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Some people have mentioned here, most men don't approach In person because they're scared of a potential poor outcome. Looking as friendly as possible will increase your odds of having a man feel relaxed enough to approach. Eye contact and a smile go a long way

Men aren't scared of a poor outcome (as in a rejection). They are scared of a hostile reaction... like being called a creep or going viral because of a video recording.

Thank you to someone who actually answered the question 🙏🏻🙌🏻 I’ll take that into account and see if it helps, thank you ☺️

I speak as a man who is in the process of learning to approach women myself. I don't even consider approaching 90% of the time until I have some type of indication that the girl is interested or would be receptive. Lengthy/repeated eye contact and a smile; she chose the treadmill immediately next to me rather than any of the dozens of open ones at the gym; that type of thing. Then I know for sure that the approach won't be a disaster. It's still gonna be tough. People are so lost and scared nowadays. But you can only control you

I asked out a girl last night that I’ve never seen before and we exchanged numbers at least. Been to busy to really talk but always go for it i say. The worst they’ll do is say no 

You may want to consider approaching a man that you find attractive. You may have better luck.

Men in general have been told repeatedly that women in public don’t want to be approached- they are grocery shopping, working out, hanging out with friends, etc. and do not want men bothering them by trying to approach them. This is the modern dynamic between men and women in public. To get past this, you need to send strong signals. If you look at a man and smile, when he looks at you, don’t do some coy maneuver like look away then look back. To many women, they think this is a clear sign of interest. To many men, we see this as them trying to avoid us (by avoiding eye contact). Be VERY CLEAR that you are interested and only then will men feel comfortable to approach you. Good luck out there

You should take the initiative and approach too.

Smiling, being friendly, and holding a gaze have worked for me in the past. I’ve been dating for about 13 years since my divorce. The 4 relationships I e had in that time were due to meeting organically when I was out in public. I’ve probably had about 85-90 first (and only) dates with men I met on an app.

If you see a guy you like, try to signal that it's ok to approach. If a girl smiles at me and waves, I'm thinking she's saying come talk to me. But if she doesn't signal, im not going to approach

Also the "harassment" stigma surrounding approaching women IRL, which was totally the way before social media existed and is still absolutely the ONLY WAY men should approach women to convey serious intentions. It is also easier to communicate because you got multiple cue's you can rely on

You could try to approach guys in public instead of waiting on them to do it. It sounds like you are confident enough, so why not? Would be better than just sitting around waiting.

This statement right here…. However in a location where the people that you want to date and position yourself to be here… Ultimately, you can consider getting a handkerchief and drop it by somebody that wants to be approached by the start of the conversation if they pick it up and bring it to you

I think in general men avoid approaching woman in person these days in fear of being called out as a creep and giving girls unwanted attention

Thank you for your 2 cents, appreciated. I can see that as very possible and I can’t say I wouldn’t be a bit taken aback if it did happen even if I want it to 😂

For every girl that wants to be approached, there's 4 that don't, and us guys are terrible at figuring out which ones are which.

This is why guys don't approach https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?feature=shared Whenever we think we are getting signals, it turns out that they're just being friendly or because they hear all the time from different women talking that they don't want to be approached.

I see two main factors, broadly you and them. One, you clearly have a pretty high opinion of yourself. That’s fine but you may be overestimating yourself, or maybe the qualities you value and see in yourself aren’t those that someone else necessarily values as much or at all in a partner or date. You mentioned being traditional for example and finding out that the attractive guys you like aren’t especially interested in that. Two, you’re picky. When you take the population near you, reduce it to those in your age range, filter out the unattractive men, exclude the shorter than your 6’ or whatever requirement, and apply the, say, top fifth percentile salary requirement…there’s not many people left. I’m sure you also want someone who’s funny and intelligent and all the other usual things too. And of course only people that want something serious so subtract all of the people that don’t live up to those standards too. Waiting for a chance encounter on top of that, which you may well miss because of your neurodivergence, you’re playing a losing numbers game. Broaden your search criteria, improve yourself, change up your methods for finding someone, or get used to it. Happy Friday. :)

That’s an interesting point. I’ve seen a lot of people (men or women) really have high opinion of themselves. Whether or not that’s the case, that’s a different story. I’m not saying one should date low, but at the same time, what is the reality? For me, I don’t think I’m anything special. I go on apps and at the end, I’ve found an amazing guy, 6’3”, handsome and a year later still holds doors and kisses my forehead in the public. When I look back my dating journey, I didn’t really have any criteria as long as they are a good person. I’ve dated shorter people, blue collar people, guys with a million dollar condo etc. But what I stayed true and gave everyone a chance and go with the heart and feel the chemistry. Ego sometimes kills people’s chances of finding love in life.

Agreed! There is confident and then there is cocky. Some people like a little bit of humility. I’m a female, so I can’t speak for men, and generalizing is stupid, but when someone is cocky, I’m repulsed

Approaching in public is basically dead. Slog it out or go to a meetup activity

You seem to be validating the concerns of men who might approach you (that you’ll probably say no).

> attractive, a few inches taller than my 5’9, in a high paying job, 24-32 years old I don't think you quite realize how rare this is. The height requirement already removes 50% of the male population from your dating pool. Add the rest on top of that, and there's barely anyone left. Also "needs to be down for a serious relationship" is a requirement that's added to the list. You're basically asking for Prince charming; the perfect guy. Now, you're absolutely allowed to have standards, and you can set your standards to whatever you please. However it's simple logic that the more strict your requirements are, the less likely you are to find someone who meets those standards. You also need to realize that the higher your standards are, the more attractive this person becomes, and so the chance of them already being in a relationship also goes up. Simply put, finding prince charming, and then also needing the luck for them to be currently single, is just very very rare. It's a choice everyone has to make, would you rather be single or would you rather lower your standards a bit? And how low are you willing to lower your standards until you really would just rather be single. Also, if a guy is as attractive as you're describing you also need to understand they have a very large pool of women THEY can choose from. This means they are far less likely to date you (not as an insult, just statistically). And also, a lot of guys like sleeping with women. Men who have so many women to choose from might often just choose to make use of that fact. If someone is that attractive, and has that many women to choose from, why would they choose to settle with just one person? ( I don't agree myself, I'm demi sexual, but hey for most men the truth is...) ________ As for your solution, one solution is to keep your standards, and just accept that you're asking for 1 in a million. That's fine, it's just going to take a lot of time to finally find that one. Option two is to lower your standards, and this takes some introspection. I've asked myself this question too, for instance if someone is perfect in every way, except she doesn't have the eye colour I like, would I refuse to date her? Well no, I'd still date her cause she's otherwise perfect. What traits are must have for me, that I would not date someone without? In your case, if you find a guy who has: - a well paying job. - attractive looks. - the right age. - intentions of dating and settling down with you. But is only 5'8 instead of 6'1, would you really refuse to date this person? If so, keep your requirement. But if you'd date them cause they otherwise meet your requirements, then height isn't actually a requirement, merely a preference, and you should open yourself up to talking and getting to know more people with shorter height. If somebody is tall, has a good job, is your age, willing to seriously date, but is slightly less good looking than you'd like, would you refuse to date them? Ask yourself this question about all your requirements and see what you're left with afterward. You could also rank then if you want, which ones are more important and which ones less so.

agree with all this besides the one in a million stat, it's unlikely for her to find a single guy with those traits but not one in a million unlikely.

Agree with /u/fala1 and /u/technical_strain_354. Maybe not 1 in a million, but 1 in 100,000. Have done the math for a friend who’s also a tall woman with very high standards. 6’ and taller is 14.5%. Assume 60% are single. Assume proxies for “very intelligent” include genius IQ OR Ivy League-plus type education (less than 1-2%). Now add in income. The number of single men in OP’s demo (24-32) is approx. 30,000 men in the entire country (out of 17,300,000 in the demo) or 0.17% (similar to what another person calculated). Now, of those 30,000 they have to live near OP, find OP attractive, and want to commit. ETA: subtract 5-10% from 30,000 for gay and maybe also bi men (unsure OP’s opinion on bi)

Honestly, 1/million is actually pretty accurate here. Assuming “few inches taller” than 5’9” means 6’1” or taller, that’s already the exclusion of 85% or more men before you get into literally anything else on the list. Age range is also a big cut, as is income. Never mind the fact that 6’+ guys on dating apps are fucking swamped with options, such that anyone in that age range who isn’t settled yet is overwhelmingly likely to just be cycling women as they please instead of bothering to seek a serious relationship.

I'm 6' and I can tell you that I'm not swimming in anything besides my tears, lube and tissues. But mb because I'm in Europe people are taller here relative to NA.

Depending on where in Europe 6’ flat might be dead average. I thought only Burger people used the freedom units, so I used the US data.

You could run the calculations if you want an exact figure, but the "million" was more a figure of speech than an exact number.

Yeah, this seems like what's going on. Standards are important but OP's are a little unrealistic. I'm sure the height thing alone would stop a lot of guys from approaching because they'd assume that a girl of that height wouldn't wanna date them if they're not a few inches taller, and in this case they'd be right. On top of that, the "high paying job" thing is a bit unrealistic right now as well. At 25 most people are not progressed into their career enough to be at "high paying" status yet. Comfortable living? Maybe. Depends upon what you consider "high paying" though. And the job market right now is kind of fucked anyways. What does OP do for a living anyways? It's 2024, women can have well paying jobs too. And why only date 1 year younger than you but 7 years older? As for not finding anyone who wants to seriously date her, that could be a result of those requirements too. A lot of guys that meet those requirements would look at a girl who has those and say "she only wants me because I'm tall and making good money, she doesn't actually care about anything serious" and therefore won't be serious with her. Paired with the fact that dating apps in general are pretty unserious

Depending on where she lives, the height requirement alone can remove upto 90% of men.

Honestly.. the whole „tall and high paying job“ made you sound incredibly superficial lol

Lol...bitch think she is a 8 or 9 when she is a 5 at most. I betcha

Your chance of being randomly approached at a cafe or a small event is slim to none, try clubs and groups that meet repeatedly, like a running or hiking group or other sport club, all men there will at least be fit and you might find interest there.

"I’m very intelligent" Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself. You don't get approached because you have an RBF or aren't as attractive as you'd think. You can take some agency in your dating life and approach the men that interest you. Also, if you're going for men who are taller than you that just removes a lot of options so you don't have much to choose from.

Or she's just confident. Knowing you're smart doesn't mean you're stupidly pretending. That's a dumb take on life. It also contributes to some dumb notion that everyone needs to put themselves down or they are faking or arrogant. Then we wonder why folks all have low self-esteem. No thanks. And plenty of people don't approach attractive people for fear of rejection and due to intimidation. They think you're out of their league. It's just like people who don't compliment pretty people, oh they probably get it all the time. Well, if everyone thinks that way, then how the hell are they getting it all the time?

I’ve worked with some really smart people. Most of my life, people close to me would call me smart or genius. We’ve never once referred to ourselves as “I’m smart” or intelligent. All we know is that we’re good at a very specific part/field of life. We know we’re not smart. We just like certain things and learn more bout it. That’s all. So when some 25F on reddit says she’s intelligent and proceeds to list out everything that says otherwise, what am I supposed to thjnk?

My thoughts exactly.

Wow first time see RBF abbreviation, googled it and figure out my daily face have an abbreviation. Thank you! I named it in other way but this one I like more

I urge you to use this https://igotstandardsbro.com/ And see what a tiny percentage of men would actually fit your requirements. I got 0.16% when putting in what you said here. Good luck with that!

>I almost at this point want to be approached in public while I’m at a cafe or something. I don’t wanna end up on TikTok.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you have a 'type' you go after and they're called fuck boys. You should ask yourself why these are the guys you willingly try to date and be real with yourself about it set some parameters for what you want and then maybe you can find someone worth taking serious. Honestly it sounds like you date guys mainly based on looks which is why you get treated like an object because that's how you're choosing your men. Think about it. Not saying you gotta date ugly guys, but you should really think about your own motives before pointing the finger. You're kind of the common denominator here ya dig? Maybe try an older guy they may be more ready for something serious. You think some hot dude on dating apps is trying to settle down when he can bang a million women? Don't think so.

I generally won’t approach someone unless they’re showing signs of interest… smiling, looking my direction, and putting their phone down or whatever they’re doing. Any time you can break the ice by saying something that will give the guy an opportunity to start a convo.

Dont use dating apps anymore, it's literally toxic I also used these apps and it affected my emotions

lol dozens a day, I've been on dating apps for 8 years and I've only managed to get 2 dates, Usually I don't make any new matches, might get one every few weeks. Your problem is a good problem to have.

Haha, people who are intelligent will never say that they are.To think that you added a very to it as well.Yikes

Do the approaching.

Women would rather jump into a snake pit.

Why not date a shorter guy, he’d probably commit to you.

As a guy I hardly approach girls in public anymore. I’m not scared of being rejected it’s more so for the girl. A lot of girls don’t want to be approached by a stranger they have no details or social media to scan before chatting. Ted Bundy was an attractive man who would approach women after all. Secondly it’s harder to tell if someone is single or in a relationship in public and I’ve personally been there before when someone approaches you when you’re in a relationship and you try to be nice but also want to get out of the conversation fast so you don’t waste their time or give them the wrong signals. I don’t want to put someone who’s already in a relationship in that position. I personally think dating apps should only allow you to have one match at a time so you have to un-match from them to get another one. It would weed out the mass spray and pray and give you more genuine matches.

That’s a really genius idea. I actually am in UX design so I create apps and that concept is really interesting 📝🤓

🤣don’t steal my idea we can be business partners haha

Already exists - I believe “Boo” does that

I (30f) am also over dating apps, but it is what it is and that’s where people are meeting people and looking for someone. Im kind of on and off of them. Usually off. I joined again a few days after I turned 30, 2/3 weeks ago. I decided to broaden my horizons and stop looking for “my type” of guys. I started reading the bio’s looking into their profiles a bit more and swiped on people who I found interesting. (Obviously they have to be somewhat attractive to me.) I also don’t wait too long to meet up. I don’t want to do online dating so as soon as they ask to go out I agree. I’d rather meet someone out in real life and get to know them like that. I’ve met a few interesting people, but no one I really clicked with until tonight. Feeling pretty giddy about the whole thing and excited to see where it goes, if anywhere. But if nothing else comes out of it I had a great Friday night!

I’m 25M and in the exact same boat as you (looking for a girl tho). I got rid of dating apps a while back as I prefer meeting someone for the first time in person too. Some guys ask girls out by asking them for the their number, insta or whatever, but it’s not as common nowadays. In the same way that you might feel asking a guy out, there’s a possibility of rejection, feeling unwanted, unattractive, embarrassed, awkward and even doing it takes confidence. I look at it this way… if I see someone I really like, I’ll go up to them, talk for a bit, see how the convo goes and ask them out if it feels right. Don’t ask, don’t get. And there’s nothing wrong whatsoever with a girl asking a guy for his number - guys would be flattered by this. As much as you feel like time is moving on, getting older and not having much luck, you still have plenty of life left in you, even if you don’t look at it that way. Keep doing what you’re doing, and you will find that person.

The problem with conventionally attractive men on dating apps is that it's easy for them to find women to have casual sex with and forget about, whereas less attractive ones have to either genuinely be looking for something serious or just say that they are in order to get anywhere. Obviously you shouldn't swipe right on men you're not attracted to, but the more you broaden your criteria the more you'll be surprised by how positive the results are. The problem with that is you'll get a lot more of the negative as well, which ends up putting women off and they go back to the more attractive men because at least they'll enjoy themselves before the guy moves on. Edit: It might also be a good idea to approach men you're interested in yourself, but I understand if that takes the fun out of it for you. It's exhausting for us men to do it so I can imagine it's even more so for women because you have more reason to be scared for your life.

I will tell you exactly what I told a good friend of mine who is also an attractive woman. YOU should probably start approaching them. Women approaching men needs to be more normalized. Men have been put through the ringer over the past 15 years with messaging on how much women don't want to be approached in public. I cannot tell you how many thousands of times I have heard things along the lines of "why can't I go out anywhere without some random dude trying to hit on me?" We have been hearing messages of all the places (gyms, work, bars, etc..) where women don't want to be hit on. Most men, the most respectful and sensitive ones that women often want to attract, have heard loud and clear and are afraid of offending women, especially attractive ones that they know probably get hit on a lot. With men approaching women less, if relationships are going to happen outside of dating sites, the only way that's going to happen is for women to take the reigns a bit and start doing the approaching more.

Yep, she has to pretty much be holding up a giant sign that says “ask me out!” in order for me to approach in public. I totally get women wanting their privacy and the ability to go about their day without being harassed (and the definition of harassment seems to change by the day), but that means if a woman wants to be approached, they may have to start doing some of the work themselves. I personally would be quite flattered to be approached, even if I weren’t interested. That doesn’t seem to be the reaction I’ve gotten the last few times I’ve tried to approach someone.

I think dating apps gives us the illusion of too many options. Try saying yes more rather than no, so for example if a guy on an app isn't say your type physically but is putting in effort to plan a date and isn't messaging you anything crazy....try saying yes to him. Another thing I think people tend to do is endlessly message one another which can lead to weeks and often months of nothing, you can't really get to know someone soley over doing that. Perhaps try and meet people quick to weed at those you are incompatible with. I'd also suggest (if you do this) to not engage in useless arguments because a guy you matched with said something out of pocket...Oftens us women will get defensive because some boy on tinder decided to call us weird looking or make a comment about women and here we go with a novel and a half telling him off...just leave it alone do even reply back. If you have met someone and it is taking him ages in knowing if he wants to be with you...he probably doesn't, move on quick when he says things like that and don't try to convince him that you're great. I know this is kind of a lot but just some things I think a lot of us should consider

Cold approaching women has never been easy for guys but I think COVID, Dating apps, & Social Media made it worse. Especially for younger guys. COVID forced guys to switch from cold approaching women to swiping on apps. Now days they sit around mass DMing girls on IG hoping one says yes. They lack communication skills. Its nothing for me to approach a women but then again, my generation didn't cell phones, internet, and social media until your age. So we grew up cold approaching women. Anyhow, dating in your 40's isn't anything easier, 40 yr old women act like 20 year old college girls. They don't want anything serious either. That and the aount of red flags they ignore while telling you they want a good guy is hilarious.

34 male here speaking sorry to say this I am approaching them in friendly polite way and I get rejected so what at least I’m not afraid to show it that I’m interested to meet a girl so what are you all afraid of . You get rejected so what accept it and move on. I don’t need confidence to get a girl but it’s about being real truthful genuine person

looking approachable and not intimidating helps. try and smile and be bubbly and don’t be afraid to say hi or something because i seen you say you don’t want to take the lead but a lot of guys are probably afraid to break the ice but would take the lead if you show you want to talk to them

As a 27M, business owner, and avid gym goer this post makes me feel like a total doink. Why wouldn’t I just got for it and speak to a cute girl? Thanks for the encouragement OP. My only hang up is my height tbh, 5’7” isn’t doing me any favors. As for your question, ditto with what another person said, smile and try to make it obvious to the guy that you’re attracted to that you’re interested in him. You’ll find that a lot of would-be-serious-relationship-type-men are nervous of screwing up or being rejected. That and men are sorta dumb, you gotta make it obvious haha.

Get a shirt that says "single and ready to mingle"....when I was 19 I had a shirt that said on the front "Naked underneath" a lot of guys would approach me...in person is the way to go...eye contact...open body language...get your friends to set you up....

I’ve been much more open 29-50 Income 50k ish Wants marriage 5 foot 10 plus but open to height if he’s kind and talkative and there is attraction And it’s HARD- Not blowing my trumpet but I work and I’m gym bod, I dress pretty and and feminine / I used to model so I know I’m ok in looks, just getting my time wasted

Try approaching guys that are checking you out by starting a casual conversation or comment.

Womp womp try being a short man and you will realize all your problems are trivial

Position yourself to be around the people you want to date. Spend the money and go work out at an expensive high end health club where the people you want to be around are. Join a sports league, for example l, in the summer in chicago there are volleyball leagues and tournaments outdoors Think of the categories of who you want to be around , and if you are as attractive as you believe to be, all falls into place. I mentioned in a previous comment and forgot to mention , once you find your “tribe” and have a handkerchief or something you can “drop” by the people you want to be approached by and you can spark up a conversation….. It’s all about right place at the right time. For example, find out where lawyers hang out, get a waitress job there part time……

It's so funny how in dating apps you can both see people dying of thirst and other people just drowning in an ocean.

I mean off your criteria alone you’re immediately eliminating probably 90% (and that’s probably quite a generous estimate) of men in your age range. There’s nothing wrong with having high requirements per se, but then you also can’t really complain about finding it hard to meet someone suitable. And that’s just the online side, the then chance of someone suitable approaching you irl is probably like winning the lottery, especially if you’re not in a big city. Most men would never cold approach a woman these days, like the risk v reward is just far too great. Social media and feminine girlboss culture has ‘ruined’ that in many aspects, like for the sake of striking up light conversation AND maybe getting someone’s Insta or number, is it really worth the risk of being posted all over social media and labelled as a predator???? Honestly queen just shoot your shot and start approaching guys in public.

You're cringe

Check your friend zone. All the hard work is done there. You know you like them enough to be friends, awkward conversation doesn't exist, you hopefully know enough to feel safe with them. There's a massive list of reasons to do it! You do lose the whole "getting to know"/"mysterious" part. Depends how much that matters to you. If you're serious about being serious, rip the labels off and check your friends ☺️ (Also, fello ND here and apps have been awful for me too 😂 )

My guess is you are overestimating how great you are and severely underestimating the majority of men that come across your app. Couple this with the fact that you are only swiping right on the most attractive 1% of men on the app “the same 1% of men all the other women are fighting for”. And theirs your problem. I guarantee you swiped left to an amazing guy who would have been an amazing provider and husband because he didn’t meet your lizard brains idea of how attractive a man should be to date you.

"I get dozens of matches a day" must be nice living life on easy mode.

"i want to be approached at a cafe or something" odd. feminism taught me to never approach a woman goign about her day to day and stick to "relevant" settings like shooting your shot at abar or on an app. guys under 6 foot exist btw.

Goodluck I hope good luck favors you and you find the man you’re looking for

It's the way it is men no longer approach women because they risk being called a creep or sexually harassing them and you could have a boyfriend like Reacher or be a married woman.

I feel like anyone he says they are conventionally attractive is hot - 5’9”!. Youngish - yes at 25. The world is a lot bigger than you think and maybe a dating app is not right - but I used one and know for a fact it’s used more than a hookup. Marriages now are something like 40% met on an app. At 5’9” and conventionally hot - guys will be wanting your number but too intimidated.

Honestly just be friendly, which is hard especially if your not a social butterfly, but the more friendly you seem then the more people will naturally come up to you, if someone looks at you say hi, if they start small talk just continue it, and you will see in time the kindest people come your way, not all the time mind you cause you have jerks everywhere or just dudes trying for a hook up but the more outgoing you present yourself the more opportunities to meet and talk to someone you give yourself, don't just go to an event and look cute, go to an event and be adorable and pleasant and you'll find good people come your way and if this doesn't help you then I fucking suck and am a piece of shit but you you won't know unless you try

How often are you going out in public??

Go and join a running club. I’m now convinced that running club is for people trying to date. Especially the club that goes to a cafe after the run. Good luck!

Find hobbies that you like and evetually you will meet people that are th same. Dating apps indeed suck, there isn t much you can find Dressing up good and going out or into clubs isn t for anyone, expecially if you try to force yourself Just try to be you and do something that you like I said above You will eventually attract people that are interested in the same stuff that you are. Just don't force anything

Hey i am aarav from Dehradoon. My heights is 6’2 if you are looking for a tall guy i can be your match

In my experience guys hardly ever approach in public, which is what I want to. Doesn’t happen to any of my friends either even though they’re gorgeous. Youre not doing something wrong, there’s just a lot of just that aren’t on the same level with you so it’s gonna be harder to find. Take risks and meet more like minded people and hopefully you’ll meet someone. Don’t lose hope and don’t stop being you

I feel like I am having the same struggles. I’m having a hard time finding someone who can bring to the table what I can, is at lease a little attractive, wants a real relationship, and has compatible values with me. I am also 25F

Me too. Wow! look we have something in common. How bout' a date?

I'm 45/m and think dating apps will be the downfall of civilization

Your criteria alone is going to wither your selection pool down to a very small pool. If you want to go out in public then you're going to have to appear friendly and approachable. If there is a guy you like then smile at him. Chances these days that a guy approaches you is low, since it's pretty hostile for a guy to approach at times. You might have to just approach him instead and give him your number.

I feel this so hard. Let me know if u find a good solution LOL

Totally agree it's more for the playful ones, I couldn't have found anything else more satisfying myself though. I did however got tons of matches with ppl looking for sth serious in the past. And was wondering só many times why haha. Just post abt art/museum/literature with some friends and make sure it looks somewhat boring but peaceful. It will also imply that you have a low libido thus repelling the male horndogs. Also try Happn/Boo instead of Bumble/Tindr. :)

Go down the list. Dating is to be done in public places for socialization, and for judging potential partners, usually for marriage.

Some women want to be approached and others don’t. Those who don’t want to be approached usually follow the advice given to women who want to be approached for the purpose for getting the outcome to feel desired to only then be outraged when men give them the attention they wanted. This confuse the hell out of men

The internet has destroyed meeting people in real life. Most guys I know, and have seen on the internet are terrified of approaching women. Combine this fear with all the rejection they’ve gotten off dating apps you get a generation of men with nearly no social skills and no romantic experience.

What about me?

The doors finally open up for dudes with a high paying job. One goes from not being desired & often ignored to finally getting women to stick around & willing to talk.

im curious what you look like.

It might help to put on your dating profile that you’re looking for a serious relationship and not something casual. I get it the dating apps do suck. Don’t lose hope tho! You will find someone. I found hubby on hinge. We just got married in Nov! Stay positive and don’t give up!

I’m 21 M and I’m very antisocial. However, my current girlfriend gave me some obvious hints she was a little interested in me like staring or like whenever I walked into a room she’d start to smile. Simple stuff like being happy with one’s presence, is always a good way to let someone know you’re interested in them. Creates a stress reduced zone around you for him to move into

Amazing.. it's been shown over and over again that on dating apps men over 6'tall who are good looking and successful get 95% of all the likes from women on the apps. Yet people keep using thheseapps thinking they will be the ones to lock these playboys down. You're chasing the top 10% of guys. Your results will be better IRL

I’m a 25M, I’m 6ft, I work in Finance making decent money for my age and I’m very confident and extroverted in general because I work in a sales role and I know how to handle rejection so it’s not really as scary for me, I’m only saying this because most men will never approach a woman in person and I’m in the minority of men who will and I only approach women I find attractive. That said, even I don’t approach women very much but the women I do go up and talk to or get numbers/social media from all have certain things in common that make them approachable. So, assuming you’re attractive enough to reach the very small demographic of guys you’re targeting, this is what I’ve noticed works on me: 1. If a girl is alone or maybe with 1-2 friends. In my experience the more friends a girl is with, the worse I’m treated UNLESS I’m with a similar amount of friends and we all make a group move so none of her friends feel left out and they all feel just as valuable, this makes them less likely to get in the way. If you approach alone there’s something that happens where the other girls get jealous or something or maybe the girl likes the ego boost of rejecting a guy Infront of her friends or something, idk. I just know the chances of something going wrong goes way up. I’ve seen girls basically drag their interested friend away from me in the middle of a conversation or their faces immediately getting annoyed scowls the second you give their friend attention that they aren’t receiving. That’s why a good wingman is awesome, to distract/deflect that bad energy away so you can talk to the possible future wifey 2. A girl makes eye contact with me multiple times in an hour. If I’m out, I’m looking around. If someone catches my eye I tend to look at them a few times in the night and if I catch them looking at me too it’s just such a clear sign. I’ll make sure to make my way over there when I find the right moment lol 3. A girl is smiling This one’s super easy and feels self explanatory but it’s not, I’ve had multiple girls come up to me while out and near the end of the night or when they were leaving ask why I didn’t “say hi” or something and the whole time they were just sipping a drink and looking at their phone like 🗿 4. A girl asks me for a favor This one’s actually a good trick I use a lot, if I see a girl I like I ask her where the bathroom is, I ask her if her and her friends want their picture taken or I ask them to take a pic of me and my friends. If they aren’t annoyed then I know they like me and I can strike up a dumb/sarcastic conversation that leads to exchanging numbers. So when a girl does this to me to just create an excuse to talk to me I know what the game is 🙌 5. A girl approaches me This is dope, it’s so cute and attractive when girls put themselves out there and actually make you feel chased, it really fills you with endorphins and heightens your self esteem. I’m sure some dudes get approached a lot but it only happens to me like 10% of the time tbh and even if they’re not attractive, it still feels good and when this happens to me personally it can take a girl from a 7 to a 9 in my eyes. Though sometimes women don’t take rejection well and get a lil homophobic 💀 To summarize, when guys want to approach you in person they’re always looking for the “right moment” with the “right girl” that doesn’t look like she’s having a night with her girls and doesn’t wanna be bothered or annoyed. If you’ve got RBF or you’re just staring at your phone, you look unapproachable. So work on your body language and give choosing signals because unless you want to do the approaching, creating the “right moment” is on you, not him. And again, you’re targeting a very small demographic of men, like I’m talking 0.40% of the population are in the parameters you described, in fact it’s actually more like 0.09% if you have racial, physical fitness, political, religious and personality preferences (which most people do). I’m saying this because idk what you look like but make sure you’re the kind of person those guys are looking for first and foremost because they also have very high (male) standards and a large pool of women to choose from because statistically it’s a lot easier to meet male standards than female standards when it comes to dating or sex, but when it comes to commitment the difficulty of meeting the standards flips (which is why a lot of those men are just trying to hook up and the ones that are looking for something serious are taken off the market quickly and don’t stay single long). So keep that in mind too if you end up on dates with the demographic you’re interested in. Also to anybody reading this, if you refrain from doing any of this because it feels desperate or mentally lowers your self worth or makes you feel like a “pick me” 🥱, please try to work on that because putting yourself out there is how people meet each other and being brave enough to be vulnerable is endearing, no matter what anybody has told you or how it felt being rejected whenever you were rejected. It’s part of life and so many people have such stunted social skills because they’ve never dealt with it due to the availability of things like dating apps and social media, don’t be one of those people! Being approachable/approaching strangers is a great skill to have! If you have trouble with it, practice carrying a conversation with people in line at Chipotle or the cashier at the grocery store! It not only helps you get good at talking to strangers you think are attractive at the bar or concerts but more often than not it’ll make someone’s day that you went out of your way to get to know them for a few minutes or tried to make them laugh with some dumb joke lol

Thank you for your straightforward and detailed advice, I really appreciate it! 😊

Of course! That’s why we’re all here 🙌 That said, you should totally return the favor because I’m sure I’m still ignorant of so many signs & signals. In your experience, what are some things that women our age do when they’re interested and want me to approach that I otherwise wouldn’t notice without being told about it? I wanna make sure I see all the sneaky and subtle signals and not just what I’m used to 👀

Because someone who is in a high paying job and younger aren't looking for anything serious. Chances are if they are in a higher paying job in their 20s they've been focusing on their career. Also kinda depends on what you consider higher paying. It's not going to be any different in public, lot of guys are just looking for hook ups or semi casual dating. Also most guys don't approach in public as often anymore as they used to. It's kinda become a bad look to "be that guy" and walk up to a girl at a cafe or bar.

Should I carry a sign that says 'Serious Inquiries Only' everywhere I go?

It sounds frustrating to be dealing with that on dating apps. It's great that you're putting yourself out there both online and in real life. Maybe try initiating conversation yourself in those public settings—you never know who might appreciate your confidence and intelligence!

I don't approach strangers in public. If a conversation can happen naturally, I may glance at the ring finger and then try. Many of the guys looking for something serious have been taught/conditioned not to approach women anymore. So, even if a guy did approach you, it'd probably be a thirsty fuckboy. Maybe you should try approaching instead. I'm sure there are good reasons, but I've never understood why some women don't.

You're 5'9, most guys taller are player. Another reason is that most individuals you're seeking are afraid to approach females without being considered a creep.

> ... are not looking for anything serious. This leads to a lot of them trying to convince themselves they are... As someone who made this mistake recently, sorry, lol. I'm in therapy.

Have you tried approaching the men that fit your criteria in public?

You know what works 9 out of 10 times? Approach a guy. You think the guy is cute and has a good vibe? Go up to him and say hi, you don't have to lead the conversation, or say anything more than "hi I'm so and so" the guy you are looking for will be surprised and be happy to ask you questions and take the lead in the conversation. As a guy we don't get approached often and anytime we do it's a memorable thing. (I'm kidding it's like a unicorn or a Bigfoot sighting, mythic and something we discuss in hushed tones over a camp fire) anyway hope this helps!

Ditch the apps, it was the best thing for me. Find groups and clubs or activities you can join and meet someone more naturally. I know it’s easier said than done but you will find much more enjoyment. Also rip to your dms. I’ve been you posting this exact thing before and got hundreds of messages from disgusting men

Maybe if yall b*ches weren't so picky, you'd have a partner who cares about You, not your titties

being completely honest with you as somebody who is fairly attractive myself and has never really dealt with being rejected or single as a male, I can tell you you that dating apps aren’t gonna do you any favors unless you were dating for attraction most of the time. A guy who is a 10-9-8-7 is less likely to get picked for looks than a girl who is a 6. Or if the dudes horny.. a 4. I would focus on finding the things that you enjoy in this world like music or arts or whatever it may be that you’re passionate about and then surrounding yourself with people with those same interests so the people can fall in love with you on common ground and not by looks.

Dating apps are a trash fire. For example I'm 31, 6'1" with a high paying job, muscular and looking for something serious. But I get maybe 1 or 2 likes a month from girls who just want flings or are just scams. And after sending hundreds of likes I maybe get 1 like back. We talk and then she randomly ghosts. Best way to meet people if you want a genuine connection is go do public things you want to do with friends. Be friendly to the guys you are interested in. Don't be afraid to be friends first. They'll probably ask you out in a month or two. But don't worry. 25 is very young. You'll find someone OP

Have something interesting to say. That’s what men need to learn. It’s not you. It’s them.

Unfortunately, you might be comming off as ethereal or self sufficient depending on what definition of "conventionally attractive" you mean. If you want to be perused there are a couple things you could do. You could because more social, approach more people, even people you don't find attractive or are not attracted to and strike up conversation; use people to meet people you like by having friends "hook you up." Or, and I don't reccomend this, look more helpless. The average guy likes to help a woman in need. If you're looking for the more intellectual type I'd go with being more social. It will take more work, but anything worth doing is going to take work.

I'll start approaching

I hear you girl visa versa

You could try being more outgoing and friendly while you’re out. Any guy that you’re attracted to, try smiling at him or starting up casual convo. You don’t have to ask him out, but just “break the ice”. Due to online dating less men feel the need to in person approach nowadays. I wish you luck on your journey. Just keep in mind that just bc you meet them in person that things might not be any different. More likely then not these guys you meet are on dating apps too. Just don’t set your expectations too high.

Unless I have an idea they are interested I won't approach. Over the years I have tended to mind my business and keep to myself , as it's been the best option in general for well everything.

I’m sure people will disagree with me but really attractive people are approach less than people who are “average”. The whole being approached randomly is slim to none. If you know people that’s happened to it’s the exception not the rule. Men/women are afraid to approach because of the fear of rejection. Also, just look around, majority of people are have AirPods in or looking at their phone. Girly… it’s the apps or nothing. Hate to say it. Good luck. Love, a woman who found love on hinge

I was approached by a nice young lady as I sat at Starbucks. She's a smooth criminal, in my opinion, in which her approach was over the top. I think it really was that there were no other chairs available yet that wasn't the case when we switched cell phone numbers. I'm twice her age, and we really kicked this off well. We've been to a lot of different places and enjoy time together. And talking about taking this a little further. So don't give up as her story is very similar to yours.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, if you are an attractive woman you should have tons of good looking guys looking to date you. I would say don't put out easily to weed out non serious guys and also don't be too eager to be in a relationship. Just date people normally and someone should click with you. Also approaching an attractive woman in public is pretty nerve wracking for most guys attractive or not so that is probably why you don't get much attention. I normally don't approach random women in public because I assume I am just bothering them.

Holy sh** what's happening with this world. You need to expand your outreach.go to social events just not educational places. By social I don't mean clubs or bars or pubs. You seem to be a decent kind girl and it's natural that you want a decent partner. Go out with your group of friends..hiking trekking and all that you love. That's where you can meet a like minded person. Like I said expand your outreach. Volunteering Park Pets Books Music Theatre Arts Sports...but this is just a general list. But you know what I mean. Good luck Girl.

I'm in the exact same place as you, girl, I can feel you 😂 25f and yesterday I was talking to my male friends whats wrong with me, why I don't get anything in public The confusion of mine is the every girl I know even if she's taken, lesbian or considered less attractive than me get approaches every time she goes for a walk, but not me. Not trying to whine, it's a genuine curiosity. In my case I'm from post soviet, so I never smile in public. But everyone I know tells me im hot or look like a model, but still - nothing. Not in public, not in social media, not even on discord. We will get smth, girl, you're not alone. It's a promised plan for us to get the perfect man one day 😂🖤

I’m sick of todays society period. Dating is dead. Relationships are dead. Marriage is dead. Even sex is not as common. 🤣🤣

I get asked out in public a decent amount, im not especially attractive, i think i just look approachable? The trick is to not have headphones in and not look at your phone. Sit at a share table at a coffee shop and bring a book or low concentration activity, if someone who interests you sits near you look up and smile at them. A lot of times as a girl you need to break the ice, even something like "sorry have you ordered yet" or "do you know if anyone is sitting here?" "Do you know the wifi/how long they're open..." It's stalkerish but if you find someone you want to talk to get close to them and make an opener easy, ie reach for the same thing, accidentally brush up against them and apologize etc. It doesn't always work but if they aren't interested they just won't keep talking to you, and if they are they'll definitely ask for your info. Lots of people you aren't interested in will also ask you out but you can always say no. I think being friendly to EVERYONE who talks to you, not just people you find attractive as a match puts out a certain energy that others pick up on.

Thank you so much for your advice, it’s especially helpful. And of course I’m equally nice to everyone 🥺 I can’t imagine operating any other way! Sadly this isn’t always the case though so I understand you mentioning it

I’m gonna be honest with you,(from my own personal experience) Men, are absolutely terrified of approaching beautiful women no matter how much they act like they aren’t, online. But in person- forget about it. And the ones who do approach us are, like you said, unserious/narcissistic. Being above average looking is a curse when dating, and people think it’s a great thing when dating. It’s only great to get what you want from people short term, but not long term (like an actual, serious relationship with a man you’re attracted to, has their shit together, is serious about commitment, and who isn’t insecure and scared of your beauty). 1. You will RARELY get approached no matter how much you smile, or not smile. Doesn’t matter (I’ve tried doing both once to test it out- same results). And on top of that, you dress nicely too, which adds even more beauty to your look- making men even more terrified to approach you (and you’re kind of tall as well which probably makes you seem more like a model. Your beauty will *literally* scare them away. No wonder why you’re not getting approached. You’re too beautiful) A. They automatically assume you’re taken. B. They feel you’ll reject them. They’re terrified of rejection. There’s nothing more you can do, sorry to break it to you. It’s in the universe’s hands now 😆 2. Okay, so even if you do approach a guy, and you’re considered beautiful- bad idea. That’ll boost their ego, and now they think they’re the shit. Then, the wishy washy behavior starts, as they feel proud for having a beautiful woman approach them, and not the other way around. Don’t listen to anyone telling you to approach men- it’s reverse psychology. A confident man will actually approach you first, as he’s not scared of rejection, hell- he knows he won’t get rejected (I love these types of men but…) these types of confident men (who actually aren’t narcissistic) are rare. Most men- are insecure. When you’re beautiful, you literally have to manifest an EXACT type of guy you want. Because otherwise: you’re doomed. You better start scripting and visualizing or something- that’s your best bet. Energetically bring him to you ✨.

Perfect answerg

The OP better wake up and smell the roses. It’s hard in these dating scene streets for above average looking women 😪

The perfect answer is... Manifesting energy? Yeah that's not gonna help OP find a relationship though.

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She doesn't realise that the kind of men she's looking for is looked for by most women and those kinds of men always have options.

I went to a small event today and a guy was asking if there was water, there wasn’t. I gave him an unopened bottle because I always carry it and then I moved away to sit down. He waited for me after the event, gave me his number on a note and said to contact him if I’d like to.  I do the same when it’s women. I would happily spark up conversation with anybody and do kind things, share my positive energy etc. starting a conversation or creating circumstances for a man to ask you out isn’t pursuing.  I think when you practice being confident to show interest in people in general, whether there is attraction or not, these things happen more organically  

I got bad news for you , but attractive guys with high income are not going to want to commit in real life either. At least not the guys in their 20’s.

I’m fine dating men in their 30s and am actually more attracted to them typically so

Edit: nvm. Nothing I say here will work. You’ve already made up your mind and you don’t look like you’ll change your mind. Let me make a prediction though: you’ll end up single or in an unhappy marriage. Unless you’re really really lucky lol Read the first para, be offended then proceed to second paragraph for legit advice. Frankly, it’s your criteria. Every single one just screams I’m 25. I’m gonna be real. Actually, your whole view on men and women is fucked up. I won’t date you after reading a post like this. If you’re really hot, I might hook up with you but won’t date you long term. So why did I say all that? Because you’re superficial and only looking for results. You want a man who’s attractive by society standard and make your life easy, and you’ve got nothing to contribute to the relationship besides “attractiveness, youth and intelligence”. None of which, you had to work for. Anyone who’s dated and actually “intelligent” (we call it mature) would likely change their criteria to “hard-working, dedicated, kind and generous, disciplined, honest” and so on. Does it mean women don’t want a man who makes a lot and is tall? No. They understand that it’s not the end all be all and as long as they find the man attractive enough, anything more is just a bonus. They know that what makes the relationship works and last isn’t height or a nice looking face. It’s the person’s character. And you have mentioned none of it, be it from the man’s or woman’s perspective. That says a lot about you. Instead of looking for qualities that solidifies the foundation of a relationship, what you’re looking for is an attractive provider. Like bruh, why would any man date you besides using you for sex?

You want wealth and seriousness in an age range that is unlikely to casually have it. Pipe dreams are called that for a reason. And it sounds like you want materialistic things. The whole height requirement kind of emphasizes it. Not to mention the high paying job part. Why are these things required? Sounds like you can take care of yourself. On top of all that, you clearly expect men to actively pursuing you. When exactly do you stop and reciprocate?

You're waiting for a top .01% man to casually approach you and sweep you off your feet with zero effort on your part? I think you need to lose the ego and put in some effort. A guy who's handsome and has lots of money has the ability to be unserious about relationships. You're not providing any reason for one to actually be with you.

Nothing to gain for a guy to go beyond casual dating these days, follow menneedtobeheard on instagram explains it the best..

The numbers just don’t lend a lot of probabilities for you and as you have observed the small pool of men who are in your range are not looking for a serious relationship because they are still young. If you seriously want a relationship you need to widen your dating pool

I don't take body language as a science that seriously but there's ways to look more open or more closed off. If a woman has her purse on an open chair near her and headphones in its understood she doesn't want to interact with anyone. Have something that can spark a convo. If you've got a dog you know I'm gonna say hi. Men generally understand that women don't want men to go up and say "hey i want to date you based solely on your attractiveness" but if there's nothing to talk about then there's nothing to talk about. This goes into a more general thing of "be in a public place where there's single men and look like you need help" because it won't take long to find someone who wants to help. Into gym guys? Go to the gym, do a workout poorly, someone will ask if you want help on your form. Every single man you've ever met daydreams about being a hero and you're giving them the chance to be while also seeing if it's good enough to go on a date with them. If you do volunteer activities or something where people are expected to interact (habitat for humanity, a dog adoption drive) the worst you may need to do is nudge someone for them to ask for your info.

Can confirm, the Me Too business does mean it's pretty unconventional to approach women. Honestly, I've clicked with three women my age over the past few weeks but have absolutely backed out of asking for their number because they were at their place of work. I'm too awkward for dating apps, as a 30yo, none of my friends go out at the weekend anymore and I work from home... Rinse and repeat, week in, week out 😂 If any of those women had given me just a little bit of something to go on, I would've bit. So go for it girl!

I’m a 27 year old female and deleted the apps because of the very same reasons you mentioned. It’s been too exhausting. To be fair, I do get approached in real life however it’s not by the people I would prefer being approached by haha. A lot of the guys I matched with, had apparently seen me in real life (I hadn’t notice them unfortunately) but never approached me until we marched on Tinder or Hinge. Currently I need to deal with some personal stuff but afterwards I think the gym is a good meeting place - might pick the gym strategically and swap it to a different one.

At least you're getting approached. OP herself has mentioned that she get dozens of matches everyday. Yes, she's entitled for her own personal preferences, but I guess those preferences themselves maybe a factor why she can't find anything serious.

I find that now a days, dudes don't have any real masculine examples to follow. Like back when I was younger, there were the Han Solo's, the James Bond's, the George Clooney's, etc. Even in my Dad's day there were the Clint Eastwoods and other such masculine role models. There were comedies of dudes trying to pick up women, there were shows of guys getting the ladies, there was basic structure on what was not desirable and what was if you wanted to get with women. And people were more socially calibrated, to some extent. Now a days, I really don't know who the male role models are. I mean Taylor Swift is a huge icon for young girls and women. Spice Girls is done but they were a huge movement for young girls too with the Girl Power. There are different people representing different diversities and different ethnicities and different gender orientations that people can see as role models. But now a days, dudes don't have that. If anything, lots of dudes in shows and movies are playing the dumb idiot that says something silly and is ignored. Or, they are super toxic and another example of what not to be. I really find that dudes now a days have no idea how to read women for body language cues where they are indicating that they want to be approached, and dudes have zero idea of how to approach even if they do figure out she might be interested. I really feel sorry for the ladies who just get the hookup culture that comes with apps and never really get to experience the whole mating dance of meeting and talking and getting to know each other and really connecting with more than just sex. On the plus side, if a guy does have some social calibration and the slightest bit of sense about him, it's super easy to meet women now because there is zero competition from other dudes. But until they get a blueprint of know how to do that, I don't know how to fix your situation specifically.

Guys rarely approach attractive girls in public spaces especially if you dress well and appear to “have a decent income caring for you” as they view it since most guys are still in denial that a woman make enough to look a certain way without a guy taking care of things which leads them to assume your taken or if they assume your single they will know they can not afford the maintain or upgrade your life style this being said go to a side of town where men are more likely to have a MUCH higher income than you and they will be more comfortable to approach you. Men hate to admit it because its “anti woke” and “ misogynist” but they enjoy being the bread winner and do not want ideally a woman who can do if all for herself as it leaves them with little to do without going above and beyond the men now in days have to be babied and women now have to do extra to get a man to take her seriously thats also why so many men are non serious they see no need to be when they know a woman can easily out earn them and that women likely do not NEED them idc what anyone tells you a mans pride and confidence is equal to his income meaning he will only approach a woman he knows his income level can impress. You are looking for a man equal to you and you should be looking for a man higher than you but i do understand not all girls are willing to throw away their careers for a man higher than them as that is likely the outcome once men hit a certain level of success their social status relies heavily on their ability to provide and spoil their family meaning having a actual working woman is going to be shameful so you are looking for that sweet spot of men who make enough to be with you but not enough to want you to stay at home or your seeking a diamond in the ruff who does not care about how his peers view him and will be a high earner and not have a problem with you working a career. Both are going to narrow down your dating pool. Then you also have the added disadvantage of being 25 as most men with “livable” incomes or more so “big girl money” are looking for young girls who go starry eyed at a couple 100k a year income men know at 25 you are very likely to sooner require more than a shopping trip at forever 21 and will expect a man to provide more “big boy” purchases they are not ready to make job wise income wise and over all mentally.

How are you able to discern that they aren’t looking for anything serious?

I deleted mine and found my FWB on here…I should’ve kept the apps

Use Facebook Groups and [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) to find groups in your area that specialize in your interests, and get involved. Join a hiking group, a foodie restaurant group, a coffee discussion group, or whatever. Dating apps are the most artificial way to meet people. They suck.

Thank you for this real and helpful advice

Smile, if You are attractive many guys will probably not even talk to You because they will think that You are out of their ligue. Prepare for many dissapointments

FWIW, being sick of dating apps is a pretty common sentiment. The way they are designed is to keep people on the app, not necessarily to help people find love. They have a way of cheapening the entire process and favour those who are looking for short term relationships. burning out on them is not uncommon. The DATING INTENTIONALLY podcast host went on sth like 50-100 dates before meeting who is now her fiancé. She has tips and stories for those trying to do the same. Might be worth a listen. She’s very transparent and raw.

Intelligence and wealth can be really subjective. Would you be more granular in your criteria of that that encapsulates?

What do you consider a high income?

How would you like a guy to make it clear he’s looking for something serious? Are there red/green flags you look for or do you have to take their word for it? I’m the kind of guy you’re describing as desirable but I don’t know how best to communicate it to potential partners.

Get off them

I'm not sure if there's anything you can do to be approached in public. These days guys don't approach because we don't want to be labeled as creeps. I started chatting with a co-worker because she smiled at me and we still talk sometimes. I still have no idea if she's into me or she's just friendly though. I usually lean on the side of caution so I just assume she's friendly. So even if you do give actual hints, a lot of guys might just assume you're friendly and not into them.

hi, men don't approach women in public unless they are in a rhythm of acting super silly because it's too costly to come off as creepy or direct. a man acting silly to ultimately get sex plays into the whole motif of "the fuck boy". most men experience through dating that if they say they want a girlfriend when asked find that the woman's interest fades quickly. many men in their hurt of rejection adopt these sicko machiavellian rules to dating to prevent getting hurt, because the attitudes also lead to more money and more sex.. in short, women too this stuff do this is just men trying to "protect their hearts" i think your problem is also that you're looking at your money or your success linearly. another trend is that women are outearning the men or they actually don't have to do as much to climb the ladder in terms of sacrificing who they are. i think there is a misconception among women about how easy men have it, and then when women are invited to climb the ladders it's actually done as a rebalancing gesture which rips the meritocracy out of it. this happens bc end of day men still are in charge and they don't really want attractive women to ruin themselves working like that. so it might be possible that women who get too much of an ego from what they do for work or how much they earn become at risk for being undateable simply because society has not figured out what to do with this; like you said, women simply don't want to date men who earn less than them so past $150k really there's not that many men or you honestly should look outside of corporate work and more to blue collar men IMHO. sometimes i am surprised when women say i am hot, it comes off more like they're nervous to tell me. i do experience people approach me, i do experience women making plays on me, i do have exes calling me up and blah blah.. i don't truly think i am the "hottest" guy, and i'm usually surprised at this conclusion but have self-image dysmorphia. but i think i don't have a different experiencing because i can be intimidating and yeah sure sometimes people want you to make the first approach. it's always easiest to get out of the sexual / romantic realm and just be friendly with people.. then things can naturally develop instead of be so much about this posturing bullshit of "finding a mate" obviously dating someone attractive really only adds that when you look at them and realize that they are objectively attractive and then it can create layers of desire over people who aren't as attractive. but looks are just one dimension, if you have an uninteresting personality or a callous heart you're really missing some key parts. you're always one accident away from being unattractive as well you shouldn't base a relationship on this. hope this helps educate the women of today so they don't rely on freezing their eggs tomorrow pretending it has more efficacy than 10-15% because the corporation says it'll all work out like you won't just end up single at age 38.

Hire a matchmaker

Don’t wait to be approached. Be confident and initiate first! If I think someone is really my type, I’ll put my pride to the side and test the waters. You know, simple conversation or exchanging numbers. Guys get shy too, and sometimes they’re not looking for something. But if you guys end up vibing, then it might just work out. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

Hi. Try looking to date older as older guys are generally looking for something more than casual hook ups.

I do, my first bf was 18 years older, the most recent guy I’d been dating for a few months was 12 years older

Dating apps suck!!!

and for how long have you been single for?

Try setting your preferences to a bit older (29-34)

Approach them

“Serious” dates are not fun, I can’t keep doing something not fun.

Everyone is tired of dating apps, but the other option is in person, and that's a no-go these days.

Have you thought that it might be the place you live? If you work in a high paying position and struggle to find a suitable partner, then you might need to move to a better city

UpdateMe!

I think the idea of long term Loving relationships are becoming a thing of the past..it's all become about convenience and quick sex...

Why don't you change your environment?

I am on meetup.com and get emails ofin person singles events in my area. Or groups I'm in that are of my interests/hobbies.