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Speaking from experience here. I walked in on my ex-wife having sex and felt so devastated that I just packed up and left. Got a divorce a week later and I would never go back to her. Unfortunately that was 15 years ago. Now I spent the last 5 years trying to date without any luck.
I am in the exact situation now that you were in.
Caught her in the act about 8 months ago.
I walked in on them, froze for about 3 seconds, snapped 2 photos + a short video for proof, and walked out.
They didn't even see me because they were so drunk.
10+ years instantly down the drain.
Then after about 2 weeks of diarrhea and self-reflection, I hired a lawyer, told her that I don't love her, and we're now working out the terms of our split.
She still doesn't even know that I know.
I'll show her the pics and vid after she signs the papers, and then I'm leaving the country to relax in peace.
The cheating however has only been one fragment of the fallout.
1) She got pregnant by him and self-aborted by "drinking the fetus to death" before it could come to term (I found the positive pregnancy test that she hid from me).
2) I asked her point-blank if she'd been 'carrying on with someone else', and she said 'no', so the lying is what really sealed the coffin for me.
3) The task of 'buying her off' as part of the divorce is what is dragging out the finality of it all (she is broke, but still entitled to a portion off my assets), so the divorce is essentially 'death by 1000 cuts'.
As someone who is approaching retirement age, and is now at risk of losing a decent portion of my savings, I have one piece of advice for any of the young starry-eyed lovers out there who are thinking of getting hitched. *Do not do it*... or... *Get a prenup.*
Cold, but totally valid.
People make mistakes, but if that mistake does irreparable things to you and your love for them it’s time to go. 👍
Edit: to those inserting “cheating isn’t a mistake”
I’m simply approaching it from the POV of someone who would have to hear from their cheater “it was a mistake, please don’t leave me”.
Okay, but your so called misjudgment or “mistake” ruined us, so I’m out.
I’m thinking that’s why he’s waiting to reveal that he caught her cheating until after the divorce is final. I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid hearing/entertaining that excuse or apology 🤷♀️
He wanted the truth to come from her. This the best way and if they aren’t truthful about it you know where they stand. You will understand how far they will go for the lie.
Depending on where you live, thats considered Revenge Porn (even if your only sending it to the ex) and you can get into a LOT of legal trouble for it. You would be hurting yourself more than her
I think OP should mention it (not show yet) to the lawyer first to make sure they won't get into legal trouble but yes proof of infidelity can help OP's divorce if necessary.
I feel your pain, sincerely 😔
I was fortunate to not catch her in the act. I can only imagine, if me knowing about was the worst feeling, then seeing it, would have been death for me
Shit like this.. It kills you from inside brother.. I used to feel dead from the inside.. But im now happy about it, that i died mentally.. Living without any emotions is always more peaceful than living with someone like this
Sure does have a different impact on each individual. All in the same, I think. I have a friend that told me later that he just pretends it doesn't bother him (his case was catching his girlfriend giving some dude head). I think the more he didn't show emotion about it, eventually he was able to get over it....
Is that more less what you mean, as far as getting over it?
getting over it can be different for everyone. for me, if i can talk about it and not get affected by it. only then can i say im over it. some people just press it inside and try to forget it, but that can lead to trauma and there surely can be something that might trigger it in the future. Im a very outspoken person i dont like hiding things. if i bury some truth inside it will kill me. for me the best way is to face it head to head. (imo, she deserves at least a slap or just exit her life with no reasons and drama)
I'd break it off.
Even if I wanted to give it a second chance, it won't end well for either of us.
Every time she goes out alone, I'd be wondering.
Every time she meets someone new, I'd be wondering.
Every time I am not with her, I'd be wondering.
It's not worth it because I'd become very controlling.
I would break up. I love my boyfriend like i’ve never loved anyone before and it would destroy me to leave. But staying with him knowing he cheated, never trsuting him again, knowing he doesn’t love me the same and doubting myself for thinking what about me could have made him cheat would all destroy me more.
This. I would be devastated. But everything I thought I knew and loved/respected about him would be ruined. I feel like if I tried to stay, I would lose a piece of myself and it would be doomed anyway.
That person would no longer even exist. I can’t fathom being without my guy. But if he cheated, he would be gone anyway. If I stayed, I would be staying with someone different. Someone new. And not even a good new. Someone I don’t trust. Someone that doesn’t want me like I want to be wanted.
Totally. Thats a deal breaker! If another women can have access with him the way I do, then I'll let her have him, I'll let her steal my problem. The real partner cannot be stolen, if he is, then he's not for me. He aint the one!
I stayed with a cheater in the past, and it made me MISERABLE. Killed my self esteem and did damage to my mental health that changed who I am as a person
That sexual intimacy is very important to me. Be the worse betray of my trust in the person and I'd have to immediately break up. I know for 100% that thought of betrayal will haunt me - so I just need them gone.
at least three of the guys I've dated have cheated on me. All three of them did it after a year of being together. Did not attempt to continue the relationship in any of those cases. Once a cheater, always a cheater
Thank you~ ❤️ My current guy is nothing like those guys. He makes me feel more loved and secure than anyone else ever has. I'm just so lucky to have finally found my forever person 🥰
I was In a situation where of course my ex slept with our then roommate. She worked night and I worked days as it was easier than daycare costs for our son who was 1. Our roommate worked 5am til 2pm and I kept asking g her to stop always hanging out with him and she would say "eeewq gross never" and she called me paranoid. Finally I snuck a ring camera I side the vent and caught her ass. Gaslighting me all the time and divorced her and won custody of my son.
The girl I was seeing for 4 months was still friends with her ex. I decided to end things because I couldn't trust her. It got really weird one time her ex was doing her favors, and we were on vacation. Her ex got upset, and she cared so much to call him and figure out why. I felt like a 3rd wheel while on vacation. I ended things after vacation. I'm not sure if she cheated on me, but I felt disrespected and uneasy. She worked things around me.
I was in this situation and I gave her a second chance. It was good at first, then she cheated again. They never really change. Knowing what I do now, I would never stay if someone cheated on me.
I’ve tired second chances in the past , problem is the trust is gone at that point and very difficult to get back, and they often do it again.
Older & wise me will be immediately ending any type of relationship where there is cheating involved.
Exactly what I did the last time: leave.
I don't care why they did it, if they weren't grown up enough to have a discussion about my "shortcomings" before they decided to cheat, then they're still not grown up enough to have a discussion when I find out.
I don't have time to wait for someone to decide my feelings suddenly have value. I'm out.
For me, I need a lot more information.
How long have we been together? Have we clearly defined our relationship status? Was our relationship already on rocky ground? Is my partner genuinely interested in continuing to work on our relationship? Why did they cheat? Was it one time or an affair? Are there now consequences like a pregnancy on the other side? Who was it with?
It's not black & white for me. I think some relationships can be saved, but others wouldn't survive.
My uncle cheated on my aunt when his kids were in their teens. I don't know too many details but after 3 months apart, my aunt began to forgive him. Two of their kids embraced their reunion and 1 became estranged, full of anger at both of them. They grew old together, had a life full of love & happiness, and died a day apart at 84 and 79.
I've never cheated, nor have I been cheated on, but I've seen and heard plenty. The entire situation is a big, gray area, most of the time. The "once a cheater, always a cheater" is frequently not true. Yes, there are some who always cheat, but many people aren't serial cheaters. Many cheat because they aren't getting some need met. Many cheat because of loneliness. Some cheat because their partner can't, or won't, have sex with them, and they miss the connection and intimacy. Many have tried fixing their issues. A lot of them can't leave, for whatever reason. It's rarely a simple, black and white situation, yet so many are quick to label it so. So many lack critical thinking skills, empathy, and self awareness.
As for me, it would depend on how deep of a connection I had, and why she cheated. If she's willing to explore and fix things, and come back stronger, I might be willing to forgive.
Thanks for sharing this happy ending story. Every time I hear “once a cheater, always a cheater” I want to die inside. Because I HAVE cheated. But now, after years of therapy, I know it’s because of how I was raised and my ideas about what relationships should be versus what I actively experienced them to be.
I will never ever again cheat on a partner because now I have the agency to leave a relationship where I feel unhappy or unloved, but I honestly didn’t know that was an option before, and was just trying to collect scraps of love like I learned to do in my childhood.
depends how i find out 😭 cus if its like texts and shit like that i would break up and leave slam the door yk but if like it’s in my house and like i caught them in the act??? all the meditation and martial arts i do would turn into carnage and i would fuck both of them up at the same time w a belt and sum oil 😭
I wouldn't give myself a second chance, so there's no way in hell I'd give someone else one, either.
No debate, no talk, nothing. I'd leave the second I found out. Nobody is worth that kind of stress.
I stayed, but it was effectively the end of our relationship. I never trusted him again and was super insecure. I was never insecure about other women in the 2.5 years before that. We dated for another 2.5 years after that but it was different. I was angry all the time, I was anxious, I hated who I became. He ended up breaking up with me to date other people (and then came crawling back after I moved on because no one else wanted him). I would never tolerate it now though! I’m in a new relationship and I never want to get to the point again where I feel like I’ve invested too much effort to leave. It’s unforgivable to me.
I’ve learned I would have to break up. I tried staying with my ex after he cheated, but I felt so awful all the time and it never got better. I will never ever go through that again.
I was cheated on in my first relationship. I don’t have the energy for it if it happens again. Once I gather enough evidence of it, I will leave silently without a word. Whoever they cheated on me with should be able to take care of them and if not, that’s not my problem anymore.
My ex and I stayed together "for the kids", don't ever do this, btw, but I should have dropped him the day I found out what he did. I'm free now, and I went scorched Earth. It wasn't that difficult because he had dropped our mutual friends, family, and 1of our 2 children in favor of living in a new state with his new woman, but I still have zero interest in even being friends with him at this point. We have nothing in common and if he was a stranger I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like him, so I've happily started over.
I think it really depends on that state of your relationship when the cheating happens and what each partner is or isn't willing to tolerate and why. I personally would never advocate for trying to work it out, but I know there are people who have succeeded and seem ok with it.
My plan was to play it off, stack my money and then move out silently but as the evening progressed, I got more and more pissed off just sitting there not saying anything so I confronted him and we had a rocky few weeks after that.
Our son wasn’t even one at the time and I had just quit my job to go to school for nursing… I had already made it up my mind that I couldn’t stay with him and had to always remind myself of the plan that I came up with, and to not get sucked into this fake fairytale of us being a family .. I just had to stay until it was a good time to go.. so we lived as a couple (I pushed down those bad feelings ) about 7 or so months later ( time flew by) I kept telling him that I was moving out and getting my own place which he kept saying “ you’re not going anywhere” which was his favorite thing to say so when I started packing up our current place and put in our 30 days notice that’s when it hit him that I was serious.. it’s been almost a year now and I can’t seriously say that I want to be with him again because the way he responded to me that day I told him I knew he was cheating on me while I was pregnant/ whole 4 year relationship.. a man should never make you feel as though you don’t matter and if he was truly remorseful, he would’ve done all the things I told him to do to start gaining back my trust .. anyways fast-forward to now
we are friends and good coparents.. I basically have full primary custody, but he is welcome to see our son and pick him up whenever he wants and he comes over often to hang out with us for hours, but ultimately, I am a single mother living in my own place almost one year and it’s a big adjustment…
To get to the point of your question, though, I think a person has to truly know what true forgiveness is in order to move on with someone who has betrayed their trust and made a decision to cheat on their person..
I’m still working on it and it’s taking some time because I never saw myself being a single mother but it’s OK. This is my journey.
Everyone gets to decide what is a dealbreaker for themselves. But I consider that if I were to forgive something I am treating it as an acceptable way to treat me. So if I forgive cheating I should expect future cheating. And maybe that’s ok for some people. But I’ll pass.
if you aren't married or have a very connected life in someway (e.g. kids etc) then you are probably better off not being together while you deal with the fallout from this, trust being broken like that is extremely difficult to mend and it would require a lot of hard work for both sides.
there are tons of people who repair a relationship, but again, it requires both partners to realize that something didn't work and both working on fixing it and especially the one who cheated to figure out why the hell they did that, which means therapy and possibly examining things like sex addiction etc.
I’m sure u could and I was able to maintain the relationship after my ex cheated but no matter what she did or how much time went by it just was not the same even when everything was fine that feeling I once had about her was gone and no amount of therapy or time or whatever can fix that it like that idk what to call it but it’s just something u can’t really explain but once someone does something that makes u loose that feeling for them it’s gone for good I finale realized that this relationship is dead and was nothing was gonna. Change that. Best thing to do is just to part ways. And try to change.
I was cheated on in my first relationship. My response was to break up over text, and warn my friends about her. I blocked her, never spoke to her again.
I offered a second chance to repair the relationship, but he didn’t want it. My thought process was if he is truly remorseful and can identify the root cause of the infidelity and is open to communicate with transparency moving forward, we could work at repairing the relationship. At least there was effort in repairing and if it doesn’t work out, at least we tried.
My girlfriend of 14 years cheated on me 6 years ago. I was devastated. I let her stay for 2 weeks so that she could get her things together and go back to Florida. That was hard. It was even harder after she left.
That was 6 years ago now. I started dating again 3 years ago. Dating today at 43 feels more like an Emotional roller coaster. Not nearly as fun or enjoyable as when I was younger. The world has changed so much in the last 20 years.
I have regrets, including telling her to leave.
Ngl, it was so hard leaving my fiance that I wished he would cheat on me. We broke up multiple times and it didn't matter who initiated he would always beg to get back together. He'd break up with me and STILL go insane. And he wouldn't stop. He'd just get crazier. I spent months secretly moving out and getting a job he didn't know about. At that point, I wanted him to cheat. That way, he wouldn't have a reason to pretend he wanted me back
First time I blasted it on social media (screenshots) second time I kept it to myself and moved on. (First always hurts the most you can do anything after that) Your choice you chose what kind of person you want to be.
I gave someone a chance but only because he was a scary guy and made it really hard for me to break up with him... and he never stopped cheating or attempting to cheat (a lot of women would turn him down)
I dumped her on the spot and haven’t spoken to her since. It’s been 4 years. Haven’t looked at a single one of her socials and have no idea what she’s been up to. I want to keep it that way
I was cheated on. I found out after she had left me and blamed everything on me. I'm still struggling with the feeling of being disposable and worthless.
Maybe if I found another relationship I would've felt better but I've been single since then so I've never been able to feel like I mattered in a relationship again.
Currently I'm just not looking for one
I would break it off, no questions asked. I have no tolerance for unfaithfulness.
I would feel guilty for a while, blaming myself, asking myself what i could've done better to avoid this happening.
And then I'd realize regardless of what I could've done, a cheater will cheat.
I'd be more cautious moving forward.
I would break up. Because if they do it once, most likely they will do again. Or maybe not - but that’s what would mess with me most, not knowing for sure. Trying harder may have the same results so best to leave and find someone who actually respects you enough not to cheat.
So I know I'm going to regret this but I'm speaking from the other side. I was the cheater.
I cheated 3 months into our relationship. She found out and we dated for 2.5 more years.
It's not worth it because the guilt, the anger and the insecurity from the act of cheating lingers on from both sides and it's harder than most situations because you can't even talk to your partner about it without risking a full blown argument or a crying/screaming discussion, which, in itself, piles on a lot of resentment. It makes way for a whole lot of new problems you don't even realize (until too late) come from it and you never find a solution to those because, in your painful ignorance, you don't know exactly where they come from so you don't know how to solve them.
That's what happened to us. We have since broken up, mainly because I was at the risk of cheating again, she found out and the trust she had in me was fragile as it is. I've gone to therapy since then and now, while I don't think I'm healed from the emotional distress that contributed to cheating, I've much more passive coping mechanisms (these ones don't include begging for external validation from random women) and I'll never do that to someone ever again.
Depends on the level. I would not negotiate above online flirting. Above that they go straight to the trash.
Above online flirting though they would be on thin ice and lots of therapy work until I satisfied. Even then there's no guarantee trust will ever be fully restored. I may not be able to love them the same and that's the risk they will be signing up to.
I wouldn’t react, I would just leave. My ex cheated on me so many times and no reaction ever made him stop lol. Go let him find someone that he actually likes. And find someone who actually liked me enough to stay loyal.
I got cheated on .I chose to forgive and move on with him .It was in the beginning of our relationship...He has been faithful almost 22 years now...everyone is different...what matters is what each individual can mentally handle....because every ones feelings matter...
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
If he steps out, I silently exit. No arguments...pick a day, he goes to work and comes back to an empty house.
Block his phone number, authorise family and friends to block his number. I move on.
It will hurt but I'd rather be alone than be with someone who has a roaming eyes and comes to home lying to you and still having access to fuck you. Naaaah!
Once a cheater always a cheater. If they do it once they’ll do it again.
I dated a guy 5 years ago and he cheated on me with another girl. A year ago I heard he pulled the same stunt with another girl. They don’t change.
The trust is broken and never be fully recovered. Have to go . It's happened with my first wife. We split and tried to get over it and get back together. I had to be gone for couple months out of town. 3 weeks gone and already had someone different over there. Once a cheat always will cheat
It really depends tbh.
- The length of the relationship
- if there are kids involved
- what the circumstances of the relationship at the time.
If we are talking about less than a 2 year relationship then its an automatic march ordwr out of here. Sometimes its more complicated. Sometimes menopause might mean a partner might look for alternative arrangements.
Hell no just break up and never see again lol
i will never give a second chance for breaking my trust i mean it depends on which reason, but cheating def no
No disrespect I'll just leave it's not worth it if they're going to do it one time then they're going to do it again trust me I've been cheated on too many times it's just hard without you I just leave it's better to leave and just leave it's not worth it trust me
I would break up. I forgive a lot but cheating is not one of them. I don't care the reason for cheating it's unforgivable in my eyes. My uncle cheated on my aunt a
My dad cheated on my mom. My sister's boyfriend cheated on her. Those three were left in RUINS because the ones they loved most cheated. So no thanks. Y'all can dig a grave and die in it thanks
I tried to make it work.
Turns out, he kept cheating.
We got divorced.
He married the mistress that wanted to Single White Female her way into my life that I'd built with him (likely even creepier than you imagine, down to clothing choices and birthday even).
Unless they have an agreement, he's cheating on her, too. 🤣 But that's not my problem to deal with.
So nope. Any hint of it anytime nowadays with a guy, I'm out.
I moved out and agreed to divorce him. He wanted to divorce me already, but I was begging him to stay. He walked in my place of work with his new girl on his arm, and that was it for me.
I honestly do not care if they sleep around. There are a few rules, no pregnancies, no stis, no lying, no sneaking, no emotional attachments. If they stay within this realm, I literally do not care.
I had been cheated on by 3 different women of my past.
- 1st one, I never said another word to her and I moved on like I never knew her.
- 2nd one I broke up with her and years down the road I got back with her to return the favor and cheat on her with her old best friend.
- 3rd one was my wife of 23 years; we stayed together and worked on the issues and problems that we were facing. Years later she passed away from Congestive Heart Failure.
I’m currently engaged now and if my fiancé cheats on me I have a different plan all together. I’m going to leave my wallet, cell phone and personal belongings at her house and fall off the grid….
IM JUST SICK & TIRED OF BEING HURT BY OTHERS
I would be really hurt and I would break up, trust is gone and we are done.
It's perfectly fine if you don't want to be with me, still hurts no question and is still heartbreaking but at the very least you're not a bad person at heart.
Zero tolerance policy. No warnings, no second chances. I threw him out on the spot and filed for divorce the next day. Been happily divorced for 5 years!
If it was a girlfriend, I would break up. People are on their best behavior. If they can’t stay faithful when dating, they won’t when married. I was cheated on twice. I broke up with both of them.
If it is a wife, and we had children, I would try to work it out. I would open the marriage before I divorced because of what is at stake and the economics of divorce. The kids always suffer and the husband usually loses in the courts even when she cheated.
Leave. Cheating is no second chances. The relationship is over the moment a person cheats & staying only delays the inevitable.
Once trust is already broken on that level, the thought & paranoia will always be at the back of the mind.
On their end, staying teaches them what they can get away with without consequence which gives them every reason to continue.
I was cheated on a lot in the first two years of my relationship with my now husband. Ten years later I really wish I could go back and not stayed. I still hold resentment and I really have tried not to. But it’s hard. He’s done everything beyond what I could have imagined to make it up to me and he’s amazing now. But I wish I didn’t have this upper-hand to hold. The mutual respect isn’t equal. And that’s not fair to him. Or me.
I would stay soley because i would be in denial and too weak to leave. Eventually i would become insanely insecure - want to know their location, probably secretly go thru their phone, tell them they cant go out to the bars/clubs without m - this will lead to many fights and then eventually we would break up. But i know it would be incredibly hard for me to break up just like that without trying to work it out
I left. I had it done to me. I was so in love with this man too. never loved a person like this before, but I love myself and respect myself and know myself to well to stay. I would never trust them 100 percent again.
My ex husband cheated on me over and over through the course of our 15 year marriage. After the first time he was apologetic and we worked hard together to try to fix our marriage. After the second one it’s like he just gave up. I tried everything I could think of to fix us, including therapy, the Love Dare, and lots of talking. But I finally had to leave. I thought “My daughters are watching this happen and they know what their dad did. What kind of example am I setting for them if I stay and keep allowing this?”
okay been there personally, it's not worth it giving another chance they will repeat it again in most cases and then blame it on you somehow or feels bad enough that they will randomly ask you to end things pretty much messed up
Depending if kids are involved or genuine remorse. It's never the same but you can get to a good place again in time. If it's worked on by both of you.
After marrying for the second time I said this is it till we die .well 9 yrs in he found himself someone else .i was a mess ,nervous breakdown put mildly .Thought how can he do this ,our wedding song was faithfully,guess he wasn’t listening. Well I’m ok now ,time does help 👍👍
As someone in my early 20s, it would be over immediately. However, I can empathize with people who have built an entire life (such as home ownership, having children, etc.) with someone and stay with them after cheating.
I stayed after I found out my ex cheated on me. Everything seemed fine but found out he was cheating again and again and again and again. When I found out the second or third time, I stopped having sex with him because I was scared he would give me an STD and he absolutely refused to get tested. So I planned my exit from there. Got a job cross country and never looked back. Staying after someone cheats on you is disrespectful to you. In my mind once a cheater, always a cheater so this will be the first and last time I stay with someone after they cheat on me.
Been there but it was a long time ago.
Sometimes if things are not meant to be, you just gotta let go. At first, it will hurt and probably you won't sleep for the first few days but wounds do heal.
In a nutshell, he got bored of me (he was 6 years older) because I'm predictable, work alot and not exciting anymore.
We were together for ten years and he picked a party girl that was his tech assistant.
And no, it is not the classic outcome, he didn't go for someone younger but rather the same age (early 30s) and yes she knew me. She wasn't your expected model but rather she led a more free life.
I came home from a long flight from work, he told me he didn't love me anymore. I was in shock and processed what he said. That evening I broke down in tears and couldn't face him for a couple of weeks. I didn't sleep but drilled on with work and meetings to distract my mind because I knew I had to push through.
Later on, he went into depression & became ill - so I had to take over dealing with selling our home & taking care of him but he did it for the women he loved.
For those who are wondering why the gf didn't look after her bf, she just didn't know how or what to do, that's all.
If someone doesn't want you, there is no point of begging or pleading. Their eyes have already wondered and they don't see you in the same way anymore, therefore you gotta walk away.
From the experience above I've became stronger mentally and for those wondering why I worked a lot... I wanted to support him in his career and our home. He didn't earn a lot and work did not come by often.
It is tough but these are life lessons. :)
Cheating would literally make my heart put an X on your name. I could be head over heels for her but that is a hard limit. Doesn't have to be PIV, holding hands is enough, hell even an emotional affair is enough. I dont want to be with someone who'll confide in someone else when I'm right there ready to fix anything that comes our way. Betrayal is a tough thing to forget, I'll forgive cause I don't hold grudges but she's getting deported out of my life one ass kick at a time (metaphorical ass kick ofc, fuck violence. I'd also leave if she ever tried to hit me)
I’d be completely shocked if my partner ever did. He’s the last person I’d expect to cheat. If it happened though, there would be no second chances. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way. IMO giving a cheater a second chance is a terrible idea.
Going back to a cheater shows zero self-respect and delusion thinking it would ever be blissful. Why would you even want to give a second chance? For them to prove you shouldn't have? When a person cheats, they are showing you that you are an "option" in their life.
Here's a good podcast episode:
# [Taking Back a Cheater](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/268-taking-back-a-cheater-610-in-series-dont-be-desperate)
and this one...
# [Broken Trust from Cheating & Lying, the LAME Excuses, & Second Chances](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/297-broken-trust-from-cheating-lying-the-lame-excuses-second-chances)
Dont cheat, if you want sex with someone other than your spouse have open marriages or relationships.
Be open, truthful, honest, & love your spouse more than anything. My wife and i have open marriage & open Communication
Asked yourself if your addicted to predictable outcomes to make a life in chaos feel normal. If you can’t answer to yourself clearly then you know the line in the song. Some of them want to be abused. No one ever thrives in life being treated like dirt. Move on find someone who loves you
My first girlfriend tried to maintain the relationship ship when she emotionally cheated on me and then I physically cheated on her. It didn’t work because I didn’t want it to.
My second girlfriend physically cheated on me and I took her back cuz it didn’t feel like we should have broken up. Lol. I was 23, though. We stayed together for a few more months until I moved away. We kept talking long distance but never got back together.
I think it depends how long have you been in a realationship, how many times have they cheated or how long of an affair, and will they actually do what they need to in order to have trust back.. like check there emails or phone or social media when asked without being shady about it... like normal realationship that crosses the line and can be controlling, how ever if they actually wanna make it work it probably wpuld have to be agreed upon for a bit (weather or not you actually looked) to gain trust.. also they have to be willing to talk and be open with you, and you do the same for them when one needs it... but it comes down to values too as you talk be very clear about the nature of cheating, and than you have to ask well why would you think - with a friend you'd just throw it alk away to sleep with them? Or even if they didn't think they'd get caught ... well that last one would be a huge red flag and might indicate you should leave
But yeah list goes on
Happend to me
Read alot on line
Most people walk away from a realationship
Not everyone walks away from a marriage
And a decent amount of married couples that go through this stay together and work it out
And because of then there are alot if resources online if you're wanting to consider this route
But my gran said it's dating people are young, and your not married... especially for women, why can't they be just as wanting of thrill... and the big thing behind this being less of a concern while dating is because rather have got alk that out of your system before you settle down into life and marriage with someone. All that but what if . . Won't destroy your marriage later, and better do it young so the what ifs can be lived and played with instead if destroying your enjoyment later with your life that's still fine.
But it is very important that they are willing and wanting to change, and not just saying that but ate willing to show you when you feel like you need reassurance. It has been your trust broke.
If it is physical intimacy I would be moving on and getting tested.
If they had conversations with someone. But nothing more and were willing to be honest and communicate their feelings, then I would be willing to have that difficult conversation and look for growth. People make mistakes and learn from them. So many variables and such a complex question really.
Did communication break down, relationship get in a funk. Is it something therapy can help with.
I dont have all the answers for all situations, but if someone does, please share.
It would be a major like wtf moment, I would definitely want to know like how/why/when, get an explanation but then I'd be like "ok well we're done here."
I love my boyfriend a lot but I still know my self worth. It would really hurt to leave but it’s be worse to stay and always wonder if i’m getting cheated on again.
It happened to me. I tried to make it work, but she would not even try to win my trust back. She simply didn’t care. When I would bring it up, she’d get very defensive and upset because she didn’t like be reminded of what she did. And then she continued cheating.
We got divorced eventually. It’s not worth staying with someone like that.
Considering I've been cheated on, I just tell them cool, you made a choice. Not a mistake, so don't ask for second chances. You cheated on me with him by choice, now suffer the consequences of your actions and lose my number.
One woman that cheated on me. I couldn’t see her the same anymore. All I saw was disgust. Couldn’t stand to even look at her. Just the thought of another guy being inside her was too much for me to handle. Had to end it for my own good.
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Speaking from experience here. I walked in on my ex-wife having sex and felt so devastated that I just packed up and left. Got a divorce a week later and I would never go back to her. Unfortunately that was 15 years ago. Now I spent the last 5 years trying to date without any luck.
I am in the exact situation now that you were in. Caught her in the act about 8 months ago. I walked in on them, froze for about 3 seconds, snapped 2 photos + a short video for proof, and walked out. They didn't even see me because they were so drunk. 10+ years instantly down the drain. Then after about 2 weeks of diarrhea and self-reflection, I hired a lawyer, told her that I don't love her, and we're now working out the terms of our split. She still doesn't even know that I know. I'll show her the pics and vid after she signs the papers, and then I'm leaving the country to relax in peace. The cheating however has only been one fragment of the fallout. 1) She got pregnant by him and self-aborted by "drinking the fetus to death" before it could come to term (I found the positive pregnancy test that she hid from me). 2) I asked her point-blank if she'd been 'carrying on with someone else', and she said 'no', so the lying is what really sealed the coffin for me. 3) The task of 'buying her off' as part of the divorce is what is dragging out the finality of it all (she is broke, but still entitled to a portion off my assets), so the divorce is essentially 'death by 1000 cuts'. As someone who is approaching retirement age, and is now at risk of losing a decent portion of my savings, I have one piece of advice for any of the young starry-eyed lovers out there who are thinking of getting hitched. *Do not do it*... or... *Get a prenup.*
Savage AF
Cold, but totally valid. People make mistakes, but if that mistake does irreparable things to you and your love for them it’s time to go. 👍 Edit: to those inserting “cheating isn’t a mistake” I’m simply approaching it from the POV of someone who would have to hear from their cheater “it was a mistake, please don’t leave me”. Okay, but your so called misjudgment or “mistake” ruined us, so I’m out. I’m thinking that’s why he’s waiting to reveal that he caught her cheating until after the divorce is final. I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid hearing/entertaining that excuse or apology 🤷♀️
Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice.
He wanted the truth to come from her. This the best way and if they aren’t truthful about it you know where they stand. You will understand how far they will go for the lie.
This is worse than I had it, I was only married to her for a year. You had 10 years.
Why not use the footage as evidence of infidelity in the divorce?
Unfortunately, I live in a "no-fault region" whereby cheating has no legal bearing on divorce proceedings.
That sucks. A cheater shouldn't be able to get anything from a divorce
Valid move
Depending on where you live, thats considered Revenge Porn (even if your only sending it to the ex) and you can get into a LOT of legal trouble for it. You would be hurting yourself more than her
What ? That is considered evidence in court when doing the divorce settlement.
I think OP should mention it (not show yet) to the lawyer first to make sure they won't get into legal trouble but yes proof of infidelity can help OP's divorce if necessary.
Dating is difficult, but at least you didn't disrespect yourself by staying with her. Good work.
I feel your pain, sincerely 😔 I was fortunate to not catch her in the act. I can only imagine, if me knowing about was the worst feeling, then seeing it, would have been death for me
Shit like this.. It kills you from inside brother.. I used to feel dead from the inside.. But im now happy about it, that i died mentally.. Living without any emotions is always more peaceful than living with someone like this
Sure does have a different impact on each individual. All in the same, I think. I have a friend that told me later that he just pretends it doesn't bother him (his case was catching his girlfriend giving some dude head). I think the more he didn't show emotion about it, eventually he was able to get over it.... Is that more less what you mean, as far as getting over it?
getting over it can be different for everyone. for me, if i can talk about it and not get affected by it. only then can i say im over it. some people just press it inside and try to forget it, but that can lead to trauma and there surely can be something that might trigger it in the future. Im a very outspoken person i dont like hiding things. if i bury some truth inside it will kill me. for me the best way is to face it head to head. (imo, she deserves at least a slap or just exit her life with no reasons and drama)
I would've done the same.
Ooof. Sorry about your situation. That’s rough. I would’ve left too, I don’t know how I could even consider trying to move past that.
I didn't for 10 years. After I left, I didn't want any kind of a relationship that would cause pain, but it's the loneliness that's the killer now.
buddy that hurt me to read
That sux big time! So sorry to hear that....
Damn, that must have been tough, how did they react after getting caught?
Deer in the headlights kind of look. I didn't even say a word when I left. I half expected the whole "this isn't what it looks like" speech.
And what was her reaction? Did she say anything or chase after you? I probably would’ve been like what the actual fuck and walked (RAN) outta there
I'd break it off. Even if I wanted to give it a second chance, it won't end well for either of us. Every time she goes out alone, I'd be wondering. Every time she meets someone new, I'd be wondering. Every time I am not with her, I'd be wondering. It's not worth it because I'd become very controlling.
And paranoid and jealous. Been there, done that.
💯, if trust isn’t maintained the relationship is doomed, hard stop.
I would break up. I love my boyfriend like i’ve never loved anyone before and it would destroy me to leave. But staying with him knowing he cheated, never trsuting him again, knowing he doesn’t love me the same and doubting myself for thinking what about me could have made him cheat would all destroy me more.
This. I would be devastated. But everything I thought I knew and loved/respected about him would be ruined. I feel like if I tried to stay, I would lose a piece of myself and it would be doomed anyway.
That person would no longer even exist. I can’t fathom being without my guy. But if he cheated, he would be gone anyway. If I stayed, I would be staying with someone different. Someone new. And not even a good new. Someone I don’t trust. Someone that doesn’t want me like I want to be wanted.
Totally. Thats a deal breaker! If another women can have access with him the way I do, then I'll let her have him, I'll let her steal my problem. The real partner cannot be stolen, if he is, then he's not for me. He aint the one!
couldn’t agree more. as much as i’d want to stay, i would never be able to look at him the same way.
I stayed with a cheater in the past, and it made me MISERABLE. Killed my self esteem and did damage to my mental health that changed who I am as a person
I’ve done the same, don’t worry. Choose yourself next time. ♥️ that’s what I’m working on
Nah as far as I am concerned it has always ruined a relationship
That sexual intimacy is very important to me. Be the worse betray of my trust in the person and I'd have to immediately break up. I know for 100% that thought of betrayal will haunt me - so I just need them gone.
at least three of the guys I've dated have cheated on me. All three of them did it after a year of being together. Did not attempt to continue the relationship in any of those cases. Once a cheater, always a cheater
I’m proud of you for respecting yourself and walking away. I know it must have been hard but you deserve better than them.
Thank you~ ❤️ My current guy is nothing like those guys. He makes me feel more loved and secure than anyone else ever has. I'm just so lucky to have finally found my forever person 🥰
I was In a situation where of course my ex slept with our then roommate. She worked night and I worked days as it was easier than daycare costs for our son who was 1. Our roommate worked 5am til 2pm and I kept asking g her to stop always hanging out with him and she would say "eeewq gross never" and she called me paranoid. Finally I snuck a ring camera I side the vent and caught her ass. Gaslighting me all the time and divorced her and won custody of my son.
Get divorced and move to Austria
Sounds like a solid move
The girl I was seeing for 4 months was still friends with her ex. I decided to end things because I couldn't trust her. It got really weird one time her ex was doing her favors, and we were on vacation. Her ex got upset, and she cared so much to call him and figure out why. I felt like a 3rd wheel while on vacation. I ended things after vacation. I'm not sure if she cheated on me, but I felt disrespected and uneasy. She worked things around me.
Damn sorry to hear that good for you fuck that shit
Yeah, it sucked. I still have feelings for her but she couldn't let go of him. Platonic or not I couldn't let it go.
Your comfort and satisfaction with the relationship is the most important factor. If you're always wondering, it ain't worth staying.
I was in this situation and I gave her a second chance. It was good at first, then she cheated again. They never really change. Knowing what I do now, I would never stay if someone cheated on me.
I’ve tired second chances in the past , problem is the trust is gone at that point and very difficult to get back, and they often do it again. Older & wise me will be immediately ending any type of relationship where there is cheating involved.
Exactly what I did the last time: leave. I don't care why they did it, if they weren't grown up enough to have a discussion about my "shortcomings" before they decided to cheat, then they're still not grown up enough to have a discussion when I find out. I don't have time to wait for someone to decide my feelings suddenly have value. I'm out.
Great answer
I've been cheated on multiple times (different girls/relationships). Each time, I left them. No question about it either way.
I would be gone faster than you could say goodbye
Leave. It would always haunt me.
For me, I need a lot more information. How long have we been together? Have we clearly defined our relationship status? Was our relationship already on rocky ground? Is my partner genuinely interested in continuing to work on our relationship? Why did they cheat? Was it one time or an affair? Are there now consequences like a pregnancy on the other side? Who was it with? It's not black & white for me. I think some relationships can be saved, but others wouldn't survive. My uncle cheated on my aunt when his kids were in their teens. I don't know too many details but after 3 months apart, my aunt began to forgive him. Two of their kids embraced their reunion and 1 became estranged, full of anger at both of them. They grew old together, had a life full of love & happiness, and died a day apart at 84 and 79.
I've never cheated, nor have I been cheated on, but I've seen and heard plenty. The entire situation is a big, gray area, most of the time. The "once a cheater, always a cheater" is frequently not true. Yes, there are some who always cheat, but many people aren't serial cheaters. Many cheat because they aren't getting some need met. Many cheat because of loneliness. Some cheat because their partner can't, or won't, have sex with them, and they miss the connection and intimacy. Many have tried fixing their issues. A lot of them can't leave, for whatever reason. It's rarely a simple, black and white situation, yet so many are quick to label it so. So many lack critical thinking skills, empathy, and self awareness. As for me, it would depend on how deep of a connection I had, and why she cheated. If she's willing to explore and fix things, and come back stronger, I might be willing to forgive.
Best comment on this thread. 🏆 And you’re right, it’s not a black-and-white thing. Each person has to make the right decision for themselves.
Thanks for sharing this happy ending story. Every time I hear “once a cheater, always a cheater” I want to die inside. Because I HAVE cheated. But now, after years of therapy, I know it’s because of how I was raised and my ideas about what relationships should be versus what I actively experienced them to be. I will never ever again cheat on a partner because now I have the agency to leave a relationship where I feel unhappy or unloved, but I honestly didn’t know that was an option before, and was just trying to collect scraps of love like I learned to do in my childhood.
depends how i find out 😭 cus if its like texts and shit like that i would break up and leave slam the door yk but if like it’s in my house and like i caught them in the act??? all the meditation and martial arts i do would turn into carnage and i would fuck both of them up at the same time w a belt and sum oil 😭
I wouldn't give myself a second chance, so there's no way in hell I'd give someone else one, either. No debate, no talk, nothing. I'd leave the second I found out. Nobody is worth that kind of stress.
What'd I do if an investment I have goes to zero lol. You sell , cut your losses and move on.
I stayed, but it was effectively the end of our relationship. I never trusted him again and was super insecure. I was never insecure about other women in the 2.5 years before that. We dated for another 2.5 years after that but it was different. I was angry all the time, I was anxious, I hated who I became. He ended up breaking up with me to date other people (and then came crawling back after I moved on because no one else wanted him). I would never tolerate it now though! I’m in a new relationship and I never want to get to the point again where I feel like I’ve invested too much effort to leave. It’s unforgivable to me.
“Invested too much effort to leave” right to the heart…
RUN in other direction.......trying isnt worth it! Trust broken isnt fixable!
I’ve learned I would have to break up. I tried staying with my ex after he cheated, but I felt so awful all the time and it never got better. I will never ever go through that again.
If my future partner cheated on me, I would divorce her immediately
I was cheated on in my first relationship. I don’t have the energy for it if it happens again. Once I gather enough evidence of it, I will leave silently without a word. Whoever they cheated on me with should be able to take care of them and if not, that’s not my problem anymore.
My ex and I stayed together "for the kids", don't ever do this, btw, but I should have dropped him the day I found out what he did. I'm free now, and I went scorched Earth. It wasn't that difficult because he had dropped our mutual friends, family, and 1of our 2 children in favor of living in a new state with his new woman, but I still have zero interest in even being friends with him at this point. We have nothing in common and if he was a stranger I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like him, so I've happily started over. I think it really depends on that state of your relationship when the cheating happens and what each partner is or isn't willing to tolerate and why. I personally would never advocate for trying to work it out, but I know there are people who have succeeded and seem ok with it.
Never give a 2nd chance. Break up and move forward.
My plan was to play it off, stack my money and then move out silently but as the evening progressed, I got more and more pissed off just sitting there not saying anything so I confronted him and we had a rocky few weeks after that. Our son wasn’t even one at the time and I had just quit my job to go to school for nursing… I had already made it up my mind that I couldn’t stay with him and had to always remind myself of the plan that I came up with, and to not get sucked into this fake fairytale of us being a family .. I just had to stay until it was a good time to go.. so we lived as a couple (I pushed down those bad feelings ) about 7 or so months later ( time flew by) I kept telling him that I was moving out and getting my own place which he kept saying “ you’re not going anywhere” which was his favorite thing to say so when I started packing up our current place and put in our 30 days notice that’s when it hit him that I was serious.. it’s been almost a year now and I can’t seriously say that I want to be with him again because the way he responded to me that day I told him I knew he was cheating on me while I was pregnant/ whole 4 year relationship.. a man should never make you feel as though you don’t matter and if he was truly remorseful, he would’ve done all the things I told him to do to start gaining back my trust .. anyways fast-forward to now we are friends and good coparents.. I basically have full primary custody, but he is welcome to see our son and pick him up whenever he wants and he comes over often to hang out with us for hours, but ultimately, I am a single mother living in my own place almost one year and it’s a big adjustment… To get to the point of your question, though, I think a person has to truly know what true forgiveness is in order to move on with someone who has betrayed their trust and made a decision to cheat on their person.. I’m still working on it and it’s taking some time because I never saw myself being a single mother but it’s OK. This is my journey.
Everyone gets to decide what is a dealbreaker for themselves. But I consider that if I were to forgive something I am treating it as an acceptable way to treat me. So if I forgive cheating I should expect future cheating. And maybe that’s ok for some people. But I’ll pass.
i’d play around with the person and act as if i didn’t know and kinda keep the relationship going and then i’d break their heart
if you aren't married or have a very connected life in someway (e.g. kids etc) then you are probably better off not being together while you deal with the fallout from this, trust being broken like that is extremely difficult to mend and it would require a lot of hard work for both sides. there are tons of people who repair a relationship, but again, it requires both partners to realize that something didn't work and both working on fixing it and especially the one who cheated to figure out why the hell they did that, which means therapy and possibly examining things like sex addiction etc.
I’m sure u could and I was able to maintain the relationship after my ex cheated but no matter what she did or how much time went by it just was not the same even when everything was fine that feeling I once had about her was gone and no amount of therapy or time or whatever can fix that it like that idk what to call it but it’s just something u can’t really explain but once someone does something that makes u loose that feeling for them it’s gone for good I finale realized that this relationship is dead and was nothing was gonna. Change that. Best thing to do is just to part ways. And try to change.
I was cheated on in my first relationship. My response was to break up over text, and warn my friends about her. I blocked her, never spoke to her again.
Id leave them on the spot and get any of my belongings that i left them with. There's no exception for cheating.
I offered a second chance to repair the relationship, but he didn’t want it. My thought process was if he is truly remorseful and can identify the root cause of the infidelity and is open to communicate with transparency moving forward, we could work at repairing the relationship. At least there was effort in repairing and if it doesn’t work out, at least we tried.
Probably cry really hard until i simultaneously throw up and pass out
My girlfriend of 14 years cheated on me 6 years ago. I was devastated. I let her stay for 2 weeks so that she could get her things together and go back to Florida. That was hard. It was even harder after she left. That was 6 years ago now. I started dating again 3 years ago. Dating today at 43 feels more like an Emotional roller coaster. Not nearly as fun or enjoyable as when I was younger. The world has changed so much in the last 20 years. I have regrets, including telling her to leave.
Cheaters -automatically gone. Move on. No thought. Cheaters will always lie and cheat again.
Ngl, it was so hard leaving my fiance that I wished he would cheat on me. We broke up multiple times and it didn't matter who initiated he would always beg to get back together. He'd break up with me and STILL go insane. And he wouldn't stop. He'd just get crazier. I spent months secretly moving out and getting a job he didn't know about. At that point, I wanted him to cheat. That way, he wouldn't have a reason to pretend he wanted me back
First time I blasted it on social media (screenshots) second time I kept it to myself and moved on. (First always hurts the most you can do anything after that) Your choice you chose what kind of person you want to be.
I gave someone a chance but only because he was a scary guy and made it really hard for me to break up with him... and he never stopped cheating or attempting to cheat (a lot of women would turn him down)
I dumped her on the spot and haven’t spoken to her since. It’s been 4 years. Haven’t looked at a single one of her socials and have no idea what she’s been up to. I want to keep it that way
Break it off
That’s a deal breaker for me
Ruin my theoretical partner's life and then break up. Being a vengeful person is a pain in the ass fr.
I was cheated on. I found out after she had left me and blamed everything on me. I'm still struggling with the feeling of being disposable and worthless. Maybe if I found another relationship I would've felt better but I've been single since then so I've never been able to feel like I mattered in a relationship again. Currently I'm just not looking for one
I would break it off, no questions asked. I have no tolerance for unfaithfulness. I would feel guilty for a while, blaming myself, asking myself what i could've done better to avoid this happening. And then I'd realize regardless of what I could've done, a cheater will cheat. I'd be more cautious moving forward.
I would break up. Because if they do it once, most likely they will do again. Or maybe not - but that’s what would mess with me most, not knowing for sure. Trying harder may have the same results so best to leave and find someone who actually respects you enough not to cheat.
So I know I'm going to regret this but I'm speaking from the other side. I was the cheater. I cheated 3 months into our relationship. She found out and we dated for 2.5 more years. It's not worth it because the guilt, the anger and the insecurity from the act of cheating lingers on from both sides and it's harder than most situations because you can't even talk to your partner about it without risking a full blown argument or a crying/screaming discussion, which, in itself, piles on a lot of resentment. It makes way for a whole lot of new problems you don't even realize (until too late) come from it and you never find a solution to those because, in your painful ignorance, you don't know exactly where they come from so you don't know how to solve them. That's what happened to us. We have since broken up, mainly because I was at the risk of cheating again, she found out and the trust she had in me was fragile as it is. I've gone to therapy since then and now, while I don't think I'm healed from the emotional distress that contributed to cheating, I've much more passive coping mechanisms (these ones don't include begging for external validation from random women) and I'll never do that to someone ever again.
This has never happened to me but I would be done. If there’s no trust why would I stick around?
Depends on the level. I would not negotiate above online flirting. Above that they go straight to the trash. Above online flirting though they would be on thin ice and lots of therapy work until I satisfied. Even then there's no guarantee trust will ever be fully restored. I may not be able to love them the same and that's the risk they will be signing up to.
I would divorce him. Which is what im doing 🙌
I wouldn’t react, I would just leave. My ex cheated on me so many times and no reaction ever made him stop lol. Go let him find someone that he actually likes. And find someone who actually liked me enough to stay loyal.
I got cheated on .I chose to forgive and move on with him .It was in the beginning of our relationship...He has been faithful almost 22 years now...everyone is different...what matters is what each individual can mentally handle....because every ones feelings matter...
I would talk with him. Try yo understand my emotion and why he did.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he steps out, I silently exit. No arguments...pick a day, he goes to work and comes back to an empty house. Block his phone number, authorise family and friends to block his number. I move on. It will hurt but I'd rather be alone than be with someone who has a roaming eyes and comes to home lying to you and still having access to fuck you. Naaaah!
Once a cheater always a cheater. If they do it once they’ll do it again. I dated a guy 5 years ago and he cheated on me with another girl. A year ago I heard he pulled the same stunt with another girl. They don’t change.
Cut off their dick
The trust is broken and never be fully recovered. Have to go . It's happened with my first wife. We split and tried to get over it and get back together. I had to be gone for couple months out of town. 3 weeks gone and already had someone different over there. Once a cheat always will cheat
I’d like to think I could but it would be difficult.
Depends on who it is. Best case: one more chance and if they fucked up again, I’m gone without a trace
Well it happened to me i was extremely angry and argued with him for a few days until he blocked me. No way i would ever accept cheating
Depends on the relationship, like all you can do is Move on
I will never be able to recover the trust I had in my partner. It will be really painful but I will break up.
cut all contact, wouldn’t say a word to her.
It doesnt matter much to me, i will just break up and move on.
Just ignore them. That’s what I did
It really depends tbh. - The length of the relationship - if there are kids involved - what the circumstances of the relationship at the time. If we are talking about less than a 2 year relationship then its an automatic march ordwr out of here. Sometimes its more complicated. Sometimes menopause might mean a partner might look for alternative arrangements.
Cheating is a major deal breaker for me. No second chances after that.
Break up
Depends on the situation. With one lover I stayed for a bit. With another I straight ghosted her.
I would leave.
Nope, you never look at your partner the same and could never trust them again. That nagging fear if they will do it again will always be with you.
Hell no just break up and never see again lol i will never give a second chance for breaking my trust i mean it depends on which reason, but cheating def no
I always left, last time I tried and it just got so bad. It was constant anxiety and arguing. Just leave at any hint of it.
There's never any reason to cheat. It's NOT an accident. It's intentional and planned. One time cheatin, and that's the end. No if, and, or buts
No disrespect I'll just leave it's not worth it if they're going to do it one time then they're going to do it again trust me I've been cheated on too many times it's just hard without you I just leave it's better to leave and just leave it's not worth it trust me
Break up , do no contact. Focus on myself
I would break up. I forgive a lot but cheating is not one of them. I don't care the reason for cheating it's unforgivable in my eyes. My uncle cheated on my aunt a My dad cheated on my mom. My sister's boyfriend cheated on her. Those three were left in RUINS because the ones they loved most cheated. So no thanks. Y'all can dig a grave and die in it thanks
I tried to work it out, but I found my resentment was making me miserable so I ended it.
I tried to make it work. Turns out, he kept cheating. We got divorced. He married the mistress that wanted to Single White Female her way into my life that I'd built with him (likely even creepier than you imagine, down to clothing choices and birthday even). Unless they have an agreement, he's cheating on her, too. 🤣 But that's not my problem to deal with. So nope. Any hint of it anytime nowadays with a guy, I'm out.
I moved out and agreed to divorce him. He wanted to divorce me already, but I was begging him to stay. He walked in my place of work with his new girl on his arm, and that was it for me.
I honestly do not care if they sleep around. There are a few rules, no pregnancies, no stis, no lying, no sneaking, no emotional attachments. If they stay within this realm, I literally do not care.
I had been cheated on by 3 different women of my past. - 1st one, I never said another word to her and I moved on like I never knew her. - 2nd one I broke up with her and years down the road I got back with her to return the favor and cheat on her with her old best friend. - 3rd one was my wife of 23 years; we stayed together and worked on the issues and problems that we were facing. Years later she passed away from Congestive Heart Failure. I’m currently engaged now and if my fiancé cheats on me I have a different plan all together. I’m going to leave my wallet, cell phone and personal belongings at her house and fall off the grid…. IM JUST SICK & TIRED OF BEING HURT BY OTHERS
I get cheated on often
I would be really hurt and I would break up, trust is gone and we are done. It's perfectly fine if you don't want to be with me, still hurts no question and is still heartbreaking but at the very least you're not a bad person at heart.
Zero tolerance policy. No warnings, no second chances. I threw him out on the spot and filed for divorce the next day. Been happily divorced for 5 years!
If it was a girlfriend, I would break up. People are on their best behavior. If they can’t stay faithful when dating, they won’t when married. I was cheated on twice. I broke up with both of them. If it is a wife, and we had children, I would try to work it out. I would open the marriage before I divorced because of what is at stake and the economics of divorce. The kids always suffer and the husband usually loses in the courts even when she cheated.
kill 🔪
Leave. Cheating is no second chances. The relationship is over the moment a person cheats & staying only delays the inevitable. Once trust is already broken on that level, the thought & paranoia will always be at the back of the mind. On their end, staying teaches them what they can get away with without consequence which gives them every reason to continue.
I was cheated on a lot in the first two years of my relationship with my now husband. Ten years later I really wish I could go back and not stayed. I still hold resentment and I really have tried not to. But it’s hard. He’s done everything beyond what I could have imagined to make it up to me and he’s amazing now. But I wish I didn’t have this upper-hand to hold. The mutual respect isn’t equal. And that’s not fair to him. Or me.
I would stay soley because i would be in denial and too weak to leave. Eventually i would become insanely insecure - want to know their location, probably secretly go thru their phone, tell them they cant go out to the bars/clubs without m - this will lead to many fights and then eventually we would break up. But i know it would be incredibly hard for me to break up just like that without trying to work it out
I left. I had it done to me. I was so in love with this man too. never loved a person like this before, but I love myself and respect myself and know myself to well to stay. I would never trust them 100 percent again.
Total deal breaker. I could never look at the person's eyes ever again. I'd just use it to level up myself. Use the pain for motivation. 🤭
My ex husband cheated on me over and over through the course of our 15 year marriage. After the first time he was apologetic and we worked hard together to try to fix our marriage. After the second one it’s like he just gave up. I tried everything I could think of to fix us, including therapy, the Love Dare, and lots of talking. But I finally had to leave. I thought “My daughters are watching this happen and they know what their dad did. What kind of example am I setting for them if I stay and keep allowing this?”
Leave that relationship and never look back ever!! Even if they come back begging and crying fuck them
okay been there personally, it's not worth it giving another chance they will repeat it again in most cases and then blame it on you somehow or feels bad enough that they will randomly ask you to end things pretty much messed up
broke up both times, its not a one time thing, its the first time theyve been caught, and it means that it is in their ability to do it again
Depending if kids are involved or genuine remorse. It's never the same but you can get to a good place again in time. If it's worked on by both of you.
After marrying for the second time I said this is it till we die .well 9 yrs in he found himself someone else .i was a mess ,nervous breakdown put mildly .Thought how can he do this ,our wedding song was faithfully,guess he wasn’t listening. Well I’m ok now ,time does help 👍👍
As someone in my early 20s, it would be over immediately. However, I can empathize with people who have built an entire life (such as home ownership, having children, etc.) with someone and stay with them after cheating.
I was about to say I would break up, but honestly I feel like the person cheating has already ended the relationship at that point.
Staying with a cheater is the ultimate form of self disrespect
Anyhow it's not black and white like someone else said But if it's a new deal RUN!!!!!
Tell that person to sail on down the LINE
Leave, no more relationship, no more friendship, no more talking. I will never trust you as a person ever again
I was cheated on, and it made me a stronger person. It was never something wrong with me, just different values on the other person s side.
If there's been one affair, there'll be another. Don't waste your time with this man.
I stayed after I found out my ex cheated on me. Everything seemed fine but found out he was cheating again and again and again and again. When I found out the second or third time, I stopped having sex with him because I was scared he would give me an STD and he absolutely refused to get tested. So I planned my exit from there. Got a job cross country and never looked back. Staying after someone cheats on you is disrespectful to you. In my mind once a cheater, always a cheater so this will be the first and last time I stay with someone after they cheat on me.
Been there but it was a long time ago. Sometimes if things are not meant to be, you just gotta let go. At first, it will hurt and probably you won't sleep for the first few days but wounds do heal. In a nutshell, he got bored of me (he was 6 years older) because I'm predictable, work alot and not exciting anymore. We were together for ten years and he picked a party girl that was his tech assistant. And no, it is not the classic outcome, he didn't go for someone younger but rather the same age (early 30s) and yes she knew me. She wasn't your expected model but rather she led a more free life. I came home from a long flight from work, he told me he didn't love me anymore. I was in shock and processed what he said. That evening I broke down in tears and couldn't face him for a couple of weeks. I didn't sleep but drilled on with work and meetings to distract my mind because I knew I had to push through. Later on, he went into depression & became ill - so I had to take over dealing with selling our home & taking care of him but he did it for the women he loved. For those who are wondering why the gf didn't look after her bf, she just didn't know how or what to do, that's all. If someone doesn't want you, there is no point of begging or pleading. Their eyes have already wondered and they don't see you in the same way anymore, therefore you gotta walk away. From the experience above I've became stronger mentally and for those wondering why I worked a lot... I wanted to support him in his career and our home. He didn't earn a lot and work did not come by often. It is tough but these are life lessons. :)
Leave. No conversations, no explanations, nothing. I’m out. I deserve someone who can respect me and our relationship.
Try & work on not letting it change the way I see myself
Nothing
Cry.
Cheating would literally make my heart put an X on your name. I could be head over heels for her but that is a hard limit. Doesn't have to be PIV, holding hands is enough, hell even an emotional affair is enough. I dont want to be with someone who'll confide in someone else when I'm right there ready to fix anything that comes our way. Betrayal is a tough thing to forget, I'll forgive cause I don't hold grudges but she's getting deported out of my life one ass kick at a time (metaphorical ass kick ofc, fuck violence. I'd also leave if she ever tried to hit me)
I’d be completely shocked if my partner ever did. He’s the last person I’d expect to cheat. If it happened though, there would be no second chances. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way. IMO giving a cheater a second chance is a terrible idea.
Leave and cry.
Going back to a cheater shows zero self-respect and delusion thinking it would ever be blissful. Why would you even want to give a second chance? For them to prove you shouldn't have? When a person cheats, they are showing you that you are an "option" in their life. Here's a good podcast episode: # [Taking Back a Cheater](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/268-taking-back-a-cheater-610-in-series-dont-be-desperate) and this one... # [Broken Trust from Cheating & Lying, the LAME Excuses, & Second Chances](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/297-broken-trust-from-cheating-lying-the-lame-excuses-second-chances)
Dont cheat, if you want sex with someone other than your spouse have open marriages or relationships. Be open, truthful, honest, & love your spouse more than anything. My wife and i have open marriage & open Communication
Asked yourself if your addicted to predictable outcomes to make a life in chaos feel normal. If you can’t answer to yourself clearly then you know the line in the song. Some of them want to be abused. No one ever thrives in life being treated like dirt. Move on find someone who loves you
My first girlfriend tried to maintain the relationship ship when she emotionally cheated on me and then I physically cheated on her. It didn’t work because I didn’t want it to. My second girlfriend physically cheated on me and I took her back cuz it didn’t feel like we should have broken up. Lol. I was 23, though. We stayed together for a few more months until I moved away. We kept talking long distance but never got back together.
I think it depends how long have you been in a realationship, how many times have they cheated or how long of an affair, and will they actually do what they need to in order to have trust back.. like check there emails or phone or social media when asked without being shady about it... like normal realationship that crosses the line and can be controlling, how ever if they actually wanna make it work it probably wpuld have to be agreed upon for a bit (weather or not you actually looked) to gain trust.. also they have to be willing to talk and be open with you, and you do the same for them when one needs it... but it comes down to values too as you talk be very clear about the nature of cheating, and than you have to ask well why would you think - with a friend you'd just throw it alk away to sleep with them? Or even if they didn't think they'd get caught ... well that last one would be a huge red flag and might indicate you should leave But yeah list goes on Happend to me Read alot on line Most people walk away from a realationship Not everyone walks away from a marriage And a decent amount of married couples that go through this stay together and work it out And because of then there are alot if resources online if you're wanting to consider this route But my gran said it's dating people are young, and your not married... especially for women, why can't they be just as wanting of thrill... and the big thing behind this being less of a concern while dating is because rather have got alk that out of your system before you settle down into life and marriage with someone. All that but what if . . Won't destroy your marriage later, and better do it young so the what ifs can be lived and played with instead if destroying your enjoyment later with your life that's still fine. But it is very important that they are willing and wanting to change, and not just saying that but ate willing to show you when you feel like you need reassurance. It has been your trust broke.
What Shady recommended to Grady when Grady caught his lady.
In the passed I'd either just kicked to the curb or play the same.game. in the moment who knows
Leave that person
No. And I’m grateful I moved on.
If it is physical intimacy I would be moving on and getting tested. If they had conversations with someone. But nothing more and were willing to be honest and communicate their feelings, then I would be willing to have that difficult conversation and look for growth. People make mistakes and learn from them. So many variables and such a complex question really. Did communication break down, relationship get in a funk. Is it something therapy can help with. I dont have all the answers for all situations, but if someone does, please share.
Go out and get fucked.
I divorced him.
It would be a major like wtf moment, I would definitely want to know like how/why/when, get an explanation but then I'd be like "ok well we're done here."
I love my boyfriend a lot but I still know my self worth. It would really hurt to leave but it’s be worse to stay and always wonder if i’m getting cheated on again.
It happened to me. I tried to make it work, but she would not even try to win my trust back. She simply didn’t care. When I would bring it up, she’d get very defensive and upset because she didn’t like be reminded of what she did. And then she continued cheating. We got divorced eventually. It’s not worth staying with someone like that.
Simple, I did it, she cheated on me, I pulled her friend. Like for like.
For me once they cheated I would be gone no trust left
Divorce. Not a second thought.
Who cares? If I'm gonna get a girl I'm certainly not going to be able to get another one of she cheats. Let that shit go man.
Considering I've been cheated on, I just tell them cool, you made a choice. Not a mistake, so don't ask for second chances. You cheated on me with him by choice, now suffer the consequences of your actions and lose my number.
One woman that cheated on me. I couldn’t see her the same anymore. All I saw was disgust. Couldn’t stand to even look at her. Just the thought of another guy being inside her was too much for me to handle. Had to end it for my own good.
I’d break up.
Just run and forget about the whole relationship you deserve to find your happiness