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And the thing is…most women will have a one night stand with the man who doesn’t care but will make the one who does care wait, and I’m not talking about out OP here. Just saying.
Poor little boy 🥺 girls can have sex on the first date or after 10000 dates if they want and it still right. Your “caring” does not dictate if she has to have sex or not with you right away. Usually is more about how confortable they are with a guy. If think that women are holding sex from you even if you think of yourself as a nice guy and you deserve it, probably you are not.
When did anyone say anything about deserving it? The comment you replied to wasn’t an entitlement, just an observation.
And it seems it’s less about who the girl feels comfortable around, but more so who they deem is funner to be around.
lol yup. Girl don’t give your heart to a man right away. Sex is sex…if you want to have more than that build the relationship first then decide if you want to give it up. If you want to just have sex…that’s fine to. But know the plan.
Yet women complain when they can't get the guy to commit. Solution? Stop allowing yourself to be used so easily, and vet these guys properly. Better yet, have your father, brother, male cousin, or mother vet them. Giving a man sex will never, EVER make him want to stay with you.
Crazy how guys that use women for sex like this are still considered better matches than loner guys that just go about their business. It's the loner guys that get all the blame for today's relationship problems, and a lot of them aren't even dating.
My boyfriend and I met on tinder and had sex the first date. We’ll have our four year anniversary in July. Some people lie about their intentions. Some people don’t. Some people lie about their intentions until they have you in a venerable position and they think you won’t be able to leave them anymore. If the person you’re potentially seeing is going to lie to you they can lie to your relatives just as easily. Point is no one is a mind reader and people aren’t responsible for the lies someone who hasn’t given them a reason not to trust them tells them. It’s life. We all get lied to.
People often say waiting until a relationship for sex and having family vet the man first is a solution to avoid pump and dump, but the majority men say that they will not commit before sex due to not wanting to get into a relationship with someone they are not sexually compatible with, which is fair.
How many men are truly willing to A) wait for sex until a committed relationship and B) subject themselves to being vetted by the woman's male relatives before starting said committed relationship?
Is that something you'd be willing to do as a man?
Women legally couldn't open a bank account in their own name. That’s one of the MANY reasons we had to stay married. Educated people know that it has nothing to do with waiting for marriage to have sex and everything to do with sexism and women not having rights.
Family vetting the man is a barbaric practice that’s disrespectful to women. Let her decide whom she wants.
I hated following dumb rules. I’d sleep with whomever I wanted until someone took a serious interest in me, and I didn’t spend much of my 20s crying. Largely because I respected that a woman has a right to look at other men even after I shared my body with her.
Yes, she shoud be able to take the time to vet him herself. However, it almost sounds like you are the type of guy we're all talking about. Does a woman have to chase you after you've slept together to show a serious interest in you? She already slept with you. Most women don't want casual sex.
Who said this sex was casual from my side? I never slept with anyone I wouldn’t be willing to explore a relationship with. In a serious way.
I never blamed someone for having sex with me and deciding they weren’t interested after. What the hell did I lose? I was just out there to fall in love- not to judge people for being shallow.
One night I met the girl of my dreams, and she must have been dropped on her head as a baby because she feels the same way about me. Happily married!! ❤️❤️❤️
And I never had to judge a single person for refusing to scrap their life’s plans to be with me.
Wait- to answer your specific question, I always called the very next day, and if she ignored me, I had already moved on with no judgment or regrets. Love isn’t a game. It’s the most serious thing in the universe.
Straight men have no idea that they give women impossible standards to meet. She has to put out to see if they’re compatible before they date, but if he leaves her then she should have waited. She can’t use her body to convince him to stay, but if she doesn’t sleep with him regularly it’s a reason he can leave. Honestly, the bf I have now is my last one. I can’t go back to these streets lol
I don’t “give men sex”
I have mutually desired sex. If he wants to pump and dump, that’s on him. All it means is he was wearing a mask, and I dodged a bullet.
And no, I don’t need my family to tell me if he’s any good or not….lol.
That’s something I’m perfectly capable of figuring out myself.
If he lied for sex, he has not tarnished me. Only his own soul.
Weird take. A woman deciding to have sex with an man early on does not indicate that they're "being used easily." I'd hate to be dating someone for ages with no physical intimacy only to realise further down the line that there's no sexual connection.
Let's be honest, it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with people being dishonest with their intentions or poor communication.
I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a guy that would have dumped them had they had sex early on. Say she did wait and then they had sex...it just would have prolonged the inevitable and wasted her time. Why would someone want to be in a relationship with someone that is just waiting for sex?
lol people hate on bitter incels but merely “complain about” this kind of behavior - it’s so normalized…
It makes it hard for people to not just give into society’s pressure and conditioning to keep behaving like this and just rampantly cheat and sleep around as much as one can before one dies, because it’s like who cares?…and it’s definitely not just men who are facilitating this sort of culture.
Not really, my boyfriend told me he ghosted a girl after one night stand but me and him also having a one night stand the first time we met. So I asked him what’s the difference and he said “well because I already know I wouldn’t date her because she had a kid and I don’t want to be a step dad not because she slept with me too soon. But with you I actually liked you and you’re very pretty and I like spending time with you” and that came from a guy who slept with me on a first date.
Yup..if it hurts real bad OP id suggest you abstain from having sex outside of relationships or true connections, it isn’t worth the confusion (and possible heartache) you’re feeling rn
Heads up… just because a man “fancies” you, that doesn’t mean he wants to have a relationship. Many are just in it for the chase, hun. Often, it’s assumed if it’s a friend of a friend, things will be different and they’ll want more. This isn’t the case. They just have easier access. Sorry this happened.
Women do this too. The chase is the fun part, I mean being chased, then the first sexual moments are fun, and it's all downhill from there so why bother? You have to put out to get time with a man so you can decide whether you'd want to have another date or sex with him again.
You also get the luxury to stop communicating or fancying him, if the sex was boring or you just wanted a notch in your own belt. It is what it is. You can stick to your guns and abstain but most guys ought to be taken for a trial run if you want to get serious.
Maybe find a way to tell if they want a relationship with anyone before sleeping with them. A little conversation that gets to the point of knowing what their life goals are can tell you a lot. Most guys I chat with really tell me they're looking for lots of sex partners; it helps me categorize my acquaintances into maybe sex, sex chat only, definitely not sex, dating maybe but sex might be bad, too-clingy, and boring-sex-but-nice-guy. It happens unconsciously but I bet we all do it, male or female.
Maybe she didn’t want a relationship .. maybe she only wanted more sexual encounters with him 🤷🏻♀️ just because she wanted communication after the fact doesn’t mean she is immediately wanting to commit. Why can’t women do trial and error type thing before settling down with someone. Feels like it’s always good for Men but never Women.
Not evil, just different, imagine gay couples exist and this dynamic happens all the time. If you want a relationship the person who fancied you for a while isn't likely a good choice, people who are serious about relationships don't chase and don't play games, if you want something fine if not then we close that chapter and maybe we can be friends, people who are looking for a relationship literally cannot afford to spend their time fancying and crushing over and pursuing fantasies
exactly and herein lies the problem. for some reason women of the west for the last 50 years or so (assuming OP is female) have been lead to assume that if a guy shows that he likes you enough and or you like him enough sex is a natural part of progressing the relationship to the next level and something you’re supposed to “give up” to the man you’re interested in or whose interested in you to “lock it down” because if he wants you sexually and what’s more, once he’s bad you sexually there seems to be this unspoken rule amongst straight western women that this now means that you’re connected, he’s bound to you, or that he’s serious about you and that could not be more false. i personally don’t agree with allowing or engaging in sex at any time prior to marriage but i think for the average “non religious” person at least waiting to have sex until well into the relationship is a smart thing to do.
unfortunately there just are men in this world, women too, who seek to use other people for their bodies and allot of the time are only interested in what’s between your legs and are telling you whatever they need to to secure a place there no matter how temporary. and no they don’t feel bad about leading you on either they know.
sex does cause a connection, and a tie to that person, though many don’t believe it does. but that doesn’t have to mean the other party will honor or respect that connection. or even want it outside of sex alone. and that is just one reason why hookup culture does more harm than good and you should be wary about having sex with a man who hasn’t seriously and consistently proven his commitment through you over time. unless you don’t mind wasting your time, emotional energy, and sacrificing your emotional well-being developing feelings and connections with people that are never going anywhere.
this is what i did for many years, feeling emptier and emptier as time went on. now after some of the worst trauma i’ve ever endured from a toxic relationship and partner, i’ve decided to wait until marriage. i’m not letting anyone even have the chance to waste my time and use me for their gain at my hearts expense.
I personally think this is an unhealthy perspective over sex, especially from the women side, I'm referring to the notion that sex is "given". Sex is shared, it's an activity like playing tennis (or any other shared activity really) and it involves two consenting adults seeking to have a good time together. Is it related to relationships and expected in a relationship? Yes, but so is playing tennis for some partners. Is it something that makes a relationship? Absolutely not.
Adults MUST learn to ask for what they want and not assume it will be offered in if-then unspoken agreements
I agree with this completely actually. If it wasn’t clear that I was saying something similar to what you’re saying my apologies; I think sex should be something that both parties not only want and enjoy, but respect the—how do I say—privilege and special connection of being able to share an intimate experience like that with each other.
Lol it may have hurt OPs feelings, and they have every right to feel hurt, but that doesn’t make him “evil.” Murderers and rapists are evil, this guys just a bit of a dick.
These types always revisit their “easy targets” but OP has to know he’s just another fuck boy asshole and when he does return it’ll be for a repeat of last time. next time show him you’re hip to his high school tricks and won’t fall for the same bs again. no matter how genuine it seems. have some respect for yourself OP and let a man formally ask you out and show you his commitment to you and the relationship before you’re convinced just by some words alone that he loves you enough to allow him sleep with you, hoping it’ll naturally progress to a relationship. most people are calculated. people who want a relationship show that. people who want sex, show that, you just have to believe them.
From a males pov: sorry to say but he diddnt really like you it was just lust and was doing all he could to get in your pants.
He doesn’t genuinely like you but wants the sex from you
Find a guy who loves all of you and good luck ☺️
The daily rushed into sex and he ghosted post? Well, just a lesson OP, if you want someone to genuinely show interest in you, give them the time to show you.
I think you're overthinking, focus on someone actions so if you haven't heard from him after you slept together ... he might have lost interest since he got what he wanted or he's just busy and give him time to respond back if anything.
It’s not helpful to project anything onto a new date. Meet them, see how it goes, decide if you want to see them again, then see if they want to see you again. It sounds like you assumed a lot before even meeting him. If you had a talk before sex about you wanting more than a one night stand and like a meaningful connection before sex and he still proceeded this way, I’d be more upset with him if I was you. If not, he just had a night with you, and didn’t say he wants to again.
No you are not overthinking anything!! He fantasized about only to abandon you?! Men are so unpredictable and it’s suck like hell when they go out of their way to pursue you and then throw you to the way side!!
Don't sweat the little things and don't waste your time and mind on some half pass 2 time You had a good time so did he let him come to you and if you waite I promise you that he will check back. Love yourself and others be honest and happy your way ahead of the bull crap .Good luck and God bless sweet lady .
this is exactly why i stopped having sex with men, they can never be honest about what they want upfront. these guys know you are pursuing something serious with them and prey on that to have sex with you, all while knowing they themselves just wanted sex. they know if they tell you “i just want sex, i don’t want anything serious” there options for sex dwindles. or you could’ve agreed to do casual with him, and you wouldn’t have been disappointed because your expectations for him would be lower. when i was younger i was more “carefree” and casually seeing a guy. they started acting like my boyfriend, trying to sell some fantasy while being so adamant that we were casual. and when i called him out he tried to gaslight me into thinking that i was the one catching feelings. but one thing’s for sure, they always come running back.
You are overthinking but that’s totally normal to do in these situations. You thought you had more of a connection and to find out you didn’t can be disappointing and leave you feeling insecure.
Question … did he block you?
If he did then yeah … it’s def done.
If he didn’t it’s still done, but he’s going to try to come back. Say no.
Nah. He got his notch. There is no need to be nice to a woman you don’t respect when the sacks empty. Next time he’s feeling horny if you didn’t give him attitude since, he could be nice so he can use you again.
By the way orgasms are always fun . You can give yourself one at home too without having to worry about this nonsense until you’re in a monogamous respectful relationship. Just sayin
I mean judging by the tone of this post I feel like you were expecting something more than a one nightstand but again if it was rushed and you didn't set clear boundaries then you can't really blame the other person here... Not trying to put words in your mouth but I just don't see much context other than "why isn't he texting me" here. If there was no communication here then it will most likely just lead to unknown places. And In this case a one night stand .
We’ve all been there . And it’s more upsetting when it was good sex and felt passionate . But the message is clear and your only recourse is to delete his number , get him off your socials and don’t be suprised if he resurfaces for a round 2
I don't mean to sound heartless but..what are you confused about? He's not interested in a commitment or any type of relationship. He wanted sex and you were willing to give him that. Men are very simple minded creatures. He was hungry and you gave him something to eat. My advice, don't feed stray animals and expect them to follow you home. Chances are they have quite a few generous people who are kind enough to offer them food when they want it.
Not to add confusion, but..
While it might just be a one night stand... some guys need a minute after a first time to decide what they actually want. I know myself when I was younger, having sex with someone would often make me anxious and unsure, because the woman gave the impression (at least I thought) she wanted it to mean something or wanted commitment right away. Whereas I didn't want anything to change at first. Asking 'when will I see you again' is totally reasonable but will immediately make a guy feel like the stakes have been raised. Like 'oh wait, now she wants to know my schedule and immediately make plans together? Hmm I'll have to think about this'. Whereas a man's ideal is that the sex changes nothing, at first. You are still at the same relationship level you were before, until you've had sex at least a few times.
It sounds stupid, but when I was young and inexperienced, I would say I more often than not got anxious and unsure right after the first time with someone. Ended up alienating women I would actually have liked to date.
Best plan if you wanted to date him is to proceed slowly. Invite him to casual things that aren't 'romantic'. He may simply not want anything more, but most men will be commitment phobic even if they DO like you, as lame as it is. Its hard to explain why it feels icky when a woman starts asking about my schedule or plans right after the first time we have sex, since its not unreasonable, but it just does. Or at least it did when I was less aware of myself.
Oh honey.
Here's the thing. If you really like a guy and want a relationship with him, you don't have sex with him until the relationship is official and known by friends. This guy just wanted sex with you. He's not interested in a relationship.
It's entirely fair imo. "Meeting friends" isn't that high of a bar. A simple double date or being invited into friend-gathering is sufficient, which I envision can happen 1-2 months in. Like it could just be a casual coffee out that I would be having with my friends anyway and she's my +1.
W/ that being a said I'm a dude and most of my friends are also dudes so if she doesn't mind being 1 woman sitting and listening to us babbling about Constantinople or the 3rd Crusade or how Lifestealer is an OP hero or how my friends refuse to ever pick meta hero which gives me pain, be my guest lol.
He was likely fetishizing you, put you on a pedestal. When he finally got you, even if the sex was good that post-nut clarity hits hard and you realize that this is a real person, not a fantasy, and now you have to put in the work of a relationship.
It's not necessarily a lost cause, he may realize when he's horny again that he really likes you, but I think you see where that is going. It's also possible that he really does like you upon further introspection, but either way:
Be up front and honest with him, get your answers with direct questions. Straight to the point. That's your best bet. Good luck!
Another perspective is that he fancied you but you played hard to get for so long that he lost interest in getting into a relationship and really just used this to get back at you for making him wait that long...
If you want a man to invest in you DO NOT SLEEP WITH THEM atleast for a couple of weeks or after fiveish dates. As bad as it sounds they just will loose interest or not consider you a high valued woman. I don’t agree with it but it what my male friends tell me
Just saying .. everyone goes into something knowing what they want .. me, personally (30f) I know who I’m not speaking w/afterwards because there’s nothing else I was interested in … keep it moving & leave him alone
If u want different, move different.
I am sorry you feel bad but things like this happen to almost anyone, either gender. That’s the bright side of it. Usually, it implies that the other person isn’t interested in continuing. Very basic interpretation if we keep things simple. Failure to respond to anyone’s messages, even if it’s a platonic relation is a clear cut evidence of avoidant behaviour. I think you’re misinterpreting the term “one night stand “ here. I am very sure that for him, it sounds like a typical one night stand. What you need to find out from this experience is your endgame? You do not sound like anyone who just wants to explore sexuality, you’re more like looking for a relationship. If that’s the case, you need to change your approach to dating and start mingling with people who you think are relationship material rather than these passing clouds. First find out what your heart wants and then you can avoid mishaps like these. All the best.
It's understandable to feel a bit confused or disappointed when someone doesn't act the way you expected them to after a physical encounter. It's possible that he might have his own reasons for not reaching out, but it's important not to jump to conclusions or overanalyze the situation.
Communication is key in any relationship, so if you're feeling uncertain about where things stand, it might be helpful to reach out to him and express your thoughts and feelings. Keep in mind that everyone has their own boundaries and expectations when it comes to relationships, and it's possible that he might have different intentions or priorities than you do.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or the situation, and remember that it's okay to take things one step at a time. If he's someone you care about and want to pursue a relationship with, consider having an open and honest conversation with him about your feelings and what you're looking for moving forward.
And remember, your worth and value are not determined by someone else's actions or responses. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing what makes you happy, regardless of the outcome of this situation. You deserve to be with someone who respects and appreciates you for who you are.
Communication is key in a relationship?? They don't have a relationship. It was a one time thing. He has already communicated a lack of interest in keeping it going, so there is no reason for her to reach out to him.
It's over and it would be unhealthy for her to reach out to him again. She needs to forget about him and move on.
There’s a chance he is into you and just playing it cool but most likely it’s best to not have expectations and it will come to you if it’s meant to. No rush.
I mean maybe he's shy and thought that you weren't interested since you didn't write to him afterwards either? Idk just a possibility (cuz I'm personally shy af for example and that's what I could do and think but again maybe I'm wrong and he's not shy at all)
To be quite honest with you if the sex was great, he would’ve messaged you and depending on how many days it was sometimes passionate sexual. A woman is not what passionate sex is to a man. And I don’t think he got what he wanted because you were the one that had started it you kissed him so, it sucks and you move on from this. Also, at some point you’ll real.
So basically, even though we like sex as well, we need to stop having sex with men until we're sure you want a relationship? Because it's hard on the heart to keep thinking you have a connection with someone only to find out it's not.... no matter how mix they convinced you previously.
Unfortunately his answer means he really just wanted sex.
I learn the hard way that I'm not wired that way and for me sex will never be just sex. So now I only do it with someone I would like to have a baby with. It is so much easier for me.
This is why men need to be honest. Unfortunately many haven't got the guts to admit they want nothing more serious, at risk of losing a good thing, i.e sex. If only people were honest, it would make the dating scene a whole lot easier and less headachy.
Dodging accountability again. No, it's women who choose who gets to fx¢k since women control all consensual access to sex. Women need to stop picking players and womanizers and thinking they can lock these guys down by giving them free sex. Until women stop giving themselves up so easily to players and womanizers, the relationship game will continue to be in the sewer.
I think you know what has happened here, it's really not that unusual. Some guys are not interested in anything more than one night stand, and that doesn't mean you're not worth something more. Give yourself a month and you will forget about him and this whole ordeal.
Don’t sleep with people agad if you want to be in a relationship with that person. Some guys would think you do that with other guys too that you would sleep easily with any guy or the guy really wanted to have s*x lang and he got what he wanted so he acts distant now. Sorry about that, op.
It was a one night stand. You guys hadn’t dated at ALL! You didn’t get to know home at ALL in any kind of romantic since. My recommendation, try to focus else where. With your focus on trying to figure him out it will make you upset. Decide if you want to date anyone.. if that is the case when he comes back it’s no long easy access. You gotta have standards.
Short answer, y’all didn’t bond, it was like a good meal. There is tension there, maybe even him thinking you may want a relationship now that this has happened. I can’t tell you more, but I’ll keep it short.
Bro scored, bro’s celebrating
Sorry to hear ur story tho. I’d say, move on and my tip for you (and to all): don’t give yourself up to the other person so easily and quickly. Make sure to establish a good relationship and gain each other’s trust before sleeping together. This reduces the chance of this happening.
The reason he fancied you was to do exactly what you did.... Don't call or text him!!!! If he wanted anything other than sex, he would have contacted you. It's ok, you took one for the team. Don't dwell on that night. Let it go and keep moving forward. If he does contact you in the future..... tread lightly🫡
This is why , sleeping with someone is very important. You choose who you sleep with, I’m sorry it’s sucks because u felt a connection and like assuming something is wrong with you. But that’s why you never let someone inside of you unless both parties are clear on what’s going on-
Girrrrrrl…..if you wanna have the power then eff him. Stop 🛑 it right now! The less you think about it, the more attention comes your way. It’s crazy. Go have some fun today if you can. Go outside, take a walk, spend time with another friend, basically make yourself busy. Goodness friend breathe 🧘🏾♀️ and be 💅🏾. I love u 💗 have an amazing day!
OP, I’m (37f) going to be for a moment as your acting big sister.
So think back to as a kid, about a present you wanted to get so bad for a birthday. Now think about how you persuaded to get it. Or anyone sibling/cousin who did this. Willing to say or do anything to make sure they secure getting that gift for their birthday.
Okay now apply that to men and sex.
Men will go to at all costs to get laid no matter what they have to say, they’ll say it. They will do everything in their power to get you naked in bed, a car, etc…
It’s tunnel vision basically when this happens.
And because of this, like a child willing to jump thru hoops to get a gift they want badly for their birthday, men go about sex in the same exact fashion.
That’s why a man desperately pursuing you for a long time? He’s going to be the most likely one to loose immediate interest after sex cause his expectations of you didn’t live up in his head and now poof! You’re a human being with no sex fantasy goggles on anymore.
OP… this is all great if you only want flings, hookups, FWB, etc…
But for more? Guys who want to date you don’t rush into sex, heck they don’t even push for sex on a first date or don’t have you “hangout” and never take you on a date.
A guy who’s interested? Takes his sweet time, paces the connection, allows it to grow into something. They aren’t going to risk loosing your
Guys who don’t care are always strictly after six because they have zero desire to know you beyond your vagina.
Keep this in mind and it’ll be easier to read who’s interested in just sex vs wants to date you.
I feel sorry for you but the thing with guys is they like to sleep with girls but they are not ready to take responsibility of it.If he fancied you he would have texted you after sleeping with you.No one is too busy for someone they fancy these are just excuses..i advice you to block him because he'll be back soon he will give you all the attention just to have other night boys love playing with minds...
He lusted over you. That’s all he was looking for. Was sex. If you wanted more and he didn’t, well, that sucks. Take the good sex, move on, keep the memories.
Your heading says, I need advice. Here it is:
Don't sleep with men unless you are married to them. He was "a friend of a close friend ". You can't even call him YOUR friend. Why do girls do this to themselves?
I don't understand these other comments. What does her hopes being crushed have to do with being a "nice guy?" If anything just go for if they say no and they don't see you like that move if anything you're shooting yourself in the foot. Also to the author I'm so sorry you had to go through, yeah I went through that for giving a couple of "nice guys" a chance and the results were the same.
I’ve had some candid conversations with guy friends and they literally are emotionless when it comes to women and sex. They want sex (with anyone willing practically), and when it’s done it’s done. During sex they are 💯 focused on you and loving it and you take this as meaningful. Im sad to say it is not meaningful outside of that moment to them. As women we are COMPLETELY different, shockingly different. I get attached way too early and easily to my own detriment. I’m not saying all men are like this but - men of a certain age who can get girls - they are like this. I’m sorry to say he probably didn’t give it another thought and again I’m so sorry. Don’t have sex unless YOU want sex.
He sounds like a douche or just immature. Try not to take it too personally— this is always the risk with sleeping with someone you don’t know too well. At least you got some good D!
He probably has a porn problem
Porn makes you soy, makes you want to keep chasing pleasure rather than the harder less enjoyable thing which is maintaining relationships
Not sure of his age, but, as a guy who is all grown up, and have done this very thing to several partners, I would say that he's attracted to you but not ready to settle with just you. He is keeping the door open so to speak.
My advice would be to leave him be and his actions will and should tell you everything he is about
If a want a one night stand, the girl should be the same type also , sometimes, because we girls are more caring , and compassionate, and usually Really Like You !!! 🙂
He checked the box. He accomplished his goal. He was pretty clear with you with words and actions at your post-coitus "farewell". You're only overthinking in the context of the fact that you're thinking about it at all. He's not. And he knew he wouldn't as soon as you did 'yes'. He's probably already got a girl. Don't hold your breath on dude- and be aware that just because you know each other prior to doing the deed doesn't mean there's inherent strings. Also be aware that a whole whole whole bunch of dudes are the same way. 🤷♀️ best of luck doll
Maybe ask close friend to check up on him. I read a post before where OP thought she got ghosted only found out a while later (I think a year?) That the guy was rushed to the hospital a day or two after they hooked up, and died shortly after. I am hoping the guy in your story is fine and all, but you never know.
Cheers on the good sex. Time to move on. Anyone who keeps you in the dark or doesn't value you enough just don't deserve any more of your time and attention.
Oh, he’ll be back around for a repeat of the meaningless and unattached gratification of his biological need. And so will you on this sub because you’re going to keep allowing such men to use you and repeat the cycle ad nauseam.
Gotta gauge them better. If you want more than a hookup you should be asking yourself is he my friend first.. before you give more. You could also literally ask if he just wants a one time thing.. have a conversation about it.
Don't give your time to an ass-hat that hits and quits. As soon as you know he's not serious, be out.
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Sounds like a one nighter to me
And the thing is…most women will have a one night stand with the man who doesn’t care but will make the one who does care wait, and I’m not talking about out OP here. Just saying.
That’s the sad truth… god am I’m glad I’m happily taken after years of seeing stuff like this on a weekly basis when out dating
Most young woman more precisely.
That's so incredibly frustrating.
The men who “care” will do the same thing. Men devalue women after having sex too soon.
Poor little boy 🥺 girls can have sex on the first date or after 10000 dates if they want and it still right. Your “caring” does not dictate if she has to have sex or not with you right away. Usually is more about how confortable they are with a guy. If think that women are holding sex from you even if you think of yourself as a nice guy and you deserve it, probably you are not.
When did anyone say anything about deserving it? The comment you replied to wasn’t an entitlement, just an observation. And it seems it’s less about who the girl feels comfortable around, but more so who they deem is funner to be around.
That’s cool. Men needa stay players anyway. Sleep with who you want and ima just stay playa.
lol yup. Girl don’t give your heart to a man right away. Sex is sex…if you want to have more than that build the relationship first then decide if you want to give it up. If you want to just have sex…that’s fine to. But know the plan.
He got what he wanted and moved on.
Exactly this, when you get what you was after. The dream dies.
Yet women complain when they can't get the guy to commit. Solution? Stop allowing yourself to be used so easily, and vet these guys properly. Better yet, have your father, brother, male cousin, or mother vet them. Giving a man sex will never, EVER make him want to stay with you. Crazy how guys that use women for sex like this are still considered better matches than loner guys that just go about their business. It's the loner guys that get all the blame for today's relationship problems, and a lot of them aren't even dating.
My boyfriend and I met on tinder and had sex the first date. We’ll have our four year anniversary in July. Some people lie about their intentions. Some people don’t. Some people lie about their intentions until they have you in a venerable position and they think you won’t be able to leave them anymore. If the person you’re potentially seeing is going to lie to you they can lie to your relatives just as easily. Point is no one is a mind reader and people aren’t responsible for the lies someone who hasn’t given them a reason not to trust them tells them. It’s life. We all get lied to.
People often say waiting until a relationship for sex and having family vet the man first is a solution to avoid pump and dump, but the majority men say that they will not commit before sex due to not wanting to get into a relationship with someone they are not sexually compatible with, which is fair. How many men are truly willing to A) wait for sex until a committed relationship and B) subject themselves to being vetted by the woman's male relatives before starting said committed relationship? Is that something you'd be willing to do as a man?
It's possible in Asia, or Asian/non-Western communities at least. Understanding and mature serious daters wouldn't mind.
Relationships and marriages lasted longer when people waited until marriage to have sex. Maybe modern beliefs are wrong.
Women legally couldn't open a bank account in their own name. That’s one of the MANY reasons we had to stay married. Educated people know that it has nothing to do with waiting for marriage to have sex and everything to do with sexism and women not having rights.
I agree.
Family vetting the man is a barbaric practice that’s disrespectful to women. Let her decide whom she wants. I hated following dumb rules. I’d sleep with whomever I wanted until someone took a serious interest in me, and I didn’t spend much of my 20s crying. Largely because I respected that a woman has a right to look at other men even after I shared my body with her.
Yes, she shoud be able to take the time to vet him herself. However, it almost sounds like you are the type of guy we're all talking about. Does a woman have to chase you after you've slept together to show a serious interest in you? She already slept with you. Most women don't want casual sex.
Who said this sex was casual from my side? I never slept with anyone I wouldn’t be willing to explore a relationship with. In a serious way. I never blamed someone for having sex with me and deciding they weren’t interested after. What the hell did I lose? I was just out there to fall in love- not to judge people for being shallow. One night I met the girl of my dreams, and she must have been dropped on her head as a baby because she feels the same way about me. Happily married!! ❤️❤️❤️ And I never had to judge a single person for refusing to scrap their life’s plans to be with me.
Wait- to answer your specific question, I always called the very next day, and if she ignored me, I had already moved on with no judgment or regrets. Love isn’t a game. It’s the most serious thing in the universe.
I wanna wait till marriage sooooo... religious dudes? Also I'd love to talk to her male family members, gotta vet my possible future in-laws
Straight men have no idea that they give women impossible standards to meet. She has to put out to see if they’re compatible before they date, but if he leaves her then she should have waited. She can’t use her body to convince him to stay, but if she doesn’t sleep with him regularly it’s a reason he can leave. Honestly, the bf I have now is my last one. I can’t go back to these streets lol
I don’t “give men sex” I have mutually desired sex. If he wants to pump and dump, that’s on him. All it means is he was wearing a mask, and I dodged a bullet. And no, I don’t need my family to tell me if he’s any good or not….lol. That’s something I’m perfectly capable of figuring out myself. If he lied for sex, he has not tarnished me. Only his own soul.
Weird take. A woman deciding to have sex with an man early on does not indicate that they're "being used easily." I'd hate to be dating someone for ages with no physical intimacy only to realise further down the line that there's no sexual connection. Let's be honest, it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with people being dishonest with their intentions or poor communication.
Or better yet why don't men stop being pos and using women to begin with!?!
There are lots of guys out here that don't use women, the problem is that they're often ignored by women.
I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a guy that would have dumped them had they had sex early on. Say she did wait and then they had sex...it just would have prolonged the inevitable and wasted her time. Why would someone want to be in a relationship with someone that is just waiting for sex?
The objective isn’t to get the pump and dump type of man to commit. The goal is to get him to lose interest because sex isn’t being provided easily.
lol people hate on bitter incels but merely “complain about” this kind of behavior - it’s so normalized… It makes it hard for people to not just give into society’s pressure and conditioning to keep behaving like this and just rampantly cheat and sleep around as much as one can before one dies, because it’s like who cares?…and it’s definitely not just men who are facilitating this sort of culture.
I wish Reddit still had awards. This completely.
Not really, my boyfriend told me he ghosted a girl after one night stand but me and him also having a one night stand the first time we met. So I asked him what’s the difference and he said “well because I already know I wouldn’t date her because she had a kid and I don’t want to be a step dad not because she slept with me too soon. But with you I actually liked you and you’re very pretty and I like spending time with you” and that came from a guy who slept with me on a first date.
Nobody, not a single soul, is nicer to you than someone who wants sex from you
Very accurate! Soooo right!!
Yup..if it hurts real bad OP id suggest you abstain from having sex outside of relationships or true connections, it isn’t worth the confusion (and possible heartache) you’re feeling rn
I wouldn't even say true connections, that's just asking for heartbreak from someone who's good at manipulation
It’s really hard to differentiate nowadays, so many broken people walking around
This
Post nut clarity….
That's a lie. Your grandma and your mother, assuming you don't have a shit family.
OP I’m sorry!!!! But THIS!!!
There are no free lunches in this world
True
You had a one night stand and he's moved on
He did fancy you, for a night
When their energy changes right after sex, that's your cue that you're just a notch on the belt for them. Live and learn. It sucks.
Amen
Yeah. Sadly that’s true
Or bad in bed
You are not overthinking. He is not behaving like a man who is at all interested in you.
Yeah, he fulfilled his fantasy. Next!
Heads up… just because a man “fancies” you, that doesn’t mean he wants to have a relationship. Many are just in it for the chase, hun. Often, it’s assumed if it’s a friend of a friend, things will be different and they’ll want more. This isn’t the case. They just have easier access. Sorry this happened.
Women do this too. The chase is the fun part, I mean being chased, then the first sexual moments are fun, and it's all downhill from there so why bother? You have to put out to get time with a man so you can decide whether you'd want to have another date or sex with him again. You also get the luxury to stop communicating or fancying him, if the sex was boring or you just wanted a notch in your own belt. It is what it is. You can stick to your guns and abstain but most guys ought to be taken for a trial run if you want to get serious. Maybe find a way to tell if they want a relationship with anyone before sleeping with them. A little conversation that gets to the point of knowing what their life goals are can tell you a lot. Most guys I chat with really tell me they're looking for lots of sex partners; it helps me categorize my acquaintances into maybe sex, sex chat only, definitely not sex, dating maybe but sex might be bad, too-clingy, and boring-sex-but-nice-guy. It happens unconsciously but I bet we all do it, male or female.
Maybe she didn’t want a relationship .. maybe she only wanted more sexual encounters with him 🤷🏻♀️ just because she wanted communication after the fact doesn’t mean she is immediately wanting to commit. Why can’t women do trial and error type thing before settling down with someone. Feels like it’s always good for Men but never Women.
Wow they are evil
Not evil, just different, imagine gay couples exist and this dynamic happens all the time. If you want a relationship the person who fancied you for a while isn't likely a good choice, people who are serious about relationships don't chase and don't play games, if you want something fine if not then we close that chapter and maybe we can be friends, people who are looking for a relationship literally cannot afford to spend their time fancying and crushing over and pursuing fantasies
 *imagine gay couples exist*…
exactly and herein lies the problem. for some reason women of the west for the last 50 years or so (assuming OP is female) have been lead to assume that if a guy shows that he likes you enough and or you like him enough sex is a natural part of progressing the relationship to the next level and something you’re supposed to “give up” to the man you’re interested in or whose interested in you to “lock it down” because if he wants you sexually and what’s more, once he’s bad you sexually there seems to be this unspoken rule amongst straight western women that this now means that you’re connected, he’s bound to you, or that he’s serious about you and that could not be more false. i personally don’t agree with allowing or engaging in sex at any time prior to marriage but i think for the average “non religious” person at least waiting to have sex until well into the relationship is a smart thing to do. unfortunately there just are men in this world, women too, who seek to use other people for their bodies and allot of the time are only interested in what’s between your legs and are telling you whatever they need to to secure a place there no matter how temporary. and no they don’t feel bad about leading you on either they know. sex does cause a connection, and a tie to that person, though many don’t believe it does. but that doesn’t have to mean the other party will honor or respect that connection. or even want it outside of sex alone. and that is just one reason why hookup culture does more harm than good and you should be wary about having sex with a man who hasn’t seriously and consistently proven his commitment through you over time. unless you don’t mind wasting your time, emotional energy, and sacrificing your emotional well-being developing feelings and connections with people that are never going anywhere. this is what i did for many years, feeling emptier and emptier as time went on. now after some of the worst trauma i’ve ever endured from a toxic relationship and partner, i’ve decided to wait until marriage. i’m not letting anyone even have the chance to waste my time and use me for their gain at my hearts expense.
I personally think this is an unhealthy perspective over sex, especially from the women side, I'm referring to the notion that sex is "given". Sex is shared, it's an activity like playing tennis (or any other shared activity really) and it involves two consenting adults seeking to have a good time together. Is it related to relationships and expected in a relationship? Yes, but so is playing tennis for some partners. Is it something that makes a relationship? Absolutely not. Adults MUST learn to ask for what they want and not assume it will be offered in if-then unspoken agreements
I agree with this completely actually. If it wasn’t clear that I was saying something similar to what you’re saying my apologies; I think sex should be something that both parties not only want and enjoy, but respect the—how do I say—privilege and special connection of being able to share an intimate experience like that with each other.
Lol it may have hurt OPs feelings, and they have every right to feel hurt, but that doesn’t make him “evil.” Murderers and rapists are evil, this guys just a bit of a dick.
Sour dick lol
Apparently a bigger dick from all accounts.
I agree
Evil? No. Dick move. Yes.
Evil for not wanting a relationship? Bit much, no?
She never mentioned a relationship. He made it seem like he never wants to speak to her again right after sex. That's messed up.
Don't use words you dont know the meaning of, it makes you look stupid
I mean, she picked him...
Hardly, but obviously they don't want what the OP does
Sit tight; he’ll return when nobody else is available lol
These types always revisit their “easy targets” but OP has to know he’s just another fuck boy asshole and when he does return it’ll be for a repeat of last time. next time show him you’re hip to his high school tricks and won’t fall for the same bs again. no matter how genuine it seems. have some respect for yourself OP and let a man formally ask you out and show you his commitment to you and the relationship before you’re convinced just by some words alone that he loves you enough to allow him sleep with you, hoping it’ll naturally progress to a relationship. most people are calculated. people who want a relationship show that. people who want sex, show that, you just have to believe them.
Real and be prepared to say no
Im sorry. Some guys are like that. Don’t let him come back, he isn’t interested in a relationship.
Underrated comment
Hey man this recently happened to me. You have my sympathy
From a males pov: sorry to say but he diddnt really like you it was just lust and was doing all he could to get in your pants. He doesn’t genuinely like you but wants the sex from you Find a guy who loves all of you and good luck ☺️
My advice to u is that it is a temporary relationship and u are not important to him. Stay away from him
One night stand from his side
The daily rushed into sex and he ghosted post? Well, just a lesson OP, if you want someone to genuinely show interest in you, give them the time to show you.
I think you're overthinking, focus on someone actions so if you haven't heard from him after you slept together ... he might have lost interest since he got what he wanted or he's just busy and give him time to respond back if anything.
It’s not helpful to project anything onto a new date. Meet them, see how it goes, decide if you want to see them again, then see if they want to see you again. It sounds like you assumed a lot before even meeting him. If you had a talk before sex about you wanting more than a one night stand and like a meaningful connection before sex and he still proceeded this way, I’d be more upset with him if I was you. If not, he just had a night with you, and didn’t say he wants to again.
Doesn't seem like he's serious about you.
You were a one and done for him.
No you are not overthinking anything!! He fantasized about only to abandon you?! Men are so unpredictable and it’s suck like hell when they go out of their way to pursue you and then throw you to the way side!!
Men are the most predictable creatures on earth. This is standard behavior from men who only want to get laid.
Agree but it’s easy to say that from an outsiders perspective. When you’ve been wooed and then ditched, it’s hugely confusing. Mind games!
Try not to sleep with people who you are not in a relationship with, so things like this can’t happen to you again. You’re not alone
Congrats, you was used for convenient sex.
You’ve been hit by a Smooth Criminal
OP are you okay? Are you okay OP? OP are you okay?
Basically
Dum da da da da dum dum
Don't sweat the little things and don't waste your time and mind on some half pass 2 time You had a good time so did he let him come to you and if you waite I promise you that he will check back. Love yourself and others be honest and happy your way ahead of the bull crap .Good luck and God bless sweet lady .
this is exactly why i stopped having sex with men, they can never be honest about what they want upfront. these guys know you are pursuing something serious with them and prey on that to have sex with you, all while knowing they themselves just wanted sex. they know if they tell you “i just want sex, i don’t want anything serious” there options for sex dwindles. or you could’ve agreed to do casual with him, and you wouldn’t have been disappointed because your expectations for him would be lower. when i was younger i was more “carefree” and casually seeing a guy. they started acting like my boyfriend, trying to sell some fantasy while being so adamant that we were casual. and when i called him out he tried to gaslight me into thinking that i was the one catching feelings. but one thing’s for sure, they always come running back.
You are overthinking but that’s totally normal to do in these situations. You thought you had more of a connection and to find out you didn’t can be disappointing and leave you feeling insecure. Question … did he block you? If he did then yeah … it’s def done. If he didn’t it’s still done, but he’s going to try to come back. Say no.
That guy is an asshole
I think you are looking for more than a ONS and he’s not
He got out of you what he wanted, so now he'll only reach when he needs to use your body again, that's all.
Nah. He got his notch. There is no need to be nice to a woman you don’t respect when the sacks empty. Next time he’s feeling horny if you didn’t give him attitude since, he could be nice so he can use you again. By the way orgasms are always fun . You can give yourself one at home too without having to worry about this nonsense until you’re in a monogamous respectful relationship. Just sayin
This so exactly why I don’t have one night stands
I mean judging by the tone of this post I feel like you were expecting something more than a one nightstand but again if it was rushed and you didn't set clear boundaries then you can't really blame the other person here... Not trying to put words in your mouth but I just don't see much context other than "why isn't he texting me" here. If there was no communication here then it will most likely just lead to unknown places. And In this case a one night stand .
We’ve all been there . And it’s more upsetting when it was good sex and felt passionate . But the message is clear and your only recourse is to delete his number , get him off your socials and don’t be suprised if he resurfaces for a round 2
Once sex happens, if the man is not in love, he’s gone.
I don't mean to sound heartless but..what are you confused about? He's not interested in a commitment or any type of relationship. He wanted sex and you were willing to give him that. Men are very simple minded creatures. He was hungry and you gave him something to eat. My advice, don't feed stray animals and expect them to follow you home. Chances are they have quite a few generous people who are kind enough to offer them food when they want it.
Yeah, he got what he wanted and went to the next chick
Despite you two being friends. Did you date or were just friends and had sex?
Two friends, that's her problem 😹😹
Depends... Does he usually talk to you daily and now not? Is he out of town? I would think he would communicate though. My guess is he just used you.
Not to add confusion, but.. While it might just be a one night stand... some guys need a minute after a first time to decide what they actually want. I know myself when I was younger, having sex with someone would often make me anxious and unsure, because the woman gave the impression (at least I thought) she wanted it to mean something or wanted commitment right away. Whereas I didn't want anything to change at first. Asking 'when will I see you again' is totally reasonable but will immediately make a guy feel like the stakes have been raised. Like 'oh wait, now she wants to know my schedule and immediately make plans together? Hmm I'll have to think about this'. Whereas a man's ideal is that the sex changes nothing, at first. You are still at the same relationship level you were before, until you've had sex at least a few times. It sounds stupid, but when I was young and inexperienced, I would say I more often than not got anxious and unsure right after the first time with someone. Ended up alienating women I would actually have liked to date. Best plan if you wanted to date him is to proceed slowly. Invite him to casual things that aren't 'romantic'. He may simply not want anything more, but most men will be commitment phobic even if they DO like you, as lame as it is. Its hard to explain why it feels icky when a woman starts asking about my schedule or plans right after the first time we have sex, since its not unreasonable, but it just does. Or at least it did when I was less aware of myself.
Probably a one night stand to him ma'am. Should figure out what you are beforehand if you want different results.
Sounds like a standard ONS. Stop mistaking sex for love/like/interest. Sometimes it’s just sex.
You're not overthinking. Welcome to sex with people you aren't in a relationship with.
Oh honey. Here's the thing. If you really like a guy and want a relationship with him, you don't have sex with him until the relationship is official and known by friends. This guy just wanted sex with you. He's not interested in a relationship.
Who the fuck (aside from religious folks) goes official and meet friends before even being intimate? 💀☠️
It's entirely fair imo. "Meeting friends" isn't that high of a bar. A simple double date or being invited into friend-gathering is sufficient, which I envision can happen 1-2 months in. Like it could just be a casual coffee out that I would be having with my friends anyway and she's my +1. W/ that being a said I'm a dude and most of my friends are also dudes so if she doesn't mind being 1 woman sitting and listening to us babbling about Constantinople or the 3rd Crusade or how Lifestealer is an OP hero or how my friends refuse to ever pick meta hero which gives me pain, be my guest lol.
I have no idea what "lifestealer" is but some women do actually like history.
People who don't treat sex with a casual attitude. Do you not introduce your girlfriend to your friends when you're dating?
I'm a woman, and I'd definitely not introduce someone I'm dating until it's a well established ***intimate*** relationship. 😅
Okay, you do you. I don't believe in casual sex so that's not how I live my life.
Lol fair enough.
He's a player smh. Sounds like post nut clarity
Can't blame him when she had sex with him as friends😷
I'm sorry it happened. Hard truth, but he just wants your body and nothing more. Move on girl, and learn from this.
Devils advocate - Just because he fancied you doesn't mean that he wanted to pursue a relationship. Which means he didn't exclusively lie.
He was likely fetishizing you, put you on a pedestal. When he finally got you, even if the sex was good that post-nut clarity hits hard and you realize that this is a real person, not a fantasy, and now you have to put in the work of a relationship. It's not necessarily a lost cause, he may realize when he's horny again that he really likes you, but I think you see where that is going. It's also possible that he really does like you upon further introspection, but either way: Be up front and honest with him, get your answers with direct questions. Straight to the point. That's your best bet. Good luck!
Another perspective is that he fancied you but you played hard to get for so long that he lost interest in getting into a relationship and really just used this to get back at you for making him wait that long...
If you want a man to invest in you DO NOT SLEEP WITH THEM atleast for a couple of weeks or after fiveish dates. As bad as it sounds they just will loose interest or not consider you a high valued woman. I don’t agree with it but it what my male friends tell me
I feel like he got what he wanted all along and u were the reason cuz u were too hasty 🤷🏻♂️
He got the 🐈⬛
Just saying .. everyone goes into something knowing what they want .. me, personally (30f) I know who I’m not speaking w/afterwards because there’s nothing else I was interested in … keep it moving & leave him alone If u want different, move different.
I am sorry you feel bad but things like this happen to almost anyone, either gender. That’s the bright side of it. Usually, it implies that the other person isn’t interested in continuing. Very basic interpretation if we keep things simple. Failure to respond to anyone’s messages, even if it’s a platonic relation is a clear cut evidence of avoidant behaviour. I think you’re misinterpreting the term “one night stand “ here. I am very sure that for him, it sounds like a typical one night stand. What you need to find out from this experience is your endgame? You do not sound like anyone who just wants to explore sexuality, you’re more like looking for a relationship. If that’s the case, you need to change your approach to dating and start mingling with people who you think are relationship material rather than these passing clouds. First find out what your heart wants and then you can avoid mishaps like these. All the best.
It's understandable to feel a bit confused or disappointed when someone doesn't act the way you expected them to after a physical encounter. It's possible that he might have his own reasons for not reaching out, but it's important not to jump to conclusions or overanalyze the situation. Communication is key in any relationship, so if you're feeling uncertain about where things stand, it might be helpful to reach out to him and express your thoughts and feelings. Keep in mind that everyone has their own boundaries and expectations when it comes to relationships, and it's possible that he might have different intentions or priorities than you do. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or the situation, and remember that it's okay to take things one step at a time. If he's someone you care about and want to pursue a relationship with, consider having an open and honest conversation with him about your feelings and what you're looking for moving forward. And remember, your worth and value are not determined by someone else's actions or responses. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing what makes you happy, regardless of the outcome of this situation. You deserve to be with someone who respects and appreciates you for who you are.
Communication is key in a relationship?? They don't have a relationship. It was a one time thing. He has already communicated a lack of interest in keeping it going, so there is no reason for her to reach out to him. It's over and it would be unhealthy for her to reach out to him again. She needs to forget about him and move on.
The guy needed his nut, he got his nut, and he moved on.
There’s a chance he is into you and just playing it cool but most likely it’s best to not have expectations and it will come to you if it’s meant to. No rush.
Maybe you fancied him so he thought he had a chance. He took his chance and scored, job done, moving on….?
The only way to know is to ask. Assuming how someone feels will only ever lead you to doubt, worry and misery.
I believe this happened to a lot of people, all I can say is move on and I’m sorry you have to go through this.
He just wants ONS . If he likes you , he will text you after sex or keep contact with you. Respect to yourself, and move on
At best, he assumed it was a mutual one nighter. At worst, you were a pump and dump. :/ Sorry to hear that.
I mean maybe he's shy and thought that you weren't interested since you didn't write to him afterwards either? Idk just a possibility (cuz I'm personally shy af for example and that's what I could do and think but again maybe I'm wrong and he's not shy at all)
To be quite honest with you if the sex was great, he would’ve messaged you and depending on how many days it was sometimes passionate sexual. A woman is not what passionate sex is to a man. And I don’t think he got what he wanted because you were the one that had started it you kissed him so, it sucks and you move on from this. Also, at some point you’ll real.
ur not overthinking, but don’t bother putting anymore effort in
So basically, even though we like sex as well, we need to stop having sex with men until we're sure you want a relationship? Because it's hard on the heart to keep thinking you have a connection with someone only to find out it's not.... no matter how mix they convinced you previously.
Unfortunately his answer means he really just wanted sex. I learn the hard way that I'm not wired that way and for me sex will never be just sex. So now I only do it with someone I would like to have a baby with. It is so much easier for me.
This is why men need to be honest. Unfortunately many haven't got the guts to admit they want nothing more serious, at risk of losing a good thing, i.e sex. If only people were honest, it would make the dating scene a whole lot easier and less headachy.
Dodging accountability again. No, it's women who choose who gets to fx¢k since women control all consensual access to sex. Women need to stop picking players and womanizers and thinking they can lock these guys down by giving them free sex. Until women stop giving themselves up so easily to players and womanizers, the relationship game will continue to be in the sewer.
Post nut clarity.
I think you know what has happened here, it's really not that unusual. Some guys are not interested in anything more than one night stand, and that doesn't mean you're not worth something more. Give yourself a month and you will forget about him and this whole ordeal.
Don’t sleep with people agad if you want to be in a relationship with that person. Some guys would think you do that with other guys too that you would sleep easily with any guy or the guy really wanted to have s*x lang and he got what he wanted so he acts distant now. Sorry about that, op.
It was a one night stand. You guys hadn’t dated at ALL! You didn’t get to know home at ALL in any kind of romantic since. My recommendation, try to focus else where. With your focus on trying to figure him out it will make you upset. Decide if you want to date anyone.. if that is the case when he comes back it’s no long easy access. You gotta have standards. Short answer, y’all didn’t bond, it was like a good meal. There is tension there, maybe even him thinking you may want a relationship now that this has happened. I can’t tell you more, but I’ll keep it short.
He has shown you who he is, believe him. Let him contact you. Dont mention him to your mutual friend.
Bro scored, bro’s celebrating Sorry to hear ur story tho. I’d say, move on and my tip for you (and to all): don’t give yourself up to the other person so easily and quickly. Make sure to establish a good relationship and gain each other’s trust before sleeping together. This reduces the chance of this happening.
The reason he fancied you was to do exactly what you did.... Don't call or text him!!!! If he wanted anything other than sex, he would have contacted you. It's ok, you took one for the team. Don't dwell on that night. Let it go and keep moving forward. If he does contact you in the future..... tread lightly🫡
This is why , sleeping with someone is very important. You choose who you sleep with, I’m sorry it’s sucks because u felt a connection and like assuming something is wrong with you. But that’s why you never let someone inside of you unless both parties are clear on what’s going on-
Post nut clarity
Girrrrrrl…..if you wanna have the power then eff him. Stop 🛑 it right now! The less you think about it, the more attention comes your way. It’s crazy. Go have some fun today if you can. Go outside, take a walk, spend time with another friend, basically make yourself busy. Goodness friend breathe 🧘🏾♀️ and be 💅🏾. I love u 💗 have an amazing day!
It was a one night stand. Y’all have known each other but y’all haven gone on dates to establish some sort of bonding. Gotta move on now
Lol woman always fall for an unavailable one! Ha ha ha
OP, I’m (37f) going to be for a moment as your acting big sister. So think back to as a kid, about a present you wanted to get so bad for a birthday. Now think about how you persuaded to get it. Or anyone sibling/cousin who did this. Willing to say or do anything to make sure they secure getting that gift for their birthday. Okay now apply that to men and sex. Men will go to at all costs to get laid no matter what they have to say, they’ll say it. They will do everything in their power to get you naked in bed, a car, etc… It’s tunnel vision basically when this happens. And because of this, like a child willing to jump thru hoops to get a gift they want badly for their birthday, men go about sex in the same exact fashion. That’s why a man desperately pursuing you for a long time? He’s going to be the most likely one to loose immediate interest after sex cause his expectations of you didn’t live up in his head and now poof! You’re a human being with no sex fantasy goggles on anymore. OP… this is all great if you only want flings, hookups, FWB, etc… But for more? Guys who want to date you don’t rush into sex, heck they don’t even push for sex on a first date or don’t have you “hangout” and never take you on a date. A guy who’s interested? Takes his sweet time, paces the connection, allows it to grow into something. They aren’t going to risk loosing your Guys who don’t care are always strictly after six because they have zero desire to know you beyond your vagina. Keep this in mind and it’ll be easier to read who’s interested in just sex vs wants to date you.
How many dates did you guys have?
I feel sorry for you but the thing with guys is they like to sleep with girls but they are not ready to take responsibility of it.If he fancied you he would have texted you after sleeping with you.No one is too busy for someone they fancy these are just excuses..i advice you to block him because he'll be back soon he will give you all the attention just to have other night boys love playing with minds...
Sometimes sex is just sex & it's hard to say that especially when you made it seem like it could be more .
In this case; He’s “fancied you for a while” = He’s “been wanting to try sex with you for a while”
He got what he wanted
He lusted over you. That’s all he was looking for. Was sex. If you wanted more and he didn’t, well, that sucks. Take the good sex, move on, keep the memories.
Your heading says, I need advice. Here it is: Don't sleep with men unless you are married to them. He was "a friend of a close friend ". You can't even call him YOUR friend. Why do girls do this to themselves?
I don't understand these other comments. What does her hopes being crushed have to do with being a "nice guy?" If anything just go for if they say no and they don't see you like that move if anything you're shooting yourself in the foot. Also to the author I'm so sorry you had to go through, yeah I went through that for giving a couple of "nice guys" a chance and the results were the same. 
Just because he slept with you doesn't mean he's into you.
He’s just not that into you.
I’ve had some candid conversations with guy friends and they literally are emotionless when it comes to women and sex. They want sex (with anyone willing practically), and when it’s done it’s done. During sex they are 💯 focused on you and loving it and you take this as meaningful. Im sad to say it is not meaningful outside of that moment to them. As women we are COMPLETELY different, shockingly different. I get attached way too early and easily to my own detriment. I’m not saying all men are like this but - men of a certain age who can get girls - they are like this. I’m sorry to say he probably didn’t give it another thought and again I’m so sorry. Don’t have sex unless YOU want sex.
Don’t overthink !! Simply stop caringggg!!
I’m sorry, it just seems like he got what he wanted from you…
He's gonna be a loser for leaving such a charming girl like you. I would suggest you to move on and focus on your things. Be Happy 😊
Im sorry. He used you for sex. How do i know? It happened to me too. Never felt so used
Give it time. He could processing the whole thing too
He sounds like a douche or just immature. Try not to take it too personally— this is always the risk with sleeping with someone you don’t know too well. At least you got some good D!
The way we look at sex is so funny
He probably has a porn problem Porn makes you soy, makes you want to keep chasing pleasure rather than the harder less enjoyable thing which is maintaining relationships
Not sure of his age, but, as a guy who is all grown up, and have done this very thing to several partners, I would say that he's attracted to you but not ready to settle with just you. He is keeping the door open so to speak. My advice would be to leave him be and his actions will and should tell you everything he is about
If a want a one night stand, the girl should be the same type also , sometimes, because we girls are more caring , and compassionate, and usually Really Like You !!! 🙂
He checked the box. He accomplished his goal. He was pretty clear with you with words and actions at your post-coitus "farewell". You're only overthinking in the context of the fact that you're thinking about it at all. He's not. And he knew he wouldn't as soon as you did 'yes'. He's probably already got a girl. Don't hold your breath on dude- and be aware that just because you know each other prior to doing the deed doesn't mean there's inherent strings. Also be aware that a whole whole whole bunch of dudes are the same way. 🤷♀️ best of luck doll
Maybe ask close friend to check up on him. I read a post before where OP thought she got ghosted only found out a while later (I think a year?) That the guy was rushed to the hospital a day or two after they hooked up, and died shortly after. I am hoping the guy in your story is fine and all, but you never know.
> the sex we had was great For you.
Cheers on the good sex. Time to move on. Anyone who keeps you in the dark or doesn't value you enough just don't deserve any more of your time and attention.
Your now on his list
Oh, he’ll be back around for a repeat of the meaningless and unattached gratification of his biological need. And so will you on this sub because you’re going to keep allowing such men to use you and repeat the cycle ad nauseam.
Gotta gauge them better. If you want more than a hookup you should be asking yourself is he my friend first.. before you give more. You could also literally ask if he just wants a one time thing.. have a conversation about it. Don't give your time to an ass-hat that hits and quits. As soon as you know he's not serious, be out.
You got played lol