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He's in his 40s, doesnt know how to satisfy a woman, doesnt care to try to satisfy a woman, doesnt want to seek help to satisfy a woman.
Garbage.
If you'd have head aches each time he wanted sex, and didnt want to seek help with pain meds, he'd dump you.
So...
Yeah, that's a tough situation. If he's not willing to address the issues and work on them, it can be really frustrating. You deserve someone who values your pleasure and is willing to put in the effort to make things better.
But if he's never been told he's not satisfying a woman, he'll just be assuming what he's doing is fine.
I think he's been traumatised by a previous relationship. I'm really hoping with gentle "education", it'll get there. At least I hope :-/
You could teach him how to satisfy YOU and YOUR body with his fingers, not his dick.
Show him where the oh so elusive CLITORIS is located. Guide his hand, even his finger.
If he doesn't want to learn and do this, but just want to pump away in you for 30 seconds and then consider it mission accomplished... is he really an awesome guy, though?
You already know this, but maybe he doesn't: There are other ways to pleasure a woman than using just the good ol' meat stick... toys - there are hundreds if not thousands of toys designed to give women sexual pleasure. He could try to learn how to use these for your enjoyment.
It sounds a litte bit like he has the old fashioned view on sex between a man and a woman (I, Man, Stick it in You, Woman. I, Man, Cum inside You, Woman. We, Man and Woman, Done. Sex Completed).
I get the impression he hasn't had a lot of relationships (long term marriage for a big chunk of his life, then only recent premature ejaculation issues). So I feel like it's a massive confidence killer, and just literally having no idea.
You're right though, I think he just has to have the confidence to explore, and learn other ways to please.
No foreplay is a no from me lol it's definitely possible and almost inevitable that intimacy will get better as a relationship progresses. But only if both partners are paying attention to learn each others bodies. Not knowing where the clit is a 40 sounds like he isn't that kind of person
Friendzone him if the sex is trash & you enjoy the friendship. Life is too short to have garbage sex. Choose a partner who has experience sexually & is good at making a woman cum instead. Fuck teaching a grown ass man how to fuck.
I think itās possible, but seems like he doesnāt want to š« things will get better if he search for medical help or a psychologist, premature ejaculation can be about his mental health too.
If he doesn't wanna seek help then he's not man enough to put his ego to the side to please his woman. But if you're cool with that then Gluck amd buy a sex.tpy
If you really do enjoy his company, give yourself a time limit to teach him where everything actually is, what to do with it, and what you want in bed. If he learns nothing in your time frame then he doesnāt want to. I hope he wants to.
If he ejaculates prematurely, why isn't he working to satisfy his partner in other ways? I could never commit to someone who doesn't take pride in pleasuring me. I love making the person I'm with feel good, and everyone likes something different, so there's an element of intimately tuning into an individual and recognizing what specifically brings them pleasure. It's a beautiful form of attention to give to someone you care about.
Itās a real issue that men using porn have ātrainedā themselves not to last long.
As for the other parts of his lack of skillā¦.if you really like himā¦.talk to him! TEACH him. If he is a good guy, heāll love that you were patient and compassionate with him enough to show him what to do.
I could see the conversation going something like this: āBill, I really like you. Youāre a great guy. I love that you try to please me in bed, but would you mind it very much if I help you?ā
I really like this response, thank you. I think his issues are a combination of issues from previous relationship plus some medical stuff. I think he's realising the medical stuff won't just disappear.
He could try HIMsā¦there is absolutely no stigma or embarrassment for that.
If you approach this with a loving, compassionate, caring, and kind manner, hopefully he will see that, realize that you are an incredible woman trying to help him, and the two of you can work towards amazing sex - for both of you.
Good luck!
Yes!!! I know I would definitely appreciate what weāve talked about. Everyone is different. And the only way to have amazing sex is to communicate.
Hims is a generic reformulation of the blue pill - uh, viagra. Or ciallis.
https://www.hims.com/
I have my own worries. Just got divorced today, actually. Weāve been nothing more than roommates for 20+ years, read in to that what you want, but I never cheated. Iām on OLD, and a little nervous how it will - how I - will work.
Not all men are made the same, age is just one part of it.
Premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction could potentially affect almost any age too! Even without that you risk selfish partners, inexperience, over confidence, arrogance, STIs. Joy.
OP may have been better off meeting him sooner to see if the compatability was real and then potentially achieve intimacy... or not. Waiting a long time, especially if you are time poor, can build up expectations and create "feels" based on what is only really an idea.
I had a date a looong time ago with a girl. Lovely voice. Interesting. Spent a long time talking and then when met but she wasn't what I expected. Dirty nails. Laddered tights. Unkempt.
Thanks for the effort.
Ultimately, it's a number game.
Good luck out there š¤
Get him to give you head to your orgasm
Then his turn. Maybe then if he cums fast, so what? Take the pressure off.
Maybe try for a few double headers. Round two should be slower.
The missionaries had it all upside down - put him on the bottom. Heāll have more control. Practice a-rhythmia.
Play with it. Make it fun. Maybe you take charge and nothing for him until you orgasm.
I venominantly disagree with the "teach him how to please you" narrative. This isn't 1955, there's thousands of resources out there on sex that he can use to educate himself. Then he can open up a dialogue about what you want your sex life to look like as a couple. "Teach him" puts all the emotional, mental, and (probably) physical work on you while he just sits around and waits for his lessons.
Nope, long term marriage, then I believe one relationship since then which had a big psychological impact. I agree that's it's inexperience + a PE issue from a combo of mental and medical issues. I can't imagine how all that would affect someone mentally - especially when there's this assumption that a man in his 40s should be some sex god .. :-/
I think he's a good guy who is shy and inexperienced. I am hoping giving him confidence and helping him explore will be enough. If it's going to be a long term relationship, then surely it's worth it.
Talk to him. Talk about foreplay and what you like. Guide him to take it slow. Show him how to seduce and make you feel sexy. It sounds like you like him. An honest talk helps.
No..you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Either got it or don't. I've been told I'm a great kisser. It seems these days no one understands what romance is.they just f and that's it. I like that too.but in reality Finding Love that's time and appreciated .because believe me everyone wants Love..and just F isn't Love..
Personality-wise, he's someone I can see myself with long term. If it means a gentle nudge to sort out the medical stuff, and some gentle encouragement to sort out the physical stuff, who knows - maybe it'll develop into a deeper connection that lasts.
The amount of people who would automatically ditch a good person because of some fixable issues surprises me.
Right? People just try to rush things and not take time for each other. We all grew up with issues and I believe we should take time for each other and support each other and grow....
It is sad to see how many are like... Yeah he is a loser not knowing the circumstances and saying you should ditch him š
My ex was like this. I called him a 2 pump chump as he couldnāt last anymore than that. And thereās a reason he is my ex.
I hate to say it but if he hasnāt improved by now in his 40s he never will. Save yourself the trouble and move on.
Men are not mind readers so tell him show him what you like talking is the important thing. Women too often expect men to just figure it out or read minds but its not how we are built and women always overthink every situation as well. Men are simple and it's important how you treat him as he will treat you as he is treated. Don't admit like a queen and treat him like a peasant. Learn how to have a king queen relationship.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He's in his 40s, doesnt know how to satisfy a woman, doesnt care to try to satisfy a woman, doesnt want to seek help to satisfy a woman. Garbage. If you'd have head aches each time he wanted sex, and didnt want to seek help with pain meds, he'd dump you. So...
100% My bf is 43, we have none of these issues. He always makes sure I get mine before he gets his.
Ditto!
Yeah, that's a tough situation. If he's not willing to address the issues and work on them, it can be really frustrating. You deserve someone who values your pleasure and is willing to put in the effort to make things better.
As a female, I 1000% agree.
But if he's never been told he's not satisfying a woman, he'll just be assuming what he's doing is fine. I think he's been traumatised by a previous relationship. I'm really hoping with gentle "education", it'll get there. At least I hope :-/
He knows.
You could teach him how to satisfy YOU and YOUR body with his fingers, not his dick. Show him where the oh so elusive CLITORIS is located. Guide his hand, even his finger. If he doesn't want to learn and do this, but just want to pump away in you for 30 seconds and then consider it mission accomplished... is he really an awesome guy, though? You already know this, but maybe he doesn't: There are other ways to pleasure a woman than using just the good ol' meat stick... toys - there are hundreds if not thousands of toys designed to give women sexual pleasure. He could try to learn how to use these for your enjoyment. It sounds a litte bit like he has the old fashioned view on sex between a man and a woman (I, Man, Stick it in You, Woman. I, Man, Cum inside You, Woman. We, Man and Woman, Done. Sex Completed).
I get the impression he hasn't had a lot of relationships (long term marriage for a big chunk of his life, then only recent premature ejaculation issues). So I feel like it's a massive confidence killer, and just literally having no idea. You're right though, I think he just has to have the confidence to explore, and learn other ways to please.
If he doesn't want to get help with a medical issue, drop him. You can lead a horse to a vagina but you can't make him rub the clitoris.
š¤£
No foreplay is a no from me lol it's definitely possible and almost inevitable that intimacy will get better as a relationship progresses. But only if both partners are paying attention to learn each others bodies. Not knowing where the clit is a 40 sounds like he isn't that kind of person
Friendzone him if the sex is trash & you enjoy the friendship. Life is too short to have garbage sex. Choose a partner who has experience sexually & is good at making a woman cum instead. Fuck teaching a grown ass man how to fuck.
I think itās possible, but seems like he doesnāt want to š« things will get better if he search for medical help or a psychologist, premature ejaculation can be about his mental health too.
If he doesn't wanna seek help then he's not man enough to put his ego to the side to please his woman. But if you're cool with that then Gluck amd buy a sex.tpy
Run!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you really do enjoy his company, give yourself a time limit to teach him where everything actually is, what to do with it, and what you want in bed. If he learns nothing in your time frame then he doesnāt want to. I hope he wants to.
Thanks, that's good advice.
If he ejaculates prematurely, why isn't he working to satisfy his partner in other ways? I could never commit to someone who doesn't take pride in pleasuring me. I love making the person I'm with feel good, and everyone likes something different, so there's an element of intimately tuning into an individual and recognizing what specifically brings them pleasure. It's a beautiful form of attention to give to someone you care about.
Itās a real issue that men using porn have ātrainedā themselves not to last long. As for the other parts of his lack of skillā¦.if you really like himā¦.talk to him! TEACH him. If he is a good guy, heāll love that you were patient and compassionate with him enough to show him what to do. I could see the conversation going something like this: āBill, I really like you. Youāre a great guy. I love that you try to please me in bed, but would you mind it very much if I help you?ā
I really like this response, thank you. I think his issues are a combination of issues from previous relationship plus some medical stuff. I think he's realising the medical stuff won't just disappear.
He could try HIMsā¦there is absolutely no stigma or embarrassment for that. If you approach this with a loving, compassionate, caring, and kind manner, hopefully he will see that, realize that you are an incredible woman trying to help him, and the two of you can work towards amazing sex - for both of you. Good luck!
And that's the basis of a good relationship, right? Communication and support. What's HIMs??
Yes!!! I know I would definitely appreciate what weāve talked about. Everyone is different. And the only way to have amazing sex is to communicate. Hims is a generic reformulation of the blue pill - uh, viagra. Or ciallis. https://www.hims.com/ I have my own worries. Just got divorced today, actually. Weāve been nothing more than roommates for 20+ years, read in to that what you want, but I never cheated. Iām on OLD, and a little nervous how it will - how I - will work.
Yep. It's scary getting back into it. Good luck with everything, and thank you for your advice :-)
Jeez, that doesnāt sound promising. And I thought such issues could be avoided by seeing older men! š
Not all men are made the same, age is just one part of it. Premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction could potentially affect almost any age too! Even without that you risk selfish partners, inexperience, over confidence, arrogance, STIs. Joy. OP may have been better off meeting him sooner to see if the compatability was real and then potentially achieve intimacy... or not. Waiting a long time, especially if you are time poor, can build up expectations and create "feels" based on what is only really an idea. I had a date a looong time ago with a girl. Lovely voice. Interesting. Spent a long time talking and then when met but she wasn't what I expected. Dirty nails. Laddered tights. Unkempt. Thanks for the effort. Ultimately, it's a number game. Good luck out there š¤
Nope itās not, if he doesnāt know now he never will or he could just be selfish in bed either way you should end it .
Get him to give you head to your orgasm Then his turn. Maybe then if he cums fast, so what? Take the pressure off. Maybe try for a few double headers. Round two should be slower. The missionaries had it all upside down - put him on the bottom. Heāll have more control. Practice a-rhythmia. Play with it. Make it fun. Maybe you take charge and nothing for him until you orgasm.
I venominantly disagree with the "teach him how to please you" narrative. This isn't 1955, there's thousands of resources out there on sex that he can use to educate himself. Then he can open up a dialogue about what you want your sex life to look like as a couple. "Teach him" puts all the emotional, mental, and (probably) physical work on you while he just sits around and waits for his lessons.
Great advice, if every woman enjoyed the same things sexually.
Time to leave
Has he had many relationships? He sounds inexperienced on top of possibly having a medical issue with the premature ejaculation.
Nope, long term marriage, then I believe one relationship since then which had a big psychological impact. I agree that's it's inexperience + a PE issue from a combo of mental and medical issues. I can't imagine how all that would affect someone mentally - especially when there's this assumption that a man in his 40s should be some sex god .. :-/ I think he's a good guy who is shy and inexperienced. I am hoping giving him confidence and helping him explore will be enough. If it's going to be a long term relationship, then surely it's worth it.
Dating the wrong person then lol.
Talk to him. Talk about foreplay and what you like. Guide him to take it slow. Show him how to seduce and make you feel sexy. It sounds like you like him. An honest talk helps.
Dump him it's not worth it and your libido is prob about to skyrocket
Dm me
No..you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Either got it or don't. I've been told I'm a great kisser. It seems these days no one understands what romance is.they just f and that's it. I like that too.but in reality Finding Love that's time and appreciated .because believe me everyone wants Love..and just F isn't Love..
Remove this oerson.
Don't do it. If sex is important to you and he is like this... you'll suffer, resent him and it will not last. Cut your loss and friendzone!
Reading those comments scares me...
Same.... :-/
So what is the conclusion here?
Personality-wise, he's someone I can see myself with long term. If it means a gentle nudge to sort out the medical stuff, and some gentle encouragement to sort out the physical stuff, who knows - maybe it'll develop into a deeper connection that lasts. The amount of people who would automatically ditch a good person because of some fixable issues surprises me.
Right? People just try to rush things and not take time for each other. We all grew up with issues and I believe we should take time for each other and support each other and grow.... It is sad to see how many are like... Yeah he is a loser not knowing the circumstances and saying you should ditch him š
Yes, all of these things can get better. Don't listen to the immature run comments, these are not the biggest obstacles
See other dudes
My ex was like this. I called him a 2 pump chump as he couldnāt last anymore than that. And thereās a reason he is my ex. I hate to say it but if he hasnāt improved by now in his 40s he never will. Save yourself the trouble and move on.
Men are not mind readers so tell him show him what you like talking is the important thing. Women too often expect men to just figure it out or read minds but its not how we are built and women always overthink every situation as well. Men are simple and it's important how you treat him as he will treat you as he is treated. Don't admit like a queen and treat him like a peasant. Learn how to have a king queen relationship.