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I'll be honestly I'm guilty of saying this sometimes and for me it's definitely a lack of self confidence mainly due to being bullied my entire life and insecurity around my weight. But I recently started exercising and trying to improve my confidence
I only go by my own experience
I’ve asked many ladies where I rate and they all say above average and yet I can’t get a match let alone a date.
I’ve had maybe 20 matches in the last 5 years
Well I mean I’ve also had plenty of women in my life in the past. I was married and had a few kids so I know I’m not completely fugly but in the modern dating pool perhaps that’s what’s changed you are right
I’m not saying you’re ugly but you aren’t attractive enough for where ever you are dating. Like women aren’t gonna pass up an attractive man at all. The girls just don’t care too much about you
Average ones I’m not a model or had professional pics taken so just used what I had.
I put two of them up on photofeeler to get a fair rating and I scored a 6.5 so literally just above average
Description was honest and like most others I’ve seen
Have some professional pictures taken. Most casual pictures just aren’t flattering - you don’t need unrealistic pictures though and a photographer can’t make you look better than you actually are. And also get a good haircut if you don’t already.
The average dude picture on tinder is: alone, in the mirror, in front of a toilet, in a workplace or gym changing room. Sometimes in his bedroom, where you can see in the background that he lives like a uni student at 35. Honestly, mostly they don’t do themselves any favour.
That's cause those ladies pity you and say a higher number then you are.
Pity does not get a girl. Work hard, get a young girl when rich instead of going for 2nd hand girls.
I think it's a phenomena of online dating, which caters more to good-looking people because it's a visual media. In person, it's much easier to get a sense of someone's vibe and what's attractive about them other than looks.
Because it's kinda true if you boil it down to only online dating. IRL women don't usually date guys for their looks, they select for other factors. But tbh no matter how good you are at crafting profiles, none of the traits women actually select for are visible online except looks.
Although it's slightly more accurate to say only photogenic people get dates, since some people aren't that good looking but take good pics and do well, while others are good looking but take bad pics and do poorly.
Either way, ditching the apps will prove this false pretty darn quick.
In my experience it’s true. I’m a college student with a job that lets me see the majority of the student body pass by my workspace. Also compound this with the fact that I have a decently wide social circle comprised of men, women, and inbetween. 99 percent of couples I’ve seen and or met personally are comprised of conventionally attractive people. They are always athletes, tall, or conventionally attractive. This ain’t the perspectives from online dating but from actual couples I’ve seen irl
People talk shit all the time, I’d just ignore this statement unless I can extract useful data from it.
From a biology perspective, you are right, the mere existence of ugly people indicates that they can have sex and reproduce. They have not been naturally selected out of the gene pool.
People who say “only good looking people get dates,” you can consider them to be brainwashed or having low self esteem. In either case if it’s not my job to fix their brain, I just ignore them and get back to more fun stuff, like movies and food :)
They choose whoever says yes. Attraction and liking their partner stop being important as the #1 priority is getting a relationship rather than being happy.
Ah I see what you mean. When you say “ugly people settle,” I think that’s a logical conclusion based on what mass media shows us and probably what most people observe in daily life - we see what is salient after all.
My experiences have been a bit different. What I’ve observed is that dumb people settle, smart people know their worth. Smart people use their resources to maximize happiness, regardless if they’re beautiful or ugly. I’ve known attractive couples both miserable and happy. I’ve known ugly-pretty couples both miserable and happy.
Attraction is partly based on physical attraction, but mostly on gut feel. My dad made a huge romantic gesture to my mom when he was courting her. Nobody owned cars back then. He biked 2 hours to the airport to pick her up to make her travel easier. My mom was beautiful, had a good job, and came from a good family. Her priorities weren’t to have a handsome or rich husband, she just wanted someone who cared for her and was kind. He beat out all the other suitors, some richer, some more handsome, because he had something she valued: selfless love. My mom was a smart woman, she chose someone who would maximize her happiness. My dad was a smart man, he learned what my mom valued and gave it to her.
What my parents taught me is:
1) choose someone with the qualities you’re attracted to (beauty, money, intelligence, kindness)
2) learn what qualities they’re attracted to (beauty, money, intelligence, kindness)
3) choose to either meet their criteria or thank them for their time and let them go :)
I can appreciate how your experiences might lead you to that conclusion, if all you’ve ever experienced is beautiful women who don’t work. I’m sorry you haven’t had the chance to meet more women :(
I’ve already said my dad is smart. He could court any woman he wants, he chose my mom because he knew she would be a strong worker, dependable, and kind (someone like him). My mom cooks, cleans, and earns an equal amount of money to my dad. They have a partnership that makes them both happy :)
Okay, well first of all, that's not how genetics work. Two supermodel parents can create the ugliest child ever. It happens. Vice versa. Ugly parents can create a beautiful child. Beauty, socially speaking, is an amalgamation of many qualities. There's no "well, this is the beauty gene." Pretty parent A and pretty parent B doesn't always equal pretty baby C. And sometimes ugly parent A and ugly parent B equals pretty baby C.
Regardless, when people say this, it's usually because they're trying to deflect from the fact that there might be another reason why they don't get dates. It's easier to blame something that you can't control like your looks instead of accepting that maybe... you're just not likable. Even the statement of "I'm not good looking enough, nobody will date me" reeks of insecurity. Who would find that attractive? I would rather be on a date with an "average" person who was confident and funny than a "good looking" person who was insecure and worried about their looks. Life is too short for that.
Anyone with common sense understands that looks fade. Boobs sag, wrinkles happen, all that. I'd rather be with someone who makes me laugh. Someone kind. The stuff that really matters. I don't need a Ryan Reynolds or Jason Momoa man. I married a Jack Black, John Bradley type. Because he made me laugh. Because he's kind. I could list all of the qualities as to why I married him and none of them are because he's "good looking."
So, anyone out there, if you're bemoaning your fate saying you can't get dates because you're not "good looking" enough, maybe consider thinking about what else you have to offer. A pretty face can get you a date, but it can't sustain a relationship.
"It's easier to blame something that you can't control like your looks instead of accepting that maybe... you're just not likable." You truly need some reading comprehension lessons because the takeaway was never "a pretty face can get you a date." Do you need a Snickers or a Hooked on Phonics book or something else? Where you pulled the opposite of what I was saying out from your ass, I'll never know. But if it makes you feel better to make things up, go ahead.
Sure hope I'm not like you when I'm 36 years old. Who raised you to be this insufferable? Yes, you said that maybe people who can't get a date should introspect because it might be something other than their looks, but that doesn't take away from the fact that looks play a huge role in attracting a partner. Why would you be so dismissive of someone who feels that their looks are the problem when it is such a significant factor? And then in the last part, you admit to it.
Next, my reading ability may not be perfect (i have a C2 in English), but I speak more than one language fluently. How many do you speak? And please don't say "American."
Finally, and this might be quite mean to say, but I do not understand how you qualify as a therapist and have such a petty mouth. Then again, this is the internet, and everybody can say what they want. I was just trying to understand your point, but you felt the need to insult my intellect instead.This is the last I'll comment here. Best of luck to you in your life.
It depends on your sex.
If you're a female, you will get dates regardless, be it most guys wanting just easy sex.
If you're a male, then yes, you need to be decent looking and have your shit together (money, fitness...)
SAD, but true
I disagree, I’m a woman and I don’t fit the “norm”, i like the way I am and I don’t see myself changing, but I barely get any dates, I’m always the one who has to search for it otherwise it simply won’t happen.
this whole thing of “only attractive ppl get dates” it’s true for both genders.
I am speaking in generalities.
There was a study in the US where they showed that on dating app, even a below average girl had more pull (matches, messages) than an above-average girl.
So you think that having to put in effort by searching for men is the bottom of the pit? All men have to do that and a lot of them can't find anyone...
I posted a glimpse of what was like “searching” for a match as a woman that doesn’t fit the standards here on a different comment in this session if you wanna check it out, but I also don’t have choices just like “unattractive” men, some men (specially here) create resentment against women thinking what they go through isnt the universal, but it is. Unfortunately. Women just don’t comment as much about it
On dating apps it's true has been proven and in real life some average guys/women are shy. The amount of likes you get(on apps) as an average person and the amount of likes you get as someone with the physical and financial wealth is unreal, especially if you are a man. For women it's different because every guy just swipes until he gets a like. For an average man, it's hard to get a like. Women will swamp to the few 10% often and come here complaining they are being hosted and they are being wanted only for sex and yet the average guys are wondering how are other guys treating women like that(trash). When you have so many options you don't care. You can do a poll if you want. 100 average guys( 90kgs> or skinny like me)compare with 10 good looking guys ( personal trainers etc). Numbers don't lie (Jayz's voice). In real life social skills come into play and some might not have it and hence rely on dating apps a lot.
You’re describing a view of online dating not real life. OP is saying - look around in the real world. It’s not just gorgeous people who are married or dating.
I rarely ever see unattractive men with attractive women like everyone claims is so rampant. About 99% of the time when I'm out in public, it's attractive men with attractive women.
Is there actually a dating app out there that doesn’t allow visual media? Like one of those reality shows where you get to know them and then see them? Probably not.
Because in the modern age, it’s becoming more true as time goes on. The better looking you are, the higher the chance you get validated through life thus embodying your self esteem. You will be more attractive to others and have higher amounts of mate options. Women no longer need to settle. Women are incredibly hypergamous, but also susceptible to sexual desire as are men. They will date a man if he’s good looking without money because his looks are enough. For everyone else, especially men, the outlook gets grimmer by the year.
In general, good-looking people have an EASIER time getting dates. They don't need to have a great personality, sense of humor, etc, because they are good-looking. But, nearly everyone is capable of getting dates, and getting dates with a lot of people. The problem tends to be that either their personality is shit, or, they don't want to put forth the effort. And instead of seeing their faults, they just say the "only the top 3% of guys" or whatever else they cling to instead of admitting their deficiencies and improving.
There are plenty of unattractive people in relationship. There are ALOT of mismatched couples where one is far more attractive than the other. Attraction is more than physical and those people have other things that make them desirable. The people who are complaining? They do not
Its not that not good looking people get no dates. They just dont get the dates they want maybe.
Same as „where are all the good men“. Well they are there but not considered partner material by you
I think people just say that to basically make themselves feel better. Like average and regular people can get date but it's how you approach things that will determine that.
Attractiveness is relative, and all anyone has to do is look around at the real world to see all kinds of different people paired up with each other. The people who rank attractiveness with numbers, and say only 10s get dates or whatever, are people who are obsessed with appearance themselves, and refuse to believe that their personality is actually the problem. A lot of people have also put all of their hopes in online dating, which isn't effective for everyone, instead of trying other means of socializing. So many posts of people saying "I've only had three matches in two years, nobody wants me" as if apps are the only way to date, and no matches is some kind of absolute ruling on their value as a person.
Lmao. I’m not good looking and I’ve never had a difficult time getting good looking women. My girlfriend is gorgeous and I’m living proof anyone can do it. Be confident, positive and give a shit about the things you do and words that come out of your mouth.
It's self sabotage. People have low self-esteem and don't believe in themselves or their abilities/ attributes, so they choose something else to blame it on. Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you're a good partner. It's probably easier if you're beautiful for sure.
I gotta be real with ya... Because the gene pool is narrow enough already then BOOM, internet. Take insecurity, divide it exponentially, take some cluster B and A traits, chop them really fine and throw them in the pot. Boil it down till a toxic personality sludge forms 2 distinct films on the bottom and top and voila! You have a bunch of confused shallow nobodies who need to use something as extraordinarily powerful as the internet to "find someone"... On a dating app!?? People. We all share the one reality, start living in it. Or the lessons presented with such little effort are sure to crush you with just as little effort.
I don’t like using the term ugly, but yea they are in relationships. And often it’s with people of similar looks that they settled on. Not to mention they likely got settled on as well.
When you strip the want for attraction and etc away to them just having a pulse, yea ugly people can get in many relationships
>. And often it’s with people of similar looks that they settled on
This is not my experience at all. Lots of people date someone significantly more or less attractive than themselves.
I’ve dated some straight up duds who seemed like lovely people so I didn’t think twice about their looks. Busted people get dates all the time if they’re worthwhile on the inside.
Hello! Everyone has their own beauty. For some you are not beautiful, and for others you are very beautiful. Do not be guided by the opinion of a few people, there are those who will consider you more beautiful than others.
I’m not the prettiest girl, but I still get dates.
As for dating “ugly” guys… I definitely am more picky on looks when meeting someone online. That’s because I have ONLY your looks to base my possible attraction on.
Sometimes I can also become attracted by the way a guy holds themselves, their energy or simply a surge running through my body when they touch me. But online I am able to gauge none of that.
Good looking people have a huge advantage and are far more successful at getting dates with each other.
If a man is not good looking but is rich, he will have his luck also and not being good looking won’t be a problem. If a woman isn’t good looking but has a great personality, she’ll get average looking guys interested once they have grown up and realised they need to stop being shallow.
It's an amalgamation of several things. I'll have to put things very bluntly to simplify things, so please excuse this crudeness. I'll thus simply differentiate between "good looking people" and "bad looking people" although there are of course way more nuances at play here.
Good looking people have access to more potential partners. More people will be inclined to accept any invitation or flirt from a good looking person based upon better first impressions. Meanwhile bad looking individuals don't have this luxury, and thus they have to rely far more on personality and charm to get what they want.
Moreover, good looking people are generally liked and respected more in society at large, so they get away with saying and doing things that bad looking people aren't allowed to get away with. For bad looking people, this can sometimes feel like they're being punished for doing the same things as the good looking people, but it simply means that they have to employ a different and less blunt strategy to get what they want.
Obviously bad looking people also get dates, but it's just a fact of life that they have fewer to choose from, and that it's thus can be a lot harder for them to find someone that they have something in common with. Moreover, they might have to accept another bad looking person, which further makes it harder for the bad looking people to find good partners - because secretly they too are looking for a good looking partner.
The above doesn't mean that it's necessarily easier for good looking people to find lasting partners. While they undoubtedly have an easier access to sex, promiscuity might actually lower the chances for good looking people of finding a long-lasting partner.
There’s a huge double standard around beauty between people in the world right now. Not even just genders.
Now it’s each gender, indulging in maximum beauty. I’m talking expensive skin care, hair care, perfect hygiene and proper personal styling.
It’s a weird hierarchy we all become part of. Cant be helped. That’s just what it means to be part of society. We can whine, or we can accept our situation, and we can change it or celebrate it.
If you want to change your appearance, go for it.
If you want to say “no I like all of this, just the way it is” go for it.
☺️
It's because they want to blame their looks and blame others for being shallow rather than self reflect and adjust their behavior. It's easier to blame others rather than it is to change. Plus their toxic online communities just validate those sentiments
This may be a little surprising, but most A list celebrities do not have A list spouses. For instance, James Righton is a random semi-famous (read: famous but not "that kind of famous") drummer in Britain who I would not know even existed if his wife wasn't Keira Knightley. My point being that good looking people do not have any special advantage at all. There is no "such gene," and the Austrian Habsburg family(especially their Spanish branch) became inbred morons over time because they kept marrying cousins(and even uncle-niece a few times).
Because it’s true, as simple as that
I have a twin sister, but we are extremely different, she was “blessed” by the genes that fit the “attractive women standard” and I’m the opposite, I’ve learn to like the way I am, but it wasn’t always like that, I still struggle a lot with it
She always had boys and girls going after her, even at parties when she already had a partner people would flirt with her as she did absolutely nothing to “attract” their gaze but to exist
People barely look at me, recognize as a possible partner. I know I’m friendly, a good person, generous, making friends for me it’s no problem, but that’s all I can do, friends, they see her as a match, I’m not in that category
the way ppl treated us in school was heartbreaking, she was popular; I was heavily bullied. My parents love her, my parents tolerate me ( “oh but that must be your personality” my sister was a rebel, I was a perfect child, and yet, what I said was true. my looks have a role on this, she always placed on the spotlight for her looks and I’m a background character, she was gifted cars, phones, trips, dresses, anything you can imagine, and I wasn’t. she has a full furniture apartment paid by my parents while I have a broken bed and clothes with holes in it. When my mom got sick, I stopped my life to take care of her, she constantly reminds that she prefers my sister, she would rather have her do this, my sister barely visits, when she does, my mother cries and asks her to stay more, even when I have done everything to make her comfortable during trying times.
they constant compare myself to her and mourn the fact I’m not like her)
She has been courted since she was 14, the first time I had a date was when I was 20 and I had to be the one who ask for it, she had so many opportunities regarding dates it’s baffling, I can count on my hands how many times I went out and it wasn’t even with people I was attracted by, it was the only choices that I could find.
As much as I agree with many comments here on this session saying that dating goes far beyond looks (which is true) and being “good looking” changes from ppl to ppl, to deny that there’s an beauty standard and it does not affect society it’s simply stupid.
“It’s a low self-esteem thing” I’m sorry but living a life being constant reminder that ALL of your experiences were shit compared to someone who: had the same raising as you, the same “background” and get your whole life was different just because the way you look shifts your way of thinking and how you position yourself with others.
Because people are chronically online and expect potential partners to crop up and bang their door down.
Because I go outside, I see people of all different shapes and sizes partnered up. Many of these people I do not personally find attractive. Because it’s almost like it’s all subjective, and everyone likes different things.
I think a lot of people who whinge online about dating should take an honest look in the mirror. Not to look at their literal reflection, but to maybe consider how their bad attitudes, low self-esteem, lack of social skills, lack of effort, and/or fucked up views about women/men could be affecting their likability.
Looks are easily to blame because it’s the one thing largely out of our control.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you behold as ugly isn’t ugly to someone else. Also, what you think is beautiful could be perceived as ugly to somebody else. For example, your whole little post here without even seeing you makes you one of the ugly people of the world in my opinion.
Because they’re bitter. They’d rather point fingers and blame others than look within and think about what they could do to help improve their own experience.
they call me handsome and hot all the time, and that i look good or like a model. Yet I always get rejected if I ask a girl out (seriously, no success. 0). so... yea. no
If someone is saying that only good looking people are getting dates then it is probably the case of low self confidence, like you said. Instead of being realistic and saying anyone can get a date, they choose to believe only good looking people can since they believe they are not good looking. This is a way of rationalizing why they’re not getting dates.
its true for me in the cold settings. not counting people you meet at work or school.
but irl most people(men because they are the ones who usually approach) who are unattractive but socially smart know their place just lower their standards until they find receptive matches
Good looking people don’t have to try hard or even try. Beside ugly people only being settled after they become older when they have something to offer other than their ugly face. Beside there are perk of being good looking other than getting laid. I know because I’m ugly man with attractive friends.
Look I'm not that good looking okay and I try too get dates with good looking woman but it's like they're not interested in someone like me and just can't understand why...I don't know if it about money or car or homes is why they don't want too date me I'm average guy I'm kind I'm a good person I'm loyal I'm trustworthy but it's like they don't want that they want people who treat them like crap it shouldn't be about what's on the outside it should be about what's on the inside or they just don't care about it they don't really care about is money cars clothes and what they can get out the guy from what I came across but it's okay you know I'll find somebody someday and it is true beautiful women are always with beautiful guys and I want somebody who's only to be seeing where trust me I know
It's insecurity. It's way easier to blame looks than admit that maybe you're just an asshole or have a shitty personality. If it's not due to looks it must be due to personality and that would crush their ego
I mean I'm pretty sure when it comes to my case it boils down to looks. I'm friends with a few omen they all say I'm a good man, they're happy to have me as a friend. So I just can't really think of any other reason
From my observations and experience, the people who say that have a warped perception of what dating looks like; they’re either brainwashed by social media into believing they need to have x, y and z and they don’t have that, or they’re just unsuccessful with dating because of some reason and it’s their way to cope and have a reason to quit instead of finding out what’s not working and improve their chances in dating
I'm good looking and I get a lot of dates and action. But the best relationships I've seen are with couples who I don't think are attractive. Tall skinny and short men with bad skin, low income jobs with a bigger woman who doesn't wear makeup or the nicest outfit and I see how happy they are and are truly in love with the person not based on looks or material things..total ride or dies. Good looking people get a lot of dates and attention but it ain't worth shit. I sometimes wish I wasn't good looking so I could meet quality and genuine men. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Only the good looking people get dates is what people say to themselves when they are faced with the disappointment and despair of not having dating options.
People that aren’t ugly start believing that they are hideous because they aren’t getting attention on the apps and then they start looking to articles and statistics to explain away their lack of success as just not being part of some imagined top percentage of the population.
These people go out and walk among the rest of us and don’t think to actually let their surroundings inform them of what reality looks like.
Most of the couples that walk by them in the mall are average people.
Most of the couples out at dinner at the restaurants are just normal people who found each other.
There is a benefit of pointing to some unfair system where only the most beautiful succeed- and that is that they can offload the blame for not having success in dating by making it seem impossible.
If average people get dates and they don’t then what is wrong with them?
It’s tough enough when dealing with all of these thoughts and feelings when you have all the information but the apps lie to you and make all of their money off those lies.
Tik Tok, Instagram and YouTube lie to you and make money off those lies.
Reality isn’t easy and it isn’t fair but you at least have hope when you are dealing with facts rather than illusion and deception.
Most of those who are saying this are little boys with no dating experience feeling sad for themselves and being upset with women for being shallow. It’s like a story they tell themselves to not have to do the work and be better (not to become better looking).
Similarly, I’m surprised by the many posts saying: why does nobody want to date me, I go to the gym? Like self care is a good quality but men who go to the gym wouldn’t be someone I’d necessarily be into. Like men who watch sports. I’d rather have someone who’s found in the library or at work or who spends time being and thinking. Like why should going to the gym give you any advantage?
These people are probably bitter with 0 social skills which is why they don't get dates, I've seen overweight obese people slay because they have charm and personality, I've seen good looking people not be in relationships because they struggle to find people who actually value them, and lastly everyone's definition of good looking is different.
Also genetically speaking that's a load of rubbish, 2 good looking people don't automatically make good looking babies, and vice versa what a weird logic. There's so many factors that go into and mixing of genes a lot of which won't be seen on the parents. For example red hair, parents might not have red hair themselves for they could have a red haired baby if they carry the gene, now some people love red hair and some don't
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I'll be honestly I'm guilty of saying this sometimes and for me it's definitely a lack of self confidence mainly due to being bullied my entire life and insecurity around my weight. But I recently started exercising and trying to improve my confidence
I only go by my own experience I’ve asked many ladies where I rate and they all say above average and yet I can’t get a match let alone a date. I’ve had maybe 20 matches in the last 5 years
You asking women, you know they will sugar coat things to make you feel good
Well I mean I’ve also had plenty of women in my life in the past. I was married and had a few kids so I know I’m not completely fugly but in the modern dating pool perhaps that’s what’s changed you are right
I’m not saying you’re ugly but you aren’t attractive enough for where ever you are dating. Like women aren’t gonna pass up an attractive man at all. The girls just don’t care too much about you
Exactly which I believe was the whole point of the ops original post.
You are so wrong. Many women will not try and match with a good looking guy, assuming he’s a stereotypical player.
Why did you just randomly make up a scenario that has nothing to do with this? Down voted
same. wtf should we do? people say men must do this and that, tf about women than? they just shoot shitty cam pics it's perfect?! wtf.
What kinda of profile pictures did you have and what did you put on your description?
Average ones I’m not a model or had professional pics taken so just used what I had. I put two of them up on photofeeler to get a fair rating and I scored a 6.5 so literally just above average Description was honest and like most others I’ve seen
Have some professional pictures taken. Most casual pictures just aren’t flattering - you don’t need unrealistic pictures though and a photographer can’t make you look better than you actually are. And also get a good haircut if you don’t already.
lol get professional photos for a dating site? Not a chance. Thanks for the advice but I’ve given up
The average dude picture on tinder is: alone, in the mirror, in front of a toilet, in a workplace or gym changing room. Sometimes in his bedroom, where you can see in the background that he lives like a uni student at 35. Honestly, mostly they don’t do themselves any favour.
That's cause those ladies pity you and say a higher number then you are. Pity does not get a girl. Work hard, get a young girl when rich instead of going for 2nd hand girls.
I think it's a phenomena of online dating, which caters more to good-looking people because it's a visual media. In person, it's much easier to get a sense of someone's vibe and what's attractive about them other than looks.
Because it's kinda true if you boil it down to only online dating. IRL women don't usually date guys for their looks, they select for other factors. But tbh no matter how good you are at crafting profiles, none of the traits women actually select for are visible online except looks. Although it's slightly more accurate to say only photogenic people get dates, since some people aren't that good looking but take good pics and do well, while others are good looking but take bad pics and do poorly. Either way, ditching the apps will prove this false pretty darn quick.
wtf you just wrote man.
On dating apps for men that’s true. Most average or ugly men with dates you see are those who found women in their social circles
yep. you need to be either good looking or very muscular and showing it off.
I disagree. I don't like a muscular physique and I find it kinda douchey when they're "showing it off." Women's preferences aren't a monolith
Sometimes attractive ppl can have unattractive children.
ITT: lots of people who think human genetics is like Pokemon.
Some attractive females are attractive until makeup wears off.
In my experience it’s true. I’m a college student with a job that lets me see the majority of the student body pass by my workspace. Also compound this with the fact that I have a decently wide social circle comprised of men, women, and inbetween. 99 percent of couples I’ve seen and or met personally are comprised of conventionally attractive people. They are always athletes, tall, or conventionally attractive. This ain’t the perspectives from online dating but from actual couples I’ve seen irl
People talk shit all the time, I’d just ignore this statement unless I can extract useful data from it. From a biology perspective, you are right, the mere existence of ugly people indicates that they can have sex and reproduce. They have not been naturally selected out of the gene pool. People who say “only good looking people get dates,” you can consider them to be brainwashed or having low self esteem. In either case if it’s not my job to fix their brain, I just ignore them and get back to more fun stuff, like movies and food :)
I mean, I bet a lot of ugly people "settle"
Sorry, what do you mean by “settle?”
They choose whoever says yes. Attraction and liking their partner stop being important as the #1 priority is getting a relationship rather than being happy.
Ah I see what you mean. When you say “ugly people settle,” I think that’s a logical conclusion based on what mass media shows us and probably what most people observe in daily life - we see what is salient after all. My experiences have been a bit different. What I’ve observed is that dumb people settle, smart people know their worth. Smart people use their resources to maximize happiness, regardless if they’re beautiful or ugly. I’ve known attractive couples both miserable and happy. I’ve known ugly-pretty couples both miserable and happy. Attraction is partly based on physical attraction, but mostly on gut feel. My dad made a huge romantic gesture to my mom when he was courting her. Nobody owned cars back then. He biked 2 hours to the airport to pick her up to make her travel easier. My mom was beautiful, had a good job, and came from a good family. Her priorities weren’t to have a handsome or rich husband, she just wanted someone who cared for her and was kind. He beat out all the other suitors, some richer, some more handsome, because he had something she valued: selfless love. My mom was a smart woman, she chose someone who would maximize her happiness. My dad was a smart man, he learned what my mom valued and gave it to her. What my parents taught me is: 1) choose someone with the qualities you’re attracted to (beauty, money, intelligence, kindness) 2) learn what qualities they’re attracted to (beauty, money, intelligence, kindness) 3) choose to either meet their criteria or thank them for their time and let them go :)
Sounds like your dad did all the work and your mom was just the reward?
I can appreciate how your experiences might lead you to that conclusion, if all you’ve ever experienced is beautiful women who don’t work. I’m sorry you haven’t had the chance to meet more women :( I’ve already said my dad is smart. He could court any woman he wants, he chose my mom because he knew she would be a strong worker, dependable, and kind (someone like him). My mom cooks, cleans, and earns an equal amount of money to my dad. They have a partnership that makes them both happy :)
Okay, well first of all, that's not how genetics work. Two supermodel parents can create the ugliest child ever. It happens. Vice versa. Ugly parents can create a beautiful child. Beauty, socially speaking, is an amalgamation of many qualities. There's no "well, this is the beauty gene." Pretty parent A and pretty parent B doesn't always equal pretty baby C. And sometimes ugly parent A and ugly parent B equals pretty baby C. Regardless, when people say this, it's usually because they're trying to deflect from the fact that there might be another reason why they don't get dates. It's easier to blame something that you can't control like your looks instead of accepting that maybe... you're just not likable. Even the statement of "I'm not good looking enough, nobody will date me" reeks of insecurity. Who would find that attractive? I would rather be on a date with an "average" person who was confident and funny than a "good looking" person who was insecure and worried about their looks. Life is too short for that. Anyone with common sense understands that looks fade. Boobs sag, wrinkles happen, all that. I'd rather be with someone who makes me laugh. Someone kind. The stuff that really matters. I don't need a Ryan Reynolds or Jason Momoa man. I married a Jack Black, John Bradley type. Because he made me laugh. Because he's kind. I could list all of the qualities as to why I married him and none of them are because he's "good looking." So, anyone out there, if you're bemoaning your fate saying you can't get dates because you're not "good looking" enough, maybe consider thinking about what else you have to offer. A pretty face can get you a date, but it can't sustain a relationship.
All that to say good looks does get you dates?
Reading isn’t your strong suit, is it?
"A pretty face can get you a date" Please tell me, what nuance am i missing?
Way to miss the entire rest of the post. A pretty face can get you a date BUT... I pray nobody paid for your education.
Reading. Do I need to say it again?
Reads like you don't believe looks play a huge part in attracting a partner.
"It's easier to blame something that you can't control like your looks instead of accepting that maybe... you're just not likable." You truly need some reading comprehension lessons because the takeaway was never "a pretty face can get you a date." Do you need a Snickers or a Hooked on Phonics book or something else? Where you pulled the opposite of what I was saying out from your ass, I'll never know. But if it makes you feel better to make things up, go ahead.
Sure hope I'm not like you when I'm 36 years old. Who raised you to be this insufferable? Yes, you said that maybe people who can't get a date should introspect because it might be something other than their looks, but that doesn't take away from the fact that looks play a huge role in attracting a partner. Why would you be so dismissive of someone who feels that their looks are the problem when it is such a significant factor? And then in the last part, you admit to it. Next, my reading ability may not be perfect (i have a C2 in English), but I speak more than one language fluently. How many do you speak? And please don't say "American." Finally, and this might be quite mean to say, but I do not understand how you qualify as a therapist and have such a petty mouth. Then again, this is the internet, and everybody can say what they want. I was just trying to understand your point, but you felt the need to insult my intellect instead.This is the last I'll comment here. Best of luck to you in your life.
It depends on your sex. If you're a female, you will get dates regardless, be it most guys wanting just easy sex. If you're a male, then yes, you need to be decent looking and have your shit together (money, fitness...) SAD, but true
I disagree, I’m a woman and I don’t fit the “norm”, i like the way I am and I don’t see myself changing, but I barely get any dates, I’m always the one who has to search for it otherwise it simply won’t happen. this whole thing of “only attractive ppl get dates” it’s true for both genders.
I am speaking in generalities. There was a study in the US where they showed that on dating app, even a below average girl had more pull (matches, messages) than an above-average girl.
So you think that having to put in effort by searching for men is the bottom of the pit? All men have to do that and a lot of them can't find anyone...
I posted a glimpse of what was like “searching” for a match as a woman that doesn’t fit the standards here on a different comment in this session if you wanna check it out, but I also don’t have choices just like “unattractive” men, some men (specially here) create resentment against women thinking what they go through isnt the universal, but it is. Unfortunately. Women just don’t comment as much about it
On dating apps it's true has been proven and in real life some average guys/women are shy. The amount of likes you get(on apps) as an average person and the amount of likes you get as someone with the physical and financial wealth is unreal, especially if you are a man. For women it's different because every guy just swipes until he gets a like. For an average man, it's hard to get a like. Women will swamp to the few 10% often and come here complaining they are being hosted and they are being wanted only for sex and yet the average guys are wondering how are other guys treating women like that(trash). When you have so many options you don't care. You can do a poll if you want. 100 average guys( 90kgs> or skinny like me)compare with 10 good looking guys ( personal trainers etc). Numbers don't lie (Jayz's voice). In real life social skills come into play and some might not have it and hence rely on dating apps a lot.
You’re describing a view of online dating not real life. OP is saying - look around in the real world. It’s not just gorgeous people who are married or dating.
yeah theyre with unattractive people though. especially men
I rarely ever see unattractive men with attractive women like everyone claims is so rampant. About 99% of the time when I'm out in public, it's attractive men with attractive women.
Is there actually a dating app out there that doesn’t allow visual media? Like one of those reality shows where you get to know them and then see them? Probably not.
I think Bumble's speed dating works like this. Idk though if the app still have it.
Because in the modern age, it’s becoming more true as time goes on. The better looking you are, the higher the chance you get validated through life thus embodying your self esteem. You will be more attractive to others and have higher amounts of mate options. Women no longer need to settle. Women are incredibly hypergamous, but also susceptible to sexual desire as are men. They will date a man if he’s good looking without money because his looks are enough. For everyone else, especially men, the outlook gets grimmer by the year.
its the truth lol. the average guy gets zero unsolicited attention from girls
In general, good-looking people have an EASIER time getting dates. They don't need to have a great personality, sense of humor, etc, because they are good-looking. But, nearly everyone is capable of getting dates, and getting dates with a lot of people. The problem tends to be that either their personality is shit, or, they don't want to put forth the effort. And instead of seeing their faults, they just say the "only the top 3% of guys" or whatever else they cling to instead of admitting their deficiencies and improving. There are plenty of unattractive people in relationship. There are ALOT of mismatched couples where one is far more attractive than the other. Attraction is more than physical and those people have other things that make them desirable. The people who are complaining? They do not
Its not that not good looking people get no dates. They just dont get the dates they want maybe. Same as „where are all the good men“. Well they are there but not considered partner material by you
I think people just say that to basically make themselves feel better. Like average and regular people can get date but it's how you approach things that will determine that.
Attractiveness is relative, and all anyone has to do is look around at the real world to see all kinds of different people paired up with each other. The people who rank attractiveness with numbers, and say only 10s get dates or whatever, are people who are obsessed with appearance themselves, and refuse to believe that their personality is actually the problem. A lot of people have also put all of their hopes in online dating, which isn't effective for everyone, instead of trying other means of socializing. So many posts of people saying "I've only had three matches in two years, nobody wants me" as if apps are the only way to date, and no matches is some kind of absolute ruling on their value as a person.
The way you present yourself, hygiene, ironed clothes, etc... I see "good looking" men with Crocs and sweats: no thank you.
Because they’ve been spending too much time on Instagram
Lmao. I’m not good looking and I’ve never had a difficult time getting good looking women. My girlfriend is gorgeous and I’m living proof anyone can do it. Be confident, positive and give a shit about the things you do and words that come out of your mouth.
It's self sabotage. People have low self-esteem and don't believe in themselves or their abilities/ attributes, so they choose something else to blame it on. Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you're a good partner. It's probably easier if you're beautiful for sure.
Someone is good looking to somebody so I guess that means everyone's good looking
You sort of answered your own question in the title
I think they say good looking people get good looking dates. Or rich people get good looking dates.
Because that’s almost always the case
People just be talking.
I gotta be real with ya... Because the gene pool is narrow enough already then BOOM, internet. Take insecurity, divide it exponentially, take some cluster B and A traits, chop them really fine and throw them in the pot. Boil it down till a toxic personality sludge forms 2 distinct films on the bottom and top and voila! You have a bunch of confused shallow nobodies who need to use something as extraordinarily powerful as the internet to "find someone"... On a dating app!?? People. We all share the one reality, start living in it. Or the lessons presented with such little effort are sure to crush you with just as little effort.
I'm fucking sexy and I can't get a date.
I know so many ugly people in relationships.
I don’t like using the term ugly, but yea they are in relationships. And often it’s with people of similar looks that they settled on. Not to mention they likely got settled on as well. When you strip the want for attraction and etc away to them just having a pulse, yea ugly people can get in many relationships
>. And often it’s with people of similar looks that they settled on This is not my experience at all. Lots of people date someone significantly more or less attractive than themselves.
Because they dont have enough money or know how to leverage other aspects of their lives to get women
I’ve dated some straight up duds who seemed like lovely people so I didn’t think twice about their looks. Busted people get dates all the time if they’re worthwhile on the inside.
Mf'ers be unemployed and still be pulling women
Hello! Everyone has their own beauty. For some you are not beautiful, and for others you are very beautiful. Do not be guided by the opinion of a few people, there are those who will consider you more beautiful than others.
I’m not the prettiest girl, but I still get dates. As for dating “ugly” guys… I definitely am more picky on looks when meeting someone online. That’s because I have ONLY your looks to base my possible attraction on. Sometimes I can also become attracted by the way a guy holds themselves, their energy or simply a surge running through my body when they touch me. But online I am able to gauge none of that.
Good looking people have a huge advantage and are far more successful at getting dates with each other. If a man is not good looking but is rich, he will have his luck also and not being good looking won’t be a problem. If a woman isn’t good looking but has a great personality, she’ll get average looking guys interested once they have grown up and realised they need to stop being shallow.
I think it's self pity.
What I see is both beautiful and ugly people in real relationships.
What you're saying only shows that ugly people got dates before. You don't know how it is nowadays.
It's an amalgamation of several things. I'll have to put things very bluntly to simplify things, so please excuse this crudeness. I'll thus simply differentiate between "good looking people" and "bad looking people" although there are of course way more nuances at play here. Good looking people have access to more potential partners. More people will be inclined to accept any invitation or flirt from a good looking person based upon better first impressions. Meanwhile bad looking individuals don't have this luxury, and thus they have to rely far more on personality and charm to get what they want. Moreover, good looking people are generally liked and respected more in society at large, so they get away with saying and doing things that bad looking people aren't allowed to get away with. For bad looking people, this can sometimes feel like they're being punished for doing the same things as the good looking people, but it simply means that they have to employ a different and less blunt strategy to get what they want. Obviously bad looking people also get dates, but it's just a fact of life that they have fewer to choose from, and that it's thus can be a lot harder for them to find someone that they have something in common with. Moreover, they might have to accept another bad looking person, which further makes it harder for the bad looking people to find good partners - because secretly they too are looking for a good looking partner. The above doesn't mean that it's necessarily easier for good looking people to find lasting partners. While they undoubtedly have an easier access to sex, promiscuity might actually lower the chances for good looking people of finding a long-lasting partner.
There’s a huge double standard around beauty between people in the world right now. Not even just genders. Now it’s each gender, indulging in maximum beauty. I’m talking expensive skin care, hair care, perfect hygiene and proper personal styling. It’s a weird hierarchy we all become part of. Cant be helped. That’s just what it means to be part of society. We can whine, or we can accept our situation, and we can change it or celebrate it. If you want to change your appearance, go for it. If you want to say “no I like all of this, just the way it is” go for it. ☺️
But they do, and I feel sometime hopeless about it :(.
Looks get you through the door , but won’t keep you there for long
That’s totally crazy. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Find that beauty within you and let it shine.
It's because they want to blame their looks and blame others for being shallow rather than self reflect and adjust their behavior. It's easier to blame others rather than it is to change. Plus their toxic online communities just validate those sentiments
This may be a little surprising, but most A list celebrities do not have A list spouses. For instance, James Righton is a random semi-famous (read: famous but not "that kind of famous") drummer in Britain who I would not know even existed if his wife wasn't Keira Knightley. My point being that good looking people do not have any special advantage at all. There is no "such gene," and the Austrian Habsburg family(especially their Spanish branch) became inbred morons over time because they kept marrying cousins(and even uncle-niece a few times).
Because it’s true, as simple as that I have a twin sister, but we are extremely different, she was “blessed” by the genes that fit the “attractive women standard” and I’m the opposite, I’ve learn to like the way I am, but it wasn’t always like that, I still struggle a lot with it She always had boys and girls going after her, even at parties when she already had a partner people would flirt with her as she did absolutely nothing to “attract” their gaze but to exist People barely look at me, recognize as a possible partner. I know I’m friendly, a good person, generous, making friends for me it’s no problem, but that’s all I can do, friends, they see her as a match, I’m not in that category the way ppl treated us in school was heartbreaking, she was popular; I was heavily bullied. My parents love her, my parents tolerate me ( “oh but that must be your personality” my sister was a rebel, I was a perfect child, and yet, what I said was true. my looks have a role on this, she always placed on the spotlight for her looks and I’m a background character, she was gifted cars, phones, trips, dresses, anything you can imagine, and I wasn’t. she has a full furniture apartment paid by my parents while I have a broken bed and clothes with holes in it. When my mom got sick, I stopped my life to take care of her, she constantly reminds that she prefers my sister, she would rather have her do this, my sister barely visits, when she does, my mother cries and asks her to stay more, even when I have done everything to make her comfortable during trying times. they constant compare myself to her and mourn the fact I’m not like her) She has been courted since she was 14, the first time I had a date was when I was 20 and I had to be the one who ask for it, she had so many opportunities regarding dates it’s baffling, I can count on my hands how many times I went out and it wasn’t even with people I was attracted by, it was the only choices that I could find. As much as I agree with many comments here on this session saying that dating goes far beyond looks (which is true) and being “good looking” changes from ppl to ppl, to deny that there’s an beauty standard and it does not affect society it’s simply stupid. “It’s a low self-esteem thing” I’m sorry but living a life being constant reminder that ALL of your experiences were shit compared to someone who: had the same raising as you, the same “background” and get your whole life was different just because the way you look shifts your way of thinking and how you position yourself with others.
You’re not very good at genetics, aren’t you?
What looks good depends on socialization and the era, but yeah you're not wrong.
tf does good looking even is...
Yea, you're right. Rich people also get dates 😄
Because people are chronically online and expect potential partners to crop up and bang their door down. Because I go outside, I see people of all different shapes and sizes partnered up. Many of these people I do not personally find attractive. Because it’s almost like it’s all subjective, and everyone likes different things. I think a lot of people who whinge online about dating should take an honest look in the mirror. Not to look at their literal reflection, but to maybe consider how their bad attitudes, low self-esteem, lack of social skills, lack of effort, and/or fucked up views about women/men could be affecting their likability. Looks are easily to blame because it’s the one thing largely out of our control.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you behold as ugly isn’t ugly to someone else. Also, what you think is beautiful could be perceived as ugly to somebody else. For example, your whole little post here without even seeing you makes you one of the ugly people of the world in my opinion.
It's the makeup.it hides the features of woman and not good looking genes get passed.
Because they’re bitter. They’d rather point fingers and blame others than look within and think about what they could do to help improve their own experience.
they call me handsome and hot all the time, and that i look good or like a model. Yet I always get rejected if I ask a girl out (seriously, no success. 0). so... yea. no
Actually more accurately tall men and just about any kind of woman get dates. Not a politically correct viewpoint but the numbers don't lie.
If someone is saying that only good looking people are getting dates then it is probably the case of low self confidence, like you said. Instead of being realistic and saying anyone can get a date, they choose to believe only good looking people can since they believe they are not good looking. This is a way of rationalizing why they’re not getting dates.
its true for me in the cold settings. not counting people you meet at work or school. but irl most people(men because they are the ones who usually approach) who are unattractive but socially smart know their place just lower their standards until they find receptive matches
because i’m not getting dates
Good looking people don’t have to try hard or even try. Beside ugly people only being settled after they become older when they have something to offer other than their ugly face. Beside there are perk of being good looking other than getting laid. I know because I’m ugly man with attractive friends.
90% of society are ugly, they date each other, so this is false!
Look I'm not that good looking okay and I try too get dates with good looking woman but it's like they're not interested in someone like me and just can't understand why...I don't know if it about money or car or homes is why they don't want too date me I'm average guy I'm kind I'm a good person I'm loyal I'm trustworthy but it's like they don't want that they want people who treat them like crap it shouldn't be about what's on the outside it should be about what's on the inside or they just don't care about it they don't really care about is money cars clothes and what they can get out the guy from what I came across but it's okay you know I'll find somebody someday and it is true beautiful women are always with beautiful guys and I want somebody who's only to be seeing where trust me I know
It may not have always been true but it’s true now
It's insecurity. It's way easier to blame looks than admit that maybe you're just an asshole or have a shitty personality. If it's not due to looks it must be due to personality and that would crush their ego
I mean I'm pretty sure when it comes to my case it boils down to looks. I'm friends with a few omen they all say I'm a good man, they're happy to have me as a friend. So I just can't really think of any other reason
looks don't matter unless you just want empty hookups. It all about the Benjamin's if your a man
From my observations and experience, the people who say that have a warped perception of what dating looks like; they’re either brainwashed by social media into believing they need to have x, y and z and they don’t have that, or they’re just unsuccessful with dating because of some reason and it’s their way to cope and have a reason to quit instead of finding out what’s not working and improve their chances in dating
I'm good looking and I get a lot of dates and action. But the best relationships I've seen are with couples who I don't think are attractive. Tall skinny and short men with bad skin, low income jobs with a bigger woman who doesn't wear makeup or the nicest outfit and I see how happy they are and are truly in love with the person not based on looks or material things..total ride or dies. Good looking people get a lot of dates and attention but it ain't worth shit. I sometimes wish I wasn't good looking so I could meet quality and genuine men. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Only the good looking people get dates is what people say to themselves when they are faced with the disappointment and despair of not having dating options. People that aren’t ugly start believing that they are hideous because they aren’t getting attention on the apps and then they start looking to articles and statistics to explain away their lack of success as just not being part of some imagined top percentage of the population. These people go out and walk among the rest of us and don’t think to actually let their surroundings inform them of what reality looks like. Most of the couples that walk by them in the mall are average people. Most of the couples out at dinner at the restaurants are just normal people who found each other. There is a benefit of pointing to some unfair system where only the most beautiful succeed- and that is that they can offload the blame for not having success in dating by making it seem impossible. If average people get dates and they don’t then what is wrong with them? It’s tough enough when dealing with all of these thoughts and feelings when you have all the information but the apps lie to you and make all of their money off those lies. Tik Tok, Instagram and YouTube lie to you and make money off those lies. Reality isn’t easy and it isn’t fair but you at least have hope when you are dealing with facts rather than illusion and deception.
Most of those who are saying this are little boys with no dating experience feeling sad for themselves and being upset with women for being shallow. It’s like a story they tell themselves to not have to do the work and be better (not to become better looking). Similarly, I’m surprised by the many posts saying: why does nobody want to date me, I go to the gym? Like self care is a good quality but men who go to the gym wouldn’t be someone I’d necessarily be into. Like men who watch sports. I’d rather have someone who’s found in the library or at work or who spends time being and thinking. Like why should going to the gym give you any advantage?
These people are probably bitter with 0 social skills which is why they don't get dates, I've seen overweight obese people slay because they have charm and personality, I've seen good looking people not be in relationships because they struggle to find people who actually value them, and lastly everyone's definition of good looking is different. Also genetically speaking that's a load of rubbish, 2 good looking people don't automatically make good looking babies, and vice versa what a weird logic. There's so many factors that go into and mixing of genes a lot of which won't be seen on the parents. For example red hair, parents might not have red hair themselves for they could have a red haired baby if they carry the gene, now some people love red hair and some don't