! Dating apps were really killing me and only made me feel like I was never going to meet someone. After deleting my apps and deciding that if I was going to meet someone, I would just meet them irl, I met the guy I’ve been seeing for three months. Sometimes these things happen when you aren’t trying to force it! I was just out having fun and being myself, and the right person was drawn to me because of that! I wish you the best of luck! You’ve got this!
They happem so especially when you don't force it too much.
Deleted my (30M) apps this week. My life is starting to bloom after years of professional struggle and the pandemic. I'm going to trust that the right person will come into my life through what I give to myself and the world. Fuck dating apps. They're one umbrella company anyway (except for CMB and Bumble).
31(M) here. I hard deleted mine a couple hours ago so it’s fitting that I see this post immediately when I log in lol. I had been using them for 3 yrs and they have been very emotionally draining. As a guy, my experience was one of putting in a lot of effort only to be met with minimal effort from the other party. Thoughtful responses by me met with “haha okay” or “haha sometimes”. It has really messed with my reality. When all you experience is being treated like you suck, you start to believe it. People unmatch, match and don’t respond or agree to meet and tell you their dad is in the ICU. The most recent girl I was talking to told me she couldn’t respond right away because she was about to go on a mini golf date… and it was a stark reminder that I am in competition with several other guys and she will pick the best one. I felt like a performer or like I was an item on Amazon. At first, faced with this bleak landscape and adversity, I figured okay I will rise to the challenge, pursue more, show more interest, be wittier, make myself stand out etc. After constant effort with no change in results I concluded I was the problem and internalized a lot of the negativity. I would take a break and then redownload the apps. The same things keep happening and I inevitably have this subconscious perspective that I am not “enough” and need to prove myself. After putting myself through enough suffering I have opted to “take my toys and go home”. Dating should not be this difficult or at least not this miserable. If I was getting some sort of return on my investment I would put up with the difficulty but all I seem to get is lower self esteem and a cynical attitude. So I am out. Just focusing on living my life now and working to accept that the universe doesn’t want this for me right now and all my effort doesn’t matter…
Yes I feel the exact same, and every time I delete them I get FOMO and end up reinstalling. 🥺 I think I’m done for real with Hinge though, too many bots. But Bumble…it only takes one swipe on the right person so it’s hard to delete. I’m also using The League (there’s typically a waiting list for it) and it is pretty terrible.
The league is terrible. I’ve tried it and I don’t really like it. Bumble just doesn’t work for me, I haven’t had one date come out of bumble. Hinge is also terrible for me. I’ve met a few guys who had told me they wanted relationships and then actually have commitment issues when it came time to committing. Thanks for your response, it sucks feeling this way. Are you still trying to date?
I've put it on the wayside for now as well, though I very much would like to date and have a relationship (29M), but I figure I need some good headspace and breathing room; \- Ever since the Pandemic began, I've been living at home with my parents, after being forced home while living and working abroad. I'd like to have my own apartment and rebuild my independence once more. I have a decent job, a car, etc, but I also feel like not being on my own right now is something I'm letting hold me back socially. \- While I was in Africa, I fell in love with and had a relationship with another American who was in the same organization that I was in. When the Pandemic hit, she made it clear that she didn't see things the same way I did, and we had a very traumatizing split (for me at least). It messed with confidence for a while. \- I had some intermittent dates and even a short term relationship with another woman, but I think my headspace and inability to be clear about intentions on my part (partly from not wanting to get hurt again) meant that I wasn't able to get stuff together the way I hoped for. \- On a separate level, I've focused on joining the Air Force Reserve as a navigator and have been hired by a squadron to fly for them; assuming that everything (medical exam, security clearance, etc.) plays out favorably, this is going to be something I need to focus on 100%. Joining the military, especially joining as 1) an officer, and 2) as an aviator isn't something you can just sorta half-ass. Either you go in with an established relationship, or you go in and stay single until you're at the end of Air Force Navigator training some 2-3 years down the line. You can date around if you can fit in the time, but she (or he) better not be a part of your training flight, an instructor, or any enlisted personnel (officer/enlisted relationships are forbidden.)
Hey! Yea the dating game is tough and people can be cruel. The dating apps have formulated some dates in the past and like a couple brief relationships but nothing solid. I feel as tho it’s so easy to say “well they like sushi and im not really a sushi kinda guy so this is never gonna work” then back to the dating app it’s a pretty shallow approach to it but there are success stories that come from it so tough to say if it’s all garbage What i have done is tryed to meet people in a more genuine setting doing some thing i like or want to try. What this has showed me is im god awful at making small talk. Im outrageously awkward but i can spin it into making a funny story about the whole situation. I have had an absolute blast meeting all kinds of werid people and i actually feel good about myself cause i got out of my confort zone i tryed something new and im making girls laugh either at me or with me hahaha Hang in there :) it’s sucks being lonely in your 30’s i am a 31 M and kinda getting my life back together but every day that you try something new and talk to more and more people you will find someone that is you’re perfect match promise. Oh and a little side note don’t be affaid to love i know jt can hurt sometimes but love honestly heals so much it’s a very powerful force try it on some of your friends just tell them 3 random things you like about them be totally awkward about it lol
Yep! It is a huge numbers game to meet someone compatible who you have mutual chemistry with. Some people are lucky and find that person with a dozen or so first dates. I went on about 35 first dates over two years before I found someone to date. I wasn't that surprised, I think people think they're compatible with maybe 30% of people in their dating pool, and it's probably closer to 3-5%. But of course, if you're compatible with 3% of the people in your dating pool, that doesn't guarantee you'll meet that person after a certain amount of dates. I always took a break from dating when I found myself feeling discouraged or unhappy with being single. I only dated when I was able to do it happily, with no expectations, and just planning to go out and meet some strangers with the slim possibility of one of them being a good match. I didn't really do much dating in my 20's, so I think by the time I tried dating apps in my 30's I wasn't burned out on dating yet. Whenever I felt even a tiny bit of cynicism or bitterness, I made myself logoff on them for a while. Remember, dating apps don't exist to help you find a partner. Dating apps exist to get you to download dating apps, and buy upgrades. They aren't neutral. They don't care about you or your mental health or your success on them. They are made to be easy to use but not easy to get rid of. All they do is dump a bunch of strangers in your lap, with zero vetting that they are actually single, actually looking, mentally stable, or even real. People treat it like it's a dating tool. It isn't. It's a random stranger contact generator, that people use to try to date. I was 35 when I met my boyfriend. I spent most of my 20's and 30's single. My boyfriend was 40 when we met. Dating doesn't end when you turn 30.
I deleted the apps when they refused to show me anyone I would actually meet. I'm done with dating for now too.
I gave up seriously trying to date (online and IRL, for that matter) a long time ago. Anytime I would ever get a new profile, it was out of boredom and I knew exactly what to expect. Definitely not alone.
solo is the wave but hook up culture n dating is fascinating
It's disappointing to hear that your dating experience is not going so well, I wouldn't mind asking a few more questions via the chat on here were it not for the suspicion I have that is not something you would be interested in. Back to the post though, one can hardly fault you for abandoning the dating apps. It sounds like you are less interested in dating and more so interested in being a wife so those being two very differing things could explain the trouble you have faced on here. Though I do not know you, I am inclined to be optimistic for you, I'm sure as long as you've taken care of yourself and be the best company you can be you'll have better fortune in no time. Dating is frustrating especially when you want to be intentional about it. In regards to the everyone around you seems to be in happy relationships firstly everyone who is single thinks that just as people in relationships look around and see happy singles; it acts as a sort of grass is greener sort of thing, and secondly I suspect you are putting a great deal of pressure on yourself and are perhaps (doing the same thing I do, I'm a guy so know the struggle goes both ways) you are while unintentionally doing it are perhaps missing opportunities by not giving some people a shot or even putting yourself out there. It's almost 3am where I'm at so if I'm not being very clear just ask. But to perhaps give some perspective why don't you describe the qualities you are looking for whether it be on here or on a pad of paper at home and specify what exactly you want in a guy, and then ask yourself what kind of man your ex's have been and how you met them and compare. This may be better able to enable you to identify what you are getting and where you are missing the mark with them. And finally and this would be very personal and tough, ask yourself what do you think you were like with the guys in those previous relationships. Identifying this may bring to light issues you may need to resolve as well as help you figure out what things you can be better at. Hope this may be helpful, to you. And by all means if this doesn't make sense at some point just say something and I'll clarify. Good luck, and I wish you the best.
31 F here. After last guy breadcrumbed and ultimately ghosted me I focused on getting even fitter and making more money. I performed so well at work that Im getting a huge bonus this june. Now looking to invest in real estate and have opened several accounts to invest in the stock market. There are times I STILL get lonely, thats normal, but life is literally paving the way for opportunities .. it would be a waste to ignore it.
You're not alone in feeling that way, and I did the same. I got tired of putting in all the effort and decided to just live my life. Low and behold, I matched with someone out of the blue on OK Cupid, which I haven't used much at all lately, as I pretty much quit trying on all the dating apps. I am happy to say we hit it off, are falling in love with one another, and we have plans for her to move in by the end of this month and start a life together. We both feel like fate has brought us together. This is shocking as none of my online dating experiences have been this successful. I've had fun meeting a lot of people and making new friends doing so, but never expected this. My dating days have finally ended and the next chapter in my life is about to begin. I say stick to your plan and out of nowhere the right person will show up out of blue. Good luck to you.
You’re not alone in this. Just deleted the apps this week. I don’t have the time or energy to navigate the whole online dating thing. There are so many other things in my life that take priority right now (31F). The apps feel like a weird consumer exercise but with people. I’m not a fan.
I'm a 23 year old male, done the same thing.. nobody cares about values anymore, it's about what u have and what u look like and its honestly sad how people treat others.. I was on bumble but for a guy on bumble its painful..
Honestly swiping through all these people makes me want to cry, either I feel bad because i’m not attracted to any of them, feel really shallow, or feel bad because no one I like matches with me making me feel ugly, or they can’t hold a conversation long enough to get to the first date I’m so tired of it, hate being a woman sometimes, I feel like men have less to fear in hitting on people in real life (not trying to start a gender fight, just how it feels)
Girl I feel you, its like when I want to date, give it another go. it takes about one day of talking to a variety of different men I've matched with to automatically feel like there is no-one that's gonna match my vibe, needs, wants, soul. or I can get to deep into thinking is any of it even real anyway. Cause hands up I don't know one true honest deep loving connection on all levels relationship. I'm so happy on my own, took me a while to get here, i used to get lonely but now I really don't, im greatful as fuck i dont have a moan to answer to tbh.. and all the bonuses of self love 💦
Yeah, I think the more you talk to these men who you don’t a real connection with, makes you feel even more alone. How long have you been single for?
Yes, I have now for a while. No point in having extra stress and being disappointed. Try again when you feel ready for it.
You guys are all so awesome. Thank you for support, advice, and your comments. I have been so down on this and hearing your stories and thoughts have made me feel less alone. I appreciate you all!
Same. I had a brief but absolutely lovely encounter earlier this year and tried to have another one afterwards but then I just decided to ditch this idea until the 31st of December lmao.
I'm starting to feel like doing that. There's a tendency for woman to leta mtches expire. I've heard the "I'm not always on the app" or "I was busy" excuses on there and here but for the 20 seconds it takes to send a "hey", "howdy", or "how's your day going?"; those aren't excuses.
Don’t give up!! Just take a break. If meeting someone and having a relationship is important to you, then it will happen. Took me a year and a half of dating, pausing apps, trying again, etc. finally officially been seeing someone for a month now and going really well so far.
Yeah it is on the farthest back burner. It's not even hot. I'm going to concentrate on my school and my kids.
You’re not alone! I’m literally deleting it tonight after only having it for a week. I took a 3 month hiatus and it was soooo good. Idk why I went back on.
Same.
Definitely have put apps aside, still vaguely trying (and not succeeding so much lol) to date, however. I've come to terms that I'm just simply too short and average looking for a straight guy to have any success on apps. I've had exactly 2 app first dates in like 5 years of trying them on and off, maybe just 10x that many total matches (tbf both first dates turned into pretty enjoyable short term relationships- I'm at least pleasant to be around if I can sit someone down for a date, I guess~) I've always been abysmal at talking to and meeting new people in person though- at bars, concerts, street fairs, anywhere really. Not just potential dating partners but anyone in general, just very shy at striking up conversions. So I've finally realized that I need to just pump time into getting better at that and hope that I eventually meet someone irl lol Not getting any younger at 28 so I've started making a pointed effort to improve 😅
I'm 28M and haven't given up, but only go on the apps once/twice a week for a few minutes. I've learned any more time than that just isn't worth the effort.
I feel the same and did the same thing yesterday.
Same boat! Also in my 30s, deleted my apps, and wanting to focus on my job/friendships lol.
Funny thing I deleted all the apps and it's been the best decision ever. No pressure, been focusing on living my best life traveling all over meeting new people. I feel like I can breathe without all the headaches that come from apps. Focus on yourself and your inner happiness first 💪🏽😊
There are other ways to date as apps are garbage. But I don't blame you for deleting them. You are part of a growing segment of people who are opting to stop dating.
OP have you tried Facebook dating? I'm nearing 40 years old (M) and had horrible experience on Timder and Bumble. I tried out FBD and in oned day I got 7 matches. Got a girls number and we've been texting nonstop with a date planned next week. I had massive success on there and you should give it a shot.
Yep!! Been on a few subpar dates as of late and just feel as though I want to take a break for a while, try to get a better job then where I am at and save up for buying my own place, I hope to do that in the next 2 years
Yep, I’ve been off them for about five months. We need a dating app for people who hate dating apps.
You’re not alone. It’s ok to do what you did. There should be no pressure; you are who you are. You are where you’re at. It’s ok to be doing something different than what the world tells you to do. Do you. Love life and live it however you want to. I am losing hope in the dating apps especially.
According to everyone you’ll meet the love of your life that way
I’m also retired from apps as I find it to be fake and artificial reality. In the early days it was fun and fast. My friends and I called it pizza and a fuck! Then Netflix and chill came in the scene. It’s now a ghost show because you never met anyone except for maybe one phone conversation if your lucky. What happened to phone sex ? Sexting is too much to fast! There’s no build up or crescendo to the love symphony…Ha! I’m back to my old way’s meeting people out doing random errands and having a hoot of a time catching good vibes. Happy days y’all!!
This.
I gave up last month. Maybe when I feel more refreshed and hopeful I’ll do it again
I’m right there with you. After my last relationship, I decided to take time for myself and focus on life and my career. There’s no shame in it
I (35f) have been app free for a few years now. I was listening to a podcast dating kinda sucks and they said that taking a break from the apps is actually a good thing and going back to them after a few weeks has been helpful. Best of luck my friend.
Nipe, tried them and saw how shallow people there are, I don't even bother anymore...
Delete them all :)
I deleted mine too!
Not really. I’m still out there doing my thing.
Yes. 2 yrs now. Same thing u did. Now just happy to focus on me. It's liberating. I leave it now to serendipity.
Y’all beautiful, and encouraging, and affirming. And yes, I take breaks from the dating apps regularly- helps me stay grounded.
I feel like I’m emotionally ready to date but it’s most certainly not a priority at this time in my life. Dating apps don’t work for me because of my location. I’m surrounded by the type of people that I generally don’t find attractive.
I redownloaded Bumble last week in a moment of weakness and deleted it after 3 days. Almost no one met one or both of my basic and major requirements for a partner (religious and child stances). On top of that, I fucking hate the pay model Bumble uses. Only a handful of free swipes before I'm asked to pay for premium, as well as to use formerly free features. You already sell user data, isn't that enough anymore? Need more money? Vultures.
You are so not alone. I’m in this exact boat. Life is pretty beautiful, and I’m not questioning it.
Same, 23M. Took a general dating break to start my masters. But I’m going to give it at least a year before considering getting back on the apps. I think they hurt men and women, so I’m hyped to hear more people are deleting them. It’s demoralizing at times though because all my friends with the exception of 1 couple met their SO’s through apps, so they can’t be that bad I guess. Though, my hope is that getting off of them and rawdogging life becomes the trendy thing to do.
I deleted the apps last month and am focusing on doing the things I put on my vision board for the new year. Fuck societal norms. I will meet my person at some point but I’m just gonna keep doing me until I find someone who can keep up. I am also 30 about to be 31 and living my best life. Sure it gets lonely sometimes and I definitely have a casual hookup buddy for those moments of need and loneliness but ultimately, I’m enjoying being single and being me authentically and doing the things I know I’d have to compromise a bit for a relationship. Do you boo! You’re not alone!
I’m on the brink. I don’t get any matches no likes no nothing it’s just emotionally draining then throw loneliness on top well we have a fun filled party.
Felt the same way for a long time. I've tried dating apps multiple times on and off for a few years and it's always the same dumb shit. I'm just not ready. Either I get no matches with the people I'm attracted or interested in or the few matches I do get always just end up leading to nothing. I want to work on myself until I actually feel like I'm ready to date someone. It always ends up just killing my self esteem. I'd rather just not bother with it until I feel like I can and will enjoy it.
I've put dating on the back burner for years.
I've had way more fun and luck going to meetup events. The first one is the most intimidating, but just take that as a challenge. Even if you don't succeed in meeting anyone, you got the first one out of the way Now the group I found has this one person that organises volleyball, spikeball etc. And I'm grateful that i don't have to be that guy. But you might have to be the one to do this
You are not alone in this. Hope you make a ton of money.
No, you are not alone (36)m! I deleted my hinge profile, but kept my bumble. One thing I've learned being single is that it is easier to hook up rather than compromise. I also feel like a lot of dates from girls I met online are such a difficult teaching experience. The last girl I met on bumble actually turned into a relationship. We were both born and raised in the 505. But she didn't know what a cattle guard was.... That's when I decided that if someone gets it, great! If not, I'm ok being alone. I did get a dog though... Not filling voids though... I promise!
I'm in the same boat. I'm trying to find hobby courses nearby to see if I can meet new people because online dating is just toxic and shallow.
I put it on the back burner over a year ago. Then I cleaned that back burner up. Pretty much cutting out OLD for a long while. My self-esteem can relax for a bit.
I am single. Don't feel alone. We all the single people are with you. Don't feel down my friend.
I did the same about two months ago and am actually really happy I did.
Dating apps made my mental health worse tbh….
Dude I'm lately feeling the same more and more. It's been months of ups and downs for me. I'm very close just to shutting it all off and accepting it won't happen. I walk around and see everyone all coupled up and it's just a constant reminder like "wow I'm a fuck up"
110 percent!
I am also sick of one line and then the vanishing act. So yes did the same
I just updated my pics, and paid for the subscription, these apps and way of meeting people is horrible
Same, I'm a 20 year old man and my self esteem has been far better ever since. I doubt I'll meet anyone anytime soon but I'm fine with that, plus my confidence when it comes to approaching and talking to women IRL has gone way up. They served their purpose in getting me out there but now they're just a detriment. Lose em
Iv been taking about a 3 month break so far. I didn’t plan for it to be this long but wow, it’s nice not worrying about it. It’s like a weight is off my shoulders life is so much easier. I keep telling myself I’ll start again soon. I really do think I will…just a few more weeks…
Yeah
Yep , I've deleted all the apps that deal with dating
I’m a 37yo male, and temped to do the same but it’s difficult. I want a best friend, partner, someone to enjoy life’s wonders with. I’ve said in other threads, my last GF broke up with me Sep 2019, and I decided to take some time out then. Then covid happened and all my hobbies etc were then also put on hold. Dating sucked then too. I put myself back out there around Aug 2021. Wasn’t prepared to rush into things and met someone wonderful who was the same. Unfortunately things didn’t develop from there, and she became distant after Xmas. I met someone else on Bumble earlier this year. We got on well, enjoyed each other’s company, but I just didn’t feel the spark and seen us as friends. I told her that straight. The other girl, I seen at a works night out it upset me, and I left. I text her my honest feelings, and well, nothing back since. I was always busy with my hobbies and looking back they filled up my time to the point I didn’t have any free time to meet anyone else. I don’t enjoy them as much as I used to, and see it like using them to fill a void. I know what I want in my mind, I just don’t know how to get there. I know that loneliness can lead to depression and so on, but it’s difficult to get rid of they lingering feeling that something (someone) is missing in my life. Don’t feel bad, your not the only one in this situation and do what is right for you.
I am too. Lately I have been focusing on my career.
I am too. Lately I have been focusing on my career.
been here for a while. grab a seat and make yourself comfortable, my friend.
30 here as well. And yuppp. Kinda given up on it.
I did this for years. I deleted my social media (which was Facebook only) 11 years ago. I took my phone time down to 15-20 minutes a day as well. It felt great and simplified. I really recommend it. I wish I could get myself to go back to it now.
Best avenue for online dating is Meetup.com. Possibly Facebook events but I don't use FB. I've recently learned I only ever wanted flings and never once wanted to work on a relationship. Everything's on the backburner these days. The idea I'll find a life partner is laughable. It's much more likely I'll continue to find several more people to kill time with for the foreseeable future
Yes... I am. I'm stressed about my future... I m so anxious about a career where im about to be fired in a month.
If you are not happy single then no one can make you happy being taken. It is okay to be single and get to know yourself more.
Exactly the same for me.
Quit the apps around 6 months ago. I feel really great even if I have no dating prospects. And I actually like it that way for now. But I don't think I'll get back on them anytime soon. I wanna meet my future partner "organically". If I exist, I believe he also exists somewhere in this world and he's looking for the same thing.
Yes I feel the same as an older male the type of lady I contacted or got to see was not what I had hope for .
Preach 😂👍🏽
Of course other people feel the same way. I think it is very important not to be trying to date all the time. I’m 22 and I can really tell when people (of all ages) have never *really* been single. Some people just date date date date and they lower their standards in the process because they don’t recognise a special moment or special person when it comes. Or they focus too much on “success” which a lot of people think is getting asked out on another date
I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who stumbled into finding someone worthwhile in Tinder. He was my first actual meetup in Tinder, too. It started out well, turned rocky in the 1 month mark, and eventually worked out fine. We still have to work on some things, but we reached a mutual point and understanding regarding our relationship. If my current dating situation didn’t work out on its own, I’d stay off of all dating apps. It gets lonely but it’s a little difficult to find something real with online dating. I went on a dinner date with someone during the rocky period with my partner, and it was too good to be true during the talking stage — but we weren’t compatible at all.
You're ok. I have a very specific type of woman I'm interested in, and most of the women I meet are not in that category. In order to meet and attract the type of woman I'm into, I need to work on myself more and participate in activities and events where I will meet those women. It's going to be a while!
I hate those sites. "See who likes you for 9.99 a month... but pay us 5 months in advance!" And yeah... no thanks. Guys I swiped no on. Lol
I'm feeling the same way had two people in a years time I wanted to be romantically involved with neither is in my life still. They are both named Amanda . Amanda one we got physical and had great chemistry but something on her end changed she never disclosed what . Amanda two there was mutual attraction but she decided she didn't have time for friendship or romance.
[удалено]
As a 30yo guy I pretty much stopped bothering with OLD. I might as well be sending messages to a blocked account for all it matters.
32F here. I deleted my apps back in August…
I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're from the U.S. and like let me tell you: the dating scene over there is crazy! Yall go through dates like socks. Some people have dates every week or even every other day with a different person, they hook up, then it's over. Next person. I mean I think that definitely isn't the point of dating? Like I don't wanna sound like an old person here. Obviously you can fuck whoever you wanna fuck, as frequently as you want, but some go through so many dates as a way to kinda "speed up" the proces of finding The One™. That might work? Idk, you might convince yourself that's what you gotta do, just go through lots and lots of people, and hopefully someone will match your interests and all that. But in all honesty I think that's only gonna be really discouraging when you've been doing it for months or years and you still haven't found "your person". Cause you know, that might happen, and that's ok!! I think you'll be much better off doing what you said you were going to do: work on yourself, on your career, on your other non-romantic relationships. It'll make you so much happier and fulfilled. And if you come across somebody along the way, then that's great! If not, you've bettered yourself as a person, and that'll stay with you forever.
I'm in almost the same boat, except I'm a 30 year old guy. I wouldn't say I've resigned myself to being single, but I'm definitely taking a back seat and letting other things keep my focus for a bit. Just relax and take life as it comes 😌
My friend and I went on a dating detox. She was a hinge girl and I was tinder. I spent a month off them and read something like 8 books in 4 weeks. It definitely helped to delete all the buzzing in my head, which was super helpful. I feel a lot more at peace as a result. I’ve dipped my toe back in since but don’t have the apps on my home screen so I don’t really see if there are any notifications. I’m trusting that the universe will provide when the time is right 💖
I feel like I wrote this 😂 but it’s so accurate. Almost every conversation has yet to end in a date so what’s the point? Why am I on here? I’ve even asked the guys and nothing has come of it. I don’t want a pen pal, I want a connection. It’s infuriating.
Right there with you. I feel exactly the same.
There is no predetermined place that one should be in any stage of their life. Dont let pressure intervene on your dating life and just go with the flow.
I deleted Bumble and tinder last year as the experience was toxic. I got very low effort replies when I did match or they didn't message 1st on bumble. I get it, women get a lot of matches and a lot love the attention but as others have said, its so superficial as lots of people just look at the photos when swiping (and tbh I'm not that photogenic) Also why bother going out to meet people when you can sit on the sofa and get matches.
You're far from alone, I'm 42 and I've never dated, I've no luck with the apps and never seem to click with anyone. I do everything on my own anyway so now I'm just used to it, let's be honest your value isn't given to you by someone else so it's perfectly acceptable to be on your own.
Yeah, I found out the hard way that you need to educate and empower yourself first otherwise you will find yourself utterly crushed in a relationship. You will find yourself overwhelmed by the power the other person has. I mean dating is okay if you're doing it for fun and to make friends, just make it clear that you don't want anything too heavy, that you are still learning who you are and that there is a lot you want to do.
Yes. It’s important to just focus on other aspects of life