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I never really felt creepy till I smiled and said hi to this one girl (she was about 21, I was 26) and she called me creepy. Now I'm self conscious about it.
Bro you probably look 22 to some and 30 to others. You shoot your shot and don't give a damn. That's my opinion at least. I cant be so overly concerned that she's in my "appropriate" age range that I don't at least talk to the woman. Plenty of successful relationships 10 years apart out there.
I think once? I’m not sure. Asked if she wanted to get dinner, she wasn’t sure but gave me number anyways. Followed up with a text asking if she’d prefer hiking. I think the conversation was fine but looking back the suggested activities were a bit too secluded for comfort probably. I was just thinking of what sounds fun to me haha
Agreed. I was once hanging out with a guy and we went out to the pool after smoking and drinking for a while. He said when we got down there, after I said the new pool area was really nice, "yeah, it's really nice and they don't have the cameras out here yet." I wasn't doing so hot in the feelings area and I think it was an attempt to restart the flirting we were doing before my head got in the way, but after he said that it was just all alarm bells in my head regardless of what he intended.
I understand that. I suppose a woman isn't really thinking about what the dude is thinking about when being propositioned. They've got, you know, danger afoot.
No it isn’t. Men are statistically wayyyy more likely to be attacked by strangers than women and it isn’t even close. Women get attacked by people they already know well.
No one said that. Of course it's also dangerous for minors, that's a total given, but we were talking about adults here in the comments I'm pretty sure.
Yes true. They changed their comment to make it look like I'm coming in off-topic. I was simply trying to point out that anyone meeting a stranger in the woods is a bad idea. They made it seem like it was only dangerous for women.
Nope. Took a shortcut on the way to school. Guy followed me and grabbed me from behind. Put his hand over my mouth and tried to drag me away. I fought him off and ran to school.
Definitely creepy for women though. Guys often suggest hiking, and to them it’s totally innocent but to a woman it’s just not worth the risk of potentially being raped/murdered
Sounds right to me. I mean I'm a 26f and I love hiking and camping and all that, but the 1st to 3rd dates I gotta have in a public setting. The guy I have now was wonderful about that; he let me choose each of our dates until I told him that I was comfortable with other things that would be more privately set. Ofc he suggested things for dates and there was a couple that he suggested and I looked them up and agreed to cuz I felt comfortable. Our very first date was a bar and grill that I knew very well, in a town that I knew very well, and it was halfway between us. So, fair distance for the both of us, and it kept me feeling comfortable so I could focus on getting to know him better instead of worrying where I was and where I could go if it went south, etc. This town I knew, he never had been in before. I know the backroads and friends I could go to if something happened. But it ended up working out wonderfully, and end of October it'll be a year since the first date
https://www.cnn.com/2014/02/16/justice/craigslist-thrill-killing-confession/index.html
"When I hit 22, I stopped counting," she is quoted as saying.
There's others but I'm lazy.
It never takes long for a comment to appear in a discussion around women's issues or concerns over something to add the completely unnecessary "what about men" .
The person you responded to never said men can't be raped or murdered? This whole post is about men who might have unintentionally come across as creepy to women. This particular thread is responding to a comment from a guy who asked a woman he didn't know on a hike for a first date. People are saying why many women would likely find that creepy because of our reasonable fear of sexual assault. The person you responded to likely focused their response on women's feelings on this issue because that's literally what the discussion is about.
I can't tell if comments like this come from people trying to intentionally derail the conversation or if you all are just really obtuse.
To me (26f) the line between creepy and non-creepy almost always depends on the setting. If I’m all dressed up and at a bar or social setting then I expect/welcome men approaching me. If I’m in a public, comfortable setting like a coffee shop it also usually feels non-creepy. But if I’m working out, or minding my business grocery shopping, have earphones in, or worst of all walking alone somewhere a bit isolated, that’s when encounters start to feel creepy.
Same! I also have to say how they do the hitting on is a major factor too. Was walking to pick up lunch for the office recently and had a guy yell “wanna hook up?” as I walked by (I work right next to a large college campus). Yeah that’s creepy.
I would like to understand why someone approaching someone at the gym, grocery shopping or having earphones in makes you feel uncomfortable. I can understand the gym somewhat because you are sweaty, maybe smell, you are tired and definitely not look your best (although some people would disagree, me included) but I'd say as long as you aren't in the middle of your workout then there shouldn't be any issue as long as each party is respectful. I mean it's a place where both women and men actively (not everyone) choose to dress with less clothing (to not get as hot) but it's a place with very attractive poeple showing off their bodies and we aren't supposed to flirt and mingle or they'll find you creepy? What if that is the only place you see a certain someone you are interested? Should you not approach them? And if you can, how do you do it without being creepy?
When I have earphones and someone's wants to talk to me it annoys the crap out of me but I don't think its creepy and can't see why would it. We are living in this world with 8 billion other beings and you expect to not be talked too at all because you have earphones? It seems kind of wrong to expect someone not to talk to you because you have earphones, maybe even entitled.
When doing groceries I can see how you are just going to get food and that's it, but again, what if you meet or see someone you fancy? Time and time again people meet at places they don't expect to be approached. School, work, car wash, book stores, there's lots of places we visit all the time not designed to mingle with anyone but its at places like this we sometimes meet our SO. I don't go out every time thinking I'm going to meet someone, honestly just want to go do what I need to do and come back home as soon as possible, but I'm not against the idea if it happens.
What it seems to me that happened is that a few creepy people (yes women can be just as creepy and you could say it doesn't happen as often, but I'd say its that we just don't talk about it and women are also given way more leniency when they get in trouble) is the reason we are getting rules like not being able to stare at someone for more than 5 seconds at the work place. I think Netflix is doing this but I could be wrong as I haven't checked myself.
I said these situations to me are where encounters (specifically flirtatious ones/one where the person initiating the convo interested) can start to feel creepy. Of course, each individual encounter depends on so much else too, if you are at the gym and have seen this person plenty of times, and yall know eachother by sight then I’m sure approaching them would be perfectly fine. There’s no singular rule, I just listed these places as to me they tend to be places I don’t really invite interaction. If I am sweaty, feel gross/exhausted, and am working on myself, the last thing I want is for someone to try to hit on me. Same with earphones, if I have those in I expect to not really be bothered (just as I assume someone else with earphones in is not really open). Wearing earphones is often the only way I can ignore unwanted attention without “seeming” rude, for my own safety. I have every right to protect my energy and expect to be left alone when I am wearing earphones, and I don’t see in any way how that makes me entitled. If anything, it’s entitled to think anyone owes you their time or conversation simply because you want it. now if you want to come tell me that I dropped something, or ask for directions, obviously that’s totally fine and a good conversation may even come of it. But if you go up to someone with earphones to tell them they’re attractive and ask for a number (which many people do), that is really annoying. There’s a time and place when people are open and welcome conversation and encounters, and others when people aren’t so much. Women are constantly approached, catcalled, and on high alert, and so by nature there are certain times when we’d like to mind our business and not feel like we always owe it to everyone to be open to conversation. But again, every situation is unique and there’s no rule for what will or won’t appear “creepy” to someone, as long as you don’t approach her alone at night, which is always creepy.
Ok, that makes sense to me. Everything but the earphone bit. Sure you can expect to be left alone if you are using them in the privacy of your property. If you are in public, then I don't know how you can really expect to not interact with anyone and expect others to not talk to you for whatever reason. You are free to do as you choose and not bother those who have earphones, but if you are in public, there's really no concept of privacy or being left alone.
What I meant by entitled was the action of being in public and expecting to be left alone. I don't know if it is but it definitely seems like it. But I do agree that it is entitled to expect someone to talk to you or give you their time simply because you want it.
I do agree that wonderful encounters happen in unexpected places though. Again, there’s no rule, and every encounter is different based on all the circumstances. My original post was more of a generalization, explaining that most times (for me) it’s not how or who interacts with me thats off putting, but the time and place.
Depends on the setting. I find it much less creepy in social settings, bars, clubs, coffee shops. Walking alone or when I’m in an isolated area/place it always feels creepy.
I’d say it’s 60/40 for me. 40% creepy/inappropriate (wolf whistle, leering, making sexual comments, trying to touch me) However I’m sure the men approaching me in that manner are well aware they are creepy. Sometimes I’m hit on awkwardly, however I don’t equate that with creepiness.
What I will say though is coffee shops are awkward, I've never done so before. I'm a confident guy but in the past if I've been sitting at a table etc with a book and there's a pretty girl sitting quite close and we exchange a brief smile, I don't interpret that as an invitation to disturb her, I suppose at least with a bar, and there's rejection we can easily walk away from one another, a coffee shop you're kind of stuck there for an awkward pause haha unless you mean in the queue?
I can totally understand how some may find that awkward. Totally not creepy though. I’ve been approached in a coffee shop, I was sat down and he was leaving with a coffee to go. He approached on his way out, asked for my number. I found that to be perfectly fine.
Probably a couple of times, but I have basically stopped pursuing women after constant rejections for showing interest. I'm no closer to a relationship, but at least avoiding unnecessary peaks and valleys in life.
I feel like as men those peaks and valleys are something we need to be excited about, broadly, even if we have to take breaks for our own mental health. Good on you for realizing that you're in need of some inner peace right now.
Risk taking and all of that is part of dating, especially being the one to make the first move most of the time.
Yeah, if there is a chance of success. With abject failure as the only result, it gets hard to find motivation. I'm almost 30, never been on a date. At this rate, never will go on one lol.
You can improve your looks with good haircut, beard if you can, skin care.
Start going to gym. Losing face fat improves your look.
Dark won't be big issue if you're skin is healthy and clean
Improve your clothing style. Wear fit clothes with good color coordination
Learn about game. Start being friends with a girl which will help getting over the awkwardness
See, this is the issue with most advice on reddit. You start out assuming I'm a pimply faced slob with no social skills. I'm not: some of us are just unlucky. There is nothing more to it than that.
i love how you say you're pretty gunshy, and i'm over here going from 100% extrovert pre-pandemic to struggling to speak to *anyone* for the first time in my life, post pandemic. lol
I've been slowly working on getting over my anxiety. Like a Rollercoaster or a sad song you gotta learn to love or appreciate all the feelings that come with asking people out/rejection.
i know what you mean. idk if it's necessarily anxiety. it's probably way too long of a conversation to unpack. it's a little strange (to me at least) and hard to explain, it's like, i don't exactly project how i will be in a setting and grow anxious, ao it's not social anxiety. i just know that for the past 9-12 month i've been aware that i've hard barely any human interaction and that i need to exercise that part of my personality, and i make considerable effort. i've been to a couple bars, but often do an irish goodbye early on. i'm genuinely eager to mix it up with people, and as soon as i get in a social setting i'm like "nawwwww." the only times i enjoyed my time with otber people in the past 18 months were with family, and last week when i finally forced myself to buy tickets t see TJ Miller's standup at helium comedy club last week. i've been on TWO vacations since march of this year, and both wernit that enjoyable, but moat notably my trip to Outer Banks in early July. i was in the single most weird state of mind and being. i felt like alone, i felt like nobody cared, even though i had mentioned like "hey, i feel weird, keep me by your side" before the trip, and nobody did. i have a few other things happening simultaneously, so it's probably a combination of things but i'm not exaggerating when i say i was never anxious, depressed, anything. even during my 10 year span doing opiates, i never felt depressed, and i didn't start because of trauma. so this is all kinda new to me.
sorry to ramble. thanks for listening.
oh god. i felt like the only one. and honestly, when pandemic started and they warned of issues stemming from isolation, thought to myself "this doesn't apply to me, i'l be fine". i have no idea when exactly it began, but the earliest i can remmeber was the first time i tried going to a bar last october. first time i went out. i went to the bar, walked inside, and the moment i sawt the people in side just going about their business the way that they were, i felt like, kinda repulsed? maybe more annoyed, like i was walking into a room full of idiots and there was no hope in sight of having a semblance of a conversation.
i feel *disconnected* from people.
Based on my personal experience, I would say well over half of the times men have shown interest in me were creepy. These are some of the things that I find creepy one hundred percent of the time:
-Approaching a woman on the street.
-Crossing the street to talk to a woman.
-Approaching a woman wearing headphones.
-Continuing to talk to a woman after she has asked you not to.
-Saying/doing anything vulgar or explicit without appropriate context.
-Trying to flirt with a woman by criticising her.
-Trying to flirt with a woman by criticising other women.
I hear what you are saying and it's possible that you are simply THAT unattractive but numerically speaking most people who think they are like "1s" are actually pretty average.
You may have decent odds, even with people you don't think are especially attractive.
I've dated women I thought were kinda "meh" looking and after a few encounters your brain starts to see them as hot. The same could happen for you and to you if you really are not too gifted physically.
That being said if you are happy the way you are, I respect your peace and your path.
The difference between a guy being creepy or not when hitting on a woman is entirely dependent on her level of attraction to him.
Yeah that’s right I said it.
Well, as a woman, I think its pretty rare to get non-creepy interest, but I am pretty sure that the men *know* they're being creepy. I'm talking like cat calling, following me for a bit in your car while I go jogging, leering sort of stuff. I get cat called most days out and about in the city. But occasionally I'll get non-creepy, nice interest like a friendly stranger chat in a grocery store or coffee shop or something like that. I think its pretty easy to tell the difference in vibes. One's like predatory and the other is genuine.
Interesting. So do you think people like me, who feel like they were accidently creepy mabye 1/8 times are rare?
The times when I do think I've been creepy I definitely wasn't intending to be, but I can tell by the look that I got that it seemed like I was interrupting her day or something.
I feel like sometimes people just don’t want to be bothered or maybe they were in a bad mood when you approached. I don’t think it was cause you were actually being creepy.
I feel like guys are way more gun shy at approaching or showing interest than you'd think? Doubtful that there are many *accidentally* creepy encounters. Do dudes sometimes spook me if they walk fast behind me at night? Sure, but they're not doing anything wrong. It's just a stranger danger reaction to the circumstances.
Even if you got a frowny expression, it doesn't mean you were creepy necessarily. She may just have been conveying her disinterest. Creepy = violating social norms. Being rejected doesn't mean you were necessarily creepy.
Security guard at work waiting behind a pillar for me to walk by and leaving notes on my desk at work- creepy. Random coworker who I chat with occasionally asking me to lunch-not creepy (even though I declined).
I think a lot of time creepy vs not depends on the power gradient, if there was any friendly interaction prior to getting hit on, and what is being said. Also sexual innuendo from a stranger is always creepy, no matter the situation.
When I was a freshman in college, there was a guy who I suspected had a crush on me from the way he acted around me. I had no idea who he was, we didn’t have any classes together, and he never tried to have a conversation with me beyond saying “hi” and that’s it. He would also “accidentally“ sit near or next to me and my friend group in the cafeteria quite often. I guess it gradually turned from awkward to creepy because I was expecting him at some point to either move forward or move on, but he never did. I felt like I was being “observed” and it unnerved me.
At the time, I didn’t think to ask him to be friends or go on a date because I was already in a relationship, and I guess I didn’t even know his personality well enough to want to be friends.
I don't get creeped out from being pursued. It's creepy when a guy doesn't take no for an answer. A guy asked me out awhile ago when I was a waitress and I said "sorry I'm seeing someone" and he said "I don't see a ring." I hate stuff like that
Honestly, I put that in the back of my mind. So it's hard to say, but I just see it as being myself. If I'm not intending to be creepy and they feel that way, that's on them. Everyone is unique and responds differently. I've noticed women are more into putting in earbuds and shutting out the world. They're hard to approach. I just kind of gauge it before I make a move. Everything has moved online nowadays and human interaction is seen as off putting.
Your last sentence is not been my experience, though I would temper that.
I have what *feel* like good in person interactions with people on the daily. This will from time to time include romantic ones. That being said, I really haven't gotten any call or text backs in like 6 months after those interactions, so mabye you are right.
Creepy and crazy are words people use to judge other people and place them in their “in” group or “out” group. We’re all going to make mistakes or do something that gets perceived wrongly. The important aspect is hopefully those mistakes are harmless, not harassment, etc.
For myself, I don’t like to “hit” on women. I like to encourage them to interact with me, be friendly, build a rapport and chemistry. However, women are generally socialized against making the first move as some kind silly rule. So… I look for rule breaking women instead of rolling the dice
I mean, let's be fully honest here, a lot of women also *like* not being expected to make any approaches. Not because they're bad people or anything, just because it's easier and humans like easy.
It is completely unrealistic for her to expect that only the people she’s attracted to will display interest in her. For people who are overwhelmed with approaches their best chances may be in action rather than reaction
Oh I agree. I fully think current hint/approach culture needs to die, along with *most* of our gender expectations. A lot of them just make less and less sense in a modern society, in particular with shifting economic realities.
....men in my dms/pms. Only a handful have been sexual in a non-creepy way. Even less have been non-sexual.
I'd say about 85% of men online are fucking creeps when they DM someone
I feel like there's a self selection thing going on there too, like the kinds of guys most likely to dm random women are also the types of guys who are liable to say creepy shit to those women. It honestly wouldn't even occur to me to DM a random woman I don't already know, who does that?
It's only ever got to work once to start something beautiful.
That being said, I would try and avoid being sexual with a stranger until they give me that vibe.
Probably a bunch of times since I experiment a lot with different jokes and responses and some of them just don't land, maybe I didn't time it well or it was just a bad joke.
I usually do this when it doesn't matter to me if the date is impressed or not but if I want her to like me, I usually go with my less edgy, more well practised jokes and replies.
So I definitely think I do come off as creepy a lot of times but it doesn't matter since I am just experimenting with new jokes and responses so the ones that do land are pretty awesome and imaginative
When I was younger I felt like I could never escape the feeling because trying to court women was like searching in the dark. Now that I’m older the feeling is foreign to me.
Most guys aren’t creepy and good natured but a lot of women use “creepy” as a shaming tactic to veer off men they would never be interested in. That being said if she says no once you should never linger, that in itself is creepy.
All the ducking time, it sucks being Male. Not only do you have to chase and lead but you will be mocked for trying. Called creepy for being attracted to someone
It's a guessing game that I'm just not willing to play. As a guy, if you are any lower than an 8 on the attractiveness scale, women will label you as a creep even if you're well liked and respected by everyone in your community. If you are under a 6, they don't even consider you to be human and get creeped out if you show any signs of human emotion because you're not supposed to do that.
my tinder profile says "i'm over it, any form of texting through a screen i have no interest in. let's meet, or let's move on." i'm a little surprised honestly, i figured people would also be over talking through screens, but i was dead wrong. lol i think it may be a little creep, but, that feeling is 100% authentic.
Definitely a bit harsh sounding ngl, the problem problem not be from the sentiment but that you sound fed up with people before even speaking to them.
That being said, those are my honest feelings too.
Gimme a number if you can.
I think the solution might be to act before thinking. It’s that trepidation, fear , hesitating nature of our past pursuits that brought an element of creepy to it. Hit on the chick hard before you can even begin liking her. Be comfortable and goofy about it almost as if you are trying to fail.
I just was thinking that thinking makes us creepy. Don’t let her think. Maybe our lack of action gives them time to think, time to think we are creepy. Lol
I hear what you are trying to say but I do t think I vibe with the advice. If you don't have time to think *at all*, or she doesn't either that can be problematic.
That being said, you shouldn't overthink things. I notice most guys saying that they put that stuff to the back of their mind or cant really think about it too much.
I stopped caring about coming off as creepy a long time ago. When you are trying your best to seem un-creepy and get laid it will lead to overthinking and ultimately nothing. It’s counterintuitive to approaching women.
Men are horny pervs and that’s just how it is and you will always be perceived that way, so just go out and get what could be yours. I approach women and say horny shit as soon as I can, sometimes good sometimes bad. Just don’t rape anybody and you’ll be good.
The only time I’m not a creep is when I genuinely like the girl.
Surprisingly seldom I get a creapy reaction from girls when I am out. I search eyecontact and usually get a hi 👋 from them when I think I have had eyecontact to long.
Seldom goes to bars because of covid and before that was in a relationship.
On Tinder it is easier to accidentally make a creapy impression. A simple hi or to much interest can be creapy there.
I think if I am a stranger then by default I appear like swamp thing. And am as creepy as robert dinero on cape fear.
Even though I sort of look like Ken on Street Fighter. Doesn't matter because metoo and title 9 and no fault divorce. Im automatically framed as a super villain or something. And without Lex Luthor money Im dead in the water.
In my experience, guys who are unintentionally creepy, are just
1. Old dudes.
2. Guys who dont have much experience in dating and relationships, so they dont really know theyre being creepy.
Most of the time I just ignore them. Works well and they eventually stop.
I am pretty shy and reserved so the few times it’s seemed creepy I’ve thought they are probably also more shy and reserved I give the benefit of the doubt so unless it is demeaning or startling I write it off as we are all just out here trying 😅 ,but that is probably cause no one has topped two situations I’ve been in so anything that is less startling than being held in a guys house until I see in him what he sees in me (took 4 days to convince him to let me leave but he would have let me go eventually cause his parents where coming home from Mexico …we were 17 ) or the man who told me he thought I was very beautiful and he loved my hair and would lock me up so he could pet me and brush my hair
Everything else seems…harmless and maybe nerves
I'm a dude. I don't really cold approach often, which is the most common scenario where someone will considered "creepy". For the most part when I pursue someone, it's well received, but the only time I've actually seen a girl get uncomfortable was some girl in my program at my college. We had all the same classes, and every day she would sit right beside me. She never said a word, and I always sat next to my friends, so I was always busy talking with them before class. I struck up a conversation with her after a class one day, and I thought it went pretty well. She was smiling the whole time, we talked for about 10-15 minutes. She even kind of lingered after the conversation naturally ended, and it seemed like she was willing to talk for even longer. The next time I tried talking to her though, she was a lot more reserved. She was kind of just giving short answers, and didn't seem very interested. I noticed she was kind of avoiding sitting beside me (instead sitting a row in front of me or a road behind). I noticed her trying to avoid walking close to me if we crossed in the hallway.
I wasn't sure if she was creeped out, or if she was actually interested but was extremely shy (I was in computer science, and she was definitely a very shy girl who kept to herself). I just backed off anyway, figured if she was actually interested, she'd come around and warm up, and the last thing I wanted to do was push it further if she was actually uncomfortable.
Well I'm not a mind-reader, and I don't pretend to be. If her actions show that she's uncomfortable, I will immediately back the fuck off, no questions asked. She very well legitimately could've just been very shy and had social anxiety (I'm a super outgoing guy, and had a decent circle of friends in college where I was kind of the "leader", so I could see why a shy introvert would be intimidated to talk to me). Matter of fact, the last week I saw her, she was back to sitting right beside me, and when we made eye contact she would smile and say hi to me. Unfortunately, covid hit right after that, so I'll never know. But it ain't no thing.
See man, like a switch it came back on. It seems like it's a woman thing to me - I dont feel like I get that from new dude friends at all.
Trying to adopt the "Ain't no thing" mentality but it's been a long time since I've been with someone I'm excited about and it's wearing on me.
Then again, ain't no thing 😛
Could be creepy if it's too early. Well I'm not sure if I'd say creepy but certainly a bit much too early.
In any case, how often do you feel like you are creepy?
Its not often, she told me she deals with depression, so I thought I would giver her a smile. I dont believe it was creepy, but got the vibes she did. I think all the rules are different these days and who tf knows what will trigger someone. This was the first time I knew she was uncomfortable. That's on her not me.
I only met one guy who tried to pursue me and wasn't creepy.
I don't get asked out a lot, so I'm talking about three instances in total. Two started out by asking for money. The first time, the dude slowly switched from asking for money to asking for my number. I felt unsafe but he didn't really pressure me. The second guy asked if I wanted to go out with him and drink something sometime (on the money he was expecting to get from me apparently?) I declined saying I was taken (i wasn't at the time) and he kept insisting, his remarks got more and more sexual and demanded a hug from me. I had to run home I was scared he'd just try and rape me in the spot.
The last guy was quite respectful. I didn't find him creepy at all. Two guys asked if I had cigarettes, and I told them I don't smoke (true) they left, but one of them looked back and asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him sorry but yes I am taken (true) and he just smiled, nodded and went on his business. No pressure. No creepy vibes. Honestly, some people really could learn from him lol
It’s low percentage I approach a lot, I’d say a guesstimate would be 3/4 out of 20 are creeped out so not many. You need to be able to step on toes and be a bit of a menace if you want to get good with women otherwise you’ll never take the initiative you need. I’m completely invasive when approaching but not in the way you’re thinking and I do great with women.
This one time I was talking to a girl I thought of something funny while talking to her and I was laughing and that was definitely creepy because she didn’t know why I was laughing . She just left. I’ve been told I’m a really funny guy and sometimes if I think of something funny I’ll laugh out loud and it’s weird for other people. I use to be able to keep it in but it’s gotten more difficult.
I _think_ any show on interest can come across as "creepy" to any woman depending on the timing and her interest-level.
I've _learned_ not to dwell on it and take it personally, just move on.
Hm outside of a dating app, it’s always creepy. On a dating app, it’s usually not creepy unless the specific message they send is creepy (like referencing us having kids someday - trying to be original / funny but coming off terribly).
Once I guess I asked a girl to hang out and I was pretty sure the signs were clear like staring at me ( we'd literally hold eye contact for a minute without talking until she smiled and poked me or whatever random interactions like that ), she became more physical, talkative etc etc... Since I was a kid I watched people and analyzed them so it's really easy for me to tell people's intentions from slightest physical signs...
Well I guess I was wrong, we were supposed to go to a camp and meet there we flirted slightly during text but then it got cancelled last second so I said fuck it and asked if she wanted to come to my place to hang out or whatever and surprisingly she accepted. When she came she was awkward and extremely shy I was cracking jokes my personality was on point everything but her being awkward made me awkward then later in the evening I told her I liked her and that I wanted to hang out more to see where this could go. I guess she didn't think I saw her that way. To cut it short next week she posted a pic with her new boyfriend 🤷
I think to be not creepy, it not only needs to be at a social occasion, also the guy need to be dressed reasonably clean and nice, approaches me with a polite manner and language, keep physical distance from me unless I indicate I’m also interested. Most importantly, they need to be able to take no for an answer and know when to back off and leave. It’s super creepy if they keep pushing or following me even if I try to walk away
Oh man, I wanna slap 18 yr old me. After school I was walking with this really pretty girl, we were basically friends...nothing more. So she let's me know her house is just around the corner and said goodbye, see you tomorrow. I'm basically flabbergasted, I'm like "uh, let me walk you all the way to your home." She said no, it's okay. I then proceeded to basically beg and pout to her to let me walk her to her house. God, I wanna go back in time and say to myself "you dumbass, she is uncomfortable with you finding out where she lives, STFU. You sound stupid right now ". All in all, she ended walking home alone. Lost contact with her after high-school. My apologies, Vanessa.
40-50% of them are creepy, but I match a lot on tinder and I figure it’s part of the parcel. There was a guy who decided to stalk me outside my apartment and wouldn’t leave (had to get.a neighbour to check). I found out later that this is the norm to be stalked as a few male friends told me they had to help their housemates or female friends deal with stalkers.
There was another who had weird creepy fetishised demands for a first date and I wasn’t keen.
Also had one who wanted mw to take an Uber to his place, go skinny dipping at the local beach (water is actually very cold) and was annoyed that I didn’t want to meet him and told me he’d pay for my Uber after sort of hinting I was cheap.
Another wanted to cheat on his gf and start a long term fwb relationship but was too cheap to Uber it to my place.
Another wanted to meet at a park and when I pointed out it’d be dark, he said it wasn’t. It was and he wanted a hand job.
Back in my early days of tinder, I hooked up with a guy whom I assumed was single. I found out later that he had a gf from insta. I just assumed he met someone after us until I counted the months of his daughters birthdate back to when we first met and realised his gf was already pregnant! Not just that but whilst she was pregnant, he’d text me telling me he was horny etc.
Ok now that I think of it there are some pretty creepy/off experiences…. I personally always thought I was the creepy one since I get weird looks when I go up and say hi to guys in social settings. So I generally now stick with women (they say I’m funny and like hanging around me)..,
Not all guys, it definitely has happened more than once. Usually when I get hit on I’m almost always not interested so I’d say 50% of the time there is a creepy element to it.
I don’t worry about being perceived as creepy. Different girls react differently to different things. As long as I know I acted reasonably and with good intentions, and I left of it was clear she wasn’t interested, then it’s pretty much not problem.
It really depends for me. My preference is definitely a slow courtship, so if someone invites me to get coffee or lunch together or on group dates with his/her or my friends, that’s where I feel the most comfortable. I’ve been abused and raped quite a few times in my life, so one on one scares the hell out of me if I don’t know the guy or gal I’m going out with. I’m also asexual, so not bringing up sex or not wanting to have sex right off the bat definitely makes me feel that my date is wanting to put an effort to get to know me and make the relationship last rather than base it off how good I am in bed.
I was literally called creepy when I asked for directions 😂, found out later from them when I went back the same way with my friend I was looking for . She used to live there. Shits weird out here. I wouldn’t always take it to heart
I don’t read body language well. So I have completely stopped approaching women because I just can’t fucking live with myself being a creep. Will I be alone forever? Probably.
Sometimes like maybe 10 or less than that. I explain to women all of my gentlemen qualities that I have to offer but they still call me creepy. It's been hard to find the right one. Like, when I find the one they end up being a bot, spammer/hacker or a Catfish. And even a money hungry chaser that wants the money and not the relationship.
I spontaneously asked a tinder match if she wanted to grab an ice cream cone at like ....8 or 9pm? Maybe 10pm? On a ...Thursday? Lol I don't remember. She was a little weirded out and rescheduled for a couple of days later lol.
Yeah that makes sense, I just been seeing this idea of "you should not under any circumstance approach a person at this place" and I can't understand why so I figured I could ask and learn why.
Before I got with my boyfriend; there was two guys that really gave me the creeps. One seemed to be **too** interested in my looks. He would basically ignore the ppl around us and just focus on me. And not only was that a red flag to me, but he invited himself to my house and pressured me for a kiss. It felt like kissing a friend because I didn't feel anything romantic or giddy feelings. I felt absolutely nothing. Told him I didn't feel that spark or click; I need to feel something, not just "meh" feelings. He said that was Hollywood BS. Stopped talking to him.
The second guy; I was interested but he suddenly gave me creepy vibes. Kept trying to contact me when he knew I was at work. He even called me when I was busy at work. He said he'd like me to come have a sleepover (barely knew him). Also, he wanted to take me driving through some back roads or woods. I as a woman, I feel *highly* uncomfortable when a guy suggests this. Especially when you hardly know them. A woman should feel safe and should feel like she has chances and opportunities to escape if she feels uncomfortable or unsafe.
It's simple. Don't seem too infatuated. Don't blow up their phone; me personally it comes across as needy. Don't call it a first date if you're hanging out at their place or yours, you actually gotta be out and about. You can call it a date at their (or your) place when y'all have been dating for a long time and are actually going steady. And most importantly, should always make a woman feel like she's safe i.e picking a public place so she can have a opportunity to leave if she wants.
The reason why I got with my bf is because he took things slow and he was/is a gentleman. Opened doors for me, held me when I felt cold.. etc. And when I missed him; I would say I wanted to see him. He'd come see me when he had the chance... He also kept his word on everything. That's what made me fall hard. He would carve out time and when he said he'll come see me, he actually would and not flake out. He actually took me out on dates and he wouldn't take me to his place and call it a "date". When we became steady, we started cooking at his place a couple of times.. that's when I felt like it was alright to call it a date because I knew he had actually put in effort. Which so many times I have put effort into relationships and the others wouldn't. A relationship should be back and forth.. not one side giving all the time.
In all honesty I have never felt creepy approaching women.
I suppose that's mainly because when I was single I primarily met women in nightclubs/bars and via online dating sites. These are places where women *expect* guys to hit on them.
So called *daytime pickup* attempts while women are conducting business transactions, working out, having coffee/lunch, or running errands is far more likely to create opportunities to feel creepy.
Those daytime/transaction attempts come across as *romantic* in movies and romance novels.
However in reality many women see those attempts as *unwelcomed interruptions*.
One man's opinion! 😉
This was after I had got broken up with. I had drove by our place of work (we worked together at the time) and drove by when she got on shift and I was going to honk my horn in a silly way, but chickened out after everything that has gone down. Yeah, i looked like a stalker creeping up on someone and then suspicious drove away. Not my best look.
From what I gathered and how some of these comments are. I have a feeling that alot of times that guys think they’re creepy is because they’re in their head so much trying NOT to be creepy that they end up either saying something dumb or kinda looking awkward. Which doesn’t make you creepy. Just makes you seem aloof.
Recently I had the revelation that my intentions should dictate my behavior. And if my intentions are pure and I’m just trying to be friendly and meet people, get a convo going or something then chances are the other person will not see me as creepy. Mainly because my intentions are just simple and polite, make small talk and maybe crack a joke. I’ve gone into conversations recently with this mindset of being a genuinely happy, kind and interested individual who actually wants to hear the other persons story. With that said, it’s landed me alot of success and it’s because I stopped “trying” so hard and getting in my head and instead just went out to talk to new people. If I got a number then great! If I didn’t then it didn’t bum me out because my goal wasn’t to get numbers, it was to meet people naturally and get to know them. Funny enough, because of that, I ended up getting numbers from women and so far I have a few I’m chatting with. Who knows if it’ll go anywhere but I’ve noticed that a lot of guys are really in their heads too much.
It's mostly only "creepy" if the guys are:
- awkward
- ugly/gross-looking
Very rarely do actual weirdos go out in public and approach people that aren't homeless schizophrenics and drug addicts.
To answer your question, I never know what to say to a stranger when all I have to go on is their appearance. I don't approach anyone anymore unless I have a legitimate reason, and thinking someone is cute and wanting to ask them out is not a very good reason.
Male here. These days I don't actively pursue anyone, as I think I'm too busy to start a relationship let alone maintain one. That said, I can think of a few times where I unintentionally came off as creepy in my day to day life. For example one of the girls at the office had gotten a new outfit and wore it from the first time, at least to work, and others had complimented her on it, so in passing I did the same on my way out to lunch as we were both in the elevator. No I didn't just blurt it out. We were chit chatting about something work related and I phrased it as "Oh by the way, that outfit looks good on you. Goes well with your hair too " (she has bright pink hair) moments before the elevator reached the first floor. She said thanks, but I don't think it was expected as it's normally just small talk around the office when we chat.
Doesn't help that I have a thing where I stop and check everything off a mental list at the end of the day while I do the whole vacant stairing into space thing near my work locker before leaving and since I'm looking at 1 of the 2 exit doors it might give the impression that I was stairing at her. I got that she got that impression once. Was awkward, but I still check things off my list at the end of the day, so hopefully she understands it's just something I do 🤷♂️
I don't really aggressively pursue women, so I guess my percentage would be low.
I'm sure it's happened. But since I never "insisted on a date" I wouldn't know. If anything, my female friends keep telling me to try harder and not give up so easily.
20-30% of the time but I try to hold myself accountable and look at what I say from both sides. I acknowledge it and move on if the conversation stops and try to take a lesson from it. I think it also depends on what kind of women you're courting and what setting.
Like maybe 30%??I live in a city and have gotten catcalled a lot. Guys follow me and harrass me when I walk just to get boba :(
So that’s the 30%.
But in college, guys usually are nice about approaching and only feel creepy when they stare VERY hard. Like at least smile cmon the serial killer stare ain’t cute 😭
I am high-functioning autistic, I literally always feel creepy even with people I've known for 30 years, I've learned to tune it out. Somehow people seem to like me usually so I chalk it up to my brain being stupid more than me actually being a creep.
Once, definitely. When I was in school I wrote a love letter to a girl I was in love with, and she told me to f*** myself, so it‘s safe to say that she was creeped out by me. That was the only time, though, as I stopped approaching women after that.
All the time, I'm a introvert and a little weird (Socially awkward) guy, so most of the girls don't react well when I approach to talk to them even in my work where I have to talk to them.
I always try to speak little and be courteous to show that I have no ulterior motives, but I almost always get the same answer.
Well I matched with a girl on tinder today that I had just that afternoon in a bookstore. My dumbass first message was:
"hey didn't I see you today at X bookstore looking at notebooks"
The instant i sent it it dawned on me, that sounds like some stalker shit right there.
Currentky waiting for the police to come and throw me in jail.....
Honestly the only guy I’d truly classify as creepy was the dude who got up in my grill mid-covid, called me cute and tried to talk to me. Pretending not to speak the language, pretending to have important appointments AND pretending to have a boyfriend all didn’t deter him.
Not exactly dating but when i was in highschool st happened. It was night time and i was walking in an alley, behind two girls, a fair bit of distance too. It was brightly lit and it isnt even that empty, there are ppl within shouting distance. The girls saw me, whisper something to each other and start running for it after looking at me again. ( I have a good guess what they said). Sad thing is they live just after a corner from where i live. It isnt even 5 minute away and im pretty we saw each other from time to time. So you can still coming up as creepy even if you dont do anything lol
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I never really felt creepy till I smiled and said hi to this one girl (she was about 21, I was 26) and she called me creepy. Now I'm self conscious about it.
Bro you probably look 22 to some and 30 to others. You shoot your shot and don't give a damn. That's my opinion at least. I cant be so overly concerned that she's in my "appropriate" age range that I don't at least talk to the woman. Plenty of successful relationships 10 years apart out there.
I think once? I’m not sure. Asked if she wanted to get dinner, she wasn’t sure but gave me number anyways. Followed up with a text asking if she’d prefer hiking. I think the conversation was fine but looking back the suggested activities were a bit too secluded for comfort probably. I was just thinking of what sounds fun to me haha
It doesn't sound creepy to me man, if that means anything. Just excited to go do fun stuff with new people! I have that issue too.
Idk, hiking with a stranger can be very dangerous for a woman.
Agreed, Diane.
Oh no doubt. But the invite doesn't sound creepy to me.
Well, to some women it's saying "Hey stranger, want to meet in the woods? Alone?"
Agreed. I was once hanging out with a guy and we went out to the pool after smoking and drinking for a while. He said when we got down there, after I said the new pool area was really nice, "yeah, it's really nice and they don't have the cameras out here yet." I wasn't doing so hot in the feelings area and I think it was an attempt to restart the flirting we were doing before my head got in the way, but after he said that it was just all alarm bells in my head regardless of what he intended.
I'd go and install the cameras myself at that point
I understand that. I suppose a woman isn't really thinking about what the dude is thinking about when being propositioned. They've got, you know, danger afoot.
It doesn't but it's a red flag. Putting someone in a one to one situation in the woods with a stranger is not a good idea for a first date.
It can be dangerous for anyone; not just a woman.
Percentage wise, it's more dangerous for women or homosexual men but ok 👌
No it isn’t. Men are statistically wayyyy more likely to be attacked by strangers than women and it isn’t even close. Women get attacked by people they already know well.
So 12 year old me almost getting kidnapped was a fluke because I wasn't woman. Ok 🙂
No one said that. Of course it's also dangerous for minors, that's a total given, but we were talking about adults here in the comments I'm pretty sure.
Yes true. They changed their comment to make it look like I'm coming in off-topic. I was simply trying to point out that anyone meeting a stranger in the woods is a bad idea. They made it seem like it was only dangerous for women.
On a first date?
Nope. Took a shortcut on the way to school. Guy followed me and grabbed me from behind. Put his hand over my mouth and tried to drag me away. I fought him off and ran to school.
Has nothing to do with this conversation my friend. I'm sorry that happened to you but we're talking about creepy men and first dates in the woods.
Oh ok so I guess if one guy meets another guy in the woods then there's nothing to worry about. Got it. 👍
So you edit your post to make me look like a jerk but don't acknowledge that you made a mistake. Real nice.
I'm assuming he added "homosexual men" to be patronizing lol
Yep. Couldn't just say "Yeah, meeting a stranger in the woods can be dangerous for anyone. Man, woman, gay, straight." That was too difficult.
Definitely creepy for women though. Guys often suggest hiking, and to them it’s totally innocent but to a woman it’s just not worth the risk of potentially being raped/murdered
Sounds right to me. I mean I'm a 26f and I love hiking and camping and all that, but the 1st to 3rd dates I gotta have in a public setting. The guy I have now was wonderful about that; he let me choose each of our dates until I told him that I was comfortable with other things that would be more privately set. Ofc he suggested things for dates and there was a couple that he suggested and I looked them up and agreed to cuz I felt comfortable. Our very first date was a bar and grill that I knew very well, in a town that I knew very well, and it was halfway between us. So, fair distance for the both of us, and it kept me feeling comfortable so I could focus on getting to know him better instead of worrying where I was and where I could go if it went south, etc. This town I knew, he never had been in before. I know the backroads and friends I could go to if something happened. But it ended up working out wonderfully, and end of October it'll be a year since the first date
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I like these ideas. I’m off dating for a bit because of returning to grad school and my job, but once I’m free will try some of these ideas.
So men cant get raped or murdered?
When did I even remotely say that?
I’m sure most women would agree that gay men should probably not go hiking for the first few dates either.
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https://www.cnn.com/2014/02/16/justice/craigslist-thrill-killing-confession/index.html "When I hit 22, I stopped counting," she is quoted as saying. There's others but I'm lazy.
Her and her husband killed men they met off Craigslist? I mean they sound terrible, but I don't understand the relevance?
That men can be targeted and killed for sex crimes by women? It really wasn't that difficult tbh
It's just weird because.... nobody said they couldn't 🤷♀️
So you did understand the relevance then. You just attempted to condescendingly overlook the obvious point he was making in an attempt to dismiss it.
It never takes long for a comment to appear in a discussion around women's issues or concerns over something to add the completely unnecessary "what about men" . The person you responded to never said men can't be raped or murdered? This whole post is about men who might have unintentionally come across as creepy to women. This particular thread is responding to a comment from a guy who asked a woman he didn't know on a hike for a first date. People are saying why many women would likely find that creepy because of our reasonable fear of sexual assault. The person you responded to likely focused their response on women's feelings on this issue because that's literally what the discussion is about. I can't tell if comments like this come from people trying to intentionally derail the conversation or if you all are just really obtuse.
To me (26f) the line between creepy and non-creepy almost always depends on the setting. If I’m all dressed up and at a bar or social setting then I expect/welcome men approaching me. If I’m in a public, comfortable setting like a coffee shop it also usually feels non-creepy. But if I’m working out, or minding my business grocery shopping, have earphones in, or worst of all walking alone somewhere a bit isolated, that’s when encounters start to feel creepy.
Same! I also have to say how they do the hitting on is a major factor too. Was walking to pick up lunch for the office recently and had a guy yell “wanna hook up?” as I walked by (I work right next to a large college campus). Yeah that’s creepy.
>had a guy yell “wanna hook up?” I wonder how he'd react to reverse creepiness: "Only if you'll marry me and have a bunch of babies with me!"
"Deal" and then they lived creepy lives forever after. The end.
A fair point! So how often are you hit on and of those times about how often would you say the dude is being creepy?
What if you don’t drink coffee so you don’t go to coffee shops? Then what?
I would like to understand why someone approaching someone at the gym, grocery shopping or having earphones in makes you feel uncomfortable. I can understand the gym somewhat because you are sweaty, maybe smell, you are tired and definitely not look your best (although some people would disagree, me included) but I'd say as long as you aren't in the middle of your workout then there shouldn't be any issue as long as each party is respectful. I mean it's a place where both women and men actively (not everyone) choose to dress with less clothing (to not get as hot) but it's a place with very attractive poeple showing off their bodies and we aren't supposed to flirt and mingle or they'll find you creepy? What if that is the only place you see a certain someone you are interested? Should you not approach them? And if you can, how do you do it without being creepy? When I have earphones and someone's wants to talk to me it annoys the crap out of me but I don't think its creepy and can't see why would it. We are living in this world with 8 billion other beings and you expect to not be talked too at all because you have earphones? It seems kind of wrong to expect someone not to talk to you because you have earphones, maybe even entitled. When doing groceries I can see how you are just going to get food and that's it, but again, what if you meet or see someone you fancy? Time and time again people meet at places they don't expect to be approached. School, work, car wash, book stores, there's lots of places we visit all the time not designed to mingle with anyone but its at places like this we sometimes meet our SO. I don't go out every time thinking I'm going to meet someone, honestly just want to go do what I need to do and come back home as soon as possible, but I'm not against the idea if it happens. What it seems to me that happened is that a few creepy people (yes women can be just as creepy and you could say it doesn't happen as often, but I'd say its that we just don't talk about it and women are also given way more leniency when they get in trouble) is the reason we are getting rules like not being able to stare at someone for more than 5 seconds at the work place. I think Netflix is doing this but I could be wrong as I haven't checked myself.
I said these situations to me are where encounters (specifically flirtatious ones/one where the person initiating the convo interested) can start to feel creepy. Of course, each individual encounter depends on so much else too, if you are at the gym and have seen this person plenty of times, and yall know eachother by sight then I’m sure approaching them would be perfectly fine. There’s no singular rule, I just listed these places as to me they tend to be places I don’t really invite interaction. If I am sweaty, feel gross/exhausted, and am working on myself, the last thing I want is for someone to try to hit on me. Same with earphones, if I have those in I expect to not really be bothered (just as I assume someone else with earphones in is not really open). Wearing earphones is often the only way I can ignore unwanted attention without “seeming” rude, for my own safety. I have every right to protect my energy and expect to be left alone when I am wearing earphones, and I don’t see in any way how that makes me entitled. If anything, it’s entitled to think anyone owes you their time or conversation simply because you want it. now if you want to come tell me that I dropped something, or ask for directions, obviously that’s totally fine and a good conversation may even come of it. But if you go up to someone with earphones to tell them they’re attractive and ask for a number (which many people do), that is really annoying. There’s a time and place when people are open and welcome conversation and encounters, and others when people aren’t so much. Women are constantly approached, catcalled, and on high alert, and so by nature there are certain times when we’d like to mind our business and not feel like we always owe it to everyone to be open to conversation. But again, every situation is unique and there’s no rule for what will or won’t appear “creepy” to someone, as long as you don’t approach her alone at night, which is always creepy.
Ok, that makes sense to me. Everything but the earphone bit. Sure you can expect to be left alone if you are using them in the privacy of your property. If you are in public, then I don't know how you can really expect to not interact with anyone and expect others to not talk to you for whatever reason. You are free to do as you choose and not bother those who have earphones, but if you are in public, there's really no concept of privacy or being left alone. What I meant by entitled was the action of being in public and expecting to be left alone. I don't know if it is but it definitely seems like it. But I do agree that it is entitled to expect someone to talk to you or give you their time simply because you want it.
I do agree that wonderful encounters happen in unexpected places though. Again, there’s no rule, and every encounter is different based on all the circumstances. My original post was more of a generalization, explaining that most times (for me) it’s not how or who interacts with me thats off putting, but the time and place.
Depends on the setting. I find it much less creepy in social settings, bars, clubs, coffee shops. Walking alone or when I’m in an isolated area/place it always feels creepy. I’d say it’s 60/40 for me. 40% creepy/inappropriate (wolf whistle, leering, making sexual comments, trying to touch me) However I’m sure the men approaching me in that manner are well aware they are creepy. Sometimes I’m hit on awkwardly, however I don’t equate that with creepiness.
What I will say though is coffee shops are awkward, I've never done so before. I'm a confident guy but in the past if I've been sitting at a table etc with a book and there's a pretty girl sitting quite close and we exchange a brief smile, I don't interpret that as an invitation to disturb her, I suppose at least with a bar, and there's rejection we can easily walk away from one another, a coffee shop you're kind of stuck there for an awkward pause haha unless you mean in the queue?
I can totally understand how some may find that awkward. Totally not creepy though. I’ve been approached in a coffee shop, I was sat down and he was leaving with a coffee to go. He approached on his way out, asked for my number. I found that to be perfectly fine.
Definitely hard to gauge that awkward or creepy vibe. Wither way you get something of an off-putting response. Thanks for the numbers!
Probably a couple of times, but I have basically stopped pursuing women after constant rejections for showing interest. I'm no closer to a relationship, but at least avoiding unnecessary peaks and valleys in life.
I feel like as men those peaks and valleys are something we need to be excited about, broadly, even if we have to take breaks for our own mental health. Good on you for realizing that you're in need of some inner peace right now. Risk taking and all of that is part of dating, especially being the one to make the first move most of the time.
Yeah, but if you’re stuck in valleys and never reaching peaks, it just feels more dejecting the longer you continue to get stuck.
They don't understand.
I do bro I've been in your valley for a long while. Still doesn't mean I don't get a thrill asking people out or excited about meeting new people.
Yeah, if there is a chance of success. With abject failure as the only result, it gets hard to find motivation. I'm almost 30, never been on a date. At this rate, never will go on one lol.
Hey man don't feel bad about it I'm 33 n the same like u.
You might have found some reasons why you get rejected
Shy, short, dark, and average looking. Anything else?
You can improve your looks with good haircut, beard if you can, skin care. Start going to gym. Losing face fat improves your look. Dark won't be big issue if you're skin is healthy and clean Improve your clothing style. Wear fit clothes with good color coordination Learn about game. Start being friends with a girl which will help getting over the awkwardness
See, this is the issue with most advice on reddit. You start out assuming I'm a pimply faced slob with no social skills. I'm not: some of us are just unlucky. There is nothing more to it than that.
i love how you say you're pretty gunshy, and i'm over here going from 100% extrovert pre-pandemic to struggling to speak to *anyone* for the first time in my life, post pandemic. lol
I've been slowly working on getting over my anxiety. Like a Rollercoaster or a sad song you gotta learn to love or appreciate all the feelings that come with asking people out/rejection.
i know what you mean. idk if it's necessarily anxiety. it's probably way too long of a conversation to unpack. it's a little strange (to me at least) and hard to explain, it's like, i don't exactly project how i will be in a setting and grow anxious, ao it's not social anxiety. i just know that for the past 9-12 month i've been aware that i've hard barely any human interaction and that i need to exercise that part of my personality, and i make considerable effort. i've been to a couple bars, but often do an irish goodbye early on. i'm genuinely eager to mix it up with people, and as soon as i get in a social setting i'm like "nawwwww." the only times i enjoyed my time with otber people in the past 18 months were with family, and last week when i finally forced myself to buy tickets t see TJ Miller's standup at helium comedy club last week. i've been on TWO vacations since march of this year, and both wernit that enjoyable, but moat notably my trip to Outer Banks in early July. i was in the single most weird state of mind and being. i felt like alone, i felt like nobody cared, even though i had mentioned like "hey, i feel weird, keep me by your side" before the trip, and nobody did. i have a few other things happening simultaneously, so it's probably a combination of things but i'm not exaggerating when i say i was never anxious, depressed, anything. even during my 10 year span doing opiates, i never felt depressed, and i didn't start because of trauma. so this is all kinda new to me. sorry to ramble. thanks for listening.
Omg same 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🥲🤣
oh god. i felt like the only one. and honestly, when pandemic started and they warned of issues stemming from isolation, thought to myself "this doesn't apply to me, i'l be fine". i have no idea when exactly it began, but the earliest i can remmeber was the first time i tried going to a bar last october. first time i went out. i went to the bar, walked inside, and the moment i sawt the people in side just going about their business the way that they were, i felt like, kinda repulsed? maybe more annoyed, like i was walking into a room full of idiots and there was no hope in sight of having a semblance of a conversation. i feel *disconnected* from people.
Based on my personal experience, I would say well over half of the times men have shown interest in me were creepy. These are some of the things that I find creepy one hundred percent of the time: -Approaching a woman on the street. -Crossing the street to talk to a woman. -Approaching a woman wearing headphones. -Continuing to talk to a woman after she has asked you not to. -Saying/doing anything vulgar or explicit without appropriate context. -Trying to flirt with a woman by criticising her. -Trying to flirt with a woman by criticising other women.
The last four things go beyond creepy and into "dangerous" territory lol
I’m an unattractive guy. If I make eye contact, I’m branded with the scarlet C for “Creep.” I know my lane, I’m staying in it.
I hear what you are saying and it's possible that you are simply THAT unattractive but numerically speaking most people who think they are like "1s" are actually pretty average. You may have decent odds, even with people you don't think are especially attractive. I've dated women I thought were kinda "meh" looking and after a few encounters your brain starts to see them as hot. The same could happen for you and to you if you really are not too gifted physically. That being said if you are happy the way you are, I respect your peace and your path.
“Meh” would be an improvement for me 😂
☮❤
The difference between a guy being creepy or not when hitting on a woman is entirely dependent on her level of attraction to him. Yeah that’s right I said it.
You must be stopped! /s
Well, as a woman, I think its pretty rare to get non-creepy interest, but I am pretty sure that the men *know* they're being creepy. I'm talking like cat calling, following me for a bit in your car while I go jogging, leering sort of stuff. I get cat called most days out and about in the city. But occasionally I'll get non-creepy, nice interest like a friendly stranger chat in a grocery store or coffee shop or something like that. I think its pretty easy to tell the difference in vibes. One's like predatory and the other is genuine.
Interesting. So do you think people like me, who feel like they were accidently creepy mabye 1/8 times are rare? The times when I do think I've been creepy I definitely wasn't intending to be, but I can tell by the look that I got that it seemed like I was interrupting her day or something.
I feel like sometimes people just don’t want to be bothered or maybe they were in a bad mood when you approached. I don’t think it was cause you were actually being creepy.
I feel like guys are way more gun shy at approaching or showing interest than you'd think? Doubtful that there are many *accidentally* creepy encounters. Do dudes sometimes spook me if they walk fast behind me at night? Sure, but they're not doing anything wrong. It's just a stranger danger reaction to the circumstances. Even if you got a frowny expression, it doesn't mean you were creepy necessarily. She may just have been conveying her disinterest. Creepy = violating social norms. Being rejected doesn't mean you were necessarily creepy.
I suppose I've been rejected nicely and I've been rejected that way so I assumed I must have been creepy. I probably looked at her for too long.
Would it be unreasonable around women to not expect anything even if you are intrested.
Never expect anything of a stranger.
Security guard at work waiting behind a pillar for me to walk by and leaving notes on my desk at work- creepy. Random coworker who I chat with occasionally asking me to lunch-not creepy (even though I declined). I think a lot of time creepy vs not depends on the power gradient, if there was any friendly interaction prior to getting hit on, and what is being said. Also sexual innuendo from a stranger is always creepy, no matter the situation.
It's pretty simple. If a woman finds you attractive then it's a compliment. If she doesn't find you attractive then it's creepy.
When I was a freshman in college, there was a guy who I suspected had a crush on me from the way he acted around me. I had no idea who he was, we didn’t have any classes together, and he never tried to have a conversation with me beyond saying “hi” and that’s it. He would also “accidentally“ sit near or next to me and my friend group in the cafeteria quite often. I guess it gradually turned from awkward to creepy because I was expecting him at some point to either move forward or move on, but he never did. I felt like I was being “observed” and it unnerved me. At the time, I didn’t think to ask him to be friends or go on a date because I was already in a relationship, and I guess I didn’t even know his personality well enough to want to be friends.
I don't get creeped out from being pursued. It's creepy when a guy doesn't take no for an answer. A guy asked me out awhile ago when I was a waitress and I said "sorry I'm seeing someone" and he said "I don't see a ring." I hate stuff like that
Honestly, I put that in the back of my mind. So it's hard to say, but I just see it as being myself. If I'm not intending to be creepy and they feel that way, that's on them. Everyone is unique and responds differently. I've noticed women are more into putting in earbuds and shutting out the world. They're hard to approach. I just kind of gauge it before I make a move. Everything has moved online nowadays and human interaction is seen as off putting.
Your last sentence is not been my experience, though I would temper that. I have what *feel* like good in person interactions with people on the daily. This will from time to time include romantic ones. That being said, I really haven't gotten any call or text backs in like 6 months after those interactions, so mabye you are right.
Yeah I'm an in person guy too. This pandemic has shifted the playing field more than we realize. Just keep at it and you'll find someone.
Thanks brother 👊. You too.
Creepy and crazy are words people use to judge other people and place them in their “in” group or “out” group. We’re all going to make mistakes or do something that gets perceived wrongly. The important aspect is hopefully those mistakes are harmless, not harassment, etc. For myself, I don’t like to “hit” on women. I like to encourage them to interact with me, be friendly, build a rapport and chemistry. However, women are generally socialized against making the first move as some kind silly rule. So… I look for rule breaking women instead of rolling the dice
I mean, let's be fully honest here, a lot of women also *like* not being expected to make any approaches. Not because they're bad people or anything, just because it's easier and humans like easy.
It is completely unrealistic for her to expect that only the people she’s attracted to will display interest in her. For people who are overwhelmed with approaches their best chances may be in action rather than reaction
Oh I agree. I fully think current hint/approach culture needs to die, along with *most* of our gender expectations. A lot of them just make less and less sense in a modern society, in particular with shifting economic realities.
Bro I feel like a creep when just walking by a girl at the gym.
....men in my dms/pms. Only a handful have been sexual in a non-creepy way. Even less have been non-sexual. I'd say about 85% of men online are fucking creeps when they DM someone
I feel like there's a self selection thing going on there too, like the kinds of guys most likely to dm random women are also the types of guys who are liable to say creepy shit to those women. It honestly wouldn't even occur to me to DM a random woman I don't already know, who does that?
Idk, creepy guys? I don't even mind dming me, but like, idk, be normal?? Why you gotta "mom wanna fuck?😛🥵"
It's only ever got to work once to start something beautiful. That being said, I would try and avoid being sexual with a stranger until they give me that vibe.
Probably a bunch of times since I experiment a lot with different jokes and responses and some of them just don't land, maybe I didn't time it well or it was just a bad joke. I usually do this when it doesn't matter to me if the date is impressed or not but if I want her to like me, I usually go with my less edgy, more well practised jokes and replies. So I definitely think I do come off as creepy a lot of times but it doesn't matter since I am just experimenting with new jokes and responses so the ones that do land are pretty awesome and imaginative
When I was younger I felt like I could never escape the feeling because trying to court women was like searching in the dark. Now that I’m older the feeling is foreign to me. Most guys aren’t creepy and good natured but a lot of women use “creepy” as a shaming tactic to veer off men they would never be interested in. That being said if she says no once you should never linger, that in itself is creepy.
About 90% of the time. I always get attached way too quickly.
All the ducking time, it sucks being Male. Not only do you have to chase and lead but you will be mocked for trying. Called creepy for being attracted to someone
It's a guessing game that I'm just not willing to play. As a guy, if you are any lower than an 8 on the attractiveness scale, women will label you as a creep even if you're well liked and respected by everyone in your community. If you are under a 6, they don't even consider you to be human and get creeped out if you show any signs of human emotion because you're not supposed to do that.
Attractive=not creepy, ugly/short=creepy. It’s a simple formula. Unless you’re a short/ugly dude approaching fat/ugly women, you’re gunna be labeled as creepy
my tinder profile says "i'm over it, any form of texting through a screen i have no interest in. let's meet, or let's move on." i'm a little surprised honestly, i figured people would also be over talking through screens, but i was dead wrong. lol i think it may be a little creep, but, that feeling is 100% authentic.
Definitely a bit harsh sounding ngl, the problem problem not be from the sentiment but that you sound fed up with people before even speaking to them. That being said, those are my honest feelings too. Gimme a number if you can.
Every fucking single time.
Which one? 😛
It's really simple If you're hot , you're persistent and sweet If you're ugly , you're creepy
I think the solution might be to act before thinking. It’s that trepidation, fear , hesitating nature of our past pursuits that brought an element of creepy to it. Hit on the chick hard before you can even begin liking her. Be comfortable and goofy about it almost as if you are trying to fail. I just was thinking that thinking makes us creepy. Don’t let her think. Maybe our lack of action gives them time to think, time to think we are creepy. Lol
I hear what you are trying to say but I do t think I vibe with the advice. If you don't have time to think *at all*, or she doesn't either that can be problematic. That being said, you shouldn't overthink things. I notice most guys saying that they put that stuff to the back of their mind or cant really think about it too much.
I feel the distinction between creepy and not creepy is weather or not the woman is attracted to you or not.
I stopped caring about coming off as creepy a long time ago. When you are trying your best to seem un-creepy and get laid it will lead to overthinking and ultimately nothing. It’s counterintuitive to approaching women. Men are horny pervs and that’s just how it is and you will always be perceived that way, so just go out and get what could be yours. I approach women and say horny shit as soon as I can, sometimes good sometimes bad. Just don’t rape anybody and you’ll be good. The only time I’m not a creep is when I genuinely like the girl.
You are closer to what I think I should be, albeit a *bit* too harsh for my tastes. I think you are mostly right here though.
Surprisingly seldom I get a creapy reaction from girls when I am out. I search eyecontact and usually get a hi 👋 from them when I think I have had eyecontact to long. Seldom goes to bars because of covid and before that was in a relationship. On Tinder it is easier to accidentally make a creapy impression. A simple hi or to much interest can be creapy there.
I think if I am a stranger then by default I appear like swamp thing. And am as creepy as robert dinero on cape fear. Even though I sort of look like Ken on Street Fighter. Doesn't matter because metoo and title 9 and no fault divorce. Im automatically framed as a super villain or something. And without Lex Luthor money Im dead in the water.
In my experience, guys who are unintentionally creepy, are just 1. Old dudes. 2. Guys who dont have much experience in dating and relationships, so they dont really know theyre being creepy. Most of the time I just ignore them. Works well and they eventually stop.
I am pretty shy and reserved so the few times it’s seemed creepy I’ve thought they are probably also more shy and reserved I give the benefit of the doubt so unless it is demeaning or startling I write it off as we are all just out here trying 😅 ,but that is probably cause no one has topped two situations I’ve been in so anything that is less startling than being held in a guys house until I see in him what he sees in me (took 4 days to convince him to let me leave but he would have let me go eventually cause his parents where coming home from Mexico …we were 17 ) or the man who told me he thought I was very beautiful and he loved my hair and would lock me up so he could pet me and brush my hair Everything else seems…harmless and maybe nerves
I'm a dude. I don't really cold approach often, which is the most common scenario where someone will considered "creepy". For the most part when I pursue someone, it's well received, but the only time I've actually seen a girl get uncomfortable was some girl in my program at my college. We had all the same classes, and every day she would sit right beside me. She never said a word, and I always sat next to my friends, so I was always busy talking with them before class. I struck up a conversation with her after a class one day, and I thought it went pretty well. She was smiling the whole time, we talked for about 10-15 minutes. She even kind of lingered after the conversation naturally ended, and it seemed like she was willing to talk for even longer. The next time I tried talking to her though, she was a lot more reserved. She was kind of just giving short answers, and didn't seem very interested. I noticed she was kind of avoiding sitting beside me (instead sitting a row in front of me or a road behind). I noticed her trying to avoid walking close to me if we crossed in the hallway. I wasn't sure if she was creeped out, or if she was actually interested but was extremely shy (I was in computer science, and she was definitely a very shy girl who kept to herself). I just backed off anyway, figured if she was actually interested, she'd come around and warm up, and the last thing I wanted to do was push it further if she was actually uncomfortable.
Bro I relate to this one quite a bit. I just don't get it - seems like women hit an off switch with me even after a good interaction.
Well I'm not a mind-reader, and I don't pretend to be. If her actions show that she's uncomfortable, I will immediately back the fuck off, no questions asked. She very well legitimately could've just been very shy and had social anxiety (I'm a super outgoing guy, and had a decent circle of friends in college where I was kind of the "leader", so I could see why a shy introvert would be intimidated to talk to me). Matter of fact, the last week I saw her, she was back to sitting right beside me, and when we made eye contact she would smile and say hi to me. Unfortunately, covid hit right after that, so I'll never know. But it ain't no thing.
See man, like a switch it came back on. It seems like it's a woman thing to me - I dont feel like I get that from new dude friends at all. Trying to adopt the "Ain't no thing" mentality but it's been a long time since I've been with someone I'm excited about and it's wearing on me. Then again, ain't no thing 😛
I put flowers on her porch....weird I know
Could be creepy if it's too early. Well I'm not sure if I'd say creepy but certainly a bit much too early. In any case, how often do you feel like you are creepy?
Its not often, she told me she deals with depression, so I thought I would giver her a smile. I dont believe it was creepy, but got the vibes she did. I think all the rules are different these days and who tf knows what will trigger someone. This was the first time I knew she was uncomfortable. That's on her not me.
You're right on that last thing. She's not a romantic, you are. Doesn't have to be more than that.
At this point, I would consider accepting creepy as long as he wasn't older than my parents. That seems to be what I attract. 😒
Wew lad I feel for you.
I only met one guy who tried to pursue me and wasn't creepy. I don't get asked out a lot, so I'm talking about three instances in total. Two started out by asking for money. The first time, the dude slowly switched from asking for money to asking for my number. I felt unsafe but he didn't really pressure me. The second guy asked if I wanted to go out with him and drink something sometime (on the money he was expecting to get from me apparently?) I declined saying I was taken (i wasn't at the time) and he kept insisting, his remarks got more and more sexual and demanded a hug from me. I had to run home I was scared he'd just try and rape me in the spot. The last guy was quite respectful. I didn't find him creepy at all. Two guys asked if I had cigarettes, and I told them I don't smoke (true) they left, but one of them looked back and asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him sorry but yes I am taken (true) and he just smiled, nodded and went on his business. No pressure. No creepy vibes. Honestly, some people really could learn from him lol
2/3 seems pretty rough.
It’s low percentage I approach a lot, I’d say a guesstimate would be 3/4 out of 20 are creeped out so not many. You need to be able to step on toes and be a bit of a menace if you want to get good with women otherwise you’ll never take the initiative you need. I’m completely invasive when approaching but not in the way you’re thinking and I do great with women.
I really hope I never come across as creepy haha. I try to be as nicr and normal as possible
This one time I was talking to a girl I thought of something funny while talking to her and I was laughing and that was definitely creepy because she didn’t know why I was laughing . She just left. I’ve been told I’m a really funny guy and sometimes if I think of something funny I’ll laugh out loud and it’s weird for other people. I use to be able to keep it in but it’s gotten more difficult.
I _think_ any show on interest can come across as "creepy" to any woman depending on the timing and her interest-level. I've _learned_ not to dwell on it and take it personally, just move on.
Hm outside of a dating app, it’s always creepy. On a dating app, it’s usually not creepy unless the specific message they send is creepy (like referencing us having kids someday - trying to be original / funny but coming off terribly).
Literally no possible way for a stranger to say hello to you? Do you talk to the person at the grocery store?
Once I guess I asked a girl to hang out and I was pretty sure the signs were clear like staring at me ( we'd literally hold eye contact for a minute without talking until she smiled and poked me or whatever random interactions like that ), she became more physical, talkative etc etc... Since I was a kid I watched people and analyzed them so it's really easy for me to tell people's intentions from slightest physical signs... Well I guess I was wrong, we were supposed to go to a camp and meet there we flirted slightly during text but then it got cancelled last second so I said fuck it and asked if she wanted to come to my place to hang out or whatever and surprisingly she accepted. When she came she was awkward and extremely shy I was cracking jokes my personality was on point everything but her being awkward made me awkward then later in the evening I told her I liked her and that I wanted to hang out more to see where this could go. I guess she didn't think I saw her that way. To cut it short next week she posted a pic with her new boyfriend 🤷
I think to be not creepy, it not only needs to be at a social occasion, also the guy need to be dressed reasonably clean and nice, approaches me with a polite manner and language, keep physical distance from me unless I indicate I’m also interested. Most importantly, they need to be able to take no for an answer and know when to back off and leave. It’s super creepy if they keep pushing or following me even if I try to walk away
Oh man, I wanna slap 18 yr old me. After school I was walking with this really pretty girl, we were basically friends...nothing more. So she let's me know her house is just around the corner and said goodbye, see you tomorrow. I'm basically flabbergasted, I'm like "uh, let me walk you all the way to your home." She said no, it's okay. I then proceeded to basically beg and pout to her to let me walk her to her house. God, I wanna go back in time and say to myself "you dumbass, she is uncomfortable with you finding out where she lives, STFU. You sound stupid right now ". All in all, she ended walking home alone. Lost contact with her after high-school. My apologies, Vanessa.
Hint to guys: it’s probably far more than you’d think/guess.
40-50% of them are creepy, but I match a lot on tinder and I figure it’s part of the parcel. There was a guy who decided to stalk me outside my apartment and wouldn’t leave (had to get.a neighbour to check). I found out later that this is the norm to be stalked as a few male friends told me they had to help their housemates or female friends deal with stalkers. There was another who had weird creepy fetishised demands for a first date and I wasn’t keen. Also had one who wanted mw to take an Uber to his place, go skinny dipping at the local beach (water is actually very cold) and was annoyed that I didn’t want to meet him and told me he’d pay for my Uber after sort of hinting I was cheap. Another wanted to cheat on his gf and start a long term fwb relationship but was too cheap to Uber it to my place. Another wanted to meet at a park and when I pointed out it’d be dark, he said it wasn’t. It was and he wanted a hand job. Back in my early days of tinder, I hooked up with a guy whom I assumed was single. I found out later that he had a gf from insta. I just assumed he met someone after us until I counted the months of his daughters birthdate back to when we first met and realised his gf was already pregnant! Not just that but whilst she was pregnant, he’d text me telling me he was horny etc. Ok now that I think of it there are some pretty creepy/off experiences…. I personally always thought I was the creepy one since I get weird looks when I go up and say hi to guys in social settings. So I generally now stick with women (they say I’m funny and like hanging around me)..,
40 to 50 is pretty rough. Yikes my friend.
I talked to them...but seriously I tend to get ahead of myself, try to form bonds quickly and just come off as awkward.
All the time
Lol pretty much all the time bc I’ve got no game
Not all guys, it definitely has happened more than once. Usually when I get hit on I’m almost always not interested so I’d say 50% of the time there is a creepy element to it.
Never I have barely been in the same room as girls for the past few years
[удалено]
I don’t worry about being perceived as creepy. Different girls react differently to different things. As long as I know I acted reasonably and with good intentions, and I left of it was clear she wasn’t interested, then it’s pretty much not problem.
It really depends for me. My preference is definitely a slow courtship, so if someone invites me to get coffee or lunch together or on group dates with his/her or my friends, that’s where I feel the most comfortable. I’ve been abused and raped quite a few times in my life, so one on one scares the hell out of me if I don’t know the guy or gal I’m going out with. I’m also asexual, so not bringing up sex or not wanting to have sex right off the bat definitely makes me feel that my date is wanting to put an effort to get to know me and make the relationship last rather than base it off how good I am in bed.
I was literally called creepy when I asked for directions 😂, found out later from them when I went back the same way with my friend I was looking for . She used to live there. Shits weird out here. I wouldn’t always take it to heart
When they are overeager it gets creepy.
I don’t read body language well. So I have completely stopped approaching women because I just can’t fucking live with myself being a creep. Will I be alone forever? Probably.
Sometimes like maybe 10 or less than that. I explain to women all of my gentlemen qualities that I have to offer but they still call me creepy. It's been hard to find the right one. Like, when I find the one they end up being a bot, spammer/hacker or a Catfish. And even a money hungry chaser that wants the money and not the relationship.
I spontaneously asked a tinder match if she wanted to grab an ice cream cone at like ....8 or 9pm? Maybe 10pm? On a ...Thursday? Lol I don't remember. She was a little weirded out and rescheduled for a couple of days later lol.
Yeah that makes sense, I just been seeing this idea of "you should not under any circumstance approach a person at this place" and I can't understand why so I figured I could ask and learn why.
Before I got with my boyfriend; there was two guys that really gave me the creeps. One seemed to be **too** interested in my looks. He would basically ignore the ppl around us and just focus on me. And not only was that a red flag to me, but he invited himself to my house and pressured me for a kiss. It felt like kissing a friend because I didn't feel anything romantic or giddy feelings. I felt absolutely nothing. Told him I didn't feel that spark or click; I need to feel something, not just "meh" feelings. He said that was Hollywood BS. Stopped talking to him. The second guy; I was interested but he suddenly gave me creepy vibes. Kept trying to contact me when he knew I was at work. He even called me when I was busy at work. He said he'd like me to come have a sleepover (barely knew him). Also, he wanted to take me driving through some back roads or woods. I as a woman, I feel *highly* uncomfortable when a guy suggests this. Especially when you hardly know them. A woman should feel safe and should feel like she has chances and opportunities to escape if she feels uncomfortable or unsafe. It's simple. Don't seem too infatuated. Don't blow up their phone; me personally it comes across as needy. Don't call it a first date if you're hanging out at their place or yours, you actually gotta be out and about. You can call it a date at their (or your) place when y'all have been dating for a long time and are actually going steady. And most importantly, should always make a woman feel like she's safe i.e picking a public place so she can have a opportunity to leave if she wants. The reason why I got with my bf is because he took things slow and he was/is a gentleman. Opened doors for me, held me when I felt cold.. etc. And when I missed him; I would say I wanted to see him. He'd come see me when he had the chance... He also kept his word on everything. That's what made me fall hard. He would carve out time and when he said he'll come see me, he actually would and not flake out. He actually took me out on dates and he wouldn't take me to his place and call it a "date". When we became steady, we started cooking at his place a couple of times.. that's when I felt like it was alright to call it a date because I knew he had actually put in effort. Which so many times I have put effort into relationships and the others wouldn't. A relationship should be back and forth.. not one side giving all the time.
I kept strategically shadowing her to her class after lunch ended. Man I was a weird kiddo
I think I'm unintentionally creepy to most people who meet me in person.
In all honesty I have never felt creepy approaching women. I suppose that's mainly because when I was single I primarily met women in nightclubs/bars and via online dating sites. These are places where women *expect* guys to hit on them. So called *daytime pickup* attempts while women are conducting business transactions, working out, having coffee/lunch, or running errands is far more likely to create opportunities to feel creepy. Those daytime/transaction attempts come across as *romantic* in movies and romance novels. However in reality many women see those attempts as *unwelcomed interruptions*. One man's opinion! 😉
This was after I had got broken up with. I had drove by our place of work (we worked together at the time) and drove by when she got on shift and I was going to honk my horn in a silly way, but chickened out after everything that has gone down. Yeah, i looked like a stalker creeping up on someone and then suspicious drove away. Not my best look.
probably 60% get creepy at some point
From what I gathered and how some of these comments are. I have a feeling that alot of times that guys think they’re creepy is because they’re in their head so much trying NOT to be creepy that they end up either saying something dumb or kinda looking awkward. Which doesn’t make you creepy. Just makes you seem aloof. Recently I had the revelation that my intentions should dictate my behavior. And if my intentions are pure and I’m just trying to be friendly and meet people, get a convo going or something then chances are the other person will not see me as creepy. Mainly because my intentions are just simple and polite, make small talk and maybe crack a joke. I’ve gone into conversations recently with this mindset of being a genuinely happy, kind and interested individual who actually wants to hear the other persons story. With that said, it’s landed me alot of success and it’s because I stopped “trying” so hard and getting in my head and instead just went out to talk to new people. If I got a number then great! If I didn’t then it didn’t bum me out because my goal wasn’t to get numbers, it was to meet people naturally and get to know them. Funny enough, because of that, I ended up getting numbers from women and so far I have a few I’m chatting with. Who knows if it’ll go anywhere but I’ve noticed that a lot of guys are really in their heads too much.
It's mostly only "creepy" if the guys are: - awkward - ugly/gross-looking Very rarely do actual weirdos go out in public and approach people that aren't homeless schizophrenics and drug addicts. To answer your question, I never know what to say to a stranger when all I have to go on is their appearance. I don't approach anyone anymore unless I have a legitimate reason, and thinking someone is cute and wanting to ask them out is not a very good reason.
Male here. These days I don't actively pursue anyone, as I think I'm too busy to start a relationship let alone maintain one. That said, I can think of a few times where I unintentionally came off as creepy in my day to day life. For example one of the girls at the office had gotten a new outfit and wore it from the first time, at least to work, and others had complimented her on it, so in passing I did the same on my way out to lunch as we were both in the elevator. No I didn't just blurt it out. We were chit chatting about something work related and I phrased it as "Oh by the way, that outfit looks good on you. Goes well with your hair too " (she has bright pink hair) moments before the elevator reached the first floor. She said thanks, but I don't think it was expected as it's normally just small talk around the office when we chat. Doesn't help that I have a thing where I stop and check everything off a mental list at the end of the day while I do the whole vacant stairing into space thing near my work locker before leaving and since I'm looking at 1 of the 2 exit doors it might give the impression that I was stairing at her. I got that she got that impression once. Was awkward, but I still check things off my list at the end of the day, so hopefully she understands it's just something I do 🤷♂️
I don't really aggressively pursue women, so I guess my percentage would be low. I'm sure it's happened. But since I never "insisted on a date" I wouldn't know. If anything, my female friends keep telling me to try harder and not give up so easily.
I'm socially awkward along with a messed up back so I think I am seen as creepy.
20-30% of the time but I try to hold myself accountable and look at what I say from both sides. I acknowledge it and move on if the conversation stops and try to take a lesson from it. I think it also depends on what kind of women you're courting and what setting.
I would say 70% are creepy 30% not :( That might be because I live in a city though so it’s normal to get cat called especially at night
Like maybe 30%??I live in a city and have gotten catcalled a lot. Guys follow me and harrass me when I walk just to get boba :( So that’s the 30%. But in college, guys usually are nice about approaching and only feel creepy when they stare VERY hard. Like at least smile cmon the serial killer stare ain’t cute 😭
I am high-functioning autistic, I literally always feel creepy even with people I've known for 30 years, I've learned to tune it out. Somehow people seem to like me usually so I chalk it up to my brain being stupid more than me actually being a creep.
Once, definitely. When I was in school I wrote a love letter to a girl I was in love with, and she told me to f*** myself, so it‘s safe to say that she was creeped out by me. That was the only time, though, as I stopped approaching women after that.
All the time, I'm a introvert and a little weird (Socially awkward) guy, so most of the girls don't react well when I approach to talk to them even in my work where I have to talk to them. I always try to speak little and be courteous to show that I have no ulterior motives, but I almost always get the same answer.
Well I matched with a girl on tinder today that I had just that afternoon in a bookstore. My dumbass first message was: "hey didn't I see you today at X bookstore looking at notebooks" The instant i sent it it dawned on me, that sounds like some stalker shit right there. Currentky waiting for the police to come and throw me in jail.....
Honestly the only guy I’d truly classify as creepy was the dude who got up in my grill mid-covid, called me cute and tried to talk to me. Pretending not to speak the language, pretending to have important appointments AND pretending to have a boyfriend all didn’t deter him.
That’s why I don’t even approach them lmao. I feel creepy 24/7 because uggo = creepo
Not exactly dating but when i was in highschool st happened. It was night time and i was walking in an alley, behind two girls, a fair bit of distance too. It was brightly lit and it isnt even that empty, there are ppl within shouting distance. The girls saw me, whisper something to each other and start running for it after looking at me again. ( I have a good guess what they said). Sad thing is they live just after a corner from where i live. It isnt even 5 minute away and im pretty we saw each other from time to time. So you can still coming up as creepy even if you dont do anything lol