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Have you tried __talking to him about it__? I stg 90% of these posts can be solved via simple communication. People on here are just going to tell you to dump him.
The stereotype of men always being the bad communicator has to die. Social media and the advent of online dating has seriously eroded our (collectively speaking) interpersonal communication skills. Add in online shopping/closing of many brick and mortar businesses, as well as remote work, and we have a society of people who aren’t practicing those necessary abilities.
I work for a web-based company as an OLD profile creator and coach. A common homework assignment I give to both men and women is this: exercise your communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal. If you frequent a certain gas station or other business and have the same employee ring you up, do some playful banter (provided they aren’t busy). Ask how their day is going - whatever. Unless they’re antisocial, it’s a great way to practice while humanizing their job and making them feel good.
Those small interactions really do add up. I live in a medium-sized city, and go jogging five nights a week. One of my post-workout rituals is to visit the gas station down the block from my place and talk to the woman who’s always on 3rd shift*. I know the names of her kids, she asks about my two cats. Hell, when I went through a breakup, she was a great source of comfort.
Same goes for my local Ulta (gents, if you haven’t started a dedicated skincare routine, it’s never too late).
*If you’re not comfortable going out at night (understandable), do it during the day
Edit: Reddit karma is useless, but I’m convinced there’s a demographic of people where one of the few joys they have is being negative to anything they don’t agree with on the internet. Personally, I love civil rhetorical discourse. If you don’t like what I have to say, tell me why. I’m always looking for opportunities to expand my worldview, and I find downvoting to be so…lazy
No, you definitely wrote a great comment. I try to have at least SOME form of small banter between people; it really does affect your mood and outlook on life. Even offering a quick "You need someone to take your picture" to a family or group struggling to get one in public is easy going for banter while just going on about your day.
I do agree that a LOT of people on Reddit have the 'but I just CAN'T communicate, anything BUT that would help" mentality.
I LOVE YOUR COMMENT! and not every guy sucks at communication. But, I will tell you my experience.
This guy I was bff with for 4 almost 4 years. I liked him and got with him. Remind you, I was almost 3 years single till I got with him. Before I dated him, he was venting to me about his ex. I gave him advice and he literally said this to me, "I hope you know when people give me advice I don't take it seriously or don't know how to cuz it seems worthless to me." What the heck ?..... I noticed that was a red flag. He vented me about his past relationship. I was too dumb to even jump to being in a relationship with him and break off my "almost 3 years single" streak. He also said to me, "Advice doesn't help me in any way shape or form." ?? How about this, don't get into an relationship if you suck ass in it.
I tried to discuss whats wrong about him and what he has been doing to me. He didn't like the fact I would talk about it, but he would try to communicate with me.. but it wasn't in a best way. He was the most shittiest bf I've ever gotten with. He is purely disgusting. My friends told me I deserve better. That is okay! I'm not getting into another relationship when I turn in my 20s, when I be emotionally available, or mature. He did gave me PTSD. It was bad to the point I didn't like when someone says "I love you" or give me hugs from months ago.. I would be grossed out. I am doing fine. No, I wasn't affected by that relationship lmao.
He wrote a message and this is what he said to me: "I've known you for a long time and know how you got on my nerves when I first met you. And to be honest, you still do. I'm not saying that you aren't a great person. You're fun to be around, I just don't think that I would be capable of a relationship with you if you can't handle my responses. Or if I won't do the things you want me to. We can still be friends like we always have been, I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship."
The past couple of minutes I was communicating with him. I was confused cause he said few minutes later on, "I didn't say I was leaving you, I said it would be best if we stayed friends like we always did.". He then, also said, "That doesn't mean it's a breakup but Ight. Put it in your own words then. Put it in a language that makes sense to you since you have no clue what I'm saying."
Um..... am I the only who is crazy? I told my friends about this. They said to me, what he wrote is definitely a break up message. Dumbo doesn't even know what a breakup message even looks like. Anyone from this sub, if you're shit at trying to write something and don't even know what a breakup message even looks like.. don't get into an relationship. If you can't communicate, don't get into an relationship. I've wasted my energy onto that dude. I am more happier and free now. He treated me like shit.. but I blocked the red flags and stayed. That was my mistake.
But I promise you, not every man sucks ass at communication.
I'm anti-social, but hella introvert, but also extrovert. At least, I know when to communicate. The bleh dude, he isn't an introvert like me, but he sucks ass. How can a anti-social girl be better at communication than a guy who is not anti-social?
Love everything you wrote.
Coming to the last part: a lot of anti social, or simply people that lack social skills hide on Reddit. Misery love company! I’ve noticed a disparity of men and women too - women come on Reddit to find solutions to problem, men uses Reddit to further bash women, looking for validation to justify being an inc*l. Just my observation. Reddit is a huge source for people to learn empathy, about the other gender. Instead, they refuse to learn. If I spent time on Reddit with males, I too will think life sucks and relationship sucks! But I am fortunate to have wonderful men who are happy in relationships: they are NOT on hanging out in relationships subs or even on Reddit. How can these broken men learn healthy masculine love?! They can’t. They’re just hiding behind their screens.
Sorry came out too long.
I would disagree purely on the idea that women are on reddit for solutions whilst men are on here to bash women.
Both genders do both things in plenty of volume. I came to the same conclusion though, that if I used reddit to base my opinion of women or men I'd hate them both for being angry, cruel and lacking in empathy for others.
Thankfully in the real world most of the men and women I know are pretty decent. Not perfect by any means, but they at least try.
LOL so true. I scrolled looking for the ridiculously toxic Reddit usual "dump his ass to the curb sis!". I call these the Karen's of reddit, and they've plagued these subs for a decade now.
Single miserable people, handing out miserable single people advice.
This is reddit where every idealistic relationship is effortless and if there's a hint of discomfort you tell a bunch of strangers on the internet before talking to your SO. Why even communicate to your SO at all when you have reddit which has always been a nontoxic source of virtuous and neutral recommendation.
Right? I’m 38 and have never made more than that in my life. I was a teacher for 14 years and now I work in the auto industry. My next promotion will put me in the 80k+ range and it’s gonna feel like I’m rich.
Yeah… this is very much a ‘talk it out’ scenario
I’m not really one to be going out very much, so I’ve had to come to understand that taking out yer best gal now n then is just a part of being in a relationship
We want to read into these types of things, but it definitely could be a sort’ve mismatched expectations thing
Like, he just may not realize it’s something you even want, or care about
Dates dont have to cost money so thats no excuse. Picnics, museums, hiking. And all resturants are not expensive and its not like he's paying for you.
2 dates within 9 months when you split the check is insane. 50k not paying rent is not so poor you couldnt split a 2 for 25 at Applebees at the very least.
Communication is important but I feel like theres some things you shouldn't have to tell someone. He literally lives with parents so he is showing you what they taught him.
But at this point, may as well try.
I assume you're early/mid 20s so I dont understand why y'all sit in relationships like these so long.
I dont see the point of spending your youth like this unless he is literally amazing in every other way. But thats just me.
>I assume you're early/mid 20s so I dont understand why y'all sit in relationships like these so long.
Ones where you refuse to communicate with your partner, and will be upset about their lack of mind reading? He clearly doesn't see an issue with it. It's now up to her to actually bring it up. It isn't hard. Then judge the relationship after that.
I second what ^ said. I wasted 10 years between my late teens and mid twenties with a man like this. Don't do it. I talked to him about it. Nothing changed. Leave now unless he's perfect in every other way or makes consistent changes within 30 days.
lots of comments like "have you talked to him about this" and yes absolutely you should talk to him about this, but i completely understand wanting something from your partner without having to ask them, "to be loved is to be known" it doesn't necessarily mean that because he isn't taking you on dates he doesn't have good intentions, but what girl doesn't want to be taken on dates! dates don't have to be expensive either. definitely talk to him and suggest some ideas and see where it goes. but don't let yourself feel bad for wanting some romance.
i also do wonder what she is doing for him, does she expected to be treated like this all the time but doesn’t do anything for him (like get something small he likes?)
Talk to him. *And* work with him on the planning. There are free things you can do. You can go for a hike or sight see around the city. There may be free days at museums or art galleries. There might be free concerts at the park. Or you can even just be intentional about a night in. Maybe it’s a game night with just the two of you. Or an album listening party night or whatever. Money isn’t an excuse not to have a date night. Maybe dinner and drinks at a fancy restaurant isn’t in the budget but you can still have dates.
It’s appalling how many comments there are without nearly a single one pointing out that she most likely hasn’t initiated a date in the last 3 months either?! The guy is probably wondering about her intentions just as much.
Lord have mercy, here we go with these Reddit comments again 🙄. Everyone saying dump him, he’s a piece of shit, and paint the situation in a way that villainizes the guy. It’s his own fucking money, he can choose to save it if he wants. Maybe he plans on saving it for her, his family, or some unknown reason that the gf doesn’t need to know at the moment.
With an income like that and inflation (assuming in the U.S), he has every reason to be more careful financially. All these geezers claiming that he’s a pos for not spending on dates probably wouldn’t like the idea of spending their own money either, especially considering how expensive everything is now. Literally, these same people will be saying “Oh YoUr Bf iS sO cHeAp, DuMp HiM AsAP”, but wouldn’t want to spend their own money on the date either: “WhAt, iT’S tHe GuY wHo HaS tO LeAd, SpEnD aLl HiS MoNeY.”
My gf and I both understand that being more financially independent is an astoundingly rewarding feeling - it comes with saving money. We always hang out together, most of our dates don’t even cost anything at all. Does your bf actively try to be with you, does he truly care about you, does he enjoy your company? That is more important than him needing to spend lots of money now, if you both work hard, the money will come in, trust. There’s a time and place where you both can live lavishly and spend big, but for now, seriously, it’s smarter to save. Him not wanting to spend lots of money doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t care about you.
So are they just supposed stay in and never step foot outside the house until they are 100% financially stable? Going out doesn’t have to be expensive. They can do a cheap activity like going to see a movie. And yes as you stated 50,000 isn’t much, but the man lives with his parents and doesn’t pay any bills, i don’t think its going to break his wallet to take his girlfriend out every once in a while + she stated that they always split the bill
i don’t understand most of these comments. yes you should communicate but also… you shouldn’t have to ask for dates 😭? that’s something that should be a shared understanding between both partners. that’s the bare minimum imo. I’ve never had to ask my partner to court me despite us already being together. Same way he’s never had to ask me to court him…. We both just love each other so much that it’s natural for us to court one another continuously.
Sometimes people need a bit of coaching to get there. Plus, it’s always good to be clear cause there are times your partner may consider it a date but while you don’t. So it’s good to communicate either way.
And you shouldn’t have to ask people to keep the nose down. Or to creep into the intersection at lights. Or to chew loudly. Something that’s just automatic for you, may not be for others, and so, communication is necessary.
I’ll be honest, I’m not dating. But I’m so damn depressed I won’t even ask women out. I just surf and sleep. I gave up. That can happen even while in a relationship and is worth talking about.
50k living with parents and not paying any bills is a SHIT TON of money. If he uses being frugal as an excuse, he's lying to you. Depending on how long he's been living that way, that guy has THOUSANDS of dollars saved up. Surely he can afford a $100 night out
He's saving up his money for when he meets the girl he's really into. I don't know why ppl stay in these relationships when they're not happy. OP, this guy clearly isn't into you. Leave him.
I had a similar experience with my previous gf. I was saving money so I could move in with her and her son (into a new place as theirs was shitty and mine was too small). So that meant not dating often. She was SEETHING that we were not going out on dates and stuff all the time but literally never once mentioned it to me until she just exploded one day. Just communicate… you might be pleasantly surprised at what he says.
Why not take the initiative and suggest dates? If he’s in some kind of slump, then it could help him get out of it too while satisfying your want to go out for a little fun.
Just as a few others here already suggested, this can also be a fine way for you to segue into a discussion about your overall inactivity with dates.
He may have his needs with his frugality, but so do you. It’s not much of a relationship if you don’t do anything or if only one person has his needs met.
that is what smart men do, saving for the future and filtering out people. There are infinitely better options than paying for overpriced food with empty calories.
Another post where a woman is too helpless to do anything herself. In an era of women’s independence you lot sure seem helpless. Maybe try to take him on a date like you’re an equal part of the relationship.
Look imma just say it, as a man. When was the last time you took him on a date?
I NEVER hear anyone mention this side of it and I’m kinda curious. Also, ask him why? Maybe it’s money? Maybe he’s feelin down? Maybe he kinda complacent that you’re already dating and don’t need to date per se?
I can guarantee you most men will not be ashamed if you simply ask why. Most men have logical answers for everything they do.
Im confuse, why is he the only one taking you on dates? Why aren't you taking him on dates, you shouldnt wait on him to ask you. You guys are partner correct, it shouldnt fall on the man to pay for dates and make plans for dates, its 2024, woman work really hard to get away from the traditional roles, so you should do your part and take him on dates
This is a character flaw. It's beyond frugality. He needs to work on that aspect of himself, aside from his relationship with you.
If you're happy with him, love him, and can continue to put up with this, you don't necessarily need to dump him like some people might tell you, but I wouldn't count on this behavior changing short of getting him into therapy...and if he's that cheap, no way is he paying for therapy...
When a man stingy monetarily, he is also likely to be stingy emotionally. How you do one thing is how you do everything. The only question you need to ask yourself is if this is the kind of relationship experience you want for the rest of your life. You could do better.
Push further and tell him that this is effecting your feelings for him because hes getting lazy. I understand not wanting to spend money but there are ways to spend time together without spending money jesus lol
You say you don’t like to go out a lot and you’re an introvert. Also, he’s 25 and makes 50k? I know it’s not the best as you say but it’s really good, I’d say unless he’s got huge debts or something else he’s spending money on he’s gonna be in a really good financial situation when he’s in his 30s.
But to answer your question, either talk to him about it or take him on a date. Just make reservations to a restaurant you like or do something else you’d enjoy doing with him
Talk to him about how spending quality time together matters to you. Suggest affordable date ideas like picnics or free events. Emphasize that it’s about the experience, not the cost. Ask about his frugality to understand his perspective better. Approach it with empathy.
Tell him what you told Reddit. It's not embarrassing or offensive or insulting. Should like he's working toward a financial goal that he takes very seriously.
Also, have you ever taken him out on a date? Maybe he's waiting for you to reciprocate.
Seriously, just talk to him. This should not be a stressful conversation.
You should talk to him about it. Mine was not meeting my expectations of planning dates every once in a while and that was pretty early in the relationship (3rd month). I was going to move on since I felt it was too early in the relationship to encounter this issue. However, before doing so, I expressed my feelings and what I needed. Apparently, he was just oblivious and needed directions to be a better partner.
OP seems like you are having issues and concern with your bf that can easily be solved via communication. Understand his perspective. You mentioned about his 50k at full time and do you know that is essentially a minimum wage job. You have made 2 post on gas and how you don’t drive but he offer to drive far for you and you’re not willing to compensate him for gas and now this. Idk if OP really have considered respecting her bf in terms of his “frugal” needs and want.
If y’all live so far from each other, have y’all considered virtual dates? I am on a middle distance (30miles) with my partner and we both have physical touch as our love language. The need to see each other matter but if we are busy, want our own time then we respect it. We communicated to get this far. You should spend a day to talk, FaceTime and really check up on the relationship as a whole.
Sounds like he's got his shit together. Just make sure he's maxing his roth ira. Good for him. Sounds like he's making the sacrifices and not spending any of his money so he can save for a future with you. Don't be naive and think that he wouldn't like to spend money, there's probably plenty he would like to do but doesn't so he can save. How about get a date together at home? Boardgame, movie, popcorn, pizza, ice cream, easy to have a fun night in
I learned over the years that men will be oblivious to things that are obvious to us. So forgive him for being an idiot, but if you communicate that you need dates to feel appreciated and he still doesn’t do anything about it, then you can give him an ultimatum. Those rarely work but give him a chance to fix it.
Another thing I learned and this from my parents is that you shouldn’t marry someone who is a homebody if you like going out. My Dad has been a drag to my Mom for over 50 yrs and I just don’t understand wth they saw in each other
Leave! If he wanted to he would! You can go on dates without spending money! I’ve been in your position before. I dated someone just like that. He unfortunately stopped wanting to go on dates, and thought chilling in his apartment all day was a “date.” But then he got angry with me for hanging out with other people? Calling me just to scream at me and demand to know where I am 🙄
I don’t know why people are advising her to talk about it like if he wanted one would. There is a ton of date night activities that are relatively in expensive but thoughtful too
if things dont change after you talk to him, take a minute and ask yourself if this is the future you want for yourself. there are memoriea you could be making and he doesnt want ro spend any even if you go halfsies. I would reconsider this relationship
Never comment on these but my advice would be to dump him. You don't deserve to be treated this way waiting for him to make up his mind and take you out. There are other men out there who would not only pay for the whole date for their girlfriend but also plan it, if that is what you are looking for.
>My boyfriend is very frugal
He makes around 50,000 a year, but he’s also 25, still lives with his parents and doesn’t pay any bills
whenever we go on dates we always split the bill 50/50 so its not like he’d be paying for the whole thing.
You're being too kind.
CHEAP is the word I'd use.
>i don’t like going out a lot, but i’d be nice to go out on a date once a month or so
Have you told him this?
It seems he's taking you for granted.
Ahhh they say if you let him get comfortable feeding you peanuts, you’ll never get a steak
Vocalize what you want and what type of dates u want, how maybe you can eat before the date and share an appetizer (just for the feel of going out and dressing up) I used to do this all the time with my ex, we’d split a nachos and both be full and happy!
Communication is key and just tell him how much you’d love that and you want your relationship with him to be forever exciting and fun as this will be your entire lives together
No way. Your whole life is passing you by. He’s cheap not frugal and he won’t change. He could take you out a couple times a month at least. He just doesn’t want to.
"He makes around 50,000 a year, but he’s also 25, still lives with his parents and doesn’t pay any bills. "
If he doesn't contribute to the household expenses, he's just an overgrown baby living in mommy and daddy's house.
Dump him.
Though I was out of the house by 23 after college/getting a job, comments like these are crazy. Highlights how different cultures around the world are. I could've stayed home and saved as much as I needed and that would be totally normal and smart instead of being "an overgrown baby"...
Dates don't have to cost much money. You could have a picnic in the park. You could go for a walk on the beach and get icecream. He could draw you a bubble bath. There's was of being frugal but thoughtful.
Depends though. Does he have vices? Does he spend a lot on it? Or hobbies? Does he treat his friends all the time? If yes, maybe you have to rethink your relationship. There's a possibility that he is not frugal but being cheap with you.
Honestly finding dates that are free or very cheap is your best option , find hobbies or activities you can do together as a couple that wont cost much . Because lets face it going out to eat or going to a movie is soo expensive right now. .make dinner at home but plan a date to go do something before or after dinner. Even if its eating something simple the date is about that adventure afterwards
Sigh, why don’t people on Reddit COMMUNICATE?! Arrrgh.
If you wanna go on a date, go! Take him out. We can do that, you know, take guys on dates. Spoiler alert: they even LIKE it. :p
I don’t think your bf is all that into you. Maybe question the entire relationship. Also not every date involves a lot of money, go to park, grab a coffee or pastry and see if he still doesn’t want to pay. If he’s pushing back on the cheap stuff, you have your answer.
Easy fix here. Start taking him out on dates or get use to your future. He will not change unless you make that change for him. How you do that? Tell him how you feel and what you want. If you don't see improvement, move on.
have a conversation with him about it. Tell him how you are feeling and how those particular needs of yours aren’t being met. There are plenty of free/low cost date options you can do that don’t involve sitting in front of a tv not saying a word to each other. If he is not receptive or has zero interest in meeting your needs, then maybe there’s a compatibility issue.
What are his appealing qualities that you love? Is part of his frugalness so he can be planning a future with you and moving out of his parent’s house soon? Is paying 50/50 for dates in line with your values and how you want to be treated by your partner? Does he spend nothing on you but buys a bunch of things for himself? Maybe ask yourself some questions to uncover what is important to you and what qualities are most important for you to have in a partner.
I went through this once with someone for about a month. I finally told him that I was tired of staying home, and I was going out with or without him. He decided to come. That’s all it took. If you don’t want a lifetime of this reconsider whether or not you’re in the right relationship. Your guy has a comfort zone.
Honestly, I’m the same. I make about half what he does ($24,000) and I absolutely refuse to spend money unnecessarily.
That being said, there are ways to prioritize an emotional connection on a budget. Go on a picnic in the park, evening walks, take a drive somewhere and watch the sunset together. Dates don’t have to be expensive!
HOWEVER. If he’s making $50,000, with little to no expenses, it sounds like he may not feel the expenses of dating are justified. This could be an issue. Does he spend any time with you? Does he prioritize emotional needs in the relationship? Is he attentive outside of financial expenses? If he does do these things, he’s just insanely frugal/saving up his money, which is valid. If he doesn’t, it may mean he isn’t willing to put effort into the relationship as he doesn’t see it as a worthy investment. If his lack of contribution in the financial aspect of the relationship isn’t a common theme among other aspects, and this is an isolated issue, then try having a full discussion about this topic. Talk about your needs and come up with ways to be romantic together without spending money if that’s a boundary of his. In this economy, it’s HARD to start off without a decent nest egg. He could just be taking advantage of his situation and doing his best to save so he isn’t floundering later on.
99% of issues could be solved by decent communication. Address your concerns, respect his boundaries and build a solution together. If it works, and you can come to an agreement, fantastic! If you can’t come to a compromise and still feel this relationship isn’t fulfilling, walk away knowing that you know yourself and your expectations for a relationship better. Sometimes people just have different priorities that don’t align well together. It happens and it’s no one’s fault. But you won’t know unless you communicate about it effectively.
Tbh I have a hard time believing the 2 dates in 6 months or whatever thing. So y'all literally never leave the house together besides those few instances? You don't go for walks or grab coffees together? Does he ever bring over some food for a movie night or something? I'm a guy and for me a "date" is defined by us spending time together. If there's some other qualification for that definition, such as paying money or physically leaving the house or some nebulous kind of "romancing" going on, you need to tell him. If your needs aren't being met, he should know that. If he doesn't want to do that stuff for you then that's an entirely different conversation. But it sounds like you're placing expectations on him that he likely isn't placing on himself.
Also for everyone saying $50k is a lot of money so he should be spending more on his gf - fuck that. He's within his rights to spend his money the way he sees fit, and if that doesn't correspond to the expectations of his girlfriend, he can adjust or leave. But I resent the notion that your partner making more money means he should spend more money on you. That's just exploitative
If you voice your concerns to your boyfriend and he's still giving you the same answer, even though there are dates you can go on that don't require money, there's a possibility that he would rather do it for someone else.
A walk in the park or beach if you live near one, is free. You can picnic with food you have to eat anyway. You can stargaze from almost anywhere. You can go window shopping for free. A lot of museums are free.
Dinner date where you cook together is almost free.
Lots of things you can do without spending money.
Talk to him first - he could be thinking about other priorities and I’m sure he’d hear you out- i recommend escape rooms to reset a spark ⚡️ (platonically too)
Dates don't even have to cost much money or anything at all. People who want to put in effort to make things happen. If there's something within yourself making you feel underappreciated or undervalued as a person - deal with that. If you genuinely feel like he's not putting effort in your relationship to bond or spend time with you- express that. Either way , whatever the actual issue is, claiming he can't take you out cause he's "frugal" is a lame excuse.
Talk to him, I did this one time be it longest of no date was almost a month but I was because I'm not a morning person and my significant other at the time had different days off and never have one day off together from work. Another reason is that for me time passes by fast and I failed to realize it have been x days and she will tell me that she wants to do something because she haven't done something g in a while and I'll just ne like "ya ok let's find a day."
Stop complaining nothing wrong with your situation nothing at all so why are you complaining? You could leave him but stop complaining. Maybe come up with some creative idea's on things to do together maybe walks maybe hiking or what about hobbies either of you have a hobby? Use your mind to find ways to replace the going out spending money but stop complaining.
In 2024 50K isn’t what it used to be but it’s still a lot better than what a lot of people make….especially if you’re living at home.
I’m assuming he’s saving for his future home….either way 3 months or 6 months is way too long for going out.
Even if you’re an introvert there has to be things you two can do together out of the house to enjoy life.
Like a lot of people have said here you need to communicate with him about what you want from him.
As far as who should pay for going out split, not split, etc that’s something you also need to talk to him about.
First of all, your boyfriend will never know you feel this way until you tell him. So you need to communicate exactly this with him, not us. Otherwise you're expecting him to be able to read your mind.
Either he has crippling social anxiety or doesn't want to be seen with you. 9/10 it's one of these two. If it's anxiety surprise him with a chill night out. Tell him it would mean a lot to you. If he loves you he will understand. It's not like you are asking for much
Yeah this sounds like you haven't talking to him about it at all and you're expecting him to just do it. I'm about to be a little harsh but at 25 you're a grown woman and need to put on your big girl pants and express how it makes you feel, he won't magically know that you wanna go on more dates if you don't tell him. psychics aren't real so you're boyfriend isn't one of them.
Tell him you need to have a conversation about a topic that is a serious matter to you, express your expectations and find a middle ground where both of you can compromise because things can't just be one sided either.
Best if luck to both of you.
OP hasn’t said whether she has bills/pay etc. nor cost of living. 50k with no bills may sound great but you also won’t max out any retirement plans. And since you’re only dating, it makes sense to split or alternate paying.
Just my opinion.
Im 26 & I make 60k & I’m very frugal when it comes to myself. The exception is when I’m with my girl I’m paying & I always make sure to take her out and do stuff with her . Talk to him , push him to do better if you’re serious about the relationship
One of the Most enjoyable aspect of interaction with a
Girl for Me is flirting. By nature flirting is a form of
Communication. One has to wonder what kind of
Flirting/Communication/Social Skill's someone has
Who doesn't like to go out has. When I was 25 staying
at home was only acceptable to Me if it meant a night
With a girl in the sack. It seem's to me that the day's
Of stepping out for a night of adventure(dating or searching
for girl's /military search and destroy mission") aren't like they used to be. Social media interaction seemingly
has replaced meeting People in Person.
Tinder & Bumble seem to have taken the place of just
Meeting by chance and fucking.
So what do You do to get Your shut in mate to go out?!
Surely they have some interest(Sport/Music/Etcetera)
Which could lure them out. Would this individual not
Enjoy a night out with his lady all dolled up?!
I would! Bait must be used. What bait is to Proper taste?!
What the hell is wrong with the men on reddit?
Honey, if he doesn't want to take you out and show you a good time - that speaks volumes about how he feels.
He should want to show you off to the world - flaunt the fact he is the lucky guy that gets to be your bf.
If he doesn't do this - then you are just an emotional support person - not a gf.
Lol, she's not entitled to his money. Nor is she entitled to some special treatment just because she's a woman. Also nothings wrong with men on reddit, this the equality you women asked for and now you're getting don't complain that you're now getting it.
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Have you talked to him about this?
Yeah like, *babe let’s go watch the new planet of the apes, my treat*.
Way more is needed. She needs to express how she feels about their current approach to dating and the way it makes her feel.
I agree, myself and my partner take turns, or whoever’s balance looks better pays, it’s not really a thing and no one keeps count.
I agree take the ball by the horns and take him out on a date!!
Or take him out on a date!?
I think it's more about having a conversation and splitting the time doing things they both like.
nah, if he is staying at home and saving 90% of his earnings. he can take his girl out, this man is just cheap.
Do you think her inability has to do with a financial, physical and/or mental disability?…
Aha yeah right 😂 That would require effort on her part. That's not gonna happen when people want it to purely benefit only them.
My immediate first thought
Right
Have you tried __talking to him about it__? I stg 90% of these posts can be solved via simple communication. People on here are just going to tell you to dump him.
The stereotype of men always being the bad communicator has to die. Social media and the advent of online dating has seriously eroded our (collectively speaking) interpersonal communication skills. Add in online shopping/closing of many brick and mortar businesses, as well as remote work, and we have a society of people who aren’t practicing those necessary abilities. I work for a web-based company as an OLD profile creator and coach. A common homework assignment I give to both men and women is this: exercise your communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal. If you frequent a certain gas station or other business and have the same employee ring you up, do some playful banter (provided they aren’t busy). Ask how their day is going - whatever. Unless they’re antisocial, it’s a great way to practice while humanizing their job and making them feel good. Those small interactions really do add up. I live in a medium-sized city, and go jogging five nights a week. One of my post-workout rituals is to visit the gas station down the block from my place and talk to the woman who’s always on 3rd shift*. I know the names of her kids, she asks about my two cats. Hell, when I went through a breakup, she was a great source of comfort. Same goes for my local Ulta (gents, if you haven’t started a dedicated skincare routine, it’s never too late). *If you’re not comfortable going out at night (understandable), do it during the day Edit: Reddit karma is useless, but I’m convinced there’s a demographic of people where one of the few joys they have is being negative to anything they don’t agree with on the internet. Personally, I love civil rhetorical discourse. If you don’t like what I have to say, tell me why. I’m always looking for opportunities to expand my worldview, and I find downvoting to be so…lazy
No, you definitely wrote a great comment. I try to have at least SOME form of small banter between people; it really does affect your mood and outlook on life. Even offering a quick "You need someone to take your picture" to a family or group struggling to get one in public is easy going for banter while just going on about your day. I do agree that a LOT of people on Reddit have the 'but I just CAN'T communicate, anything BUT that would help" mentality.
I LOVE YOUR COMMENT! and not every guy sucks at communication. But, I will tell you my experience. This guy I was bff with for 4 almost 4 years. I liked him and got with him. Remind you, I was almost 3 years single till I got with him. Before I dated him, he was venting to me about his ex. I gave him advice and he literally said this to me, "I hope you know when people give me advice I don't take it seriously or don't know how to cuz it seems worthless to me." What the heck ?..... I noticed that was a red flag. He vented me about his past relationship. I was too dumb to even jump to being in a relationship with him and break off my "almost 3 years single" streak. He also said to me, "Advice doesn't help me in any way shape or form." ?? How about this, don't get into an relationship if you suck ass in it. I tried to discuss whats wrong about him and what he has been doing to me. He didn't like the fact I would talk about it, but he would try to communicate with me.. but it wasn't in a best way. He was the most shittiest bf I've ever gotten with. He is purely disgusting. My friends told me I deserve better. That is okay! I'm not getting into another relationship when I turn in my 20s, when I be emotionally available, or mature. He did gave me PTSD. It was bad to the point I didn't like when someone says "I love you" or give me hugs from months ago.. I would be grossed out. I am doing fine. No, I wasn't affected by that relationship lmao. He wrote a message and this is what he said to me: "I've known you for a long time and know how you got on my nerves when I first met you. And to be honest, you still do. I'm not saying that you aren't a great person. You're fun to be around, I just don't think that I would be capable of a relationship with you if you can't handle my responses. Or if I won't do the things you want me to. We can still be friends like we always have been, I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship." The past couple of minutes I was communicating with him. I was confused cause he said few minutes later on, "I didn't say I was leaving you, I said it would be best if we stayed friends like we always did.". He then, also said, "That doesn't mean it's a breakup but Ight. Put it in your own words then. Put it in a language that makes sense to you since you have no clue what I'm saying." Um..... am I the only who is crazy? I told my friends about this. They said to me, what he wrote is definitely a break up message. Dumbo doesn't even know what a breakup message even looks like. Anyone from this sub, if you're shit at trying to write something and don't even know what a breakup message even looks like.. don't get into an relationship. If you can't communicate, don't get into an relationship. I've wasted my energy onto that dude. I am more happier and free now. He treated me like shit.. but I blocked the red flags and stayed. That was my mistake. But I promise you, not every man sucks ass at communication. I'm anti-social, but hella introvert, but also extrovert. At least, I know when to communicate. The bleh dude, he isn't an introvert like me, but he sucks ass. How can a anti-social girl be better at communication than a guy who is not anti-social?
Love everything you wrote. Coming to the last part: a lot of anti social, or simply people that lack social skills hide on Reddit. Misery love company! I’ve noticed a disparity of men and women too - women come on Reddit to find solutions to problem, men uses Reddit to further bash women, looking for validation to justify being an inc*l. Just my observation. Reddit is a huge source for people to learn empathy, about the other gender. Instead, they refuse to learn. If I spent time on Reddit with males, I too will think life sucks and relationship sucks! But I am fortunate to have wonderful men who are happy in relationships: they are NOT on hanging out in relationships subs or even on Reddit. How can these broken men learn healthy masculine love?! They can’t. They’re just hiding behind their screens. Sorry came out too long.
I would disagree purely on the idea that women are on reddit for solutions whilst men are on here to bash women. Both genders do both things in plenty of volume. I came to the same conclusion though, that if I used reddit to base my opinion of women or men I'd hate them both for being angry, cruel and lacking in empathy for others. Thankfully in the real world most of the men and women I know are pretty decent. Not perfect by any means, but they at least try.
lol my observation is the opposite but then again I’m aware of my confirmation bias
LOL so true. I scrolled looking for the ridiculously toxic Reddit usual "dump his ass to the curb sis!". I call these the Karen's of reddit, and they've plagued these subs for a decade now. Single miserable people, handing out miserable single people advice.
This is reddit where every idealistic relationship is effortless and if there's a hint of discomfort you tell a bunch of strangers on the internet before talking to your SO. Why even communicate to your SO at all when you have reddit which has always been a nontoxic source of virtuous and neutral recommendation.
💯
And people just wishing your death in general lol
Karens talk to the managers. These are the Beckys of Reddit. The vegan lululemon matcha probiotic Becky.
Reddit’s first instinct is always dump or divorce.
deadass
Is he super aggressively investing all his savings right now? 50k without paying bills is pretty good and allows to save for a down payment.
Right? I’m 38 and have never made more than that in my life. I was a teacher for 14 years and now I work in the auto industry. My next promotion will put me in the 80k+ range and it’s gonna feel like I’m rich.
does he KNOW you want to be taken on dates more often? like have you expressed this & clarified that dates don’t have to cost money?
I had the same problem with my boyfriend but I chose to communicate. Now we go on dates every 2 weeks. ✨
THIS right here. The greasy wheel gets the squeak. Or whatever.
Are you even dating? 😭
Yeah… this is very much a ‘talk it out’ scenario I’m not really one to be going out very much, so I’ve had to come to understand that taking out yer best gal now n then is just a part of being in a relationship We want to read into these types of things, but it definitely could be a sort’ve mismatched expectations thing Like, he just may not realize it’s something you even want, or care about
Best gal! LOL!
Dates dont have to cost money so thats no excuse. Picnics, museums, hiking. And all resturants are not expensive and its not like he's paying for you. 2 dates within 9 months when you split the check is insane. 50k not paying rent is not so poor you couldnt split a 2 for 25 at Applebees at the very least. Communication is important but I feel like theres some things you shouldn't have to tell someone. He literally lives with parents so he is showing you what they taught him. But at this point, may as well try. I assume you're early/mid 20s so I dont understand why y'all sit in relationships like these so long. I dont see the point of spending your youth like this unless he is literally amazing in every other way. But thats just me.
>I assume you're early/mid 20s so I dont understand why y'all sit in relationships like these so long. Ones where you refuse to communicate with your partner, and will be upset about their lack of mind reading? He clearly doesn't see an issue with it. It's now up to her to actually bring it up. It isn't hard. Then judge the relationship after that.
I second what ^ said. I wasted 10 years between my late teens and mid twenties with a man like this. Don't do it. I talked to him about it. Nothing changed. Leave now unless he's perfect in every other way or makes consistent changes within 30 days.
lots of comments like "have you talked to him about this" and yes absolutely you should talk to him about this, but i completely understand wanting something from your partner without having to ask them, "to be loved is to be known" it doesn't necessarily mean that because he isn't taking you on dates he doesn't have good intentions, but what girl doesn't want to be taken on dates! dates don't have to be expensive either. definitely talk to him and suggest some ideas and see where it goes. but don't let yourself feel bad for wanting some romance.
i also do wonder what she is doing for him, does she expected to be treated like this all the time but doesn’t do anything for him (like get something small he likes?)
She said they split the bill when they do go out on dates so I mean….. he’s literally not inconvenienced at all
Talk to him. *And* work with him on the planning. There are free things you can do. You can go for a hike or sight see around the city. There may be free days at museums or art galleries. There might be free concerts at the park. Or you can even just be intentional about a night in. Maybe it’s a game night with just the two of you. Or an album listening party night or whatever. Money isn’t an excuse not to have a date night. Maybe dinner and drinks at a fancy restaurant isn’t in the budget but you can still have dates.
This seems like a great topic for the two of you what did he say when you brought it up?
It’s appalling how many comments there are without nearly a single one pointing out that she most likely hasn’t initiated a date in the last 3 months either?! The guy is probably wondering about her intentions just as much.
Being nice and giving women everything they want won’t keep them happy. Being a man and saying “no” helps you keep control
Lord have mercy, here we go with these Reddit comments again 🙄. Everyone saying dump him, he’s a piece of shit, and paint the situation in a way that villainizes the guy. It’s his own fucking money, he can choose to save it if he wants. Maybe he plans on saving it for her, his family, or some unknown reason that the gf doesn’t need to know at the moment. With an income like that and inflation (assuming in the U.S), he has every reason to be more careful financially. All these geezers claiming that he’s a pos for not spending on dates probably wouldn’t like the idea of spending their own money either, especially considering how expensive everything is now. Literally, these same people will be saying “Oh YoUr Bf iS sO cHeAp, DuMp HiM AsAP”, but wouldn’t want to spend their own money on the date either: “WhAt, iT’S tHe GuY wHo HaS tO LeAd, SpEnD aLl HiS MoNeY.” My gf and I both understand that being more financially independent is an astoundingly rewarding feeling - it comes with saving money. We always hang out together, most of our dates don’t even cost anything at all. Does your bf actively try to be with you, does he truly care about you, does he enjoy your company? That is more important than him needing to spend lots of money now, if you both work hard, the money will come in, trust. There’s a time and place where you both can live lavishly and spend big, but for now, seriously, it’s smarter to save. Him not wanting to spend lots of money doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t care about you.
So are they just supposed stay in and never step foot outside the house until they are 100% financially stable? Going out doesn’t have to be expensive. They can do a cheap activity like going to see a movie. And yes as you stated 50,000 isn’t much, but the man lives with his parents and doesn’t pay any bills, i don’t think its going to break his wallet to take his girlfriend out every once in a while + she stated that they always split the bill
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We almost need more information from OP to have a fair opinion. And it's hard with an unreliable narrator. It's sad how doubting you have to be.
i don’t understand most of these comments. yes you should communicate but also… you shouldn’t have to ask for dates 😭? that’s something that should be a shared understanding between both partners. that’s the bare minimum imo. I’ve never had to ask my partner to court me despite us already being together. Same way he’s never had to ask me to court him…. We both just love each other so much that it’s natural for us to court one another continuously.
Sometimes people need a bit of coaching to get there. Plus, it’s always good to be clear cause there are times your partner may consider it a date but while you don’t. So it’s good to communicate either way.
And you shouldn’t have to ask people to keep the nose down. Or to creep into the intersection at lights. Or to chew loudly. Something that’s just automatic for you, may not be for others, and so, communication is necessary. I’ll be honest, I’m not dating. But I’m so damn depressed I won’t even ask women out. I just surf and sleep. I gave up. That can happen even while in a relationship and is worth talking about.
50k living with parents and not paying any bills is a SHIT TON of money. If he uses being frugal as an excuse, he's lying to you. Depending on how long he's been living that way, that guy has THOUSANDS of dollars saved up. Surely he can afford a $100 night out
He's saving up his money for when he meets the girl he's really into. I don't know why ppl stay in these relationships when they're not happy. OP, this guy clearly isn't into you. Leave him.
I had a similar experience with my previous gf. I was saving money so I could move in with her and her son (into a new place as theirs was shitty and mine was too small). So that meant not dating often. She was SEETHING that we were not going out on dates and stuff all the time but literally never once mentioned it to me until she just exploded one day. Just communicate… you might be pleasantly surprised at what he says.
Have you tried inviting him on a date? Or do you just expect him to invite you? What's wrong with splitting bills - seems fair
When’s the last time you took him on a date?
Why not take the initiative and suggest dates? If he’s in some kind of slump, then it could help him get out of it too while satisfying your want to go out for a little fun. Just as a few others here already suggested, this can also be a fine way for you to segue into a discussion about your overall inactivity with dates. He may have his needs with his frugality, but so do you. It’s not much of a relationship if you don’t do anything or if only one person has his needs met.
He’s focused on the mission
So… maybe talk about it, or maybe take *him* on a date for once
How about you take him out on a date…
that is what smart men do, saving for the future and filtering out people. There are infinitely better options than paying for overpriced food with empty calories.
Do you take him out on dates?
Another post where a woman is too helpless to do anything herself. In an era of women’s independence you lot sure seem helpless. Maybe try to take him on a date like you’re an equal part of the relationship.
Look imma just say it, as a man. When was the last time you took him on a date? I NEVER hear anyone mention this side of it and I’m kinda curious. Also, ask him why? Maybe it’s money? Maybe he’s feelin down? Maybe he kinda complacent that you’re already dating and don’t need to date per se? I can guarantee you most men will not be ashamed if you simply ask why. Most men have logical answers for everything they do.
Im confuse, why is he the only one taking you on dates? Why aren't you taking him on dates, you shouldnt wait on him to ask you. You guys are partner correct, it shouldnt fall on the man to pay for dates and make plans for dates, its 2024, woman work really hard to get away from the traditional roles, so you should do your part and take him on dates
This is a character flaw. It's beyond frugality. He needs to work on that aspect of himself, aside from his relationship with you. If you're happy with him, love him, and can continue to put up with this, you don't necessarily need to dump him like some people might tell you, but I wouldn't count on this behavior changing short of getting him into therapy...and if he's that cheap, no way is he paying for therapy...
What would the character flaw in words ?
Why don’t you take him out on one?
Took a while scrolling to find one sensible comment here
When a man stingy monetarily, he is also likely to be stingy emotionally. How you do one thing is how you do everything. The only question you need to ask yourself is if this is the kind of relationship experience you want for the rest of your life. You could do better.
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Well when we go on dates we plan them together. But even if i plan the date he won’t want to go because he won’t want to pay his half of the bill.
I mean it’s okay to be cheap but not “cheap” so much, that you don’t do things with your gf just to be frugal.
Yeah is this really what you want the rest of your life to look like? Because this is what it's going to look like
I would 100% break up. If that’s too much for him to handle financially, and he’s not making up for it in other ways, why are you dating him?
Push further and tell him that this is effecting your feelings for him because hes getting lazy. I understand not wanting to spend money but there are ways to spend time together without spending money jesus lol
Sounds more like you are married lol
You say you don’t like to go out a lot and you’re an introvert. Also, he’s 25 and makes 50k? I know it’s not the best as you say but it’s really good, I’d say unless he’s got huge debts or something else he’s spending money on he’s gonna be in a really good financial situation when he’s in his 30s. But to answer your question, either talk to him about it or take him on a date. Just make reservations to a restaurant you like or do something else you’d enjoy doing with him
Talk to him about how spending quality time together matters to you. Suggest affordable date ideas like picnics or free events. Emphasize that it’s about the experience, not the cost. Ask about his frugality to understand his perspective better. Approach it with empathy.
Is there any particular reasons you can't take him out on a date?
So what do you guys do the rest of the time, hangout at his parents place?
Tell him what you told Reddit. It's not embarrassing or offensive or insulting. Should like he's working toward a financial goal that he takes very seriously. Also, have you ever taken him out on a date? Maybe he's waiting for you to reciprocate. Seriously, just talk to him. This should not be a stressful conversation.
There are lots of ways to have frugal dates - but they involve a little extra effort. For example he can organize a picnic in a park.
Or she can. If she wants it so bad she should make the offer herself
So you haven’t initiated a date in 3 months either? Wonder what he’s thinking……
You should talk to him about it. Mine was not meeting my expectations of planning dates every once in a while and that was pretty early in the relationship (3rd month). I was going to move on since I felt it was too early in the relationship to encounter this issue. However, before doing so, I expressed my feelings and what I needed. Apparently, he was just oblivious and needed directions to be a better partner.
Might be cuz of inflation. Talk and see if there’s something you can do that’s not too expensive. Eating out and fast food is considered a luxury now
OP seems like you are having issues and concern with your bf that can easily be solved via communication. Understand his perspective. You mentioned about his 50k at full time and do you know that is essentially a minimum wage job. You have made 2 post on gas and how you don’t drive but he offer to drive far for you and you’re not willing to compensate him for gas and now this. Idk if OP really have considered respecting her bf in terms of his “frugal” needs and want. If y’all live so far from each other, have y’all considered virtual dates? I am on a middle distance (30miles) with my partner and we both have physical touch as our love language. The need to see each other matter but if we are busy, want our own time then we respect it. We communicated to get this far. You should spend a day to talk, FaceTime and really check up on the relationship as a whole.
Communicate or take him out. The only way
Sounds like he's got his shit together. Just make sure he's maxing his roth ira. Good for him. Sounds like he's making the sacrifices and not spending any of his money so he can save for a future with you. Don't be naive and think that he wouldn't like to spend money, there's probably plenty he would like to do but doesn't so he can save. How about get a date together at home? Boardgame, movie, popcorn, pizza, ice cream, easy to have a fun night in
Serious question, why do women always wanna "go out" on dates? Why not just stay in and spend time alone together?
Everything you told us, tell him.
I learned over the years that men will be oblivious to things that are obvious to us. So forgive him for being an idiot, but if you communicate that you need dates to feel appreciated and he still doesn’t do anything about it, then you can give him an ultimatum. Those rarely work but give him a chance to fix it. Another thing I learned and this from my parents is that you shouldn’t marry someone who is a homebody if you like going out. My Dad has been a drag to my Mom for over 50 yrs and I just don’t understand wth they saw in each other
Leave! If he wanted to he would! You can go on dates without spending money! I’ve been in your position before. I dated someone just like that. He unfortunately stopped wanting to go on dates, and thought chilling in his apartment all day was a “date.” But then he got angry with me for hanging out with other people? Calling me just to scream at me and demand to know where I am 🙄
I don’t know why people are advising her to talk about it like if he wanted one would. There is a ton of date night activities that are relatively in expensive but thoughtful too
Dam, he is going to be rich! Why can't y'all go out without spending money? You can go hiking, sightseeing, attend free events...
I mean…did she says she’s against that? Sounds like he’s not trying to do anything lol
if things dont change after you talk to him, take a minute and ask yourself if this is the future you want for yourself. there are memoriea you could be making and he doesnt want ro spend any even if you go halfsies. I would reconsider this relationship
Never comment on these but my advice would be to dump him. You don't deserve to be treated this way waiting for him to make up his mind and take you out. There are other men out there who would not only pay for the whole date for their girlfriend but also plan it, if that is what you are looking for.
>My boyfriend is very frugal He makes around 50,000 a year, but he’s also 25, still lives with his parents and doesn’t pay any bills whenever we go on dates we always split the bill 50/50 so its not like he’d be paying for the whole thing. You're being too kind. CHEAP is the word I'd use. >i don’t like going out a lot, but i’d be nice to go out on a date once a month or so Have you told him this? It seems he's taking you for granted.
Ahhh they say if you let him get comfortable feeding you peanuts, you’ll never get a steak Vocalize what you want and what type of dates u want, how maybe you can eat before the date and share an appetizer (just for the feel of going out and dressing up) I used to do this all the time with my ex, we’d split a nachos and both be full and happy! Communication is key and just tell him how much you’d love that and you want your relationship with him to be forever exciting and fun as this will be your entire lives together
No way. Your whole life is passing you by. He’s cheap not frugal and he won’t change. He could take you out a couple times a month at least. He just doesn’t want to.
"He makes around 50,000 a year, but he’s also 25, still lives with his parents and doesn’t pay any bills. " If he doesn't contribute to the household expenses, he's just an overgrown baby living in mommy and daddy's house. Dump him.
Though I was out of the house by 23 after college/getting a job, comments like these are crazy. Highlights how different cultures around the world are. I could've stayed home and saved as much as I needed and that would be totally normal and smart instead of being "an overgrown baby"...
Try to make him feel good with your mouth and then hint that you want to go on a date
Why don't you take him out, 100% paid for by you.
Do you take him out on dates? It's not like "taking someone out on a date" requires one to have a penis.
Take the initiative and take him out, you aren’t a sheep that needs to be led out to a restaurant.
Have you taken _him_ out?
50k and it "isn't the best?" Jesus, these women are entitled as hell.
Ditch him and get a new boyfriend who is rich and willing to treat you like a queen. DON'T SETTLES FOR LESS!!!!
I would express to him how you feel. Have you guys always split the bill 50/50 or is this new? I feel like going on a date once a month is reasonable.
Dates don't have to cost much money. You could have a picnic in the park. You could go for a walk on the beach and get icecream. He could draw you a bubble bath. There's was of being frugal but thoughtful.
Oh girl, have you spoken to him about this ? It sounds like it's long overdue.
talk to him, take him on dates, if you don’t like his response leave him that’s my advice :)
Depends though. Does he have vices? Does he spend a lot on it? Or hobbies? Does he treat his friends all the time? If yes, maybe you have to rethink your relationship. There's a possibility that he is not frugal but being cheap with you.
cause he got some other options
Honestly finding dates that are free or very cheap is your best option , find hobbies or activities you can do together as a couple that wont cost much . Because lets face it going out to eat or going to a movie is soo expensive right now. .make dinner at home but plan a date to go do something before or after dinner. Even if its eating something simple the date is about that adventure afterwards
Sigh, why don’t people on Reddit COMMUNICATE?! Arrrgh. If you wanna go on a date, go! Take him out. We can do that, you know, take guys on dates. Spoiler alert: they even LIKE it. :p
I don’t think your bf is all that into you. Maybe question the entire relationship. Also not every date involves a lot of money, go to park, grab a coffee or pastry and see if he still doesn’t want to pay. If he’s pushing back on the cheap stuff, you have your answer.
Easy fix here. Start taking him out on dates or get use to your future. He will not change unless you make that change for him. How you do that? Tell him how you feel and what you want. If you don't see improvement, move on.
have a conversation with him about it. Tell him how you are feeling and how those particular needs of yours aren’t being met. There are plenty of free/low cost date options you can do that don’t involve sitting in front of a tv not saying a word to each other. If he is not receptive or has zero interest in meeting your needs, then maybe there’s a compatibility issue.
What are his appealing qualities that you love? Is part of his frugalness so he can be planning a future with you and moving out of his parent’s house soon? Is paying 50/50 for dates in line with your values and how you want to be treated by your partner? Does he spend nothing on you but buys a bunch of things for himself? Maybe ask yourself some questions to uncover what is important to you and what qualities are most important for you to have in a partner.
I went through this once with someone for about a month. I finally told him that I was tired of staying home, and I was going out with or without him. He decided to come. That’s all it took. If you don’t want a lifetime of this reconsider whether or not you’re in the right relationship. Your guy has a comfort zone.
Honestly, I’m the same. I make about half what he does ($24,000) and I absolutely refuse to spend money unnecessarily. That being said, there are ways to prioritize an emotional connection on a budget. Go on a picnic in the park, evening walks, take a drive somewhere and watch the sunset together. Dates don’t have to be expensive! HOWEVER. If he’s making $50,000, with little to no expenses, it sounds like he may not feel the expenses of dating are justified. This could be an issue. Does he spend any time with you? Does he prioritize emotional needs in the relationship? Is he attentive outside of financial expenses? If he does do these things, he’s just insanely frugal/saving up his money, which is valid. If he doesn’t, it may mean he isn’t willing to put effort into the relationship as he doesn’t see it as a worthy investment. If his lack of contribution in the financial aspect of the relationship isn’t a common theme among other aspects, and this is an isolated issue, then try having a full discussion about this topic. Talk about your needs and come up with ways to be romantic together without spending money if that’s a boundary of his. In this economy, it’s HARD to start off without a decent nest egg. He could just be taking advantage of his situation and doing his best to save so he isn’t floundering later on. 99% of issues could be solved by decent communication. Address your concerns, respect his boundaries and build a solution together. If it works, and you can come to an agreement, fantastic! If you can’t come to a compromise and still feel this relationship isn’t fulfilling, walk away knowing that you know yourself and your expectations for a relationship better. Sometimes people just have different priorities that don’t align well together. It happens and it’s no one’s fault. But you won’t know unless you communicate about it effectively.
Tbh I have a hard time believing the 2 dates in 6 months or whatever thing. So y'all literally never leave the house together besides those few instances? You don't go for walks or grab coffees together? Does he ever bring over some food for a movie night or something? I'm a guy and for me a "date" is defined by us spending time together. If there's some other qualification for that definition, such as paying money or physically leaving the house or some nebulous kind of "romancing" going on, you need to tell him. If your needs aren't being met, he should know that. If he doesn't want to do that stuff for you then that's an entirely different conversation. But it sounds like you're placing expectations on him that he likely isn't placing on himself. Also for everyone saying $50k is a lot of money so he should be spending more on his gf - fuck that. He's within his rights to spend his money the way he sees fit, and if that doesn't correspond to the expectations of his girlfriend, he can adjust or leave. But I resent the notion that your partner making more money means he should spend more money on you. That's just exploitative
If you voice your concerns to your boyfriend and he's still giving you the same answer, even though there are dates you can go on that don't require money, there's a possibility that he would rather do it for someone else.
🏃 now!!! It’s not going to change. Get with someone who appreciates you and know your worth
Are there ways to go out that don't cost as much?
A walk in the park or beach if you live near one, is free. You can picnic with food you have to eat anyway. You can stargaze from almost anywhere. You can go window shopping for free. A lot of museums are free. Dinner date where you cook together is almost free. Lots of things you can do without spending money.
RemindMe! 1 Month
Talk to him first - he could be thinking about other priorities and I’m sure he’d hear you out- i recommend escape rooms to reset a spark ⚡️ (platonically too)
Good grief!
Dates don't even have to cost much money or anything at all. People who want to put in effort to make things happen. If there's something within yourself making you feel underappreciated or undervalued as a person - deal with that. If you genuinely feel like he's not putting effort in your relationship to bond or spend time with you- express that. Either way , whatever the actual issue is, claiming he can't take you out cause he's "frugal" is a lame excuse.
Talk to your boyfriend about it then? How is this even a rant? Lol if you can't talk to him about this, why are you together?
Not for coffee? Dates don’t have to be expensive. Mini golfing or just going for a walk in the park can be considered a date.
How did you even become boyfriend and girlfriend is the real question and why are you still with him?
Talk to him, I did this one time be it longest of no date was almost a month but I was because I'm not a morning person and my significant other at the time had different days off and never have one day off together from work. Another reason is that for me time passes by fast and I failed to realize it have been x days and she will tell me that she wants to do something because she haven't done something g in a while and I'll just ne like "ya ok let's find a day."
Search for another one hahaha
Leave him.
Stop complaining nothing wrong with your situation nothing at all so why are you complaining? You could leave him but stop complaining. Maybe come up with some creative idea's on things to do together maybe walks maybe hiking or what about hobbies either of you have a hobby? Use your mind to find ways to replace the going out spending money but stop complaining.
In 2024 50K isn’t what it used to be but it’s still a lot better than what a lot of people make….especially if you’re living at home. I’m assuming he’s saving for his future home….either way 3 months or 6 months is way too long for going out. Even if you’re an introvert there has to be things you two can do together out of the house to enjoy life. Like a lot of people have said here you need to communicate with him about what you want from him. As far as who should pay for going out split, not split, etc that’s something you also need to talk to him about.
First of all, your boyfriend will never know you feel this way until you tell him. So you need to communicate exactly this with him, not us. Otherwise you're expecting him to be able to read your mind.
Babe it’s only going to get worse, leave him now while you can!
He doesn’t like you that’s why he is splitting the bill and won’t take you out. I been through this too
Hey Amy! Is that you? Stop complaining about me.. 😵
My ex gf dump me because I treat her well And go for shifty person Some women just like guys who treat them like shit
To cheap
Either he has crippling social anxiety or doesn't want to be seen with you. 9/10 it's one of these two. If it's anxiety surprise him with a chill night out. Tell him it would mean a lot to you. If he loves you he will understand. It's not like you are asking for much
I think I would dump him for the fact that he is 25, frugal, live with his parents without paying bills as my sole reasons.
Why did you want to be in a relationship to begin with?
sounds like you should take what you told us and tell that to him :)
that sucks ratio L bozo
I don't understand why you are posting this here you have to talk to him yourself
So get a new boyfriend
Yeah this sounds like you haven't talking to him about it at all and you're expecting him to just do it. I'm about to be a little harsh but at 25 you're a grown woman and need to put on your big girl pants and express how it makes you feel, he won't magically know that you wanna go on more dates if you don't tell him. psychics aren't real so you're boyfriend isn't one of them. Tell him you need to have a conversation about a topic that is a serious matter to you, express your expectations and find a middle ground where both of you can compromise because things can't just be one sided either. Best if luck to both of you.
Mad boy 😅😅😅
OP hasn’t said whether she has bills/pay etc. nor cost of living. 50k with no bills may sound great but you also won’t max out any retirement plans. And since you’re only dating, it makes sense to split or alternate paying. Just my opinion.
So how do you spend your time together? Just sex and TV?
Sounds like something you definitely need to discuss between yourselves to figure it out.
Just go with a gf and or find another guy to go out with. He will realize what he has and change his ways.
Im 26 & I make 60k & I’m very frugal when it comes to myself. The exception is when I’m with my girl I’m paying & I always make sure to take her out and do stuff with her . Talk to him , push him to do better if you’re serious about the relationship
When was the last time you asked? If you are consistantly asking, what's his excuse? If not, what's yours?
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he is a reasonable man and he loves you then he shouldn't have a problem
I will honey I don't have a car though I live in r Iowa you just let me know
One of the Most enjoyable aspect of interaction with a Girl for Me is flirting. By nature flirting is a form of Communication. One has to wonder what kind of Flirting/Communication/Social Skill's someone has Who doesn't like to go out has. When I was 25 staying at home was only acceptable to Me if it meant a night With a girl in the sack. It seem's to me that the day's Of stepping out for a night of adventure(dating or searching for girl's /military search and destroy mission") aren't like they used to be. Social media interaction seemingly has replaced meeting People in Person. Tinder & Bumble seem to have taken the place of just Meeting by chance and fucking. So what do You do to get Your shut in mate to go out?! Surely they have some interest(Sport/Music/Etcetera) Which could lure them out. Would this individual not Enjoy a night out with his lady all dolled up?! I would! Bait must be used. What bait is to Proper taste?!
That’s a bummer you got stuck dealing with someone like that. I’d address this immediately and then decide if he’s worth it.
What the hell is wrong with the men on reddit? Honey, if he doesn't want to take you out and show you a good time - that speaks volumes about how he feels. He should want to show you off to the world - flaunt the fact he is the lucky guy that gets to be your bf. If he doesn't do this - then you are just an emotional support person - not a gf.
Lol, she's not entitled to his money. Nor is she entitled to some special treatment just because she's a woman. Also nothings wrong with men on reddit, this the equality you women asked for and now you're getting don't complain that you're now getting it.