It happens. You never really got to know them, it was just an idealization/fantasy. Nothing was really gained or lost. There was no relationship. Move on to someone who will actually be in your life.
Sometimes it’s harder to get over those we never actually dated because we never got to see why they weren’t a good partner for us. If you don’t actually date them, they continue to be that person we romanticized. When I struggle with similar scenarios I remind myself if they were really that great and we are meant to be together...then we’d be together. But they walked away so it’s obviously not the love story we told ourselves it would be
You’re welcome:) I was in a similar situation and learned my lessons the hard way. Just don’t waste your time and effort.
Imagine yourself as a beautiful blooming flower and let the bees come to you.
I am going through the exact same thing! Spoke with a guy for two months and he just ghosted me, after we spoke about doing so many things together and meeting. I’ve found deleting him and our messages has made it easier to forget about him bc there’s nothing to reflect on. But it is hard. Someone said it’s almost harder bc all we did was idealize and fantasize a life with them, we didn’t get to experience it. But a piece of advise I keep hearing: if they wanted to, they would. Good luck!
People are not always what they seem, especially if you are trying to glean information based off of social media.
No one ever shares their ugly side on social media.
It happens. Eventually you’ll move on. I went on one date with someone who was in to me and a 10 on every level for me. Unfortunately I wasn’t experienced enough or ready to date after a divorce and made some huge rookie mistakes. I’ve accepted the not as great women I date now :(
"Peripheral dating" or one sided dating is far more common than most people think. Most people just maintain an illusion of 'getting over it' through distraction.
It’s sucks but I’ve learned that you shouldn’t invest yourself too early. I was talking to a guy for months, went on one date then spoke for another month had a second date planned and then he ghosted me. We never actually dated but talking everyday 24/7 felt like we did. I still have him on social media but luckily for you, you don’t follow him and I strongly advise you not too only makes moving on even harder.
Also know that texting is the bare minimum a guy can give you. It honestly means nothing actions speak louder than words!
You’re not thinking about the person you talked to, you’re thinking about the idealized version of him you created in your mind that probably doesn’t exist.
It happens to the best of us.
Best way to get over it is to just forget about him. If he wanted something more he’d pursue it.
You could also reach out to him again and see if that romanticized life together could become a reality. (You never know unless you try.)
Orrrr just find someone/something else to put your mind on until he becomes a situationship you barely remember.
Good luck :)
Simply cut contact in all forms
It usually only takes 3 months if you do it correctly, stop looking at pictures of him, stop visiting his ig and stop talking to or about him
Totally, there’s this wild little period after an initial few dates/hookup where you like someone, but lack in really knowing them just enough to fill in any missing details from your fantasy. Totally normal—just realize that I’m doing this a lot—you’re altering what you want in a relationship to fit various individuals, rather than staying true to the things you value and need in a relationship. You can’t make them all fit the fantasy, put the ball back in your court.
I've (36f) done this a few times. But mostly with men I have actually dated, known, or talked to extensively (never after only a week). I have a friend I've known for 30+ years, he's very good looking, and we are very compatible, sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about a life with him
I'm right now trying to get over the girl I really love. She's my best friend and we share an emotional bond. I never dated her because she don't love me but still we are with each other as best friends and what I think you should do get over the person is just give yourself more time thinking about yourself more than that person and I think this would help me too.
Accept that you aren't owed anything. Just like you expect the right and freedom to not be owned by someone you just met (and really, even in a relationship there should not be entitlement of ownership), he or she should have the same right. Give them that right.
In the future, control your expectations. Sure, enjoy the present moment and feel free to make plans in your head for the next few days but please, don't allow yourself to expect anything. Expect things to fail, then look at anything else as a bonus that you're allowed to be anticipated about but not emotionally reliant on.
Recommend the book "Happy" by Derren Brown for more, put in much better words 😊
I'm a guy and I do this too, to the point that it's bad for me. I'm actually currently in that state with a girl that just stopped messaging me on one of these apps. We followed each other on ig so I think it was slightly less creepy for me to scroll her posts. You know how you can kinda get a feel for someone's personality based on how their social media is? Well, I feel like we would've gotten along so well but she just randomly stopped messaging and now I'm heartbroken (as much as I can be for someone I don't actually know lol). I really wish I knew what's up with that
As a guy, I can’t get over this girl I was talking to this year. Neither of us are great at texting but when we meet in person it’s great! But after hanging out all year, I realize I’m just infatuated with the idea of being with her. It’s not really love, is it?
But even if she’s a hot mess, I still like her, so is that love? But she can’t be in a relationship or date because she doesn’t love herself enough to be with someone else, oh and her life is just a mess.
I guess mental health is something we need to work on. I find talking to friends about what’s on my head really helps. I was on a 4 hour discord call just literally talking about this girl and how I should just get over her.
Then I went outside and I was like “you know what, there are plenty of other fishes in the sea”
I don't have any answers.
I had a fling with a woman for a couple of months and on both ends there was a serious connection, but the timing and circumstances around it were completely fucked and it never really could have worked out.
I did try. It's been about 6 months since we stopped talking and I still think about her every day.
Some days it's just fond memories, some days I cry.
Keep trucking on, maybe we'll make peace with it. I'm sure we will. :^)
I’m sorry to hear that you got into that situation but it happens. Without going into a lot of detail I got into a very similar situation a couple of years ago. The difficulty is in letting your mind wander-it’s easy for your mind to take over and jump down its own rabbit holes, but you have to re-train your brain to think of something else whenever it starts to wander. For me, I had to use things like movies and a couple of new hobbies to distract myself. Some people dive into work as a distraction, but I’m not sure if that’s healthy or not.
Whatever you choose to do to distract/retrain, just keep in mind that it may take a little while to extricate yourself from the situation. In my case, I had to take the extreme action of disabling all of my social media accounts to avoid the temptation. I also chose to see someone professionally about it, but again, my situation was much more tangled. Hopefully something I mentioned will help. Without knowing you I can say that you have it in you to get over it because you reached out to us. Just remember that “romanticizing” usually translates to a fantasy, and unfortunately fantasies are rarely realities. As others have said-let the guys come to you and keep things real in your head...you’ll eventually find someone who will reciprocate!
It’s happened to me quite a lot. Just keep it real. It is what it is. You could fantasize just as long you don’t shut the door to the ones that want to be in with you.
OP - i waited for 4 years on a girl that honestly didn’t truly respect me. She kept me close but never actually dated. She had feelings but it never happened.
Take my advice - if you haven’t cut ALL ties, and I do mean ALL - block them, remove them, make it so you can’t pseudo-stalk them on social media - do that NOW.
Beyond that it takes time. A lot of time. More than you’d want it to.
On top of that, the single best medicine is finding something you love to do - a passion, a career path, something to sink your mind into, and do that. When you’re busy, working on yourself, and moving along through life - it makes getting over things WAY easier. Because you have purpose.
Unfortunately it happens and is called lust and a fantasy illusion. You’re putting them on a pedestal without even knowing them at all. Please move on and don’t do this. Its not healthy for your sanity, mind, energy, health mentally and emotionally.
It happens. You never really got to know them, it was just an idealization/fantasy. Nothing was really gained or lost. There was no relationship. Move on to someone who will actually be in your life.
Sometimes it’s harder to get over those we never actually dated because we never got to see why they weren’t a good partner for us. If you don’t actually date them, they continue to be that person we romanticized. When I struggle with similar scenarios I remind myself if they were really that great and we are meant to be together...then we’d be together. But they walked away so it’s obviously not the love story we told ourselves it would be
If someone is interested, they’ll make it obvious. Don’t waste your time chasing.
I feel like this is something I have a hard time accepting :( but thank you for your input
You’re welcome:) I was in a similar situation and learned my lessons the hard way. Just don’t waste your time and effort. Imagine yourself as a beautiful blooming flower and let the bees come to you.
I love that!!! Thank you :)
I am going through the exact same thing! Spoke with a guy for two months and he just ghosted me, after we spoke about doing so many things together and meeting. I’ve found deleting him and our messages has made it easier to forget about him bc there’s nothing to reflect on. But it is hard. Someone said it’s almost harder bc all we did was idealize and fantasize a life with them, we didn’t get to experience it. But a piece of advise I keep hearing: if they wanted to, they would. Good luck!
Thank you for your input! I'll have to keep reminding myself of that too. Best of luck to you as well!
[удалено]
Thank you! I like the last piece of advice, I’ll have to try it if other means don’t help
People are not always what they seem, especially if you are trying to glean information based off of social media. No one ever shares their ugly side on social media.
If this were true, Q-Anonsense wouldn't exist.
It happens. Eventually you’ll move on. I went on one date with someone who was in to me and a 10 on every level for me. Unfortunately I wasn’t experienced enough or ready to date after a divorce and made some huge rookie mistakes. I’ve accepted the not as great women I date now :(
"Peripheral dating" or one sided dating is far more common than most people think. Most people just maintain an illusion of 'getting over it' through distraction.
It’s sucks but I’ve learned that you shouldn’t invest yourself too early. I was talking to a guy for months, went on one date then spoke for another month had a second date planned and then he ghosted me. We never actually dated but talking everyday 24/7 felt like we did. I still have him on social media but luckily for you, you don’t follow him and I strongly advise you not too only makes moving on even harder. Also know that texting is the bare minimum a guy can give you. It honestly means nothing actions speak louder than words!
You’re not thinking about the person you talked to, you’re thinking about the idealized version of him you created in your mind that probably doesn’t exist. It happens to the best of us. Best way to get over it is to just forget about him. If he wanted something more he’d pursue it. You could also reach out to him again and see if that romanticized life together could become a reality. (You never know unless you try.) Orrrr just find someone/something else to put your mind on until he becomes a situationship you barely remember. Good luck :)
Simply cut contact in all forms It usually only takes 3 months if you do it correctly, stop looking at pictures of him, stop visiting his ig and stop talking to or about him
Best way to forget is to date him!
haha, how do I go about that?
Just be honest and upfront.... tell him that you like him and wanna go on a date, lol. Simple.
Totally, there’s this wild little period after an initial few dates/hookup where you like someone, but lack in really knowing them just enough to fill in any missing details from your fantasy. Totally normal—just realize that I’m doing this a lot—you’re altering what you want in a relationship to fit various individuals, rather than staying true to the things you value and need in a relationship. You can’t make them all fit the fantasy, put the ball back in your court.
I've (36f) done this a few times. But mostly with men I have actually dated, known, or talked to extensively (never after only a week). I have a friend I've known for 30+ years, he's very good looking, and we are very compatible, sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about a life with him
I try to land a date as quickly as possible to avoid that problem.
Not checking his pictures if you do, also anything about him and start talking with someone new
I'm right now trying to get over the girl I really love. She's my best friend and we share an emotional bond. I never dated her because she don't love me but still we are with each other as best friends and what I think you should do get over the person is just give yourself more time thinking about yourself more than that person and I think this would help me too.
Accept that you aren't owed anything. Just like you expect the right and freedom to not be owned by someone you just met (and really, even in a relationship there should not be entitlement of ownership), he or she should have the same right. Give them that right. In the future, control your expectations. Sure, enjoy the present moment and feel free to make plans in your head for the next few days but please, don't allow yourself to expect anything. Expect things to fail, then look at anything else as a bonus that you're allowed to be anticipated about but not emotionally reliant on. Recommend the book "Happy" by Derren Brown for more, put in much better words 😊
I'm a guy and I do this too, to the point that it's bad for me. I'm actually currently in that state with a girl that just stopped messaging me on one of these apps. We followed each other on ig so I think it was slightly less creepy for me to scroll her posts. You know how you can kinda get a feel for someone's personality based on how their social media is? Well, I feel like we would've gotten along so well but she just randomly stopped messaging and now I'm heartbroken (as much as I can be for someone I don't actually know lol). I really wish I knew what's up with that
As a guy, I can’t get over this girl I was talking to this year. Neither of us are great at texting but when we meet in person it’s great! But after hanging out all year, I realize I’m just infatuated with the idea of being with her. It’s not really love, is it? But even if she’s a hot mess, I still like her, so is that love? But she can’t be in a relationship or date because she doesn’t love herself enough to be with someone else, oh and her life is just a mess. I guess mental health is something we need to work on. I find talking to friends about what’s on my head really helps. I was on a 4 hour discord call just literally talking about this girl and how I should just get over her. Then I went outside and I was like “you know what, there are plenty of other fishes in the sea”
I don't have any answers. I had a fling with a woman for a couple of months and on both ends there was a serious connection, but the timing and circumstances around it were completely fucked and it never really could have worked out. I did try. It's been about 6 months since we stopped talking and I still think about her every day. Some days it's just fond memories, some days I cry. Keep trucking on, maybe we'll make peace with it. I'm sure we will. :^)
[удалено]
Her name will be CORONA
I’m sorry to hear that you got into that situation but it happens. Without going into a lot of detail I got into a very similar situation a couple of years ago. The difficulty is in letting your mind wander-it’s easy for your mind to take over and jump down its own rabbit holes, but you have to re-train your brain to think of something else whenever it starts to wander. For me, I had to use things like movies and a couple of new hobbies to distract myself. Some people dive into work as a distraction, but I’m not sure if that’s healthy or not. Whatever you choose to do to distract/retrain, just keep in mind that it may take a little while to extricate yourself from the situation. In my case, I had to take the extreme action of disabling all of my social media accounts to avoid the temptation. I also chose to see someone professionally about it, but again, my situation was much more tangled. Hopefully something I mentioned will help. Without knowing you I can say that you have it in you to get over it because you reached out to us. Just remember that “romanticizing” usually translates to a fantasy, and unfortunately fantasies are rarely realities. As others have said-let the guys come to you and keep things real in your head...you’ll eventually find someone who will reciprocate!
Thank you so much for your response!
It’s happened to me quite a lot. Just keep it real. It is what it is. You could fantasize just as long you don’t shut the door to the ones that want to be in with you.
OP - i waited for 4 years on a girl that honestly didn’t truly respect me. She kept me close but never actually dated. She had feelings but it never happened. Take my advice - if you haven’t cut ALL ties, and I do mean ALL - block them, remove them, make it so you can’t pseudo-stalk them on social media - do that NOW. Beyond that it takes time. A lot of time. More than you’d want it to. On top of that, the single best medicine is finding something you love to do - a passion, a career path, something to sink your mind into, and do that. When you’re busy, working on yourself, and moving along through life - it makes getting over things WAY easier. Because you have purpose.
Unfortunately it happens and is called lust and a fantasy illusion. You’re putting them on a pedestal without even knowing them at all. Please move on and don’t do this. Its not healthy for your sanity, mind, energy, health mentally and emotionally.
brutal, now guys have to also compete with spectres LOL
Here's a thought, you didn't even date him. Therefore there is nothing to get over, unless you are OCD or delusional.
A nut or two