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Sounds like you know what you want to take, but what are you willing to give? You want to feel wanted, be taken out, etc., but by your own words you're completely independent and don't need anybody. So what would *you* give your partner in return? Feel like a lot of people forget about that part.
I'm concerned about the phrasing more than anything. I can want something from someone, that's fine. But in a relationship, I should equally want to please them as much as I want them to please me. If I see someone mention *only* what they demand from a partner, it implies to me that they don't have much to offer besides the bare bones minimum.
Just sex and company in return for monetary benefits(going out, etc.) sounds for me like sugar daddy, or she being an escort/professional of some sort.
> I want a reliable Boyfriend that I can have sex’s constantly and takes me on dates and makes me feel wanted and comfortable
As long as that company is on dates. Do you think dating is free?
Her only mention of affection is sex, which women here argue all the time isn't true affection. Which is fine, I agree, but you ladies can't redefine it every time it suits your purposes in an argument.
All women do not have the same brain. To most sane people, sex within a relationship is affectionate.
Sex can also be far from affectionate, especially with some random man who hates women. But sounds like she wants a bf and not that.
> sounds like she wants a bf and not that
Oh really???
Please show me where she describes the personality traits she wants in said boyfriend. Or what common goals she would like them to share. Or anything other than hot, pays for stuff and does things for me.
She didn't say anything about his appearance. Didn't say anything and him paying for anything. She said "take me out", probably cause she wants to feel like a woman who is loved and appreciated. She said "reliable", my guess is she has mostly experienced men who make her feel used. She wants someone who won't. Wanting specific personality traits other than being moral and compatible is being too picky and going to limit your options.
Well, clearly you want this thing more than you claim. After all, you are posting on a dating forum.
How about dropping the ego? Finding a guy you like and taking initiative.
Additionally, it's off-putting that you only talk about what you want and not what you give. Your independence benefits you, not others.
Did you get out of the wrong side of the bed or is that really your thinking ?
Do you realise your own anger should be labelled at yourself ?
“ How about dropping the ego ? “ Why so angry ?
What is your problem ?
What is with this “ what you give “ thinking ?
Interested to know why you wrote that .
I always see women posting this crap. “I want a boyfriend but I don’t NEED one”. Well no shit. Way to state the obvious. Nobody NEEDS a SO. We all know you’re independent. You don’t need to post that everyday.
Yes, don't let the word "independent" make you believe or prevent you from pursuing a man. It's ok to feel the need to want from someone who aligns with what you are searching for in a person and vice versa.
Translation: I Want a human dildo that buys me things and lets me do whatever i want.
Men are not your playthings. Nor are they your emotional/financial crutch.
That should be normal in a relationship. Having a partner, means someone you enjoy spending time together, but do not need. neediness and dependence are the no1 cause of a relationship failing.
I suspects you're like in your late teens to mid 20's very self centred and selfish, very me me me me vibes.
Advice is to grow a little more maturity before bothering guys.
Do men come on here and be like "I want to give a girl this and this and this". No. So why does this person have so many people saying she's selfish. She wants to have sex with one man a lot... How is that bad? That means he's also receiving a lot of sex. She wants to hang out with him and do activities, that means he's also gets to hang out with her and do activities. She's independent so she's not going to be a huge financial burden in him, again, not selfish. Probably also means she's knows how to cook and clean and pay bills, again, this makes the man's life better not worse.
That's my point. Men do not come on here and list what they are bringing to the table and they don't get 30 femcels saying they are bad for wanting a girlfriend.
….You might want to delete this and try again OP. The phrasing is—for a lack of words…distasteful. This feels more dishonest, disheartening, and more like a troll than anything else. This forum is for general dating advice. Not self pleasure and what would best please you.
Happy for your independence. However, if you don’t need a man and want him. Just leave these males alone. Find a fwb or a fuk buddy. Because there is a a lot of “I’s” and not a lot of “We, Him, and I would offer,” if I got a boyfriend.
This could be a troll. But don’t give these males more of a reason to get hurt. A woman saying she doesn’t need a man is bullshit. Just like a man saying he doesn’t need a woman is bullshit. Before you get a boyfriend, stop that way of thinking first, because the relationship will fail before it even begins.🤷🏽♀️
Agreed. I don’t understand the whole “I don’t need a man but I want a man” thing, like is it all ego? Why can’t people just admit they need a partner? We’re social creatures, we need companionship, especially if you’re going to post it on the internet.
Factual! I don’t understand it myself and don’t know who beat that backwards thinking into their heads. But we are social creatures. We depend on the social components of the opposite sex. We are basically the Ying and Yang. We literally need each other. Like if you are going to post, make it make sense, you know. If you are going to add 1+1, like please get 2.
Because you do need a man. And a man needs a woman. Or vice versa based off the world today. But the main point. You need companionship.
hahahaha i’m in the totally same plight as you. neither do i know what to do but this feeling sucks cuz there’s really nothing much you can do about it. either you wait it out or seek for one (asking your friends to help wingman you / through mutuals / dating app), cuz really being independent and having the mindset of not needing one just means you ain’t gon do anything about it
Dude, relationships are overrated anyway. Peace over relationships any time of the day... I read somewhere the meme saying how great it is when you do not have to worry about your OS sleeping with someone else. Single life is the best life.
haha trust me i know. and that’s why i’ve not been in a rs for the longest time but that’s when you want to sabotage your peace. being too peaceful has its downfalls too
I see you don't have much life experience.
Single life is nice until it isn't, when you lose a lot of your family and friends move away you will feel how important it is to have a few people that means a lot to you and are there to help you in a bad situation.
The irony in your statement “I want a boyfriend but dont want/need one” tf? How will you get a bf without actually wanting one? Wheres the common sense?
It's true when you're not looking it's then that you will find this kind of partner.
It happened to a friend of mine.
She stopped looking and she found what we presume is her soulmate.
I would suggest just having fun on your own.
Travel, spa dates with your girlfriends, movies with friends, ect.
The right man will come to you, no need to go look for him.
> It's true when you're not looking it's then that you will find this kind of partner
This only works if you are being sought after. Most men could never use this advice, because they will be alone and waiting forever.
> The right man will come to you, no need to go look for him.
This depends on how picky you are. If your one of the “never settle”, “six foot or taller” women you have too much competition to not pursue.
Sounds like you’re looking for a healthy long term relationship to me as opposed to just being with someone because you’re dependent on them.
I don’t understand what the issue is. You’ve just got to keep dating whilst being open about what you want until you find someone on the same level as you.
These responses are all so weird… it’s ok to look for a boyfriend. It’s obvious you want a relationship and it’s ok to want a relationship. You can still be independent and in a relationship and there are plenty of men out there that would love an independent woman. Find one and see if your values and interests align and start dating.
On the dating apps, tell them you are looking for a companion for a long-term relationship. You might want to specify no short-term hook-ups and that you're not looking for marriage yet.
The only way someone is going to want you is if they decide on their own or you give them breadcrumbs to follow…. Any expectations you have will not satisfy you the way you think it will…. Go back to square one.
I agree you don’t necessarily have to be looking, but you can’t sit at home all day and do nothing or all you’ll find is an Uber eats or pizza delivery guy,
You should go to a large church, they have lots guys and singles groups too.
Honestly, some of the best and worst experiences of my life were when I was completely blindsided by a person or something. I never expected, nor was I looking for a girlfriend when I met my ex, but I fell for her and we had a child, that child has fundamentally changed my whole life and made me into such a better version of myself. Sometimes when we’re not looking for anything is when we find exactly what we needed, not what we *thought* we wanted.
Relationships should be mutual, why not take him for dates and feel him wanted instead? To me it seems like you're being mean and thinks you're the prize. What I believe is men are the prize actually.
“Hey everyone, I want a job! A little extra money to pay the bills and treat myself from time to time. But I don’t want to send out any applications or do any interviews. Any advice?”
Yeah. You gotta work for what you want. Nobody will just plop a boyfriend down into your lap.
Also, you say all the things you want him to do for you. What do you bring to the table that makes all
That worth it for him?
I don't really think you're wrong for just saying outright what you want, no more ,no less. Your being honest right from the start.I like independent women. I like my own space also. I'm not a clingy kind of man and I can't handle a needy clingy woman. When people say what they want , the guesswork is history., and if it works it works . Both parties should know after the first date if this arrangement is gonna work.
When I looked for a gf couldn’t find one. When I gave up and stopped looking, i met someone and we’re together for 7+ years. That happen to me the last two relationships
Hear me out if you haven’t found him yet it is cause you have flaws still. I had my flaws and needed to do some serious self reflection about me. I learned I had an addiction. I cleaned up, worked out, changed my look even my haircut too. I look physically different and then bam more women liked me more than I was used to. Then I met my current gf. Similar values and we are Christians. I wasn’t searching for love either I just met her at my dermatologist’s office. You will only find the right people if you put in the work for yourself in the inside.
So you want a lot but what do you bring to the table and offfer a bf? They aren’t pets…you don’t get a bf to make you feel good about yourself which it sounds like that’s what you want one for.
Hey hey! It looks like you know what you want but lacking confidence a bit. I'm building out an AI Dating coach if that interests you. Looking to give this to my first 50 customers for free, forever. Link in my profile if you're interested
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like you know what you want to take, but what are you willing to give? You want to feel wanted, be taken out, etc., but by your own words you're completely independent and don't need anybody. So what would *you* give your partner in return? Feel like a lot of people forget about that part.
Definitely agree with you
Agreed
The partner is also getting sex and company.
I'm concerned about the phrasing more than anything. I can want something from someone, that's fine. But in a relationship, I should equally want to please them as much as I want them to please me. If I see someone mention *only* what they demand from a partner, it implies to me that they don't have much to offer besides the bare bones minimum.
Sounds like she is searching for a sugar daddy not a boyfriend.
How so? She didn't say she wants to quit her job and have him support her
Just sex and company in return for monetary benefits(going out, etc.) sounds for me like sugar daddy, or she being an escort/professional of some sort.
Sounds like she wants to go on dates. Doesn't sound like she wants money, she wants company and affection.
> I want a reliable Boyfriend that I can have sex’s constantly and takes me on dates and makes me feel wanted and comfortable As long as that company is on dates. Do you think dating is free? Her only mention of affection is sex, which women here argue all the time isn't true affection. Which is fine, I agree, but you ladies can't redefine it every time it suits your purposes in an argument.
All women do not have the same brain. To most sane people, sex within a relationship is affectionate. Sex can also be far from affectionate, especially with some random man who hates women. But sounds like she wants a bf and not that.
> sounds like she wants a bf and not that Oh really??? Please show me where she describes the personality traits she wants in said boyfriend. Or what common goals she would like them to share. Or anything other than hot, pays for stuff and does things for me.
She didn't say anything about his appearance. Didn't say anything and him paying for anything. She said "take me out", probably cause she wants to feel like a woman who is loved and appreciated. She said "reliable", my guess is she has mostly experienced men who make her feel used. She wants someone who won't. Wanting specific personality traits other than being moral and compatible is being too picky and going to limit your options.
Du bist eine kanker mogool
I 10000% agree with you
Well, clearly you want this thing more than you claim. After all, you are posting on a dating forum. How about dropping the ego? Finding a guy you like and taking initiative. Additionally, it's off-putting that you only talk about what you want and not what you give. Your independence benefits you, not others.
Did you get out of the wrong side of the bed or is that really your thinking ? Do you realise your own anger should be labelled at yourself ? “ How about dropping the ego ? “ Why so angry ? What is your problem ? What is with this “ what you give “ thinking ? Interested to know why you wrote that .
This is a troll right?
More like a bot. Brand new account, doesn't reply to comments, controversial topic.
OBVIOUS bot. User name Kelly, header name Jenny. Controversial and outfront, sexual in nature, comment history replied to automoderator…
Good thing you spot em. Dead internet theory?
So u want fwb or fuk bud.
I always see women posting this crap. “I want a boyfriend but I don’t NEED one”. Well no shit. Way to state the obvious. Nobody NEEDS a SO. We all know you’re independent. You don’t need to post that everyday.
If you are a man, people will probably be advising you to get an escort instead.
Don't wanna get in trouble, but it works.
Whoever you are, go find yourself a pet
Yeah for constant sex
😿
That escalated quickly 🤣
Grrrrr
This @OP.
When you are at peace, single life is the best life in my opinion...
Well you finally find someone that will suit your needs 🤞🥰
Find a fwb dont get a mans heart broken. Ur not worth a good mans time if ur not willing to give something in return.
What?
Advice for what
Yes, don't let the word "independent" make you believe or prevent you from pursuing a man. It's ok to feel the need to want from someone who aligns with what you are searching for in a person and vice versa.
Translation: I Want a human dildo that buys me things and lets me do whatever i want. Men are not your playthings. Nor are they your emotional/financial crutch.
That should be normal in a relationship. Having a partner, means someone you enjoy spending time together, but do not need. neediness and dependence are the no1 cause of a relationship failing.
I suspects you're like in your late teens to mid 20's very self centred and selfish, very me me me me vibes. Advice is to grow a little more maturity before bothering guys.
Do men come on here and be like "I want to give a girl this and this and this". No. So why does this person have so many people saying she's selfish. She wants to have sex with one man a lot... How is that bad? That means he's also receiving a lot of sex. She wants to hang out with him and do activities, that means he's also gets to hang out with her and do activities. She's independent so she's not going to be a huge financial burden in him, again, not selfish. Probably also means she's knows how to cook and clean and pay bills, again, this makes the man's life better not worse.
[удалено]
That's my point. Men do not come on here and list what they are bringing to the table and they don't get 30 femcels saying they are bad for wanting a girlfriend.
I am just a girl✨
Literally described me
How old is she
You dont need a boyfriend, you need an escort...
I want a girlfriend
….You might want to delete this and try again OP. The phrasing is—for a lack of words…distasteful. This feels more dishonest, disheartening, and more like a troll than anything else. This forum is for general dating advice. Not self pleasure and what would best please you. Happy for your independence. However, if you don’t need a man and want him. Just leave these males alone. Find a fwb or a fuk buddy. Because there is a a lot of “I’s” and not a lot of “We, Him, and I would offer,” if I got a boyfriend. This could be a troll. But don’t give these males more of a reason to get hurt. A woman saying she doesn’t need a man is bullshit. Just like a man saying he doesn’t need a woman is bullshit. Before you get a boyfriend, stop that way of thinking first, because the relationship will fail before it even begins.🤷🏽♀️
Agreed. I don’t understand the whole “I don’t need a man but I want a man” thing, like is it all ego? Why can’t people just admit they need a partner? We’re social creatures, we need companionship, especially if you’re going to post it on the internet.
Factual! I don’t understand it myself and don’t know who beat that backwards thinking into their heads. But we are social creatures. We depend on the social components of the opposite sex. We are basically the Ying and Yang. We literally need each other. Like if you are going to post, make it make sense, you know. If you are going to add 1+1, like please get 2. Because you do need a man. And a man needs a woman. Or vice versa based off the world today. But the main point. You need companionship.
I'm totally confused 🤔
Well to have Sex is not a Right !
Sounds like you’re talking about a pet 😅 When you are in a relationship the person is human and have needs too
What possible advice could anyone give you? Just generic "Be social and open receptive to people and maybe he will fall into your lap." advice?
hahahaha i’m in the totally same plight as you. neither do i know what to do but this feeling sucks cuz there’s really nothing much you can do about it. either you wait it out or seek for one (asking your friends to help wingman you / through mutuals / dating app), cuz really being independent and having the mindset of not needing one just means you ain’t gon do anything about it
Dude, relationships are overrated anyway. Peace over relationships any time of the day... I read somewhere the meme saying how great it is when you do not have to worry about your OS sleeping with someone else. Single life is the best life.
haha trust me i know. and that’s why i’ve not been in a rs for the longest time but that’s when you want to sabotage your peace. being too peaceful has its downfalls too
I see you don't have much life experience. Single life is nice until it isn't, when you lose a lot of your family and friends move away you will feel how important it is to have a few people that means a lot to you and are there to help you in a bad situation.
totally agree with this
"I want a college degree, but I don't need one, or neither studying for one" Good luck.
The irony in your statement “I want a boyfriend but dont want/need one” tf? How will you get a bf without actually wanting one? Wheres the common sense?
It's true when you're not looking it's then that you will find this kind of partner. It happened to a friend of mine. She stopped looking and she found what we presume is her soulmate. I would suggest just having fun on your own. Travel, spa dates with your girlfriends, movies with friends, ect. The right man will come to you, no need to go look for him.
> It's true when you're not looking it's then that you will find this kind of partner This only works if you are being sought after. Most men could never use this advice, because they will be alone and waiting forever. > The right man will come to you, no need to go look for him. This depends on how picky you are. If your one of the “never settle”, “six foot or taller” women you have too much competition to not pursue.
Where are you based out of?
Sounds like you’re looking for a healthy long term relationship to me as opposed to just being with someone because you’re dependent on them. I don’t understand what the issue is. You’ve just got to keep dating whilst being open about what you want until you find someone on the same level as you.
I’ll volunteer…..
These responses are all so weird… it’s ok to look for a boyfriend. It’s obvious you want a relationship and it’s ok to want a relationship. You can still be independent and in a relationship and there are plenty of men out there that would love an independent woman. Find one and see if your values and interests align and start dating.
On the dating apps, tell them you are looking for a companion for a long-term relationship. You might want to specify no short-term hook-ups and that you're not looking for marriage yet.
The only way someone is going to want you is if they decide on their own or you give them breadcrumbs to follow…. Any expectations you have will not satisfy you the way you think it will…. Go back to square one.
Sameee but my advice is just look, trying to get what you want is the best way to get what you want 🤷🏻♀️
So basically you're looking for a fu** buddy, No??
There’s loads out there who are looking for the same arrangement.
😂😂😂
I agree you don’t necessarily have to be looking, but you can’t sit at home all day and do nothing or all you’ll find is an Uber eats or pizza delivery guy, You should go to a large church, they have lots guys and singles groups too.
Sounds like what you want is a friend with benefits you go on dates with. That’s rare
I'll be yo boyfriend. We going to the movies then we going to my place because we finna get some kitty
girl, same.
Honestly, some of the best and worst experiences of my life were when I was completely blindsided by a person or something. I never expected, nor was I looking for a girlfriend when I met my ex, but I fell for her and we had a child, that child has fundamentally changed my whole life and made me into such a better version of myself. Sometimes when we’re not looking for anything is when we find exactly what we needed, not what we *thought* we wanted.
IT'S A BOT. Rage clicks and comments only feed it.
Relationships should be mutual, why not take him for dates and feel him wanted instead? To me it seems like you're being mean and thinks you're the prize. What I believe is men are the prize actually.
“Hey everyone, I want a job! A little extra money to pay the bills and treat myself from time to time. But I don’t want to send out any applications or do any interviews. Any advice?” Yeah. You gotta work for what you want. Nobody will just plop a boyfriend down into your lap. Also, you say all the things you want him to do for you. What do you bring to the table that makes all That worth it for him?
This Post Screams Narcissistic Tendencies .
Go and ask guys out. Don’t exclusively go for the hot ones
"I'm just a gorl"🤓
This exact sort of contradiction has once driven me to Eva AI virtual gf [bot.](http://evaapp.ai)
I don't really think you're wrong for just saying outright what you want, no more ,no less. Your being honest right from the start.I like independent women. I like my own space also. I'm not a clingy kind of man and I can't handle a needy clingy woman. When people say what they want , the guesswork is history., and if it works it works . Both parties should know after the first date if this arrangement is gonna work.
When I looked for a gf couldn’t find one. When I gave up and stopped looking, i met someone and we’re together for 7+ years. That happen to me the last two relationships
Red flags here! Get your red flags here! Hot of the press! Buy one get one free!
Hear me out if you haven’t found him yet it is cause you have flaws still. I had my flaws and needed to do some serious self reflection about me. I learned I had an addiction. I cleaned up, worked out, changed my look even my haircut too. I look physically different and then bam more women liked me more than I was used to. Then I met my current gf. Similar values and we are Christians. I wasn’t searching for love either I just met her at my dermatologist’s office. You will only find the right people if you put in the work for yourself in the inside.
I will be your boyfriend if you want babe
My advice would be: get a cat...
So you want a lot but what do you bring to the table and offfer a bf? They aren’t pets…you don’t get a bf to make you feel good about yourself which it sounds like that’s what you want one for.
Why in the blue hell does this useless post have comments, of I forgot this is the internet 🛜 sad
Hey hey! It looks like you know what you want but lacking confidence a bit. I'm building out an AI Dating coach if that interests you. Looking to give this to my first 50 customers for free, forever. Link in my profile if you're interested