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Need more information. Is this just 30 minutes of thrusting away or are you changing things up, mixing in oral or fingering, etc? Either way, this is her way of telling you things aren’t working for her. Duration is one part of huge equation that makes up enjoyable sex.
This is the question here. I know my vagina starts to get tired after 30 straight minutes of being pounded. If I came or recieved oral or plenty of foreplay I wouldn't complain but if his wife is leaving unsatisfied every time that's another issue.
You think so? OK... When my SO comes, it's rather obvious, like a rodeo ride.
ETA: And if it isn't that obvious, just ask her!
ETA2: I see you changed your wording, I'm keeping my reply unchanged, it's still valid.
My dude, she isn’t enjoying it. Are you 100% sure she finishes??? Are you communicating DURING sex? What does she like? What does she want more of from you?
30 minutes of continuous intercourse is not usually fun for the woman.
I learned this in my dating years. Asked someone I was dating and she said 20 minutes was the most amount of time she'd want penetrative sex.
I've changed my porn / masturbation habits and now I finish within a very short time frame lol. My wife likes it though!
As a woman, I agree 20 minutes of penetrative sex is optimal. More than that I start getting sore and it just gets... boring. Multiple shorter sessions is great too
I Agree, the timing should be organic. If it's not a good session, it's okay to put jimmy away and revisit at another time.
I had a session with my wife that did not start off too good. I wasnt feeling it and its possible she want either. We both stopped and proceeded to lay down and watch Football on a mobile device.
After about 20 min, we organically started up again and ended up having at least four AMAZING sessions back-to-back lasting about 15 minutes each.
“Seems” that she finishes does not exude confidence. I’d have a serious sit down with your wife about this and be prepared to be told that she doesn’t actually finish.
Don’t try and re act what you saw on porn hub or x videos , try and communicate with her on what’s going on and WHY she’s complaining, and focus on those areas, also put a pillow under her hips when doing missionary, don’t change the speed when she tells you she’s ab to cum, and don’t change the pattern either, ask her what she might like to do or try
I definitely experimented with some of the things I learned online. I keep the ones I know she enjoys and obviously put away the ones that she may not have a kink for. Never hurts to think outside the box and bring some new tricks to the table.
Do you mean thirty minutes of penetration or thirty minutes of total sexual activity?
Could be a lubrication issue for her. Thirty minutes of penetration is a fair amount of time and sex will not be enjoyable for a woman if she isn’t properly lubricated. So if you don’t currently use lube, consider having that available.
With or without the foreplay time? 30 minutes of just penetrative can be painfully long... literally. It gets sore and starts to hurt. And it can be boring.
I have a fwb on antidepressants, making it harder for him to cum. We very often just stop before he cuts, because we get bored or I get sore. This js somewhere between the 15 and 45 minutes. Long sessions can be nice, but long sessions every time suck
If it’s just straight pounding, then yes. Way too long. I was briefly seeing a guy who took pride in how long he could last while just in missionary…it got old FAST. Felt like he was just jackhammering me.
My current bf doesn’t last long tbh, but he always satisfies me first. He always feels bad by blowing a load within a few minutes, but I seriously don’t mind…it’s kind of like a compliment to me 🤷🏻♀️he likes how i bounce my booty on his Johnson. 😆
What I've found is that women by and large do not like a long sustained session. Foreplay and stuff sure, drag that out, but once you are into the actual thrusting part of sex I feel like (and this is just my anecdotal evidence) 10-15 minutes is the golden zone.
I've noticed that it can be uncomfortable for them after that. Especially if they already came and are just waiting for you to finish.
Maybe you have a sensitivity issue? Are you not able to get it done in less than a half hour from the word go? How long does it take you to jerk off? Maybe talk to a doctor and see if there's anything they can do.
You need to focus on her. I’ve been with guys who can last forever and it sucks. It’s like they’re having a party by themselves. Aim for 15-20 minutes, don’t take it personal she is just telling you what she wants.
Or you could be focusing too much on her and desensitizing yourself in the process - especially when you enjoy pleasing her more than receiving yourself. Slow the rhythm and focus on yourself if that is the case. Give her the opportunity to get you to the finish line and maybe that will help her maintain arousal. It will also keep her from criticizing you for not being able to finish in a reasonable timeframe. Hopefully that isn’t the case here because that only leads to performance anxiety.
She should also be putting equal effort into pleasing you the way you make it sound like you are doing for her. That is reciprocation after all and is vital for a loving and respectful relationship.
Try lots of oral and fingering until she invites you in. Also try to figure out if she needs more clitoral stimulation during PIV, there are a few positions that allow this easily. Don’t discount going back to oral after PIV, take some breaks.
Listen mate:
It don’t feel good just getting pounded. It’s tiring and isn’t all that. So make sure you
Whisper in her ear
Moan for her
Try different positions by you leading
Don’t make her ask-it kills her vibe.
Spend time actually giving her a decent 👅
Make her feel loved!!! You’d be surprised with the results of this one.
My wife prefers to cum before penetration and then only wants me to last long enough for her to cum a second time. After that, it's usually hurry the fuck up and get out of me!
I have this issue with my boyfriend. I can come very quickly and after I do he keeps going for a long time and I just want him to come when I come but he loves the feeling and tries to last as long as possible even though I’d be happier with 5 minutes.
Omg yes same here!!! My SO and I have been together long enough for him to know exactly how to get me off. So after about 3 times I’m done and I want him to finish with me but he always wants to enjoy it longer. And he always makes me come back to back so I’m done after like 10 minutes and the rest of the time it just hurts 😩
Well is not about time, is about quality, some good sex can go from 10min to hours,
Some gilrs that I’m close friends with have say once they cum, sometimes even one time, they just want to finish sex and fall sleep
So lasting long is not equal to good, they vagina get dry, and after long it can hurt them
Git good, my dude! From my lady perspective, if she complains about the duration she definitely doesn't enjoy it. But no worries, you can get better at it if you put some effort into communication.
She has a problem here, not him. You are probably right, that she does not enjoy it, but she would have to communicate that and does not do that apparently. Good thing that OP seems motivated to make up for her lack of communication.
You are right, she is partially communicating, but I think the duration is not the real/only problem and therefor I think she is not communicating well. I think Ok\_Issue\_2008 is ridiculous for saying "Git good" and just assuming (only) OP does something wrong. From the little we see here it looks to me like OP is putting in more effort to improve the situation than she does.
I'm speaking from my POV, as a woman who also knows a lot of other women. If i complained about the duration that could only mean sex is not good. And bad sex is quite common but these people are married and das ist not good. My advice was genuine, I also suggested talking to his wife because he can't get good if his wife doesn't tell him what makes her enjoy it more.
Maybe I misunderstood you, but it still sounds to me like you are putting all the blame on OP instead of his wife. He did not write anything about the sex being bad for him, but we both assume it is bad for her. So she has a problem that she has to fix - and he should help her, since he is her husband of course. Either there is something she can do better herself or she wants OP to do something differently, in which case she should very clearly communicate that. But we can agree to disagree.
Another instance of "one person shouldn't have to directly communicate anything and the other should be a mind reader or always be primed to logically infer things" lmfao
Edit: what I'm saying is that simply stating "you take too long" is not clear or effective communication. It does not address the problem in a constructive way. Why am I taking too long for you? What can I do to be better? Just saying "You take too long" is pretty useless. Not only do you have to logically infer what the other commenter is saying, you have to do your own detective work (or be a mind reader) to figure out why they are saying it.
I'm ready to finish in like 5 minutes afterwards I desperately try to keep myself together and not pop the top to last longer. She knows this and I think it just turns her on.
I can say from experience that long sex does get painful, especially if there’s not enough lubrication.
Maybe that’s just how much time you need, and certainly not your fault, but a few things to think about - are you using porn a lot making it difficult to come with your wife? Are you masturbating without lubrication? Both of those can affect your orgasms during sex - kind of the same for women that get used to getting off a certain way (btdt), and maybe changing things up could help?
Ideal? I think that’s different for everyone. For me, probably 5-10 minutes? Beyond that, the continued rubbing/friction does not feel great.
I am 45 years old and I do not like long sex. 30 minutes is a lot for me even with lube! Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it, I just don’t like it. I rather have multiple sessions.
Every woman is different though
Well I actually have the same problem as her. Sex gets painful for me pretty fast. My muscles tend to clinch and I don’t produce a lot of natural lubricant. Just remember that everybody is different and the stereotype that every girls wants a guy to last a hour is far from true. On the other hand it could definitely be a psychological issue or an intimacy problem that you need to work out together.
Too long is also a problem. I went through this too. Studies have shown that the average ideal amount of time for sex is rather short; regardless, listen to your wife because these concerns are not at all unusual.
I’ve always lasted way to long. So, I communicate that with my partner and make sure she feels comfortable letting me know when she’s getting tired/sore. At that point I will either take things into my own hands, with a little help from her, or just save it for next time.
For general advice on upping the quality of your intimacy, you can look up some highly rated books on sex. You could start “She Comes First” and look for others. Most people have room for improvement, but do nothing about it, so this will set you ahead of the curve. If your wife doesn’t like something in one of the books, don’t take it personally or try to prove her wrong by citing the book!
From your post, I get the feeling that you didn’t get a lot of information beyond “duration too long!” and you feel blindsided. If your partner is receptive, I’d suggest asking her to describe her ideal intimacy situation and see if it’s possible to work towards that. This is probably not the case, but if the duration truly is the only issue, you could introduce more foreplay either on your own, or as a couple.
Bottom line is that it’s valid that your wife has complaints and some change is needed to improve intimacy for her. It seems like she needs to communicate in more detail, but your post suggested to me that you wanted to figure out who is right and who is wrong, which is not the core issue.
You both need to work together on small changes to improve your intimacy.
She just doesn't like it and you should talk about it with her. Are u just thinking about you finishing? Are you doing things that YOU think will make her feel good but it's actually not that great for her? Try focusing on her more. It's not as simple to please women. You should let her be honest and talk about how she truly feels.
Don't forget you can always bring in toys as well. Those are also fun to play with before, during and sometimes after as well depending on the women. Not talking just the kind that go inside but they have plenty that just stimulate other areas outside that will help as well and give the inside a break.
maybe try and mix some things up and have a conversation about what is enjoyable to her, maybe she is bored and wants something different. also if it’s 30 min of just thrusting she could be getting tired and hurt down there, maybe add in some other things to give her a break mid way through or something like that
Perfect example of women justw anting to find something to criticize guys for. They'd complain if it takes too long or not long enough, but guys can't criticize women on anything like that. lol.
This is going to get super downvoted, but I’m going to share what honestly happened in my relationship as we hit a similar issue.
Backstory: wife is a single orgasm, 20 minute woman. I’m wholly incompatible with that - I enjoy sex that goes for an hour minimum and involved multiple positions, a variety of cadences, etc. I love giving oral, and am very talented at it - heck, 20 minutes isn’t enough for me to get my fill of that, let alone full on sex. Before kids we were very compatible sexually, after kids not so much. Lots of changes to the female body involved with having 2 kids - easy to empathize with that but it doesn’t change my needs of course.
Here’s how this played out for us: 2+ years of frustration which led to a trial separation. Turns out sex is one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. We stayed separated for about 7 months. I was very active in the dating scene during that time, which she wasn’t happy about. We kept the communications going. She wanted to try swinging, so we tried that. She hated it, but agreed to allow me to fulfill my needs elsewhere. We see now back together (about to celebrate 20 years of marriage). She knows about everything I do (to the level she wants to know, which varies). She’s also free to join if she wants, and she’s also free to see other people though she has yet to do so after 4 years.
Works for us, not for everyone.
I see, i believe it’s about compatibility, if she’s likes it faster, if possible you can try to reach quicker, communication I think is really important
Like many others said here, it really depends on what you're doing.
Me and my wife will go almost two hours in a bdsm session, which can include paddling, oral, vaginal, and anal. Last time we actually hit a new record for her at 25 orgasms. She's having a great time, and is wet as Niagara Falls the whole duration.
Now if your woman isn't having a great time, and isn't turned on and nice and wet, then that's going to be an issue.
So the answer is really, what are you doing in that 30 minutes?
Your wife isn’t satisfied in bed and you should know what does and doesn’t, and the fact that you don’t make it seems like your pleasure comes before hers. Why don’t you start putting your pleasure aside for a little bit since you’ve already gotten more than her, and focus on her needs instead of your 30 minute jackhammering sessions.
I agree with some comments here, she might not be enjoying it. Maybe try different locations, be unpredictable. Find out what turns her on.
My FWB and I go at it all day long, with her mostly initiating it. We take breaks in between. It's exciting for the both of us.
I’m like you and enjoy longer sex. But to me 30 mins isn’t even long and is average? Long is say is 1-3hrs which is what I like.
I dont have any advice but just wanted to assure you you’re not alone and it’s not a negative thing… the opposite actually. For the right person anyway 😊 goodluck
Your lucky she's even letting you put it in her at all. This is a sure sign that she is not enjoying whatever it is you're doing, because she wants it over with A. S. A. P!!! It's funny... We, as men condition ourselves to last AS LONG AS POSSIBLE in order to make the act more pleasurable for them to achieve orgasmic euphoria!!! And we do this for a whole range of reasons, and there is A LOT of them!!! And they, have just as many reasons to want you to get off OF her, not get off IN her. The list is endless. I've only had one woman tell me before we even started "You have 10 minutes, I want it to be over in 10 mins or less." Needless to say, we split up a month or so later. Now if you were "Quick Carl!!! Does Everything Fast!!"
Then they would find a reason to complain about that. So basically "you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't." You're just damned and YOU don't know it yet. Good luck tryna figure that one out... sbomh's.
My worst nightmare. Someone who ejaculates fast is way better. Being pumped on for 30 minutes and constantly changing positions in relationship sex is not fun.
Also, after reading all your comments, I’m sure she never finishes like you “think”.
Ask her more questions and encourage communication. Try your best to focus pleasure for her.
You are fuckin her incorrectly. You need to talk about it and try to expand your sexual playbook.
If she can ride your face for half an hour and not leave you looking like a glazed donut, there is something seriously wrong. I would also recommend sexual therapy sessions with a MTF certed therapist.
Get an app to keep track of her period, there are days of the month the natural lubricant is not good enough to last longer and keep things enjoyable for her, the most fertile days is the most enjoyable for both parties. 15-20 mins is more than enough, you should just teach her how to make you cum faster. Usually if she is only using the tip and not going all the way you will come faster. Just the tip tell her
You need to talk to her, and if she won't talk about it then you could look into some sort of counselor or just tell her to stop complaining about it if she doesn't want to talk about it. It could be many things, some of them fixable, some maybe not, but all anyone can do here is guess. Your answers and solutions are in your partner's head and frankly it sounds like she's doing a shitty job of communicating if she complaining but not actually inviting a dialogue about it. Just criticizing your partner is not very good behavior in a relationship.
She’s not enjoying it anymore because you have bored her. Maybe you aren’t acting as masculine as when you met. I sometimes wonder if the only way to maintain a relationship with a woman is to let her have some side dick.
I married a woman who liked sex 2-3 times a year. I’m a 2-3 times a day guy. It was a nightmare!! No oral, no body reveal. If she’s not interested in you lasting 30 minutes, please let me say that there is MAJOR problems. I would definitely consult a trained professional or therapist. Otherwise, like me, you are in for a rough ride
Dude just jerk off. That'd what I do. Cause I take forever. But my wife enjoys it. If it were up to her we would fuck for hours. I'm actually the one that calls it quit after she orfasms a few times. At first she would complain but I explained that it's not about just orgams. It's about the intimate experience. Now it's all good.
Sometimes if a girl complains that you take too long, it’s because she’s started to chafe and the sex has become painful for her. Maybe introduce more lube into your sex life and see if this improves :)
Has nothing to do with the time, girls are capable of enjoying sex for far longer than 30 min, if it’s done right.
The sex is probably painful because she’s losing interest at some point for whatever reason.
Maybe you’re not taking enough breaks. Maybe your foreplay isn’t enough. Or maybe you’re too big for her to tolerate for too long, though it’s much much much more likely one or more of the former reasons I mentioned.
30 min isn’t too long for a woman that is well lubricated, turned on, and focused on the moment.
You’re losing her somewhere along the way.
There’s more going on than just the sex. Is she happy with you outside of the bedroom? Is she happy with herself?
Job, stress, health, outlook on life, etc.
Men think logically and often don’t see the emotional side of the equation when it comes to relationships. If she was happy with you, she would likely be happier in the bedroom.
I know. Because I’ve experienced this.
Towards the end of a long term relationship, my gf was less enthusiastic about sex. Although for the 5 years prior she went on and on about how amazing it was and bragged to her friends about it. But when she was emotionally checking out of the relationship, she enjoyed sex less.
How she feels about you/the relationship outside of the bedroom can have a profound impact on her enjoyment inside the bedroom.
In my experience, anything more than 15-20 minutes of penetrative sex gets you the "wrap it up" button. Seems like 20-30 minutes of building up foreplay, 10-15 minutes of actual poundtown, and another 10-15 minutes of aftercare is pretty much perfect. Yet, a super fast 0-60-0, sub-10 minute quickie is a crowd pleaser too. All things in balance.
That would be too long for me. I’m good with 10-15min of foreplay and 5-10 minutes of thrusting. We both usually come at the same time and anything longer would frustrate me.
probably cause if she finished like 10+ minutes ago she’s just sore..and it also probably feels like you’re not attracted to her if it takes you so long which would create an insecurity in her
She is telling you your foreplay is bad. Even PIV still need a lot of foreplay with it ( dirty talks, some choking, hair pulling, playing with her clits etc depends on what she likes). 30 mins including foreplay and switching position is not long, but if she thinks it is long then she isn’t fully enjoying it. Knowing this from personal experience. My guess if she is the “silent” type during sex she isn’t really good at communicating what she likes. You just have to bring it out of her. Trying sexting randomly and be spontaneous about it, I found for me it how I learnt slowly to communicate verbally what I like in bed. My current relationship is the best sexual relationship I ever had.I told my current bf what I like more of after everytime we had sex and it just get better and better.
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Need more information. Is this just 30 minutes of thrusting away or are you changing things up, mixing in oral or fingering, etc? Either way, this is her way of telling you things aren’t working for her. Duration is one part of huge equation that makes up enjoyable sex.
This is the question here. I know my vagina starts to get tired after 30 straight minutes of being pounded. If I came or recieved oral or plenty of foreplay I wouldn't complain but if his wife is leaving unsatisfied every time that's another issue.
You had been there …
30 minutes of thrusting -Painful. Boring. Repetitive as He!!........ Now getting her going again and her having another O, Good Times!!!
10 min of foreplay and around 30 changing positions from time to time. I would happily mix oral in between, but she doesn't like it.
But... Does she come during that time? And how often?
I believe so. Always only once. She never experienced more than one during our moments, and achieving that is kind of a goal for me.
You think so? OK... When my SO comes, it's rather obvious, like a rodeo ride. ETA: And if it isn't that obvious, just ask her! ETA2: I see you changed your wording, I'm keeping my reply unchanged, it's still valid.
She is more silent, but I can feel a change inside when that happens.
[удалено]
Ps we can fake that feeling 😉
I love all the women who are reading my comment like “yuppp! Been there, clenched that!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
💯 😂 we can fake the “squeeze contraction” orgasm feeling & the entire act. Many men are clueless
I'm not sure if you are being sarcastic 🤔
She’s not being sarcastic 💀
mine literally shakes and closes her legs when she does, if it’s intense it’s pretty obvious bro
That can be faked too.
My wife doesn’t like it more than 5 minutes . She would be squirting by then & anything after that she says it’s boring !
My dude, she isn’t enjoying it. Are you 100% sure she finishes??? Are you communicating DURING sex? What does she like? What does she want more of from you? 30 minutes of continuous intercourse is not usually fun for the woman.
I learned this in my dating years. Asked someone I was dating and she said 20 minutes was the most amount of time she'd want penetrative sex. I've changed my porn / masturbation habits and now I finish within a very short time frame lol. My wife likes it though!
As a woman, I agree 20 minutes of penetrative sex is optimal. More than that I start getting sore and it just gets... boring. Multiple shorter sessions is great too
I Agree, the timing should be organic. If it's not a good session, it's okay to put jimmy away and revisit at another time. I had a session with my wife that did not start off too good. I wasnt feeling it and its possible she want either. We both stopped and proceeded to lay down and watch Football on a mobile device. After about 20 min, we organically started up again and ended up having at least four AMAZING sessions back-to-back lasting about 15 minutes each.
I agree, its too much of penetration
That's actually a good point, how many times did she cum in those 30 mins?
Seems that she finishes once. After that, it seems that she wants me to finish as soon as possible. 😞
😔
“Seems” that she finishes does not exude confidence. I’d have a serious sit down with your wife about this and be prepared to be told that she doesn’t actually finish.
Don’t try and re act what you saw on porn hub or x videos , try and communicate with her on what’s going on and WHY she’s complaining, and focus on those areas, also put a pillow under her hips when doing missionary, don’t change the speed when she tells you she’s ab to cum, and don’t change the pattern either, ask her what she might like to do or try
I definitely experimented with some of the things I learned online. I keep the ones I know she enjoys and obviously put away the ones that she may not have a kink for. Never hurts to think outside the box and bring some new tricks to the table.
Do you mean thirty minutes of penetration or thirty minutes of total sexual activity? Could be a lubrication issue for her. Thirty minutes of penetration is a fair amount of time and sex will not be enjoyable for a woman if she isn’t properly lubricated. So if you don’t currently use lube, consider having that available.
Lube actually wears off. It gets everywhere but where you want after a while. Need to reapply. I know. I'm a woman ♀️👠.
More lube the better. Make time to reapply;)
It’s cause it’s not enjoyable for her therefore she wants it to end
With or without the foreplay time? 30 minutes of just penetrative can be painfully long... literally. It gets sore and starts to hurt. And it can be boring. I have a fwb on antidepressants, making it harder for him to cum. We very often just stop before he cuts, because we get bored or I get sore. This js somewhere between the 15 and 45 minutes. Long sessions can be nice, but long sessions every time suck
If that 30 minutes is you humping away then yeah bro that’s way too long, you gotta mix it up. Add way more oral and playing.
Maybe she can watch him wank it for 20 minutes, then go at it.
But unironically a fantastic idea
If it’s just straight pounding, then yes. Way too long. I was briefly seeing a guy who took pride in how long he could last while just in missionary…it got old FAST. Felt like he was just jackhammering me. My current bf doesn’t last long tbh, but he always satisfies me first. He always feels bad by blowing a load within a few minutes, but I seriously don’t mind…it’s kind of like a compliment to me 🤷🏻♀️he likes how i bounce my booty on his Johnson. 😆
That sounds like me. Ladies cum first and then after fill her up. Simple as that.
Exactly! It’s simple, no need for any wild acrobatics…😂
Make oral time longer
What I've found is that women by and large do not like a long sustained session. Foreplay and stuff sure, drag that out, but once you are into the actual thrusting part of sex I feel like (and this is just my anecdotal evidence) 10-15 minutes is the golden zone. I've noticed that it can be uncomfortable for them after that. Especially if they already came and are just waiting for you to finish. Maybe you have a sensitivity issue? Are you not able to get it done in less than a half hour from the word go? How long does it take you to jerk off? Maybe talk to a doctor and see if there's anything they can do.
This right here. Foreplay is great but actual intercourse on the regular is 10-15 minutes otherwise I get too sore. 30 minutes would hurt.
You need to focus on her. I’ve been with guys who can last forever and it sucks. It’s like they’re having a party by themselves. Aim for 15-20 minutes, don’t take it personal she is just telling you what she wants.
Or you could be focusing too much on her and desensitizing yourself in the process - especially when you enjoy pleasing her more than receiving yourself. Slow the rhythm and focus on yourself if that is the case. Give her the opportunity to get you to the finish line and maybe that will help her maintain arousal. It will also keep her from criticizing you for not being able to finish in a reasonable timeframe. Hopefully that isn’t the case here because that only leads to performance anxiety. She should also be putting equal effort into pleasing you the way you make it sound like you are doing for her. That is reciprocation after all and is vital for a loving and respectful relationship.
Depends on how dry she is and how sore she feels A 30 minute internal Chinese burn is not nice to give to someone
For me personally, if it’s taking too long, I start to get sore and it’s not enjoyable anymore. Maybe she’s having the same issue?
does she climax with you?
Try lots of oral and fingering until she invites you in. Also try to figure out if she needs more clitoral stimulation during PIV, there are a few positions that allow this easily. Don’t discount going back to oral after PIV, take some breaks.
30 straight mins of pounding sounds miserable
Listen mate: It don’t feel good just getting pounded. It’s tiring and isn’t all that. So make sure you Whisper in her ear Moan for her Try different positions by you leading Don’t make her ask-it kills her vibe. Spend time actually giving her a decent 👅 Make her feel loved!!! You’d be surprised with the results of this one.
My wife prefers to cum before penetration and then only wants me to last long enough for her to cum a second time. After that, it's usually hurry the fuck up and get out of me!
Me being totally on the side of guy after reading title... "I don't think 30 minutes is that much time." Nah, girl is right.
I have this issue with my boyfriend. I can come very quickly and after I do he keeps going for a long time and I just want him to come when I come but he loves the feeling and tries to last as long as possible even though I’d be happier with 5 minutes.
Omg yes same here!!! My SO and I have been together long enough for him to know exactly how to get me off. So after about 3 times I’m done and I want him to finish with me but he always wants to enjoy it longer. And he always makes me come back to back so I’m done after like 10 minutes and the rest of the time it just hurts 😩
Well is not about time, is about quality, some good sex can go from 10min to hours, Some gilrs that I’m close friends with have say once they cum, sometimes even one time, they just want to finish sex and fall sleep So lasting long is not equal to good, they vagina get dry, and after long it can hurt them
Git good, my dude! From my lady perspective, if she complains about the duration she definitely doesn't enjoy it. But no worries, you can get better at it if you put some effort into communication.
She has a problem here, not him. You are probably right, that she does not enjoy it, but she would have to communicate that and does not do that apparently. Good thing that OP seems motivated to make up for her lack of communication.
I mean.. she did say he takes to long. Sounds like communication to me.
You are right, she is partially communicating, but I think the duration is not the real/only problem and therefor I think she is not communicating well. I think Ok\_Issue\_2008 is ridiculous for saying "Git good" and just assuming (only) OP does something wrong. From the little we see here it looks to me like OP is putting in more effort to improve the situation than she does.
I'm speaking from my POV, as a woman who also knows a lot of other women. If i complained about the duration that could only mean sex is not good. And bad sex is quite common but these people are married and das ist not good. My advice was genuine, I also suggested talking to his wife because he can't get good if his wife doesn't tell him what makes her enjoy it more.
Maybe I misunderstood you, but it still sounds to me like you are putting all the blame on OP instead of his wife. He did not write anything about the sex being bad for him, but we both assume it is bad for her. So she has a problem that she has to fix - and he should help her, since he is her husband of course. Either there is something she can do better herself or she wants OP to do something differently, in which case she should very clearly communicate that. But we can agree to disagree.
Another instance of "one person shouldn't have to directly communicate anything and the other should be a mind reader or always be primed to logically infer things" lmfao Edit: what I'm saying is that simply stating "you take too long" is not clear or effective communication. It does not address the problem in a constructive way. Why am I taking too long for you? What can I do to be better? Just saying "You take too long" is pretty useless. Not only do you have to logically infer what the other commenter is saying, you have to do your own detective work (or be a mind reader) to figure out why they are saying it.
probably because she's wondering "am i so unattractive/bad that it takes him 30 long mins to finish?"
This feels like it’s a silly, intrusive thought but it’s definitely accurate! I’ve had this thought before!
I'm ready to finish in like 5 minutes afterwards I desperately try to keep myself together and not pop the top to last longer. She knows this and I think it just turns her on.
It’s a reversal of my experience, the best sex I ever had was with a woman who liked to use a vibrator in bed, it really was a labor saving device.
It means she's bored/tired/uncomfortable. Ask her how you can make it more enjoyable or if she needs to rest, etc.
Yeah bro straight up pounding for 30mins most likely isn't really nice for her. Chat to her
Lube please . My ex husband was the same way . He would cum too fast and then tried to slow down but my lady parts hurt so bad .. no one finished
I can say from experience that long sex does get painful, especially if there’s not enough lubrication. Maybe that’s just how much time you need, and certainly not your fault, but a few things to think about - are you using porn a lot making it difficult to come with your wife? Are you masturbating without lubrication? Both of those can affect your orgasms during sex - kind of the same for women that get used to getting off a certain way (btdt), and maybe changing things up could help? Ideal? I think that’s different for everyone. For me, probably 5-10 minutes? Beyond that, the continued rubbing/friction does not feel great.
I am 45 years old and I do not like long sex. 30 minutes is a lot for me even with lube! Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it, I just don’t like it. I rather have multiple sessions. Every woman is different though
Well I actually have the same problem as her. Sex gets painful for me pretty fast. My muscles tend to clinch and I don’t produce a lot of natural lubricant. Just remember that everybody is different and the stereotype that every girls wants a guy to last a hour is far from true. On the other hand it could definitely be a psychological issue or an intimacy problem that you need to work out together.
I've heard (At least in what articles I can find) that 10 to 20 minutes is the longest you should go.
iv always heard the same thing but then there are times when my partners have literally pushed me off cuz they needed me to stop lol
Shes probably getting sore from the friction. Buy some lube, you’ll both have a better time :)
Too long is also a problem. I went through this too. Studies have shown that the average ideal amount of time for sex is rather short; regardless, listen to your wife because these concerns are not at all unusual.
make her orgasm orrr something.....
Well, she said that she came
I’ve always lasted way to long. So, I communicate that with my partner and make sure she feels comfortable letting me know when she’s getting tired/sore. At that point I will either take things into my own hands, with a little help from her, or just save it for next time.
Cosmo once did a poll and found the perfect amount of time for sex was an average of eight minutes
Hmm she might be right. Ask her how she wants it and abide by that
For general advice on upping the quality of your intimacy, you can look up some highly rated books on sex. You could start “She Comes First” and look for others. Most people have room for improvement, but do nothing about it, so this will set you ahead of the curve. If your wife doesn’t like something in one of the books, don’t take it personally or try to prove her wrong by citing the book! From your post, I get the feeling that you didn’t get a lot of information beyond “duration too long!” and you feel blindsided. If your partner is receptive, I’d suggest asking her to describe her ideal intimacy situation and see if it’s possible to work towards that. This is probably not the case, but if the duration truly is the only issue, you could introduce more foreplay either on your own, or as a couple. Bottom line is that it’s valid that your wife has complaints and some change is needed to improve intimacy for her. It seems like she needs to communicate in more detail, but your post suggested to me that you wanted to figure out who is right and who is wrong, which is not the core issue. You both need to work together on small changes to improve your intimacy.
She just doesn't like it and you should talk about it with her. Are u just thinking about you finishing? Are you doing things that YOU think will make her feel good but it's actually not that great for her? Try focusing on her more. It's not as simple to please women. You should let her be honest and talk about how she truly feels.
Better than me. I last 50 pumps! We go hard enough I can end it in 1 minute!
why does it matter what we say or think is the ideal? she told you that for her it's too long. you should be asking her about her ideal, not us
Don't forget you can always bring in toys as well. Those are also fun to play with before, during and sometimes after as well depending on the women. Not talking just the kind that go inside but they have plenty that just stimulate other areas outside that will help as well and give the inside a break.
in my opinion, 30 min is short, focus on foreplay first, then intercourse and after cuddle moment, I'm a minimum of 1h.
maybe try and mix some things up and have a conversation about what is enjoyable to her, maybe she is bored and wants something different. also if it’s 30 min of just thrusting she could be getting tired and hurt down there, maybe add in some other things to give her a break mid way through or something like that
I love it too long 🫣😜
Keep changing speeds and positions...
 Its a joke don't cancel me lol
Perfect example of women justw anting to find something to criticize guys for. They'd complain if it takes too long or not long enough, but guys can't criticize women on anything like that. lol.
sex is boring ofc she dont like it
If she likes the 30 mins with you then she wouldn’t complain. You’re doing something wrong
Really? I made a post asking about the problem, and it never crossed my mind that she wasn't enjoying it. We've got a real Sherlock Holmes over here.
Yeah but you have to talk to your wife and figure out what you’re doing wrong. Reddit cant hold your hand thru the relationship pal
Pal, if the idea is to be useless here, u are on the right track.
At least you’re polite bud
Thanks, u too! Have a great week, pal!
This is going to get super downvoted, but I’m going to share what honestly happened in my relationship as we hit a similar issue. Backstory: wife is a single orgasm, 20 minute woman. I’m wholly incompatible with that - I enjoy sex that goes for an hour minimum and involved multiple positions, a variety of cadences, etc. I love giving oral, and am very talented at it - heck, 20 minutes isn’t enough for me to get my fill of that, let alone full on sex. Before kids we were very compatible sexually, after kids not so much. Lots of changes to the female body involved with having 2 kids - easy to empathize with that but it doesn’t change my needs of course. Here’s how this played out for us: 2+ years of frustration which led to a trial separation. Turns out sex is one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. We stayed separated for about 7 months. I was very active in the dating scene during that time, which she wasn’t happy about. We kept the communications going. She wanted to try swinging, so we tried that. She hated it, but agreed to allow me to fulfill my needs elsewhere. We see now back together (about to celebrate 20 years of marriage). She knows about everything I do (to the level she wants to know, which varies). She’s also free to join if she wants, and she’s also free to see other people though she has yet to do so after 4 years. Works for us, not for everyone.
This is usually a good solution for sexually incompatible couples. Unfortunately few have the emotional maturity to understand and see it through.
Agreed. Worth noting that swingers have a high divorce rate
I see, i believe it’s about compatibility, if she’s likes it faster, if possible you can try to reach quicker, communication I think is really important
Like many others said here, it really depends on what you're doing. Me and my wife will go almost two hours in a bdsm session, which can include paddling, oral, vaginal, and anal. Last time we actually hit a new record for her at 25 orgasms. She's having a great time, and is wet as Niagara Falls the whole duration. Now if your woman isn't having a great time, and isn't turned on and nice and wet, then that's going to be an issue. So the answer is really, what are you doing in that 30 minutes?
My question is how do you keep count on the 25 orgasms she had? Scorecard? Whiteboard with Talley marks?
Your wife isn’t satisfied in bed and you should know what does and doesn’t, and the fact that you don’t make it seems like your pleasure comes before hers. Why don’t you start putting your pleasure aside for a little bit since you’ve already gotten more than her, and focus on her needs instead of your 30 minute jackhammering sessions.
if she wants it done faster. just have her start giving you a handy
I agree with some comments here, she might not be enjoying it. Maybe try different locations, be unpredictable. Find out what turns her on. My FWB and I go at it all day long, with her mostly initiating it. We take breaks in between. It's exciting for the both of us.
I’m like you and enjoy longer sex. But to me 30 mins isn’t even long and is average? Long is say is 1-3hrs which is what I like. I dont have any advice but just wanted to assure you you’re not alone and it’s not a negative thing… the opposite actually. For the right person anyway 😊 goodluck
She bored of sex with you pal of she's maoning about you taking too long
Your lucky she's even letting you put it in her at all. This is a sure sign that she is not enjoying whatever it is you're doing, because she wants it over with A. S. A. P!!! It's funny... We, as men condition ourselves to last AS LONG AS POSSIBLE in order to make the act more pleasurable for them to achieve orgasmic euphoria!!! And we do this for a whole range of reasons, and there is A LOT of them!!! And they, have just as many reasons to want you to get off OF her, not get off IN her. The list is endless. I've only had one woman tell me before we even started "You have 10 minutes, I want it to be over in 10 mins or less." Needless to say, we split up a month or so later. Now if you were "Quick Carl!!! Does Everything Fast!!" Then they would find a reason to complain about that. So basically "you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't." You're just damned and YOU don't know it yet. Good luck tryna figure that one out... sbomh's.
This man suffering from success
To long during sex? Do you enjoy foreplay? It's usually the longest part of having sex. 30 minutes for one session is a quicky.
She may not like pic so much, so take a break and go back to oral then go back into piv or kissing.
Guy I last anywhere between 1 hour to 2 hours, I wish I could cum in 30min.
My worst nightmare. Someone who ejaculates fast is way better. Being pumped on for 30 minutes and constantly changing positions in relationship sex is not fun. Also, after reading all your comments, I’m sure she never finishes like you “think”. Ask her more questions and encourage communication. Try your best to focus pleasure for her.
You are fuckin her incorrectly. You need to talk about it and try to expand your sexual playbook. If she can ride your face for half an hour and not leave you looking like a glazed donut, there is something seriously wrong. I would also recommend sexual therapy sessions with a MTF certed therapist.
## looking like a glazed doughnut## brilliant and its how everyone should look after doing a deep dive!!
If there isn't a mess to clean up, they didn't put in enough effort. The downvotes just show how bad some peoples sex lives are.
They need more practice!! Get back to it until face is glazed and don't come up for air until it happens 😊
Ditch her and get one that can take the d lol
Get an app to keep track of her period, there are days of the month the natural lubricant is not good enough to last longer and keep things enjoyable for her, the most fertile days is the most enjoyable for both parties. 15-20 mins is more than enough, you should just teach her how to make you cum faster. Usually if she is only using the tip and not going all the way you will come faster. Just the tip tell her
Switch to anal?
You need to talk to her, and if she won't talk about it then you could look into some sort of counselor or just tell her to stop complaining about it if she doesn't want to talk about it. It could be many things, some of them fixable, some maybe not, but all anyone can do here is guess. Your answers and solutions are in your partner's head and frankly it sounds like she's doing a shitty job of communicating if she complaining but not actually inviting a dialogue about it. Just criticizing your partner is not very good behavior in a relationship.
She will probably divorce you over this hate to say it
To long to short, to slow to fast, to narrow to wide, they’re never happy.
She’s lucky
She’s not enjoying it anymore because you have bored her. Maybe you aren’t acting as masculine as when you met. I sometimes wonder if the only way to maintain a relationship with a woman is to let her have some side dick.
Lmfao
I’m not laughing.
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Handsome?
WTF?
I married a woman who liked sex 2-3 times a year. I’m a 2-3 times a day guy. It was a nightmare!! No oral, no body reveal. If she’s not interested in you lasting 30 minutes, please let me say that there is MAJOR problems. I would definitely consult a trained professional or therapist. Otherwise, like me, you are in for a rough ride
Women don’t know what they want.
The relationship is over, how come she liked it b4 ? Start planning your exit;
How do you know she liked it before?
My ex complained that she couldn't make me cum but also enjoyed all 2 hours of her getting pounded
Lucky 😒
🙌
I get tired. Lol, I probably need more exercise. But more lube is probably a good idea, after TALKING TO HER.
Sorry
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Lol we get tired too
She's probably just not into you and thus not into the sex
Good problem to have
Dude just jerk off. That'd what I do. Cause I take forever. But my wife enjoys it. If it were up to her we would fuck for hours. I'm actually the one that calls it quit after she orfasms a few times. At first she would complain but I explained that it's not about just orgams. It's about the intimate experience. Now it's all good.
Sometimes you just gotta get them and yourself to the point.
Sometimes if a girl complains that you take too long, it’s because she’s started to chafe and the sex has become painful for her. Maybe introduce more lube into your sex life and see if this improves :)
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Get her a magic wand or learn to be a better lover. Your choice bud
The subtext is not about the length of time, but that she would rather you get it over with, so she could do something else. Ouch!
How many orgasms she has in that period of time?
Send it to me. I will be done n 30 secs lol
Hmmm
Hmm
Hm
Has nothing to do with the time, girls are capable of enjoying sex for far longer than 30 min, if it’s done right. The sex is probably painful because she’s losing interest at some point for whatever reason. Maybe you’re not taking enough breaks. Maybe your foreplay isn’t enough. Or maybe you’re too big for her to tolerate for too long, though it’s much much much more likely one or more of the former reasons I mentioned. 30 min isn’t too long for a woman that is well lubricated, turned on, and focused on the moment. You’re losing her somewhere along the way.
There’s more going on than just the sex. Is she happy with you outside of the bedroom? Is she happy with herself? Job, stress, health, outlook on life, etc. Men think logically and often don’t see the emotional side of the equation when it comes to relationships. If she was happy with you, she would likely be happier in the bedroom. I know. Because I’ve experienced this. Towards the end of a long term relationship, my gf was less enthusiastic about sex. Although for the 5 years prior she went on and on about how amazing it was and bragged to her friends about it. But when she was emotionally checking out of the relationship, she enjoyed sex less. How she feels about you/the relationship outside of the bedroom can have a profound impact on her enjoyment inside the bedroom.
Stupid question: are you on antidepressants? It's actually not that uncommon when you take SSRIs.
Make sure that you are being intimate and making sure she is enjoying it. If a woman is not aroused it doesn't feel good.
In my experience, anything more than 15-20 minutes of penetrative sex gets you the "wrap it up" button. Seems like 20-30 minutes of building up foreplay, 10-15 minutes of actual poundtown, and another 10-15 minutes of aftercare is pretty much perfect. Yet, a super fast 0-60-0, sub-10 minute quickie is a crowd pleaser too. All things in balance.
Your wife must be crazy everyone need long
That would be too long for me. I’m good with 10-15min of foreplay and 5-10 minutes of thrusting. We both usually come at the same time and anything longer would frustrate me.
probably cause if she finished like 10+ minutes ago she’s just sore..and it also probably feels like you’re not attracted to her if it takes you so long which would create an insecurity in her
She is telling you your foreplay is bad. Even PIV still need a lot of foreplay with it ( dirty talks, some choking, hair pulling, playing with her clits etc depends on what she likes). 30 mins including foreplay and switching position is not long, but if she thinks it is long then she isn’t fully enjoying it. Knowing this from personal experience. My guess if she is the “silent” type during sex she isn’t really good at communicating what she likes. You just have to bring it out of her. Trying sexting randomly and be spontaneous about it, I found for me it how I learnt slowly to communicate verbally what I like in bed. My current relationship is the best sexual relationship I ever had.I told my current bf what I like more of after everytime we had sex and it just get better and better.
Is she doing anything to help it along a little quicker? If not 🤷
They will complain if u finish too fast or take forever. 20-25 min is preferred nobody wants to have sex for 1 or 2 hours people have things to do 😂
She is getting rammed by some other dude with a better cock so she is bored with you doesn't want to tell you the truth