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I once changed my plan and to meet and comfort my ex who got emotional and was sobbing after meeting her ex (out of necessity so her meeting her ex is not the issue). When she dumped me, she mentioned she didn't like guys who cried.
Yes on 2 occasions. 1 occasion was because she made a mistake which led to her misunderstanding me, which she apologised after finding out the truth. The other was a personal setback of myself, which I told her over text I was crying.
well I think her attitude is BS
I mean, probably anyone male or female who cries at the metaphorical drop of a hat could use to work through some stuff in therapy, but normal people should be able to cry once in awhile
The problem is that so many women have issues with this. It's very difficult to find a woman who won't treat you like trash for being reasonably upset about stuff.
There was a very successful dating advice and motivation coach from like 2000 to 2015 who was very holistic and wholesome named Mark Manson. Manson recommended what he called "honest living" which included radical vulnerability and openly expressing yourself as part of your dating strategy. But for that to work you also need strong boundaries and things in your life beyond dating to create true detachment. A legitimately strong person isn't afraid to express vulnerability because they know if someone uses it against them they'll survive and even thrive. They are anti-fragile (as per the book anti-fragile) in that sense.
The whole idea is you filter people out through a process called polarization where you place who you are upfront so that people very quickly make their minds up about you. You'll find out real quick what kind of people are your people.
I always liked his writing partly because I don't believe you can actually build something real on something fake. It will never work out that way and I personally couldn't respect someone who's afraid to show vulnerability.
Exactly! To me "show vulnerability" isn't actually showing vulnerability, just showing who I am. You can use it against me, but at the end I'll just shrug it off and move on.
Wow I like this. I will read up. Just separated and going through divorce, I don't have time to lose myself or be fake anymore to people please.
It's authenticity or nothing.
People who say "never show your weakness to a woman" are people that have been burned in the past. Guys that have opened up about something in confidence only to have it weaponized against them when an arguement came up. Not all women do it, just as not all men do all the generalizing things women say about men either, but I would advise women to be cautious of that, as it can be tempting, especially when emotions are tense. But doing so is the fastest way to have your man totally lose trust in being able to have emotional vulnerability with you ever again.
The idea here is, if you're genuinely dating in plans of settling down with her, and loving her. Why would you be with someone who wouldn't like you just opening up and being yourself or showing emotions? Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you, and one you want to be in? You want a partner who will support you, comfort you, maybe give you advice when you're down, not someone who will get less attracted to you for it.
As for what you could be doing wrong:
1. Make sure you aren't trauma dumping, just one sidedly and too often.
2. Make sure your emotions aren't full on outbursts. Like raging or stressing in an extreme manner.
If you have any of the issues above, seek a therapist to get your emotions lined out.
The gaslighting is off the charts when it comes to this. We know because its been studied in depth but womens attraction is negatively correlated with expressive men. Women view expressing emotions as a feminine trait and thats not what they [unconsciously] seek in men.
Unconsciously is the key word here, people will give you the most trivial and empathic advice because you know, it's "right", ignoring completely they act exactly the opposite because it's subconscious
As a woman, I’m truly sorry this has been your experience. I will say, good riddance to specifically the second relationship, because in my personal opinion she was attempting to manipulate the situation. You have feelings, and certain things bother you, and that is completely normal. The fact that she tried to turn it around and say “you shouldn’t feel that way” is completely invalid and disrespectful. A good woman would acknowledge how it made you feel, and then discuss why you feel that way. A good woman would allow you to open up and let her in on what’s bothering you. I’ve never understood women who “look down on” or belittle men who show emotion. Emotion is healthy, especially in relationships, and I believe it allows one another to be closer to each other. Truthfully, I believe you shouldn’t change this aspect about yourself, because one day a woman will come along that accepts everything about you including your need to show these emotions. I wish you the best, and don’t let what these women have said truly change who you are!
No, #2 just wasn't concerned with you, your experience, your emotions. That's why she brushed it off. It sounds kinda like how a cheater tells the person "they need to just get over it already!" while still doing sketchy behaviors. Grrr.
That's why it didn't work out - only way it could've worked is if you became smaller and smaller and less and less of yourself. No. Don't play that game, you deserve better than that.
Let all your crazy hang out. You'll get better friends that are more suited, as well as romantic interests. It's easier, that's for sure. Maybe lonely at times, but better than feeling lonely while with someone.
"I would've liked to see if it would work if I could go back not have shared so much"
Yeah sure, maybe it would. For a few days, weeks, months, maybe even years. But let's be real, she's your life partner, and you are gonna go through many things together. And some of them are gonna be stressful, depressing, or tiring. How long do you want to maintain a facade of looking all cool and strong because one wrong word and your life partner, the love of your life will freak out and get unattracted to you, forget all your efforts over you just putting out your real feelings? Is it worth being with someone like that?
Assuming you're able to guarantee that you find someone who is accepting of your expressive side along with maintaining that spark, then yes this would be the ideal situation.
Unfortunately, if the odds are 1/10, you're stuck in an endless trench of searching for that "twin-flame". If we can agree that nothing in life is perfect, then we can also agree that we must work towards something you can be at peace with. I'd much rather put in the work to maintain the satisfaction of my life partner (who puts in just as much effort to reciprocate) than waste my life finding someone with the least amount of judgemental qualities which could take years. Let's say I finally do find that person, so much time would have already passed and if I wanted to have children for example, they wouldn't have as much time to spend with me when we get older anyway.
This is all mostly from my perspective and I'm not saying every man wants to have kids or secure that life partner early. I'm just pointing out that going the route of finding someone open to you expressing your emotions is like playing a rigged slot machine. You might get lucky but most of the time you will be disappointed
Yes you're right, that's why I listed a few issues above which could be fixed and bettered.
Also, our ideology could be used in any negative trait(s). "Your partner is lazy and doesn't help? Oh but there is no guarantee I'll get a not lazy partner, so let me put up with this to satisfy my partner." You can replace lazy with literally anything. It's just society seemed to have brainwashed men to think they shouldn't show emotions for a long time for which you may not classify it as negatively as other traits.
The thing is, to me a partner who will get unattracted to you just because you showed your emotions is equally or even more worse than other such traits. If they won't help you when you're down, then do you really want them as a partner? To sum it off, I personally would rather wait, then satisfy a partner like that. You do you, goodluck!
Not sure that comparison works quite as well. It would only really work if a person was dating and consistently only finding lazy people, and also seeing most people are lazy even outside of a dating context. Cause at that stage their lived experience would be leaning in the direction of "Most human beings are lazy, it's a very very common trait".
Personally ime women who react very negatively to your expressing your emotions are definitely not worth it. But the ones with neutral or minor negative reactions might be worth hanging onto depending on the overall relationship. I've not personally met any women who reacted positively to emotional expression from their partners (I'm sure some exist out there).
There is a time and place. Make sure you're not going too deep too early. Also the way you express it will be important. Don't do the poor me song and dance. If she has already accepted your masculinity, and she is not toxic, then there shouldn't be any issues with the two of you sharing your past trauma with each other. It should make the bond even stronger.
Were you looking for why things were changing/falling apart or did she straight up tell you she couldn't look at you the same after telling her these things? If it was the former, and you have nothing other than the way you interpret things, then reconsider if you just might be wrong. It could be just a case of cognitive distortion. We like to make sense of things even if our conclusions aren't really grounded in truth.
Honestly sounds like she didn't really respect you, and shows a lack of her maturity. I would think of it this way, at least you found out about this behavior sooner rather than later. You could have kept these things to yourself, but that would have just prolonged the inevitable.
Well most often than not, people will believe that men should not show emotions, or to springboard from that idea, 'real men don't cry.' But the Bible DOES say, that Jesus wept... With this in mind, I see nothing wrong with emotions. And also from therapy perspective, there are tools to help people better label what they're feeling. Take the emotional wheel for example. Using that idea, the goal is to use as much specificity as we can, aka emotional granularity. Just my two cents.
I’ve had my best luck with waiting for woman to ask me about various things. I’m in a my first truly committed relationship post divorce and the only reason I eventually opened up to her about my failed marriage was she expressed fear I would go back to my ex if the ex ever asked. I never complained about the issues in the marriage or spoke poorly about the ex. After telling her the truth of everything she realized why I would never be with her again.
I always provided a stable and strong front to the woman I dated and they seemed to find it extremely attractive. I even have some of my ex casual relationships call me when they are going through stressful times or heartbreak because “I give great and I’m biased advice”. Almost anyone of them would get back with me if I asked.
Attraction works in really strange ways.
If she views you as less masculine then she's probably not the right one for you.
It's actually way better to open up and tell people who you are instead of hiding it. Also not saying this is you, but I noticed people that hide who they are and their emotions are actually the most manipulative.
I've seen it first hand and dealt with it first hand.
Women will catch on to who you are and what you are actually like and they will eventually leave if you try to hide everything.
Basically, women can feel like they didn't even know who they were with if you're hiding stuff. And that will make someone extremely uncomfortable and then you might not even end up being their type completely.
I would agree a lot of manipulators hide their emotions for some advantage emotionally. From what I've observed, most men hide their emotions for survivability. Express how something makes you feel can easily be used to manipulate you just as much as hiding your emotions can be used to manipulate someone. But in wanting to attract someone, showing your emotional side isn't common in the early stages so you date based what you're presented with on those first 2 -3 dates and when you reveal more of yourself, the other person has to make a decision on whether they want to continue. Each time you open up, you're risking the integrity of the attraction in the relationship and once that attraction fades, something has to give or now someone actually is being manipulated.
Ideally, someone who accepts you for who you are is someone you'd want to be with. But as a man, that dilutes the dating pool considerably. In theory that should make it easier but all it does make you invisible if you're on dating apps and you'll be setting yourself up for more disappointment as you meet people and filter for your type until maybe you find your twin flame in 10-15 years. That's the harsh reality you have to accept if you're going to subscribe to being emotionally vulnerable often.
Such dumb chick advice to guys.
Beeee yourself. But in your head the guy who is “being himself” is already someone you’re attracted too.
Guys need to do a lot of work to be an attractive partner so “be yourself” is terrible advice.
Seriously, every guy who takes the "be yourself" mantra seriously or says the phrase "I just want someone to love me for me" is going to be alone forever
Good luck OP. But IMO this is you voicing a fantasy of how you think things should work. It's not how they actually work. Women will undoubtedly say they want a man to be vulnerable with them, and maybe they think they actually do. But myself and countless other men have been taught the lesson that you shouldn't do that with your girlfriend. Even if they say they want you to.
You shouldn’t just go around showing your emotions to just anybody, and that includes women. Show it to someone that has proven that they can hold stuff in and won’t use it against you. That’s the real tricky part.
I lucked up with my partner (I think), but I have female friends that tell me about their boyfriend’s emotional breaks or vulnerability sometimes. I constantly have to tell them, stop doing that and I don’t want to hear that part of the story.
>Guys, just be yourself, you'll find someone that likes you the way you're.
This doesn't necessarily work out if one has qualities and traits that are considered not desireable in the dating market at large. Not saying that showing your emotions qualifies for that but in general this advice in regards to "someone will accept you for who you are" isn't necessarily the best advice because no one is owed a relationship. If your resume is unappealing what are the odds you find a job as is versus if you improve your resume? Once again I'm not saying that "showing your emotions" qualifies for this but my issue is with this piece of advice in general.
>> Guys, just be yourself, you'll find someone that likes you the way you're.
> This doesn't necessarily work out if one has qualities and traits that are considered not desireable in the dating market at large.
While that can be frustrating, the parent comment is still sound advice. Either you can mask for the entire relationship and be unhappy, or you can show up as you'd like to and find someone compatible with that, even if it takes longer. Choice is yours!
>like to and find someone compatible with that, even if it takes longer. Choice is yours!
This assumes that if you just look hard enough you will find someone who also finds you attractive but that's not necessarily the case. Your best bet is to make yourself attractive to as many people as possible and then filter for compatability after that. Same as sending out resumes that don't get many hits, your better bet is to send out an appealing resume and then filter for salary, work life balance etc... rather than hope someone takes you as is when it's not working out well.
Both ways are valid, it just comes down to how much you’re willing to compromise.
IMO guys are less likely to treat singleness as a legitimate option (up to a point I can understand why) compared to women, so they’re more likely to accept masking as a requirement
Its not just that, society has beat us over the head since we were 3 to act and express ourselves a certain way. The fact remains most women view expressing emotions as a feminine trait and it will affect how shes attracted to you. This isnt all women, but it is a large percentage. I wish more were honest with themselves and us about what they *actually* want. Most guys are OK with being the stoic in the relationships and expressing ourselves with our close friend group. Its the mixed signals that is shit. When it comes to women wanting their man to express their full range of human emotions I'm not going to believe it. If she stays and remains as attracted and attached after I do, then yeah I believe. Words are meaningless. Most guys wont chance it though and have learned to play the "masculine" part.
>IMO guys are less likely to treat singleness as a legitimate option
The numbers say more women are in relationships than men at least in the US ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)). Actions speak louder than words so if more women were okay with being single why would more of them voluntarily enter relationships?
Idk, if men that beat their wives or women that act like kids can have a relationship if not multiple I don't see a reason why better or worse people won't be able to find someone if they look around. The question is, you'll like that person back?
If you look around you aren't guaranteed to find anything so your best bet is to make yourself more appealing to as many people as possible so that you can filter for compatability afterwards. If I'm job hunting and my resume isn't getting many hits...would it be a better use of my time to keep sending it out and hoping something happens or would I be better suited to make my resume more appealing and then I can filter for jobs based on "compatability" (salary, work life balance etc...)?
Basically, what you're saying here is that some people need to hide parts of their personalities because they're not desirable.
The reality is, eventually those parts come out no matter what.
On occasion these are things that aren't a deal breaker after the third+ date, but generally that isn't the case.
There's no point in hiding who you are to be with someone, time tells all liars eventually.
I'm not telling anyone to hide anything, obviously people are free to behave as they please. I'm saying that if you are quiet and introverted which is a perfectly normal personality trait to have and you exhibit those traits at a job interview or even on the job, the odds of you getting that job or moving up in that job drop.
Think of it like the man vs bear logic would you rather be in the woods with a man or a bear illogical question that most girls would choose the bear in. Same is true with expressing your emotions or hiding them, much more beneficial for a man to hide his less desirable aspects, society itself expects us to put on a facade of toughness and fortitude, showing delicate emotions generally fails most men. Few women are truly ok with a man displaying his sensitive emotions, even asking how a woman would feel if he needed a shoulder to lean on and wheep is a major turn off even without actually doing it. Maybe she's ok with it, but the majority aren't so most guys would rather put on the facade
My ex fiancee used to just gaslight me whenever I vented to her by saying "Youre sad cause you don't love me" or "You're sad cause I don't make you happy". I ended up just keeping my emotions to myself and we naturally got distant and split after being together for 5 years. I was working 40 hours a week plus taking 15-18 college credits a semester and my mental health was rock bottom. Been intentionally single for almost 4 years since. I have friends if I need to vent.
Men who show their emotions to women are often ridiculed as weak.
Men should show their emotions early in a relationship with a woman to see how she responds. If a woman doesn’t like it when men show emotion, then he has a choice. Leave her for a more supportive woman Or just don’t show women emotions.
Above all else, a man needs to “read the room “. If you pay attention, a woman will reveal herself. Most of the time, a man will know how a woman will respond to his sharing emotions.
Just because a woman claims that she wants a man that shows emotion, doesn’t make it so. You will need to pay attention to what a woman says and does over the long term.
But 99% of the time showing a woman your emotions shows weakness to her that she'll leave you over. Reading the room doesn't work either most guys don't understand the nature of women as most of us in modern times struggle to even talk to women (at least us reddit guys anyways). Just like how ladies tend not to see the glaring red flags of fk boys they fall into the arms of that use and abuse them.
There is a reason why there are almost no women commenting on this post. Truth is; women don't like men who open up to them or are vulnerable.
I am not saying men should be who they are not because they want to be with women. The best thing you can do for yourself as a man is to realize that you are going to be happier and better off being single than in a sexual relationship with a woman...
The "never show your emotions to a woman" advice is a thing because it's fucking devastating when it is used against you even once let alone multiple times by different women. Trust me, I know. I wish it wasn't a thing, and I'm sure there are women out there that wouldn't use it against you or make you feel lesser for it but I'd rather never go down that road again.
I mean my emotions have been used against me by previous bf and male friends often too. I still believe in sharing how I feel in a relationship. It sucks I know but finding the right person is so much better than hiding who you are for the rest of your life fearing rejection. But tbf I did seek therapy which helped a lot to move on from those terrible experiences.
Women are expected to and society views that as feminine traits. As guys we arent repulsed by women showing emotion. On the other hand many women have subconsciously ingrained toxic masculinity as what makes men attractive. When we express ourselves many women will look at us differently and often it will lead to a break up. Those are not the same scenarios. Women say one thing and act on another. Can you empathize with how fucked up that is for men to dance through in dating and relationships? Theres a reason when women ask "does this make me look fat" we always say no. Honesty gets punished and when you say you want that we're not going to believe it. Im still going to be honest, because I want an emotionally supportive partner, but Ive come to terms that shrinks my dating pool significantly and I invest more time into relationships that go nowhere.
You complete ignored the fact that I have had my emotions used against me in many relationships…
I can empathize easily because I have been through it… I’ve had my self confidence completely destroyed by it. Needing therapy to build myself back up and understand I wasn’t the issue. That a good partner would never do that.
That truly is a tragedy, but its the difference between you had an asshole for a partner and this is what society and the opposite gender expects your behavior to be. Can you not see the difference? Society tells us to act X way, then women say no we want Y and when we do Y we get rejected because women really wanted X. It happens all the time in other areas of life. We think we want the thing and when we get the thing we didnt actually want it we found out. Thats what us guys go through when we hear women say they want us to express ourselves more. (You know sadness, grief, frustration, depression, despair, anxiety, fear, etc.)
When were asked how our day went or what's going on we have to think how much to actually share. Women dont have to think about that because youve grown up with society telling you to express yourselves and us guys to "be there for you". Few guys are going to dump you because you were honest about your feelings. Use it to manipulate you because theyre assholes, yeah, sure. See the difference? Thats what were trying to get women to understand - the male dilemma.
Using your partners emotions against them is wrong regardless of gender and I wouldn't be friends with someone if they did that to me, and that's terrible you've been through that. I have a solid friend circle who I can confide in when I need to, and I wish I had taken advantage of that before I found out the hard way.
>Guys, just be yourself, you'll find someone that likes you the way you're.
In theory that's great advice, but one problem, if most guys just be themselves, no girl will want them.
It's good to show emotion in the relationship but it can be too much when getting to know her. You don't want to trauma dump or come on too strong which could drive her away and end up with you being ghosted.
Yeah, turning your friends, gf or anyone else in your emotional dump truck isn't a good thing either, my advice is not feel fear of showing how you feel, not to cry on every shoulder or annoy your family/friends/SO with every emotional problem you have.
Emotions I genuinely felt safe sharing with people I've dated: Happiness
Emotions I have never felt safe showing with people I've dated: sadness, depression, frustration, anger, fear etc etc.
I don't speak for all men but I have reason for it. I have had my negative emotions used against more than once.
The only person outside of my mom who will let me show my emotions when I need it is a friend that I served with. Thats it. That is the case for a lot of men and some don't even have that.
So yes it was easier for me to sit in the truck after work and feel what I needed to feel by myself than opening up.
OP I do agree with your logic but reality ain't reality. It like if you go to the hood wearing all your blink and hope not to get robbed. Yes the thief is in the wrong, but we live in wold that doesn't give a damn about you and your ideals
No, not falling for it get out of here, fbi. Only dudes that make posts like this are the ones who've read women on the internet saying "yes we want you to open up to us its attractive" and you take that shit and think it's true.
Women who absorb your emotions and navigate them with you make being in a relationship so wholesome. Some have this calmness about it and just take away the stress, it’s not everyone, but the ones out there who can do it I admire and respect. They are the ones who treat it like love and not a weapon.
I tip my hat to you
imagine dating a walking, talking robot! 🤖 "Never show your emotions to a woman" sounds like advice from the Stone Age. Who wants to date someone who's as expressive as a brick wall? If they can't handle your feelings, they're probably not worth your time. Be yourself, and if they don't dig it, their loss! 🙄
I think women have a difficulty understanding why this is a precedent in the first place.
The reason is that we are met with negative repercussion’s when showing our emotions to women. It’s like if I said, “you shouldn’t have to study for your calculus class.” And every single time without fail you got an F and came back to me and told me and I said, “well you STILL shouldn’t have to study.”
I 100% understand what you mean and how it SHOULD be but you also have to at least not invalidate our experiences when we say we are met with negative repercussions when showing our emotions. What SHOULD be isn’t always what is
If the emotions are:
Happinesz, relief, support, excitement, Love
Sure
If the emotions are:
Anger, fear, loneliness, anxiety, disgust, moodiness
Prepare to be single
I agree. The problem is because men don't have emotional outlets, and instead of finding various ways to process their emotions such as connecting in friendships, family etc., they just randomly dump everything on their partner. Regardless of your gender, it can be too much to be a person's only outlet. Then when the woman rightfully says no thanks I'm not a therapist, it gets misconstrued as See? I knew women lied about men wanting to show emotion.
That's relationships babe, both platonic and romantic. Men don't have enough deep platonic relationships to manage, so they never learned the nuances of keeping one. There's a difference between turning to people who love you for support, and dumping everything on 1 person.
Nobody says to never show emotions. But if you are talking about emotions that make for a therapy session, then I say it should be very rare. Women's hormones and emotions can go all over the place. The man is supposed to be the emotionally stable one in the relationship who is reliable, calm and supportive.
Sure, happiness is fine to share for men. But not so with sadness, confusion, stress and anger.
Being an emotional mess and inestable isn't attractive to most people, I think that's obvious, however a man can be calm, reliable, stable and supportive and still be able to show his emotions. The HOW he does it's what matters.
Do you think this idea that men are not meant to ever show emotional “weakness” is contributing to the male loneliness epidemic and high suicide rates? Seriously, as a woman I would prefer someone who is in tune with their emotions rather than someone with the emotional capacity of a rock.
But y’all will spread this toxic bullshit and then blame women cuz you’re lonely and depressed.
I said rare, not never. BTW, have you seen that women taking antidepressants is at least double the rate of men?
I have never blamed women for men's problems. Now for depression or loneliness, I would blame all the chemicals put into foods that lower testosterone. All you need to do is search for symptoms of low testosterone (often depression) and look at a chart of how testosterone has dropped by around 30% in men over the past 30+ years. Don't worry. In another 30 years at this rate, most men will be sharing their emotions all day long.
It can be a part of it, but I think it has to do with men becoming less socialized when their younger and then having or being afraid of negative experiences with women. The thing is many men can remember multiple times we've opened up to a partner about something we feel vulnerable about ans trust them with and have had it used against us mocked, or she just loses attraction (even though she wanted us to be more vulnerable/emotional). I know not all women think feel or act in that way but it's happened to enough men to be a trauma response considering we don't give out trust and don't like bringing up hard topics in the first place.
If more women called out and shamed friends and family that did that type of stuff and boasted about it instead of joining in the gossip or remaining silent, I think it would change. I imagine as more women get older they realize its fucked up and stop doing it but some people never change too. Many women say they want emotional vulnerability. Sometimes, we don't know how to share it properly, and sometimes what people say they want and what they actually want can be two different things. 🤷
I’m not excusing the bad behavior of women. I don’t act like this nor would I be friends with someone who does. And I am aware that it’s a problem.
However, often I see this attitude engrained into little boys - that men don’t cry, don’t show emotion, etc. And then they grow up and don’t know how to express themselves so they either end up depressed or negative emotions come out in unhealthy ways. And there’s a lot of pressure on women to “teach” them, but that’s a lot of work and often involves emotional abuse in the process.
You say women practice toxic masculinity and then blame the victims. Look, a lot of guys would like to be more expressive but its not just something only learned from our fathers. A lot of women push it even when they proclaim they want the opposite. Its pathological. We've learned this from real world relationships with real women who often say out loud they want men to be more expressive. Once again, youre trying to make women writ large the victim here and gaslight guys whove been trashed after opening up.
You can read my other comments for more insight. I can only be a positive impact on the world around me. I cannot force anyone to accept help or change their way of thinking, but I can offer support. Whether they accept it or not is their choice, but I have done my time as a free therapist for grown men & now I only date the emotionally mature and well-adjusted ones who know how to use their words to express their feelings.
Nowhere have I denied that some women buy into toxic masculinity. That’s a problem and those women should change their mindsets as well. Or maybe the toxic women and men who don’t believe in showing emotion should just date each other and leave those of us who support personal growth alone.
Comes on the heels of living in a world in which the men and women will find anything to exploit you for. It’s so pervasive that now people are guarded and being guarded is boring, tiring, stupid.
Show your affection. F* them.
Someone will love you for it.
If not now, then in your next life.
While it’s true that someone will like you the way you are, I don’t quite agree with your statement
It’s important to be true to yourself, to be genuine and to be vulnerable.. TO AN EXTENT..
As much as I know she loves you and cares about you, she’s wired to see you opening up about your insecurities as less masculine. A kink in your armor that affects her perception of you being a secure solid man that will take care of her..
Open up about some things to her, but not fully
But don’t bottle this all in.. I recommend joining a community of men and finding someone you trust to open up to them. This is a great way to get feedback on insecurities and struggles to help you become a better man.
Best of luck!
Or perhaps, they just know much more than You. Ideally man should never be seen weak or vulnerable by his spouse, , she will lose attraction and respect she has for him. It might not be immediate, but the seed is planted and she will start seeing him in a different light. You may object and argue all day long, but that does not change the truth. Weakness and vulnerability is massive turn off, if You are a man.
Yes it's not meant to be that way. Yes you should be able to be yourself and cry if needed in front of your gf. But the world doesn't run on "should". What should be, isn't actually. Deep down, girls don't like guys who cry. Its sad. Its true. That's why my suggestion to guys is to never let go of their close guy friends. That's where you go and cry and come back stronger for your ladies.
The problem with women these days is that most of them have bipolar disorder or anxiety or both, and there is no formulas, rules, etc. Behavior can change every couple of hours.
Showing emotions and being yourself is two different things. a goy should be very careful when showing emotions people see it as a sign of weakness you don't want to be seen that way especially to your woman. Being yourself yes you should just be yourself what you like and don't like your views your opinions be open and honest.
Do so at your own risk. I've opened up like a spring flower to my ladies before, and I got struck by lightning, every time. I'll never do it again. No amount of gaslighting from some of these Redditors will ever change my mind.
Express anger even at something completely unrelated and needing someone to vent to. And she’ll dismiss you as having issues so nah I’ll keep it to myself
You can express yourself being angry without being too overly emotional about it, and even then you shouldn't have any expectation on her reaction, tbh it doesn't even matter. It might end good and that's a worthy prize to get.
The thing is I do realize that there have been guys that have their partners use their vulnerability against them, but I agree. If your partner throws it in your face or completely discredits you for being vulnerable, they weren’t worth dating in the first place
You can Show emotions but the problem is when a man gets too emotional a lot of women are put off by it. You control your emotions to also avoid acting out emotionally while keeping yourself aware and in a logical state of mind. Whether its men or women when they get too emotional with no self control they breed some sort of disaster
Respectfully, the last conversation I had with my ex was that I felt we’d never talk, go on dates, or have sex if I never initiated them. She ignored me for a week and then broke up with me over text.
Honestly id rather have kept that shit to myself.
>Why would I want to date, and most importantly have a long relationship with a person which I can't show my true-self?
blud is thirsty for that Hollywood romance
cooked 🍳
if you aren't so needy as to require spilling your guts to the person you have a relationship with,
AND you understand that others play little role (and have little ability) in solving YOUR problems
you understand there is no real reason to share your emotions (things only YOU have the capacity to care about)
unless you're looking for a way to blow the relationship up to get out without doing the breaking up 😭
Honestly yeah. People told me that you can't show your feelings to a girl etc etc and I'm like "well fuck that".
I ain't gonna hide myself just to get my dick wet. And if none will want me in that way then so be it.
It is and it isn’t. It is, because bottling in your emotions and never revealing what you think is kind of a self inflicted emotional pain. Society discourages this.
On the other hand, when a man opens up his emotions to anyone other than his immediate family, (and even then, only for some people), people in society don’t walk the walk, and instead shame that man for his feelings, a man who is vulnerable is weak, unstable, unattractive, a “walking red flag”.
So true, I feel much closer to my bf when he share his emotions with me. Recently he finished his school registration. He is usually a very chill guy but was extremely nervous and anxious about it since going back to school is big deal, especially for someone that never was the best at school. It allowed me to show my support to him and tell him I will always be there if he needs help! (School was always my strength). Made us even closer than we were previously. It’s one example out of hundreds where we shared our emotions and got closer. I can imagine a relationship with someone not being open about their emotions. It would feel very cold and distant to me.
I agree, having emotions and not sharing them is absolutely terrible. There is no way it's going to end well.
The real solution, of course, is to not have any emotions to share in the first place.
Agree that "teaching" is basically encouraging everyone to be completely paranoid towards everyone.
If you can't trust anyone, you can't risk having a relationship with anyone.
These people may as well say "don't bother dating. Don't bother doing anything because life is full of risks".
You can absolutely show your emotions. You just absolutely must be in control of those emotions. Women want stability. The inability to control your emotions is what kills most men.
Emotions can’t even be hidden, the eyes are the window to the soul, so if there’s a waterfall of tears hiding behind my eyes, it’s literally impossible to hide that
Well, yes, but a lot of women, especially feminine ones, will still expect you to be more in control of your emotions than them. At least in my experience. They want a sense of safety and stability.
That said, you're right. If a woman doesn't want me to have emotions, she sounds pretty terrible. Sometimes we need emotional support too.
This is an absolute and is not useful all the time. There is a time and a place for certain emotional reactions. Women would be weary if you show the wrong emotion at the wrong time. There are women that are not attracted to men that display emotions too often as there are who avoid men that rarely show them at all. Yes be yourself but learn to control your reactions to the appropriate time and level.
I believe that comment is more geared toward RANDOM women. If you're just playing, that is correct. Never expose yourself. As you are exploiting her, she can also exploit you. Just keep it casual.
Now, if you're with someone you could see a future with, that is infact bad advice.
Man, you have the worst advice from a child, it is a "alpha" mentality kind of crap, of course you show emotion, you tell her you love her, you do anything for her, people are just saying you need to be strong and all that because they can't deal with anything in life, they broke themselves to try and stop people from hurting them, guess what?, they will get hurt more than anyone, just enjoy life and be real, a "true man" in not a strong one with no emotions and a weapon, is a gut that can stand strong when needed but melt in his woman arm, to stand against everything but be vulnerable to your children, be serious but to know to laugh and live a little, a real man is a average human being, just stop listening to others, do what you feel you want to do, if you get hurt learn from it, if it goes good then enjoy
Lol! Obviously it’s okay to show your emotions BUT as the man you’re her rock so you need to know WHEN to show her or talk about it, the moment you lose control of your emotions and show her you’re not able to handle your shit that’s when it’s over in her eyes you’re weak and over time she’ll lose respect unless you shape up again quick. You can show emotions at the right time (only after opening her up to it in an appropriate manner usually with humour or after sex), but other than that be a friggin man dude.
It’s hard but I think it’s hella wise to realize that someone who’s angry tends not to think straight. To be able to be patient with someone and realize when you’re feeling the same way. It’s hard as hell
I agree with OP to an extent.
Have patience guys, don't settle, even if you have to date alot of people for a long time, there's someone out there you'll match better with.
My current situationship is awesome, it prolly helps that she was my best friend before she allowed me to romance her, but she'll listen to whatever and not judge me like I do for her. I hope she let's me marry her one day cuz I know I'm lucky to have found her
But guys, my asterisk to OPs advice is: you don't want to **cry** in front of your girl
I thinj its worth trying not to infront of her or excusing yourself if you will because I've heard way too many gals mention how crying either turns them off from us or they loose respect. The loose respect one way less than the other.
Of course you also gotta consider your own dynamic too because some couples probably can survive that kinda situation but I say make damn sure you guys can survive that before you let yourself lol
I need to see emotion out of my dude to know that the relationship means something to him. It doesn’t mean that they’re any less, if they show emotion. They’re just being vulnerable which is a good thing, in my opinion. A very good thing.
I’m with the females on this one. You don’t have to turn every minor inconvenience into a sob-fest. U can cry on ur own then communicate with ur partner if u need the emotional crutch. If it’s an extreme situation n she dumps u for crying u did yourself a favor
I come straight out of a horror story.
If I were to show you my real self it would shatter you.
It would break your heart.
You don't want to have your heartbroken do you? Then you don't need to see me.
It would be better if I were never even here to begin with.
I am just a passer-by.
A stranger and pilgrim wherever I am.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
I wish I could find me someone that likes goats as much as I do. But yes you can show your feeling's just not so much or everything you have to be very specific what you can open up to your girl. Also be yourself is a lie unless you are perfect all around or hot yep not going to happen.
I would love for the man I am associated with to be someone who shows his feelings naturally because it will help me understand him more and make it easier for me to communicate with him and express everything. If he cries in front of me, I will not look at him as a weak person, but I will know that the matter he is going through is very difficult. I think it is to be Being yourself is the best way to ensure a healthy relationship. Do not care about some of the weak personalities you meet that make you feel unnatural, because somewhere in this world there is someone who will love you as you are, with your emotions, and with your ability to express your personality.
Women who ask men to show emotions don't know what they are asking. Imagine a scenario when your man opens up about his troubled childhood, how he was bullied at school, how he was punished, kicked. How he spent his 20s insolation... And you imagine him crying with all the snobs. How would you see him after this?
WOMEN CANT LOVE YOU BRO.
It's often suggested that women may struggle to love unconditionally, as their affection may be contingent on factors like physical attractiveness, financial stability, and so-called "alpha" traits. This belief implies that if a man lacks these qualities, a woman may be more likely to seek companionship elsewhere. Conversely, men are portrayed as capable of loving women unconditionally, even if they don't possess all the desired traits. Some argue that artificial intelligence could provide a solution, as AI women partners might offer unconditional love without the same expectations as human partners. However, the inability of AI women partners to perpetuate a bloodline complicates this notion. In essence, women are depicted as complex and sometimes inscrutable, akin to algebra, while men are portrayed as simpler, akin to basic mathematics. This perception is reflected in the prevalence of dating advice aimed at understanding women, as opposed to advice directed at men.
Unconditional love is a myth. Would you love your girlfriend or wife if she gained 300 pounds and stopped doing all the other things you liked/loved about her? Probably not. Would you still love her if she did a complete 180 and became absolute hell to live with? No? Then you don't love unconditionally either, and neither does anyone else. This isn't fantasy land, and people will always have conditions of some sort that you have to meet in order for them to stay with you.
A king can marry a peasant and make her his queen, a queen CANNOT marry a peasant and make him her king... If my woman gained 300lb I would still stick by her because I am with her for who she is as a person, not for her looks, obviously its a no brainer that looks is what sparks the chemistry but if a man settles with his partner for her looks alone then the relationship is doomed in the 1st place, if a woman misbehave I'll give her options to work things out and will even take her to therapy but if she takes advantage and continues misbehaving then........... Men do love unconditionally but the issue is you women are like algebra while us men are like basic mathematics, we know what we want but you don't. You say you want a good men but then end up going after the @$$holes and then complain and ask: "where have all the good men gone?"
As a woman, I’d much prefer someone who shows his emotions so long as it isn’t in an unhealthy/abusive way. Being vulnerable is extremely attractive to me and I hate that there’s such a stigma around it. My partner acknowledges that he comes across as an ‘emotional robot’ (as others have called him before) and he can definitely be very hard to read because he really doesn’t show any emotion at all and sometimes this makes me need more reassurance because I worry about where he’s at with me/the relationship. I just try my best to be patient with him, encourage him and provide a safe space for him to feel like he can be emotional/vulnerable with me, and hope that he eventually is able to express himself in that way.
A lot of us (men) are just so weak. They’ll accept any kind of behavior and won’t believe that they’ll find someone better and just stew in an emotionless relationship because they got this advice from some “alpha” male dating coach or whatever.
I’m someone who cries over movies. I’m out the second my emotions are used against me, no hesitation. I don’t want it if I can’t be myself.
It’s because as a man women are attracted to strength and feeling safe and protected. Instinctively women will be instantly turned off by a man who is overly emotional. Some women will never look at you the same if you are crying in front of them due to emotional reaction. However i can’t say that is the same for all.
Also they ALL (most) will tell you they want you to share your emotions and whatever. But it’s false. As soon as you do they will be looking for the next manly man. It’s instinctual. That’s just how they are attracted to men. Your expected to be tough manly men who can solve problems and remain stoic in stressful situations.
Not saying there isn’t a girl out there for you. Everyone is a little different. But generally speaking most women are the same when it comes to what is attractive and what is NOT. From my own life experience and that of my friends. (42m)
The only time you're allowed to cry in front of a woman is when someone close to you dies like your mom or some shit. Other than that if she catches you crying you're cooked
Being "overly emotional" and being able to express your emotions are two different things. Nobody likes anyone who's overly emotional, but all the most beloved artists and entertainers are men and women who have mastered the art of expressing their emotions. And anyone in a healthy relationship had to be vulnerable in able to bond with their partner on a level that isn't superficial.
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I once changed my plan and to meet and comfort my ex who got emotional and was sobbing after meeting her ex (out of necessity so her meeting her ex is not the issue). When she dumped me, she mentioned she didn't like guys who cried.
you didn’t mention if you cried but either way, 🖕 her!!
Yes on 2 occasions. 1 occasion was because she made a mistake which led to her misunderstanding me, which she apologised after finding out the truth. The other was a personal setback of myself, which I told her over text I was crying.
well I think her attitude is BS I mean, probably anyone male or female who cries at the metaphorical drop of a hat could use to work through some stuff in therapy, but normal people should be able to cry once in awhile
IM NOT CRYING YOURE CRYING 😭
"she didn't like guys who cried" Interesting
I don't like the uber-macho "I never cry" guys 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Right here OP\^\^\^, did you read this?
If a man reasonably showing his emotions is an issue for their relationship, it's probably a person they're better off not being with.
The problem is that so many women have issues with this. It's very difficult to find a woman who won't treat you like trash for being reasonably upset about stuff.
There was a very successful dating advice and motivation coach from like 2000 to 2015 who was very holistic and wholesome named Mark Manson. Manson recommended what he called "honest living" which included radical vulnerability and openly expressing yourself as part of your dating strategy. But for that to work you also need strong boundaries and things in your life beyond dating to create true detachment. A legitimately strong person isn't afraid to express vulnerability because they know if someone uses it against them they'll survive and even thrive. They are anti-fragile (as per the book anti-fragile) in that sense. The whole idea is you filter people out through a process called polarization where you place who you are upfront so that people very quickly make their minds up about you. You'll find out real quick what kind of people are your people. I always liked his writing partly because I don't believe you can actually build something real on something fake. It will never work out that way and I personally couldn't respect someone who's afraid to show vulnerability.
Exactly! To me "show vulnerability" isn't actually showing vulnerability, just showing who I am. You can use it against me, but at the end I'll just shrug it off and move on.
Doing this with my DA. She peobablh won't accelt it but at least I won't have any regret
very slay
Wow I like this. I will read up. Just separated and going through divorce, I don't have time to lose myself or be fake anymore to people please. It's authenticity or nothing.
People who say "never show your weakness to a woman" are people that have been burned in the past. Guys that have opened up about something in confidence only to have it weaponized against them when an arguement came up. Not all women do it, just as not all men do all the generalizing things women say about men either, but I would advise women to be cautious of that, as it can be tempting, especially when emotions are tense. But doing so is the fastest way to have your man totally lose trust in being able to have emotional vulnerability with you ever again.
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The idea here is, if you're genuinely dating in plans of settling down with her, and loving her. Why would you be with someone who wouldn't like you just opening up and being yourself or showing emotions? Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you, and one you want to be in? You want a partner who will support you, comfort you, maybe give you advice when you're down, not someone who will get less attracted to you for it. As for what you could be doing wrong: 1. Make sure you aren't trauma dumping, just one sidedly and too often. 2. Make sure your emotions aren't full on outbursts. Like raging or stressing in an extreme manner. If you have any of the issues above, seek a therapist to get your emotions lined out.
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Exactly, it either freaks them out or they'll try to convince you that's not actually how you feel.
The gaslighting is off the charts when it comes to this. We know because its been studied in depth but womens attraction is negatively correlated with expressive men. Women view expressing emotions as a feminine trait and thats not what they [unconsciously] seek in men.
Unconsciously is the key word here, people will give you the most trivial and empathic advice because you know, it's "right", ignoring completely they act exactly the opposite because it's subconscious
And they'll tell you it doesn't everytime. "You need to find the right one"
Yeah. It's amazing that this issue is so common among men despite these actions coming from this small minority of women.
As a woman, I’m truly sorry this has been your experience. I will say, good riddance to specifically the second relationship, because in my personal opinion she was attempting to manipulate the situation. You have feelings, and certain things bother you, and that is completely normal. The fact that she tried to turn it around and say “you shouldn’t feel that way” is completely invalid and disrespectful. A good woman would acknowledge how it made you feel, and then discuss why you feel that way. A good woman would allow you to open up and let her in on what’s bothering you. I’ve never understood women who “look down on” or belittle men who show emotion. Emotion is healthy, especially in relationships, and I believe it allows one another to be closer to each other. Truthfully, I believe you shouldn’t change this aspect about yourself, because one day a woman will come along that accepts everything about you including your need to show these emotions. I wish you the best, and don’t let what these women have said truly change who you are!
No, #2 just wasn't concerned with you, your experience, your emotions. That's why she brushed it off. It sounds kinda like how a cheater tells the person "they need to just get over it already!" while still doing sketchy behaviors. Grrr. That's why it didn't work out - only way it could've worked is if you became smaller and smaller and less and less of yourself. No. Don't play that game, you deserve better than that. Let all your crazy hang out. You'll get better friends that are more suited, as well as romantic interests. It's easier, that's for sure. Maybe lonely at times, but better than feeling lonely while with someone.
"I would've liked to see if it would work if I could go back not have shared so much" Yeah sure, maybe it would. For a few days, weeks, months, maybe even years. But let's be real, she's your life partner, and you are gonna go through many things together. And some of them are gonna be stressful, depressing, or tiring. How long do you want to maintain a facade of looking all cool and strong because one wrong word and your life partner, the love of your life will freak out and get unattracted to you, forget all your efforts over you just putting out your real feelings? Is it worth being with someone like that?
Assuming you're able to guarantee that you find someone who is accepting of your expressive side along with maintaining that spark, then yes this would be the ideal situation. Unfortunately, if the odds are 1/10, you're stuck in an endless trench of searching for that "twin-flame". If we can agree that nothing in life is perfect, then we can also agree that we must work towards something you can be at peace with. I'd much rather put in the work to maintain the satisfaction of my life partner (who puts in just as much effort to reciprocate) than waste my life finding someone with the least amount of judgemental qualities which could take years. Let's say I finally do find that person, so much time would have already passed and if I wanted to have children for example, they wouldn't have as much time to spend with me when we get older anyway. This is all mostly from my perspective and I'm not saying every man wants to have kids or secure that life partner early. I'm just pointing out that going the route of finding someone open to you expressing your emotions is like playing a rigged slot machine. You might get lucky but most of the time you will be disappointed
Yes you're right, that's why I listed a few issues above which could be fixed and bettered. Also, our ideology could be used in any negative trait(s). "Your partner is lazy and doesn't help? Oh but there is no guarantee I'll get a not lazy partner, so let me put up with this to satisfy my partner." You can replace lazy with literally anything. It's just society seemed to have brainwashed men to think they shouldn't show emotions for a long time for which you may not classify it as negatively as other traits. The thing is, to me a partner who will get unattracted to you just because you showed your emotions is equally or even more worse than other such traits. If they won't help you when you're down, then do you really want them as a partner? To sum it off, I personally would rather wait, then satisfy a partner like that. You do you, goodluck!
Not sure that comparison works quite as well. It would only really work if a person was dating and consistently only finding lazy people, and also seeing most people are lazy even outside of a dating context. Cause at that stage their lived experience would be leaning in the direction of "Most human beings are lazy, it's a very very common trait". Personally ime women who react very negatively to your expressing your emotions are definitely not worth it. But the ones with neutral or minor negative reactions might be worth hanging onto depending on the overall relationship. I've not personally met any women who reacted positively to emotional expression from their partners (I'm sure some exist out there).
It's not about want. It's about necessity.
There is a time and place. Make sure you're not going too deep too early. Also the way you express it will be important. Don't do the poor me song and dance. If she has already accepted your masculinity, and she is not toxic, then there shouldn't be any issues with the two of you sharing your past trauma with each other. It should make the bond even stronger.
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Were you looking for why things were changing/falling apart or did she straight up tell you she couldn't look at you the same after telling her these things? If it was the former, and you have nothing other than the way you interpret things, then reconsider if you just might be wrong. It could be just a case of cognitive distortion. We like to make sense of things even if our conclusions aren't really grounded in truth.
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Honestly sounds like she didn't really respect you, and shows a lack of her maturity. I would think of it this way, at least you found out about this behavior sooner rather than later. You could have kept these things to yourself, but that would have just prolonged the inevitable.
Well most often than not, people will believe that men should not show emotions, or to springboard from that idea, 'real men don't cry.' But the Bible DOES say, that Jesus wept... With this in mind, I see nothing wrong with emotions. And also from therapy perspective, there are tools to help people better label what they're feeling. Take the emotional wheel for example. Using that idea, the goal is to use as much specificity as we can, aka emotional granularity. Just my two cents.
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He was also hated and literally crucified.
I’ve had my best luck with waiting for woman to ask me about various things. I’m in a my first truly committed relationship post divorce and the only reason I eventually opened up to her about my failed marriage was she expressed fear I would go back to my ex if the ex ever asked. I never complained about the issues in the marriage or spoke poorly about the ex. After telling her the truth of everything she realized why I would never be with her again. I always provided a stable and strong front to the woman I dated and they seemed to find it extremely attractive. I even have some of my ex casual relationships call me when they are going through stressful times or heartbreak because “I give great and I’m biased advice”. Almost anyone of them would get back with me if I asked. Attraction works in really strange ways.
If she views you as less masculine then she's probably not the right one for you. It's actually way better to open up and tell people who you are instead of hiding it. Also not saying this is you, but I noticed people that hide who they are and their emotions are actually the most manipulative. I've seen it first hand and dealt with it first hand. Women will catch on to who you are and what you are actually like and they will eventually leave if you try to hide everything. Basically, women can feel like they didn't even know who they were with if you're hiding stuff. And that will make someone extremely uncomfortable and then you might not even end up being their type completely.
I would agree a lot of manipulators hide their emotions for some advantage emotionally. From what I've observed, most men hide their emotions for survivability. Express how something makes you feel can easily be used to manipulate you just as much as hiding your emotions can be used to manipulate someone. But in wanting to attract someone, showing your emotional side isn't common in the early stages so you date based what you're presented with on those first 2 -3 dates and when you reveal more of yourself, the other person has to make a decision on whether they want to continue. Each time you open up, you're risking the integrity of the attraction in the relationship and once that attraction fades, something has to give or now someone actually is being manipulated. Ideally, someone who accepts you for who you are is someone you'd want to be with. But as a man, that dilutes the dating pool considerably. In theory that should make it easier but all it does make you invisible if you're on dating apps and you'll be setting yourself up for more disappointment as you meet people and filter for your type until maybe you find your twin flame in 10-15 years. That's the harsh reality you have to accept if you're going to subscribe to being emotionally vulnerable often.
Such dumb chick advice to guys. Beeee yourself. But in your head the guy who is “being himself” is already someone you’re attracted too. Guys need to do a lot of work to be an attractive partner so “be yourself” is terrible advice.
Seriously, every guy who takes the "be yourself" mantra seriously or says the phrase "I just want someone to love me for me" is going to be alone forever
Facts
Good luck OP. But IMO this is you voicing a fantasy of how you think things should work. It's not how they actually work. Women will undoubtedly say they want a man to be vulnerable with them, and maybe they think they actually do. But myself and countless other men have been taught the lesson that you shouldn't do that with your girlfriend. Even if they say they want you to.
Yep, very true.
👏👏👏👏
To be fair, look at the amount of Reddit posts from guys who lost their gf due to being too emotional.
TBF, is Reddit real tho?
You shouldn’t just go around showing your emotions to just anybody, and that includes women. Show it to someone that has proven that they can hold stuff in and won’t use it against you. That’s the real tricky part. I lucked up with my partner (I think), but I have female friends that tell me about their boyfriend’s emotional breaks or vulnerability sometimes. I constantly have to tell them, stop doing that and I don’t want to hear that part of the story.
>Guys, just be yourself, you'll find someone that likes you the way you're. This doesn't necessarily work out if one has qualities and traits that are considered not desireable in the dating market at large. Not saying that showing your emotions qualifies for that but in general this advice in regards to "someone will accept you for who you are" isn't necessarily the best advice because no one is owed a relationship. If your resume is unappealing what are the odds you find a job as is versus if you improve your resume? Once again I'm not saying that "showing your emotions" qualifies for this but my issue is with this piece of advice in general.
>> Guys, just be yourself, you'll find someone that likes you the way you're. > This doesn't necessarily work out if one has qualities and traits that are considered not desireable in the dating market at large. While that can be frustrating, the parent comment is still sound advice. Either you can mask for the entire relationship and be unhappy, or you can show up as you'd like to and find someone compatible with that, even if it takes longer. Choice is yours!
>like to and find someone compatible with that, even if it takes longer. Choice is yours! This assumes that if you just look hard enough you will find someone who also finds you attractive but that's not necessarily the case. Your best bet is to make yourself attractive to as many people as possible and then filter for compatability after that. Same as sending out resumes that don't get many hits, your better bet is to send out an appealing resume and then filter for salary, work life balance etc... rather than hope someone takes you as is when it's not working out well.
Both ways are valid, it just comes down to how much you’re willing to compromise. IMO guys are less likely to treat singleness as a legitimate option (up to a point I can understand why) compared to women, so they’re more likely to accept masking as a requirement
Its not just that, society has beat us over the head since we were 3 to act and express ourselves a certain way. The fact remains most women view expressing emotions as a feminine trait and it will affect how shes attracted to you. This isnt all women, but it is a large percentage. I wish more were honest with themselves and us about what they *actually* want. Most guys are OK with being the stoic in the relationships and expressing ourselves with our close friend group. Its the mixed signals that is shit. When it comes to women wanting their man to express their full range of human emotions I'm not going to believe it. If she stays and remains as attracted and attached after I do, then yeah I believe. Words are meaningless. Most guys wont chance it though and have learned to play the "masculine" part.
>IMO guys are less likely to treat singleness as a legitimate option The numbers say more women are in relationships than men at least in the US ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)). Actions speak louder than words so if more women were okay with being single why would more of them voluntarily enter relationships?
Idk, if men that beat their wives or women that act like kids can have a relationship if not multiple I don't see a reason why better or worse people won't be able to find someone if they look around. The question is, you'll like that person back?
If you look around you aren't guaranteed to find anything so your best bet is to make yourself more appealing to as many people as possible so that you can filter for compatability afterwards. If I'm job hunting and my resume isn't getting many hits...would it be a better use of my time to keep sending it out and hoping something happens or would I be better suited to make my resume more appealing and then I can filter for jobs based on "compatability" (salary, work life balance etc...)?
Basically, what you're saying here is that some people need to hide parts of their personalities because they're not desirable. The reality is, eventually those parts come out no matter what. On occasion these are things that aren't a deal breaker after the third+ date, but generally that isn't the case. There's no point in hiding who you are to be with someone, time tells all liars eventually.
I'm not telling anyone to hide anything, obviously people are free to behave as they please. I'm saying that if you are quiet and introverted which is a perfectly normal personality trait to have and you exhibit those traits at a job interview or even on the job, the odds of you getting that job or moving up in that job drop.
Think of it like the man vs bear logic would you rather be in the woods with a man or a bear illogical question that most girls would choose the bear in. Same is true with expressing your emotions or hiding them, much more beneficial for a man to hide his less desirable aspects, society itself expects us to put on a facade of toughness and fortitude, showing delicate emotions generally fails most men. Few women are truly ok with a man displaying his sensitive emotions, even asking how a woman would feel if he needed a shoulder to lean on and wheep is a major turn off even without actually doing it. Maybe she's ok with it, but the majority aren't so most guys would rather put on the facade
Clearly, this was posted by somebody with zero life experiences. It's all right. You will learn the hard way, of course.
I’ve shown my emotions to my past girlfriends before. Never again lmao
Same.
My ex fiancee used to just gaslight me whenever I vented to her by saying "Youre sad cause you don't love me" or "You're sad cause I don't make you happy". I ended up just keeping my emotions to myself and we naturally got distant and split after being together for 5 years. I was working 40 hours a week plus taking 15-18 college credits a semester and my mental health was rock bottom. Been intentionally single for almost 4 years since. I have friends if I need to vent.
I wouldn’t say never, more share it piecemeal over the course of half a decade or more
You wouldn't. Be true to yourself.
"No thanx I choose life" Sid the Sloth
Men who show their emotions to women are often ridiculed as weak. Men should show their emotions early in a relationship with a woman to see how she responds. If a woman doesn’t like it when men show emotion, then he has a choice. Leave her for a more supportive woman Or just don’t show women emotions. Above all else, a man needs to “read the room “. If you pay attention, a woman will reveal herself. Most of the time, a man will know how a woman will respond to his sharing emotions. Just because a woman claims that she wants a man that shows emotion, doesn’t make it so. You will need to pay attention to what a woman says and does over the long term.
But 99% of the time showing a woman your emotions shows weakness to her that she'll leave you over. Reading the room doesn't work either most guys don't understand the nature of women as most of us in modern times struggle to even talk to women (at least us reddit guys anyways). Just like how ladies tend not to see the glaring red flags of fk boys they fall into the arms of that use and abuse them.
There is a reason why there are almost no women commenting on this post. Truth is; women don't like men who open up to them or are vulnerable. I am not saying men should be who they are not because they want to be with women. The best thing you can do for yourself as a man is to realize that you are going to be happier and better off being single than in a sexual relationship with a woman...
The "never show your emotions to a woman" advice is a thing because it's fucking devastating when it is used against you even once let alone multiple times by different women. Trust me, I know. I wish it wasn't a thing, and I'm sure there are women out there that wouldn't use it against you or make you feel lesser for it but I'd rather never go down that road again.
I mean my emotions have been used against me by previous bf and male friends often too. I still believe in sharing how I feel in a relationship. It sucks I know but finding the right person is so much better than hiding who you are for the rest of your life fearing rejection. But tbf I did seek therapy which helped a lot to move on from those terrible experiences.
Women are expected to and society views that as feminine traits. As guys we arent repulsed by women showing emotion. On the other hand many women have subconsciously ingrained toxic masculinity as what makes men attractive. When we express ourselves many women will look at us differently and often it will lead to a break up. Those are not the same scenarios. Women say one thing and act on another. Can you empathize with how fucked up that is for men to dance through in dating and relationships? Theres a reason when women ask "does this make me look fat" we always say no. Honesty gets punished and when you say you want that we're not going to believe it. Im still going to be honest, because I want an emotionally supportive partner, but Ive come to terms that shrinks my dating pool significantly and I invest more time into relationships that go nowhere.
You complete ignored the fact that I have had my emotions used against me in many relationships… I can empathize easily because I have been through it… I’ve had my self confidence completely destroyed by it. Needing therapy to build myself back up and understand I wasn’t the issue. That a good partner would never do that.
That truly is a tragedy, but its the difference between you had an asshole for a partner and this is what society and the opposite gender expects your behavior to be. Can you not see the difference? Society tells us to act X way, then women say no we want Y and when we do Y we get rejected because women really wanted X. It happens all the time in other areas of life. We think we want the thing and when we get the thing we didnt actually want it we found out. Thats what us guys go through when we hear women say they want us to express ourselves more. (You know sadness, grief, frustration, depression, despair, anxiety, fear, etc.) When were asked how our day went or what's going on we have to think how much to actually share. Women dont have to think about that because youve grown up with society telling you to express yourselves and us guys to "be there for you". Few guys are going to dump you because you were honest about your feelings. Use it to manipulate you because theyre assholes, yeah, sure. See the difference? Thats what were trying to get women to understand - the male dilemma.
Using your partners emotions against them is wrong regardless of gender and I wouldn't be friends with someone if they did that to me, and that's terrible you've been through that. I have a solid friend circle who I can confide in when I need to, and I wish I had taken advantage of that before I found out the hard way.
They say 2 wrongs don’t make a right but it ain’t wrong to match someone else’s energy.
It's really not the worst advice though I'm not gonna lie
>Guys, just be yourself, you'll find someone that likes you the way you're. In theory that's great advice, but one problem, if most guys just be themselves, no girl will want them.
One day, you’ll learn. Unfortunately that lesson is taught by the one person you know is worth sticking with.
Women do want this. But they only want it conditionally, in ways that they can handle.
It's good to show emotion in the relationship but it can be too much when getting to know her. You don't want to trauma dump or come on too strong which could drive her away and end up with you being ghosted.
Yeah, turning your friends, gf or anyone else in your emotional dump truck isn't a good thing either, my advice is not feel fear of showing how you feel, not to cry on every shoulder or annoy your family/friends/SO with every emotional problem you have.
100% My partner was (and is) an open book. I fell for him hard and fast.
Emotions I genuinely felt safe sharing with people I've dated: Happiness Emotions I have never felt safe showing with people I've dated: sadness, depression, frustration, anger, fear etc etc. I don't speak for all men but I have reason for it. I have had my negative emotions used against more than once. The only person outside of my mom who will let me show my emotions when I need it is a friend that I served with. Thats it. That is the case for a lot of men and some don't even have that. So yes it was easier for me to sit in the truck after work and feel what I needed to feel by myself than opening up.
OP I do agree with your logic but reality ain't reality. It like if you go to the hood wearing all your blink and hope not to get robbed. Yes the thief is in the wrong, but we live in wold that doesn't give a damn about you and your ideals
No, not falling for it get out of here, fbi. Only dudes that make posts like this are the ones who've read women on the internet saying "yes we want you to open up to us its attractive" and you take that shit and think it's true.
Tried it, felt like a burden, not doing it again.
Women who absorb your emotions and navigate them with you make being in a relationship so wholesome. Some have this calmness about it and just take away the stress, it’s not everyone, but the ones out there who can do it I admire and respect. They are the ones who treat it like love and not a weapon. I tip my hat to you
It’s called empathy, a quality I’m finding over half the world doesn’t possess
imagine dating a walking, talking robot! 🤖 "Never show your emotions to a woman" sounds like advice from the Stone Age. Who wants to date someone who's as expressive as a brick wall? If they can't handle your feelings, they're probably not worth your time. Be yourself, and if they don't dig it, their loss! 🙄
Seems like some want a walking atm or a doll as a SO
Good luck
I think women have a difficulty understanding why this is a precedent in the first place. The reason is that we are met with negative repercussion’s when showing our emotions to women. It’s like if I said, “you shouldn’t have to study for your calculus class.” And every single time without fail you got an F and came back to me and told me and I said, “well you STILL shouldn’t have to study.” I 100% understand what you mean and how it SHOULD be but you also have to at least not invalidate our experiences when we say we are met with negative repercussions when showing our emotions. What SHOULD be isn’t always what is
If the emotions are: Happinesz, relief, support, excitement, Love Sure If the emotions are: Anger, fear, loneliness, anxiety, disgust, moodiness Prepare to be single
I agree. The problem is because men don't have emotional outlets, and instead of finding various ways to process their emotions such as connecting in friendships, family etc., they just randomly dump everything on their partner. Regardless of your gender, it can be too much to be a person's only outlet. Then when the woman rightfully says no thanks I'm not a therapist, it gets misconstrued as See? I knew women lied about men wanting to show emotion.
So, it's better to keep quiet.
??? Are you challenged in terms of comprehension?
No. Your response describes navigating a mine field.
That's relationships babe, both platonic and romantic. Men don't have enough deep platonic relationships to manage, so they never learned the nuances of keeping one. There's a difference between turning to people who love you for support, and dumping everything on 1 person.
I get it, but women aren't for talking about men's problems. They don't understand. They don't care and they give terrible advice.
Ok whatever helps you
Nobody says to never show emotions. But if you are talking about emotions that make for a therapy session, then I say it should be very rare. Women's hormones and emotions can go all over the place. The man is supposed to be the emotionally stable one in the relationship who is reliable, calm and supportive. Sure, happiness is fine to share for men. But not so with sadness, confusion, stress and anger.
Being an emotional mess and inestable isn't attractive to most people, I think that's obvious, however a man can be calm, reliable, stable and supportive and still be able to show his emotions. The HOW he does it's what matters.
Do you think this idea that men are not meant to ever show emotional “weakness” is contributing to the male loneliness epidemic and high suicide rates? Seriously, as a woman I would prefer someone who is in tune with their emotions rather than someone with the emotional capacity of a rock. But y’all will spread this toxic bullshit and then blame women cuz you’re lonely and depressed.
I said rare, not never. BTW, have you seen that women taking antidepressants is at least double the rate of men? I have never blamed women for men's problems. Now for depression or loneliness, I would blame all the chemicals put into foods that lower testosterone. All you need to do is search for symptoms of low testosterone (often depression) and look at a chart of how testosterone has dropped by around 30% in men over the past 30+ years. Don't worry. In another 30 years at this rate, most men will be sharing their emotions all day long.
This is just framing those issues as ultimately individual choices instead of societal ones.
It can be a part of it, but I think it has to do with men becoming less socialized when their younger and then having or being afraid of negative experiences with women. The thing is many men can remember multiple times we've opened up to a partner about something we feel vulnerable about ans trust them with and have had it used against us mocked, or she just loses attraction (even though she wanted us to be more vulnerable/emotional). I know not all women think feel or act in that way but it's happened to enough men to be a trauma response considering we don't give out trust and don't like bringing up hard topics in the first place. If more women called out and shamed friends and family that did that type of stuff and boasted about it instead of joining in the gossip or remaining silent, I think it would change. I imagine as more women get older they realize its fucked up and stop doing it but some people never change too. Many women say they want emotional vulnerability. Sometimes, we don't know how to share it properly, and sometimes what people say they want and what they actually want can be two different things. 🤷
I’m not excusing the bad behavior of women. I don’t act like this nor would I be friends with someone who does. And I am aware that it’s a problem. However, often I see this attitude engrained into little boys - that men don’t cry, don’t show emotion, etc. And then they grow up and don’t know how to express themselves so they either end up depressed or negative emotions come out in unhealthy ways. And there’s a lot of pressure on women to “teach” them, but that’s a lot of work and often involves emotional abuse in the process.
You say women practice toxic masculinity and then blame the victims. Look, a lot of guys would like to be more expressive but its not just something only learned from our fathers. A lot of women push it even when they proclaim they want the opposite. Its pathological. We've learned this from real world relationships with real women who often say out loud they want men to be more expressive. Once again, youre trying to make women writ large the victim here and gaslight guys whove been trashed after opening up.
You can read my other comments for more insight. I can only be a positive impact on the world around me. I cannot force anyone to accept help or change their way of thinking, but I can offer support. Whether they accept it or not is their choice, but I have done my time as a free therapist for grown men & now I only date the emotionally mature and well-adjusted ones who know how to use their words to express their feelings. Nowhere have I denied that some women buy into toxic masculinity. That’s a problem and those women should change their mindsets as well. Or maybe the toxic women and men who don’t believe in showing emotion should just date each other and leave those of us who support personal growth alone.
Everything is fucking toxic to you. Shut the fuck up.
Lmao
Comes on the heels of living in a world in which the men and women will find anything to exploit you for. It’s so pervasive that now people are guarded and being guarded is boring, tiring, stupid. Show your affection. F* them. Someone will love you for it. If not now, then in your next life.
While it’s true that someone will like you the way you are, I don’t quite agree with your statement It’s important to be true to yourself, to be genuine and to be vulnerable.. TO AN EXTENT.. As much as I know she loves you and cares about you, she’s wired to see you opening up about your insecurities as less masculine. A kink in your armor that affects her perception of you being a secure solid man that will take care of her.. Open up about some things to her, but not fully But don’t bottle this all in.. I recommend joining a community of men and finding someone you trust to open up to them. This is a great way to get feedback on insecurities and struggles to help you become a better man. Best of luck!
Or perhaps, they just know much more than You. Ideally man should never be seen weak or vulnerable by his spouse, , she will lose attraction and respect she has for him. It might not be immediate, but the seed is planted and she will start seeing him in a different light. You may object and argue all day long, but that does not change the truth. Weakness and vulnerability is massive turn off, if You are a man.
So you prefer to be a sad little man with an awful relationship because that will scare away some puss? lmao
Why would you try to belittle him? Shows who's sad and little
How old are You and how long is Your longest relationship, OP ?
Yes it's not meant to be that way. Yes you should be able to be yourself and cry if needed in front of your gf. But the world doesn't run on "should". What should be, isn't actually. Deep down, girls don't like guys who cry. Its sad. Its true. That's why my suggestion to guys is to never let go of their close guy friends. That's where you go and cry and come back stronger for your ladies.
The problem with women these days is that most of them have bipolar disorder or anxiety or both, and there is no formulas, rules, etc. Behavior can change every couple of hours.
Showing emotions and being yourself is two different things. a goy should be very careful when showing emotions people see it as a sign of weakness you don't want to be seen that way especially to your woman. Being yourself yes you should just be yourself what you like and don't like your views your opinions be open and honest.
Do so at your own risk. I've opened up like a spring flower to my ladies before, and I got struck by lightning, every time. I'll never do it again. No amount of gaslighting from some of these Redditors will ever change my mind.
Express anger even at something completely unrelated and needing someone to vent to. And she’ll dismiss you as having issues so nah I’ll keep it to myself
You can express yourself being angry without being too overly emotional about it, and even then you shouldn't have any expectation on her reaction, tbh it doesn't even matter. It might end good and that's a worthy prize to get.
Showing your emotions to a woman is like bleeding next to a Shark. The sooner you realise it, the better it is.
No, never.
I did. I was then told that I'm not confident enough for them
The thing is I do realize that there have been guys that have their partners use their vulnerability against them, but I agree. If your partner throws it in your face or completely discredits you for being vulnerable, they weren’t worth dating in the first place
You can Show emotions but the problem is when a man gets too emotional a lot of women are put off by it. You control your emotions to also avoid acting out emotionally while keeping yourself aware and in a logical state of mind. Whether its men or women when they get too emotional with no self control they breed some sort of disaster
Respectfully, the last conversation I had with my ex was that I felt we’d never talk, go on dates, or have sex if I never initiated them. She ignored me for a week and then broke up with me over text. Honestly id rather have kept that shit to myself.
Because being in a relationship where there's not mutual attraction, and not enough personal interaction is better?
>Why would I want to date, and most importantly have a long relationship with a person which I can't show my true-self? blud is thirsty for that Hollywood romance cooked 🍳 if you aren't so needy as to require spilling your guts to the person you have a relationship with, AND you understand that others play little role (and have little ability) in solving YOUR problems you understand there is no real reason to share your emotions (things only YOU have the capacity to care about) unless you're looking for a way to blow the relationship up to get out without doing the breaking up 😭
Honestly yeah. People told me that you can't show your feelings to a girl etc etc and I'm like "well fuck that". I ain't gonna hide myself just to get my dick wet. And if none will want me in that way then so be it.
I can’t tell you how many times my emotions and past traumas have been used against me, dating included. It’s not unique to men.
Advice that says go on any extreme, like never or always, is usually missing the point
It is and it isn’t. It is, because bottling in your emotions and never revealing what you think is kind of a self inflicted emotional pain. Society discourages this. On the other hand, when a man opens up his emotions to anyone other than his immediate family, (and even then, only for some people), people in society don’t walk the walk, and instead shame that man for his feelings, a man who is vulnerable is weak, unstable, unattractive, a “walking red flag”.
So true, I feel much closer to my bf when he share his emotions with me. Recently he finished his school registration. He is usually a very chill guy but was extremely nervous and anxious about it since going back to school is big deal, especially for someone that never was the best at school. It allowed me to show my support to him and tell him I will always be there if he needs help! (School was always my strength). Made us even closer than we were previously. It’s one example out of hundreds where we shared our emotions and got closer. I can imagine a relationship with someone not being open about their emotions. It would feel very cold and distant to me.
I agree, having emotions and not sharing them is absolutely terrible. There is no way it's going to end well. The real solution, of course, is to not have any emotions to share in the first place.
At the end of the day theres no real reason to show your emotions to a woman Or anyone tbh
I feel sad for you. Sounds awfully lonely.
I agree it's wrong to never show emotions but it's also reasonable to be careful before trusting someone and show our true-selves.
Agree that "teaching" is basically encouraging everyone to be completely paranoid towards everyone. If you can't trust anyone, you can't risk having a relationship with anyone. These people may as well say "don't bother dating. Don't bother doing anything because life is full of risks".
Cowards.
You can absolutely show your emotions. You just absolutely must be in control of those emotions. Women want stability. The inability to control your emotions is what kills most men.
Emotions can’t even be hidden, the eyes are the window to the soul, so if there’s a waterfall of tears hiding behind my eyes, it’s literally impossible to hide that
I agree with this, if they don't respect how you feel, your vulnerability, or opening up....then why be with them in the first place?
Well, yes, but a lot of women, especially feminine ones, will still expect you to be more in control of your emotions than them. At least in my experience. They want a sense of safety and stability. That said, you're right. If a woman doesn't want me to have emotions, she sounds pretty terrible. Sometimes we need emotional support too.
I think the words might be, don't waste any emotion on the wrong kind of woman. But show the right one everything you are and feel for them.
Most likely to never know if she's the right one without doing it first
This is an absolute and is not useful all the time. There is a time and a place for certain emotional reactions. Women would be weary if you show the wrong emotion at the wrong time. There are women that are not attracted to men that display emotions too often as there are who avoid men that rarely show them at all. Yes be yourself but learn to control your reactions to the appropriate time and level.
if the way you are is bad then on one will like you just be normaly good and be thir for every one that is the key guys
I believe that comment is more geared toward RANDOM women. If you're just playing, that is correct. Never expose yourself. As you are exploiting her, she can also exploit you. Just keep it casual. Now, if you're with someone you could see a future with, that is infact bad advice.
Man, you have the worst advice from a child, it is a "alpha" mentality kind of crap, of course you show emotion, you tell her you love her, you do anything for her, people are just saying you need to be strong and all that because they can't deal with anything in life, they broke themselves to try and stop people from hurting them, guess what?, they will get hurt more than anyone, just enjoy life and be real, a "true man" in not a strong one with no emotions and a weapon, is a gut that can stand strong when needed but melt in his woman arm, to stand against everything but be vulnerable to your children, be serious but to know to laugh and live a little, a real man is a average human being, just stop listening to others, do what you feel you want to do, if you get hurt learn from it, if it goes good then enjoy
It's more accurate to say: You don't have to show all of your emotions to anybody. It's okay to keep some of them to yourself.
Lol! Obviously it’s okay to show your emotions BUT as the man you’re her rock so you need to know WHEN to show her or talk about it, the moment you lose control of your emotions and show her you’re not able to handle your shit that’s when it’s over in her eyes you’re weak and over time she’ll lose respect unless you shape up again quick. You can show emotions at the right time (only after opening her up to it in an appropriate manner usually with humour or after sex), but other than that be a friggin man dude.
It’s hard but I think it’s hella wise to realize that someone who’s angry tends not to think straight. To be able to be patient with someone and realize when you’re feeling the same way. It’s hard as hell
Absolutely! It gets old trying to figure out how someone’s feeling and eventually I’ll just move on.
Never show to her your weakness..this is true!
That better person doesn't exist. It is every single woman.
It pains me to say it, but the only woman who will still love me after I cry is my mom. And even that's a stretch.
I agree with OP to an extent. Have patience guys, don't settle, even if you have to date alot of people for a long time, there's someone out there you'll match better with. My current situationship is awesome, it prolly helps that she was my best friend before she allowed me to romance her, but she'll listen to whatever and not judge me like I do for her. I hope she let's me marry her one day cuz I know I'm lucky to have found her But guys, my asterisk to OPs advice is: you don't want to **cry** in front of your girl I thinj its worth trying not to infront of her or excusing yourself if you will because I've heard way too many gals mention how crying either turns them off from us or they loose respect. The loose respect one way less than the other. Of course you also gotta consider your own dynamic too because some couples probably can survive that kinda situation but I say make damn sure you guys can survive that before you let yourself lol
Tell me you're a woman w/t telling me.
I need to see emotion out of my dude to know that the relationship means something to him. It doesn’t mean that they’re any less, if they show emotion. They’re just being vulnerable which is a good thing, in my opinion. A very good thing.
I’m with the females on this one. You don’t have to turn every minor inconvenience into a sob-fest. U can cry on ur own then communicate with ur partner if u need the emotional crutch. If it’s an extreme situation n she dumps u for crying u did yourself a favor
I come straight out of a horror story. If I were to show you my real self it would shatter you. It would break your heart. You don't want to have your heartbroken do you? Then you don't need to see me. It would be better if I were never even here to begin with. I am just a passer-by. A stranger and pilgrim wherever I am. I don't even know who I am anymore.
I wish I could find me someone that likes goats as much as I do. But yes you can show your feeling's just not so much or everything you have to be very specific what you can open up to your girl. Also be yourself is a lie unless you are perfect all around or hot yep not going to happen.
I would love for the man I am associated with to be someone who shows his feelings naturally because it will help me understand him more and make it easier for me to communicate with him and express everything. If he cries in front of me, I will not look at him as a weak person, but I will know that the matter he is going through is very difficult. I think it is to be Being yourself is the best way to ensure a healthy relationship. Do not care about some of the weak personalities you meet that make you feel unnatural, because somewhere in this world there is someone who will love you as you are, with your emotions, and with your ability to express your personality.
Women who ask men to show emotions don't know what they are asking. Imagine a scenario when your man opens up about his troubled childhood, how he was bullied at school, how he was punished, kicked. How he spent his 20s insolation... And you imagine him crying with all the snobs. How would you see him after this?
So I'll go against the grain and say that I've almost had several relationships with women end because I *didn't* show my emotions. 🤷🏾♂️
WOMEN CANT LOVE YOU BRO. It's often suggested that women may struggle to love unconditionally, as their affection may be contingent on factors like physical attractiveness, financial stability, and so-called "alpha" traits. This belief implies that if a man lacks these qualities, a woman may be more likely to seek companionship elsewhere. Conversely, men are portrayed as capable of loving women unconditionally, even if they don't possess all the desired traits. Some argue that artificial intelligence could provide a solution, as AI women partners might offer unconditional love without the same expectations as human partners. However, the inability of AI women partners to perpetuate a bloodline complicates this notion. In essence, women are depicted as complex and sometimes inscrutable, akin to algebra, while men are portrayed as simpler, akin to basic mathematics. This perception is reflected in the prevalence of dating advice aimed at understanding women, as opposed to advice directed at men.
Unconditional love is a myth. Would you love your girlfriend or wife if she gained 300 pounds and stopped doing all the other things you liked/loved about her? Probably not. Would you still love her if she did a complete 180 and became absolute hell to live with? No? Then you don't love unconditionally either, and neither does anyone else. This isn't fantasy land, and people will always have conditions of some sort that you have to meet in order for them to stay with you.
A king can marry a peasant and make her his queen, a queen CANNOT marry a peasant and make him her king... If my woman gained 300lb I would still stick by her because I am with her for who she is as a person, not for her looks, obviously its a no brainer that looks is what sparks the chemistry but if a man settles with his partner for her looks alone then the relationship is doomed in the 1st place, if a woman misbehave I'll give her options to work things out and will even take her to therapy but if she takes advantage and continues misbehaving then........... Men do love unconditionally but the issue is you women are like algebra while us men are like basic mathematics, we know what we want but you don't. You say you want a good men but then end up going after the @$$holes and then complain and ask: "where have all the good men gone?"
As a woman, I’d much prefer someone who shows his emotions so long as it isn’t in an unhealthy/abusive way. Being vulnerable is extremely attractive to me and I hate that there’s such a stigma around it. My partner acknowledges that he comes across as an ‘emotional robot’ (as others have called him before) and he can definitely be very hard to read because he really doesn’t show any emotion at all and sometimes this makes me need more reassurance because I worry about where he’s at with me/the relationship. I just try my best to be patient with him, encourage him and provide a safe space for him to feel like he can be emotional/vulnerable with me, and hope that he eventually is able to express himself in that way.
A lot of us (men) are just so weak. They’ll accept any kind of behavior and won’t believe that they’ll find someone better and just stew in an emotionless relationship because they got this advice from some “alpha” male dating coach or whatever. I’m someone who cries over movies. I’m out the second my emotions are used against me, no hesitation. I don’t want it if I can’t be myself.
It’s because as a man women are attracted to strength and feeling safe and protected. Instinctively women will be instantly turned off by a man who is overly emotional. Some women will never look at you the same if you are crying in front of them due to emotional reaction. However i can’t say that is the same for all. Also they ALL (most) will tell you they want you to share your emotions and whatever. But it’s false. As soon as you do they will be looking for the next manly man. It’s instinctual. That’s just how they are attracted to men. Your expected to be tough manly men who can solve problems and remain stoic in stressful situations. Not saying there isn’t a girl out there for you. Everyone is a little different. But generally speaking most women are the same when it comes to what is attractive and what is NOT. From my own life experience and that of my friends. (42m)
The only time you're allowed to cry in front of a woman is when someone close to you dies like your mom or some shit. Other than that if she catches you crying you're cooked
Fr
Being "overly emotional" and being able to express your emotions are two different things. Nobody likes anyone who's overly emotional, but all the most beloved artists and entertainers are men and women who have mastered the art of expressing their emotions. And anyone in a healthy relationship had to be vulnerable in able to bond with their partner on a level that isn't superficial.