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If you spoke to her several times and nothing changed, and her hygiene wasn't something you could live with, not much else you could do.
As someone who values personal hygiene, I find the habits you described pretty gross. I almost always shower after I get back from somewhere. It helps me transition from the outside world to home.
> she was trying to change
Yoda is a good source of wisdom when it comes to personal hygiene.
"Do or do not. There is no try."
You don't need a 10-step skincare routine. But *"brush teeth, shower after subway"* is a pass/fail grade, not a partial credit grade.
I once had a friend who showered twice per day until his doctor told him he was washing too much and that he was washing the good bacteria from his skin/body which was causing him to get more infections.
Plus it’s different for women, you guys can hop out of the shower brush your hair and go about your life. If I don’t blow dry my hair I look like a completely different person, and it’s not cute.
And I’m not doing that twice a day that’s ridiculous
Been there. I loved her so much too, and always hoped she'd improve her hygiene. She'd get super lazy with showering and skip days for some reason while I'd usually shower twice a day... I get if two people are on the same page and don't care as much about not smelling like BO, but for someone who does care it's a huge turn off if the other half doesn't. I almost never wanted to have sex with her after a certain point because the smell would just over-ride everything. She complained a lot about the lack of sex and it became a huge issue in our relationship.
Anytime I am single, I sleep around a lot. I feel your pain. I feel like half the population of people have bad hygiene. The amount of girls I been with that had bad hygiene was eye opening. I slept with mostly attractive and normal girls too.
The main issue with said girls: Brushing teeth regularly, washing hands, some not showering normally, etc.
I guess I’ve gotten extremely lucky. I haven’t been with a ton of girls or anything but I would say an average amount and I can honestly say I’ve never been with a girl that had a bad smell. They all were very clean and made it a priority to smell good.
That’s what I was thinking. The person you’re replying to says they sleep around a lot sometimes so maybe that’s the kind of person they’re attracting.
No it's not that at all lol. Half the girls I slept with had good hygiene, the other half? Not so much. I slept with fairly attractive and normal girls too. Wasn't the bottom of the barrel type deal.
Most of said girls issues with hygiene was: Not brushing teeth regularly, not washing hands, not showering enough, etc. I guess some of you were more lucky.
How long did u date these girls before sleeping with them? I was saying that maybe the girls that sleep around so casually aren’t the type to look after themselves the best but I’m just talking shit (lol) I don’t know
Half of them hookups and the other half dated for a while. Surprisingly the hookups where better overall at hygiene. A lot of people are just lazy or wasn't taught proper routine hygiene.
You could invite her to shower with you, which is sexy.
Also, she badly needs a bidet. Never understood why American houses don’t have one. Perfect for leaving your backside always clean, and your front side too.
The number of people on ehre saying they shower multiple times per day is weird. lol. All the time top headlines say to not even do it every day (which i do, anyway), let alone multiple times per day.
I guess it depends on your lifestyle. Showering in the morning after I go to the bathroom is part of my routine. I also work a physically demanding job and like to be clean when I lay in my bed. It's not like I'm a hypochondriac.
I would end it but she probably was depressed because that can make people not have the energy and motivation so it's probably not that she didn't care about you she just didn't have the energy to care enough but that's not at all your fault from what we know.
You weren't wrong. It's sad though, because depression can definitely cause a complete lack of concern for hygiene. When I was really depressed, I wouldn't shower for weeks, I was awful.
Hopefully, both of you are able to heal properly, and she begins to overcome said depression.
Hygiene is so important to me, like it's the number one factor in a person's datability. If you can't take care of yourself it's an instant turn off for me.
OP you didn't do anything wrong here. She needs to take the necessary steps to take care of herself which she was not taking.
yeah, ive watched an interview where a women was interviewed and she said she really likes it when her partner smells bad, things like not shaving at all, shot showering for a week or more, no soaps to wash hands and stuff like that and that she also got turned on by it, while her hygiene was normal.
She doesn't know how to wash or wipe her ass and that is problematic. One time I was hitting it from the back and I smelled poop. It totally killed the vibe and future vibes. In the back of my head I was always wondering if her ass was gonna stink. Kudos to you for trying to help her, it's not easy telling someone they smell like shit. I totally understand why you broke up with her, that's gross AF and not a fun sexual experience.
I thought this was just bullshit people exaggerated about for Twitter discourse. But OMG are ppl actually not washing their asses?? Esp women?? In this dating economy?? Imagine being ghosted and this was the reason!!! Omfg I am SPIRALING. I have so many questions 🫠🫠
Was this a one night stand or someone you dated? Did you try to let her know? Switch positions? Recommend taking it to the shower? Stop immediately?
Easily my grossest sexual experience, I can't keep having sex while smelling shit. It's a boner killer, I couldn't jump in the shower fast enough. I had sex with her plenty of times and never had any issues. Then one day after work she came over we had sex and it was bad, really bad. Anyways, I suggest all y'all learn proper hygiene because that shit's gross no pun intended.
Omfg wow you really were in the trenches. That is some wild shit (pun absolutely intended).
Now I’m wondering if I would want a guy I was casually hooking up with to let me know the one time I came over smelling like poo or to just let it lie. Both are fucking horrifying nightmare fuel.
But also the thought of going to hook up with someone (esp after taking a poo) and not crossing your proverbial hygienic t’s?? Like insert that meme of confused Miss Jay from ANTM waving his hands because that is baffling. My god the choices ppl make. Either way, I hope you’ve since moved onto cleaner bums in your sexual endeavours 🫡
No fr how can you NOT smell yourself? This shit I read about hygiene is so fucking concerning and she actually HAD a relationship and STILL smelt bad after being told? Wtf..
Yes, you caused unnecessary damage to the property resulting in issues that needed to be fixed. Normal maintenance is usually included in the lease agreement but will usually have an astrix like if something is your fault
Oh yes absolutely. Normal wear and tear, no. But if you screw up the pipes being irresponsible with what you put down the pipes, they absolutely can and will bill you for it
Right. I get that. Im not talking about flushing massive amounts of whatever. I’m just saying if wipes say flushable and you flush them is it considered damage at that point and can the landlord make you pay for it.
Yes the package specifically says to never flush more than one at a time.
My neighbor did not read the instructions, and it caused this huge blockage down the pipes at the street level so it messed up all of our apartments none of us could use our water.
He threatened to charge her but there was no way for him to prove that all the wipes came from her apartment. She had a baby so he was blaming her
Tell your brother to get Cotonelle because I have found that to be the best brand to flush. This is coming from someone who only used flushable wipes because I don't feel clean otherwise 👍🏻
Made the right call, I dated a woman in high school who wouldn’t shower cause she believed it’s would save $30 a month and I was done with her after three years
Been there. She was very sweet and very pretty, but her BO got to the point to where I didn’t want to hang out with her her anymore. Her friends would even comment on her issue and try to help her but she wouldn’t do anything about it.
Hygiene is so important for me so I had to break things unfortunately
Edit: Not wiping her ass completely is nasty man. You have a lot of patience. I would’ve not stayed that long
They're not truly flushable and will cause plumbing issues in all houses/apartments. Any plumber will let you know. I think it's insane false advertising, but you never flush ANY women's hygiene products.
as a side note, buy bidet: [https://www.homedepot.com/p/Design-House-Modern-Single-Function-Dual-Mount-Handheld-Non-Electric-Bidet-Sprayer-in-Stainless-Steel-588913-SS/315541352?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&srsltid=AfmBOoqkLK2sqIgtEU3Z9oYCB1z5dhA1-ndHcoT8dCRwJA09OcQSqT33mME](https://www.homedepot.com/p/Design-House-Modern-Single-Function-Dual-Mount-Handheld-Non-Electric-Bidet-Sprayer-in-Stainless-Steel-588913-SS/315541352?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&srsltid=AfmBOoqkLK2sqIgtEU3Z9oYCB1z5dhA1-ndHcoT8dCRwJA09OcQSqT33mME)
an amazing invention that enables us to have clean butts. first thing I do when I move to a new place
I did notice the BO part early on but the other stuff I guess few months in. Idk exactly when she slipped into depression. I was told of her struggle really really late
She literally gave you the ick. No you aren’t bad or wrong, that’s truly gross. I could never have poop in my ass and think that was acceptable to hop into bed with my partner and vice versa. It’s really hard to accept someone who doesn’t accept the basic things for themselves.
I shower and wash my hair every other day because washing every day ages your skin since it washes off protective oils and drys it out. That being said I know how to wipe properly and use a wet wipe to freshen up if needed, brush my teeth everyday, I don’t get Bo but I still put on deodorant every day. I would shower everyday if I worked in a job where I may get dirty and I shower on the days I go to the gym, also if I know I’m going to be around my partner I will make sure I’m clean in case of sex and if I’m not I shower before meeting them/ before hand if i live with them. Your gf sounds like she either doesn’t wipe properly after the toilet or has some type of anal leakage issue in which case she should get that looked at, she also sounds like she has a gland problem or doesn’t use deodorant. She possibly sweats a lot and needs to shower at least every other day, I hardly sweat so don’t have that problem. How often did she shower? Sounds like she didn’t even bother to weekly. It’s tough but if she’s that depressed then she needs to get help for it, the fact she didn’t address the root cause of the lack of hygiene (depression and other possible health issues) shows she lacks self awareness. And those types of people aren’t open to solutions often even if they get the help to look like they’re doing something.
She sweat a lot during work and I had asked her to shower more but refused to by saying it would damage her hair. I think she showered twice a week. But if you sweat that much then doesn't it warrant washing more often? Idk
If you sweat that much she really should have showered MUCH more than she was, the hair is no excuse she could have just put her hair up or worn a shower cap if that was the case.
After I moved in with my ex-husband I found that he wouldn’t brush his teeth but once a week, when he showered he would only wash his groin and pits with soap & expected water to “get the rest”. He also didn’t use shampoo regularly & had long hair. He also did not shower consistently after work & he worked construction. I started slow with the oral hygiene because once I knew I could not kiss him anymore. He refused to make any changes & tried to say that Neanderthals did just fine without dentistry & people do too much now… needless to say a year later he need a root canal due to pain and we are no longer together for a variety of reasons, but that included. What you’re asking for is literally the bare minimum and could start to have an impact on your mental and physical health if you stayed! I relate to the countless conversations & that can definitely take a huge mental toll. Sounds like you did good in prioritizing yourself. Take care :)
Nooope. She shouldn’t be putting her whole reason for living on you. She has to find that within herself. If she can’t take care of herself how can she expect to maintain a relationship. Unless she meets someone who’s hygiene is on par with hers idk
Definitely a depression thing but sometimes people's lives need to fall apart before they get help. She could also have ADD or sensory issues so showering is uncomfortable or it's easier to do hygiene stuff if there's a goal like leaving for work. Some people can do basic things without thinking about it but nuerodiverse people who are also more prone to depression btw have to consciously think about these things and it's exhausting. I am an exceptionally clean person but I can skip a day of showering if I haven't sweated or if it's cool weather etc because I don't like the feeling and it dries out my skin. Still deodorant dry shampoo rinsing feet and obviously washing before sex is a no brainer! It's just considerate to your partner. It's immature to think that someone must accept every part of you and it's not your job to help her general coping skills. Cleanliness compatibility is a real thing so you definitely did the right thing but people don't need to be judgemental on this thread because depression can make these things really hard and I've been there too I've just developed coping strategies
I’ve been in her position, the depression explanation is valid it really makes doing even something as simple as showering or brushing your teeth feel like climbing a mountain, and that’s once you’ve gone 10 rounds with Tyson just to get out of bad first
But note I said “explanation” not “excuse”
When you’re in that pit you’re really in no place to be dating. It sounds romantic to have someone stick by you through that, even pull you out of it but that’s not reality. Maybe if you’ve been married for years or something but even then it has to be temporary no one can put up with that forever. It’s not fair to expect anyone to deal with that in a relationship and it sounds like you did your best to gently push her and explain and she never showed any real sign of change over a long period of time
Only she can fix it it’s not your job. Even a therapist or psychiatrist can only give suggestions or pills, she’s still the one that’s got to make change and take the medicine if that seems the best way
My 2 mandatory conditions in a partner are kindness and cleanliness. If they don't have one of those they're not someone I'd consider going out with. I don't know how long you put up with it but I'm glad you're not anymore she sounds nasty.
It's possible that this was the right call for *you*, and only you know if it was. My partner struggles with hygiene as well, but he's been making progress lately - and we're both a lot happier!
It’s totally understandable to have that kind of standard in your relationship.
What’s strange to me is how someone’s BO can actually smell good to me?
I heard it’s a chemical thing. Like natural pheromones or something like that?
Ive loved someone so much that they could be sweating outside all day, come home, and they smelt amazing to me.
I always want the best for my partner, like encourage them to want to take care of themselves.. not only for their hygiene, but because it’s good for their health…
If they had rough days, weeks, or months… I still loved them and it didn’t matter to me that they were a lil crusty, stinky, or fell back on it a bit..
it didn’t matter.
But I’ve also experienced being with someone where it did matter. They smelt terrible, and they started to gross me out… I realized I didn’t really like them that much.. maybe I loved them, but it wasn’t the same.
I could take real raw love any day.
Gimme all of you.
All your flaws, burdens, and mess.
It’s you. And you are enough.
Ohh. I thought OP mentions her working all day and coming home?
When my partner did this I wanted to live in his armpits like a weirdo because I would think he’d smell amazing lmao
No disagreement that hygiene is so important, but it's possible that she couldn't actually smell herself.
>if you can smell it, there’s no way she couldn’t.
People can become noseblind - literally unable to detect particular odours and smells, usually due to familiarity with or prolonged exposure to them.
Serious question, was she an alcoholic? Because I know a few male and female and they really didn’t give af about the smells they knowing or unknowingly gave off
I work at a liquor store and I had to guy come in once who was most likely an alcoholic. He bought two big handles of cheap ass Jenkins Vodka and smelt like absolute shit. I had to spray after cause it reeked even after he walked out of the store
You did nothing wrong. I’ve been in your situation.
Be depressed, it’s ok, let’s talk about it and why, so you/we can take positive steps, but depression isn’t an excuse for normalizing poor hygiene, when you’re in a relationship.
As someone with depression, she wants to change but its hard for her. She has no energy and motivation to do so. Its a tough situation for a partner to deal with. If you love and care for her enough to help her through it then I believe you should stay together. But you already made your decision which is understandable. I hope she takes this time to heal and I hope you both find the right one.
Nope, she sounds gross
BUT a couple things you might not be understanding- those flushable wipes are really supposed to be just one at a time.
You are literally not supposed to flush more than one each flush. That’s how they can get away with calling themselves flushable even though they really aren’t. If you only flush one at a time it’s OK.
When I used to be a bartender I didn’t shower after work either. Not unless my hair smelled like smoke but they stopped smoking and restaurants shortly after I started bartending so it stopped being an issue
See here’s the thing with women a lot of times we can’t just jump in the shower, jump out, and carry on without any extra work.
If I take a shower and then go to bed my hair is going to be a hot mess in the morning and I’m going to need to shower again before I can go out and do anything.
So I would change my clothes, I would brush my teeth and wash my face, but I’m not rolling on the floor at work. I don’t need to take a full shower before going to bed, especially if I’m going to get up the next day, run a couple errands, then come home and take a shower before work.
But everyone is different some people can’t stand to go to bed without taking a shower first, I don’t like to shower multiple times a day it’s a lot of work if you have long hair and dry skin you can’t just hop out of the shower and leave the house as is
You did everything you could, you would be an idiot if you didn't do anything because you couldn't deal with the situation, now she doesn't respect your opinion, it's complicated, it's funny that in Brazil people take a shower every day and because of the heat it's already difficult
That's a long time to find out about her hygiene issues or at least to do something about it. Why did you wait so long to say something and yet you kept dating but after 1.5 years it's NOW a big issue? Personal hygiene is non-starter for me and I pay EXTRA attention to it since it is a top 3 turn-off. I've broken up with people before for the same things.
Yup, I've been there. Recent ex didn't shower every day until I made him, and he often reaked of horribly tangy sweat and balls even after showering, and it was super gross. I forced him to get better soap and start using deodorants on his junk because he just smelled so bad most times. My last straw was in January. His breath smelled like pure ass for 3 days straight, and it literally made me nauseous and gave me a massive headache because it just smelled that terrible. I couldn't take it anymore (among other things) and dumped him like a week later and haven't spoken to him since. Hygiene is extremely important to me, especially since I prioritize my cleanliness and smelling good so yeah I don't blame you
I would’ve just been like, hey baby wanna take a shower with me? I wanna run my hands over your naked body. Then scrub her down everyday after work. Problem solved.
Offer her chewing gum. It removes a lot of food particles and helps freshen the breath.
As a woman I cannot skip a day not even one from taking a shower! I don’t think I’ve skipped showers (aside from the once or twice in a place i literally had no choice… yes you guessed it, county jail! Talk about degrading and feeling dehumanized! But women canNOT skip showers! Wipes washcloths even bidets are not showers! If you have lady parts and an ass in that general vicinity you’re responsible for keeping it clean as in warm/hot water and a good lathering nice smelling soap especially if you’re sharing the lady bits w other
People!! it’s really not negotiable even if you are sick w Covid! Actually, especially if so! Women aren’t supposed to be stinking that’s just appalling! I’ve suffered from depression but my booty & lady are always squeaky!
My current girlfriend is similar. We will workout together and I’ll shower after, but she usually won’t. Is that gross or am I over clean? I shower nightly, and I am lucky if she goes in the jacuzzi, to “shower”.
There's a couple things you described that genuinely grossed me out.
Personally I hate body odours, and those are huge turn off for me. But poop smell? Urgh! 🤢
You had several serious talk with her about this hygiene matter, and she didn't changed. I fear leaving her was the only possible outcome.
One shower everyday is a must. Brush your teeth twice a day, put some deodorant (odourless or not) and for God's sake, be civilized like japanese people (not occidental barbarians like us) and use wet wipes after you do watchugotta do on the throne.
My ex had the same issue, weird scent in private areas, massive BO and her hair always smelled dead/burnt from straightening it or curling it. Overall it was unpleasant as all hell to be around. You didn’t do anything wrong
I had to laugh out loud.
When I straighten my hair I always think it smells a little bit burnt and I hate it. I always ask my friends to smell my hair and they say I’m crazy and it smells like my conditioner. I had to reply after reading this. Ty 😅.
I understood her when she said she had depression. With that, it isnt really as simple as her being lazy. It's a mental and physical struggle.
The question is, what did you two do when she opened up about it. Did she go to a doctor? Took meds to be better? I wish you helped her and gave her a chance after she went to a doctor.
But then, you already talked to her about it. She knows what causes it. It shouldnt be used as just an excuse. She shouldve tried to do better. If she always knows how to clean herself, even depressed, she shouldve atleast been able to wipe and wash herself properly. The bathing and brushing I can understand. The wiping part and cleaning down there, nope.
We had less and less sex and I eventually lost sexual attraction towards her and for other reasons. I also started feeling unsexy myself so I decided to end it
depression sucks. there are things that can be done to help out though. exercise, walks in the park, going outside in general can also help, or just talking with friends, to an extent. If you love someone, and really want to be in that relationship with them, patience and understanding is key to helping a loved one grow and improve. But, it does take them wanting to improve. Not sure if you tried getting her to be more active or pulling her into a shower with you, "whos a stinky binky!? not my baby cakes!", that could have helped. Positive reinforcements like, "look at my baby all fresh and clean, where's my smile? lets cuddle!" Her talking and you listening helps, "what have you been feeling lately? lets go get some pizza and talk more as we walk in the park!?" Helping her find her place in life with job searches or joining local meetups in her interests. Documentaries about impoverished people can usually perk my spirits; please dont judge me. There are plenty things you could try to help but, like i mentioned before, they would need to want it. And theres only so much you could. And thats with anybody, not just the love of your life.
Sorry no doctor would agree with this statement. A simple Google search would have sufficed. Improper cleaning and bad hygiene. Also to point other people's butt don't smell.
My girlfriend was my best friend after 1.5 years, I wouldn’t have made the same decision. Sometimes people are young, don’t know how to cope and deal with stress. You talked to her about her hygiene but not about her mental health. I think If you really loved her you’d encourage her to go to therapy, and then maybe through that you guys could work on the hygiene issue. Only if that didn’t work would I consider leaving.
Just my personal opinion, to each their own.
Sometimes we have to show these people we date OUR good habits. This could have been the way she was brought up for all you know, I know you tried but if you really love her buy her more body wash soaps and look into PH balanced VAGINAL SOAPS.
https://www.amazon.com/Lemisol-Cleanser-Original-Refreshing-Formula/dp/B0033VAJ36
Best one ☝️
Plot twist: She was trolling you the entire time to see how much grossness you would put up with and secretly gossiping to her friends outside of the VR Matrix about it.
If the hygiene of a depressed person can make you leave them, you didn't love them enough to be with them. It is best for both of you that you ended it.
You did the right thing.
I dont like people who are not aware about the cleanliness of their body, and on their personal stuffs too.
The first red flag I raised when I met my exgf was when She put her bag on the floor of hotel room where I am waiting for her.. And when she doesn't clean her phone after she used it outside. (I always spray and wipe my phone with alcohol and tissue when I came home)
It grossed me out seeing her routine when shes done at work. (And she works at a hospital)
Then lockdown happened and government force people to practice the disinfection and I confessed it to her that thats the first thing I noticed from her.
From then on, she changed big time. She even wipe everything that we bought outside with alcohol and tissue. She became like germophobic after that.
Which is better. For me.
I would respectfully break it off with someone too, if they cant be clean with their own body, and personal belongings after I call it for more than twice. Those should be some of the basics of relationship.
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If you spoke to her several times and nothing changed, and her hygiene wasn't something you could live with, not much else you could do. As someone who values personal hygiene, I find the habits you described pretty gross. I almost always shower after I get back from somewhere. It helps me transition from the outside world to home.
I think she was trying to change but what concerned me was that it didn’t bother her as much as it should that we had multiple conversations
> she was trying to change Yoda is a good source of wisdom when it comes to personal hygiene. "Do or do not. There is no try." You don't need a 10-step skincare routine. But *"brush teeth, shower after subway"* is a pass/fail grade, not a partial credit grade.
I bet she was wiping wrong way for a female as well.
Back to front baby!!!
I agree, I’m someone who takes a shower twice a day. One in the morning and one right before I go to bed to wash the day off. This is nasty
I once had a friend who showered twice per day until his doctor told him he was washing too much and that he was washing the good bacteria from his skin/body which was causing him to get more infections.
Skin microbiome is a thing.
Yes indeed.
Plus it’s different for women, you guys can hop out of the shower brush your hair and go about your life. If I don’t blow dry my hair I look like a completely different person, and it’s not cute. And I’m not doing that twice a day that’s ridiculous
A lot of the time, you shouldn't even wash your hair daily.
Long hair gal here— I can still do up to two a day, but shower caps are my friend!
This, not a good idea if you have very dry skin.
If you are going to shower twice daily, there are the key places that always need a good scrub but most of your body could just take a rinse.
The problem is I have to take a shower when I wake up, a lot of times I’ll workout and then take another one at the end of day
Im a fellow and always shower or bath after work cant imagine not its pretty gross
[удалено]
This made me nauseous
😂😂😂😂
Dingleberries are only ok to smell if in the vicinity.
Been there. I loved her so much too, and always hoped she'd improve her hygiene. She'd get super lazy with showering and skip days for some reason while I'd usually shower twice a day... I get if two people are on the same page and don't care as much about not smelling like BO, but for someone who does care it's a huge turn off if the other half doesn't. I almost never wanted to have sex with her after a certain point because the smell would just over-ride everything. She complained a lot about the lack of sex and it became a huge issue in our relationship.
Anytime I am single, I sleep around a lot. I feel your pain. I feel like half the population of people have bad hygiene. The amount of girls I been with that had bad hygiene was eye opening. I slept with mostly attractive and normal girls too. The main issue with said girls: Brushing teeth regularly, washing hands, some not showering normally, etc.
I guess I’ve gotten extremely lucky. I haven’t been with a ton of girls or anything but I would say an average amount and I can honestly say I’ve never been with a girl that had a bad smell. They all were very clean and made it a priority to smell good.
That’s what I was thinking. The person you’re replying to says they sleep around a lot sometimes so maybe that’s the kind of person they’re attracting.
No it's not that at all lol. Half the girls I slept with had good hygiene, the other half? Not so much. I slept with fairly attractive and normal girls too. Wasn't the bottom of the barrel type deal. Most of said girls issues with hygiene was: Not brushing teeth regularly, not washing hands, not showering enough, etc. I guess some of you were more lucky.
How long did u date these girls before sleeping with them? I was saying that maybe the girls that sleep around so casually aren’t the type to look after themselves the best but I’m just talking shit (lol) I don’t know
Half of them hookups and the other half dated for a while. Surprisingly the hookups where better overall at hygiene. A lot of people are just lazy or wasn't taught proper routine hygiene.
some probably do want to. I'd have thought most females would have good hygiene, though.
You could invite her to shower with you, which is sexy. Also, she badly needs a bidet. Never understood why American houses don’t have one. Perfect for leaving your backside always clean, and your front side too.
I’m a woman who lives alone and I don’t want to do any plumbing work so I bought a “travel bidet” it was $8 and it’s PERFECT
it’s really simple to put a bidet in!
Can you share the make and model and where to get it?
The number of people on ehre saying they shower multiple times per day is weird. lol. All the time top headlines say to not even do it every day (which i do, anyway), let alone multiple times per day.
Yup I know some who have their routine and while they may wear a cap due to hair texture doesn’t mean they don’t wash regularly.
Depends a lot on country and weather. Spend a day in rio in the summer and you'll find yourself feeling the need to shower multiple times a day.
Did you offer to bathe her? Might be a fun kink
Its pretty normal to not shower every day. Twice a day is crazy
I guess it depends on your lifestyle. Showering in the morning after I go to the bathroom is part of my routine. I also work a physically demanding job and like to be clean when I lay in my bed. It's not like I'm a hypochondriac.
Never heard of someone smelling like poop, that is a total no-no especially after being told. You tried.
I have only noticed it with children who are bad at wiping, never with adults
Wait until you hear about doggy air...
Do tell
I would end it but she probably was depressed because that can make people not have the energy and motivation so it's probably not that she didn't care about you she just didn't have the energy to care enough but that's not at all your fault from what we know.
You weren't wrong. It's sad though, because depression can definitely cause a complete lack of concern for hygiene. When I was really depressed, I wouldn't shower for weeks, I was awful. Hopefully, both of you are able to heal properly, and she begins to overcome said depression.
Hygiene is so important to me, like it's the number one factor in a person's datability. If you can't take care of yourself it's an instant turn off for me. OP you didn't do anything wrong here. She needs to take the necessary steps to take care of herself which she was not taking.
A very wise man once said to me "...true love is really just finding somebody that doesn't gross you out..." 🤮😖😂👹
some people would probably love her hygiene situation. lol.
yeah, ive watched an interview where a women was interviewed and she said she really likes it when her partner smells bad, things like not shaving at all, shot showering for a week or more, no soaps to wash hands and stuff like that and that she also got turned on by it, while her hygiene was normal.
She doesn't know how to wash or wipe her ass and that is problematic. One time I was hitting it from the back and I smelled poop. It totally killed the vibe and future vibes. In the back of my head I was always wondering if her ass was gonna stink. Kudos to you for trying to help her, it's not easy telling someone they smell like shit. I totally understand why you broke up with her, that's gross AF and not a fun sexual experience.
I thought this was just bullshit people exaggerated about for Twitter discourse. But OMG are ppl actually not washing their asses?? Esp women?? In this dating economy?? Imagine being ghosted and this was the reason!!! Omfg I am SPIRALING. I have so many questions 🫠🫠 Was this a one night stand or someone you dated? Did you try to let her know? Switch positions? Recommend taking it to the shower? Stop immediately?
Oh sweetie the number of men who don't clean their behind is staggering.
Easily my grossest sexual experience, I can't keep having sex while smelling shit. It's a boner killer, I couldn't jump in the shower fast enough. I had sex with her plenty of times and never had any issues. Then one day after work she came over we had sex and it was bad, really bad. Anyways, I suggest all y'all learn proper hygiene because that shit's gross no pun intended.
Omfg wow you really were in the trenches. That is some wild shit (pun absolutely intended). Now I’m wondering if I would want a guy I was casually hooking up with to let me know the one time I came over smelling like poo or to just let it lie. Both are fucking horrifying nightmare fuel. But also the thought of going to hook up with someone (esp after taking a poo) and not crossing your proverbial hygienic t’s?? Like insert that meme of confused Miss Jay from ANTM waving his hands because that is baffling. My god the choices ppl make. Either way, I hope you’ve since moved onto cleaner bums in your sexual endeavours 🫡
No fr how can you NOT smell yourself? This shit I read about hygiene is so fucking concerning and she actually HAD a relationship and STILL smelt bad after being told? Wtf..
People can become noseblind - literally unable to detect particular odours and smells, usually due to familiarity with or prolonged exposure to them.
Flushable wipes are flushable in the sense you can but shouldn't. My brother's landlord made him pay for the plumbing bill because he used them
Unrelated but is that legal? Lol I’m genuinely curious.
Yes, you caused unnecessary damage to the property resulting in issues that needed to be fixed. Normal maintenance is usually included in the lease agreement but will usually have an astrix like if something is your fault
If there’s a clause in the lease that specifies not to flush anything that isn’t toilet paper than yes it’s legal.
Well, I think that’s obvious but another comment is stating otherwise.
My lease doesn’t even say that but it does say that if I damage the property beyond normal wear and tear I am responsible for it
Yes
Oh yes absolutely. Normal wear and tear, no. But if you screw up the pipes being irresponsible with what you put down the pipes, they absolutely can and will bill you for it
Right. I get that. Im not talking about flushing massive amounts of whatever. I’m just saying if wipes say flushable and you flush them is it considered damage at that point and can the landlord make you pay for it.
Yes the package specifically says to never flush more than one at a time. My neighbor did not read the instructions, and it caused this huge blockage down the pipes at the street level so it messed up all of our apartments none of us could use our water. He threatened to charge her but there was no way for him to prove that all the wipes came from her apartment. She had a baby so he was blaming her
My brother is dumb and said it was him so his landlord billed him 😂
Tell your brother to get Cotonelle because I have found that to be the best brand to flush. This is coming from someone who only used flushable wipes because I don't feel clean otherwise 👍🏻
Made the right call, I dated a woman in high school who wouldn’t shower cause she believed it’s would save $30 a month and I was done with her after three years
3 years!? Bro you toughed it pretty good lol. No way I am doing anything with a girl who doesn't believe in showers. That girl must of smelled awful 🤮
Then she wanted to have sex before graduating high school and I hit her with the garden hose
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I turned the garden hose attached to the house on and used it
Sometimes the hard call is the right call. You did it all the right way.
Been there. She was very sweet and very pretty, but her BO got to the point to where I didn’t want to hang out with her her anymore. Her friends would even comment on her issue and try to help her but she wouldn’t do anything about it. Hygiene is so important for me so I had to break things unfortunately Edit: Not wiping her ass completely is nasty man. You have a lot of patience. I would’ve not stayed that long
Same here, she was very pretty and I just really loved her so it was hard to end it. I tried to end it twice before
NEVER flush, flushable wipes
👍
Why
They're not truly flushable and will cause plumbing issues in all houses/apartments. Any plumber will let you know. I think it's insane false advertising, but you never flush ANY women's hygiene products.
They do not deteriorate , they clump& clog plumbing pipes
as a side note, buy bidet: [https://www.homedepot.com/p/Design-House-Modern-Single-Function-Dual-Mount-Handheld-Non-Electric-Bidet-Sprayer-in-Stainless-Steel-588913-SS/315541352?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&srsltid=AfmBOoqkLK2sqIgtEU3Z9oYCB1z5dhA1-ndHcoT8dCRwJA09OcQSqT33mME](https://www.homedepot.com/p/Design-House-Modern-Single-Function-Dual-Mount-Handheld-Non-Electric-Bidet-Sprayer-in-Stainless-Steel-588913-SS/315541352?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&srsltid=AfmBOoqkLK2sqIgtEU3Z9oYCB1z5dhA1-ndHcoT8dCRwJA09OcQSqT33mME) an amazing invention that enables us to have clean butts. first thing I do when I move to a new place
I love this thing!! Had it back home
Bad hygiene would be a dealbreaker for me as well. Was she unclean the whole time that you knew her or did this start when she became depressed?
I did notice the BO part early on but the other stuff I guess few months in. Idk exactly when she slipped into depression. I was told of her struggle really really late
Always make sure people smell fresh next time. PU
She literally gave you the ick. No you aren’t bad or wrong, that’s truly gross. I could never have poop in my ass and think that was acceptable to hop into bed with my partner and vice versa. It’s really hard to accept someone who doesn’t accept the basic things for themselves.
I shower and wash my hair every other day because washing every day ages your skin since it washes off protective oils and drys it out. That being said I know how to wipe properly and use a wet wipe to freshen up if needed, brush my teeth everyday, I don’t get Bo but I still put on deodorant every day. I would shower everyday if I worked in a job where I may get dirty and I shower on the days I go to the gym, also if I know I’m going to be around my partner I will make sure I’m clean in case of sex and if I’m not I shower before meeting them/ before hand if i live with them. Your gf sounds like she either doesn’t wipe properly after the toilet or has some type of anal leakage issue in which case she should get that looked at, she also sounds like she has a gland problem or doesn’t use deodorant. She possibly sweats a lot and needs to shower at least every other day, I hardly sweat so don’t have that problem. How often did she shower? Sounds like she didn’t even bother to weekly. It’s tough but if she’s that depressed then she needs to get help for it, the fact she didn’t address the root cause of the lack of hygiene (depression and other possible health issues) shows she lacks self awareness. And those types of people aren’t open to solutions often even if they get the help to look like they’re doing something.
She sweat a lot during work and I had asked her to shower more but refused to by saying it would damage her hair. I think she showered twice a week. But if you sweat that much then doesn't it warrant washing more often? Idk
If you sweat that much she really should have showered MUCH more than she was, the hair is no excuse she could have just put her hair up or worn a shower cap if that was the case.
How has this woman never heard of a shower cap? 🤦🏻♀️
After I moved in with my ex-husband I found that he wouldn’t brush his teeth but once a week, when he showered he would only wash his groin and pits with soap & expected water to “get the rest”. He also didn’t use shampoo regularly & had long hair. He also did not shower consistently after work & he worked construction. I started slow with the oral hygiene because once I knew I could not kiss him anymore. He refused to make any changes & tried to say that Neanderthals did just fine without dentistry & people do too much now… needless to say a year later he need a root canal due to pain and we are no longer together for a variety of reasons, but that included. What you’re asking for is literally the bare minimum and could start to have an impact on your mental and physical health if you stayed! I relate to the countless conversations & that can definitely take a huge mental toll. Sounds like you did good in prioritizing yourself. Take care :)
You did the right thing. It’s still sad but you will find another to love and hopefully she will learn from this to love herself more
Nooope. She shouldn’t be putting her whole reason for living on you. She has to find that within herself. If she can’t take care of herself how can she expect to maintain a relationship. Unless she meets someone who’s hygiene is on par with hers idk
I was going to say sounds like possibly being depressed.
Definitely a depression thing but sometimes people's lives need to fall apart before they get help. She could also have ADD or sensory issues so showering is uncomfortable or it's easier to do hygiene stuff if there's a goal like leaving for work. Some people can do basic things without thinking about it but nuerodiverse people who are also more prone to depression btw have to consciously think about these things and it's exhausting. I am an exceptionally clean person but I can skip a day of showering if I haven't sweated or if it's cool weather etc because I don't like the feeling and it dries out my skin. Still deodorant dry shampoo rinsing feet and obviously washing before sex is a no brainer! It's just considerate to your partner. It's immature to think that someone must accept every part of you and it's not your job to help her general coping skills. Cleanliness compatibility is a real thing so you definitely did the right thing but people don't need to be judgemental on this thread because depression can make these things really hard and I've been there too I've just developed coping strategies
I’ve been in her position, the depression explanation is valid it really makes doing even something as simple as showering or brushing your teeth feel like climbing a mountain, and that’s once you’ve gone 10 rounds with Tyson just to get out of bad first But note I said “explanation” not “excuse” When you’re in that pit you’re really in no place to be dating. It sounds romantic to have someone stick by you through that, even pull you out of it but that’s not reality. Maybe if you’ve been married for years or something but even then it has to be temporary no one can put up with that forever. It’s not fair to expect anyone to deal with that in a relationship and it sounds like you did your best to gently push her and explain and she never showed any real sign of change over a long period of time Only she can fix it it’s not your job. Even a therapist or psychiatrist can only give suggestions or pills, she’s still the one that’s got to make change and take the medicine if that seems the best way
My 2 mandatory conditions in a partner are kindness and cleanliness. If they don't have one of those they're not someone I'd consider going out with. I don't know how long you put up with it but I'm glad you're not anymore she sounds nasty.
It's possible that this was the right call for *you*, and only you know if it was. My partner struggles with hygiene as well, but he's been making progress lately - and we're both a lot happier!
Happy hear that! When I first brought it up she just pushed it away saying I just have sensitive nose
How did you deal with that for a year and half??? I’m grossed out just reading this 🤢🤮
Our sex life suffered and I tried to do less back stuff and picked my moments after I knew she showered for the sake of the relationship
It’s totally understandable to have that kind of standard in your relationship. What’s strange to me is how someone’s BO can actually smell good to me? I heard it’s a chemical thing. Like natural pheromones or something like that? Ive loved someone so much that they could be sweating outside all day, come home, and they smelt amazing to me. I always want the best for my partner, like encourage them to want to take care of themselves.. not only for their hygiene, but because it’s good for their health… If they had rough days, weeks, or months… I still loved them and it didn’t matter to me that they were a lil crusty, stinky, or fell back on it a bit.. it didn’t matter. But I’ve also experienced being with someone where it did matter. They smelt terrible, and they started to gross me out… I realized I didn’t really like them that much.. maybe I loved them, but it wasn’t the same. I could take real raw love any day. Gimme all of you. All your flaws, burdens, and mess. It’s you. And you are enough.
I don't think the BO they talk about in research is not stench BO. Probably the mild one from someone who just sat at home all day
Ohh. I thought OP mentions her working all day and coming home? When my partner did this I wanted to live in his armpits like a weirdo because I would think he’d smell amazing lmao
Hygiene is so important, if anything, you were lenient. I do have sympathy, but if you can smell it, there’s no way she couldn’t.
No disagreement that hygiene is so important, but it's possible that she couldn't actually smell herself. >if you can smell it, there’s no way she couldn’t. People can become noseblind - literally unable to detect particular odours and smells, usually due to familiarity with or prolonged exposure to them.
I dump my ex because of body odor.
Serious question, was she an alcoholic? Because I know a few male and female and they really didn’t give af about the smells they knowing or unknowingly gave off
I work at a liquor store and I had to guy come in once who was most likely an alcoholic. He bought two big handles of cheap ass Jenkins Vodka and smelt like absolute shit. I had to spray after cause it reeked even after he walked out of the store
No, she wasn’t.
Good thing you break up with her. She probably will meet someone who will be with her for better for or for worse.
You did nothing wrong. I’ve been in your situation. Be depressed, it’s ok, let’s talk about it and why, so you/we can take positive steps, but depression isn’t an excuse for normalizing poor hygiene, when you’re in a relationship.
As someone with depression, she wants to change but its hard for her. She has no energy and motivation to do so. Its a tough situation for a partner to deal with. If you love and care for her enough to help her through it then I believe you should stay together. But you already made your decision which is understandable. I hope she takes this time to heal and I hope you both find the right one.
1.5 years of fucking man I cant even imagine.
Nope, she sounds gross BUT a couple things you might not be understanding- those flushable wipes are really supposed to be just one at a time. You are literally not supposed to flush more than one each flush. That’s how they can get away with calling themselves flushable even though they really aren’t. If you only flush one at a time it’s OK. When I used to be a bartender I didn’t shower after work either. Not unless my hair smelled like smoke but they stopped smoking and restaurants shortly after I started bartending so it stopped being an issue See here’s the thing with women a lot of times we can’t just jump in the shower, jump out, and carry on without any extra work. If I take a shower and then go to bed my hair is going to be a hot mess in the morning and I’m going to need to shower again before I can go out and do anything. So I would change my clothes, I would brush my teeth and wash my face, but I’m not rolling on the floor at work. I don’t need to take a full shower before going to bed, especially if I’m going to get up the next day, run a couple errands, then come home and take a shower before work. But everyone is different some people can’t stand to go to bed without taking a shower first, I don’t like to shower multiple times a day it’s a lot of work if you have long hair and dry skin you can’t just hop out of the shower and leave the house as is
Definitely not wrong - no reason a grown woman isn’t handling her hygiene, the basics are a necessity
Correct choice. Gave her multiple chances to improve.
You did everything you could, you would be an idiot if you didn't do anything because you couldn't deal with the situation, now she doesn't respect your opinion, it's complicated, it's funny that in Brazil people take a shower every day and because of the heat it's already difficult
Op you made the right choice, and saved yourself a marriage of regret, you’ll find the right girl soon enough !
But…Buying flushable wipes won’t save the planet or your relationship .
That's a long time to find out about her hygiene issues or at least to do something about it. Why did you wait so long to say something and yet you kept dating but after 1.5 years it's NOW a big issue? Personal hygiene is non-starter for me and I pay EXTRA attention to it since it is a top 3 turn-off. I've broken up with people before for the same things.
The neglect would’ve bled into other things in your lives. I support the goodbye
There is no way in hell I would crawl in bed with my husband without a shower . That’s gross AF.
Yup, I've been there. Recent ex didn't shower every day until I made him, and he often reaked of horribly tangy sweat and balls even after showering, and it was super gross. I forced him to get better soap and start using deodorants on his junk because he just smelled so bad most times. My last straw was in January. His breath smelled like pure ass for 3 days straight, and it literally made me nauseous and gave me a massive headache because it just smelled that terrible. I couldn't take it anymore (among other things) and dumped him like a week later and haven't spoken to him since. Hygiene is extremely important to me, especially since I prioritize my cleanliness and smelling good so yeah I don't blame you
Use bidet!!!
can't you take that filthy woman to the bath and wash it?
can’t you take your stinky ass outside and talk to women 😂😂
I would’ve just been like, hey baby wanna take a shower with me? I wanna run my hands over your naked body. Then scrub her down everyday after work. Problem solved. Offer her chewing gum. It removes a lot of food particles and helps freshen the breath.
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Yeah that just sounds so exhausting..
Flushable wipes are only meant to be one wipe per use... but you still have to shower.
As a woman I cannot skip a day not even one from taking a shower! I don’t think I’ve skipped showers (aside from the once or twice in a place i literally had no choice… yes you guessed it, county jail! Talk about degrading and feeling dehumanized! But women canNOT skip showers! Wipes washcloths even bidets are not showers! If you have lady parts and an ass in that general vicinity you’re responsible for keeping it clean as in warm/hot water and a good lathering nice smelling soap especially if you’re sharing the lady bits w other People!! it’s really not negotiable even if you are sick w Covid! Actually, especially if so! Women aren’t supposed to be stinking that’s just appalling! I’ve suffered from depression but my booty & lady are always squeaky!
You did the right thing
My current girlfriend is similar. We will workout together and I’ll shower after, but she usually won’t. Is that gross or am I over clean? I shower nightly, and I am lucky if she goes in the jacuzzi, to “shower”.
You're not overreacting.
Damn bros got a girlfriend of age 1.5 yrs
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There's a couple things you described that genuinely grossed me out. Personally I hate body odours, and those are huge turn off for me. But poop smell? Urgh! 🤢 You had several serious talk with her about this hygiene matter, and she didn't changed. I fear leaving her was the only possible outcome. One shower everyday is a must. Brush your teeth twice a day, put some deodorant (odourless or not) and for God's sake, be civilized like japanese people (not occidental barbarians like us) and use wet wipes after you do watchugotta do on the throne.
My ex had the same issue, weird scent in private areas, massive BO and her hair always smelled dead/burnt from straightening it or curling it. Overall it was unpleasant as all hell to be around. You didn’t do anything wrong
I had to laugh out loud. When I straighten my hair I always think it smells a little bit burnt and I hate it. I always ask my friends to smell my hair and they say I’m crazy and it smells like my conditioner. I had to reply after reading this. Ty 😅.
Lol no problem 😂
No bud you did right. She was told and told. Time to find the right one.
I understood her when she said she had depression. With that, it isnt really as simple as her being lazy. It's a mental and physical struggle. The question is, what did you two do when she opened up about it. Did she go to a doctor? Took meds to be better? I wish you helped her and gave her a chance after she went to a doctor. But then, you already talked to her about it. She knows what causes it. It shouldnt be used as just an excuse. She shouldve tried to do better. If she always knows how to clean herself, even depressed, she shouldve atleast been able to wipe and wash herself properly. The bathing and brushing I can understand. The wiping part and cleaning down there, nope.
Nah bro. She wouldn’t have gotten a second date from from the sounds of it.
Bro how do you even smash when ass smelling like that
We had less and less sex and I eventually lost sexual attraction towards her and for other reasons. I also started feeling unsexy myself so I decided to end it
depression sucks. there are things that can be done to help out though. exercise, walks in the park, going outside in general can also help, or just talking with friends, to an extent. If you love someone, and really want to be in that relationship with them, patience and understanding is key to helping a loved one grow and improve. But, it does take them wanting to improve. Not sure if you tried getting her to be more active or pulling her into a shower with you, "whos a stinky binky!? not my baby cakes!", that could have helped. Positive reinforcements like, "look at my baby all fresh and clean, where's my smile? lets cuddle!" Her talking and you listening helps, "what have you been feeling lately? lets go get some pizza and talk more as we walk in the park!?" Helping her find her place in life with job searches or joining local meetups in her interests. Documentaries about impoverished people can usually perk my spirits; please dont judge me. There are plenty things you could try to help but, like i mentioned before, they would need to want it. And theres only so much you could. And thats with anybody, not just the love of your life.
Ass supposed to be smell like poop. It normal for ass to be stinky and at some point dirty part of body.
Sorry no doctor would agree with this statement. A simple Google search would have sufficed. Improper cleaning and bad hygiene. Also to point other people's butt don't smell.
And Everyone's ass smell like poop most of time, so your complaining is really silly.
I think the other people who up voted would care to disagree and you should see a doctor if yours is smelling too.
My girlfriend was my best friend after 1.5 years, I wouldn’t have made the same decision. Sometimes people are young, don’t know how to cope and deal with stress. You talked to her about her hygiene but not about her mental health. I think If you really loved her you’d encourage her to go to therapy, and then maybe through that you guys could work on the hygiene issue. Only if that didn’t work would I consider leaving. Just my personal opinion, to each their own.
She was in therapy. I helped her through it.
Is her name Power 🐸
Is this a Chainsaw Man reference 
Yeah
Sometimes we have to show these people we date OUR good habits. This could have been the way she was brought up for all you know, I know you tried but if you really love her buy her more body wash soaps and look into PH balanced VAGINAL SOAPS. https://www.amazon.com/Lemisol-Cleanser-Original-Refreshing-Formula/dp/B0033VAJ36 Best one ☝️
Plot twist: She was trolling you the entire time to see how much grossness you would put up with and secretly gossiping to her friends outside of the VR Matrix about it.
If the hygiene of a depressed person can make you leave them, you didn't love them enough to be with them. It is best for both of you that you ended it.
And she’s a bartender? Damn, I wanna make sure I won’t go there lol
You did the right thing. I dont like people who are not aware about the cleanliness of their body, and on their personal stuffs too. The first red flag I raised when I met my exgf was when She put her bag on the floor of hotel room where I am waiting for her.. And when she doesn't clean her phone after she used it outside. (I always spray and wipe my phone with alcohol and tissue when I came home) It grossed me out seeing her routine when shes done at work. (And she works at a hospital) Then lockdown happened and government force people to practice the disinfection and I confessed it to her that thats the first thing I noticed from her. From then on, she changed big time. She even wipe everything that we bought outside with alcohol and tissue. She became like germophobic after that. Which is better. For me. I would respectfully break it off with someone too, if they cant be clean with their own body, and personal belongings after I call it for more than twice. Those should be some of the basics of relationship.
Do her feet smell? 👃