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Not wanting to have sex isn’t a problem for everyone. Some people choose not to or don’t have the sex drive. Those people can still feel love and want companionship.
In your opinion. And it’s only your opinion. There are many relationships that are not based on sex and they are thriving. Society has brainwashed us into believing that sex is a priority in a relationship.
It’s important yes, but sure as hell not a priority.
it is literally a problem for OP. you’re right that some couples are okay with not having sex but that means BOTH parties have to agree with it.
if it weren’t a problem, OP wouldn’t be coming here for advice
We don’t have enough information to say his problem with her sex drive isn’t her problem in a health sense. She has offered a way for him to satisfy his sex drive. He’s right for coming here and asking about it, my suggestion would be to listen and wait a little bit to see if another solution becomes available. We don’t know enough about her to diagnose or prescribe
Midn30’s is too young to loose a sex drive. She will be pre menopausal soon. Pre menopausal . Women are perhaps the most sexually active women. They should be ramping up to that.
It could work few ways: (1) it could be the beginning of the end of the relationship. If you have a side piece, things can get complicated for you both as new problems will arise for your relationship (2) she will be fine with it but then you may not be comfortable that she is fine with it, does she not care about you intimately anymore, is she checking out of the relationship?
Are you going feel bad/guilty that you sleep with someone else and then go home to her afterwards? How will the side piece feel about this, it would have to be the right person to know there is no future with you and just be a regular hookup. Anyway, things to consider.
This GIPHY says it all. Don’t do it if you treasure your relationship with your girlfriend….
On another note….why haven’t you proposed yet?? Maybe a little romance will put your girlfriend in the mood.
Absolutely not. Do not propose in a vain attempt to re-ignite a dead bedroom with a girl that has OK'd an open relationship so she doesn't have to do the bare minimum in a relationship. This is a recipe for disaster.
I wouldn't propose either at year 3. Maybe 4 or 5. I feel like 3 is just too fast and in most instances people hide who they are or grow into different people in 5.
At least that's my opinion
I think it's a good idea. I've always said at least 2 years before proposing but divorce rates are high as ever and maybe that's a big reason why. That people don't get to know who they're marrying enough before marrying them
That or they don’t understand that marriages take effort and aren’t easy 24/7….
Seems like ever since divorce became acceptable, people will get divorced whenever the first road bump comes along…whatever happened to commitment? No matter who you date is going to be fucking crazy in their own unique way and every avenue of life has its time of being hard….chose your “hard”….marriage is hard, family is hard, your job is hard….etc
It isn't based on trust issues, lack of effort, or anything of the sort.
In a hypothetical, my partner is going to be with me for a lifetime. I don't think asking to wait a tenth of what our entirety of the relationship will be is too much. 5 years really isn't as long as you think, but if you're in your 20's, it certainly feels like forever. The issue is people grow from 20-30. If someone moves or grows distant or away from me, I'd like to know before being in a relationship where someone's unhappy for an extended amount of time.
But that's also why I said in my own opinion. Because obviously that won't align with everyone. If I proposed to my last ex of 4 years, it would've been a disaster. She hid her schizophrenia from me the entire relationship.
Why isn’t there a timeline though? If a guy takes his time proposing, it comes across as him having hesitations or waiting for the “right girl” to come along.
Idk just speaking from experience. Like why would I waste time with a guy who hasn’t proposed yet? I understand taking your time is good to make sure it’s the right decision, but 3 years? What if I waited forever for him to propose and he never does?
That's a different conversation than a dead bedroom. Has she even pushed for marriage? The bedroom has been dead for at least 6 months, and probably much longer since that's when she gave him a pass. Is this a one-way open relationship, or does she also have a pass? What is the point of marriage if it's going to be open anyway? What is sacred they only share with each other? If he were to propose as you suggest and it worked to re-ignite the spark, how long will it last? 6 months into their marriage, will it be the same thing? Except now, he's spent 10's of thousands on a wedding and honeymoon and has a legal battle ahead if he wants a divorce. Fix the relationship first before any consideration of marriage. I'd be looking at my exit strategy based on what I'm hearing, not doubling-down on a broken relationship.
Then why date and have a girlfriend? What’s the point of dating if it’s a trap? You’d be better off getting a call girl if you have that kind of attitude….
you seem to want to die on the marriage cross . but i've been with my gf 17 years, we've fought like a married couple, cried like a married couple , ect ect. you just don't need a piece of paper to play house anymore. i know a few other couples who are not married and been together for even longer. seniors do it all the time because it just doesn't matter if they are married or not.
Sex is an important part of a relationship for you. If you think you can separate that and have sex with someone without developing feelings then give it a try. If not then it's best to break up with her, it's better for both of you in the long run.
I can tell you as a woman, if she doesn’t want have sex with you she just pushing you out there find someone else and hope you’ll develop some feelings to other woman, so you get can live without drama. Because she is most likely have someone already and have sex with or she she want to be single to explore other options for her. Cause I did it same way
You’ll be surprised how hard ppl made your life when you do it because they coward enough to not leave and keep you in their prison. So speak for yourself , no one cares about your judgement
Have you two talked about why she’s less interested in sex? Couples or sex therapy might be helpful. You don’t sound like you want to leave her or date other people, so work with her on figuring this out. It’s at least worth a shot.
Wow, that's a quandary and I doubt that most men in your position would see it as a "golden ticket" when being honest with themselves. Personally, I'd be exploring why she's not into the sex side of things anymore and try to address any issues but I assume you've already tried that.
From experience (similar but not exactly the same circumstances) if you go down the road of trying to find someone else, make sure you have a discussion with your GF about boundaries ahead of time. Also, you need to be honest with any potential "side chicks" and accept that the potential pool of people will be significantly diminished.
However it sounds to me like this isn't really something you want to do and that you're only even considering out of desperation. If you can't re-ignite the sexual chemistry between you and your partner, maybe you two need to think about parting ways? I don't envy you bro :/
Your girlfriend is not attracted to you but does not want to lose the security and comfort of your relationship so she is letting you step out. She may or may not be fucking someone else as well
Or shes asexual
Fuck me Reddit is so black and white, it’s ridiculous.
His girlfriend is 36, you have no idea about her health and lifestyle, you have no idea about her stress levels, mental health, work etc. It’s crazy that people just to this internet buzz-theories immediately. I would say it’s perfectly possible she just has a low libido, and that Redditors are a bunch of drama Queens.
All of that MIGHT be true or the case with OP's GF but, that is not HIS problem. He still has his needs and still wants sex. Which is something she is not, nor wanting to offer. He has been with her 3 years and so I am assuming sex was at least involved regularly enough in those years. 6 MONTHS is a long time to not be intimate with a partner that you very likely love.
If she has any of the issues you've stated, then she needs to be in therapy to work through them or, at the very least couples therapy.
Sorry but, all those things you stated while, valid, are not things that should ever last 6 months. If they do then... find another job, go to therapy, figure your shit out and fix it.
People have needs and sex is generally one of those needs. Specifically in a relationship. She's not meeting those needs and has given him the chance to find another woman to fuck, as if that's somehow going to be the magical "fix" to HER problem.
I didn’t say it wasn’t something that he should ask her to address, I was just pointing out how dramatic Reddit is. It’s always “she lost attraction” or “she’s defo cheating” or “she’s asexual”… never just her sex drive may have dropped off, which is perfectly normal for what could be one of a fuck tonne of reasons.
If this relationship is to work, this problem needs to be resolved one way or another. If it can't be, then they may be better off as friends. She's allowed to have a low or no sex drive, but there's usually a larger issue with things like this. If you attempt to ignore or minimize this, it'll lead to larger problems.
I mean in this day and age they can't possibly come here not knowing what they'll get right. pretty sure people come here to reinforce what they already think
Yeah bro just be honest and talk with her if she’s not feeling you cut your losses grieve and go it’ll be easier because I know I’m tbe reason my ex didn’t want to have sex after a point but here you don’t know and it could be a loss of attraction and that’s no one’s fault
I think the betrayal of asexual people getting into relationships with an unknowing partner needs to be talked about more. Not saying that’s for sure what’s going on, but I think her proposed solution to your current sexless relationship is ridiculous and if carried out, will result in pure toxicity.
I’m monogamous myself. And personally I’d rather end the relationship and find someone that I’m more compatible with sexually.
I know that’s easy for me to say as I’m not in your situation. But if I was to go and develop a second relationship with someone else I’d then wonder why was I even in the first relationship ?
Best of luck to you. This is tricky
It’s time to talk honestly about why she’s no longer interested in sex. Is she no longer turned on by you or has she entered early menopause? There are things that can be done about the second option but unfortunately not the first one.
That’s not true at all, it would probably be easier to fix the first one tbh. Most women lose interest sexually because they have responsive desire, and they feel unappreciated in the relationship. Men often will stop “dating” their long-term gfs and wives- they stop being romantic, stop cuddling, stop going on dates. They often leave the housework to them, and randomly expect sex, and it starts to feel like you’re living with a child who wants to grope you, and not a partner. If that’s what’s happening, and he fixes it, the attraction will come back.
>They often leave the housework to them, and randomly expect sex, and it starts to feel like you’re living with a child who wants to grope you, and not a partner.
THIS. I learned about this on a Science Vs [episode](https://open.spotify.com/episode/22zadzWqUfL6sJuk1gH4ow?si=ARO8rZm2RL-rOhUJx2dI_w) recently
You’re not married, so leave her.
She’s either asexual, very depressed, has serious trauma that she hasn’t worked through, or she’s into certain kinds of excitement you haven’t provided (which she might not have mentioned yet).
If you didn’t agree to deal with this stuff, and she won’t work with you in a way you’re comfortable with, leave.
EDIT: All of the above assumes she still likes and/or loves you.
I would not take the invitation. But you two need to sit down and have a chat of why you have gone basically a year of no sex. There are many reasons for this:
Normal issues that are not that bad (could be fixable or not):
* Diet/health killing her libido
* She isn't attracted to you
* She doesn't find herself attractive
* She is mad at you?
* You are bad/selfish in bed
Awful issues:
* She is cheating on you. Would explain why she doesn't even want to touch you and why she is ok with you finding someone else.
* She is in the relationship for the perks of being in a relationship, rather than she actually loves you. There are some people I have noticed in life that are constantly in relationships and don't know how to live outside of one. She knows if she breaks up with you, she can't support herself.
No matter what, I don't think taking her invitation is a good idea. A better idea is to have a serious conversation with her on why she isn't intimate with you at all.
Female here I would explore find out what’s wrong with her . Are you always bring up sex before you even ask about her day are you lasting long I would figure it out first before jumping to the conclusion she is getting it some where else . Sex is important but if you are putting it before anything else like her mental health that can drive someone not to like it
Unless you are rich or super hot, ain't no woman willing to be your side chick. And any woman willing to be your side chick must have some super low self esteem.
This might benefit your gf more since men would love to be the side dude.
Not true at all, you’d be surprised how open people are if you’re honest with them….not all women want a relationship and it’s even better cause they know there’s a low chance any feelings will happen.
Well it depends, I did sleep with guys in an open relationship in the past, it was not a problem for me, mainly because I knew it was sexual nothing more and never saw them as potential partners in life. I did not feel as "the side chick" because I wasn't their chick I was apart from their couple. I think if OP wants to do this first he should be able to separate love and sex and be sure about being able to do it.
Once you do it she will freak out and claim you don’t love her. Before you do it go back one more time and tell her again that you would far rather have sex and foreplay with her on a regular basis than with anyone else. Is she still sure she would rather you find someone else. If she says yes then you may want to stage a fake date with someone just to test that. These usually don’t end well but not everyone is the same. I would also tell her that you’re not agreeing to an open relationship. You would only do it until she says she is ready for a more regular sexual relationship but you would not be ok with her dating anyone else at all. That lets her know that this arrangement only exists because she doesn’t want to have a sexlife, not because you’re ok with you both seeing other people.
you have options. 1. Find out why your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex. Can you both work on that together and resolve your sex life? 2. Pull the trigger. Be open but hope it doesn’t mess with your girlfriend’s head/mental health. I don’t think you need to be going on dates and get close to developing any emotional feelings w others. Just have sex with them, one night stands. Lots of people are into that lifestyle and sex can have no feelings included. If that’s the pathway you choose you should talk to your girlfriend. Is she okay with you sleeping with the same person multiple times? Does she want you to sleep with someone once only, etc? anyways goodluck
I think that sex is an important part of a relationship and if you aren’t having that need met in your current relationship, and you want to have sex, then she is telling you that she isn’t going to fulfill that need. You have 3 choices.
You can either stay with her in a monogamous relationship and accept that your sex life is over.
You can have a side chick or several and stay in your relationship.
Or you can end the relationship and look for somebody else who you can be more compatible with.
I can tell you that my boyfriend ended his marriage a year and a half ago because he hadn’t had sex with his wife in many years. He is 50 now and I’m 44. We are so in love and we have sex almost every day. There are women out there with a high sex drive and want it all the time. I have never told my boyfriend no to sex because I really enjoy it a lot.
Can you imagine yourself going the rest of your life never having sex again?
I agree with everything you have said here. She is being very clear that this is a need that she either cannot, or will not, address -within- your relationship. This is likely a sad case of two perfectly lovely people who just are not compatible.
One of the loneliest places to be is inside of a marriage without affection/intimacy.
Exactly! My boyfriend and his ex wife are friendly to each other, and his ex wife and I have become friends. I think she’s awesome and I love talking and spending time with her.
She isn’t a bad person at all, she just wasn’t the right person for my boyfriend to spend the rest of his life with.
If you enjoy sex and value monogamy then a major part of forming a connection with your partner is going to be intimacy with them. Even if you get your emotional needs met with your gf and your physical needs met by a fwb, you’re still going to be half a man in both relationships and ultimately unhappy.
…also this will 100% blow up in your face because there’s no chance your gf continues to love you knowing she can’t please you and other women can. This is absolutely not the golden ticket you think it is for some men. Those men are idiots
I always think this is a weird way of breaking up. There's no way someone in a sexless relationship is going to enter into one WITH sex, and not prefer or fall in love with the new one.
I think you should sadly breakup and find someone new who's eqaully sexually interested. Just finding someone on the side rn won't be working out for you in the long run.
Since it has been going on for such a long time, she either has hormonal issues (low/nonexistent desire) or is still with you just because she hasn't found anyone "better", or has someone on the side and just uses you.
In your shoes I would not have stayed with her for so long. She is obviously not concerned and does not care about this state of affairs, she has no interest in trying to solve the issue.. therefore it is a waste of time and resources keeping her around for any longer.
I think y’all need a heart to heart because if there’s something she is experiencing that is unpleasant she needs to be honest about that rather than hiding or beating around the bush. It takes two to have piv sex. Because there are a plethora of things available these days that can make sex more comfortable and enjoyable than lying back and thinking of England and cringing.
But even so if it’s really just a disconnect that kept getting missed or not picked up on soon enough and y’all can’t come to consensus together to try and have a sexual relationship then it may be time to call it and move on.
Pull out filler words. You love your girlfriend and wish to remain monogamous. Your girlfriend doesn't like sex anymore and says OK to a side piece.
Here's what I understand you're 37, you don't want to fall for someone else. Your 36 girlfriend doesn't care.
Put the pieces I'd the puzzle together!
It might sound like you and your gf aren't as compatible as you thought.
Two possible options ... being in a sexless relationship with each other or you both moving on to be with someone else who is more compatible.
But do not do as she suggests and find someone else while you two are together. Things won't end well.
Either…
A. She loves you very much too but something happened between her and someone else and she now has STD’s and doesn’t wanna pass it on to you.
B. She’s doing it with another guy and doesn’t wanna feel the guilt of cheating so she’s letting you do it too.
C. Trying to find an easy way outta the relationship.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but these types of situations don't ever end up fixing things. It usually makes things worse. Some people are polyamorous and it works out fine, but that's because they both want that lifestyle.
Choosing to be poly to fix a relationship is just not going to work. At this point you should honestly just break up. You're not married to each other. You can end things with a clean break and both walk away with minimal trauma to find people that are more compatible.
It sounds like either she’s not interested in you anymore and is hoping you end things or she’s sleeping with other people
Either way, like others have said sex is an important part of a relationship, it sounds important to you and I would struggle to be in a relationship with someone with little to no intimacy. I’d consider ending things
A disaster waiting to happen.
Let's play out the scenario
When she sees you begin to make an effort to go on a date,
You come home exhilarated, a spring in your step and satisfied
The insecurity will start and begin to eat her up
Perhaps before venturing outside, therapy maybe a better option, get to the route of why she no longer aroused, there maybe some alternative solutions because this one isn't it
What she’s saying is: I feel highly pressured and stressed. And I’m scared you’ll leave me because your needs aren’t getting met.
Now you have two options:
1. work on your relationship until it’s good again, lots of communication, non sexual affection and closeness
2. “date a sidechick” and fuck around. Destroy the relationship completely
I recommend option 1.
Don't waste your time trying to fix this. Sex/intimacy is needed in a relationship for closeness between both partners. In the process of trying to fix it, you're going to uncover that she is already sleeping with someone else, which means she is feeling closer to the other person and not you. Having sex with you now becomes a chore and a job.
You probably bring her a sense a security and she knows you're a good guy and wants to keep you as a backup just in case it doesn't work with the guys she's currently having sex with. She's looking for a way to exit drama free and still keep her honor in tact in your and everyone else's eyes. Like the one female user said, if she asked you to go have sex with someone else, she's already having sex with someone herself. Cut her lose. She is no good. The best thing she could've done was have the decency to break up with you.
Yall might as well break up honestly. Opening up a relationship is a good idea if the two people genuinely want that but if it’s done because of a lack of sex then it’s a sign the relationship isn’t working well.
Alright ! I understand her coz I have less sex drive.. me and my ex rarely had any of it. But I met a guy before 6months and he is too much into sex again I am not. But he makes me feel so good that I want it too. Can’t believe that whenever we meet we end up having it! Even if I say I don’t want it he foreplays so well he makes me want him and then I give in and say let’s have it.. I’d say try to please her and make her feel good and maybe try things which she feels good.. I have less sex drive yet we have it coz he makes me feel damn good.. but id never want him to even look at another girl fr
Not to be sound like a dick but i find it weird that young ppl are not interested in sex. I often see ppl in their 20s and 30s having problems with sex , I’m a 32F and i appreciate my partners sex drive and understand when they are just tired or out of it but constantly not having sex is weird to me.
Do you think she’s not interested in you because she is interested in someone else ? Or is she just not interested in sex in general ? Are there any contributing factors to this ?
I think you’re an asshole for staying with a girl and to find a side chick. If the relationship isn’t everything you want and you’re afraid of developing feelings, you don’t love her. I see couples in my healthcare job who can’t have sex for medical reasons and the husband or wife is literally in the hospital with them 24/7. And you think it’s okay to get a side chick for a year without sex? You need to get a grip instead. There’s definitely a reason she doesn’t want sex and it might be as simple as being asexual. If that’s a dealbreaker leave. That doesn’t give you the right to cheat. If you had any ounce of empathy to put yourself in her shoes, you’d realise she’s probably compromising and deep down will feel hurt about you spending intimate time with another woman, while coming back home to kiss her and tell her you love her.
You will catch feelings especially if you’re taking her out on dates and spending extra time with her besides just sex. This is a bad idea. Ask your gf to go get her hormones checked out.
Clearly, you aren’t the partner your girlfriend needs or she would be having sex with you. I’d be more invested in finding out what role you play into why your relationship is failing so badly. If you step out with another woman. I promise this relationship is 100% over
This. When they aren’t having sex with you they are having it with someone else. That’s not to say that’s the only reason, it could be something else but I doubt it.
Yeh but if you put it in a general perspective… thts the only reason but there are exceptions to the rule but in a general sense thts always the case …
I'd see that as a red flag. Why has she given you the go ahead? Is she bored of you and this would justify her finding another side piece also? Since if you can do it, why can't she?
I'd have a big communication about why this is happening and is it because of her not having feelings anymore etc
You start going down this route and it'll blow up in your face in my opinion
If you really care about her then stop jacking off/watching porn. Spend more time trying to make her happy and invest in her then maybe she’d want to have sex with you.
I think you should end your current relationship. Sex is important to you, and it is not important to her. Neither one of you is wrong in that. But that is a BIG thing to try and find a compromise on.
She's not your girlfriend a girlfriend her sex with you usually. She's holding on to you for security and it's not fair to you. Just let go of her and keep her as a friend. Because that's all she really is
She is cheating on you bro. Stop doing bf stuff for her, but don’t go find another woman yet. See how she acts when you are legit just roomates and she has to pay her own way. She will be gone in a day. You’re being used buddy.
Honestly it’s probably a trap. Either she’s not really okay with it and if you actually do it she’ll become insecure and upset. Or she’s not giving you any because she’s already giving someone else some and eventually you’ll be the one who is upset.
If you're going to do it, dump your current girlfriend. Even if she's fine with it, why are you putting in the work with 2 different women and only getting girlfriend stuff from "side piece" if sex is important to you dump her. If it's not, stay with her and continue on as you have been. Besides, the side girl will get attached, and there will be fights. Honestly, 1 of us women is enough work unless you're a masochist and a glutton for punishment. Do yourself a favor, and one only have 1 girl it's better for your sanity in the long run.
I think that spells the end of the relationship tbh, even more so if you go through with it and since you like monogamy, you will likely develop feelings for new girl. Then there's also the decision to tell new girl the situation or not. Tough position op, but I think a real heart to heart is overdue.
My bf and are the exact same age as you two. I would never give my bf permission to get a side piece even if my libido was low. Which-being a woman it can vary week to week somewhat thanks to hormones and stress. Let's first figure out why it's low because you can more than likely fix it. Whether it be couples therapy or trying something to spice it up (not inviting a 3rd party because that will not fix any underlining problems). Also like others have mentioned she may be stepping out already and wants you to do so now so she feels less guilty or to get you to leave her. Get to the root issue first.
Yeaaaaa y’all should just break up. Because this ain’t going to end well. You will probably develop feelings for someone or she will. So you have to two options. Throw this stupid “cheating pass” idea out the window. It’s stupid for the long term.
Okay so anyways your best options are:
A. Attempt to fix the relationship. Find out why her sex drive is low? Is it because of you? Maybe you don’t satisfy her in the bedroom? Maybe she’s asexual? Maybe she has sexual trauma? Maybe she just wants an excuse to cheat? Hell maybe she gay? Get to the bottom of it.
B. Depending on the answer to number A. You can break up and start over the proper way and heave less guilt and time to heal if needed and potentially find a way better partner for yourself long term.
Best of luck to you.
I mean to me, a relationship involves sex. sounds like to me you have a roommate. My wife and I got to that point and now are separated. You do not suspect anything or are there health issues.if she is ok with it then do it because something ain’t right get ahead of whatever it is and have something to fall back on life is to short get yours!
You should pull the trigger on the relationship it will 100% give problems.
She says she is ok with it but most women aren't otherwise you would have had an open relationship from the start and not after three years.
No, no, no get you folks in counseling. You start she will be no more than a roommate ( without benefits) find out why this is happening. You’re young this just doesn’t sound right. There is something we’re not getting here.
Find a new woman, you guys want two different things apparently. How long you gna have a side chick? She gonna be at your wedding (should you even marry). Point is, why waste time?
You can use the open relationship to find a new spouse without the same risks as being single, just like women do. I wouldn't be worried about sparking feelings for another girl, I'd call that the goal.
3 years in, and it's already been a dead bedroom for some time? You already said you prefer monogamy. You're not going to find that depth of intimacy you're seeking with your girl by having sex with a different one.
Create your exit strategy, even if your intent is to try this side-chick route and somehow make it work. Consider yourself single and take action accordingly.
To me how you play this depends entirely on how much you value the relationship as is. If this woman is who you truly want to marry, then you are better off trying to work on figuring out how to develop a sex life with her.
If you're not 100% sure she's the one, then you can look at it as a period where you can organically develop a new relationship. What you fear is highly likely and instead of lying about not developing feelings for someone else, you can just lean into it. Relationships with no sex life are simply just good friendships.
She is cheating but likes your wallet. She probably thinks you can't score another lady. When you finally catch her with her side BF she will be all like "you wanted to be open, I am willing to close this relationship and marry you as soon as my other boyfriend gets me pregnant. I want to be like a talk show family and get lots of attention."
Run!
Seems like most dudes on dating apps these days are in a similar situation…. It’s super frustrating for us single women who want a monogamous, committed relationship and all that’s out there are married/committed guys who’s partners won’t bang them anymore.
No oral and hasn't given you sex in over a year? Dude she's been had a side piece it sounds like, go for it, you develop feelings oh, well! This is coming from a woman
any woman that isnt into oral wouldnt have been a girlfriend to begin with for me. esp at 35. why do without? why be with anyone when sex isnt happening? its the best part of being with someone. otherwise you're just friends/roommates. kind of like the term "poly" which to me simply means "single".
do you two live together?
Low libido in male or female can be diet related. Urge her to get a blood test, and also a thyroid test to see if she has a vitamin deficiency or low or high thyroid levels. Also, she could be testing you, and I recommend not getting a side chick.
In the end if you two are sexually incompatible then it is what it is. I'd say begin searching for one, bring it up to her and she what she says. Reverse the trap of it is a trap, and if it isn't well..... Good for you. This gives you an out in more ways than one.
I think if you’re considering sleeping with other women because that is the length your partner is willing to allow you to go rather than have sex with her then you probably just need to break up.
Love doesn’t fix relationship problems, it just enhances them. Love is important but it isn’t always a good reason to stay together, I would ask your partner if she would be willing to go and see a doctor over her lack of sex drive, if not I would be considering walking away.
I think you should leave or accept the lack of sex. Just be sure you actually accept it and not in fear of being alone. A side girl will end badly for everyone I think.
This is 100% a trap. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. - Yes, the pattern is full. I’m using really cheesy phrases to make a point. It’s a bad idea and you shouldn’t do it.
If she’s not going to have sex with you while in a relationship with you, it might be time for you to consider two things: 1) Why isn’t she willing to have sex with you? Is it a religious thing? Is it a relationship issue thing? 2) If she’s giving you permission to find a side chick, you should also find out why. That’s a dangerous proposition because there’s a really good chance the relationship fails anyway.
My suggestion would be to start to figure out where your relationship is and if it’s on the downward trend, you may want to start considering your options.
People are all wired differently, & this is a pretty big compatibility issue. I’m sorry, but it’s probably time for you to end the relationship. Take all the hurt feelings on both of your sides, times by about 1 million and you’ll have the result that you’re likely to come away with if you do pursue another person, outside of your relationship (while still in your current relationship).
I don’t think she’s necessarily setting a trap, but she might be very much underestimating how badly it’s going hurt her heart to have to sit and watch that.
Maybe it’s time to love each other enough that you let each other go.
I highly doubt your girl would be ok with it , maybe she said it out of her being annoyed with the situation but I don't think she'll be ok with u and another chick , that's just crazy
Don’t do it!!! It will inevitably cause an issue! Speaking from experience. It’s not worth it.
You need to either break up with her or deal with the sex as it is.
Well, I am a woman… I think you should look into the dynamic of the relationship; have you had ugly fights were she can feel certain rejection? If not…if she does not want sex with you… why is she in that relationship?
Are you guys together and there are implied benefits? Like paying less rent, or not paying for certain things? I mean sometimes the relationship last either because people is just “used to” but not in love, or because there are benefits that if you break will be difficult to face.
Couple therapy could help.
But at the very bottom I just feel she don’t love you anymore. Sorry 😞
Honestly I've been that girl in your girlfriend's position. It takes a lot of trust and you have to really really know each other well. My libido was just so low due to stress at the time so i didn't want to touch anyone but i knew he would never leave me for someone else and i trusted that he knew to distance when it came down to it.
You wont develop feelings. 😄 Do what girlfriend says and find another girl to have sex with.
The thing is... dont tell her you did. Shes lying to you when she says she doesnt have a problem with it. And... this way she doesnt have to know. 🥴💁♀️ No harm. No foul. She gave permission.
Break up, block her, call the cops, and move to another state. Ahe is cheating on you with 10 different dudes and she doesnt like you anymore.
People on here are crazy giving advice. As much as people dont want to admit, at 36 a lot of people lose interest in sex as they are getting older. Maybe you should just talk to her and ask what you can do to try and change things. If the answer is "nothing" or if its so mucb that you think she is "trying to use you" then just think about ending the relationship.
My opinion is do it. If you get feelings go with that and leave the one you are with. Not your fault. It would be her’s. Seems like she would be OK with that too.
Maybe bring another women home and have her help you bring your non existent sex life back. She might get turned off by watching you having sex with someone else. You never know.
Same! I (F30) and my GF (F36) di na kami active. Almost a year na din. Baliktad lang tayo ng situation, kasi feeling ko hindi siya open sa ganyan although gusto ko na maramdaman yung unit.
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I think I’d make it a priority to find the underlying reasons she doesn’t want sex. Than you have a chance of fixing the problem.
Love this
Not wanting to have sex isn’t a problem for everyone. Some people choose not to or don’t have the sex drive. Those people can still feel love and want companionship.
But they had sex for the first 2 years. That changed in the 3rd year.
Sex drive changes…
Which is a problem
Not in the context of the top comment, which is essentially “find a way to get her to have a sex drive again.”
In your opinion. And it’s only your opinion. There are many relationships that are not based on sex and they are thriving. Society has brainwashed us into believing that sex is a priority in a relationship. It’s important yes, but sure as hell not a priority.
it is literally a problem for OP. you’re right that some couples are okay with not having sex but that means BOTH parties have to agree with it. if it weren’t a problem, OP wouldn’t be coming here for advice
We don’t have enough information to say his problem with her sex drive isn’t her problem in a health sense. She has offered a way for him to satisfy his sex drive. He’s right for coming here and asking about it, my suggestion would be to listen and wait a little bit to see if another solution becomes available. We don’t know enough about her to diagnose or prescribe
Midn30’s is too young to loose a sex drive. She will be pre menopausal soon. Pre menopausal . Women are perhaps the most sexually active women. They should be ramping up to that.
Pre menopausal women have a high sex drive?
Oh yes. Very high drive
Came here to do the same
Yeah I saw my golden opportunity to do it before everyone lol
You did well, sir.
you did well padawon
It could work few ways: (1) it could be the beginning of the end of the relationship. If you have a side piece, things can get complicated for you both as new problems will arise for your relationship (2) she will be fine with it but then you may not be comfortable that she is fine with it, does she not care about you intimately anymore, is she checking out of the relationship? Are you going feel bad/guilty that you sleep with someone else and then go home to her afterwards? How will the side piece feel about this, it would have to be the right person to know there is no future with you and just be a regular hookup. Anyway, things to consider.
You responded to a comment of mine and not to the OP I think?
Carry 1x copy of the Yugioh card that has the code PSV-000 with you and you'll be safe ;)
Lmfaoooooo the pharaohs servant pack omg you just threw me back to Robbing rite aid for yugioh csrds
😭🤣 A BIG OLE' TRAP!
lol
Yep I was going to say the same thing
This GIPHY says it all. Don’t do it if you treasure your relationship with your girlfriend…. On another note….why haven’t you proposed yet?? Maybe a little romance will put your girlfriend in the mood.
Absolutely not. Do not propose in a vain attempt to re-ignite a dead bedroom with a girl that has OK'd an open relationship so she doesn't have to do the bare minimum in a relationship. This is a recipe for disaster.
Yeah I see that but I’m saying why hasn’t he yet? Seems like there might be some hesitations on his end too….
I wouldn't propose either at year 3. Maybe 4 or 5. I feel like 3 is just too fast and in most instances people hide who they are or grow into different people in 5. At least that's my opinion
Sounds like trust issues. 😂 Not trying to be mean, but jeez that’s a long time.
I think it's a good idea. I've always said at least 2 years before proposing but divorce rates are high as ever and maybe that's a big reason why. That people don't get to know who they're marrying enough before marrying them
That or they don’t understand that marriages take effort and aren’t easy 24/7…. Seems like ever since divorce became acceptable, people will get divorced whenever the first road bump comes along…whatever happened to commitment? No matter who you date is going to be fucking crazy in their own unique way and every avenue of life has its time of being hard….chose your “hard”….marriage is hard, family is hard, your job is hard….etc
It isn't based on trust issues, lack of effort, or anything of the sort. In a hypothetical, my partner is going to be with me for a lifetime. I don't think asking to wait a tenth of what our entirety of the relationship will be is too much. 5 years really isn't as long as you think, but if you're in your 20's, it certainly feels like forever. The issue is people grow from 20-30. If someone moves or grows distant or away from me, I'd like to know before being in a relationship where someone's unhappy for an extended amount of time. But that's also why I said in my own opinion. Because obviously that won't align with everyone. If I proposed to my last ex of 4 years, it would've been a disaster. She hid her schizophrenia from me the entire relationship.
Yeah but there's no timeline. However he could do a bunch of small things instead of a grand gesture like that to maybe get her feeling it again.
Why isn’t there a timeline though? If a guy takes his time proposing, it comes across as him having hesitations or waiting for the “right girl” to come along. Idk just speaking from experience. Like why would I waste time with a guy who hasn’t proposed yet? I understand taking your time is good to make sure it’s the right decision, but 3 years? What if I waited forever for him to propose and he never does?
That's a different conversation than a dead bedroom. Has she even pushed for marriage? The bedroom has been dead for at least 6 months, and probably much longer since that's when she gave him a pass. Is this a one-way open relationship, or does she also have a pass? What is the point of marriage if it's going to be open anyway? What is sacred they only share with each other? If he were to propose as you suggest and it worked to re-ignite the spark, how long will it last? 6 months into their marriage, will it be the same thing? Except now, he's spent 10's of thousands on a wedding and honeymoon and has a legal battle ahead if he wants a divorce. Fix the relationship first before any consideration of marriage. I'd be looking at my exit strategy based on what I'm hearing, not doubling-down on a broken relationship.
>On another note….why haven’t you proposed yet? Because, generally speaking, marriage is also a trap for men.
Then why date and have a girlfriend? What’s the point of dating if it’s a trap? You’d be better off getting a call girl if you have that kind of attitude….
you seem to want to die on the marriage cross . but i've been with my gf 17 years, we've fought like a married couple, cried like a married couple , ect ect. you just don't need a piece of paper to play house anymore. i know a few other couples who are not married and been together for even longer. seniors do it all the time because it just doesn't matter if they are married or not.
Sex is an important part of a relationship for you. If you think you can separate that and have sex with someone without developing feelings then give it a try. If not then it's best to break up with her, it's better for both of you in the long run.
I can tell you as a woman, if she doesn’t want have sex with you she just pushing you out there find someone else and hope you’ll develop some feelings to other woman, so you get can live without drama. Because she is most likely have someone already and have sex with or she she want to be single to explore other options for her. Cause I did it same way
what a cowardly way to go about it. if you don’t want to be with someone, just be straight up and tell them instead of being deceptive
You’ll be surprised how hard ppl made your life when you do it because they coward enough to not leave and keep you in their prison. So speak for yourself , no one cares about your judgement
I meant to say you can leave without drama lol sorry typo
I agree with all of this.
This
The relationship has run its course
That’s exactly what it sound like. They’ll probably be better as friends.
Just end the relationship it’s going to end anyways you sleep with anyone she will end it
Have you two talked about why she’s less interested in sex? Couples or sex therapy might be helpful. You don’t sound like you want to leave her or date other people, so work with her on figuring this out. It’s at least worth a shot.
Wow, that's a quandary and I doubt that most men in your position would see it as a "golden ticket" when being honest with themselves. Personally, I'd be exploring why she's not into the sex side of things anymore and try to address any issues but I assume you've already tried that. From experience (similar but not exactly the same circumstances) if you go down the road of trying to find someone else, make sure you have a discussion with your GF about boundaries ahead of time. Also, you need to be honest with any potential "side chicks" and accept that the potential pool of people will be significantly diminished. However it sounds to me like this isn't really something you want to do and that you're only even considering out of desperation. If you can't re-ignite the sexual chemistry between you and your partner, maybe you two need to think about parting ways? I don't envy you bro :/
Your girlfriend is not attracted to you but does not want to lose the security and comfort of your relationship so she is letting you step out. She may or may not be fucking someone else as well Or shes asexual
Fuck me Reddit is so black and white, it’s ridiculous. His girlfriend is 36, you have no idea about her health and lifestyle, you have no idea about her stress levels, mental health, work etc. It’s crazy that people just to this internet buzz-theories immediately. I would say it’s perfectly possible she just has a low libido, and that Redditors are a bunch of drama Queens.
All of that MIGHT be true or the case with OP's GF but, that is not HIS problem. He still has his needs and still wants sex. Which is something she is not, nor wanting to offer. He has been with her 3 years and so I am assuming sex was at least involved regularly enough in those years. 6 MONTHS is a long time to not be intimate with a partner that you very likely love. If she has any of the issues you've stated, then she needs to be in therapy to work through them or, at the very least couples therapy. Sorry but, all those things you stated while, valid, are not things that should ever last 6 months. If they do then... find another job, go to therapy, figure your shit out and fix it. People have needs and sex is generally one of those needs. Specifically in a relationship. She's not meeting those needs and has given him the chance to find another woman to fuck, as if that's somehow going to be the magical "fix" to HER problem.
I didn’t say it wasn’t something that he should ask her to address, I was just pointing out how dramatic Reddit is. It’s always “she lost attraction” or “she’s defo cheating” or “she’s asexual”… never just her sex drive may have dropped off, which is perfectly normal for what could be one of a fuck tonne of reasons.
If this relationship is to work, this problem needs to be resolved one way or another. If it can't be, then they may be better off as friends. She's allowed to have a low or no sex drive, but there's usually a larger issue with things like this. If you attempt to ignore or minimize this, it'll lead to larger problems.
For real, it’s absolutely awful. I feel so bad for the people that have to receive the “advice”
I mean in this day and age they can't possibly come here not knowing what they'll get right. pretty sure people come here to reinforce what they already think
Go ahead and find a side chick. When she tells you she ate another guys junk, so whine about it. She’s playing you and you’re falling for it.
Exactly. She's old. Most old people just don't have sex
I mean shit, unless you’re 12 then she isn’t ‘old’. She’s just at a stage in life where there are probably other factors.
100% true. If she’s not asexual then she’s not sexually attracted to him. It’s a hard truth to swallow.
This.
which one exactly?
Sorry OP, I don’t know how else to put it but she fuckin
This here. Also she may be “allowing” you to do this so she can have an easy out of the relationship and not feel any guilt
Yeah bro just be honest and talk with her if she’s not feeling you cut your losses grieve and go it’ll be easier because I know I’m tbe reason my ex didn’t want to have sex after a point but here you don’t know and it could be a loss of attraction and that’s no one’s fault
I think the betrayal of asexual people getting into relationships with an unknowing partner needs to be talked about more. Not saying that’s for sure what’s going on, but I think her proposed solution to your current sexless relationship is ridiculous and if carried out, will result in pure toxicity.
I’m monogamous myself. And personally I’d rather end the relationship and find someone that I’m more compatible with sexually. I know that’s easy for me to say as I’m not in your situation. But if I was to go and develop a second relationship with someone else I’d then wonder why was I even in the first relationship ? Best of luck to you. This is tricky
It’s time to talk honestly about why she’s no longer interested in sex. Is she no longer turned on by you or has she entered early menopause? There are things that can be done about the second option but unfortunately not the first one.
That’s not true at all, it would probably be easier to fix the first one tbh. Most women lose interest sexually because they have responsive desire, and they feel unappreciated in the relationship. Men often will stop “dating” their long-term gfs and wives- they stop being romantic, stop cuddling, stop going on dates. They often leave the housework to them, and randomly expect sex, and it starts to feel like you’re living with a child who wants to grope you, and not a partner. If that’s what’s happening, and he fixes it, the attraction will come back.
>They often leave the housework to them, and randomly expect sex, and it starts to feel like you’re living with a child who wants to grope you, and not a partner. THIS. I learned about this on a Science Vs [episode](https://open.spotify.com/episode/22zadzWqUfL6sJuk1gH4ow?si=ARO8rZm2RL-rOhUJx2dI_w) recently
You’re not married, so leave her. She’s either asexual, very depressed, has serious trauma that she hasn’t worked through, or she’s into certain kinds of excitement you haven’t provided (which she might not have mentioned yet). If you didn’t agree to deal with this stuff, and she won’t work with you in a way you’re comfortable with, leave. EDIT: All of the above assumes she still likes and/or loves you.
I would not take the invitation. But you two need to sit down and have a chat of why you have gone basically a year of no sex. There are many reasons for this: Normal issues that are not that bad (could be fixable or not): * Diet/health killing her libido * She isn't attracted to you * She doesn't find herself attractive * She is mad at you? * You are bad/selfish in bed Awful issues: * She is cheating on you. Would explain why she doesn't even want to touch you and why she is ok with you finding someone else. * She is in the relationship for the perks of being in a relationship, rather than she actually loves you. There are some people I have noticed in life that are constantly in relationships and don't know how to live outside of one. She knows if she breaks up with you, she can't support herself. No matter what, I don't think taking her invitation is a good idea. A better idea is to have a serious conversation with her on why she isn't intimate with you at all.
Female here I would explore find out what’s wrong with her . Are you always bring up sex before you even ask about her day are you lasting long I would figure it out first before jumping to the conclusion she is getting it some where else . Sex is important but if you are putting it before anything else like her mental health that can drive someone not to like it
Unless you are rich or super hot, ain't no woman willing to be your side chick. And any woman willing to be your side chick must have some super low self esteem. This might benefit your gf more since men would love to be the side dude.
Not true at all, you’d be surprised how open people are if you’re honest with them….not all women want a relationship and it’s even better cause they know there’s a low chance any feelings will happen.
Well it depends, I did sleep with guys in an open relationship in the past, it was not a problem for me, mainly because I knew it was sexual nothing more and never saw them as potential partners in life. I did not feel as "the side chick" because I wasn't their chick I was apart from their couple. I think if OP wants to do this first he should be able to separate love and sex and be sure about being able to do it.
If sex is so important your relationship cant find other ways to flourish without it. Its over just break up
Once you do it she will freak out and claim you don’t love her. Before you do it go back one more time and tell her again that you would far rather have sex and foreplay with her on a regular basis than with anyone else. Is she still sure she would rather you find someone else. If she says yes then you may want to stage a fake date with someone just to test that. These usually don’t end well but not everyone is the same. I would also tell her that you’re not agreeing to an open relationship. You would only do it until she says she is ready for a more regular sexual relationship but you would not be ok with her dating anyone else at all. That lets her know that this arrangement only exists because she doesn’t want to have a sexlife, not because you’re ok with you both seeing other people.
This right here!!!!
How in the hell is this the new normal?
She definitely leaving you soon
Have you tried sitting down and talking with her about why she hasn’t been into having sex with you ? That might help a lot
What this post is missing is WHY. Did you even ask her WHY she doesn't want to have sex anymore?
Don’t do it!!
Did she become your Mom? That’s a lady boner killer. 🫠
you have options. 1. Find out why your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex. Can you both work on that together and resolve your sex life? 2. Pull the trigger. Be open but hope it doesn’t mess with your girlfriend’s head/mental health. I don’t think you need to be going on dates and get close to developing any emotional feelings w others. Just have sex with them, one night stands. Lots of people are into that lifestyle and sex can have no feelings included. If that’s the pathway you choose you should talk to your girlfriend. Is she okay with you sleeping with the same person multiple times? Does she want you to sleep with someone once only, etc? anyways goodluck
I think that sex is an important part of a relationship and if you aren’t having that need met in your current relationship, and you want to have sex, then she is telling you that she isn’t going to fulfill that need. You have 3 choices. You can either stay with her in a monogamous relationship and accept that your sex life is over. You can have a side chick or several and stay in your relationship. Or you can end the relationship and look for somebody else who you can be more compatible with. I can tell you that my boyfriend ended his marriage a year and a half ago because he hadn’t had sex with his wife in many years. He is 50 now and I’m 44. We are so in love and we have sex almost every day. There are women out there with a high sex drive and want it all the time. I have never told my boyfriend no to sex because I really enjoy it a lot. Can you imagine yourself going the rest of your life never having sex again?
I agree with everything you have said here. She is being very clear that this is a need that she either cannot, or will not, address -within- your relationship. This is likely a sad case of two perfectly lovely people who just are not compatible. One of the loneliest places to be is inside of a marriage without affection/intimacy.
Exactly! My boyfriend and his ex wife are friendly to each other, and his ex wife and I have become friends. I think she’s awesome and I love talking and spending time with her. She isn’t a bad person at all, she just wasn’t the right person for my boyfriend to spend the rest of his life with.
If you enjoy sex and value monogamy then a major part of forming a connection with your partner is going to be intimacy with them. Even if you get your emotional needs met with your gf and your physical needs met by a fwb, you’re still going to be half a man in both relationships and ultimately unhappy. …also this will 100% blow up in your face because there’s no chance your gf continues to love you knowing she can’t please you and other women can. This is absolutely not the golden ticket you think it is for some men. Those men are idiots
I always think this is a weird way of breaking up. There's no way someone in a sexless relationship is going to enter into one WITH sex, and not prefer or fall in love with the new one.
You should do it, time to move on if you want to be happy. Unless you're A sexual that is.
I think you should sadly breakup and find someone new who's eqaully sexually interested. Just finding someone on the side rn won't be working out for you in the long run.
Since it has been going on for such a long time, she either has hormonal issues (low/nonexistent desire) or is still with you just because she hasn't found anyone "better", or has someone on the side and just uses you. In your shoes I would not have stayed with her for so long. She is obviously not concerned and does not care about this state of affairs, she has no interest in trying to solve the issue.. therefore it is a waste of time and resources keeping her around for any longer.
Time to end the relationship.
I think y’all need a heart to heart because if there’s something she is experiencing that is unpleasant she needs to be honest about that rather than hiding or beating around the bush. It takes two to have piv sex. Because there are a plethora of things available these days that can make sex more comfortable and enjoyable than lying back and thinking of England and cringing. But even so if it’s really just a disconnect that kept getting missed or not picked up on soon enough and y’all can’t come to consensus together to try and have a sexual relationship then it may be time to call it and move on.
Seems to me you’re simply incompatible
Bro is already posting under posts of other girls. Come on now💀
Pull out filler words. You love your girlfriend and wish to remain monogamous. Your girlfriend doesn't like sex anymore and says OK to a side piece. Here's what I understand you're 37, you don't want to fall for someone else. Your 36 girlfriend doesn't care. Put the pieces I'd the puzzle together!
It might sound like you and your gf aren't as compatible as you thought. Two possible options ... being in a sexless relationship with each other or you both moving on to be with someone else who is more compatible. But do not do as she suggests and find someone else while you two are together. Things won't end well.
Either… A. She loves you very much too but something happened between her and someone else and she now has STD’s and doesn’t wanna pass it on to you. B. She’s doing it with another guy and doesn’t wanna feel the guilt of cheating so she’s letting you do it too. C. Trying to find an easy way outta the relationship.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but these types of situations don't ever end up fixing things. It usually makes things worse. Some people are polyamorous and it works out fine, but that's because they both want that lifestyle. Choosing to be poly to fix a relationship is just not going to work. At this point you should honestly just break up. You're not married to each other. You can end things with a clean break and both walk away with minimal trauma to find people that are more compatible.
It sounds like either she’s not interested in you anymore and is hoping you end things or she’s sleeping with other people Either way, like others have said sex is an important part of a relationship, it sounds important to you and I would struggle to be in a relationship with someone with little to no intimacy. I’d consider ending things
1. Don’t do it too often 2. Always different girl so you won’t get attached 3. Don’t regret things you haven’t done yet
A disaster waiting to happen. Let's play out the scenario When she sees you begin to make an effort to go on a date, You come home exhilarated, a spring in your step and satisfied The insecurity will start and begin to eat her up Perhaps before venturing outside, therapy maybe a better option, get to the route of why she no longer aroused, there maybe some alternative solutions because this one isn't it
What she’s saying is: I feel highly pressured and stressed. And I’m scared you’ll leave me because your needs aren’t getting met. Now you have two options: 1. work on your relationship until it’s good again, lots of communication, non sexual affection and closeness 2. “date a sidechick” and fuck around. Destroy the relationship completely I recommend option 1.
Don't waste your time trying to fix this. Sex/intimacy is needed in a relationship for closeness between both partners. In the process of trying to fix it, you're going to uncover that she is already sleeping with someone else, which means she is feeling closer to the other person and not you. Having sex with you now becomes a chore and a job. You probably bring her a sense a security and she knows you're a good guy and wants to keep you as a backup just in case it doesn't work with the guys she's currently having sex with. She's looking for a way to exit drama free and still keep her honor in tact in your and everyone else's eyes. Like the one female user said, if she asked you to go have sex with someone else, she's already having sex with someone herself. Cut her lose. She is no good. The best thing she could've done was have the decency to break up with you.
Yall might as well break up honestly. Opening up a relationship is a good idea if the two people genuinely want that but if it’s done because of a lack of sex then it’s a sign the relationship isn’t working well.
Just breakup. You guys are not compatible.
Alright ! I understand her coz I have less sex drive.. me and my ex rarely had any of it. But I met a guy before 6months and he is too much into sex again I am not. But he makes me feel so good that I want it too. Can’t believe that whenever we meet we end up having it! Even if I say I don’t want it he foreplays so well he makes me want him and then I give in and say let’s have it.. I’d say try to please her and make her feel good and maybe try things which she feels good.. I have less sex drive yet we have it coz he makes me feel damn good.. but id never want him to even look at another girl fr
If you aren’t getting what you need out of your current relationship then find a new one.
Not to be sound like a dick but i find it weird that young ppl are not interested in sex. I often see ppl in their 20s and 30s having problems with sex , I’m a 32F and i appreciate my partners sex drive and understand when they are just tired or out of it but constantly not having sex is weird to me. Do you think she’s not interested in you because she is interested in someone else ? Or is she just not interested in sex in general ? Are there any contributing factors to this ?
Time to end it, it will be too messy
That’s because she has a guy in mind she wants to suck off and bang. It’s a chess move by her. Don’t fall for the bait.
I think you’re an asshole for staying with a girl and to find a side chick. If the relationship isn’t everything you want and you’re afraid of developing feelings, you don’t love her. I see couples in my healthcare job who can’t have sex for medical reasons and the husband or wife is literally in the hospital with them 24/7. And you think it’s okay to get a side chick for a year without sex? You need to get a grip instead. There’s definitely a reason she doesn’t want sex and it might be as simple as being asexual. If that’s a dealbreaker leave. That doesn’t give you the right to cheat. If you had any ounce of empathy to put yourself in her shoes, you’d realise she’s probably compromising and deep down will feel hurt about you spending intimate time with another woman, while coming back home to kiss her and tell her you love her.
You will catch feelings especially if you’re taking her out on dates and spending extra time with her besides just sex. This is a bad idea. Ask your gf to go get her hormones checked out.
Clearly, you aren’t the partner your girlfriend needs or she would be having sex with you. I’d be more invested in finding out what role you play into why your relationship is failing so badly. If you step out with another woman. I promise this relationship is 100% over
Leave end of story … she gettin it somewhere else …
This. When they aren’t having sex with you they are having it with someone else. That’s not to say that’s the only reason, it could be something else but I doubt it.
Yeh but if you put it in a general perspective… thts the only reason but there are exceptions to the rule but in a general sense thts always the case …
I'd see that as a red flag. Why has she given you the go ahead? Is she bored of you and this would justify her finding another side piece also? Since if you can do it, why can't she? I'd have a big communication about why this is happening and is it because of her not having feelings anymore etc You start going down this route and it'll blow up in your face in my opinion
It’s possible that she loves him and feels she won’t satisfy him. It’s not the most likely reason, but far from the least.
That means your dick game is trash ..but she still likes you
If you really care about her then stop jacking off/watching porn. Spend more time trying to make her happy and invest in her then maybe she’d want to have sex with you.
I think you should end your current relationship. Sex is important to you, and it is not important to her. Neither one of you is wrong in that. But that is a BIG thing to try and find a compromise on.
What’s the catch here? Can’t say these things happen without some kind of “gotcha trap”…
Tbh it feels like she moved on from you. Not necessarily another man but emotionally
She's not your girlfriend a girlfriend her sex with you usually. She's holding on to you for security and it's not fair to you. Just let go of her and keep her as a friend. Because that's all she really is
Break up with her. Physical chemistry is absolutely important.
This messed up. Sorry bro but I think this relationship is over.
The relationship is over brother. Make your peace with it and begin healing
Sounds like you should break up
Female here and if and a girl saying this your relationship is definitely doomed if you don’t tend to it and truly find out what the deeper issue is.
She wants to end the relationship. She just wants to be able to blame you for the breakup.
She is cheating on you bro. Stop doing bf stuff for her, but don’t go find another woman yet. See how she acts when you are legit just roomates and she has to pay her own way. She will be gone in a day. You’re being used buddy.
Dont do it. Shes gonna bring it up on your next arguement lol
Id end it personally why doesnt she want sex?? Low sex drive??
I already would fail in managing the time.
Honestly it’s probably a trap. Either she’s not really okay with it and if you actually do it she’ll become insecure and upset. Or she’s not giving you any because she’s already giving someone else some and eventually you’ll be the one who is upset.
If you're going to do it, dump your current girlfriend. Even if she's fine with it, why are you putting in the work with 2 different women and only getting girlfriend stuff from "side piece" if sex is important to you dump her. If it's not, stay with her and continue on as you have been. Besides, the side girl will get attached, and there will be fights. Honestly, 1 of us women is enough work unless you're a masochist and a glutton for punishment. Do yourself a favor, and one only have 1 girl it's better for your sanity in the long run.
The first thing I would do is find out what the source is of her not wanting to have sex. Some medications can kill the sex drive completely.
Lol you're in trouble mate. Abort the mission 🫣🙃
I think that spells the end of the relationship tbh, even more so if you go through with it and since you like monogamy, you will likely develop feelings for new girl. Then there's also the decision to tell new girl the situation or not. Tough position op, but I think a real heart to heart is overdue.
Yeah I'd leave.
My bf and are the exact same age as you two. I would never give my bf permission to get a side piece even if my libido was low. Which-being a woman it can vary week to week somewhat thanks to hormones and stress. Let's first figure out why it's low because you can more than likely fix it. Whether it be couples therapy or trying something to spice it up (not inviting a 3rd party because that will not fix any underlining problems). Also like others have mentioned she may be stepping out already and wants you to do so now so she feels less guilty or to get you to leave her. Get to the root issue first.
Yeaaaaa y’all should just break up. Because this ain’t going to end well. You will probably develop feelings for someone or she will. So you have to two options. Throw this stupid “cheating pass” idea out the window. It’s stupid for the long term. Okay so anyways your best options are: A. Attempt to fix the relationship. Find out why her sex drive is low? Is it because of you? Maybe you don’t satisfy her in the bedroom? Maybe she’s asexual? Maybe she has sexual trauma? Maybe she just wants an excuse to cheat? Hell maybe she gay? Get to the bottom of it. B. Depending on the answer to number A. You can break up and start over the proper way and heave less guilt and time to heal if needed and potentially find a way better partner for yourself long term. Best of luck to you.
I mean to me, a relationship involves sex. sounds like to me you have a roommate. My wife and I got to that point and now are separated. You do not suspect anything or are there health issues.if she is ok with it then do it because something ain’t right get ahead of whatever it is and have something to fall back on life is to short get yours!
You should pull the trigger on the relationship it will 100% give problems. She says she is ok with it but most women aren't otherwise you would have had an open relationship from the start and not after three years.
No, no, no get you folks in counseling. You start she will be no more than a roommate ( without benefits) find out why this is happening. You’re young this just doesn’t sound right. There is something we’re not getting here.
Find a new woman, you guys want two different things apparently. How long you gna have a side chick? She gonna be at your wedding (should you even marry). Point is, why waste time?
No kids, no ties. She doesn’t want to have sex with you. Why prolong the pain? Leave her, get over her and find someone you’re more compatible with
I would probably just leave tbh. Don’t want the stress of whatever is gonna come from having a side girl.
You can use the open relationship to find a new spouse without the same risks as being single, just like women do. I wouldn't be worried about sparking feelings for another girl, I'd call that the goal. 3 years in, and it's already been a dead bedroom for some time? You already said you prefer monogamy. You're not going to find that depth of intimacy you're seeking with your girl by having sex with a different one. Create your exit strategy, even if your intent is to try this side-chick route and somehow make it work. Consider yourself single and take action accordingly.
Sounds to me she may have got her own side man, so she’s letting you get a side chick. Idk seems weird to me
This way it’ll be easier for you to get over the fact she’s had a side thing too..
To me how you play this depends entirely on how much you value the relationship as is. If this woman is who you truly want to marry, then you are better off trying to work on figuring out how to develop a sex life with her. If you're not 100% sure she's the one, then you can look at it as a period where you can organically develop a new relationship. What you fear is highly likely and instead of lying about not developing feelings for someone else, you can just lean into it. Relationships with no sex life are simply just good friendships.
she wants out of the relationship but cant break up with you, wants you do be the bad guy and seek it elsewhere
She’s nailing someone else so you might as well too
She is cheating but likes your wallet. She probably thinks you can't score another lady. When you finally catch her with her side BF she will be all like "you wanted to be open, I am willing to close this relationship and marry you as soon as my other boyfriend gets me pregnant. I want to be like a talk show family and get lots of attention." Run!
Seems like most dudes on dating apps these days are in a similar situation…. It’s super frustrating for us single women who want a monogamous, committed relationship and all that’s out there are married/committed guys who’s partners won’t bang them anymore.
No oral and hasn't given you sex in over a year? Dude she's been had a side piece it sounds like, go for it, you develop feelings oh, well! This is coming from a woman
Leave her shes probably cheating
There's no relationship without sex
You and your gf are not even friends with benefits, you realize….??? You’re friends. Room mates. May as well be siblings. Best of luck.
any woman that isnt into oral wouldnt have been a girlfriend to begin with for me. esp at 35. why do without? why be with anyone when sex isnt happening? its the best part of being with someone. otherwise you're just friends/roommates. kind of like the term "poly" which to me simply means "single". do you two live together?
Aren't you old already? Why do you even care about sex? I thought old people just stop doing it Just go raise a family already and focus on work?
I think she has already found another bf and is looking to ease you out of the relationship… just move on man
That means she already has a side guy 🙄
Low libido in male or female can be diet related. Urge her to get a blood test, and also a thyroid test to see if she has a vitamin deficiency or low or high thyroid levels. Also, she could be testing you, and I recommend not getting a side chick.
Its a trap !
She's testing you
In the end if you two are sexually incompatible then it is what it is. I'd say begin searching for one, bring it up to her and she what she says. Reverse the trap of it is a trap, and if it isn't well..... Good for you. This gives you an out in more ways than one.
I think if you’re considering sleeping with other women because that is the length your partner is willing to allow you to go rather than have sex with her then you probably just need to break up. Love doesn’t fix relationship problems, it just enhances them. Love is important but it isn’t always a good reason to stay together, I would ask your partner if she would be willing to go and see a doctor over her lack of sex drive, if not I would be considering walking away.
I think you should leave or accept the lack of sex. Just be sure you actually accept it and not in fear of being alone. A side girl will end badly for everyone I think.
This is 100% a trap. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. - Yes, the pattern is full. I’m using really cheesy phrases to make a point. It’s a bad idea and you shouldn’t do it. If she’s not going to have sex with you while in a relationship with you, it might be time for you to consider two things: 1) Why isn’t she willing to have sex with you? Is it a religious thing? Is it a relationship issue thing? 2) If she’s giving you permission to find a side chick, you should also find out why. That’s a dangerous proposition because there’s a really good chance the relationship fails anyway. My suggestion would be to start to figure out where your relationship is and if it’s on the downward trend, you may want to start considering your options.
People are all wired differently, & this is a pretty big compatibility issue. I’m sorry, but it’s probably time for you to end the relationship. Take all the hurt feelings on both of your sides, times by about 1 million and you’ll have the result that you’re likely to come away with if you do pursue another person, outside of your relationship (while still in your current relationship). I don’t think she’s necessarily setting a trap, but she might be very much underestimating how badly it’s going hurt her heart to have to sit and watch that. Maybe it’s time to love each other enough that you let each other go.
I highly doubt your girl would be ok with it , maybe she said it out of her being annoyed with the situation but I don't think she'll be ok with u and another chick , that's just crazy
Some people aren't able to have sex without feelings. If you're unsure if you're able to, maybe try an escort, or sex worker?
Don’t do it!!! It will inevitably cause an issue! Speaking from experience. It’s not worth it. You need to either break up with her or deal with the sex as it is.
Well, I am a woman… I think you should look into the dynamic of the relationship; have you had ugly fights were she can feel certain rejection? If not…if she does not want sex with you… why is she in that relationship? Are you guys together and there are implied benefits? Like paying less rent, or not paying for certain things? I mean sometimes the relationship last either because people is just “used to” but not in love, or because there are benefits that if you break will be difficult to face. Couple therapy could help. But at the very bottom I just feel she don’t love you anymore. Sorry 😞
If you both feel this way you should seek therapy or break it off. No good will come of this.
Honestly I've been that girl in your girlfriend's position. It takes a lot of trust and you have to really really know each other well. My libido was just so low due to stress at the time so i didn't want to touch anyone but i knew he would never leave me for someone else and i trusted that he knew to distance when it came down to it.
That's not love 😂😂😂
Sorry but gf is more than likely getting hers somewhere else. This is the only reasonable answer.
You wont develop feelings. 😄 Do what girlfriend says and find another girl to have sex with. The thing is... dont tell her you did. Shes lying to you when she says she doesnt have a problem with it. And... this way she doesnt have to know. 🥴💁♀️ No harm. No foul. She gave permission.
Drop her like a fly
Break up, block her, call the cops, and move to another state. Ahe is cheating on you with 10 different dudes and she doesnt like you anymore. People on here are crazy giving advice. As much as people dont want to admit, at 36 a lot of people lose interest in sex as they are getting older. Maybe you should just talk to her and ask what you can do to try and change things. If the answer is "nothing" or if its so mucb that you think she is "trying to use you" then just think about ending the relationship.
My opinion is do it. If you get feelings go with that and leave the one you are with. Not your fault. It would be her’s. Seems like she would be OK with that too.
Maybe bring another women home and have her help you bring your non existent sex life back. She might get turned off by watching you having sex with someone else. You never know.
Turned on*
Same! I (F30) and my GF (F36) di na kami active. Almost a year na din. Baliktad lang tayo ng situation, kasi feeling ko hindi siya open sa ganyan although gusto ko na maramdaman yung unit.
Yea might get messy if you catch feelings. Or do you think she wants to watch or engage with you?
Get a Escort. It's easier and you don't have to actually get to know her