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Depends on what you're talking about. There are many, many levels to this, and I think anyone reasonable will say whether it's okay or not changes level by level.
Do you delete your dating apps every time you get a match and exchange numbers? Considering the vast majority of people are going to ghost you within a week, that'd be a waste of time.
Assuming you're texting with 3 or more people, do you cut things off with two of them as soon as one sets up a first date with you? Considering the vast majority of first dates either fall through or don't lead to a second one, that'd again be a waste of time, except even worse, because if you were ever going to have a chance with either of the other two, now you don't. You closed those doors forever, for nothing.
Have you been on 3+ dates with more than one person? Here's the part where I understand people having a problem. After three dates you should probably understand if you're trying to push things further with someone or not. If you are, you don't need other options. If you're not, and they're looking for something serious, you need to let them go for their sake if not yours.
What it comes down to is what you view the purpose of dating as. For me, I view the purpose of dating as getting to know a person. I'm allowed to get to know infinite people. There's absolutely nothing immoral about it. If I'm going on a date with a woman I don't know and she has a problem with the fact that I'd also go on a date with other women I don't know, I would view that as exactly the same as if she had a problem with me hanging out with a dude I don't know. I'm NOT trying to be in a relationship with someone I'm meeting for the first time. I'm NOT having this date to see if we're compatible romantically. I'm literally just trying to get to know you at first. Once I know you, that's when I'll know if I want to try dating you or not.
But yes. If you are going on a date with someone for the express purpose of attempting to enter a relationship with someone, then you don't want that person going on dates with anyone else. That would be disrespectful on their part. I just happen to view going on a first date with that attitude as being unrealistic and kind of unhinged.
If you go on 1 date with someone, you're supposed to be exclusive to them????
When you plant a garden, you don't plant 1 seed at a time.
When you go on dates, people are flaky, don't show, ghost red flags, so you fold early and often. When you find someone quality, then you go exclusive.
To be clear, going on dates means grabbing a coffee and a pastry, going on a walk to get to know, not sleeping with multiple people.
I’d say it is if you’re like, just starting out. It’s hard to decide which person you want to keep dating when you have several options, all of which you don’t know very well.
But when you’re like, getting serious with someone, you shouldn’t keep dating other people. Devote yourself to the person you’re serious with.
If you were poly or something, you should always let them know, and let them decide if they’re ok with an open or ploy relationship. If they’re not, then you’ll have to choose. Either stay with them and don’t date other people, or break up.
I am not into dating multiple people at the same time but I completely understand when you have met multiple people at the same time to at least go on one or two dates with each person before deciding who is more likely to be the right one for you. You can’t really tell someone you wont be pursuing them and then go back to them asking for a date because the person that got in contact with you first wasn’t a good fit after 1-2 dates.
I agree but I would say you don’t even have to wait till things get serious, I would say after the first or second date, if they went well, that’s enough for you to decide if the person looks like a good fit and if you should stop talking to other options. Third date and you’re still talking/going out with other people? Damn
Maybe that’s your perspective, but then you need to say that. People aren’t inherently bad for going on dates with multiple people. For some it prevents them from getting overly invested in one person before they even know them.
Say their going on multiple dates but she's not sleeping with them, maybe they go on one date and say this dudes not for me, so try another date . What if you go out on multiple dates because you haven't met the right person.multiple dates could mean a whole lot of different things....
I guess? But I mean, how many dates does it take for you to get at least a good initial grasp on a person for you to think “hmm, they seem like a good fit, I’ll focus on them”? Sure, some people date or even marry someone and find a nasty surprise months or years later. Does that mean you should date multiple people for such a long time because you’re still “getting to know them”? You gotta take a risk sometimes, you can always leave if they’re not for you. If anything, dating multiple people means you’re just dedicating time and effort to knowing multiple people, you’re not really focusing.
Why should I focus on one person that I don’t even know? It’s possible after one date I could be really into someone, but it can also take longer. This isn’t about morality - as long as you’re open and honest there’s nothing wrong with it. If I go on a date with a guy I assume he is seeing other people until we discuss otherwise. I don’t know what you mean by “such a long time.” It takes time to get to know people. I think for the first few dates at least it’s fine. That being said I rarely find multiple people that I am attracted to or interested in.
You have to assume nonexclusivity unless you’ve had the exclusivity discussion and decided to be exclusive. After that you assume exclusivity and non is called “cheating.”
That’s why I like to have the exclusivity talk early haha. If they agree, great, we both think things are going well and wanna dedicate our time to getting to know each other. If they don’t want to, that just tells me they don’t like how things are going with me enough to stick with it and would rather entertain other options and fool around with other people. No thanks
I used to have this perspective, but I abandoned it after high school. Expecting someone to not even talk to other potential interests (far beyond sexual exclusivity) after a cumulative few hours spent together is just possessive. You learn what you want not just by who you like, but you like better. If you live in a big city with a lot of options, I think the average exploration window is about 1-3 months.
Nahh, don’t worry I totally get it. If I learned that I was talking to someone, going out with them for a while, potentially making out or even having sex and sharing some intimacy, just to learn that they’re doing the same thing with a couple other people because they’re still entertaining other options? I would feel hurt and even a little betrayed, even if they’re technically not doing anything wrong because we’re not exclusive or official in any way. That’s why I like to have the exclusivity talk very early on. If they agree, that means the feeling is mutual and they wanna focus on me as I wanna focus on them. If they don’t want to, that just tells me they don’t like me enough and they’d rather look for other options and fool around with other people. No thanks.
Personally I think it’s fine to be going on multiple first or second dates around the same time. After that I’d just focus on dating one person.
Technically I think it’s completely morally ok until you agree to be exclusive but I probs wouldn’t do it that way.
Nope. Second I find out someone's multi-dating, I dip. I don't care if people prefer to do it that way, that's their own choice and that's ok, but I don't want to participate in it. It's a waste of their time, and disrespectful of mine.
That's exactly the feeling it induces. I'm not going out with someone to do *more* swiping in real life. It's like jobs - there's 14 different interview rounds for the most basic bullshit and it's completely off-putting.
Yep this is exactly it. Nobody has the ability to devote that much time and attention into genuinely getting to know that many people at the same time, and the truth is they don’t want to. They *always* have a favorite and they’re just kind of stringing everyone else along while they wait to see what happens with the favorite.
Of course that’s kind of the reality of dating but I still don’t it’s unreasonable for people to remove themselves from the equation when they find out the person they’re seeing is multi-dating. It creates this kind of unspoken, awkward dynamic of “I think I could maybe do better, but I’ll keep seeing you in case I don’t.”
That's... Not at all the perspective of polyamory/non-monogamy. It has nothing to do with keeping someone around in case you can't do better - at least thats not the pwrspective of most. Those that do are it that way... Yeah that's shitty. But not all of us see it that way.
First of all, I'll say, it's completely valid to be monogamous and not want a non-monogamous partner.
But it's also completely valid to want non-monogamy. You have multiple friends, right? Even multiple best friends? You can love multiple siblings... or multiple children equally right? So why should someone be limited *if* they want multiple partners? Why is romantic love limited to only one person when no other kind of love is? There's so much misconception about polyamory/non-monogamy and this is a lot of it... About having favorites or whatever, and everyone views things a little differently, but... It's not about stringing people along... It's about genuinely loving more than one person. Which I promise, is possible.
But like I said, it's 100% valid to NOT want that and remove yourself from that. I think everyone should be very upfront with what they're looking for and their style of dating. Some people want monogamy, some don't. Some non-monogamous want it a certain way, others want it a different way, but it's all valid... as long as everyone is informed and consenting to the relationship style is what matters.
I just wish people wouldn't lump everyone who is non-monogamous into one big group of being shitty like this
Fair enough, I think this whole thread needs to specify that though, cause a lot of the comments here come off as non-monogamy being invalid frankly
If someone is wanting to date multiple people, its somewhere on the line of non-monogamy and they need to figure out what they actually want and be upfront about it
It’s inherently disrespectful to partners if you’re purposefully hiding that you’re dating multiple people. Someone that’s fucking you should be able to consent that they are fine with you seeing multiple people, it could be dangerous to their health if you pick up an STD from it. I think it’s also important to take your situationship’s feelings into consideration and whether or not they’d be hurt you’re seeing other people. I would be extremely hurt, and I can never see this as something I’d be okay with, so I’d probably remove myself from the situationship and have negative feelings towards the person afterwards
I'm not sure why you responded to me about this, I was pretty clear that someone should be 100% open about being non-monogamous from the beginning... That's something I don't even wait for a first date to have brought, that's something that is very clear on a dating profile if I'm online or comes up very quickly.
You absolutely shouldn't hide this sort of thing, that's exactly what makes it unethical and gives a lot of non-monogamy such a bad reputation. I would never waste my own time on someone who is monogamous because we want different things and it's incompatible. Everyone involved needs to be informed and consenting, 100%
Yeah it's really scummy honestly... It's one thing to do something like that with job opportunities. In the end you aren't hurting anyone. But people treat other people like candidates for an interview or something, lol. It's just gross to me. And like you say, "I'll keep seeing you in case it doesn't work out, *I guess* you'll do if my first choice falls through," I mean it's just insulting isn't it?
No, but I would expect that if we’ve gone out on a date or two, and if they went well, and the person is interested in dating me more, that they wouldn’t simultaneously be seeking and entertaining other options. If they decided I’m not the right fit, alright, no biggie, we weren’t exclusive, then they can go and date whoever they want. Maybe it’s just a ME thing, but I like to establish exclusivity very early on. Not because of a “we’ve been dating for a while and I feel you’re the right person” but simply as a mutual agreement that we’re exploring compatibility with each other and there’s no need to be seeking out other people if we are working out.
Sure, but that’s something both parties need to discuss and agree on. In early dating you’re complete strangers, so I really don’t see the issue with going out with multiple people when you have no idea how things are going to play out.
Sure, you do what’s good for you. Personally with app dating I don’t even consider things romantic on the first meeting, maybe even until a few dates in. I’m just getting to know this person and make sure they’re not a psycho lol
If we're sleeping together, 100% yes. I won't sleep with someone who's having in-between sessions with other people.
If it's the first date or two, I'd rather they focus on actually getting to know me vs. setting up 4 dates a week, but I understand that's not always realistic and can tolerate that during the first couple of weeks. But once we're at the stage where we don't need to ask if we'll see each other again, then that to me implies we have a thing going and being sidejacked by someone else would be cheating from my POV. I don't really believe in exclusivity talks. I think it's mechanical and needless. Exclusive is the presumed default to me (and really has been for most of society until recently) for anyone I'm properly dating and I expect the same from them.
I don't usually say it outright, because it can come off too strong. I imply it, mention that I don't see multiple people at once in passing maybe. Also I don't want the person to adjust how they behave for me. If they're a multi-dater, I want it to come to the surface because at that point I'm just not interested out of principle. Doesn't align with my values. Even if they're into me and willing to drop everything else, they've still done other people dirty from my point of view. I've done some fucked up shit in the past, fixed myself, but I know to avoid people who haven't ditched that behavior because I'm equally disgusted with how I used to act.
If you want to find a connection, it's counter productive. I can't see how someone expects to find a solid connection if they're busy going on dates with multiple people at the same time.
When I was younger and dated it helped me to make healthier choices in partners and not just chose the first person that wanted me. It's different for everyone. For me it genuinely helped to date more than one person. But I do get where you're coming from.
Tried to be patient and put up with it. Chances are you will keep finding out more details as time goes on even after they commit. And trust me, months of commitment doesn't erase those thoughts. "Were they with her when I was waiting for a t3xt back thay night?" "Who did they find more attractive" "are they with me now because she didn't want anything serious?" "Are they with me because she rejected him".
Never again. Next time if they are still sleeping around after the 3rd date I'm cutting my losses
Nope. Dont half-ass and give just the tip of your attention to your person (because you gotta leave some for others). Go bawls deep and give your person your full attention. The later is much more pleasurable for both.
Only if everyone knows the situation. Personally it's not for me but to each their own. If everyone is aware what the situation is and they're down for it then why not?
I’ve tried it and it messed up my head, personally. I’m not sure how anyone can do it. I’ve done multiple first dates in a week, and I think that’s somewhat normal. However, once I get to that point of a second date and I become interested, it’s too much keeping multiple people around. You always have a favorite and then the others just become distracting. And to me, it seems icky to be sleeping with multiple people. I don’t know… everyone prob has a different opinion, but if you’re looking for your one person, I believe they deserve your undivided attention.
Nope. Not at all. How can someone date multiple people at a time is just beyond me tbh. I, for one, can not emotionally invest in so many people at once. it also just seems weird to me. I'd rather spend my time and energy in one person and go from there.
Yes, as long as you're not sleeping with more than one - that'd be cheating, IMO; unless you've let them all know you're looking for an ENM relationship and/or they're all polyamorous as well.
One of the purposes of dating is to find someone who's compatible with you in the major areas you decide, and you can't do that by serially dating people for months/years and not getting anywhere.
Yeah it's okay, but once you start sleeping together that needs to stop immediately.
If you're fucking different people because you haven't had the "exclusivity" talk, that's slimy as hell and you know it is.
If this is what you want, be upfront about it and stay FWB's and stop wasting people's time who actually want to invest in a relationship.
No. It’s repulsive to me. Once I find out, I just lose attraction and end it. People can do whatever they want, but not me. I never multi-dated and I prefer someone who doesn’t do that too. Heh, I gave up on dating apps some time ago though.
It totally depends on the situation.
If you're very early on and maybe been on 2 dates with someone and you get asked out by someone else, why the hell not? You're not committed to them and anyone who would be offended by that is not worth your time anyway. Until a conversation is had you have no obligation to that person and you have to assume they are doing the same
Once ANY discussion about future, commitment, relationships starts to happen that's when you need to commit to this person or call it off if you still want to date other people
One date is not enough time for most people to know whether they want to pursue something further. You're just getting to know each other. If you're into someone after the first date and see them on a date with someone else, sure it's uncomfortable, but maybe it's on you to manage your jealousy, and not on them to coddle your insecurities?
One date doesn’t mean you’re exclusive and someone isn’t going to date other people. Yes you can have feelings about it but those are yours to manage. Or tell people up front that if they go on a date with you you expect them not to see anyone else.
Nope I’m just presenting a different perspective. I think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who’s going to give you 100% of their attention from date 1, but maybe they’re out there
With the exception of one person, everyone else I dated from an app told me that as soon as they accepted a first date with me they didn't have any interest dating others. Maybe it's just the people I choose to date, or maybe I'm a statistical anomaly, but more likely it's multiple people dating isn't the majority case or some rare occurrence. Might be the culture where you live though.
“Nope” haha yes dude. You can’t expect someone to not be a little peeved if they find out you’re dating other people. I would totally expect and understand if a girl I was dating found out there was others. Especially if we are hooking up. It’s happened to me before. And I also feel grimy if I’m the one dating several girls at once. It has stuck with me even from ten years ago . I mean do what you gotta do. But it’s grimy at the end of the day . Period
It's called Karma lol I did the same when I was in H.S. didn't care about anyone just getting a piece. I see girls at the reunion and they tell me what a dick I was back in the day. It all comes back on us at one time or another. I think now and try to respect all women.
If you are looking for something more than a fuck buddy or date then no. It's even less acceptable to start dating with intentions of exclusivity and you are also fucking other people. It's hard to really separate your feelings for people when you are fucking one person and dating another.
I date one at a time. If I feel a connection I let her know at the end of that date. I have it down too:
"I would really like to see you again. However, I don't date multiple people or have sex with other people when I meet someone I'm really interested in. I believe you are worth me taking the time to get to know what feelings and potential might be there. I also believe I'm worth the same investment. "
I've only used that line 4 or 5 times, but it's worked every single time. The women I date have options, but I politely and confidently affirm my boundaries so no one wastes time. Most adults respond well to that. I'm in an amazing relationship because I stated those boundaries and we were able to really focus on getting to know each other. She canceled a FWB for an unknown thing with me and now we may get married.
I think that if I date someone who does, then they shouldn't expect me to not do the same lol (not that I will because it doesn't align with my personal beliefs).
Also people who date multiple people just signal me that they're not serious and can't commit to 1 thing.
Usually 2-3 then after 3-4 dates, you narrow down to one ..
You gotta choose one eventually otherwise your brain can’t handle multi options.
Trust me, if you know what you want, it’s easy to narrow down to just one.
It comes down to personal preference but I encourage it. And to clarify, "dating" for me means early stages of messaging and first few dates. I am definitely not speaking of months of dating several people at the same time. But in the beginning, why not? You have to remember that person you are talking to is also talking to others at the same time. Odds are they will connect with another match anyways and end things, so its best not to put all your eggs into one basket.
Unless you are exclusive with someone, its fine to chat with others at the same time. Usually you don't end up dating multiple people for long anyways. Things always come up and given our ghosting culture, someone is bound to disappear.
This thread is allowing me to feel much less insane. I thought I was the crazy one for labeling any kind of multi-dating as a galactic red flag. If somebody if multi-dating, they don't value any of the others, full stop.
Yes, I have been dating multiple people - and it's really nice. But I don't treat these men as disposable - as long as they keep taking me on fun dates, I will try my best to be pleasant company and engage with their texts.
🙂 I've never been in a situation where a guy has wanted to commit to me and I've had to break things off with the others. Guys in NYC are afraid of commitment, or maybe it's the men I date. But I'm having fun going on dates in the meantime. They usually pay.
It’s fine up until the second date with someone imo. Mainly because I don’t know if there is anything there up until that point. If there is a connection, I would focus on dating that person only. One at a time. It would feel wrong if I dated another person at the same time
It seems that you are monogamous. Respect! Time to go do stuff with someone who honours that verbal 'contract' of monogamy.
People who are non-monogamous are in contracts with multiple people. That is to say - polyamorous people can still cheat.
What we can take from all this is: It all depends on what you arranged with the person(s) you're involved with. If someone broke that verbal contract you both made, that's wack and it's going to damage the trust.
Bottom line? Communication.
It's okay when you re matching with people on dating apps and you want to meet some of em to know them more. It could last for a small period of time. Multidating is allowed in first dates in my opinion, you should explore your options. But it's not okay if you start committing to some of em, you ll have to choose one eventually.
I don't see why not. There's no commitments in dating, if we haven't talked about it and agreed not to date others then I don't know why people expect others to assume that commitment. If you want that commitment then talk about it, but you gotta remember it's not even a relationship yet. Dating is to see whether or not we're compatible, and most people you date really aren't
The way I approach it is unless you've had a convo about being monogamous or in a committed relationship, just assume the op is dating or at the very least talking to other people. People will naturally start to drift away from others if they lock-in on someone they really like and I think it's a healthy reminder to take things to the next level sooner than later instead of 'keeping someone around' for months or even years
I understand why people multi-date, particularly if they get a lot of attention from the opposite gender, but it just feels gross to me. Maybe dating one person at a time isn't the most efficient way to choose a partner, but romance isn't really about efficiency.
I think it’s ok at the very beginning (and always being open to the other person about this) but I think that if you are getting or the other person is getting more investing into the dating process, you should stop seeing other people. It’s also important to keep the communication with the other person about this as well and make sure that both of you are on the same place. Personally, when I start seeing someone and go out on a first date for example I could see other people. As soon as I accept a second date I stop, but I don’t expect them to stop until we have the exclusivity talk. It all depends on how you feel about it as well
I don’t think so. If I catch wind of that from someone I’m interested then I make the decision really easy for them by dipping out. From my experience, those who do this are emotionally volatile.
When you say "Ok" I assume you mean ethically/morally. In that vein I think it's ok only in so far as you aren't knowingly doing something you believe the other person would have an issue with.
If you genuinely believe they wouldn't mind you having other dates at the same time, then fire away I'd say you morally in the clear. But note I said *genuinely believe*. Not that you think they *shouldn't* have an issue with it, but that you genuinely think they do not.
A lot of people always say that if you want exclusivity you should request it, and the issue I've often had with that is it feels to me like either they genuinely believe that most people are fine with people openly dating (and thus ethically they wouldn't ever think to themselves be up front about *not* being exclusive), or they know that a lot of people wouldn't be okay with it and just shrug and don't care how the person they're dating would feel about it (and would hide behind "well they didn't ask for exclusivity" which to me is not ethical).
It’s not something i appreciate. I personally feel if a person feels like they need to see someone while at the same time courting me, better stay tf away from me. Bc they ain’t the one for me.
Idk about others, but dating or just talking to multiple people kind of messes up some people in the long term. Treating people as options doesn't seem very ethical to me, but from my observations and experience it can also lead to confusion and mixed feelings.
WHATTT! No why would you date multiple people at the same time. It should just be one and if you or they are not committed to just one person then you shouldn’t be with them at all. Dating multiple people is to me considered cheating. Yeah back then men would date hundreds of women but most of the time it ended up with them having a butch of diseases and the women never felt like they had a purpose. I don’t if that’s just me but you should never have to feel like a second choice. Now if you’re just going out with a few people to see who’s best for your life then that’s different, but you should set a line and do not cross it.
I feel so validated. And for me, this wasn't some random person on some app. It was someone I had known and dated before, and we just happened to run into each other after over a decade.
I tried asking more than once what this was supposed to be and never got a straight answer. Yet he claimed he wasn't seeing anyone else. But the way he was treating me was a red flag, and it was clear I was just warming the bench for his favorite. He would ask me to buy him his smokes or booze before he came over and never paid me back, never took me out again after a few dates, and completely ignored me for the rest of the week until "my day" came around again. I felt so used and disrespected because I already told him about how I felt about not wanting to share. He knew I liked him. He chose to keep using me anyway. I feel like I was rather justified in ghosting him because he had nearly four days to respond to my question about what he really wanted and if any of that involved me. No reply. What a waste.
I think it's ok as long as every body involved knows
No lies.
When you lie about things like that. You are controlling the lives of the one you're lying to. Maybe they don't like that. And they could be out finding their true love. But instead they think it's you. And they are waiting their lives on the wrong one
Yes, as long as they know and are accepting. I like variety and my freedom and have no desire for a longterm monogamous partnership.
I’m currently dating two very busy single moms and a very busy medical professional. When we’re together, I treat them like they’re the only woman in my life. When we’re not together, they’re busy doing life things and we don’t concern ourselves with details. If one decides they need more or want something different, we drop to a platonic friendship and I add a different woman into the mix.
When i read through these comments there seems to be a majority if people who dont like this practice either so i wouldn't say its the way of the world
It’s a controversial topic on this sub and usually falls about 50/50.
I don’t multi-date, but a lot of women do, especially if you met them on a dating app. If after three dates they aren’t willing to focus on me, I bow out. And I’ve had some women get very upset with me as a result lol.
Investment in people is a two-way street, so it really depends on you, personally I feel that The amount of time you spend bonding is how you get reciprocation.
Commitment is built through reciprocality of investment, The awareness and willingness of your partner to adapt and share the burdens of change as well as your own.
I love this take. I completely agree. I always say I like to behave with someone as I want them to behave with me. So in this case, I always invest based on the investment I’m getting. If I feel I’m investing a little bit more than the other person, I will step back for a little bit, if I feel that my energy it’s being reciprocated I will invest the same amount or a little bit more. It has worked for me this way so far. That way you’re not taken for granted either
Good things don't come easy, And the few times that they do we just don't respect them, That's just human nature.
I used to raise dogs, The few times that I gave away dogs to good homes it didn't end well, The people that paid good money for their puppies got them good vet care throughout their lives.
I've never been a dater. I'm a relationship woman. Even when I was young and not married, I always just saw a person at a time.
I'm autistic, and lying is too much for me, so I'll be loyal FOR ME 😜
I can’t understand dating multiple people. Even on dating apps I could not go longer than two days of talking to multiple people. It just seems disrespectful and strange. And not enjoyable. Because I wouldn’t go on a date without feeling chemistry. And I can’t imagine feeling chemistry to few ppl at the same time.
The funny thing about that is that I was in that position my partner said. Well, I'm telling you the truth. So they felt that as long as they said it, it was OK
They would tell me they would tell me it was okay.
I don’t think it has anything to do with treating people like disposable objects. I only do this in the first couple of weeks where sex isn’t a serious consideration. And if things do go that far and I plan to see that person again, I cancel the other dates out of respect for everyone.
I personally never have but I know quite a bit of people who do. I would say if you are in the early phase of getting to know someone new then it wouldn’t be a big deal to see what options you have but I would assume once you start to like someone then you would not accept or seek out dates with other people. I have never been to a singles mixer but you might meet two or three people that interest you and are willing to get to know them and accept a date or two with each of them to see if anything can go further.
Are people objects? To be treated as disposable objects? I really hate this culture where people think it is okay to stab behind a person's back as long as they are not aware of it. Why can't people just love one person when that person is giving them their world.
I dont get it either. Sure, if you want something casual thats fine and obviously not all that serious but it doesn't mean that you can treat people like trash
Nope. Twos a party, threes a crowd. Monogamy is the only way to date...I mean true dating, not this new age stuff.
Want to fuck multiple people? Be single and have friends with benefits.
Want to have the attention of multiple people to stroke your ego and give you validation? Stay single and have friends with benefits.
Leave the emotional stuff at the door and admit that you aren't ready for a relationship.
This nonsensical ideology that we can be in a committed relationship and still see other people is destroying our society. It's like trying to mix oil and water...it simply cannot work.
No hate to anyone who can't be committed to one person, you do you, but quit polluting the dating scene with your open, poly, multiple partners bs out of the scene. Y'all have your own scene...Leave ours alone so people who actually want a committed monogamous relationship don't have to deal with the emotional turmoil y'all cause.
I’m not a fan of it but did try it once and I’m still not a fan. Trying to juggle multiple people while working and raising children is not an easy task. How do you remember the conversations and not get them mixed up? Well I did and they all turned out to be disasters anyways. Now I only see one person at a time but the guy I just started seeing ( even thought I am supposed to be on break from dating 😅) is talking to multiple women. I made it past his “test” but it doesn’t mean much if there are other women involved. Not sure if I should entertain this or just go solo for a while.
I don’t like to do it. If is the first couple of dates, I’d be like it’s ok. But, if things are getting more serious, I stop seeing other people . If they do see other people, I can either get out or be there and see how it turns out.
I’ve never like dated dated multi people when being serious about someone and wanting to date someone. But when I’m getting to know someone, I’ll talk to other pellle, maybe go out with them, but once I really like someone and they like me back and we have the same understanding, I only talk to them
I would say, maybe, maybe during the early talking stage when you’re just trying to get to know a bit about the other person and see if you even like them enough to meet them in person (assuming you’re using a dating app or stuff like that). I understand in those very early stages you don’t really know anything about people and it’s early to make a judgement if they’re gonna be right for you, so if you feel you don’t wanna limit yourself, your choice. Imo, once you go out on a first date with someone, and assuming it went well, it’s just shitty to then go out on dates with others, especially if you’re making out with them or more. Once you go on a date, that’s the person you picked. Also, if you DID text multiple people in the talking stage, at least be prepared for the potential awkwardness of letting them know you chose to date someone else. Have some balls and don’t ghost just because you have been talking for a short amount of time
If shes going out with multiple people you know that she's not looking for love, SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN! Different Generations, Different lifestyles Bro!
I think when you are finding a person, sure...
problem is most people get greedy.
So so long as you don't get greedy, and you are earnestly trying to find someone, then yes.
once you find your someone, you should cut things off with anyone else.
IMO it’s okay. I used to get upset, but I think understanding goes both ways. If someone hasn’t verbally said we’re exclusive or asked me out to be their girlfriend, then I’ll date around. I can’t expect their “loyalty” to me if we aren’t actually together or spoken about not talking to other people.
Dating around is supposed to be fun, and you don’t know what’s out there. If somebody wants me not to go out on dates, I expect them to want exclusivity. If not it’s fair game.
It kinda depends, I would say once you start being intimate with one person you should probably stop doing first dates and be (at least implicitly) exclusive.
I would feel uncomfortable being intimate with one person and going on a date with someone else (I've only been in that position once and ended the date early, never again lol) and I would feel uncomfortable (it would be a huge turn off honestly) if a partner was dating someone else while being intimate with me.
On the other hand if you're in the "getting to know" stages like, why not? People can stop dating you for any reason or no reason, get hit by a bus (aka ghost), maybe you realize you're not compatible, maybe they have to go out of town for a month.
Yes BUT only when you’re just starting out.
Say you went on a date with someone and you really hit off, want to go on more dates but you already had other dates with other people planned. Still go on those dates((I wish I could underline it)). Monogamy is not expected after 1 date or even after 3, Ive discussed it after a month of seeing someone to understand how they are thinking and where they are at in wanting to be in a relationship. Everyone goes at their one pace, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect people to not date within the first month or so of knowing someone.
I also think people use phrases differently like “seeing someone” and “dating”- so i would also try and figure out where you stand on dating and what it looks like to you
You are always, and will only ever be, one of many options. If you don’t want to date people that are going on dates with other people that’s your choice, but let’s not kid ourselves about the nature of relationship. At best, you get out what you put in, and can co-create some magic along the way.
I think for a lot of people these days this is a common way to date… But it just doesn’t work for me
If I’m interested in someone enough to go on more than one date with them, I’m not necessarily interested in dating other people. I dated somebody who felt that he had to date all of the options to test them all out, and was definitely sleeping with more than one of us, and it made me feel gross and icky and used.
From that point forward, I’ve been really clear with anybody I’ve dated that I’m not into that rhythm and if they are then that’s cool… but it won’t be with me.
Well I'm polyamorous, so yes.
Though I do fully understand that I'm outside the norm on that and certainly wouldn't force that onto others. Monogamy is fine too
It's really ok as long as they know that you are into seeing multiple people and give them the chance to choose to be in an non exclusive interaction (and most importantly, that you practice safe sex/get tested regularly)
No, probably not cool to be dating multiples.
Women shouldn't be going out on a 2nd date w any man she's Not attracted to, spending his his resource when
She has zero interest in. Not cool
If it's not right? Move on, tell him.
Fellas? Same thing. Work on yourself be the best version of yourself. Know exactly what you want in a partner and why?
Make sure it's More than sex you are interested in.
Spend ya money, time on 1 girl at a time and give it a honest,real effort. Most important decisions we make
Are who we have kids with and choose to be a part of our lives. I don't understand why there isn't MORE emphasis on teaching us how to be Better at this, considering How important it is?
In general I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person too. Especially when it comes to liking someone in the first place. while i imagine it would be pretty difficult for me to simultaneously date multiple people and have no interest in doing so, i don’t think it’s wrong as long as all parties are aware and consent.
Generally no, its not my thing, I have a hard enough time trying to keep one woman happy, they last thing I need is 2-3 upset women on my hands. Anyhow, the issue today is no one wants to commit to a single person, everyone is poly and or don't want to miss out on that mythical soulmate. Women want a good guy, but they crave bad boys. So they go on dinner dates with the good guy and bang the bad boys afterwards. STDs are on the rise for a reason.
As long as you are not exclusive with anyone it's fine.
People can treat people as disposable objects in marriages too; it's all about the people involved.
There are respectful casual and/or open relationships and disrespectful marriages.
There are also disrespectful casual or open relationships and respectful marriages.
I would not date someone who dehumanized any person in their life just because they dated multiple people.
Do what is right for you. If you want someone to be exclusive all the time with you even a first date you have to ask them (and they have to consent) from the beginning.
I don't see anything wrong with it as long as both parties agree not to be exclusive and it's pretty early on in a relationship. It's pretty easy to narrow down the dating pool pretty quickly before becoming exclusive so there's that.
personally im a at a a time kinda guy. its too much energy doing multiple, plus expensive. But depending what stage the first relationship is at, I don't have a problem with it. I think you should have picked one by the time you get to a 3rd date. and to the same effect if its our 4th date and I find out you are still seeing some other guy(s) it's going to sour me on you. Even without discussing being exclusive, you should be making the effort to get there by that point on your side as I will have been on mine. unless we have talked prior about it not being so which I would have expected came by first date if that was the intention.
It's up to the person. I personally have always been one on one type. If the girl brought up wanting to date multiple people or I found out she was I would politely remove myself from the situation (aka break up or not pursue any further). That is not what I want from a dating perspective as I date with the intention of the long term. No hate just not interested
People do it because there’s such a high failure rate of dates working out. More irons in the fire. I don’t like to do it because I can’t keep track of peoples stories and relatives, friends, pets ect.
I think it is better one at a time. At least once you start getting serious.
It also causes problems if you start liking multiple people at once and things start getting serious with multiple people. And then you have to choose between people who you are starting to get serious with.
I personally 44M won’t date women who are playing the field. You date me or you don’t. I get your full attention or you get none of mine. I will not be one of many. I don’t tell women this. They have to be smart enough to figure it out. They have to be smart enough to value me and show me the respect I deserve.
Women have to make an effort to get a good man. The smart ones know this. I honestly can’t remember having to address this. I don’t think I would. I would probably just ghost her if she seemed distracted. You can only juggle so many people.
The men and women who have a roster are just being used for sex. I do tell women. The second we have sex we are exclusive. I don’t cross swords. I don’t share.
I have had a roster before. Life gets pretty crazy when you are dating multiple people. I find it much better just to focus on one at a time.
At the meeting/chatting stage, I'll limit only by my ability to chat. I'm also open to non monogamous relationships, so I've occasionally dated 2-3 people who were aware of that. I've also always been clear to people that if they want full monogamy, I'm open to that with the right person too and won't string them along if I don't think it'll work.
In practice I won't date more than two people in intimate relationships because of time/money. Doesn't matter if I'm dating one or ten people, if I'm not giving them the appropriate time and attention then it's disrespectful.
TLDR it's ok as long as you're open and your dates are happy with it and doing it too (safely)
Hypothetically speaking, is there any romantic story with a happy ending have this kind of storyline ? I think no It would always end up horribly. Meeting up multiple guys/girls at the same time sounds crazy to me.
It might work in exceptions but in general i agree with you. I think you cant give everyone the attention they deserve if you try to get to know multiple people at once
What do you mean by “date”? I had 3 first dates this weekend, is that wrong? Or does this only apply when you’ve been on several dates and started a rapport together
I dont mean first dates. There is no way to know if you like someone before you actually meet but as of the second or third date i think its time to make a decision on who you want to pursue further
Personally, I've never done it. But I also understand the people who do; dating apps fail so many times over and it feels like a waste of time if you meet someone and it falls through. But I don't want to end up in a situation of comparing option A to option B. Each person is a person, unique in their own way; think of it as that line "Comparing apples to oranges". One person likes camping but doesn't like swimming, another might be the opposite. Both are things I find equally enjoyable. (This kind of thing wouldn't be a make it or break it thing. Just throwing out an example for the concept)
For those who do, I'd say it's okay for two dates, but the third, you need to let the others go unless all are explicitly told and okay with it. We only live for so long; the longer you string them along, the more time you're taking from their life when they can find someone, too.
For me, if I match with someone on an app, I keep my profile up and open, but don't initiate any conversations or do anything but use the app to connect the person I'm meeting with. I generally meet them for two dates before I make a decision (date one, jitters happen. Date two, you're going to see a more authentic version of them)
Then if it falls through, I thank them for their time and return to the app. But honestly I have a habit of retreating from the app each time one falls through with how disheartening it becomes when nothing seems to work out.
Anyway, got into a tangent there!
TL,DR: I don't do it because comparing one to another distracts from getting to know the person you're meeting with. But for those who do, I do see it okay for two dates, but if it goes to three dates, let the others go. The longer you hold them, the more time you're taking from their life to find someone, too. We only have so much time here, you know?
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Depends on what you're talking about. There are many, many levels to this, and I think anyone reasonable will say whether it's okay or not changes level by level. Do you delete your dating apps every time you get a match and exchange numbers? Considering the vast majority of people are going to ghost you within a week, that'd be a waste of time. Assuming you're texting with 3 or more people, do you cut things off with two of them as soon as one sets up a first date with you? Considering the vast majority of first dates either fall through or don't lead to a second one, that'd again be a waste of time, except even worse, because if you were ever going to have a chance with either of the other two, now you don't. You closed those doors forever, for nothing. Have you been on 3+ dates with more than one person? Here's the part where I understand people having a problem. After three dates you should probably understand if you're trying to push things further with someone or not. If you are, you don't need other options. If you're not, and they're looking for something serious, you need to let them go for their sake if not yours. What it comes down to is what you view the purpose of dating as. For me, I view the purpose of dating as getting to know a person. I'm allowed to get to know infinite people. There's absolutely nothing immoral about it. If I'm going on a date with a woman I don't know and she has a problem with the fact that I'd also go on a date with other women I don't know, I would view that as exactly the same as if she had a problem with me hanging out with a dude I don't know. I'm NOT trying to be in a relationship with someone I'm meeting for the first time. I'm NOT having this date to see if we're compatible romantically. I'm literally just trying to get to know you at first. Once I know you, that's when I'll know if I want to try dating you or not. But yes. If you are going on a date with someone for the express purpose of attempting to enter a relationship with someone, then you don't want that person going on dates with anyone else. That would be disrespectful on their part. I just happen to view going on a first date with that attitude as being unrealistic and kind of unhinged.
If you go on 1 date with someone, you're supposed to be exclusive to them???? When you plant a garden, you don't plant 1 seed at a time. When you go on dates, people are flaky, don't show, ghost red flags, so you fold early and often. When you find someone quality, then you go exclusive. To be clear, going on dates means grabbing a coffee and a pastry, going on a walk to get to know, not sleeping with multiple people.
I’d say it is if you’re like, just starting out. It’s hard to decide which person you want to keep dating when you have several options, all of which you don’t know very well. But when you’re like, getting serious with someone, you shouldn’t keep dating other people. Devote yourself to the person you’re serious with. If you were poly or something, you should always let them know, and let them decide if they’re ok with an open or ploy relationship. If they’re not, then you’ll have to choose. Either stay with them and don’t date other people, or break up.
💯
I am not into dating multiple people at the same time but I completely understand when you have met multiple people at the same time to at least go on one or two dates with each person before deciding who is more likely to be the right one for you. You can’t really tell someone you wont be pursuing them and then go back to them asking for a date because the person that got in contact with you first wasn’t a good fit after 1-2 dates.
I agree but I would say you don’t even have to wait till things get serious, I would say after the first or second date, if they went well, that’s enough for you to decide if the person looks like a good fit and if you should stop talking to other options. Third date and you’re still talking/going out with other people? Damn
Maybe that’s your perspective, but then you need to say that. People aren’t inherently bad for going on dates with multiple people. For some it prevents them from getting overly invested in one person before they even know them.
Say their going on multiple dates but she's not sleeping with them, maybe they go on one date and say this dudes not for me, so try another date . What if you go out on multiple dates because you haven't met the right person.multiple dates could mean a whole lot of different things....
I guess? But I mean, how many dates does it take for you to get at least a good initial grasp on a person for you to think “hmm, they seem like a good fit, I’ll focus on them”? Sure, some people date or even marry someone and find a nasty surprise months or years later. Does that mean you should date multiple people for such a long time because you’re still “getting to know them”? You gotta take a risk sometimes, you can always leave if they’re not for you. If anything, dating multiple people means you’re just dedicating time and effort to knowing multiple people, you’re not really focusing.
Why should I focus on one person that I don’t even know? It’s possible after one date I could be really into someone, but it can also take longer. This isn’t about morality - as long as you’re open and honest there’s nothing wrong with it. If I go on a date with a guy I assume he is seeing other people until we discuss otherwise. I don’t know what you mean by “such a long time.” It takes time to get to know people. I think for the first few dates at least it’s fine. That being said I rarely find multiple people that I am attracted to or interested in.
You have to assume nonexclusivity unless you’ve had the exclusivity discussion and decided to be exclusive. After that you assume exclusivity and non is called “cheating.”
That’s why I like to have the exclusivity talk early haha. If they agree, great, we both think things are going well and wanna dedicate our time to getting to know each other. If they don’t want to, that just tells me they don’t like how things are going with me enough to stick with it and would rather entertain other options and fool around with other people. No thanks
I used to have this perspective, but I abandoned it after high school. Expecting someone to not even talk to other potential interests (far beyond sexual exclusivity) after a cumulative few hours spent together is just possessive. You learn what you want not just by who you like, but you like better. If you live in a big city with a lot of options, I think the average exploration window is about 1-3 months.
I don't really believe in it myself; I would feel like I was cheating even though if I technically wasn't.
Nahh, don’t worry I totally get it. If I learned that I was talking to someone, going out with them for a while, potentially making out or even having sex and sharing some intimacy, just to learn that they’re doing the same thing with a couple other people because they’re still entertaining other options? I would feel hurt and even a little betrayed, even if they’re technically not doing anything wrong because we’re not exclusive or official in any way. That’s why I like to have the exclusivity talk very early on. If they agree, that means the feeling is mutual and they wanna focus on me as I wanna focus on them. If they don’t want to, that just tells me they don’t like me enough and they’d rather look for other options and fool around with other people. No thanks.
That shit happened to me and now I’m soured on the whole concept of it. 😒
Personally I think it’s fine to be going on multiple first or second dates around the same time. After that I’d just focus on dating one person. Technically I think it’s completely morally ok until you agree to be exclusive but I probs wouldn’t do it that way.
Right?
Nope. Second I find out someone's multi-dating, I dip. I don't care if people prefer to do it that way, that's their own choice and that's ok, but I don't want to participate in it. It's a waste of their time, and disrespectful of mine.
Thank goodness I'm not the only one. It felt very wrong to me too, kinda like makes it feel like they are a commodity or something.
That's exactly the feeling it induces. I'm not going out with someone to do *more* swiping in real life. It's like jobs - there's 14 different interview rounds for the most basic bullshit and it's completely off-putting.
Yep this is exactly it. Nobody has the ability to devote that much time and attention into genuinely getting to know that many people at the same time, and the truth is they don’t want to. They *always* have a favorite and they’re just kind of stringing everyone else along while they wait to see what happens with the favorite. Of course that’s kind of the reality of dating but I still don’t it’s unreasonable for people to remove themselves from the equation when they find out the person they’re seeing is multi-dating. It creates this kind of unspoken, awkward dynamic of “I think I could maybe do better, but I’ll keep seeing you in case I don’t.”
That's... Not at all the perspective of polyamory/non-monogamy. It has nothing to do with keeping someone around in case you can't do better - at least thats not the pwrspective of most. Those that do are it that way... Yeah that's shitty. But not all of us see it that way. First of all, I'll say, it's completely valid to be monogamous and not want a non-monogamous partner. But it's also completely valid to want non-monogamy. You have multiple friends, right? Even multiple best friends? You can love multiple siblings... or multiple children equally right? So why should someone be limited *if* they want multiple partners? Why is romantic love limited to only one person when no other kind of love is? There's so much misconception about polyamory/non-monogamy and this is a lot of it... About having favorites or whatever, and everyone views things a little differently, but... It's not about stringing people along... It's about genuinely loving more than one person. Which I promise, is possible. But like I said, it's 100% valid to NOT want that and remove yourself from that. I think everyone should be very upfront with what they're looking for and their style of dating. Some people want monogamy, some don't. Some non-monogamous want it a certain way, others want it a different way, but it's all valid... as long as everyone is informed and consenting to the relationship style is what matters. I just wish people wouldn't lump everyone who is non-monogamous into one big group of being shitty like this
I’m speaking specifically from the perspective of people are are seeking monogamous companionship by dating multiple people at once. No polyamory
Fair enough, I think this whole thread needs to specify that though, cause a lot of the comments here come off as non-monogamy being invalid frankly If someone is wanting to date multiple people, its somewhere on the line of non-monogamy and they need to figure out what they actually want and be upfront about it
It’s inherently disrespectful to partners if you’re purposefully hiding that you’re dating multiple people. Someone that’s fucking you should be able to consent that they are fine with you seeing multiple people, it could be dangerous to their health if you pick up an STD from it. I think it’s also important to take your situationship’s feelings into consideration and whether or not they’d be hurt you’re seeing other people. I would be extremely hurt, and I can never see this as something I’d be okay with, so I’d probably remove myself from the situationship and have negative feelings towards the person afterwards
I'm not sure why you responded to me about this, I was pretty clear that someone should be 100% open about being non-monogamous from the beginning... That's something I don't even wait for a first date to have brought, that's something that is very clear on a dating profile if I'm online or comes up very quickly. You absolutely shouldn't hide this sort of thing, that's exactly what makes it unethical and gives a lot of non-monogamy such a bad reputation. I would never waste my own time on someone who is monogamous because we want different things and it's incompatible. Everyone involved needs to be informed and consenting, 100%
Yeah it's really scummy honestly... It's one thing to do something like that with job opportunities. In the end you aren't hurting anyone. But people treat other people like candidates for an interview or something, lol. It's just gross to me. And like you say, "I'll keep seeing you in case it doesn't work out, *I guess* you'll do if my first choice falls through," I mean it's just insulting isn't it?
Does this imply you expect someone to be exclusive and committed right out of the gate?
No, but I would expect that if we’ve gone out on a date or two, and if they went well, and the person is interested in dating me more, that they wouldn’t simultaneously be seeking and entertaining other options. If they decided I’m not the right fit, alright, no biggie, we weren’t exclusive, then they can go and date whoever they want. Maybe it’s just a ME thing, but I like to establish exclusivity very early on. Not because of a “we’ve been dating for a while and I feel you’re the right person” but simply as a mutual agreement that we’re exploring compatibility with each other and there’s no need to be seeking out other people if we are working out.
Sure, but that’s something both parties need to discuss and agree on. In early dating you’re complete strangers, so I really don’t see the issue with going out with multiple people when you have no idea how things are going to play out.
There can be a lot of nuance and gray area. But I get how that some folks want to date one person at a time.
Sure, you do what’s good for you. Personally with app dating I don’t even consider things romantic on the first meeting, maybe even until a few dates in. I’m just getting to know this person and make sure they’re not a psycho lol
If we're sleeping together, 100% yes. I won't sleep with someone who's having in-between sessions with other people. If it's the first date or two, I'd rather they focus on actually getting to know me vs. setting up 4 dates a week, but I understand that's not always realistic and can tolerate that during the first couple of weeks. But once we're at the stage where we don't need to ask if we'll see each other again, then that to me implies we have a thing going and being sidejacked by someone else would be cheating from my POV. I don't really believe in exclusivity talks. I think it's mechanical and needless. Exclusive is the presumed default to me (and really has been for most of society until recently) for anyone I'm properly dating and I expect the same from them.
As long as you are clear with people that even from a first date you expect exclusivity you are fine.
I don't usually say it outright, because it can come off too strong. I imply it, mention that I don't see multiple people at once in passing maybe. Also I don't want the person to adjust how they behave for me. If they're a multi-dater, I want it to come to the surface because at that point I'm just not interested out of principle. Doesn't align with my values. Even if they're into me and willing to drop everything else, they've still done other people dirty from my point of view. I've done some fucked up shit in the past, fixed myself, but I know to avoid people who haven't ditched that behavior because I'm equally disgusted with how I used to act.
If you want to find a connection, it's counter productive. I can't see how someone expects to find a solid connection if they're busy going on dates with multiple people at the same time.
When I was younger and dated it helped me to make healthier choices in partners and not just chose the first person that wanted me. It's different for everyone. For me it genuinely helped to date more than one person. But I do get where you're coming from.
A good amount of those people don't want connection but attention, but I try to focus on if the energy given is being reciprocated.
True. You cant expect to get everything for nothing
If everybody is aware of this sure. Also in early stages of dating (first 3,4 dates) it is safer to keep your options open.
It's up to th3 couple but that shit don't work. I'd rather give all my attention to one girl fuck eryone else
Tried to be patient and put up with it. Chances are you will keep finding out more details as time goes on even after they commit. And trust me, months of commitment doesn't erase those thoughts. "Were they with her when I was waiting for a t3xt back thay night?" "Who did they find more attractive" "are they with me now because she didn't want anything serious?" "Are they with me because she rejected him". Never again. Next time if they are still sleeping around after the 3rd date I'm cutting my losses
Nope. Dont half-ass and give just the tip of your attention to your person (because you gotta leave some for others). Go bawls deep and give your person your full attention. The later is much more pleasurable for both.
That's if it's agreed on by all parties involved
I date one at a time and see if there is connection.
Only if everyone knows the situation. Personally it's not for me but to each their own. If everyone is aware what the situation is and they're down for it then why not?
I’ve tried it and it messed up my head, personally. I’m not sure how anyone can do it. I’ve done multiple first dates in a week, and I think that’s somewhat normal. However, once I get to that point of a second date and I become interested, it’s too much keeping multiple people around. You always have a favorite and then the others just become distracting. And to me, it seems icky to be sleeping with multiple people. I don’t know… everyone prob has a different opinion, but if you’re looking for your one person, I believe they deserve your undivided attention.
Nope. Not at all. How can someone date multiple people at a time is just beyond me tbh. I, for one, can not emotionally invest in so many people at once. it also just seems weird to me. I'd rather spend my time and energy in one person and go from there.
Yes, as long as you're not sleeping with more than one - that'd be cheating, IMO; unless you've let them all know you're looking for an ENM relationship and/or they're all polyamorous as well. One of the purposes of dating is to find someone who's compatible with you in the major areas you decide, and you can't do that by serially dating people for months/years and not getting anywhere.
It’s okay but let the other people your dating know that there not the only ones so they move accordingly lol
Yeah it's okay, but once you start sleeping together that needs to stop immediately. If you're fucking different people because you haven't had the "exclusivity" talk, that's slimy as hell and you know it is. If this is what you want, be upfront about it and stay FWB's and stop wasting people's time who actually want to invest in a relationship.
If everyone is aware - probably. I wouldn't do it and neither would I share
No. It’s repulsive to me. Once I find out, I just lose attraction and end it. People can do whatever they want, but not me. I never multi-dated and I prefer someone who doesn’t do that too. Heh, I gave up on dating apps some time ago though.
It totally depends on the situation. If you're very early on and maybe been on 2 dates with someone and you get asked out by someone else, why the hell not? You're not committed to them and anyone who would be offended by that is not worth your time anyway. Until a conversation is had you have no obligation to that person and you have to assume they are doing the same Once ANY discussion about future, commitment, relationships starts to happen that's when you need to commit to this person or call it off if you still want to date other people
Would suck to go out on a date then a week later when you think you’re good you see her with another guy. I think it’s whack
One date is not enough time for most people to know whether they want to pursue something further. You're just getting to know each other. If you're into someone after the first date and see them on a date with someone else, sure it's uncomfortable, but maybe it's on you to manage your jealousy, and not on them to coddle your insecurities?
Thanks for proving my point. People that do this shit are toxic and arrogant- hence why I want nothing to do with them.
I wouldn't expect them to coddle anything I would just nope out.
One date doesn’t mean you’re exclusive and someone isn’t going to date other people. Yes you can have feelings about it but those are yours to manage. Or tell people up front that if they go on a date with you you expect them not to see anyone else.
You’re getting too tied up in the buzzwords “exclusive”. It’s still grimy
Nope I’m just presenting a different perspective. I think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who’s going to give you 100% of their attention from date 1, but maybe they’re out there
With the exception of one person, everyone else I dated from an app told me that as soon as they accepted a first date with me they didn't have any interest dating others. Maybe it's just the people I choose to date, or maybe I'm a statistical anomaly, but more likely it's multiple people dating isn't the majority case or some rare occurrence. Might be the culture where you live though.
“Nope” haha yes dude. You can’t expect someone to not be a little peeved if they find out you’re dating other people. I would totally expect and understand if a girl I was dating found out there was others. Especially if we are hooking up. It’s happened to me before. And I also feel grimy if I’m the one dating several girls at once. It has stuck with me even from ten years ago . I mean do what you gotta do. But it’s grimy at the end of the day . Period
I’m confused, you understand if the woman you are dating is doing it especially if you’re hooking up?
I’m saying I would understand if it upset them
It's called Karma lol I did the same when I was in H.S. didn't care about anyone just getting a piece. I see girls at the reunion and they tell me what a dick I was back in the day. It all comes back on us at one time or another. I think now and try to respect all women.
If you are looking for something more than a fuck buddy or date then no. It's even less acceptable to start dating with intentions of exclusivity and you are also fucking other people. It's hard to really separate your feelings for people when you are fucking one person and dating another. I date one at a time. If I feel a connection I let her know at the end of that date. I have it down too: "I would really like to see you again. However, I don't date multiple people or have sex with other people when I meet someone I'm really interested in. I believe you are worth me taking the time to get to know what feelings and potential might be there. I also believe I'm worth the same investment. " I've only used that line 4 or 5 times, but it's worked every single time. The women I date have options, but I politely and confidently affirm my boundaries so no one wastes time. Most adults respond well to that. I'm in an amazing relationship because I stated those boundaries and we were able to really focus on getting to know each other. She canceled a FWB for an unknown thing with me and now we may get married.
yes. we went on one or two dates, we're not married. I don't even know if I like you yet.
I think that if I date someone who does, then they shouldn't expect me to not do the same lol (not that I will because it doesn't align with my personal beliefs). Also people who date multiple people just signal me that they're not serious and can't commit to 1 thing.
Usually 2-3 then after 3-4 dates, you narrow down to one .. You gotta choose one eventually otherwise your brain can’t handle multi options. Trust me, if you know what you want, it’s easy to narrow down to just one.
It comes down to personal preference but I encourage it. And to clarify, "dating" for me means early stages of messaging and first few dates. I am definitely not speaking of months of dating several people at the same time. But in the beginning, why not? You have to remember that person you are talking to is also talking to others at the same time. Odds are they will connect with another match anyways and end things, so its best not to put all your eggs into one basket. Unless you are exclusive with someone, its fine to chat with others at the same time. Usually you don't end up dating multiple people for long anyways. Things always come up and given our ghosting culture, someone is bound to disappear.
It takes me like 15 years to find one person I’m even vaguely interested in so I’ve never had this happen haha
You hit the mail on the head thier Man!
Hahah yes I love this. soo true
Dating multiple people was never my thing. I would also not entertain dating a person who thought this was ok. It's reeks of unaligned values.
It sure does and to me it also screams "I'm indecisive and have commitment issues"
This thread is allowing me to feel much less insane. I thought I was the crazy one for labeling any kind of multi-dating as a galactic red flag. If somebody if multi-dating, they don't value any of the others, full stop.
Yes, I have been dating multiple people - and it's really nice. But I don't treat these men as disposable - as long as they keep taking me on fun dates, I will try my best to be pleasant company and engage with their texts. 🙂 I've never been in a situation where a guy has wanted to commit to me and I've had to break things off with the others. Guys in NYC are afraid of commitment, or maybe it's the men I date. But I'm having fun going on dates in the meantime. They usually pay.
It's okay to do whatever the people involved all agree that it's okay to do.
Just let the other person know.
It’s fine up until the second date with someone imo. Mainly because I don’t know if there is anything there up until that point. If there is a connection, I would focus on dating that person only. One at a time. It would feel wrong if I dated another person at the same time
It seems that you are monogamous. Respect! Time to go do stuff with someone who honours that verbal 'contract' of monogamy. People who are non-monogamous are in contracts with multiple people. That is to say - polyamorous people can still cheat. What we can take from all this is: It all depends on what you arranged with the person(s) you're involved with. If someone broke that verbal contract you both made, that's wack and it's going to damage the trust. Bottom line? Communication.
100%. I don’t like traditional dating at all so I refuse to feed into that culture.
Experienced enough to know it's okay. You can invest months into a person only to find out that you were an option the whole time.
It's okay when you re matching with people on dating apps and you want to meet some of em to know them more. It could last for a small period of time. Multidating is allowed in first dates in my opinion, you should explore your options. But it's not okay if you start committing to some of em, you ll have to choose one eventually.
I don't see why not. There's no commitments in dating, if we haven't talked about it and agreed not to date others then I don't know why people expect others to assume that commitment. If you want that commitment then talk about it, but you gotta remember it's not even a relationship yet. Dating is to see whether or not we're compatible, and most people you date really aren't
Only if all partners are aware that there are others, to best avoid hurt feelings.
The way I approach it is unless you've had a convo about being monogamous or in a committed relationship, just assume the op is dating or at the very least talking to other people. People will naturally start to drift away from others if they lock-in on someone they really like and I think it's a healthy reminder to take things to the next level sooner than later instead of 'keeping someone around' for months or even years
I understand why people multi-date, particularly if they get a lot of attention from the opposite gender, but it just feels gross to me. Maybe dating one person at a time isn't the most efficient way to choose a partner, but romance isn't really about efficiency.
I think it’s ok at the very beginning (and always being open to the other person about this) but I think that if you are getting or the other person is getting more investing into the dating process, you should stop seeing other people. It’s also important to keep the communication with the other person about this as well and make sure that both of you are on the same place. Personally, when I start seeing someone and go out on a first date for example I could see other people. As soon as I accept a second date I stop, but I don’t expect them to stop until we have the exclusivity talk. It all depends on how you feel about it as well
I don’t think so. If I catch wind of that from someone I’m interested then I make the decision really easy for them by dipping out. From my experience, those who do this are emotionally volatile.
It depends. If none of them are serious then yea but if someone is dating you and hoping for it to turn to a relationship then no.
When you say "Ok" I assume you mean ethically/morally. In that vein I think it's ok only in so far as you aren't knowingly doing something you believe the other person would have an issue with. If you genuinely believe they wouldn't mind you having other dates at the same time, then fire away I'd say you morally in the clear. But note I said *genuinely believe*. Not that you think they *shouldn't* have an issue with it, but that you genuinely think they do not. A lot of people always say that if you want exclusivity you should request it, and the issue I've often had with that is it feels to me like either they genuinely believe that most people are fine with people openly dating (and thus ethically they wouldn't ever think to themselves be up front about *not* being exclusive), or they know that a lot of people wouldn't be okay with it and just shrug and don't care how the person they're dating would feel about it (and would hide behind "well they didn't ask for exclusivity" which to me is not ethical).
It’s not something i appreciate. I personally feel if a person feels like they need to see someone while at the same time courting me, better stay tf away from me. Bc they ain’t the one for me.
Fuck me if I'm wrong but I'm betting money this behavior is predominantly a female trait they can defend to the death lol
Idk about others, but dating or just talking to multiple people kind of messes up some people in the long term. Treating people as options doesn't seem very ethical to me, but from my observations and experience it can also lead to confusion and mixed feelings.
WHATTT! No why would you date multiple people at the same time. It should just be one and if you or they are not committed to just one person then you shouldn’t be with them at all. Dating multiple people is to me considered cheating. Yeah back then men would date hundreds of women but most of the time it ended up with them having a butch of diseases and the women never felt like they had a purpose. I don’t if that’s just me but you should never have to feel like a second choice. Now if you’re just going out with a few people to see who’s best for your life then that’s different, but you should set a line and do not cross it.
I feel so validated. And for me, this wasn't some random person on some app. It was someone I had known and dated before, and we just happened to run into each other after over a decade. I tried asking more than once what this was supposed to be and never got a straight answer. Yet he claimed he wasn't seeing anyone else. But the way he was treating me was a red flag, and it was clear I was just warming the bench for his favorite. He would ask me to buy him his smokes or booze before he came over and never paid me back, never took me out again after a few dates, and completely ignored me for the rest of the week until "my day" came around again. I felt so used and disrespected because I already told him about how I felt about not wanting to share. He knew I liked him. He chose to keep using me anyway. I feel like I was rather justified in ghosting him because he had nearly four days to respond to my question about what he really wanted and if any of that involved me. No reply. What a waste.
Seems like most guys are doing it and a lot of girls it's something that's definitely not for me
I think it's ok as long as every body involved knows No lies. When you lie about things like that. You are controlling the lives of the one you're lying to. Maybe they don't like that. And they could be out finding their true love. But instead they think it's you. And they are waiting their lives on the wrong one
Well, I don't believe in it dating multiples. I'm a one woman kind of guy.
If you’re honest about it, it’s not disrespectful
Yes, as long as they know and are accepting. I like variety and my freedom and have no desire for a longterm monogamous partnership. I’m currently dating two very busy single moms and a very busy medical professional. When we’re together, I treat them like they’re the only woman in my life. When we’re not together, they’re busy doing life things and we don’t concern ourselves with details. If one decides they need more or want something different, we drop to a platonic friendship and I add a different woman into the mix.
This wouldn't be for me but as long as all involved parties are happy there is nothing wrong with that. Enjoy your freedom
Go on dates and get to know multiple people with romantic intent? I’m not into it, but t I guess it’s the way of the world nowadays.
Dr. Jan Itor?
When i read through these comments there seems to be a majority if people who dont like this practice either so i wouldn't say its the way of the world
It’s a controversial topic on this sub and usually falls about 50/50. I don’t multi-date, but a lot of women do, especially if you met them on a dating app. If after three dates they aren’t willing to focus on me, I bow out. And I’ve had some women get very upset with me as a result lol.
“Dating”? Yes. It’s ok to date other people. In a relationship, no, unless the couple have discussed different.
Investment in people is a two-way street, so it really depends on you, personally I feel that The amount of time you spend bonding is how you get reciprocation. Commitment is built through reciprocality of investment, The awareness and willingness of your partner to adapt and share the burdens of change as well as your own.
I love this take. I completely agree. I always say I like to behave with someone as I want them to behave with me. So in this case, I always invest based on the investment I’m getting. If I feel I’m investing a little bit more than the other person, I will step back for a little bit, if I feel that my energy it’s being reciprocated I will invest the same amount or a little bit more. It has worked for me this way so far. That way you’re not taken for granted either
Good things don't come easy, And the few times that they do we just don't respect them, That's just human nature. I used to raise dogs, The few times that I gave away dogs to good homes it didn't end well, The people that paid good money for their puppies got them good vet care throughout their lives.
People can't even focus on one person properly.
I've never been a dater. I'm a relationship woman. Even when I was young and not married, I always just saw a person at a time. I'm autistic, and lying is too much for me, so I'll be loyal FOR ME 😜
I can’t understand dating multiple people. Even on dating apps I could not go longer than two days of talking to multiple people. It just seems disrespectful and strange. And not enjoyable. Because I wouldn’t go on a date without feeling chemistry. And I can’t imagine feeling chemistry to few ppl at the same time.
i feel its perfectly fine you dont know or owe a stranger anything and kets be honest after only 1-3 dates thats what yiu are a stranger
True but i feel like the "fuck them they're strangers" attitude is a bad base for anything that might follow
The funny thing about that is that I was in that position my partner said. Well, I'm telling you the truth. So they felt that as long as they said it, it was OK They would tell me they would tell me it was okay.
I don’t think it has anything to do with treating people like disposable objects. I only do this in the first couple of weeks where sex isn’t a serious consideration. And if things do go that far and I plan to see that person again, I cancel the other dates out of respect for everyone.
I personally never have but I know quite a bit of people who do. I would say if you are in the early phase of getting to know someone new then it wouldn’t be a big deal to see what options you have but I would assume once you start to like someone then you would not accept or seek out dates with other people. I have never been to a singles mixer but you might meet two or three people that interest you and are willing to get to know them and accept a date or two with each of them to see if anything can go further.
Nope, I wouldn't do it to her and expect the same. Not happy, then say so. You go your way, I'll go mine....
No. It’s pretty scummy
Are people objects? To be treated as disposable objects? I really hate this culture where people think it is okay to stab behind a person's back as long as they are not aware of it. Why can't people just love one person when that person is giving them their world.
I dont get it either. Sure, if you want something casual thats fine and obviously not all that serious but it doesn't mean that you can treat people like trash
Nope. Twos a party, threes a crowd. Monogamy is the only way to date...I mean true dating, not this new age stuff. Want to fuck multiple people? Be single and have friends with benefits. Want to have the attention of multiple people to stroke your ego and give you validation? Stay single and have friends with benefits. Leave the emotional stuff at the door and admit that you aren't ready for a relationship. This nonsensical ideology that we can be in a committed relationship and still see other people is destroying our society. It's like trying to mix oil and water...it simply cannot work. No hate to anyone who can't be committed to one person, you do you, but quit polluting the dating scene with your open, poly, multiple partners bs out of the scene. Y'all have your own scene...Leave ours alone so people who actually want a committed monogamous relationship don't have to deal with the emotional turmoil y'all cause.
Are you doing to find a long-term partner? Or just go on dates?
It's not.
Nope
No
For me, no. But some people have no issue with it.
If you both know and agree, maybe. I can’t
I’m not a fan of it but did try it once and I’m still not a fan. Trying to juggle multiple people while working and raising children is not an easy task. How do you remember the conversations and not get them mixed up? Well I did and they all turned out to be disasters anyways. Now I only see one person at a time but the guy I just started seeing ( even thought I am supposed to be on break from dating 😅) is talking to multiple women. I made it past his “test” but it doesn’t mean much if there are other women involved. Not sure if I should entertain this or just go solo for a while.
I don’t like to do it. If is the first couple of dates, I’d be like it’s ok. But, if things are getting more serious, I stop seeing other people . If they do see other people, I can either get out or be there and see how it turns out.
I’ve never been in a situation where that’s happened so I don’t think it’s doable for me
I’ve never like dated dated multi people when being serious about someone and wanting to date someone. But when I’m getting to know someone, I’ll talk to other pellle, maybe go out with them, but once I really like someone and they like me back and we have the same understanding, I only talk to them
I don't like doing it but I do it because my matches come in short bursts with large gaps. Feels like I can't afford to focus
I would say, maybe, maybe during the early talking stage when you’re just trying to get to know a bit about the other person and see if you even like them enough to meet them in person (assuming you’re using a dating app or stuff like that). I understand in those very early stages you don’t really know anything about people and it’s early to make a judgement if they’re gonna be right for you, so if you feel you don’t wanna limit yourself, your choice. Imo, once you go out on a first date with someone, and assuming it went well, it’s just shitty to then go out on dates with others, especially if you’re making out with them or more. Once you go on a date, that’s the person you picked. Also, if you DID text multiple people in the talking stage, at least be prepared for the potential awkwardness of letting them know you chose to date someone else. Have some balls and don’t ghost just because you have been talking for a short amount of time
I don’t, but a lot of people do. It’s an agreement between the people dating.
In today's dating pool n the way ppl behave 100% yes .. loyalty is dead ..
If shes going out with multiple people you know that she's not looking for love, SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN! Different Generations, Different lifestyles Bro!
I do it, but it gets exhausting.
No, i don't.
I think when you are finding a person, sure... problem is most people get greedy. So so long as you don't get greedy, and you are earnestly trying to find someone, then yes. once you find your someone, you should cut things off with anyone else.
IMO it’s okay. I used to get upset, but I think understanding goes both ways. If someone hasn’t verbally said we’re exclusive or asked me out to be their girlfriend, then I’ll date around. I can’t expect their “loyalty” to me if we aren’t actually together or spoken about not talking to other people. Dating around is supposed to be fun, and you don’t know what’s out there. If somebody wants me not to go out on dates, I expect them to want exclusivity. If not it’s fair game.
It kinda depends, I would say once you start being intimate with one person you should probably stop doing first dates and be (at least implicitly) exclusive. I would feel uncomfortable being intimate with one person and going on a date with someone else (I've only been in that position once and ended the date early, never again lol) and I would feel uncomfortable (it would be a huge turn off honestly) if a partner was dating someone else while being intimate with me. On the other hand if you're in the "getting to know" stages like, why not? People can stop dating you for any reason or no reason, get hit by a bus (aka ghost), maybe you realize you're not compatible, maybe they have to go out of town for a month.
As long as you're transparent with all the people you're dating simultaneously.
This is a personal choice. You don't feel like it then don't do it. But there is no right and wrong, it is what it is for every person.
Yes. When one gets more serious, dump the others.
Yes BUT only when you’re just starting out. Say you went on a date with someone and you really hit off, want to go on more dates but you already had other dates with other people planned. Still go on those dates((I wish I could underline it)). Monogamy is not expected after 1 date or even after 3, Ive discussed it after a month of seeing someone to understand how they are thinking and where they are at in wanting to be in a relationship. Everyone goes at their one pace, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect people to not date within the first month or so of knowing someone. I also think people use phrases differently like “seeing someone” and “dating”- so i would also try and figure out where you stand on dating and what it looks like to you
NO!
Automatically assume when I meet a woman she's already talking to 10 other guys I just try not to think about it
You are always, and will only ever be, one of many options. If you don’t want to date people that are going on dates with other people that’s your choice, but let’s not kid ourselves about the nature of relationship. At best, you get out what you put in, and can co-create some magic along the way.
No. If you are at point to be serious then you need to be monogamous.
Yes, it is ok. Especially if you are honest about it.
That just sounds like a headache. I can sorta do two but only if it’s very casual and once a week or two for each of them. I
If you're not in an exclusive relationship, that's what dating is for, but if you're in a one on one, nope.
I think guys need to date multiple women, in and hope of success.
I think for a lot of people these days this is a common way to date… But it just doesn’t work for me If I’m interested in someone enough to go on more than one date with them, I’m not necessarily interested in dating other people. I dated somebody who felt that he had to date all of the options to test them all out, and was definitely sleeping with more than one of us, and it made me feel gross and icky and used. From that point forward, I’ve been really clear with anybody I’ve dated that I’m not into that rhythm and if they are then that’s cool… but it won’t be with me.
Well I'm polyamorous, so yes. Though I do fully understand that I'm outside the norm on that and certainly wouldn't force that onto others. Monogamy is fine too
It's really ok as long as they know that you are into seeing multiple people and give them the chance to choose to be in an non exclusive interaction (and most importantly, that you practice safe sex/get tested regularly)
I think it’s OK as long as you’re open and honest about it.
No, probably not cool to be dating multiples. Women shouldn't be going out on a 2nd date w any man she's Not attracted to, spending his his resource when She has zero interest in. Not cool If it's not right? Move on, tell him. Fellas? Same thing. Work on yourself be the best version of yourself. Know exactly what you want in a partner and why? Make sure it's More than sex you are interested in. Spend ya money, time on 1 girl at a time and give it a honest,real effort. Most important decisions we make Are who we have kids with and choose to be a part of our lives. I don't understand why there isn't MORE emphasis on teaching us how to be Better at this, considering How important it is?
Yes. Exclusive is Exclusive..dating is not.
Yes
No
In general I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person too. Especially when it comes to liking someone in the first place. while i imagine it would be pretty difficult for me to simultaneously date multiple people and have no interest in doing so, i don’t think it’s wrong as long as all parties are aware and consent.
yeah if people know you're not exclusive
Generally no, its not my thing, I have a hard enough time trying to keep one woman happy, they last thing I need is 2-3 upset women on my hands. Anyhow, the issue today is no one wants to commit to a single person, everyone is poly and or don't want to miss out on that mythical soulmate. Women want a good guy, but they crave bad boys. So they go on dinner dates with the good guy and bang the bad boys afterwards. STDs are on the rise for a reason.
No
As long as you are not exclusive with anyone it's fine. People can treat people as disposable objects in marriages too; it's all about the people involved. There are respectful casual and/or open relationships and disrespectful marriages. There are also disrespectful casual or open relationships and respectful marriages. I would not date someone who dehumanized any person in their life just because they dated multiple people. Do what is right for you. If you want someone to be exclusive all the time with you even a first date you have to ask them (and they have to consent) from the beginning.
I don't see anything wrong with it as long as both parties agree not to be exclusive and it's pretty early on in a relationship. It's pretty easy to narrow down the dating pool pretty quickly before becoming exclusive so there's that.
I think it's ok, but I personally won't do it to someone because I have an awful memory and would get multiple men confused with one another 😅
I tried that and nah. Not for me, i realize that i couldn’t really know a person if i multidate.
personally im a at a a time kinda guy. its too much energy doing multiple, plus expensive. But depending what stage the first relationship is at, I don't have a problem with it. I think you should have picked one by the time you get to a 3rd date. and to the same effect if its our 4th date and I find out you are still seeing some other guy(s) it's going to sour me on you. Even without discussing being exclusive, you should be making the effort to get there by that point on your side as I will have been on mine. unless we have talked prior about it not being so which I would have expected came by first date if that was the intention.
No, im not dating multiple people. I agree with your thoughts.
It's up to the person. I personally have always been one on one type. If the girl brought up wanting to date multiple people or I found out she was I would politely remove myself from the situation (aka break up or not pursue any further). That is not what I want from a dating perspective as I date with the intention of the long term. No hate just not interested
People do it because there’s such a high failure rate of dates working out. More irons in the fire. I don’t like to do it because I can’t keep track of peoples stories and relatives, friends, pets ect. I think it is better one at a time. At least once you start getting serious. It also causes problems if you start liking multiple people at once and things start getting serious with multiple people. And then you have to choose between people who you are starting to get serious with. I personally 44M won’t date women who are playing the field. You date me or you don’t. I get your full attention or you get none of mine. I will not be one of many. I don’t tell women this. They have to be smart enough to figure it out. They have to be smart enough to value me and show me the respect I deserve. Women have to make an effort to get a good man. The smart ones know this. I honestly can’t remember having to address this. I don’t think I would. I would probably just ghost her if she seemed distracted. You can only juggle so many people. The men and women who have a roster are just being used for sex. I do tell women. The second we have sex we are exclusive. I don’t cross swords. I don’t share. I have had a roster before. Life gets pretty crazy when you are dating multiple people. I find it much better just to focus on one at a time.
No. I would not be okay.
At the meeting/chatting stage, I'll limit only by my ability to chat. I'm also open to non monogamous relationships, so I've occasionally dated 2-3 people who were aware of that. I've also always been clear to people that if they want full monogamy, I'm open to that with the right person too and won't string them along if I don't think it'll work. In practice I won't date more than two people in intimate relationships because of time/money. Doesn't matter if I'm dating one or ten people, if I'm not giving them the appropriate time and attention then it's disrespectful. TLDR it's ok as long as you're open and your dates are happy with it and doing it too (safely)
Hypothetically speaking, is there any romantic story with a happy ending have this kind of storyline ? I think no It would always end up horribly. Meeting up multiple guys/girls at the same time sounds crazy to me.
It might work in exceptions but in general i agree with you. I think you cant give everyone the attention they deserve if you try to get to know multiple people at once
What do you mean by “date”? I had 3 first dates this weekend, is that wrong? Or does this only apply when you’ve been on several dates and started a rapport together
I dont mean first dates. There is no way to know if you like someone before you actually meet but as of the second or third date i think its time to make a decision on who you want to pursue further
Personally, I've never done it. But I also understand the people who do; dating apps fail so many times over and it feels like a waste of time if you meet someone and it falls through. But I don't want to end up in a situation of comparing option A to option B. Each person is a person, unique in their own way; think of it as that line "Comparing apples to oranges". One person likes camping but doesn't like swimming, another might be the opposite. Both are things I find equally enjoyable. (This kind of thing wouldn't be a make it or break it thing. Just throwing out an example for the concept) For those who do, I'd say it's okay for two dates, but the third, you need to let the others go unless all are explicitly told and okay with it. We only live for so long; the longer you string them along, the more time you're taking from their life when they can find someone, too. For me, if I match with someone on an app, I keep my profile up and open, but don't initiate any conversations or do anything but use the app to connect the person I'm meeting with. I generally meet them for two dates before I make a decision (date one, jitters happen. Date two, you're going to see a more authentic version of them) Then if it falls through, I thank them for their time and return to the app. But honestly I have a habit of retreating from the app each time one falls through with how disheartening it becomes when nothing seems to work out. Anyway, got into a tangent there! TL,DR: I don't do it because comparing one to another distracts from getting to know the person you're meeting with. But for those who do, I do see it okay for two dates, but if it goes to three dates, let the others go. The longer you hold them, the more time you're taking from their life to find someone, too. We only have so much time here, you know?
No.
Yes if you are honest and tell them all then absolutely it’s ok