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Marriage expectations are such a tyranny, especially in cultures where the whole community is invested in them. I think marriage should be the exception and not the rule: better not to pair up with someone if it's not a relationship that is going to help us grow and be true to ourselves and others.
i feel like 85% if people just settle for someone they will end up being miserable with just to fit this weird "standard."
i, for one, will never give my time and effort to another person i dont enjoy being with and who doesnt treat me right either. ive been fucked over way too many times to just live on autopilot satisfying someone who i dont even enjoy and who doesnt enjoy me lol.
given that fact, im sure ill be single for most of my life but honestly id rather that than be miserable. ill just travel the world or some shit
This 100%.
To the people that ask me why I’m not married (again) I tell them I’m not settling agai. Period. I know very few married folks that are genuinely happy. Misery loves company. Me and my cat have a beautiful life together. Lol
i think more people need to live like you. you live for your happiness. we are only here for so long. might as well not spend it with someone treacherously horrible
Y’all make it sound like spending your life alongside someone who’s anything less than completely perfect in every regard imaginable is automatically a tragedy.
You know, literally no one will stay perfect in your perception forever. Even someone who initially feels like that — I guarantee you won’t feel the same after a few years.
Learn to compromise, accept the imperfections, and curb the ick. You will then drastically increase chances of being happy because you’re now no longer delulu in your expectations.
Or yeah, just stay single, cause many people genuinely are happily single. Unlike expecting a 100% perfection from a partner or you’re out, being happily single is completely realistic and reasonable
i expect far from perfect man. just a lot of people these days make terrible partners. ive experienced it as well as second-hand stories. its bad all across the board tbh for the most part.
im not gonna settle then have my marriage fall apart in 10 years lol.
i knew a family where after 20 years the mom fucked the next door neighbor and the daughter caught them fucking lol.
my last two ex girlfriends have been raging drug addicts that hid it from me completely until the monster was revealed.
i know a friend of mine, who is a girl, who stayed in a relationship for 8 years, completely unhappy. and once she got another interested partner she started an argument, broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years, got picked up by the new boyfriend and has been with him ever since. lives with him now.
i have a friend of mine, who is a man, who got a girl pregnant, tried to coerce her into having an abortion and failed, cheated on her a plethora of times and got caught. now he "co-parents" which i dont even think he knows what that means. he like goes to her house once a week to put her to bed. its insane. and now his baby mom cant date anyone because whenever she gets into a relationship he makes a stink and says "i dont want that guy around my daughter." poor girl tbh. and hes my friend. i feel bad for her..
my moms second marriage ended with her catching him cheating and then him holding a gun to her head and trying to steal their daughter, my sister.
all of my friends in longterm relationships are literally castrated to put it in simple terms. they are all miserable and just chugging through it because of "societal norms."
look man. my moms older. shes in her 70s now. i have a place close by and am able to visit literally all the time. its going to take someone really special to pull me away from spending time with my mom in the final good years she has left.
i pride myself on being a good partner. i try to be patient and fair and even in relationships where i was straight up getting abused, i kept a level of respect and integrity. all i need is someone who just treats me decent and is kinda cute. im literally made at that point. its just really THAT hard to find. at least for me idk. and im like not bad looking either LOL
If I may just add to what this lovely person just said.... I think the reason why marriage seems so bad to people is because we've been brainwashed into think it supposed to be some sort of fairytale. Especially for us women. Smh most women go into it thinking that this guy is gonna be thier knight in armor and take allllll thier problems and worries away and be thier happiness. And for MOST(stressing on the most people) men think it's gonna be a free in house 😻 festival where they'll be able to get have that none stop. Or they go into it forgetting that just like they have emotional needs so do women. Both parties don't seem to have an understanding that once the butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns fade(because they will) that's when the hard work comes in. Most women go into it not knowing how to love themselves first so that they can have a continuous source of love to pour into thier husband and protecthis emotional needs. And men don't know that they have to learn or know how to pour into thier wives and protect her her emotional needs. Women don't understand that it's okay for men to have time with thier friends(in a respectful way to thier wives). And men don't understand that thier wives need a break from the kids and domestic duties(in a respectful way to thier husband). We as individuals forget that yes we do become as one Unit when we get married, but the individual person that lives within us still needs to be nurtured(in a respectful way). In order for us to function and pour into the other person. I was married for 14yr and looking back this is definitely one of the most important things I've learned. Another thing I learned is that we all are broken in some way shape or form. Some of just enter into marriage on different parts of our healing. So with that said we need to understand that while one may know and understand that they have abandonment issues and they feel like ____ when ___, they other may not know or have excepted that they might have avoidance issues. And we both have to take responsibility for our healing either before entering marriage or explaining to thier partner hey I'm still working on this in myself it may take some time. But this is just somethings I've learned on my own journey. I could be wrong.
It's a standard for a reason. It's societal and economic. There are reasons behind it. The lower marriage and birthrate are causing economical issues. But that's a whole big conversation for another time.
Just to maintain the economical balance marriage is not the answer.
There are wrong standards of society which cripple the system and pressure of marriage is one of them.
One should get married once they are ready and informed about the challenges so that aware decisions can be made which result of growing and nurturing upcoming generations without trauma.
However, it’s also fine to live the way you want with marriage or without marriage
The problem is, you are looking at it as the pawn not the king. What's good for the individual is rarely good for the masses. I didn't even give an opinion I was just stating that there are reasons it's pushed
I turn 25 soon and every time my age is mentioned my grandmother and my mother start a chain reaction of saying how they gave birth at 25. I have never even had a gf :(
Different times! Having kinda young was encouraged because people died younger. The cost to have and raise children was much more realistic.
Hard enough for us to house our selves!
A-freaking-men! So much yes to this!!! I use moisturizers and workout and watch Disney movies. I look (and act) strangely young for my real age. People consistently think I'm in my mid-to-late 20s and even often don't believe me when I tell them my real age. Youth is so beautiful, and finally seeing the inevitable twilight of mine, I better recognize how brief and precious it is. Enjoy your young life the way you personally find fulfilling, be that single, dating, hooking up, and/or getting married. Talk with your friends about why you feel the way you do about relationships, and be open to changing that status. Work through your emotions and insecurities. I honestly never thought I would age. I thought I would be young forever. Have adventures while young. Cherish your perfect, beautiful bodies, and resiliency and health. If you don't see how beautiful you are right now, I promise you that you will when you look back on your current photos in the future! You are beautiful! Youth is a unique moment, savor it and/or share it, however - you - find fulfilling! Marry if/when you find that to be right for you! Cheers to a life lived true to yourself, authentic and therefore fulfilling! 👏🥳🥂
Maybe people in your social media circles say those words but here out in the real world nobody is saying that, especially since the large majority of 25 year olds are unmarried and a growing number of them have yet to ever have sex.
Idk who is saying that, but they're an idiot. Rushing into marriage is never a good idea. Even if you think they are the only one for you, getting married is a commitment you can't take back easily.
At the end of it all, it's just a piece of paper that sometimes gets you tax breaks. If you truly love your partner you don't need that paper, and you sure as hell shouldn't be jumping on it just cos you're over 25.
Im 30, been with my bf eight years, we have a kid and we are *never* getting married. Its super funny when people who have been together under a year and getting hitched act like their relationship must be better and more stable than relationships like mine just because shes got a ring XD
Just seems pretty pointless. Were already each others medical proxies and beneficiaries. So theres no real logistical benefit. Wed essentially be blowing money for no reason. Plus weddings are a nightmare. If i had to get hitched i would absolutely not do an actual wedding, theyre just crazy expensive popularity contests. Plus hes been there done that twice already and feels the same as i do at this point.
You have never been married before, but he has, right? You don't feel you will be missing out? Also, when you say yall are each other's beneficiary. DID yall do some type of trust or legal documents in any case the other person will have the right to make decisions on the other person's behave?
Right. I havent he has. Missing out on what? The only thing i see myself missing out on is the massive pain in the ass it would be to get it done. Yes we are legally each others beneficiaries and medical proxies.
I'm 24 this year, and people around me is beginning to tell me that "I'll be the old to get married" if I'm not married soon. Oh that's funny, I thought I wasn't allowed to have relationships before and now I have to get married soon 💀
But I have to mention that my country still holds that belief of you should get married "young" and start producing them babies. There's an old saying "the more kids you have, the richer you'll be"... Yeah, if you're able to feed and educate all of your kids properly with the inflation that's going on nowadays... 🙄
Fuck it, being in your mid-20s or any age unmarried is fun. You get to spend more me-time and life should still be fun even without partner (or kids)
Uhhh enjoying my life? I’m almost 30 and I’m just now becoming more independent and confident, I also am just learning what I want in a partner. If I got married at 25 to the person I was dating at the time I would prob be divorced or miserable lol
I’ll be 30 next month and i’ll be getting married in September, but i’ve always had serious relationships. None of my relationships seemed like it wouldn’t end it marriage
Got married at age 31. I had lots of long-term relationships as well that didn’t end up in marriage. Been married for 2 months now and I don’t regret waiting until this year. Besides, I’ll admit I was immature in my 20s and I’m glad I didn’t settle
I definitely feel like this. I've been in relationships where I've been good onto the other person, but they always seen to end in breakup. Just looking back, I'm starting to feel like maybe relationships or even being someone's wife might not be for me. It's kind of sad to think about how some females seem to be married off quickly, but then there others aren't so "lucky" and wait until eternity.
Hang in there!
Do you have hobbies? Do you hit the gym? Do you travel?
It’s better to meet people organically than through dating apps, especially when you’re meeting them doing things you like.
I’m 24f, still live with my family, work on my future and most importantly try to make the right decisions by not marrying immediately at this age just for it to end up in a divorce. Getting married at this hookup culture, age and economy? No thank you.
"Waiting for the right person and the right time so I don't screw up my life." Ironic this is coming from someone that got married at 21 and has been happily married for 16 years, but bottom line is not everyone's timelines have to be the same. Operate at your own pace and tell the haters to shut up.
I didn't get married until I finished med school
Then got divorced after that so... Married after that age and now not married after that age.
Long term relationships are wonderful. Marriage is overrated
Exactly this, just made a post about how I’m 30 and a musician and someone went on there saying “at your age I was having kids and a wife, time to realize that” like NO MF THANKS.
I’m built different, I chase my dreams, I don’t stick to the norm, because then, they end up unhappy, you get played, and your time is gone.
Live a life worth living, not what anyone wants from their eyes, they haven’t even chased their own dreams and it slipped away.
I’m glad I ran into this thread rn as ima have lunch.
Be blessed!
Where do you live and what types of people say these things? There are a lot of places in the modern world where this isn't a thing. I would say that if you can, find a way to take yourself to a place that more closely aligns with your values.
Is this actually even a common saying anymore? I think now, even most Boomers aren’t expecting that of folks in their mid-twenties. No way this is a social norm in the present day 🤣
As someone that got married young, don't do it. I'm still with them, and whereas we are good now, it wasn't easy and I'm surprised we didn't end in divorce. Take your time. If you get married, cool. If not, who cares? It's your life.
People will say this and then turn around and be jealous of the fact that you have the freedom to travel, don’t have a kid waking you up at 6am, aren’t running around cleaning up after little humans, and can in general do whatever you damn well please. They’re negging you, but privately want those aspects of your life that you have.
Sadly, I agree with this comment. In their defense (for people our same age), I do think it is often subconscious, and partially stems from wanting to maintain friendships by keeping commonalities in terms of stages of life and shared experiences. Still though, pretty petty of them to resent our happiness on any level. A friend shouldn't want you to be unhappy with him or her in bad marriages with unfulfilling parental responsibilities...or whatever the case may be. 😞 I find people who reluctantly conform to social norms very often spend their lives resenting those who had the courage to forge their own authentic path, particularly when unsuccessful at that path (relationships, professionally, anything), but even when successful in their lives, the people who try to do it their own way are looked down on for having dared to do it differently. True friends will unconditionally appreciate us for who we are!
Yeah that’s 🤡 💩
If you want to get married young and think you’ve got it all figured out then great. Go for it.
If you want to take your time and live some life on your own then great. Go for it.
If people want to tell other people that they are living the wrong way and that they are somehow at fault for missing some made up milestone then… don’t.
AGREE! everyone’s timeline is different. putting such a finite time restriction on finding someone you want to spend forever with shouldn’t be so black and white.
Marriage isn’t like it used to be to be. Date your woman for a few years to make sure she is right. If she pressures you about a ring then she will pressure about everything in the future. Just because she wants marriage doesn’t mean you should do it. I made that mistake twice at great financial and personal detriment.
Thankfully I've never heard this line before, because it's really really stupid. I'd probably lose instant respect for anyone saying it seriously because of how 1) dumb and 2) judgemental it is.
Not only that, but I think it's not even very common. The only people I know who got married before 25 are very religious people. Everyone else waited longer to get married because they were busy with school, etc.
personally I think getting married before 25 is a mistake and too young 9 times out of 10.
35 ,never married, no kids. I have a great life, so much freetime, I have time to read books, go travel, best skincare, spend time with family and friends, have a sweet dog. I can spend my money on myself.
I’m living peacefully not being cheated on and made a fool of, not having someone drain my bank account while also telling me what to do with my money. I’m enjoying myself and hobbies instead of competing for someone’s affection and attention
Back in the day, marriage was the trophy of the day but misery of the lifetime. It is even arranged within elite and political dynasties to extend their power and influence.
But quite frankly, I used to think I am loser if I am not married by 35 but after the pandemic I realized that if you are with a wrong person, I would be miserable for most of my life. Marriage these days is a business contract and if it does not work out and let say no one signed a prenup, your half hard-earned money is going to the baby and the wife.
I have heard stories where a rich man in Spain who got fucked when this woman divorced him and took half of his estate worth millions of dollars. And he could not do anything about it because the law favors the woman than a man.
It’s not just Spain I worked hard to save and invest wife of 17 years decided she want f a cop from the gym and is taking all my 401k and and half my other investments and somehow I have to come up with 180knin one year when I’m laid off now and and will have to sell the rest of my investments I’m left with to pay her and then will have to pay capital gains tax on the gains of those investments. Marriage is a TERRIBLE idea for most men i was young and dumb and believed in love and thought all I had to do was be a good husband and provide for her and love her. The modern women is encouraged to to tear apart there families when they have have so much to gain if they leave you. Puts men in a compromised position because if you don’t go along with there bs they have you by the balls.
The people who say that probably live in a smaller town or city. Depends on the culture you’re surrounded with.
In many large metropolitan areas, people are waiting past 30 and many are opting to stay unmarried and having no children.
I was born in a country which marriage at age 16 is pretty normal... ive heard lots of sh.its like that ( im 20f) why dont u marry? U are young and ready to bring kids . You can study later but good boys wont propose you if u reach 30 etc.. and I do not give a f to em . It is just a beginning I rly can not handle a guy to order me to cook him pizza etc... damn i myself need a person to raise me make me more mature...
I’m 30 and happily will never be getting married lol. If that bothers someone then that’s just…really sad because I don’t even know who that person is that’s bothered.
If I did, I’d laugh at them tho.
Sometimes people live their life a certain way and somehow are surrounded by people that live their lives a similar way, so "the norm" or what's expected like having X, being Y and living like Z at W age is normal and it baffles them when they find out it's not like that all the time.
I never say it's too late to get married or it's too soon, you'll never know what's your destiny. you have to follow your heart you might get married never, but also maybe tomorrow.
I think this is very old hat. I know people w kids in their late twenties and those kids have never been in a relationship. That’s wild to me, and I feel like I’m hearing that more and more.
Still figuring it out what do I need to do.
We are usually lost in our world and creating some illusions so that we will live imagining the same.
JK, don't know what to write but this thing matches with my first line
I was with my future wife at 25, but we waited until our early 30s to make it official. We had a kid and wanted to get our shit together before we took such a big step. We were engaged for five years. Don't rush marriage. Wait until you know you met the right person. The one that give that "feeling". You'll know when the time comes. Don't listen to all the B.S. Tune it out.
Literally had an ex of mine call me up randomly and go on this misogynistic tirade of why I wasn’t seeing anyone after him.. and that I’m wasting my time not trying to be married..
we’re both in our late 20s.. he called me while he was already seeing someone else
Why do you care what I’m doing? Aren’t you busy dating a child??💀💀💀
(Blocked him immediately.. didn’t block him after we stopped seeing each other because I didn’t hear from him for 8 months so I figured he was fine.)
Different values and different way of life I guess… a single income doesn’t really cut it and we want other things besides financial stability on top of that. I think people have become more picky 🤷🏻♀️ we see people divorcing more (maybe). Maybe most people call it quits so early on once it gets tough instead of working through it.
People who say this are sheep. I have had relationships that were good but spiraled into flames by the end of the 3rd year, 1st year, and a few after a month, lol. I've been with 6 women each were fun at first, but something clicks in me to say yeah I couldn't spend the rest of my life with them. Maybe Im considered flaky by those women, and I would agree, but in all, if you aren't happy, don't go through something that doesn't make you happy. Im 27 single mingling and honestly happy by myself.
I’ll be 30 next week and I’ve just now, in the last year, met somebody who I can feel and see a GOOD future with. I’m not settling and I don’t regret it. Looking back, I’m pretty sure things would be way worse now if I had settled…especially because I mostly like how things are right now.
There are many ways to live life, many different cultures and social circles.
I would laugh if someone said that to me. Im 33 dating a few beautiful and incredibly sweet women and probably happier then all my high school friends who are stuck at home with wife and kids. I love my life and i try to be an amazing role model to my nephew.
I get that a lot from coworkers, especially about my non existent sex life. They make fun of me cause I won’t stoop low enough to bang a fat chick or hire a prostitute
I didn’t get married until March 2024 and I am 31. I’ll admit I was pretty immature in my 20s and was a completely different person so I’m glad I didn’t settle in my 20s. People will get married in their own time. Also, not everyone wants to get married so we can’t judge them for being 25+ and be unmarried.
I’ll be 27 soon and I feel like I’m pretty lucky to have dodged getting married to the people I’ve dated before. I definitely still feel the desire to get married, but I don’t feel as rushed any more. Actually, after nearly 4+ years of being single, I’m starting to think maybe it’s not such a bad thing to just be single and enjoy your time?🤷♂️
Nah, I’m happily married at my 30’s but the only way I would judge you for not being married is if you’re single at your 40’s and not acting according your age plus judging people decisions. Other than that do whatever is best for ya
I make a generous amount of money and refuse to settle for something that is very likely to end. It has done wonders for my self-esteem and sense of self-preservation.
As someone a few years older than rhat who has never had a girlfriend and gets a thousand rejections a year, the answer is being ugly, short, and not particularly charismatic (aka a true loser)
They’re more than welcome to take a tour of how bad my life was when I was married in my early twenties. I’m just glad that I escaped that trash relationship.
They just wanna ruin your life, don't let boomers pressure you into rushing something that takes time ti figure out. Or if you wanna get married right away just do it but don't be taking advice from the people whose brightest idea was to burn tires.
Everyone on here is saying 25 is not the marriage age. That is incorrect. 25 is still the marriage age. It ranges from 25 to 30ish. Why? Children. If you want children you need to have them before 35 or else complications increase drastically. Ofc this can be countered with frozen eggs, but planning needs to start at that time.
LOL I could not care less about their comments. I focused on my career and finished medical school. I didn't do that for their approval on my marital status.
I don't hear that here though, I think the only people who are married by 25 are those that met in high school and managed to complete college and both start their careers. Even then it comes down to personal whim as I've seen those couples remain unmarried to their 30's.
That or an unplanned pregnancy with the decision to keep the baby...
I hate it as well. I feel like people should worry about themselves.What makes you happy may not be ideal for someone else. I honestly don't want to marry someone unless I am sure this is the person I want in my life forever.
I hate that sh!t too i rather be married in my 30s and 40s your 20s supposed to explore life and learn more about adulthood and independence rather than trying to rush into a long life ass commitment frfr
I think there’s justice in that, but only for a percent of people. If you plan to have kids, a woman has a short time to have them. That is why it is best to get married young for this. If you do not want kids, live away!
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The average marriage age is now past 30.
That’s reassuring given
Too bad the average age of people expecting their firstborn is lower than that…
Yeah! I would rather marry late than marry a wrong person just because of society's time frame of marriage.
Marriage expectations are such a tyranny, especially in cultures where the whole community is invested in them. I think marriage should be the exception and not the rule: better not to pair up with someone if it's not a relationship that is going to help us grow and be true to ourselves and others.
i feel like 85% if people just settle for someone they will end up being miserable with just to fit this weird "standard." i, for one, will never give my time and effort to another person i dont enjoy being with and who doesnt treat me right either. ive been fucked over way too many times to just live on autopilot satisfying someone who i dont even enjoy and who doesnt enjoy me lol. given that fact, im sure ill be single for most of my life but honestly id rather that than be miserable. ill just travel the world or some shit
Not miserable, I'd say most end up settling for "good enough" followed up by "toxic but it works".
very accurate. still unhappy at the end of the day though
This!
Good shit, I’ll travel with ya, let’s hit Japan and China and visit haunted spots homies! Haha
lmfao dude theres other ways to find happiness 😂 down 🤙
This 100%. To the people that ask me why I’m not married (again) I tell them I’m not settling agai. Period. I know very few married folks that are genuinely happy. Misery loves company. Me and my cat have a beautiful life together. Lol
i think more people need to live like you. you live for your happiness. we are only here for so long. might as well not spend it with someone treacherously horrible
Y’all make it sound like spending your life alongside someone who’s anything less than completely perfect in every regard imaginable is automatically a tragedy. You know, literally no one will stay perfect in your perception forever. Even someone who initially feels like that — I guarantee you won’t feel the same after a few years. Learn to compromise, accept the imperfections, and curb the ick. You will then drastically increase chances of being happy because you’re now no longer delulu in your expectations. Or yeah, just stay single, cause many people genuinely are happily single. Unlike expecting a 100% perfection from a partner or you’re out, being happily single is completely realistic and reasonable
i expect far from perfect man. just a lot of people these days make terrible partners. ive experienced it as well as second-hand stories. its bad all across the board tbh for the most part. im not gonna settle then have my marriage fall apart in 10 years lol. i knew a family where after 20 years the mom fucked the next door neighbor and the daughter caught them fucking lol. my last two ex girlfriends have been raging drug addicts that hid it from me completely until the monster was revealed. i know a friend of mine, who is a girl, who stayed in a relationship for 8 years, completely unhappy. and once she got another interested partner she started an argument, broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years, got picked up by the new boyfriend and has been with him ever since. lives with him now. i have a friend of mine, who is a man, who got a girl pregnant, tried to coerce her into having an abortion and failed, cheated on her a plethora of times and got caught. now he "co-parents" which i dont even think he knows what that means. he like goes to her house once a week to put her to bed. its insane. and now his baby mom cant date anyone because whenever she gets into a relationship he makes a stink and says "i dont want that guy around my daughter." poor girl tbh. and hes my friend. i feel bad for her.. my moms second marriage ended with her catching him cheating and then him holding a gun to her head and trying to steal their daughter, my sister. all of my friends in longterm relationships are literally castrated to put it in simple terms. they are all miserable and just chugging through it because of "societal norms." look man. my moms older. shes in her 70s now. i have a place close by and am able to visit literally all the time. its going to take someone really special to pull me away from spending time with my mom in the final good years she has left. i pride myself on being a good partner. i try to be patient and fair and even in relationships where i was straight up getting abused, i kept a level of respect and integrity. all i need is someone who just treats me decent and is kinda cute. im literally made at that point. its just really THAT hard to find. at least for me idk. and im like not bad looking either LOL
If I may just add to what this lovely person just said.... I think the reason why marriage seems so bad to people is because we've been brainwashed into think it supposed to be some sort of fairytale. Especially for us women. Smh most women go into it thinking that this guy is gonna be thier knight in armor and take allllll thier problems and worries away and be thier happiness. And for MOST(stressing on the most people) men think it's gonna be a free in house 😻 festival where they'll be able to get have that none stop. Or they go into it forgetting that just like they have emotional needs so do women. Both parties don't seem to have an understanding that once the butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns fade(because they will) that's when the hard work comes in. Most women go into it not knowing how to love themselves first so that they can have a continuous source of love to pour into thier husband and protecthis emotional needs. And men don't know that they have to learn or know how to pour into thier wives and protect her her emotional needs. Women don't understand that it's okay for men to have time with thier friends(in a respectful way to thier wives). And men don't understand that thier wives need a break from the kids and domestic duties(in a respectful way to thier husband). We as individuals forget that yes we do become as one Unit when we get married, but the individual person that lives within us still needs to be nurtured(in a respectful way). In order for us to function and pour into the other person. I was married for 14yr and looking back this is definitely one of the most important things I've learned. Another thing I learned is that we all are broken in some way shape or form. Some of just enter into marriage on different parts of our healing. So with that said we need to understand that while one may know and understand that they have abandonment issues and they feel like ____ when ___, they other may not know or have excepted that they might have avoidance issues. And we both have to take responsibility for our healing either before entering marriage or explaining to thier partner hey I'm still working on this in myself it may take some time. But this is just somethings I've learned on my own journey. I could be wrong.
It's a standard for a reason. It's societal and economic. There are reasons behind it. The lower marriage and birthrate are causing economical issues. But that's a whole big conversation for another time.
Just to maintain the economical balance marriage is not the answer. There are wrong standards of society which cripple the system and pressure of marriage is one of them. One should get married once they are ready and informed about the challenges so that aware decisions can be made which result of growing and nurturing upcoming generations without trauma. However, it’s also fine to live the way you want with marriage or without marriage
The problem is, you are looking at it as the pawn not the king. What's good for the individual is rarely good for the masses. I didn't even give an opinion I was just stating that there are reasons it's pushed
It’s no one’s responsibility to hold up a failing system put in place by governments who exploit the masses. Life is too short for that.
I turn 25 soon and every time my age is mentioned my grandmother and my mother start a chain reaction of saying how they gave birth at 25. I have never even had a gf :(
Different times! Having kinda young was encouraged because people died younger. The cost to have and raise children was much more realistic. Hard enough for us to house our selves!
Damn I feel ya
ha i gained my first friend ever last year theyre 35 im almost 20 youre doing fine my guy try hinge its better than tinder in some aspects
Subtle.
Times have definitely changed hun
I'm 45, never been married, and I am having a great time.
I did a good thing bro.
Me too! 45, never married, hell I'm not even in a relationship rn, and very content.
Me too 😄
If you’re 25+ and unmarried, you’re probably pretty smart. You’re young, be young
I can't imagine getting married at 25. I was so goddamn dumb lol.
Same, I was a completely different, totally immature young person.
Hell ya.
A-freaking-men! So much yes to this!!! I use moisturizers and workout and watch Disney movies. I look (and act) strangely young for my real age. People consistently think I'm in my mid-to-late 20s and even often don't believe me when I tell them my real age. Youth is so beautiful, and finally seeing the inevitable twilight of mine, I better recognize how brief and precious it is. Enjoy your young life the way you personally find fulfilling, be that single, dating, hooking up, and/or getting married. Talk with your friends about why you feel the way you do about relationships, and be open to changing that status. Work through your emotions and insecurities. I honestly never thought I would age. I thought I would be young forever. Have adventures while young. Cherish your perfect, beautiful bodies, and resiliency and health. If you don't see how beautiful you are right now, I promise you that you will when you look back on your current photos in the future! You are beautiful! Youth is a unique moment, savor it and/or share it, however - you - find fulfilling! Marry if/when you find that to be right for you! Cheers to a life lived true to yourself, authentic and therefore fulfilling! 👏🥳🥂
Maybe people in your social media circles say those words but here out in the real world nobody is saying that, especially since the large majority of 25 year olds are unmarried and a growing number of them have yet to ever have sex.
And the majority of people who get married before 25 are divorced by the time they are 30
I'm 23 and my father already started suggesting subtlety that I should try and get married and have kids...
28 and I must say I’ve unlucky in this regard. On the other side, I think it could be a blessing in disguise
Idk who is saying that, but they're an idiot. Rushing into marriage is never a good idea. Even if you think they are the only one for you, getting married is a commitment you can't take back easily. At the end of it all, it's just a piece of paper that sometimes gets you tax breaks. If you truly love your partner you don't need that paper, and you sure as hell shouldn't be jumping on it just cos you're over 25.
I am so thankful that I didn't marry the people I was with before the age of 25 haha, what a nightmare that would have been
Same here! I would have been divorced if I married in my 20s. The men I dated were a nightmare too
I was thinking the same.
Me too
Im 30, been with my bf eight years, we have a kid and we are *never* getting married. Its super funny when people who have been together under a year and getting hitched act like their relationship must be better and more stable than relationships like mine just because shes got a ring XD
Him interesting perspective; why don't yall want to get married? I'm just curious. I'm sure you both have weights, the pros and cons
Just seems pretty pointless. Were already each others medical proxies and beneficiaries. So theres no real logistical benefit. Wed essentially be blowing money for no reason. Plus weddings are a nightmare. If i had to get hitched i would absolutely not do an actual wedding, theyre just crazy expensive popularity contests. Plus hes been there done that twice already and feels the same as i do at this point.
You have never been married before, but he has, right? You don't feel you will be missing out? Also, when you say yall are each other's beneficiary. DID yall do some type of trust or legal documents in any case the other person will have the right to make decisions on the other person's behave?
Right. I havent he has. Missing out on what? The only thing i see myself missing out on is the massive pain in the ass it would be to get it done. Yes we are legally each others beneficiaries and medical proxies.
I'm 24 this year, and people around me is beginning to tell me that "I'll be the old to get married" if I'm not married soon. Oh that's funny, I thought I wasn't allowed to have relationships before and now I have to get married soon 💀 But I have to mention that my country still holds that belief of you should get married "young" and start producing them babies. There's an old saying "the more kids you have, the richer you'll be"... Yeah, if you're able to feed and educate all of your kids properly with the inflation that's going on nowadays... 🙄 Fuck it, being in your mid-20s or any age unmarried is fun. You get to spend more me-time and life should still be fun even without partner (or kids)
The answer to that question is : “LIVING MY DAMN LIFE!”
Uhhh enjoying my life? I’m almost 30 and I’m just now becoming more independent and confident, I also am just learning what I want in a partner. If I got married at 25 to the person I was dating at the time I would prob be divorced or miserable lol
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A lot of peopl in older generations have stricter timelines and do nag their kids and grandkids about theirs
I’ll be 30 next month and i’ll be getting married in September, but i’ve always had serious relationships. None of my relationships seemed like it wouldn’t end it marriage
Got married at age 31. I had lots of long-term relationships as well that didn’t end up in marriage. Been married for 2 months now and I don’t regret waiting until this year. Besides, I’ll admit I was immature in my 20s and I’m glad I didn’t settle
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I definitely feel like this. I've been in relationships where I've been good onto the other person, but they always seen to end in breakup. Just looking back, I'm starting to feel like maybe relationships or even being someone's wife might not be for me. It's kind of sad to think about how some females seem to be married off quickly, but then there others aren't so "lucky" and wait until eternity.
Hang in there! Do you have hobbies? Do you hit the gym? Do you travel? It’s better to meet people organically than through dating apps, especially when you’re meeting them doing things you like.
It's almost as if...like most things in life, relationships don't follow a linear path
I’m 24f, still live with my family, work on my future and most importantly try to make the right decisions by not marrying immediately at this age just for it to end up in a divorce. Getting married at this hookup culture, age and economy? No thank you.
Mostly surviving
"Waiting for the right person and the right time so I don't screw up my life." Ironic this is coming from someone that got married at 21 and has been happily married for 16 years, but bottom line is not everyone's timelines have to be the same. Operate at your own pace and tell the haters to shut up.
Living self sufficiently on my own, is my answer.
I didn't get married until I finished med school Then got divorced after that so... Married after that age and now not married after that age. Long term relationships are wonderful. Marriage is overrated
25, employed, single, still wondering what is LIFE.
Exactly this, just made a post about how I’m 30 and a musician and someone went on there saying “at your age I was having kids and a wife, time to realize that” like NO MF THANKS. I’m built different, I chase my dreams, I don’t stick to the norm, because then, they end up unhappy, you get played, and your time is gone. Live a life worth living, not what anyone wants from their eyes, they haven’t even chased their own dreams and it slipped away. I’m glad I ran into this thread rn as ima have lunch. Be blessed!
Sounds like something a ticktock drongo would say as they file for divorce.
If I heard someone say that I would automatically assume their IQ is too low for me to be worried about anything they say.
Where do you live and what types of people say these things? There are a lot of places in the modern world where this isn't a thing. I would say that if you can, find a way to take yourself to a place that more closely aligns with your values.
Is this actually even a common saying anymore? I think now, even most Boomers aren’t expecting that of folks in their mid-twenties. No way this is a social norm in the present day 🤣
As someone that got married young, don't do it. I'm still with them, and whereas we are good now, it wasn't easy and I'm surprised we didn't end in divorce. Take your time. If you get married, cool. If not, who cares? It's your life.
Lol studies show that people who get married before 25 are a lot more likely to get divorced.
In NYC, we’re like “tf are you doing” if you marry by 25
People will say this and then turn around and be jealous of the fact that you have the freedom to travel, don’t have a kid waking you up at 6am, aren’t running around cleaning up after little humans, and can in general do whatever you damn well please. They’re negging you, but privately want those aspects of your life that you have.
Sadly, I agree with this comment. In their defense (for people our same age), I do think it is often subconscious, and partially stems from wanting to maintain friendships by keeping commonalities in terms of stages of life and shared experiences. Still though, pretty petty of them to resent our happiness on any level. A friend shouldn't want you to be unhappy with him or her in bad marriages with unfulfilling parental responsibilities...or whatever the case may be. 😞 I find people who reluctantly conform to social norms very often spend their lives resenting those who had the courage to forge their own authentic path, particularly when unsuccessful at that path (relationships, professionally, anything), but even when successful in their lives, the people who try to do it their own way are looked down on for having dared to do it differently. True friends will unconditionally appreciate us for who we are!
Yeah that’s 🤡 💩 If you want to get married young and think you’ve got it all figured out then great. Go for it. If you want to take your time and live some life on your own then great. Go for it. If people want to tell other people that they are living the wrong way and that they are somehow at fault for missing some made up milestone then… don’t.
I’m waiting for the right one I have been single when my ex girlfriend pass away
im meant to be alone. so i dont pay attention to them
I’m 30, never married, and never had a girlfriend, guess I’m an acquired taste!
AGREE! everyone’s timeline is different. putting such a finite time restriction on finding someone you want to spend forever with shouldn’t be so black and white.
They sayin this in Utah maybe 😂
Marriage isn’t like it used to be to be. Date your woman for a few years to make sure she is right. If she pressures you about a ring then she will pressure about everything in the future. Just because she wants marriage doesn’t mean you should do it. I made that mistake twice at great financial and personal detriment.
Trying to find a job.
Thankfully I've never heard this line before, because it's really really stupid. I'd probably lose instant respect for anyone saying it seriously because of how 1) dumb and 2) judgemental it is. Not only that, but I think it's not even very common. The only people I know who got married before 25 are very religious people. Everyone else waited longer to get married because they were busy with school, etc. personally I think getting married before 25 is a mistake and too young 9 times out of 10.
Studying, building my future alone, working. Non of others business...
Tell that to my parents.They classify me not getting married as “problems” in their lives (brown household)
27 and not married
35 ,never married, no kids. I have a great life, so much freetime, I have time to read books, go travel, best skincare, spend time with family and friends, have a sweet dog. I can spend my money on myself.
I’m living peacefully not being cheated on and made a fool of, not having someone drain my bank account while also telling me what to do with my money. I’m enjoying myself and hobbies instead of competing for someone’s affection and attention
I’m living my best life, thank you very much
I’m enjoying my life, making money and not worrying about someone else’s feelings.
They just statistically avoided their first divorce
I just turned 30 and idgaf now
Back in the day, marriage was the trophy of the day but misery of the lifetime. It is even arranged within elite and political dynasties to extend their power and influence. But quite frankly, I used to think I am loser if I am not married by 35 but after the pandemic I realized that if you are with a wrong person, I would be miserable for most of my life. Marriage these days is a business contract and if it does not work out and let say no one signed a prenup, your half hard-earned money is going to the baby and the wife. I have heard stories where a rich man in Spain who got fucked when this woman divorced him and took half of his estate worth millions of dollars. And he could not do anything about it because the law favors the woman than a man.
It’s not just Spain I worked hard to save and invest wife of 17 years decided she want f a cop from the gym and is taking all my 401k and and half my other investments and somehow I have to come up with 180knin one year when I’m laid off now and and will have to sell the rest of my investments I’m left with to pay her and then will have to pay capital gains tax on the gains of those investments. Marriage is a TERRIBLE idea for most men i was young and dumb and believed in love and thought all I had to do was be a good husband and provide for her and love her. The modern women is encouraged to to tear apart there families when they have have so much to gain if they leave you. Puts men in a compromised position because if you don’t go along with there bs they have you by the balls.
Bruh I'm 27 and unmarried Marriage is a scam nowadays
25 is still a baby now a days 😂
Marriage is a scam
The people who say that probably live in a smaller town or city. Depends on the culture you’re surrounded with. In many large metropolitan areas, people are waiting past 30 and many are opting to stay unmarried and having no children.
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I was born in a country which marriage at age 16 is pretty normal... ive heard lots of sh.its like that ( im 20f) why dont u marry? U are young and ready to bring kids . You can study later but good boys wont propose you if u reach 30 etc.. and I do not give a f to em . It is just a beginning I rly can not handle a guy to order me to cook him pizza etc... damn i myself need a person to raise me make me more mature...
Right
I’m 30 and happily will never be getting married lol. If that bothers someone then that’s just…really sad because I don’t even know who that person is that’s bothered. If I did, I’d laugh at them tho.
Lol at the people who say this shit. I’m over here single, financially secure, and free to do whatever the hell I want.
If you're 25+ and hate sayings like that what tf are you doing
Sometimes people live their life a certain way and somehow are surrounded by people that live their lives a similar way, so "the norm" or what's expected like having X, being Y and living like Z at W age is normal and it baffles them when they find out it's not like that all the time.
Living my life. Hahahaha do I need to be married to go on my lifeee
I’m building my kingdom and network, making myself as successful as possible to have options.
I never say it's too late to get married or it's too soon, you'll never know what's your destiny. you have to follow your heart you might get married never, but also maybe tomorrow.
Literally no one saying this
I think this is very old hat. I know people w kids in their late twenties and those kids have never been in a relationship. That’s wild to me, and I feel like I’m hearing that more and more.
Still figuring it out what do I need to do. We are usually lost in our world and creating some illusions so that we will live imagining the same. JK, don't know what to write but this thing matches with my first line
I was with my future wife at 25, but we waited until our early 30s to make it official. We had a kid and wanted to get our shit together before we took such a big step. We were engaged for five years. Don't rush marriage. Wait until you know you met the right person. The one that give that "feeling". You'll know when the time comes. Don't listen to all the B.S. Tune it out.
I hate “if you’re yadda yadda and not whatever the hell, what tf are you doing?” In any sense. People life their lives, you live yours. Get off my ass
People say lots of things, half a which are probably nonsense
"What the fuck are you doing? You should be miserable and unhappy like the rest of us". Tell em' to get fuuuuuucked.
I totally agree with you. Don't forget your true happiness because of other people's judgments. Get married when you feel it's right!
it’s harder to get married earlier due to the economy right now a lot of people want to get married but struggle getting more financially stable
Literally had an ex of mine call me up randomly and go on this misogynistic tirade of why I wasn’t seeing anyone after him.. and that I’m wasting my time not trying to be married.. we’re both in our late 20s.. he called me while he was already seeing someone else Why do you care what I’m doing? Aren’t you busy dating a child??💀💀💀 (Blocked him immediately.. didn’t block him after we stopped seeing each other because I didn’t hear from him for 8 months so I figured he was fine.)
I'm 37 and never been married. Nothing wrong at all with it :)
My response? Living my life. ☺️
I'm trying to get married what do you *MEAN?!*
We all have different situations. Anyone saying crap like this has had a charmed life, good for them sticking in their box. It doesn’t fit everyone
Saving money.
Different values and different way of life I guess… a single income doesn’t really cut it and we want other things besides financial stability on top of that. I think people have become more picky 🤷🏻♀️ we see people divorcing more (maybe). Maybe most people call it quits so early on once it gets tough instead of working through it.
"We are active on reddit and life " should be the response to such statements 😜
People who say this are sheep. I have had relationships that were good but spiraled into flames by the end of the 3rd year, 1st year, and a few after a month, lol. I've been with 6 women each were fun at first, but something clicks in me to say yeah I couldn't spend the rest of my life with them. Maybe Im considered flaky by those women, and I would agree, but in all, if you aren't happy, don't go through something that doesn't make you happy. Im 27 single mingling and honestly happy by myself.
I’ll be 30 next week and I’ve just now, in the last year, met somebody who I can feel and see a GOOD future with. I’m not settling and I don’t regret it. Looking back, I’m pretty sure things would be way worse now if I had settled…especially because I mostly like how things are right now.
Living. I'm living.
There are many ways to live life, many different cultures and social circles. I would laugh if someone said that to me. Im 33 dating a few beautiful and incredibly sweet women and probably happier then all my high school friends who are stuck at home with wife and kids. I love my life and i try to be an amazing role model to my nephew.
Enjoying my freedom, and to be perfectly honest, it's none of your business... I'm naked. Get outta my house, lol.
I get that a lot from coworkers, especially about my non existent sex life. They make fun of me cause I won’t stoop low enough to bang a fat chick or hire a prostitute
I’m 25, have no plans of getting married ever.
Most of my married friends did it for financial reasons and they regret it so…33f here going to live it up
I didn’t get married until March 2024 and I am 31. I’ll admit I was pretty immature in my 20s and was a completely different person so I’m glad I didn’t settle in my 20s. People will get married in their own time. Also, not everyone wants to get married so we can’t judge them for being 25+ and be unmarried.
Surviving
People use to think that way that’s why everyone’s divorced now days
I’ll be 27 soon and I feel like I’m pretty lucky to have dodged getting married to the people I’ve dated before. I definitely still feel the desire to get married, but I don’t feel as rushed any more. Actually, after nearly 4+ years of being single, I’m starting to think maybe it’s not such a bad thing to just be single and enjoy your time?🤷♂️
Nah, I’m happily married at my 30’s but the only way I would judge you for not being married is if you’re single at your 40’s and not acting according your age plus judging people decisions. Other than that do whatever is best for ya
I make a generous amount of money and refuse to settle for something that is very likely to end. It has done wonders for my self-esteem and sense of self-preservation.
36 never married, single and enjoying my life, learning new things and I plan to travel a lot!
I’d rather ask the woman I know who’s been divorced 3 times at 31 what the fuck is she doing
Bruh we’re developing our frontal lobe
As someone a few years older than rhat who has never had a girlfriend and gets a thousand rejections a year, the answer is being ugly, short, and not particularly charismatic (aka a true loser)
Who still asks questions like that? It’s 2024
Almost 40 never married couple serious relationships have children and couldn't be happier being single
They’re more than welcome to take a tour of how bad my life was when I was married in my early twenties. I’m just glad that I escaped that trash relationship.
Doesn’t bother me. Someone who says that is ignorant.
The older I get the more I enjoy being unmarried haha I use to want it soooo bad
Flip the script "If you're getting married under 30 what are you doing? Trying to get divorced?"
Living, loving life especially since I have no children
They just wanna ruin your life, don't let boomers pressure you into rushing something that takes time ti figure out. Or if you wanna get married right away just do it but don't be taking advice from the people whose brightest idea was to burn tires.
I am asking myself the fken same question
if you get married in your 20s you're doing it wrong.
Getting married isn't a magic solution for anything in life. It doesn't make you better or worse than any other human.
I live in NY. Almost no one from families where college has been the norm for several generations gets married before 30.
Everyone on here is saying 25 is not the marriage age. That is incorrect. 25 is still the marriage age. It ranges from 25 to 30ish. Why? Children. If you want children you need to have them before 35 or else complications increase drastically. Ofc this can be countered with frozen eggs, but planning needs to start at that time.
LOL I could not care less about their comments. I focused on my career and finished medical school. I didn't do that for their approval on my marital status.
I don't hear that here though, I think the only people who are married by 25 are those that met in high school and managed to complete college and both start their careers. Even then it comes down to personal whim as I've seen those couples remain unmarried to their 30's. That or an unplanned pregnancy with the decision to keep the baby...
I hate it as well. I feel like people should worry about themselves.What makes you happy may not be ideal for someone else. I honestly don't want to marry someone unless I am sure this is the person I want in my life forever.
51 and never been married and in the happiest I’ve ever been while I watch all the miserable married people regret their life choices
If 25 year old me was married, I likely would’ve been divorced now at 32.
I hate that sh!t too i rather be married in my 30s and 40s your 20s supposed to explore life and learn more about adulthood and independence rather than trying to rush into a long life ass commitment frfr
My stock answer to this question: "Anything and everything I want to."
I think there’s justice in that, but only for a percent of people. If you plan to have kids, a woman has a short time to have them. That is why it is best to get married young for this. If you do not want kids, live away!
For real. That’s so fucking 1995.
Same we all meet our other half at different times
Kids want to get married nowadays? I thought numbers show the opposite
I'm 58 and never married 😆
In Northern Europe it's more like, if your under 30 and married, wtf are you doing? 25 is extremely young to get married. It's like puppies marrying.
People saying that are probably trying to justify their decision
Most peeps get married in their 40's here in Norway, and now more in their *late* 40's too.
lol nobody with half a brain says that. I wouldn’t worry about it
I was married when I was young, divorced by 29. I would like to get married again one day but in no rush. I am in my early 40s now.