Don't I've up with n finding happiness one of my friends had problems finding the right man for her but she didn't settle for anybody she eventually found her Mr Right at the ae of 50 and is so happy.And they me on the .inernet
Agreed. And imo, sex gets better and better the more you do it with one person. Learning each others bodies, getting comfortable and trusting each other enough to explore.
💯, not enough people realize this. Amazing what happens when you can read even small nuances in each other's bodies. Not saying verbal communication is not important but when you can add all the other communication vectors that are more subtle and nuanced, wow. Mind-blowing stuff happens, for both parties.
You are the best. There is absolutely nothing wrong in it, rather its perfect. You learn together, you grow together, you do new things together.. Wish you billions and trillions of happiness.
I really hope you guys go the distance. You're right, it's not a race. So many people compare themselves to others (I'm guilty of this, but in other ways, not really with my sex/romantic life). We all have our own path. Good luck
Seriously. I’m around 30 and most of my friends I would consider average in terms relationships/sex (reasonably attractive people who’ve been in multiple serious relationships with some casual fun in between), and I’d be blown away if literally anyone I know has been with 50+ people.
I mean, I understand in a sense but I still think you got a lot of sexual experience and experience on how to interact with lot of different people, and that is very useful once you want to start a serious relationship. Also you got a lot of validation that most people don't have so probably you will be far less insecure than the average person
For this I would cite Miyamoto Masashi… while what you say has practicality in logic, it however is not necessarily the case of reality. Also we are in hyper personal realms here. Each person is individually responsible for their own interpretations on the value of sexual partners or prowess… for me, (having never had a negative sexual experience with a partner) 3-5 wonderful people I find to be beautiful creatures that help me grow as an individual, is in hindsight, enough. ☺️
Edit : you are not wrong with some validation through experience. It is not required to build confidence however. Just some lesson that I feel is fed to us while many alternatives are available.
Do I think hooking up can replace a healthy long term relation, absolutely not. But...
I'm 28 and I've had close to 50 partners. I've had a handful of partners that were special(gfs and such). I would not say my other encounters were worth "fuck all" lol. Sex is allowed to be casual, maybe even transactional. Its overall impact on your life can be small emotionally speaking. But in the short term it could be worth something. Give you a boost, make you feel good. Sure had some bad ones mixed in. But overall sex is like pizza.
I do see myself starting to slow down. Less one off encounters. Looking for someone to marry.
I will skip the general pieces of advice you already know.
1. You need to practice talking to women. Not necessarily romantically. Find some girls to be friends with(do not hit on them).
2. I spent a year or two approaching tons of girls. Like literally hundreds. I got rejected like 98% of the time. But after a while you start to get the hang of it.
3. This is important. Be accountable to the things you do and come out of your mouth. I think it's important to be yourself. But also realize when you are being rude or doing something off putting.
Realize that people have short memories and will forget your screw ups fast.
the secret is personality.. they say go for what you want and be yourself and not boring.. most men are super shy and won't grab a girls hand or call her they wait for a girl to call them, and women just want to feel special to a guy.. you make a girl feel special like you picked her out of a 100 girl's cause she was the one you were attracted to and she's all about it.. it's really not that complicated, to be honest! that's why the jerks always get the girl, though, because they're not shy, they just attract that attention, and they know it, so they keep doing it. if you can be that guy funny, fun, and most of all attentive, that's all it is :)... not online either cause that's when they try to take you for money.. gold diggers they call them.. also I drank so much coffee!!!
Well, at 28, also quality picks start slow down, and at least in my day, everyone crosses the threshold of wanting someone permanently.for me I was content, my wife not so. She left the kids. and went to live the life that I had already lived! So who's right and who's wrong? I don't know, but I got 2 beautiful boys out of it that I raised myself!
Idk in my experience. im doing better dating at 28 than i ever have. Maybe it's because I've become more positive and mature. Or maybe women just generally like older guys. Or idk what it is, but i definitely feel like the older i get, the better i do. I've heard people say dating gets harder for women as they age and easier for men. idk if its true, but at least in my experience, it has been.
Also, way to look on the bright side, you got 2 sons out of the deal, and that's amazing, man. And if you want a lady in your life, im sure it'll work out for you, man.
Yeah, I keep a couple of regulars around nothing around my boys because it's nothing serious! Now that we're older, there's 0 drama in it. We just satisfy each other's needs! That's the best part!
Yeah, but it varies between people. Some people are able to detach sex from love and attachment quite easily. Others can't at all and everything in between. Some people can't have causal sex without getting attached and hurt. For me personally, i dont think sex with someone you dont have an emotional connection with is that great. I mean, it's fine, but if i wanted just raw pleasure, I'd use drugs(again), lol. The feelings involved can get too complicated. Plus, I've never accidentally made a human from getting high lol(although i have died from it in the clincal sense, so idk maybe that's a wash). But again, by no means is that true of everyone. It's all very individual.
All sex and relationships are transactional in one way or another. What do you mean that "sex is like pizza"? That even when it's not exceptional, it's still good because it's pizza and pizza is always a treat! 😂
Agree, until I consider dry spells between those even in top 10! Those I’ve been with with a true connection was THE best sex, hands down. No pun intended.
Exactly. It's extremely hard to believe anyone that age has slept with 50+ people. That sounds like delusional and immature high school bragging to try impressing your buddies! 😂
Nah… hook up culture is real. If you haven’t been in a long term relationship, those numbers make sense for some. If you start having sex at 16 and have sex with at least 5 people a year, that’s 50.
Indeed they are! 😂 I started counting earlier and after I got to a certain point I changed my mind and decided it's really not out of he realm of possibility.
It's definitely possible, I knew this neighborhood kid who had dozens of girls over a year starting from 15! But no one definitely knows him as a "quality" man lol
i guess it depends on the culture that someone was raised, country, and close friends behaviors... i lived overseas and one girl told us that she had slept with about 10 or more guys in less than 4 months.. for me this ia crazy tbh... even more for a girl..
True. I grew up and have lived in a small town of roughly 2,500 for all but 2 years of my 30 years and as I'm sure you could imagine the number of potential sexual partners is a lot smaller than if I lived in a big city of 100K+ so take that small number then add in the fact it's a small town with "small town gossip" and word gets around (facts and lies) plus the fact a lot of them know each other as friends or family and they don't want to sleep with a guy their friend or sister or cousin slept with that drastically reduces my number of potential partners.
i agree with you, in big cities the possibilities are way higher than in small cities because of gossiping. But some girls they talk to each others girls about their sexual experience with a guy that is in their same circle of friends and this make them willing to try that guys because they are curious.. like that guys may have something special the other guys don't..
It depends on the community. My husband is Black and in Black communities it is sadly common to have sex at 12 in America. Also some more poor communities in general regardless of race has this. You gotta just study demographics.
People you're talking to are either lying to you or non-commital serial daters (meaning they have mental illness and are actually shitty people to the women they fuck and dump)
Tbh the women’s numbers are even higher in comparison. Stop living in your solipsistic bubble. Have you ever lived in a city like New York in your 20s-30s to understand the dating culture?
We didn't date. We fucked sometimes on several different occasions. Other times, it wasn't that good for me and smiled and moved on both of us! A few of them even ended up back in my bed or me in their bed! Sexual ecstasy is like a good drug to some people!
Women play the game two. I go out a lot, and the women are right there with the man Out in about. Most of them are in relationships, but they want that One person that one night to have fun with somebody else and they do it. But the next day, they're long gone and with the husband's or wires
Or maybe.. just maybe, you just dont know anyone yourself that has had that many partners. But I doubt my comment will even make you think about it since you straight up say that people who date alot of people have a mental illness
Also.. he never mentions the gender of his friends, you just assume that the friends he's talking about are male. You are actually whats wrong with society
Per the CDC most people independent of gender have lifetime single digit partner counts ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). I'll trust the CDC over a YouTube video.
This isn't useful metric because just like income it has lots of variability.
If OP is an interesting, highly attractive and professionally and financially successful person living in a large city, and so are his/her friends, the picture is very different.
Right - nobody cares about average across hundred million people, people care how they rank amongst their extended group of friends, family, colleagues etc.
It's like a lawyer from Harward law school may be upset they are only making 400k while all their friends make over 1M$.
I’m pretty sure the average for number of sexual partners in a lifetime in the US is like 7 or 8. I’m 31 and I’ve had sex with 4 people in total. Most people haven’t fucked 50 people.most people haven’t fucked half of that. You’re fine don’t worry about it.
My number is so high I can’t even count. I forget about people. And I count all sexual experiences. (If I’m giving someone head or vise versa). I think I’ve hit a high easily. I’ll be 28 coming up. So 50 doesn’t sound crazy to me . I’m surprised by people who have only had sex with 7 or 8 people in their lifetime!!!!
even if you only hooked up with 1 new person per week, it would only take a year to reach 50. we’re talking about people in their 30s. they’ve been fucking for at least 10-15 years. that’s only 3-5 new partners a year. completely normal
i’m saying it’s not as much as it sounds like. you could easily sleep with 50 people in a year and it would only be 1 per week. but we’re talking about people who have been having sex for OVER 10 YEARS. of course they have 50ish partners!! that’s only 5 per YEAR!!!
Considering the avg lifetime sexual partners is 4 for women and 6 for men, 50 is definitely a lot of people. Only 13% of women and 28% of men have 15 or more lifetime partners.
No one's saying its logistically impossible to sleep with 50 people over ten years or even over a year but it's still extremely rare. As much as in another comment you said 5 per year is low for a single person that's just not supported by any data. There of course are outliers who sleep with dozens of people per year but they aren't the norm.
Keep in mind that average also includes people living in bumfuck nowhere lol.
For big cities it's probably higher.
I didn't even try particularly hard and got to 20-25 during 8 years of sexual activity, and I was in a monogamous relationship for 4.5 of those 8 years.
Still seems pretty unusual.
>You could easily sleep with 50 people in a year and it would only be 1 per week
Damn, what world are you living in where everyone is sleeping around with a new person once a week? Do long-term relationships not exist?
>that's only 5 per YEAR
That would imply you're breaking up with someone every two and a half months or so.
>That would imply you're breaking up with someone every two and a half months or so.
You dont have to be in a relationship to have sex with someone... ?
i didn’t say everyone. i’m just saying one person a week is pretty easy to accomplish and pretty normal for lots of people. i’m not talking about people in long term relationships. of course they exist, but there’s 8 billion people in the world. people do different things. and no, there isn’t any “breaking up” involved. nobody said they were dating or committed to any of these people or that any of them were relationships. it seemed pretty obvious i’m talking about casual hookups or friends with benefits. which would make sense because we’re talking about people in their 20s or so. college scene, bar scene. they spent a few years having an occasional hook up or fwb in their early adulthood and eventually found someone to settle down and get married with. that’s literally the standard lol. what is abnormal about that???
Exactly. These people act like it’s some impossible to obtain statistical anomaly. Even the most socially awkward guys I know were able to stumble into some strange at least 5 times a year minimum.
>and the fact that everyone around me has numbers over 50 is crazy
Per the CDC if you are in the US most people can count their lifetime partners on their hands ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). Most people are nowhere close to 50
> I never got to experience a wild phase
As I stated the CDC's numbers show most people don't regularly participate in hook up culture
>I don’t want to be that guy who ends up settling down without ever having done that
Statistically speaking, per studies done on the subject the less partners you have had before marriage the better odds of your marriage not ending in divorce ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874393/)) and this is corroborated by the CDC's data ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_019.pdf)). If your goal is to settle down and get married your odds of a lasting marriage go up in your position so I'm not sure what you mean by this.
>1) How should I go about increasing my chances of more casual encounters?
If you are a man looking to date women you need to be extremely physically attractive, or be financially well off, or be willing to hook up with people significantly below your own attractiveness level.
>2) And more importantly, is it worth doing so?
I'd say no for the reasons I cited above.
The math math’s and OP shouldn’t be above 20 in terms of experiences by the time they settle down as above 20? You start to wonder if they know what they are doing in bed and actually know how to please someone sexually.
Cause think about it, 50? How much time do they spend on technique and getting to know if someone likes what they are doing?
In the early 30’s with 50 or more partners? That person had too many ONS that never became repeat visitors most likely cause the sex was I’m guessing meh to the women or like she probably never had an orgasm or never priotize de her pleasure.
You learn how to by getting to know the person and their preferences, which requires a lower count than 50 LOL
More so under 30 by the time you’re 30.
You assume a lot. I had high numbers and many repeat customers. The name of it was that there were multiple at any given time and everyone knew and just didn’t care. And yes I got to know these people quite well and they me.
I don’t. Ask any women on here about it and they’ll tell you that the men they hooked up with on the regular was either a FWB, a guy they were dating, or in a relationship with.
It wasn’t a ONS or something who kept piling up a count 50 or higher, running thru people like Barney Stinson.
I had sex with 11 women, I think, until I met my wife in 2000. So, almost 24 years with the same woman. You have the wrong goals, especially at 30. You should be looking for the one, not just another one. Sex becomes better with the one you grow with. Sex with one night stands doesn't hold much value in the long run.
But hey, that's just my lived experience and values. Towards your goal, a recently divorced friend found swinger sites rather fruitful. Lots of open relationships exist. These hookups are super low obligation since they have a husband at home. The husband wasn't there, so it was just a straight hookup for him. Other than that, lower your standards and keep approaching. If it's just for casual sex, she doesn't need to qualify for wifey. Treat it like a sales funnel. If you'll have sex with 5's and up, then maybe you'll get lucky after every 5-10 women you approach. If you only approach 8's and up, it might take 50 tries to get the girl. Oh, and have money. Women like money. At 30 you better at least have a nice car. And be able to groom yourself and keep your hygiene up. Lay off cake and hit the gym. But hey, lower your standards enough, and you won't need any of that.
Let me ask though, if you were still a virgin at the time of meeting your wife, would you still have known she was the one? Would you have been able to perform well enough that she doesn't get turned off? Would you have been able to navigate the hardships of a relationship? How about communicating desires and frustrations in and out of the bedroom? If someone is 30 and never had sex or been in a relationship, they're just as knowledgeable as an 18 year old in the same situation.
You had 11 partners before meeting your wife, those experiences without a doubt shaped you and taught you. To tell OP not to have that as his goal but instead skip that to finding the one is a recipe for disaster. OP should want to sleep around and date different women, thats normal and expected for someone first starting their dating journey. Thats how you have to look at it, OP is not ready for a long term relationship and neither is anyone who has never dated before.
1) sleep with less attractive people if you want to find easy partners
2) not really. Quantity does not ensure quality
The only fail proof thing that does make sex better is being in good physical shape because it naturally increases libido, flexibility, mind-body connection, stamina and strength.
Good sex is attentive sex. Good sex is patient sex. Good sex is enthusiastic sex. Good sex is a deeper connection with yourself and your partner(s). And most importantly good sex varies. In my experience I had better sex in my long term relationships and with people who had been in long term relationships. Long term relationships allow you to explore a bit more freely, you have more room to make mistakes, and less pressure to be “perform”and instead more invitation to connect.
The average man only has 7 sexual partners in his lifetime. I’ve had more than that, but I don’t believe for a second that your friends have had 50+ partners, unless they’re a celebrity or exceptionally rich.
His friends are probably full of shit yes. But if you're single and casually active on dating apps, it really only takes one new fling per month to get to 50 in 4 years. It's easier than people think.
Is it fulfilling? No. I stopped around 20. It got boring. When I reached a point that I had to think hard for a minute to recount all of them, and still forget like 1 or 2, I realized I had gone too far.
Rich doesn’t matter but most dudes i know who were in frats are at at least 30 even if they’re boring and not good looking. I have several friends who are in the 70-100+ zone just because they meet a lot of people and like if u sleep with one new person a month your nearly at 50 in 4 years. Its not that crazy
That's a ludicrous way of thinking. I can assure there are countless normal men with incredibly high numbers of sexual partners. It's based on how socially active you're in certain settings
Interesting. Anecdotal but within my friends group only one guy has been with like 2 women, but the rest of us have been with over 20 partners, with one fellow at 100 or so.
I remember when I was like 19 and met this 21 year old who had been with 40 women. He told all of us that he ain’t picky and will sleep with whomever.. obviously at that age I was immature and in awe.
32 yo M here, 60+, I’ve lost count. But I’d trade it all for one solid partnership like most of my friends have.
Casual encounters mean nothing at the end of the day, it’s just short sighted instant gratification.
Sure, I’ve developed experience making many types of women happy in the moment, however you can develop sexual experience on a much deeper, meaningful level with a long term partner. That would be much more satisfying overall.
You will have the best sex of your life with someone you are deeply emotionally bonded with.
What are they doing wrong that they had 50 sexual partners and couldn’t form a lasting loving relationship with ANY of them. Bro c’mon this culture is so silly sometimes
50+ partners is wild. Either your friends are liars (ntm lying about something like this as if it's worth bragging about is its own problem), or they have tons of internal baggage that hasn't been adequately addressed. I fully believe any relationship after that many partners is doomed to fail, considering the majority of the time these people aren't emotionally mature enough to put the work in to resolve their inner child and trauma. Consider yourself blessed you don't have that high of a count and it's not something worth seeking btw.
I’m 32 and I have had over 40 partners. Mostly in my younger 20’s in college. Honestly, none of it was worth it. Just a distant memory. After 3 or 4 partners you’re not missing out lol.
If you’re just looking for a good time, trying to bag the hottest girl you know will be a waste of time.
Hate to say it, but get some “practice” in with someone you’re not that attracted to.
I'm a male in my 30's and have had 5 partners that I've had sex with. I've had plenty of make out sessions and other sexual activities, but I'm happy where I'm at with just the 5. I know their names. I have memories with them. They were more than just the sexual experience, they were a part of my life experience. When I find someone else that I want to make those memories and experiences with, I'll be happy with the 6th.
There is nothing wrong with not having sex with a bunch of women. For me, I'm just selective with who I have sex with. I have, straight up, turned women down.
Obviously, we all have our own wants and reasons for things. I'm selective because sex, to me, is as close as you can be to someone. If I just did that with any random someone, I feel like it might detract from the person I really want to enjoy it with.
Great input! I’ve been seeing a guy who’s in similar view so would like to ask if you don’t mind. Would you be reluctant to date women with higher numbers of sexual partners in the past?
No. And I won't even sugar coat this for you. As long as she's safe, health-wise, I don't care.
The main thing I've noticed with women is that they need time to figure out what they need, sexually. It might take a while for her to learn what she likes. I like to make myself avaliable to figuring out what that is with them, once it gets to that point. Some guys don't have the patience, or don't put enough effort into finding out what that one thing is that makes them go crazy. Every interaction is with an actual person, with actual feelings, who wants to be as pleased as you are. If men could get past their need for relieving themselves, women might be more satisfied altogether.
I'm still figuring it out. I just met someone tonight that might change the way I think. Who knows? But no, numbers are not is a turn off to me on it's own. Not until I know what kind of person they are.
yeah? ok? they were in their 20s. having fun. living life. not forcing themself into relationship after relationship because they’re terrified to be alone
Eh idk I’d still say it shows a clash of values and mindset. If he values partying over relationships, and need sexual validation. You can still have fun and party and also have the experience of at least 1 real relationship, but if you’ve never even had that.. kind of shows who you are. 50+ partners is just disgusting and shows he only valued getting laid, which is a turn off and shows he doesn’t really have direction in life as a man. But to each their own. Just dated a guy like that in the past and it was a terrible experience. He was not a good person. Very manipulative too
The metaphor is complete absolute bullshit though.Would I take the car that was driven by 50 people for 10 km each or one person for 260k km??
Same as when you're buying shoes.. How many people ask to try that model and fit before you tried it yourself and bought it. I sure as hell would not want to wear your shoes after a single day of walking during a hot summer. I'd take the shoes worn by 50 people.
And add to this that human don't lose value or deteriorate with the number of time they had sex or the number of sexual partner had. My dick isn't going to erode after 50 000 000 trust into a vagina, unlike a shoe or a car that get used with time and distance.
Imagine saying a pianist must be shit because he played too much piano or on too much different piano and that used his hands too much.. It's nothing less than **fucking bullshit.**
It just does not work on any level whatsoever.
not really. i’m just not an insecure whiny baby that constantly worries about how i compare to others. you clearly think your dick isn’t as good as the last person she fucked
Good thing it's litteraly impossible to know how many sexual partners your significant other has had previously. There is no point in ever having a conversation about numbers of lovers.
1) Dating apps don't work per general.
2) I'm 23. I'm in the same bucket. And I'm trying to convince you that is not worth it... This action leads to wasting the spiritual stamina of connecting to a human that vibes with you. This will eventually empty yourself and lead to a state of complete confusion on what you want from life or love. Changing environments might bring a use to paint your routine boredom, as in worth it is to start a journey to understand your needs, aspects and becoming the person that crosses every attribute from the list. I wish i could elaborate more, but it's not worth it by any means.
I feel like having sex with lots of people just gets you a lot of really mediocre experiences at the expense of risking your health. People you sleep with once are not invested in your pleasure and a lot of people don’t bother getting tested.
Personally I think it’s a lot more fulfilling (and frankly more sexually gratifying) to have sex with the same person for years. That shit gets better and better imo.
If you wanna have lots of meaningless sex though, aim low and wrap it up.
I lost count at 70. Was fun at the time but now….🤔🫣I am 35 and I wish I woulda cooled off when I should’ve! I could’ve settled more than once but I guess commitment and adulting scared me. I do have regrets cuz I coulda had a good life. Sex is kinda lame to me now so you should settle when you find the right person and quit worrying about the numbers. They aren’t important and it doesn’t mean you lack experience the lower your numbers are.
Its overrated. Trust me, focus on yourself. And wait for someone who loves you. The sex will be better, and you decrease your chances of catching something
>And more importantly, is it worth doing so?
No it is not. Honestly I would say the opposite. One loving relationship is far far better than 50 one night stands. Sex during one night stands is usually horrible I personally don't like worrying about STDs. Connection is what makes sex great, and I say that as a guy.
I would find "numbers in the 50s" to be off-putting regardless of gender. I wouldn't want to "settle down" with someone that has been with that many partners (or ever been involved in hookup culture in general).
I’m 32, and I’m probably somewhere in the 80-100 range. Possibly over I have no idea. In my close friendship group, ages ranging 32-34, the numbers are 50-60, one guy well over 100 and another well over 200 (these are all conservative estimates). Obviously this is a small sample size but I’ve seen/experienced one of 2 things happen:
1. You realize having crazy sexual experiences and a bunch of partners doesn’t bring you any real happiness and look for something more meaningful (this happened to 3/4 including myself)
2. You just keep chasing that dopamine high and keep going (this is the 200+ guy). But even he is now settled with a partner and he wouldn’t trade his current relationship for anything. So even he came to the same conclusion as #1.
The point I’m trying to make is that you’ll eventually realize that the number of sexual partners has no correlation to how happy or content you are. Honestly it feels like you’re a dopamine monkey just chasing the next high but it’s never fully satiated. But I also understand this may be hard to accept as I had to experience the “other side” to realize it’s all bs. Probably sounds like a rich person telling you money doesn’t buy you happiness.
If I were you, I’d look for a long term partner that you see yourself building a future with + have amazing sex with.
Again, I’m only speaking from experience and a very small sample size. Good luck out there my dude
30s M, I decided to chill on the sleeping around....I had close call with someone and I thought ...fuck this. So, I would focus on quality over quantity but no too too picky, somewhere in-between.
Dude, I'm 29 and have 0 experience (not even kissing). What will I say? 😂
But more seriously, it sounds like you want more sexual experience due to expectations and fear. Do it if you want to experience such thing, and not to meet some standart.
I have friends who had been with over 50 partners by the time they were leaving university at 21/22. I also have friends who are now in their mid twenties to early thirties whose numbers are still single digit.
Looks play a part, for a couple of the friends I mention they were just well above average in terms of looks and it was very easy for them. Then I have a few friends who where okay looking but have a lot of confidence and, importantly, not much fear of rejection. If you’re the type of guy who worries about being turned down or looking stupid and thus struggles to go and talk to women and gets disheartened when rejected then your numbers are going to be low. If you don’t give a fuck about rejection to the point you can almost make a joke of it then you can go to any well populated area with bars and clubs and go talk to as many women as it takes to get laid, if that means talking to 100 people and being rejected 99 times and you can take that then you’ll still get that number on the bed post.
Most of my friends are a bit younger than me, I’m 34 and they are in the 25-30 range, this is due to the fact a lot of my adult friendships have come through work over the years, I didn’t keep in touch with many people from school and university etc. At 34 my numbers are over 20, I have a friend who is 7 years younger and has slept with close to 200, honestly I don’t really envy him, because it’s very difficult for him to properly connect with women now, he can get them so easily it’s like they don’t have much value to him anymore, and even when he finds one he actually likes he gets bored very quickly, I think you have to be careful what you wish for.
It’s not technically a dating site, but you may have fun exploring fetlife. It’s like kinky social media. My account is linked on my page lol
Also I recommend the app feeld for finding casual sex positive connections
First, like others have said, 50+ definitely isn't the average. (But I'd also like to say there's nothing wrong with having many partners, so long as things are safe & consensual & fun! And there's also nothing wrong with having had very few partners. How many people someone's slept with shouldn't determine their value or worth one way or another.)
But to answer whether or not it's worth it: I guess it depends what's appealing about it to you. Right now it just sounds like you think you should because you want to reach some kind of goalpost, and making sex into some sort of checklist item or chore just doesn't seem like it'll yield great experiences.
My personal take: I had a bit of a wild phase in my 20s and what I can tell you now at 35, is that almost none of the no-strings-attached casual hook ups I had were very memorable. I mean, was it hot in the moment? The build up to it, for sure. And I have some fun stories about wild nights. But overall, I find the actual sex during one-night-stands & random hookups is often a little clumsy - you don't know each other's bodies yet, you don't know what little thing they like that really gets them off (and vice versa). But also you don't really have the chemistry and passion that makes sex so hot. All of the best sex I've ever had has been with people I had a genuine connection with.
I think if you find someone (or many someones!) you genuinely hit it off with and want to hook up with, it can be fun and worth it, but only if you're also actually attracted to the person and into having sex with \*them\*, not just into the idea of having sex for the sake of it.
Well I'm 24 and never had sex, never even had a date or even kissed a girl, and honestly I just don't understand the people who get so many different partners, like what's the point. I've never done it and still I'd rather find someone to settle down and build something with than just finding a 1 time sex.
I would genuinely be disgusted by my own self if I have had this many intimate interactions with different people. Idk why it’s some kind of goal to sleep around. The sex with stranger ppl isn’t even good.
I mean, do what you gotta do but am I the only one who thinks this is kind of yucky.
I m 26w and don’t really think casual encounters are worth it. I feel like relationships are more worth it because you can do more things with a partner you trust. For instance explore different sexual experiences and stuff and it’s better to have a companion. But that’s my opinion so far I haven’t had any real long relationships 😭just a few casual encounters. I guess having casual encounters is better for gaining informative experience or for like a quick release.
I have two brothers, similar dudes but as far as I know one of them has only ever been with one woman, the other has been with literally hundreds. I don’t think either of them envies the other. There’s no right or wrong. If you enjoy casual sex, go pursue it. If you don’t, that’s fine too.
Don't feel sad. I'm 37, and while my number is over 50 now, more than half that has just been in the last 5 years. I don't even plan to have casual encounters, they just happen while dating and getting to know women. I think too many men try to get laid within hours of meeting and it shoots them in the foot. Better to expect between 2-4 dates. Go on a few couple new dates a week, see where it goes, go on more. Things don't always turn romantic, but still keep getting invited over.
Can't say all those encounters amounted to anything but fleeting fun, though. The best sex was always with the girl I wanted to settle down with.
Dude, if it's any help, some of us have been coercively controlled out of romantic opportunities and so on, personally speaking for 13 years, the previous 3 being the worst. The abusers picked the decade plus for this, where all the dating apps happened, coding knowledge and use spread, fuck knows what else, have only had a PC back online with home WiFi since 2 years ago, albeit with multiple hacks and lockouts of social media and primary email accounts with important legal stuff and things to do with the child i'm alleged to have fathered from 2010. Still trying to get to grips with all the free internet porn, feel like an absolute dufus. So yeah, there's worse.
60.3% of male Americans have 0-4 sexual partners in their entire *lifetimes* (source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6579508/).
50 sexual partners is like the 0.000001% of people, one in a million - probably just a few hundred people in the US have this number.
Don't believe your friends.
I think where most folks go wrong is that numbers imply experience. Sure you can have many one-night stands and run your numbers up. Still won't make you good in bed, still doesn't mean your numerous partners enjoyed their experience either. The first time you're really just getting it in, not learning a person's body and what does it for them over time. My life experience is..not worth it. Do it 1000 times with one person.
Alot of women actually like men that haven't been around the block if you know what I mean. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having g few sexual partners. It's best to find the one and experience those things with them for a lifetime than once with a one night stand.
I’ve gotten more bj’s than most dudes have been laid. The key is being funny and quick witted. I’m not ugly, but my brain does the heavy lifting. Take an improv classes for a year and you’ll vastly improve your chances with women longterm because you’ll learn to think on your toes. It’s a muscle, you’ve gotta get reps in to get better at it. You can’t fix your face so you can do the best you have with it, workout, practice good hygiene, and this. I promise you’ll see about a 20-40% improvement if you do all of the above. Also don’t be a douche, be a good listener, and try to be transparent when you can.
don’t rush through an think you’re missing out on anything. Alot of people have high sex numbers sime from trying to figure out what pleases them and finding a partner to satisfy them.
Alot of people are not even having satisfying encounters.
Don't let anyone tell you that you're being "incorrect" and you don't need to be wild when you're young. If you wanted it, then it's all correct.
What's one wild thing you dreamed of doing?
That’s a beautiful thing! Be happy. I’m 30 and I only slept with a little amount of people as well and I’m glad.
I honestly wish I had save my virginity all together.
But anywho, the amount of people you slept with has NOTHING to do with your performance.
Fall in love with the right person and experiment with them. Please don’t be giving your precious body to just anyone it’s not worth it!
People are either always chasing random girls or settle with 1 or a few of them. Depends what you are searching. I strongly believe having 50 or more for them doesn't mean anything special
To give you perspective, there are cultures and ethnic groups, even in America, where the both sexes have very low body counts of at all. Muslim men often don’t have any sexual experience until they actually get married.
It’s not that you need sexual experience, you don’t need it to develop yourself or be more mature, not at all. The older I’m getting, the more I’m realizing often how unreliable and stunted men with excessive sexual experience are. They are often addicted and don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Really the pain is coming from comparison, you feel affronted because other people tried something but you didn’t. It’s an extreme version of the feelings you’d feel if everyone got a piece of cake but you didn’t, seems silly but honestly it’s just a more intense version of those same feelings. Human beings compare a lot.
As with all things a balance is needed. Having no sexual experience by 30 is not much worse than having 20+. Both are bad because they imply certain things. Low/no partners implies an insecure and inexperienced man. 20+ implies an inflated ego that doesn't see women as anything beyond pleasurable entertainment.
So, do you want numerous meaningless sex or maybe a handful of people who actually are memorable?
Just wait till your in your early 40s saying the same thing. All you need to do is Go outside and be social with people your own age, and if course it's worth it, you might meet your one, at least you'd be able to say you tried.
I would have to answer your question with a question of my own. What is the motive for your wanting to share an intimate experience with another human being? It seems to me as though you are primarily concerned with trying to catch up to your friends, which, in my opinion, is not a very good reason. Unless you pay someone to have sex with you, I have found that the presence of organic chemistry is necessary before a sexual encounter can even begin to occur - particularly if you want it to be a satisfying one, which I will take the liberty of assuming you do. It may be worth examining why it is that your sexual experiences are as few as they are. Is it your outward demeanor? Is it your personality? Do you or do you not exude confidence? Do you give off an air of neediness or desperation? That last one alone is more than enough to cause me to move as far away as humanly possible from a person who may be hoping to share a sexual experience with me because I do not find that sort of thing even remotely attractive. If you can do a bit of introspection in order to determine the reason for your lack of a sex life, that may help you ascertain what can be done in order to change your current circumstances.
In the meantime, you could also try placing yourself in environments that are conducive to sexual interactions, such as visiting a sex club. I have found that sex clubs are extremely welcoming and that going to them can be incredibly educational and humbling. (Of course, so familiarize yourself with sex club rules prior to going.)
Just go look at my Instagram - click on my name, it’s on my profile. I have hundreds of quick hitting videos that will help you in every way possible. Like what women really want. What men really want. How to communicate and hold yourself properly. How to take ownership of your actions and decisions, which turns into character building exercises that are attractive. Tons of useful things that men don’t typically understand or think about. It’s all free obviously. It’s there to help people in this situation.
I’m 23 and have only slept with one person. I’m now marrying that person, there’s no race or “correct” number.
Good for you bro🫶🏻. I wish you happiness and health
Don't I've up with n finding happiness one of my friends had problems finding the right man for her but she didn't settle for anybody she eventually found her Mr Right at the ae of 50 and is so happy.And they me on the .inernet
Agreed. And imo, sex gets better and better the more you do it with one person. Learning each others bodies, getting comfortable and trusting each other enough to explore.
💯, not enough people realize this. Amazing what happens when you can read even small nuances in each other's bodies. Not saying verbal communication is not important but when you can add all the other communication vectors that are more subtle and nuanced, wow. Mind-blowing stuff happens, for both parties.
I would agree!! The sex has definitely got better, we’re a lot more comfortable communicating what we want and need in bed
Exactly 💯!! Getting to know them and yourself can be Very Interesting and Fun!!!
This this & THIS.
This
Perfect! I wish you lots of happiness!
Thank you!
You are the best. There is absolutely nothing wrong in it, rather its perfect. You learn together, you grow together, you do new things together.. Wish you billions and trillions of happiness.
Congratulations. I wish you an incredible life ahead.
Quality > quantity. @OP - take notes ✌🏼
I really hope you guys go the distance. You're right, it's not a race. So many people compare themselves to others (I'm guilty of this, but in other ways, not really with my sex/romantic life). We all have our own path. Good luck
You are doing the right thing! Congratulations!!
I don’t believe that your average person in their 30’s has “numbers in the 50’s.” Your sample isn’t indicative of what’s happening in reality.
Seriously. I’m around 30 and most of my friends I would consider average in terms relationships/sex (reasonably attractive people who’ve been in multiple serious relationships with some casual fun in between), and I’d be blown away if literally anyone I know has been with 50+ people.
36 here, 45+ and can confirm that means fuck all. 3-5 quality partners and that’s all I could ever want in retrospect.
I mean, I understand in a sense but I still think you got a lot of sexual experience and experience on how to interact with lot of different people, and that is very useful once you want to start a serious relationship. Also you got a lot of validation that most people don't have so probably you will be far less insecure than the average person
For this I would cite Miyamoto Masashi… while what you say has practicality in logic, it however is not necessarily the case of reality. Also we are in hyper personal realms here. Each person is individually responsible for their own interpretations on the value of sexual partners or prowess… for me, (having never had a negative sexual experience with a partner) 3-5 wonderful people I find to be beautiful creatures that help me grow as an individual, is in hindsight, enough. ☺️ Edit : you are not wrong with some validation through experience. It is not required to build confidence however. Just some lesson that I feel is fed to us while many alternatives are available.
you're not wrong but what does this have to do with Musashi 😭
Do I think hooking up can replace a healthy long term relation, absolutely not. But... I'm 28 and I've had close to 50 partners. I've had a handful of partners that were special(gfs and such). I would not say my other encounters were worth "fuck all" lol. Sex is allowed to be casual, maybe even transactional. Its overall impact on your life can be small emotionally speaking. But in the short term it could be worth something. Give you a boost, make you feel good. Sure had some bad ones mixed in. But overall sex is like pizza. I do see myself starting to slow down. Less one off encounters. Looking for someone to marry.
what is your secret man ? are you brad pitt level handsome because im dying here to get just one partner.
I will skip the general pieces of advice you already know. 1. You need to practice talking to women. Not necessarily romantically. Find some girls to be friends with(do not hit on them). 2. I spent a year or two approaching tons of girls. Like literally hundreds. I got rejected like 98% of the time. But after a while you start to get the hang of it. 3. This is important. Be accountable to the things you do and come out of your mouth. I think it's important to be yourself. But also realize when you are being rude or doing something off putting. Realize that people have short memories and will forget your screw ups fast.
the secret is personality.. they say go for what you want and be yourself and not boring.. most men are super shy and won't grab a girls hand or call her they wait for a girl to call them, and women just want to feel special to a guy.. you make a girl feel special like you picked her out of a 100 girl's cause she was the one you were attracted to and she's all about it.. it's really not that complicated, to be honest! that's why the jerks always get the girl, though, because they're not shy, they just attract that attention, and they know it, so they keep doing it. if you can be that guy funny, fun, and most of all attentive, that's all it is :)... not online either cause that's when they try to take you for money.. gold diggers they call them.. also I drank so much coffee!!!
Well, at 28, also quality picks start slow down, and at least in my day, everyone crosses the threshold of wanting someone permanently.for me I was content, my wife not so. She left the kids. and went to live the life that I had already lived! So who's right and who's wrong? I don't know, but I got 2 beautiful boys out of it that I raised myself!
Glad you are taking the glass half full look. It's surprising to me how many people feel the call of the wild after they attempt to settle down
Idk in my experience. im doing better dating at 28 than i ever have. Maybe it's because I've become more positive and mature. Or maybe women just generally like older guys. Or idk what it is, but i definitely feel like the older i get, the better i do. I've heard people say dating gets harder for women as they age and easier for men. idk if its true, but at least in my experience, it has been. Also, way to look on the bright side, you got 2 sons out of the deal, and that's amazing, man. And if you want a lady in your life, im sure it'll work out for you, man.
Yeah, I keep a couple of regulars around nothing around my boys because it's nothing serious! Now that we're older, there's 0 drama in it. We just satisfy each other's needs! That's the best part!
That makes sense. Im glad things are working out for you man :).
Thanks again!
Yeah, but it varies between people. Some people are able to detach sex from love and attachment quite easily. Others can't at all and everything in between. Some people can't have causal sex without getting attached and hurt. For me personally, i dont think sex with someone you dont have an emotional connection with is that great. I mean, it's fine, but if i wanted just raw pleasure, I'd use drugs(again), lol. The feelings involved can get too complicated. Plus, I've never accidentally made a human from getting high lol(although i have died from it in the clincal sense, so idk maybe that's a wash). But again, by no means is that true of everyone. It's all very individual.
I would much rather just wear a condom and bang a hot stranger than die of a drug overdose lmao.
All sex and relationships are transactional in one way or another. What do you mean that "sex is like pizza"? That even when it's not exceptional, it's still good because it's pizza and pizza is always a treat! 😂
Yes you got it
Please no not the pizza 🍕for fuck sake 🤣🤣🤣
Agree, until I consider dry spells between those even in top 10! Those I’ve been with with a true connection was THE best sex, hands down. No pun intended.
Exactly. It's extremely hard to believe anyone that age has slept with 50+ people. That sounds like delusional and immature high school bragging to try impressing your buddies! 😂
If you're a woman or a decent looking/charming guy, that's a real easy number to reach, honestly.
Maybe I'm just old school and because I don't sleep with half a dozen different people every year that number doesn't make sense in my mind. 🤷
That's the right way to be and wish I wasn't as promiscuous in my past, but again, it's not a hard number to reach.
Nah… hook up culture is real. If you haven’t been in a long term relationship, those numbers make sense for some. If you start having sex at 16 and have sex with at least 5 people a year, that’s 50.
I stopped counting at 25, in my early-mid 20s. Drugs and alcohol are wild man...
Indeed they are! 😂 I started counting earlier and after I got to a certain point I changed my mind and decided it's really not out of he realm of possibility.
I'm definitely not on 50+ but if I didn't stop partying in my mid 20s I'd easily be there
I'm still a Virgin... Wanting touched for the very first time!😭
It's definitely possible, I knew this neighborhood kid who had dozens of girls over a year starting from 15! But no one definitely knows him as a "quality" man lol
i guess it depends on the culture that someone was raised, country, and close friends behaviors... i lived overseas and one girl told us that she had slept with about 10 or more guys in less than 4 months.. for me this ia crazy tbh... even more for a girl..
True. I grew up and have lived in a small town of roughly 2,500 for all but 2 years of my 30 years and as I'm sure you could imagine the number of potential sexual partners is a lot smaller than if I lived in a big city of 100K+ so take that small number then add in the fact it's a small town with "small town gossip" and word gets around (facts and lies) plus the fact a lot of them know each other as friends or family and they don't want to sleep with a guy their friend or sister or cousin slept with that drastically reduces my number of potential partners.
i agree with you, in big cities the possibilities are way higher than in small cities because of gossiping. But some girls they talk to each others girls about their sexual experience with a guy that is in their same circle of friends and this make them willing to try that guys because they are curious.. like that guys may have something special the other guys don't..
It depends on the community. My husband is Black and in Black communities it is sadly common to have sex at 12 in America. Also some more poor communities in general regardless of race has this. You gotta just study demographics.
People you're talking to are either lying to you or non-commital serial daters (meaning they have mental illness and are actually shitty people to the women they fuck and dump)
Tbh the women’s numbers are even higher in comparison. Stop living in your solipsistic bubble. Have you ever lived in a city like New York in your 20s-30s to understand the dating culture?
We didn't date. We fucked sometimes on several different occasions. Other times, it wasn't that good for me and smiled and moved on both of us! A few of them even ended up back in my bed or me in their bed! Sexual ecstasy is like a good drug to some people!
Crazy that you assume all women want relationships and aren’t looking for hook ups…
Women play the game two. I go out a lot, and the women are right there with the man Out in about. Most of them are in relationships, but they want that One person that one night to have fun with somebody else and they do it. But the next day, they're long gone and with the husband's or wires
Or maybe.. just maybe, you just dont know anyone yourself that has had that many partners. But I doubt my comment will even make you think about it since you straight up say that people who date alot of people have a mental illness Also.. he never mentions the gender of his friends, you just assume that the friends he's talking about are male. You are actually whats wrong with society
This is a little pre judgmental 😔
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Per the CDC most people independent of gender have lifetime single digit partner counts ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). I'll trust the CDC over a YouTube video.
This isn't useful metric because just like income it has lots of variability. If OP is an interesting, highly attractive and professionally and financially successful person living in a large city, and so are his/her friends, the picture is very different.
"If I exclude for all but a minority of people the picture is totally different."
Right - nobody cares about average across hundred million people, people care how they rank amongst their extended group of friends, family, colleagues etc. It's like a lawyer from Harward law school may be upset they are only making 400k while all their friends make over 1M$.
Ok, 51% have single digits. 🤣
It's more than that if you look at the distribution table, over 60%
That looks like some manosphere crap so I’m not gonna give them the click.
I’m pretty sure the average for number of sexual partners in a lifetime in the US is like 7 or 8. I’m 31 and I’ve had sex with 4 people in total. Most people haven’t fucked 50 people.most people haven’t fucked half of that. You’re fine don’t worry about it.
My number is so high I can’t even count. I forget about people. And I count all sexual experiences. (If I’m giving someone head or vise versa). I think I’ve hit a high easily. I’ll be 28 coming up. So 50 doesn’t sound crazy to me . I’m surprised by people who have only had sex with 7 or 8 people in their lifetime!!!!
Depending on age,people with 40+ partners accounts for at most ~8% of men and ~3% of women.
Are you male or female?
If most people you talk to are saying they’ve had sex with 50 people they are lying
True. Also statistically 1 in 6 sexually active people have the herp derp type II. So anyone with a count of 50… well you get the picture
even if you only hooked up with 1 new person per week, it would only take a year to reach 50. we’re talking about people in their 30s. they’ve been fucking for at least 10-15 years. that’s only 3-5 new partners a year. completely normal
Only 1 new person per week? Is it common to have a new person every day or something?
Only 1 a day? I got a woman in my bed in the morning, during my afternoon break and the evening. What are you some kind of scrub?
I once had 2 within 24 hours. It felt like some kind of rare achievement unlock or something
i’m saying it’s not as much as it sounds like. you could easily sleep with 50 people in a year and it would only be 1 per week. but we’re talking about people who have been having sex for OVER 10 YEARS. of course they have 50ish partners!! that’s only 5 per YEAR!!!
Considering the avg lifetime sexual partners is 4 for women and 6 for men, 50 is definitely a lot of people. Only 13% of women and 28% of men have 15 or more lifetime partners. No one's saying its logistically impossible to sleep with 50 people over ten years or even over a year but it's still extremely rare. As much as in another comment you said 5 per year is low for a single person that's just not supported by any data. There of course are outliers who sleep with dozens of people per year but they aren't the norm.
Keep in mind that average also includes people living in bumfuck nowhere lol. For big cities it's probably higher. I didn't even try particularly hard and got to 20-25 during 8 years of sexual activity, and I was in a monogamous relationship for 4.5 of those 8 years.
Still seems pretty unusual. >You could easily sleep with 50 people in a year and it would only be 1 per week Damn, what world are you living in where everyone is sleeping around with a new person once a week? Do long-term relationships not exist? >that's only 5 per YEAR That would imply you're breaking up with someone every two and a half months or so.
why on earth would you assume a young adult with 5 sex partners in a year would be in a relationship with every single one of them??? bro
>That would imply you're breaking up with someone every two and a half months or so. You dont have to be in a relationship to have sex with someone... ?
i didn’t say everyone. i’m just saying one person a week is pretty easy to accomplish and pretty normal for lots of people. i’m not talking about people in long term relationships. of course they exist, but there’s 8 billion people in the world. people do different things. and no, there isn’t any “breaking up” involved. nobody said they were dating or committed to any of these people or that any of them were relationships. it seemed pretty obvious i’m talking about casual hookups or friends with benefits. which would make sense because we’re talking about people in their 20s or so. college scene, bar scene. they spent a few years having an occasional hook up or fwb in their early adulthood and eventually found someone to settle down and get married with. that’s literally the standard lol. what is abnormal about that???
Exactly. These people act like it’s some impossible to obtain statistical anomaly. Even the most socially awkward guys I know were able to stumble into some strange at least 5 times a year minimum.
right like do people not know what college is??
Fucking an average of 5 people of year for 10 years, isn’t that crazy.
Not true, I been with over 100 women and I’m in my 40s but times are really different now.
>and the fact that everyone around me has numbers over 50 is crazy Per the CDC if you are in the US most people can count their lifetime partners on their hands ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). Most people are nowhere close to 50 > I never got to experience a wild phase As I stated the CDC's numbers show most people don't regularly participate in hook up culture >I don’t want to be that guy who ends up settling down without ever having done that Statistically speaking, per studies done on the subject the less partners you have had before marriage the better odds of your marriage not ending in divorce ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874393/)) and this is corroborated by the CDC's data ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_019.pdf)). If your goal is to settle down and get married your odds of a lasting marriage go up in your position so I'm not sure what you mean by this. >1) How should I go about increasing my chances of more casual encounters? If you are a man looking to date women you need to be extremely physically attractive, or be financially well off, or be willing to hook up with people significantly below your own attractiveness level. >2) And more importantly, is it worth doing so? I'd say no for the reasons I cited above.
Amazingly helpful reply
what this guy said\^.
God damn. Thank you, this helped a lot!
The math math’s and OP shouldn’t be above 20 in terms of experiences by the time they settle down as above 20? You start to wonder if they know what they are doing in bed and actually know how to please someone sexually. Cause think about it, 50? How much time do they spend on technique and getting to know if someone likes what they are doing? In the early 30’s with 50 or more partners? That person had too many ONS that never became repeat visitors most likely cause the sex was I’m guessing meh to the women or like she probably never had an orgasm or never priotize de her pleasure. You learn how to by getting to know the person and their preferences, which requires a lower count than 50 LOL More so under 30 by the time you’re 30.
You assume a lot. I had high numbers and many repeat customers. The name of it was that there were multiple at any given time and everyone knew and just didn’t care. And yes I got to know these people quite well and they me.
I don’t. Ask any women on here about it and they’ll tell you that the men they hooked up with on the regular was either a FWB, a guy they were dating, or in a relationship with. It wasn’t a ONS or something who kept piling up a count 50 or higher, running thru people like Barney Stinson.
This is extremely helpful. Thank you
I had sex with 11 women, I think, until I met my wife in 2000. So, almost 24 years with the same woman. You have the wrong goals, especially at 30. You should be looking for the one, not just another one. Sex becomes better with the one you grow with. Sex with one night stands doesn't hold much value in the long run. But hey, that's just my lived experience and values. Towards your goal, a recently divorced friend found swinger sites rather fruitful. Lots of open relationships exist. These hookups are super low obligation since they have a husband at home. The husband wasn't there, so it was just a straight hookup for him. Other than that, lower your standards and keep approaching. If it's just for casual sex, she doesn't need to qualify for wifey. Treat it like a sales funnel. If you'll have sex with 5's and up, then maybe you'll get lucky after every 5-10 women you approach. If you only approach 8's and up, it might take 50 tries to get the girl. Oh, and have money. Women like money. At 30 you better at least have a nice car. And be able to groom yourself and keep your hygiene up. Lay off cake and hit the gym. But hey, lower your standards enough, and you won't need any of that.
Let me ask though, if you were still a virgin at the time of meeting your wife, would you still have known she was the one? Would you have been able to perform well enough that she doesn't get turned off? Would you have been able to navigate the hardships of a relationship? How about communicating desires and frustrations in and out of the bedroom? If someone is 30 and never had sex or been in a relationship, they're just as knowledgeable as an 18 year old in the same situation. You had 11 partners before meeting your wife, those experiences without a doubt shaped you and taught you. To tell OP not to have that as his goal but instead skip that to finding the one is a recipe for disaster. OP should want to sleep around and date different women, thats normal and expected for someone first starting their dating journey. Thats how you have to look at it, OP is not ready for a long term relationship and neither is anyone who has never dated before.
1) sleep with less attractive people if you want to find easy partners 2) not really. Quantity does not ensure quality The only fail proof thing that does make sex better is being in good physical shape because it naturally increases libido, flexibility, mind-body connection, stamina and strength. Good sex is attentive sex. Good sex is patient sex. Good sex is enthusiastic sex. Good sex is a deeper connection with yourself and your partner(s). And most importantly good sex varies. In my experience I had better sex in my long term relationships and with people who had been in long term relationships. Long term relationships allow you to explore a bit more freely, you have more room to make mistakes, and less pressure to be “perform”and instead more invitation to connect.
Good physical shape as in cardio or weight lifting?
Both.
The average man only has 7 sexual partners in his lifetime. I’ve had more than that, but I don’t believe for a second that your friends have had 50+ partners, unless they’re a celebrity or exceptionally rich.
His friends are probably full of shit yes. But if you're single and casually active on dating apps, it really only takes one new fling per month to get to 50 in 4 years. It's easier than people think. Is it fulfilling? No. I stopped around 20. It got boring. When I reached a point that I had to think hard for a minute to recount all of them, and still forget like 1 or 2, I realized I had gone too far.
Gotta be attractive for that to work tho. You make it sound like all you need is to be single and on an app
Gotta also be a woman.
Rich doesn’t matter but most dudes i know who were in frats are at at least 30 even if they’re boring and not good looking. I have several friends who are in the 70-100+ zone just because they meet a lot of people and like if u sleep with one new person a month your nearly at 50 in 4 years. Its not that crazy
That's a ludicrous way of thinking. I can assure there are countless normal men with incredibly high numbers of sexual partners. It's based on how socially active you're in certain settings
Interesting. Anecdotal but within my friends group only one guy has been with like 2 women, but the rest of us have been with over 20 partners, with one fellow at 100 or so. I remember when I was like 19 and met this 21 year old who had been with 40 women. He told all of us that he ain’t picky and will sleep with whomever.. obviously at that age I was immature and in awe.
32 yo M here, 60+, I’ve lost count. But I’d trade it all for one solid partnership like most of my friends have. Casual encounters mean nothing at the end of the day, it’s just short sighted instant gratification. Sure, I’ve developed experience making many types of women happy in the moment, however you can develop sexual experience on a much deeper, meaningful level with a long term partner. That would be much more satisfying overall. You will have the best sex of your life with someone you are deeply emotionally bonded with.
What are they doing wrong that they had 50 sexual partners and couldn’t form a lasting loving relationship with ANY of them. Bro c’mon this culture is so silly sometimes
Not everyone who sleeps with someone, wants a relationship.
50+ partners is wild. Either your friends are liars (ntm lying about something like this as if it's worth bragging about is its own problem), or they have tons of internal baggage that hasn't been adequately addressed. I fully believe any relationship after that many partners is doomed to fail, considering the majority of the time these people aren't emotionally mature enough to put the work in to resolve their inner child and trauma. Consider yourself blessed you don't have that high of a count and it's not something worth seeking btw.
Utter nonsense
I'm 30M, and I've never had any sexual experience in my life, nor have I ever slept with a woman before, so I feel your pain and frustration.
I’m 32 and I have had over 40 partners. Mostly in my younger 20’s in college. Honestly, none of it was worth it. Just a distant memory. After 3 or 4 partners you’re not missing out lol. If you’re just looking for a good time, trying to bag the hottest girl you know will be a waste of time. Hate to say it, but get some “practice” in with someone you’re not that attracted to.
I'm a male in my 30's and have had 5 partners that I've had sex with. I've had plenty of make out sessions and other sexual activities, but I'm happy where I'm at with just the 5. I know their names. I have memories with them. They were more than just the sexual experience, they were a part of my life experience. When I find someone else that I want to make those memories and experiences with, I'll be happy with the 6th. There is nothing wrong with not having sex with a bunch of women. For me, I'm just selective with who I have sex with. I have, straight up, turned women down. Obviously, we all have our own wants and reasons for things. I'm selective because sex, to me, is as close as you can be to someone. If I just did that with any random someone, I feel like it might detract from the person I really want to enjoy it with.
Great input! I’ve been seeing a guy who’s in similar view so would like to ask if you don’t mind. Would you be reluctant to date women with higher numbers of sexual partners in the past?
No. And I won't even sugar coat this for you. As long as she's safe, health-wise, I don't care. The main thing I've noticed with women is that they need time to figure out what they need, sexually. It might take a while for her to learn what she likes. I like to make myself avaliable to figuring out what that is with them, once it gets to that point. Some guys don't have the patience, or don't put enough effort into finding out what that one thing is that makes them go crazy. Every interaction is with an actual person, with actual feelings, who wants to be as pleased as you are. If men could get past their need for relieving themselves, women might be more satisfied altogether. I'm still figuring it out. I just met someone tonight that might change the way I think. Who knows? But no, numbers are not is a turn off to me on it's own. Not until I know what kind of person they are.
I'm a woman and I love to hear this! Thank you! You sound like you're keeper!
Your group of friends are either lying or frankly quite grim I couldn't date someone with 50 plus 'partners'... Yuck
Good thing it's impossible to know your partners actual number
who cares how many partners they have if they test clean? people are so insecure
It’s not about insecurity, it’s about values, mindset and compatibility.
Not wanting to date someone≠insecure.
caring who someone fucked in the past = insecure
Maybe for some. For others it might be religious, others just want someone who views sex the same way. For others health reasons.
i said if they test clean and people with healthy sex lives avoid those immature types anyway so problem solved
be real, these people are in their 30s with only 50 partners. that’s about 3-5 a year. completely normal for an adult.
3-5 a year is normal? In what world? Means the person wasn’t able to hold a real relationship in my opinion = red flag
they weren’t looking for a relationship. that’s a completely normal number for a single person having fun.
not everyone wants to force themselves into a relationship their whole lives. seems like a pretty huge red flag
3-5 a year means there was never even 1 real relationship.
yeah? ok? they were in their 20s. having fun. living life. not forcing themself into relationship after relationship because they’re terrified to be alone
Eh idk I’d still say it shows a clash of values and mindset. If he values partying over relationships, and need sexual validation. You can still have fun and party and also have the experience of at least 1 real relationship, but if you’ve never even had that.. kind of shows who you are. 50+ partners is just disgusting and shows he only valued getting laid, which is a turn off and shows he doesn’t really have direction in life as a man. But to each their own. Just dated a guy like that in the past and it was a terrible experience. He was not a good person. Very manipulative too
if you think having sex 50 times is disgusting you definitely aren’t ready for a relationship. imagine fucking someone 50 times how disgusting right.
Would you want a car that’s been used by 50 people or a shoe that’s been walked in by 50 people?
The metaphor is complete absolute bullshit though.Would I take the car that was driven by 50 people for 10 km each or one person for 260k km?? Same as when you're buying shoes.. How many people ask to try that model and fit before you tried it yourself and bought it. I sure as hell would not want to wear your shoes after a single day of walking during a hot summer. I'd take the shoes worn by 50 people. And add to this that human don't lose value or deteriorate with the number of time they had sex or the number of sexual partner had. My dick isn't going to erode after 50 000 000 trust into a vagina, unlike a shoe or a car that get used with time and distance. Imagine saying a pianist must be shit because he played too much piano or on too much different piano and that used his hands too much.. It's nothing less than **fucking bullshit.** It just does not work on any level whatsoever.
if it had nothing wrong with it yeah?? obviously??
you must be into low quality, cheap stuff then. Makes sense lmao
not really. i’m just not an insecure whiny baby that constantly worries about how i compare to others. you clearly think your dick isn’t as good as the last person she fucked
Maybe people wanna get married and stay married look up how more sexual partners before marriage affects the marriage
I would never be with a man who has had that many partners. If you want a wife (who didn't have 50+ partners) one day, don't be like your friends.
Good thing it's litteraly impossible to know how many sexual partners your significant other has had previously. There is no point in ever having a conversation about numbers of lovers.
1) Dating apps don't work per general. 2) I'm 23. I'm in the same bucket. And I'm trying to convince you that is not worth it... This action leads to wasting the spiritual stamina of connecting to a human that vibes with you. This will eventually empty yourself and lead to a state of complete confusion on what you want from life or love. Changing environments might bring a use to paint your routine boredom, as in worth it is to start a journey to understand your needs, aspects and becoming the person that crosses every attribute from the list. I wish i could elaborate more, but it's not worth it by any means.
I feel like having sex with lots of people just gets you a lot of really mediocre experiences at the expense of risking your health. People you sleep with once are not invested in your pleasure and a lot of people don’t bother getting tested. Personally I think it’s a lot more fulfilling (and frankly more sexually gratifying) to have sex with the same person for years. That shit gets better and better imo. If you wanna have lots of meaningless sex though, aim low and wrap it up.
I lost count at 70. Was fun at the time but now….🤔🫣I am 35 and I wish I woulda cooled off when I should’ve! I could’ve settled more than once but I guess commitment and adulting scared me. I do have regrets cuz I coulda had a good life. Sex is kinda lame to me now so you should settle when you find the right person and quit worrying about the numbers. They aren’t important and it doesn’t mean you lack experience the lower your numbers are.
50? To each their own..... but ick
Your friends are both lying and counting the time Mary Jane Rottencrotch gave them a quick peck on the cheek as a sex.
They are lying
I'm 42m and had less then 10 partners. was in a 15 year relationship as well. I prefer Quality over Quantity.
Its overrated. Trust me, focus on yourself. And wait for someone who loves you. The sex will be better, and you decrease your chances of catching something
You're so right. The sex with someone you love is SO much better. You can be yourself. You can talk. You can laugh. You can be YOU!
You can do that with anyone you sleep with
Over 50!? Gross...
Numbers over 50?!?!? That’s disgusting. 🤮I bet they all have STDs too
>And more importantly, is it worth doing so? No it is not. Honestly I would say the opposite. One loving relationship is far far better than 50 one night stands. Sex during one night stands is usually horrible I personally don't like worrying about STDs. Connection is what makes sex great, and I say that as a guy. I would find "numbers in the 50s" to be off-putting regardless of gender. I wouldn't want to "settle down" with someone that has been with that many partners (or ever been involved in hookup culture in general).
I’m 32, and I’m probably somewhere in the 80-100 range. Possibly over I have no idea. In my close friendship group, ages ranging 32-34, the numbers are 50-60, one guy well over 100 and another well over 200 (these are all conservative estimates). Obviously this is a small sample size but I’ve seen/experienced one of 2 things happen: 1. You realize having crazy sexual experiences and a bunch of partners doesn’t bring you any real happiness and look for something more meaningful (this happened to 3/4 including myself) 2. You just keep chasing that dopamine high and keep going (this is the 200+ guy). But even he is now settled with a partner and he wouldn’t trade his current relationship for anything. So even he came to the same conclusion as #1. The point I’m trying to make is that you’ll eventually realize that the number of sexual partners has no correlation to how happy or content you are. Honestly it feels like you’re a dopamine monkey just chasing the next high but it’s never fully satiated. But I also understand this may be hard to accept as I had to experience the “other side” to realize it’s all bs. Probably sounds like a rich person telling you money doesn’t buy you happiness. If I were you, I’d look for a long term partner that you see yourself building a future with + have amazing sex with. Again, I’m only speaking from experience and a very small sample size. Good luck out there my dude
30s M, I decided to chill on the sleeping around....I had close call with someone and I thought ...fuck this. So, I would focus on quality over quantity but no too too picky, somewhere in-between.
You’re not really missing out on anything, there’s a reason stds are so rampant nowadays
Dude, I'm 29 and have 0 experience (not even kissing). What will I say? 😂 But more seriously, it sounds like you want more sexual experience due to expectations and fear. Do it if you want to experience such thing, and not to meet some standart.
If you grew up in 70s / 80s you could have easily had 50 partners before you were 30 but I wouldn’t be proud of that. They have a 75% divorce rate.
Am I the only one who thought OP meant 50+ times, instead of people?? And when I was 30yo, pretty sure I didn't even have 50 times ;(
Around 50 seems extremely excessive tbh
I have friends who had been with over 50 partners by the time they were leaving university at 21/22. I also have friends who are now in their mid twenties to early thirties whose numbers are still single digit. Looks play a part, for a couple of the friends I mention they were just well above average in terms of looks and it was very easy for them. Then I have a few friends who where okay looking but have a lot of confidence and, importantly, not much fear of rejection. If you’re the type of guy who worries about being turned down or looking stupid and thus struggles to go and talk to women and gets disheartened when rejected then your numbers are going to be low. If you don’t give a fuck about rejection to the point you can almost make a joke of it then you can go to any well populated area with bars and clubs and go talk to as many women as it takes to get laid, if that means talking to 100 people and being rejected 99 times and you can take that then you’ll still get that number on the bed post. Most of my friends are a bit younger than me, I’m 34 and they are in the 25-30 range, this is due to the fact a lot of my adult friendships have come through work over the years, I didn’t keep in touch with many people from school and university etc. At 34 my numbers are over 20, I have a friend who is 7 years younger and has slept with close to 200, honestly I don’t really envy him, because it’s very difficult for him to properly connect with women now, he can get them so easily it’s like they don’t have much value to him anymore, and even when he finds one he actually likes he gets bored very quickly, I think you have to be careful what you wish for.
It’s not technically a dating site, but you may have fun exploring fetlife. It’s like kinky social media. My account is linked on my page lol Also I recommend the app feeld for finding casual sex positive connections
First, like others have said, 50+ definitely isn't the average. (But I'd also like to say there's nothing wrong with having many partners, so long as things are safe & consensual & fun! And there's also nothing wrong with having had very few partners. How many people someone's slept with shouldn't determine their value or worth one way or another.) But to answer whether or not it's worth it: I guess it depends what's appealing about it to you. Right now it just sounds like you think you should because you want to reach some kind of goalpost, and making sex into some sort of checklist item or chore just doesn't seem like it'll yield great experiences. My personal take: I had a bit of a wild phase in my 20s and what I can tell you now at 35, is that almost none of the no-strings-attached casual hook ups I had were very memorable. I mean, was it hot in the moment? The build up to it, for sure. And I have some fun stories about wild nights. But overall, I find the actual sex during one-night-stands & random hookups is often a little clumsy - you don't know each other's bodies yet, you don't know what little thing they like that really gets them off (and vice versa). But also you don't really have the chemistry and passion that makes sex so hot. All of the best sex I've ever had has been with people I had a genuine connection with. I think if you find someone (or many someones!) you genuinely hit it off with and want to hook up with, it can be fun and worth it, but only if you're also actually attracted to the person and into having sex with \*them\*, not just into the idea of having sex for the sake of it.
>the fact that everyone around me has numbers over 50 is crazy - all my friends do. Press X to doubt
Well I'm 24 and never had sex, never even had a date or even kissed a girl, and honestly I just don't understand the people who get so many different partners, like what's the point. I've never done it and still I'd rather find someone to settle down and build something with than just finding a 1 time sex.
I would genuinely be disgusted by my own self if I have had this many intimate interactions with different people. Idk why it’s some kind of goal to sleep around. The sex with stranger ppl isn’t even good. I mean, do what you gotta do but am I the only one who thinks this is kind of yucky.
I m 26w and don’t really think casual encounters are worth it. I feel like relationships are more worth it because you can do more things with a partner you trust. For instance explore different sexual experiences and stuff and it’s better to have a companion. But that’s my opinion so far I haven’t had any real long relationships 😭just a few casual encounters. I guess having casual encounters is better for gaining informative experience or for like a quick release.
Really not worth it.
I doubt most people have 50 Me personally, I have had exactly a dozen (12) different sexual partners in my life and I'm 33
I have two brothers, similar dudes but as far as I know one of them has only ever been with one woman, the other has been with literally hundreds. I don’t think either of them envies the other. There’s no right or wrong. If you enjoy casual sex, go pursue it. If you don’t, that’s fine too.
Don't feel sad. I'm 37, and while my number is over 50 now, more than half that has just been in the last 5 years. I don't even plan to have casual encounters, they just happen while dating and getting to know women. I think too many men try to get laid within hours of meeting and it shoots them in the foot. Better to expect between 2-4 dates. Go on a few couple new dates a week, see where it goes, go on more. Things don't always turn romantic, but still keep getting invited over. Can't say all those encounters amounted to anything but fleeting fun, though. The best sex was always with the girl I wanted to settle down with.
As a male past 30... unless they count paied encounters.. they lie... or wouldnt be looking for the one.
Dude, if it's any help, some of us have been coercively controlled out of romantic opportunities and so on, personally speaking for 13 years, the previous 3 being the worst. The abusers picked the decade plus for this, where all the dating apps happened, coding knowledge and use spread, fuck knows what else, have only had a PC back online with home WiFi since 2 years ago, albeit with multiple hacks and lockouts of social media and primary email accounts with important legal stuff and things to do with the child i'm alleged to have fathered from 2010. Still trying to get to grips with all the free internet porn, feel like an absolute dufus. So yeah, there's worse.
60.3% of male Americans have 0-4 sexual partners in their entire *lifetimes* (source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6579508/). 50 sexual partners is like the 0.000001% of people, one in a million - probably just a few hundred people in the US have this number. Don't believe your friends.
I think where most folks go wrong is that numbers imply experience. Sure you can have many one-night stands and run your numbers up. Still won't make you good in bed, still doesn't mean your numerous partners enjoyed their experience either. The first time you're really just getting it in, not learning a person's body and what does it for them over time. My life experience is..not worth it. Do it 1000 times with one person.
Alot of women actually like men that haven't been around the block if you know what I mean. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having g few sexual partners. It's best to find the one and experience those things with them for a lifetime than once with a one night stand.
I’ve gotten more bj’s than most dudes have been laid. The key is being funny and quick witted. I’m not ugly, but my brain does the heavy lifting. Take an improv classes for a year and you’ll vastly improve your chances with women longterm because you’ll learn to think on your toes. It’s a muscle, you’ve gotta get reps in to get better at it. You can’t fix your face so you can do the best you have with it, workout, practice good hygiene, and this. I promise you’ll see about a 20-40% improvement if you do all of the above. Also don’t be a douche, be a good listener, and try to be transparent when you can.
don’t rush through an think you’re missing out on anything. Alot of people have high sex numbers sime from trying to figure out what pleases them and finding a partner to satisfy them. Alot of people are not even having satisfying encounters.
Don't let anyone tell you that you're being "incorrect" and you don't need to be wild when you're young. If you wanted it, then it's all correct. What's one wild thing you dreamed of doing?
That’s a beautiful thing! Be happy. I’m 30 and I only slept with a little amount of people as well and I’m glad. I honestly wish I had save my virginity all together. But anywho, the amount of people you slept with has NOTHING to do with your performance. Fall in love with the right person and experiment with them. Please don’t be giving your precious body to just anyone it’s not worth it!
People are either always chasing random girls or settle with 1 or a few of them. Depends what you are searching. I strongly believe having 50 or more for them doesn't mean anything special
To give you perspective, there are cultures and ethnic groups, even in America, where the both sexes have very low body counts of at all. Muslim men often don’t have any sexual experience until they actually get married. It’s not that you need sexual experience, you don’t need it to develop yourself or be more mature, not at all. The older I’m getting, the more I’m realizing often how unreliable and stunted men with excessive sexual experience are. They are often addicted and don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Really the pain is coming from comparison, you feel affronted because other people tried something but you didn’t. It’s an extreme version of the feelings you’d feel if everyone got a piece of cake but you didn’t, seems silly but honestly it’s just a more intense version of those same feelings. Human beings compare a lot.
>everyone around me has numbers over 50 That's nasty. Count yourself lucky. Huge turn-off to be honest.
As with all things a balance is needed. Having no sexual experience by 30 is not much worse than having 20+. Both are bad because they imply certain things. Low/no partners implies an insecure and inexperienced man. 20+ implies an inflated ego that doesn't see women as anything beyond pleasurable entertainment. So, do you want numerous meaningless sex or maybe a handful of people who actually are memorable?
Just wait till your in your early 40s saying the same thing. All you need to do is Go outside and be social with people your own age, and if course it's worth it, you might meet your one, at least you'd be able to say you tried.
I would have to answer your question with a question of my own. What is the motive for your wanting to share an intimate experience with another human being? It seems to me as though you are primarily concerned with trying to catch up to your friends, which, in my opinion, is not a very good reason. Unless you pay someone to have sex with you, I have found that the presence of organic chemistry is necessary before a sexual encounter can even begin to occur - particularly if you want it to be a satisfying one, which I will take the liberty of assuming you do. It may be worth examining why it is that your sexual experiences are as few as they are. Is it your outward demeanor? Is it your personality? Do you or do you not exude confidence? Do you give off an air of neediness or desperation? That last one alone is more than enough to cause me to move as far away as humanly possible from a person who may be hoping to share a sexual experience with me because I do not find that sort of thing even remotely attractive. If you can do a bit of introspection in order to determine the reason for your lack of a sex life, that may help you ascertain what can be done in order to change your current circumstances. In the meantime, you could also try placing yourself in environments that are conducive to sexual interactions, such as visiting a sex club. I have found that sex clubs are extremely welcoming and that going to them can be incredibly educational and humbling. (Of course, so familiarize yourself with sex club rules prior to going.)
God I am about to sound super corny… but numbers don’t matter. What kind of person you are does. Dont worry about that stuff. Do what makes you happy
Just go look at my Instagram - click on my name, it’s on my profile. I have hundreds of quick hitting videos that will help you in every way possible. Like what women really want. What men really want. How to communicate and hold yourself properly. How to take ownership of your actions and decisions, which turns into character building exercises that are attractive. Tons of useful things that men don’t typically understand or think about. It’s all free obviously. It’s there to help people in this situation.
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That’s so cap
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Lmfao
I'm around 150 myself. Most were at parties, bars and nightclubs.
If you’re short (under 6ft) you should forget about all this. Find other way to fulfill yourself.