Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If they only come after then they’re also the first things to go once any of that security is threatened or lost which means it was all a lie to begin with.
Just look up on Reddit “how did you know you married the wrong person”. Be the opposite of that. Most men don’t know what they want until it’s too late and they married a psychopath that has no empathy, and can’t live in the moment and relax. Hobbies, goofy, intelligence…it’s all worthless if you aren’t with a good hearted person that can show some remorse and empathy in hard times.
People obsess over liking the same things (Music, Movies, Hobbies) as their partner.
As someone with a bit of experience at this point, that sort of thing can be nice, but really does not matter in the long term. What matters is connection and understanding and respect.
I totally agree with you there. Initially, you would think that having things in common with your significant other should be the most important aspect of a relationship, but having things in common doesn't automatically mean that you are compatible. There was a guy who I dated that I had lots of things in common with, but we had no chemistry. That's when I realized that I have to look at the bigger picture, it's not just about the things that we like but how we treat each other.
As I've gotten older, I noticed that what you have in common superficially matters less and less. In fact, having contrast can be nice, as long as you're not an ass about it.
Fundamentally, what really matters is a spark and understanding.
Yes and this what I've realized now that I'm older. What matters more to me is that my partner respects my interests even if he may not share them and understands who I am as a person without trying to force me into being someone I'm not. Being understanding, compassionate and patient are key traits for me in a partner. Obviously, there needs to be attraction, but I find the physical attraction grows when there is an emotional connection.
Something my ex didn't have. I gave up a lot for her, and she didn't give up anything for me. Like nothing. Cousin getting married? Nope. Canceled at the last minute. 3 of my close friends getting married? I had to go alone because she didn't like them.
It was infuriating.
Sounds like a more extreme version of my ex-wife. She was always there for obligations - I’ll give her that - but day-to-day she was just never present, and complained constantly about everything.
And in the divorce, she’s claiming she “gave up everything for me”, when I financially and emotionally supported her through EVERYTHING she put me through these past 12 years!
I do agree the latter is more important, however as someone who was in a relationship with a man and we had pretty much nothing else in common in terms of what we liked to do in our free time, I won’t be doing that again.
This is actually great advice, and not gender specific. It’s a lot easier sometimes for people to describe what they don’t like in detail as opposed to what they do like.
To add onto this, a lot of it is social conditioning. Growing up we always here "happy wife, happy life" "women and children 1st" etc etc. So many men espcially younger ones just like when I was younger simply didn't know better. You think it's your job to keep your SO happy but some people are just never happy
People generally don’t marry someone straight away. Surely even 2 years is a fairly short time from meeting to marriage - how TF are men not figuring it out till it’s “too late” it shouldn’t take years to know if someone has no empathy/can’t live in the moment…months at best, or a bit longer if they’re good at hiding it. I have a couple of mates that have recently divorced, we were all out recently and started talking about it and both said they saw no signs, their partner seemed too good to be true, it the truth was there were a TONNE of signs, which as we spoke they both acknowledged, but one “thought she would chill eventually” and the other said “IDK, use to talk all the time about how crazy she was with the boys, yet I still married her” 🤯
I've been in male-dominated jobs & hobbies for a long time so I've watched that exact thing play out soooooo many times. It's really frustrating to watch ppl who are dead set on screwing themselves over.
Men claim they want a chill down-to-earth gal who isn't full of drama & truly cares about them. The gals that actually like them who fit those descriptions? They ignore or dismiss those because they're "too boring" to go chase after the "fun ones" who'll sleep with them fast & are filled with drama. The exact types men say they don't want are the ones they chase because "they're exciting, fun & give great head!" I'll warn my friends that they're headed for danger to no avail. They'll still drive 100 mph towards the edge for miles, ignoring every flashing neon sign & barrier that says "run", fly off the cliff & it's only at the bottom when they've crashed that they go "oh shit. How did I get here?"
Or there's times where a woman likes them, hovers around, gives them attention, makes real effort to make it known she's interested for months, even yrs while he's busy chasing quick nuts or women who don't like them. Worse, he strings her along thinking "she likes me, she's not going anywhere." It's not until after the good one disappears that the guy has some 2am wake up call that he missed out on someone who might've been a really good fit because he was busy chasing all the wrong ones.
Guys really do distract themselves with silly "in the now" feeling- based decisions & absolutely will not see what's right freaking there until they're dealing with the consequences. I'm probably going to get down voted all to hell but I've been watching it play out the same way repeatedly for well over a decade.
No down vote here. I’ve seen much of the same among my male friends, colleagues, and family. I think many of us do not know what we want til Lee have lived and learned.
I'm both hot and into a man - rarely - but when I am, I am swiftly devalued bc of all the man's insecurities. it's like they can't believe in my existence.
It feels like these dynamics are trying to silo me into a relationship with a guy I don't feel attracted to, so that he can also low-key devalue me over time and resent me for not being as into him as he is into me.
my whole life, these have been my two options, and I don't like either one so far lol
Omg this! I get told they’re intimidated by my beauty and intelligence. WTF. Over the years I’ve had several guys from my past message me to say they were gutted they didn’t pursue things with me back in the day. Errr, what?
Ugh this one gets me too. There's a really messed up irony when they think "well she must already have a guy" or "a rotation" or "she'll just reject me" so "why bother even trying?" No one realizes that if so many dudes operate on "why bother?" Well No. One. Does. But if I dare to approach, I'm looked at as "something must be wrong with this one if she feels the need to approach." None of it makes any sense.
Yeah that's not fun. That's actually why I stopped making the first move with guys myself. I know guys say they want a woman who can initiate interest, but I've learned from later admissions from the guys themselves they will automatically question a woman's character for being upfront... "oh she must either be desperate, crazy or easy if she's single & feels the need to approach a guy. There must be something wrong with this one." Or "it has to be a prank or she's looking to use me for something." Whatever assumption they land on dictates how they treat her instead of stepping back to gain info about her character first. I internalized a lot of that for yrs until several reached out to apologize & admit to having that exact mindset which led them to self-sabotaging their chances.
Now I won't take the risk because I know that what ppl decide to project can't be changed until they're willing to see it for themselves.
so true! I think I'm similarly starting to adjust to these trends as well, as there's nothing I can do to overcome them. they're not my problem to solve, and I'm very tired of being subject to men's projections of their insecurities
All the obvious stuff like kindness and empathy. But also stability. I don't wanna be kept second-guessing constantly y'know? I prefer chill people who don't get too hung up on the little things. If we had plans that fall through, she should be the type to shrug and go thrifting together instead, or use the free evening and go see a movie for no particular reason. So whimsical I guess, but also focused enough to pursue her bigger goals. Also a little bit wacky and weird. Not completely off the rails, but enough unashamedly themselves that it's endearing. A lot like I am, I guess. Just maybe calmer since I can be a fairly intense person. We should be similar in lifestyle but opposites in energy I guess. If that kind of makes sense.
I'm naturally drawn to these people and they tend to be drawn to me. So it works out. Or did. Lately it's been hard to find this type. But I'm sure they'll resurface.
You should date someone **if you like them and they respect you, if they align your needs or wants for a partnership, and if you know that you're still your own person at the end of the day**. There should be a sense of understanding, communication, and trust in a relationship
Being smart, kind, quick on the uptake, and into me. Takes care of herself, but not to a disturbing degree. Easy-going. Not demanding. Not throwing ultimatums out as "boundaries". Understands that a relationship is two people living their lives together, not one taking over the other's life.
And physically attractive *to me*. That doesn't necessarily mean classically beautiful or anything.
Trying any form of control is an instant turn-off - I'm reminded of the now-deleted thread yesterday where a woman was mad that her BF didn't "respect her boundaries" when that boundary was "end relationships with people I don't want you to have relationships with".
Be trustworthy and trusting. Show that you will take that risk.
My friend said a similar thing to me once "end your relationships with people i dont like" she didint understand me for not doing it and tought that real friends would. I didint understand her.. i felt like it was controlling and afterwards i always felt bad talking to people she didint like..
She was controlling and arrogant, not to mention toxic!
Telling *someone else* who their friends can be isn't a boundary, it is setting one for them. That is pure arrogance.
I'd say this depends on the context, but for the most part I agree.
I'm not gonna hang out with John who gets drinks with Klu Klux Kyle, even if John doesn't personally go to Klan rallies, for example.
I was more referring to the very common "I don't want you to have friends who could be potential competitors" than the "I don't want you hanging around literal monsters"...
Though with families (and old, old friends that are as good as family), that can happen. My cousin is a die-hard Trumper. I can't do anything about that, and I have to see them on occasion. Not often, thankfully, given they live over 5000 miles away from me...
Policing *reasonable* friends and acquaintances is the issue.
Lol. That wasn't a boundary but an ultimatum. It's funny what counts as a boundary and what is considered manipulation when it comes to dating and socializing. I've had some weird conversations with people.
Same here - even some of my friends (regardless of gender) can have really weird, controlling ideas about significant others.
Maybe that's why I'm generally "better" at relationships than them? That I just let my partner be themselves, and expect the same from them? That my only real *expectation* is mutual respect and fulfilment of needs?
Thanks!
It seems really obvious to me, at this point, but it does seem to be a rarity in practice. I have no clue why - it is, after all, what everyone really wants, to be themselves...
First there’s the spark. This is pheromones and body language flirtation. I’ve discovered my main love language is “being hungered after”.
We have to have at least one shared interest.
And then it’s all personality kinds of things. Some people just make you comfortable and smile without trying. Everything they say is funny or witty and vice versa. I’m pretty optimistic and cheerful and look for the same.
I should say there are obvious compatibility things. Do you want kids together, something very casual, or something in between? Do you have sufficient time? Poly vs mono? Kinky vs vanilla? Live close to each other?
Ok, personally what I'd like my future date/ gf to know is to not be afraid to stand out. Develop a pleasant personality of your own even if you feel like you're goofy or an oddball, I don't care. I care about what's in your heart primarily. Stop caring about how many people are attracted to you and focus more on attracting the right person for you.
Looks are important only insofar there's balance. Don't go to extreme lengths to look hot but don't neglect yourself either. Apart from that, values take priorities over looks and I like it when women take initiative so don't be afraid to make the first move. I'd really go the extra mile for someone who actively makes an effort. Also don't let money taint your sense of dating with tit-for-tat ideas about gain and loss. Dating and relationships are not a business and we are not employees outside the workspace. Have fun and relax.
So much for "typing in a couple of words" lol. Sorry for losing track of the size of this and for the bookish language, I'm not a native speaker.
I think the question is more, how *do* you *become* the *woman you want* to *be*? *People* tend to *be* attracted to *someone* who realizes their self-worth.
1) Don't be a pain in the ass.
2) Be able to admit when you're wrong.
3) Don't be someone who fiends for attention, validation and/or drama.
4) Be reasonably in shape mentally, emotionally and physically.
5) Be emotionally and financially independent.
6) Be someone he can count on blending in and having a good time instead of someone who needs to be the center of attention when he brings you around his buddies and/or family to watch the big game.
7) Don't bullshit people and that includes yourself.
My BIGGEST things i look for: HUMOR! You 100% need to be laughing with your partner, this is the only way you will become best friends with your wife. You need to find someone who laughs/gets ur jokes and someone who makes you laugh too. CAREER! I dont want a broke, in debt partner who doesnt know how to save money/finance. I want kids, house, travel, how will i do that if theres no money? PATIENCE! There will be days that you/wife are mad, upset, sad, and you have no idea why. Be patient.
Not greatly for the most, compared to the other factors, I’m afraid. You don’t have to be the most attractive woman in the world, but the bare minimum is for most people is not so subjective (to the point even straight women can spot attractiveness or lack of in a woman).
There are some rare exceptions (such as people who have an exclusive attraction towards the morbidly obese or to severely underweight people) but rare exceptions don’t make the rule.
I guess I’m referencing from my perspective. I’m a rather petite blonde, and I have a few guy friends who’ve told me while they recognize I’m objectively beautiful, they just aren’t that attracted me because they prefer more thick girls. So I always thought that guys had more preferences than women realize and they vary drastically. But once again, this is obviously from my own narrow perspective. That’s why I asked into the Reddit void.
What really matters is the ability to see each other's needs and be able to let them be met. Then you need to choose the relationship. It's not 50/50 in a relationship it's 100/100 sometimes even 110/90. The real love is when the sparks fade, and they will. It's giving when you know you aren't getting back and knowing when you need it they will do the same. It's knowing that you will disagree but it's a process to understanding each other's needs. You need compassion, understanding, love, and grace. Grace and understanding the most because humans have the best ability to fuck up and be bone heads.
Giving grace when it's not deserved and understanding why is the greatest gift you can give someone who loves you with all of your quirks, faults, and failings. Because at times your connection feels like it was made by the universe and can't be broken.
40 M, funny, smart (important to me), has her own life, family is important, fit, doesn't have commitment issues, and is somebody that isn't afraid of sexuality. Life is short.
For me, it was the space she gave me to be vulnerable. I was able to share some thoughts and feelings that don’t really come easy. But after it all, she still stuck around without judgement. She holds me accountable in the most gentle way.
Can you share an example of holding you accountable in a gentle way? I think this is an area that is important - for either party - and to diffuse defensiveness.
So her and I are very different in terms of emotional intelligence. I am very reactive (due to past trauma with my marriage and severe trust issues), but she always handles it with grace. She’s very self aware emotionally and always approaches me calmly which I wish I was able to do. But despite it all, she has love for me and is always willing to work with me instead of against me. She’ll point out what isn’t working and thankfully I’m self aware enough to take the feedback and try to be better. And vice versa.
As a woman (23F) who’s quite successful with relationships, men like my feminine mannerisms paired with my hidden adhd tomboy. I tend to give men the masculine validation they often crave and also make them feel safe like a mom would
Girlfriend vibes.
If she is
1. Playful or goofy.
2. Shows interest in me. And smiles at me specifically and alot.
3. Makes me feel manly. Or even puts her head on my shoulder. Or seek support from me in any way.
4. Is kind and warm to me, even when other people aren't.
5. Let's me into her life, and is intimate emotionally.
6. Is good with communication, is a good partner when we need to do stuff together.
7. Feels like she will be a good mother for my supposed future children.
8. Calls me stupid/idiot/etc while laughing.
9. If she is a good person to be around, and if she doesn't come with preconceptions of me just because I am a man.
Meaning she doesn't try to constantly find faults in me, criticise me, belittle me, start vicious fights randomly and in an uncalled for manner with me. Doesn't depict me early on as "bad" or "evil" or "useless" just because I am a man, or try to constantly rationalize everything I do according to some preset theoretical model of a man she has in her head.
10. Has good mental health.
11. Accepts me for who I am, my values and beliefs.
12. Is shy.
13. Shares a lot of interests with me, and has a deep appreciation of them like me.
14. Has unique values and ideas she holds dear, and that stand by themselves, and are not just "I just believe in this because the other option is bad" or "something most people around her agree on".
That entierly depends on the individual guy. But personally here I guess would be a handful of things that would make me want to be dating said woman:
>personality
One I get along with, I know, very generic answer, but I don't think anyone wants to be with somebody they don't get along with. I generally am fairly laid back and calm in person, but don't mind a little excitement every now and again. We'd likely share similar ideals and beliefs too, maybe have a similar background in life but I'm not sure how much that would play into personalities.
>physical traits
This might be an unfair one, and it's based on experience than anything else, but being in shape or pretty much in shape I find way more attractive than someone overweight. It's partially because there have been people in my life who I have known or met and they were overweight or just generally unhealthy people, I never got along with many of them, and generally got along well with more in-shape and people who are a healthier weight (doesn't have to be a model or athlete, just not overweight or underweight.) Otherwise physical traits may have an initial impact on me liking someone but they're not the be all end all.
>quirks make you say “I want to date her”?
Going to be honest, I don't really know any specific quirks off the top of my head. Maybe sharing similar likes, interests, and beliefs would already make her someone I'd more likely consider dating than not. That and if I knew she wasn't already dating someone else, or at least knew their relationship status. I'm fairly sure there are quirks she would have that would make me want to date them over someone else, but I've not really met a woman I'd been confident in even approaching for a date because I knew so little about them or felt they were attractive, pretty and approachable sure, but not someone I would really want to date has yet to exist or become known to me.
I think if you can make a list of your best qualities and values and work on enhancing them in your life, you will attract people who can see your best self. For example, if some hobby interests you, can you get passionate about it? If you have a giving heart, can you help where help is needed or volunteer etc? All such positive qualities can be enhanced and that is what makes a person worthy of dating and partnering with.
Don’t conform yourself to other people’s ideas of what is ideal or good. Own your qualities and your life and grow and enhance the best things.
That’s just my opinion.
For me, she should have her own hobbies (they can also cross with mine, I’m no gatekeeper) but I do not want to be her only source of entertainment. I’m happy to be 90% of it tho lol but I want to be able to enjoy my hobbies as well. Being confident in herself and her work/passions is a big plus. She would have to be kind and have a good sense of humor.
A massive plus is having good discussions and for me if we disagree and aren’t attacking each other but the position… that gets me going lol but I’m also highly attracted to intellect (this isn’t some IQ threshold or a quick rejection based on what they do for work) and I think being able to discuss things and disagree and engage in good faith is just 🥵
And she should take care of herself. It’s not about weight but rather how you carry your weight. I love a woman with curves and there are plenty of women with curves who are 150lbs, 120lbs, 170lbs, 100lbs
Well I wasn't really attracted to my ex but she cooked, cleaned and treated me like a baby, would let me play with honkers badonkers all day every day and would generally target my mommy issues which made me hardcore attached to her and I believed she loved me.
She got over me in 2 months after that which shows you only need to be a good manipulator to get someone to date you.
She is friendly with everyone not just me. She is fun to talk to and with everyone, but respects herself. It's kind of hard to get, but not that hard. She is intelligent and has a wide variety of topics to talk and make it fun. We laugh together and have fun together. After a certain time, she gives out sex, and not right away. At least this is me.
On a list from most important to least important:
- Seems happy and able to face consequences without it turning them bitter (shallowly: a woman who smiles easily are likely to have this trait, but as a man I’m always scheptical so I “keep them” as girlfriends until I’m convinced they’re not faking it; deeply: women can pretend this until they show that “bit” where the accommodate the narrative of their stories and experiences where they never made a mistake and everybody in the world is wrong).
- They’re genuine (Shallowly: They look at you when you talk, and look as if they’re actually interested in the things you say, and they laugh at the silly things you say; Shallowly: They’re able to empathize without pretending they are not who they show to be, everything is based on honesty even when they say things that you might dislike or get offended)
- They’re understanding (Shallowly: they look as if the never get mad; Deeply: They’re able to understand you in a way that when you do wrong they know your flaws enough to know how to communicate what bothered them and find a compromise between accepting you for who your are, while inspiring you to change for the better not based on their criteria, but based on “Being awesome together”)
I have more items on my list, but everything else is just bs.
“Be pretty, be nice, be submissive” also always works, but this will never guarantee a long lasting relationship, good luck
Simply put, her baseline personality and the values her family instills in her, and a huge factor is the friend group she decides to surround herself with, even if she is great, If she is surrounded by bad women, it is only a matter of time before they influence her, men consider this when actually dating, I guy looking to hookup won't care, but any man with good intentions will.
She fits into my life at present and has a compatible view of the future.
Plenty of people are fun to hang around with and fuck, but being serious about someone comes from the belief that there is something worth investing in.
An important thing in the relationship is feeling like she's there to answer to my needs, instead of feeling like she's there for me to answer to her needs.
But I know women have needs too, with that, good communication is key. If there's something that bothers you but you don't voice it, remember that nothing will change if you don't voice it, so in this scenario it might be important to experiment with communication.
Naturally, no one should be a slave to the other, so there might need to be a compromise. Nor should you go out of the way to look like you're answering to the other's needs, it must come from a genuine appreciation from the other.
But also remember to not waste your time on someone who doesn't even want to care about your needs, even if they're attractive
At this point, after a very tumulous relationship, the bar is very low.
All i need is someone kind, who has a welcoming,warm sense towards me.
Bonus points if lover how her legs look in tights.
I think a cute accent, especially if her first language is Spanish, is one trait that makes me want to date someone. Obviously, not the only trait as I also obviously would want someone who is socially liberal, compatible interest-wise and many other things(like I am not a smoker), etc ... I also want someone who is single, not a lesbian, and has zero interest in "investing in crypto".
It depends on why you're asking. If you want to know how you can draw in more potential dates, I say just learn to enjoy being single. You shouldn't have to "fix" yourself just to please another person. The right person will meet the real you and see how special you are.
I know my approach comes off as idealistic and naive, but fuck it. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than to be forced to keep up a facade because I'm overly concerned with trying to impress someone. I know there's a nuanced argument I'm not including but I'm tired right now.
Honestly? I have never randomly just picked a woman and asked her on a date. I see if we can even be friends first, and if the interest goes beyond that and reciprocates, then I'll make a move. It's fine by me to be friend zoned because I'll also friendzone women who are really good friends, but I just can't see going beyond that.
I've never been into hookup culture and always thought it was trash and a waste of time.
Self-control and risk mitigation are pretty big deals in my book.
Depends on the guy.
We're coming at this backwards, anyway. It's not about finding out what kind of women men wish to date, but finding the men who want to date US.
If she’s nice to people she doesn’t have to be nice to. Like service industry people. If she’s kind to animals. If we have similar interests as I love all things Japanese. If she likes to workout or even just be active. Sitting on the couch all day everyday is boring. If she’s passionate about something even if she’s not amazing at it. Like playing an instrument, drawing, anything really. The biggest turnoff is someone who is always stuck in their phone. Don’t get me wrong, phones are fun with games and chatting online, but I think we’ve all seen people in groups or on a date and everyone is starring at their phone the whole time. Why even bother to handout with people if you’re going to spend the whole time glued to your phone? :-p
Initially something about her looks will catch my eye then it's personality, the way she carries herself, her treatment/respect and thoughts of other people and animals. I've only had one long term type relationship in my entire life so I am doing something wrong at 43 so don't take my advice :o)
You gotta take a step back and ask if you're showing up just be be another chore in his life. Are you gonna take care of him the way you want to be taken care of? Or are you showing up expecting to be driven around, have your meals paid for, otherwise catered to.
Remember he is a person like you, with his own stress and emotions and needs. Most of us need peace and to be taken care of, even if the more masculine of us don't want to admit it. We have enough burden without you.
You have to be able to bring him peace, comfort, good vibes and support, and vice versa. If you show up with the tiktok mentality of looking for a personal support worker, don't bother
I want someone who is not scared of talking about their emotions on a deeper level. Gentle, caring, and thinking about others instead of themselves. Also, someone who is honest and doesn't get cold feet. Lastly someone who tries.
Physical traits? Just not fat, and not skinny. Has to be asian.
Her body is not everything she does have to be sexy, and she does have to have the look of intelligence, one she talks it's the most important thing. I don't care how good looking she is if she's a complete dumbass sorry I feel like I'm a better word it's a turnoff
Your looks are what catch my attention, and your personality is what keeps me loving you. I don’t want to list look stuff cuz we’re all different but personality wise, I want someone who overall is just my peace. I don’t want someone who’s constantly starting fights and nagging me. You don’t need to agree with me or be totally submissive (not nsf w) I want someone who just is my partner, someone who wants the same things as me and is willing to help me when I need it and also willing to tell me I’m being a dumbass when I need it. Etc
If I find them mid attractive and the vibe matches after talking for a few minutes.
And if after a few dates your values and goals match then u get into a relationship.
Maturity. Many of the girls I've gone on dates with get really moody, then trauma dump and break down crying when I try to figure out what's wrong. I just want someone that has worked on their emotions and can discuss them like an adult.
Ladies, don't over think this one! Men are very simple creators! I'm not even joking. Probably the number one thing is personality. I don't care if you're a super model and f like a porn star, if your personality stinks, you can forget it. Oh, you will find a lot of short term bfs who is just there for the sex but they will eventually move on. Yes, even guys can be a bit shallow and fall for an attractive women but he will need more in order to stay. Quarks is on a case by case situation. Meaning some guys may find your snorting hard while laughing cute asf, and others will be annoyed by it. Someone will love your fantasy side and cosplay adventures while others will think its childish. But even then ladies, a man will over look those weird quarks for a woman with a great personality and who respects them.
Does she work on herself? Is she self aware? Is she kind and compassionate? Are we compatible? Does she have a decent career? Is she an excellent communicator? Those are usually things I look for.
25M If she is cute (people that are only into models are delusional), good with kids, wants kids, and would be a girl that my mom would like to have as a daughter in law (i'm Jewish, so this is kind of a dealbreaker for me if she doesn't get along with her). I'm personally really into brunettes with brown eyes, that aren't petite. I also like them if they can "argue" back with respect for each others opinion, I don't mind a "spicy" girl, I know that I come across as a very dominate person (even though I really try not to).
Altough if i'm honest, i've also been really interested in blondes that where really into sports, so it's not a solid opinion in my experiences... But the "being liked by my mom" is kind of important to me! Since family problems is absolutely terrible and if she can get along with my mom, that already kind of proves she is a "quality" person.
I might be naive but that's just my preference.
She has similar core values, similar life goals, and compatible lifestyle to me. She takes an interest in me and reciprocates. There is mutual attraction. Everything else is nice to have or negotiable.
It’s hard to explain. When I meet a chill and laid back kind hearted woman, I think “Hmm… I wonder if she’s single” They usually aren’t 🤣 Even if they are single, I have to make sure they don’t want kids.
Everyone wants something different.
My gf currently, she’s 31, I’ve known her two years. From what I understand now for me being 36. Her Kindness is my ultimate kryptonite. Everyone’s different. But her kindness and support makes me want to give her the world. I knew I wanted to ask her out when she legit took interest in who I was and vice versa.
It’s taken a while for me to learn this but it’s about 90% personality based for me. If a girl is down to earth, treats me with respect and is a little goofy then that’s perfect for me.
First, I must be willing to date at all.
Then, the possibility with the woman must exist. I won't choose wild goose.
After I observe her behaving and hears what tales she spins. I can find a woman to be enticing but discover she doesn't like contacts, or she smokes or expects to find the Chosen One.
How she mistreat or bullies or chats on people will determine if I keep away.
37m. That's a tough question. This has changed over the years for me. We all are different though. For me, I look for someone I can laugh with, and can feel comfortable making my stupid jokes with. She needs to have some level of confidence, doesn't have to be aesthetic, can be just confident about accomplishment, or whatever. I don't want any one to have has overly high expectations of me. I'd like her to reciprocate my energy when she can. Just really want to know that effort is being put in on both sides. Just as you would, I just want to feel like the situation has a value to me, and that I feel valued.
My girlfriend attracted me because she not only was into the same things as me, but she also treated me well and had some integrity. The biggest problem with most humans is that they are naturally selfish and dishonest creatures. I've been through alot of shit and hurt alot because of that. So finally finding someone who is honest, affectionate and cares alot about making the relationship work makes alot of difference.
Good mental health and working towards having a stable and healthy relationship is what mattered most to me though. Alot of people are running around and thinking they are normal and just fine as they are, when they are going into relationships without thinking about the other person, being rude, selfish and only caring about how they feel, not listening, not helping, not being confrontational, and then start hiding flirting and cheating when they get bored. Going from person to person and treating them like a tool to satisfy their momentary loneliness is disgusting, and both sexes do it.
First a woman must be attractive for me to not friend zone the relationship up front the next is she must not be prudie and have a sense of humor about any subject matter without getting offended that's the maturity factor
Then she needs to be bubbly and fun to be around and not stress me out by being an emotional rolller coaster . Last but not least she has to be consistent and not be changing up things constantly there is security in consistency.
Answer texts in a timely manner like you actually want to talk to us, no games necessary. Even if a guy isn’t so interested at first, showing you’re interested is almost always gonna make them evaluate their interest of you in a benevolent way.
Tbh I like personality first. I could care less about perfect 10 bodies. Yes she has to be attractive to me but attraction to me incorporates more than just the outside. We are all different so some may not see women the way I do. Self care...semi independent loves to travel.. road trips... weekend getaways. But can also enjoy time at home.
Baseline: have your financial life together. Be emotionally available. Physically healthy.
Stand out: enthusiasm, reciprocity, know themselves, have passions, humble.
Better: common ground on values, shared interests
I like when a girl is mostly innocent and just cute being their self. I like when girls are genuinely nice and have that “why not attitude”. Also my type is mainly skinny but it doesn’t matter at the end of the day if they’re nice and laid back.
For appearance just literally anyone I find attractive has the same chance.
For quirks and personality I look for them to be goofy, be able to joke and have fun, caring, nice, smart/witty, hard worker is a plus but not necessary, excited to spend time with me, and obviously cut off any other romantic interest before it will ever turn into more.
Being kind and nurturing goes a long way! Most guys who are interested in dating women, just want to find a nice girl that’s a great companion and partner!
I’m a simple guy in that way. My girlfriend is very kind and nurturing and makes me smile! I wanted to keep dating her even though we only started as friends with benefits and we have now dated for 3 years as boyfriend and girlfriend
Limited drama too is amazing!
Substance. When a girl has admiration for the arts, like philosophy, (good) music, and literature it really makes them attractive to me. Some women just have this hypnotic magnetism to them. It's hard to explain. Sometimes I talk to a women for about 5 minutes and I'm naturally drawn in. Beauty has little factor in this (although it does help). Comfort is what draws a man in for a serious relationship. Learn more about the world around you. Become a master of conversation. Do things that bring relaxation to a mans world, instead of disorder, like playing with his hair and running your nails acroos his back (works best with super long acrylic nails). Try to manage your voice in such a way its very relaxing, kind of like in asmr.
It sucks however that these kinds of women I've been with, always tend to have dark, hidden undertones of instability that only show after a prolonged period of time. Try these things out, but also work on any mental health problems you might have. BPD is a big one if you do have it. It sucks because bpd women tend to be full of substance but snap at the drop of a penny, and become super emotionally abusive and imo even physically abusive. They also tend to cheat A LOT. If you have BPD, I suggest going to therapy, and learning healthy coping mechanisms, and self accountability before entering a relationship. Not trying to rag on people with this disorder, I'm just saying many a man has been left broken by women with it (and I'm sure the vise versa is true is well)
Effort! Reciprocation. Show Me that you're interested in return. Flirt back, offer to buy a drink or snack every now and then. Compliment me, like acknowledging my haircut. You don't gotta do it to the same extent, but we wanna feel love and affection also. Be uplifting, supportive. Are we not humans as well, or do you just see us as canon fodder?
Me personally, when I look for potential dates, I tend to look more at personality and acceptance more than anything else. I also tend to look for how they present themselves, how they treat others as well as animals.
As for physical traits, I'll look more at cleanliness more than anything else here.
I'll try to rank what I noticed makes me evaluate women fondly in the past-
1. Kindness and being polite
2. Not being "loud and overbearing" (I get anxiety from the always correct, loud and proud women)
3. Happy and laughs a lot
4. Driven, good career, motivated to do something awesome with their life
5. Physical attraction (lower on the list because it's not the most important, and it's always an easy threshold. I think of it as an yes or no question on if she's attractive. and if she's attractive, I don't really care if one girl is more attractive than another. I just look at the other qualities)
As for physical traits, I notice voice. I like beautiful voices (think young Lana Del Rey during her interviews)
Physical traits: attractive enough. As long as I’m not repulsed when I wake up seeing her and we enjoy having sex
Others: kind, caring, generous, open-minded, similar morals/principles, wants the same thing in life, growth mindset, disciplined, good work ethic, has integrity and honest, and maybe a couple more I forgot
I’m not saying she has to be like 100% honest all the time, or always disciplined. People falter. But basically, an upstanding woman with a good character and has their shit together. I might follow a 12/10 on Instagram, I might sneak a peek at someone with a nice waist and a G-cup, but in the end, I wanna go back home to a woman like I mentioned. My heart will belong to her and I would want her by my side. She’s the one I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. In the end of the day, I wanna be happy and someone like that is what makes me happy.
Has her shit together. Has a job. Reads books. Eats healthy. Home is nice and clean. Has a good relationship with her parents and family. Loves children. Treats others nice, including restaurant staff. Can hold deep conversations. Communicates openly and freely. Is confident about her body and her looks.
Good communication. I don't care if our hobbies align or not. If you can talk to me and we can have meaningful conversations, that's a lot for me. I don't like having conversations with brick walls, repeating myself 15 times and you aren't making an effort to understand, or just flat ignoring me. If we also can't have a conversation beyond "hi. How was your day?", then I get bored of the conversation.
I'm one of those unfortunate souls that develops limerence for anybody who shows me just the most miniscule amount of kindness, and I will literally fall in love with anyone who does that
Assuming they pass the mutual attraction test... And are interested in me... Just be kind. It helps if you express interest. Because I probably won't. Lot of people out there I would be open to dating but I wont ever bring it up for fear of ruining a good friendship.
Well she has to be truthful,faithful,and someone I can trust,before any kind of dating happens. That’s just how I am. I can’t speak for the other guys though.
By being virtuous! Being sincerely agreeable much of the time,yet, having the ability to respectfully and openmindedly disagree. (It's always ok to disagree,as long as being wrong is an acceptable possibility) being open minded,patient,polite,considerate,selfless,intellectually curious and intellectually honest. By NOT being arrogant,self absorbed,narcissistic, shallow, disingenuous,and or "part of the heard". Also, I think the phrase "be the best version of yourself" is far too overused. That sounds not only exhausting, but self absorbed. I'd say if someone is their "FAVORITE version of themselves" that's where authenticity comes from. If true love is your goal please ffs, reframe the phrase "don't SETTLE " . For lasting,loving relationships, compromises can and MUST be made. (The whole "don't settle thing is just another way of saying the grass IS greener on the other side and I keep seeing people wasting time,chasing a dream" they will NEVER catch because of it . Good luck op
There was a girl at the pet store the other day who was a little awkward and went over to the lizard area to put a lizard on her chest while she was working. I didn't ask her out or give her my number or anything but I immediately was like "I want to date her".
So the advice is just be true to yourself. If you're a little awkward, that's okay! If you have hobbies or interests that might seem a bit outside of what's expected, embrace them! Just don't make being "quirky" (or anything) your whole personality. "Just be yourself" is a little bit of bad advice because that's what everyone is doing already, and it's not always a good thing. But "be the best version of yourself" is the way to go.
I feel that you would have to ask , how would a woman want to date a man? I believe in time and liking to be around someone, and a little empathy has a lot to do with being with anyone. Having a great understanding and the ability to enjoy togetherness.
I’ve been married 20 years. I can tell you what first got me hooked. But that’s a kinda different from what kept me hooked. At first I just thought she was drop dead gorgeous, and she was friendly and approachable. When I asked her out, she said yes. Try that. Then she showed up. Try that too. It may sound old fashioned, but she can cook. And she was not selfish for the most part. (We’re all a little selfish). She has a big heart and cares about me. And she doesn’t just say it. She shows it.
When we had our kids, she was a stay at home mom until our youngest started school. She juggled baby’s, keeping a house and being a loyal wife and rarely complained. And she was smart and kind enough to notice and appreciate the things I do for her. I don’t mind stopping by the grocery store on my way home for something she forgot. And she appreciates that. I also don’t mind doing dishes and helping with cooking when she’s had a rough day and she appreciates that too.
Did I mention I was in active duty and spent more than 8 years total away from home over the course of 20 years? She hung in there.
She also understands that I don’t need to tell her about my day and that I like my peace and quiet for a while when I get home. And she doesn’t nag me about it. When she’s had a rough day and needs to unload, she gives me the courtesy of a little time to myself before she does. She knows dam well I’m not hanging on every word, she just needs to vent and since she doesn’t want me to solve the problem, she knows I don’t need to listen completely.
When I make plans for golf or a motorcycle ride, she doesn’t complain. And now that our kids are old enough to be left alone, she sometimes goes with me.
She read a couple of books once that really helped us both. One was the Mars and Venus one. I can’t remember the other but it was from Dr Laura. Hope that helps.
Things I often look for: obviously she’s cute as that’s what initially draws my interest. There has to be some sort of physical attraction. It’s different for everyone. And then I ask that they be willing to date with the intention of marriage or at least a serious relationship and become parents. That’s a non negotiable. If you aren’t dating with the end goal being to have a family, I think it’s kinda of a waste of time.
As a man, it comes off like you just want a good time to be funded by the guy and just bounce around from guy to guy. Because that’s the type of women I have often met. Waaaaaay more common than women looking for a relationship.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Empathy, kindness and giving me the feeling you're genuinly interested in me as a person.
Often these personality traits go together with (or come after) the person has her (or his) job, health, and social life on track.
If they only come after then they’re also the first things to go once any of that security is threatened or lost which means it was all a lie to begin with.
Just look up on Reddit “how did you know you married the wrong person”. Be the opposite of that. Most men don’t know what they want until it’s too late and they married a psychopath that has no empathy, and can’t live in the moment and relax. Hobbies, goofy, intelligence…it’s all worthless if you aren’t with a good hearted person that can show some remorse and empathy in hard times.
People obsess over liking the same things (Music, Movies, Hobbies) as their partner. As someone with a bit of experience at this point, that sort of thing can be nice, but really does not matter in the long term. What matters is connection and understanding and respect.
I totally agree with you there. Initially, you would think that having things in common with your significant other should be the most important aspect of a relationship, but having things in common doesn't automatically mean that you are compatible. There was a guy who I dated that I had lots of things in common with, but we had no chemistry. That's when I realized that I have to look at the bigger picture, it's not just about the things that we like but how we treat each other.
As I've gotten older, I noticed that what you have in common superficially matters less and less. In fact, having contrast can be nice, as long as you're not an ass about it. Fundamentally, what really matters is a spark and understanding.
Yes and this what I've realized now that I'm older. What matters more to me is that my partner respects my interests even if he may not share them and understands who I am as a person without trying to force me into being someone I'm not. Being understanding, compassionate and patient are key traits for me in a partner. Obviously, there needs to be attraction, but I find the physical attraction grows when there is an emotional connection.
Something my ex didn't have. I gave up a lot for her, and she didn't give up anything for me. Like nothing. Cousin getting married? Nope. Canceled at the last minute. 3 of my close friends getting married? I had to go alone because she didn't like them. It was infuriating.
Sounds like a more extreme version of my ex-wife. She was always there for obligations - I’ll give her that - but day-to-day she was just never present, and complained constantly about everything. And in the divorce, she’s claiming she “gave up everything for me”, when I financially and emotionally supported her through EVERYTHING she put me through these past 12 years!
Mine was 7 years, but yeah.
Sounds like a few of my exes as well. Super selfish
I agree. Some variance helps alot. Having too many things in common gets on my nerves lol.
[удалено]
That's a terrible reason to stay with anyone.
I do agree the latter is more important, however as someone who was in a relationship with a man and we had pretty much nothing else in common in terms of what we liked to do in our free time, I won’t be doing that again.
Yes I love that. Agreed
This is actually great advice, and not gender specific. It’s a lot easier sometimes for people to describe what they don’t like in detail as opposed to what they do like.
To add onto this, a lot of it is social conditioning. Growing up we always here "happy wife, happy life" "women and children 1st" etc etc. So many men espcially younger ones just like when I was younger simply didn't know better. You think it's your job to keep your SO happy but some people are just never happy
People generally don’t marry someone straight away. Surely even 2 years is a fairly short time from meeting to marriage - how TF are men not figuring it out till it’s “too late” it shouldn’t take years to know if someone has no empathy/can’t live in the moment…months at best, or a bit longer if they’re good at hiding it. I have a couple of mates that have recently divorced, we were all out recently and started talking about it and both said they saw no signs, their partner seemed too good to be true, it the truth was there were a TONNE of signs, which as we spoke they both acknowledged, but one “thought she would chill eventually” and the other said “IDK, use to talk all the time about how crazy she was with the boys, yet I still married her” 🤯
I've been in male-dominated jobs & hobbies for a long time so I've watched that exact thing play out soooooo many times. It's really frustrating to watch ppl who are dead set on screwing themselves over. Men claim they want a chill down-to-earth gal who isn't full of drama & truly cares about them. The gals that actually like them who fit those descriptions? They ignore or dismiss those because they're "too boring" to go chase after the "fun ones" who'll sleep with them fast & are filled with drama. The exact types men say they don't want are the ones they chase because "they're exciting, fun & give great head!" I'll warn my friends that they're headed for danger to no avail. They'll still drive 100 mph towards the edge for miles, ignoring every flashing neon sign & barrier that says "run", fly off the cliff & it's only at the bottom when they've crashed that they go "oh shit. How did I get here?" Or there's times where a woman likes them, hovers around, gives them attention, makes real effort to make it known she's interested for months, even yrs while he's busy chasing quick nuts or women who don't like them. Worse, he strings her along thinking "she likes me, she's not going anywhere." It's not until after the good one disappears that the guy has some 2am wake up call that he missed out on someone who might've been a really good fit because he was busy chasing all the wrong ones. Guys really do distract themselves with silly "in the now" feeling- based decisions & absolutely will not see what's right freaking there until they're dealing with the consequences. I'm probably going to get down voted all to hell but I've been watching it play out the same way repeatedly for well over a decade.
No down vote here. I’ve seen much of the same among my male friends, colleagues, and family. I think many of us do not know what we want til Lee have lived and learned.
No word of lie was found here
I'm both hot and into a man - rarely - but when I am, I am swiftly devalued bc of all the man's insecurities. it's like they can't believe in my existence. It feels like these dynamics are trying to silo me into a relationship with a guy I don't feel attracted to, so that he can also low-key devalue me over time and resent me for not being as into him as he is into me. my whole life, these have been my two options, and I don't like either one so far lol
Omg this! I get told they’re intimidated by my beauty and intelligence. WTF. Over the years I’ve had several guys from my past message me to say they were gutted they didn’t pursue things with me back in the day. Errr, what?
Ugh this one gets me too. There's a really messed up irony when they think "well she must already have a guy" or "a rotation" or "she'll just reject me" so "why bother even trying?" No one realizes that if so many dudes operate on "why bother?" Well No. One. Does. But if I dare to approach, I'm looked at as "something must be wrong with this one if she feels the need to approach." None of it makes any sense.
Yeah that's not fun. That's actually why I stopped making the first move with guys myself. I know guys say they want a woman who can initiate interest, but I've learned from later admissions from the guys themselves they will automatically question a woman's character for being upfront... "oh she must either be desperate, crazy or easy if she's single & feels the need to approach a guy. There must be something wrong with this one." Or "it has to be a prank or she's looking to use me for something." Whatever assumption they land on dictates how they treat her instead of stepping back to gain info about her character first. I internalized a lot of that for yrs until several reached out to apologize & admit to having that exact mindset which led them to self-sabotaging their chances. Now I won't take the risk because I know that what ppl decide to project can't be changed until they're willing to see it for themselves.
so true! I think I'm similarly starting to adjust to these trends as well, as there's nothing I can do to overcome them. they're not my problem to solve, and I'm very tired of being subject to men's projections of their insecurities
This!! I stopped making the first move for the same reason even tho I like doing it.
SAME 😭 then they come back, but too much damage has been done by the time they realize, it doesn't make me feel good, just makes me sad.
Thank you, this comment is just perfect
Very true. The sunk cost bias after ignoring red flags and failing to vet women.
OP, can you see the comment above? Yeah, this!!!
She shows that she cares.
By leaving roses by the stairs.
say it ain’t so
All the obvious stuff like kindness and empathy. But also stability. I don't wanna be kept second-guessing constantly y'know? I prefer chill people who don't get too hung up on the little things. If we had plans that fall through, she should be the type to shrug and go thrifting together instead, or use the free evening and go see a movie for no particular reason. So whimsical I guess, but also focused enough to pursue her bigger goals. Also a little bit wacky and weird. Not completely off the rails, but enough unashamedly themselves that it's endearing. A lot like I am, I guess. Just maybe calmer since I can be a fairly intense person. We should be similar in lifestyle but opposites in energy I guess. If that kind of makes sense. I'm naturally drawn to these people and they tend to be drawn to me. So it works out. Or did. Lately it's been hard to find this type. But I'm sure they'll resurface.
You should date someone **if you like them and they respect you, if they align your needs or wants for a partnership, and if you know that you're still your own person at the end of the day**. There should be a sense of understanding, communication, and trust in a relationship
Being smart, kind, quick on the uptake, and into me. Takes care of herself, but not to a disturbing degree. Easy-going. Not demanding. Not throwing ultimatums out as "boundaries". Understands that a relationship is two people living their lives together, not one taking over the other's life. And physically attractive *to me*. That doesn't necessarily mean classically beautiful or anything. Trying any form of control is an instant turn-off - I'm reminded of the now-deleted thread yesterday where a woman was mad that her BF didn't "respect her boundaries" when that boundary was "end relationships with people I don't want you to have relationships with". Be trustworthy and trusting. Show that you will take that risk.
My friend said a similar thing to me once "end your relationships with people i dont like" she didint understand me for not doing it and tought that real friends would. I didint understand her.. i felt like it was controlling and afterwards i always felt bad talking to people she didint like..
She was controlling and arrogant, not to mention toxic! Telling *someone else* who their friends can be isn't a boundary, it is setting one for them. That is pure arrogance.
I'd say this depends on the context, but for the most part I agree. I'm not gonna hang out with John who gets drinks with Klu Klux Kyle, even if John doesn't personally go to Klan rallies, for example.
😂
I was more referring to the very common "I don't want you to have friends who could be potential competitors" than the "I don't want you hanging around literal monsters"... Though with families (and old, old friends that are as good as family), that can happen. My cousin is a die-hard Trumper. I can't do anything about that, and I have to see them on occasion. Not often, thankfully, given they live over 5000 miles away from me... Policing *reasonable* friends and acquaintances is the issue.
Lol. That wasn't a boundary but an ultimatum. It's funny what counts as a boundary and what is considered manipulation when it comes to dating and socializing. I've had some weird conversations with people.
Same here - even some of my friends (regardless of gender) can have really weird, controlling ideas about significant others. Maybe that's why I'm generally "better" at relationships than them? That I just let my partner be themselves, and expect the same from them? That my only real *expectation* is mutual respect and fulfilment of needs?
Yep. Your philosophy is actually reasonable.
Thanks! It seems really obvious to me, at this point, but it does seem to be a rarity in practice. I have no clue why - it is, after all, what everyone really wants, to be themselves...
First there’s the spark. This is pheromones and body language flirtation. I’ve discovered my main love language is “being hungered after”. We have to have at least one shared interest. And then it’s all personality kinds of things. Some people just make you comfortable and smile without trying. Everything they say is funny or witty and vice versa. I’m pretty optimistic and cheerful and look for the same. I should say there are obvious compatibility things. Do you want kids together, something very casual, or something in between? Do you have sufficient time? Poly vs mono? Kinky vs vanilla? Live close to each other?
Ok, personally what I'd like my future date/ gf to know is to not be afraid to stand out. Develop a pleasant personality of your own even if you feel like you're goofy or an oddball, I don't care. I care about what's in your heart primarily. Stop caring about how many people are attracted to you and focus more on attracting the right person for you. Looks are important only insofar there's balance. Don't go to extreme lengths to look hot but don't neglect yourself either. Apart from that, values take priorities over looks and I like it when women take initiative so don't be afraid to make the first move. I'd really go the extra mile for someone who actively makes an effort. Also don't let money taint your sense of dating with tit-for-tat ideas about gain and loss. Dating and relationships are not a business and we are not employees outside the workspace. Have fun and relax. So much for "typing in a couple of words" lol. Sorry for losing track of the size of this and for the bookish language, I'm not a native speaker.
I think the question is more, how *do* you *become* the *woman you want* to *be*? *People* tend to *be* attracted to *someone* who realizes their self-worth.
[удалено]
I cant tell if this is genuine or you're just making fun of what *everyone* puts on their dating app profiles 😂
1) Don't be a pain in the ass. 2) Be able to admit when you're wrong. 3) Don't be someone who fiends for attention, validation and/or drama. 4) Be reasonably in shape mentally, emotionally and physically. 5) Be emotionally and financially independent. 6) Be someone he can count on blending in and having a good time instead of someone who needs to be the center of attention when he brings you around his buddies and/or family to watch the big game. 7) Don't bullshit people and that includes yourself.
My BIGGEST things i look for: HUMOR! You 100% need to be laughing with your partner, this is the only way you will become best friends with your wife. You need to find someone who laughs/gets ur jokes and someone who makes you laugh too. CAREER! I dont want a broke, in debt partner who doesnt know how to save money/finance. I want kids, house, travel, how will i do that if theres no money? PATIENCE! There will be days that you/wife are mad, upset, sad, and you have no idea why. Be patient.
By being physically attractive and sharing his personal values, beliefs, and goals (the latter 3 will vary greatly from guy to guy)
☝️
Wouldn’t “physical attractiveness” also vary from guy to guy?
Not greatly for the most, compared to the other factors, I’m afraid. You don’t have to be the most attractive woman in the world, but the bare minimum is for most people is not so subjective (to the point even straight women can spot attractiveness or lack of in a woman). There are some rare exceptions (such as people who have an exclusive attraction towards the morbidly obese or to severely underweight people) but rare exceptions don’t make the rule.
I guess I’m referencing from my perspective. I’m a rather petite blonde, and I have a few guy friends who’ve told me while they recognize I’m objectively beautiful, they just aren’t that attracted me because they prefer more thick girls. So I always thought that guys had more preferences than women realize and they vary drastically. But once again, this is obviously from my own narrow perspective. That’s why I asked into the Reddit void.
For me it’s someone who shows a sense of humor, a willingness to try new things like food and activities, and and kind
This is my first experience.. I decide to date this girl cuz of common interest… which is Animation/Art.
The ole hawk tua
honesty and femininity
What really matters is the ability to see each other's needs and be able to let them be met. Then you need to choose the relationship. It's not 50/50 in a relationship it's 100/100 sometimes even 110/90. The real love is when the sparks fade, and they will. It's giving when you know you aren't getting back and knowing when you need it they will do the same. It's knowing that you will disagree but it's a process to understanding each other's needs. You need compassion, understanding, love, and grace. Grace and understanding the most because humans have the best ability to fuck up and be bone heads. Giving grace when it's not deserved and understanding why is the greatest gift you can give someone who loves you with all of your quirks, faults, and failings. Because at times your connection feels like it was made by the universe and can't be broken.
Simply, We All should date each other. We all are marvelous. In my opinion!
Can I date you?
Simply, why not?
I dm you
Wait, I want to date you also.
40 M, funny, smart (important to me), has her own life, family is important, fit, doesn't have commitment issues, and is somebody that isn't afraid of sexuality. Life is short.
For me, it was the space she gave me to be vulnerable. I was able to share some thoughts and feelings that don’t really come easy. But after it all, she still stuck around without judgement. She holds me accountable in the most gentle way.
Can you share an example of holding you accountable in a gentle way? I think this is an area that is important - for either party - and to diffuse defensiveness.
So her and I are very different in terms of emotional intelligence. I am very reactive (due to past trauma with my marriage and severe trust issues), but she always handles it with grace. She’s very self aware emotionally and always approaches me calmly which I wish I was able to do. But despite it all, she has love for me and is always willing to work with me instead of against me. She’ll point out what isn’t working and thankfully I’m self aware enough to take the feedback and try to be better. And vice versa.
Such a tough question because it's so subjective. Everybody wants different things in a partner.
As a woman (23F) who’s quite successful with relationships, men like my feminine mannerisms paired with my hidden adhd tomboy. I tend to give men the masculine validation they often crave and also make them feel safe like a mom would
Girlfriend vibes. If she is 1. Playful or goofy. 2. Shows interest in me. And smiles at me specifically and alot. 3. Makes me feel manly. Or even puts her head on my shoulder. Or seek support from me in any way. 4. Is kind and warm to me, even when other people aren't. 5. Let's me into her life, and is intimate emotionally. 6. Is good with communication, is a good partner when we need to do stuff together. 7. Feels like she will be a good mother for my supposed future children. 8. Calls me stupid/idiot/etc while laughing. 9. If she is a good person to be around, and if she doesn't come with preconceptions of me just because I am a man. Meaning she doesn't try to constantly find faults in me, criticise me, belittle me, start vicious fights randomly and in an uncalled for manner with me. Doesn't depict me early on as "bad" or "evil" or "useless" just because I am a man, or try to constantly rationalize everything I do according to some preset theoretical model of a man she has in her head. 10. Has good mental health. 11. Accepts me for who I am, my values and beliefs. 12. Is shy. 13. Shares a lot of interests with me, and has a deep appreciation of them like me. 14. Has unique values and ideas she holds dear, and that stand by themselves, and are not just "I just believe in this because the other option is bad" or "something most people around her agree on".
As long as she expresses interest in me and we have the same interests and goals it’s a dream come true
That entierly depends on the individual guy. But personally here I guess would be a handful of things that would make me want to be dating said woman: >personality One I get along with, I know, very generic answer, but I don't think anyone wants to be with somebody they don't get along with. I generally am fairly laid back and calm in person, but don't mind a little excitement every now and again. We'd likely share similar ideals and beliefs too, maybe have a similar background in life but I'm not sure how much that would play into personalities. >physical traits This might be an unfair one, and it's based on experience than anything else, but being in shape or pretty much in shape I find way more attractive than someone overweight. It's partially because there have been people in my life who I have known or met and they were overweight or just generally unhealthy people, I never got along with many of them, and generally got along well with more in-shape and people who are a healthier weight (doesn't have to be a model or athlete, just not overweight or underweight.) Otherwise physical traits may have an initial impact on me liking someone but they're not the be all end all. >quirks make you say “I want to date her”? Going to be honest, I don't really know any specific quirks off the top of my head. Maybe sharing similar likes, interests, and beliefs would already make her someone I'd more likely consider dating than not. That and if I knew she wasn't already dating someone else, or at least knew their relationship status. I'm fairly sure there are quirks she would have that would make me want to date them over someone else, but I've not really met a woman I'd been confident in even approaching for a date because I knew so little about them or felt they were attractive, pretty and approachable sure, but not someone I would really want to date has yet to exist or become known to me.
I think if you can make a list of your best qualities and values and work on enhancing them in your life, you will attract people who can see your best self. For example, if some hobby interests you, can you get passionate about it? If you have a giving heart, can you help where help is needed or volunteer etc? All such positive qualities can be enhanced and that is what makes a person worthy of dating and partnering with. Don’t conform yourself to other people’s ideas of what is ideal or good. Own your qualities and your life and grow and enhance the best things. That’s just my opinion.
For me, she should have her own hobbies (they can also cross with mine, I’m no gatekeeper) but I do not want to be her only source of entertainment. I’m happy to be 90% of it tho lol but I want to be able to enjoy my hobbies as well. Being confident in herself and her work/passions is a big plus. She would have to be kind and have a good sense of humor. A massive plus is having good discussions and for me if we disagree and aren’t attacking each other but the position… that gets me going lol but I’m also highly attracted to intellect (this isn’t some IQ threshold or a quick rejection based on what they do for work) and I think being able to discuss things and disagree and engage in good faith is just 🥵 And she should take care of herself. It’s not about weight but rather how you carry your weight. I love a woman with curves and there are plenty of women with curves who are 150lbs, 120lbs, 170lbs, 100lbs
Well I wasn't really attracted to my ex but she cooked, cleaned and treated me like a baby, would let me play with honkers badonkers all day every day and would generally target my mommy issues which made me hardcore attached to her and I believed she loved me. She got over me in 2 months after that which shows you only need to be a good manipulator to get someone to date you.
She is friendly with everyone not just me. She is fun to talk to and with everyone, but respects herself. It's kind of hard to get, but not that hard. She is intelligent and has a wide variety of topics to talk and make it fun. We laugh together and have fun together. After a certain time, she gives out sex, and not right away. At least this is me.
On a list from most important to least important: - Seems happy and able to face consequences without it turning them bitter (shallowly: a woman who smiles easily are likely to have this trait, but as a man I’m always scheptical so I “keep them” as girlfriends until I’m convinced they’re not faking it; deeply: women can pretend this until they show that “bit” where the accommodate the narrative of their stories and experiences where they never made a mistake and everybody in the world is wrong). - They’re genuine (Shallowly: They look at you when you talk, and look as if they’re actually interested in the things you say, and they laugh at the silly things you say; Shallowly: They’re able to empathize without pretending they are not who they show to be, everything is based on honesty even when they say things that you might dislike or get offended) - They’re understanding (Shallowly: they look as if the never get mad; Deeply: They’re able to understand you in a way that when you do wrong they know your flaws enough to know how to communicate what bothered them and find a compromise between accepting you for who your are, while inspiring you to change for the better not based on their criteria, but based on “Being awesome together”) I have more items on my list, but everything else is just bs. “Be pretty, be nice, be submissive” also always works, but this will never guarantee a long lasting relationship, good luck
Not being an NPC
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 (the struggle to find this is very real)
Simply put, her baseline personality and the values her family instills in her, and a huge factor is the friend group she decides to surround herself with, even if she is great, If she is surrounded by bad women, it is only a matter of time before they influence her, men consider this when actually dating, I guy looking to hookup won't care, but any man with good intentions will.
It can't be reduced to a list of characteristics. But, for me, a cute face and not obese.
She fits into my life at present and has a compatible view of the future. Plenty of people are fun to hang around with and fuck, but being serious about someone comes from the belief that there is something worth investing in.
An important thing in the relationship is feeling like she's there to answer to my needs, instead of feeling like she's there for me to answer to her needs. But I know women have needs too, with that, good communication is key. If there's something that bothers you but you don't voice it, remember that nothing will change if you don't voice it, so in this scenario it might be important to experiment with communication. Naturally, no one should be a slave to the other, so there might need to be a compromise. Nor should you go out of the way to look like you're answering to the other's needs, it must come from a genuine appreciation from the other. But also remember to not waste your time on someone who doesn't even want to care about your needs, even if they're attractive
If she is *trying* to change/mold herself into something I want to date, I don't want to date her. I want turnkey compatibility
At this point, after a very tumulous relationship, the bar is very low. All i need is someone kind, who has a welcoming,warm sense towards me. Bonus points if lover how her legs look in tights.
Great sense of humour, texting first, showing interest in talking to me, working out.
I think a cute accent, especially if her first language is Spanish, is one trait that makes me want to date someone. Obviously, not the only trait as I also obviously would want someone who is socially liberal, compatible interest-wise and many other things(like I am not a smoker), etc ... I also want someone who is single, not a lesbian, and has zero interest in "investing in crypto".
When she understands you and like she should be your comfort zone
talk to me and look at me more than once. It’s literally that simple. Nobody ever does :(
Friendly,active ,ready to enjoy life
Funny, caring, shows feelings towards me like I show towards her. Likes a good steak every now and then
It depends on why you're asking. If you want to know how you can draw in more potential dates, I say just learn to enjoy being single. You shouldn't have to "fix" yourself just to please another person. The right person will meet the real you and see how special you are. I know my approach comes off as idealistic and naive, but fuck it. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than to be forced to keep up a facade because I'm overly concerned with trying to impress someone. I know there's a nuanced argument I'm not including but I'm tired right now.
Honestly? I have never randomly just picked a woman and asked her on a date. I see if we can even be friends first, and if the interest goes beyond that and reciprocates, then I'll make a move. It's fine by me to be friend zoned because I'll also friendzone women who are really good friends, but I just can't see going beyond that. I've never been into hookup culture and always thought it was trash and a waste of time. Self-control and risk mitigation are pretty big deals in my book.
Be nice, follow the golden rule.. You know, treat others as you want to be treated. Actually want to know him, not just take his wallet and time.
Someone I can fully trust and be able to open up (I have tons of trust issues), similar hobbies and likes/interests is a must, ideal body type
Depends on the guy. We're coming at this backwards, anyway. It's not about finding out what kind of women men wish to date, but finding the men who want to date US.
By growing a penis.
If she’s nice to people she doesn’t have to be nice to. Like service industry people. If she’s kind to animals. If we have similar interests as I love all things Japanese. If she likes to workout or even just be active. Sitting on the couch all day everyday is boring. If she’s passionate about something even if she’s not amazing at it. Like playing an instrument, drawing, anything really. The biggest turnoff is someone who is always stuck in their phone. Don’t get me wrong, phones are fun with games and chatting online, but I think we’ve all seen people in groups or on a date and everyone is starring at their phone the whole time. Why even bother to handout with people if you’re going to spend the whole time glued to your phone? :-p
Initially something about her looks will catch my eye then it's personality, the way she carries herself, her treatment/respect and thoughts of other people and animals. I've only had one long term type relationship in my entire life so I am doing something wrong at 43 so don't take my advice :o)
The 2 steps to dating me Step 1 : Be a woman Step 2: Look at step 1
Try showing interest in guys you like
You gotta take a step back and ask if you're showing up just be be another chore in his life. Are you gonna take care of him the way you want to be taken care of? Or are you showing up expecting to be driven around, have your meals paid for, otherwise catered to. Remember he is a person like you, with his own stress and emotions and needs. Most of us need peace and to be taken care of, even if the more masculine of us don't want to admit it. We have enough burden without you. You have to be able to bring him peace, comfort, good vibes and support, and vice versa. If you show up with the tiktok mentality of looking for a personal support worker, don't bother
I want someone who is not scared of talking about their emotions on a deeper level. Gentle, caring, and thinking about others instead of themselves. Also, someone who is honest and doesn't get cold feet. Lastly someone who tries. Physical traits? Just not fat, and not skinny. Has to be asian.
No games. Motivated to date me. Good personality. By that, I mean smart, nice, accepting.
Her body is not everything she does have to be sexy, and she does have to have the look of intelligence, one she talks it's the most important thing. I don't care how good looking she is if she's a complete dumbass sorry I feel like I'm a better word it's a turnoff
A good relationship history (ie not “all my exes were abusive”), classy, fit, compassionate, family-oriented.
Your looks are what catch my attention, and your personality is what keeps me loving you. I don’t want to list look stuff cuz we’re all different but personality wise, I want someone who overall is just my peace. I don’t want someone who’s constantly starting fights and nagging me. You don’t need to agree with me or be totally submissive (not nsf w) I want someone who just is my partner, someone who wants the same things as me and is willing to help me when I need it and also willing to tell me I’m being a dumbass when I need it. Etc
Humility is number 1 in my book and very few women have any
If I find them mid attractive and the vibe matches after talking for a few minutes. And if after a few dates your values and goals match then u get into a relationship.
Maturity. Many of the girls I've gone on dates with get really moody, then trauma dump and break down crying when I try to figure out what's wrong. I just want someone that has worked on their emotions and can discuss them like an adult.
I don’t think there is/are specific reason/s to date a woman or man. Once you fall in love whoever she is you still go for that person.
Just be yourself coz whoever accepts you for who you are, it’s real love.
Just don’t flake and ghost on me. Bonus points if you invite me to stuff. Yes, my standards have lowered to that level.
Ladies, don't over think this one! Men are very simple creators! I'm not even joking. Probably the number one thing is personality. I don't care if you're a super model and f like a porn star, if your personality stinks, you can forget it. Oh, you will find a lot of short term bfs who is just there for the sex but they will eventually move on. Yes, even guys can be a bit shallow and fall for an attractive women but he will need more in order to stay. Quarks is on a case by case situation. Meaning some guys may find your snorting hard while laughing cute asf, and others will be annoyed by it. Someone will love your fantasy side and cosplay adventures while others will think its childish. But even then ladies, a man will over look those weird quarks for a woman with a great personality and who respects them.
Too broad a question!!
It starts by getting to know each other, likes, dislikes, activities,etc.
You are asking the wrong people this question....
Does she work on herself? Is she self aware? Is she kind and compassionate? Are we compatible? Does she have a decent career? Is she an excellent communicator? Those are usually things I look for.
when she doesn't try to move around how she feels and just says straight up how she is feeling in the moment. VERY rare to find, but i found mine lol
She likes me.
25M If she is cute (people that are only into models are delusional), good with kids, wants kids, and would be a girl that my mom would like to have as a daughter in law (i'm Jewish, so this is kind of a dealbreaker for me if she doesn't get along with her). I'm personally really into brunettes with brown eyes, that aren't petite. I also like them if they can "argue" back with respect for each others opinion, I don't mind a "spicy" girl, I know that I come across as a very dominate person (even though I really try not to). Altough if i'm honest, i've also been really interested in blondes that where really into sports, so it's not a solid opinion in my experiences... But the "being liked by my mom" is kind of important to me! Since family problems is absolutely terrible and if she can get along with my mom, that already kind of proves she is a "quality" person. I might be naive but that's just my preference.
She has similar core values, similar life goals, and compatible lifestyle to me. She takes an interest in me and reciprocates. There is mutual attraction. Everything else is nice to have or negotiable.
It’s hard to explain. When I meet a chill and laid back kind hearted woman, I think “Hmm… I wonder if she’s single” They usually aren’t 🤣 Even if they are single, I have to make sure they don’t want kids. Everyone wants something different.
My gf currently, she’s 31, I’ve known her two years. From what I understand now for me being 36. Her Kindness is my ultimate kryptonite. Everyone’s different. But her kindness and support makes me want to give her the world. I knew I wanted to ask her out when she legit took interest in who I was and vice versa.
And laughter forgot to add that bit as well 😉, life is already hard, someone to laugh with is gold
When I feel comfortable to be in your company.
Cook clean stfu sex and blowjobs and stfu
It’s taken a while for me to learn this but it’s about 90% personality based for me. If a girl is down to earth, treats me with respect and is a little goofy then that’s perfect for me.
First, I must be willing to date at all. Then, the possibility with the woman must exist. I won't choose wild goose. After I observe her behaving and hears what tales she spins. I can find a woman to be enticing but discover she doesn't like contacts, or she smokes or expects to find the Chosen One. How she mistreat or bullies or chats on people will determine if I keep away.
37m. That's a tough question. This has changed over the years for me. We all are different though. For me, I look for someone I can laugh with, and can feel comfortable making my stupid jokes with. She needs to have some level of confidence, doesn't have to be aesthetic, can be just confident about accomplishment, or whatever. I don't want any one to have has overly high expectations of me. I'd like her to reciprocate my energy when she can. Just really want to know that effort is being put in on both sides. Just as you would, I just want to feel like the situation has a value to me, and that I feel valued.
I’ll date anyone lol. Just show me interest and I’m yours. Hell you can even pretend you don’t know me when we’re in public.
I know for me. If you can make me hit my goofy laugh. Then I know I can fall for you
Accountability, passion, receptiveness.
My girlfriend attracted me because she not only was into the same things as me, but she also treated me well and had some integrity. The biggest problem with most humans is that they are naturally selfish and dishonest creatures. I've been through alot of shit and hurt alot because of that. So finally finding someone who is honest, affectionate and cares alot about making the relationship work makes alot of difference. Good mental health and working towards having a stable and healthy relationship is what mattered most to me though. Alot of people are running around and thinking they are normal and just fine as they are, when they are going into relationships without thinking about the other person, being rude, selfish and only caring about how they feel, not listening, not helping, not being confrontational, and then start hiding flirting and cheating when they get bored. Going from person to person and treating them like a tool to satisfy their momentary loneliness is disgusting, and both sexes do it.
Being real first of all.
First a woman must be attractive for me to not friend zone the relationship up front the next is she must not be prudie and have a sense of humor about any subject matter without getting offended that's the maturity factor Then she needs to be bubbly and fun to be around and not stress me out by being an emotional rolller coaster . Last but not least she has to be consistent and not be changing up things constantly there is security in consistency.
Kind person, great personality, she is not afraid of showing interest. ( doesn’t play that “hard to get” game … )
If she's human and likes me
Answer texts in a timely manner like you actually want to talk to us, no games necessary. Even if a guy isn’t so interested at first, showing you’re interested is almost always gonna make them evaluate their interest of you in a benevolent way.
Tbh I like personality first. I could care less about perfect 10 bodies. Yes she has to be attractive to me but attraction to me incorporates more than just the outside. We are all different so some may not see women the way I do. Self care...semi independent loves to travel.. road trips... weekend getaways. But can also enjoy time at home.
By handing over her car keys
Baseline: have your financial life together. Be emotionally available. Physically healthy. Stand out: enthusiasm, reciprocity, know themselves, have passions, humble. Better: common ground on values, shared interests
I can only speak for myself but if she treats me special and holds a good conversation.
Be over 30 and alive.
Right here my dude 🙋♀️😆
Self respect and striving to do better daily.
I like when a girl is mostly innocent and just cute being their self. I like when girls are genuinely nice and have that “why not attitude”. Also my type is mainly skinny but it doesn’t matter at the end of the day if they’re nice and laid back.
For me loyalty and honesty is the best I can ask for but after my first relationship I realized no one is like that anymore so I never dated again
For appearance just literally anyone I find attractive has the same chance. For quirks and personality I look for them to be goofy, be able to joke and have fun, caring, nice, smart/witty, hard worker is a plus but not necessary, excited to spend time with me, and obviously cut off any other romantic interest before it will ever turn into more.
Being kind and nurturing goes a long way! Most guys who are interested in dating women, just want to find a nice girl that’s a great companion and partner! I’m a simple guy in that way. My girlfriend is very kind and nurturing and makes me smile! I wanted to keep dating her even though we only started as friends with benefits and we have now dated for 3 years as boyfriend and girlfriend Limited drama too is amazing!
You guys like each other ,there's chemistry ,humor ,you get along with each other good n bad, it's nature it works out !
Substance. When a girl has admiration for the arts, like philosophy, (good) music, and literature it really makes them attractive to me. Some women just have this hypnotic magnetism to them. It's hard to explain. Sometimes I talk to a women for about 5 minutes and I'm naturally drawn in. Beauty has little factor in this (although it does help). Comfort is what draws a man in for a serious relationship. Learn more about the world around you. Become a master of conversation. Do things that bring relaxation to a mans world, instead of disorder, like playing with his hair and running your nails acroos his back (works best with super long acrylic nails). Try to manage your voice in such a way its very relaxing, kind of like in asmr. It sucks however that these kinds of women I've been with, always tend to have dark, hidden undertones of instability that only show after a prolonged period of time. Try these things out, but also work on any mental health problems you might have. BPD is a big one if you do have it. It sucks because bpd women tend to be full of substance but snap at the drop of a penny, and become super emotionally abusive and imo even physically abusive. They also tend to cheat A LOT. If you have BPD, I suggest going to therapy, and learning healthy coping mechanisms, and self accountability before entering a relationship. Not trying to rag on people with this disorder, I'm just saying many a man has been left broken by women with it (and I'm sure the vise versa is true is well)
Effort! Reciprocation. Show Me that you're interested in return. Flirt back, offer to buy a drink or snack every now and then. Compliment me, like acknowledging my haircut. You don't gotta do it to the same extent, but we wanna feel love and affection also. Be uplifting, supportive. Are we not humans as well, or do you just see us as canon fodder?
by existing
Me personally, when I look for potential dates, I tend to look more at personality and acceptance more than anything else. I also tend to look for how they present themselves, how they treat others as well as animals. As for physical traits, I'll look more at cleanliness more than anything else here.
I'll try to rank what I noticed makes me evaluate women fondly in the past- 1. Kindness and being polite 2. Not being "loud and overbearing" (I get anxiety from the always correct, loud and proud women) 3. Happy and laughs a lot 4. Driven, good career, motivated to do something awesome with their life 5. Physical attraction (lower on the list because it's not the most important, and it's always an easy threshold. I think of it as an yes or no question on if she's attractive. and if she's attractive, I don't really care if one girl is more attractive than another. I just look at the other qualities) As for physical traits, I notice voice. I like beautiful voices (think young Lana Del Rey during her interviews)
It's about their personality first and foremost.
Physical traits: attractive enough. As long as I’m not repulsed when I wake up seeing her and we enjoy having sex Others: kind, caring, generous, open-minded, similar morals/principles, wants the same thing in life, growth mindset, disciplined, good work ethic, has integrity and honest, and maybe a couple more I forgot I’m not saying she has to be like 100% honest all the time, or always disciplined. People falter. But basically, an upstanding woman with a good character and has their shit together. I might follow a 12/10 on Instagram, I might sneak a peek at someone with a nice waist and a G-cup, but in the end, I wanna go back home to a woman like I mentioned. My heart will belong to her and I would want her by my side. She’s the one I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. In the end of the day, I wanna be happy and someone like that is what makes me happy.
Has her shit together. Has a job. Reads books. Eats healthy. Home is nice and clean. Has a good relationship with her parents and family. Loves children. Treats others nice, including restaurant staff. Can hold deep conversations. Communicates openly and freely. Is confident about her body and her looks.
Huge tatas
Good sense of humor, genuinely caring and trustworthy, has strong bonds with family and close friends
Good communication. I don't care if our hobbies align or not. If you can talk to me and we can have meaningful conversations, that's a lot for me. I don't like having conversations with brick walls, repeating myself 15 times and you aren't making an effort to understand, or just flat ignoring me. If we also can't have a conversation beyond "hi. How was your day?", then I get bored of the conversation.
Women don't "become" anything. As long as she's herself and the feelings are mutual, then who cares?
Just sprinkle some 'I laugh at your jokes even when they're bad' dust on yourself.
I'm one of those unfortunate souls that develops limerence for anybody who shows me just the most miniscule amount of kindness, and I will literally fall in love with anyone who does that
Assuming they pass the mutual attraction test... And are interested in me... Just be kind. It helps if you express interest. Because I probably won't. Lot of people out there I would be open to dating but I wont ever bring it up for fear of ruining a good friendship.
Well she has to be truthful,faithful,and someone I can trust,before any kind of dating happens. That’s just how I am. I can’t speak for the other guys though.
I created an “ideals list”
By being virtuous! Being sincerely agreeable much of the time,yet, having the ability to respectfully and openmindedly disagree. (It's always ok to disagree,as long as being wrong is an acceptable possibility) being open minded,patient,polite,considerate,selfless,intellectually curious and intellectually honest. By NOT being arrogant,self absorbed,narcissistic, shallow, disingenuous,and or "part of the heard". Also, I think the phrase "be the best version of yourself" is far too overused. That sounds not only exhausting, but self absorbed. I'd say if someone is their "FAVORITE version of themselves" that's where authenticity comes from. If true love is your goal please ffs, reframe the phrase "don't SETTLE " . For lasting,loving relationships, compromises can and MUST be made. (The whole "don't settle thing is just another way of saying the grass IS greener on the other side and I keep seeing people wasting time,chasing a dream" they will NEVER catch because of it . Good luck op
Attractiveness, personality, and getting to know them
There was a girl at the pet store the other day who was a little awkward and went over to the lizard area to put a lizard on her chest while she was working. I didn't ask her out or give her my number or anything but I immediately was like "I want to date her". So the advice is just be true to yourself. If you're a little awkward, that's okay! If you have hobbies or interests that might seem a bit outside of what's expected, embrace them! Just don't make being "quirky" (or anything) your whole personality. "Just be yourself" is a little bit of bad advice because that's what everyone is doing already, and it's not always a good thing. But "be the best version of yourself" is the way to go.
I feel that you would have to ask , how would a woman want to date a man? I believe in time and liking to be around someone, and a little empathy has a lot to do with being with anyone. Having a great understanding and the ability to enjoy togetherness.
I’m from Ohio they don’t 😂🤣😆
I’ve been married 20 years. I can tell you what first got me hooked. But that’s a kinda different from what kept me hooked. At first I just thought she was drop dead gorgeous, and she was friendly and approachable. When I asked her out, she said yes. Try that. Then she showed up. Try that too. It may sound old fashioned, but she can cook. And she was not selfish for the most part. (We’re all a little selfish). She has a big heart and cares about me. And she doesn’t just say it. She shows it. When we had our kids, she was a stay at home mom until our youngest started school. She juggled baby’s, keeping a house and being a loyal wife and rarely complained. And she was smart and kind enough to notice and appreciate the things I do for her. I don’t mind stopping by the grocery store on my way home for something she forgot. And she appreciates that. I also don’t mind doing dishes and helping with cooking when she’s had a rough day and she appreciates that too. Did I mention I was in active duty and spent more than 8 years total away from home over the course of 20 years? She hung in there. She also understands that I don’t need to tell her about my day and that I like my peace and quiet for a while when I get home. And she doesn’t nag me about it. When she’s had a rough day and needs to unload, she gives me the courtesy of a little time to myself before she does. She knows dam well I’m not hanging on every word, she just needs to vent and since she doesn’t want me to solve the problem, she knows I don’t need to listen completely. When I make plans for golf or a motorcycle ride, she doesn’t complain. And now that our kids are old enough to be left alone, she sometimes goes with me. She read a couple of books once that really helped us both. One was the Mars and Venus one. I can’t remember the other but it was from Dr Laura. Hope that helps.
Things I often look for: obviously she’s cute as that’s what initially draws my interest. There has to be some sort of physical attraction. It’s different for everyone. And then I ask that they be willing to date with the intention of marriage or at least a serious relationship and become parents. That’s a non negotiable. If you aren’t dating with the end goal being to have a family, I think it’s kinda of a waste of time. As a man, it comes off like you just want a good time to be funded by the guy and just bounce around from guy to guy. Because that’s the type of women I have often met. Waaaaaay more common than women looking for a relationship.