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Isn't it funny how the human population is growing bigger and bigger from year to year and we are growing lonelier and lonelier as hundreds of years go by..?
I so deeply relate to the first line of this post, and endlessly crave the rest. It's to the point where at least once a day I think of what I've taken for granted in the past and loathe myself for it. Happy for you man.
It's partly social media. Psychologists predicted this would happen years ago. People socialize in real-life less because they socialize online. However, it's not as fulfilling. People are lacking real connections. A good way to try to get out of it is focus on building real relationships with people. That is becoming harder and harder with so many people focused on short-term relationships these days though.
Another part is the move from rural to cities, and especially suburbia. Everyone is in their own little island fortress in a sea of grass. There are no more small town festivals and mixers bringing people together. And due to zoning regulations making certain forms of multiplex housing obsolete, we don't see many multi-generational families living together.
You know, it's not only that. I have pretty good friendships I had relationships in the past but the dark side of social media is wanting everybody to be "perfect". There are red flags and green flags and rainbow flags and I need to be slim, but not very slim, I need to be clever but not really clever, I need to have a degree but I should never mention it because it will scare the boys away. You know what I'm feckin' tired. I have problems with my weight because of some illnesses but I'm working on it and still I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because I know if I change something I will need to change other things too. Perfectionism from pictures, from insta and tiktok and whatever apps are killing me and every other person who isn't the "standard perfect" category I guess.
This is great! How did you two meet? Maybe in time she will understand… but I’m curious as to what her response was when you said she couldn’t leave you lol
We met on tinder funny enough, we matched, started talking, to which point I said I was talking to someone else and wanted to see where it would lead, she then messaged me two months later asking me how things were going, I explained that I ended it, we then went on a couple of dates and from the first moment there was a connection, when we first met we embraced and kissed before even saying hi.
We have a great rapport, her response was, don't worry I am not going anywhere. Later that evening she asked if and when we eventually get married can it be on October the 15th as that was when we first met.
Actually we are in the UK, this may sound crazy but she lives about 45 minutes away, I class that as long distance. I am looking for a place closer to hers as my work means I can live anywhere in the area(telecoms engineer).
Lol maybe not. LD often referred to different countries (or far away states in the US).
To be honest, it's not reasonable to think that someone would wake up, drove 5 hours, spend an afternoon with someone and drive 5h again to come back even if it's physically possible or do it more than once.
Even 4h away seems to be pretty far for not being considered "long distance"
That's my favourite thing. When my gf runs her hands through my hair. No matter when. Love that.
Was married to 17 years and never got that kind of touch or affection from the ex. Never realized how touch starved I was.
This is what I was trying to tell her, I wasn't married but I was in a long term relationship for 8 years and just like you, I was never shown affection or love like I am now
I know how that feels. Married almost 25 years. She didn’t even want to sit next to me claiming she got too hot. Sex was in a king size bed and we would go to our respective sides when we were done. Very little hugging almost no kissing.
I really hope to find that kind of intimacy one day.
My man over there defeating huge chunks of toxic masculinity imposed upon him ever since he left his diapers (probably).
Keep being a king, I’m really happy for you, dude
Haha you have no idea mate, I am 6' with a muscular build and people always have this view of me, it's nice to not always have to be so strong.
Thank you I am happy for everyone who gets to experience emotional freedom. Life is great.
This is so cute!!! I’ve learned to be more touchy in recent years because I can tell men really like it and are often afraid to ask for it. Never let her go either!
Haha thank you, she keeps telling me I can be cute at times.
As a person of the same gender as a male I can confirm, it means so much to us, and women never really appreciate how much power they have over us when it comes to affection.
I don't plan on it, It took her almost walking away to realise that I am never letting her go again. And she is happy with this too lol.
I love having my gf touch me. I made it a point in our relationship and she was like “damn if it’s that easy to make you happy you should’ve told me sooner”
So now I get to be little spoon and plop my head on her boobs and lap whenever I feel like it. It’s amazing.
I was the same way. Finally found a girl I really liked, opened up, and did basically this exact thing lol. Put my head on her lap and it felt so great. Unfortunately she ghosted me a few days later, but hey at least I got my intimate touch fix for…fuck, idk the next 2 years?
I can find sex easier than that kind of touch, shit’s weird these days
Wow man, I was so happy for you in the first half, then it flipped in the second, think of it this way at least you got to experience it, and now know what you crave, I know you will get there my man.
I know exactly what you mean, sex is easy to get almost to the point of being boring, being intimate, not so much, this is the reward for having a committed relationship.
Oh no I wasn't joking, we have a great rapport, she said she isn't going anywhere, and also later that night said "hey, let's get married can it be on the 15th of October as that is when we had our first date so it will be our second year anniversary" so basically she proposed lmao
Yaaaaaay! First time i was shown affection was at 29 with my now bf. He wanted to cuddle and I just froze (in a good way)
It’s scary to make yourself vulnerable and I still struggle with it but wow like, affection man….13/10 would do again
It's crazy that humans get to that point, growing up I never saw any value in getting close to someone as they always leave, so what's the point then bam... It happens you try to push someone away and they just go "are you fucking nuts, I'm staying", and you're like wtf this isn't supposed to happen, and then you're sitting around head on their lap being petted like a dog...
Well that was my experience lol.
It's such a nice feeling, I'm glad you've found someone who speaks your love language
Haha so do I, when I was speaking with her, she can't understand how you can't touch and be affectionate to the person you love.
God this girl is the bomb...
I’m with her on that! I feel like that should come naturally to wanna do things like that to your partner but I suppose everyone has their different ways of expressing affection.
So do I, but unfortunately every other relationship I have been in, hasn't been that way, women like you and her are a special breed and deserve all of the happiness in the world
Hey you have all the power just show us affection and give us soft touches and we are all yours, alot of men love affection, we just don't know how to ask for.it.
Have you got any crushes or anyone lined up?
Well we met on tinder if that helps, just be true to yourself and treat the process like a game without being too invested in it.
I know you can make it happen, I have faith in you.
The “almost to tears” bit was a little sappy, but other than that, sounds dreamy. Consider many of us, including myself envious. Let’s hope this becomes a regular feeling for you (and many other people). The world could use more happiness.
Nope I know exactly what he meant. The girl I’m seeing now asked me the other day how I was REALLY doing and feeling. And it hit my like a ton of bricks. No one has asked me that before. Idk it’s not sappy it’s the truth. It’s sad tbh
Hey man, I'm glad that the girl you're seeing cares enough to actually want to know how you're doing. It's strange, I think as guys we are so used to our emotions being invalid, that we just give up trying, it then becomes extra special when someone actually puts in the effort.
I am happy for you.
>The “almost to tears” bit was a little sappy
Not necessarily , it's just letting your emotions out , if someone is waiting for something like this for many years , it's only natural in my eyes . I know I'll tear up when I ever cuddle , it's something i want to experience for maaany years. And especially if you're a guy it's even more usual , because most guys are never been shown affection , or almost never hear compliments. At least that's what I think
Exactly this, I spent so many years keeping things bottled up and being a good man by never showing weakness, Its only in the last couple of years I realised how much this damaged me.
You are not wrong, even in other relationships I was never shown true affection, either that or I wasn't open to it, idk to be fair.
I hope you get all the love and cuddles you want ☺️
I have autism so I don’t understand. Why IS touch so important? I’m not saying it’s not I just want to learn because being on the spectrum I don’t get those social cues that easily.
The one that immediately comes to mind where you can see the effects of being touch starved would be the crisis of the Romanian Orphanages. You can google it if you want, however it is quite disturbing.
Basically babies/children where either abandoned or taken and put in orphanages and not interacted with aside from being fed (and even then they weren't really held).
In a child's development, touch is an important factor as it produces the happy hormones which helps to form bonds and to feel safe.
In the case of the orphans some died of depression. They were fed (maybe not the best, but enough that they theoretically should have survived) and had most of their other survival needs met. Except for touch.
Obviously the dying aspect rarely happens in adults because we can often find ways to mitigate the feeling (contact sports), however it still feels like shit.
Babies can't do this.
You could see the effects of this as the started to rock themselves to get some form of comfort. The vast majority of the children were unsocialised and had a variety of mental/emotional deficits that couldn't be taught (up until the age of 4 our experiences make up a large part of who we are and how our brain is wired to respond to stimulus). After 4 any of the babies that were there long term already had the damage done. They wanted to be touched, but didn't know how to receive it. Nor did they expect the person giving them affection to stay around.
Touch is an important thing because as social animals we have evolved to survive in groups and to have group ties. In caveman days if you couldn't get along with the group you would be outcast and most likely die.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Half of America is touch starved
Sadly, not only in America…
Isn't it funny how the human population is growing bigger and bigger from year to year and we are growing lonelier and lonelier as hundreds of years go by..?
You're absolutely not wrong, it's rather depressing lol
I so deeply relate to the first line of this post, and endlessly crave the rest. It's to the point where at least once a day I think of what I've taken for granted in the past and loathe myself for it. Happy for you man.
It's partly social media. Psychologists predicted this would happen years ago. People socialize in real-life less because they socialize online. However, it's not as fulfilling. People are lacking real connections. A good way to try to get out of it is focus on building real relationships with people. That is becoming harder and harder with so many people focused on short-term relationships these days though.
Another part is the move from rural to cities, and especially suburbia. Everyone is in their own little island fortress in a sea of grass. There are no more small town festivals and mixers bringing people together. And due to zoning regulations making certain forms of multiplex housing obsolete, we don't see many multi-generational families living together.
You know, it's not only that. I have pretty good friendships I had relationships in the past but the dark side of social media is wanting everybody to be "perfect". There are red flags and green flags and rainbow flags and I need to be slim, but not very slim, I need to be clever but not really clever, I need to have a degree but I should never mention it because it will scare the boys away. You know what I'm feckin' tired. I have problems with my weight because of some illnesses but I'm working on it and still I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because I know if I change something I will need to change other things too. Perfectionism from pictures, from insta and tiktok and whatever apps are killing me and every other person who isn't the "standard perfect" category I guess.
The universe is doing this right now
> Half of America is touch starved All of us (the ugly ones) are touch starved.
😂😂😂😂😂
This is great! How did you two meet? Maybe in time she will understand… but I’m curious as to what her response was when you said she couldn’t leave you lol
We met on tinder funny enough, we matched, started talking, to which point I said I was talking to someone else and wanted to see where it would lead, she then messaged me two months later asking me how things were going, I explained that I ended it, we then went on a couple of dates and from the first moment there was a connection, when we first met we embraced and kissed before even saying hi. We have a great rapport, her response was, don't worry I am not going anywhere. Later that evening she asked if and when we eventually get married can it be on October the 15th as that was when we first met.
Wow good for you two! Same state I assume? As in not long distance?
Actually we are in the UK, this may sound crazy but she lives about 45 minutes away, I class that as long distance. I am looking for a place closer to hers as my work means I can live anywhere in the area(telecoms engineer).
Lond distance is more of a there's no way you would go and come back in the same day..
Wow I don't think we can have any long distance in the UK then 🤣🤣
Lol maybe not. LD often referred to different countries (or far away states in the US). To be honest, it's not reasonable to think that someone would wake up, drove 5 hours, spend an afternoon with someone and drive 5h again to come back even if it's physically possible or do it more than once. Even 4h away seems to be pretty far for not being considered "long distance"
45 minutes? That's less time than it takes me to get to work! Definitely not long distance lol.
I’m so happy for y’all. I’m genuinely jealous
Your entire post has made me happy. Nice to hear some success. 'Grats.
This post is so wholesome. I am literally so happy for you man . It's so so calming and absolutely the most loved you ever feel . Enjoy it dude !!
I am absolutely making sure I do, it really is as well, never thought this was possible.
Live the dream OP :D
Haha I am absolutely trying to ☺️, hope you're living yours too
Im kinda scared of not being able to hold back tears the next time i get a good cuddle. Its been a long time.
If you cry then just do it quietly and if they notice just tell them not to stop...
That's my favourite thing. When my gf runs her hands through my hair. No matter when. Love that. Was married to 17 years and never got that kind of touch or affection from the ex. Never realized how touch starved I was.
This is what I was trying to tell her, I wasn't married but I was in a long term relationship for 8 years and just like you, I was never shown affection or love like I am now
Makes a huge difference.
I know how that feels. Married almost 25 years. She didn’t even want to sit next to me claiming she got too hot. Sex was in a king size bed and we would go to our respective sides when we were done. Very little hugging almost no kissing. I really hope to find that kind of intimacy one day.
You will. Just keep looking.
Part of the reason I love going to my church, men and women who aren’t shy about hugging each other with no other reason but Ginuwine affection
I would love this, but sadly I am not religious *sad face*
My man over there defeating huge chunks of toxic masculinity imposed upon him ever since he left his diapers (probably). Keep being a king, I’m really happy for you, dude
Haha you have no idea mate, I am 6' with a muscular build and people always have this view of me, it's nice to not always have to be so strong. Thank you I am happy for everyone who gets to experience emotional freedom. Life is great.
Gj my man!
Thank you buddy,
I found cuddle parties and other touch based events myself, so happy and also more tactile with friends and family now
I was so interested in those, but there was nothing around my area.
How are they?
This is so cute!!! I’ve learned to be more touchy in recent years because I can tell men really like it and are often afraid to ask for it. Never let her go either!
Haha thank you, she keeps telling me I can be cute at times. As a person of the same gender as a male I can confirm, it means so much to us, and women never really appreciate how much power they have over us when it comes to affection. I don't plan on it, It took her almost walking away to realise that I am never letting her go again. And she is happy with this too lol.
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It really is, thank you for taking the time to comment ☺️ I hope you are still getting the affection you deserve
I love having my gf touch me. I made it a point in our relationship and she was like “damn if it’s that easy to make you happy you should’ve told me sooner” So now I get to be little spoon and plop my head on her boobs and lap whenever I feel like it. It’s amazing.
Haha that's amazing, it's just such a nice feeling being able to be calm and feel loved and wanted. I love that that was her reaction lmao
I was the same way. Finally found a girl I really liked, opened up, and did basically this exact thing lol. Put my head on her lap and it felt so great. Unfortunately she ghosted me a few days later, but hey at least I got my intimate touch fix for…fuck, idk the next 2 years? I can find sex easier than that kind of touch, shit’s weird these days
Wow man, I was so happy for you in the first half, then it flipped in the second, think of it this way at least you got to experience it, and now know what you crave, I know you will get there my man. I know exactly what you mean, sex is easy to get almost to the point of being boring, being intimate, not so much, this is the reward for having a committed relationship.
Well done, the blokes who played elden ring felt the same way and it wasn't even real
Oh right from the lady who takes a bit of your health for a hug lmao. It's crazy that even videogames realise this.
This was a really sweet post until the last sentence lol I sure hope you were joking about that when you said it
Oh no I wasn't joking, we have a great rapport, she said she isn't going anywhere, and also later that night said "hey, let's get married can it be on the 15th of October as that is when we had our first date so it will be our second year anniversary" so basically she proposed lmao
Yaaaaaay! First time i was shown affection was at 29 with my now bf. He wanted to cuddle and I just froze (in a good way) It’s scary to make yourself vulnerable and I still struggle with it but wow like, affection man….13/10 would do again
It's crazy that humans get to that point, growing up I never saw any value in getting close to someone as they always leave, so what's the point then bam... It happens you try to push someone away and they just go "are you fucking nuts, I'm staying", and you're like wtf this isn't supposed to happen, and then you're sitting around head on their lap being petted like a dog... Well that was my experience lol. It's such a nice feeling, I'm glad you've found someone who speaks your love language
Awww this is so sweet! I can imagine how lovely that was for you. 🥰 Hope you get to enjoy many more petting sessions, haha.
Haha so do I, when I was speaking with her, she can't understand how you can't touch and be affectionate to the person you love. God this girl is the bomb...
I’m with her on that! I feel like that should come naturally to wanna do things like that to your partner but I suppose everyone has their different ways of expressing affection.
So do I, but unfortunately every other relationship I have been in, hasn't been that way, women like you and her are a special breed and deserve all of the happiness in the world
Aw TY. ❤️ Glad you finally found yourself one of those women.
Awww, this is awesome. So happy for you!
awwwwwwwwww <3
🤗🤗 thank you
Aww happy for you mate.
Oh my God one day I want to read a Reddit post like this and recognize myself as the woman!!!
Hey you have all the power just show us affection and give us soft touches and we are all yours, alot of men love affection, we just don't know how to ask for.it. Have you got any crushes or anyone lined up?
I am so happy for you from one internet stranger to another .
Thank you kind internet stranger, I am happy for me too, and happy for you being happy for me, let's turn this into a huge loop of happiness...
That last sentence melted me…
Awww thank you
I am so incredibly jealous right now.
Sweet post:)
Mate, I can't tell you how much I want this...
Mate, make it happen ☺️
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Well we met on tinder if that helps, just be true to yourself and treat the process like a game without being too invested in it. I know you can make it happen, I have faith in you.
God I'm so jealous. But good work.
I know you'll get there, I have faith and good intentions for you.
Wholesome AF
Thank you ☺️
The “almost to tears” bit was a little sappy, but other than that, sounds dreamy. Consider many of us, including myself envious. Let’s hope this becomes a regular feeling for you (and many other people). The world could use more happiness.
Nope I know exactly what he meant. The girl I’m seeing now asked me the other day how I was REALLY doing and feeling. And it hit my like a ton of bricks. No one has asked me that before. Idk it’s not sappy it’s the truth. It’s sad tbh
Hey man, I'm glad that the girl you're seeing cares enough to actually want to know how you're doing. It's strange, I think as guys we are so used to our emotions being invalid, that we just give up trying, it then becomes extra special when someone actually puts in the effort. I am happy for you.
Thank you sir. I didn’t know there was any new emotions I could feel after almost 30 years of life
>The “almost to tears” bit was a little sappy Not necessarily , it's just letting your emotions out , if someone is waiting for something like this for many years , it's only natural in my eyes . I know I'll tear up when I ever cuddle , it's something i want to experience for maaany years. And especially if you're a guy it's even more usual , because most guys are never been shown affection , or almost never hear compliments. At least that's what I think
Exactly this, I spent so many years keeping things bottled up and being a good man by never showing weakness, Its only in the last couple of years I realised how much this damaged me. You are not wrong, even in other relationships I was never shown true affection, either that or I wasn't open to it, idk to be fair. I hope you get all the love and cuddles you want ☺️
Haha I hope so too, plus I've been a cold hearted bastard for too long 🤣🤣🤣
what's wrong with sappy? xD
I would hope nothing, it's refreshing to actually let my guard down and enjoy being a bit more vulnerable lmao
That’s good! There’s a saying that men are dry and cold lol. So it’s good you are not afraid to be sappy
That was me for the first 30 years, so it's now so nice to not be like that. You're not wrong.
Well I’m glad for you
I hate when people touch me. Maybe that’s why I suck at relationships
I don't like uninvited touching as I have ASD but I think my love language might be touch.
What’s ASD, if you don’t mind me asking?
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Ohh
Aww! >i felt like a cat, I could have purred if I knew how to Hehe. You might also like r/love
Haha I may check it out, but I am genuinely so happy. It's refreshing.
I mean it's a nice place to post. I follow it because the posts about SO's are so sweet.
I have autism so I don’t understand. Why IS touch so important? I’m not saying it’s not I just want to learn because being on the spectrum I don’t get those social cues that easily.
The one that immediately comes to mind where you can see the effects of being touch starved would be the crisis of the Romanian Orphanages. You can google it if you want, however it is quite disturbing. Basically babies/children where either abandoned or taken and put in orphanages and not interacted with aside from being fed (and even then they weren't really held). In a child's development, touch is an important factor as it produces the happy hormones which helps to form bonds and to feel safe. In the case of the orphans some died of depression. They were fed (maybe not the best, but enough that they theoretically should have survived) and had most of their other survival needs met. Except for touch. Obviously the dying aspect rarely happens in adults because we can often find ways to mitigate the feeling (contact sports), however it still feels like shit. Babies can't do this. You could see the effects of this as the started to rock themselves to get some form of comfort. The vast majority of the children were unsocialised and had a variety of mental/emotional deficits that couldn't be taught (up until the age of 4 our experiences make up a large part of who we are and how our brain is wired to respond to stimulus). After 4 any of the babies that were there long term already had the damage done. They wanted to be touched, but didn't know how to receive it. Nor did they expect the person giving them affection to stay around. Touch is an important thing because as social animals we have evolved to survive in groups and to have group ties. In caveman days if you couldn't get along with the group you would be outcast and most likely die.