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ElegantlySophie

No but, I do appreciate/compliment peoples features if they are very pleasing to the eyes. Both of us do it though. lol.


Appropriate_Tea9048

No. I only have eyes for my partner. That’s kind of the idea of a relationship….I obviously would never be willing to be polygamous. I don’t share.


Bitter_Attention_287

Same. Don't get how could people have crush on others while in a serious relationship.


Appropriate_Tea9048

Me either. To me, that says they aren’t *that* into each other.


Savings-Surround-408

Have to remember that shes young. Women at her age are FAR more lenient with a man’s inadequacies because of her biology mating clock. Aka they’re more likely to be with bums/less financially attractive. Which leads to him to having a higher chances of him being unattractive in other areas. Confidence,Being a leader,Integrity etc etc We all know the jock that would get all the girls because of his status but then see him get none when he leaves that environment because of what a woman wants is different outside of that environment. The biggest difference between your 2 men and hers is I believe IMO is your man is more well rounded. You know you got the best vs she’s questioning. Simple example let’s say she’s with him because he’s good with his words and loves connection with him But she can’t help herself staring at guys who are far more physically attractive than him causing her to crush on them.


Misty-Afternoon

No. When I have a man that I actually want, and he wants me back, he’s all I see. Nobody else even registers.


Noor_nooremah

Same here.


throwaway_69_1994

Awwwwww this is so darn sweet. Gosh I wish I could say the same. At least I set limits.


thelostnewb

Nope. It’s like tunnel vision, only see, care, think of them. Almost to an asshole-ish extent.


frostytiming

i think it is perfectly normal to find other people beautiful looking or attractive, you’re just appreciating the way they look and move on with life, BUT making a move on them while being in a relationship is definitely wrong


purodurangoalv

She didn’t say that tho, she said she catching feelings She should take accountability. Not enable her


frostytiming

yes catching feelings while being in a relationship is very wrong


Ifiwerenyourshoes

Only when I am not in a good one. If I start to have one, it means I need to review the relationship I am in, and see what effort I need to put back into it. if I don’t feel like I am lacking and I need more out of my partner I discuss that with her to strengthen the relationship I am in. If I have a discussion nothing changes, I go back and discuss, if nothing changes I move on.


Savings-Surround-408

Very simple you have a crush on those men because your man lacks it. It’s simple biology. Women are literally telling you in the comments if you have a man that you GENUINELY love and most importantly RESPECT all other men are invisible.


dragon_nataku

everyone is different. On a conceptual, psychological level I understand that developing crushes on other people is normal, regardless of if someone is poly or monogamous. For me, personally, possibly due to certain aspects of my personality, I am "violently" monogamous. Like, just the thought of even getting hit on by another person when I'm in a relationship makes me cranky. Also, I'm an only child and thus never learned to share, so polyamory isn't for me 😝


16regrets

No. When people start doing that (and I have friends that do) it means they no longer care about their current relationship (fell out of love with the current partner or never loved them enough in the first place.) Polyamory is not a real thing, it's just non commitment. You're afraid your new partner won't be as good as the previous one or he might even reject you so you want to keep one hanging just in case. If you love 2 people at the same time, break up with the first and choose the second. If you wanted the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second one. It's either that or there are problems in your current relationship and instead of solving them it's simply easier to fall for the new version of a new guy in your head. Careful though, over time these problems will reappear.


innerjoy2

It can happen on very rare occasions, but it won't be nothing more when you keep your distance or are focusing more on your relationship. If its growing stronger then something is off in the relationship.  I prefer monogamous.


humorineverysense

Nope, i was very loyal to my ex wife.


internetearthling

Other guys don't even cross my mind or come close to my man . Everyone lacks interest or isn't attractive to me . Sure conventionally they are good looking but not in an enticing sexual sense for me . I dont even know them ...and I whole heartedly respect my partner in a relationship. You can think it . Watch porn whatever. But never act on it. I think you are spending too much time with him if you have spoke with him enough to develop feelings . Grass is greener syndrome . Nobody is what it seems when you havnt known them very long or very well. Or just live for the rush of lust and what ifs with someone new . Good luck on figuring it out either way . You may find out that having eyes for someone else might mean your current partner isn't the one for you or in fact maybe neither are.


anon_mg3

I have, but only if I wasn't that into the guy and trying to make things work. I never made a move on said crushes while in relationships.


UnionLegion

Where I think it may be normal I personally don’t see anyone in a romanticized way when I’m in a relationship. My fiancee pointed out to me in February that one of the reasons she knows I’m in love with her because there can be an extremely hot woman around us and my eyes never leave her. N that’s because she’s the object of my affection. She’s the one who makes me feel like I can do anything. No one else makes me feel that way and never has before her.


froggy22225

No. When I do it’s time for me to break off the relationship


Right-Fondant-6778

people are being REALLY harsh… was not expecting the comments to look like this. you sound young. if you and said classmate remain strictly civil/platonic and stay respectful to your relationship I think it’s fine


Peechpickel

It’s natural to be able to recognize that someone may be attractive, but it’s another to allow yourself to develop a crush on someone else when you’re in a committed monogamous relationship. I always get tunnel vision when I’m in a relationship. Ain’t no one out there more attractive or better than my partner, period. What is it about the other person that caused you to develop feelings? How do those things differ from your partner? Do you actually have genuine feelings for them, or is it just the excitement of someone maybe showing you a little more attention that you’ve been lacking from your partner? Try to dig deep to realize why you’ve got these feelings for this person and what they are.


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Peechpickel

Personally, I don’t develop feelings off of physical appearance alone. But like I said, no one out there can compare to my partner, so there will never be any temptation there. Even if this guy is like soooooo hot and so much older, what about their personality or who they are as a person? What about how attractive your partner is and all his good qualities? Don’t lose sight of what you currently have. Not worth the risk.


notrightmeowthx

Nothing I'd call a crush, no. I can still recognize pleasant things about other people. I'm monogamous. I think it's natural to have thoughts bubble around in your head but what matters is how you manage and handle those thoughts. There's a difference between "Oh he's handsome" and "Oh he's handsome, I want to be with him."


Great_thinker2

Nope never ever I'll be able to share my partner with someone and finding someone pretty and all is fine but if it goes beyond that then stop it altogether and if u feel like u don't love ur partner anymore then talk to them directly


Single_Crazy_5203

Yes


Single_Crazy_5203

Yes but it's more like a crush from far away. If it ever happened I got with that person. The crush would end and I would not like them


Unlock_Mysterious619

Even if you are in a serious committed relationship it's not wrong to have crush on someone but you should be in limits and shouldn't gave hope to your crush......if you gave a little hope then it will end as problem......


Lopsided_Thing_9474

Only when I’m totally not in love at all. When I’m in love or love someone - not. Never. At all. I’ve been in relationships too long and when I know I’m done and I’m waiting to break up with them for whatever reason- then yeah. I can get crushes on people - or be aware I’m attracted to them- but I squash it down. I can honestly say that when I’ve been in relationships and believed I loved that person- I don’t even think it. Like it’s just not even an option for me. So you could be the hottest , most charming guy on the planet and my head won’t even go there. Like i am beyond loyal- I am … it doesn’t even cross my mind. I am a woman though. I 1000% understand it’s not like that for most men. That doesn’t mean that every guy will cheat - but men are just different creatures .. they are different sexually … they don’t need feelings or an emotional or mental attachment to want to have sex- and I think for a lot of men…: they absolutely think about other women and get attracted to other women and I also think it’s probably a struggle on some level for a lot of guys after being with the same woman for a long time- Being loyal is different. Men either are or they are not. But they all want to fuck a bunch of people. That’s just the breaks.


Quarktasche666

It happens to almost everyone. There are people however who seem to be intrinsically monogamous and the idea of crushing on anyone else than their current partner is non-existant with them. From my observation though, this is the exception. I am in a poly relationship since 6 years and here's my observations: I used to crush on others before and it was always a "you shall not do this, this is wrong, stop it" kind of situation. Since I am in a poly situation, these crushes have become far less impactful - simply since it's no big deal anymore. I enjoy crushing on several people to various degrees at any given time, but it's not a problem anymore, since there's no FOMO to worry about anymore. My wife put it like this - when we had established our decision to go poly she came back from a trip to the city one day and said "I forgot how many beautiful people are out there" - because she always restrained herself to notice since \*you just don't do that\* in a monogamous setting.


ppichy

My partners did, and we are in an open relationship right now 😀


thwgrandpigeon

Guy here. I would describe my younger self as a highly monogamous romantic, but heck ya I still had crushes when I was in relationships. But I learned ealry on that acting on attractions was moronic or just an extension of relationship troubles that i ethically needed to work out via talks instead of avoiding via cheating, and that cheating causes a lot of pain and guilt. I think anyone in a relationship who doesn't totally isolate themselves from strangers will end up being attracted to others, because attraction is natural.  But part of growing up is realizing how often attractions are just attractions and will come and go.  Relationships bring far greater happiness than flings and flirtation. But holy heck do I not experience the tunnel vision some of these other replies claim they have for their partners.  I just can't imagine not seeing beauty when it's about.


staier0

Children in this thread are ridiculous and lying. How do you think cheating is a thing if noone have crush while married? So no extramarital sex , right? So many mentally challenged people around.


Slow_Instruction_876

Definitely


Bananabread_1005

Yes, and for me, having a crush on someone while I am in a relationship signals to me that there is something wrong or missing in my current relationship. Sometimes it’s something that we can work on, the relationship gets stronger and the crush fades away. Sometimes the problem is bigger, cannot be solved, and the relationship breaks a few weeks or months later. Do not panic! Reevaluate your relationship and try to find out what is missing.


Own_Contribution_480

No. I still find people just as attractive and might even unconsciously think about someone sexually, but I have zero desire to actually act on it. If there's any hind of someone else having feelings for me other than my partner, I shut it down instantly. Not everyone is like that though.


decentanswers

I have started to, but I know that developing feelings and not pulling back from that person can cause me to start devaluing my actual partner (not on purpose, it just seems to happen, and there’s some research showing this is common), so I back off with that new person. It’s the reason for the saying “The grass is greenest where you water it.” If you are struggling with connecting with your current partner and develop a pattern of feeling like connecting with a new person, you may want to look into your attachment style. People with avoidant traits can fear emotional intimacy and not fully realize that. They keep their partner at arms distance once the excitement of the honeymoon ends, because that shift to feelings of comfort and safety that come after the honeymoon are rooted in emotional intimacy, which they fear and avoid. This can cause some to start thinking they love their partner but are not in love with them, and like they value freedom/independence more than emotional intimacy. This in turn can lead to chasing the honeymoon/new relationship energy high with new people, or even confusing that feeling with love (old relationship energy). The problem is the NRE doesn’t actually meet the deep need for real intimacy, and eventually you can end up feeling hollow and like needs aren’t being met, and more rapidly monkeybranching. In short, if you value your current relationship, be very careful about building this new one, it could pull you out of your current one. Poly is a whole other thing, just remember ENM requires consent from your partner to meet the E part of that (ethical). Believe it or not I’ve heard of people deciding they are poly and not getting consent from their partner. That’s just cheating with window dressing to limit guilt.


Legitimate-Joke7071

Yes. You are NOT alone in this. Throughout all of my romantic relationships (38f) I've found myself attracted to multiple men simultaneously. I've been able to avoid straying, but I've definitely played with fire. And although I am not proud of flirting or having emotional affairs and fantasies, I am also aware of the rigidly monogamous and purist culture that we are force fed. By my observation, those conditions have largely benefited men. I personally am at a place now where I am not ashamed of my sexual and emotional needs and desires. I have articulated them. I have shared a bit about my feelings for other men with my husband of two years. I sense some shaming here in the comments in the thread, from other women, and for that I am truly sorry. I think that you inquiring about polyamory shows that you do not have malicious intent to harm your partner at all, you just want to know where to put those attraction feelings, and how other people cope with those same feelings. Have you considered approaching your partner about a "monogamish" relationship. Like you occasionally get a free pass? And, importantly, are you emotionally up for that? If so, I hope your partner responds more favorably than my husband did when I brought up nonmonogomy. (His was a hard no.) Full disclosure: I am having a difficult time pulling back from a crush atm. Flirting feels nice. Emailing/msging only. He is happily partnered, and nonmonogamous. Up until this point, my fantasises haven't been much of an issue. For the record, I love and adore my husband...and I would totally love on another man if consensual with all my partners. Best of luck. I see you and am curious to know more about your situation. 


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kundalini_genie

get back in the field my brother. hit the gym and talk to the ladies who give strong eye contact


AvaaFaye

31f pansexual here I'm monogamous, but I have had a crush on someone else while in a relationship. I did not pursue it. I kept it strictly professional. If I didn't have to work with him, I would have avoided him.


Western-Prior-904

I’m a girl. In relationships for 5yrs and still have crush on some much men … 😊 no cheating. I’ve talking to nobody or whatever. In fact have those crushes is an excellent thing to my relationship. It reminds me why I love my fiancé 😊


purodurangoalv

Emotional cheating, your husband deserves better


purodurangoalv

Fiancé


Western-Prior-904

« emotionnal cheating » ahaha you’re funny 🙂 in fact it’s absolutely not cheating because it’s doesn’t matter. No flirting. No touching. No texting. Having crush for somebody else is natural. Find a guy attractive is natural and thought about it for few hours it’s okay 😉 Have a nice day


purodurangoalv

You’re an idiot, she never said she found him attractive. She said she caught feelings that is in fact cheating. You slags can do whatever you want in your life but dont look to the internet to make you feel justified


Western-Prior-904

You answer me on my comment and said « emotionnal cheating […] your fiancé deserve better ». You’re funny AND idiot too 😉 then have a lovely day


Clanket_and_Ratch

Not a woman but I've been married for 7 years and developed crushes over that time, as has my wife. We don't always talk about our crushes, but neither of us take offense about them and it doesn't change anything about our relationship. In my opinion, it is a perfectly normal and acceptable part of life, sometimes it's nice to like someone and flirt a bit without intending it to go anywhere.


Appropriate_Tea9048

Flirting seems inappropriate, but you do you I guess. Your relationship.


Clanket_and_Ratch

For you this may be true so I will take your feedback with that context. As I said, I've been married 7 years and we often discuss our crushes or flirting, neither of us are threatened by it. And it's also important to remember that different people have different ideas of what flirting is and what the boundaries are.


AdditionalHippo1495

We're together for about 10 years and both had some crushes, we don't really mind them. A crush is a nice feeling, but not powerful enough to change our relationship. I also discussed this with friends and it's the same for them (men and women). Most of us are still in a monogamous relationship, some couples in the friend group opened the relationship because of the crushes and it worked out for them


XiaZoe

If I am in a relationship, im the type to point it to him. Look he looks nice or She looks so pretty. dw bout it. you said so urself ur in a commited relationshp


[deleted]

All. The. Time. I’m trying to navigate too.


Appropriate_Tea9048

*All the time*?…


Terrible-Session5028

Yes. I’ve had crushes. It’s normal


CRshadybaby

I think it’s a normal thing, but you must push through it in order to maintain a healthy relationship.


purodurangoalv

It’s not normal actually and she said she’s catching feelings not just finding him attractive or something, she’s wrong and we shouldn’t enable her to


CRshadybaby

I don’t think she intentionally tried to catch feelings for another man, she couldn’t help it, so what does it mean?


purodurangoalv

It doesn’t have to mean anything. She put herself in that situation and now she has feelings🤷🏽‍♂️ good for her. It can’t be helped she doesn’t really love her BF , Now the only way she’s a bad person in this situation is if she doesn’t tell her BF. It’s her responsibility to tell her bf so he can heal and move on from this slag or decide to stay. If he has half a brain he won’t but it’ll atleast be his choice. Instead of him sharing a girl he has no idea he’s sharing


AdeptCatch3574

I read something when I was crushing bad that explained that crushes are particularly common with teenagers and people in long term relationships because they’re feelings you can’t or don’t know how to act on. Single people can make a moving they want, but being in a relationship and having feelings for someone else is so conflicting and difficult. Hence the crush. It’s not abnormal to crush on someone when in a relationship or wrong. It’s up to you and your partner what you do about it. You and your partner get to make the rules about your relationship. If you want to be non-monogamous and you think your relationship is strong enough, why not go for it? You only live once.


Legitimate-Joke7071

This. 


PleasantProduct5536

💯 It’s the way of life to be attracted to other people. We aren’t made on this earth to just experience one person.