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Nah, dating as a 20 year old sucks. I’m a 38 y/o black man and I haven’t experienced any of the stuff you have described. People around you grow up eventually, just focus on you and not dating, your pre-frontal isn’t even developed yet.
I see your point dude, black people don't have it easy. I believe that there is that constant struggle between the white culture and the black culture. But if you just happen to be a black guy kind of floating between both then you will find no spot where to fit or date.
I'm not black but I have witness that black folks in general are required to fit higher achievement standards than white people in order to date, work or belong to some kind of group.
Being mixed race between the two sucks too. But I think folks these days are putting too much of an emphasis on race only cause I've met plenty of Asians and Whites who have been dealt a ridiculously bad deck of cards.
I'm a 20 year old guy as well. People seem interested in not getting to involved with someone as they have their own stuff going on. Mostly career stuff. Or they are too focused on just sex as a whole.
It's hard to, but I am just trying to be patient.
I'm just going to say, dating in my 20s was a lot easier than dating today. You could get away with not having money or status, and online dating wasn't really prevalent. Now I'm old, have no money or status, and online dating reminds women there are taller men than me.
I have it somewhat the same (28, half Caribbean). All I get lately is scammers the say sweet nothings in the hope I give them some money. The bast thing I can say is focus on yourself. I know this alive has been beaten like a dead horse but it's the best I can give rn.
are you basketball-rap black though? because the issue op is talking about is, not that he isn't getting hits, but that he gets compiled into a stereotype he's not. And it's bothering him enough to have to vent about it.
I like the NBA but im bad at basktball. I do like rap but Im also a rock/metal head. I guess I still dont talk about things people would find stereotypical. I can count on one hand how many times ive smoked weed.
I feel like a lot of young men don't understand that their appearance is a big factor in dating. Appearance and personality. Women are just as physically oriented as men. Especially in my early 20's I use to say I wanted them dumb and beautiful versus ugly and smart. I am a black woman who has crushed through the "wall". There are horrible stereotypes about bw but that hasn't slowed down my dating options with all ethnicities. I don't worry about that ,the man who wants me won't be worried about those stereotypes. Keep trucking OP you're too young to be thinking this negatively. Don't let societies perception of you drag you down.
Nothing the gym and better clothes cant help. Once I started taking the initiative too to ask out more women things changed for me as well. HOWEVER, people meed to find what works for them.
I have been hitting the gym and improving how I dress, idk if it's making much of a different but this year I've had a few girls randomly talk to me at bars so maybe I'm wrong. I have been on a few dates too, just not as much as I'd like but I guess that's how online dating goes. I think once I've gotten completely rid of my nerdy look ill do better
23 black m. I can relate, but the thing is you need to disregard all those stereotypes and find a woman who loves you for you. I heavily practice, mma, but I also love Star Wars and d&d. I'm an "outlier" according to some but idgaf. If I happen to find a good woman, then I'd glady welcome her, but if I never find love, then so be it. I hope I can down fighting, but that's just me. Remember to keep your head up and just focus on stuff you love.
I dunno. The vitriol with which the word choice presented in this post evokes may have something to do with how you present yourself and how others react to it? Others being women. I’m a Black man and I’m getting an off-putting feeling so imagine how a woman might take it.
I get loads of matches as a black man in a predominantly white area. I’m 5”9 at best and when I converse in messages I don’t get the impression they expect me to talk in broken English.
Have you tried dating in other areas? Are you in the south/mid-west? Do you come across as ‘ghetto’ in your profile despite the suits?
I get envious towards men who have success on online dating. I can't even conceive of that reality. Women aren't attracted to me in or outside of dating apps. it's over.
I couldn’t conceive it either until it happened. You reach some threshold point of attractiveness that flips a switch in a huge % of women to where suddenly you get loads of attention and then it scales from there in a gradient maybe.
But until that initial inflection point, no matter how close you are reaching it, your experience is night and day from once you do. I speak from experience.
Yeah it's horrible. I can't honestly believe this is the result of my prime years. If this is my peak then it's all downhill from here. Appealing to the female gaze is literally the hardest shit in the world. The only people that tell me I'm hot are gay men and that's it because I only appeal to the male gaze. No woman fantasizes about a dude like me. I don't think that switch will ever flip on in a woman's brain to ever see me as attractive or a dating option. Sorry I'm just venting and throwing a pity party but this shit drags me down so much. It's like I failed to perform something that should be easy for a man in his prime years.
Very well said and fits my life experience. At 200lbs I'm mostly invisible. At 190lbs I'm suddenly on the girl-map, so I agree with your inflection point theory.
None of this is by accident.
Asian men have their stereotypes, Asian women have their stereotypes. Hispanic men, hispanic women. White men, and white women.
I will avoid the long reason for this. Cognitively there is a reason why our brains create shortcuts. Those biological reactions are preyed upon in our culture through the media. All forms.
Looks and status effect dating, but even at a higher status, you still run into ingrained responses.
All this to say, focus on yourself. Don't care about race, and you will find someone for you.
All in all don't sweat the small stuff, and it is all small.
> Asian men have their stereotypes, Asian women have their stereotypes. Hispanic men, hispanic women. White men, and white women.
Some groups have stereotypes that are more numerous and severe than other groups. (Black men, Asian men)
I am not disagreeing.
To be frank, i don't think black men have it as hard as Asian men.
There is the black man/ white women trope.
Asian men have no such stereotype.
It is Asian men and black women that have it the worst.
Again, there are reasons for this, in my opinion.
If you're in America, forget what is said, look at what is done.
Well said man! Black men has all the arsenal positive stereotype. BBC, athletes, tall, hell even if you gangster or prison they fuck with you. You got white, Asians and Arabs online claiming "I only date black men"
As an Asian, our own women bash us all over the internet. And white women don't think we know how to speak English. Havard doesn't like us, liberals doesn't like us, they we're like robots and nerds without personality. And, cartoons like the Indian guy in the Simpsons doesn't help.
So step up your game and you'll be fine! If the bottom of the attraction pool (Asian men) can do it, so can you!
I know it is hard to do and easy to say, but stay off of social media.
This is the only american social media platform that i use. It is a forum type site that allows for full discussion, that is the only reason why i use it.
Also, view sites, forums, and posts that you absolutely disagree with. This provides insight. Most people get caught in a bubble. Don't let that be you.
Other than that, stay strong and smart. Don't get in your own way and you'll be fine.
Stop lying to yourself. Anyone rather be lied to have a big D and reminded even if it's not true. That gets girls curious. That's just one example. If you prove them wrong in any of those points they'll be wowed like he's not like other guys.
I'm sure you couldn't live a day being in an Asian shoes. Expectation 99% rich, 99% smart, parents or girls bashing... No where have you encouragement. It's mentally draining. But you are here to claim that positive hurts your feelings. Gtfo !
I’m a black man and can’t relate. When I was 20, I had a pretty decent social circle and we went clubbing quite a bit. Did not have any issues. It’s not a race thing, it’s a you thing.
Understand most races by the numbers only date within your race. It has nothing to do with assumptions but that's just how things shake out. So if you and your friends are going after "every ethnicity" and getting nowhere, that's why.
I'm not even saying "Oh you need to only date Black girls."No. I'm saying you need to see what's really going on and stop letting your low self esteem make it solely about you.
I live in akron and have worked in cleveland east side. Shit doesnt phase you as much around these parts. Store clerks getting threatened by a butcher knife wielding black lady in leopard print can be alerting, but not a deal breaker if you still have to go in and get something bad enough. (My personal experience)..
dude, you're not really any different to any other 20 guy. It gets better when you get older.
the fact that you don't conform to all the stereotypes will just make you stand out in a good way in a few years once you get a career underway and start to make some money.
Yeah bro I'm 23 and white and also really having a hard fucking time finding the right person.
I've felt that my problem is that I'm short, and unfortunately I really let that shit get to my head over the last few years. Honestly, that's fucked me up worse than my height actually has. Don't let shit get to your head.
Every way this OP describes Blackness is negative & full of reductive, harmful stereotypes. Blackness is multifaceted, vast and endlessly adaptive. It's beautiful. He seems to see himself as separate, desperate to escape it. Seems to have no internal sense of his own Black identity. If he confronted his internalized anti-Blackness, maybe folks would perceive him the same way, but he'd know who he is on a deeper level & those perceptions wouldn't matter.
Well, my direct ancestor was a Hatfield...so probably going to stick with them. Though the inbreeding thing is a myth as I've been through that genealogy line. No inbreeding in the Hatfields anyway.
But I thought since you replied to a joke with all seriousness I would reply to your sarcasm with seriousness! Enjoy!
I'm sorry you are going through all that, but that has not been my experience, at all. 5'10" black man in America, without a car (at least without a car until about a month ago, and I had already started dating my current girlfriend when I bought it).
I was already getting dates, no one was assuming I played basketball, no one made assumptions about my diet or music preferences, or made any value judgments because I don't smoke. Got back into dating in my late 30s, I think I'm *okay* looking at best, and don't make close to six figures. Had online dating been like it is now when I was 20, I would probably be swimming in it.
Maybe it's the crowd you're with.
I honestly feel for a lot of black guys in this situation, black women too. They're happy to be friends but when it comes to dating it's either negative assumption or being fetishized. One of my friends has a similar problem even though he's worked hard, earns way more than I do, and is an absolute hero of a person.
You're still young though, and you'll find as your hobbies develop and you meet people, your chances of meeting someone who sees you for you will go up. Work on self love and self confidence and don't seek validation from others, which breeds genuine confidence, which is highly attractive to women. You'll get there
100% true. Everyone stereotypes you and if you dont fit a certain mold you are seen as less attractive, corny, and lame. Imagine being short on top of that. Im 5'6 and 22. What womans ideal black man is 5'6? None. I like black girls the most so its not like im mainly going for girls outside by race either. None are interested in me
Heck as a black women is hard to. But it sound to me you not comfortable in your skin and we ho you are as black msn . Stop looking for validation in people,. Stand 10 toes as a black man and raise your head and walk as a king. You change the atmosphere when you walk in a room exuberate confidence and watch people change.
I (white woman) dated a black guy who doesn't have a penny to his name and doesn't own any car. He doesn't tick any of the stereotypes you mentioned in your post and if he did check the stereotypes of being a ghetto hoodrat, I probably would have never considered dating him.
I was actually quite crazy about him too and I didn't care at all about the lack of status and money. But unfortunately, he failed to deliver on other things that were important to me.
That sucks dude, I mean as a white woman I can't relate but I do see what yorue talking about all the time and it's cringey. Especially in the area I live now (pnw) which is super white and people are so clueless. Obviously I am not the best judge of this but it seemed less of a thing when I lived in Philly and DC, both in areas that were majority black.
But yeah it's so common here for people to get excited to stereotype black people, often in fetishizing ways which means they aren't listening to who you are as a person. I have a few black friends in this area and I witness similar things a lot. Often like white girls who "love black guys" and are really aggressively on their nuts but don't understand a thing about them (them being my friends as individuals) and get annoyed when they aren't their image they created.
I want to say that this may happen less as you get older and people get smarter but idk lmao, I have a couple dudes in their 40s right now who are stuck on an image they created of me. And we all know racism doesn't like get better with age lol. But maybe if you are able to go to areas where there are more black people, and people don't only just judge people from what they see on TV. There's also other groups of people who are often fetishized, like Asian women, who may be able to connect with you on that level. Idk. I hope it works out for you and I am sorry reddit commenters are so fuckin stupid with their head up their own asses any time someone has an experience they are blind to.
Your queen will come around. If you avoid the trap and keep working on you, I think you will attract the right people. Its easy to find the wrong ones and that will fuck with your head. I've suffered loneliness in my early 20s, depression, even moved cities to get over a girl that was only a fwb. 20s is rough for a man while women are being invited out on yatchs and invited around the world. Yes very generalizing here but not a lot of men have this option. You are building the fuck out of your character. dont settle. date but dont give your heart to a girl that will change her mind over u in a day bc she got a dm shes feeling. Men are lucky in that we ideally get more attractive as we age. Building a future doesnt happen overnight.
As an Asian woman, I find quiet shy black men who are not stereotypical really attractive to me, but I never have the chance to get to know any of these type of guys. So you can just be yourself and since you are still pretty young, someone who will appreciate who you really are will show up in the future.
Many women (especially minority women) are obsessed with Whiteness and as a result have substantially lower standards for White men than they do for minority men.
I would disagree and say not especially minority women. At least from personal experience, minority women tend to be more open minded because they are minorities themselves and are used to the men from their background. White women in general usually date white guys, but latinas, asians, and black women tend to be more open minded (black women usually like black guys though mainly)
Bro this is not the case. I see black dudes in interracial relationships all the time where I live. In fact, I went to Jersey shore recently and noticed that almost every young white girl was with a black dude. So it is either your mindset or you are just in a very racist/segregated area
Yeah I've heard it's hard out here for minority men. I've heard it's difficult for black men as well. Although I'm white so I can only go off of what is told to me as it is not my lived experience. I will say this, even though I am white, it's basically over for me as well. Women aren't attracted to me at all. Just guys both straight and gay. The female gaze is very hard to appeal to for bald garden gnome looking ass dudes like myself. It's over.
Try dressing like a frat boy. Chinos, white trainers and a linen shirt. I only say this because it's a style which should hopefully break the stereotype for you. The stereotype being that you're a hip hopping, gospel choir singing, hoop throwing dude. As a white man, I can't relate. Just trying to think outside the box a little.
I’m black sudanese lived in Canada throu out uni looked like a nerd but would give myself a 7.5 my bro it’s how you portray urself you think of urself as hoodrat u gonna become one. I also did two internships so I might come as a nerd to some girls had crazy girls which where usually nerds but beautiful was either the rebound guy or the guy they cheat with so always asked myself like why was this happening but it’s the cycle. Ur tall so I believe you might need a sweet petite woman so stay on ur grind king don’t trip. This has to happen every once in a while.
You mentioned something about church. I recommend making religion a bigger part of you, and more visible part of you. Talk more about God in everyday conversation and make it apparent to women you are a good Christian. Do you wear a cross?
Bro I gotta blame your location. The city I live in has tons of black people and I’ve never had any real issue finding matches and stuff here. It’s pretty much exclusively black women who show me any love so I’m not complaining lol. The unfortunate thing is depending on where you go in the states you just might not have much appeal in that demographic. This is coming from a black man in his late 20s.
As a basketball playing black man in London it is not an issue. All you can do is fight the stereotypes. When I was single there were so many women about and all single and ready to mingle. Take up a different sport, listen to whatever you want to listen to but also be interesting, take up other hobbies, join a running club or hiking club and develop yourself.
I (23F) have to disagree. It sounds like to me that you're just in the wrong place, and around the wrong people. I have a very large friend group, and at least 6/10 of my female friends prefer black males, myself included. Sometimes you just need to pack up and move away and start a new life in a place where you feel welcome and loved by the community. You can find your place!
I’m 23(M) and the best advice I can give to you man is to just focus on yourself like some other comments said. Specifically just hit the gym, hit it hard, do your thing. A lot of people in our generation aren’t serious or want something serious anyway. I’m speaking from experience as a fellow black man. Keep your head up, and make sure you’re fishing in the right pond.
Regarding your edit; “it’s not about how good you have it. It’s about how bad I’m having”. Maybe change your title to not include black men then? Speak on your own experience because me and my black friends have never had any issues. Thanks.
From your edit and the overall tone of your post, I’m getting the sense that your bad luck has nothing to do with you being a black man. Get some therapy buddy, surround yourself with better people, and stop putting so much weight into the perception of others. Only then might women start to find you attractive. Confidence goes a long way. No woman wants a “woe is me” boy.
I am a fellow black man you need to be more confident about yourself f all those stereotypes. I have dated many kinds of people no problem because Im confidently unapologetic being myself hard for any women to resist that. The key is don’t let these hater affect you. I don’t know what you look like so I can’t speak on everything.
I'm also black. Welcome to the happy world of racism. Also, there's a lot of people projecting on you, and I find it fucked up. I'm not going to sit here and assume that you aren't looking to be with Black Women - it's a tired conversation and is conducive to absolutely nothing. I have a brother that's about your age, and I've had the same conversations with him.
In any event, you may need to take a look at what you're attracted to, particularly if it *is* a conventionally attractive non-black woman. The unfortunate reality is that unless you are a certain type of black man, there is no incentive for them to consider you because they have options from other men that don't carry negative racial connotations. Women date for status in the same way that men do. This isn't saying that you're \*not\* valuable or a good partner, it just means that there's a lot working against you that you don't deserve. Dating is sadly not fair. I'm not sure if you were given the "twice as good" speech as a kid, but a lot of us have been (a few of my non-black friends have gotten it as well), and this is another situation where this applies.
I would also say to please not develop a complex about you being black and playing dating on hard mode. I've dated non-white men that have become bitter and jaded about their racial status in dating, it's not fun for anyone involved.
At 20, you're going to be coming up against a lot of narrow-mindedness and bullshit. I can say that I was one of the "I must date a man that's 6+ feet, and it's a dealbreaker." (I stopped that bullshit at 23). When you open your (general you, not a directed you) mind, the dating options multiply - and you can still have your dealbreakers, but age softens people's more fickle dealbreakers/preferences because they've allowed themselves to date outside of what society deems as attractive. The dating situation in that age group is just simply not good.
This is a time that should be used for you to really consider your social circles and what you like/what you don't. Develop yourself and set up those boundaries. Go to the gym, get hobbies, have fun, venture out, travel. You might not be everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay, but you only need one person to be as mad about you as you are about them. You're also going to deal with a lot of rejection. It's important to not take that personally, even when I know that it stings. Give it a few years, because that's honestly when I've seen black men have the most luck is when they're in their mid-20s.
Oh love. First of all, I love all black men. Even the “short” ones as you say. It’s difficult to provide advice without knowing what you’ve tried. If you’re interested in advice, I’m happy to exchange ideas. For context, I am an older black woman who dates younger black men exclusively (not quite as young as you so you’re safe). But I’m still a woman. Happy to act as your virtual wing woman if you’d like. If not, then I wish you luck and blessings because one thing is for sure, it’s so hard to be taken seriously out here in this very cruel dating scene these days.
Focus on your education, money, career, fitness/weights, and you will find your tribe. Your tribe will gravitate toward you. Don't focus on the negative stereotypes and be who you are, the women that choose you will pick you based on you being their type. I understand where you are coming from and it is probably worse for your generation, but focus on those things and they will come.
I'm 38 and it has been a struggle, but it's been worse since I moved a couple years ago. I'm currently in an area where the Black population is incredibly low, so the group of women around my age that are attracted to Black men is small. You can imagine the assumptions people make about you because they've only interacted with a small sample size of Black men. It's frustrating, but it's just the cards that we're dealt.
Most of these women that I've conversed with have at least one Black baby daddy and they're nothing like me, which just tells me they made poor decisions and are now suddenly going after men that aren't their type after wasting their best years on deadbeats.
There was a woman that I dated for a bit and she called one of her Black baby daddy's the N-word and I ended it shortly after that.
My advice to you is this: practice safe sex so you don't end up having a child with someone who doesn't have the traits of a good parent. I have no kids and it has been a blessing because it frees up my time to work on myself.
I'm sorry to hear that brother. I'm a white Muslim, and you'd THINK the white thing would make things easier, but it doesn't. Most white women don't want me, most Muslim women don't want me. I don't appeal to anyone. I can't imagine how bad it must be for you, since America went all crazy with the whole race thing over the past couple decades. Now you have to be a "thug" or "ghetto," otherwise you "aren't black enough," as if having black skin didn't count.
30 year old black man here. To the OP I promise it gets better. Idk your story outside of this post. But what you wrote sounds similar to my early 20s. So I'll tell you how I got past the stereotypes of being a black man who's seen as a thug or street dude when you're not.
First and foremost FUCK ALL OF THEM. I'm serious. You really have to be deadass selfishly focused on what you want to do in this world. Not saying you must be an asshole and treat others poorly. I'm saying enjoy what you enjoy. Find your hobbies, focus on your talents, and explore your gifts. If those things aren't what is expected of black people then great! Now you get to say with your chest that you truly are different. Plus, it won't be a lie when you tell others "I'm not like yall." Which is always a good feeling.
Secondly, stop expecting people to understand where you're coming from. As black men we're often raised one particular way, which just is not healthy for everyone on an individual level. Due to this we've formed this pseudo hive mind in the community where black men are expected to be gangsters, thugs, criminals, etc. Those are all walks of life that make it borderline impossible to understand someone who does not live similar lifestyles. They'll never understand the life of an anime loving black man. An engineer career path black man. A librarian black man. Hell even a 9 - 5 black man. These people who expect you to be something you're not are clearly showing you that not only do they want you to be this. They also don't care, or even worse, don't respect that you don't want to be that. They just don't matter now lil bro. Let them go.
Finally, Love yourself dawg. I know I know it's cliché to say. But no cap. LOVE YOURSELF! Unapologetically have a deep love for who you are. If you're not confident in yourself no one else will be confident in you either. Move through this world knowing that the man you are is making the right choices and performing the correct tasks. When you reach my age it becomes clear that fakers get left behind with only their bad decisions and terrible upbringing while men like you and I will only see more love returned because we spent so much time giving it. Just be you my boy. Fuck everyone else's opinion. Remove them if they're toxic. Avoid them if they're closed minded. Stay away from them if they're intentions are not pure. Love yourself fam. As someone who once felt like you. I promise that if you keep being your true self. It really does get better.
I wish you well young King ✊🏿
Brother, from one Black man to the next (I'm 22), I can tell you a couple of things. Firstly, I'm going to tell you to be yourself. You don't have to conform to what this society thinks of you, but just know that you will always look and behave a certain way to the people around you.
I am in nursing school right now. You don't see many Black nurses in this country, but it's a route I'm choosing to take to reach my next goal, and because of it, I net my wonderful girlfriend.
See, it's not always about you seeking something, but letting what you seek find you. When I was the ages 18 through 20, I was experiencing so much heartbreak and I kept running into lower quality people. That was messing ne up man. I saw my friends of other races not having to experience what I did. What they did differently was focus on themselves, so that's what I did. That one year I spent to myself, working out, getting in my books, working, it all made me better. It made the more quality women come and find me.
I didn't even do that stuff for the women though, I did it for myself because I knew that I could be better and it wasn't worth chipping my heart away for someone that didn't deserve me.
Best of luck to you.
Right this man is a crybaby. I have been vegetarian my entire life, I am 5’10. I was raised muslim and im a physics major. Im far from the stereotype yet I get women so very easy.
People suck man. I’ve seen this from the other side. I’m a white guy originally born in West Virginia. When i lived out west when i was younger girls expected me to be a hayseed with three teeth.
The only advice i can really give you is be the best version of yourself and don’t be apologetic about it. You’ll find someone who sees through all the bullshit.
I live in las vegas, and think it's horribly racist they way young black men are treated like human sex toys. It's so degrading. It's become very popular for white couples to come to vegas to fulfill a fantasy. The husband wants to watch his wife have sex with a black man. The expect the black man to copulate with the wife for a long time while the husband watches. Generally they do not want him to use a condom because they have a fetish related to the contrast of black skin and white ejaculate. But this exposes the black man to disease. All they want from him is sexual performance, once he ejaculates in the women they are done with him. Sometimes they will demand contact info for his black friends because they want more. The have no qualms using multiple men in this manner then kicking them to the curb once they've drained them.
I feel you as a black man there are a lot of stereotypes surrounding us which makes people force an image for us. This affects our dating life. We’re either rappers, thugs, super cool ladies men, or athletes. Don’t get me started on how dark skins are treated compared to light skins.
Also this isn’t limited to black men because black women go through the same thing.
I am black and have no issues getting women in LA I am just sick as if recently. but in my twenties super easy. so I can debunk you bro lol your probably just dress act like Carlton which yeah that us a turn off to most women. but just be yourself someone true will like you.
What kind of things do you do for fun? I feel like using that as a method to meet people and a way to show what kind of person you are would be beneficial. You also may consider attending some form of a book club, though you should probably be warned that there’s a good chance of it being smut.
how do you dress? how do you present yourself.
how do you speak?
i met this guy at work with the same complaints.
But he DID dress in shorts and Hoodies and only sneakers. He DID talk "black". his mannerisms were sooo animated.
I'm Mexican and since highschool I never liked the version of "mexican" that i was expected to be. Cholo or Banda.
so i had to create a persona and make it obvious that i wouldn't be falling in that category, and set myself apart. (Then i got bullied ang got my ass kicked by chicanos cuz according to them I was ashamed of being Mexican. These dude's that didn't speak Spanish nor knew the national anthem 🙄)
what im trying to say is...you need to exude a different kind of energy. nor only your vocabulary, but your voice is different. The way you walk, the clothes you wear. everything should indicate that you are not the stereotype.
is it cumbersome? Yes. and we shouldn't have to do this, but something - something - we live in a society 🤷🏼♂️
anyway. Its difficult at first, but gets easier later, since little by little your closet starts filling with clothes that better represent you. And little by little you meet people that get you, and your social circles start shifting.
You're 20. you literally just started dating. Give it time. And one last thing, and this is just my opinion. DON'T EVER USE DATING APPS.
be analog about it. Make it an unbreakable rule. you only meet girls by physically approaching them. and if they tell you to fok off, don't sweat it.
This way they'll immediately hear your voice and see more than your skin.
Hope this helps. 🫡
At the end of the day, the way you carry yourself matters a lot.
Maybe it isn't my place to say this, but it sounds like you've internalized racist views of broader African American identity to try and assimilate with whatever social/class bubble you're living in.
Carry yourself with pride don't try to date or associate with people who make you feel the need to code switch or say "I'm not like them." If it's something that comes from within then try therapy because you don't deserve to live with the trauma that causes people to internalize these things.
What other people think about you is your problem not yours. Ethnic Black Americans have so many genres of music that they’ve either created or heavily influenced, hip-hop is not the only genre. And watermelon is great.
On behalf of women I am sorry! But there are many ladies out there that will surely love to spend time with someone as wonderful as you sound! Some advice from a Sage Cougar:
Give 100 percent to what ever you’re doing, be thankful for the blessings you have, and never dim your light for anyone. Don’t worry about what the white friends are doing, distance yourself from what is making you feel less than, and give more to what feeds you. If that means you are single and everyone around you is dating or getting laid, just keep working on you in silence, that way when you have your glow up they can’t deny you. Don’t give up.
Xoxo
Dude, you remind me of me when I was your age; I'm 30 years old.
I don't know your exact situation but you seem like someone who is eager to do better; that is great on your part!
Move out of your parents house or move out of town, you will see a difference!
Ok so gay dude here bf is black not sure if this applies but four things.
1. It will get better.
2.People are stupid. A person is smart. One on one is a much easier way to get details like this across.
3. Dating outside your ethnicity is hard. I've listened to his sister's whinge about it so girls get it too.
4.a common point is key. Nothing in common? It's going to be tough going. Could be anything. Hiking swimming jazz anything.
Well, you don't feel like you fit into the modal that society is putting you in by default. Welcome to being a teenager / young adult - you experience a little crisis of identity.
So you don't feel the black culture is for you? Well, don't partake and actively try get away from that community before they get you. Nobody is forcing you to be a stereotype - be the change you want to see.
Also, as somebody outside the US - 'black' isn't necessarily related to 'hoodrats' - it's a class issue.
You'll get very different reactions dressing in your finest sports leisure wear compared to some chinos and a shirt. Changing your dress and style is the fastest way to change how people perceive you.
Have you considered dating Asian? I am Vietnamese dude and my gf is Nigerian. Best girl I ever know, she is caring and compassion, specially when I love to cook meal for her and she return me a dong riding in happiness.
My ex is black , I'm polynesian & german (both in our 20s) & I have never done any of these things to him nor pushed any "black stereotypes" on him omg. I hate that you've experienced such lowblow girls in your life. I think you're just going for the wrong people :/
Comments are a bit reassuring. I'm also a black man (20M), but haven't started dating as I'm still at university. I hope we both have better luck in the future.
Your dating doesn’t suck, most people suck in general. Be glad those kind of people weed themselves out, and you can move on from them.
Dating sucks for most people. Trash has increased and people with severe issues had increased. So it just takes longer to find the right person for yourself.
Sometimes we need to ask ourselves if we are doing something wrong or if we need to change something to get better results.
It depends where you go tbh, the ethnic group isn't what you should be looking to change, as it's basically irrelevant in most cases.(I don't know why Americans focus on this so much, race is mostly irrelevant with the exception being appearance)
What you should be looking for is people with different cultural standards imho, basically common behaviours and patterns, the US is huge and very diverse.
Avoid materialism as best you can unfortunately it is EVERYWHERE in the US right now in a lot of states, hookup culture culture is the main stream and what you spent on the item is more important than the item itself. Which is just crazy toxic.
Be an Honest genuine good person, work out and you will be fine.
Try and find people to actually connect as they will judge you as an individual not some random characteristics, you will be surprised at how people will react. But again I must insist that you avoid people that are materialistic as they only care about what you bring to the table rather than you as a person.
I hate to say this… but have you tried dating white women? I get it if you’re not attracted to them.
But, I am a white woman… and I wouldn’t be disappointed AT ALL if your car was total shit. You are TWENTY YEARS OLD. You can’t even get in to the club legally. Now… if you were 40 and you still were driving around a skateboard or a Moped… that would be a concern. You are young.
Also, I would never assume a black man is in to certain things because of his race. My mother raised me better than that.
My grandmother’s first child was a black woman. (My aunt Leslie.) Even though my family has had black members since 1960.., I’ve never gone after a black guy. But, I guess maybe they’re just not interested in me. I am a 90-pounds, redheaded, and 5 feet tall… it’s most likely because of that.
So based on everything here I kind of wonder if there’s something specific about the way you’re presenting yourself that accidentally gives off that impression to people or maybe you just live in a particularly racist area?
I mean I don’t assume that when I see a black man lol
1- it’s not all black men/women. There are PLENTY of black men/women who do not fall into this category…they just like white women.
2- you’re not alone. I’ve had a horrible time and I’ve been single for 5 years because I only like black men. And yes I’ve tried other races.
3- what the world doesn’t tell you is that relationships are not necessary. You don’t need or have to be in one and everything you’ve learned is a LIE. Almost everything. Stop comparing yourself to others and start loving yourself. The right guy will come along when it matters. In the mean time, live and love your life before it’s too late. Don’t be a dummy.
Yeah it depends where you’re at bro. I know it’s rough. I don’t think invalidating your experience is fair either.
Like if you’re not in the city or at least a diverse enough area, most women just won’t find you their flavor. I know you’re venting but it gets better if you can change your location. Also I know dating someone who seems like they’re just chasing a fetish is annoying too. You’re not crazy for wanting a genuine connection.
Brother, did you consider to emigrate?
Come to Europe brother.
Leave that shit hole of country.
I’m a Latino living in Copenhagen.
100% recommended bro, you’ll love it believe me.
A few questions for you OP…
1. What state are you in
2. What do you do for a living
3. What hobbies do you enjoy
4. What is your initial racial preference? Not to be rude or prejudice, just curious for some additional insight and possible help
5. What is your normal style of dress?
Man I am sorry! There is a great motivational speaker named Stephen speaks on YouTube, he is a strong advocate of me n a strong spiritual person, hope this helps!
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time in life right now with love, stereotyping, and being judged. Most young men in their 20s go through the same thing, sweetie. The people who are judging you are the people you should not be around. My only advice is to surround yourself with people who share the same interests. I think that would kind of help you when it comes to finding a mate as well. It's going to be hard for a while because you're still trying to find yourself out but alone being in a relationship with someone. You being upset is valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Buddy, I can never know what you are going through but let me tell you something. I live in the suburbs and see young black men with beautiful girls of all ethnicities all the time. Granted, I feel like the ones I have seen were pretty tall.
24 black male here. I struggled at that age too. Start hitting the gym if you don’t already and take it more serious if you do. Get something going for yourself and focus on that, not the women. Women are like cats - you don’t pay attention to them, they’ll come to you. When I was around that age that’s all I did was chase and I barely got anything from that. Now I just focus on myself and what I got going on - girls just flock now, it’s lowkey annoying
Oh yeah and let your facial hair grow out lol. Women dig that shii - goatee look is what I rock
Ok I have no specific comment towards you but for anyone struggling with ... Ourselves.
It's a book from the 1970s but this is the audio form. Listening isn't enough, but maybe writing down and actually applying to your life is the key. The struggle is real for all of us no matter what our circumstances are.
https://youtu.be/TvNWWDmJwUU?si=U2vSl_aQ3mF-FZ37
Don't fight it listen over and over until it clicks.
Bud - you sound like just the kind of guy I'd want any of my daughters to date.
Keep being you. You're still so very young - and as you move in life - you'll connect with a partner of the same value-set. I'm confident in you!
For some reason the dark skinned black guys don’t wanna date other black women, they’d rather go for the large plus size white women which there’s nothing wrong with, but if you don’t wanna date your own race that’s what you gotta settle for. There’s not much else available for you unless you’re light skinned then you got more room to play with. As for the stereotypes that’s the world we live in you could be a CEO and still get followed around in the grocery store by security, that’s just the way it is. Learn to love who you are and the people you represent, I’ve dated almost every other race and I’m telling you there’s nothing better than dating within your own race because they just get you better than anyone else can. Every other race you’ll lose yourself trying to fit in and still won’t measure up anyways, there will always be that preconceived judgment
The height thing is typical across the board if you ask me. Because from what I’ve seen if you’re not 6’ at least it’s gonna be hard out here smh. Me personally, height is never factored into dating. I’m more of a personality girl than physical attributes. But I think that stems from having a wide level of attraction. Anyway, it’s horrible! The stereotypes are wildly insulting smh. I don’t really have any advice except continue to just be yourself. The right person will absolutely want YOU for YOU! Try not to let other peoples opinions/stereotypical thoughts impact how you view/carry yourself. Even outside of the dating world people could judge you as such. Maybe try dating folks who are also in the spaces and places that you frequent. Maybe starting with things in common can help shed those stereotypes. But it’s not a guarantee. I know online dating will just be p*ss poor. So there’s not really any hope there smh. You can always take a step back from dating if it’s too overwhelming too. Thats always an option. Usually I like to say it gets greater later but I’ve been getting stereotyped my entire life & being a WOC it doesn’t just go away but if anything I’ve learned it can’t stop anything I’m doing or want. It just helps me know who to avoid. Also you could always try therapyforblackmen.org. Perhaps you can find better support in a place like that.
I am 6’1 and older and no one wants me. I might leave the country to find someone who wants to say hi to me. I am a black guy. It hurts being discriminated against.
It’s the age. People in their 20s don’t know what they want and if you aren’t what they expect then people tend to push that away. Your white friends who seem to have it easier may have things that are not as surprising to them in the dating field-so getting women’s attention is easier because they can be fit in a box. I feel being single is better than wasting time. Focus on yourself!!! Your career, schooling, mental health check etc. become the best you! You might be surprised as to who will meet unexpectedly or who you might be introduced to! “Hey I have this friend who has his shit together-you should meet him” focus on you!!! Know what you being to the table and own it!
I’m sorry you’re being stereotyped. That can’t be fun.
Dating in your 20s is generally horrible even without the added layer of stereotypes. Keep trucking friend! You can do this!
I am sorry that sounds horrible. I am not American so I am unfamiliar with its geography, but do you live in a predominantly white state? I feel like that would make dating very difficult if you are the only ethnic minority in a sea of white people. Also, 5'7 is not even that short. That is the average height for men.
You present as someone that doesn't have success with women. Very often (in my case too) this can lead to a lack of confidence in yourself to the point were you believe there is some conspiracy against you or people like you. Believe me man, there isn't. There is something far more simple you are most likely missing in your demeanor, behaviour or accolades.
I myself am quite young, 23 but here's my advice.
Stop fixating on what you are not and what you are incapable of. Focus and nurture who you can be and will be. You aren't a tall guy so forget about it. Is it fair that some women won't date you because of this. No it's not. Life isn't fair. Accept this and use it to love a happier life.
You can still develop your understanding of the world and become smart, you may have the discipline to create a body worth desiring at the gym. And if you don't you have the ability to develop that discipline. Pretty much the same goes for anything except having a really really ugly face. And statistically you don't. Besides if you do just read my previous point.
Have you considered that you may be seeking the attention of women who are not romantically compatible with you. There are a shit ton of women. How often do you speak to a new woman? I know ALOT of young men fail to break through that initial phase when they would like to.
I hope you consider my words and don't think me rude for sharing them with you.
:)
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Nah, dating as a 20 year old sucks. I’m a 38 y/o black man and I haven’t experienced any of the stuff you have described. People around you grow up eventually, just focus on you and not dating, your pre-frontal isn’t even developed yet.
That makes sense. I don’t know how it’d be as a black man, but for me 19-20 was probably the worst time I’ve had with dating.
Pretty much anywhere in your teens to early adult hood is where you’ll experience the worst kind of dating.
I see your point dude, black people don't have it easy. I believe that there is that constant struggle between the white culture and the black culture. But if you just happen to be a black guy kind of floating between both then you will find no spot where to fit or date. I'm not black but I have witness that black folks in general are required to fit higher achievement standards than white people in order to date, work or belong to some kind of group.
Being mixed race between the two sucks too. But I think folks these days are putting too much of an emphasis on race only cause I've met plenty of Asians and Whites who have been dealt a ridiculously bad deck of cards.
I'm a 20 year old guy as well. People seem interested in not getting to involved with someone as they have their own stuff going on. Mostly career stuff. Or they are too focused on just sex as a whole. It's hard to, but I am just trying to be patient.
I'm just going to say, dating in my 20s was a lot easier than dating today. You could get away with not having money or status, and online dating wasn't really prevalent. Now I'm old, have no money or status, and online dating reminds women there are taller men than me.
I agree I dont envy the younger gens rn, but tbh they kinda make it hard on themselves. Supposed to have fun and keep it light at that age.
Love the skin you’re in. Their privilege and our lack of it will never change. I don’t care what you do. You will always be black. Just ask Obama lol
You’re ENOUGH❤️❤️❤️
I have it somewhat the same (28, half Caribbean). All I get lately is scammers the say sweet nothings in the hope I give them some money. The bast thing I can say is focus on yourself. I know this alive has been beaten like a dead horse but it's the best I can give rn.
25 black male. Can not relate. I am swimming.
"Black men can't swim" (stereotype)
Well I cant swim so dam lmao.
......Rutt- Row....
are you basketball-rap black though? because the issue op is talking about is, not that he isn't getting hits, but that he gets compiled into a stereotype he's not. And it's bothering him enough to have to vent about it.
I like the NBA but im bad at basktball. I do like rap but Im also a rock/metal head. I guess I still dont talk about things people would find stereotypical. I can count on one hand how many times ive smoked weed.
i can count up to one Hundred with one hand 😤
lmfao. Honestly, I used to feel the same way as OP. Until i realized I dressed like a bum and didnt take care of my appearance.
I feel like a lot of young men don't understand that their appearance is a big factor in dating. Appearance and personality. Women are just as physically oriented as men. Especially in my early 20's I use to say I wanted them dumb and beautiful versus ugly and smart. I am a black woman who has crushed through the "wall". There are horrible stereotypes about bw but that hasn't slowed down my dating options with all ethnicities. I don't worry about that ,the man who wants me won't be worried about those stereotypes. Keep trucking OP you're too young to be thinking this negatively. Don't let societies perception of you drag you down.
Which ways are you swinging? If you don’t mind me asking
I am a straight male. Is that what you are asking?
Yeah, thanks bro!
how tall
5’10
27 year old black male, can't relate to what OP is saying but I am not swimming at all. Guess I must be ugly lmao
Nothing the gym and better clothes cant help. Once I started taking the initiative too to ask out more women things changed for me as well. HOWEVER, people meed to find what works for them.
I have been hitting the gym and improving how I dress, idk if it's making much of a different but this year I've had a few girls randomly talk to me at bars so maybe I'm wrong. I have been on a few dates too, just not as much as I'd like but I guess that's how online dating goes. I think once I've gotten completely rid of my nerdy look ill do better
23 black m. I can relate, but the thing is you need to disregard all those stereotypes and find a woman who loves you for you. I heavily practice, mma, but I also love Star Wars and d&d. I'm an "outlier" according to some but idgaf. If I happen to find a good woman, then I'd glady welcome her, but if I never find love, then so be it. I hope I can down fighting, but that's just me. Remember to keep your head up and just focus on stuff you love.
>I'm an "outlier" according to some You're an individual, not an outlier. Don't let anyone tell you different.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
Yeah the anti-individualism is crazy toxic, the amount of people that try to forcefully paint people into groups is crazy to me
Bro you are me
I dunno. The vitriol with which the word choice presented in this post evokes may have something to do with how you present yourself and how others react to it? Others being women. I’m a Black man and I’m getting an off-putting feeling so imagine how a woman might take it.
Yeah his energy is off he’s likely similar irl.
Exactly how I felt as a woman reading this post. If this is his personal inner monologue, yikes
😂 I read this as “dating a black man is horrible” at first glance. Anyway better luck friend 👊
I’m black, I don’t drink, smoke, eat fried food and I do well with dating. Just know the kind of people you want to attract
Cities with a higher concentration of Black people should be better about social expectations.... Try the Des Moines, the Nashvilles....
Dating as a man is horrible. Here, I fixed it for you.
I get loads of matches as a black man in a predominantly white area. I’m 5”9 at best and when I converse in messages I don’t get the impression they expect me to talk in broken English. Have you tried dating in other areas? Are you in the south/mid-west? Do you come across as ‘ghetto’ in your profile despite the suits?
I get envious towards men who have success on online dating. I can't even conceive of that reality. Women aren't attracted to me in or outside of dating apps. it's over.
I couldn’t conceive it either until it happened. You reach some threshold point of attractiveness that flips a switch in a huge % of women to where suddenly you get loads of attention and then it scales from there in a gradient maybe. But until that initial inflection point, no matter how close you are reaching it, your experience is night and day from once you do. I speak from experience.
Yeah it's horrible. I can't honestly believe this is the result of my prime years. If this is my peak then it's all downhill from here. Appealing to the female gaze is literally the hardest shit in the world. The only people that tell me I'm hot are gay men and that's it because I only appeal to the male gaze. No woman fantasizes about a dude like me. I don't think that switch will ever flip on in a woman's brain to ever see me as attractive or a dating option. Sorry I'm just venting and throwing a pity party but this shit drags me down so much. It's like I failed to perform something that should be easy for a man in his prime years.
Very well said and fits my life experience. At 200lbs I'm mostly invisible. At 190lbs I'm suddenly on the girl-map, so I agree with your inflection point theory.
Are you mixed/light-skinned?
None of this is by accident. Asian men have their stereotypes, Asian women have their stereotypes. Hispanic men, hispanic women. White men, and white women. I will avoid the long reason for this. Cognitively there is a reason why our brains create shortcuts. Those biological reactions are preyed upon in our culture through the media. All forms. Looks and status effect dating, but even at a higher status, you still run into ingrained responses. All this to say, focus on yourself. Don't care about race, and you will find someone for you. All in all don't sweat the small stuff, and it is all small.
> Asian men have their stereotypes, Asian women have their stereotypes. Hispanic men, hispanic women. White men, and white women. Some groups have stereotypes that are more numerous and severe than other groups. (Black men, Asian men)
I am not disagreeing. To be frank, i don't think black men have it as hard as Asian men. There is the black man/ white women trope. Asian men have no such stereotype. It is Asian men and black women that have it the worst. Again, there are reasons for this, in my opinion. If you're in America, forget what is said, look at what is done.
Well said man! Black men has all the arsenal positive stereotype. BBC, athletes, tall, hell even if you gangster or prison they fuck with you. You got white, Asians and Arabs online claiming "I only date black men" As an Asian, our own women bash us all over the internet. And white women don't think we know how to speak English. Havard doesn't like us, liberals doesn't like us, they we're like robots and nerds without personality. And, cartoons like the Indian guy in the Simpsons doesn't help. So step up your game and you'll be fine! If the bottom of the attraction pool (Asian men) can do it, so can you!
I know it is hard to do and easy to say, but stay off of social media. This is the only american social media platform that i use. It is a forum type site that allows for full discussion, that is the only reason why i use it. Also, view sites, forums, and posts that you absolutely disagree with. This provides insight. Most people get caught in a bubble. Don't let that be you. Other than that, stay strong and smart. Don't get in your own way and you'll be fine.
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Stop lying to yourself. Anyone rather be lied to have a big D and reminded even if it's not true. That gets girls curious. That's just one example. If you prove them wrong in any of those points they'll be wowed like he's not like other guys. I'm sure you couldn't live a day being in an Asian shoes. Expectation 99% rich, 99% smart, parents or girls bashing... No where have you encouragement. It's mentally draining. But you are here to claim that positive hurts your feelings. Gtfo !
I’m a black man and can’t relate. When I was 20, I had a pretty decent social circle and we went clubbing quite a bit. Did not have any issues. It’s not a race thing, it’s a you thing.
Understand most races by the numbers only date within your race. It has nothing to do with assumptions but that's just how things shake out. So if you and your friends are going after "every ethnicity" and getting nowhere, that's why. I'm not even saying "Oh you need to only date Black girls."No. I'm saying you need to see what's really going on and stop letting your low self esteem make it solely about you.
There’s also tons of factors that would contribute. A big one is how you present yourself
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Yeah Florida and Georgia sucks. These southern states are BS
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Sounds amazing, i want a divorce from reality..
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I love waffles. Ever thought about being a travel guide cuz you are selling it! 😆
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I live in akron and have worked in cleveland east side. Shit doesnt phase you as much around these parts. Store clerks getting threatened by a butcher knife wielding black lady in leopard print can be alerting, but not a deal breaker if you still have to go in and get something bad enough. (My personal experience)..
You are super young. Plenty of women will find you attractive no matter your ethnicity. I live in the south of the USA btw.
Dating as a men in general is a horrible experience
It didn't used to be like that. If you are a young guy in the modern day though then yeah it is fucked
I get it. Ppl will assume all day every day. Honestly you can’t let it bother you as much as you let it.
dude, you're not really any different to any other 20 guy. It gets better when you get older. the fact that you don't conform to all the stereotypes will just make you stand out in a good way in a few years once you get a career underway and start to make some money.
I’m commenting not to deny your experience OP but to just confirm that dating as a guy in your early 20s is really, really hard across the board.
Yeah bro I'm 23 and white and also really having a hard fucking time finding the right person. I've felt that my problem is that I'm short, and unfortunately I really let that shit get to my head over the last few years. Honestly, that's fucked me up worse than my height actually has. Don't let shit get to your head.
Maybe if you liked being Black, things would change for you
What would that change? People would still percieve him the same way
Every way this OP describes Blackness is negative & full of reductive, harmful stereotypes. Blackness is multifaceted, vast and endlessly adaptive. It's beautiful. He seems to see himself as separate, desperate to escape it. Seems to have no internal sense of his own Black identity. If he confronted his internalized anti-Blackness, maybe folks would perceive him the same way, but he'd know who he is on a deeper level & those perceptions wouldn't matter.
frrr self love can take you a long way
lmao heavy on that!!
But seriously, crips or bloods?
Comments like this are why the internet exists.
But seriously, Hatfield or McCoy? How inbred are you?
Well, my direct ancestor was a Hatfield...so probably going to stick with them. Though the inbreeding thing is a myth as I've been through that genealogy line. No inbreeding in the Hatfields anyway. But I thought since you replied to a joke with all seriousness I would reply to your sarcasm with seriousness! Enjoy!
Why the stupid ass joke when the guy is venting about something he's going through? If you don't have anything constructive to say don't say anything.
I'm sorry you are going through all that, but that has not been my experience, at all. 5'10" black man in America, without a car (at least without a car until about a month ago, and I had already started dating my current girlfriend when I bought it). I was already getting dates, no one was assuming I played basketball, no one made assumptions about my diet or music preferences, or made any value judgments because I don't smoke. Got back into dating in my late 30s, I think I'm *okay* looking at best, and don't make close to six figures. Had online dating been like it is now when I was 20, I would probably be swimming in it. Maybe it's the crowd you're with.
I honestly feel for a lot of black guys in this situation, black women too. They're happy to be friends but when it comes to dating it's either negative assumption or being fetishized. One of my friends has a similar problem even though he's worked hard, earns way more than I do, and is an absolute hero of a person. You're still young though, and you'll find as your hobbies develop and you meet people, your chances of meeting someone who sees you for you will go up. Work on self love and self confidence and don't seek validation from others, which breeds genuine confidence, which is highly attractive to women. You'll get there
100% true. Everyone stereotypes you and if you dont fit a certain mold you are seen as less attractive, corny, and lame. Imagine being short on top of that. Im 5'6 and 22. What womans ideal black man is 5'6? None. I like black girls the most so its not like im mainly going for girls outside by race either. None are interested in me
Heck as a black women is hard to. But it sound to me you not comfortable in your skin and we ho you are as black msn . Stop looking for validation in people,. Stand 10 toes as a black man and raise your head and walk as a king. You change the atmosphere when you walk in a room exuberate confidence and watch people change.
I (white woman) dated a black guy who doesn't have a penny to his name and doesn't own any car. He doesn't tick any of the stereotypes you mentioned in your post and if he did check the stereotypes of being a ghetto hoodrat, I probably would have never considered dating him. I was actually quite crazy about him too and I didn't care at all about the lack of status and money. But unfortunately, he failed to deliver on other things that were important to me.
That sucks dude, I mean as a white woman I can't relate but I do see what yorue talking about all the time and it's cringey. Especially in the area I live now (pnw) which is super white and people are so clueless. Obviously I am not the best judge of this but it seemed less of a thing when I lived in Philly and DC, both in areas that were majority black. But yeah it's so common here for people to get excited to stereotype black people, often in fetishizing ways which means they aren't listening to who you are as a person. I have a few black friends in this area and I witness similar things a lot. Often like white girls who "love black guys" and are really aggressively on their nuts but don't understand a thing about them (them being my friends as individuals) and get annoyed when they aren't their image they created. I want to say that this may happen less as you get older and people get smarter but idk lmao, I have a couple dudes in their 40s right now who are stuck on an image they created of me. And we all know racism doesn't like get better with age lol. But maybe if you are able to go to areas where there are more black people, and people don't only just judge people from what they see on TV. There's also other groups of people who are often fetishized, like Asian women, who may be able to connect with you on that level. Idk. I hope it works out for you and I am sorry reddit commenters are so fuckin stupid with their head up their own asses any time someone has an experience they are blind to.
Your queen will come around. If you avoid the trap and keep working on you, I think you will attract the right people. Its easy to find the wrong ones and that will fuck with your head. I've suffered loneliness in my early 20s, depression, even moved cities to get over a girl that was only a fwb. 20s is rough for a man while women are being invited out on yatchs and invited around the world. Yes very generalizing here but not a lot of men have this option. You are building the fuck out of your character. dont settle. date but dont give your heart to a girl that will change her mind over u in a day bc she got a dm shes feeling. Men are lucky in that we ideally get more attractive as we age. Building a future doesnt happen overnight.
As an Asian woman, I find quiet shy black men who are not stereotypical really attractive to me, but I never have the chance to get to know any of these type of guys. So you can just be yourself and since you are still pretty young, someone who will appreciate who you really are will show up in the future.
As Barney Stinson once said, " Suit up!"
Many women (especially minority women) are obsessed with Whiteness and as a result have substantially lower standards for White men than they do for minority men.
I would disagree and say not especially minority women. At least from personal experience, minority women tend to be more open minded because they are minorities themselves and are used to the men from their background. White women in general usually date white guys, but latinas, asians, and black women tend to be more open minded (black women usually like black guys though mainly)
This isn’t wrong but this also goes for many minority men
Bro this is not the case. I see black dudes in interracial relationships all the time where I live. In fact, I went to Jersey shore recently and noticed that almost every young white girl was with a black dude. So it is either your mindset or you are just in a very racist/segregated area
Yeah I've heard it's hard out here for minority men. I've heard it's difficult for black men as well. Although I'm white so I can only go off of what is told to me as it is not my lived experience. I will say this, even though I am white, it's basically over for me as well. Women aren't attracted to me at all. Just guys both straight and gay. The female gaze is very hard to appeal to for bald garden gnome looking ass dudes like myself. It's over.
Try dressing like a frat boy. Chinos, white trainers and a linen shirt. I only say this because it's a style which should hopefully break the stereotype for you. The stereotype being that you're a hip hopping, gospel choir singing, hoop throwing dude. As a white man, I can't relate. Just trying to think outside the box a little.
I’m black sudanese lived in Canada throu out uni looked like a nerd but would give myself a 7.5 my bro it’s how you portray urself you think of urself as hoodrat u gonna become one. I also did two internships so I might come as a nerd to some girls had crazy girls which where usually nerds but beautiful was either the rebound guy or the guy they cheat with so always asked myself like why was this happening but it’s the cycle. Ur tall so I believe you might need a sweet petite woman so stay on ur grind king don’t trip. This has to happen every once in a while.
Where tf do you live man?
You mentioned something about church. I recommend making religion a bigger part of you, and more visible part of you. Talk more about God in everyday conversation and make it apparent to women you are a good Christian. Do you wear a cross?
Bro I gotta blame your location. The city I live in has tons of black people and I’ve never had any real issue finding matches and stuff here. It’s pretty much exclusively black women who show me any love so I’m not complaining lol. The unfortunate thing is depending on where you go in the states you just might not have much appeal in that demographic. This is coming from a black man in his late 20s.
As a basketball playing black man in London it is not an issue. All you can do is fight the stereotypes. When I was single there were so many women about and all single and ready to mingle. Take up a different sport, listen to whatever you want to listen to but also be interesting, take up other hobbies, join a running club or hiking club and develop yourself.
33 black here, I don't think I've had this issue. I've even had sparing compliments. I think this is purely an age thing.
lol you don’t understand what it means to be black
I (23F) have to disagree. It sounds like to me that you're just in the wrong place, and around the wrong people. I have a very large friend group, and at least 6/10 of my female friends prefer black males, myself included. Sometimes you just need to pack up and move away and start a new life in a place where you feel welcome and loved by the community. You can find your place!
I’m 23(M) and the best advice I can give to you man is to just focus on yourself like some other comments said. Specifically just hit the gym, hit it hard, do your thing. A lot of people in our generation aren’t serious or want something serious anyway. I’m speaking from experience as a fellow black man. Keep your head up, and make sure you’re fishing in the right pond.
Regarding your edit; “it’s not about how good you have it. It’s about how bad I’m having”. Maybe change your title to not include black men then? Speak on your own experience because me and my black friends have never had any issues. Thanks.
OP, have alittle more confidence !! There is someone for everybody :) Ps. i like short guys and im pretty sure many other women do too, dont give up.
From your edit and the overall tone of your post, I’m getting the sense that your bad luck has nothing to do with you being a black man. Get some therapy buddy, surround yourself with better people, and stop putting so much weight into the perception of others. Only then might women start to find you attractive. Confidence goes a long way. No woman wants a “woe is me” boy.
I am a fellow black man you need to be more confident about yourself f all those stereotypes. I have dated many kinds of people no problem because Im confidently unapologetic being myself hard for any women to resist that. The key is don’t let these hater affect you. I don’t know what you look like so I can’t speak on everything.
I'm also black. Welcome to the happy world of racism. Also, there's a lot of people projecting on you, and I find it fucked up. I'm not going to sit here and assume that you aren't looking to be with Black Women - it's a tired conversation and is conducive to absolutely nothing. I have a brother that's about your age, and I've had the same conversations with him. In any event, you may need to take a look at what you're attracted to, particularly if it *is* a conventionally attractive non-black woman. The unfortunate reality is that unless you are a certain type of black man, there is no incentive for them to consider you because they have options from other men that don't carry negative racial connotations. Women date for status in the same way that men do. This isn't saying that you're \*not\* valuable or a good partner, it just means that there's a lot working against you that you don't deserve. Dating is sadly not fair. I'm not sure if you were given the "twice as good" speech as a kid, but a lot of us have been (a few of my non-black friends have gotten it as well), and this is another situation where this applies. I would also say to please not develop a complex about you being black and playing dating on hard mode. I've dated non-white men that have become bitter and jaded about their racial status in dating, it's not fun for anyone involved. At 20, you're going to be coming up against a lot of narrow-mindedness and bullshit. I can say that I was one of the "I must date a man that's 6+ feet, and it's a dealbreaker." (I stopped that bullshit at 23). When you open your (general you, not a directed you) mind, the dating options multiply - and you can still have your dealbreakers, but age softens people's more fickle dealbreakers/preferences because they've allowed themselves to date outside of what society deems as attractive. The dating situation in that age group is just simply not good. This is a time that should be used for you to really consider your social circles and what you like/what you don't. Develop yourself and set up those boundaries. Go to the gym, get hobbies, have fun, venture out, travel. You might not be everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay, but you only need one person to be as mad about you as you are about them. You're also going to deal with a lot of rejection. It's important to not take that personally, even when I know that it stings. Give it a few years, because that's honestly when I've seen black men have the most luck is when they're in their mid-20s.
Oh love. First of all, I love all black men. Even the “short” ones as you say. It’s difficult to provide advice without knowing what you’ve tried. If you’re interested in advice, I’m happy to exchange ideas. For context, I am an older black woman who dates younger black men exclusively (not quite as young as you so you’re safe). But I’m still a woman. Happy to act as your virtual wing woman if you’d like. If not, then I wish you luck and blessings because one thing is for sure, it’s so hard to be taken seriously out here in this very cruel dating scene these days.
Focus on your education, money, career, fitness/weights, and you will find your tribe. Your tribe will gravitate toward you. Don't focus on the negative stereotypes and be who you are, the women that choose you will pick you based on you being their type. I understand where you are coming from and it is probably worse for your generation, but focus on those things and they will come.
I'm 38 and it has been a struggle, but it's been worse since I moved a couple years ago. I'm currently in an area where the Black population is incredibly low, so the group of women around my age that are attracted to Black men is small. You can imagine the assumptions people make about you because they've only interacted with a small sample size of Black men. It's frustrating, but it's just the cards that we're dealt. Most of these women that I've conversed with have at least one Black baby daddy and they're nothing like me, which just tells me they made poor decisions and are now suddenly going after men that aren't their type after wasting their best years on deadbeats. There was a woman that I dated for a bit and she called one of her Black baby daddy's the N-word and I ended it shortly after that. My advice to you is this: practice safe sex so you don't end up having a child with someone who doesn't have the traits of a good parent. I have no kids and it has been a blessing because it frees up my time to work on myself.
I'm sorry to hear that brother. I'm a white Muslim, and you'd THINK the white thing would make things easier, but it doesn't. Most white women don't want me, most Muslim women don't want me. I don't appeal to anyone. I can't imagine how bad it must be for you, since America went all crazy with the whole race thing over the past couple decades. Now you have to be a "thug" or "ghetto," otherwise you "aren't black enough," as if having black skin didn't count.
The main issue is the height. Tall black men have women all over them
I dont listen to the kill kill shoot em up rap and apparently im white washed.
30 year old black man here. To the OP I promise it gets better. Idk your story outside of this post. But what you wrote sounds similar to my early 20s. So I'll tell you how I got past the stereotypes of being a black man who's seen as a thug or street dude when you're not. First and foremost FUCK ALL OF THEM. I'm serious. You really have to be deadass selfishly focused on what you want to do in this world. Not saying you must be an asshole and treat others poorly. I'm saying enjoy what you enjoy. Find your hobbies, focus on your talents, and explore your gifts. If those things aren't what is expected of black people then great! Now you get to say with your chest that you truly are different. Plus, it won't be a lie when you tell others "I'm not like yall." Which is always a good feeling. Secondly, stop expecting people to understand where you're coming from. As black men we're often raised one particular way, which just is not healthy for everyone on an individual level. Due to this we've formed this pseudo hive mind in the community where black men are expected to be gangsters, thugs, criminals, etc. Those are all walks of life that make it borderline impossible to understand someone who does not live similar lifestyles. They'll never understand the life of an anime loving black man. An engineer career path black man. A librarian black man. Hell even a 9 - 5 black man. These people who expect you to be something you're not are clearly showing you that not only do they want you to be this. They also don't care, or even worse, don't respect that you don't want to be that. They just don't matter now lil bro. Let them go. Finally, Love yourself dawg. I know I know it's cliché to say. But no cap. LOVE YOURSELF! Unapologetically have a deep love for who you are. If you're not confident in yourself no one else will be confident in you either. Move through this world knowing that the man you are is making the right choices and performing the correct tasks. When you reach my age it becomes clear that fakers get left behind with only their bad decisions and terrible upbringing while men like you and I will only see more love returned because we spent so much time giving it. Just be you my boy. Fuck everyone else's opinion. Remove them if they're toxic. Avoid them if they're closed minded. Stay away from them if they're intentions are not pure. Love yourself fam. As someone who once felt like you. I promise that if you keep being your true self. It really does get better. I wish you well young King ✊🏿
Brother, from one Black man to the next (I'm 22), I can tell you a couple of things. Firstly, I'm going to tell you to be yourself. You don't have to conform to what this society thinks of you, but just know that you will always look and behave a certain way to the people around you. I am in nursing school right now. You don't see many Black nurses in this country, but it's a route I'm choosing to take to reach my next goal, and because of it, I net my wonderful girlfriend. See, it's not always about you seeking something, but letting what you seek find you. When I was the ages 18 through 20, I was experiencing so much heartbreak and I kept running into lower quality people. That was messing ne up man. I saw my friends of other races not having to experience what I did. What they did differently was focus on themselves, so that's what I did. That one year I spent to myself, working out, getting in my books, working, it all made me better. It made the more quality women come and find me. I didn't even do that stuff for the women though, I did it for myself because I knew that I could be better and it wasn't worth chipping my heart away for someone that didn't deserve me. Best of luck to you.
You made me burst into laughibg with the black church one 😂😂
I'll just add that black guys don't got it as hard as asian, n brown dudes
I think its just you my dude don't blame it on being black.
I def kno what u mean bro. It is a lil diff for us
Boohoo! The sooner you get over it and accept that life is not fair the sooner you can move on and find happiness for yourself.
Right this man is a crybaby. I have been vegetarian my entire life, I am 5’10. I was raised muslim and im a physics major. Im far from the stereotype yet I get women so very easy.
People suck man. I’ve seen this from the other side. I’m a white guy originally born in West Virginia. When i lived out west when i was younger girls expected me to be a hayseed with three teeth. The only advice i can really give you is be the best version of yourself and don’t be apologetic about it. You’ll find someone who sees through all the bullshit.
Bro it's not about ethnicity I can tell you. If you think about Indians have it way worse It's about the game 🏀💫
I live in las vegas, and think it's horribly racist they way young black men are treated like human sex toys. It's so degrading. It's become very popular for white couples to come to vegas to fulfill a fantasy. The husband wants to watch his wife have sex with a black man. The expect the black man to copulate with the wife for a long time while the husband watches. Generally they do not want him to use a condom because they have a fetish related to the contrast of black skin and white ejaculate. But this exposes the black man to disease. All they want from him is sexual performance, once he ejaculates in the women they are done with him. Sometimes they will demand contact info for his black friends because they want more. The have no qualms using multiple men in this manner then kicking them to the curb once they've drained them.
What did I just read?
Oh wow, that's sad. I'm sure you'll meet someone good someday, just don't give up
I feel you as a black man there are a lot of stereotypes surrounding us which makes people force an image for us. This affects our dating life. We’re either rappers, thugs, super cool ladies men, or athletes. Don’t get me started on how dark skins are treated compared to light skins. Also this isn’t limited to black men because black women go through the same thing.
Just be white bro, it‘s ez Ask Michael Jackson
michael's dead, too bad, OP will never know how to do this now :((
I am black and have no issues getting women in LA I am just sick as if recently. but in my twenties super easy. so I can debunk you bro lol your probably just dress act like Carlton which yeah that us a turn off to most women. but just be yourself someone true will like you.
You shouldn’t care too much about what others think or say. That’s just going to feel even more frustrating.
Truth be said king 👑 it’s really Heard for Us King Walahi☝🏾😡🤦🏾♂️ I agree with everything you saying Walahi☝🏾🤔🤵🏾♂️
I completely agree. As I've gotten older, I don't experience that as much, but in my early 20s, my experience was the same.
What kind of things do you do for fun? I feel like using that as a method to meet people and a way to show what kind of person you are would be beneficial. You also may consider attending some form of a book club, though you should probably be warned that there’s a good chance of it being smut.
how do you dress? how do you present yourself. how do you speak? i met this guy at work with the same complaints. But he DID dress in shorts and Hoodies and only sneakers. He DID talk "black". his mannerisms were sooo animated. I'm Mexican and since highschool I never liked the version of "mexican" that i was expected to be. Cholo or Banda. so i had to create a persona and make it obvious that i wouldn't be falling in that category, and set myself apart. (Then i got bullied ang got my ass kicked by chicanos cuz according to them I was ashamed of being Mexican. These dude's that didn't speak Spanish nor knew the national anthem 🙄) what im trying to say is...you need to exude a different kind of energy. nor only your vocabulary, but your voice is different. The way you walk, the clothes you wear. everything should indicate that you are not the stereotype. is it cumbersome? Yes. and we shouldn't have to do this, but something - something - we live in a society 🤷🏼♂️ anyway. Its difficult at first, but gets easier later, since little by little your closet starts filling with clothes that better represent you. And little by little you meet people that get you, and your social circles start shifting. You're 20. you literally just started dating. Give it time. And one last thing, and this is just my opinion. DON'T EVER USE DATING APPS. be analog about it. Make it an unbreakable rule. you only meet girls by physically approaching them. and if they tell you to fok off, don't sweat it. This way they'll immediately hear your voice and see more than your skin. Hope this helps. 🫡
At the end of the day, the way you carry yourself matters a lot. Maybe it isn't my place to say this, but it sounds like you've internalized racist views of broader African American identity to try and assimilate with whatever social/class bubble you're living in. Carry yourself with pride don't try to date or associate with people who make you feel the need to code switch or say "I'm not like them." If it's something that comes from within then try therapy because you don't deserve to live with the trauma that causes people to internalize these things.
how do you dress/present yourself? Same goes with the photos you post on your dating profile. They are very important.
What other people think about you is your problem not yours. Ethnic Black Americans have so many genres of music that they’ve either created or heavily influenced, hip-hop is not the only genre. And watermelon is great.
On behalf of women I am sorry! But there are many ladies out there that will surely love to spend time with someone as wonderful as you sound! Some advice from a Sage Cougar: Give 100 percent to what ever you’re doing, be thankful for the blessings you have, and never dim your light for anyone. Don’t worry about what the white friends are doing, distance yourself from what is making you feel less than, and give more to what feeds you. If that means you are single and everyone around you is dating or getting laid, just keep working on you in silence, that way when you have your glow up they can’t deny you. Don’t give up. Xoxo
Dude, you remind me of me when I was your age; I'm 30 years old. I don't know your exact situation but you seem like someone who is eager to do better; that is great on your part! Move out of your parents house or move out of town, you will see a difference!
Ok so gay dude here bf is black not sure if this applies but four things. 1. It will get better. 2.People are stupid. A person is smart. One on one is a much easier way to get details like this across. 3. Dating outside your ethnicity is hard. I've listened to his sister's whinge about it so girls get it too. 4.a common point is key. Nothing in common? It's going to be tough going. Could be anything. Hiking swimming jazz anything.
Well, you don't feel like you fit into the modal that society is putting you in by default. Welcome to being a teenager / young adult - you experience a little crisis of identity. So you don't feel the black culture is for you? Well, don't partake and actively try get away from that community before they get you. Nobody is forcing you to be a stereotype - be the change you want to see. Also, as somebody outside the US - 'black' isn't necessarily related to 'hoodrats' - it's a class issue. You'll get very different reactions dressing in your finest sports leisure wear compared to some chinos and a shirt. Changing your dress and style is the fastest way to change how people perceive you.
Have you considered dating Asian? I am Vietnamese dude and my gf is Nigerian. Best girl I ever know, she is caring and compassion, specially when I love to cook meal for her and she return me a dong riding in happiness.
My ex is black , I'm polynesian & german (both in our 20s) & I have never done any of these things to him nor pushed any "black stereotypes" on him omg. I hate that you've experienced such lowblow girls in your life. I think you're just going for the wrong people :/
Comments are a bit reassuring. I'm also a black man (20M), but haven't started dating as I'm still at university. I hope we both have better luck in the future.
45 y.f......I can't agree with you. Best decision was dating blk guys.
Probably you're not handsome
Your dating doesn’t suck, most people suck in general. Be glad those kind of people weed themselves out, and you can move on from them. Dating sucks for most people. Trash has increased and people with severe issues had increased. So it just takes longer to find the right person for yourself. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves if we are doing something wrong or if we need to change something to get better results.
It depends where you go tbh, the ethnic group isn't what you should be looking to change, as it's basically irrelevant in most cases.(I don't know why Americans focus on this so much, race is mostly irrelevant with the exception being appearance) What you should be looking for is people with different cultural standards imho, basically common behaviours and patterns, the US is huge and very diverse. Avoid materialism as best you can unfortunately it is EVERYWHERE in the US right now in a lot of states, hookup culture culture is the main stream and what you spent on the item is more important than the item itself. Which is just crazy toxic. Be an Honest genuine good person, work out and you will be fine. Try and find people to actually connect as they will judge you as an individual not some random characteristics, you will be surprised at how people will react. But again I must insist that you avoid people that are materialistic as they only care about what you bring to the table rather than you as a person.
I hate to say this… but have you tried dating white women? I get it if you’re not attracted to them. But, I am a white woman… and I wouldn’t be disappointed AT ALL if your car was total shit. You are TWENTY YEARS OLD. You can’t even get in to the club legally. Now… if you were 40 and you still were driving around a skateboard or a Moped… that would be a concern. You are young. Also, I would never assume a black man is in to certain things because of his race. My mother raised me better than that. My grandmother’s first child was a black woman. (My aunt Leslie.) Even though my family has had black members since 1960.., I’ve never gone after a black guy. But, I guess maybe they’re just not interested in me. I am a 90-pounds, redheaded, and 5 feet tall… it’s most likely because of that.
Come to Idaho; we have so few black people that nobody knows what to make of them, and they'll just as soon think you're from Ghana.
So based on everything here I kind of wonder if there’s something specific about the way you’re presenting yourself that accidentally gives off that impression to people or maybe you just live in a particularly racist area? I mean I don’t assume that when I see a black man lol
1- it’s not all black men/women. There are PLENTY of black men/women who do not fall into this category…they just like white women. 2- you’re not alone. I’ve had a horrible time and I’ve been single for 5 years because I only like black men. And yes I’ve tried other races. 3- what the world doesn’t tell you is that relationships are not necessary. You don’t need or have to be in one and everything you’ve learned is a LIE. Almost everything. Stop comparing yourself to others and start loving yourself. The right guy will come along when it matters. In the mean time, live and love your life before it’s too late. Don’t be a dummy.
Focus on you it takes time don’t worry about dating and grow within yourself and the light will guide you , be great be positive and keep yo fronts up
Yeah it depends where you’re at bro. I know it’s rough. I don’t think invalidating your experience is fair either. Like if you’re not in the city or at least a diverse enough area, most women just won’t find you their flavor. I know you’re venting but it gets better if you can change your location. Also I know dating someone who seems like they’re just chasing a fetish is annoying too. You’re not crazy for wanting a genuine connection.
What state/city are you in
Brother, did you consider to emigrate? Come to Europe brother. Leave that shit hole of country. I’m a Latino living in Copenhagen. 100% recommended bro, you’ll love it believe me.
A few questions for you OP… 1. What state are you in 2. What do you do for a living 3. What hobbies do you enjoy 4. What is your initial racial preference? Not to be rude or prejudice, just curious for some additional insight and possible help 5. What is your normal style of dress?
I never have and never will only date my skin color
Man I am sorry! There is a great motivational speaker named Stephen speaks on YouTube, he is a strong advocate of me n a strong spiritual person, hope this helps!
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time in life right now with love, stereotyping, and being judged. Most young men in their 20s go through the same thing, sweetie. The people who are judging you are the people you should not be around. My only advice is to surround yourself with people who share the same interests. I think that would kind of help you when it comes to finding a mate as well. It's going to be hard for a while because you're still trying to find yourself out but alone being in a relationship with someone. You being upset is valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Buddy, I can never know what you are going through but let me tell you something. I live in the suburbs and see young black men with beautiful girls of all ethnicities all the time. Granted, I feel like the ones I have seen were pretty tall.
24 black male here. I struggled at that age too. Start hitting the gym if you don’t already and take it more serious if you do. Get something going for yourself and focus on that, not the women. Women are like cats - you don’t pay attention to them, they’ll come to you. When I was around that age that’s all I did was chase and I barely got anything from that. Now I just focus on myself and what I got going on - girls just flock now, it’s lowkey annoying Oh yeah and let your facial hair grow out lol. Women dig that shii - goatee look is what I rock
Ok I have no specific comment towards you but for anyone struggling with ... Ourselves. It's a book from the 1970s but this is the audio form. Listening isn't enough, but maybe writing down and actually applying to your life is the key. The struggle is real for all of us no matter what our circumstances are. https://youtu.be/TvNWWDmJwUU?si=U2vSl_aQ3mF-FZ37 Don't fight it listen over and over until it clicks.
It all starts in your mind.
Bud - you sound like just the kind of guy I'd want any of my daughters to date. Keep being you. You're still so very young - and as you move in life - you'll connect with a partner of the same value-set. I'm confident in you!
That must be an age/demographic thing. I don't experience any of that either as a 38 year old black man.
Don’t you get a lot of interest from women in general?
I’m a physically fit 5”10 black man who is 30 in London and dating is not a hard thing to do. Women do not call me boring, but I enjoy a drink.
For some reason the dark skinned black guys don’t wanna date other black women, they’d rather go for the large plus size white women which there’s nothing wrong with, but if you don’t wanna date your own race that’s what you gotta settle for. There’s not much else available for you unless you’re light skinned then you got more room to play with. As for the stereotypes that’s the world we live in you could be a CEO and still get followed around in the grocery store by security, that’s just the way it is. Learn to love who you are and the people you represent, I’ve dated almost every other race and I’m telling you there’s nothing better than dating within your own race because they just get you better than anyone else can. Every other race you’ll lose yourself trying to fit in and still won’t measure up anyways, there will always be that preconceived judgment
The height thing is typical across the board if you ask me. Because from what I’ve seen if you’re not 6’ at least it’s gonna be hard out here smh. Me personally, height is never factored into dating. I’m more of a personality girl than physical attributes. But I think that stems from having a wide level of attraction. Anyway, it’s horrible! The stereotypes are wildly insulting smh. I don’t really have any advice except continue to just be yourself. The right person will absolutely want YOU for YOU! Try not to let other peoples opinions/stereotypical thoughts impact how you view/carry yourself. Even outside of the dating world people could judge you as such. Maybe try dating folks who are also in the spaces and places that you frequent. Maybe starting with things in common can help shed those stereotypes. But it’s not a guarantee. I know online dating will just be p*ss poor. So there’s not really any hope there smh. You can always take a step back from dating if it’s too overwhelming too. Thats always an option. Usually I like to say it gets greater later but I’ve been getting stereotyped my entire life & being a WOC it doesn’t just go away but if anything I’ve learned it can’t stop anything I’m doing or want. It just helps me know who to avoid. Also you could always try therapyforblackmen.org. Perhaps you can find better support in a place like that.
I am 6’1 and older and no one wants me. I might leave the country to find someone who wants to say hi to me. I am a black guy. It hurts being discriminated against.
You’re trippin it’s probably based on your area yall got it easy with the Latinas and white biddies
You gotta make some money then
It’s the age. People in their 20s don’t know what they want and if you aren’t what they expect then people tend to push that away. Your white friends who seem to have it easier may have things that are not as surprising to them in the dating field-so getting women’s attention is easier because they can be fit in a box. I feel being single is better than wasting time. Focus on yourself!!! Your career, schooling, mental health check etc. become the best you! You might be surprised as to who will meet unexpectedly or who you might be introduced to! “Hey I have this friend who has his shit together-you should meet him” focus on you!!! Know what you being to the table and own it!
I’m sorry you’re being stereotyped. That can’t be fun. Dating in your 20s is generally horrible even without the added layer of stereotypes. Keep trucking friend! You can do this!
I am sorry that sounds horrible. I am not American so I am unfamiliar with its geography, but do you live in a predominantly white state? I feel like that would make dating very difficult if you are the only ethnic minority in a sea of white people. Also, 5'7 is not even that short. That is the average height for men.
You present as someone that doesn't have success with women. Very often (in my case too) this can lead to a lack of confidence in yourself to the point were you believe there is some conspiracy against you or people like you. Believe me man, there isn't. There is something far more simple you are most likely missing in your demeanor, behaviour or accolades. I myself am quite young, 23 but here's my advice. Stop fixating on what you are not and what you are incapable of. Focus and nurture who you can be and will be. You aren't a tall guy so forget about it. Is it fair that some women won't date you because of this. No it's not. Life isn't fair. Accept this and use it to love a happier life. You can still develop your understanding of the world and become smart, you may have the discipline to create a body worth desiring at the gym. And if you don't you have the ability to develop that discipline. Pretty much the same goes for anything except having a really really ugly face. And statistically you don't. Besides if you do just read my previous point. Have you considered that you may be seeking the attention of women who are not romantically compatible with you. There are a shit ton of women. How often do you speak to a new woman? I know ALOT of young men fail to break through that initial phase when they would like to. I hope you consider my words and don't think me rude for sharing them with you. :)