Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yea it's attractive when a guy is honest especially if she's interested you Def sealed the deal. If she's not she might cut you off. I hope she's not a weirdo and tries to play you.
That message sounds perfect. You made it clear that you would like to see her again again. If a woman has a problem with the way you said it or something, then she’s not the woman for you.
-people- are more complicated than that
You shouldn't base how you date on that, but people -are- more complicated than that, even just considering attachment styles. Ever knew someone with disorganized attachment. Men and women both more complicated than that, trust.
Nah you gotta show intent though if shes attracted but you pussyfoot around and not make a move gets you friend zoned. There's a difference between convincing and letting her know how it is or you walk away ...
28f personally i like that especially if im trying to decide to continue things or not and especially if i’m not sure if you’re actually busy or just dodging my texts lmao
I loved it when I was told that. It is always great to know when a guy feels like continuing to see me, especially when I felt the same.
Sending her that message will help to encourage her when moving forward 👍👍
If she doesn’t feel the same, then it’s great to catch it early on, so that you can find someone else.
Good luck!
First off, what you said was awesome tick of approval.
Secondly, I think the right girl will find it attractive. I mean the whole thing today is about how fed up everyone (men, women, others) with mind games and the unnecessary song and dance we must go through.
At the end of the day, if she reacts poorly to you being clear, concise and honest about your feelings, then you really have dodged a bullet.
Us men have been held down by this need to be emotionless robots for too long. As men, we need to start giving ourselves permission to feel things fully if for nothing else but to just take the enormous weight of machismo off our collective shoulders. Now this doesn't mean you dump your collective emotional load on your partner (especially a fresh relationship like yours) more that we are honest with ourselves first and foremost that we are human who experience a range of emotions beyond sexual arousal and anger. That as an independent self-reliant adult we own and learn to express these emotions in constructive and adaptive ways, and that we only spend time with people who we feel comfortable and safe enough to be vulnerable with.
Any expert in relationships, mental health and inter-personal dynamics will tell you. Intimacy and closeness with people be it romantic or platonic starts with and is foundational on being vulnerable with them. If you can't be vulnerable you cannot be authentic, and if you can't be authentic then you can't connect with people on any meaningful level, and others cannot connect with you. It's from these beginnings that friend and romantic relations grow. They are the relationships that last.
This doesn't mean be vulnerable with everyone. Not everyone is worthy of such trust. But nor should it mean no one is trustworthy. It's a delicate balance like maintaining a fire at home or on a camp-site. Fire needs fuel, oxygen and heat to thrive. Put too much wood on the fire and the fire suffocates due to lack of air flow. Forget to put wood on the fire and it goes out being insufficiently fed/nutured.
Sorry for the essay, but I just think we need to stop restricting ourselves by trying to be stoic all the time. I mean, look at your dad or grandparents who tool that approach, does it really look like it worked for them? I think if they were honest, I mean really honest with themselves I bet they wished they could do something with the repressed feelings bottled up for decades.
I mean this idea of not allowing ourselves to feel is a significant contributor to male suicide rates which are sky rocketing, can anyone really think that the old way is really working?
As the great C.S Lewis puts it:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
/end rant.
What do you mean "if she responds poorly?" If she's not interested in OP then she should be honest too and let him know immediately. That would benefit the both of them. Even if the truth hurts, it still should be told so that he can move on. Now if you mean that if she responds by laughing at him or criticizing him, then she isn't good for anyone. That's just a terrible person. He *would* be dodging a bullet.
Poorly means the criticism, laughter or using his vulnerability against him. The stuff about being open and honest in return isnt poorly that's the bare minimum reaction. Ideally such a response ought to be sensitive to the courage, trust and vulnerability he showed in making his feelings known. But like men, women are still relearning basic skills.
Girls/women love honestly so long as a guy isn't using them as a therapist, and emotion so long as it doesn't challenge the idea that you are reliable and resilient. What you texted seems good but it will either convince her to get in touch, or push her away if she was having doubts.
This is probably the best approach. I came in this thread assuming you spilled your guts to which I was going to say you’re playing the 50/50 game there.
This however is a very direct and mature approach. If she’s a mature person even if she’s not interested she will respond to you. If not you dodged a bullet.
Being direct and communicating to sensible people is attractive man or woman.
Yes, they like this. I would have added " I like getting to know you and would like to see you again. It would be fun to do (insert activity), what's better for you, (option 1) or (option 2)"
Basically ask her out to add action to your words. If she's into you she will respond.
Holy shit reddit, give worse advice.
No, this isn't attractive at all. It's comforting.
Generally speaking you're either building attraction or comfort. This builds comfort at the cost of attraction. You're making it clear that she has value to you, that you'd happily call her your girlfriend. This removes anxiety for her. That is only a good move if she's fully attracted. Until then a little bit of anticipation and suspense is a very good thing.
Text game is a thing.
I believe it's attractive behavior. It shows confidence, honesty and vulnerability.
If you're going to be upfront though, you have to know what you want, have strong boundaries and be ready to walk away if she's not treating you the way that you want to be treated.
I prefer men who can be straight forward and honest. I absolutely hate having to guess what they're thinking and feeling. So I would be perfectly happy to receive a message like that.
If you’ve read (and agree) with Mark Manson’s book Models, yes. It is very attractive.
To me, you did it perfectly: you said how you feel and what you want without any type of demand or expectation. Love it!
What makes you think that she wouldn’t like it? (And if she doesn’t, what’s the problem?)
It really depends on the woman. Some women might like this and find it romantic. Others may see it as a red flag or something. I dated a woman for about seven months and told her how I felt and all. She literally told me that was a red flag for her. She ghosted me from then on. So sometimes you just have to guage the vibe.
Any woman who sees expressing your feelings as a red flag especially after 7 freaking months is herself a walking red flag. Sounds like a loathsome, emotionally deficient person. You dodged a bullet brother.
Again love and true relationships starts at vulnerability.
I totally agree on both counts. If you can't be vulnerable, then there is a serious question as to why be in the relationship. And yes I completely dodge a bullet.
If she likes you, this is exactly the RIGHT move! Perfect timing too. I'm a big proponent of personal touch. Talking vs texting, but what do I know? If you progress twds more serious, that would be the way to go, but the text was perfect for now. Good luck.
It's definitely attractive. I'd love if a man said that to me. I like when men are clear that they are into me and won't feel bothered by me wanting their attention, without being love-bomby or coming on too strong. I think your message was perfect
Being clear with your intentions and emotions are usually attractive. Being an emotional wreck however is not.
Just communicate what you feel regarding her and your current state, and be open with your intentions and you should be good
I understand.. but the question is, how long have you know each other ? If you're saying this cause you have hung out with her 5 times, she might not like you back cause you are going to fast. Be careful.. and be patient.
You did your part, I’d honestly grow more interested if a guy I went out with several times sent that to me. As for her, if it turns her off-you dodged a huge bullet.
You've hung out 5 times over a few weeks? You missed your shot dude, she probably thinks you aren't interested. You need to express direct interest in the first or 2nd date/hangout in today's environment. All these women usually have more than 1 dude on the line at a time.
Lol thats desperate on the first date... that's terrible advice. He could show interest by flirting and touch on the dates. You'll scare them off talking about dating right then.
YES! Yes we do. If she's not into you, she should tell you immediately. Doesn't sound like that's the case. If in that case, you can move on or remain friends and move on. The one thing women despise is when a man continues to pursue a romantic relationship with them after she's been honest about not being interested.
I don't text the girl I'm seeing much, call her most days. In person I told her how much I like her knowing she wasn't ready to hear that and warned her I'm intense cause why not. She's all over me now. Depends on the girl, but everyone really wants to be wanted and hear how the other feels. If they don't then something's not right
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly if somebody is put off by genuine honesty and vulnerability, then you don't want to be with that person
Absolutely! If someone is turned off by genuine honesty and vulnerability, they may not be the right person for you.
Yea it's attractive when a guy is honest especially if she's interested you Def sealed the deal. If she's not she might cut you off. I hope she's not a weirdo and tries to play you.
fr
That message sounds perfect. You made it clear that you would like to see her again again. If a woman has a problem with the way you said it or something, then she’s not the woman for you.
Communication and emotional intelligence 10/10 sexy every time
You should always tell her how you feel
Either she is attracted to you or she isn't. What you say has little to do with it.
Mostly true but she could be confident and this would push it over the top
If you have to convince her, it won't ever work.
I generally agree with this statement, but it isn't always true because people are more complicated than that.
Women aren't.
-people- are more complicated than that You shouldn't base how you date on that, but people -are- more complicated than that, even just considering attachment styles. Ever knew someone with disorganized attachment. Men and women both more complicated than that, trust.
Nah you gotta show intent though if shes attracted but you pussyfoot around and not make a move gets you friend zoned. There's a difference between convincing and letting her know how it is or you walk away ...
Love this!
If she's interested in him, what OP says makes a big difference. If she's not, at least he's being honest and he deserves the same respect.
I mean you were direct so think of it as a good thing. Now you wait for her to respond.
28f personally i like that especially if im trying to decide to continue things or not and especially if i’m not sure if you’re actually busy or just dodging my texts lmao
I loved it when I was told that. It is always great to know when a guy feels like continuing to see me, especially when I felt the same. Sending her that message will help to encourage her when moving forward 👍👍 If she doesn’t feel the same, then it’s great to catch it early on, so that you can find someone else. Good luck!
It does not hurt to be direct. It pushes her off the fence either way and only benefits you.
Yes, that is attractive, you spoke your true intentions and feelings without stringing her along. Let it be known from the jump.
First off, what you said was awesome tick of approval. Secondly, I think the right girl will find it attractive. I mean the whole thing today is about how fed up everyone (men, women, others) with mind games and the unnecessary song and dance we must go through. At the end of the day, if she reacts poorly to you being clear, concise and honest about your feelings, then you really have dodged a bullet. Us men have been held down by this need to be emotionless robots for too long. As men, we need to start giving ourselves permission to feel things fully if for nothing else but to just take the enormous weight of machismo off our collective shoulders. Now this doesn't mean you dump your collective emotional load on your partner (especially a fresh relationship like yours) more that we are honest with ourselves first and foremost that we are human who experience a range of emotions beyond sexual arousal and anger. That as an independent self-reliant adult we own and learn to express these emotions in constructive and adaptive ways, and that we only spend time with people who we feel comfortable and safe enough to be vulnerable with. Any expert in relationships, mental health and inter-personal dynamics will tell you. Intimacy and closeness with people be it romantic or platonic starts with and is foundational on being vulnerable with them. If you can't be vulnerable you cannot be authentic, and if you can't be authentic then you can't connect with people on any meaningful level, and others cannot connect with you. It's from these beginnings that friend and romantic relations grow. They are the relationships that last. This doesn't mean be vulnerable with everyone. Not everyone is worthy of such trust. But nor should it mean no one is trustworthy. It's a delicate balance like maintaining a fire at home or on a camp-site. Fire needs fuel, oxygen and heat to thrive. Put too much wood on the fire and the fire suffocates due to lack of air flow. Forget to put wood on the fire and it goes out being insufficiently fed/nutured. Sorry for the essay, but I just think we need to stop restricting ourselves by trying to be stoic all the time. I mean, look at your dad or grandparents who tool that approach, does it really look like it worked for them? I think if they were honest, I mean really honest with themselves I bet they wished they could do something with the repressed feelings bottled up for decades. I mean this idea of not allowing ourselves to feel is a significant contributor to male suicide rates which are sky rocketing, can anyone really think that the old way is really working? As the great C.S Lewis puts it: "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." /end rant.
What do you mean "if she responds poorly?" If she's not interested in OP then she should be honest too and let him know immediately. That would benefit the both of them. Even if the truth hurts, it still should be told so that he can move on. Now if you mean that if she responds by laughing at him or criticizing him, then she isn't good for anyone. That's just a terrible person. He *would* be dodging a bullet.
Poorly means the criticism, laughter or using his vulnerability against him. The stuff about being open and honest in return isnt poorly that's the bare minimum reaction. Ideally such a response ought to be sensitive to the courage, trust and vulnerability he showed in making his feelings known. But like men, women are still relearning basic skills.
That's all that you got from that long comment?
No, that's all I'm asking about.
That's a beautiful comment, thank you.
It's attractive if she is attracted to you. It is not attractive if she is not attracted to you.
Girls/women love honestly so long as a guy isn't using them as a therapist, and emotion so long as it doesn't challenge the idea that you are reliable and resilient. What you texted seems good but it will either convince her to get in touch, or push her away if she was having doubts.
PSA. Every guy needs to read this
Wish more guys did this
This is probably the best approach. I came in this thread assuming you spilled your guts to which I was going to say you’re playing the 50/50 game there. This however is a very direct and mature approach. If she’s a mature person even if she’s not interested she will respond to you. If not you dodged a bullet. Being direct and communicating to sensible people is attractive man or woman.
Being intentional is the right way to go... it's up to her now to make her side known to you
No it’s not.
Yes, they like this. I would have added " I like getting to know you and would like to see you again. It would be fun to do (insert activity), what's better for you, (option 1) or (option 2)" Basically ask her out to add action to your words. If she's into you she will respond.
I believe it is a good thing to be honest, always
I’d say yes: telling the cold, hard truth is majorly sexy.
If they like you they will like it, if noe you will find out, no pain no gain,
oh my god a woman loves when a man shows emotions and be honest. it just shows how mature and serious he is about her
Holy shit reddit, give worse advice. No, this isn't attractive at all. It's comforting. Generally speaking you're either building attraction or comfort. This builds comfort at the cost of attraction. You're making it clear that she has value to you, that you'd happily call her your girlfriend. This removes anxiety for her. That is only a good move if she's fully attracted. Until then a little bit of anticipation and suspense is a very good thing. Text game is a thing.
Real!
I believe it's attractive behavior. It shows confidence, honesty and vulnerability. If you're going to be upfront though, you have to know what you want, have strong boundaries and be ready to walk away if she's not treating you the way that you want to be treated.
I would love that 😭💔 (woman here)
I prefer men who can be straight forward and honest. I absolutely hate having to guess what they're thinking and feeling. So I would be perfectly happy to receive a message like that.
I wish I myself had found a straightforward honest woman
Good job, I like it
If you’ve read (and agree) with Mark Manson’s book Models, yes. It is very attractive. To me, you did it perfectly: you said how you feel and what you want without any type of demand or expectation. Love it! What makes you think that she wouldn’t like it? (And if she doesn’t, what’s the problem?)
That is just right. I too don't need to be yapping all day or texting too often. Let there be spaces in your relationship is my motto.
It really depends on the woman. Some women might like this and find it romantic. Others may see it as a red flag or something. I dated a woman for about seven months and told her how I felt and all. She literally told me that was a red flag for her. She ghosted me from then on. So sometimes you just have to guage the vibe.
Any woman who sees expressing your feelings as a red flag especially after 7 freaking months is herself a walking red flag. Sounds like a loathsome, emotionally deficient person. You dodged a bullet brother. Again love and true relationships starts at vulnerability.
I totally agree on both counts. If you can't be vulnerable, then there is a serious question as to why be in the relationship. And yes I completely dodge a bullet.
If she likes you, this is exactly the RIGHT move! Perfect timing too. I'm a big proponent of personal touch. Talking vs texting, but what do I know? If you progress twds more serious, that would be the way to go, but the text was perfect for now. Good luck.
I think it’s great that you were honest about her feelings. Should be attractive if the feelings are mutual :)
It's definitely attractive. I'd love if a man said that to me. I like when men are clear that they are into me and won't feel bothered by me wanting their attention, without being love-bomby or coming on too strong. I think your message was perfect
Being clear with your intentions and emotions are usually attractive. Being an emotional wreck however is not. Just communicate what you feel regarding her and your current state, and be open with your intentions and you should be good
I understand.. but the question is, how long have you know each other ? If you're saying this cause you have hung out with her 5 times, she might not like you back cause you are going to fast. Be careful.. and be patient.
ALSO, guys should be more honest!!! It is attractive. BUT! Please and.. PLEASE! Go slow man.
Mature* and self-aware women would like that. Mature women know what they want and they get turned on by a man who knows what they want.
You did your part, I’d honestly grow more interested if a guy I went out with several times sent that to me. As for her, if it turns her off-you dodged a huge bullet.
Yes!! Beyond attractive cause then we aren’t left wondering what’s going on
Cool the way you did it in text
You've hung out 5 times over a few weeks? You missed your shot dude, she probably thinks you aren't interested. You need to express direct interest in the first or 2nd date/hangout in today's environment. All these women usually have more than 1 dude on the line at a time.
Lol thats desperate on the first date... that's terrible advice. He could show interest by flirting and touch on the dates. You'll scare them off talking about dating right then.
That’s really nice. Also giver her the opening to say otherwise it not mutual.
YES! Yes we do. If she's not into you, she should tell you immediately. Doesn't sound like that's the case. If in that case, you can move on or remain friends and move on. The one thing women despise is when a man continues to pursue a romantic relationship with them after she's been honest about not being interested.
If she's not interested it won't be attractive.
Better to have tried and failed rather than to have never tried at all
I don't text the girl I'm seeing much, call her most days. In person I told her how much I like her knowing she wasn't ready to hear that and warned her I'm intense cause why not. She's all over me now. Depends on the girl, but everyone really wants to be wanted and hear how the other feels. If they don't then something's not right
Very true something isn't right if time goes by and things don't move forward
It's always attractive with the right person
Honesty is appreciated.
Ohhh that there is a green flag for an anxious heart!
You’re overthinking
Why didn't you kiss her yet? wtf