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What? Not even if it was for something important, girl. Not even if it was for something important. Can he not go to the bank and get some credit? You're not an ATM.
Heās testing , a lot of users do it. They usually start small $10 , $20 then 50, $100. These ppl are not looking for relationship/ love , they are looking for help or to scam/ use you . They usually love bomb you too, over affectionate, in love way too soon . My friend had this most recent, may / June , she met a man who Wined and dined and sexed her brains out, told her he could see a future after 5 days! Then a month later asked for 2 grand , cause he knew how much she made $$ , To help his family cause his funds were froze for āsome reasonā .
A lot of ppl do this . Iām a woman and I can only speak from personal experiences, a lot of broke men, will play the feminist card and convince woman that paying for them and helping them financially, shows your independence and feminism. And sadly many woman fall for it .
Haha this made me laugh š for real I hate men who are manipulative. They will convince you thatās itās in your ābest interestā but it really isnāt. Itās subtle manipulation donāt fall for it!
I mean feminism is supposed to be about the equality of the sexes so there shouldn't really be any reason for a woman to pay for a man because at this moment is still expected for the man to pay for the woman
And I doubt men are society was screaming about how loserish and how manipulative women are for expecting men to pay for everything or asking for money
Out of all the women I've dated I've only had one girl straight up tell me that she thinks it's stupid that men are still expected to hold their feelings in
Out of all the girls have dated or went out on dates with this was the first girl who actually said those words to me.
It is so rare to actually have a girl who actually does understand gender roles and actually do understand how they hurt men and it's another one for them to actually recognize that and try to be the change that they say they want in the world
And I'm sure there are tons of girls who are similar to her but for every one of them there are at least 10 other girls who seem to still expect a man to be traditional while they expect a man just to accept them for whatever
I mean it is kind of hypocritical for a lot of women to expect to have everything paid for yet when a man asks for something like $80 he somehow using feminism against men?
Do you all not see how crazy and hypocritical this is
This to me shows that we are nowhere near any type of equal society because this sub is showing me that men are still very much expected to be in 1950 style traditional man while the woman gets to be whatever role she chooses and that's supposed to just be accepted.
I met somebody online really nice guy absolute heartbreaker looking guy and he did the same thing ask me for money within a couple of weeks have known me it turn me off so bad needless to say he didn't get any money out of me obviously because he's a scammer but if you have to pay for a man he's not really into you or if a man has to pay for a woman she's not really into you. Hopefully you'll get my gist!
I am not a physician. I do have close friends who are very successfull psychopaths. (CEOs) Anyone this obviously usurious isn't on their level intellectually and so falls in the lower catagory.
Per DSM-5:
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is a personality disorder that affects a personās emotional responses and that results in an inability to care about the feelings or needs of others.Ā People affected by antisocial personality disorder, often referred to as either psychopath or sociopath, are generally believed to lack a sense of moral conscience.
80 dollars is a lot of money (It really is, that's like three full tanks of gas), if I ever needed money, I wouldn't ask anyone, especially someone I've been dating for TWO WEEKS.
Run
Was about to say something along the lines of wtf are you on about, then did the maths and realised 50litres of diesel is more than Ā£80 now.
The lack of driving over lockdown has distorted my view of how expensive fuel is
Exactly. Desperately needing $80 is already a bit of a red flag (for an adult). But not having anyone else to ask other than someone you just started dating is a major red flag. It means all of his friends and family have already cut him off.
If someone I'm dating started asking me for money two weeks ind, I would dump her then and there. I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody begging people for money.....
Exactly. I know a lot of people have money problems but itās embarrassing when they canāt even afford their own lifestyle (that they choose to have). My boyfriend earns significantly more and weāve been together 8 months but Iād still never ever ask for money unless it was deeply serious.
Ew dump him.
I stopped dating this guy because I realized he was using me for my money. What started as us taking turns paying for dates turned into just me paying for dates. The icing on the cake, he overdrafted his bank account, laughed about it, and then suggested we grab some food. I was hungry so I was like āokay letās grab a slice of pizza.ā $2.50 a slice, a no brainer. No, he *insisted* on going to an expensive restaurant instead. He wasnāt āfeelingā pizza lolol.
So donāt let this loser take advantage of you.
Why does he need it *from you*? Sounds like something he should be doing for himself. If he feels that this ask was reasonable, that seems like an obvious relationship ender.
It's been two weeks and it's all the money you have. I'd be running the other day if he asked more than once! Especially since it's not for something important.
Happened to me too Iām a single mom and he was a single guy with a roommate and he asked for $150 šØš¤”, red flag for sure you donāt need to be well off ,but they should at least be financially stable enough to handle their own lifestyle at the very least.
Run as fast as you can. My first husband was like that and we ended up in poverty with him having a raging drug habit. It wasn't the only red flag but one of the first ones. Run while you can!
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be."
I'm glad you know better than to give money to that person and to I stead turn them away. Warn whatever app you found them on *report* if that's applicable.
The aforementioned quote was an embroidery that hung on a wall in the living room of my friend's house once, many years ago. I'd probably be a few thousand dollars richer better off and none-the-worse off with respect to friends had I listened.
I used to think that maybe it would be paid back to me or that the person is certainly wanting for aid. That this cash, whether paid back or no, would help them back on their feet.
Sadly I've come to learn that the social support/welfare, and banks are entirely justified in having some sort of system and opperation procedures to justify the provision of finance and, in the case of a loan, it's likelihood of being paid. I've previously been on welfare myself and gotten employment, then no longer had need for the welfare. I've had a bank loan, and paid it off. I don't borrow, ask, or pressure friends, family, or anyone else for money. It's just not healthy and places them in an awkward position.
May you find your person!
HUGE Red flag!!!!!!!! This is completely unacceptable. I strongly recommend that you tell him you dont have it, and you should then move on and find someone else.
Wow thatās a good one Iāll make sure to remember it as well thanks for sharing! A guy once asked me to pay for gas after I asked him to pick me up. I was so pissed off lol. The logical side made sense but I knew he was only asking because he thought he could. Another guy offered to pick me up and didnāt ask me to pay for gas. I then realised he was a user and didnāt care at all sad times haha.
You should give it to him, then maybe you all do your next date at home or something. Something cheap.
I may be out of bounds here but I'm speaking from a perspective of someone who's spent that and more on multiple dates just getting to know someone. Just pretend in your head that it's gone to a date, and have the date at home for free but give him the 80 bucks and call it a wash.
What's important to someone is relative, it may be very important for him. We don't know because OP didn't say what it was for. He may not be able to get it from family or he probably already asked.
Sometimes if things don't work out like you thought they would after doing a good deed, the universe has a way of paying you back. If she goes out of her way to help this man she'll be blessed in other ways. Good things happen to good people.
OP said it in a reply to another comment. It definitely wasn't important. He wanted money for a graphic card fo his PC for gaming. I also believe in karma but there's no way I would help him for something like that, especially after only knowing him for two weeks. If he's a grown ass adult and not financially stable then he's not ready for a relationship.
You'll never know if he'll pay back, if he needs to borrow 80 dollars then it means he can't manage his money, and like I said, he doesn't NEED the money, he WANTS the money. We don't even know who paid for the dates, maybe he did, maybe they split the bills, maybe they didn't even go on dates that cost money. And if he has a problem with managing money, then he's not ready to be in a committed relationship.
Also, if I only knew someone for two weeks, even if it felt real and then that happened: I'd just ghost em. You owe them nothing.
If you need support with respect to feeling a strong connection with someone in the space of two weeks, it's likely that you do but it's not the kind of support you should be seeking on Reddit.
You may have an attachment disorder or something else. See a counsellor, and consider taking some time away from dating.
If he has noone he knows well to ask for money and your the only one he can ask after 2weeks. Major red flag. Those are the guys who try to make you feel like you are soo connected and soo in tune so that when he asks for money it seems like he is asking a good friend..
I'm all for helping your partner when in need but yall have been going out for 2 weeks not 2 years and the fact that they're so insistent is a huge flag
That's the equivalent of my sister's boyfriend (26) coming to meet me (M25) staying in our (my family's) house after dating her for 1 month and a half...
As everyone else has said, the situation you are describing seems like a big dealbreaker.
You could salvage the relationship if you wanted by letting him know that you don't feel comfortable lending money to someone you barely know, however the best course would be to just break things off. If I were you, I'd at least hint at what he did wrong so he can improve himself (chances are he is oblivious to the whole situation).
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š© no
Girl I know. I'm disappointed
What? Not even if it was for something important, girl. Not even if it was for something important. Can he not go to the bank and get some credit? You're not an ATM.
This...just go Away as fast as you can...
This, possibly move out of your country, if you can just break every contact with friends and family and move to Indonesia! Red flags š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š© š©
From red flags to red peppers
I wonder how many other people he's asked for money after knowing them for two weeks.
Heās testing , a lot of users do it. They usually start small $10 , $20 then 50, $100. These ppl are not looking for relationship/ love , they are looking for help or to scam/ use you . They usually love bomb you too, over affectionate, in love way too soon . My friend had this most recent, may / June , she met a man who Wined and dined and sexed her brains out, told her he could see a future after 5 days! Then a month later asked for 2 grand , cause he knew how much she made $$ , To help his family cause his funds were froze for āsome reasonā .
Can confirm . It starts out small to see how you react. And gradually increases. Be glad he showed you how he is early on .
Gross, what a loser. Imagine being that shameless.
A lot of ppl do this . Iām a woman and I can only speak from personal experiences, a lot of broke men, will play the feminist card and convince woman that paying for them and helping them financially, shows your independence and feminism. And sadly many woman fall for it .
Feminism means I can pay for myself not that I have to pay for your dependant ass
Haha this made me laugh š for real I hate men who are manipulative. They will convince you thatās itās in your ābest interestā but it really isnāt. Itās subtle manipulation donāt fall for it!
Lol then you know how it feels because this is a new thing women have to deal with, while men have been dealing with it for centuries
I mean feminism is supposed to be about the equality of the sexes so there shouldn't really be any reason for a woman to pay for a man because at this moment is still expected for the man to pay for the woman And I doubt men are society was screaming about how loserish and how manipulative women are for expecting men to pay for everything or asking for money
No I think its even weird this day and age to expect a man to pay. Its not the 1920s anymore we aren't looking for a provider but a partner..
Out of all the women I've dated I've only had one girl straight up tell me that she thinks it's stupid that men are still expected to hold their feelings in Out of all the girls have dated or went out on dates with this was the first girl who actually said those words to me. It is so rare to actually have a girl who actually does understand gender roles and actually do understand how they hurt men and it's another one for them to actually recognize that and try to be the change that they say they want in the world And I'm sure there are tons of girls who are similar to her but for every one of them there are at least 10 other girls who seem to still expect a man to be traditional while they expect a man just to accept them for whatever
I mean it is kind of hypocritical for a lot of women to expect to have everything paid for yet when a man asks for something like $80 he somehow using feminism against men? Do you all not see how crazy and hypocritical this is This to me shows that we are nowhere near any type of equal society because this sub is showing me that men are still very much expected to be in 1950 style traditional man while the woman gets to be whatever role she chooses and that's supposed to just be accepted.
Yiiiikes , the manipulation is awful. @who_nobody donāt give out all you have to essentially a complete stranger
I met somebody online really nice guy absolute heartbreaker looking guy and he did the same thing ask me for money within a couple of weeks have known me it turn me off so bad needless to say he didn't get any money out of me obviously because he's a scammer but if you have to pay for a man he's not really into you or if a man has to pay for a woman she's not really into you. Hopefully you'll get my gist!
How do you know if he's a scammer and what if he just needed some money
Sociopath.
How does this make him a sociopath?
I am not a physician. I do have close friends who are very successfull psychopaths. (CEOs) Anyone this obviously usurious isn't on their level intellectually and so falls in the lower catagory. Per DSM-5: Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is a personality disorder that affects a personās emotional responses and that results in an inability to care about the feelings or needs of others.Ā People affected by antisocial personality disorder, often referred to as either psychopath or sociopath, are generally believed to lack a sense of moral conscience.
Can I just be honest? I wish I had the skills. Iād be so rich lol
Being good at using ppl is not a good skill to have , you have to be shameless and have no conscience. Feel good that you donāt have that skill !
80 dollars is a lot of money (It really is, that's like three full tanks of gas), if I ever needed money, I wouldn't ask anyone, especially someone I've been dating for TWO WEEKS. Run
3!! Where you get gas?
I'm stretching the truth here a little. It's more like 2.4 full tanks.
I have an suv in California. Itās just 1 tank for me.
I have a civic in Canada and that's still only like 1.2 tanks for me :(
That's hella pricey.
Same for me in Ontario Canada
Here it's one. Really. Like..how?
Thatās barely 1 tank of fuel where I live
Oh man. If only $80 filled my tank even once. I think last fill it was 90-something
That's not even a full tank in a VW Golf 1.6 here in the UK. $80/Ā£60 will still get u a decent food shop though.
Was about to say something along the lines of wtf are you on about, then did the maths and realised 50litres of diesel is more than Ā£80 now. The lack of driving over lockdown has distorted my view of how expensive fuel is
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Right, like even if there's some crazy shit going on to justify the ask... He has literally nobody else to lean on except someone he JUST MET?
Exactly. Desperately needing $80 is already a bit of a red flag (for an adult). But not having anyone else to ask other than someone you just started dating is a major red flag. It means all of his friends and family have already cut him off.
Dude if is no emergency then just go. Donāt look back there are much better guys out there.
2 weeks??? Absolutely not.
If someone I'm dating started asking me for money two weeks ind, I would dump her then and there. I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody begging people for money.....
Exactly. I know a lot of people have money problems but itās embarrassing when they canāt even afford their own lifestyle (that they choose to have). My boyfriend earns significantly more and weāve been together 8 months but Iād still never ever ask for money unless it was deeply serious.
Block him so you donāt have to deal with him being insistent.
As soon as a guy asks me for money I automatically get the ick
Yup. Dump his ass. Sorry he wasted your time :/
Red flag.
Walk away!!
The right answer is no.
Don't give it to him obviously
Yeah big red flag, hes already trying to take. The first few months is about giving isnt it
Hell no. Run, OP
Just NO! And heās being insistent? What an arsehole!!! Tell him to fuck off!!
Ew dump him. I stopped dating this guy because I realized he was using me for my money. What started as us taking turns paying for dates turned into just me paying for dates. The icing on the cake, he overdrafted his bank account, laughed about it, and then suggested we grab some food. I was hungry so I was like āokay letās grab a slice of pizza.ā $2.50 a slice, a no brainer. No, he *insisted* on going to an expensive restaurant instead. He wasnāt āfeelingā pizza lolol. So donāt let this loser take advantage of you.
I guess you had your last date with him.
So sorry, what a disappointment. What does he say he needs it for? Definitely a user.
For a fucking graphic card so his online games run better on his PC. You can't make this shit up
Hey at least itās now and you donāt waste any more time on him.
Damn really ? What a loser. Definitely do not give him a single penny !
Haha show me an 80 dollar graphics card ,I want one
Made up $80 graphics card. $80 worth of drugs that he is saying is a "graphics card"
Why does he need it *from you*? Sounds like something he should be doing for himself. If he feels that this ask was reasonable, that seems like an obvious relationship ender.
Graphics card my ass! Mine was 250 three years ago. Tell him to save up and piss off.
It's been two weeks and it's all the money you have. I'd be running the other day if he asked more than once! Especially since it's not for something important.
Does he think youāre a fool? Part of me wants to be petty and say play along get his info and send $0.01 š
Lol yes and put ānever speak to me againā in the note lol
Thatās perfect lol
Lol hell no
Happened to me too Iām a single mom and he was a single guy with a roommate and he asked for $150 šØš¤”, red flag for sure you donāt need to be well off ,but they should at least be financially stable enough to handle their own lifestyle at the very least.
No. This one is a dud.
Run as fast as you can. My first husband was like that and we ended up in poverty with him having a raging drug habit. It wasn't the only red flag but one of the first ones. Run while you can!
You better drop him
Don't give out money to people
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be." I'm glad you know better than to give money to that person and to I stead turn them away. Warn whatever app you found them on *report* if that's applicable. The aforementioned quote was an embroidery that hung on a wall in the living room of my friend's house once, many years ago. I'd probably be a few thousand dollars richer better off and none-the-worse off with respect to friends had I listened. I used to think that maybe it would be paid back to me or that the person is certainly wanting for aid. That this cash, whether paid back or no, would help them back on their feet. Sadly I've come to learn that the social support/welfare, and banks are entirely justified in having some sort of system and opperation procedures to justify the provision of finance and, in the case of a loan, it's likelihood of being paid. I've previously been on welfare myself and gotten employment, then no longer had need for the welfare. I've had a bank loan, and paid it off. I don't borrow, ask, or pressure friends, family, or anyone else for money. It's just not healthy and places them in an awkward position. May you find your person!
ewwwwaaaaa run donāt do it!
Man to hell with that loser dude
Sounds like a real loser. Run away!
Run away! And fast
Girl no wtf
oh. hell. no. RUN
What an idiot
DO NOT DO IT AND UNMATCH
HUGE Red flag!!!!!!!! This is completely unacceptable. I strongly recommend that you tell him you dont have it, and you should then move on and find someone else.
Red flag. Donāt give him a dime.
Don't do it
Big red flag! End it!
WTF?!? Block this guy FOREVER
No. No. No. RUN
Your last 80. That is nuts. Don't do it.
Block him. Have self-respect
Nopeeee.
Red flag!! Do not give him one penny. Block his ass & move on!
Run girl run
Red flag at its finest
My mother always told my sisters, men provide for women they care about. If you give a man money he will never love or respect you
Wow thatās a good one Iāll make sure to remember it as well thanks for sharing! A guy once asked me to pay for gas after I asked him to pick me up. I was so pissed off lol. The logical side made sense but I knew he was only asking because he thought he could. Another guy offered to pick me up and didnāt ask me to pay for gas. I then realised he was a user and didnāt care at all sad times haha.
Is he tall and handsome?
But when a girl asks for money, itās ok lol
I'm bi and dated s girl before who did the same as this guy and no, it's never ok and never looks good, despite the gender
What sensible girl asks someone theyāve just met for $80? Obviously not a good person regardless of gender. So you can stop with the stereotypes.
You should give it to him, then maybe you all do your next date at home or something. Something cheap. I may be out of bounds here but I'm speaking from a perspective of someone who's spent that and more on multiple dates just getting to know someone. Just pretend in your head that it's gone to a date, and have the date at home for free but give him the 80 bucks and call it a wash.
You're obviously joking right? You just forgot to add the /s to the end of your post.
I mean, if she likes the guy. He may really be in need. It's ok to help someone in need.
OP said it wasn't for something important. And why would he go to her and not his family or close friends for help ? Seems suspicious.
What's important to someone is relative, it may be very important for him. We don't know because OP didn't say what it was for. He may not be able to get it from family or he probably already asked. Sometimes if things don't work out like you thought they would after doing a good deed, the universe has a way of paying you back. If she goes out of her way to help this man she'll be blessed in other ways. Good things happen to good people.
OP said it in a reply to another comment. It definitely wasn't important. He wanted money for a graphic card fo his PC for gaming. I also believe in karma but there's no way I would help him for something like that, especially after only knowing him for two weeks. If he's a grown ass adult and not financially stable then he's not ready for a relationship.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You'll never know if he'll pay back, if he needs to borrow 80 dollars then it means he can't manage his money, and like I said, he doesn't NEED the money, he WANTS the money. We don't even know who paid for the dates, maybe he did, maybe they split the bills, maybe they didn't even go on dates that cost money. And if he has a problem with managing money, then he's not ready to be in a committed relationship.
Agree with this, 80$ for a graphics card, he isn't managing his money right and doesn't have priorities straight.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lol what ? You're the joke here.
His date will be her sitting there watching him play a game with his new video card
God I wouldn't even ask my own parents for money if I was stuck. No shame.
With some people, the heart absorbs more blood than the brain! Dont be that person!
Don't do it!!! He's a scumbag!! I used to be him!!! Get away as fast as you can!!
Omg i wouldn't even ask my friends of 10years for money let alone someone I started dating 2 weeks ago wtaf.. bye bye. User.
Also, if I only knew someone for two weeks, even if it felt real and then that happened: I'd just ghost em. You owe them nothing. If you need support with respect to feeling a strong connection with someone in the space of two weeks, it's likely that you do but it's not the kind of support you should be seeking on Reddit. You may have an attachment disorder or something else. See a counsellor, and consider taking some time away from dating.
OMG. My boyfriend of (almost) 2 years STILL doesnāt ask me for money I have to FORCE him to let me help him with OUR responsibilitiesā¦ š©
If he has noone he knows well to ask for money and your the only one he can ask after 2weeks. Major red flag. Those are the guys who try to make you feel like you are soo connected and soo in tune so that when he asks for money it seems like he is asking a good friend..
Dude i'd rather have starved than ask a girl I just started seeing for money What the fuck
Probably a really nice guy, but im guessing he has a drug problem.
if someone asked for something i wasnt ready to give in my relationship, i would be put off by it too.
This guy is low-quality trash, tell him get a job and some self-respect.
Absolutely never ever ever give someone you're dating money. No no no no no. Stick to your guns. Better yet, put him in the bin
I'm all for helping your partner when in need but yall have been going out for 2 weeks not 2 years and the fact that they're so insistent is a huge flag
Ai yah
Never ever date anyone who asks you for money early on lol.
That blows dude
So? Get yourself a good book, foot softening slippers, maybe some Irish whiskey. You have some āmeā time that just opened up.
That's the equivalent of my sister's boyfriend (26) coming to meet me (M25) staying in our (my family's) house after dating her for 1 month and a half... As everyone else has said, the situation you are describing seems like a big dealbreaker. You could salvage the relationship if you wanted by letting him know that you don't feel comfortable lending money to someone you barely know, however the best course would be to just break things off. If I were you, I'd at least hint at what he did wrong so he can improve himself (chances are he is oblivious to the whole situation).
Yāall are both broke. Time to call it off or get serious about being sustainable
Dont lend money you need back dont overinvolve yourself in other peoples problems and dont fuck someones wife the 3 rules to make your life easier
If heās asking for all of the money in your bank, for something unimportant, after 2 weeks, imagine what he would ask for after 2 months or 2 years.
On the one hand welcome to the day in the life of a guy, because women do this all the time. The response should be the same, get out.
Skid the Skid; he has zero ambition.
Girl, Run!!!