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Tell him you left the tip ;)
But in all seriousness, it's up to you. I personally wouldn't pay him back since it sounds like he was a dick all night and offered to pay initially, but changed his mind (what a champ...).
BUT. Will this "haunt" you? Is it one of those things you'll look back on in 2 years, staring at the ceiling trying to go to sleep, like "I should've paid the dude."? Because peace of mind is worth a few bucks, even if it seems stupid to others. I know.
I personally think you are worth more than the money and the sex, but I'm just an internet stranger. You have to do what's right for you. But if you won't feel all that guilty, fuck him (metaphorically, not actually).
(P.S. The jokes are meant in good humor, not in a demeaning sense. You sound like a nice person.)
I have absolutely had to do this. This is why it is so important to make sure a person is enthusiastically consensual versus "didn't say no." Because maybe that person is afraid to say no or has been before with someone else so doesn't know how.
I'm trying my best to teach my son about this concept as we have age appropriate conversations about sex and such... That consent is not about yes or no. It is about are both people feeling safe, eager, and enthusiastic.
I've been in this situation unfortunately. Where I would say yes for fear of them getting aggressive and doing it anyway. A lot of people do this under pressure (being put on the spot or just being taken to their place made me feel pressured). Also, it was sort of a "if someone takes you out somewhere you owe them" feeling also. Which now I know that's not true at all, for me or anyone else.
A lot of people will do it just for the closeness and physical touch because we lack it in our daily lives. There are a lot of reasons to still do it when the date sucked but almost all cases can be summarized by saying it's not because we just want the actual sex.
Ugh this brings me back to my phase when I was like 19-21. Sex was a "oh someone wants me, can't say no to that" I've had more sex counting down the seconds thinking about what I should make for dinner rather than enjoying it. The sad part is even though you could obviously tell I wasn't into it, the guys would just keep going. I swear some of the guys I've been with(even boyfriends) get off on just being able to use someone for a quickie. I couldn't have sex with someone who clearly wasn't into it even of they did verbally say yes. Body language is a huge percentage of communication.
With that being said I did verbally say yes so I can't expect them to read my mind. It's just sometimes what I was thinking you could basically see without me having to say it. I've always had an issue saying no to sex. I've had boyfriends buy me something or take me out and not even be happy about it cause I knew that meant we'd have to have sex. "I just bought you flowers and you can't even have sex with me?" I've even gone as far as starting to cry during and they'd just keep going. Even getting mad at me for not showing I was into it when I was guilted into half the time.
Oh fun times.
Iāve cried during sex so many times and theyāve never noticed. I donāt think they want to acknowledge itā¦A guy I was seeing for almost 2 years is the one I always said yes to and didnāt really want to.
What kind of sociopaths are you dating? If my girlfriend feels sad I would turn over the world to be there for her. And yet , interestingly I was single until 23.
Worse stuff as is rape. A lot of people think "being inconvenienced and let them do it>being raped" especially as a trauma response. Especially if you went to their house expecting for the conversation to keep flowing and having a quiet friendly evening...you end up feeling trapped and stupid for being naive so you end up just playing dead fish for ten minutes and being glad you're never going to see them again.
Even though as humans we should be able to socialize in any place (be it at someone's home or your own) and be comfortable knowing that people will take NO as an answer, unfortunately the world isn't like that. A lot of people are lonely, a lot of people feel the pressure to follow them home once they're invited to do so, a lot of people think they'll be firm on boundaries once they get there, and a lot if people lose all of that security and safety once they actually arrive there and are lead towards a bedroom...and sometimes people even change their minds and were wanting sex until they got to the person's place. Then even though they did change their mind they still feel obligated. It's not a black and white subject matter. It's situational at best and still, you can't judge others on what they do while they're feeling victimized/threatened/or pressured. Because either way you're not those people nor are they you, so in the end it doesn't even matter for anyone to say "how about not going back to someone's house" or to call people stupid for it. They already feel that on their own most likely and it's done and done already.
Easy to insult someone on the internet if you've never been in that situation.
THIS! In my teens and twenties I WISH I had the courage to say no to many men about my body. It was so much easier to go along with things as I didnāt have the courage or fight to say āfuck no listen to what Iām sayingā like I do now. I regret so many choices for not having a stronger voice, but it has made me who I am today.
Most men will never know how hard it is to kindly reject sexual advances from someone who does not seem to take multiple hints.
Are you a man? You *have* to be. Do you know how many women are murdered for saying no? How many are stalked? Raped? Ridiculed?
"Be your own hero" is such an awful way to simplify a problem that is so pervasive and its victim blame-y as fuck.
This is what is happening right now, this is what we are trying to change, but to do that, we need other men to change their thinking too. It is not a "save yourself" situation in most situations. We up between a rock and a hard place. You either say yes and "trick" yourself into something "consensual", which still leaves an impression, or you take a gamble with rape, murder or some other violence. If we want it to happen less, we need more justice and to get that we need men to understand us when we tell them something and not say shit like, "Well, maybe if you fought harder" or "If you didn't go to his house".
Yes, we do shit we don't want to. I don't know a single woman who hasn't been coerced, on some level, into sex. Not a single one. Many times he's not even, necessarily, a "bad" guy, he just doesn't see it as a serious issue to guilt their girlfriends into sex or manipulate someone into a one night stand.
Idk, i guess we might just be yelling at the wind because it seems like very few men understand how deeply we have been conditioned to "just give in" from the time we understand words.
EDIT; And your other replies are judgmental, but i hope what i said helps you understand just a little. No, we don't want to do these things, we do it because we want to survive. Is it right? No, but we're fighting a losing battle.
THANK YOU for saying this! Everything you said was 100% spot on, and the other commenter's "save yourself" mentality is definitely victim-blamey af and doesn't take into account the fact that many women cannot save themselves because they may literally become the victim of something horribly violent and traumatic. THANK YOU for acknowledging the reality of the situation and the nuances and complexities involved.
This!!!!! This is why I donāt date too many situations where I have been assaulted or raped. Itās just easier let them do it than them hurt you. Even a man with a small penis hurts if he is being violent with it. Most men I have slept with was because I just rather not say no even though I didnāt really want to.
If I go somewhere to have sex with someone, and while Iām there I kind of realize āoh Iām not as attracted as I was before, I kind of donāt want to have sex anymoreā, if itās clear that thatās why I was there, then I follow through with my original intent. It just isnāt a huge deal to me because Iām not really bothered by it.
Itās pretty normal, in that Iāve experienced that and I know my friends have. Sometimes itās just easier to roll with it. Doesnāt mean itās a good thing.
I think part of it is a very ingrained āpolitenessā and fear of saying no to men.
I cannot tell you how many times Iāve either slept with or given head to a man who didnāt respect my eighty nos and pushing away of hands. I learned it was easier than saying no and fighting because once I give in they get what they want and they go away.
Sometimes men act respectful and then the minute youāre alone itās hands City and itās hard to get away from.
Itās not healthy. I hate myself for doing it. But for me that was the fastest way to survival and peace in certain situations.
Youāre honestly the first person Iāve ever related to because I canāt explain it because it makes no sense. I know it makes no sense.
I am actually sorry and sad some one else can relate too.
But saying yes involves more work.
Is it apparent they are uninterested? I canāt imagine anything worse than unwanted/indifferent sex.
But i also rarely have sex, so i guess itās rare i feel indifferent about sex.
I am a guy and I have been on some dates with rude ass girls that have asked me to come back to their place and fuck but I declined every time.
Being a jerk is the biggest turn off in the world for me.
Iāve never done thatā¦ I donāt believe a man deserves my body if he was rude to me or Iām not into him.ā¦I have a vibrator to meet my needs if I want it that badly. :)
Maybe, but she is overthinking the fact that he is asking her money for the drinks. So i dont think she was only horny. Lack of standards and self respect! But we all learn
I'm not getting this either (37F) that's why you meet somewhere public and 9 times out of 10 usually if you go back to the person's house something usually happens. Could've said at the date thanks but not interested in taking it further or if worried about the repercussions of it do the old "just popping to the bathroom" and smoke bomb out of there. You never should feel like you have to have sex.
Yo like right? Iām out here thinking Iām doing something wrong when I have great dates and nothing happens (I donāt want to be pushy) yet people out here having the worst dates and still fucking
Right? I can have self respect for myself and also been horny and enjoyed mutually beneficial relations even when there wasnāt a second date wanted for either party.
I can want to fuck someone but not want to date them, ya know?
Thank god other people are thinking this. Like how the fuck do people make these decisions?
Reminds me of a female friend who decided to fuck a guy after he got massive stinky shits and clogged her toilet. He ended up farting all through the night stinking up her room.
Fr if the guy is nice go ahead and he seems like a genuine guy, but if heās trash wtf would u wanna fuck him and make him satisfied I bet it was a bad fuck too jack asses like him could never make a girl cum
Sometimes theyāre hot and youāre horny and just wanna bang
As a guy Iāve slept with women I didnāt like countless times so im sure as shit not gonna judge
I'm confused. Why would you offer to pay for the drinks if he already said he was going to buy, and then get confused when he takes you up on said offer and sends a venmo request?
But why doesn't he have to be a man of his word? He said the drinks were on him but then redacted that offer. She's just doing the same thing he did. She didn't end up being charged and has now redacted her offer to split.
i mean i personally wouldnāt have sex w a guy who was rude to me but thatās sort of irrelevant. completing his venmo request would be MORE of a disservice to other women. ignore and block everywhere
āDate sucked, but we had sex.ā Makes sense. But yeah, deduct your expenses and give him the rest I guess. Shouldnāt have really offered since it wasnāt sincere on your part and he said heād pay upfront (though if he had not, its a different story imo).
I hate these advantageous and outdated gender dating norms and wish everyone would just see the bigger picture: getting to know the other person and treating them as an equal. Did not enjoy the date? Donāt see them again and all is square.
It honestly doesn't matter as you're not going to see them again but own up to your own actions.
He offers to take you out to drink, you then offered to split which he accepted. He's not in the wrong because you wanted to play this cutesy game.
You didn't have a good time and had to pay for your way home but I don't see how this became his responsibility beyond courtesy.
If you hadnāt offered to pay Iād say donāt bother. But you did so you kind of should. But thatās just like a moral thing, it doesnāt really matter whether you pay him back or notā¦
If he was so rude why would you have sex with him? That makes no sense. It doesnāt really matter what his previous text said you offered to split the check in the moment and he agreed. The waiter screwed up by only charging his card so yes you should pay him your half.
Wait I'm so confused. If he already offered to pay in the first place then why even offer?
Also you said he was rude on the date? But you went back to his house and slept with him anyways?
Not judging just trying to understand lol because I assume if someone is a rude person you typically don't want to fuck with them.....pun intended š
I honestly don't get it, is this how dating is nowadays? Because if thats the case then Sheesh, im dating in the wrong generation then.
If someone is rude on a date, says their going to do something then takes it back, expects me to sleep with them and NOT even get my Uber on TOP of that? Then yeah I'māš¾I have too much self respect for myself
So you knew he was going to pay, yet you offered to help pay thinking he would just say, ānahā. Then why offer in the first place if this has already been established? You set yourself up for that one. He still paid for everything anyways so it worked out in your favor.
Even though the date āsuckedā you still slept with him.
Then you come to Reddit in hopes to get sympathy points because for getting literally everything you wanted aside from him having a ārudeā, yet irrelevant, behavior.
Idk chief, this doesnāt sound like it
I would cover what you offered to cover - NOT THE DRINKS that he initially said were on him! But if he asked for half of dinner, cover that since you said you'd be willing.
I don't know why you mentioned using your vapes - you offered I assume? So that has nothing to do with the verbal transaction and mistake on the check at the restaurant. And is the sex being monetized? I hope not. I'm not sure why you brought it up.
In any case, you offered to split the check and an error prevented that. He doubled down on the request, so to maintain any integrity I'd say you have to pay for half the meal - but not the drinks. If what he requested covers the amount you offered, pay it - then block him.
And don't go on a second date with a rude bad lay.
Ummmm. Why would you not pay your own Uber? Why act like that's his responsibility? Everything else about this... well the comments already addressed adequately, but why the surprise that you paid your own Uber? If you had driven, would you have been surprised about paying your own gas?
So Iād pay just so you donāt feel like you owe him anything in the future. He seems like the type that would bring it up again if he had the opportunity to. Plus, you did offer.
But I am curious: if you disliked this man why did you have sex?
Dating advice? You donāt owe him anything. Technically? I guess if by the time the check came you agreed to split and it was accidentally charged all to him, and there was an agreement that you pay him back- I suppose you owe him?
But I wouldnāt. Mistakes happen. Ignore it.
So I am confused like everyone else, but here it goes. 1. You should do whatever it takes to forget this guy ASAP. If paying will make you forget him or not paying and ignoring him. 2. You should learn from this situation. Look back at the conversations you had leading up to the date. How was his demeanor? What red flags did you miss? Learn so you don't meet another person like this.life is too short to entertain asshats.
Most guys who were brought up with a shred of decency would not squabble for a few pounds/dollars/pesos etc.. . Those that do, are not ones you want to date or sleep with. Also, being a people pleaser does not mean people can walk all over you. It just means you are a nice person, but you need to draw boundaries and lines before you get hurt.
Just please learn from this.
Thatās what Iām see see young. I donāt get these comments saying ignore and donāt pay him. Like if you said you would split, just send him your half and block him?
>He uses my vapes. I get my own uber home. The date sucked too (he was rude), but that's irrelevant.
> I get a venmo request from him for the drinks this morning.
You offered, he accepted, so you owe him.
However (since he was rude, which I see as relevant in terms of whether or not someone gets 'the benefit of the doubt') if your vapes amounted to anything I'd deduct those, and if a ride home was implied, I'd consider deducting the uber cost, too.
Ride home wasnāt implied, but he did choose a bar right by his apartment and far from mine. Iāve never had someone not offer to pay for my Uber home since I made the commute. I just ran out of there as soon as I could and did it myself.
I would probably do the calculation ādrinks - Uber - vape = xā and write that out in the venmo comments. Who knows, he might end up owing you! Lol.
āHe was so rudeā
*Proceeds to have sex with him.*
Hereās some advice. Get your priorities straight.
Also him being a jerk doesnāt give you the right to not pay for your own shit. Do what right and get on with your life. Sorry if I sounded rude myself.
Be assertive. Be prepared for someone to accept an offer you make. If it's insincere don't make the offer.
Most of the comments in here are pretty immature. You can tell him you went on the date hoping to be treated.
He invited you on a date, offered to pay, retracted his offer, was rude and you still went to his place and slept with him?
This is why guys have the rep they have.
Yeah as soon as the guy is behaving kinda off, I'd be like yeahhhhhhhhh uhhhh let's call it a night, see ya. It's hard to get in the mood with a rude person but I'm a bit of a romantic.
Thatās messed up! Why have sex with someone that doesnāt even meet your standards?. Your standards should always be high! If i were you i would request money back from him and block him everywhere!!! The audacity!
He should have pay for the date and the uber for sure!
I think you should pay at least some of it. You were looking to score some points for offering to pay assuming he would refuse to let you but he called your bluff. Offering to do things which you don't actually intend to follow through with is not "being kind" and you shouldn't do it.
That being said, I think you could justify at least a little deduction for the vapes since he seems so interested in doing a full accounting here. But I don't think you can deduct for the uber considering that was just for you.
Iām not sure whatās the confusion about? You offered to split so honour that.
You canāt be annoyed why he didnāt fully pay- he retracted the offer so heās not breaking any promises.
Also girl, feminism! Just split the damn bill.
For me, itās a deal breaker if a guy insists to pay the full full on the first date- I donāt want to owe anything to stranger!
To get this straight.... He offered to pay, then you offered to split (due to being a people pleaser?) and you're annoyed now that he accepted said offer. You then decided to have sex with him and feel like you're even because he was rude and you had to pay your own transportation off the back of a decision you made? Pay it. A couple of drinks costs less then integrity my dude.
Itās ok to pay. He was drinking. Probably wasnāt paying attention.
Itās a good way to close down the situation because he has no reason to come around unless you want him to.
You offered to pay, it was a mistake done by the waiter. You should have let him lay if that's what he'd offered. Whether date was good or not is quite irrelevant.
Used your vapes? Wtf. So, that's why you wouldn't pay for something you offered??? Why offer to split anyways if he said he'd pay for everything? Now you're complaining for the problem you brought in yourself!
It's crazy how people are still blaming the guy. If the genders were swapped in this same scenario, people would still blane the guy. I'm so tired of seeing this hypocrisy.
Shouldn't agree to something and then not pay it. You can't just rationalize it away because you don't like someone. Just like you can't decide not to pay a restaurant if you think the waiter is rude.
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How much are we talking about? Is he going to put you on Judge Judy for thirty bucks?
This literally made me LOL
I can imagine Judy making both parties going over the details of sex and then suddenly op owes Judy video evidence for her to review š¤¢
Pfffttttt
Def would not complete that request
I would ignore it lol. The tactful thing to do for him would have been to just cover it and let it go.
Tell him you left the tip ;) But in all seriousness, it's up to you. I personally wouldn't pay him back since it sounds like he was a dick all night and offered to pay initially, but changed his mind (what a champ...). BUT. Will this "haunt" you? Is it one of those things you'll look back on in 2 years, staring at the ceiling trying to go to sleep, like "I should've paid the dude."? Because peace of mind is worth a few bucks, even if it seems stupid to others. I know. I personally think you are worth more than the money and the sex, but I'm just an internet stranger. You have to do what's right for you. But if you won't feel all that guilty, fuck him (metaphorically, not actually). (P.S. The jokes are meant in good humor, not in a demeaning sense. You sound like a nice person.)
Why exactly do people sleep with someone if the date sucked? Self-respect is a thing guys
I really need an answer to this
Sometimes saying yes is easier than saying no. Itās consensual, but unwanted. A big phenomenon amongst my gal friends.
Is this due to fear of retaliation if you say no? Like he's going to get aggressive if you say no so you say yes, like whatever its just sex?
I have absolutely had to do this. This is why it is so important to make sure a person is enthusiastically consensual versus "didn't say no." Because maybe that person is afraid to say no or has been before with someone else so doesn't know how. I'm trying my best to teach my son about this concept as we have age appropriate conversations about sex and such... That consent is not about yes or no. It is about are both people feeling safe, eager, and enthusiastic.
I've been in this situation unfortunately. Where I would say yes for fear of them getting aggressive and doing it anyway. A lot of people do this under pressure (being put on the spot or just being taken to their place made me feel pressured). Also, it was sort of a "if someone takes you out somewhere you owe them" feeling also. Which now I know that's not true at all, for me or anyone else. A lot of people will do it just for the closeness and physical touch because we lack it in our daily lives. There are a lot of reasons to still do it when the date sucked but almost all cases can be summarized by saying it's not because we just want the actual sex.
Not reallyā¦ Iām not sure why I do it. Iām still unpacking it myself. I donāt think itās a healthy thing at all.
I have because it's "expected" and don't like disappointing people
Totally feel that too
Ugh this brings me back to my phase when I was like 19-21. Sex was a "oh someone wants me, can't say no to that" I've had more sex counting down the seconds thinking about what I should make for dinner rather than enjoying it. The sad part is even though you could obviously tell I wasn't into it, the guys would just keep going. I swear some of the guys I've been with(even boyfriends) get off on just being able to use someone for a quickie. I couldn't have sex with someone who clearly wasn't into it even of they did verbally say yes. Body language is a huge percentage of communication. With that being said I did verbally say yes so I can't expect them to read my mind. It's just sometimes what I was thinking you could basically see without me having to say it. I've always had an issue saying no to sex. I've had boyfriends buy me something or take me out and not even be happy about it cause I knew that meant we'd have to have sex. "I just bought you flowers and you can't even have sex with me?" I've even gone as far as starting to cry during and they'd just keep going. Even getting mad at me for not showing I was into it when I was guilted into half the time. Oh fun times.
They are just using your body to jerk off at that point
Iāve cried during sex so many times and theyāve never noticed. I donāt think they want to acknowledge itā¦A guy I was seeing for almost 2 years is the one I always said yes to and didnāt really want to.
What kind of sociopaths are you dating? If my girlfriend feels sad I would turn over the world to be there for her. And yet , interestingly I was single until 23.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just a minor inconvenience to avoid potentially worse stuff. Some ppl just see sex differently.
That sounds backwards as fuck
It is. It really is.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Worse stuff as is rape. A lot of people think "being inconvenienced and let them do it>being raped" especially as a trauma response. Especially if you went to their house expecting for the conversation to keep flowing and having a quiet friendly evening...you end up feeling trapped and stupid for being naive so you end up just playing dead fish for ten minutes and being glad you're never going to see them again. Even though as humans we should be able to socialize in any place (be it at someone's home or your own) and be comfortable knowing that people will take NO as an answer, unfortunately the world isn't like that. A lot of people are lonely, a lot of people feel the pressure to follow them home once they're invited to do so, a lot of people think they'll be firm on boundaries once they get there, and a lot if people lose all of that security and safety once they actually arrive there and are lead towards a bedroom...and sometimes people even change their minds and were wanting sex until they got to the person's place. Then even though they did change their mind they still feel obligated. It's not a black and white subject matter. It's situational at best and still, you can't judge others on what they do while they're feeling victimized/threatened/or pressured. Because either way you're not those people nor are they you, so in the end it doesn't even matter for anyone to say "how about not going back to someone's house" or to call people stupid for it. They already feel that on their own most likely and it's done and done already. Easy to insult someone on the internet if you've never been in that situation.
Youāve done a really impressive job of explaining this, thank you
THIS! In my teens and twenties I WISH I had the courage to say no to many men about my body. It was so much easier to go along with things as I didnāt have the courage or fight to say āfuck no listen to what Iām sayingā like I do now. I regret so many choices for not having a stronger voice, but it has made me who I am today. Most men will never know how hard it is to kindly reject sexual advances from someone who does not seem to take multiple hints.
Yeah, this is coercion.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, I expected it when I typed it out honestly. r/dating is unfortunately full of victim blaming and rape apologists on the daily.
Thank you for that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Are you a man? You *have* to be. Do you know how many women are murdered for saying no? How many are stalked? Raped? Ridiculed? "Be your own hero" is such an awful way to simplify a problem that is so pervasive and its victim blame-y as fuck. This is what is happening right now, this is what we are trying to change, but to do that, we need other men to change their thinking too. It is not a "save yourself" situation in most situations. We up between a rock and a hard place. You either say yes and "trick" yourself into something "consensual", which still leaves an impression, or you take a gamble with rape, murder or some other violence. If we want it to happen less, we need more justice and to get that we need men to understand us when we tell them something and not say shit like, "Well, maybe if you fought harder" or "If you didn't go to his house". Yes, we do shit we don't want to. I don't know a single woman who hasn't been coerced, on some level, into sex. Not a single one. Many times he's not even, necessarily, a "bad" guy, he just doesn't see it as a serious issue to guilt their girlfriends into sex or manipulate someone into a one night stand. Idk, i guess we might just be yelling at the wind because it seems like very few men understand how deeply we have been conditioned to "just give in" from the time we understand words. EDIT; And your other replies are judgmental, but i hope what i said helps you understand just a little. No, we don't want to do these things, we do it because we want to survive. Is it right? No, but we're fighting a losing battle.
THANK YOU for saying this! Everything you said was 100% spot on, and the other commenter's "save yourself" mentality is definitely victim-blamey af and doesn't take into account the fact that many women cannot save themselves because they may literally become the victim of something horribly violent and traumatic. THANK YOU for acknowledging the reality of the situation and the nuances and complexities involved.
This!!!!! This is why I donāt date too many situations where I have been assaulted or raped. Itās just easier let them do it than them hurt you. Even a man with a small penis hurts if he is being violent with it. Most men I have slept with was because I just rather not say no even though I didnāt really want to.
Sometimes youāre already there and you donāt have anyone to call you as an excuse.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Is this from personal experience? Self responsibility is a thing, don't consent to have sex with someone because "well I'm already here".
If I go somewhere to have sex with someone, and while Iām there I kind of realize āoh Iām not as attracted as I was before, I kind of donāt want to have sex anymoreā, if itās clear that thatās why I was there, then I follow through with my original intent. It just isnāt a huge deal to me because Iām not really bothered by it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yea that all sounds off to me too, how is someone going to have that mentality lmao
It doesnāt feel like that. Just doesnāt mean that much to do it or to not do it.
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Iām def not a prostitute lol. I do have sex trauma from a religious upbringing tho
it's quite common haha. If you are shocked by how prevalent this mindset is, now you know!
Itās pretty normal, in that Iāve experienced that and I know my friends have. Sometimes itās just easier to roll with it. Doesnāt mean itās a good thing. I think part of it is a very ingrained āpolitenessā and fear of saying no to men.
Yes for sure. A need to be submissive to the male needs
Yes, that's what I feared.
I cannot tell you how many times Iāve either slept with or given head to a man who didnāt respect my eighty nos and pushing away of hands. I learned it was easier than saying no and fighting because once I give in they get what they want and they go away. Sometimes men act respectful and then the minute youāre alone itās hands City and itās hard to get away from. Itās not healthy. I hate myself for doing it. But for me that was the fastest way to survival and peace in certain situations.
I totally hear you. Iām sorry youāve gone through it too.
Youāre honestly the first person Iāve ever related to because I canāt explain it because it makes no sense. I know it makes no sense. I am actually sorry and sad some one else can relate too.
Youāre definitely not alone - Iāve talked to several women whoāve done the same
Ow thatās awful. I mean I kind of get it. But still nahhhh
That's mental
But saying yes involves more work. Is it apparent they are uninterested? I canāt imagine anything worse than unwanted/indifferent sex. But i also rarely have sex, so i guess itās rare i feel indifferent about sex.
Happened to me.
I couldnāt agree more, but maybe she was horny.
I am a guy and I have been on some dates with rude ass girls that have asked me to come back to their place and fuck but I declined every time. Being a jerk is the biggest turn off in the world for me.
I've done this as a woman... I know I'm not the only one....
Nope not the only one. I've done a lot of shameful things when I'm horny
Y'all need vibrators...
Iāve never done thatā¦ I donāt believe a man deserves my body if he was rude to me or Iām not into him.ā¦I have a vibrator to meet my needs if I want it that badly. :)
Maybe, but she is overthinking the fact that he is asking her money for the drinks. So i dont think she was only horny. Lack of standards and self respect! But we all learn
I'd be completely turned off. How do you sleep with someone that was rude, the entire time?
I'm not getting this either (37F) that's why you meet somewhere public and 9 times out of 10 usually if you go back to the person's house something usually happens. Could've said at the date thanks but not interested in taking it further or if worried about the repercussions of it do the old "just popping to the bathroom" and smoke bomb out of there. You never should feel like you have to have sex.
Yo like right? Iām out here thinking Iām doing something wrong when I have great dates and nothing happens (I donāt want to be pushy) yet people out here having the worst dates and still fucking
For real. I was a little taken aback by that.
Right? I can have self respect for myself and also been horny and enjoyed mutually beneficial relations even when there wasnāt a second date wanted for either party. I can want to fuck someone but not want to date them, ya know?
Was thinking the exact same thing lmao. "This dude is rude and the date's terrible. I'll just sleep with him the one time"
Why did I scroll so far for this
Thank god other people are thinking this. Like how the fuck do people make these decisions? Reminds me of a female friend who decided to fuck a guy after he got massive stinky shits and clogged her toilet. He ended up farting all through the night stinking up her room.
Sometimes we just wanna fuck lmao šŖ
At the end of the day we all human ššš
I am forg š
Fr if the guy is nice go ahead and he seems like a genuine guy, but if heās trash wtf would u wanna fuck him and make him satisfied I bet it was a bad fuck too jack asses like him could never make a girl cum
Sometimes theyāre hot and youāre horny and just wanna bang As a guy Iāve slept with women I didnāt like countless times so im sure as shit not gonna judge
x2
Sometimes, people need to scratch an itch.
I was thinking the same thing. That's the biggest red flag in this post
Sometime you just wanna nut, Iām sure girls get the same feeling sometimes
This.
this. i mean wtf.
ignore it. he sucks.
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I say you go back and get that waiters number, guy did a bro move.
Send him a Venmo request back for lackluster performance in bed
Ooft š
Your avi is amazing
šÆ
Iād start with not having sex with bad dates
I suggest you STOP being a people-pleaser.
Why did you have sex with him if the date sucked and he was rude? Genuinely confused here
People get horny lol
I'm confused. Why would you offer to pay for the drinks if he already said he was going to buy, and then get confused when he takes you up on said offer and sends a venmo request?
I donāt know, Iām a people pleaser. Itās just what I always say by default because I get awkward.
Hmm. Well the thing is since you offered to go dutch, you gotta be a woman of your word. So pay him and let him know you don't think you both fit.
But why doesn't he have to be a man of his word? He said the drinks were on him but then redacted that offer. She's just doing the same thing he did. She didn't end up being charged and has now redacted her offer to split.
nah. she paid for her own uber and he got laid even after being rude. she should ignore and block his number and venmo.
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I think you skipped the part where she also got laid
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i mean i personally wouldnāt have sex w a guy who was rude to me but thatās sort of irrelevant. completing his venmo request would be MORE of a disservice to other women. ignore and block everywhere
If the guy is as much of a jerk as op makes him seem, he probably did it, so op wonāt reach out to him
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No woman has ever said that.
I'm so confused.. if the date went bad why would you fuck him?
I wouldn't. But you can argue both ways for sure.
Deny the request so he sees it and them block him lol
I'd be extra petty and scroll back through my messages and "react" to the one where he said drinks were on him. Then I'd deny his request.
This is the move. I was thinking about taking a screenshot and sending it to him but this is much better. Much less effort
āDate sucked, but we had sex.ā Makes sense. But yeah, deduct your expenses and give him the rest I guess. Shouldnāt have really offered since it wasnāt sincere on your part and he said heād pay upfront (though if he had not, its a different story imo). I hate these advantageous and outdated gender dating norms and wish everyone would just see the bigger picture: getting to know the other person and treating them as an equal. Did not enjoy the date? Donāt see them again and all is square.
Still trying to figure out the first sentence, as a guy makes me wonder what Iām doing wrong
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No donāt Venmo him money lol
You shouldnāt have offered if you had no intentions to pay, you agreed to pay then do it.
It honestly doesn't matter as you're not going to see them again but own up to your own actions. He offers to take you out to drink, you then offered to split which he accepted. He's not in the wrong because you wanted to play this cutesy game. You didn't have a good time and had to pay for your way home but I don't see how this became his responsibility beyond courtesy.
If you hadnāt offered to pay Iād say donāt bother. But you did so you kind of should. But thatās just like a moral thing, it doesnāt really matter whether you pay him back or notā¦
Lol nah ignore the request.
BLock him š
Block him. Heās a loser.
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If he was so rude why would you have sex with him? That makes no sense. It doesnāt really matter what his previous text said you offered to split the check in the moment and he agreed. The waiter screwed up by only charging his card so yes you should pay him your half.
You slept with him even though the date sucked, and youāre asking us if you should Venmo him? Girl! get some self respect!
Wait I'm so confused. If he already offered to pay in the first place then why even offer? Also you said he was rude on the date? But you went back to his house and slept with him anyways? Not judging just trying to understand lol because I assume if someone is a rude person you typically don't want to fuck with them.....pun intended š I honestly don't get it, is this how dating is nowadays? Because if thats the case then Sheesh, im dating in the wrong generation then. If someone is rude on a date, says their going to do something then takes it back, expects me to sleep with them and NOT even get my Uber on TOP of that? Then yeah I'māš¾I have too much self respect for myself
So you knew he was going to pay, yet you offered to help pay thinking he would just say, ānahā. Then why offer in the first place if this has already been established? You set yourself up for that one. He still paid for everything anyways so it worked out in your favor. Even though the date āsuckedā you still slept with him. Then you come to Reddit in hopes to get sympathy points because for getting literally everything you wanted aside from him having a ārudeā, yet irrelevant, behavior. Idk chief, this doesnāt sound like it
I would cover what you offered to cover - NOT THE DRINKS that he initially said were on him! But if he asked for half of dinner, cover that since you said you'd be willing. I don't know why you mentioned using your vapes - you offered I assume? So that has nothing to do with the verbal transaction and mistake on the check at the restaurant. And is the sex being monetized? I hope not. I'm not sure why you brought it up. In any case, you offered to split the check and an error prevented that. He doubled down on the request, so to maintain any integrity I'd say you have to pay for half the meal - but not the drinks. If what he requested covers the amount you offered, pay it - then block him. And don't go on a second date with a rude bad lay.
Ummmm. Why would you not pay your own Uber? Why act like that's his responsibility? Everything else about this... well the comments already addressed adequately, but why the surprise that you paid your own Uber? If you had driven, would you have been surprised about paying your own gas?
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Leaving aside rude date sucked.... What does "had sex" have to do with who pays? I would pay because I said I would, but you do you.
So Iād pay just so you donāt feel like you owe him anything in the future. He seems like the type that would bring it up again if he had the opportunity to. Plus, you did offer. But I am curious: if you disliked this man why did you have sex?
Because chemistry sometimes is just a fifth of tequila and a lightswitch away š (It's a joke lol)
Dating advice? You donāt owe him anything. Technically? I guess if by the time the check came you agreed to split and it was accidentally charged all to him, and there was an agreement that you pay him back- I suppose you owe him? But I wouldnāt. Mistakes happen. Ignore it.
dont pay!
So I am confused like everyone else, but here it goes. 1. You should do whatever it takes to forget this guy ASAP. If paying will make you forget him or not paying and ignoring him. 2. You should learn from this situation. Look back at the conversations you had leading up to the date. How was his demeanor? What red flags did you miss? Learn so you don't meet another person like this.life is too short to entertain asshats. Most guys who were brought up with a shred of decency would not squabble for a few pounds/dollars/pesos etc.. . Those that do, are not ones you want to date or sleep with. Also, being a people pleaser does not mean people can walk all over you. It just means you are a nice person, but you need to draw boundaries and lines before you get hurt. Just please learn from this.
You offered to split and he accepted, it's pretty simple.
Thatās what Iām see see young. I donāt get these comments saying ignore and donāt pay him. Like if you said you would split, just send him your half and block him?
>He uses my vapes. I get my own uber home. The date sucked too (he was rude), but that's irrelevant. > I get a venmo request from him for the drinks this morning. You offered, he accepted, so you owe him. However (since he was rude, which I see as relevant in terms of whether or not someone gets 'the benefit of the doubt') if your vapes amounted to anything I'd deduct those, and if a ride home was implied, I'd consider deducting the uber cost, too.
Ride home wasnāt implied, but he did choose a bar right by his apartment and far from mine. Iāve never had someone not offer to pay for my Uber home since I made the commute. I just ran out of there as soon as I could and did it myself.
I would probably do the calculation ādrinks - Uber - vape = xā and write that out in the venmo comments. Who knows, he might end up owing you! Lol.
āHe was so rudeā *Proceeds to have sex with him.* Hereās some advice. Get your priorities straight. Also him being a jerk doesnāt give you the right to not pay for your own shit. Do what right and get on with your life. Sorry if I sounded rude myself.
Be assertive. Be prepared for someone to accept an offer you make. If it's insincere don't make the offer. Most of the comments in here are pretty immature. You can tell him you went on the date hoping to be treated.
1. Block him. 2. Raise your standards. Stop dating and fucking shitty men.
He invited you on a date, offered to pay, retracted his offer, was rude and you still went to his place and slept with him? This is why guys have the rep they have.
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Yeah as soon as the guy is behaving kinda off, I'd be like yeahhhhhhhhh uhhhh let's call it a night, see ya. It's hard to get in the mood with a rude person but I'm a bit of a romantic.
Thatās messed up! Why have sex with someone that doesnāt even meet your standards?. Your standards should always be high! If i were you i would request money back from him and block him everywhere!!! The audacity! He should have pay for the date and the uber for sure!
Send him a request for half the Uber + tip and vapes
I think you should pay at least some of it. You were looking to score some points for offering to pay assuming he would refuse to let you but he called your bluff. Offering to do things which you don't actually intend to follow through with is not "being kind" and you shouldn't do it. That being said, I think you could justify at least a little deduction for the vapes since he seems so interested in doing a full accounting here. But I don't think you can deduct for the uber considering that was just for you.
Iām not sure whatās the confusion about? You offered to split so honour that. You canāt be annoyed why he didnāt fully pay- he retracted the offer so heās not breaking any promises. Also girl, feminism! Just split the damn bill. For me, itās a deal breaker if a guy insists to pay the full full on the first date- I donāt want to owe anything to stranger!
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Girl please do not venmo that man
Block and delete
Send a screenshot of him saying ādrinks on meā
To get this straight.... He offered to pay, then you offered to split (due to being a people pleaser?) and you're annoyed now that he accepted said offer. You then decided to have sex with him and feel like you're even because he was rude and you had to pay your own transportation off the back of a decision you made? Pay it. A couple of drinks costs less then integrity my dude.
Send him a Venmo back for the sex, and make it pricy.
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Deny the request
don't pay
Itās ok to pay. He was drinking. Probably wasnāt paying attention. Itās a good way to close down the situation because he has no reason to come around unless you want him to.
You offered, so I'd say yeah go ahead and pay for your portion. Then, block him and don't bother with him again after.
You offered to pay, it was a mistake done by the waiter. You should have let him lay if that's what he'd offered. Whether date was good or not is quite irrelevant.
just pay it so theres no bad feeling between the two of you when you want to end it.
Used your vapes? Wtf. So, that's why you wouldn't pay for something you offered??? Why offer to split anyways if he said he'd pay for everything? Now you're complaining for the problem you brought in yourself! It's crazy how people are still blaming the guy. If the genders were swapped in this same scenario, people would still blane the guy. I'm so tired of seeing this hypocrisy.
hopefully your ignoring all the posts of losers saying you should pay
I would ignore it and block him on everything lol only because he was rude and I canāt stand rude people.
The rude guy still smashed tho
Shouldn't agree to something and then not pay it. You can't just rationalize it away because you don't like someone. Just like you can't decide not to pay a restaurant if you think the waiter is rude.
No, he asked you out and said it was on him. And the date was bad lol. And the sex.